Dumb People Town - Jamel Johnson - Family Cloth

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Comedian and podcaster Jamel Johnson (Mid Range) stops by as Daniel describes how a person has a low-waste home and makes their own toilet paper, Jason explains how a 6-7 event erupts into 8 fights and police have to pull a butcher knife from a child, and Randy warns against fighting with an axe and a knife outside Boston Public Library, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: BetterHelp and Monarch!Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/DPT.Write your own money story with Monarch. Use code DPT at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, we got an amazing episode of Dumb People Town this week with the great Jamel Johnson. We got craziness of the sky zone. We've got the family cloth. And you guys can figure out what that means. It might be a poop mitt. And then we have the greatest library fight of all time. Public library fight. Someone's got an axe to grind literally and is on this episode of Dumb People

Down with the Great Jamal Johnson. Check it out. Dan and Ran and Jay will share. Tales of folks. No unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic bail in Florida, there's half-rice bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Arme Dan.

Van Dirk, don't be a jerk. Because when the music hits, we are going to take you. Make a sound, hunger down is Don't People Town. Hey Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you? Population Johnson. Jamel Johnson. What's up, buddy?

What's happening? Thanks for having me. So happy to have you here. In your town. Yes. You're in the town. You are reppping all sports. Yes.

We say. There's soccer on your shorts. Ghana. Ghana. We got Ghana v. England coming up real soon. George Mason. And we just got into some deep George Mason basketball. Final four run.

And then a minor league team that we aren't sure. of, but we love the hat. The Gwinnett strippers. Whatever Gwinnett is. I got it because it's a fish, man. It's a fish catching a baseball. And by the way, the whole thing works. Yes.

You got a new special, new album. We're going to talk about that in the second segment. The world is getting dumber. That's what we know that's happening. We're all around it. People are fighting on the White House lawn. We're not getting political, but that happened. So we are trying to fight back with comedy, and Dan has a story out the gates.

Okay, you ready? Great. I love the stash. Thanks, dude. It's mustache summer. I love it. All right, this was sent in, but we talking about practice at Not a Game underscore 3.

Perfect handle. It is the answer. Dude's got a handle. Right. Let's be honest. You're talking about practice. And I like that he does it correct. There's no G.

Right. We're talking. We're talking about. Bout. Noa. Noah. That's one of the best crossover. Noah.

Bout. About practice. Okay, here we go. Yep. I don't really know how to set this story up for you guys. Not that we, you know, we don't always have to do that. I've just, I took personal turns in my own life with this story. So I'm interested to see where you guys go when you're out.

Oh, you're emotionally checking on us and see whose side we're on throughout? I want to know your stance on this as we go. Okay. Give us some key. I have a low-waste home. That's the headline. Low-waste home. I have a low-waste home.

Like low-waste pants? No. No, like I don't want to have much waste. Like I poop every four days? Oh, low-waste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, low-waste management. I'm not, you're with me.

It means you're connected to a septic tank. Yeah. Okay. Which means mob. Okay. I have a low-waste home. Right. And I make my own reusable toilet paper.

Which this person tells. Are you in or out? This is the worst person to get in conversation with at a party. So it's like fruit roll-ups, but I take the newspaper and kind of make a blamets. I'm already on to another conversation. It's like, it's like, that's like bubble tape. That sounds. You start saying that and I'm like, you just see me giving a thumbs up as I'm going to get a drink.

How far are we going? Are you making packaging for these things? We got to take that off. So are you guys currently in or out on this? I created my own Charmin Bear as a logo on my toilet. He, I would just say get a bidet. It's worth it. Number one.

Bade is God's toilet paper. One Pennsylvania TikToker revealed that she makes reusable toilet paper out of old pajamas. And she attempts to have low-way soap. Now, are you more in or more out? I'm out. I could be further out if I try. Old pajamas. The fuck, man.

You're rags. You're wiping your ass rags. You're wiping your ass rags. Yeah, that's not new. She's backwards her way into a great insult. Like if you were to tell somebody, you wipe your ass with old pajamas. That would be a great word. One of the best rose jokes ever.

That's up there with Scotty Pippins, the mailman don't deliver on Sundays. Listen, the greatest basketball burn of all time. You wipe your ass with old pajamas is like wins you a roast. Or that's a bar. Like if old pajamas is the name of the bar. No, no. I'm saying you're stupid. I'm saying you're spitting a bar in a rap line.

Oh, sure. Yeah. If you were dissing somebody, he wipes his ass with old pajamas. You can sort of, I don't know the rhyme, but you can feel it. Action Brunson. Yeah. As he's working. Yeah.

Or that's making a nice... Or that's the payoff. He wipes his ass with all the pajamas. He's out in the hood making love to grandmas. There you go. What? See? Wait a minute.

Hold on. See? That's actually... But here's actually kind of clean. Here's a way. It's kind of clear. It's clean in a metaphoric sense. And it's kind of clean like his ass like his asshole not.

But see, I think even... Not exactly fully clean. I think even the reverse it's even better. Because no one sees that coming in the reverse. Motherfugger's out here making love to grandma's while he's wiping his ass with old pajamas. In the reverse. It depends on how much you like the guy. Yeah, for sure.

Hide your sister. Hide your grandma's. Right. He's out of wiping his dad. Or could it also be in terms of rap songs? A flex. Like that's how much money you have. You don't even buy totally a baby, but you just use old pajamas.

