Dumb People Town - John Goblikon - Grave Cave

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Rock star, podcaster, and goblin John Goblikon (Right Now podcast) stops by as Randy describes how an Ohio officer was attacked by an inflatable pumpkin, Jason explains why a buriel was halted because a different casket was found in the grave, and Daniel warns you to beware the ice bandit, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Chewy, Quince, BetterHelp, and Hims! This Halloween, make your pets be part of the celebration. Shop costumes, toys, and treats with Chewy! Go to Chewpanions.chewy.com/DUMBPEOPLETOWN to get $20 off your first order. Layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look. Go to Quince.com/DPT for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. This month, don’t wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/DPT. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPT.

You want a problem with an animal? Feed it. Right. It's like, you think you're doing something nice. Right. This is like the guy who, like, dumps a bunch of cereal on his deck when these fat raccoons come up. Because, like, they're going to come and eat you at some point. I saw a TikTok of an elderly woman feeding a mountain lion.

A bear. A bear. I've seen the bear too. Is that a guy? Eating a mountain lion. I don't know. Cops come up and they're like, no, there's a bear. We've all called grizzly, man.

Cops come up and they're like, hey, ma'am, can I pet that dog? Can I pet that dog? Wait, what's AI? Can I pet that dog? Dan and Rand and Jay will share Tales of folk so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news

Breaking down each epic bail In Florida there's half-rise bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast band With co-host Arme and Dan Bender's don't be a jerk Because when the music

That's the funny hits And we are gonna take you down Stick around Make a sound Come you down It's don't people town I love that our podcast Is being sponsored by the good people at Chewy

I love them too Chewy is my go-to for costumes I know Halloween right here Because I have a bigger dog Yes I stole this dog And finding something That's actually big enough

And still comfortable Is nearly impossible Anywhere else facts So this Halloween Make your pets be part of the celebration and shop costumes, toys, and treats with Chewy, go to Chewy P-A-N-I-O-N-S, Chewipanions.chewy.com

slash dumb people-town to get $20 off your first order. That's ChewPanions.chewy.com slash dumb people-town to get $20 off your first order. I'm going to say it again, ChewPanions.chewy.com slash dumb people town. Stick around, make a sound, come you're down.

It's Dumb People Town. Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population Goblican. John Gablican. Oh, my God. Thank you guys for having me.

This is a long time coming, my friend, and it is the perfect. It is the Halloween episode. Only because Jay and Dan are wearing black. Is it really? Yeah, it is. I would have dressed up. I know. You wore your work clothes.

Yeah, I just got off work. But I was. There's going to be a ladybug for Halloween. And you were, I loved it. I mean, are you talking about the old, like the soccer movie where the little girls. Yes, I was Jonathan Taylor Thomas. You were going to be Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yes.

May he rest in peace. Yes. He's not dead. We just wanted to get a good night's sleep. You're the other guy from SeaQuest. Oh, sorry. Wait, can you tell me the difference? And I don't know why I'm asking you, but between Sea Quest, Farscape and Sea Gate.

What is the difference between those three shows? Well, I'm so happy you brought up. my other love and wife. Okay, good. Hour long fantasy dramas involving small children who look like to Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Yeah. Can you get my notes from my TED Talk? Thank you so much. Yeah. You also have a month. They're bringing in. I'm like,

and I have a chart with all three. They're flying in. The big difference, okay? The Seescape is this. Yeah. No one watched these two and then a few old people

watch this one. That's the big one. There are variable people who think you're talking about completely different. Yeah, yeah. They're going to put it. their own.

You're like, I've seen that. I've seen that. I've seen like, no, you've seen Jack. Yeah. That's a different show. You've seen. What, what 60-year-old woman is yelling right now?

Seascape and she's talking about she-scape. That's the one everyone wants. And two people are like, isn't that airbender? No. Not to be confused with Air Bud, which is my second TED Talk. Yeah. I thought Air Bud was Highlander. I thought those were the same way.

I thought Airbud was quantum leap. Is that wrong? That's the one I get messed up. You get that's good. You know, all the time. Well, so here's the time. So here's the deal. And Jay and I did your lovely podcast.

We'll talk about that later. But I understand and what I love about you is you cut to the quick when it comes to the dumb in this world. That's it. You suffer no fools. That's it. Because you humans have a lot of dumb, dump. There's a lot of dumbdums. A lot of dumb dump.

And you have the perspective of being able to look at the human race. Yeah. Stupidity. Of course. Yeah. So we're going to get into it. We have stories sent in by our awesome listeners. You go to, you go to X and send them in at Daniel Van Kirk at Sky.

our brothers hashtag dumb people town that way we know who sent it when there's a time stamp on it first story let's jump into it right away let's get in hey let's get into it guys let's get into it every holly that's right all right so this is sent it by sean andersson at shan w and e 70 if you want to follow here we go you ready for this here's the headline ohio officer attacked in quotes so was he or she attacked by giant runaway pumpkin months after turkeys chased him down during a traffic stop in viral video. So this guy's getting it from all sides. He's having a tough month. All the holidays are coming hard

at him. Right? All the holiday mascot. Right? Well, he's going to get attacked by a gingerbread house. He might literally run over by a reindeer. Oh, there it is. Wait, so he ran from Turkey's months prior to being, by being mauled by a pumpkin. Well, it did it out of

order then. Right. I mean, the pumpkin should have got the first. Then he gets chased by the turkey. Then he gets chased by Santa Claus. And the Easter buddy is just like stretching. I got this guy. I got him. No Easter buddy before Santa Claus. Again, it's like a time job.

But let's think about it from a Hollywood standpoint. The first movie was a Thanksgiving movie. And then 10 months later, they rush into production. Another film, they go, last Thanksgiving, he had the worst turkey of a day. Thanks, no thanks. This Halloween, he wasn't prepared for the pumpkin roll. Sorry, not sorry, Thanksgiving. I like that.

