Dumb People Town - Kiran Deol - Son Of Clam

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

Comedian, actor, and writer Kiran Deol (JOYSUCK) stops by as Randy describes how a New York man lit sex toys on fire, sparking a neighborhood blaze, Daniel explains why a man pooped on wigs in a store, and Jason warns against bring cocaine to DisneyWorld, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Magic Mind and Hims! Get 60% off the Magic Mind offer with our link and code https://www.magicmind.com/dpt60 & DPT60. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk. Because when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be the ones to make the news.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk. Because when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be the ones to make the music So listen to our podcast jam with co-hosts Arm and Dan.

Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey Totties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population deal, Karen deal or no deal. You're here and you're caffeinated. We're waking your ass up. You did, you've been talking so much before we started.

We really got deep into a discussion. Out of consideration to me, I feel like. No, you're here, you're ready. Karen, you've got any special, we'll talk about it later. You're acting and stuff, you're doing great things things and I'm very, very proud of you. And I'm happy you're here. Thank you so, I'm so happy to be here. Isn't it fun?

It's good to have you. Big fan, and you have friends that are huge fans of dance, so I love that too. Yes, yes. We've got dumb to get to. Let's just jump right into it. Okay. And then we'll just goof around later, shall we?

Yes. I got the first story sent in by Nick at Nick Depe. Do you know Nick? Do we know this person? Ah, Nicky Depe. at Nick Depe. Do you know Nick? Do we know this person? Nicky Depe. He does sound like a friend. It's like Buco De Depe. Also a last name person.

What are you doing? Depe's coming over. Full name. I think he's only a last name person. So if Karen's. Who's there? Depe just got here. Johnny Depe.

Did you compare him to like Cacio e Pepe? You were like it's like he's like. Cacio e Pepe. Yeah he must be. Sal's restaurant in Los Angeles, the best in town. You got one month left. But if I just, if Cacio e Pepe, where? Sal's, it's the pop-up restaurant.

They're over on like Beverly and Robertson. So six months out of the year, they're in P-Town on the Cape. They are an institution in P-up restaurant. They're over on like Beverly and Robertson. So six months out of the year, they're in P-Town on the Cape. They are an institution in P-Town. And a few years ago, they started wintering here on like Robertson and Beverly, and they do from like January to June in LA. And it's cash only.

I took Rory there, one of him, and Jordan, I wanna go last. You give crack cocaine? Pachio de pepe. It is, literally, you will go there, you guys will go, all three of you would go there and go, holy shit. If you don't catch them before they leave, you go and they come back.

If you catch them before they leave, you're like, well, we're going here as soon as they get back in town. Wow. One of the best. Kieran is an only first name person. Who's coming with us? Kieran's coming?

Okay, that's fine. But Nick Depe, I think you either gotta get, Depe's coming or Nick Depey's coming. He might also be your wildest friend from college. I love that you said that a restaurant winters in LA. And I was like, like the way that a snowbird or a person, you're like, they winter here. Calgary winters down in Phoenix.

South place, go. Also they donated all those meals I took to firefighters was that restaurant. Wow. Yeah, during his fires. Shout out. Shout out, shout out. Shall I jump into this? Here's the headline, you ready?

New York City man lights sex toys on fire causing three alarm blaze that ripped through the neighborhood, says the police. And as I'm gonna read this. Wait, say that again. New York City man lights sex toys on fire causing a three alarm blaze that ripped through the neighborhood, says police.

He is on fire. It's like a haiku. Oh yeah, it's unbelievable. So he lit sex toys on fire. This is a bad breakup. Well, we'll see. So Aaron, I'm gonna give you an alert right away. There are some pictures in this outline.

No, Aaron has nothing to do with lighting the sex toys on fire, but there are some pictures in the outline that I, Aaron has nothing to do with lighting the sex toys on fire, but there's some pictures in the outline that I'd love to just get ready to put up if you can access the outline. I'm giving you time. What were the? Why don't you show us?

Yeah, well what? I could, but I want them to pop up. So what were the things that he lit on fire? So we're gonna get into it. Butt plugs, whips. What do you think it is? A whip and a butt plug. What do you think that he lit on fire? It depends if this is a breakup. Plugs, whips. What do you think it is? A whip and a whip. What do you think?

That he lit on fire. It depends if this is a break up or not. I would say some, well three alarms, I was gonna say how highly flammable are these two? So this is a great question too. His apartment building started on fire. Huh? His apartment building started on fire.

He lives in a house. We're gonna get into this. The house started on fire. It turns into a structure fire. Dude, he went after that thing like a house on fire. All right, here we go. It's definitely, definitely some pegging, light pegging. On him?

Hope so. But he's heartbroken because of who used to be on the other end of that peg. Ha ha! Peg, won't you come back to me. All right. Peg, I lit my house on fire. A Staten Island man allegedly caused a three alarm blaze,

no he didn't, that ripped through his neighborhood when he set fire to a pair of sex toys. Two, a rubber vagina. Hey now! Rubber vagina. Including a rubber vagina outside of his home. They don't say what the other thing is. Now did he do this because the rubber vagina

that it replicated got traded to another team and he felt like. He lit it in effigy? Yes, like when somebody burns LeBron, Cleveland jerseys. Jersey? No, I. He was like, you know what, if she's not working for Brazzers anymore, if she, I'm out.

I'm out. If I'm this guy. She took her talents to South Beach. She took her talents to Vixen and he's had enough. Karen, if I'm this guy, I'm saying I went to towns, I created the friction that started the fire. He's like a reverse Billy Joel song. It's so beautiful.

I mean, it's- It's beautiful. It's like a, it is like a poem. I'm that good, I can start a fire. It is like a poem. It's just the- In my mind, it's also a New Yorker of a guy standing over a-

A burnt out- Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, there. There goes feminism. Guys, if what you're putting your penis inside is so highly flammable, can that be good for your bits? No. No.

And he's got the best name ever. It's hard to start a fleshlight on fire. It is. I've heard. Wasn't that a Tears for Fear song? It's hard to start a fleshlight on fire. We didn't start the fleshlight fire. On've heard. Okay. Wasn't that a tears for fear song? It's hard to start a flashlight on fire. Yeah. We didn't start the flashlight fire.

On fire, thank you. Billy Joel. Harry Torres. Oh. That's his name. Harry Torres. How do you spell it? H-A-R?

H-A-I-R-Y, Harry Torres. Spark to the flame of passion at about what time? 3 a.m. I'd say 3 58 a.m. or 2 53 p.m. Okay good, I like it. 9 a.m. All right, get your answers in, Tennis. You woke up mad?

No, 1 p.m. on a Wednesday. This afternoon viewing. So this is on the to do list. And this is a key time to. Oh, afternoon delight. Scorched his home. There it is. And this is where Jay time to. Afternoon delight. Scorched his home. And this is where Jay's gonna get mad. Two neighboring houses and two cars

on North Berger Avenue. I think you should get to curb him. Curb stompers. Jay gets mad because imagine you're in the neighbor, you're the neighbor. You never think your house is gonna get lit on fire because somebody lit sex toys on fire. No, that would not be on the list.

