Dumb People Town - Leslie Liao - USB Yourself

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Comedian Leslie Liao (Tour dates) stops by as Randy describes a couple that got caught having sex on a flight, Daniel explains how a Japanese government official drunkenly lost an important USB drive during a night out, and Jason warns against jumping off of a cruise ship to avoid paying gambling debts, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Monarch, Quince, and ASPCA Pet Insurance! Don’t let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code DPT at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to Quince.com/DPT for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.comDPT

Great show today. Leslie and I act out watching people do sex acts on a plane. It'll make sense if you watch. I promise. I promise. And then some dude makes the biggest mistake of his life losing a USB stick. And one guy doesn't want to pay, but does like swimming. It all happens on this episode of Dumb People Town. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of coke so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-rice bale.

I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this So listen to our podcast band With co-host, our man Dan Bender, don't be a jerk Because when the music Which the funny hits And we are gonna take you down

Stick around Make a sound, hunger down It's Dumb People Town Hey Tadies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population You Population Liao Leslie Leo

I'm here to dumb I'm so happy We're all dumb We're all so stupid and dumb We were talking outside before we came and she's like People send you the stories I was like yeah but like do you also ever see them And I'm like I used to but then I realized

I might just go to where everybody sent him But Randy sometimes will I feel like you guys run into dumb stories a lot Because I think on your like group You have a lot of like groups you're part of where people Like check out this stupid Send weird stuff and then I investigate Like I'm a dumb investigator

We really are your algorithm. Oh, that's 100% true. Totally. That's right. Doesn't that happen? Go to your explore page on Instagram. Do you ever do that?

Yes. Sometimes I do. And then I'm like, oh, this is what I've been watching. Lots of stupid, like, news stuff. Golf tips, street fights, and then dogs that talk to their owners. But we need this. Oh. We need it.

I need this emotionally. So this is mental health. Guys walking in to try to eat at nice restaurants in New York without reservations. It's like one of my favorite jokes. I can't remember. watch that all the time. It might have been Danny Jaws, but he said, he goes, I, I have never cheated on my girlfriend, but if you look at my Instagram Explorer page, you would be certain I do all the time. That's right. Because it just suggests, there's a basic level of the algorithm

that's like straight mail, they'll just throw all of this stuff of you. And I don't even, I only scroll on TikTok. I don't scroll on reels or anything on Instagram. It's same thing. I'm like, who do they think I am? Who do you think I... Who do they think you are? Is it just like butts? Buts or like... Boots or like some sort of influencer thing

that is a common female influencer thing for this type of person where they walk and shake their breasts as they walk. Oh, it's a great tactic. Great tactic. Whatever works, right? Who walks like this? Nope.

I mean... Do you think she's like, um... She's like, I'm right here. Guys, eyes up. Eyes down here? Eyes down there. My boobs are here. Here, please.

When you're talking to me, you look down here. All right. So I have a crazy story that, that Jay and I have seen, like, not a version of this, but if you travel and in any way, shape, or form, this, like, we've all experienced maybe this, and I'm curious if you have to. Okay, here we go. Yeah. This was sent in by me.

I found this story. Oh, wow. Okay. Cops, colon, passengers, witnessed duo's in-flight hookup. Oh, boy. that's been me I've seen people hook up on a plane

I mean have we told this story too many times Ray I got on a plane and the two people in front of us in two seats with a seat in between them young man young woman both good looking they gotta clarify that

yes which makes it okay it does make it okay it doesn't make it illegal it's not illegal it doesn't make it okay I kind of wish they weren't cool note

I guess they weren't one was beautiful one was all right so so they trollish they are arguing with each other in like full on about like banal stuff but like definitely like not agreeing on stuff like and it's getting a little heated to the point where ran there I'm like but they know each other

no they don't know each other this is a argue on arguing already you don't remember what they were arguing about no it was so mundane it was like external stuff like a seat thing no it was like oh what oh you you you're reading that book oh he's a good author you think he like it kind of was like weird like double nagging it was like the beginning of a romantic comedy when the two leads just don't get along sure so then randy and i like pass out and sleep for like 30 minutes and then for 40 minutes till the plane takes off then they bring us drinks and we look over the seat and they're now talking they're now talking and their and their body language is they're leaning towards each other by the end of the flight they are holding hands she's laying on him

the seat is now she's sitting in the seat next year are you certain they weren't a couple positive unless this is role play I don't know what do you think could have been role we were so invested okay so let's get into this because this is great I don't get to tell my dad did I'm waiting to get on a plane I'm waiting to get on a plane it's like a

United flight years and years ago it's a man and woman he's wearing a wedding ring she's not she's probably 15 or so years younger than him they're both business attire dressed they get on the plane they sit across from me window and aisle no one in the middle they have a

blanket and then like halfway through the plane she leans and has her head against the window on his sort of lap area her feet are at the edge of the aisle the blank is over then you act it out i'm about to and i i look over and her toes are completely curled sticking out the blanket and you can see his shoulder under the blanket going like this in like a thrust motion in her like waist, waist hips area. And I look over and he looks, he looks at me. Yes, that's what I look like. And then he looks at me.