You know, I will say this, and this is a trigger warning. and I know you like to read the New York Post regularly, but it is a lot of puns. A lot of puns. I want the truth, and that place provides it. Very true. A truth, for sure. All right, here we go.

You ready? Truth, social. Social, which is where I found the show. Social truth. All right, so here's how it goes. I'm just going to read it as it comes. Yeah, yeah. Pumpkin spice and run for your life.

That's the opening? That was their opening line. Wow, how dare they? I would say pumpkin spice up your life, but I mean. Yeah. Right. You're a spice girl's fan. But hey, I mean, that's why they're hiring you for punch-up over it.

Thank you. Pumpkin, spice, and everything nice. It says, why can't I write for the post? Pumpkin spice and run for your life. That's what they say. Isn't that similar to a Spice Girl's life? Run for your pumpkin life or something. Or something.

What's the Spice Girls song? Something Spice Up Your Life. Right? Pumpkin spice up your life. Yeah. It also sort of feels like a Taylor Swift lyric. An Ohio police officer was attacked by a runaway inflatable pumpkin in a bizarre scene. That's so high.

Just months before viral. The footage captured him the same cop being chased by wild turkeys during a traffic stop. So he pulled someone over this like months ago. And he's like saying somebody defund the police. Right. He's asking for it. A gigantic Halloween decoration blew away from residence yard and barreled its way into the middle of the road blocking two lanes of traffic during high winds in Bay Village. This is the question.

If you're going to blow it up in your front yard, you got to tie it down. Right? Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that. It's the same team with pumpkins and with cool boyfriends and girlfriends. You're going to blow them? Time down. If you're going to blow them.

Time down. Put a ring on it. Put a ring on it. You know, and put two rings on it. And to anchor those rings. Anchor them. Yes. In the ground and anchor.

You know how to do it. Officers from the Bay Village Police Department located just west of Cleveland, thanks, were dispatched to the spooky scene to contain what was characterized as a runaway pumpkin. My favorite Julia Roberts movie. My favorite Julia Roberts movie. because she married the pumpkin. She was so good. So good at that.

She married the pumpkin on Notting Hill. A giant runaway pumpkin rolled over the police in Ohio. No officers were harmed in the Halloween-themed incident. It's not a Halloween-themed incident. Now you're making it sound like... Wait, how's it not? But I'm saying it is... It was a happenstance, coincidental Halloween.

Like, no one was like, we're going to make this a Halloween-themed thing. Well, because Halloween's scary, they want this to feel like the thing acted on its own. It feels like you're in the criminal Halloween argument of the diehard Christmas movie argument. Like the other cops are being like, there's obviously a Halloween crime. And you're like, Halloween isn't crucial. All right, John Goblickon, I put it to you, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? I think Die Hard is not a good movie.

Oh, no, Christmas. Yeah. But I know, here's the thing. Here's what I want to know about this guy. This guy, I want to know, because. I know it like in cops or just from what I see on the show. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, Reno 911, that documentary.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. That is very truthful, very truthful. I know that like cops like to rip each other. Yeah, they love to have fun. If you do something, if you mess up, like, out of the field, you're getting ripped. You don't you dare. What is this guy when he goes back to the locker and they're like after the. After the 30 incident.

He got pumpkin rolled. You've heard her being Rick rolled. He got pumpkin rolled. I mean, this guy just, he's going to get a daze back of the office. Or his captain's going to, like, slowly close the door and be like, you got a drinking problem, Dave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want you to see the picture of him just getting swallowed up by. Oh, my God.

That is terrifying. He's getting swallowed up by a bomb. This is the type of photo. If it was on TikTok, the top comment would be, I miss her. You're scrolling like crazy. Go back to. Dad, dad, dad, dad, you're scrolling. Dad, stop scrolling.

You got your head so far up your ass. So I captioned this photo, I'd be like I'm an ass man. I should call her. I should, thinking about you. Everything reminds me of her. Everything reminds me of her. Head in the clouds. So the cop was vanished from camera for nearly 20 seconds, then he was spotted again.

Williams was able to go pumpkin picking once back. Do you think he felt like this was him in the abyss? He touched the void a little bit. I'm now, I'm heading towards the light. What was it like in there? I just can't believe this cop didn't shoot this pumpkin. It came at me. Yeah, it came at me.

It wouldn't comply. It was orange. Stem up, stem up, stem up. Orange Lives Matter. Williams was able to go pumpkin picking once backup officers arrived on the scene. They harnessed the inflatable vine and pulled the giant blow-up squash. I like that they're calling it a squash. Yeah, they're like, let's get the vegetable right, guys.

It's the classification if we're going to do this. Very important. By the way, the first time the New York Post has ever gotten anything right. Suburban rode onto the grass. Luckily, no officers or pumpkins were harmed. Real quick, I just thought like the rest of the vegetables, like a squash. Cut to a zucchini. He's like, oh, boy, this is bad for us.

This is bad. Every time I see a story, I'm like, please don't let it be a squash. Yeah, and now it's a squash. Please don't let it be a squash. Oh, boy, I'm going to get calls about this. I mean, can we catch a break? The gourd says, can we catch a break? Cops safely returned to the Mighty Object.

It's returned it to its owner in time for Halloween festivities to begin. This is just crazy. Bay Village Police Department. This isn't the first time Williams was caught in camera strange situation. Happening in March of 2024, Williams was training rookie cop Molly Searless when two wild turkeys approached him and just chased him away. Look at that. My Lord. Birds can be mean.