It's not clear why he did it, we'll find out his age later, but he lit the intimate AIDS ablaze, this by the way is a New York Post, so I apologize, I hate him. Great bandit Coachella, that's on the side stage. But his bungled boudoir barbecue, come on. Somebody wants a new writing job.

Prompted officials to hit him with a slew of charges, including arson. I started the fire, Torres said, in a direct shot at Billy Joel, right? Yeah. It's a shot at Christie Brinkley. That's how much of a shot it is. I started the fire.

I was really lonely and it really boned me. Way, good way to go, Rand. I was in the backyard of my house and I lit two sex toys on fire. How is this getting him off? Is he mad at the sex, you know what I mean? Why would you light it up? I understand why you would take it to the backyard

to light it, because you don't want to light it in your house. He was listening to Prodigy. Also probably pretty bad for the environment. Right, yeah. How bad are you at starting a fire Also probably pretty bad for the environment. Right. Yeah. How bad are you at starting a fire that you're in your backyard and it manages to catch your house and two other houses?

Yeah, he must have left it unmanned for a long time. He was like, he put it in the fire pit and he was like, I'm going to let that burn. And now I'm going to go to In-N-Out. Right. I'm going to now do a number of things that I should have taken care of. It's not that windy. Can't you put it in your microwave and achieve the same thing?

What if he was just trying to warm it up? Like what if that? What if he was like that? Like a s'more? There was a s'more situation. Let me melt it down a little bit. Put it in a graham cracker before I use it again. Here's the thing.

I don't know if it was a chocolate vagina. Hey, here's my question. Is he? Chocolate vagina, great band. Great band. Funk band, here's my question. Is he? Fungal vagina, great band. Great band. Funk band? Here's the thing. I wonder if his attitude towards this stuff is

I'm gonna light it on fire and this is gonna get me hot. Like I need to be in danger. Right. You know some people like, it's a part of auto-erotic fixation. That you could die. Is that, yeah, there's danger involved in the sexual activity. Like that crash movie. Yeah, like that's part of the- It's a part of auto-erotic fixation. That you could die. Is that, yeah, there's danger involved in this sexual activity.

Like that crash movie. Yeah, like the crash movie. So he's like, let me get on the edge, and then he got too close, he flew too close to the sun. It was an Icarus moment for him. A sex toy Icarus moment. He flew too close to the vagina.

To the burning vagina. This feels like anger though. It was his dicker, it was his dicker-ous moment. He flew to me. What's your ick? My ick is ick-er-ous. Aaron, let's throw out the picture of him if we can, cause it's in the-

Of the guy? Of the guy, cause I just want you to see what he's wearing- Oh boy. At 1 p.m. Why didn't you just say this was Hugh Hefner? Oh boy. Hugh Hefty?

It's a velvet, is that a plush velvet roll? It is plush. is that a plush? That's a plush velvet, but with the pants one slides That's what this is my thing if you are not near the beach 9.9 times out of 10 mm-hmm It's a no on slides yeah Mm-hmm. It's a no on slides. Yeah.

The heavy, the heavy deeps. If you're leaving a hospital, there's our one tenth. That's your opportunity. But almost every other time. You don't wanna see someone. Now this doesn't apply to all types of people. Post-pedicure? There are types of people that can pull off

more fashion sense than other things. I don't even think men should have feet. Thank you. Karen, can we just talk about how thin are the slides, the paper flip flops you get into, not me, but. Like a pedicure? Yeah, the pedicure paper flip flop. Why are they that thin?

I've seen those in public too, and I'm like, what are we doing? It's like they're making fun of you. They're like, here's an idea of a shoe. We want your arches to drop. Yeah. To fall. They said, they said.

You like walking on the ground? Yeah. Here you go. They said, why don't you just walk on nothing? Yeah. Or it's also very hard to keep your toe inside of those. There's no way you're gonna screw up the work. It's like the only substance that's less than subway bread.

You would wanna add those to a sex toy fire in a way. I wouldn't call it bread. I'm gonna show you this fire. I just want you to, or Aaron, should we pop up the fire? Can you do that? Is that possible to see? Look at that. Oh my God. That is what happens when you light a vagina on fire.

And this is what I tell my wife every night. Folks. We didn't talk enough about. That is a crasher. His weird blue white Santa robe. We didn't talk enough about. That is a creature. His weird blue white Santa robe. We're gonna get into it. Did we see the sex toys? No. So he said while one was a rubber vagina,

it's not clear what the other toy was. Well, you gotta ask him. 100%. Would it be a rubber butthole? I don't know what it would be. Like a rubber. I think it's a whip. You think it's a whip?

I think it's a whip. What could it be? I might try and reach out to this guy the fDNY deemed it an incendiary fire Which is what it was. It does seem like you guys should have interviews on the show. We gotta talk to him I mean, I thought I was shocked. It wasn't Pete Davidson for a minute Vaginas on fire. He's Pete's back. Pete's straightening things out. He really did straighten things out. He got rid of all his tattoos. Pete would be like, hey, I know that guy. I know that.

I bet he does. What's up, Perry? Yeah, exactly. I bet he knows him. Yeah, so they damaged two nearby houses according to the report. He's got glasses. I kinda like him.

How long do you think the fire burned before the firefighters got it under control? Slid it at one. You have a multi-structure fire. That's when did they get it? Yeah. When did they get it under control? Started at one. I'm gonna go. You go, Karen. You go 9 PM. 9 PM. Okay. Eight hours. Go ahead. 3 PM. 3 PM. 2 hours,

2 hours, 90 minutes, 90 minutes. Get to your answers in town ahead. Three PM. Three PM. Two hours. Two hours. 90 minutes. 90 minutes. Get two answers in, Townies. Four PM. Three hours. I almost said that. Wait, it's a three alarm fire. What's a good alarm for chili?

Five alarm chili. Is it five alarm chili or four alarm chili? What's, is it first degree murder or what's better? A third degree or third? A first degree burn or a third degree burn? Which is worse? Third degree burn is worse, right? Right, yes.

If you give someone, a first degree murder is way worse. Third degree murder is not as bad. If I give someone the third degree, that's worse than giving someone the first degree. But you wanna win first place if you're doing track. You're right, there's no, there's no, this numeric system is all over the map. We've screwed ourselves up. Are you happy with first place if you're doing track. You're right, there's no, there's no,

this numeric system is all over the map. We've screwed ourselves up. Are you happy with, let's say you go to graduate school, are you happier with your second degree or your third degree? Don't even get started on drafts when people go, is low good or bad? Is high good or bad? Well, he's gonna go pretty high.

