Dumb People Town - Larry Wilmore - Leguini

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Comedian, writer, and magician Larry Wilmore (https://www.thelarrywilmore.com/) stops by as Daniel describes why a mother in law wants to nap in a couple's bed and it causes marital strife as you'd expect, Randy explains how a California man was arrested for buying and returning Lego sets after replacing the pieces with pasta, and Jason warns against leaving your 7 children to live your life as a 6 year old child, and so much more!Feel it to believe it. Go to sheath.com/DPT and use code DPT for 20% off!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you so much for being here, and the stories are crazy. We have a woman wondering if it's okay for her mother-in-law to do something in her house that she should not be doing. It has a Goldilocks thing to it. And then we also have somebody who really loves Lego, but not as much as they love pasta and combining those things. And then Jason brings it all the way home with a guy who doesn't love his family, and I don't think really knows who he is. It's all on this episode of Dumb People, Tom. Dan and Rand and Jay will share tales of folk so unaware they lack in grace. and sometimes choose the life they choose

We'll make the news Breaking down each epic bail In Florida There's half-rice bail I'm happy to say they Good in to our podcast band With co-host our man Dan Man dirt

Don't be a jerk Because when the music Which the funny hits Make a sound Come you down It's Dumb People Town Hey Totties Welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town Population You Population Wilmore Larry Wilmore Welcome to Town Welcome to the show. Thank you guys. A little roaring intro.

I know. I didn't know what happened like that. Yeah, we bring a heat early. Can I say what I love about you is that we've been a fan of yours for so long? And then we get a chance to like just work with you at the Ice House on a couple of shows, watch you do your thing. And as we were performing in our last set, just I looked around the corner and you were watching us after your set was over with, which I highly, highly am appreciative of.

But it just made us love you even more. And we're like, hey, you want to come to our podcast? You're like, yes. No, you guys are great, man. But I love watching about you guys. It's the best of how showbiz has been, like your timing and that kind of stuff. Like the comedy duo, people don't know. Used to be a thing?

No, it was a huge thing. It was a huge thing. A friend of mine, Greg Otto, he puts out lists sometimes of old improv spots and that kind of stuff, like from 1985 and that kind of stuff. And it's really funny to see that. And I remember seeing Mac and Jamie. Right. Do you remember Mac and Jamie? With those two huge guys?

That's Mac and Zach. No, that's Mac and Zach and Zach. Zach and Mac were unbelievable, by the way. Kevin Catoca's great, Kevin Catoca had a great story about Zach and Mac. He said he went to go perform in Minneapolis at the Acme and Comedy Club. He was staying at the comedy condo the week after Zach and Mac. He showed up and the tie both the sheets were totally destroyed.

And they're like, why were the sheets destroyed? because Zach and Mac fried so much bacon up and they trained them in the sheets. It's amazing those guys aren't still with us. The way. With how healthy they were. The way that they would open their act. I don't know if they were. A lot of them would go on stage.

Because he's huge coming down, Mac or coming. And then he'd bring Zach down. With the airline things. Oh, I mean, no one had a bigger killer opening than that. You're talking about a feature act that was coming up before the heaven. The headliner is like, what the serious fuck? Seriously. What in the serious fuck?

Who are these guys? Well, I love that and thank you. That is high praise. So we'll take it. Oh, it's great. You guys are hilarious. Here's what we all kind of agree on with this podcast. The world's getting dumber.

There's nothing we can do it. We say there's nothing we can do about it except we can use our... Fight back with comedy. Fight back with comedy. That's the only weapon we have. That's right. Pull out your comedy sword and swashbuckle. Make people laugh as it's going down.

So our fans send us story. and Dan's got the first one. We'll jump in and then we'll talk about what you have going on later. This was sending, but we talk about practice. The handle is at Not a Game underscore 3. Been up for a long time. Thanks for sending this in. Great handle.

This is an am I the asshole story. So this went viral. We all know. On Reddit. Are we, let me ask you before you get into it, are we going to go back and forth a couple times? I don't know. Okay.

I don't think. Those are the fun ones where you're like, wait, I'm on her side. No, I'm not on her side anymore. Oh, here's the minute. You want to hear the headline for the same idea? Yes. Mother-in-law wants to sleep in couples bed.

Can't take no-for-an-answer and starts marital drama. Wait. She's not a kid that wants to do this? No. The mother-in-law wants to sleep in. Who wants to know if they're the asshole? The one saying no or the mother-in-law? Because if you have to ask you're the one saying no.

Then you're the asshole. If you can't determine, then you might be the right. Am I the asshole for turning her down? Mother-in-law. She's trying to Goldilocks these people. people's bed. I know. To sleep in their bed. Wait, wait. While they're in it? Not while they're in it. It has to be while they're on a trip.

We'll dig it. Okay, okay. Here's the write-up leading into it. I don't know a person who would feel bad for having strong relationships with their relatives. Yeah, that's why it's a strong relationship. Yeah, exactly. It just feels so comforting. But it wouldn't be strong then. Manson family? It just feels so comforting. I'm listening to the words, you guys. I'm breaking down the words.

It just feels so comforting to be part of a warm and loving family where you know everyone has each other's back. Okay, sure. Fine. Yeah, yeah. We've watched. We all I'll watch Landman. Yeah, that's right. But of course, such a connection doesn't appear out of thin air. It goes from love, communication, security, and a few rules, too. It feels like Sforceritis is really hedging.

Oh, yeah. This is like, we're going to get all. Like with your kids, like, you know how I've been going about on time, and I've been working really hard. It's like, what do you want? My love language is incest. I don't know about yours, but that's my love language. But it starts with everyone has a love language.

You have a love language? You have a love language? I don't judge a love language. Who are we to? I know. Well, sadly, Reddit user, throw, Ra 4T3-3 has ended up in a predicament where a few of these crucial components of a healthy family relationship are missing.

Okay. At least temporarily. According to the woman, her mother-in-law moved in with her and her husband while the lady's house was being renovated. The couple. Fair. I'm on. This is fine.