Birds are scary. geese will fuck you up wild turkeys well obviously turkeys will go after we i think we did a story years ago about like a turkey that was terrorizing a town the turkeys chase the officers back on their police cruiser at that point you can shoot it no at that point i can say that for real though from a cop's perspective if you're like if anybody even though i am running and it's going to bite me if anyone sees me kick this turkey i'm fired i'm done yes how crazy is it if but you can they can shoot somebody this is the Ryan sickler effect he told me he was like we have people we would have people on the crab feast

or honey do and they would say the craziest most fucked up shit about their parents or whatever and people nobody says anything so anybody tells a story about an animal forget it we will get letters we love our animals yes we love our animals a little too much because the turkey isn't it doesn't have it doesn't have a I mean it doesn't have rationale it's not like I hate you it's just being territorial. Turkeys or dicks. I mean... You've always said that.

Look, you guys said that. John and I have not said anything about turkeys being dicks? By the way... No, no. Turkey's... They're the worst, okay? They are. I have not said...

I keep distancing from anybody like. I'm here to say that orca whales are amazing. They're funny. They're hilarious. They like to fuck with people. Turkeys are dicks. Such dicks, man. Right?

Like, they gotta, like, tone it down. They want to take credit for everything. I mean, I think they're mad about the whole Thanksgiving thing, but just tone it down, man. So here's a deal. Let's see you guys. had pulled over by the cops and the turkeys come and chase them back into their cruiser. You have to stay put because if you drive away, then they can drive away from the turkeys and then it's all good, then they have to stop you again.

Like, if they're stuck in their car for a long period of time, can you lean out the window and say, like, are we good? Like, because you know the turkeys basically have them cornered into their car. Yeah. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Like, if you get pulled over and two people go past drag racing at like 110 miles an hour. Yeah, that's right.

Doesn't most cops being like warning and then like taken off? Like if something supersedes what you're being pulled over for. It depends if they started the ticket. If they've started the ticket, then you're screwed. Once they enter, once the numbers in the system. But if I'm going to pull over and turkeys chase cops into a car, I am going to like stick my head out and be like, are we good? You're not doing something else now, right? Right.

You guys got to deal with this turkey situation. A check. That wasn't my fault. John. I'm coming back around on these turkeys. See? I feel like these turkeys are kind of doing gobs work. They are.

They're keeping the cops and check. Yes. And that needs to happen. Is there a check on the cops in this world besides turkey? You know things are bad when even turkeys and pumpkins are like, all right, police. Settle down. Yeah. Do we got to step in?

We have to now handle this situation. Can I do the New York Post headline? Yeah. Goblin sides with goblers. Goblin, goblin, goblin. Goblin, goblin. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble it. So the, make the Turkish chase the officers back in the cruiser.

I don't know what it is with me. We'll see if Santa comes to haunt me around Christmas time, but I think this probably ranks up with their, ranks up there as far as funny moments in his career. So I guess he hasn't. I mean, this guy, this guy, he just is a cop. Yeah, right? These are the funny moments of my career.

The time I got rolled over by a pumpkin, the time the turkey changed me, the time I shot through that door and didn't check the see he was inside. Johnny had, funny things. The biggest nail on the head, in my opinion. Yeah. That picture of him being engulfed by that pumpkin is going to show up in that police department

forever forever. It's going to be on the cake at his retirement. You're right. You're right. That will never leave him. He'll be a turkey and pumpkin themed like going away party when he moves. It'll show up in his locker. Turkey and pumpkin pie? Once they sat in the car, you can actually hear on the video,

can hear the turkey starting to gobble and get closer and closer to the cruiser. Sergeant Edward Chapman told Fox 8 News, the wild turkey population had been increasing in the town every year during the springtime the hormones of the turkeys are raging whoa as they gear up to mate so you got to be careful tim this is the i see turkeys all time you ready for this officer name if i try to write this in a script john people would be like take it out it's too cliche okay tim jizinski you're going to be a cop or a tight end for pennstay thank you i'm jisinski a wildlife really don't does that say

University. Pestay University. How you doing? I'm Tim Drizinski. He got a neck roll. A wildlife rehabilitation specialist. I was a background actor in the movie Thief. The town.

At the Lake Erie Nature Science Center. So the wild turkeys are growing more comfortable in suburban areas because they're either being fed or looking for a mate. The outlet added. Don't feed them. Don't feed them. You want a problem with an animal? Feed it.

Right. It's like you think you're doing something nice. Right. This is like the guy who like. dumps a bunch of cereal on his deck when these fat raccoons come up because like you're they're gonna come and eat you at some point I saw a tic-tok of an elderly woman feeding a mountain lion a bear a bear I've seen the bear too is that a I'm a mountain lion I don't know but cops come up and they're like no there's a bear in

we've all saw grizzly man cops come up and they're like hey ma'am can I pet that dog can I pet that dog wait what's AI can I pet that down that that is story one down in the books we've got a runaway pumpkin and we got John Goblacan here. I want to get everybody when we come back and talk about his great podcast I can listen and follow him

and then all the stuff we have going on. That's right. It's dumb people town Halloween episode. John Goblacons with us. We'll be right back. Stick around.

Make a sound. Come you down. It's Dump People Town. Guys, every Halloween, it is fun to get costumes for your kids, but I will say this. It is even more fun

to get costumes for your dog. Now that your kids are out of the house, that's all about my dogs. I dress up is your dogs. I dress one like a UPS. delivery person and I dressed one like a male person. Mine is going to be a jet two

holiday flight attendant. Oh! Hey look, you can get all your costumes from our good friends over at Chewy. Jay, you have a big dog. It is hard at times. Hard to find the costumes to the big dogs that fit that they're comfortable. There's only one place to go and that's Chewy. You go there and you get it and you feel good about yourself.

So we talk about costumes and it is Halloween. I love that you can get everything at Chewy. Well, you get food, you get treats, you get toys, you get dog beds. All sorts of stuff. And, Rand, you do the permanent order, like the auto order of the food. It's the greatest thing ever because then I can't screw it up. It's always, it's coming.