Is that good? High that you can't tell. Down at the bottom is number one. And I. It means a different every single time. There were no injuries reported, thank God. Torres was charged with fourth degree arson, second degree reckless endangerment,

fourth degree criminal mischief. Damn Harry. Alleged antics. He exited his Thursday arraignment with a soft spoken voice in the same blue robe and slippers He was arrested in so slippers is a weird term for he left the arraignment still in the robe No, it's here on the something voice is the other thing right? Sorry about that. Sorry. Sorry about a Mean to light worried about I let every of a giant on fire

Exited arraignment again, it's just, again, he pled guilty to not all, not guilty. He pled not guilty to all the charges. How do you say I started the fire and then plead not guilty? Because he had no choice. The vagina made him do it. That's how it was. Yeah, I don't know. He's like, I may have done it, but I'm not guilty.

It's called politician logic. Right. I did it, but I'm not guilty. It's called politician logic. Right. I did, but I'm not guilty of it. This is my theory. He is gonna say, and he's gonna go after the sex toys and say that there wasn't sufficient enough of a warning to say that it's not highly flammable. I thought he was gonna say the vagina told me to do it.

Right, I'm starting to hear the vagina. Isn't it? I mean, I guess he did start in the back of me to do it right. I'm starting to hear the vagina Hmm, isn't it? I mean, I guess he did start in the back of his house. So he likes to start There's the lips on them. So they were like Instead of son of Sam Son of clamor, I mean he did knock the power out I'm sure Aaron from the logo. Yeah, I mean, I do think it was maybe a rubber ass that he went after.

So, fake vagina got hacked, maybe was a, you know, my fake vagina got hacked. He's be like, I didn't do that. Was that a YA novel? I didn't do that. My, it's a Judy Blume fake vagina. The curious case of the flammable vagina. New plastic vagina who dis?

Again, I do think he is gonna try and go after the sex toys to say that there wasn't a sufficient. Anyone knows Harry, I'm willing to talk to him. You're his side of things. Get the same lawyer who did the McDonald's case. Right. Someone's lap got too hot. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Don't make the, if you don't want me to pour it on my lap, don't make the coffee too hot. Don't make them so flammable. If you don't want me to. Don't make the vagina so hot. If you don't want me to burn down my neighbor's house. How do you go back to your neighbors in that instance? We were definitely not invited to the block party and you're definitely not invited to the potluck. I just love the idea that he's like, my bad.

Yeah, that's right. Sorry about that. I mean, I'd say on every level in this situation, he fucked himself. Wait, a jury had to look at his toes. Yeah, I mean, I'd say on every level in this situation, he fucked himself. Wait, a jury had to look at his toes. Yes, in the slides.

You don't wanna see that. If someone shows up at the coffee place in slides, and you gotta see it, I'm like, you just dropped our A rating to a B plus. Thank you, bitch. We can't serve coffee in here anymore. Do the three of you wear a robe? Yes, I occasionally wear a robe.

I've got one, but I don't wear it. Maybe at a hotel twice a year. I have a robe, I wear it. It says Big Pop on it. Don't you need an extra hour in your morning to need a robe? No. I do, I do have the hour.

That's what I'm saying. I go down. If you're getting up, getting in the shower, making your bed, getting your clothes on and leaving, there's no robe time. I feel like it's a post bath move. Let's say if you do a bath, it's a post bath move as you're cooling, the cool down process.

Right, before you get into whatever clothes you're gonna, the robe itself kind of dries you a little bit and then you gotta be near a fire, of course. I feel like robes. You gotta be near a flaming vagina. Let's bring it back to the story. You know me well enough to yell at me if this is incredibly stupid.

I feel like robes are more of a woman's game, sometimes because of makeup or things and getting ready before you get dressed. You could do that. Like there's more robe opportunity for women. My daughter has a robe and she'll wear it. That's it, I mean, I would say that if somebody's doing like a full face of makeup as I'm clearly not wearing today.

It's okay. Me either, me either. Me neither. It's like the. I took mine off. But the, yeah, like you're not gonna get, then you don't get it on anything. Right, yeah.

Right, if you wouldn't get the powders and all that stuff on stuff. The guy robe game, also it always has to be. I love it. If you're robed, this is. This is. Kimono. This is at least after 1 p.m. The guy robe game. Also, it always has to be morning. I love it. If you're robed, this is. Kimono. This is at least after 1 p.m. he's robed.

Yeah, he's still robed and robed at the arraignment. Well, because they arrested him. I mean, that's a life choice at that point. Yeah. Or not enough choices. Couldn't they hand him a police jacket? Or a attrition. I mean, he was just.

Yeah, he probably had the option. Isn't that a Biggie lyric? Robe at the arraignment, your vagina's locked up in the Staten Island basement, face it, not guilty. Biggie might have worn a similar robe in some of the videos. Probably, his robe was a lumberjack pattern. The redden hat.

I feel robes are very unisex, because I think of them from hotel. Yeah, in a hotel, there are times that I put it on and I'm like, this is a woman's robe. The robe the plushness well also the place come to your elbow and I'm like this is putting on a child's robe I don't feel good I'm all right we're gonna get out here on this okay how old I mean and can we call the move of lighting your fake vagina on fire the Harry Torres yes call that giving it a Harry Torres means you'd like that vagina on fire, the Harry Torres? Yes. Just call that, giving it a Harry Torres

means you light that vagina on fire and cause significant damage to your neighbors. What am I gonna, you know, I'm leaving entertainment, I'm going full Harry Torres. You're burning it all down. Yeah. Straight from a fake vagina. There's the term, I tore that ass up,

and I burned that vagina down. Right. He's starting, I burned that vagina down. Put that right next to, I tore that vagina down. He's starting, I burned that vagina down. Put that right next to, I tore that ass up. There's a 12 year range on this guy. Right, so like you saw him from the back, you see the robe, and who is the guy who wears the robe? Beautiful head of hair, he doesn't deserve it.

He does have good hair, glasses though. Glasses and a necklace. He has like a necklace. He had a pendant on. I'm going 44. 44, great. He has like a necklace. He had a pendant on it. Behind a chain, I'm fine with that. I'm going 44. 44, great. Wow. It's great.

Great. Planted the flag in the middle of the burning vagina. I'm gonna go 28. Okay, very good. A young guy pretending like he's old. The house blows me off. I just, I'm going with my first number. 36.

36. Yeah, it was my other number. One of you is one year off. Okay. So now adjust one up or other. 35. 29. You know, 43 or?

43. Okay. Aaron, you care to guess too on this or do you've seen it? I'd go. You know it's one year away from all three of those. Oh shit. Yeah, so one year away from either 36, 44, or 28. So what do you think it is?

He's 45. Okay, get your answers in, Townies. This is story number one. We'll hear about Kieran's special on the other side of this. Very excited. Harry Torres is 37 years old. Oh, Jay, you went the wrong way.

I went the wrong way, but I was close. In my mind, I had already won that, and I was gonna ask for something to light a fire. I know, you kind of were like, about to say thank you very much. Yeah, yeah, I was ready. Let me do my victory dance. I was ready, it was in like.

