Dumb People Town - Lamar Woods - Fire In The Hole

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Comedian, writer, and rapper Lamar Woods (Rebel Love Language) stops by as Jason describes how a hospital had to be evacuated after WWI artillery was found in a patient's butt, Randy explains why Rhode Island may ditch their Mr. Potatohead license plates, and Daniel reveals the world's funniest joke (according to some scientists), and so much more!

Guys, on an amazing episode of Dumb People Town today, we have someone who put a piece of World War II in a place that shouldn't have gone. We have maybe the greatest joke of all time, and we have an attack on Mr. Pettethead. All that with the amazing Lamar Woods and his new rap album. We talk about it. It's so much fun. This is a joyous romp on Dumb People Town. You don't want to miss it. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of dope so unaware they lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news.

Down each epic fail in Florida There's half-rice mail I'm happy to say they Good in the podcast brand With co-host our man Dan Dunders don't be a jerk Because when the music The Sound

Down is Dump People Town Hey Townies welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population to you Population Woods Lamar Woods What's up my dude What's happening

It's so good to be here It's so good to have Best energy ever. We just spent like three and a half months working with you on the Kevin Hart Show. And your energy in that room, just the way you greet people, it is amazing. You're a great comedy writer, great improviser, a rapper. You got a new album. We'll talk about that in a little bit.

No doubt, no doubt. Yeah, man, I love working with y'all. I've been a fan of y'all since way back when I first moved to L.A., y'all were in the first groups I've seen. And then I didn't even know y'all was friends with my boy. Come on. I love it. You guys were in a sketch.

You guys got to be in football. 14, 2013, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I love the you guys. I think it was like 301 or something. Man, that shit was crazy. Yeah.

I missed those days. Yeah, with nothing matter. We were just living. You know what? Today's great too because you're doing a lot of great stuff. Wow. That's awesome. It feels like a different time.

15 years ago. We're all old is what we're trying to say. Well, let's jump into a dumb story and then we'll talk about your album in the second second second. Shall we do this? All right. All right, let's do it. All right.

This is sending by Adam Poulton at Polsky 75. Hospital evacuated after, I'm not going to tell you how long this thing was. Okay. World War I artillery shell discovered in patients' butt. What? We all do that. We do this at the end of the year. We've had World War Artillery stuff before.

World War I have we? I'm just saying it's weird where these places show up. Yeah. So you're saying it was in their butt. Yeah. And it was still dang, like, active, so they had to get gay-gab. We didn't know. When you don't know, you don't know.

You got to be careful. You got out the dog. Yeah, got to always use protection. Thank you. Always make sure it's not. And that's never, they make it like in a mistake. But that was on purpose. If we have one message with this entire podcast and how many episodes have we done thousands?

God, it feels like it. It's very close. Guys, just make sure it's not active artillery when you're shoving it up your ass. You know you're going to put it up there. Exactly. Yeah. Be cool about it. Yeah, you put a lot of shit up there.

Make sure it's not active. Make it a shampoo bottle. We know that's not going to pull. We all think, you know, fuck war. But not. But don't do this. Literally. Don't let war fuck you.

All right. This is the first line of this article and you're going to hate the person who wrote it just from this. He had some explosive indigestion. No. I mean, it is right there. It was right there. A hospital in France was evacuated after a male patient and we know it was a dude.

Because women don't do. I never. They don't like war. Did you not like war? They don't like war. They loveers, not fine. Yeah, yeah. They're peaceful. Made a male patient arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his backside.

By the way, if they said World War II, it would not matter. Like, it's still old. Because that's the great one. That would be hard. The first one was the Great War. Yeah, the Second one was, that was pretty good. A good war. It's our good war.

It's our greatest. Penetration. Yeah, how far did they penetrate? According to the bum shell report. Okay. Come on. The unnamed, and he's not named, but I'm not going to tell you old he was, had been rushed to the Rangwell accident and emergency unit in Toulouse late Saturday night,

the daily mail report. What if you have to have your appendix out the next day and you're in the hospital and they're like, this jerk, you got to get out of the hospital, unhook yourself from the machines. That's crazy. And get out because somebody wanted to stick a thing up. there you know what poor fellow is in the state of extreme just go are we're really going to call him a poor fellow like this happened to him like he tried something how old is he we're going to guess

he slipped and fell yeah yeah he just fell on it he fell on it slipped I imagine the moments before where he was looking around the room being like what could I use no not a chair leg do I think that I could do this like his grandfather's estate sale by the way yeah can we give him a little bit credit the audacity to think like that. When Obama talked about the audacity of hope. Yeah, that's what he referred to. This is what he's referring to. I mean, maybe he saw the Tarantino movie to Pope Fiction and he was thinking like,

I should do this. But sell him up my ass and then he's valuable and maybe was handed down from his grandfather. He could be anything. He had to keep the artillery shell from generation of generation. I'm going to. This would be the craziest episode of Antiques Roadshow. Yeah. I think that shit was probably worse, so we should probably go get that.

You know, so you bring him, where's your item? Well, it's interesting. Bend over, Jeff, pawn stars. Your father. He took the World War I won. Bomb. He asked me to put it right here. It's very special to him.

I got something from Iraq in my eyes. It ain't worth that much. It's not worth it. All right. So the poor fellow was in a state of extreme discomfort, having inserted a large object in his rectum, and his rectum, an insider source said, it is, Speaking of insider source. Surgeons conducted emergency surgery during which they discovered the shocking source of his pain alive.