It's all good. You can get pet healthy shirts. Do you guys know that you can get supplies for horses, farm animals, like birds, fish, reptiles? Brilliant. I wonder if there's a Halloween horse costume. Yeah, I would make a Halloween horse costume look like a cow. Yeah, look like a cow. Or a pug.

I would make a hollow, or Sarah Jessica Parker. Hey, why the long face. I don't know. Here's what we got to do. This Halloween, make your pets be part of the celebration. I love doing it. You will love it too. Shop costumes, toys, and treats with Chewy.

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make a sound hunger down is dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show before we jump into your wonderful podcast Mr. Goblican Jay and I we can tell you because it's Halloween here's we have coming up we're going to be at the flyover comedy fest which is amazing

in St. Louis with Daniel van car our hometown our hometown uh very excited i think i'm doing tag it great we're doing it tagging on friday night that's the 14th and the 15th i don't know what we're doing but the 16th we're doing sunday live dumb people town at the pageant theater come on it's gonna be great rory scov was our guest we're working on another guest hopefully we can lock that in it's a big name we're very are we have music uh no not right to get uh adam way right to play john welcome do music You just want to DJ our live show? Those are some DJing fingers.

Now, you're good on the threes and fives, not the ones and twos. It depends what time signature it is, but that's what I like to do. That's what I love about you is you're very musically inclined. So we'll be there. And then in December, we're going to be at the Rheinkeist Brewery as part of Bombs Away Comedy on December 12th. Fantastic in Cincinnati. Can't wait. Wayne, who sets that show up is awesome.

And I think he's also going to be featuring or opening for years. He's amazing. And then the next night, we're in Shikki. Chicago at the Den Theater. My people. Come out. See my boy. When are you in Chicago?

We're going to be on the 13th. Of December. Of December. Yeah. I'll be there in November. All right. We just miss each other. What are you playing?

A Zanis. I love it. Two nights downtown. I love it. We're about to ask you your dates for all. So go see him there, but then you'll see us there. And then La Jolla, we're doing the comedy store, which is one of my favorite weekends. In January.

January, 9 through 11th. And we're going to be writing on Keenan Thompson and Kevin Hart's new sports show on Amazon Good Sports and hopefully we'll be on it so check it out I think we'll write our time to show up we'll find a way some of the most fun I've had doing a podcast at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival was doing

your wonderful podcast which live was hilarious and fun and we love to please tell people how they can see it and we got to get in the studio and do one of your own of yours absolutely we got we got to do we got to get you in the studio but you can check out my podcast it's called the right now podcast with John GoblicCon

it's on our Necrum Gobelcon YouTube channel. Honestly, if you just type in Goblin Podcasts, I feel like there's probably... There aren't many. We've got to be in the top three. 100%.

It's you and Tom Likis. Ever some reason they put Larry King there as well. Why? He's dead. He's a goblin. Not one of us. That's right.

He's not one of you. I actually went this weekend to the Noon King's rally just to get rid of Larry King. I thought that's what we were doing. I thought that's putting an end to his legacy. And I went and I was like, why does L.A. have a hockey team? It's over.

We got rid of the L.A. Kings. Yes. I said, no Kings. I wanted nothing to do with it. Luke Robita. Get out of there. I was just like, come on. It's too hot to be on ice.

Marcel Dion, we don't want you in this city. And then all of a sudden, everyone was talking about something. So your podcast is phenomenal. It is so much fun. You've had so many great people on it. It's just, I highly recommend if you guys are looking for a crazy and fun, new podcast. Obviously, it's fun to listen to. Really fun to watch

on the YouTube page. Why is that? Because, I don't know, you have great visual. I get all the clips through my feet. I love the clips. The clips are great. Yeah, we're actually just starting to move into just being a clip show. I've just tried to do enough content for one clip. One clip.

Can I do a minute 30? That's how long the podcast is. You should do some minute. When I get booked at the clubs, that's what I tell them. All right. You are booked at clubs. When do you want to light? You're like at 45 seconds. Yeah, I'm like, somewhere in between a vine and a TikTok.

That's kind of what I'm trying to get out of tonight. Seven seconds. I'm getting into vines. All right. Let them know where people can see you, God damn. Oh, yeah. Well, this is coming out. It's Halloween today.

Yes, week. So November 5th and 6, I'm going to be in Chicago at Zadis downtown. Let's go. The 6 is sold out. Yes, buddy. On the 5th, we have very special guests. We have Jeremiah Warkin. Oh, it's going to be fine.

And from Kill Tony. we have Timmy no breaks on the show and then the next two days after that I'm in New York on November 7th or the New York Comedy Festival. Great I love it. The very funny

Grace O'Malley. Beautiful Where are you doing that show? That's going to be at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Phenomenal venue. We do our podcast. You love it. You will love it. I can't wait. Okay. That's good. All dates are at at a website right okay yeah so look it up gobbled thank you they're going to be at a website

and then h t no no i don't think we need to do too long p p what's what's the what's the what's the one with the it's like it's got like uh no backslash but it's like it's like it's like it's like two little that's a colon yeah yeah colon okay so the two dots backslash backslash backslash W? World? I like to type in the World Wide Web. You have to on that stage.

WWW. You do. And then there's a website. So there, yeah. Thank you for being so specific. You guys know where to go to find these tickets. Yeah. New York Comedy Fest and Zanis.

Go there. All right, here we go. Story number two. Also sent in by Sean Anderson. Thank you, Sean 70. Families burial halted after another. casket found in grave at Carver Cemetery. Dan, you

worked at a cemetery. I was a grave digger. That's right. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah. This should never happen. One, there's usually a stone that signifies somebody's there. I mean, to me, you wait in so many lines in your life to, like, now be like, I gotta now wait to get. So this is like the bathroom door

says open, and you go in. Someone's in here. But somebody really didn't do their job, because there's a tool that you have. So in my hometown of Rochelle, Illinois, I don't know if I've ever mentioned. First time to end up I'm hearing it. Okay, at Rochelle, Illinois, there's a section of the cemetery called the Popper's section, because in like the 1800s, people would be buried.