Thank you very much. Don't burn the vagina before it's time. Don't count your vaginas before they burned. Guys, we'll take a break. It's Dumb People Town. Kieran deals with us. We'll be right back. We'll see you in a minute.

Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey gang, welcome back to the show. Before we get to all the great things that Kieran's got going on, this is gonna drop after this aired, so thank you to everybody who watched us on Night Court. We had such a wonderful time,

and lovely time with the great Melissa Rausch on, and she's gonna come on and do this show with us here. And hopefully we get back and get a chance to do that. We got some stuff coming up that we really want you to come to. We're gonna do the Everett Theater, which we talked about in May, but we actually pushed you to come to. We're gonna do the Everett Theater, which we talked about in May, but we actually pushed it to June

so that we can do some more dates in the Northwest. So we're gonna do the Polaris Room, which in Moshe Cashier just sold out there. It's a very cool, like 225-seat room in Portland. Where is that in Portland? In Portland. It's in a really cool area, so we're doing that on Wednesday, June 18th,

and on the 19th, we're going, and with Sean Jordan, all these, he's in a really cool area, so we're doing that on Wednesday, June 18th, and on the 19th we're going, and with Sean Jordan, all these, he's gonna feature with us. Feature for us, so we're gonna dress so good. Drive up to Bellingham, Washington, and do a room there which is about 125 seat room, there's a theater up there, and hopefully we'll sell it out and get another show there. Then the next night we're coming to Chehalis,

there's a theater down in Shehalis, Washington, which is kind of going back down towards Portland. And then that's on the 20th and on the 21st, we do the Everett, the historic Everett Theater in just north of Seattle. It's like 800 seats, very excited. They sell pretty well, got a little more time. So anybody who bought tickets for the May 17th,

June 21st, those will be honored. It honored for that. And hopefully we'll see everybody out there for that. That's superschoolers.com. And then we have a dumb people tag, excuse me, a live Tag It. Tag It at the comedy store on the 21st with

Of May. Of May. Tag It's so fun. Tag It's a blast. You did it. You guys are very good writers. Thank you. I hope we gave you tags that you use. You did. Tag, it's so fun. Tag, it's a blast, you did it. You guys are very good writers. Thank you, I hope we gave you tags that you used. You did, you gave great tags. Right, it's just super fun, and so with that, let's jump into your special, let's talk about it.

What is there to say? You're excited, where can people watch it? Where can people see it? Did you love it? Did you record it? How do you feel about it? You guys are like, guys, yeah, I recorded it at Dynasty Typewriter.

Very fantastic. Yeah, which is a beautiful theater here. Luke Knoll, Ryan Sickler, all great people who have done specials there and they look beautiful. They look beautiful and yeah, I recorded it there and it's on Amazon Prime. Beautiful. And available and then on all of the,

like the band camps and all of those. Yeah, yeah. But Amazon Prime is like the people know, and it's called JoySuck. JoySuck, and I was like, so, you know, today I woke up at, you know, the ungodly hour of 9 a.m. And I thought, oh my God, like I was just angry on the road and I was like, when did you lose that childhood joy?

When did you lose that? Life is a JoySuck. Sucks the freaking joy? When did you lose that? Life is a joy suck. Yeah. Sucks the freaking joy right out of you. There's a bunch of joy sucks in your life. Right. So you start at this level. Cause that's interesting you say that

cause I see you as a joyous person. Thank you so much. I full on do from the way your persona on stage, from hanging out with you backstage after shows, even on this podcast. You're fun. You're definitely fun to hang out with. It's a good hang.

So I do think. It hasn't sucked all of it out of you. You seek joy fun to hang out with. It's a good hang. So I do think. It hasn't sucked all of it out of you. You seek joy. Yes, you have joy in it. God, you must have started with so much joy. I was, you know, I was like pop out of bed and I was like another day. I was like, oh shit, look the sun is up.

Oh, let's do this. You know what I mean? So excited. But I was like, so how do you, like as you become an adult, how do you kind of like, how do you rediscover your twisted joy of adulthood and how do you find that in even things that make you angry or sad or whatever it is,

how do you make that funny? And so that's what the special kind of is. I think that thing that's really- That's what comedy is. That's what comedy is. And so that's what I wanted for my first special was kind of something that was, I don't know, like all of your tried and true jokes

that you did for the first 10 years, and like finding a container for it, but I don't know how you guys feel about this, it's the first one I've ever released a special, and the thing I'm like the most proud of, like versus clips on the internet is like, this is like a story over time. And so that's really like a beautiful thing,

to be able to have it arc to a, you know, a longer piece. I love it, not to get into Dan have an arc to a, you know. A longer piece. I love it, not to get into Dan's special that he did, but it is very much that, and all of his things kind of follow that. There's like a, there is, he doesn't outwardly state it, but there's a thread through his last. A beginning, middle, and end.

Right, so Rose Gold. Yeah, I'm very thematic in my own. Oh, hell yes. Hell yeah. Which I think is great. Are you guys not? We are. We are. And in fact, we took that to another level by writing a two-man show. Well, I think is great. Are you guys not? We are. We are.

In fact, we took that to another level by writing a two man show. Well I think that's sort of the next evolution of being very thematic is. Yes. Adding a person. Well. Going.

Add another human. You need to add another person. No, we wrote a two man show that really does follow a, there is a story that links every beat of the show. So like, that and the comedy is hung on different rungs of this thing, but it% every beat of the show. So like that and the comedy is hung on different rungs of this thing, but it is the spine of the show. So yes, but I do think that if you can find that thematic pull, that's why I feel like a show

like I think you should leave is such a great show because yes, it's a collection of sketches, but there is something that connects all of those sketches, which is somebody needs to get, someone's out of control and needs to leave. And I think that vibe pervades, is like pervasive in the whole show. And if you can find that in a stand-up special.

If you can find a theme like that, where you can hang as much different stuff on it, that to me is like always the winning thing because it does keep coming back to that. So I'm super excited to watch this with that in mind. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime. JoySuck. JoySuck.

Ooh, I'm so excited. I'm always looking for a good new special. And it's really fun to watch. I think this is the thing versus clips. It's like you want, I love seeing that in standup is seeing the story over time. It's listening to the whole album One song and bouncing around and you constructed it you constructed it so it would build and so that you could watch something

You know, so that's there's a reason this is your this comes at minute five and there's a reason that this comes at minute 45 Your bits are you know over time you figure that out. So that's great. Oh, I'm very excited for you What else what else can people see you in? You know, over time you figure that out. So that's great. Yay. Oh, I'm very excited for you. What else, what else can people see you in? You got acting stuff happening? Oh, I was just in this movie that went to Sundance that's not available yet for you guys to watch. Well, give us the title so we can be on the lookout for it.