Leslie, what would you do? He looks at me and he goes, what? Like, like, stop looking? Like mind your business? Yes, and I looked at him. I go, you're on a plane. I know. How far were you in the same row?

I was on the aisle. Her feet are hanging into the aisle next to me. Her feet are probably this far away from. He is in the window going, digging for gold. Yes. Did she rat them out? What's that? Did you rat them out?

Not at all. Oh my God. No. I finished. While you were looking at him, my... Yeah, of course. Only him, though. I was like, only the guy.

I needed to be weirder. Don't look at me. It was wild. Isn't that... I'm like, oh, they work together and they're having an affair, but they're doing it on the plane. This is a common bystander thing where, bystanders, we see something. Yes. Yeah.

You can't say. Like, I want to say I would have ratted the mountains. Like, they can't, I would have told someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have said it loud enough so they could do it. They can't be doing that. You at Leslie would be like, you need to go to YouTube to see, to see Leslie and I act out the perspectives of the people doing.

Leslie's face. All right, so here we go. November 7th, as a traveler napped in the next seat. Ooh, that's rough. And other passengers looked on a man and a woman who had just met aboard a Delta the airline's flight, engaged in a sex act, according to a newly released police reports. Wild. Responding to a report of two passengers having intercourse.

Intercourse! How do you do that with the arms? Kind of what you saw in the seat. Reverse cowgirl? Okay. Yes, 100%. That would be the most. Airport.

No, she'd be sitting on his lap. Facing forward. Facing away. Facing away. Holding on to the seat. Meanwhile, if person I decided, can you please stop with my chair? we're not kicking nobody's kicking your chair ma'am you're with like

have you ever seen that on the plane somebody goes to get up and when they get up they use the chair in front of them as a full on lazy boy I never it happens to me every time the object permanence of somebody who doesn't understand the cause and effect that this is also someone's chair you're going to pull somebody back both parties are right I respect like if you try to get up right now

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would, and not, don't touch, you have to get up on your own. Okay. All right. That experiment was, that was a bad example. But no, you're right. You do, you, I don't know.

In a, in a, I didn't know you're so fit. Oh, damn. No, you're right, though. You often times, you need leverage. Yeah. But when I get up. But some people act like they're trying to catch a bass. I refuse to use a chair in front of me.

Right. I get up and I'll do a sit-up. Yeah. It's all core. Out of respect. All right. So, responding to, uh, the report. The report of two, thoughts and prayers.

Two past years having intercourse on the grave. Airport police responded on Sunday afternoon in a Delta gate at the Wayne County Airport. That's Detroit. It's suburban Detroit. When cops boarded the Boeing 737, which had arrived from Los Angeles. This could have been a flight. This my kids take this flight to go to Michigan. Five hour flight.

They encountered Patricia Renee Knight. Okay. PRK. And it was not one of the cops. And Jai Kian Marshall also sounds like a... Do these, like, two rejected Cosby kid from the Cosby show? On the Cosby Show. It's Keish and I Pullman, I know, but...

And Jai Keon Marshall, all right, so here, I will give you, we'll get their ages later. Seated next to each other in row, what row? Any guess as to what row it was? Just random. I just never thought it would be Delta. I did not think Delta. I mean, it's got to be economy, what do we think? Right.

Oh, maybe. Economy. That's the plus. third leg room. I'll go row 11. Roll 11. Maybe they're way in the back. The seats that like touch the bathroom.

I said that don't go back. Yeah. But at that point, going to the bathroom. I know. I'm going to say way back. So 30? Yeah.

Okay. What do you think? I'm going to say 20F. It has to be F. Someone has to be in the F seat. It won't match to each other. It is now. It is now.

Whether you're in A, B, or C, it's the F seat now. uh is in row 26 you guys are kind of right around you're right you're right okay thank you Aaron thank you Aaron thank you Aaron I love you Aaron Aaron is there's no one better in the business Aaron you've already seen it if you're on YouTube everybody else Aaron has the two X is for sex yeah the third you need a third X in triple X you need triple X so so Knight who lives outside LA was scheduled to fly to Nash all right so night was on the aisle while Marshall was in the middle seat so the person on the window on the window asleep Do this.

Sex trapped, right? Like, you can't get out to go, all right. Let me finish. It's like, I need to finish. All right. Night who lives outside L.A. While they're having sex, she's like, I have an apache. What does that mean?

Canoga Park? Yeah, where is outside L.A.? To not just be called L.A., you've got to be. Oxnard. Big Bear. Where are you? But you're out, San Bernardino? Where is she?

Palmdale. I know, but usually they just go L.A. Like, you have to be far enough out that you're like 29 palms. It feels like whoever wrote that. this article is like the ex of one of these people like he's roasting he's like he named both of them totally both of them full names like I'll sign of out right I'll never get her back either red I'm just imagining the the person on the window there she's to the can I just get I'll take the almond they're like can I please get a can I see what's in that box what's do you guys

Still have the cheese? Is he like the charcuttery plate still? The scot. Scott. You already sold out? And they keep passing it over them and she's like, you're out of that? Oh, God. Oh, I have to do a credit card that doesn't come

with the seat. All right. Marshall was planning Oh, I prepaid. She was, okay, who lives outside of L.A. was scheduled to fly on to Nashville. Marshall was planning on taking a connecting flight to Miami where he works as a dancer. Bartender. Of course. Asked about their activity. So, bartender

means, and you know, you worked at bars. Of course. Bartender means you know how to... Have fun. And how to, like, get in with people right away. Like, the interaction that bartenders have, like, especially if you're a male bartender and you're either hitting on other men. Other men or you're hitting on women, you know how to get in right away.