They didn't have any belongings. So you have this long metal rod, usually about six to eight feet deep long. And then it extends up to like, almost like a little Y. You put that into the ground, and then you move that around to look for bones. Now, this is called sounding. This is the same thing people do in their penises, right? Oh, you definitely orgasm. Okay, okay.

So you put that into the ground. and yes I've like been like oh those are ribs like you can feel bones so someone I assume it wasn't marked that's how else casket Dan there was a casket and they're not bones well I mean if you go back far enough they were using caskets like so they dug in they just didn't mark it and you should have checked anyway they checked you got to check I feel like this is on the funeral home yes because if if I was that person yeah yeah what's the person who works at the funeral home called? Grave. Oh, you're a brave guy.

Grave guy. Grave guy. Not to be too technical. And they're, and they're like, and they're like, and they're like, and they're like the one casket waiting and everyone's there. And they're all crying. And they're like, oh my God, there's another casket. I'm like, and you just got a two for one.

That's right. There you guys. It's like, that's a deal. He got to spin that. You got to find a way to be like. Sometimes Japanese people sleep in drawers. So, I mean, like. I'm so curious about this.

How far down the road? or I guess the earth did they get before they found like you should know all this because I'm digging a grave we're usually digging day before you need a back home it's a pretty quick process no one's there when I'm doing that

Dan I have a you didn't ask for a roommate in your grave Jay I don't know how much what's wrong with a bunk bed honestly a bunk grave yeah a bunk grave you got a double I you got a double I don't know how much deep sea fishing you do on the reg but oh yeah yeah yeah I'm an avid fisher Right, so deep sea fishing, there is fish sonar.

There should be corpse sonar. Like, you go through and then it's like, boom. It's a heat thing, even though they're dead, but you just feel it's right there. In our mind, they look like floor buffers, right? Yeah. And then you can see if there's anything under there. And then it's down below. We can't dig here.

See, I think this is a new business. Deep gray fishing. Deep gray fishing. You just kind of throw it in. You're like, and then you can get a casket. What am I getting down? Yeah. Casket, skull.

Let's get into it. Shreveport, Louisiana. So who knows, there could be water underneath. Or it could have just risen to the top because of water. A Shreveport family's grief turned to shock and anger today when a burial at Carver Memorial Cemetery was abruptly halted after relatives discovered another casket already inside the grave, prepared for their loved one.

I mean, what do you do in that scenario? I don't understand why they're surprised. That's like being out of McDonald's and being like, there's burgers here. I know. This is what they do. You're in a cemetery. I'm going to find. It's like, this checks out.

Yeah, this makes sense. It's not like you were getting a pool in your backyard. I'm like, oh, my God, there's a grave here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. This is, they're like, oh, I'm so sorry, this normally always happens. All right, I have an idea for a movie. You brought dead sand to the beach. I know what you're going to say.

You have an idea for a more movie. Can I guess what I think you're going to say? Guess what I'm going to say. I think you say a cemetery is built on a Native American barrel ground. That's exactly what I was doing. The cemetery gets haunted by the Native American barrel ground. Isn't it so cute when they're doing this? Isn't it so cute when they do that?

I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. Sometimes I wonder if they have a pack where you just say that is what I was going to say. Oh, that wasn't what I was going to say. We would never know. We would start you with that. How would you know? Is this your card?

Is this your card? Yeah, that is my card. That's the pack that you have. No one checks that pack. That's your card? Yeah, it is. No, I don't say what's your card. I go, your card was the five of clubs.

And then John goes, a hundred percent it was. And then I go, that's what I was going. or you say sure. All right. The family of Frank Ruffin Sr., who I believe was in the four tops. That's right. A beloved pastor and musician

gathered at the cemetery expecting to lay him to rest. Instead, they were met with a disturbing sight, a damaged casket, damage too. It's not even a good condition. No, it's damaged cask. Visible inside the open grave. When you open a grave,

you should never see the casket of another loved one. But that means whoever is the groundskeeper for this cemetery dug the hole and then we're like they're not going to notice right like left it there yeah left it family doesn't get there you you show up to the party the table's already set yeah i mean if this was in new york post they would say this is a roughen situation rough and tumble uh so ellie rough and stuff let's see uh said that when he saw what happened he uh el i i'm not i'm not family agreed Elie McGovern

agreed not to move forward and instead reload Ruffin's casket into the hearse and return to the funeral home. Back it up. Back it up. Put it back. We got to go back over here. Dig another hole. When KTBS arrived at the cemetery shortly after cemetery owner Arthur

Walsh was seen using a backhoe to quickly fill in the grave. So here's my question. Back it up, back it up. So they go back to the funeral home and then someone from the party calls ABC. And it's like, we got a problem here. Right? Then they show up he told who's calling the news so this is what walt said and he said he told k tbs that the hole had quote caved in uh but declined to speak further on camera the whole had caved in if you don't have

if you can't talk to k tbs it's your fault i i feel like that was a slow news day because can you just imagine like the reporters like showing up in the pause he's like hey boss i got a huge story he's like okay tell me he's like okay so there was this grave and it was open he's like okay okay you can't And wait till you hear, what was in this, Rick. I can't wait. You are never. Give it to me. You could have 100 guesses.

Okay. Like, just take one guess and you're probably wrong. Another casket. Shit. Shit, Gary. That is actually. It's exactly. That was my first guess.

Yeah, I just thought that in a grade. Yeah, because it's open and it's like, what could be down there so many things? I just thought maybe it a child traffic. I don't know. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think we could run the story, though? Yes.

It's either that or that pumpkin that ate that. Oh, yeah, that runaway pumpkin. All right, let's switch to that. Guys, both. We're doing both. We can do both. This is the New York Post. We can do anything we want.

