Dumb People Town - Matt Walsh - Murphy's Bra
Episode Date: October 15, 2024Comedian, actor, and UCB founder (Second In Command podcast on ATC) Matt Walsh stops by as Randy describes a mom whose breasts fall out as she throws rocks at her neighbors, Daniel explains why a Mich...igan man's attempt to put out a fire went viral, and Jason warns that you MUST take your girlfriend to the airport, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Hims, Mint Mobile, and BetterHelp! Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT. To get the new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to Mintmobile.com/DPT. Overcome your fears, with BetterHelp.Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.
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Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.
Population U. Population Walsh.
Maddie Walsh.
What's up, Maddie?
I'm Matt Walsh.
Hello, hello.
Matt Walsh is with us.
One of our favorite guests.
One of our favorite people in this world.
If I see you at a party, if I see you out in the world, we love it.
It looks like someone from my tribe is here when you're here.
And it goes so deep. We always chit chat. We love it. It looks like someone from my tribe is here when you're here. And it goes so deep.
It goes back to 96.
Apartment 2F, guys.
Let's unpack it.
Oh my god.
Randy and I were saying, we remembered when you guys,
when UCB came to New York and you guys performed at Luna
Lounge the first time.
And we were like, these guys are so fun and so funny
and so in our,
everything you guys were doing was like.
It was a moment.
It was a beautiful moment.
It was very electric in the room, but for us,
we're like.
You guys were just all young train wrecks.
Young people, young train wrecks of people,
but Randy and I were like,
oh, we're gonna be friends with these people.
I feel it.
Like all the instincts that you guys had.
Whether they like it or not.
We'll force ourselves on them.
We will see you again.
Hopefully for the rest of our lives. The Chelsea studios where you couldn't film when it or not. We'll force ourselves on him. We will see you again, hopefully, for the rest of my life.
The Chelsea studios, where you couldn't film
when it was raining.
It's just the tin roof.
We go, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping.
I forgot about that.
That's insane.
Oh my god.
You guys did the pilot of that show with us,
which the stand-up comic con.
Huge budget that show had.
Stand-up comic on the show was JB Smoove.
Yeah, great cast.
Amazing cast.
In our class.
Zach was in the cast.
Wayne did some stuff.
Show altars were really fun.
Anyway, we were talking about,
because you're a sports fan,
and we don't know.
Bears fan, it's not gonna get too sportsy,
but the fact that in Hard Knocks,
which is the documentary that comes out every week
about training camp about the Bears.
Boring seasons of that show.
Simone Biles, who is Olympic champion.
She's a hero.
Wife to the safety of Owens Olympic champion. Oh, yeah, wife to the safety Owens Jonathan Owens
Yeah, greatest gymnast of all to American
She wore a Green Bay Packers jacket
She wore a side jacket which was a Green Bay Packers. It was all him in Green Bay Packers stuff. Yes
Yeah, the thing is is you have bears are noted rivals like they hate the packer we hate us hackers
It'd be like like it's a real hatred. Yes, like it's a real not a real rivalry
Keys, but a real red socks like you like it's a real strong legit like if BB. Nittanyahu came up in a cafe
Here's two sides. What are you doing? Yeah, but a yasser arafat poster on the side
So the squires have long documented for as long as I known them countless times saying that like in every group
Somewhere in your entourage you you you have to have a no guy just a no
Yeah, you have a no someone just to be like so somebody like in her group
Yeah, did not tell her the bears dock that jacket out of her hand, but here's the other side
Hey, we have something really cool for you to wear if American
athletic icon and hero Simone Biles if you say to her like hey
Could we put a different jacket on you? She's like if she says no, I'll be honest
I think even if I worked even if my last name was McCasky and I owned the Bears I would go
Okay, miss miles like so you
I'm gonna wear a jacket with my husband until you guys might have said you probably shouldn't wear this
She's like I'll wear whatever I want
Have the Bears made a jacket or somebody made a jacket with you wearing abuse Bears uniform all over it like I'm no until
That happens. I'm supporting you.
Have the bears.
You're not going to win that argument.
Remember the old remember the old Key and Peele skit?
Yeah.