You do a nice thing. A temporary nice thing. The husband is like, okay, but you owe me. Like, you know that he was like, but now it's the husband's mom. It's husband's mom. So the wife is like, hey, you. You got to go grocery shopping and pay for the groceries. Her mother-in-law moved in.

Therefore, the couple set up a whole guest room just for the mother-in-law, including everything she might need for this day. Okay. However, for whatever reason, the lady, that's the mother-in-law, started taking naps in the couple's bed and found that she really liked doing so. While her son was not bothered by this, throw-rah 4-T-3-3, most certainly was. resulting in some unfortunate tension.

Was she peeing in the bed? This is a quick question. Well, that's a difficult. A quick nap, masturbating for 30 seconds, and then... I really don't understand what the problem is. And the story flipped to me, because I had it pegged as the other mother. Yes. Okay.

Like the wife's mother. And I was like, well, this could go a lot of different ways. Husband. I'm not necessarily mad at them. Husband mother, great band. Husband mother is a great band. They open for Wolf Mother. Look, husband mother, in terms of the mother,

hierarchy, the mother and law mother. That is the lower of the two in terms of like... Oh, really? I didn't know this one. I think in a merit, like it's they got to take second position. But in the pantheon of history and comedies, the husband's mother is typically the one

who creates the most problem. She causes the most friction because, yeah. But like she loved her son and now she has to give him up. It's a classic kindergarten cop. This is like reverse edipalism. Right. Here we go. This is the write up for AMI the F. whole from Reddit. My husband's mom moved in with us a week ago. The minute we were informed that

she was going to move in temporarily till her house gets renovated, I want to know more about that. Yeah. We emptied a room specifically for her. By the way, till her house gets renovated. It's not while her house is being renovated. Exactly. Till her house gets renovated. It's like, that's a runway. That's a big change. Hey, we're really, we're still trying to find a contractor. That's months. I mean, I'm like four weeks into a new oven. Just getting a new oven into my mom's place.

You gotta have an ETA. Till I lose weight. Yeah. You can't say that. Shall we figure out what's going on in this guy? Until it feels right for me. Yeah. I've been tilling, losing weight for a long time.

I like that tilling category. You can hang out and tilled for a long. Oh, long time. Oh, man. You have a till within a till. Yeah, exactly. I'm tilling, man. I'm tilling.

We're just tilling. So the minute they're in front. They clean out a room, said we've emptied a room specifically for her. It has everything. Sure. A bed with a frame. How you shouldn't have. A bed with a frame.

Hang on a second. You're not putting your mom on that door? Further than frame is like when a hotel lists in its amenities air conditioning. Like it should be part of it. Yeah. Lights, air conditioning or everything. Door that goes to the bathroom. Chair with a desk.

So a bed with a frame. Go ahead and learn. No need for a horse bed. No, no, no, no. No. I bed with the frame curtains mounted TV wardrobe etc mounted TV she was thrilled with it which she's going to say mounted a little too high little too high it does with my neck hurts from looking at one day I came home and found her in my bedroom sleeping in mine and my husband's bed

I was confused but she told me she took a nap on the bed and lost track of time since then she started talking about how she loved that nap she loved that nap she loved that nap in there and started hinting wanting to take naps in our bedroom from then on. This is an overreach. This feels like an overreach. Some part of your house has to stay yours. Yeah. Like the kitchen dining room who sits where might get messed up. Like what we watch on TV and where we are in the living room could get messed up.

At one point does the husband say she's going to die soon? Just let her. The parking in the garage. Very much the behavior of a dog too, right? Hey, you got to go out of here. We got to keep your mother-in-law off the bed. Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah, yeah.

You know what I told you? You know what I told you? Put the pillows. You want me to spray water? You want me to spray you with water? Only one none of us can be on the bed at the time and the dog was here first. Just make sure. The dogs above her actually ask to be.

And that's her argument. You let him do it. Yeah, well, he was there first. And he's neutered. Like, to have someone stay with you and you accommodate them with a till definition. And then you come home and you can't go in your own bedroom. Because she's in their sleeping. You can't.

This is not... I know. Even if I didn't have a problem with her sleeping in there, I'd go logistically, this will be an issue just... And you know, she asked her best friend, like, is it okay? You think it's fine. I can just go in there. Well, that woman lives. Like, Linda was like, yeah, you can do that.

Yes, that's your son. Who doesn't do that? It sounds fine to me. It sounds fine to me. No, you're fine. I also don't like... She'll get over it. She'll be fine.

Where she says she started hinting to take naps in the bedroom from now on. Like, the hinting to... part I don't like as well. She's like, it sure it was nice. Say what you mean. Yeah, get it out. I kept ignoring her comments till my husband sat me down and told me that his mom really liked and, quote, got used to napping in our bedroom and we should just let her have a daily afternoon nap in our room. Okay, this means they had a conversation. That's right. Without her. Without her in it. Right. Because she's like, I mentioned it a few times about how I really like sleeping there and your wife hasn't said, I can't. No, they're allowed to have conversations without her, but not about her.

You can't have nap back channeling. No, you can't. There cannot be a nap back channel. Everything has to be up front. Everybody talks about it again. You're allowed to have a conversation with your mother. Yes. Just not about your wife.

But would any of you let your in-law sleep in your bed to take naps? Not even if you were out of town and they were watching our house. If it was our mom. If it was our mom. I would let our mom. Every day. Probably. I don't know. It's freaky.

I'd be like, sleep in a different place. You'd be like, it's time to move to another room. And if she follows you then, now you have a problem. Then I'd be like, what can we get you for your bed? We already got you a frame. What more do you want? I would go over a house and finish that fucking renovation. It's done.

What are they? They got finished. I was doing them all night to finish this. We're told. I became a contractor. We're tilled. Oh, my Lord. I said absolutely not.

And we started debating. I told him his mom is being. ridiculous because she has a whole room upstairs where she should nap. Amen. Upstairs. Yep. He got upset and said, I was making his mom feel uncomfortable and unwelcome with this attitude.