I just would love to know when they first spoke. Because if they met at the bar, they already feel like this is Kisman. Oh, we're on the same flight. Right, exactly. Oh, we're sitting next to each other. asked about their activities on board night and marshal denied engaging in any sexual contact both passengers both passengers agreed that night fell asleep in marshall's lap and marshal acknowledged that he grabbed her breasts outside her clothes two other passengers and a flight

attendant provided police with contradictory accounts of the duo's in flight entertainment according to police records released in response in a response to a freedom of information request after being informed by a passenger that of the two occupants in row 26 were involved in an inappropriate situation the flight attendant went to the row and witnessed the lady in the man's lap performing fallatio.

Wait a second and the cops are like, say that again but slower. The woman, hey, how you doing? The woman, the flight attendant, wrote in a witness statement was bobbing her head up and down while he was holding her down. Does that come with the hummus box?

Wait, while he was holding her down? I mean, it's probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how to be under a blanket. Right. So had a blanket partially, partially covering the act, not fully covering it. The flight attendant asked Knight and Marshall for their boarding cards and their names. That's what, this is a Dan, is everybody okay?

Right. You walk up and said, can I have your look at your... Right, you just ask some information in the middle of the act. But also since it's Delta, they should know. Like, you know who's sitting in what scene. Ma'am, take that out of your mouth. Can I see your boarding penins? The employee also requested that night remain in an upright and...

seated position for his part Marshall tried to apologize he was upright the one that's why they have you put the seats up right that's right everyone hands up up hands up tray tables up he's like I'll push my tray table up but your hands are behind your head I got it heads out of your laps another traveler wrote of

witnessing White witnessing Knight give the guy next to her in 26E a blowjob the witness was all witness also noted that Knight was in a seat that they had actually been assigned again that they had actually been a sign. Again, the past you wrote,

she was in my seat on accident. I was supposed to be giving that blow job. And that is a problem. She took my job away from me. You want me in that seat. You need me in that. I'm tired of these people come to our country and take them our jobs.

Knight and Marshall subsequently received citations for lewd and lascivious behavior and disorderly conduct, which is what you should have gotten on her. What is a citation? I was wondering that as well. It's a fine, probably. They got a high five. Yeah, it's right.

Air fine. Marshall was released from the airport holding cell after about two hours in custody. Knight was detained two hours longer since her blood alcohol content had initially been measured above the legal limit. When cops, you can't fly and be drunk? Well, I think they just didn't want to release her drunk. Okay. When cops attempted to help her get rebooked on a Delta flight, corporate security advisor that she was not permitted to fly Delta. And while the in-flight incident was investigated by the FBI,

I'm glad they're working on it. It's up here in the air. It does not appear that federal charges will be filed against Knight and Marshall. We will end on the, isn't this a crazy story? We'll end on this. There's no moral mile hot club. So let's do first. How old was, we'll do, you want Knight, Patricia Renee Knight first?

Do you want her first? Let's do her first. She's the giver. She's giving and he's receiving. So he is, she is how old? Petitia. You're a guest. You want to go first or last?

You can go take, too. I mean, this sounds like a 20s decision. Totally. But I could be very wrong. I want to say like, a clean 25. Clean 21. I love this. You are so good at this.

I love Jay. I'm so, the drunk 40s. No, so I was thinking late 30s, but now that you're saying it like that, I'm going to change to 31. 31. All right, Daniel, what do you think? She's in the twilight of her, like singleness.

I'm going to go. Got out of a long relationship. Right? Maybe. I'm going to go 22 years old. Okay. Get your answers in townies. Because Patricia Renee Knight

is 48. Oh. Yeah. I was thinking that. Grabbing some glory. You were right in your thinking before. I thought you were going to go there. All right.

Now let's Jai Keon. Now, let me pause on that. Please. Okay. Now. Jai Keon Marshall. She's 48. How old do you think Jai Kean?

I know. That's what I'm saying. I want him to be 19. Yeah, you can go anywhere you want. So he's the Miami bartender. Yeah. Now that she's 48, I got a feeling he's younger. Yeah. And you're going to go.

I'm going to go, I'm going to go like 30. Okay. Yeah. That's such a bartender age, 30. You know? I'm going to go 36. Oh, Dan. I was going to say 36.

I'll say 39. He's an aging bartender. Get your answers in. Because Jai Keon Marshall. The man who was receiving a 48-year-old blowjob. From the woman who wasn't supposed to be in the seat. Renee and I, who sat in the wrong seat, but sometimes it's good to be. If being wrong is the wrong seat, I don't want to be right.

