Dumb People Town - Jay Mohr - Harsh Penalties

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Comedian and actor Jay Mohr (https://www.jaymohr.com/) stops by as Jason describes how a Florida man stole an ambulance in a beer-fueled rage, Daniel explains why a Florida woman told a deputy that getting arrested was on her "bucket list," and Randy warns against slicing a man's face with a Pringles can, and Jay tells an amazing Al Pacino story, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Chewy! Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-hosts Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk. That's where the music gets the funny hits and wins. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan.

Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunger down is Dumb People Town. Guys, to keep them happy, Chewy has over 100,000 products from all the brands that my pet loves. And yes, I said my pet because I'm planning on stealing the dog that I'm watching. Things that my pet loves at prices that I love, food, treats, beds, you name it, they have it and it gets shipped directly to your door in one to two days and not just for dogs, they got stuff for cats, birds, fish, reptiles and more.

Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now, you can save 20 bucks on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com slash dpt. That's chewy.com slash dpt to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. That's chewy.com slash dpt. Minimum purchase required, new customers only, terms and conditions apply, see site for complete details

Hey, Tony's welcome to another episode of dumb people town population population more we're going for more Jay more It is so good to have you in the day and Kirk J van Kirk I got a special shirt. I wore for you guys. Yeah, what do you know? What was the hockey call you guys put into your lexicon? Henderson. Henderson. Let's see it. Oh, RIP.

The best story. The best, the best Ricky Henderson story ever is John Olarud. Did you, you know this story, right? Well, I like to call him C-3PO. John Olarud, who he wore a batting helmet. In the field. In the field at first base because he like got hit in the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays.

I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays.

I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays.

I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with the blue Jays. I'm gonna go with a guy who wore a baseball helmet too. Oh yeah. Hey man, Ricky played last year with a helmet on his head. Who are you talking about Ricky?

Huh? Ricky number one third person guy? Oh yeah. Far and away right? By far. Who else is even in that category? He's the single greatest baseball player of all time. You lead off with a walk, you steal second,

you steal third, ground out to the right side, you're safe at home, it's one nothing, there's no hits. That's what the Cardinals did in the 80s. 85, we can't get this deep in the weeds. All right, Todd Frazier. We got the news, we've got dumb stories sent to us by our fans. All right, I'm gonna jump into the first one.

We gotta deal with the dumb. All right, moment cops bust a man who allegedly stole an ambulance and led them on beer-fueled chase Full night is this that a headline they left the headline moments Yeah, I feel like we got we we still do a conversation moment This is sent in by Sam householder at Sam house. Is there a video and they're showing you the moment it happens No, I don't know. What is the moment? When is this copy? it happened? No, I don't know. Footage is the moment. When is the moment? I'm writing this copy.

Footage shows how a Florida man swerved through Tampa's streets in an ambulance that police say he stole in a beer-fueled joyride. So if you're in Tampa and you just see an ambulance swerving, do you think that's just normal ambulance behavior or? Yeah, you really didn't have to put Florida in the article. It's kind of implied. Yes, right is in Prince Although we just had last week a Cop chasing the 101 where the guy got away Yes pulled into the parking garage at in that huge no-ho like complex with the Trader Joe's and the movie theater Yeah, went into the parking garage got out of the car. They never got him It's like the number one move That's never I don't think that's ever been pulled off

Well, all we do is watch car chases here. All we do is watch car chases. What was our old bit? Our old bit, our old bit from like 25 years ago was they. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Whew. Oh. It's like LeBron in here.

Our old bit was that news covers car chases and they can't confirm anything, even though you're seeing it, but they have like hours to fill if they're just covering the chase. Because it's the worst television ever. Like there is what appears to be, what could be, what I cannot have confirmed to be a Ford Fiesta. Yeah, they hedge a lot.

White-ish, white-ish Ford Focus. But my thing is, is if you're still in an ambulance on a beer-fueled rage, that's not where it starts. No, it started when the girlfriend broke up with him. That's impressive though, to steal an ambulance, isn't it every kid's dream to just be behind the wheel of an ambulance? Yes, it is.

Right, a fire truck man. So like, shouldn't this guy be rewarded? I mean, cause stealing a fire truck, that's a lot of real estate to cover, that's tough. So here's the way I would have started the article. Be the make-a-wish you hope to see in the world. Yeah. Hero to sixth graders, so and so, so and so.

Sure. Yeah, bullet ambulance. Man fulfills childhood dream. Michael J. Esquilin is facing a slew. It sounds like a prescription. Michael J. Mesquilin, yeah. That's right. But then we're gonna find out it's all part

of bringing out the dead too, right? This is just a promotional thing. Is facing a slew of driving and theft-related charges after allegedly running rings around Florida Highway Patrol troopers on Saturday. Is facing a slew of driving and theft related charges after allegedly running rings around Florida Highway Patrol troopers on Saturday. Is that a shot at troopers? Yeah, of course. This guy's being like,

he can't even draw the things around you? But I don't know if an ambulance, an ambulance has gotta have juice, right? I know it's a van, but it's gotta have juice. Oh, there's a big engine in there. Whoop whoop! Yeah, there's a big engine. You just hear that?

Yeah, cause when you got, you can put the siren on, but you wanna be the cool cop, like whoop whoop!hip. The quick, the quick staccato. Like I don't have time to press the entire button. No. I just want to get through this red light. You know it's annoying for us too to hear it. Like that's on top of our car. So we just give you a couple. What they're going to do is a police report backwards, like in the front of the ambulance. They should. Video footage captured Tampa Fire Rescue ambulance veering in and out of lanes, barely dodging cars

and crossing to the opposite side of the road after driving for several miles. He came to a stop at the intersection between South Hubert Avenue and West Emperor Drado Street in Tampa Bay where he can be seen on police dash, chugging a drink in the side view mirror. So he's not done drinking. No, he's like, that's part of the ride.