I live here. Right. So in the, you're uncomfortable and you're uncomfortable, the person who lives here gets the priority uncomfortable. Sure. Except that in all relationships and everybody, he is what he's saying to his wife is, I hear you, this is effed up. However, if you say no, this is now going to be a problem for me in my life.

So you're now creating a problem in my life. If I have to go back to my mom. You already have a problem in your life because your wife doesn't want somebody to sleep. The mom is the person who forced the issue here. But I feel like we're like judge duty. The mom is the person who forced the issue. However, the husband is telling the wife if we say no. And I'm prepared to do this.

This will create so much. But then he needs to present it as do this for me. Don't worry about what you're doing for her. What do you want? I'd be like, what do you want out of this situation? Oh, my God. The wife said. New mattress?

I am not even. This is all employed to get a temperate, like a pillow top? This is so wrong. I agree. You talk about just no boundaries is the worst thing. It's like, this woman needs to learn boundaries. The wife needs to have a boundaries conversation with her. Well, in your room, the TV's not mounted as high.

But the balls on her. Using mounting language is already problematic. The balls on this woman to just walk into another person's room and lay down in their bed. And to feel comfortable doing that and to feel put up. To be able to go to sleep in another person's bad behavior. That is. Yeah, that attitude. I can't.

Well, it is such a comfortable. I don't know what race is. I saw this coming when you marry that one. That's right. This is white privilege. This is the height of white privilege, the peak of it, the peak of it that I can lay. in your bed and feel comfortable enough to sleep. And that the couple would discuss it.

That's the other part of the privilege. And stand on ceremony that she's right. I mean, because any black, oh, no, no, no, no. That bitch got to get out of you. No, no, no. Looks like we hit till time on her. No, no, that bitch got to go. The woman writes.

One of these bitches has to go. You can sleep with a hole in your bathroom. All right, the women writes, I said no. and refused to negotiate. He called me selfish and mean for saying no in preventing his mom from feeling comfortable at his house. Boundaries. But I reminded him that, ready for this?

I reminded my husband that I pay the full mortgage for the house. Whoa. While he blows money over gadgets and consoles. Okay. Cucked. That's another fight. Cucked. Court adjourned.

No, nothing further. Court adjourned. I'll be back. I'll be, with my decision. The old Franklin and Jaya bit, which I love so much. He was like, everybody, the only thing people don't have in the people's court is the receipt. Yeah.

Judge Wobner is like, and he's like, do you have the receipt? And he's like, no, I do not. Wabner's like, I'll be right back with my position. I'll be right back. I've got a vanilla envelope with everything in it. Do you have the receipts, sir? No, I do not. I'll be right back with my decision.

You would think. If you're not paying mortgage at all, she's paying all the mortgage she gets too much. She can decide who sleeps everywhere. It makes complete sense now. This is his one last grasp at masculinity. It's to say, no, no, no.

His mom's sleeping in his bed. No, my mom gets to sleep in the bed. What's wrong with you? How come I don't get to have shit? Well, there you go. He accused me his one last chance. This is it. This is last grasp.

That's it. He accused me of bringing old disagreements into this current conflict to use against him. To which I would go, yeah. Yeah. This is how conflicts work. Yes. It's called. I have evidence.

It's called... You said you pay the run. That's ongoing. Right. Keeping score. I said no again and that he should stop pushing because I need the room for when I get home feeling exhausted from working on my feet from 6 a.m. That's not even the point.

I agree. The bitch doesn't belong in there. Ever. That's not her room. Who cares whether you're going to go in there or not. It's not a room. Yeah, it is a thing when people have to justify their opposite. to a thing that they shouldn't have to justify anyway.

Why are we even arguing about this? That's exactly. As Chris Ruck family, we say, that's what you post to do. It's what you're supposed to do. Yes. I spend time with my kids. That's what you're supposed to do. He's refusing to speak to me till I agree and let his mom have her nap time in there.

Am I the asshole for choosing this hill to die on? You are not. As he says I am, am I being difficult. Boundaries. Larry said it. Boundaries. There's a difference between not agreeing and being difficult. You are not agreeing.

but I would call you being difficult at all. Remember which couple is married? It's what the husband has to remember. Remember, he's forgotten that he's not married to his mom. What if she goes, fine, our room is now your guys' room. I'll be in the guest room. Till. Yes, until you fix this.

Who cares if her feelings are hurt? She'll get over it. The idea that someone would even just bring this up to go, I think I want to sleep in your bed, you're like, you're staying here for free. They're letting you be, They accommodated you and you're like, let me take this too. And if I were her and I had to have a conversation with the mom because the husband's not going to do it.

I would say, listen, I love you very much. I love you so much. And we want to help you out. And we are. I mean, we're including in our house. We love having you here. You're a wonderful person. Even though that's all BS.

You're a wonderful person. I don't feel comfortable with you sleeping in my bed. Just because I need it. Well, there's a little bit more. I'm glad you guys brought up white privilege because it actually really does explain white privilege in a great way. You just claim something is yours. You get mad that you want it back. Yeah.

Why am I not allowed to have it? Wait, you're saying I can't have it now? This ridiculous thing that I shouldn't be allowed to have? You guys talk about it. Yeah, figure it out. That's it. It sounds like a you problem. Interestingly, I'll be in the bedroom napping.

You guys figure it out. This is back, written by the author. Not our person, but the person who put this together. Interestingly, women not getting along with their mother-in-law is actually a good sign for the marriage. a 26 year, a 26 year longitudinal study found that when a husband reported having a close relationship with his wife's parents,

the couple's risk of divorce decreased by 20%. But when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband's parents, the couple's risk of divorce increased by 20%. Oh, that's such a weird. I know. I don't know that those are correlated. It's very edible, this whole thing.

It's like the mom really is trying to have, He's trying to get her son. To get into the marital bed. Someone responded to her thread on Reddit and said, You are not the asshole. It seems like she is looking for opportunities to be nosy and go through your belongings. Wow. That's a whole other leap.

The person then asks the author, unless does she have some kind of mobility issue where she can't get upstairs easily? Now then I would go, it is a task, a chore for you to get up and down the stairs. You need to take a nap. She can only come downstairs once in the day. Yeah, I mean, like she's down for the day, and then she's up for the night, and then that's it. But during the day.

