Dumb People Town - Jameela Jamil - Take A Leg

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

Actress, writer, activist, and podcaster Jameela Jamil (The Good Place, Wrong Turns podcast) stops by as Randy describes how a woman got her dog's ashes tattooed into her eyelids, Jason explains why there was a foot juice incident at Fanime Con, and Daniel warns against breaking into a salad restaurant, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: BetterHelp, Monarch, ASPCA Pet Insurance, and Hims!See the reviews, see what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit Betterhelp.com/DPT.Use code DPT at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50.To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPTTo get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED and more, visit Hims.com/DPTSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, we got an amazing episode of Dumb People Town this week with the great Jamila Jamil from wrong turns. And we got some wrong turns in this show. Number one, we talk about what to do with your dog's ashes. Or don't do. Or don't do. Number two, we got a foot juice incident from Fanamee con. Bound to happen. It's going to happen.

It's unsanctioned. And then we got a late night salad that goes wrong. This is an incredible episode. We have so much. Do you have fun on the show? I had a lovely time. I feel quite unwell. All right.

Well, now you got to watch it. Now you've got to watch and find out why she feels so unwell. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of dope so unaware. They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic bail in Florida, there's half-rice bail. I'm happy to say they. Good if you are podcast jam with co-host Armin' Dan. Ben Durk, don't be a jerk.

Because when the music hits make a sound hunger down is dumb people town. Hey Tadis, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, do you have? Population Jamil and Jamil. Hi. Welcome to the show. It's hotter than hell. Are we having a jacket off?

No, I can't. There's nothing underneath. I'm sweating like a jacket off. Yeah, you guys both are. No comment on me saying jacket off the top of a comedy show. No. No. So here's what we know.

Nice make America Great Again hat, Dan. I only looked quickly. Why would you do that? Why? I don't know. I don't know. He likes to rep Chicago in a very, you know, nothing's from there or anything. I do love the Cubs.

I am in the Chicago Blackhawks. You do, you do. It's a wild, wild take. Is that weird how like Americans just rep their cities a little? No, it's the same with Premier League soccer. I think it's the same with every football. Sunderland till I die. A hundred percent.

Yeah, my boyfriend's a Manchester United. Oh, what are you? Like all of the, I am, I don't give a fuck. Oh! Is that in the south of London? That is. It's right by the coast. It's where the Beatles came from.

Yeah, exactly. It's a near Covent Garden. So here's the deal. We have great stories sent in by our fans. And then the four of us just get to riff on them. I love it. World's getting dumber. So lazy.

It's so lazy. Both of our podcasts are so lazy. It's so lazy. I say lazy. I say lazy. I say we have an engine. That drives. Soarcy.

All right. Okay. I got a story that I'm like, this came across the I found it. I'm like, this is for her podcast. And we're doing this specifically for you. There's so much in this that I really would. All right. This was sent in by our good friend Alvin Cadabay at A. Catabay 36.

And you know it was just Easter. We all ate the Catabay egg, which is chocolate in the middle and an actual egg on the outside. It's not true. All right. Here's the headline. I just felt my breakfast return. They love them. I love a Catabay Egg.

All right. Woman got her dog's ashes tattooed in her eyelids. I was on. I was fine until the end. Dog's ashes, you're like, what is she going to do with it? I was like, okay, you want to put some ashes. I said turn into an omelet. I thought she's going to eat them.

You got it. Tattooed into her eyelids and here's why she did it. And this is a British story. There's not going to be an answer to this that makes me go perfect. This can't be British. This must be from Florida. A UK woman. There's some Florida-like behavior in the UK.

Yes, that's true. A UK woman had her late dogs. Thank God it was the late dog. Ash is tattooed into her eyelids so she can, in her words, still see the world through her eyes. It's a wild world we live in. But why would you see the world through your dogs eyes? You have to tattoo it on your eyeballs.

But even when they're alive, you're not seeing. Thank you. No, she would have to take the dead dog's eyeballs out, remove her eyeballs, and then have those eyes. Then you can see it through his eyes. This is a new thing that's happening. Like people are turning their grandmothers into handbags. That's not okay.

It is a thing. It is a thing. I know, but it's not okay. Can we call that a grand bag? Yes, 100%. Hang on a second. I'm just seeing the world through eyes. The 26 Domer Fall Collection.

You know, my friend. This old bag? Oh, that was my grandmother. My friend is a dominatrix. And she was asked by a guy. Like, you know, at first it started where he just wanted her to wear designer shoes. Sure. And so he was like, look, I just want you to wear designer shoes.