Bro, they got EpiPens in there. Yeah, you could be trying all sorts of stuff. Meanwhile, there's some emergency where this ambulance was at. Right. Where they're still trying to save somebody. Maybe there's a guy in the back. Can you imagine?

Oh, that'd be the best. The best? You're the guy in the back. Your throat's closing up. Where are we going? The police then open the driver's door, grab man from his seat and place him in handcuffs I'm sure they hold it he'd been drinking for how many days before the joy road? Oh jeez how many days had he been drinking?

Three that's two yes two days. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say one. I'm gonna go five Get your answers in one of you is exactly right. I'll stay with myself. I think it's Jay. It's Randy. Oh, why did I leave? What'd you say? Two days. Two days. Amateur hours.

Decided to steal the ambulance after emergency services personnel refused to take him home. Oh, so he... Maybe he... He flagged them down. Right. Hey, you guys work for me. Can you drive me home?

Forget Uber. Yeah. I need a ride. He's being responsible. I mean, what. He's designating them as the driver. Also, what luck for this guy to see an ambulance and flag it down. Tampa, they call for an ambulance, right? No. You just. They said he fled with the ambulance as medics were trying to transfer a patient to the HCA South Tampa Hospital. So, they're getting the patient out of the thing

into the hospital. It's just some old lady that banged her hip on the side of the chair It's only your keys in the ambulance. Are we on a boat? Why do these mics keep riding? I don't know because I'd not Thousand times. Yes, this is a boat show anyway. It's a boat show. I needed the money Are you doing Colin Quinn Colin Dice? You're doing Colin Quinn doing Dice. Colin Dice. Colin, the curds, and Wei. A lord came a spider, he sat down beside her and said, hey, you know, what's in the bowl, bitch? You're not the only one hungry around here, by the way. How many layers are you wearing, Jesus?

Ah. If the spider was. You have a curd. What's Wei? What's a curd? What's Wei? A curd, I feel like, is a refugee. I'm gonna say way. All right, we're all grateful

that no one was harmed during this incident, especially given the reckless actions of the suspect who posed a serious threat to the community, tamper, fire, rescue said. The security of our personnel equipment and the community we serve is our top priority. Is it? Take the keys out of the ambulance if it's your top priority.

Is this something when you do go to jail, it's an impressive, what are you in for? Yeah. Right, I stole an ambulance. Stole an ambulance. Yeah. I beat the man. You did beat the man.

I stole an ambulance. Cracker ass cracker. Here is charges, fleeing to a high- Does feel like something Tracy Morgan would do. I had to steal the ambulance. Why, why, Tracy? I was late for my daughter's party and I had a doo doo pamper. You, wait what? I had a doo doo pam. Why, why, Trace? I was late for my daughter's party and I had a doo-doo pamper.

You, wait, what? I had a doo-doo pamper. I understand that. I had to find the restroom for my doo-doo pamper. And you thought you could in the back of the ambulance make a picture? No, in the front of the ambulance. I don't discriminate.

Okay, smart. Thanks, Trace. Hit the lights. Like, Trace, hit the light. Did anyone at all surprise that he threw up on the court at the next game? Come on. Like is he okay?

My only surprise is that he didn't reach for the bucket of popcorn to vomit in it. Or after. Or after. He's vomiting in towels. I know. Like that's another level of. I mean, they had to stop the game down.

I tried to get Fibidel to call a timeout. He wouldn't listen to me. Did you call him Fibonado? Yeah. I had my new wheelchair gloves on. I'm a vomit on the court. That vomit was very yellow. It was also very vile.

It was so violent, it was you don't get a lot of heads up. It was corn chowder. It did seem like a stock game. Cripple pussy stays away. Oh, stop. Jesus Christ. That's why I got a wheelchair glove. Okay.

All right, so he steals it. So he steals it. Don't you think evading arrest, it's almost like if you don't evade arrest, you're kind of an idiot in that. You're not gonna steal an ambulance, you just pull over. You already got four or five charges. What's an extra going to be? I mean, you might as

well try to get how many miles he ran around the cops from several. It said several, three, he is licensed. He's been revoked. He's a bitch. A offender, a grand theft of emergency medical commit, resisting officer without violence, burglary of an authorized emergency vehicle and an out of county warrant for one count of criminal mischief. He appeared in court Monday. This is what his prosecutor said. Your Honor, he does have how many prior, former, prior DUIs?

How many? How many DUIs are on? 17. No, stick with your original. Seven. What you said in the first one. Two. Oh no, yeah.

17. I'll say three. Six. One of you no, yeah. 17. I'll say three. Six. One of you is one off. 16. I don't know. Four.

What are we doing? What the fuck is going on? Four, he's right! I was one off. I was one off. You stole an ambulance, you moron. Let me ask you a question. Get back here.

Where am I? You're in an ambulance. Everyone's getting out of my way. So I'm going to ride it out. He's the lawyer in court for this guy. Your Honor, did you need an ambulance that morning? Because I did not. Last night I'm at the comedy store with two comics talking about how much they love bank robbery movies.

And I go, and they were like, Den of Thieves is great. And I go, OK, well, so let's say Heat's number one. Where would you put Den of Thieves? And both comics go, Heat? Come on. And I was like, yeah, you just told me you like bank robbery movies. And they're like, Heat isn't in there.

They're like, Heat's good? I go, Heat? Heat? Oh my god. I go, Val Kilmer reloads an M16 that the military uses that scene to show you how fast you can exchange ammo on an M16. That's how good this movie is.