The woman who wrote all this said, no, she has no mobility issue. She's perfectly healthy. Get her out of it. Another person said, unless the guest bed is a twin-sized water bed with a leak sloping downhill. And the person goes, it is not. It's a good bed. Then somebody said, does she have a problem with stairs? Ask her why she wants to nap in your room.

Sit down with her and your partner and explain that having the weight of a full mortgage, etc. On you is important. And having a sacred place in your room, not opening a gas. He's like, you shouldn't have to explain that. No. Get out. This is not your room.

Two words. Stop it. Get out. Don't do it again. Do it again. We're going to have to ask you to leave our home. That's the conversation that is it. Well, not we.

Very direct. Me, because my husband is not a line on me on this. I will do it. That is crazy. Finally, she said, I asked her, she has no problem with the stairs. She just said when it comes to our bed, She liked it. Whatever.

I'll get you whatever pillow top we have on this bed for your bed. No asshole. That's our verdict. She is not the assail. The wife is 100% within her legal and moral rights to be like what he said. Larry said it in the most in the clearest way possible. You know how it sort of like it? You don't like a relationship.

If one person's not in love anymore, the relationship's over. You don't need two people to not be in love. Yes. And these two people live here and one of them in the house says I don't like it. So that's a no. It's a unanimous. It's got to be unanimous. Yes.

Unanimous yes. One no. One no. I'm such a people pleaser. I'm like, what is the nicest way with which you can achieve what you guys are all saying? You give her your room and your bed and you guys live in the guest room. No. The nicest way would be like I need it as soon as I come home.

I don't feel comfortable with it. I just want to have the right. That's right. I just, I don't feel comfortable with it. That's it. It's the same way that you're like, we don't leave our front door on lock. We don't, you know, we don't leave the lights on in the back night. We don't leave the TV on overnight.

Right. I got to the room, this room is for us. Also, it's an improper comparison. It's like, well, I'm just able to sleep so well, but you never should have had that feeling in the first time. Right, right. You should have it once. You know, my son's penis just feels better than other penis is. You should not have that comparison.

That comparison should not be in your head. That shouldn't come out of your mouth. You should not have that comparison. Right. You didn't know that. It's just better. It's not my fault. Nope.

Why is it my fault? I blame God. Is this me? That's story number one. Oh, down the books. She is not the asshole. The great Larry Wilmore is with us.

We will let you know he is going to be, has an upcoming project. We'll talk about that on the other side of the break. It's dumb people town. We're already in it. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound.

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welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Larry, he's got a fantastic new project. He's going to be in in a couple of months. Jay, tell them. Oh, no. It's Dan. Daniel.

It's me. Yeah, yeah. So I will do some stuff that's going to be out a little bit further. Hopefully that catches up to everybody. I don't know exactly what's dropping. But if it is, for some reason in the beginning of May. May 6th, Netflix is a joke. I'm headlining. My show is

going to be at 10 o'clock at Hotel Cafe. Beautiful room. Come on out. Small little intimate venue. Should be packed. Should be a great time. My new hour was so much fun. I just grabbed a whole new chunk when I was doing shows in Wilmington. Thanks for all the dumb people town who came out to that. There was just so many great townies who were at there. Dead Crow. Yeah, Dead Crow is phenomenal. And then I'm going to be in Jamesville, Wisconsin, Friday and Saturday, June 19th and 20th. The 26th and 27th. That next weekend, I'm going to be in DC. in Baltimore, Austin, Texas, July 2nd, kick off the holiday weekend with me. Hub City Comedy Week, July 15th to the 18th at the Lincoln Lodge, Green Lake, Wisconsin,

Boca Raton, Cincinnati, Charlotte, and Cohasset, Mass, all those dates, and many, many more at Daniel Van Kirk. I'm going to tell my friends in Cohasset to see you, number one, number two. Are you going to be in Austin over the 4th of July? Are you going swimming in Martin Springs? I will just go out. I think I'm going to do one day and come right back to L.A. Gotcha. Awesome.

All that, Dan, and your podcast, the Midnight Air, which is fair. Larry, tell us about the project you got with Larry David or that you're a part-up with him. So it started as this top secret thing. He's doing this new thing for HBO. I guess it's celebrating 250 years of America, I guess. Yes, yes. And some big sketch thing.

I think Obama is one of the producers. It's something like that or his production company. Does he have to, like, give notes on edits? That would be hilarious. That would be crazy. Larry? Act one. I don't like the editor.

You just have to get laughs. That's what you got to do. Don't boo. Just brush it off. So he wasn't around when I do it. But he's kind of doing, he's kind of being Larry throughout American history is kind of what it is. Great idea. And it's hilarious.

Great idea. And he has so many guest stars, just people you wouldn't even expect. Because he gets, you know, whoever he wants. Sure. RFK Jr. Yes, no, it's true. People are doing different scenarios. And the scenario that I got to do with him was it's the depression he's cover.

So we're in a soup line waiting. Of course, he's complaining about how much soup you're getting in and all that's about it. And it was great. What a great idea. My favorite memory of it is I made that motherfucker laugh. I was only focused on making him laugh. You know how it is when you're like- Curb all right?

Yes, exactly. They did a curve. I did an episode of Curb. Yes, yes. So you know how it is. It's the greatest. And it was so much. Yes.

Making Larry David laugh. I've been fortunate in my career where I've worked with certain people who I've admired and I wanted to make them laugh and pull it off. Eddie Murphy, one of them, you know, making Annie Murphy laugh. I'm like, yes, thank you. I did it. I did it. But Larry David was one of them, man.

It was great. So it's coming out this summer. I'm not sure what the dates are, but HBO. Probably right around July and a June. What is it called? What's it called? Oh, man. Do we know yet?

Sure. I don't know. Just be on the lookout. You'll know. It's like his idea of a special. Yes, exactly. 250 years of America. Probably.

It's probably something like that. Yeah, something like that with Larry David. Look, it's really great. We're all going to watch it. I can't wait. I love that you did it. Oh, thanks, guys. It's also beautiful.