You don't need to do anything sexual. You don't have to put on hair makeup, all that sort of stuff. You can just be in your pajamas. Designer shoes. Yeah, designer shoes. He would send her the designer shoes, and then she would walk around in them on a hardwood floor. And he would like to imagine that he was an aunt being crushed underneath the designer shoes. He's a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

For sure. Thank you. And then, after a while, it escalated, and it wasn't enough of a hit for him. So he said he wanted to come over to his house, kill him, and turn him into a pair of beautiful leather shoes that he designed. I mean, listen, how much? 50 grand? For a one time? For a murder for hire?

Yeah. I would hate to kill the cash cow like that. I'd be like, grow. How about I just maim you so we can do three more of these? I want more shoes. Take a leg. Take a leg. Literally just walk on you.

It'll hurt really bad. She would never like to stand on with that. I'm going to give you a terribly, a brilliantly British name. Hold on. It's your eyelids, Randy. I know. You can't see your eyes. You can't see anyway.

If you're a kung fu master, you can't. Well, that's more of a sense perception. Claire Hobson. Yeah. Claire Hobson is a permanent makeup artist. Of course she is. Who spent how many years with her dog patch before losing him? How old was patched?

She named this dog off of Patch Adams. I don't know. 15. 15. It's a good life for that dog. It's a great life. I'm going to go 12. I'm going to go 19.

Whoa. One of you is one year off. 13. 18? 18? 13. You can go up or down on 15, 16 or 14. What do you?

14. Okay. Get your answers in townies because this woman, Claire Hobson, spent 20 years with Patch. That is an old dog. What is he a cat? Jesus. When she found herself preparing to relocate to Dubai, the idea of tucking his ashes into a suitcase didn't feel right. You know, what you can also do is just mail them. Well, if you think keeping her with him didn't feel right, the mailing is not an option. So she came with another option. The only other option you come up with, you know, so what are you going to do with your dog's out? The next best. Way you use all the ashes. I either bring the ashes with me or I permanently put them on the inside of my eyelids. I mean, those are my only options. I don't know if she did inside.

She said, no, I'm getting my eyeliner tattooed. So on ITVs this morning. Have you ever been on ITVs this morning? I have been on ITVs. Of course you have. So she did eyeliner tattoo. Not actually on. She said eyelids.

I know. She's doing a smoky shadow with her eyes. What is she doing? Are you saying a smoky? She said, give me a patchy eye. Give me a patchy eye. She did a wing. She did a wing.

You know. Ironically, she did cat eyes. That's right. That she should have. Well, he was 20. Aaron from downtown. Aaron from outside. And I'm sure people that have loved ones tattooed on their in their body tattoos, so why not just have it in my eyeliner?

It's a great justification that she's. You know what? Considering the shit that they put in women's makeup, that's probably the least top thing. The most toxic thing is there your dog. This is a fair taste. This is an animal test. I wanted her to do this. She knew the idea was by her own description, bonkers.

She brought it to a close colleague in the industry who had also recently lost a pet and was apparently in the right headspace to say yes. Translation. It's high. I was going to say drunk. Yeah. But drunk and insane. They mixed a small amount of Patch's ashes into the semi-permanent eyeliner. Patches ashes.

Great band. That's right. And got to work. For anyone inclined to find this morbid, fair. But if you've ever loved a dog, It's kind of understandable. No, it is not. 20 years is a long time with a dog.

That's longer than most marriages. Someone's say long enough. Longer than a lot of friendships. To be fair, I have a very extreme relationship with my dog where I don't plan to outlive him. So when he's gone, I'm gone. I'm the same way with animals.

Was your dog at the studio? No, no, no. I didn't meet my dog. No, no, no. I'm the same way with animals. Yeah, yeah. I don't plan. Do you have a little dog?

Yeah, I have a little dog. He's a cavapoo. Yeah. I plan for us to go at the same time. So I'm trying to keep him alive as long as possible so that I can stay alive. But when he's gone, I'm out. It's like a friend named. It's like a friend named.

It's like a friend named. You know, I want to die. When I get married, I want to die with, like my grandparents. Like my grandparents did. You know, just seconds apart from each other. You know, but that's going to happen in a shootout. It's a great joke. Nate Fritz and everybody.

So then, okay, so dogs are loyal and consistent. They kiss you when you come home from work. And it's like, it's the purest form of love. There's no malice. There's no manipulation. they're happy to see you every single day. There is some manipulation. A little bit of manipulation.