You wear a pair of pajamas. You just have to brand the pajamas. Gucci pajamas. I want to go to Gucci pajamas. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Listen, we shoot one TLC video and then we wipe that. We wipe down.

We wipe that out. We wiped the set off with the old pajamas. Wait, that's like Alan Iverson. Didn't he used to like, he wouldn't bring a suitcase? No, he would just bring packages of white t-shirts. He'd wear them and then throw them away. This is what I've heard about super rich people too. They only wear socks once.

And that's it. That is rich people money. Okay. Old pajamas. Not waste foot all. Reduce, reuse, recycle even when it comes to toilet paper apparently. One Pennsylvania TikTok revealed that she makes reusable toilet paper out of old pajamas as she attempts to have a low-ways home.

No. Allie Hall, who goes by at Tiny Waste on the social media site, replied to a comment asking her to explain about her, as she called it, family cloth. Are you more out? Or more. Well, first off, she's got to be small. You can't be big with using pajamas to wipe your ass. You need a little more something with some different. Yeah, exactly.

A fitted sheet. Yeah, a fitted sheet. I use old tuxedos. That's a flex. Hey, give me that comfort. Oh, my God. But saying to somebody like, did you use the family cloth? Now I feel like you're in a horror movie.

That's a cult. That could be a cult. The family cloth is a family cloth. It's just for sex. The family cloth is a new cult documentary on everyone's a priest. Yes. Yeah. Somebody asked her to explain.

It feels Mormon a little bit. It was a little Mormon. Mormon variant. It's an offshoot of Mormonism. Yeah. So the family cloth is a sect of Mormonism where everybody has multiple husbands. Come on. That's the difference.

Yeah. Because it's like more dude-centric. Yeah. Instead of you're not too young, they're all too old. Yeah. You can't get your husband until he's 65 plus. He's right. He's just nailed it.

It's like a bunch of young dudes living together. It's like, where's the towel? There's one towel. It's the family cloth, bro. We need new pajamas around. Brother husband. That might be the title. That might be the title.

That should be her ticked up. Okay. So she's trying to have lowest home. She has a family cloth, which is what she calls the toilet paper after a shared video about how her family members act, how her family members act when they stay at her home. So she's got guests. So she's trying to make them use the family cloth. What the fuck man? If you know this about her because farther out.

Farther out. She posted on TikTok so you clearly, she says it to everybody. Right. Who is staying with her? I have it. You want to see what she looks like? She looks like a family cloth. Spend the money on a motel six.

At least you know one of those towels is clean. I was in until she was having gastro. If you want to live fucked up, don't have me over. This is her, Aaron has it too. We'll throw it up. We'll throw it up. What I love is what the caption is on this photo of her where she says, I think it's important that you know what's going on.

What are you going to do, right? If I'm Lena Dunham, I'm pissed. Don't look, don't make me look like the family cloth ladies. In the explainer, she showed off the toilet in her upstairs bathroom, which is used mostly by her and her husband. Above the toilet, above the toilet and the attached bidet, there is a small basket filled with squares of reusable toilet paper and a flannel pattern. Now, this is where I started to come back in.

Because I'm like, if you're bedaian, this cloth isn't doing much. It's not doing much. You're just there for drying primarily. If you're washing it all by itself. There's still a little, you're still, you're still in the area. You must be an under 10-minute bidet guy. I'm a 10-minute plus. Fine, fine.

But Dan, if... He's in a building where they're covering his water building. Yeah, 100%. I'm finishing the CD-C chapter. You didn't... Let me make an analogy here. You didn't stab a cop on January 6th, but you were in the Capitol. That's what those things are.

No, they're not wiping it clean, but they're in the building. I would say you didn't stab, you didn't beat someone with a flag. You just walk by and you're like, what's going over there? I'm closer back in because they're still in the capital. I like the bidet. The bidet too. I like the bidet. Because there's so many times of the bidet, you're like, oh, this is all good.

But they're flannel, that's the other part that's odd. So remember those pants that were kind of pants, but they're called skids. Yes, skids. Skids. And it had the little triangle, yellow triangle. Now that's what she should be using. Skids for the family cloth. It's already since works on the work on my skids.

It's marks. It's built. skids for kids. Okay. Do you guys want to see some family cloth? 1877. Oh, here we have it. Oh. Doesn't it sort of look better? She's made little mitts. Oh. And it sits a buck. See, Randy's O is putting him back on board. A little bit. And where do you put it when you're done with it? You walk in the basket? I like it because it's not poop on it when I'm looking at it. No, it looks clean. It looks clean. Yes. Super clean there. Super clean. And she's got the light

shining. It's well lit. It's well lit. If that thing was like in. darkness. On lighting alone, we know she keeps a clean. She keeps a clean poop mitt. The problem I see what this is. You know how you keep your pimpan strong? You keep your poop clean. You know when you run out of toilet paper and then you start eyeballing those paper towels and those napkins and you're like, can I make it to the kitchen? The problem with this lifestyle of a family cloth is you'll start eye buying towels. You're going to start eyeball and towels. You go, do I care about that shirt? It was it.

How often do I wear this winter coat? That's so funny. I just had some L.L. bean dip. Yeah. Oh, man. This is some dude type thought process. Yes. Family cloths.

I know. Poop mits. Also, her kids are going to be, you know those things you grow up later on and you realize your family did something. Nobody else. You didn't call it that. Her kids are going to go to college and be like, where's the family cloth? And they're going to be like, what are you?