Where they go I said I said I said I said I said I said I said bitch.
You said that.
That little to her face.
To her face.
Little loudly.
She said she was going to she said she was going to wear that jacket to a Packers jacket.
And I looked at her dead in her eye.
Right in the eye sockets. Right in the eye sockets. And what did you say? What did you say? She said she was gonna wear that jacket to a Packers
What'd you say what you said I said I said you said that
They get more and more scared
They're up in space at the end alright But so this reminds me of there is a commercial on right now
And then we'll get to the dumb stories and wash and all the way you can support him
Yeah, we'll talk about Turkish. I don't need support. All right, so there is a story for old times. Oh my god
That's deep so we
I remember sitting there watching you
I remember sitting there watching you tell the story. I was like, all right, I can't die.
Is it worth getting in?
There is a commercial on right now for Hampton in where they use Gus Johnson and Joel clatter,
our buddy Joel clatt and a family show of father and daughter show up to the hotel and
they're like working at the hotel and they're like, hey, better into the, oh, come on into the hotel.
The guy and his daughter are wearing red sports jerseys
with numbers on them.
Then they go to their room and Joel Klack hits them
instead of the room and then the next day
they come down for the game in blue jerseys.
I'm like, whoever made this commercial
does not understand sports there is no
way they came supporting one team they
left supporting another their rival
there is no way they traveled to see the
game we showed up in Ohio State jerseys
for the Michigan game tomorrow we're
wearing Michigan. You know what we could be home and away
Giants? No! I don't know I'm just not entertaining them.
Maybe. I got it
Be white or shall we do that?
That's the arts or that's the wardrobe department not understand not getting that or the director not getting all right
Yeah, here let's jump in the story with number one sitting by a good friend. Carlene McDermond at
Sheepie. Thank you. You ready for the story? Here is a headline which again
I love a poorly written headline too, where you're
like in the middle of it's like a, it's like the movie Memento.
You have to like in the middle, figure out where you were and how you got there.
Quote, the footage is extremely unattractive.
That's how it starts.
Mum's breasts fall out of top as she hurls stones at neighbor in bitter 5 a.m. attack after drinking vodka with friends.
Oh.
Oh, so she drank all night.
And then started.
At 5 a.m. started a fight with her neighbor.
I got something to say.
Or at 12 she started telling her drinking buddies
about this neighbor.
And then.
Yeah, but around one her neighbor was like, shut up.
And then her friends are like, are you gonna take that?
Are you gonna a little about it
You can do something about it
And then she so violently threw stones at her neighbor that her rest fell out
This is like it's like a Benny Hill sketch or down. I think the boobs were coming out already
I don't think the action of throwing I think it was a sloppy night for those this wasn't like
Let me ask you a question. I mean it's to me if we're back in a world of
like
Five inch inseams for men right five to seven right uh-huh I said something's gonna fall out
Yes, but as a woman do you think you can tell when your breasts are falling out the same way as a guy?
There are times when you're like oh, I think I'm slipping out of the undercarriage here.
Yeah, yeah, my zipper's slipping out of there.
Maybe, I'm sure.
Like, as you're throwing, do you realize,
I'm slipping a tit, but I don't care
because I want to throw these rocks so bad.
I think when you're that much of an alcohol.
Or drunk, yeah, just be right.
I don't know if you have a lot of,
your communication's a different part.
Yeah, drunk's a big factor.
Parts of your body.
Footage captured a mom's breast falling out of her top
as she hurled stones at her neighbor's window
In five a m attack none of us are picturing the actual foot at Amy Murphy right Amy Murphy launched Irish
Probably launched every character
Every character name on a CBS procedural
Well bring in the forensics woman Amy Murphy. Amy Murphy's
coming out now. Chasing Amy Murphy. Judging Amy Murphy. Amy Murphy Brown. She's a lawyer.
She's a lawyer and everything goes wrong.
Thursdays on CBS, Amy Murphy's Law.
Yes, 100%.
She has a lot.
Everything that could go wrong does on Amy Murphy's Law.
Judging Amy Murphy Brown.
Judging Amy Murphy Brown's Law.
