Dumb People Town - Mary Lynn Rajskub - Flourish In the Drama

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Comedian and actress Mary Lynn Rajskub (North Of North, 24, Mr. Show, Always Sunny, Tour dates) stops by as Daniel describes how a "Do Not Buy This House Before Talking To Me" sign ended up next to a house for sale, Randy explains how a woman was arrested for hit and run after her car hit a low-hanging tree branch, and Jason warns driving drunk while looking at naked women on FaceTime and getting stuck on train tracks, and so much more!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armand Dan. Members don't be a jerk. That's where the music getshosts Arm and Dan.

Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Rice Cub. Mary Lynn Rice Cub. Hi, welcome back to town. Easiest last name to spell in Hollywood.

Oh, it rolls off the tongue. I wanna say there's a Z in there. I wanna sit up so I look. I wanna sit up too. Better. You look good. So, this lighting is good for you. This is good lighting?

Well, you know how it is when you, well no, maybe you don't. Great nail color too. You guys think, when you don't leave the house and then you. Is this good lighting? Well, you know how it is when you, well no, maybe you don't. Great nail color too. You guys think, when you don't leave the house and then you're like, did I? All of a sudden leave the house and then you're on camera? Or you're like, I didn't do my hair for two days and then you have to do something that is, I do know.

No, here's the thing, you work so much, goddamn it, that you show up places and then people are like making you up and taking care of you, that when you show up to a place and you don't have like a team around you, you're like, what am I? Where's my team? I just now go, oh, my skin's too white for the bronzer that I chose.

But I could do with more makeup. You look great. Like I said, nail color's phenomenal. Hi. I'm about to change it. Welcome, ball game. Welcome. said, nail color's phenomenal. Hi. I'm about to change it. Welcome, ball game, welcome. The world's getting dumber. That's what we know about this life.

That's what we know. That's what we understand. I'm just gonna keep interrupting like I'm a triplet. Please, it's the whole show. You do it. You're a quadruplet. That is the show. I'm a quadruplet.

It's the four of us. You already made the triplets. He's the triplet, you're the quadruplet. We're the Vankirk brothers. He's gonna jump into a dumpster. I'm the one they never wanted. All right, let already made the triplets. He's the triplet, we're the quadruplet. We're the Vankirk brothers. He's gonna jump into a dumpster. I'm the one they never wanted. All right, let's jump into a story. Who's the most wanted?

Dan. Dan. America's most wanted. Sent by Kyle Andrews at Late Night Notchers. Thanks buddy. Love this dude. Here's the headline. Do not buy that house before talking to me. Sign in Virginia reads. This could have been like,

this could have made Amityville Horror, like a human movie. Poltergeist, yeah, like a short film. Here's the, here's the. Do not buy that house. There's a big white sign on Chesapeake Boulevard in Norfolk, Virginia. Of course. Pointing to the home next door that reads,

do not buy that house before talking to me So you can't take that down because that's on their property, right? But what if you were looking at? First I thought it was on the lawn Now you are looking at homes and you walk up and the neighbor has a sign that says don't buy that home before talking To me turn around are you even looking at homes and you walk up and the neighbor has a sign that says don't buy that home before talking to me. Turn around and leave. Are you even looking at the home? No.

Because either A, there's something wrong with the home or B, this neighbor is going to be too much of a part of your life. Right. This neighbor is terrible. Did you guys watch Bad Monkey with Vince Vaughn? No. Such a delight. No, is it good?

Such a delight. I heard it's one of them. But there's a little running gag where the real estate agent is trying to sell this huge beach house and he's always like leaving a dead animal or just like, I don't know, I don't know. I think it's haunted. So our first house in Laurel Canyon, my first house, our neighbor is like, we shared a breezeway.

It was like very close and I think she was offended that we just didn't wanna to be like close friends with her. We were like happy to share the space, but like she was like psycho. And like she went nuts and and was hurt by that. And we're like, I don't want to spend time with you. So you should have talked to her before. We should have talked to somebody because I was like, this woman, it's like we were

nice. I just didn't want to hang out. See the thing is, if I saw the sign, before I know if it's the house or the neighbor or the neighborhood or the person across the street, I would immediately go, we're looking to move, I don't even want to be a part of whatever this is. Zero drama.

We're paying too much to enter into this drama, unless there's like amazing schools. Unless the school is amazing. Then you're like, let's hear them out. Or it's a good price, it's just a great price. Damn, what if someone on the other side of the house put up a sign, don't listen to this person. Don't listen to the person,

don't listen to the sign, two houses over. Talk to me first. Talk to me about the guy who put the sign up that said talk to me. WAVY contacted homeowner Connor Jewell, who put up the banner-like sign in his front yard. Is that the guy who put the bomb in his back yard? Connor Jewell is the guy.

No, I don't know that. That guy was railroaded. Connor Jewell. Richard Jewell. Right, Connor Jewell. Why do I know that without his name? Because he didn't do it. He didn't do it.

He didn't do it. Connor Jewell invented the vape. He literally, the guy was trying to be a hero. Connor Jewell is a folk singer from Alaska. Right, Connor Jewell. That's Jewell's brother. No, that's just Jewell. That's Carl. What's her full name? Does anyone know Jewell's real name. That's Jewell's brother. That's Carl.

What's her full name? Does anyone know Jewell's real name? Nobody knows Jewell's first name. Do you know Jewell's real name? I'll never forget the Jewell joke that you did in Girls Guitar Club. Oh. That whole bit about like the snaggle tooth and like.