I know that. Yeah, Michael Mann, and you know this, but I was saying to them, I was like, Pacino, De Niro, first time together, even though they weren't together in Godfather, and they were like, no, check it out. And I'm like, I can't hesitate to take you down. Why is he so excited?

My favorite is we just got made. My favorite is that. Just got made. He's falling asleep. Let him go down. He's going down. I haven't slept in six days. Because you have twins and you're 79.

Beverly D'Angelo tricked me. She tricked you into having twins. Insemination is no joke, boy. I can't do anything else. Give me all you got. I can't either. Give me all you got. Give me all you got.

I can't do anything else. I can't either. I don't wanna do anything. I don't either. I was at Pacino's house. Our kids went to the same, the twins and my oldest, eldest. Shut up.

Went to the same preschool. So I used to see him in the carpool lane and then we wound up doing Simone together. No way. So then I'm like, I'm gonna totally. Go hang at his house. Absolutely. Of course. So I just, I just Jerry. Invited yourself.

Absolutely. You Jerry McGuire'd your way. So I'm at his house. Which is just, without getting to explain it, is it what you think his house would be? Well, he's such a New Yorker, it's weird. And he was lamenting on it like, I'm a New Yorker.

Here I am in Beverly Hills. I mean, they made a movie about us. What are we doing? Hello, we're kind of a big deal in New York. In New York. And he goes. I love it, he gets a little-song in like Oprah, right? She was a beautiful girl she was 15 years old she was a beautiful girl. She had a great ass the

So we're at the house. I go in the house to get like a bottle of water Yeah And all of his assistants start running around the house grabbing coats and keys and running out I'm like what's going on and one of the assistants goes out took the kids to get ice cream Uncle so what they go out does never driven a car 70 years old never driven a car a day in his life, but that day with my five-year-old. He's like all right Anybody care for sea salt caramel? In the car Oh, I said on that side. I'm sorry.

You're driving out. What am I playing the organ? What's with all these buttons? Oh just push a button. Yeah you just started. Oh my lord. What's ours? Did he take you to ice cream? No he took the kids. You're like a kid. Yeah so and his kids so all the assistants jumped in cars and were like looking to see where he could have went. And you're at his house? Yeah so so now I'm alone in Pacino's house this week. So I looked around, and you wouldn't believe what I found. There's a drawer with nothing but silverware. And screwdrivers.

In the kitchen. Whoah. He doesn't even know. I digress. Please digress all damn day. Based on the nature, this is what the judge said. In circumstance of the offenses passed in present conduct, which indicates a risk of harm to the community,

da da da da da, this is how much he's out. Can you guess the bond? And then we're gonna guess his age. 100 grand. 100 grand? Guys, I'm menacing society. 75 grand. He went on a run.

Criminal mischief, by the way, sounds adorable. Isn't that great? Cute. What are you in for? Criminal mischief. $80,000 grand. You can't say it without doing this. $80,000 grand?

Bond, how about 33,000? Five, 13, they want him back on the streets. And let's get out of here on this. 33,000. Let's get out of here on this. Your Honor, where is this guy gonna come up with $3,500? 33,000. Huh get out of here on our where is this guy gonna come up with thirty five hundred dollars What'd you say Maybe I don't hear so good Did you say thirty three thousand?

Look at I Can't look at them if you have the floors at an adult bookstore for minimum wage Yeah, I feel like if you ever had to represent yourself you'd get off. Just by doing impressions. Everyone would love you by the end of it. Like, this guy, I can't, I can't even. The jury would be so happy. You could get Karen Reid off I bet dude. I'm not talking about on trial. You have to do the alphabet. You have to do the alphabet.

W-A-B-C-D-E-F-G spot with your tongue. Yes, cuddling! Alright, how old? How old is this guy? We'll get out of here on this. How many DUIs was it? Three. Two.

You guys wanna see him? Four. No, no, no, no. You can see him. How many DUIs was it? Four. Here he is, here he for for here he is serious serious I was gonna go 30s to even 30. I haven't looked he looks like his name is 30

I think he's a bit chos fake. I think he's 41 for no no you say 30. Yeah, he's young sir Okay, he's young all righty one ran. What do you say Dan? I'm gonna go 48 get your answers in and a story one when we come back We'll talk about what we got going on Dan's got the next story We'll also talk about what we just over on more stories. What's the reveal the reveal is 43 years old Okay, Jay more is with us it's dumb Town. Stay with us through the break. No flipping. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to the show, the great, the legendary J-More. And I just wanna take a moment, before we get into, well, let's just tell them what we have going on. Yeah, what do you guys got going on? So we've got- Supersclarz.com. Supersclarz.com for all the dates.

I want you to do our show, our Tag It show that we do at the Comedy Store. What's the May Day? May is May 21st, you'll do that one. Great, yes, I'm here. You come up, you do your set. Jay and I are on stage listening, and we're writing tags that we then pitch you

on stage afterwards. Do I have to keep them? Yes, of course. You walk away with, it's like a writer's room for your set, right? I'll tell you about rehab. Oh, please. Do it, do it, okay.

So you'll do that. So we have that coming up on April 23rd and then another one on May 21st. April 23rd is Howie Mandel, Earthquake. We got Earthquake. We got Earthquake, Justin Martindale and Annie Letterman. That's a hell of a show. And then these two will be on the May show. If you're around May 21st.

May 21st and Wednesday. You check it, you check it. We're gonna be at the Everett. I don't know when this is coming out, so if it comes out before, I don't think it will, but we're at the historic Everett Theater, which is in north of Seattle, like 30 miles north of Seattle.