It's called Didn't Die. Okay, Didn't Die. Didn't Die, and it was my friend Mira Menon is the director. It's like a zombie, like it's a podcaster in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. And it's like kind of like black and white. I think like Rolling Stone said,

imagine like NPR meets like a, you know, kind of like the end of the world. You know, so it's an already, it's like an art house zombie movie. But very, yeah, exactly. So it's, might be triggering for some yeah no that's awesome though yeah where could people go to follow you and just see where you're gonna be oh yeah I obviously here in town yeah yeah here in

town and then I'm gonna be doing it's yeah peacock I have a weekly show called peacock it's every Thursday and then I love it yeah so fun you guys got to come back at the TG at the TG Club TG and Outwater Village amazing show yeah so fun, you guys gotta come back. Everyone's gotta come do it. At the TG. Club TG in Atwater Village. Amazing show. Yeah, so fun. That room's awesome. Very fun, and then I think I'm gonna be in Seattle, Portland probably in the summer.

Great. Boston in June. We'll warm it up for you. Yeah, warm it up, I know, I was like, go warm up. We'll dry it up for you. What's your handle, at least Instagram? Shit from Kieran. That's correct.

That's shit like the poop that comes out of your butthole. Oh, I've heard of that. Just wanna make sure it's not like, cause people will be like, shit with Kieran?'s shit like the poop that comes out of your butthole. Oh, I've heard of that. Just wanna make sure it's not like, because people will be like, shit with Kieran? No, shit from, but I always thought that was like, this is shit from Kieran's brain. That's what it was, and it's also, you know. That's what I gather.

Have you ever done radio and then they can't say your handle, you know, because you made it up before, you were like, uh-huh, this will be funny, and then it's like, they're not allowed to say it on any major platform. Right, here's me not having foresight. Yes, exactly. You can say it here.

So join it, follow it and go from there. Let's jump into the story. It's just crazy that Karen Deal was taken. Devastating. I know. I do Karen Deal or No Deal. Okay, you ready for this? Yes.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Sent in by Sarah at Shabatra. S-H-A-B-A-T-R-A. Here we go. Poop-a-Trader. Mm, mm, mm. Well, this is from me. Here we go.

Caught committing fecal assault on wigs in beauty store. Nevermind, nevermind. I will take that back. Lost you in the second half. Wigs? Wigs. I heard Poop-a-Trader and I was like, I'm in. Poop-A-Trader.

And then I was like, Wigs? I'm out. Poop-A-Trader. She wiggin', she wiggin'. I read the headline and I was like, New York Daily News? Newsweek. Newsweek.

Newsweek getting punny. They're now gonna. Yeah, Poop-A-Trader, fecal assault on wigs and beauty store. Fecal assault is, that's a prose fiction writer. I mean that is, this is. Fecal assault feels like day open for Papa Roach. Yeah, war tour, war tour in 1999.

United Center parking lot in Chicago. Yeah, you saw him, right Dan? Move over, Nickelback. Cut my life in two pieces, I'm pooping on your wig. This will be a little bit old, the way people hear it, but did you guys see Creed just lighting up Stagecoach? No.

No, but they just crushed it. Crushed. You know we did a Creed song. We did a Creed song in Moon Tower. And it was so much fun. And they crushed him, sure. Hold me now. That's exactly what he's singing.

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking. We're gonna get sued, but it's worth it. All right, Wichita police. Here's our question about that. Maybe six feet ain't so far down. Is he six feet from the edge of a grave or is he down in the grave, in which case he is six feet from the edge,

but he's in the grave? Six feet ain't so far down. I think he's looking at a grave and realizing, man, I'm not that far from that grave. But he's six feet from the edge, so you can't actually look down. And you're six feet away. Having done it. If he's having a gravedigger. You can see the edge wall, but like you're compromised. Yeah

Or he's too informed. You know too much Dan. Yeah, you're in too informed. You know too much. Wichita police Recently snuffed out a foul-smelling situation at a local business. I'm sure Wichita police has seen a lot but something about it being in Wichita makes me feel like the cops were personally offended that this happened. Like what's the... What's the Glen Campbell song? Wichita Lyman. The department announced Tuesday that they identified a woman who allegedly defecated in the middle of an aisle inside Mid-K Beauty Supply Store.

First of all, think more of yourself, K Beauty Supply Store, Mid? Mid-K. Is it good? It's Mid. Mid-K. Mid-K. All right, but I'm not on this woman's side.

Top-K. You are not allowed to poop in the middle of an aisle. I don't care how mad you are. But you're saying there's a time when your body says we're doing this? Either that or go outside and do it in the back or I get really. You have a lot of options for where you can poop.

Randy's had a lot of options. I'm just saying I get really mad when you go into a place and you're like, can I use the bathroom? And they're like, we don't have one. I'm like, yes you do. You have to have one. Would you rather they told you you can't use ours? I would rather they say it's for employees

and then you have the right to say, I'm gonna shit my pants or in that aisle if you don't let me in there. Can you please, this is an emergency. I would never do this otherwise, in which case they can be like, look, we'll make an exception to the rule that we're not gonna let everybody do it But you clearly look like you're having a moment go back there. New York is notorious for this

I've never had an issue with finding a bathroom in a place Other than in New York City where you can offer get a place to place for guys and you're like I'm this is a desperate you got to go to a bar and you got to pay money this is what you gotta do. I just go to any hotel lobby and use the restroom. This is all assuming that a hotel is nearby, though it's not a best western on every corner, Dan. I've done some smancy hotels.

Oh, you go to the four seasons? Yeah, because the more expensive the hotel, the less likely they feel like they can tell people no. It's like how I tell people, if you ever have to return something and you want your money back and don't have a receipt, go do it as close to or in Beverly Hills as possible, because they are so conditioned to,

just like we can't argue with these people, it's so much entitlement that they're accustomed to that they just go along with whatever you say and they they're over it They make so much money always always poop in a nice hotel Always poop in a nice hotel lobby there. They have separated stalls like they're in their own rooms You're not even like or a really nice staking the room a nice takeout just bring it You could just bring your laptop into this bathroom. Oh, do some work. Get your shit done, literally.

Take a Zoom meeting. All right, well she went into Mid-K Beauty Supply Store on May 10th, so this is a little bit ago, damaging numerous wigs in the process. Numerous wigs. That's not necessary, because the wigs weren't on the floor.

Right, they didn't ask for that. How high up is the, does it got one leg on the? Yes. And the other one making a peace sign. She's up is the, does it got one leg on the? Yes. And the other one making a peace sign. She's twerking, she's twerking. Yes, you read that right, police said in a social media post published to Facebook and

Twitter. The defecation was significant enough that multiple wigs- Defecation, non-pleaded, don't give a f***. Was significant enough that multiple wigs were destroyed as a result and the business would like to know who the perpetrator is so they can pursue criminal charges. You have DNA! Run it through APHIS! Avid.

Yeah, Mid-K, who doesn't have the self-esteem to be... To have security cameras, apparently. The cops get... We're about to have a very Verner Herzog moment. The incident was captured on the store's video surveillance system, police added, but for the good of all of you, we are not posting the footage of the offending fecal assault. We're only gonna do the audio of it?