I'm not going to tell you how long it was. Bombshell from, I said World War I, 1918 that had been lodged inside of him, fearing a potential fire in the hole. Wow. Do you think they said what else is up here? Yeah. Hey, your keys. Hey, my keys. How do my keys get up there?

How did my keys getting... Adolf Hitler. There's the remote? There's our old key card. Is that the Lusitania? Lusatian is in it? You got old gympir? Roku remotes are too small.

They are to lose up shades all the time. Dude, at their new public service, the new Roku remote, it's called a pro. You can just say to your TV, where's the remote and it'll whistle until you find it. Are you serious? Yes. Come on. That's great. That's the kind of thing that will give it up at my ass, like a remote.

Like, just not by a mistake. Yeah. Not on purpose. Yeah, of course. This fire in the hole and hospital, medical personnel alerted the bomb squad and the fire brigade and evacuated facility. Meanwhile, a security perimeter was formed around the medical center as the authorities investigated the explosive situation. You can't have people walk into the hospital on their own. I mean, if you're the surgeon going in there to remove this, do you call, like, tell my children I love them?

This is an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Right. This is a very, there was an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Someone had a grenade or a bomb inside their stomach. Right, right. Christina Richie. I remember it was like after the Super Bowl. Christina Ricci had to like hold. Is it Christina Ricci?

Rishi? No. She's on Grace Anatomy? She's on Grace Anatomy. It was like a special stunt episode. Oh, she was the guest. She was the guest. She was like a nurse who worked there.

It was like all in one there. No, she came in with the person. She wasn't a hospital staff. It was all like after the Super Bowl huge like stunt deal. So the grenade in the shape of the way. So you stuck around this year. Not that this is over. I got to catch my greatest.

Very special episode of person. First background work I ever had. was on Gray's and Adam. We're at. Oh, shit. Hell yeah. We did an episode. Yeah, you guys did one.

Fortunately, the retro munition, which was also pointed, so one edge is pointed, was not deemed a threat. The bomb disposal experts took the show with them, and while the patient, a French national, remained in the hospital so he could recover from surgery. It was unclear how the antique ordinance ended up in the man's pasture. It's not unclear. Is it unclear? Every single family member of a person who's sick in that hospital gets to walk by and get

one shot at him. One punch in the face. You better take it the right way. The right way. Yeah. That's, like, so many people. Like, that's just the fuck up thing. Like you're saying, like, all those people in a hospital. Newborn babies. Yeah, newborn babies. Everybody's got to fix my gal. Incubator's got to come out. Like, everybody's got to come out. The experts suspected the combustible could have been there as a result of a party stunt gone awry. Party stunt. Well, you said Saturday night, I was thinking, like, okay, this might be a party. Okay. You go to, you guys dare me? You guys dare me? You guys dare me? If you go to a party and someone's like, I'm about to put this up there. Like, I'm calling an Uber.

Yeah, no, that. Oh, I'll wait outside. Check this out, guys. And you want to ask me to do that. Check this out. I call this trench warfare. Oh, hey. Come on.

I'd go in a foxhole with that guy. The way that voice came, I felt like God top of it is. Aaron. However, Francis La Pesh, Le Depeche Mode. Newspaper wrote that the medical staff in Toulouse are accustomed to treating victims injured during sexual games. How great is that? That in this moment, Jay finally understood what that band name meant.

I never knew. So that makes two of it. This side of the room is learning. Led Depechev. The shell shock patient is expected to shell shock to be interviewed by authorities later this week while prosecutors are considering taking legal action against him for handling category A munitions per an officer. Yeah. You should have legal action.

I agree. Yeah. It's the waste of everyone's time. Time and money. If it was an accident, you know. But I don't know how you do that by accident. That's not an accident. When something goes all the way up, that's not an idea.

You might sit on it for a say a little. How do he drive himself to you? Also, I'm not making around weapons and stuff. Not enough. Not we always read that about you. I should be more. More, thank you. The movie weapons?

Shells such as the one found the man's bum were used to be in the first world war by the imperial German army. So it was a Germans which deployed hundreds of thousands against the British and French armies across the Western Front between 1914 and 1918. The explosives, which are date stamped, regularly turn up during the iron harvest, the annual collection of often unexploded munitions from both World Wars,

which are found on farmland, building sites, and other disputed land. Wow. While a person's backside... It was dropped, but it didn't go off. Yeah. It might not seem like a strange... Might seem like a strange location

for one of them to surface. Shockingly, it wasn't the first at a French hospital. In 2022, the hospital San Mousse in Toulon was partially evacuated after an eight... I'm going to tell you this guy's age. You're up together. 88-year-old arrived with the World War I Art Trail Shelf similarly lodged in his anus.

That might have been shot. 88 years old, you're just trying to recapture your glory day. I got to go back to the time. Back to a time when I was, it was a much simpler time. Exactly. He's like, did you stick that in you or did that go in you 80 or 70 years ago? Yeah, how long even sitting on it? He's like, depends.

How long have you been sitting on this news? I've been sitting on this one for a long time. I've been sitting on this one for a while. Wow. All right. Let's, he's not named. We're going to get out of here on this. How old is my guy who did this to himself and forced a hospital to evacuate? Okay. That's the problem. World War I. I feel like he's over 50. My guess is going to be 63 years old.