Beautiful theater, about 800 seats. They have like a really nice kind of base of comedy. People wanna sell this thing out. So we'll be there on May 17th. May 17th, and then we're working on some dates over the summer, which we'll be there on May 17th. And then we're working on some dates over the summer, which we'll let you guys know about. And then on 428, we're on Night Court.

It's so much fun, I love what we did on that show, and I love that episode, what a treat. That's 428. How was John Lerner? Amazing. Amazing. Prickly as you think he would be at first, and then we just kinda were joking around with him

when we got to the soft center. You know, he grew up in New Orleans, so he was telling all these crazy stories about you know going up next to the theater and New Orleans and all this. He was amazing. Awesome dude. And talking about the fact that the set is the same as what it was back in the 80s. And he won like five Emmys in a row. So here's what is amazing. He also told the story about how the last set that he, because he's sober now, the last set that he was drunk on during a scene was stripes.

Oh really? And he talked about- Oh, he said wash those muscles? Yeah, that's so weird. It's at the end when they are like, when they get him out of bed and he's like in pajamas and his like army jacket. Yeah.

He's like, I was so drunk I can't even remember. He's like, I can't even remember what I was doing But he was amazing and he was like the quintessential We'd be in rehearsals and you're like is he does he know these lines like it's even like trying right now And then you get in the state I get a scene in the cameras come on. He fucking knows everything It was all that way about Jimmy Smith's yeah Hey, he didn't he did not know his mind Smith's yeah yes he didn't he did not know his life you got to the thing and there was no like the light didn't go on all right so that's 428 superscleros.com for all that stuff I want to just talk about how much fun we had just your

podcast more stories more stories been around forever it's a great show now with video on YouTube, dude, we have a tick tock clips too. Yeah. Every single clip that comes across. I love it. It's so fun. But every once in a while, thank you. First of all, dude, how much fun did we have? I came home to my wife and I'm just like, these guys are magic. Like they're magic people. We are mad. And what we're doing today is making me maybe so much

So I just I love being around you man. You you really well, let's see each other We're off. I mean, I obviously had a three-year break. Yes from society did some hard time Daniel I know it's but you're back, but you're back and you are sure whatever that was That's probably a year ago now. It was a long time, but I'm so happy to see you when I mean anything I've ever Joey Diaz walked in in the tracksuit No, okay. We were doing a Tripoli show Yeah, but I was so happy when I saw you. I just make this I hadn't seen you since the radio show Yeah, and that was probably do you have 2016 2017? Yeah, are you doing any road stuff for you on the road anytime soon?

Like in May or whatnot See Jamar pliers craft Are you doing any road stuff? Are you on the road anytime soon, like in May or whatnot? Well, well, well. Well, isn't it? Where can I see J-Mor Ply his craft? Here we are, mate. Comedy Vault. Ooh, nice. Batavia, Illinois. You ever heard of it? Yes.

You got family out there? Oh, really? Tell them I said my regards. Send it to the show. Yeah, go to my Instagram, jmor37 for my dates. I'm not gonna do that. You are plugging dates. Such a joy alleging Instagram, jmort37 for my dates. I'm not gonna do it. You are.

Plug in dates. Such a joy alleging it's gonna be on Tagged and Made. Let's jump into another story. Ready? Let's do it. Okay. We're going back to the same state. This is sent in by Carleen McDermott at shebecarleen.

Thank you. Florida woman tells deputy getting arrested is on her bucket list. Yeah. She wanted this to happen. Yeah. More of a rite of passage if you're in Florida, right? Right. So they're like walking. More of a rite of passage. More of a rite of passage if you're in Florida, right? Right, yeah. So they're like walking.

More of a rite of passage. More of a rite of passage. You live in Florida, it's a rite of passage. Is walking like an old Anthony Jeselnik? More of a rite of passage. Jeselnik, who's slower? Jeselnik is, who's slower, Jeselnik or Sebastian? Have you guys noticed all the traffic?

He's gotta come over here and he's blingin' it. I'm at door and I go Anybody But then Anthony's like have you seen these people doesn't looks like and I thought to myself Self What wouldn't I do? It's very like Like it has it located. Yeah, there's an eyebrow raise on the every yeah. Yeah artist I've ever laughed I love that page at a comedy show that wasn't Kevin Meany or Otto and George Was at Jeselnik in Vegas. I was by myself sitting on the aisle about eight rows up

He left me a ticket and he's like I took my friend Julie to get an abortion and I you know, I Don't really know how I feel about all that. But what really disturbed me was all the kids running around in the waiting room. Turns out they were ghosts. I came on the goose. You got out of your seat. Well, like, you abort cells dividing,

but then they keep dividing. Then they're like, then they're born somehow. Yeah. Then they grow and they're like seven years old and they meet other ghosts and they're just- And they're haunting the waiting room of us. There was just so much happening in my brain I freaked out. Kevin Meany's Carson's the hardest I've ever laughed watching stand-up on TV. I don't care.

And that We Are The World got like- That's what did it. That We Are The World was the greatest. For Steve Perry it just doesn't make no sense. Yeah world I had it fall if we're Steve Perry. It just doesn't know yeah I had fallen out of three three days earlier ripped half my face off my mouth was complete It stitches in my lip, and I'm laying my grandma was on vacation So I stayed in I got to stay in her bedroom with the TV Because I was you know so fucked up

And I'm watching that Saturday live and he comes out and he does the we are the world I thought Carson young Carson says I would say and I am dying laughing, but it hurts so bad So I turn away from the TV till it's over But then I realized in my grandma's mirror I can still see the TV and I kept watching and laughing despite you're like in the cave watching the shadows on the wall Go what else was in grandma's mirror? Just memories and memories and good wall. What else was in grandma's mirror? Just memories and memories What else is in great? Let's get into this ready Florida woman told sheriff's deputy who pulled her over the getting arrested

Getting arrested had been on her bucket list since high school. You got a bigger goals and that's the thing also bucket list in In Florida, they're like I got ten more years. I got ten more good years in Florida. They're like, I got 10 more good years. I got 10 more good years in Florida. I'm out by 28. Yeah, but you think before you graduate high school in Florida, they're like, hey, we're so proud of you. You made it to graduation. You do all need to do a will. Let's all talk about the things we're going to do before we die. We need to plan for your ass. Seniors, you will die.