Yeah, yeah. It's like in... No one should ever see this. I couldn't hear it, it's like Fitzcarraldo. We're not posting the footage of the offending fecal assault. You can hear all of the farting. This is going very... You can hear every noise and every single squish.

They went on to say that any public assistance in locating public enemy number two was appreciated. Come on! Is that Flavor Flav? Wichita police officer Trevor Macy told Newsweek that the suspect caused damage to wigs in the amount of how much money? I mean, I don't of how much money I mean I don't know how much they are expensive. They are I'm gonna go wigs multiple wigs. I'm gonna go with $2,700. Okay, dude, that's good 850. All right from Jason 600 bucks from Randy

$200 these aren't great wigs. They're not Mid-k As advertised they said topK, I would have said 2017. I believe the surveillance footage and the evidence left behind helped discover what had occurred, Macy said. At this time, it is believed to have been intentional. Yeah.

Oh, this is like an honor killing. Did you have to say that? Yeah. It's like, obviously it was intentional. She didn't, her butt didn't squirt. But I think they're saying she went in there to shit on these wigs. Can I tell you what I think she did?

I think she shit in the aisle and used multiple wigs to wipe. To clean herself? To clean herself. I didn't even think of that. I was thinking more of a shotgunning situation. Well, Dan, I don't know anyone who can directionally shit, but like I think, I am watching a dog now

that walks around when she does it, but that's, to me, it was a poop in the aisle. These were the, these were the, the wigs were the TP. Double ply, that was the double ply. You don't want threads on your, that's not enough, that's not enough mass. Who is the comic who did Manette? Oh. Oh. You don't want threads on your that's not enough

Who did man that oh? Hannah Gatsby Hannah Gatsby Do the I you can't What it in multiple directions can't shit in multiple directions apparently you haven't seen man that okay? I haven't seen the work of him We had to stop twice on the road trip to get there. I believe the surveillance footage and the evidence left behind helped to discover what had occurred.

We believe it's intentional. Appropriate charges are currently being determined. Do you wanna see what this person looks like? Yes. Of course. It's not, if I said. Does she need a wig? You just wouldn't think this person

would shit in the wigs. Why is she wearing a lanyard? Is she coming from a wig? You just wouldn't think this person would shit in the wigs. Why is she wearing a lanyard? Is she coming from a convention? I don't know. Also slides, if we're looking for a theme. Slides for a through line. A through line in today's episode. In cities like Columbus, Ohio,

public defecation and urination is unlawful in public spaces. This is insane. Structures are on private property and can lead to criminal charges. I don't know why they wrote that because this takes place in Wichita. This is the point at which you get Harry Torres to come over and burn a vagina just to get, you know what I mean? Like,

you know how you burn sage to get the evil spirits out? You burn a vagina to get the elders. These two perpetrators had met. Do you think that they both could have avoided these crimes by like falling in love, falling in love and quelling their own loneliness? like falling in love and quelling their own loneliness. Yes! Could it be I'm falling in love with you, shit. The Cleveland Clinic, again, don't know why we're hearing

from another Ohio institution for some of the things in Kansas, the Cleveland Clinic said that fecal incontinence. The Cleveland Clinic? Also called anal incontinence describes bowel movements that cannot be controlled and involves stools that leak out at unwanted times. The condition can be treated by dye and adjustments medications and surgery So that that's if it's an accident, right?

If this was the New York Post they would definitely have titled the article shit wig in the angry clench Yeah, yeah, and that's honestly a stunning time or shit's leak The post has resulted in a litany of jokes online. The department's Facebook post received more than 2000 comments, it was shared another 3400 times. One Facebook user commented, you know, this is wild logic, you know, it's considered good form to at least go to a corner. So now there's a form.

Now we're like, we're expected, this is going to happen. Someone doesn't know their manners. You gotta go Blair Witch yourself and shit over there. And look at the corner. Not on the wigs. As you think about what you did. Even police departments in other states chimed in on this Facebook post.

This is what I don't want. Like, what is... It's bad enough when one of them is doing it and now they're talking to each other. Did you look for this human in Taco Bell? Commented the River City, California police department. Oh, now they're talking to each other. Did you look for this human in Taco Bell? Commented the River City, California Police Department. That usually does it to me. Which means it's a cop running the account writing from a first human person perspective.

Not realizing that they're repping the entire police. That's like when someone got mad at us because we tweeted, because we share an account, we tweeted, we, and we said, we feel this way about something. It's like a joke. And someone's like, isn't it crazy that they say we? I'm like, you mean it wouldn't be crazier

if under a joint account you just said I? Right. I don't understand. The account is plural. I know. So you're getting mad at us because we're like correctly I that's what happens to me when I go to Taco Bell. Who's I the so-and-so police the Riverside?

Well, there's just an unsolved murder in Riverside The little deuce poop he's my little deuce poop. And somebody's like, I'm missing my daughter, please. Hang on, hang on, hang on, I gotta go one more. Wichita Police said, quote, we've already confirmed that this is not Amber Heard. So please stop calling and emailing that info. That is pretty funny. Thanks, the department said on Facebook.

We'll get out of here on that. Is that what you heard? How many wigs were destroyed? How many did she need to wipe? In this intentional crapping. How many wig wipe? Now I've been going really high on these numbers, so I'm gonna go with three.

Three. Three wigs. You know the total of damages. $200. $200. Let me just ask, is one of- It would be great if it was like 12 wigs. It's like a Halloween spirit store. I'm gonna go with three. Jason?

I'm gonna say two wigs. Two wigs? I'm gonna say three bobs and a weave. Three bobs and a weave. I'm gonna go four wigs. Four wigs. The amount of wigs destroyed by this Poopa Trhmm is eight Wigs eight is enough eight is So it K knows the brand these are like Halloween dollars. These are 40. No, it's mid K Okay, these are 20 no $25 wigs Intentional these are these are Halloween wigs

Backstories we have people mad at inanimate objects. Just relax. Guys. But can I say this? In a world where we get mad at other people, we take out a lot of stuff and violence is perpetrated on people, I'm glad. Yeah, I'll take that.

I'm glad there's the vaginas on fire and there's shit on the wig. I'm glad. It's not a shut up church is what you're trying to say. But don't do, just buy the wigs and then shit on trying to say. But don't do, don't, you know, just buy the wigs and then shit on them. Or like, you know, don't light your family's, like don't light the home's on fire.