I still feel bad about that. I don't care. It was so wonderful. It was. It was pretty great. It was wonderful. In the anniversary, was it the anniversary time? I mean, before people called people, before roasting. It was so popular. You were roasting her as the anniversary, was it the anniversary time? Before people called people, before roasting,

it was so popular. You were roasting her as like. Cause she took herself very seriously back then. Yes. She took her very seriously. That's right. And you talked about how. Yeah, it's like no one would mention it.

No one could touch it, you know. And it's like, let's talk about it. Did you say she was like eating something? She feels bad, Ran. Ran. I don't remember. They say ripping into seal meat. But I love that you remember.

Staggled. They remember. Noipping into seal meat. But I love that you remember. Staggled. They remember. No. She fixed her tooth, but I actually thought her tooth was cute. She was cute. Are you watching the news?

What about the fact that, oh. Are you watching the new White Lotus? Are you watching the news? Yes, of course. How much do you love the big toothed woman? I love her so much. Oh, and the dialogue that happened, I've only watched the first episode where she's like,

it's just her. Big teeth. The lady in the bar. And she's like, yeah. She calls it lady in the bar. Just calls it out. Yeah, by the way, and that lady, watch her teeth in the second episode. I know. I'm like, what's going on with her teeth?

I'm like, is this episode on? Where's Jule? It's groundbreaking casting is what it is. It's like no veneers. It's crown breaking. It's crown breaking casting. Duh duh duh. Crown. All right, Wavy, W-A-V-Y contacted homeowner, Connor Jewell, who put out the banner like sign in

his front yard while the neighboring house is undergoing work. That house, the one being sold, like Jewell's home, is owned and rehabbed by Mozart Investment LLC. On name alone, I don't like that property. They think they're better than. Think of a fancy name that will make people think we're rich. Let's call it Einstein.

No. Fragile. Mozart. Was Mozart deaf? Was he the one who was deaf? No. Yes. Beethoven.

Beethoven was deaf. Who was deaf, Aaron? Who was deaf? Beethoven went deaf. Beethoven went deaf. Mozart wasn't deaf. Because Amadeus? Beethoven went deaf. Beethoven went deaf, Mozart wasn't deaf. Because Amadeus is about. Right. Amadeus, Amadeus.

Amadeus was, Elton John is now blind. Is that true? He is losing his eyesight. He's losing his eyesight. And he's losing his mind, am I right, ladies? He said he is warning. Hold me closer. He said he is warning people of issues

he's had with his home since he and his wife purchased it from Mozart Investment LLC. It's actually a regular sized dancer. You're saying it looks tiny to you. That's a problem. Yeah. I've been watching a lot of Project Runway. You're losing your eyesight.

Oh, I thought you meant I was making a body image. No, it's a regular sized dancer. And you need, I'm really worried about Elton John right here. I'm gonna try to get some cataract. Get it lasered off there. E.J. when asked about his home, Connor Drool said, flush our toilet, came out of the shower. What?

When he would flush the toilet. He had to leave the shower. No, water would come out of the shower. I love this this I love this Like this is my chance to let the world know what I've got something to say You will say why listen on next door calm why not do it here You will said he had serious plumbing issues almost from the start of moving in in fact He and his wife had to move out days after closing on the house the homes problem problems ended up costing them

Thousands of dollars should not know quote. Well, I was sitting well I was sitting back and I had already taken my loss and I said if I'm not gonna get any of my money back Then what can I do to help the buyer of that? I love this guy said pointing at the house next door with the inspections Yeah, exactly When you enter the jewel home now you see the couch at the house next door. What happened with the inspections? Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's in here. Were they paid off? Okay, we're going. When you enter the Jewel home now, you see the couch, you see on the couch a blanket that has pictures of the Jewels. I don't know why that was entered into this story, but they just want you to know they

have a picture quilt. Oh, the blanket has pictures? Oh, okay. They both, they both grew up in Kentucky. They're loving people. Jewels. They're like you and me This w avy wivb wherever they are they are so concerned that people might think this is a story about a gay couple It's not they write

When you enter the jewels home you see on the couch a blanket that has pictures of the Jewels. They both grew up in Kentucky. Jewel and his wife, Michael, who is named after her father, that is written in this story, were childhood sweethearts. So it's a gay couple, that's why the plumbing is all messed up. They were married on July 14th, 2018. What does this have to do with this story? When were they married? July 14th, 2018. I don't believe a word of it.

Somebody call Doge. It's Sagittarius Rising, it's a whole pre-COVID, I don't believe a word of these freaking animals. Reading a Casey Kasem letter. July 14th? They were married on July 14th. Are we talking 10 days? Their marriage is a cancer.

He's an active duty U.S. Navy fixing helicopters. He is going to get to us. Yeah, that's right. And she is a special education teacher. I thought it was a he. His name is Michael. The person who keeps getting it wrong. They write it again. Once again, we would like to reiterate.

Can't stress enough. This is not a man. Yeah. On October 7th, 2021, they bought their first home at 2934 Chesapeake Boulevard. There's too much information in this story. They have not given you literally can hack these people. You know their address, you know their name, they know, you know one of their father's names. You know the their anniversary Yeah, we don't need to do an investigation to the person who wrote this article much backstory Well, they're probably part of Big Mozart. Thank you Big Mozart, man They're gonna dox you if you start making signs you're done

They bought the home at 2934 Chesapeake Boulevard in October 7th We know the exact date sure sure. Sure. 2021. Thank God. And it quickly became a house of horrors. Oh God. I would flush the toilet, I turn on the water in either sink, and it would all come out in my bathtub. Waste from the toilet would back up into the tub.