So many of you already have kids, so you've already propagated your name. PS9 in the Bronx. Let's take a look at our own mortality. Jan Douglas is facing... Jan Douglas. Jan Douglas. You know so much about a woman whose name is Jan Douglas. She's here to return something.

Guess who's here? She does not have a receipt, nor the card it was purchased with. Also, guess who's here? Jan Douglas, to a receipt nor the card it was purchased. Guess who's here? Jan Douglas to return Tupperware that isn't ours. That still has food in it. Jan Douglas signs up for committees at church that she will never help with. You know Jan Douglas never does, which makes me crazy, is women that sit on the couch and

have to sit in a lotus position. On the thing. Just put it down. Just fucking sit on the couch. Like Alec Baldwin's wife on that reality show. She can't sit on the couch unless she's like and it's like okay Zen master woman relax What is that show about about here the end of his life? It is I just see it is his punishment for the rush because of the badness

That's what it is I saw commercials for it because of the March Madness game Madness you because they got to run all these things and you learn about all these shows that you had no idea We're happy we spend the rest of our year not watching commercials at all and I'm like what is how did he get roped into this the whole time? He's like her her the whole time. They're like What you do for it so what you do for a woman the woman is like they're both like How do we deal with all these kids like how did this happen to you made it happen? You were part of this you can't be surprised that you have seven kids I'm right that it's a lot of work do Alex Baldwin. Can you do it? I do my best

Do you know remember in the final four like 2016-17 when Virginia was like dominant Their coach was Tony Bennett, and he had a heart attack on the court. And it was trending on Twitter, Tony Bennett heart attack. So the singer, Tony Bennett, sends out a tweet, I'm okay everybody, I'm as healthy as a horse. Hey guys. Speaking of Alex Baldwin, do you want to do a great one?

Box out now. I'll make a box. Let's put a body on a body, put a full court press. That's a great play, man. Oh God, box out. What are we doing out there? Can we please hit our free throws? I left my defense in San Francisco.

Where do you play in Vegas? I don't. Come the fuck on. You at, that is fishy. I used to play. You would destroy. I think you need a theater. Like a little run in a theater.

I'm doing Brad Garrett's next month. Can I talk good night? How you doing Raymond? Would you hate me if I said something to them about it? Okay? Are you just let me see if you're at the same number my phone? Hey, I guarantee I might have deleted all anybody anybody would like old project Him I don't trust him that's a good call. Sorry great room. I delete It's also a great room delete is a good comment because he can breathe after him. I don't trust him. That's a good conq word. It's also a great room. Delete is a good conq word because he can breathe after it. Delete. Delete.

It's a gateway word. It's a word to get you into the brush. So he has to run you. It's a gateway word he says. I'm glad to get back in, Jack. He makes a lot of. Cummings. He's... Anyway. Which part of that sentence was in parenthesis? Which one was lowercase?

Lowercase? All of them. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. Big deal. Yeah. Quote the raven. Quote.

Is that so great? The stupid raven? Bill Burr? We gotta quote him. Like, I give a shit. Big poet. Are we supposed to listen to got a quote him like I give a shit Big poet or supposed to listen to birds now. I can't give a shit everybody likes world peace today All right bunch of people standing around sitting on a pile of missiles top over huge right up on how much he's crushing Glinger. Oh, yeah, okay sure all right here. We go deal so Jan Douglas do some stupid play Memorize my lines every week.

Like, you know, like I give a shit. Nobody told me I have one in life. Jan Douglas who still tapes her TV shows on VHS. Do it again. Hit call. Jan Douglas. Jan Douglas. Jan Douglas who enormous,

Ed told me giant, Jan Douglas who had a hysterectomy can still get pregnant. Right. Ugh, yes, yeah, she did not take haunted uterus! Made out with a guy in a hotel once, Jan Douglas. Alright, while married. Jan Douglas is facing charges of fleeing and eluding police. While waiting for her love to... How do you remember what her crime was?

We've had so much fun. Well, all we know is she told the police officer. So what did she do? According to Monroe County Sheriff's Department Douglas was arrested in the a.m. Hours of May 12th at 58,000 Card Sound Road Three words just together making a road, Card Sound Road in Key Largo, Florida. The Sheriff's Department said in a statement that Sergeant Robert Dosh, Dosh.0, noticed a Toyota sedan speeding and driving recklessly along Card Sound Road around what time? You know it's a.m.

So I'm going to say four in the morning. Four in the morning? Five a.m. Five a.m. Two thirty three. Seven forty seven a.m. Okay, it's a long night. It's Florida, what am I saying?

We're not home yet. It's a long night. We're not home. Yeah, we're not home yet mention nap time Dosh Attempted to flag down the car using do you think to he's one of them before yeah? Flag it down, but also don't you feel drunks with him like what's your name officers like gosh, and then they make fun of him first Dosh attempted to flag down the car using his lights and siren, but the car continued initially before stopping at an intersection. The statement then reads, the suspect stated getting arrested was on her bucket list since

high school. Douglas was then taken to jail. According to the sheriff's website, Douglas works as a housekeeper and lives, can you imagine that house? We're all happy. Jan, if you're not gonna clean, don't come over. That's right. But I'm not paying you $150. To come over here and just eat.