And you're doing live dates around. I'm doing live dates. So I'm doing stand-up and I also do magic, which a lot of people don't know. You do? I perform at the Magic Castle. I've been there for years. I just did Chicago Magic Lounge, actually. But I also do just pure stand-up as well.

Like, I do them separately. Like, you guys saw. Sure. But I'm doing it. Your stand-up's so good. Oh, thanks, guys. I'm doing a combo kind of night. Great.

Coming up at three clubs in June 10th where I'm going to try to combine them. I love that. Do maybe the first half of stand-up and then ended with like this show of some magic and mentalism, that kind of stuff. Dude, your mom's thing. You butt dial her. Yes, yeah. That's one of my favorites. That's one of my favorites.

It's one of my favorite bits. I'm like, how, like, how are, and you're like, I just coming up with that bit. I'm like, how are you like coming up with quotable bit? Well, I just started again. And last September, I had maybe a minute of stuff, but I have nuggets that have been, guys, you know when you're a stand-up, and this is the same, it's true if you've also been a sketch writer, which you guys have too. Yeah.

All three of us. Yeah. So you don't stop thinking of sketch ideas or stand-up ideas. You don't. No matter what you do in your life, you can get out of showbiz completely. You will always say, fuck, that's a good sketch idea. I wish I was on a sketch show. How could I get this out there in the world?

Exactly. So I've had nuggets in my head, and that's a nugget I never knew what to do with. It's so far. And then when I started doing stand-up, I put it together again. This is what I told you, and I really, what I love is you can tell throughout that bit how much you love your mom. She is putting you through it, not on purpose. She's not like the mom in the other story. But you can tell how much you love her, and I love it.

It made me love you for that. So amazing, guys. So coming out. I'm seeing live. Creating new stuff all the time. I just put Charles Barkley in the act. I love it. Yeah.

Come on her. So, I take it, Ryan. All right, you ready? Here's a story. This was sent in by Josh Moat at J.

Moat. All right, here we go. California man arrested for allegedly swapping in pasta for Lego pieces then returning them. Isn't this crazy?

Legos are expensive. Like, my son, when he's getting into Legos, he'd get a set. He's like, I want a Lego set. I'd show up at $180.

$180. For this X-Wing fighter? Yeah. What? They have a Titanic one now that's like 500. It might be even more than that. like $800 because it's the it's the titanic it's crazy and they're I will say bigger tragedy than

the Titanic yeah it really honestly you pay the money for that it's a singing ship but I no I was very much like I will pay it and people pay it because you're like yeah this is an activity I'm going to do with my kid or I'm really into Lego so it's going to give me like six weeks of work it kind of is like you get mad at Legos for understanding you're gouging us you kind of are like look we want you to make the money that you can make and the market dictates what you can make. However, be kind about it. Like, you don't need to, like, really get, because there are people who it's a lot of money for. All right. So much for using his noodle. This feels like a New York post. Right. A California man pilfered thousands of dollars in Lego

toy sets from the retailer Target in return in a return base scam, sometimes swapping valuable figurines with dried pasta pieces. And before it, you'd like buy it, take them out and then return it with the pen and a pasta. And my guess is like, right, but the pasta, uncooked pasta pieces feel like like it sounds like it sounds like it too yeah the alleged arrest and we'll get to his age of uh girel augustine wait but did you just assume people weren't going to buy the new one and then open it and be like um there's pasta and then blame Lego for it but like then call target they'll take it back to Target I would have been more impressed if it cooked the pasta first it's like it's a softer piece and got away with it it's al dente

al dente al d'i these are legos. These are legos. Right. This is an X-wing fighter Bolinase. You got a problem with that? Full-drust at Marinero's like... I know it smells fantastic, but please take it back. It's a family. It's Legwini. Linguine. Whose manufacturer is known for

interlocking miniature bricks and figurings according to Irvine, California. Yeah, we know what... This is an Irvine, right? But this is clearly an Irvine. The Planned. The planned community is what that's right. The deep streets of the... All right, you read that correctly.

Police said in a Facebook post. Can we get the police off of Facebook? Can we just get them into a different like social media? Okay, Fortran, Chan. All right, announcing that April 14th, the rest, we're talking about, talking about Durham wheat simulina pasta and what we are calling a posth, postitivally terrible plan. Give it to the police. Hey, maybe stop thinking about puns. All right, Target told authorities that there were at least how many thefts across the United States tied to this guy.

Across the U.S. Oh, so he did. Trying to pull the pieces. My thing was that he was just doing one store over and over. No, he's got to get a total spree. He's trying to pull enough pieces to then create his own set. That's like, okay, how many, how many? But he's returning to various targets.

It was like the Golden State Killer of Lego. And it's like it's enough different markets. He feels like they won't all put it together. Right. It's like a bag at a time. He's doing it one at a time. He's the golden penny. He's going to make it so now we can't buy pasta like you can't buy cough syrup.

Yeah. I need the key. Right. I can't take props on a plane. Can someone get the key? I'm not going to make Legos out of this guy. How many thefts do you think across the U.S. You have to swear on a Bible that you're not going to replace them.

Swear to God, it's just Rigotone. Is that a Lego Bible? Oh, no, God. It's an exact number? Yeah, how many thefts across the United States? Are credited to him having done this. I'm going to go, that might be way too low, but I'll go 36. 60.

What do you think? How many times do you did it before? In the 50s, 51, 52. Okay. You ready for this? 70 thefts across the United States. This guy stacking up to how much money in losses. Oh.

Now that, I don't know. I have a ball of Lego. I'm going to say $1,800. We're talking about Legos? $1,800 out of 70 thefts. What do you think? Not a pasta. I would say enough to pay for a mother-in-law's renovation of our house.

That's got a callback, honey. That's a tallback right there. Thank you. Man, what did you guys guess? I said $1,800. $1,800. $70. He thinks he's getting, he's probably doing three or four a pop, right?

Mm-hmm. I don't know. Let's say a bad cost. I'm going to guess $20,000. Okay. $20,000. I'm going to go, man, I'll go $4,000. You ready for this?