Oh! Jules Plummings issues demanded immediate attention, so he got opinions from five master contractors. Sounds like a show. Master Contractors. I would say Gordon Ramsay still hosts that show. One came out, got under the house. The first thing he saw was raw sewage and water coming out of the pipe and right off the bat found there were improper fittings. It was all back graded into my house. There was no way for it to exit into the city sewer. Whoever built this house or rehabbed it didn't

even hook the plumbing up to the main line. Can we blame ghosts? Some of the problems that show on CBS. Some of the problems. And the Marfa legs. Were there in the Jules CNC home inspections report. One picture showed a pipe going sharply up and not down to take water out of the home and into the city pipe.

It's a fountain then. It's going up. It's just a fountain. Where should we connect this pipe? Just point it upward. Some of the pipes were at 90 degree angles, which I guess should tell anyone who doesn't know they're never supposed to be. No.

Sewage was backing up into the home, Jules said. God. Do you wanna see a picture? No, I wanna see the sign. The sign, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not out here showing poop. All right, this is what's in front of his house. That's enormous.

Love that. That's probably a $300 sign, right? And I know we've got way too much information and I still should be clear on this, but and I don't know Michael. They're both men Michael Michael No when they bought the house They bought it. Oh, you know October 17th, 2021. Thank you, but it wasn't they didn't have it designed by Mozart They bought they bought the house. Well, no, I assume it's the same thing constructed by Mozart

I was listening and I already forgot because the house. Well no I assume it's the same thing. It was constructed by Mozart. Okay I was listening and I already forgot. Because the house next door also owned and rehabbed by Mozart Investment LLC. So I assume his was as well. Yes so what he's trying to say is they screwed me. They did a flip. They flipped these houses. Now I'm gonna screw them. Oh. And now he's putting a sign. Oh right cuz they were only in for three weeks this was a new house. So the guy who put the sign up, his plumbing is backed up. Yes. Oh my God. Oh, well he had to get it fixed. Because he bought, it's two houses, both bought and flipped by Mozart LLC.

His is horrible, not even going to the sewer line. Who can I complain to? The world. So he brought in these five master contractors and they all said. Internet do your thing. Right? I'll put it out there and you go girl. Jewel confronted the original home inspector about the pipe.

They told me they are not code. She's a pipe yodeler. They told me they are not code inspectors, so it's not their job. WAVY spoke with the owner of CNC Home Inspections, Kurt Lind. He's pissed. He's trying to get a nut to move your butt. Since?

OK, so I want gonna give you this timeline because I love this story. So he goes to the original home inspector, our guy in the Navy. From 2017. Yeah, Jewel, right? He goes to the original home inspector. Who's no longer a home inspector.

You're close. Whose name's Kurt Lind. And they go, we're not code inspectors that's not our job. Pass the buck. That guy's name is Kurt Lind. CNC home inspectors in company music Incorporated Music Factory. Yes. He has since renamed the company company and operates out of his own home. Yeah that's right. That's always a good sign. He's like what are you running from. Change the name. Close the office? What are you running from? I refunded his money Lind said of jewel the amount was what do you think they paid to inspect to inspect to get to fair?

$1200 okay, we're gonna say we're in Virginia. Oh 400 bucks 325 the amounts 325 dollars so Lind goes you can have this back. Yeah, of course you're trying to not get shut down. Right? Yeah. But Jewel said he refused the cash, the cash to cash the check unhappy with the home inspector services. Oh, he's trying to take everyone to Lind said, I apologize to him. And that's why I sent it through my insurance company. Let them settle the dispute, which is the move. If you're Lind, because the insurance company does not want to pay anybody. No, they're going to fight. They're going to fight harder than you would have to thin nail. No nails. The insurance company supported their client believe it or not. Big teeth. They

supported their client Lind finding the home inspector quote did his job on the day of inspection. Did he? Lind added the day of inspection the water ran just fine and did not back up the day of the inspection. And we Lind added, the day of inspection the water ran just fine and did not back up the day of the inspection. I mean, because Noel was taking a dump in the toilet. Exactly, because there's no water in those pipes yet. Yes. Yeah. They may be flushed the toilet once. Maybe. Mozart invested. I'm trying to remember if you haven't inspected, do they go in and look?

Oh yeah. That's not an inspection to just turn it on. No. They'll do all of that. You're supposed to look. You're supposed to look. it on. No, they'll do all of that. You're supposed to look. Turn on all the boxes. You would run into that 93. Go to the crawl space. You're all of it.

You're a jerk off in the crawl space. You gotta do eye contact. And that's what most our LLC. Flush it. Flush some flush it. Flush some flush it. So Lin says, hey, it was all fine when I was there. But when Lin went back to the house on a follow-up visit,

there were issues. Yeah. The day I went back was there, but when Lynn went back to the house on a follow-up visit, there were issues. Yeah. The day I went back over there, I met his wife and the crawl space was flooded. I do not disagree. I could not go in there. What are you, Dr. Seuss? Jewell's attorney sent a-

Not with a knife. Not with his wife. Jewell's attorney, Michael? Jewell's attorney sent a demand letter threatening- Doesn't sound like a woman's name to sue Mozart investment LLC which rehabbed the home and sold the jewel ready for this turn Mozart investment LLC recently closed down. What a surprise. An attorney representing Mozart's registered agent Schiller Menard. No that's the guy. Schiller. Virginia. Menard Schiller Menard responded have only

been a lawyer for like shady companies. That's all he could have done. It's a name from somebody on the wire. One date with Schiller. He's got it. He's good for a store. What about Schinder Meninder Schiller Menard responded to questions about why the water and electric permits were not pulled in compliance with the city of Norfolk for the home refurbishing. That means when they redid this house and flipped it, they didn't even pull permits. They're just trying to flip it. These assholes. Kevin Brunik, no idea who that is. They do not say it's just this guy shows up in the story. He responds, he might live across the street. He responds, I do not believe there are any.