Amy Murphy launched the attack on the victim after drinking vodka with friends, a court
heard.
So a court had to hear this.
Say that last part again.
She launched the attack on the victim after drinking vodka with friends, a court heard.
By the way, how old she is, we'll get to that later.
Those aren't friends.
If they let you go so far as to throw rocks at your neighbor.
Wow. I mean, those are not your friends. Dad, you were those are not you're talking about quality friends. They're not quality. They're good time friends, but they're not quality friends
They're not real friends at what age do you would sit your kids down and say here's an example
These are not real friends. No right you want to have real friends not good time friends
They're of kids the three of you can answer this at what age do you do you get to stop saying?
We don't throw to kids. I think it's like seven six or seven. We don't throw rocks
We don't throw rocks
No, we like it for us growing up to the you know going up to the cabin and being at the lake in Wisconsin
Sand you learn by the age of like four or five
We don't throw say if we throw sand we get out of the water
We don't throw sand and the parents turn to someone else. He's just tired
He has blood sugar. That's right. You got the excuses. We don't throw right? We don't throw rocks. That's right
Hey, we don't throw don't throw. She's a mom of how many how many kids does she have at least two?
She has at least two. Yeah, at least yeah
I'm gonna say four or five
Four or five. Yeah, of course within four years
No, one is four ones four and a half ones five ones five and a half that's you said my number four four kids What do you think a six she only has two? Okay?
Okay, so she's she knows of
Launch stones and broken roof tiles just loose roof
tiles that are on the ground at the window of a home in a fit of rage due to her being
told off. Hey hold on for making a racket in the street. You're right. She's drunk.
Yeah. Yeah. She's throwing rocks. She's not gonna have good aim. No that's what I'm gonna
say. How much of her was very proud
She hit the window. I mean oh if she did if you're drunk
You're trying to throw something and you hit the window. There's a party. It's like yeah
They're very happy with you like billy and I know I get better when I'm drunk or playing playing down
I just get better. I'm just like I don't know why you lose her
I should be a shaker, but I like care less about that
It's like those are probably heavy rocks if you're breaking a roof tile I'm just like I don't know why get looser. I should be shakier, but I like care less about
Probably heavy rocks if you're breaking a roof tile. Yeah, those are like you know adobe or usually or something thick stone Yeah, I will say so that was a big she was hocking some big stones day
I get instant anxiety still when I have to break playing pool
Going about it. Yes, it is distilled like pure
About yes, it is distilled like pure better hit it
People really into we like the resin and like it's pure fucking THC It is pure anxiety for me when I have to break to open a pool
I don't know. I just and doesn't like I would imagine you just blast feel it now
Thank you. Alright, so do you push through and you do? Okay, or do you show be honest about 50-50?
Okay, a lot of times you hear that weird rattle off the
side.
Right off the side and into the corner.
And then you know.
It stays in a perfect triangle.
We do comedy so you have to do one of those, ahhh, gotcha, alright let me, I'm just fucking
out.
I always, if it goes off the thing, it goes in the corner, I'm like, who racked this?
There you go. Me? Who racked it?
I racked it.
Tighter rack.
Look at the stick.
The extremely unattractive footage.
Speaking of a tight rack.
The extremely unattractive footage was played in court, and I'm sure someone was like hey
I need to see that again as Murphy watched on during the attack a
Window was smashed as Murphy hurled stones in the broken tiles the victim suffered an injury when one hit her on the shin
Shins gonna hurt
Yeah, Murphy from Netherton in Merseyside, which I believe is Liverpool Oh, that's smart. Okay. Shin's going to hurt. From down low. Oh, rock of shin, yeah.
Yeah.
Murphy from Netherton in Merseyside, which I believe is Liverpool, was arrested but could
not recall the incident.
She claimed her drink had been-
If you guys say so.
What'd I do?
Look, if you say.
She claimed her drink had been spiked.
Yeah.
Vodka had been spiked.
You know what my drink was spiked with?
Vodka.
Vodka.
Are you still drunk in court?
She spiked with vodka.
It's been five days since then.
Why are you still drunk?
Like, throw hypnol?
Is she saying like her friends were trying to knock her out?