Jai Keon Harshal is 28 years old. Wow. She was right. Good for them. She was so right. Good for her. Good for her. Good for her.

It's a little fun. It's a little fun. And you know, at 48, she's straight up. She's like, I can give you a blood, and he's like, he did it for the story. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know. All right, that is story number one down to the books.

When we come back, we will tell you Leslie's got a stand-up special and we'll just talk about how you can find her and see her. Support her. Support her because she is great. Already a friend of the show. In one story, we already love her. All right. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around.

Make us down. Hunger Down is Dump People Town. Hey, Tani's this episode is sponsored by Mom Monarch, which is awesome for you and for me. Yeah, me too. I love it. I love it. Learning finances and budgeting and seeing where your money's going out and where it's

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Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we jump into what Leslie has going on. We should let you guys know all of this good stuff that we have on the horizon now if this comes out before october 4th october 4th will be at the ann arbor comedy showcase i love that club so much two shows one night that's it in arbor we have we're doing a special gig the night before uh but so you only get two chances to see us we want to sell those shows out please come to that um and then we're doing the flyover fest which i can't wait in st louis live dumb people town with rory scovil on the 16th that's a sunday at the pageant theater it's a big ass room let's fill it, St. Louis people, you know, rise up.

It's going to be a buzz. Oh, fill that big ass. We've always said it. Things you hear on a Delta flight. Things you hear on a Spirit Airlines. Oh, no, on a Delta flight. And then we're going to be in Cincinnati on the 12th of December, working on a date on the 13th in that area.

And then we'll be at the La Jolla Comedy Store Club that we absolutely love January 9th through 11th. We're writing on the Keenan Thompson and Kevin Hart, weekly sports show on Amazon and we may be on that so that starts in the middle of November we'll let you guys know if we're going to be on that but tune into that because that's going to be awesome

and all sorts of other good stuff happening we'll let you know as that rolls out let's talk we had so much fun meeting you you were so funny you did a fantastic job at the Wilshire E Bell Theater yes I've never been to that beautiful theater right how nice is that awesome were you like did you walk in there like I want to shoot a special here

kind of yeah and I live so close to it young storytellers benefit nice uh and they this program that we are part of and have been a part of for 25 years pat was on the show chelsea peretti was on the show carma christopher's a singer lineup killer

and you were so funny in that show we just loved you and we were like immediately i'm like please come to our podcast your energy is do you have dates and stuff where people can follow you or just uh where they should follow you in general i have uh i mean my social media handles uh is resri rio it's a fun little racist play You can say it, not us.

I will never out loud say... Many men refused, white men refuse to say it, and it's okay to say it. Can I say it? Res. Reyes. Yes. Okay. It's not Rez-R-R-R-R-E-O. I got you.

That's on all the socials, but there's a new special. There's a standard special. I just filmed a special at UCB in L.A. a month ago, so the hour is in the can. Nice. They're editing. We're, I'm kind of watching it. It's in the editing process. You got to watch it yourself.

Were you happy with it? I am. I wish I prepared a little more, but, you know. You always feel that way when you look at your special at first. Special is a snapshot in time, and that is it. It's a photograph. That's all you have to think of it is. It is like an important photograph.

Of course. Sure. And the worst part is you got to watch it. Like you film these things and like you really got to watch it. You try to avoid it. The editor can watch it. But I'm watching it. And now I'm just kind of like hating my delivery.

Oh, come on. And I'm like, who enjoys this? it's right this is a torturous meanwhile if it's any of the material we saw the thing it's so funny there's so much funny you think you're a bit about like going seeing how

intent how attentive people are listening to each other at restaurants tell you what level is that in there that's not in the special that's new that is so funny you can tell you please tell Dan explain to Dan this bit because it's such a Dan premise this is such a premise you will love I

I like observing couples in the wild and I love going to a restaurant and easily distinguishing who are people on a first date and then who are people who have been together for a long time.

And who's been together for years are just two people not even looking into each other's eyes. Looking down at their colomari. One phone is out and just kind of grunting and mumbling and it's beautiful. I was wondering why they're even...

She's like, I want that. Because that's out. To them, that's out. They got to switch it up. If you're not out, then you're in... Stuck. You got to entertain yourself

either with a rest of... restaurant or a show or a tic-tok. The fun couples that have been together a long time that are still fun, they always sit at the bar. Oh, I kind of like that vibe. I'm a fun couple. First date. First date, though. First date, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell me about first date. Oh, when you're watching first date and you can be like, their knees are touching, their knees are touching, their knees are touching, their knees are touching. Well, first aid energy is like, um, uh, facing each other, very facing each other and really hard eye contact. Yes. And really listening and enunciating. And a lot of athlete, I love that. Yeah.

And a lot of. I love that too. I also, wow, my kayaking? I never have. I never have. I've always wanted to try.

I've always wanted to try. Really? Oh my God. I get a little scared. I get a little scared. It's very active listening. It's like they're like initiating into a cult. And they also are casting out things like,

oh, don't get me started on spiders. Hoping that the person's like, you don't like spiders? I don't like them either. It's like they're both trying to be a really good podcast guest. Yes. Really.