The sign says ask me about. I mean I know we're doing this whole story about this whole thing, but has anybody gotten a quote from Kevin Brunik? I got some to say. He said, I don't. Go get one from him. I don't believe they're under any obligation to do that.

I don't know if he's talking about the permits. However, a city spokesman said said there are no plumbing or electrical improvements proposed or requested adding new water lines and electrical wiring will require permits. I love Dan that they didn't identify who Kevin Brunik is. He said the most general thing. I don't believe they're under obligation to do that. That's probably what his sign says. His sign just says they're not under obligation to do that. I don't see any. What does he work for? Whose side is he on? I don't even know.

That's like after you pour your heart out to somebody and they go, well, if they're going to be like that, that's what happens. He's like, what does that even mean? They're going to be like that, that's what happens. That guy's on his front porch eating a cantaloupe with his bare hands. I don't see the problem. WSBY. That's what people are going to do. Who's side are you on? WNVY obtained a notice of violation that Jewell received after he requested the city to inspect

and the violation states, work done with no permits, work not installed to code. So Jewell received a notice of violation to him on his own house. Yeah, that's right. From the city. Yeah. That he brought their attention to. Right. Wow.

You're gonna get, this is how they get you. Let me show you what's going on. No, let me show you what's going on. Sort of an odd ending to hear. Jewel's speculated on how this all happened. Quote, this is Jewel, they're probably thinking, oh, he's active duty. That's just some dumb military kid

What he won't know someone push something under the rug. He'll never know I'm like jewel Treat our military better Thank him for his service It was a ride, but that's story number two Wow, we come back Randy will take it away, and I will tell you about my dates and where you can come see me. And Mary Lynn, it's Mary Lynn Rice Cub on Dumb People Town. She's in her bag. I'm in my bag, I'm getting some lip balm.

Right now. Just for you. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump in and let you know where you can catch Mary Lynn on the tube in movies and in real life.

Daniel, let them know when they can catch you Lynn on the tube in movies and in real life. Daniel, let them know when they can catch you. Okay. I will tell everybody that you can see me in Providence, Rhode Island on March 20th and 21st. If that's already happened, I apologize, but you should have been there. It was a great time. Denver, March 20th and 29th at Comedy Underground.

I will be also possibly track my dates because I could be announcing very soon that I'm doing a couple shows in like the Palm Beach area for Lauderdale area I thought that's coming together quick. Don't be part of the story Milwaukee the laughing tap on April 11th the 12th Then Jamesville the comedy cabin Louisville planned to the tapes everything's at Daniel van Kirk comm I got stuff going up through The summer love it. So come see got stuff going up through the summer. Love it. So come see him live. It's the best. Into the fall even.

Great storyteller. And then listen to the Midnight Air. It's my own little podcast right here on All Things Comedy. Love it. Mary Lynn, where can people see you? First of all, I've seen you on sets. When can they see you on things? Weren't you up in like Alaska?

Where were you? Yes, I would love to tell you. Real quick, it's Dallas and Atlanta Punchline. Dallas Comedy Club? I think it's just called Dallas real quick. It's Dallas and atlanta atlanta punchline Dallas comedy club. I think it's just called. Yeah, it's coming club. Okay. I haven't been there Is it good? Uh, yeah, I've heard good things. We do a different one, but it's fine I mean there's another one in dallas that we really want to be adison improv And then the dallas. Yeah, there was a dallas comedy house and I think it's this new version And it's supposed to be you guys are in the know. We know. Okay. So listen, I did this tv show

It's called north of north. It's coming out on netflix. You guys are in the know. We know. Okay, so listen, I did this TV show, it's called North of North, it's coming out on Netflix, we filmed it in the Canadian Arctic. No way. And I'm super excited about it. Is it funny, is it a comedy? It's funny, it's a comedy, but it's like, it's one of those shows that's got everything done really well.

So it's like a lady, an Inuit wife, mother, and she's wanting to break out of her small town. a lady, an Inuit, wife, mother, and she's wanting to break out of her small town, but everybody knows each other. I play the white lady who's kind of the gatekeeper of helping her but needing her but keeping her down and not really helping her, like, a bit of a care. How was it shooting up there? It was wild.

I was up there for three months. I mean, when I landed, it was, it's, I mean. It's all wildlife. It's all wildlife. Well. It's freezing. There's no topography. I mean, from Ottawa, it's three hours north.

Oh wow. So it's really that far up. You were way up. Yeah, you can only get there by plane. I mean, there's the town, and then there's just a barren. Blanket of white. Yeah. Did you have to go plane to plane

to like a little prop plane? No, they do have a little airport because the place where I was is called Iqaluit and it was established by the military because there was like a flat place they could have runway there. So we're in a lot. But there are seal hunters.

I mean, there's not a lot of wildlife. North of Anchorage? Are we north of Anchorage? Where are we? We are in Canada, not in Alaska. Oh sorry, Arctic. Near the Arctic Circle, just below the Arctic Circle. It's like where they do alone.

They speak Inuktitut. Wow. I did try caribou, I was offered whale, but I wasn't up for it that day. How is caribou? It's good, it has a little aftertaste. Yeah, it's like they eat it like sushi, just like thin strips dipped in there.

Wow, holy. It's like jerky- like sushi just like thin strips dipped in Like jerky ish. How long were you there? You said three months? Wow. Yeah, we filmed outdoors It was wild because there's no infrastructure. So one of the I was able to go on one hiatus, but when I came back I was like bringing wardrobe. I mean I shouldn't advertise that no they were having to like fly the Sets up there wait,, but do you find that- We had a lot of local people on the, you know, crew and the cast, yes, go on. Were you, I find that like whenever we've been on location

for something and it's like cold outside, it's just easier to like act in the scene cause you're like, oh wait, we're here. We're literally here. I don't have to make this up. Oh, you mean on location? Oh yeah. It's just like, instead of on a set somewhere

where you're just like, okay, we have to sort of pretend that we're in the city of New York. Oh, no, it was incredible. Like, it's easy. North of North. You're cold and you're annoyed in this scene and you're like, yeah, all those things. I am that.