Yes. $150, where the hell do you live? Jesus Christ. Florida? The suspect stated, getting arrested, and she works as a housekeeper, for around 20 miles from where the arrest occurred. The Card Sound Road address is the address of This is where she got pulled over

Alabama Jack's Beach Bar although according to the bars opening hours. They don't open till 11 a.m. Yeah, just there early trying to get a good spot trying to get a good spot The saloon notes that on their website that they're quote just about the only thing on card sound road I'm gonna ask you guys out of six out just for fun You can prove. Here's a review Food okay. This is a review. I looked up of Alabama. Alabama Jack's Beach, uh-huh food. Okay service, okay? Ambience okay until you get into the bathroom Then it's a minute. Is that I have no idea we better or worse

For fun out of 625 reviews. What do you guys think? Then it's amazing. I have no idea if we go up for the next. Then it gets better or worse? For fun, out of 625 reviews, what do you guys think Alabama Jacks Beach Bar has out of 5 stars? Out of 5 stars? 3.67 2.4 2.2 3.70 Oh! What am I doing over here?

That's beautiful. Florida Law states that Douglas is fleeing and eluding as a felony offense and carries harsh penalties Good can include a license suspension of anywhere between one to five years She's gonna have a story when she gets back in Alabama Jack's. I'll tell you that much get out of here in this What else is on her bucket list how old is? Jan Douglas 18 57 28 okay all of you

57 28 okay all of you Are over up a year or down a year because you are all one year off so it just according to 19 29 56 Jan I don't give a damn Douglas is 19 years Can I tell you what I was thinking the whole time that her bucket list is to be arrested? Yeah. Jan Douglas can fuck. Oh.

Like, straight up. She's ready. She will. Straight up. Straight up. She goes straight up. Is there a picture of her? No.

No. All right. We gotta look her up. We're staying in Florida for the third one, and it is a weapon that you didn't think would be a weapon. The torpedo bat. A weapon made from the Yankees. It was gonna be a weapon.

J-Mor is with us. We're gonna find out what Dan's got going on right after the break. It's Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. I wanna talk about Chewy

because I'm in an interesting situation right now. I have a dog that I am watching, my wife and I and my family, we're watching our in-laws dog that we are planning on stealing. It is almost an eight-year-old party doodle which is a labradoodle, a labradoodle, they make another doodle and that's a party doodle and she's wonderful and she's amazing but here's the deal, we have her now for a few months and it's actually more time than we thought. So guess what? We went to Chewy. We knew she was coming. We ordered the pull toys and the little thin bones that she likes to eat ahead of time.

So we had them stocked up when she got here. Of course my in-laws forgot some of this stuff. Of course I had it ready. Of course I was like we need a dog bowl thing to raise up our dog bowls and I ordered it on Chewy. Boom! I love these guys. Keep them happy happy Chewy has over 100,000 products from all the brands that my pet loves Yes, I'm referring to her as my pet from now on the food the treats the beds you name it They have it to keep them healthy Chewy offers pet prescriptions pet insurance Telehealth vet visits is even rolling out vet clinics across the country. Thanks to Chewy's auto ship feature. We never get that, hey what happened? We forgot, you didn't forget. No, you set recurring shipments of the essentials that you use

and then you never run out of anything. You can change or cancel auto ship at any time. It's super convenient and it's one less thing for you to worry about. You can just worry about loving your dog. Speaking of not worrying, Chewy has top 24-7 customer service so you can expect you about loving your dog. Speaking of not worrying, Chewy has top 24-7 customer service, so you can expect expert advice over chat or the phone, day or night. Plus, if your pet doesn't love something, Chewy's 100% satisfaction guarantee lets you return within a year, no questions asked. Really honestly, Chewy is keeping me in a situation where I feel like I know what's

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there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, where can people see you? Everybody should go to DanielVancurk.com. I don't know when this is dropping, but if it's in May, just announced. This is the first time I'm telling Dumb People Town. I'm gonna be in DC the first weekend in May,

and then at the end of the month, I'm headlining the Limestone Comedy Festival. Great fest. On the 29th and 30th. Looming, great. Oh my God, Rory's gonna be there too. We're probably gonna be. Go to the Allery! And then the next day, they're doing like a matinee show at ACME, and I said sure, I'll do that,

and then I drive that night to Louisville, I'm doing Plenty of the Tastes, two nights there on the 30th and 31st did I like I'm hopping around the Midwest yeah I'll be all over and then Wisconsin just announced Portland is happening the first weekend in August I'm gonna be at the Siren Theatre everything's up at Daniel van oh that's a cool time yeah and then check out my podcast that I do solo here called the midnight air just an overnight like radio style type listening. Nugget for your week.

Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk. So if I pull up my Apple podcast, you find it and then you hit subscribe for me. Oh, I'll do it, brother. I think you'll dig it. Oh, this is Die My Darling by The Misfits, that's what I was doing last. So do you know, that's great.

But do you know why it is? Because I love the thing about Jay, this is why you're such a good impressionist. You understand like the little tiny minutia about people. Like people who do great impressions have to understand the way people operate. Like the way they think, especially if you can improvise as that person.

And that is kind of what this whole podcast is. It's like the minutia of life. Like we used to do it, we used to say this all the time, in St. Louis there was like a call-in show called The Trading Station, where we would just listen to people call in and talk about shit that they were selling. We're trying to sell or buy. Or buy, and it was just like Hicks from the middle of Missouri.