Then their world's going to be long. Hall, 36 years old, admitted that she does think family cloth is an unfortunate name. You made it up. Right. Yeah, come on. For the reusable paper, but nonetheless. Look, my hands were tied on it. No, they were. It's not like it was a due date on this. My hands were in mitts on this. I wash my hands with this whole deal. I think that's the problem. She still abides by it. This is a basket of clean wipes, mostly flannel cut from old Christmas pajamas, which someone puts me out a little more. Well, now I'm kind of back in because I'm like,

there's a point. It's Christmas, you know, you're not going to use these. It's Christmas time. And poop, te poop. Hall said all of this as she panned the camera to a small waist basket next to the toilet. When I use the bathroom, I let the bidet do all the heavy lifting, pat dry with a clean wipe, and then put the used wipe in the bin and will eventually go into the laundry. She needs a diaper genie. So she has a been saying. No, but she's not going to throw it away, Rand. I know, but the jeanie's throw stuff away.

No, but listen. Diper genie has a little clothes. Jason storms out. We're like, Jay. No, you don't have to pick it up and throw it away. You take the bag that it's in. Diper Jeannie closes up and it closes in a way that like seals the smell. Seals everything and then you take the bag and then you take the bag and empty the bag.

And now it would be destroying a bag, but still. But only one bag. The numbers are really important in this house. It's like prime steps. Low way. That's right. This is the money ball of toilet paper usage. They have got, she's got this down.

Attempted murder is not. murder if they don't die in the moment. How can you not be boring man to come up? Toilip. Yeah, this is stopping frisk. Yes. On your own ass. Yeah, I'm stopping and frisking. Stop and frisking.

This is like money ball in that it ignores the existence of Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and Buckmore. This is so funny. It's like money balls. Yeah. Paul, who lives in suburban Philadelphia, I think I stopped in Frisk City. Okay. Emphasize that no wipes are used twice without being put into the laundry machine.

She's got rules here, people. Thanks. No. Think of how much water she's wasting, just washing the poop mitts. I personally love cloth toilet paper because it's sturdier and softer on my bum, she said. However, the kicker is that her husband does not share the same love for the cloth as toilet paper as his wife. This is him after he takes his shit. And she's not around and he has so pent up anger.

He takes the thing and he's like, right. So she also keeps a regular paper roll. It's a giant club in the bathroom. I'm wiping the fuck out of. my ass. Can I ask you a question? Just a giant hand that is, he's like, I don't give it. Sometimes with regularity or almost never have you let the shower do the work for you. No. I'm saying post, not full procedure. I'm saying you're on the toilet and you're going, you know, I'm about to get in the shower. I mean, there we go. A couple times in your life.

Maybe a bagel. Maybe a bag. It's what I'm saying. You're in a bidet. I do love a bidet. So her husband doesn't do this. So she can. keeps regular toilet paper in the bathroom for him. The Post reached out to Hall for Comments. I'm just like that they can make it work. If they can make it work, then so can we. It's like a society. Here's what I love. You're right.

Pulled this one? My wife's insane and I love her. Yes. The New York Post. And this is already such a hat on a hat. They haven't put in one pun. Because they're like, what are we going to do with this? Dirty work.

But the post does reach out to Hall of Cover Cover. In an email Friday to the Post, she noted that her family has switched to reusable plastic-free and second-hand products anywhere she can for the sake of the environment. Clean toilet paper is just one of the many ways, or cloth toilet paper, is just one of the many ways my household has reduced waste. In this case, paper waste. But don't worry, she still has an abundance of toilet paper from recycled material for guests. Good for her.

That I'm on board with. And it's like, you do your own thing. And maybe don't put that out when guests are there. Right. How about this? She has a bathroom that's hers somewhere in the house. And that business is over there. How about this?

You've got a little basket that you put outside next to the bird bath of your poop mitts. You go outside and grab them when it's your turn to do your business. And then you come back outside and you leave it right there by the break. If a raccoon gets in there and has some fun with it. The ring cam footage on this house. So fucking nuts. All the chimes up. She's got a packet.

No. She's going back out. She's back out. The neighbor alone. Oh, there got them off. there again. Deb, get the cam.

I can smell it. No, you can't, Michael. I have to tell this to our friend, Jessica Kaminsky, who's a great writer, so, so talented, so funny. It works with Eric Freeman all the time. And her son, who is now like these days, she's days

she's 21 years old. He, uh, when he was being potty trained, like when we were potty training all of our kids, there was a small, you can put a small child size like toilet in your, bathroom to get them used to because they can't sit up on the big thing. So he loved it and it

was working and they were like, oh yes, we did it. We'll eventually transition him to this thing. What they didn't anticipate is that he then took the toilet one day, the little one and put it in his room. So now it's like he's in prison. He's just putting it in his room. He was making toilet wine too.