$34,000. Wow. That's right. It's a lot of missing pieces. Wow. But like most bad builds, this one didn't hold together, police said. Can they? Stop.

You're not, Larry can do magic and comedy. You can only do police work in barely, right? Outline the investigation involves surveillance to identify, basically. They had to do surveillance to identify the suspect. They also said, if your master plan involves swapping Legos for linguine, we can promise your plan will be cooked al dente. They are worse than the New York Post. The amount of time, think of the amount of time the police at work in this. We're like, guys, what do I need?

I need another. We'll solve that later. We'll solve that later. Help me think of another pun. This is a cold case that the family's been waiting for for two. What's a pun for this is a cold pasta case? All right. This is a cold case.

Ziggy Azarkon, the Irvine Police Department and Public Information Officer, who is probably doing all of this stuff. Ziggy Azarkon. That sounds like a David Bowie character. I was going to say a Batman villain, short-lived Batman villain from the 60s. Said that investigators began looking the case in December 2020. Ziggy Azarcon is that video game where you fly a plane really low. No, that's Zachson.

Targets lost prevention department. You were a lost prevention person. Checked returns and noticed that one of the Lego boxes was open and missing figurines and subsequently notified the police department. Although, if the new Lego Batman was completely made out of pasta, that would be cool. Although, you know, I feel sorry for the loss part of the loss prevention, but prevention is not doing its job. No, you're not preventing. Prevention is really letting loss down. It's just loss, right?

Wait, could this be a problem? plot to Lego Batman 2. A guy is stealing Batman Lego pieces and replacing it with pasta and they have to figure out who it is. That would be great. And Lego Batman has to save it. A whole land of pasta and they're like, what the fuck? Now here's my question. Like if you get busted, do you immediately say you're welcome? I was your stress test and you were failing.

Yeah, you correct the code. Target, do you want me to work for you? It's like when a hacker gets hired by the government? All right. So the missing piece is Irvine. investigators said that they determined Augustine was responsible for dozens of phony returns. They accuse Augustine of buying Lego sets, opening packages they were in, removing figurines, later returning them, August sometimes allegedly removed all the Lego components and put them all back, replace them with pasta noodles. So he was doing like the whole thing.

Yes. In April, authority seized about how much in Legos and two stolen freight trailers that were traveling the Riverside country, according to the L.A. Times. how much in stolen Legos do you think they, in two stolen trade trade? Isn't that the same amount? No. It won't be $30,000. No.

So the accusations against, there's a spate. This is not him. This is, I'm sorry, another one. There was a spate of incidents involving stolen Legos. So again, this might be LEGO's problem in, like, pricing it out too high, is that now these things are really valuable. They're almost like, you know, Pokemon cards. Correct.

You're a victim, right? Yeah. So I'll just tell you, it was a million dollars in. Legos. That's two trailers. A man from Vallejo, California was charged in March was secondary commercial burglary and grand theft for nearly stealing 25,000 from Target in instances.

I'm telling you, these Legos are a big deal. Too much. Perhaps they need to enlist the help of another higher security force, perhaps the Gaspacho. Oh, get out of it. Good job, Aaron. Circle gets to school. We're not a cost. I like it. Thank you, Aaron.

Another example, a California man was apprehended last fall for allegedly stealing hundreds of thousands of in LEGO toys. The man was reselling the popular toys at tip-top prices in connection with a sprawling theft ring. So this is the way it is. This is what I think every time I'm on Facebook marketplace and something is unopened. You stole this.

I'm like, oh, stolen. Stolen. And then part of me thinks it's kind of cool. And I'm like, man, if you get your person who steals this stuff for you and you buy it from them. But the pasta thing is definitely a more involved plot. This is a we're going to now. We're pitching this to those guys.

I think he went through various pastas to be like get the right sound. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. It's got a sound right. Because macaroni, I feel like would sound way better than like spaghetti, obviously, right? Yeah. You're just getting a, you're almost getting a shaker, like musician. You can't be spaghetti or linguine.

It's got to be rigatoni or penny or something like that. Or something like hamburger helpers probably real durable. Hamburger help. Yeah, it's true, too. That's a good, yeah, you want a strong pasta. A mac and cheese, a very thin. All right, we'll get out of here on this. How old do you think the guy would.

us who set up the plot to steal the pieces, replace him with posth. There, you are a guest. I should have deferred to you before. He's 34. 34 years old. That's a 42-year-old guest. That's what I was going to go. Jackie Robinson.

Jackie Robinson. He really, he broke the end. We got Walter Payton, we got Jackie Robinson. Broke the pasta. That's what I jumped to. No, no, take it. Take 42. I will go.

That's a good against. I will go. It's not that young of his game, so I can't go Michael Jordan. Kevin Durant. What did you say there? I said 34, but now I'm thinking it does make sense. He's the old. It's so pathetic.

I'll go, I'll go Bears classic linebacker, Doug Bafone, number 55. Double nickel. All right, get your answers in, Tonez. When we come back, we'll tell you what we have going on. This man who did the Lego pasta plot was 28 years old. He was young. He was just a young pup. That's it.

So you get it. You were closest. All right, J.D. can he give us a little teaser of what we have in the third story? Uh, well, this is somebody who wants to live a new life. Okay. Hey, we endorse all those things. And if it involves sleeping in your parents' bed or in your kids bed, it's a choice.

It's definitely interesting. How much do you think he's spent on pasta? I mean, look, he's got to cover the high pasta costs. Yeah. I know, pasta costs are out of control. These pasta tariffs are getting out of control. And I don't want to get pulled. When we come back, we will tell you what we have going on.

It's Dump People Town with the great lyric. Willmore. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. Hunger Down is Dump People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I'm assuming this, hopefully, we'll drop if it does,

before we do our little south, our little bayou run. Yeah, where are you going? Mobile, Alabama, at the Crescent Theater. We're going to be in Baton Rouge at Raleigh-Cat Brewing Company. And then the next night we're in, I believe, Lafayette at Club 337, and then Lake Charles. We finish up at Library Riot. That's a four-day run of the South. I'm very excited.