That's it. They're so. So I just, I love both energies. I love the, first energy but it's fun to just sort of try and identify like how long are they that's a great dumb people town game to do in the wild how long have they been together yeah seven years oh my god i'm gonna start doing this i'm gonna start doing this in my way oh i'm gonna do this now i'm doing this

everywhere now and i'm crediting oh airport first trip together airport 20 years together yes yes yes well 20 like 20 years together is guys standing in line yelling at the magazine store they're bored I guess we're leaving without you. No, the best airport story ever from that perspective is our Aunt Rita and our Uncle Eddie were leaving from, I guess, canton, Ohio. They're probably leaving Cleveland Airport. No, yeah, Cleveland Airport. And Uncle Eddie is sitting in the gate area. Aunt Rita is walking by, but clearly walking past the gate, not realizing that she's passing the gate.

Uncle Eddie loudly yells in Aunt Rita's direction Hey, where are you going? Guy next to her thinks he's talking to her and he's like, I'm flying to Boston. Terrified! Literally terrified.

They've been together for 30 plus years. Oh, it's like four years. And she turned around and came back. But like it was the, to me, the fact that the tone of his voice was so intense that a stranger was terrified and I'm going to Boston. I'm sorry.

Anyway, there you go. All right. Well, check her out. And when the special comes out, look for it. Follow her at Resry. Resry? And I'm sure you will let everyone know where they can catch this next. I'll let everyone know.

Yes. All right, you're ready for the story? It's a fun little story, too. Sent it by James Scragman at Scragman. Scragers. He's the Scragman. Okay. Headline tells you a lot that you need to know.

Okay. And I want you to have that going into it. Japanese man loses USB drive containing personal info of residence. Up his ass. After drunken night out. Oh, okay. So he loses his... He loses a USB drive containing the personal info of residence of the city in which he lives in after a drunken out.

He works for the city. Why is he taking it out unless this is supposed to drink work? Like, honey, I got my keys. I got my wife. The first three words are even going to make it worse. On Tuesday evening. What are you doing? You are being an alcoholic, Dan.

Honey, I've got my keys. I've got my phone. I've got all the information on everyone in the city. Do I have that USB drive? Where is my USB drive with everybody? No, there are. No. No.

There's the USB. I'm always leaving it. There are football games on Tuesday. Everybody's going to watch. There's like one game a week now on Tuesday. USA drive is the tiny little. Yeah, that's big. It's got every, easy to lose.

It's like the thing that like Jason Bourne was trying to get back in every movie. Yeah. That's what a USB drive. Yeah. Like in 1970s movies, It's micro-fiche. Here, it's a USB drive. Right.

It's the files. On Tuesday evening, the unnamed man, lucky him. Oh, yeah. That's that Japanese be like, we're not going to dishonor this guy completely. Okay. The unnamed man spent several hours drinking at a local restaurant in Suta, S-U-I-T-A. I tried. Not even a bar.

Of northern Osaka, Japan, shortly before passing out on the street. When the man regained consciousness, he found that his bag and USB sticks were missing, reported in HK per BBC. The man reported the missing items to local police on Wednesday reported the Japan Times. By the way, what is wrong with people? Like, just let him, let him slurdy at a bad state. Like, my wife was in the airport and she took off her t-shirt and put on a sweatshirt in the bathroom and doing some stuff. accidentally left her t-shirt in the bathroom realized it when she got like just a short period later

went back into the bathroom and it was gone who is like stealing yeah who's like oh this is mine now I'm like you look down at a guy who's asleep on the ground like let me take his USB port it's like guy who's passed out yeah I'm just like it just makes me mad about people that they're doing this so he wakes up on the street on a Tuesday night or Wednesday morning I don't know it's Wednesday It's Wednesday. His bag and his USB sticks are gone. Before meeting with colleagues in Sweetsa for a night out, the man had transferred the personal information of approximately how many residents onto flash drives.

The man reportedly worked for a company that assists tax-exempt households. How many people's information do you think we're on these USB sticks? This is the data breach of epic. And he took out to a bar on a Tuesday night to rip it up. So, by the way, that is the new term. Like, how drunk was he? He was so drunk He created a data breach

I think right I think he's so drunk Experian had to step in You said he's from where As if I know He's in northern Osaka Like SOUI T-U-I-T-A Susa city's a big

Asaka's like third biggest city in Japan This is like six figures Kyoto's big I'm going six figures Give me a number A hundred thousand Yeah

100,000 Okay Jay Rand I think like 40,000 40,000 from Randy I'm gonna say 200,000 200,000 Yeah he had transferred the personal information of approximately 460,000 residents also like I feel bad for all the work is done like you guys when I leave my house I know it's a little bit of a neuroses but I'm fine with it I look at my keys before I shut the door I just have to because I just I just always wrote that's where my keys are that's right also you got to lock the door yeah yeah it's locked and then I'm like it's when he closes it but he's looking at it I'm looking at it's

looking like he's and I close the door. I just feel like I have to. That is a brilliant way to. This guy was like, I got half a million people. What are we drinking? Where are we going? Where are we going? Give me another one. When you say personal information. Yeah. To what length? Is this like a credit card? Like, if it's just, you are a perfect yes because the very next sentence is the following. According to city officials, the USB sticks contain sensitive information including names, birth dates, home address, tax details, and bank account numbers. Oh my Lord. That's, that's, God. We've all woken up from a night of drinking and had the just drinking blues.