Well, Andy do you put up. They're doing dips on the side of it. He turned a bar itself and do a shiv. Then he took the toilet and put it out in the backyard. So when he had to go to the bathroom, he would go out into the backyard like he was a golden retriever. Like, where is he going? He's going out to the backyard. And she's just like, they'd be upstairs and they'd see him walk out the door and go to the bathroom out there. I'm like, that's got to be the funniest thing. Well, he was crate trained too, right? Yeah. He knew to,

they would fly him below the plane. That's so funny. He would scratch at the door. It may seem outlandish to some, but as a parent and an optimistic adult, I was, she better be raised in nieces and Why throw an ant? I was and am willing to make drastic lifestyle changes for the sake of future generations. Oh, she just means that Nisa's and everything. She's just like, look at me. There are pros and cons to using reusable toilet paper according to health line. On one hand, there are concerns when it comes to handling the cloth after it's used as

E. coli at bacteria that can cause down. Yes. Don't thank you. It's important to make sure you wash it with high heat and bleach to avoid this. But according to. Indicatory, man. Yes. Yeah, you're going to order and trail yourself.

It's what killed people coming over to America in 17. But according to the outlet, benefits include reducing pollution and being gentler on the skin, not to mention it's easy to make. Cost effective, better for your skin. Don't do this if you don't have a bidet. If you don't have a bidet, you are wild. You're not eligible for you. No, you need so many mitts of family cloth.

All right, that's story number one. That's crazy. I can't wait to hear how our townies. So you guys, at the end, in or out on family cloth. Well, super out. But this is, I got a question for you guys. I have my own personal bathroom war with a partner going on. My girls got a mirror in the bathroom.

We got two bathrooms. And then it's like a half bath downstairs. And there's a mirror. And there's two mirrors in the bathroom. Then the second mirror is sitting on top of the toilet tank. Oh. And so the only use for the mirror is to see your own penis. Yes.

So I'm starting dating her and I'm like, Why is this mirror, man? And she's like, I like the mirror. And me and my homegirls like the mirror. I'm like, okay, are you talking to guys about what their dick looks like after this? Are we going to have a meat talk? Is it a two-way mirror? You got to ask you something like that?

I turned it around to see. It's not. It's not. It's not. I'd be out on it above the toilet mirror. The only thing worse would be in across the toilet mirror. Okay. Sometimes you're in a hotel across from a mirror on the toilet.

Watching your stuff. Self sitting down. Yes. You feel like a dolphin when they realize their own goodness. So tell her to, maybe they, you know what she needs to do.

You need to get a frosting system on that mirror so that if you press a button, it just frosts. Or a little curtain. Auto frost and then you're not, it's not a mirror to you. Say, if you want to unfrost it,

that's your business. Right. I'm not going to get it. You're a few times where it's like people who aren't my friends. Like if you're my homie, I'm like, I'll let you know like,

there's like a dick mirror in there. There's like a dick mirror in there. You know what's real funny. you need to get a little label maker and say, and on the mirror put, in the interest of full disclosure, this is a two-way mirror. And just when people come over,

objects in mirror appear larger than they, than an actual lot closer. In my, in my hard drive. I'll get out of it by saying, at the end, I was way more in than I was at the beginning. Yeah, I was more in a closer to her.

You did. God bless. Twist and turns. You got a twist and turns. All right. That's right. That's how you wipe with a poop. That's right.

You got a twist and turn it when it. Poop. Yeah, that's right. You got twist it, then turn it. Poo. Twist and twins in a poop in action. All right. When we come back, we're going to hear what Dan's up to. We're going to hear about your new special. I'm calling an album. You're giving me a good energy. I want to give it the best energy.

People should go check it out. It's special to me. We'll tell you that it's special to everybody. This is Dumb People Town. We're off and running. Stick around. Make a sound. Bunker Town. Toneys, this episode is sponsored by Better Help.

And look, we all think about those things in our lives that we wish we were better at. I mean, mine is golf. I know I dress like I'm just fired from a pro shop. Like at a golf galaxy. But I do think when I think about that, you know what that takes to get better at? Giving yourself some commitment and time and energy. Or grace. Okay, being nice to yourself at where you are and then actually committing a little time and effort into getting better and being better at it.

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You said, I feel it overwhelmed. Better is a feeling defined by you. And for better help, it is a better help therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over a hundred countries. It's progress. Yeah. For me, it's been something where with the overwhelmed stuff, I can then get like tools and

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and then obviously the midnight air so I like great Jemel tell people the album where they can find it all the good stuff It is called mid-range, courtesy of blind medicine records. Yeah, all have records on there. Mid-range reference to the dying art of the mid-range jumper. Which is how I feel about my joke stuff. Watching the finals, when I see someone take a mid-range jumper, I have more. Is this going to go in or not?

Like, well, Jalen's crushing. But, I mean, so many other times, like, even Wambier or whatever, I'm like, step back. I have more confidence in you shooting a three than I do, you shooting a mid-range jump. I love my point exactly. Listen, the questions could be asked about all of the jokes on this album. Should I have shot that? Should I have said that? No, 100%. It is mid-range. It is mid-range. And what's we call it? Broccoli House on Instagram and Jamel Johnson comedy on TikTok occasionally. And where else am I doing? Oh, I'm at the DC Improv. I'm in the lounge 14th through the 16th of August, August 14th through 16th. And I'm doing a little birthday thing.

at Pub Key August 20th. Great. Details to come. It's in D.C. It's around convention center area. And shout out to the homies. Okay. For that look.

And San Francisco, September 4th with Rob Hayes. We do a little show called the end-season podcast. Loose sports talk. So good. I'm like, I know you and Rob kind of, you have such similar energies. Spiritually. You guys are like, like, I mean, we've worked with Rob. We've written with Rob.