That's why I was the beginning. You were like ashes into a tattoo. I'm like, okay. So here's the deal. The eyeliner tattoo is impermanent. It only lasts a few years before it fades. When Hobson eventually needs a touch-up, she still has more of Patches ashes.

Oh, thank God. Right? Where are you going to keep those? How are you going to get those to Dubai? Do you know what I'm saying? How about a little Dubai chocolate? It doesn't work. You still have to stack them in the suitcase.

Even in her tattoo, she's only taking a little bit of the ashes with her to Dubai. Stick the ashes in your grandma bag. So she could have taken a little bit of ashes anyway and just put them in her pocket. That's right. You do have to declare those. You have the ashes? You have to declare ashes.

Hey, my dog ashes are duty-free. You can't even take a tangerine to Dubai. No. You can't? No. Because it'll ruin the ecosystem there? I don't know. Have you been to Dubai?

Once when I was a child. No. Okay. Wow. What, did you remember it at all? No. No. I have no memory of it.

It feels a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have no eye. You weren't allowed to bring tangerines. I've never been. All right, mixing cremated remains into tattooing has been done before. Mostly as body tattoos, but eyeliner is a new frontier.

Why are you so okay with the body tattoo but not the eyelid? Because I've heard of that before. I think it's sort of cool. Just as you heard of it? They just mix it into the ink. So what is it about the eyelid specifically? Is it just her logic behind it that's pissing you off? That's insane to do.

Well, then I thought, this is before I found out that it was just the eyeliner of makeup. If I tattooed my dog onto, I don't know, my clitoris. Yeah. Now, that's fine. No, I'd be out on the eyelid. Okay, what about the scrotum? I want the dogs. The guys did it on their scrotum.

Hey, look, you took his balls when he was two, and now I'm putting him on my balls. I'm very much a part of the patriarchy when it comes to genital tattoos. All's love in fair and space. So then what, so what is it? Well, I thought, originally, I thought it was like covering the eyelid when he set it. Like, I didn't realize it was like the makeup. It's eye liner. Yeah.

Like, right on the line. First of all, if she's crying about patches, it won't run. That's a good thing. I just say when somebody starts to justify it, it needs to make a lot more sense or say, I don't have to justify this at all. I wanted to do it. Then you go, okay. Yeah. I'm being insane. My body. My choice. Go for it then. My doggy, my choice. Yeah. The semi-permanent formula fades after a few years, which means touch-ups and said still has the ashes when that day comes. He's going to be there a long time. She said,

call it grief, call it bonkers, as Hobson herself did for anyone who spent two decades with a dog and had to figure out what to do afterwards. It's really not that crazy. Well, how about having the memory? You can have it in your heart and soul. Tell the story of your dog. Yeah. I just also think about how easily I get an eye infection.

And I can't imagine that old carcass is good for you. No, old dog carcass near your eyes is like, you know what? She does win for loving her dog the most in the whole wide. And that's what she's throwing around in people's faces. 100%. She's actually a little smug. More will say with this than I am people who taxidermy their animals. She's got a drink at the bar.

That is fucking... Okay, what about cloning your animal so that you're like... I don't like that either because then you're putting all this pressure on this new... Wheels are turning. I've considered it, but I think it's fucking terrifying. I think that's like the guy that gets brought back in practical magic. You know? He's back and he's a deep...

A black mirror. A black mirror. The guy that comes back from the paper who we met Donald... I think that's terrifying. I heard somewhere that dogs and pets in general, were souls that were waiting to come to earth but couldn't wait to stand in line waiting to get here and wanted to be with you

so came in his pet so that even if it was for a shorter amount of time at least they got to be with you. That's a wonderful allegory. It's a beautiful. Tattoo that shit on your eyelids. So that's like when you're at the bank and you jump out of the regular line into the business line.

Exactly. It's exactly the same. It's the same. I don't have a business but it's like a limited liability corporation. It's an L-T. All right, that is story number one. Down the bugs. When we come back, we'll tell you how you can support Jamila and support us. We'll tell you what we got going on.

This is Dumb People Town. We are off and running, damn it. Stay with us. Stick around. Make us down. It's Dumb People Town. Guys, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. And you've heard us talk about Better Help for a long time now.

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Viagra is a registered trademark, a Viatris specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated or endorsed by Viatris. Stick around. Make a sound. Comeger down. It's don't people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show.