Well, yeah. I mean, in this case, it's like you're cold, but you've lived there for 25 years. I mean, but. You can't go, what the fuck is going on? Fascinating, and I watch so much Life Below Zero, which is like, I watch so much of that show, so I mean, it's like probably all of the, I'm gonna love this show.

And you're in it. I'm so excited. What's it called, what's it called, North of North? North of North. North of North. Oh shit, I can't wait. And Netflix, it's so cool, congratulations on like, branding a series, regular thing.

It's amazing. Go girl. I'm really proud of it. And so all your live dates are at marylinbriskub.com? marylinmarylin.com. marylinmarylin.com. Thank you for asking. Smart, okay.

Let me jump into the next story, shall we? Yes, let's do it. This is sent in by Nick Bows at chefnick80. I love your speakers. What kind of speakers you have? Nick Bows. Nick Bows at ChefNick80. I love your speakers. What kind of speakers you have, Nick Bows. Nick Bows. I'm gonna tell you before I get into this story that all of you are going to be mad at the police department

and the government. Yes, I doubt that. Okay, all of you. No question, you're gonna be mad. Do I have more anger left? Oh, you're gonna have it. Do you find the government? Here is, nope, here is the headline.

Woman arrested on hit and run charge after car scrapes tree branch in parking lot. Wait. What? Huh? Cape Coral, Florida. A Florida woman was arrested after accidentally hitting a tree with her car in a TJ Maxx parking lot and leaving. What is she supposed to do?

She hit a tree that's on her own car. She now has to deal with that. You should hit like a classic, all right listen to this. And who's the person, who's the parking lot monitor? When did the cops become the Lorax? The charges have since been dropped, but she's now speaking out at the emotional impact of the accident. She speaks for the trees.

This is an emotional impact. I'm not a tree, I'm a lady. Yaneli Guzman. Is it Yaneli or Laurel? Just kidding, remember that old thing? Yanny and Laurel? Yanny or Laurel. Oh yeah, yeah.

What are they saying? What are they saying? Silver dress. Yaneli Guzman said she was pulling into the parking spot ahead of her Christmas Eve shift at TJ Maxx. She works there. She works at this. When she felt a bump, like you're worried,

you gotta get to your shift, she's probably a little bit late, I'm always late to everything, she feels a little bit of a bump, right? I feel something was making pressure on my car. That sounds like someone who is like, you're making pressure on me. And your proctologist is like, no I'm supposed to be there.

You're like, why are we doing this in the waiting room? Why was she getting something up her butt when she was parking? You're making pressure on my car. So when I do that, I back up, she said. Then I decide to park in another spot. Shortly after, Guzman realized she had a low-hanging tree branch.

It's just low-hanging fruit. That's all she did. Hovering over the first parking spot, she spoke to her manager about the incident. Why? Why did you even speak to her manager? Why bring it up? Yeah. It's a tree did, hovering over the first parking spot. She spoke to her manager about the incident, why? Why did you even speak to her manager about that? Why bring it up? Yeah.

It's the tree. He didn't know what to do. I don't, why is she talking about this? No one needs to do anything. What if she started it by saying, my car was scratched by your tree? Then what do I do? And then they were retaliating.

But even still, she needs to go talk to the property manager. Other people she talked to advised her to contact the Cape Coral Police Department. Do not. No. Don't contact them. Yeah, why are we doing that? The district manager told him for me to make a report,

an accident report so I could file for a claim so they could pay my damage and that's what I did. So that's what she did. I got damage on my cars. This is on her. But you kind of did it by pulling in. They're saying don't have a parking space or what she's probably gonna say.

Trim the tree. Trim the tree. I am not mad at the cops, I'm mad at Yanni. Yaneli, instead of doing my incident report, he took me to jail for that, hitting for a hit and run. On a tree branch? I feel frustrated because I didn't think it was fair.

I'd be like, can I read the victim statement? Mellie Yaneli. I'm like, how dare Can I read the victim statement? Nellie and Ellie. I'm like, how dare you try to get us to cover the costs for a tree. I'll do you one more. Yeah, I'll make sure you never file any reports. You hit and ran on my tree. Guzman said she, says the officer told her

she should have left her name, car registration number, and phone number in a note hanging on the tree. Wait, what? All right, now I'm back at that. Now we're mad at the government. Is this like the new version, the response book to The Giving Tree? How do they want her?

Because The Giving Tree was like- Are we exchanging insurance with the tree? The Giving Tree, I always read the voice of The Giving Tree as like an old Jewish mom. Like, nah, just take. Take it all. Take the whole trunk. Turn me into a boat.

Sit on me. I'll be a star as a mom. I want you to be happy. Take the whole turn me into a boat sit on I don't need anything but you to sit on me sit on like a toilet like How did they want her to put the note on the tree? I don't know cuz then she's gonna get arrested for nailing something to the three He handcuffed her and drove for to just maybe handcuffed. That's an intense Where she had a much mug shot taken. What? Blatant misuse of power. I mean to me, the paper that your mug shot is printed on

is worse to the tree than what you did to the tree. She had to pay how much bail to get out of jail. She had to pay this in jail. Now when they drop these, do you get something like that? What are you in for? What are you in for? For being in jail for one night. Yeah, what are you in for? I shivved a guy. What are you in for? How are you in for? For being in jail for one night. Yeah, what are you in for?