I mean, you guys are. basketball at the Glendale YMCA for the past four years. You guys are a regular game? Yeah, yeah. You two roll up. I've been looking for a game. Get it, dad. Get it on.

Are you a member at the Y? What's that? Are you a member of the Y? I bet I still do have my members. Pull up, man. I was my first gym in L.A. Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. Pull up, jump shop.

8.30 in the morning. Ooh. I would go do that. Yeah, I might do that. You want to see some old people run. That's what it is. Yeah, it's literally. Me and Robert are the youngest guys in there.

Okay, shit. We're going. All right. Let's do this. Let's get into this. This is sent in by harp at Jurassic Harp. Shrewsbury, let me do that again. Shrewsbury 6-7 event erupts into eight fights.

It should have. That's so funny. Should have been six or seven. Seven fights. Yeah. Eight five. Whoever started the eight fight, get them out of it. Yeah, yeah.

Or 13 if you add them. Also to the reporter, like, you could cut one or two. Cut one and just say it was seven. Yes. Police sees. You ask the reporter's to lie, Dan? You know what? What am I thinking?

Come on now. This isn't 16 minutes. Shrewsbury's 6-7 event erupts into eight fights. Police sees butcher knife from child. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'll tell you, hold my knife. That could have been the headline. I changed the end because I want you to guess how old this kid is.

Okay, fair enough. First one, a 6-7 event in Shrewsbury spiraled into chaos Sunday. As police said, more than I'm not going to tell you. What are you doing this weekend? going to a 6-7 event to people. So young people are like, why? Old people are like, what is that? No one's going to get it.

Also, a 6-7 event, 6-7 is old, like, it's the moment you started, it's done a second and a half later. Also, people don't know what it is. So, remember that meme thing where everybody would freeze and they would be like, some girls, whatever that was that thing, everybody would freeze. I could see me like, let's get a ton of people together, make the craziest frozen table. That's going to take a while. you want all this. You just have everybody going to a field, say six, seven, and then it's over.

I think these are more like these teen takeovers that have started to happen on the streets where like you get like 300 young people together and then it's just chaos. Oh, okay. So that's happening in some cities and it's like insane. So this was a bunch of teenagers. They brawled outside. They swarmed nearby stores and even brought a butcher knife to the scene. Just because the Knicks won?

No, it has nothing to do with it. This is in Shrewsbury. I mean, So you're I did you're from D.C. Which state? Virginia. Okay. That's the I.

Yeah, exactly. I knew D.C. area. We're going to play at the end. We're going to play the game of guessing whose home state this happened in. Yes. Yes. And I, DC area being one of them. All right.

Okay. Okay. Here we go. The Shrewsbury Police Department said officers respond to the sky zone. It's having a sky zone. What is the sky zone? That's like the jungle gym type shit. It's like the bouncy trampoline.

A place. Leaps and Bounds. There you go. It's just that. Let's get these kids tired. More military style. That's why the sky zone. The zone is a military field.

It's a no sky zone. I would call mine one giant step. It's so funny. Around what time did the cops have to show up? This is an afternoon thing. 100 or 6 or 7. Yeah. That's what I should have been.

630. 6.30. What do you mean? 645? Yeah, I want to say, I think 230. jumped out of me. I'm gonna go three o'clock. I mean, it's sky zone.

So actually probably like noon. Because it skies zone even open after for dinner. Yeah, uh, they are. Because trust me, I've been at one. I bet they close at nine on Saturday. How about three, 342 p.m. I guess right.

Okay. The business was hosting a six, seven event. Okay. So this, this wasn't the kids doing this. It's the business. Someone in a sky zone. Somehow a kid got a butcher knife? Brought it.

You know what? Who brings a butcher knife to a trampoline park. That's, we're going to pop the trampoline, then you're all going down. There's a line from the untouchables. You don't bring, you don't bring. All right, here we go. Eight fights broke out as how many juvenile stood in line outside to get in.

Okay. These are unaccompanied. You're a guest. You want to guess how many teens were lined up on a company juvenile. What would be the age demo, the perfect age demo for a sky zone? 12 years old? So with a parent, eight to 12, because that's not. Do you have 17-year-old, 16-year-olds running around us guys?

Yes. Oh, you do. Okay. I know nothing about it. Because there's like a dodge ball court where they can play dodgeball in there. This widens the age. There's a basketball. There's basketball you can dunk on, which are really fun.

The most fun is they have this giant foam pit. And you can flip out into the foam pit. The phone pit is so elite. It is so. I want to go to this place. It is fun. It is fun. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. How many unaccompanied juveniles? There's eight fights. So that means there's at least 16. people right there. That's good math. Right. Good man. And then so everybody there isn't fighting. I'm

gonna say 50, 50. 50. 50? I think there's like 300 kids outside. That's exactly. That is the problem. I'm sorry. No, good. I just think there's so many people waiting to get in. They're bored. Oh yeah. And then it's like I'm not getting in. What'd you call me and now we're, I'm gonna go 150. Okay. 150. Okay. One of you is exactly right. It's a hundred. It's 150. Do you want to go to hit? Because now jumped in. Well, listen, I'm going to stay with mine.

You can stay or you can jump. I'm going to stay. Okay. I'm standing. There were 300. Uh, I don't even know how I guess that. Randy knows he's good.

Dan, you wanted it. With temperatures exceeding what? So this kind of is like adding to the thing. They're not being let in turn up. He got cranked up on the side. So this is like Woodstock 99. Right. Anger.