I got a dinette set. I got a 6000 BTU air conditioner. I'm looking to unload that for some pallets or a brick. It doesn't have a cord, but What's this thing I keep seeing it's on my Instagram feed people selling mirrors and it's just a picture of them taking a picture of Their mirror. No, have you seen this? No, I have seen those on Facebook marketplace, but I think it's I think it's always Sex workers. Is it just because they're trying to take a picture of themselves. So they're trying to like I'm not I don't want to poo poo what you're saying, but it's that's what I thought

They're not they're too blurry and just nondescript for it to be a sex work, so they're just trying to sell a mirror Yeah, but they can't figure out how to sell it without themselves Looking around a house and you'd always have the arm of like the realtor because they don't want to be in that shot. But now you said sex workers, I'm going to look at it completely different. Alright, story number three. Results may vary. By David Fournier at DP Fournier 2.

Alright, you ready? Fournier? Fournier? Don't have Fournier with a woman. That's a horrible like French sex thing because my wife used to say don't look up fornier and when fornier really when he played for The Orlando Magic and oh geez fornier is like a it's like a Santorum. Okay, there we go. Are you serious? Yeah, the Rick Santorum. All right I just went with her Santina. All right

Florida woman arrested for allegedly slicing a man's face open with? A spoon? Spork. Box gutter. A Pringles can. Ooh yeah. When a Pringles can becomes a weapon, nobody can stab just one. A weapon.

Once you pop it. What are you doing, what are you like more, stacks? I think it's like. I did a taste test. I'm telling you right now I will go to lay stacks are better wrong I do all the guys that grow up with her 16 of us we go to my cabin every year in the summer and I did it told me he was like stacks is way better than pringles better than praying of course

It's all guys we've been friends for six years old and you did the stacks Pringles in the world for a weekend Yeah, and stacks one. Yeah, stacks one. Where is this coming? Like an hour north of Madison. Montello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys have been there? Yeah, we've been there.

Near Montello. There's a bar called Yahoo's, which we said should be changed. Shout out, Jeff. Shout out, Yahoo. Yahoo. We said it should be changed to Google or Bing. It's a great bar. Jeff's a great owner.

By the way,'s a safety search engine Non-existent, you can see some freaky and then we're gonna say it July 12th I'll be in Green Lake, Wisconsin up near my cabin doing a very good on three wheelers ready Yeah, I'll thrash your opera already promoted everything I know but you can't come on anything else dovetail was a dove where you bringing your dogs to the groomers Where can we see it? I wish I'll see it the washing spot all right paws and claws So that's a washing spot is a good Collin Quinn There's a don't tell somewhere tonight at a pet grooming the washing spots all right nobody gets paid again

Florida woman has been arrested for allegedly slicing a random man's face open with a Pringles can I mean the maybe This is gonna be the bottom. Why is he lying? It's not someone in her life. The top feels rounded. I have to say this. This is always driven me crazy Allegedly no you allegedly did it you were arrested for doing it Yeah, like he arrested for allegedly driving drunk. No, I booked you for driving drunk whether or not you did it is alleged But this is why I arrested you. Yes, yes. That's the charge.

I have never heard of this. In the 12 years of whatever we've been doing this, you're the first person to put that. I've never. That's true. I've never heard this name before. Shanika. Mm-hmm.

Okay. S-H-A-N-I-K-A. Yeah. Sirdahl. Oh, okay. Okay. Not who you think it is. Is accused of wielding the chip container at an unsuspecting

Victim at a 7-eleven gas station in Orlando on Thursday the female Called the guy a bitch. That's a very go and whacked him with the Pringles You bitch you bitch she's and whacked him with the Pringles the cashier told the deputies of the Snacks saga. But we gotta bring this down, right? Random person, did not know. A cylindrical container. How do you?

It's gotta be the bottom, the end is round, or the top is rounded. Right. Has to be bottom end of the- The bottom is maybe. All right, so Shanika Serdahl allegedly slashed a random guy's face, all right? Serdahl allegedly called the man a bitch,

hit him in the head with a Pringles can, leaving him with a cut near his eye. No, no, no, I'm in this, I'm in this. He had a significant cut above his right eyebrow. Jason took two doses of Sirdahl. Stop the fight, stop the fight. Hair letterer. Okay, Jim, I got it after three pumps,

I got Lady 3, guy with the Pringles. Shhh, shh. Why is he drawing? What does Larry Merchant have to say about it? Jim, Pringles is a snack. There is an impression in there. That comes in a tube. Why is he pausing so much?

He's going to need a tube of antibiotic to treat his eye. You can't be taking these big pauses. Larry Merchant to me was always on the verge of retiring on air. Harold Letterman, he was like, he only had the pauses. Jim, I'll catch him. I'll catch him. He's always coming in live from the Ho Chi Minh trail. I bet you could do a Teddy Atlas, too.

Is there any water around here? Because this is a P1 brawl. Boy, these guys are throwing punches like they're a nickel each and they're a couple of cheapskates. Have you met Lampley? Tim Lampley. Yeah, and he talks like that all the time. Oh, I know.

We met him. We did meet him, man. If you'd like to give me a call, I will give you my number right now. Bang, another right hand by Barrera. Had a significant cuttoe right below his right eye causing him to bleed the Orange County, but it's not in California.

Cut look significant and appeared it would have a scar and permanent disfigurement. How'd you get that scar? The assault. Well, first aid. Funny story. Getting gassed. The assault appeared to be unprovoked.

All the guy was doing was informing me of another male customer that was laying down on the side of the building. Wait, it's a 7-Eleven. What's he, Jamiroquai? How do you do that? How do you lay down on the side of a building? He's laid down.