Yes. Then we're going to, we have our own headlining show in Los Angeles at the Venice West. I'm really excited about this is happening, which is a cool venue out in Venice. That's June 16th and the 19th and 20th. We're in San Francisco of June at Cobbs Comedy Club. Love Cobbs. Love it. Cubs is awesome. Our friend Sophia Garrow, who is going to host for us and Tony Camine, great comedian who we moved up to San Francisco.

The whole show is going to be really fun. I love that club. That's two nights. That's it. Come see us then. And then we added Fort Collins at the comedy. Fort great room. Amazing.

July 23, 4th and 5th. And then we just added, we're going to do Escondido. This is so great. We're doing the grand comedy club down there in Escondido. It was Jay Moore, our buddy Jay Moore and Greg Fitzsimmons were talking. And they were talking about this club and how they had such a good time. And they're like, on the podcast, they're like, Sklai Brothers got to go down there. Just the two of that, we're not even there.

They just mentioned. And the owner of the club sent that clip to me via Instagram. I'm like, let's make this happen. Can you just talk to the guy at Mike Vinn, who runs the comedy store in La Jolla, which is one of our favorite clubs down there? Can you just talk to him and see if it's cool if we come and do this six months out of when we'd come back

and he did? And it was good. So we're going to do that in August. Supersclogs.com has those tickets, but punchup. Dot live. This is what I'd love for you to do. Sign up.

Give us your email. This is something we should have done years ago is created like a huge email list so we can email you and tell you when we're coming to town. Just sign up your email on there so we can let you know we got stuff going on and we're doing more alt casts on Turner, all that stuff. That's at punchup.

Live slash Glor. All right, here we go. Okay, this is the headline. I've gone back to being a child. Husband and father of seven, I'm not going to tell you his age, leaves his wife and kids to live as a six-year-old girl named Stephanie. Spelled S-T-E-F-O-N-K-N-E-E. I want everyone to live their lives.

I'm not yuckin-a-y-Y-L-L-L-E-L-R-E-R-E-R-E-R-T-E-E-E. Seven kids. That was your first bad decision. How was you spelled? S-T-E-F-O-N. Stefoni. I'm going back to pre-spelling ability. Knee.

Stephanie. I spell my name wrong and I'm okay with it. Is sure that's not step-on-me? Step on me? This was sent in by J-K. Shell at J-K-Shell. I don't think that might be a new... And this is true. This story is true.

Who knows? I'm trusting that this person found this in his real. All right. A Canadian man. So you know he's doing all this. Oh, there you go. And do you know that he silently thought about this for a long time? He is not going to say.

I was out in the blind shooting at the moose and I thought about just, you know. He is not going to say sorry to anyone. No, he's not saying. He's not, I'm not mad about it. Man was married with seven kids. Kid five. I mean, you're like, we got to do this two more times. I have two kids and at times it feels like too much.

Socially responsible. Yeah. Kid seven is like, wait, where are you? I barely know you as it is. What are you talking about? I was the straw that brother came. The kid seven's like I kind of knew. You want to be on my level?

I don't understand. I'm not happy right now. When I get mad at my kids, there are times where I've been like, I wish I was you. I wish I had someone driving my ass around and buying all this stuff. I want to be you. I said, if someone asked me how my daughter's down, like we should all be living the life my oldest daughter.

is looking right now. She's I wish everyone this life. What in the Benjamin buttons is going on? This guy's trying to button. He's got a button himself back. Yeah, yeah. Don't button your Benjamin. It's all about the buttons.

I believe Puffy said, all right, has left his family in order to fulfill his true identity as a six-year-old girl. In an emotional video. True idea. With Newside the Daily Extra in collaboration with the transgender project, which I'm sure they do great work. I'm sure they're happy. Yeah, they're like, thanks a lot.

over to there. I'm with you guys, right? Oh, hey. New phone, who this? It's like that scene. We don't really care, but we do care. They just keep walking back to the couch. You can sit right here and hang out.

We'll be right back. No, just stay right there. You're going to be a lover in here. No, just go right in there. No, all the six-year-old chains are in. Just go in there. Pick out something to wear. It's in the back.

Pick out a romper you want. You'll see it. Keep going. They're playing hopscotch. Yeah, go in there. Yeah, got a whole racks of garanibles. Garan animals. Go pick out something for yourself.

You're going to love it. By the way, that scene, the way it's shot in the handheld is so creepy. It's like, she knew to get out of there. And the fact that nothing happens. She knew to get out of there. I was like so relieved that she got out of there. How about a scene in a movie where nothing happens, but it's one of the most scariest things you've ever seen.

Terrified. Brilliant. Terrified. Stephanie, pronounced Stephanie, Walsh, of Toronto. says she realized she was transgender, good realization. That's great. That's only one ingredient in this eye. Rather than simply a cross-dresser at age 46 and split from her wife, Maria,

after she told her husband to stop being trans or leave. Well, this person seems like a prize too. Stop being trans or leave. That's your problem. You gave them the option to get out of it. Leave is one of them. I can do. This is fantastic.

I can do option too. I thought you were going to say or take the trash out or something like. I thought you're going to force me to do stuff for my seven kids that I had. Do I take the kids? No. No, you said leave. Now Stephanie. Kids, your mom said it.

Now Stephanie lives with friends who, uh, friends. Friends. With like ears or something? She calls her adoptive mommy and daddy as a six-year-old girl dressing in children's clothing and spending her time playing and color. with her adopted parents, children, grandchildren. Oh my gosh.

I don't. If you were those people, there she is. No. If you were those people. Which one's the doll? That's someone's dad. Also, I have kids and it's six years old to be sucking on like a binky.

Come on. Even the doll in that picture is like, why am I being dragged into it? What do I do? Also, don't you have, fuzz out my face at least. Don't you have seven things shaped this size you could be holding on your lap and giving affection to? This person being trans is the thing I take the least issue with about their life choices. Do it. Second is even the six-year-old thing, which I will admit I don't understand.