Something to break. I would say. They asked them not to play. Biscuit over the P.A. I mean, I wish it was 67 degrees, don't you? No, you're right. You're right. It would be ideal.

I bet the business didn't pull out the farmer's almanac and figure out what the temp was going to be when they planned six, seven day. We don't know which state it's happening, but we assume it happened within the last month. I think 87 degrees. Yeah, where do you want to go? 87. I'm going to say 92. Yeah.

Hot as a bitch. I'm going to go 84 degrees. One of you is two years off. 89. 81. You can go up or down. I'm staying. You go up or down.

Oh, okay. 90. 90. 90. All right. Get your answers in. 90. Oh, yeah.

Walked in and just got it. All right. Juveniles then entered nearby stores, including Walmart, Aldi, and my place. I don't even know what of my place is. Police said they caused damage and threatened customers and employees leading to early business closures. And they're like, hey, thank. And every business is like, thanks a lot, skyzone.

Yeah. What a stupid idea. I would sue SkyZone for this. You know, the owner of my place, whatever that is, was on top of the roof of the rifle. You know that. You know, with a scope. Not going to get my place. It's a kid theme strip club.

That's so funny. The poles are all carpeted. Right. You can touch. Welcome to my place. Hey, coming to the main stage. You better be 21 years of aid. Amber.

Amber on the mainstates. Camber coming up next. Don't get lost in our human habit trail. Dominique on the Sunday bar. But the. Amber on the mainstay. Kid strip club Kid themed

It ain't 14 It's not Yeah we need to be very Very clear This is an Epstein Can I touch the balloons Yes you can In my place you can

You sure can bud In my place you can For 500 So it's a juice box room So it's adult Strippers Yeah They're in like overall

Dude that's bad No It's not It's my place It's the place It's kid theme And instead of big plush chairs, they have those little yellow play school chairs with the thick legs. Little touches of highlights magazines.

I would love a dance over on the racing car bed. Is that? Can I buy that? Like a boza of the clown guy comes around with shots. You want bottle service? It's definitely an animatronic band. How mad are these other businesses at my place? No, at Skyzone.

I don't want to sue them. Well, the juvenile crowd then began throwing rocks, yelling obscenities, and making threats towards police officers. That's always smart. Police seized a butcher knife from a how old kid. You're a guest. 12. 11. On the younger son.

I'm going to go six years old. Of the teen mob. One of you is exactly right. Staying at 11. Staying at 6. Stay 12. 12 years old. Ah, nice.

Who said she took an Uber. You thought it was in. Uber kids. From, and I can't say where she took it from. To get involved in the fight after seeing it on social media. So she wasn't part of the initial fight. She pulled up with a knife after watching some clips. She's like, let me get in on this.

Let me get in on this. Well, I'm not going to come empty handed. I'm coming with a butcher. She said she brought the weapon for protection. She walked into a fight. Yeah, yeah. She was looking for a fight. I brought a knife to pass.

That's right. Several juveniles were detained. Police able to clear the area by what time. So we established us having 3.42 p.m. But we had enough time for it to be going out for somebody to go, I got to get my knife and get down there. Right. They watched some videos and said,

I'm pulling up in an Uber. So they're waiting for an Uber. They spent money to get in this fight. They need to get in on this fight. Uber Black, she took. Uber X. Got to just put the knife in the way back. Yeah.

Okay. So what time did it? She took away mo. What time was it cleared up? 8 p.m. 8 p.m. 5 out, almost 4. There's fun guessing in this one.

There's just fun guessing in this one. I want to put the time in? Yeah. 7. 7.15. No. They had this. Yeah, 6.7.

They had this wrapped up. They had this wrapped up by 4th. An hour. How about 9.30 p.m.? What? Six hours to clear these kids out. Well, I guess it. All out, bro.

340 was one time. When they got called? Donny brick. 3. No officers or other people are in TV show. So now to get out of here, we're going to play the game.

Whose home state did this happen in? In Illinois, Missouri, or D.C. area. This feels Illinois to me. And I feel like you asked about where it's from to throw me or Randy off. Sure. I feel like this is sadly... I feel like I would have heard about this.

I would have got to eat in a bird out of... I mean, D.C. area, you have more choices. Maryland, Virginia, D.C. And Western Maryland is fucked up. Yes. It's pretty crazy. out there, the closer you get to the mountains, it can get a little spicy. You're in Appalachia.

Yeah, no disrespect. Peace of all my people in Cumberland. That's right. We know each other. Not a lot of shoes going on out there. Sure. Okay. I just feel like this could, this sort of has a Chicago suburbs vibe to it.

This feels like D.C. area to me. I'm going, I'm going Illinois for sure. I got the space. Outside St. Louis could really get some knife action going. Hey, hey, man. Shrewsbury sounds like the town, the split level townhome complex where this happened. You know. Shrewsbury.

Over at. The Shrewsbury arms. It's like a fake coat of arms. Aaron, you want to throw a guest in? You're welcome to join in from the booth. I got nothing. All right. Get your answers in.

We come back. We'll tell you what we're doing. And this happened in Shrewsbury, Missouri. Girl took... St. Louis. She took an Uber from Florissant. St. Louis. That's North County.