Really? I'm thinking younger. I think someone older has too much respect. You just found out an 88-year-old day. Yeah, but that might have been lodged inside. That's why that's what's making me go younger because I'm like, okay, that makes sense. I mean, in the world of things that make sense. I would say he's 29, I think. 29. So this is difficult to map out because I think older people, either they're not in touch with whatever their kinks are.

Yeah. Or, you know what I mean? They act out in other ways. Other people know their kinks. Or this is a private thing that he's always been doing and it just went too far. It's supposed to almost go in. What did you say? 63.

53. You know what I mean you think they're also like people who have that. stuff around are probably older. That's true too. That's true, that collecting. 72 years old. All right, get your answers in. Okay.

I mean, that way, y'all went way different from me. I know. We went way different. This guy was 24 years old. I told you all. Come on. Because when he said Saturday night, God feel like.

So he knew. Saturday night. Old people are doing this on a Wednesday afternoon. Right. Right. I'm taking that. I'm not hanging out on Saturday. Even if I'm freaky out and I'm older,

I'm doing that on Tuesday, probably. You don't get it through. Got more time. They got more time. All right. That story one in the books. The great Lamar Woods is with us.

We're going to find out about his new album and all the stuff you can see him in. And he's just fantastic. And we'll do all that and let you know what we have going on right after this. No doubt. Stick around. Make us down. Come here down. It's dumb people town.

Hey, gang, welcome back to the show. Jade. Tell them what we got going on. Okay. You guys can catch us at Moon Tower in April. Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas. Then we're going to go back to the region of.

of Baton Rouge, Lake Charles, yeah, Lafayette and maybe, a larger in country. As we just came off of... That's third weekend in May. Thank you to everyone who came and saw us in New Orleans. And then Netflix is a joke on May 6th. Sorry, Dan, same night, but we're up right up the street. You can catch a double dip.

I love it for us. We're doing our show tag it where our comedians come on stage and then we on stage tag their jokes and give them to and pitch them to them afterwards. It's super fun. That's at UCB Theater, UCB Franklin on the... speaking of VCW theater on the 6th of May. That's a Friday night, I believe. So, Jay, this is one thing that I love.

Lamar just worked on the Kevin R. Keenan Thompson show with us. We got to spend months and days, months with you in the room, which was just a beautiful thing. I loved it so much. And you guys share, he shared a mix with you that is like the best thing in the world. Please, please. So I was like, please send me a mix of the music you're listening to.

Of course, he sent out on Spotify and I'm like, I'm old. I need it on Apple. And they switched Apple. Oh yeah, it was very stressful. I'm sorry. It was so, it was so good. On Spotify, do you.

I love it. I listen to it. It introduced me just so much new music. Oh, dope. And it was very much in the spirit of the kind of stuff I like. I feel like you were like,

I'm going to try and guess some of the things that I like that you also would like. There was some year old drogue on it. Yeah. I love your old droog. Your old droog is one of our favorites. Is he white?

I think he's like, Ukrainian is going to say. But he's just like, he kind of sounds like gnaz a little bit. Right, right. But he is just, so once you put that on there, I'm like, oh, you get me. You understand what I love. Well, you told me you were like, because you were like, I missed the old school hip hop. Right.

Obviously it's not like it used to sound. And I was like, I've been so excited because a lot of the hip hop coming out recently. Yes. It's exactly what you're feeling is going to go and back. But it has a new feel to it. So I was like, oh, he's going to love all this shit. Because it's like, it makes you feel like alive again. It feels so good.

And I'm going to transition that into your new album, which I've also been listening to a ton of. And it does have that feel to it. Yes, no doubt. It's new with old vibes. It feels familiar. The first second you listen to it, let them know how they can get it and support it. Oh, no doubt. It's the name of it.

It's so cool. It's called Rebel Love Language. You can hear it on all the platforms, Spotify, Apple, title, wherever you want to go. If you want to support me directly, you can buy the album from my website at www. The Lamarwoods.com. somehow I got in late and had to put the... There's another Lamar Woods. The Lamar Woods.

You go to that website and you literally could just buy it right there for $10 and download straight to your computer. I did it independently. So that actually means a lot to me. But if you can't afford that, listen to it because that helps too. Yeah. Get those streams up, man. It's really, really great.

You will thank us for doing that. You know, it's amazing. We sit in the room. We write jokes with you and we just pitching around and stuff like that. But then like to hear you and a friend create this whole other. creative thing outside. I mean, it's clever and it's smart. Obviously, it kind of works in the same ways.

There's humor in it. There's humor in it in a cool way. But it is like a straight up rap album. I mean, you're not like making fun of stuff, right? So to do that in another genre, I just think is the coolest thing. Yeah, because it is scary. Because when you, a comedian, you kind of, it's a little bit of a like, how do I take myself this seriously?

And so I always kind of start with that. Yeah. And I think what I start. of doing is just like just rapping about exactly as like how we do comedy is like what do I feel right now. That's my true. A lot of times when you freestyle and shit, you start talking shit that don't mix like I'll be like, I got 30 girls in the car.

I know I don't really. No, you know. But I do drink wine on Saturdays and I like a little champagne right of porch and I'll rap about that and actually, and I'm able to be humorous with that. Yeah, right. I also think too, like, yeah, we do think that like man, what's ever going to think about me taking this so seriously? Yeah.