I'm so happy that you're on the show with us. Before we get to how people can support you, Jamila. Jay and I... This sounds like a make-a-wish thing, the way you keep saying this. Oh, how we can support you. Well, you do only have six weeks to live. So that is really. That's the big announcement.

And this was your wish to come on. She's going with the dog. Six more weeks. Ten more years, guys. Ten more years. It's a cutie dog. We won't let you go. What we can say is that we want you to come see us when we do our live shows because we have some great ones coming up.

In July, we are going to be at the County Fort in Fort, in Fort Collins, which is such a lovely club. It's one of our favorites, David Rodriguez. Love you. Third weekend in July 23rd, 25th. Then in August, we're going to be at the Grand Conference. Comedy Club, we just announced we're going to be at JFL just for laughs in Toronto, doing a couple of tag team shows, as well as some headlining sets at the comedy bar. I love Toronto. I'm so happy we get to go back there.

We got to shoot what we do with the shadows there. It's been a month there. I feel like that city feels close to us and connected to us. All of our dates at punchup. Dot live. Just follow us at Sklar Brothers. Give us your email. I promise you won't abuse it.

We're just going to send you two ways to enter a pyramid scheme. And it's not a scheme. It's not a scheme. Just get three people to sell the makeup. If we're making money, it's not a scheme. You take your dog's ashes, you put it into makeup. It's not hard. It's like Mary Kay.

So all of that, or in supersclogers.com, but follow us at punchup. Live. All right, Jamila. How can people support you and your endeavors? And just the fact that... I don't know. I don't know why you're mad that we're trying to get people to get on board and follow you. It sounds like I'm asking for money.

Yes, it sounds like I have cancer. You can sponsor her for 26 cents a day. You can double. Give a man of fish. We will give a Jamila clone. Yeah, we're talking about cloning you. So you order one, you get one free. That sounds fucking horrifying.

Bad enough that there's one of me in this world. Can you imagine two of you running around? It's the worst. So by support, are you talking about... Social media, listen to podcasts, listen to stuff that you're doing. How can people get on board? I have a podcast that is extremely silly. We love it.

You two were absolutely hysterical. How about the clip? We were laughing so hard. like an office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was going to shit myself. We were laughing. I mean, I was sweating.

Yeah. So I have a podcast that is anti-inspiration. It's pro commiseration, right? I'm sick of being told all these fucking silver linings, having them shoved up my asshole. I just want somewhere to go where we can all feel ashamed of ourselves together and that other people can listen in and that they can relinquish some of their shame, knowing that we have fucked up our lives worse.

Amen. And so we all come on, all my favorite funny people and we tell our most humiliating tales, mined misdemeanors, huge misdemeanors. And we bond over. No one ever tries to make anyone feel better about it. If anything, we lean into what is worse. I mean, it's a wonderful. My life is just a tapestry of embarrassments.

We all do stupid things. Yet we survive. And that's like its own lesson in itself. How you view the things that you do that are a humongous mistakes. If you can take humor out of them, you win. I mean, every day I behave in a way at times where I'm like, why did I do that? Oh, yeah. Why did I just behave this way when my, my age,

your daughter who can't drive was like hey can you drive me from silver lake to Santa Monica oh what time 530 on a Friday and I just like lost my shit and like I drove her out there like a petulant child and wouldn't even say goodbye to her because she made me drive back in in rush hour traffic and I was like oh it was just terrible but I was like as I got back I'm like why did I behave that that was so stupid yeah yeah yeah I'm doing that all the time I someone put it in the wrong hole during sex and I just said unexpected item and bagging area. The first time I'd had sex at them.

He went the wrong way. He went up a one way the wrong way on the first time. Yeah. Accidentally. That was my response. He was just mad. He kills the erection dead. If you would have said it's oversized luggage, he probably would love that.

Sure. But I met like Catherine O'Hara one time in my life and I was so desperate to meet her and I loved her so much in Schitt's Creek. And I was just like, I was telling her, I was like, oh my God, I love you so much and she was being so gracious and I was like my boyfriend is obsessed with you and she was like oh really I was like yeah he took such a crush on you she was like really and I was like yeah he hopes that I look like you when I'm old oh boy that's not what I meant no that's not how I wanted that to come out excessive baggage in the wrong hole and it just lingered in the air and then she just

kindly went okay cool as katherine O'Hara her voice got high the elegant queen would and and then I was like anything I say now we'll just make this worse yes so I just have to you put it in the wrong hole and it's okay. End the fucking interaction. Leave it there. And then she died and I never got a chance to say anything else. But she probably died loving that interaction. A hundred percent. Knowing her like, I don't know her, but I'm just saying like she probably would have loved the awkwardness and what that is.