I shiv'd a guy. What are you in for? How do you have bail when you're not sentenced to, like isn't the bail according to how long you're gonna be there? Yeah, I don't know. I guess the damage, what do you think? How much was the bail?

We're in Florida? Yeah, we're in Florida. Kit Kroll. Well, I think that was a pretty good guess, but I'll take it up a notch. Five grand. Five grand, what do you think? $500.

Get your answers in, Townies. She had to pay $150 to bail herself out of jail, handcuffed her, I don't like this. I would just cry and cry because I'm a person that never got into trouble. I don't think that it was fair what they did to me. They ruined my life. I don't eat well, I don't sleep well.

I don't know if that's now attached to the... Can you sue them though? Can you sue the cops? I think she can. Well they dropped the charges, so they obviously admit it. So they admit that they did wrong. The police- I mean this is kind of great.

Now I'm back into it. Like if this is what ruined your life, let it. Let it go. Flourish in the drama, like it's not that serious. I like that she's taking it, yeah. Such a sorrowful place.

I can't clean, I eat cake for breakfast, I just watch TV, I bought six dogs, like yes. The amount of times I would have said, so I'm being arrested because I told you that I hit a tree branch and maybe somebody in like City Work should come and trim these trees that are going into a parking lot. The branch was somebody?

It put pressure on her car. It did put pressure on her car. But she wanted her damages paid. Right. So the police department in a statement said the incident met the criteria for a hit and run. No it didn't. No it didn't.

Hit and run is a vehicle or a person. That's terrible. Person or private property. They added it's ultimately up to the state's attorney office to decide whether or not to change it for the drug to charge the driver. They're going to charge the driver. According to Florida law, a person who strikes a tree on private property and leaves the scene can face up to how much time behind bars. A tree? Tree?

It comes into your definition. Branch is part of a tree. Yeah, it is part of a tree. You's not like, you didn't George Bailey it. No, you didn't knock it through. But how much time could you spend, up to, if you strike a tree on someone's property in Florida? 30 days. Five years. Six months.

One of you is exactly right. It's five years. It's 30 days. You gonna stay where you are or you gonna jump to one of theirs? I'm jumping to yours. I think you're right. I said six months.

For a, wait, they're calling it hit and run? Hit and run of a tree on someone's home. Maximum time for a hit and run. Hit and run? I'm gonna say six months. We gotta go more, more, more. I'm saying six months. More, more, more.

I'm gonna switch to. To five years. Yeah, because now I'm thinking hit and run, you could be hitting a person and killing them. Okay, here you go. So if it's under that category. Get your answers in, because you can be up to six months behind bars.

Yes! Nice one. And a fine, there's also a chance Put your answers in, because you can be up to six months behind bars. Yes! Nice one. And a fine, there's also a chance the person can get how many points on his or her license for doing this. Hitting a tree. I don't know, is it out of 10? No, you get points.

I know, but I'm like, what's the number, you loser. I've only ever heard of one or two. No, you can only get one point. It's one. One point, you think one point, how many points do you think? One point, yeah. Juan, what do you think? It's one. Two. Right, one of you is exactly right. It's one. It's two. It's one point. It's one point. You think one point? How many points do you think? One point. One, what do you think?

It's one. Two. Right. One of you is exactly right. It's one. It's two. It's two. You get two points.

You can get in an accident. It's 100% full. Guzman says the state attorney's office dropped the charges for insufficient evidence, but she still has to pay how much in legal fees and car repair. I think she should have to pay that car repair because just don't park there.

She has to pay legal fees and car repair. I think she should have to pay that car repair because just don't park there. Because she has to pay legal fees. Yep. And car repair, how much? What kind of a person is that distraught after running into a tree? What kind of life do you live? She can't eat, she can't sleep. You live.

She bought six dollars. Branch. She started vaping. Okay, sorry, how much? She started vaping after this. It's changed her life. How much did she pay? Pay and damages.

Legal fees and her car damages? $1,000 thousand dollars. Okay. Yeah, Daniel. It's a few hours 2,500 by 500. Okay, Marylin Yeah, she's all in the ballpark of what you guys said, what do you think then? Okay? Yes Do it guys out there in the ballpark of what you guys said. Say something. Okay, don't rush me. Yes, Mary Lynn, just do it. God. Put it out there. $1,200. $1,200. She has to pay close to $4,300.

Oh my God. Why? What's can't be dropped is the emotional toll this incident has taken on her. This was done. Well, it can be, she just hasn't. That's taken straight from her attorney's mouth, right? I know that a lot of police officers are a wonderful person,

but I'm scared, that's how I feel right now, Guzman said. It's a shame that this woman is getting railroaded. Yeah, it really is. She does need to be treated this way. And she is, and someone is gonna take this case. And to think all she had to do was not say it to anyone. I just hit a tree branch. Right, but her car is messed up.

She's banging my iPad. Sorry air hockey over here with these two people watch the video a lot of beautiful work into this video and it's worth it you just got a rare hockey iPad with the Sklar brothers yeah you didn't see the tree branch hanging right there all right there you go sorry number two Jay give us a little taste what we got in story number three. This is, well, FaceTime gets people in trouble. FaceTime gonna getcha. All right, that's it, story number two,

down, we'll do this, and we'll tell you what we have on the other side of the break. It's time people time with Maryland. Sorry. Sorry. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people town. Hey guys, we're back.

Before we jump into this third story, we should tell you, for us, we've got lots of dates coming up. In March and April, we've got two weekends that we're going to be away in each month. We're going to be at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in the middle of March. We're going to be at Acme Comedy Company, which is in Minneapolis, in March, I believe it's what, the 19th through the 21st? And then, or the 18th, 19th through the 22nd. I can't remember.