The more you lean into it, the more people accept it. Like, the more that you're like, no, this is, I'm doing it this legit. That they're like, oh, okay. But it is like, if you did it halfway, you would get more shit. Right. Because they're not, I don't believe you. Yeah, exactly. I have to believe it.

If I don't believe it, they're not going to do. I remember when it first dropped, that was like 2015, 60, your first album? Yeah, wine bars. Yeah. And I was like, man, this is real. It's real. It's real. Well, it's very honest.

That's the other side of it that I love. And that's what we say when you get into comedy. we always ask young comedians when we're like helping them with their comedy we're like, did that happen to you? Or are you making that up? I need to know. Because like for Dan,

Dan can turn like something that happened to him like in a day into a 10 minute story. That night with tons of jokes. That's very funny. But what you know for a fact is like all the things that are in the story happened to him. Exactly.

He's not making anything up. And so when you can sniff that out and it's just all in there. It's like very honest. It's very good. Let them know one more time the name of the album. Yeah, Rebel Love Language. Buy it on the website.

The Lamarwoods.com. Do it. Go to Spotify. Go to title. Go to wherever you, whatever you want. Listen to music. You're supporting,

my friend, but you're also giving yourself. Oh, you'll love it. It's a great vibe. It's a great vibe. It's a real quick listen to it. It's not that many songs. It's like nine songs.

I got my man Crime Apple on there. I think I might have put them on the mix. I gave you. Yeah, the pH. And I got this dude, Ethan, He produced a whole album. He's like straight up, boom, bab. If you like that, 1996, like Nas, you know what I'm saying?

Wu-Tang, that kind of style. But with some like, you know, and I ain't going for it. It's a little political. It's a little of the time right now. But I'm not. But you're of the time right now. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what time it is.

I don't even know what year it is right now. Go get it. There you go. Thanks, y'all. I'm going to jump into this second story. Sent it by Sean Anderson at Sean 70. You ready for that headline? Here we go.

Rhode Island may ditch Mr. Potato Head license plates after Hasbro moves to Boston. So do you know how much like logistical governmental stuff has to happen in order to get just even an image on a license plate? Like how fun would it been if Rhode Island had a Mr. Potato Head on license plate? And if it was something that you can switch around, how great would that be? You know what I mean? It's the magnets. They're magnets. Yeah, my God.

Different schnaz on there. It's a fireman. Don't fuck with me right now. Dude, that would be the most fun thing ever, but they're like, we might have to ditch these plates. Why? Because they left Rhode Island and went to Boston. Rhode Islanders have long been able to choose Mr. Potato Head for their specialty license plates. However, it has been a thing for a while.

Yeah. So however, Hasbro's decision to move its headquarters to Boston has motivated two lawmakers to propose an ending of the option of Mr. Potato Head license plates. So this is something that people love. Once you take something away from sour grapes, you broke up with us. You broke up with Rhode Island, Hasbro. Yeah, you can't do that.

You can't forget what you came from. Did your story have a picture of them? No, it didn't. Is Hasbro the ones that make the gummy bears too? Or that's horrible. Oh, yeah, yeah, Harpo, yeah. So Hasbro makes a lot of games and, like, kids' toys. And Mr. Potato Head is a long-running Hasbro toy, like, one of the OG.

Hasbro did, like, T-Man and all that other things. All the action figures. Guys, these are cool. The thing, do you have one? Yeah. They's got a little mustard. Oh, that's hard.

Oh, man, I kind of like that. That's kind of dope. Show it to the camera. I don't know if I can even zoom in. All right. So it's been no, in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Potucket, Rhode Island. It's been no small potatoes.

It's been no small potatoes. I don't want to hear it. I love it. Potato is my favorite. Do I have that mustache? Look at it's for the Rhode Island. Food Bank. Help us end hungry.

That is a very. very clean license. Yeah, that is very doubt. I can see that on a hoodie, like a white or cream hoodie with that over the left chest. That shit is hard. It's been no small potatoes that Rhode Islanders have been able to choose the image of Mr. Potato

Head as a special. So keep Mr. Potato Head and on his sign it just says traitor on it. Yeah. Mashed potatoes. I'm with stupid arrow pointing down at F. Hasbro, on the sign. Let's mash that beef. All right. Yet with Hasbro's decision to move

headquarters from the smallest state in the U.S. to Boston. Like, you know they're like, we're Rhode Island. We're the smallest state in the union, but we got Hasbro. Yeah. Yeah, that was their thing. Now we have been. How are you leaving? Yeah, man.

Say it's time to hash out whether Rhode Island should continue promoting one of the country's company's most iconic characters. Under the proposal inducted earlier this month, Rhode Island's division of motor vehicles would stop providing Mr. Potatohead as an option for specialty licensed plates. Currently, the plate costs how much money to get it as a specialty. I'll see in LA it would probably be $145. Right, exactly.

So I feel like in Rhode Island. Go to a normal place. It's like 55 bucks. What do you think? 70 bucks. I'm going to say, I'm going to go cheap. I think 15 bucks. Okay.

It is $40. Okay. But half of that amount goes to help support Rhode Island Community Food Bank. Yeah, it is doing good work. Don't take it away. So yeah, what happens? Who's going to take care? The food banks are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We still love it. It's part of our history. But they're actually on a good side of this argument for once. We got to keep our history. Keep it in town. We need to do this. Make license plate great again. Make license plate great again.

Potatoes are food. We're trying to tear down our license plates, but we really... What was the... Wait, what's the... Vermont is live free or die. That's New Hampshire. New Hampshire. Live free or die.