You ever heard of gravity? Yeah. How do you lay down on the side of a building? The staffer told deputies in the aftermath. It's my paper. He's up on the side of a building. She was arrested and slapped on the aggravated battery. What do you think?

The alleged perp had on a Pringle scan on her when she was nabbed, authorities said. So she had- Drop the weapon! Drop the weapon! She just, she spun it like a, right? I'm just hitting her in my Pringle. Why?

Okay, I wanna do this. Okay. Okay, so wait, this is what I said. Why? Okay, I wanna do this. Okay. Okay, so wait, this is what I said. This is what I want you to do. This is a new game that I came up with for this story. New game? Oh, okay. This is my brand new game I came up with

and I'll judge the three of you and see which I think is the best. How many Pringles are in the game? And you guys at home can play too. Tweeted us what you think the answer would be. What is the moral of this story? Wait, what? What is the moral of this story? I love what? What is the moral of this story?

I love your brain. Is it? I love your brain. Well, you guys decide. What's the moral of this story? Once you pop, you can't stop. Okay, that's the moral. For you, Jay, what do you think?

I need a little time. I'm not. Okay, Jay, you go another one. What's the moral of the story? Woman slices random man who told her, said there's a man lying down beside the building over here. And she got mad and sliced him. Woman with duck lips makes head slit.

Okay. That's not more of a, who you use? That's not a more, what are you? Carnac, Carnac. Duck lips, head slit. Over a billion sears. The sign of a drone calling its bait. Another good one would be like,

don't let anyone get behind you in a 7-eleven There you go. Yeah, don't talk to anyone. Okay, 7-eleven It pays to lay on the side of a building. There you go. It pays to lay on the side of a Those Pringles The minis no, they're fucking Ridiculously terrible. They just took all the crunched up shit and just put it in a tube. No.

It's like, get the fuck out of here. I think there's another brand of Pringles-like thing that I'm now at that is ahead of Pringles in the clubhouse for me. It's called the good, yeah I love that. The good one or the good, you know what I'm talking about? No, you guys are so. It's a whole food chain.

You're so deep into snacks. Wait a minute, wait a minute. No, I'm a snack guy. Yeah. You are too? I just lost 60 pounds. There's a whole food. You're so deep in this wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, I'm a snack guy Yeah, you are too. I just lost 60 pounds. No reason for that midnight. I get up to pee I have a fucking picnic in my home She says have a chip have a have a chip. Yes, that's it those little bit of soy sauce But you know which chip has it you don't know which chip has it every once in a while You get that soy saucy chip and you're like, right?

It's a tortilla chip that's got soy in it. When you're at the very end, you lick your finger and you get in the corner of the bag. You guys are wild. You get in the corner of the bag. Dude, that is all about the snacks, dude. It's all about the snacks. You know what my issue is right now?

That I'll never put in my house again is Uncrustables. Oh my god. Never again will there be Uncrustables in my house. If my son brings them home, he's grounded. He's done. No, I get him out. I have three of them in my toaster in the middle of the night.

Why do I have a toaster that accommodates three slices of bread? I don't know. I don't know. He asked you. This is what I'm like with Milano's. The double dark chocolate Milano's. In the milk?

I thought you were talking about people. Wait, don't you mean anything? Alyssa's? Alyssa's? Oh, don't get me, come on. Okay, so here we go. Let's get them started. Chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels

from Trader Joe's. I'm gonna turn it off, lights out. I'm gonna show you Shanika. Turn the lights out. I'm gonna show you Shanika and we're gonna get out of here on this. Oh my goodness. She's pissed.

How old? She is pissed. 22. 22. We're gonna get out of here old how old she is pissed 22 22 We're gonna get out and how many kids? Two grandkids. She's got two right now. What you want you puppy based on that photo alone She knows how to cheat at Dave and Buster's. Oh, definitely. So 100% she's got most she finds all the tickets on the floor Yeah, that's how she got her DVD player 22. What do you think? 27 she's been to 11 Kid Rock shows. I'm gonna say this year.

23. 23. What'd you say, 27? I wonder who she voted for. One of you is one year off. Well, I mean, give it to me already. 26. 26, 24, okay.

Everybody, I want you to go subscribe to More Stories. Yeah! Start with our episode and work our way back. Everybody gets pregnant. Everybody gets pregnant. Come on, man. We're all gonna get pregnant. We're our episode and work our way back. Everybody gets pregnant. Everybody gets pregnant. Come on man. We all gonna get pregnant. We all vomit on the job socket.

Pregnant. We all gonna get pregnant. Rich Voss would say, I stink. I just blow it. Trying to vomit on the five point rocking jocloid. Who are we doing that to? I said, I was doing that to someone. Your observation about Rich Voss,

only choosing words that he can't. That are hard for him. Hey man, I got a washing machine door it's like you could say anything just say oven door dryer dryer door is also money for girls down cookies and I'm dodging her say ducking it's so much in here sushi I want some sushi more stories Daniel.com. Come see us and see the tag at superscars.com. This woman, Shanika Sirdahl, is 28 years old. Hey! Enjoy it.

What a treat, J-Mor, I love you, buddy. And I love you guys. You're just magical to me. The greatest, it's the greatest feeling ever. Every time we hang with you, I feel wonderful, which is why you're gonna try and be there on the 21st with Danuvank Kirk. There you go, tag it. Hey, hey feel wonderful, which is why you're gonna try and be there on the 21st with Danny Vinkirk.

Of May, there you go. Tag it. Hey, hey, hey, oh snap, we gotta get back to work, y'all. Hey now, peace. Peace! Stick around, make a sound, there's more to the people town.