You know what that is. North County is. All right, we got one more story. Sent in by our friend. Elise LeBlanc. I'm very excited. And yeah, it just involves more more weaponry. Hey, all that. Hey, it's

mid-range. That's the name of the album. Go get an old-school comedy album and shoot shoot the shots you wish you could shoot. I shoot it off the two fingers. I found two fingers. I used the hand, but really it hits off too. This man plays regularly at the Grendale Y. Okay?

So he knows about the mid-range. You got to have that game tight. It's a great album. We'll come back with this last story. It's dumb people town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. Lungerdown. It's Dump People Town. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Jay, let them know what we have going on.

Oh, and just announced we're going to be a part of the JFL festival in Toronto. Doing a couple of tag teams, taggits or tag teams, and doing some headlining shows down there. We're at the comedy bar. Very excited in Toronto. That's in September.

And then we've got more stuff coming. Yeah, Ann Arbor in October. and probably the flyover fest, yes, in November in St. Louis. Have ever done that? No. You should do that. It's a fun show. We'll talk to this.

That's St. Louis. You bring a knife to a SkyZone. I just bought a Blues jersey. Oh, they need to go. It's a lot of fun. So just supersclars.com are punchup. Dot live. And sign your email.

Sclar brothers. That's, yeah. Sign your email up so we can send you notifications when you're coming to your area. Randy. We won't abuse it. Bring us home. Final story sent by Elise LeBlanc,

our good friend from Connecticut. But she's a Red Sox me. I was doing like guest sets in Chicago. Somebody brought one of your guys's tops cards to a thing. Jay doesn't know where his are. I'll find him. Anyway. Also, Sheeds is going to be in Chicago.

I know. I know. We're going to make that happen. Okay. At E. LeBlanc 70, if you want to look her up and follow her on the old X. All right. Here it is.

Violent confrontation with axe and knife. What is this? A sky zone? Unfolds at no. Boston Public Library. Oh, here's the good news. No serious entries reported. Well, what's crazy is you can check out the axe, but you only get it

for two weeks. I was going to say, they talk about a heavy return policy. It's like, you better bring it, you better bring the book back. Boris, you get axed, get axed. You don't want to get axed and then get axed. All right, chaos erupted. Chaos erupted. Again, this is

not a sky zone in Shrewsbury. All right? Let's be honest. At a Boston Public Library earlier this week, what a confrontation between two men escalated into violence involving an axe and a knife. And again, you're going to the public library. You got an axe, you got a knife on you already. You're picking out, you're looking for some new science fiction, I'm guessing. I guess.

A little fantasy. Historical. A little Game of Thrones song, a fire. You're just fucking, you're fighting that wheel of time. You're like, man, just so many times during the day as you're walking to the bus, you're like, if I had a dragon. All right, NBC boss, reported the fight, which began outside on the sidewalk, and we'll find out what time on Monday,

made its way into the library's dining area. Who's eating at the library? Dining area? Although I'm very intrigued. What are they saying? You know what? I will have the Salisbury steak, and you can put that right here in the dining area.

Oh, man, all that book dust on there? Yeah. There's book dust floating in that whole building. You got flap dust on there. Well, get yourself from a Pumet and just bring that off. dinner at the library shot myself, not because of the food. No. It was that book dust.

No one goes anywhere with an axe without intending to use it. Wait, even if you're walking in the woods, no one goes anywhere with an axe without intending to use it. Right. If you bring an axe, it will get, yes. You're swinging it at least. Or throwing at a minimum. Yes.

He literally and figuratively had an axe to grind. I guess with somebody. Yes. But it started outside. And I said a grinder, yes. They met on grinder. and he brought the eyes. One bystander.

There is no way this is this person's name. I'm going to give you a name that is, I'm literally reading it, and I'm like, there is no way this is the person's name. Who is the doctor? Dr. Robert Ravioli. A real name and a story. A real name, a real doctor.

Dr. Robert Ravioli. Like a science doctor, not like a life coach or something? No, real medical doctor. You know, I get all my appendectomy's done by Dr. Robert Ravioli. It's tough to meet back. Bobby Ravioli is better than Robert Ravi. Bobby Ravioli is like, hey, it's a Bobby Ravioli over here.

It's a name of a restaurant. What are you going to eat tonight? Bobby Ravioli's. Yeah, I didn't want to Bobby Ravioli. Robert Ravioli disturbs. Why don't you hand me that scalpel? No, listen. He needs to go middle name.

Robert Allen Ravioli. I'm going to say this name, and it is going to be like the scientific term for a an animal that has lost its mind in the middle of the night. You ready? One by Sanders who was working at the News Feed Cafe located within the library. His name Noctus Farrell. Okay. Well, noctus Farrell is his name.

That's a Tier 3 Marvel villain. Noctus Farrell? Like he releases a gas at night. At night. And he's wild. It's sort of a, it's like a DC play on Wolverine. He looks like Brian Grazier. A more like a steampunk Wolverine.

He's got claws with like leathery, straps. Thank you. If anyone of our friends said, But only come out in night? Yeah. They got cast. It does this. If anyone said they got cast in the next season of fallout.

And they're like, I'm playing this character, Nocta Ferrell. You would 100% go on the best tracks. That's it. Or it's like Colin Farrell's like name when he has a band. Yeah. Or how he signs into hotels. Yeah.