Even if the grave caved, why was it still like that when we got there? Dan, that's what you were saying. Grave cave does sound like a child show. Grave cave? Grave cave. Family members said they were stunned not only by the discovery, but also the way the cemeteries Walsh handled the situation. Okay, it's a cave full of.

of graves. Grave Cave. Grave cave. I mean, there's nothing more Halloween than the Grave cave cave. Grave cave sounds like, are you guys going on the, uh, the haunted hayride? No, we're going to grave cave. Yeah. Is that over it? A catacomb. Either that or it's, it's the creepiest guy's man cave. You're like, you're like, oh, what do you got down there? It sounds like a corpse in here. He's like, um, yes. And it's, it's. I have, in a sense, I have a memento. I'm pretty sure. Chris Angel calls his basement the grave cave. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I, you know, I, you know, people have uniforms and they hang them up i have them still attached to a torso i like chris angel calls his asshole the grave cave yeah that's right there's a lot of lot of things have died here wait is that

actually yogi bearer he offered to just throw dirt in the hole and ignore the fact that someone's casket had been damaged said ruffin's niece angela hampton you didn't see anything literally rogeline sorry angelica uh and skyler when we asked for a refund he told us to call the office said that was fine and walked away without even offering condolences. Well, he is offering a refund. He is offering a refund. That to me is, what more do you want for this guy? I mean, for real.

Like, refund. Ruffin's granddaughter, Jerkia Hall said her grandfather was a funny person who was not only my papa, he was my best friend. I'm going to cry. Well, then did she ever think about this? He made this. He was pricking them. He's in on this.

Yeah, this was his last. His last joke was to be like, guys, it's already used. He called him up, like, he was, like, basically on his deathbed. He's like, all right, listen. And I die. Hold on, Paul. You okay, sir?

Yeah, yeah. No, I did. All right. So, I've got, like, five, six minutes. I got, I got to make the sure. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Hey, yeah, can you hang on one second?

Yeah, Barbara, can you file? Oh, sorry. I just, I'll tell him I'll call back after lunch. I'll text you. No, no, no, what's he's saying? He's got to say something. No, no, okay. So, so my family's going to be calling you,

they're going to want to put me in a grave. Can I just put you on hold for once? Oh, no, no, no. Just got to get to that. One minute. 60 seconds. Okay, I'm sorry. Go back and start again because I just...

So you're dying. What's going on? Yeah, no, I'm just going to say, it'd be funny if you, like, put me in another grave with, like, another... Tell them I'll call him back. Oh, my God. Tell them I'll call him back. We lost him. Now I'll never fucking know what he was going to say.

He never got it out. Who was that? I don't know. And then they're like, whatever. Let's just put it in a grave with some... I think you're on to something here. Because a lot of times elderly people will pay for their plot and their cemetery. Sometimes there's a whole funeral out of the gate, which is not a bad thing to do.

I'm ready to do it now. If you do that, you are locked in, like you're locked into the price when you paid for it. You died 25 years later. Nobody owes anything. It doesn't matter, yes. I love it. I have an aunt that did this. So, here's my prices.

How do we not know? Papa, pop-pop-puffin. Yeah. Could have said like, I'll take a plot over here. And they're like, all right, but just so you know, you know, you know, there might be some body. That's an area where there could be stuff of like... Doesn't matter.

And he was like, I don't care. Is it less? Is it less? Am I going to care? What if this was an arrangement between... Am I going to care? Yeah.

Between the grandpa and somebody who even predates this like funeral director guy and he was, and he was like, this is his plot. He paid for this. This is what he wanted. I agree. I think they should have gas lit them. Yeah. Yes.

I said they should be like, oh, what? You want him to be lonely? All right. Actually, you're right. This is what we do around here. They use this. when somebody dies, they start to invoke what they would have wanted.

Yes. If the funeral reaction could have been like, I think he would have wanted to be in this. I would have opened up the casket to him and be like, oh, let's ask him. Oh, that's right, he don't care. And they just knocked him in. We can have birdies him.

He don't care. I'm shaking his head. Do you care? No. He doesn't care. He says no. He don't care. In fact, when you guys pass,

I'll give you a deal. Let's all go in the same war. Same hole. You know what I mean? Who really cares? A big commune. It's called a mass grave. That's what we do here.

KTBS has reported on issues at Carver's Cemetery for years. So there is probably a, hey, like slow news day, anything going on at the cemetery? Yeah. They're buried in two people in the same grave? Let's check it out. Including complaints about overgrown grass, broken headstones, and missing grave markers. The Louisiana Cemetery board, I bet you didn't know there was a board. Yeah.

What are you doing these days? Were you working? Are you on the... Yeah, I just got a promotion. And I'm now ahead of a bore. Oh, really? Which one? Is it a hospital?

No, it's pretty good. And let's just say business is pretty much year-round. It doesn't slow down. It's not seasonal. People are dying to get into that thing. Yeah, get out of it. Before you close it, you just reminded me. One of the guys I worked with at the cemetery, he goes...

Was his name? It wasn't John. It was a guy who filled... I think his name was Tim. Big guy, natural mullet, not cut that way. And he would go, he would go, speaking of untamed grass. You know, you can use this job to pick up women. What?

And I was like, because the Rochelle Street Department, the city managed the cemetery, the graveyard. And he would go, meet a woman at a bar, and you say, hey, I can't tell you what I do, but I work for the government. And it involves death. And I got about 10,000 people below me. Wow. That was his line to pick up. Chicks. Great joke. I'm boiced. Yeah. I mean, wow.

Bow down to the bowel. I should have used it. There you go. Louisiana Seventry Board previously told KTBS, it has no jurisdiction over Carver Cemetery Yeah, why not? They're only the Louisiana Cemetery Board, and Carver Cemetery Cemetery is only a cemetery in Louisiana. Yeah. Hey, the LCB does what the LCB does. We can't tell a cemetery what to do. We're just the Louisiana Cemetery board.