And then the irony was that a lot of those license plates were made by prisoners. Right. No one's living free when they're making those. I will say this. We're making a license place of Rhode Island. If I'm Rhode Island and we're definitely getting rid of Mr. Potato Head and we want to keep helping the food bank, I'm going with five new license plates. You can choose, yes, you could choose McNuggets, you could choose French fries, you could choose

like, do five different types of food and you can choose your food. Yes. That would be so cool. Blocally. I would love to do like, because they got crab, like. crab legs out there or what's the crab cakes like a crab cake whatever what an oysters like oysters come on a lobster a lobster a lobster a lobster on a lotster lobster like a Republican law your way to the top Brian Newberry a Republican from North Smithfield said in the email that he followed legislation

because Hasbro leaving the state would cause an untold economic harm and loss of tax revenue. There's no reason we should be advertising their products on our license plate. Newberry said F them. It may seem trivial. compared to many other things, but it's a matter of self-respect. But he just said, Rand, he goes, we're going to lose all of this economic, so you know what we should do? We should also screw the food bank.

Screw the food bank, too, yeah. So that's what we're going to need it. This is the problem with politics today. Potato out with the food bank. We must get Mr. Potato Head out of. We're going to blame Hasbro. They're going to tank the food banks and blame Hasbro for it. Right.

So they can say, look what we did. We had the guts to fight back to Hasbro. All right. Well, you did that, but you also hurt these people. So Mr. Potato had a licensed place where first issued when? When do you think they were first issued? You want to go first? Okay, I'll go for, yeah.

I would say it's got to be way back probably like 1924. My 20. It is an old toy. It's a really old toy. It used to start with you just had a potato and you would buy the accessories. It's like the first toy. But I feel like this, based on that animation that we saw or the drawing, yeah.

That feels like an early's 80. drawing to me, so I'm going to go 82. 75. Mr. Potato had license plates were first issued in 2002. Whoa, my God. That was way off. No, no, no, to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the beloved toy, so it came

out in 52. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Which notably appeared in the toy story films. The plates include a small image of Mr. Potato holding a sign of Rhode Island Community Food Bank, Help End-Hen-Hu-W-W-Band. The license plate started at a time when Mr. Potatoe was all over the state and was having a moment, said Kate McDonald's spokesperson of

the food bank, which has received nearly how much money over the years due to the plate. You're talking 23. How much money have they made over those years? Now, remember, they'll get $20 a license. And you don't need to buy, I'm going to say $500,000. What do you think? $250,000. Small state.

I'm with a lot. I'm around $500,000. That's it. Not bad. Well, I still don't want to lose it. Right. Yeah. And where did it go?

Where did the company go? I don't know. They went to Boston. I guess it's because it's such a small state, and once you have your license plate, you got your license plate for a... It's a small state. I remember I drove through there pretty quick,

like 30 minutes. Yeah. But it's a dope state. Shut up, province. It's great comedy and providence. Yeah. Yes. I love it.

And while it has tapered off of the years, it's been a steady way for people to contribute, uh, an email was sent to Hasbro seeking comment that toy company announced last year would be moving in Boston at the end of 2026. After operating in Pawtuckett, Rhode Island for nearly 70 years,

Lou Pryor, who helps collect, and distribute food donations to hungry Rhode Island and said he was upset when you heard about the Newberry's bill. My concern is any cuts to the food programs is going to affect some people who lives just northern province to stay capital and often sees people in different backgrounds who need to find a warm meal.

For him to say he doesn't like the plates, well, that's your prerogative. Don't buy them. If it's making money for the state, let it. That's what we said. Yeah, I agree. Mr. Potato has been around since 1950s when the original toy didn't come out with a plastic potato.

Instead, kids had to supply their own vegetable to poke the eyes or the mustache. You had to use your own vegetables to do that. Notably, Mr. Potato's head was the first toy advertised on television in 1952. And Mrs. Potato Head was launched in what year? 71. Yeah, I'm going to say 84. 88.

58. You're later. Wow. Followed by. That was quick. Followed by brother Spud. He was like, we got to get him with girl. Damn, gal a lady.

Followed by brother Spud and sister Yam and various. Sister yams? What's a Cister yams? Cister yams up in this motherfucker? Look at our sister y'am. I got it. I got it. I got it.

I got it. I'm putting sister yams on my license to play. By the way, various pets and accessories, according to the National Museum will play. Hasro has adopted a plastic spud after a new government regulations prevented certain toys from having pointed sharp edges. Really? Yeah. It's a different kind of.

It didn't make it out of the 50s. I have a feeling I'm not going to want to see Sistine. The way you reacted to. I know. Wait. Do you not want to show to it. It's just... Well, the word thing is I think, I don't even know when to pull up. I think it's just like back when it was just the attachments. So like they would give you stuff to do like a sister. She looks like a clown.

She looks... Wait, which one am I looking at? That's what I was saying too. Yeah, it looks like the, uh, this looks like Missingham. Oh, man. I'm disrespect the yams like that. So I'm just like, I'm... There it is.

There it is. Oh, my gosh. Ew. She's sweet. She's sweet. So that's spud and yams. But then there's also this. I don't know if that's the grandma or sister.

That's like a mashed potato head. Yeah. Isn't yams supposed to be orange? They don't look. See that no background one, Aaron, in the middle. That one looks like it's like the whole family. A new version. Yeah, the lashes are out of control.