I was like, wouldn't that like take you out
of being able to throw?
This is why you don't go drinking
with Michael Jackson's doctor.
Right, so no, no.
Keep on provofol in it!
Like she's throwing stones and throwing roof tiles
with it spiked with steroids what could it have been spiked with yeah okay
performance enhancing at Sefton magistrates course court Murphy admitted
assault the clear but not the cream she will be sentenced later and face up to
how many weeks in jail under sentencing guidelines for throwing stones
and tiles into a structure.
Well, she injured the woman,
so at some point the woman was out of the house.
To salt.
With a deadly wet, I mean.
Yeah, that is a death I could feel.
I'm gonna say five weeks.
Five weeks, what do you think, Dan?
Two months.
Two months, so eight weeks.
Six months.
Six months.
So that would be 24 weeks.
Yeah.
Get your answers in, Townies,
because could have been sentenced up to 16 weeks.
So it was right in the middle there.
You guys are kind of around it.
We're on it.
Angela Blackmore, prosecuting, said,
the victim lives in a flat with her partner
and she indicated there's an ongoing issue
between her and the neighbors.
No shit. This wasn't about this wasn't about what that issue is
Amy's drinking on May 3rd at another great show on CBS
And it's Amy's drinking and it's the double entendre it's her drinking and it she is drinking yeah
drinking and it she is drinking yeah Amy's look is that there's a show coming out on CBS I don't remember the title but it's something like Kyla and Jim's
first marriage yeah I was like I was really yeah which was like a very catchy
title I get it but it's sort of weird but like Amy's drinking Amy and then the
reboot Amy's drinking again yeah yeah she's back and at the bottom of a bottle Amy's drinking
You guys want to see a picture 12 steps forward three steps back
To see a picture of her. Yeah, we go make amends. Here we go. I mean, that's what she wore
Wow, that's what she wore to court. I'd be like she has like a scowl to
Put on my long skirt? Nope.
That is her long skirt.
That is her long skirt.
I'm like, Amy, just...
I feel like she could get a good throw.
That's her club outfit.
Why are you wearing your club outfit to court?
Yeah.
Sunglasses on her head.
Dress for the place you want to go, not the place you're at.
Right, not the place you're gonna go, which is prison.
I do like that she didn't want any of her breasts to fall out during the court appearance.
Yes. She's got a divorce. There's like a high neckline. It's kind of like in a baseball
stadium like the net that's predicting people behind on play any Murphy tough one. When
those when those breasts came out, they came out. Yeah. The females appear to be drunk
or under the influence of something. This is the prosecutor. She could not understand what was being said
This is her client. There is mention of someone smoking drugs, which
Smoking drugs is someone who doesn't know about drugs. No, no, you don't smoke drug there unless they were smoking crack
They were shouting at one of the residents to come down. So she threw this up to the second floor
Come down. Yeah, you want to stop me? You come down. Stop me. Come up to the second floor. Come down.
Yeah, you wanna stop me?
You come down.
You wanna stop me?
Come on down here.
Come down bro.
You know how many medium prizes I won at the carnival?
I do this all night.
Come down.
I go, we got all the tiles in the world now.
Two mediums gets you a large.
Fix your large.
One large and a medium gets you an extra large.
You think I don't know the game?
I could throw a ring on it.
Ultimately the victim indicated she looked out of the window
after banging on the communal door at the place because of the time in the morning and
shouted at them to go away. So my guess is that they're downstairs. Yeah. And she's upstairs
or there's some sort of a communal door that they have. She banged on it was like the time
is five in the morning. Stop it. And this girl just went off. But that wasn't the first
time the defendant came over to the window. She cannot understand what she was
saying. A male came over and told her to stop recording. The victim was recording the incident
on her mobile phone. He said to stop recording because he was on bail. This is someone hanging
with Amy. Yeah. Hey, stop. I'm out on bail right now. The defendant picked a large item up and threw it at the lounge window. It initially
caused no damage at that point. You gotta be like, okay, you did it. But if you're drunk,
now it's a challenge against you in the window. I'm on bail. Remember she picked up items
again though. The man tried to pull her away. She continued. He's on bail. He's on bail
It's a raining men
Thursdays on CBS after Amy's drinking it's a rain in man
And he's young convicted. It's raining man. He's yelling. What was in your water
Spiked your drink I dive on bail.