All right, name of the podcast. It's called wrong turns with Jamita Jamil. It's very funny. It's like 35 minutes every Thursday and it will genuinely make you feel better about your own life. You all become, if anything, smug. Mix of good British people that make people you may have. you may or may not know, so it'll introduce you to really good people.

And then you can't hear and it's real comic comics. You know what I mean? It's not just like it's not a bunch of pop stars. Like it's actual comedians. Stuart Goldsmith style comics. Sure, sure. Right. You know, the comedian's comedian.

I love him. All right. Should we jump into a story? Let's jump into a story. All right. This next story was sent in by me. You found it. I sent this to myself.

Good man. There was no headline for this story. So in going through it, I wrote my own New York Post style. Oh, good. Bad pun headline. Oh, great. I'm a lot of you already. The New York Post is notorious for writing just terrible headlines that make you want to punch people.

Foot Juice incident at Phantamee Con is causing quite a stink. I wrote that. I don't, I'm not proud of it. I think you shouldn't be. Just like the New York Post shouldn't be. Jay is like the guy who hacks into the government and then doesn't want to get arrested. It was like, I was just seeing if you knew how bad your system was just showing you that you need it.

So I'll just show you how bad the New York Post is just by making my own thing, which is actually equally bad. So this is crazy. Okay. Several men are reportedly preparing to sue Fanamee Khan. Do you know Faname Khan? I never heard of it. I can imagine what it is. Sure.

I smell a little. Held in San Jose, California. Just the amount of leather book bag, leather like computer bags that don't zip. Yeah. They used to. Or buckle. Or buckle. The zipper's broken.

So you might have. Overflowing with things that need to be autographed. Okay. And canvas. Papers. After, okay, so they're going to sue Fantamecon after contracting fungal lung infections. The men allegedly purchased and drank foot juice. No.

Cups of red liquid priced between and we'll guess how much later. I like the woman who sold the farts in a jar, which. I love that woman. Do you know that one? Not as a friend. I've loved to. I've got it. You met her?

Top customer. Dan, you met her. Yeah. Was she nice? Yes, she was very nice. Was she a business woman? Live on sprouts and like cruciferous vegetables. It was her.

A lot of roughage. Like being a sex worker. Like that was her like, she was like, it was like a kink thing. How is this different from I'm, send me the shoes and I want to be an aunt. Squash, squash. She sells good products. Wait, we always said this about Christina Hutchinson, our, our friend on our friends in, Karene Fisher.

They do guys we fucked. Great podcast. Yes. They were talking on a podcast that we were on about a sex worker, a woman who's all she did, it was, again, CEOs and powerful men who just wanted to be ignored, the shame king. They would call her and she would just not talk to them and not listen to them. That's the best gig I've ever heard in my entire life. And just make loads of money. I would be so good at that.

Put the phone down. Do your other stuff. I didn't even hear what you just said whether you'd be good or bad. I wasn't paying it to him. he's auditioning for. That's how good Randy is. How good I am, Marty. Pay me.

I would do that in a heartbeat. So they want to sue someone for a choice they willingly do. Foot juice in which female cosplayers were actively soaking their feet. So they're soaking their feet and then they're like, give me a cup of that. Yeah. And now they have fungal lung. And they want to sue somebody else for it. I feel so unwell since I got here.

I'm sorry and this is the deal. You got a deal with it. Fungle lung infection. Okay. Convention incident details. The unsanctioned stunt took place at an unofficial out. Who is going to. Who is going to sanction that?

Who are they suing? Well, this is Phantimee telling you put unsanctioned in there. If there's an unsanction event at a Fannamee conference, expect to get a fungal infection. Expect to get fungal lung. All right. What's, sorry. Go for it, Mike. You're fine.

Longo Fung. What's going on with men? There's a problem. What's happening? Were any women in this lawsuit? The woman is making the juice. Yeah. What's wrong with them as well?

But you know what? It's demand. It's supply and demand. Supply demand. This is a capital. The market determines what the market wants. Right. If you can make, would she rather be taking those beautiful feet of hers, I'm assuming, and putting, putting gym socks over panty hose and walking during a secretary lunch?