She's good enough. Is Mr. Farrell here? We have a Noctus Farrell. Oh, no. He's not him. Different guy. I love when a place quotes people exactly. Okay. I love when the quote is exact. This is what he said about it and described the initial moments of the altercation. He was already like having the axe in his hand. This is what knocked his frails back. He was already like having the ax in waving it around like he just didn't care. I added that. I added that. And he was screaming at the other guy, do you want to die? Do you want to die? I love that noctus gave both. Like he could have just been like, this guy came in with an axe and he was like, do you want to? die swinging it around. No, he has to be like, he's already like having an axe in his hand so like Dan says, you don't walk to

it unless you think it's going to have. You're ready to fight? Do you want to die? As Knoxis-Fail recounted an interview within NBC Boston, he did swing at the other guy with the axe couple of times, but he missed every time, Farrell added, describing the tense situation. He comes in here. I mean, he's already having an accident his hand. Before he decided to alert

the manager of the unfolding violence. Dave, we got a problem here. What's that, Knoxis? I'm going to watch a few swing before I tell. anybody. It's a baby ax Dave. So here's the good name. It's a baby wheel. It's an axi. It's an ex-dave. It's a, it's a Massachusetts accent who's also golf.

Yeah. Dr. Sparrow? That's crazy. Dude, you know I can't believe the new, you're not going to believe the new eye shadow I got. It's all midnight black. When I was a young boy, my father took me to the black parade. I learned. Yeah. Anyway, the second man equipped with a knife then tackled the axe. individual inside the venue amidst the backdrop of books and the quiet murmurs of a weekday morning patron engrossed in their reading, which was disrupted by the scuffle that ensued right in front of the checkout counter. Again, at that point, if I'm there and the scuffle happens and it gets taken care of, I will turn to the person working behind the desk and be like, all right, I'm paying my

late fee. Don't you make that joke? You get a huge laugh from the crowd. Yeah. Okay. I'll pay my late fees. I have a couple CDs. I'll bring you those. Or it's like when Harry Met Sally, I'll check out what he's having. There you go. These guys fighting over the last copy of your fucking Lord of the Rings. Got knocked this feral.

He's got to stop them. Police arrived shortly after an arrest in both participants. Fortunately, no seriously. Injuries were reported. The incident would raise concerns about public safety and police staffing. The Boston Police Patrolman Association recently highlighted a shortage of nearly six-in-offcers. So, you know, this is like, Oh, this is why we need more.

We got to have more. We got to have more support. The support near the library. The library clash. A place for community engagement. Cameron Reed was the one who bought that. Yeah. It just underscores the city's challenges.

We need metal detectives at the do. I said that all the time. I always say that. Did you see that documentary about the like famous art that was stolen from the Boston thing? I'm like that this is a real why we got to have security at the door. How do you know I have security? You gotta happen. You got a art museums in all the country.

They go all this art museum security in New York. We can't do it here in Boston. This is what I love. NBC Boston is not leaving Noctus Farrell. They're like, we have a storyteller. We have a quote machine. We need to go back to this. He's a real life Harry Potter character.

NBC Boston. Yes, it does sound like serious black. Yeah, yeah. It's like the... Naktis Farrell. Serious black guy, I guess I don't know. Maybe he was black. You could be black in Massachusetts.

Nogeth Loss. I think. Yes. So, M. Boston reported that Farrell described the scene vividly. The guy with the axe turns around, starts walking in the library and that's when the second guy tackles him in the

middle of the library and they start fighting on the floor in front of the checkout counter. This is all... This feels like an on-site situation. Yeah. I mean, knock this fail. Somebody, whenever I see you, it's lit, green light. That's very Boston too. Yeah. So there's that...

Owing a die of ass-whipping. Meet me in front of the library. Next time I see you library. Ain't no fucking... I don't do it. Library's not no safe so you're not on home base you're not on goal right now you can't run a gul and say you can't get me i'm gonna tag your ass all day wait but here's i don't care where i park either i'll fucking let me throw this out there what if one crazy guy was just talking to himself i'll double pocket the other guy thought he was talking to him and what you say he keeps talking he's like don't you ignore i mean who has the axe in this story so the guy who was walking by with an axe minding his own mine he's on his own then he hears

somebody be like, walk by my face one more time, da-da-da-da. Then he's like, what did you say to me? You think you're bad at me? And he starts talking to someone else. And it's like when the voices in the head are going different directions but could be in conversation with each other. We'll get out of here on that fight. What time on Monday did this thing take place?

10 a.m. 10 a.m. We know it's morning. Yeah, yeah. It's early. Oh, I'm going to go 7 a.m. Because the library cafe is open. Yeah, there's no way that thing is.

That's where I get my coffee. If you walk in there at 2 p.m., they're pissed. Right. I'm gonna say, 11.30. 11.30. Okay, one of you is exactly right. 7 a.m.

I'm staying. I'm staying. I want to be. It's fire. All right. The album is called mid-range. Mid-range. On blonde medicine.

Go check it out, download it, listen to it. Support blonde medicine. That's who all of our albums are on. Just support and support this comic. Go see him in D.C. Give Blonde medicine a follow on Instagram. Your follow on.

Socials again are in range. Broccoli house on Instagram and Jamel Johnson DMV LOLL on YouTube. I love it. Jamel Johnson DMV LOL on YouTube. See Dan in Chicago for the Lincoln Lodge

week that he does. Come see us over the weekend. We love you guys. This event took place at 1130. That's how we do. We love you guys. And oh snap, we've got to get back to work. Peace.