Police were called at the called at that stage. The defendant walked away.
They're called at that stage.
You call the police when she starts yelling at five in the morning,
drunk woman on my lawn. She then picked up a roof tile.
If I live next to this first rock phone is nine one and I leave it on my table.
Make me hit one and send or you do nine one one and just dial.
I might have sent it.
Then she picked up a root tile.
She threw the tile at the bedroom window where the complaintant was standing.
She picked it up and threw it repeatedly at the fourth time the window cracked.
She threw it how many more times?
Oh, smash.
How many more times did she throw it until the window smashed?
It cracked and it smashed.
Four times to crack it. How many more times to she throw it until the windows smashed it cracked? Okay, it's bad four times four times to crack it how many more times to get it smashed to to what do you think?
three four
She threw it six more times until the windows it okay and this guy has no control over at a certain point well
Yeah, hilarious. Yeah
Ten times this is what I'm saying. This is the drunk mentality where when the window didn't break
Yeah, it is now that this is a fucking window is not gonna fucking show me
Like she has a vedetta against the window tell me I can't get like drunk fixated on a thing of like no
No, I can do it. I can put I can put the pizza in the fridge. I can do it like it
Just takes way can't yes the nut
So the male tried to stop the defendant has pushing him back a number of items came through the window a piece hit her on the shin causing bruising
She's not injured. I think it lightly probably a piece. This is the plaintiff. This is the plaintiff
Okay, that was her walking shin. Yeah, that is her. Yeah, the whole incident lasted about how long?
I've been ugly
You're throwing your yelling how long did your yelling you're threatening your screaming someone else is on bail right?
You're throwing it ten times someone's recording also
Are we picturing that she throws it then has to walk over fucking window pick it back up?
And then do you think somebody else is like you have to go back to where you were?
Start with the filming or does it start with the woman on our street yeah
yeah talking yelling and then the complaining the bagging I think it's one
hour I'm gonna say a half hour okay what do you think 45 minutes I'll split it
one of you is exactly right I feel comfortable 45 I'm gonna stay with 30
I'll stay there okay I'll stay chances in townies the whole incident lasted about 30 minutes and the police arrived then the police arrived the
defendant but that's a long 30 yeah like I was in the sauna yesterday brag and
I'm you can see you could see like the clock in the gym with the second hand
and I thought to myself and I actually really enjoyed it kind of reminds me of
you know being back in high school and we're
playing sports and stuff that extends time you I'm like man I said this to myself yesterday I go a minute can feel really long or not
it's like time is you know let's talk it high and tell each other time truly is relative and like a flat circle that is a long 30 minutes
yeah I was on a zoom for my son's high school
from the counseling department last night.
That's a long five minutes.
Meanwhile, a long hour and five minutes.
I snoozed my alarm this morning
and like 10 minutes went by like it was literally 10 seconds.
Yes, yes.
She indicated that she had been out with friends
in South Road, this is when in Waterloo.
Okay. Waterloo, that was her Waterloo.
She'd been drinking vodka.
No one to ask you what you were drinking.
She said, I've been drinking vodka.
I was drinking vodka.
She has been drinking vodka.
I'm not a loser.
Damn, are you still drunk?
I think she's still drinking vodka.
She's leaning really close in the microphone.
I'm not a loser.
Yes you are.
Just drinking vodka.
We can't hear you now.
Why are you telling me this shit? Wait, this is her side of the story?
She had not taken any drugs.
You have to sit back down.
You can't stand up.
You're in the box.
Please don't.
She did not remember returning home.
She was shown the footage and she was shocked.
I mean that's always bad, Dan. Like you said, did she notice if her breast fell out? She didn't even know
that she did it. I mean, there is, she knew that's one of the worst, that's one of the
worst things about drinking. And one of the things you hear most gratifying to people
who get sober is the no longer waking up the next day and having to have people tell you
what you did. You didn't do anything at all. And you just have, you know, it's just that dopamine drop
and all that stuff is gone from your body.