There was an NFL coach, Rex Ryan, personal video of him and his wife came out where he was just glorifying her feet. Right. And it like almost canceled him. And I was like, wait, that's his wife. And nowadays, no one, we've come so far with the. foot fetish. Nobody cares. You're in a feet, whatever. And then people have to take it a little further and go, what about the juice? And you go, stop. So they're, okay, so they've, they've seen women standing in some juice. They've asked for to drink some of the juice. More like sitting and, like

dipping their foot in the juice, almost like they're at a manicure and they're like, put this in here. Yeah, rest here. Rest in this soapy water, right? But it's juice. I'm going to kill myself. They, well, don't. It might kill these guys. Your dog's not going to get you. I don't want your dog to die. A dog's going to get me tattooed on his eyelids. The dog reversing it. Why is that dog wearing an eyeliner?

Outdoor gathering during the convention weekend. So now that it's unofficial, there's no way they can see. Panama is like, we're off the hook. Thank you. We're cosplayers reportedly made thousands of dollars. Yes. Soon after consuming the beverage. King people pay.

Several buyers experienced heavy coughing, pain and discomfort. After being hospitalized, they were diagnosed with severe lungal infections, fungal infections in their lungs, fungal fungal infections. The men are now seeking legal action to cover the medical costs arguing that event organizers should have stopped the activity. No, no, you should have stopped the activity. Why are you drinking? This is the event. The event organizers should have gone to an unofficial, unsanctioned event that was not part of Fandime and said, you guys, you better stop fucking doing this. I also feel like it's weird to take it to a place where you're now announcing to everyone that you publicly that you drink, like foot juice,

foot juice from strangers. Like this is, this is ultimate stranger danger. You have no idea where people are putting their feet. And that's what they want. To drink the juice of the foot of a stranger as foul. It's a bit like when, I think it was like Harvey Weinstein or someone when he was defending himself in court, he was like, well, you know, I know that they're lying because they haven't

mentioned that I've got gangrene on my car. And I'm like, oh my God, just send me to jail before making me admit that. Send me to jail. I think that's allegedly what he said. The court stenographer wants you to repeat that. Honestly, I would rather go to jail for life. Yes. Tell people I have gangrene.

Then have that as my main defense. Right. I've got gangrene cock. Do you know what I mean? No, 100%. Guys, we're going to hang everything on the gangrene cock. We're going to hang the whole defense. Look, when we drop our gangrene cock case, they won't even know what it.

Someone out there would drink gangrene cock juice. 100%. If he's got a broken, we've just launched a whole business here today. If it's England, it's gangrene cock tea. And you have it with small sandwich. Gangren cock knee. And gangrene cock scones.

Yes. Well, I love the scones. They're just baked. And they're kind of hard, but then they're kind of, if he's got a broken dick, you must have quit. The incident. That was really good. Thank you.

And I had it earlier, too. It was, I had that joke in the chamber. I just didn't want to interrupt other people. The incident quickly went viral across the anime and cosplay. community drawing widespread attention and disbelief online coverage and disbelief online disbelief about which bit yeah also like online should not online should never take the high road okay you're online it's like you can't be can't clutch online should be like you think that's bad and then tell you something eight times online is like hold my beer drinking

drinking foot juice coverage and reactions to the unusual situation like a fraternity pledge have been can ask one of the dumbest questions of our response yeah over there in the UK do you guys have frats? No. No. Is there any sort of like college life system? Um, just clubs.

You just drink. Just drink. Wherever you are. Just drink. Fair enough. That's what's Wisconsin. A warm pint of directors. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. That's it. A warm pint of directors. A hundred percent. Nice. Sounds terrible. I mean, we couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery.

We couldn't organize a fraternity. So the Greek system is an entirely USA thing. It is. It is. It's not even in Greece. Uh, coverage and reactions to the usual. You know what? You do write for the post.

now. Foot juice. I'm so sorry. You just got hired. Thank you. Unusual situation have been heavily documented across various online platforms pointing to the unpredictable and highly parisocial nature of convention subcultures. All right.

Reddit fans are disgusted. That's a fact. Some wine fans are like, hey, this is how it gets made. Oh, yeah. People step on the one. Yeah, that's true. So they're like, I don't know. So the wine community springing to their defense.

Yeah, wine community. It's like, hey, I think most people who do make the wine probably are very clean. Is that still how it's made with feet? Stepping on that. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. But it gave us the greatest viral news.

There's a clip of all time. The woman who fell out of the amazing clip. Incredible. But ow, ow, ow, ow, how, ow, out. Screaming. I'm like, you're not that hurt. Yeah. Everybody chill out.