That's right. That's the only. Just be. Little tease, Jay? A lot of property damage in this episode. What your wallet says about you as a drug addict. What's in your wallet. All right, when we come back, we're gonna find out

how you can see Daniel Van Kirk. Oh yeah. And check out all of his stuff. Uh, Karen deal is with us. We're very excited. It's don't people. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more don't people town. So I depend on caffeine so much mainly because I don't sleep great at night. I get up and I pee a bunch of times. The energy sleep apnea. It is, so I have the morning where I have to wake up for my kids and suddenly be awake and involved in this whole life at like 6 45 in the morning. Jay, you've often said, why are my kids not making other people tired? They should be making other people tired. And then there's this late afternoon drop where you dip and

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The dark green one, I don't even know what it is. I just know it by color. Isn't that terrible? The dark green one is my favorite't even know what it is. I just know my color. Is that terrible? The dark green one is my favorite. I take it and it focuses me up. Mental fog gone. So then there's no crash afterwards. Mental fog's gone and it just focuses me up.

I love it. It's actually, it feels like a very natural way to give yourself that boost. And in some weird way, everything falls away and you get very focused well You're not jittery and that's the other thing So I used to do my worst work in the afternoon as Jay pointed out before but now I've been doing some of my best Work in the afternoon just by taking one shot of this and the light green one

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there's more than PeopleTown. Hey guys, welcome back. Karen deals with us and her new special is on JoySuck Prime. JoySuck. And it is at least 10 years of work as it culminates up to this point. I'm very excited for you. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime.

I've always enjoyed being on shows with you. Same. Part of it is watching you do your material, but the other part is the hang. Because you are definitely not a JoySuck. You add money to the Joy Bank. When they set it together, it made me so happy. I was like, oh my God, can I take them everywhere?

All three of us feel this way. Bring joy. Daniel's bringing lots of joy to you all over the country and through stuff. So Dan, tell us the new dates. So let's go with July. Hey now. Well, I mean, if this is at the end of May, then.

It'll jump before June. What do you got in June? Okay, the 23rd, I'm at the Comedy Cabin in Janesville. Then that next weekend, the 29th, I'm headlining the Limestone Comedy Festival. Great fest. We're heading to Louisville for planned of the tapes on the 30th and the 31st.

And then I'm just taking June to have a whole bunch of fun with the family, go and see my mom, grandma, all that stuff. But I'll be back at it in July because I'm doing the Thrasher Opera House on the 12th. And then Hub City Comedy Week in Chicago, the 15th through the 19th, shows every night, all different, just me. Yes, it's an excuse for me to live in Chicago in the summer, but it's also a great time for everybody else. And then the last weekend of

July, I will be in Dayton, Kentucky and in Cincinnati, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And then I will be in Portland, Oregon on the first weekend of August. And so many other dates, everything's at danielvankirk.com. There's dates up through September. And watch Rose Gold. It's doing well. It is special. And listen to the Midnight Air.

Yes, your podcast here. Daniel, I think you should hide two tickets at the Bean. Oh yeah? Someone's gotta find them at the Bean and then you can come to the show. Oh, I've also already started planning after shows. Old Town Ale House, Girl with Tap. After Parties or after Carols? After shows. Yeah, After Show Hangs. After Show Hangs, I've also already started planning after shows. Old Town Ale House, Burlitt Tap. After Parles, Carols.

After shows. Yeah, after show hangs. After show hangs, I love it. But don't just come to the after show hang, you gotta come to the show first. Find out where the hang is. You don't go to the show, I'm not talking to you. Dan will announce where the hang is at the show.

So you gotta come to the show. Did we order a deep dish pizza to the Old Town Tavern? Yes we did. We ordered one that came there. To Old Town Ale House. Old Town Ale House, and then they actually had one there too. Yeah, you guys were like, they got pizza here. I go, well this pizza's on its way,

and I should have never doubted you. You ate the pizza you ordered at the Ale House, and you shared with me, and then we all ate the next pizza that showed up. And that crazy woman was like, let me have a slice, and I was like, I want you to put your arm on my back. I'm like, who are you? Yeah, let me get a slice of that.

I was in the Ale House a few weeks ago, and one of the bartenders brought that up. Because it was their girlfriend's friend. Yeah, this woman was like, she must have been drunk. A lot of people were apologizing for that. He said, remember when you and the Sclarz were in here and someone was hanging on him? And we were like, we've got to get this woman out of here.

And they were like, sorry about her. They're like, the good thing about comics. Is we needed her, because we made fun of her for like hours. The good thing about comics is like, we can handle drunk people in terms of, obviously there's a point for all of us where we're like, can you please get this person out? Somebody get her out.

The initial like, okay, have a good night. We gave her a slice. We can give you a slice and then get you out. She was like wearing a hat or something. You guys do Chicago correctly. The next time I go, I gotta tell you. Come on, man, we gotta figure out. Go get there in the summertime when he's there.

Do some of his shows. Do one of his shows. Yeah, I'll let you have one. Yeah, I just wanna. I'm Ted Searitz, there's other comics, like Ian Carmel and people who are like. I'm coming. Just do one.

I'll give you guys the big room. We should come do a tag it. Yes, you want 100%. Figure it out. Let's figure it out, Dan. I'm not joking. I'll give you guys the big room. We should come to a Tag It. Yes, you won 100%. Let's figure it out. Let's figure it out, Dan. I'm not joking. I would make my day. If we can get around that area, we'll do it.

Yeah. Okay. All right, here's my thing. Sent in by David Fournier at DP Fournier, too. I knew it before you sent it. Florida man caught with, quote, bulky wallet full of cocaine, end quote, at Magic Kingdom. Maybe he was just at a kingdom and he made it to Magic Kingdom.

You gotta get through the day. You gotta get through the day. You gotta boopity bopity boop your way out of this. You gotta get through the day. That's right, kids. Bulky, bulky wallet. How's that roller coaster? It's a little bumpy, if you know what I mean.

That's... Yeah. I gotta hit a bump there, and hit a bump there, hit a bump there. A man has been banned from Walt Disney World. You know it's bad when they call it Walt. Full name. I thought that you were supposed to,

you're supposed to do the drugs before you go. That's right. To the kingdom. You're not supposed to bring the drugs into the kingdom. No. Where'd you go? Did you go to Disney World? No, I went to Walt Disney World.

How do you get caught? Who calls it Walt? It's a thing for people to do mushrooms and go to Disney. By the way, people drop acid or they go into Molly. That doesn't set off a metal detector. No. So you're- Well, this is why the bulky description really got me.

Right, here we go. For that to- You wanna find out how he got caught? Do you know how many boomers are walking around with bulky wallets sitting on them ruining their hips? Dan, I just changed my wallet. I forced him to change his wallet. Look at how thin that is.

That's thin. Come on. I've re-entered the- I'll have a thin off with you. That thing is so thin. You gotta go front pocket. What do you do with you? What's wrong with you?

I'm trying to get sciatica. So I like the idea that it must have been so- Good for you, you win. Randy wins. My old one was bulky AF. Everyone listening, Randy has thin as well. Was my old one. But I think the bulkinessiness it means that there's.

Lot of powder? I think there's powder. He must have been creating trails with him where he went. I'll explain to you exactly how it happened. Dustin Lee Wallace, I'm not gonna tell you. He'd be Dustin all over there. Dustin is a perfect name.