It's that weekend right there. Then in Denver, the third through the fifth at ComedyWorks, the South Club, and then Moontower Comedy Festival, which I love so much in Austin, Texas. Superschoolers.com tag its every month in the main room of the Comedy Store, which you should come and do, which you've done.

You did it up in the, isn't that so fun? Isn't it so fun? Yeah, so we do it in the main room and the Comedy Store, which you should come and do. Which you've done, you did it up in the, isn't that so fun? Isn't it so fun? Yeah, so we do it in the main room and it's super fun. So again, just look, supersclarice.com for all that stuff. And our night court's coming out and just, it's all good stuff is happening. Super fun.

Jay, jump in. Okay, here we go. This is sent in by Pete Yarbo at Pete Yarbo. Is that a new sender? New person, thank you Pete. Pete, okay. Sneaky Pete. Laporta man gets car stuck on train tracks

after allegedly driving drunk, getting distracted by exposed woman on FaceTime. Is that Michael Jordan's kid? This guy's doing too much. Right. Too much. There's multitasking and then there's multi. Say it again.

Laporta man gets car stuck on train tracks after allegedly driving drunk, getting distracted by exposed woman on FaceTime. So he's driving drunk and watching a woman on FaceTime expose herself. Strong. You know, just today I was filling a water bowl, talking on the phone and I was about to sneeze.

So I know how it feels. You know how that, it's a lot to deal with. You were caught on your own emotional train tracks. Also very sexual. Laporta. Thank you. Laporta, Indiana, WNDU. Laporta man is facing several charges after investigators say his car got stuck

on a set of railroad tracks where he was driving drunk and while he was distracted by the side. Oh yeah, imagine you're on the train being like, I need to get to this place, and they're like, we're stopped for an indefinite amount of time because some guy drunk driving was watching a woman get exposed. His girlfriend, at least it's his girlfriend. Zachariah Vigil, Zachariah Vigil,

that's the name of the guy. They're holding a late night. Could be the lead singer. The worst thing is the drunk driving. On the train tracks. Right, that's the worst. Obviously. Drunk driving is the worst. Headline, idiot the worst obviously have drivings the white line

Also being on FaceTime while you're driving and looking at it. Yeah. Yeah, you can be on it You can't look at it. Look at a vigil could be the name of like 11 people who were arrested on January like there's no greater concentration of people on FaceTime than a Terminal at an airport. Oh my god. I feel like I'm always Next to people on FaceTime at an airport. I'm standing there waiting. Did you ever just pop in and say hi. Yeah. So I'll wave. I'll go. Good to see you. Oh your clothes are on. Oh gee. So much. We made it. We made it. I'm saying we made it. We only we have three and a half hours to our flight. Just connecting. Yeah. Delta. So we all the plane was upside down. I love that. They still have the spark in their relationship

Yes, that whether it's long distance or lifting whatever you want to wait till you get home. No, no show me now Logic to you like there's something about if you're gonna be drunk and aroused like do it up Car thing you like. Take a ride. He is charged with multiple counts of operating a vehicle while intoxicated, operating with an alcohol concentration equivalent to, we get to what it is.

Okay, great. But it was. It's gotta be high. Anytime someone, because this just happened with Michael Jordan's kid, you saw that video of him. Oh, yeah Yeah, but if you're turning on the train tracks you are Blackout drunk. Oh, yeah Jordan came and tried to bet the cops how close to the car He got he actually yeah, but well, yeah, and then he told his son. I'll take all your pennies

I took that personal that was personal to me when you did that. Michael Jordan. Leaving the scene of an accident and false informing in connection with the incident in the early morning hours of Monday, February 10th. Yeah, if you leave that scene, everything's still in the car, the license plate, that car belongs to you,

you can't say that was taken from me. Right. Police said they were called around what time? What time were the cops called? 2.30 in the morning. Oh man. This feels like a night drive. I'm kind of, I mean, I hate that it gets me. Police said they were called around what time? What time were the cops called? 2.30 in the morning. Oh man. This feels like a night drive. I'm kinda, I mean I hate that he got drunk and drove.

But to work it out, in my mind he went out for drinks after work, he's gotten too drunk, he's on his way, she's showing him what's on the menu. Right. This is what you're missing when you go home. I'm gonna say 10 p.m. I was gonna go at 10 p.m. We can go together. You guys can go together? Yeah, you can go home. I'm gonna say 10 p.m. I was gonna go 10 p.m. We can go together.

You guys can go together? Yeah, you can go together. You definitely can go together, but you will both be wrong. Randy is closer, 2 a.m. There it goes! Oh! At least there was no one on the road

to the area of Orchard Avenue and Second Street. Well, it's not a road. On reports of a crash between a Hyundai and a Norfolk Southern train. Oh, it got hit? Oh, he left, he left the car. Wow. And his car got blown up.

His car got effed up. It's like a person says, what is the shittiest thing I could do? Drive drunk. You know what? What's worse? Endanger the lives of other people. Which you've already done driving.

But once you've decided I can no longer drive, how can I still continue destroy possibly harm other people? I mean this is a murder. Yeah But you're doing it by stupidity I Will will full I left my car. I left it right. I was an operating right idiot According to paperwork vigil was picked up from the scene by his girlfriend meanwhile Did she ever close on shortly after the crashes they were leaving the scene yeah, they reportedly pulled They were reportedly pulled over by responding officers so wait oh they she came together

She came to get him in her car as they were leaving the scene They're like there she is they got the license plate someone who noticed that their lights were off Oh, he probably insisted on driving I with the lights out no They're like, there she is. They got the license plate. Someone saw her. Who noticed that their lights were off. Well, she drank too. Oh, he probably insisted on driving. Said, drive with the lights out. No one will see us. They were fucking when they found them. Yeah, he's like, that's hot.