Lashes are out of control. I'd be like, babe, what are you doing? Okay. You know what the thing is too? I think is gender neutral. This is a licensing issue. So Hasbro isn't saying we are no longer going to get a give, Rhode Island the licensing.

Right. Because at any point, they could pull it too. I mean, that'd be horrible PR for them. If I'm Hasbro, which sucks that you're leaving Rhode Island, it's bad. What I would say is, here's what we're going to do. We are going to donate $60,000 a year because you made $60,000 in the entire time and the luncheon of it. We're going to do that for the next 50 years.

We're going to go $60,000 a year to the food bank. Direct. It should match. Right? Every year anyway. directly to the food bank. Directly to the food bank. And it's a write-off for us,

but we're giving it directly to your food bank because we used to be here. Get them on the phone. In that case, Newberry can't make that up. That's story number two. There's no. Dan, give us a little tease of what we're going to hear. Guys, it's all about a joke.

Okay. It's all about a joke. Lamar Woods is with us. What out. I love that story. We just went out. Thank you. That's something really interesting about that.

It's beautiful, right? I think they should keep their license play. They've been there long enough. It's like Tupac. Tupac is from Baltimore. He's from all over, but you see him as California. That's what we're going to wrap it as. That's it.

Lamar Wood is with us. He's got the new album, Rebel Love Music. Language. Love Language. My love language is rebellion. Rebel love language, yes. That is the truth. I love it.

Daniel's got a story for us on the other side of the break. We'll find out what he's got going. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Come here down, East Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Dan, before you jump into the story, tell us what you got on. Guys, go to Daniel Van Kirk.com to check all of my dates.

I can tell you I'm going to be in New York. I'm going to be in Allentown and York, Pennsylvania. I'm also going to be in Wilmington, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Baltimore, Maryland, right here in L.A. for Netflix. This is a joke. There's a whole bunch of more dates being added. I've got stuff through the summer that's going to be added. I've even got a date all the way out in.

Don't get mad to me, Rhode Island. I'm going to be in Cohasset, Massachusetts. Love it. That is like all the way in October. I think that's like the 22nd. Where do you perform out there? There's a place called. So I keep telling people about this.

It's called the Red Lion, right? And it is a Red Lion Inn and there's a restaurant and pub. And it's so crazy when you go to Boston because we're in the, the venue is downstairs in the basement. It's a cool, like, intimate little venue. I've been to Cohasset. And we're in there and I'm like, man, this place is dope. And they're like, yeah, this is 320 years old. And I go, what?

And they're like, yeah, this bar is 320 years old. Wow. And I go, you understand what we were in Illinois and someone's 320 years old, it would be a museum. Right. This is just like the bar where people hang and perform in. And you're also in Coazzo, it's like one of the most beautiful places in the country. It's so cool. Right on the ocean and all that stuff is so beautiful.

So shout out Carlin Tripp. He books that and he was like, let's come back. Let's do it. And I was like, let's do the fall. Because then I might shoot up and check out Salem when I'm up there too because it's right before Halloween. Yeah. Yeah. And then you can listen to Midnight Air.

It's just me, a little overnight radio podcast style show that comes out every single Monday talking about whatever. Dude, I went off on a rant yesterday about men who don't have fun with their wives or girlfriends. Like I saw a thing where like it was like it was like it was from months ago. It was some like themed party and all the women like dressed up and did the whole theme and then the guys like didn't. Yeah. And I'm like, too cool.

Yeah. I'm like, too cool. And you know what it is? And we know this. Even at any age. You already imprisoned. Even at any age. These men really aren't doing it because they don't want to be made fun of when they get there.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, shut the fuck. Have fun. Let yourself go. I want to shout out my dad real quick because he, he don't play that. Like, my dad, if my stepmom wants to wear a lime green, my dad wearing a whole lime green. I love it. Maybe walk around.

Yeah. Get down. Get down. What's the point? Why are we on this planet? I don't know. So I went off. I would have fun.

To have fun. Anyway, so check that out. Listen to the rain. Everything's at Daniel vancirk. dot com. All right. All right. I found it's such an interesting story. It's dumb and it us. It's inside baseball. Outside baseball. This is sending by Carleen McDermott at Shabee Carlene. Thank you. The world's funniest joke has been revealed by experts, but will it make you laugh? That's okay. Comedy as we know, Lamar. Subjective is the most subjective thing ever. Like arts are subjective. I know.

Music is subjective. It all is subjective. So it's kind of cool on our show when we would be reading jokes because we all come from different places on good sports when a joke would get the whole room. Yeah. That's like, it's like magic. You were like, that's a keeper. It's undeniable. So we had a clip recently and it was like the most simplest clip we were doing a little

segment called Bush League where we're like we've looked at the pros, we looked at the NBA and now that's time to look at the Joe's. Let's look at the Joe's. These are just Bush League clips from all around. Right. And there were these old old people. I mean like in their 80s playing basketball. Like, but for real.

real like not playing around but like it starts out slow the clips someone's got a ball at the top of the elbow passage to another guy to a woman to a woman she had fake she had the ball for a second like white hair she head fakes and cuts to the hoop and lays it in left-handed it was crazy such a move but the jokes that we all wrote that came out of it I was like you know this isn't the bush league this is the Barbara Bush League uh this is the real 76ers the real 70s are these are actual 76ers. Ball and new hip, don't lie. Two feet the lane, two feet in the lane, two feet in the grave.