Of St. Augustine, was arrested on March 29th and charged with possession of cocaine. He pleaded not guilty. How do you plead not guilty when they catch the cocaine on you? Because you gotta see how far you can get. Earlier this month. You go guilty right away,

you can't even get out of it on procedural bullshit. My pocket got hacked. Wallace's attorney did not respond to request for comment. Disney security officer Brian Colon. So you think this guy takes himself too seriously? He's like I smell something in there. Disney Security Officer is a beautiful title.

B-R-Y-A. Brian Cologne, I've never heard a simultaneously more boring and exciting name. Brian Cologne. K or colon. C-O-L-O-N. I like Brian in a vacuum. I'm just saying Brian with Cologne.

Yeah. It should be like. Is he French? I'm saying Cologne. It's C-O-L-O-N. Bronto Cologne. It could be like. Is he French? I'm saying cologne. It's C-O-L-O-N. Bronto cologne. Could be Brian Cullen. Oh, could it be Brian Cullen. Now that's fucking cool.

That's good. Describe the situation in the official arrest report. He witnessed Wallace and his son. So always good to bring the cocaine around when your son's with you. I mean, look, sometimes you need to pick me up. Walk up to the security checkpoint near the Magic Kingdom bus loop.

As per usual, security policies at Magic Kingdom. Colin went on to wand the pair with a metal detector and check their bags. Colin also asked Wallace to remove the wallet from his back pocket to which Wallace complied. Brian observed his wallet was bulky and he began to get nervous. He got nervous. Brian explained that he must check the wallet. Why? Brian's like, that's a bulky wallet, let me check that. They're leaving out context here. Like, I think if you're asking someone this many questions,

I would do, back when I was a door guy, if somebody walked up to the bar, Suspicious looking. a little, a little shaky on a boat that isn't happening. I would have a lot of questions, how's your night going, what are you up to, where'd you get that shirt, like da da da. I'd basically do crowd work.

So you were a grave digger and a. Oh and he also did loss prevention in Marshall Field. And I was a federal agent. Followed shoppers around, federal agent. But you would have. The last one doesn't sound real. I wanna say that you were. What? The last one doesn't sound real. Yeah I'm a federal agent. He was also I want you

I'm just saying and I say this to people that you were a ditch digger too, which I know it's not true But well, it was of contained it. Yeah drove in a gravedigger car. Yeah, I wish oh my god the monster truck All right, so you but I'm just saying'm just saying, he's exhibiting some weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's twitching, he's twitching. Yeah, I like that, I like that. Yeah, yeah. So he observed.

He's tweaking, he's tweaking. So he says, open your wallet, and he observed a big bag of powdery white substances. Oh my god. Brian, what's in your wallet? Contact his manager for assistance. What's in your wallet? The Orange County Sheriff's Office used a field test

on the white powder and found the results were present. Field test was their nephew Chad, who immediately did it and then came up with 17 business ideas. This one, this one's. Yeah, it's Coke. It's Coke. This might be the dumbest part of this story. If anyone in any sort of apprehension ability

says to you, take your drugs out, and they are not the cop, but they do have the ability to get some cops over here. Do you do it? No, why don't you just leave? Just be like no. They go take your wallet out and you know it's full of coke? Be like, you know what, I'm actually gonna leave.

Or they go, you can't get. Go back to your car, pull out all your stuff, go back to your car. So either way, I'm saying walk away from it. Guys, they were at the bus loop. How is he gonna walk? You have to understand the number of steps in the Orlando Walt Disney World.

Is it the Orlando, it's far. It's far. Here we go. The Orange County. It's Walt Disney World. Results were presumptive positive, indicating the presence of cocaine. Wallace later admitted to trying to bring the drugs

inside the Magic Kingdom. How did he plead not guilty? Claiming that cocaine was for stress relief. That's before a lawyer got a hold of him. Stress relief, you know how you get stressed and you're like, give me a drug that makes me more stressed out here? If he was at the bus loop,

wait, I need to redact what I said. If he was at the bus loop trying to get into Walt Disney, then he absolutely could have gone back to his car. Go back, say, oh my God. This is on him. Say, you come back and say, oh my God, I forgot something at the car, I'll be right back. So his plan, instead of saying that, was to say this.

Dustin advised he's been using cocaine for approximately one month because of stress from work. Sure. You know, when you get stressed at work and you're like, let me take this thing that's gonna make me crazy, that's gonna make me more stressed out? The latest incident is at least the second time

in the past several months someone has been arrested for trying to bring drugs into the Magic Kingdom Previously Aya Zabib of Lake Worth was arrested with a small brown vial of what she told authorities was cocaine Leftover from the Electric Daisy Carnival an electronic musical festival in Orlando court records show that the drug was later identified as ketamine She lied about that. Why would you lie? Why would you say it's cocaine and it's ketamine? It's K. Zabib is now charged with possession of ketamine, which is a third degree felony.

Is it really? Is first degree worse? First degree is worse. First degree is worse. She has pleaded not guilty and the K. So why are people pleading not guilty when they are caught with the substance and they're lying about the substance?

Their lawyer told them to. That's right. This is illegal. Everything they said has been pre-Murandized. Right. Thank you. So they can, it's not admissible. Here we go.

Thanks man. We're gonna get out of here on this. Thank you, Aaron. Don't bring cocaine into it. I wanna know how old his kid is. Well, I don't know how old the kid is. I love the idea that the kid's 45 years old. That's right.

He's the age of Harry Torres in my mind. That's right. He gave her a Harry Torres. 37. 37. How old is Dustin Lee Wallace? You say 37? No, no, no, Dustin Lee Wallace the dad is like 48.

I'm gonna go with the Harry Lee Torres age of 37. I'm gonna go 34. 34, 37, 48. Aaron, you wanna throw in a guess? 34 is really good. Cocaine's a young dad's game. It is a young dad's game. Young dad's game.

It's an old dad, I'll tell you. It's a young dad's game. Yeah, if he's dumb enough to say stress caused it, I'm saying he's even younger. He's 26. He's with his son. Yeah, I know, but this is also Florida. His son's not.

His son is four. His son's never gonna know. His son's never gonna know. This is Florida, son's never gonna know. Son's never gonna know. I like a young guest. He's going on Mr. Toad's World Ride All by himself. Watch JoySuck on Amazon Prime. Come see us in the Pacific Northwest. Go see Dan in Chicago.

Jason's about to say he's 23 years old. Dustin Lee Wallace, the man I call Dusty. He'd be Dustin. He'd be Dustin, needs a new wallet like me. You got it. Is. Relatable content. 44 years old.

Oh! I did it. I got it. Old dad, old dad. What an idiot. Dumbass. Six years away from death. Should know better.

All right, guys, that is the show. We love you and oh snap, we gotta get back to work. Peace. Stick around, make a sound. There's more to work. Peace. ["Don't People Town"] Stick around, make a sound, there's more Don't People Town.