So you wake up feeling despair.
What in the world did I do?
To then watch it.
So she did not have any memory of what happened.
She said the behavior was not like her at all.
Right.
Of course.
The defendant has no previous convictions.
Ms. Blackmore showed the court a short piece
of the footage of the incident
taken from the victim's phone.
The victim was standing at her window on the first floor,
so she was on the first floor.
Murphy, who was wearing a black halter top,
was picking up items off the ground to throw at the window.
As she bent down, her breasts fell out of the top.
She had to put them back, so at least she has to.
That's Murphy's bra.
That's Murphy's bra.
Name of the episode, Murphy's bra.
Hey, if you're gonna reach out and get a roof tile and throw it through a window your breasts are always gonna come out
Yeah, that's Murphy's bra
Keep going. I feel bad for the guy on parole
Right. I feel like he's the real victim because he couldn't stop this. He's like stop throwing these tiles at the window
He was the voice of reason, but if he physically tried to restrain her right that would have gone
He can't hit her right you can't touch her
No, she would not there's no you would need to be twice her size because he doesn't want to take a stage
She was out of the but that's a conversation that we've all also had with friends
Yeah, you probably at bars and nowhere near as violent or as problematic where you're telling them and they're drunk. Okay,, I'm leaving. I'm leaving you here. Just so you know, I'm leaving.
We're done right now.
And they're like, no, I want to stay. You don't want to stay at this bar. I'm going.
You should go with me.
This is our bit. This is our bit.
This was him saying to her, like, you gotta go.
You gotta go, buddy. This is my favorite bit that we used to be. This is like 30 years
old. The bit is like, that's great. Everything's great. You outta here.
You gotta go. This is like 30 years old the bit is like that's great. Everything's great you out of here
I'm walking him out Walsh says to me
Thanks, you're out of here and then Jay comes up and is like both you guys you're out of here And I will do that as soon as we get you out of then me and Walsh are getting Jay out
Then Jay and Walsh turn on me then me and Jay turn on well
It's the dumbest I will tell you's social media, that is a viral sketch.
Keep going, she said.
Three guys kicking each other out of a bar.
That's out of a bar.
In a very polite way.
As the victim moved away from the window of Baxter Flat, object came through the window.
In mitigation, Murphy's lawyer, Murphy's Law, Peter White said the defendant had some drink
in the real early hours of the morning, and she cannot recall returning to her home address. defendant had some drink in the real early hours of the morning and she cannot recall returning to her home address
She had some drink she believes someone may have slipped something into her drink, but she cannot advance that any further
Meaning this is being me
Was it a bar and that is where that happened that's true the wild cup
But of course it didn't happen. She cannot recognize the lady that was captured the footage. That's not how she normally behaves
She has two children.
The children reside with their grandmother.
So there you go.
Oh, well that hurts her.
That's not a great sign.
Not a great sign.
Mr. White said she's on Universal Credit at present.
She didn't make realistic admissions
in the police interview.
Amy Murphy, we're gonna get out of here on this.
You saw the picture.
How old, I'll bring it back up, how old is Miss Amy Murphy, we're gonna get out of here on this. You saw the picture. How old, I'll bring it back up,
how old is Miss Amy Murphy?
I'm gonna go 32 years old.
Oh, that's such a good guess.
Matt Walsh, what do you think?
I'm gonna go 34.
What do you think, Ted?
I'll give you a little room there.
29.
29 years old.
Get your answers in.
Two children drinking late at night.
Kids are at the grandma's.
5 a.m., picking up ceiling tiles.
Which if they were just at the grandma's for the a.m., picking up ceiling tiles. Murphy.
Which if they were just at the grandma's for the night,
sort of lends a lot more credence to her
saying let's get after it.
That's right, she's like, we're here for the night.
If it's just for the night.
If it's just for the night, we're going hard.
Now, a lot of wrong decisions still made,
but if it's just for the night.
Dude, how hard are we going out tonight?
We're throwing roof tiles.
Right.
We're getting roof tile crazy.
I'm gonna get, I don't wanna get roofied, I wanna do a roof tiles. We're getting roof tile crazy. I'm gonna get, I don't want to get roofied. I want to do a roofy.