Two feet in the grade. Hard trials, hard candy. That was so funny. James Werther original. You should have got to get you in there. I mean, the other joke was all these, don't feel bad for these guys. They were all drafted for the Korean War. That's an example where it's like visceral comedy.

It's like no matter who you are, your background, whatever is just making you laugh. We're all, we all got it. So I'm curious to see what this joke is. If this falls into that. The world's funniest joke has been officially revealed. It's been selected for its, quote, real universal appeal. By who?

By who? Scientists. I love it. No, wait. You know college science. It's even better. You're jumping it before they do the thing you're doing. Okay.

They go, scientists, including one with a PhD. Oh. They're not even know. They're trying to be like, hey, hey, hey. This is real. If there's anything I know, someone's got a PhD who's been studying all the time. Follier than half. Hilarious.

Hilarious. Great sense of years. What are the funniest? I would say this PhD and what? Comedy. They better have a PhD in comedy. By the way, if you had a PhD in comedy, you'd be the least funny. He still won't be funny.

My orthodontas, Dr. Shlomo Frankel, he loves comedy so much. And I'm like, it is a real thing. Dennis and doctors. Love. They love. They love. They love. The L.O.F.

The best. The best in L.A. Shout about. Shout about. My dentist is hilarious. I'm a Kenneth Jacobs fan. But anyway. All right.

Scientists, including one with, have you heard his new hour? His new hour? It's great. Kenneth Jacobs. Yeah, yeah. Dr. Kenneth Jacobs. I thought you were going to say Alba.

Rebel Love. Either one. Do Rebel Love? Okay. So scientists, and like I said, one on the PhD. Okay. Analyzed a study started on a website 20 years ago to select the gag,

which the organizers say of the study, quote, makes us feel superior to others. I don't know what does or telling jokes. Okay. Humor? Yes. How many people across the world rated five, randomly selected jokes out of a database of more than 40,000.

How many people do you think rated five randomly selected jokes out of a 40,000 deep database? Wow. So they had this many people. They got a million people. Two million. Okay. Yeah. I'll just say four million.

One point five million. There you go. We're right there. Yes. It's a lot of people. A million people across the world rated five randomly selected jokes out of a database of more than 40,000. Dr. Richard Weissman, a psychologist who led the study, said, quote,

"... Sounds like a denizen." Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people, but the one chosen had real universal appeal. By the way, the jokes were chosen at random out of a 40,000. So, like, there could be a million jokes. There could be, like, 30,000 better jokes in there, but they just won't chosen. But every time this showed up in the random five, it had the highest average. Yes.

Okay, got you. Do you want to hear the joke? I don't get to submit to this. Yeah, I want to hear the joke. Of course we do. Okay. I guess it's that James Werther's original joke I made. No, I know I got the experience in the organics. The best ranked joke was this.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps. My friend is dead. what can I do? The operator says calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.

There's a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, okay, now what? Wait, to make sure he's dead. So then you hear a gunshot. And the guy says, all right, now what? He made sure. Okay, okay. That's the best joke, guys.

It has a good turn. Not bad. You don't see, no. It's structurally, it works really well. I don't hate it. It's got stakes. It's violent. It has a turn.

It gets violent. Yeah, yeah. I mean, who is it just a girl? Some good white on white crime. I'm assuming they're white hunters. Look, I know how we all feel about Woody Allen right now, but Woody Allen's bit about the moose. You're talking about art, not artist. This bit about the moose, which he did in the 1960s is talking about a hunting joke is one of the greatest jokes, one of the greatest bits of all time about him going out hunting.

He's like, I shot a moose in upstate New York. And I, the, what happened was, shot the moose, put him on the front fender of my car. What I didn't realize that the bullet only grazed the brain, grazed the scalp of the moose, and he was alive. And as I'm driving him back, going through the tunnel. The Lincoln Tunnel. The moose wakes up.

And there's a law that says you can't drive with a live moose on the hood of your car on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Okay, through the tunnel. So I got this moose and I'm like, what am I going to do? Well, turns out there's a costume part. that night, I show up with the moose. I knock on the door, I say, you're knocking on the door, I say,

you remember the Berkowitz's to the moose. We walk in. Moose starts mingling. Scores. I mean, it does well. Scores. He got trapped by a guy trying to sell him insurance for about an hour and a half, right?

The end of the night, they decide to have a costume contest. All right? Moose enters. Comes in second to, A couple dressed as a moose. The moose and the, what are the names? The Feldmanz. Lockhorns in the middle of the living room and start fighting it out.

They have a huge thing. I am the melee. I grab the moose. I strab them back out on my car. I drive back out to the woods to let him off. As soon as I get out there, I realize I've grabbed the Berkowitz's. And there's a law about driving. with a Jewish couple

tied to your hood on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and definitely Saturdays. I get him out in the woods. The Mr. Berkowitz is out in the woods is shot, stuffed, and mounted, and his head is put up at the New York Athletic Club. But the joke is on them because the club's restricted. It doesn't allow juice.

Unbelievable joke. That's a great joke. That's a great joke. This is like, okay. It's probably the 10th, thing is hard because it's like it's like the lowest common to not like everyone if everyone has to get it's like hey you know what you know what flavor of ice cream the most people really like vanilla right also exactly it's red not heard yeah also a completely different medium for delivering a joke

or writing a joke yeah that sometimes it's how you deliver it we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons they sometimes make us feel superior to others reduce the emotional impact of anxiety provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruentity. That's right. Right. The Hunter's joke contained all three elements. Sure, and it's got death in it too, which was. Scott Weems, author of Ha, the science of when we laugh and why. Weimsy.