But we obviously are all saying this is disgusting. Like, Fitchie. even if they like made them like give a silkwood shower of their feet like go so intense with the spray down. We still think that's disgusting. It's not my thing. There's not my thing. There's no way this is like. I'm not going to yuck someone's young.

I astrally projected out of my body at the beginning of that stuff. Yeah. I mentioned it and you got sick. All right. So this is my thing. Isn't every fetish though in the light of day disgusting? It feels disgusting. A lot of sex is disgusting.

In the dark room. No sex is disgusting. It's completely ridiculous. That's, you know, that's the intimacy of it's right. I think it's, I think, look, I'm sure they're not all disgusting. I think kinks and fetishes can spread far and wide. I think hygiene is where I draw the line, you know, like do what you want to do. But when it comes to bacteria, do it cleanly.

When it comes to bacteria, when it comes to fungal, anything, I think that that's where we have to draw the line. Because at a winery, if you're one of these, great stoppers and you're like, well, I got this thing on my foot, be like, Okay, well, you're not grape stomping today. Yeah. This is just, uh... But people have like probably got varukas and stuff. You know, like, it's just fucking horrifying. I would say if this was a public service campaign, let's put the fun back in funk.

Yeah. You too. Put the funk. That's it. All right. All right. We come back. We'll find out what Dan's got going on again.

You're, is it wrong turns with Jim. It's wrong. You can support me at wrong turns with. Meela Jamil. And I also have a substack called a low desire to please, which is very rude and inappropriate, but fun. And it's based on a report card my dog got from his trainer, which is that he's very smart. He just has a low desire to please. And in that moment, I knew he was my biological son.

He is you. The bar is low for him and so he meets it every time. 100%. I absolutely love that. All right. That is it. You know that. He sets himself up to succeed.

Dan, come back. You got a tease. You got a tease? Pro health, anti-law. Good. I'm in. It's Dumb People Town. Jamila, Jamila is with us.

We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. Come you down. It's Dump People Town. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. I don't know what you did during the break. I hope you made a sandwich.

And you're back and enjoying the show. Maybe I got some foot juice. Daniel. Yes. Please tell me. And I don't mean to yuck someone's young, but yuck. Dan, what's going on? Daniel Vancurg.

I'll be at Cap City Comedy in Austin, Texas on July 2nd, July 15th of the 18th, Chicago, Illinois, Hub City Comedy Week. That's me doing shows every night of the week and getting to pretend that I live in Chicago again in the summertime. The 25th of July, I'll be in Green Lake, Wisconsin at the Thrasher Opera House, Boko Retone. July, I think that's the 31st and August 1st. And then in August, I will be headlining a comedy festival in Cincinnati, the 28th and 29th. And then we also have Charlotte, North Carolina, as well as Cohassum, Massachusetts. I'm doing a tour this fall where the away games for the Chicago Bears a day or two before I will be doing a show in those cities.

So look for all those days of Daniel Vancouver to come. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm going to start doing a lot more of that stuff. Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com. I love it. Let's jump in this last story. Ready? Woman accused of breaking into restaurant to make salad ruining food items.

With her feet? No. It's just. What salad? I'm used to the waffle house. I'm used to a fast food place. Somebody who goes, I'm getting a fucking salad. It's crazy.

Buying a McDonald's salad to me is the craziest thing I've ever heard. But people always break in and start making food at like places you sort of feel like, yeah, that person. She's like, I don't know how to use the friar. Like somebody who loves Little Caesars is going to break into a little cichesars. But what if you don't know how to use the oven? It's like, you just teach me once and I'll know how to do it. But like, would you be able to walk into a thing and say, okay, I know, I know all the numbers. I can turn this thing on.

But maybe she just wanted to toss someone. salad. That's a totally different king. That is, and also gross. How did toss his salad become that thing? I always wonder,

someone thought of that. One person. It's flogged the dolphin. Yeah, but toss the salad. Save the fur burger. Yeah. That's great.

I have a tattoo that says that. It's a tramp stank. Stop. It's such a good. Gross but enjoyable. Charlie Shulman at Monatone Charlie sent this. I love it.