It's the like leaving the family. Can you do that on weekends that you don't have the kid? Where's dad doing? He's getting together with his group. So like some dads have a car group and they go look at old cars. Some dads go play golf. Some dads get into this out of the other. He likes coloring.

He likes to color. Let him color. Yeah. Give them all. Pop-eple. That's what he's doing that makes him happy, then fine. But you still have to be responsible. Give him a pop.

We used to have a name for an adult man that went to hang out with six years. What was that? That used to mean something. Number one. And number two, this does feel like, and I don't mean to paint it with such a broad brush, but Mormonism to me. Mormon? Yes. Where are you getting that?

All the kids? No, the founder of Mormonism, Jack, whatever his name. John Smith. Yep. It was like, finding those gold books. He's like, I want to have sex with all of these people here.

I'm going to now make a religion that says it's okay for me to do that. Very common with Colby. Right? God told me that. God told me. And what if the girl, what if the 14-year-old girl said, God told me not to have sex with you,

you didn't hear it right. You didn't hear it right. One of us talked to God. One of us talked to a guy. You did not. You must have a bad connection. So that to me is like, he's like,

I don't want to be the parent of seven kids, which nobody does. This is what parenting will drive you to do. It is going to drive you to want to leave your family and become a six-year-old. Because you see that they got the better deal out of it. But could he have been identified as a six-year-old girl who also is taking care of the family? Could he have done that? Maybe the coolest six-year-old girl of all time.

Yeah, but I mean, you can't even fill out notes for school if you're writing Steph on neat. Steph on me. That's right. He's going to believe that. Nobody. sign that note. No, you wrote that note yourself. No, Stephanie wrote it.

Stephanie wrote it. Stephanie wrote it. Here we go. My dad's sister wrote it. My dad's six-year-old sister. Stephanie says her adopted family contains an older couple in their children and young grandchildren are completely accepting of her identifying her as a little girl. My dad's the grandchildren are like, are you kidding me?

She said she's living a six-year-old girl because it's something she could never do when she was in grade school. Wait, you were six. You were six. You weren't a girl, but you were six. I can't deny I was married. I can't deny I have children, he says in the, she says in the video. But I've moved forward and now I've gone back to being a child.

You can't deny the fact that a six-year-old would never use the word deny. Right. But I can deny the space time continues. Yes. I also can deny the fact that I'm somebody's father. I don't want to be an adult right now. So she's sending these. This person suspended at six, like they're forever or five, whatever it is.

So they believe in time suspension. A cartoon character. Stephanie further adds, I have a mommy and a daddy, an adopted mommy and daddy who are totally comfortable to me being a little girl, and their children and their grandchildren are totally supportive. Now you're dragging this, these people's family. Also, you saying that you're comfortable with you being a little girl means you understand more than a six-year-old girl. Also, don't trust the support of a child. Right. She says she previously lived as an eight-year-old girl until the couple's granddaughter asked her to be the younger sister.

So now she's affecting it? The grandkids like- You didn't want this for yourself. I'm cool with it. This is who you acquiesced to in your life, not your kids. Hey man, when you're eight, somebody else goes, I'd like it more of you were six. Concierge identification, right?

I'm going to be eight. Oh, I'm sorry, eight doesn't work for you? Would six work for you? Okay, I'll have six. I'll be six. You should never, when determining who you want to identify, be like, how about, what if I? What if I think I'll go with?

What if I should be the beginning of you? Well, how about sick? I was going to say six anyway. I was thinking I was leading towards six. I said eight. A year ago, I was eight. This is that old rule that people can do things that you completely believe they have the right to do and also be a fucking idiot. Right, exactly.

This, so this. Not everybody who does things that you think are brave or like, or living their true life are wonderful. Yes. They might not. It's like, it's always one of my favorite things when somebody is like a drug addict and then they get clean, but. still stay an asshole. They're like, do they come around Christmas

now that they're off the drugs? Nope, still hates us. Hates the family. Can we hear from the seven kids? Can we hear from them? Oh, days. Here it is.

I really want to hear from them. A year ago, I was eight, and she was seven, and she said to me, I want you to be the little sister, so I'll be nine. I said, well, I don't mind going to six,

so I've been six ever since. Okay. In the winter, Stephanie earns money by plowing snow, like most six-year-olds. girls do and when she's at home with her adopted family they color and do kids stuff okay I don't know if I'd let that okay so you enjoy spending more time with your adopted family then your actual family you could have colored every

do you want to color no I have to go jerk off I'll be right back I'll be right back in a little bit and then I'll color after that I'll color I gotta shave my back and then I'll join the coloring circle I gotta take I have a prostate exam later so I can't really color this after I have some colonoscopy prep and I will be coloring during but I can color after that my schedule is I got to refinance the house but then I will bring it home

where's my AARP card I want to color on that if I can we got to get the root fix I can do that I can do that I can first I want to just do some quick coloring it's called play therapy no medication no suicidal thoughts good and I just get to play she shares now here we're going to get out of here on this

how old you saw her sitting there with the thing how old is how old is Stephanie. Actual chronological age? What is her? Because I know you're going to say six. Because Stephanie, well, Stephanie doesn't have any kids. Right.

The dad. The pre-Stefony. I think his name is Paul. That's his dead name. His old name. Okay. So does Paul's... These are trick questions.

Like, does Paul's age end when Stephanie starts? No. Oh, yeah. Does he stop aging? Does he subtracts? From his birth into this world or her birth of this world. What would the old firm of world? 47.

How about that? I like that guess. I'm going to go 51. I'm going to go 59. Okay. One of you is one year off. 58. 58.

52. 46. 46. All right. Watch him on the Larry David show, which is going to be amazing. Go see him live. On the 10th, three clubs. Three clubs here in Los Angeles.

Go see him do comedy. I hope we get to be on tons of shows with you because hanging with you is the best thing in the world. I love it. Daniel, Randy, everyone listening to Home Who Guest, this person was 52 years old. Hey! Very good. All right, guys. That's a show.

That's a show. That's how we do it. It's non-people town. We love you guys. Thanks so much. And O'Snap, we've got to get back to work. We'll see him. Peace.