Speaking to the Huffington Post and said, I believe comedy tastes vary so wildly because of humor and it isn't about setups or punchlines. Instead, it's about the kick of the discovery, thinking one way and then suddenly turning around and thinking the rug pulled out from under you. Shock and surprise. Curious animals. Shock and surprise are needed for that turn, but there must be a destination too.

I don't know that it has to have shock and surprise. No. Because if I'm watching, you know, to quote Colton Dunn, who was the head writer on our show, like there's a game in every sketch. And I think if you have developed mind, you understand the game quickly. Right, right.

And then you laugh at the escalation and the examples. I'll use the key and peel skis. of the new hat with the tag on it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They two guys see each other on the street. Jordan PLC's Keegie Michael Keene. He's got a new hat and it's got the tag still on it. And it zooms in on the hat and makes this noise.

And you can see that like Jordan is like thrown off by how cool this guy is coming off because he's got such a new hat with the tags still on it. Fresh. Fresh. Comes back and he and Jordan next time has the hat in the bag still on his head. And then it goes like, then they have like the box. The display on it, and then Jordan Veal has the woman making a hat on a loom, on a sewing machine on his head. Now, I knew where it was going.

I knew it was going to keep exaggerating going crazy, but where they pushed it to me was funny and how far they pushed it. So I didn't need to be surprised. It didn't go in a direction that I wasn't expecting. I just was like, I love how far they're pushing it. Yeah, like the heightening is keeps going. But there is like a, it's a cleverness within the heightening that maybe will surprise that that's happening. even, I know you're going to do something in that area. I realize you're going to push it that far.

Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah. So there is a little surprise. It does get you. There's also, like, the form of, like, what you guys were just talking about. We already know the destination. That's, this woman does this crazy layout. So you show that first.

Yeah. And then it's an inverse of what is the, our own version of a dunk versus being a joke. How can you dunk on that in a way that's going to surprise everybody else? We already know the end. Also, it's interesting that this is going back to the thing we work on. It's like there's stuff that's just like people falling. We watch and it just makes, and I'm like, I usually don't like to see that because I'm really too sensitive. But like there's times where it happens and it's just like from day one, it still makes you laugh.

Even though you know it's happening, there's nothing. Especially if they tell me from the jump, this person's totally okay. Fine. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy standing on near Frozen Lake on tiny rock about to hit golf ball. You know what's coming. You know he's going down.

Swings, turns, flies back first. into the water and it's hilarious. You know it's happening. I'm not ashamed even though I should be to admit this. I was watching Beast games on Amazon. It's just cotton candy TV. And they did a link up with Survivor. So they got Jeff Probst there doing it.

And it's amazing sort of watching him because Mr. Beast, for all of his ability to figure out the algorithm and YouTube, he really knows what he's doing. But Props is a... It's a host. The legitimate of all, right? They're doing a relay race where you've got to figure out a thing and then run the key back to your team.

and then the next person goes farther and figures out the next thing and they run the key back. This woman figures out this thing, gets the key. No, it's a guy. He figures out he gets the key. He's running back. He falls. He's running so hard.

Dead pan. Jeff Probst goes, he goes, J.C. takes a header. The guy gets up. He falls two steps later. He goes, takes another header. It was so funny. So funny. He's just like, J.C. takes a header.

Takes another header. I laugh. I would laugh. I think that on Mr. Beast games, They should have people try and figure out like the Zodiac killer. Like see if you can decode crime. Start using this audience for real good. Let's crowdsource some answers.

Right, right. How are you getting a piece of war war war on your ass? Thank you. But I remember one time I was going to a restaurant. I was very like single and lonely at the time. And I was like, I'm just going to take myself out, you know, on my own little date at little times over there. Love it.

And it's just like a normal, there's nothing funny about this. But then I go, I go, the lady takes me all the way down to this, the last seat. And it's the only seat. Everyone else has having a great time. And it's like probably like four or five like, I would say mid-20s, like really attractive girls just sitting there right next to me by myself. And I sit down and immediately the chair breaks it. I fall in front of a. No.

No. I could not know how I just started laughing. I mean, it's like, it's just like, did they laugh? No, they didn't laugh because they felt bad for me. I started laughing. Then they laughed after, but it was like, I needed them to laugh. If they would have made me feel less embarrassed. But me being in a comedian, I was like, this is funny.

I wish I saw this. In a script, this is hilarious. It's funny. Yeah, because I'm right. Sir, let me take you to the chair that's broken. Yeah, yeah. I didn't have a reservation. I didn't have a reservation.

I was like, this is the worst out of my life. Sit him on the broken chair. That's hilarious. But it was never not before. All right, that's story three. I just thought it was like a dumb little weird thing. It's our life. It's what is the funniest joke ever.

That's dumb to even try to consider. Story three, a show, Lamar Woods. The Love Rebel Love Language. That's a new album. Go check that out. Buy it on his website. The Lamarwoods.com. Yeah.

Ganymancurt.com. Check out his stuff. Superclogs.com for all of our stuff. We love you guys. And like we say in the writer's room as we're messing around for the first like 45 minutes. Oh, snap. We've got to get back to work, y'all. Yeah.

Let's go.