Lights are off. Don't come knocking. Vigil, who was in the front passenger seat, reportedly told officers he let a friend borrow his car and that the friend was responsible for crashing it. What's your friend's name? It's my Canadian friend. He also reportedly admitted to drinking that night while watching the super. This is okay. Now he's also done. He's blaming the real deal. I know how it

is. You got a drink. Patrick laid out and I was like, I don't know. I got to celebrate this. I know a group of guys, four guys in the car. They're driving. They had been drinking. That's very stupid. I don't endorse that at all. They get pulled over. Yeah guy in the driving says So, you know some word like by Immediately when they pull over gets out and just sprints. Yeah takes takes off running So then the cop comes up and says who was that? Yep, and they all said we don't know They're, what? We met

him at the, we met this guy at the bar. And we're just driving him home? And he offered to drive us home. Yeah. And it was the person driving, it was not their car. So the person who, whose car it was, was like in the passenger seat. It was like, it was like, it's my car. We just met this guy. I let him drive. Yeah, and then they all lawyered up and what would So this guy should I don't endorse anything you did but he literally could have said my friend drove me home And he what friend I don't have to tell you what front yeah, there's not Compels me to tell you my friend. What's his last name? I don't know. We're new friends Some dead. I mean he deserves it because he did all this stupid shit, so I'm kind of okay with it

But instead he was like someone and I drank time drunk What he says while at the hospital Investigators say vigil confessed to driving the Hyundai and said he was facetiming with his girlfriend while he was driving to her house He reportedly told investigators that she showed him her breasts. I mean, look at her. Show them what you showed me. Show them, honey. They'll get it.

They'll get it if they see. Show them the breasts. Show them the left one. No, everybody likes the left one. Everybody likes the left one. I want to stand at attention. He reportedly told Ivette Scaris she showed him her breasts, which distracted him and caused him to get

his car stuck on the railroad. You tell me you wouldn't get stuck on a railroad. I've been stuck for about 20 years on these. OK, sir, fine. And I drank all night. And that's sweet. That part in a vacuum. I like that he loves her.

I love her. And I like that her breasts can vacuum. Romance, romance. I like that he loves her. I love her. I know. And I like that her breasts can distract him. That's great. Is it wrong to love her? She walks through the room to change after. Blinded by love. Yeah, she walks through the room to change after a shower and he yells out, game time.

Like, that's great. I love her. It's not like he needed her to be peeing on a coffee table in order for it to be started. So? Depressed. And this is what a drunk person then does. So his now argument with the cops,

not that he didn't either. You don't like her? No. You don't think she's pretty enough for you? Is it wrong to love her? You tell me, is that against a lot of love, Mike? Yeah, it's all rhetorical questions. It's like, we're not talking.

I guess you don't love love you You don't believe in magic on these titties. Stop sir. Cut him off. She likes that. Cut him off. She likes that. She doesn't say a word, he speaks for her the whole time.

Alright, I'm gonna get out of here on this. He was found to have a blood alcohol level. Yeah, this is giving me bad news. Of what? So we know that.08 is the legal limit. After.08 you are legally drunk. Beyond that, it's drunk. And he's train track drunk.

He's stuck on a train track. I'm gonna go. I can't remember what's a high amount. What does it go to? Anything over, I mean. You get to.2, you are drunk. Oh,.2 is like outrageous. Yeah.

.2 is 2 1 1 half times the legal limit. I'm gonna say point one nine, point one nine. Point two is when you start touching the bathroom walls you walk to the toilet. We said like I got this. That's what I needed, thank you for that. Point three is just pouring vodka into the breathless. I'm gonna say he was point, what'd you say?

I said point one nine. I'm gonna say he was point two eight'd you say? I said point one nine. I'm gonna say he was point two eight. Okay, Mary Lynn, what do you think? Point oh eight is the legal, okay. Point, three. Point three, damn. Point three, damn.

Wait, no, I'm the high. You might be right. But I don't think that's wrong. He's black out drunk. He's like, I'm gonna turn down his drink. Hang on, he's about to say it One of you is point oh

07 off so we're on you're very far as we say what it is point two seven three That is so drunk that is more than three times the legal limit like you're passed out Yeah, yours is but also this is by the time they tested him. Yeah, remember he got a big he left a car He got picked up so messed. He probably was point three at one point Oh-oh-eight, they don't want To do it oh eight is like two or three drinks. You're buzzed. You're buzzed and you shouldn't be operating the vehicle

and you clearly, you're impaired. Your reaction time is slow, yeah. You're impaired. 0.273 is just trashed. Wow. Trashed. You're really drunk. 0.28, your blood is flammable at that point.

That's right, that's right. That's right, and he was right there. Thank you for weighing in on this. Thank you, Aaron. Your most important, that's what we needed. Flammable blood. Dan, I wanna throw this on the table. That's what we needed. Flammable blood. Dan, I wanna throw this on the table. I'm not going to.

That'd be so funny. All right, there you go. Story three, marylinmarylin.com. Thank you so much. For all of your stuff. Go see it live. Dallas and Atlanta. Go see it for North of North. Watch that show on Netflix.

I can't wait for Netflix. Did they give you a premiere date, have they said? They refused to. Oh geez. All right, we'll look for it coming out. It's going to be awesome. Q2. Love it.

Q2. All right. Soon, soon, soon. You're cute, too. You're cute, too. I love it. And dannevankirk.com, supersplars.com. We love you.

And we'll snap. We're going to get back to work. We'll see you. Bye. Bye. Stick around, make a sound. There's more than PeopleTown.