This is why. You know that. They're like, we should get a board or something. We should get a board to do something. something about this. Our board. Our board. He just watches our board and tells us, like, what we could do. Yeah. Louisiana. Are you working for the Louisiana Cemetery Board? No, I'm working for the board that tells Louisiana.

The Louisiana Cemetery Oversight Board. Yeah, that's great. The Board of Louisiana Cemetery boards. Which is so perfect for this story because it's just a board on top of a board. Way to tie it up. Two caskets, one funeral. They said they can't do it because it's not a perpetual care cemetery. Oh, no idea what that means.

What does that mean? Perpetual care. That feels like a loophole. Once you die, isn't perpetual care done? Yeah, I think it's over. Yeah. Also, once you're in there, they do have to care for you. I'm going to work to you.

I'm in post hospice. It's pretty easy, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't lose anybody. They're already gone. No, you're like, haven't lost anyone? Have lost to one. Haven't lost the one.

Oh, I'm trying to get on the board. All right. That's story number two down on the books. When we come back, Daniel, you got a little taste? It's a very short story. but it's very interesting. Great. It involves the Ice Bandit.

I love it. The Ice Bandit. I'm very excited. John Gobelcon is with us. His fantastic podcast, which you could listen to. You can watch the Right Now podcast. The Right Now show.

The Right Now podcast. I got it right, Jay. The Right Now podcast. Don't put your casket on my casket. I'm not. The Right Now podcast. Check it out. We'll be right back with Daniel.

You can tell us what you have going on on Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound, hunger down. Don't People Town Hey gang, welcome back to the show Before we jump into this final story

This has been so much fun It runs fast, does it not? I can't believe we're already at the end Well, we've got one little story A little tidbit of a story Before we jump in, Daniel Tell them about podcast, dates, all sorts of fun stuff Listen to my podcast, the midnight air

Right here on all things. Comedy, it drops on Monday nights It's just me talking about fun pop culture stuff Before you go to bed or walk your dog Whatever you want to do. An easy listen, a good time Or walk your dog in bed Why not?

And then Daniel vancourke.com for my dates. I will be at Flyover Comedy Festival. I'm doing tag it. I'm doing stand-up on the spot with Jeremiah Watkins. I am doing comedy confidential with Steve Furry, plus other shows and a live dump people town with one of my best friends, Rory Scoville, joining me and two of my other best friends. So it's going to be a friend parade on Sunday night the 16th. And then that next weekend, I'm doing a big fundraising charity show for Habitat for Humanity of Bloomington, Indiana.

It's Indiana. Habitat and Humanity We'll take all we can get So come on out to that All proceeds go to Habitat for Humanity And I'm going to be doing a fun show So it'll be a good time Everything's at Daniel vancirk.com

That's on the 22nd of November If I didn't say I had one more date I forgot to plug it I absolutely have to plug it Or they're going to get so mad at me I'm doing a corporate spot For the Louisiana

Funitual Board And when is that? Yeah that's going to be on 9-11 Oh okay We were booked on that too Oh, my God. Two people booked on the same show.

Did they double book us on that? Wait, wait, but they said I'm going at 7 o'clock. You guys are right on top of that. They booked us right at 7.05, huh? What, are you supposed to do a 40-minute set? We're supposed to do a 40-minute set to you? And it had really good Yelp reviews other than that they let their grass grow a little long.

That was definitely a red flag. Come on, guys. And by the way, there was a red flag. Too many red flags at that cemetery. Yeah, I was going to say. Take them down. That's what we said. That is a serious red fight.

Come on. Yeah. All right. It's four sentences, but it's fun. I love it. Greece police. Who sent it in, Dan? I will say.

Okay, sorry. Greece police sent in by Jake Groney 2. That's their horn. That's their horn. Okay. Greece police. It's a siren. Ice bandit.

We're talking about actual ice here. Not the ice that we've come to hate. The ice we all love. I spanned it wanted after stealing ice bags from gas station. I mean, so I worked at a gas station. Yeah, so did that. There was a lady, we called her the ice lady. When she rolled in, it was the greatest.

Old Cadillac car. Was it a security weaver? No. She had the kind of glasses that made me think that she was blind. Like, big old blueblowers? So very wide. Like there's a lot of distance between the side of her face and the end of the glass. And they have like sunglasses on the side too.

Yeah, peripheral. She would, we get there, hi, honey, how you doing? I'm like, great. She's like, can I get three bags of ice? So you go in and get gas, get three bags of ice, put them in the trunk of her old maroon Cadillac, she would give you $10, the bags were like $2 each, so you got a $4 tip. And it was, we loved her. We fought each other to get to the Ice Lady to get to that car.

I just was saying, this is one of the most. genius ploys by this bandit ever? Yeah, sure. Because it's like one of the few things you can steal. Just imagine this. You like load up your truck with all this ice. You're right away for the cops. You're right for the cops. You're going to get pulled over. They got you at gunpoint. They're like, they're like, this guy's stealing a bunch of

ice. And they open up the trunk and they're like, no, it's just a bunch of bags. Just bags of water. I got a wet trunk. Nothing is. Yeah, like, I guess I stole my ice. I guess this isn't him. No evidence, your honor. Nothing. Nothing. I stole this ice months ago. I mean, I bought it

months ago. Exactly. ice is one of our last like true honor systems in this country because so often it's just outside like unlocked like when you buy it you'll grab it you grab it outside anybody can pull up gets some ice to go I'm gonna ask you this when you get a little cup for water yeah and you're able to go over to the fountain sodas yeah get your ice do you get a little fountain do you get a little fountain soda I don't take it to like a sprite like a clear soda right sprite no one can tell yeah I I I've done that quite a few times I like I like I like

to do the thing where I take it. I'm like, just, just, just, just, just, just, this is the water one. And while I'm doing it, I'm pushing the Sprite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the water one? Oh, my God. You know what you're doing. And then I go, oh, my God, oh, my God.