What did I do? And you didn't do anything. But you feel like I talked too much. I was just annoying. I read that girl poetry that I wrote on the subway. No. This guy. This guy kicked 500,000 people's.

Half a million people's info just out into the street. Bank records. So here's what I feel. And I know this is going to sound extreme. To the people who stole it. and who may be using it in a negative way. This is where Jay's gets...

I think they should be murdered publicly. Like, I do think... You are crazy. I do think so. I think maybe a lifetime shun. You get to live on an island. No, I think murdered public. And like one of those rocky islands

that you can't really sleep good on. I was just like, I'm mad at the society that people would just take this. Let's also say, guys, they're just missing. I honestly don't remember the end of this story. They never caught the person. I'm saying, this idiot could have just, they could still be wherever he left with. They might be in a bathroom stall next to Amy's T-shirt.

It could be in the back of his pants in the hamper. Right, you never know. In his asshole, because it felt good. I don't know. Luckily, for the man, city officials said the data contained on the drive is encrypted and locked with a password. They added that there has been no sign that anyone has attempted to access the information so far. Oh, my God.

Which means he also could have been like, here, let me throw this in there. like they're gone he might have put it in that guy's bitcoin fortune that's in a like a landfill somewhere like in the t could through it in the tip jar or something at the bar we deeply regret that we have profoundly harmed the public's trust in the administration of the city a city official state there is no way he's still working for the company on friday osaka he's been police reported promoted bailed upwards that's sweet and i'm sorry if i've said that wrong everybody i tried my best police officers found the bag as well as the u sb sticks. What? Where do

you think? I mean, it's insane for DeGast, but if you want to throw one out, otherwise I'll just say it in five seconds. Where? They found them outside an apartment building. What? So he just dropped them. Okay. And luckily, unlike the airport bathroom in the name experience, people just are like,

I'll leave those there, I guess. This is why I love Japan. Because there is a very much like follow the rule. Where everybody knows, that's a kid walking. It's a very rule following. He was walking. He was like. Like, this is too heavy. I'm going to get rid of this. Sh throws it down.

It goes it down. Yeah. And people walked by and said, that's not mine. I'm not going to take that. Somebody will want that eventually. This is why Japan is a superior society. Do a lot of things right. Like, I feel like Japan should be allowed to be racist to everybody else.

I would say they are. To everybody else because you're like, we don't pick up USB sticks that aren't ours. They are the peers. Okay. Just for fun. How old? How old do you think? A little drunkie, McDrunkers?

They gave an a round, but they gave a number, so we'll go with the number. How old do you think a guy going out on a Tuesday getting hammered with the boys? Intrusted with the USB sticks. Yeah, because of his job, though, he's older. Yeah, I mean, you'd want to think. That's what it's saying to me, but I don't know. He's not, but I don't know. No, but no, but if you're, if you're that old and you have seven hours on a Tuesday to spare, like you're not going home to your kids.

No, absolutely not. So that, that bumps him down. Okay. Or a last. I want to go last? Because kids are older. Leslie, do you want to go last? I'll go last.

Okay, Jay, what do you think? 48. 48? He could be like 56. This is like a guy who's just been drinking. Like, he knows how to throw the sake back. 56. For some reason, I'm feeling like a 35.

Okay. I want you to be right. I want her to be right. The Named man from Northern Osaka. Mm-hmm. Who said. Sounds like a limerick. You're about to go to the...

I was a man from Osaka. He doesn't care about 460,000. Well, he cared eventually, but not in the moment, is 45 years old. Jay, very good. And about to bring us home. All right. You're going to bring us home. Jay, give us a little teaser of what we're going to hear.

Someone jumps off a cruise ship. Okay. Dude. Allegedly? This is like a thing. No, no. Allegedly? This is insane.

It's full on happened. We'll find out a great reason why. I'll find out what Dan has going on. The great Leslie Liao is with us on the show. and I'm so happy you're here. You're having fun so far. Thank you. Yes.

I love being dumb. We love being dumb, too. We got one more segment of dumb left. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. Come here down.

It's dumb people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into the final story, Daniel, you have so many good things. And let's start with your amazing other podcast, The Midnight Air. Midnight Air drops every Monday night,

sometimes Tuesdays, depending on schedule. But always Monday nights. It's just me doing general information talking about the Emmys, talking about the new HBO show task. Well, now it's been out for a while. But, like, yeah, just whatever goes on. And then sometimes I just rank stuff.

I ranked my top 10 favorite chicken dishes lately. Top 10 favorite breads. Top 10 breads. People got really mad that sourdough wasn't on there. Well, we're just being sour. I just forgotten about it. But it's a really fun, like, lighthearted, easy show. You have no one to check you on that show.

Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what the emails for. That's what emails for. Let me know when I got it. I will also say really quick, can you just remind me this. I've been doing a thing. I'm compiling these where I interview people who have jobs that I'm just like,

oh, that's interesting. And we have somebody who listens to Dump People Town and they're a pen pal. They are a independent duty corpsman. And so they live on a submarine. And there are only like 200 of them in the entire Navy because they have to have the ability to perform almost any medical task without being able to radio contact or have the internet because they're in a sub. This is like the most general practitioner.

Somebody's going to lose a leg, that's their job. Somebody's got a cavity, that's their job. They have to use books or their knowledge. It's insane. I got to sit down. The guy's name is Rick. He told me so many cool stories. So I also got to talk to a cheesemaker in Milwaukee.

So I'm compiling these. If you ever want to say, oh, you know, I have a job. Somebody hit up, hit me up. They design haunted houses and theme parks and they live in Massachusetts. Somebody who does couples sex therapy hit me up and they live in Dallas. So that's probably going to be a little bland. But it'll still be cool to talk to them. I'm joking.

Uh, no shade on Dallas, uh, for sex. And you should talk to Charlie Duff. We should get him that book. Yeah. I'm gonna buy this book. Yes, do. I, I'll, I've been reading a lot more. I love to.

Wait, wait, wait. What was the submarine bit that we were doing? The submarine bit is that I want to do a German gay bar called Das Booty. That's great. It's underwater. Rick told me too. It's like, it's also mental health. And sometimes when you have a sailor that you're like, hey, so you can't do your

like, you can't do your job. And then it's almost like an ass. where you're like you can't get in there and you have to deal with them also sort of going through that. Sometimes you've got to like breach and the Navy needs to come get somebody that's got to be taken to a hospital. He told me one

of the coolest things ever and I wouldn't have thought about it but when you say it you go of course he goes at night sometimes if you've you've breached and you're at the top of the ocean and it is you are in the middle of absolute nowhere and it is as flat as the top of this table and you

are laying on top of the sub. It is like being that's like being in space because everything is completely black there's no sound. He's like, there's absolutely no sound. It's like being in a deprivation chamber in the world. It's a sound bad. Yes.

And he's completely naked, am I right? Oh, why would you not be? So anyway, if anybody wants to do anything like that. And your heart is gone. If you got a cool job, when I'm on the road, I try to work out. Like when I did my shows in Massachusetts, shout out everybody who was at those, Boston and Cohasset. But we worked to work.

out they're like hey let's get together and uh a listener of this show i didn't tell all my friends together anyway anybody listening yeah it's cohacid that's it's the midnight mailbag at gmail dot com but also check out that show other than that you should join up to this patreon it's five bucks a month it's a sclars and i hanging out talking about dumb stuff in our life doing stories that sometimes don't fit for the show because they're too short but we have a great time check all that go to daniel vankirk dot com i'll be all over the place doing shows all right let's jump in this last story last story sent in by elvin catabay okay so i love alvin at alvin at alvin at Alvin Catabay is our loyal listener up in Portland.

He came to see the show. Oh, cute. And I love when Easter comes around him. Cool brother, too. Get the Catabay eggs. It's delicious. It's all caramel. I love him.

Cruise ship passenger in Puerto Rico jumps overboard, allegedly to avoid, and we're not going to tell you how much, but a very expensive gambling debt. Wow. But that's, I mean, that's death. Well, not. No. I mean, if they watch you jump off, you have a very good chance, but if no one knows.

So the question is, was he trying to kill himself just to get out of the debt? And then he's a wrap. All right. A man who jumped off a Royal Caribbean cruise ship near the port of San Juan over the weekend, allegedly to avoid paying off more than what in a gambling debt. We'll find out later in the cruise line has been charged with a federal crime, authority said. Yeah, you can't do that. What if you're in international waters?

What's the crime? You can't jump off a boat. Can't jump a boat and also, like, dodging a gambling debt, I think is like owing money. I mean, that's how dumb. Walking out of, what's the day? You used to have a bad day. I didn't think of it either. You're like, it's a high dive.

What's the problem? Who cares? He did a flip. All right. Jay E.Y. Jay Gonzalez Diaz. Embarked. It's too many last names.

It's too many last names. Like, pick one. It's hyphenated, but okay. Embarked on the Rhapsody of the Seas at the Port of San Juan on August 31st, according to a criminal complaint filed Sunday in the U.S. District Court. The cruise ship returned from Barbados on Sunday when Gonzalez Diaz jumped into the water as the ship disembarked around what time?

Oh. What time would he jump out into the water? As it disembarked. Yeah. It's maybe it had been in port all day and they're heading out, so probably like 6 p.m. I like that, guess. I'm going to go 4 p.m. Oh, because it was leaving a...

I figured they give him the whole day to be there. I never done a cruise. But I'm just going to say five because it can't be too dark. Yeah. Actually, 9.15 a.m. Wow, in the morning. During a U.S. Customs and Border. protection inspection.

Let me make sure we get enough officials on this boat and then jump off while they're on the boat. Complaints say Gonzalez Diaz was then brought to shore by someone passing by on a jet ski. Yeah. So that's what I think too. Now we know it's disembarking, not so much of a suicide jump because he jumped off being like, I can get back to the land and get out of here and disappear into this other country.