County, Georgia. A woman was arrested after being accused of breaking into a restaurant over the weekend. According, this is a short little fun story. According to a warrant obtained by Channel 2 action news. On Saturday, a woman with the last name, oh no, I'm sorry, it wasn't her name. On Saturday, Rome police officers were called to Harvest Moon Cafe. Neil Young's going to sue for that. About a woman who had entered the store around what time. When do you think this happened? I mean, this is in the wee hours. You know it's closed. Right. I think it's, yeah. What time does someone go on breaking into a place for a salad? 1 a.m. Yeah. 4 a.m. 155 a.m. There we go. I originally thought it would be like an hour after they closed and they're pissed.

They closed early. But 2 a.m. You get that. How drunk are you've gone full, so full circle drunk. You don't even want fried food. You're like, I want a fucking salad. You get that. I better be healthy.

The harvest moon. Yeah. It's so good. They put rice in it. I love it. It's actually quinoa. I don't know why you're calling that rice. Is it?

I'm just kidding. I know because you're on there. You're like, and when we get in there, I'll show you. Yeah, let me show you. I know where they keep the key. I know where they keep it. Listen, I saw it where they put the extra crouton. Police said, Callie, Elizabeth, sweet.

Sweet. Thweet. Thweet. Thweet. Thweet. Thweet. Sweet. Yeah. I love a speech impediment name. They changed it to be written phonetically around her.

Yeah, for sure. It is really tweet. That's so sweet of you. She's got a great hashtag for her second wedding. Did she tweet about it on it? Wheat and Vitha. Police said, Kelly Elizabeth Threat, CET, somehow got inside the restaurant after it had been closed and opened the food closed. They don't even know how she got in.

Yeah, I mean. Wouldn't that be easy to figure out? No. I mean, does she have a key? I like the idea that she got in and, like, hid in the bathroom and this was a long-year-clothed. I think that's the only way. I don't think she has a key. I think you're right.

It's a long play. Hit in the ceiling or in the supply closet. Sweet, then made a salad. Officer said she touched several food items with her bare hands, rendering those ingredients no good. Officer said the total value of the food items that she ruined was how much? $100. No, of all the food, like $30.

$250. $500. I knew they were going to jack it up. They jacked it up. She'd kind of run her fingers. It's like the way tomatoes feel. Authorities, which is also a king. Authorities did not specify what ingredients sweet put in her salad.

She was charged with help by taking. We'll get out of here really quick on this dumb little story with this. How old do you think a woman who breaks into a salad restaurant called Harvest Moon Cafe? Nothing about it. It's giving perimenopause. How old do you think that? Callie. 47.

Elizabeth Sweet. She says 47. 27. Sweet. Jay. I'm going to we three. We tweet this. Sweet Jesus.

Three Pete. I think she was 54. 54? Yeah. What'd you say, Jay? 39. 39. She just wants a salad.

Thank you for coming, hanging out with us in town. It's been a pleasure. Wrong turns with Jamila, Jamila. It's really good. And the substack. And the substack.

If you love subsstack, which I do, I love, substacks is like my new reading. Oh, yeah. What is it? Low desire to,

low desire to please. My substack. I love that. I like that desire and please are both in that. And it's a negative. And they both are. Neither of them are happening. Yes.

Yes. Yes. You're such a gem. Thank you for coming and doing this show before we get out of here. Callie Elizabeth Sweet. Is. Is 23 years old. What?

We were all wrong. Yeah. It's a college salad. Just go to a fucking waffle house. It's the entitlement. Right. I can go in there and do that. Why can't I?

I'm going to just go over the... You guys go to McDonald's. I'm getting my own thing. I'll see you there. I'll see you back. You can't go in there. You can't go in there. Yes, I can't.

No, you can. I already know what I want. She loved the food. much and that's why she did it or she just feels like they've never quite gotten it right. He's like, I just need it. I need time and I need no one to bother me. And I hope show them how it's here. And I hope the security cameras are on.

Yeah. She's like, I hope they are and I'll teach you a thing or two. We had a guy who got on, on wrong turns, a member of the audience wrote in and he'd been, um, he was working in the kitchen at this pizzeria and then just stayed a couple of hours extra and got really drunk and then made himself a pizza. and then doesn't remember what else happened later but found himself home and then got called in the following morning by the manager and had to watch the tape where he not only made himself a pizza but he he like masturbated I think like near or on the dough I can't remember but it was

pretty bad that's what we call that loaded crust yeah oh my gosh yeah that's what that came from yeah that's stuffed crust fully it's disgusting so quote uh notorious VIG he loves the dough Fair enough. Guys, that's a show. That's a show. Again, we love you guys for watching this show, listen to this show. And, oh, snap, we've got to get back to work.