That's what? I think, oh, that's Shanta? Go ahead of a second. Are you kidding me? Your water is orange. Why is it orange? Which one's the water? Check the filter, it's dark.

I, by the way, if you, if you just put it right under the water, you'll get just a little Bid up whatever was there. A trickle. You do get a little corn syrup. A little corn syrup. A syrup. A trickle. It's never fully water, even if you go right for it. It's never fully water. Greece. New York. Authorities are seeking the public's help and identifying a suspect wanted for stealing. How many

bags of ice from a gas station in Greece, New York? Greece is the word. What do you think was the total of bags of ice? What caused the police to be called to, I think, 20 bags of ice? 20 bags. 40? 40? 40? John? One bag. That's it? One bag? Yeah, I think, I think, I mean, we're talking about crime, right?

Yes, I mean, like, they identified a suspect who stole more than 80 bags. Whoa. At what point is it on you that you are just watching someone load up 80 bags? Well, he must have went to multiple places. No, I think it just one place. Wait a minute. Cleaned it out. That doesn't make any sense.

I've never been to a guessing that there's, they're always almost out of it. How do they have 80? he waited until it was like stocked here's what I'm imagining the party he left where they're like weed ice yeah how much 80 you're all you can get it all you can everything you can grab where you put 80 bags where 80 bags he comes back he comes back to the party he's like I got the ice someone helped me put it in you pay for it right it was outside wait no it was it was it was it was it was open the thing it's right right next sentence it's just water Greece police issued a wanted suspect post on social media asking for assistance

and locating a man who was allegedly captured stealing more than 80 bags of ice from an outdoor icebox. More than 84. Yeah, why not you say the number? Just say what it is. They don't know. They don't know. There's no way to know. So my guess is it was like we have at least 80 bags in this place and when we left, there's nothing left in there. According to the post, hashtag the ice bandit, the suspect is wanted on larceny charges the location.

gas station involved in the incident was not provided by police. Isn't that helpful? No, they're just like, they don't want to what gas station. They're like, clearly this is a place where you can't, either the ice thing is like poorly placed in the back where the person can't see it or at an angle where you can't see it. And if you go low enough, you can. So what is a bigger thievery?

What is a bigger theft in our world right now? 80 bags of ice or crown jewels from the Louvre? I think it's 80. What's a bigger steel? There are people in a moment in their world. life that would say fuck them crown jewels we need ice right you can't both are versus of ice i can't put both are iced out i can't put the crown jewels in a drink that's right that's right that's right and no one at a party is like oh right of the crown jewels

you know exactly hey ice this party really needs some crowned like a crazy jade net right no they want ice and crown crown royal that's one of my go-to moves you're heading to a party i send the text need ice do you know many times people go oh thank you Thank you. I was going to say, the ice person is like the most clutch person at a park. You walk in and you could get applause. Right. If you put ice in these hands right here.

And even if you show up without asking, you're out $2.89. Big deal. But when you show up and they need it. Oh. You are. People are sweating in the kitchen and trying to decide who's going to go get ice. Who's going to eat ice? We need ice.

We can't leave. As far as like, people who are bringing things to a party, we're going to break. because like there's everyone brings chips you have too much chips too many chips but like eyes i think it's pretty high and then the person that brings paper towels oh i'll just ask him to move on in yeah just come on in john i've shown up two frozen pizzas and i go we put these in the freezer if we're hanging out late enough you're going to be glad we got these frozen pieces if we're not you'll remember me on another night when you don't have dinner just throw up with a couple of tombstones is it two or dijorno what are you doing tombstones what do we say to uh to uh to uh to uh

Gondelman, Josh Gondelman. He had that great... Not John Goblacan. Josh Gondelman. The John Goblacan of comedy. Yes. Had such a funny joke. He was telling a story about how people brought napkins and paper plates to a party. And I said napkins and paper plates to a party is like thoughts and prayers after someone's been killed.

Right. It's too late. It does nothing. Yeah. You do nothing. You brought nothing. You think you're doing everything. You've done nothing.

Thoughts and prayers. If you show up to tortilla trips and you did not bring. salsa? Forget it. Go home. Go walk away. Get out. Get out. Your dry ass mouth. Get out of here. Here's what I'm thinking about this guy though, this bandit. Yeah. You said 80?

80. Over 80. Here's what I wonder. What do you think he's using it for? Did he show up to a party? And there's just like some college kid that's like 80? Like I thought you said it. They have like two, two igloo coolers and it's like, oh, jeez. We said eight.

You said eight. 80. Dude, like, we have one piece of beer. Maybe this guy, this is his side hustle. College game day. College town, he gets 80 bags of ice. He just starts driving around. And this is the world's best salesman because it quite literally has a ticking clock to it. You know what?

Yes. It's like, we got up. It's like, we got to move this. You need this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a moment where he does sell ice to Eskimos and he's like, I did it. Yeah, yeah. It's like I could.

The ultimate fee. It's selling ice to Eskimo. All right. That's story three. That's a show. There you go. The Right Now podcast, check it out with John Gobelcon. Go see him at Zadis in Chicago.

And I go see him in New York at the Bell House on the 7th. He is a fantastic guest. I love the runner. Happy Halloween. Not the most obvious thing to say to you, but happy Halloween. Yeah, I mean, it's. You'd like to take it easy on Halloween, right? Yeah, I don't.

Lights are off. I don't go out. I know what I mean? Honestly, Willem Defoe ruined it for us. He did. We just can't be happy. Everyone's like, I'm a goblin. And you're like, you know, stop.

No, just stop. Just seriously stop. It was fun before he did that. Yeah. Not cool. Just a different world. Thank you. And go listen to Daniel's podcast.

Come see us all at the Flyover Comedy Fest. We love you. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Peace.