Meanwhile, jet ski, Randy and I saw jet skis in Alaska this weekend. They are, they've made to, used to be that it was just the jet ski and their legs hung off now there's like a thing around it that's like a rectangle that go all out it's like a mini boat at this point yeah they're like put your feet in there you can put stuff in there you could probably go out on the water for a year it's crazy it's exactly a boater cycle you could save someone a sea you could get somebody jumped up really what happened the moment was captured on surveillance video see pb officials later located gonzalez dez near the porto rico capital building court document said he was carrying oh so he made it yeah for a little while

he was like, this is working. I did it. Yeah, Jason Bourne. Who's that wet guy near the Capitol? He is accused of attempting to avoid monetary reporting requirements when traveling into the United States, according to the criminal complaint. So on that level, you're like, oh, did he win money and he just doesn't want to report it? I don't know.

Yeah. At state and complaint, Gonzalez Diaz told officers in Spanish that he jumped out the cruise ship because he did not want to report the currency on his possession because he thought he was going to be taxed for duties for bringing the currency. So let me jump in the water and make it wet. Yeah, right? And make it worse. Big it worse.

Oh, he had the money. I don't know. He had to. I guess he put it in a plastic bag. Upon further investigation, Royal Caribbean told investigators that Gonzalez Diaz was booked under the name Jeremy Diaz. Oh.

I like, hey, more. Not different enough. Jeremy is jumping in it. All right. And he owed, let's do it now. How much did he owe to the cruise line? God. He actually owed money.

This wasn't a matter. He owed money to the cruise because. He lost in gambling. They have like... On the cruise. Oh, yeah, we've gambled on the cruises before. Which is a stupid idea because there's nowhere to go. I know he's dumb.

So factoring in dumb. There is a place to go off the ship. Factoring in dumb, what is a jumping amount? Oh, yeah. Millions. You think millions? I think it's a small... No, no, you're right.

That's real. That's you. We're talking to you, a sensible person. So like, someone who would jump off a boat would jump off a boat because they owed like $17,000. Oh, I would say, I bet you see. 6,000. 6,000? What do you think?

I'm going to say, you know, Jeremy Diaz, 30K. 30K. That's a jump thought you're going to say. One of you is less than $300 off. All right. So let's say who's got it in the thousand.

I'm going to stay where I am. 17K I'm staying. Are you staying at 30? Yeah. Okay. Are you going to jump to eat it's 5,700 bucks. Okay, go ahead. Get your answers in because he owed $16,700.

Oh. Oh. I don't even know. The debt was almost exclusively That's an insane guess based on nothing. Of course. Well, you've been in the game for a long time, right? Don't you give yourself credit.

I know. Other record checks of Gonzalez-D-S multiple identifications also revealed that a Jeremy Omar Gonzalez-D-S has been in federal... He added names? Yeah. Does he try not to pay for the name? You can't owe and then add a name. He's got to pay for the name.

Got to pay for the new name. According to the complaint, Jay Gonzalez-D-S-D-S told the best... Omar, more like, oh-more. Exactly. More names. That it was his brother. Then when they asked him for his full name, he told investigators, if you guys were good at your job, you would know that.

Yes. Got him. He got their ass. That's right. Got him. Go on the offensive. I mean, how do you say that when you just jumped off a ship and you owe $16,000? Jay Gonzalez Diaz was later released on bail.

And if convicted, Jay Gonzalez Diaz could face a fine up to what. So I want you to know what the fine is. based on, and he will be convicted because he was, he was caught red-handed. Yeah, he was caught trying to skip out on the bill. Dine and dash. 10,000. $10,000.

It's got to be more than what he owed. Right. To make this a beautiful story. That's right. Oh, God. You were 20? I think 50,000. You said 20?

Because wait, what are the crimes again? He's avoiding paying and then he jumped off of cruise ship. He tried to like run. You know, like anytime you try and flee a face a fine up to and five years prison sentence up to 50,000 or both yeah I'm feeling 50 50 yeah I say 50 how about 250,000 whoa so now 16's not looking so bad is it 16 is doable that gamble did not pay off it wasn't immediately clear if he has legal representation he gambled and lost twice he gambled and long check out the table and then a crazy swimmer that a crazy story

I mean that is insane don't jump off the ship if you can't if you can't if you You know, you go from the frying pan into the fire, as they said. You guys should get some of these people on here as guests. Oh, my God. I mean, have you tried? No, we should try. There was one guy we were checking. We talked to one guy who had a cheese grater who got stolen and he was mad about it.

And he was crazy. But a wonderful guy. I'm glad I'm glad he called it. Again, your special, what's the title of your special? I don't have a title yet. So it's in the works. Okay. In the works.

Follow her on social media. Resri Rial. Follow her on social. media we keep saying it sound like a racist i for the record i never said her handle she's a great we will edit it in we'll make it so you said i could we'll show his mouth moving and then uh res rea rhea yeah please come back she's a great follow come back and do this again you're so sweet and so fun and uh oh snap we gotta get back to work bye y'all