I want a roofy. I want to throw a roof tile. I'm tired of
getting roofy. I want to be the roofer. I want to be the
roofer. Who's the, you're the roofer now. You're the roofer
now dog.
Boom. Your window's broke. You just got weird is Sean what was the name of that
finding forster now dog the man now dog James Earl Jones in that one. Probably, may he rest in peace. All right, thank you for your story.
So, how old is, you said again, you said 29,
you said, and you said 34.
Amy Murphy, and we'll get out of here on this,
and we'll come back and tell you what we have going on here,
what Walsh is going on, is 22 years old.
What?
She looks terrible.
She's young.
That's what drinking does to you. That's what Thorn. She looks terrible. She's young.
That's what drinking does to you.
That's what throwing roof tiles will do.
Oh.
That to me feels like an Adele song.
It's like chasing pavements.
Like the companion song is throwing roof tiles.
Wow, that really changed us.
We'll take a break.
She's not aging gracefully.
She's not aging gracefully.
She's not aging gracefully.
Wayward.
Let us all age gracefully through this break
when we come back more dumb people down with
the great Matt Walsh.
Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we get to what Walsh is doing in the second
story.
Randy and I, if you came out and saw us in Ann Arbor, thank you so much.
We really appreciate it.
Loved it.
Loved seeing all of you as we're recording this.
Before it happens, it's fun to do the time jump.
So thanks for coming to the thing that hasn't happened when we're recording this, but it
will happen when it does.
Sure, it went great.
In LA, I don't know if this drops before that, on August 10th.
On you mean October 10th.
October 10th, that's what I meant.
We're doing a show at the Comedy Store, our Tag It show, which is so fun.
In the main room with Tiffany Haddish and Bobby Lee and Joel Kim booster and Blair Saki
And Maz jabrani, it's gonna be so fun
Well, if you don't know what it is our friends do their sets and while they're doing their sets Jay and I are writing tags
On stage that we then pitch them afterwards in front of everybody. It's so much fun dance done. It's a great comedy show
It's really great for comics great if this drops before October 2nd, we're doing your show on October 2nd.
Yes.
Yeah, Overshare.
I really love that you guys are going to be on it.
The audience writes down their own Overshares.
I've had people say, can I make one up?
I go, if it's believable and good, I don't give a shit.
Yeah, we don't care.
You get a free drink just for writing an Overshare.
And then at the end of the night night me and my co-host Melissa
Pick our favorite over shares of the evening. I love a participatory show
So you'll just come to start out their set by reading an over share if they want to spend the rest of their set talking
About whatever that craziness was great. They want to do it for 30 seconds. That's fun, too
I love but it's it's a great time. It's over on Fairfax right next to cancer. Yeah bespoke
Yeah, I can't wait to of every month. I love it.
Thanks for that little plug. We're going to plug.
So we're going to do that and then we're doing Tag It Again at Largo on the 28th of October,
but in between there we're going to be in Vegas. We've never done a weekend in Vegas.
Never. I can't believe in all of our years. We're going to be at Wise Guys in Vegas. I'm
so excited. It's a great club. And it's not on the strip. It's just off. It's a wise guys in Vegas. I'm so excited. Great club. Maybe not on the strip. It's just
off. It's like local Vegas. People will be coming out, which will be really fun. So wise
guys. And that's the 18th and 19th. And then you guys have any side dreams while you're
in Vegas or you're just going to work and go home.
Top golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf
golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf golf I want to play golf on the course. If I'm there, they are doing extra things. Oh yeah.
Like the sports book.
I was curious for your first Vegas weekend.
So we've been to Vegas.
Were you?
No, I know you have, but you've never worked a weekend.
Right.
Which does change what you can do during the day.
I did a week at Brad Garrett's and it changes things.
But if it were left to these two, they would definitely do some lovely people watching
and stuff like that.
You know they'll throw 20 bucks on a blackjack table and then but.
I'll sportsbook it.
I want to watch college football in the sportsbook.
Like that would be really fun.
That'll be fun.
I'd like to play golf on World Series.
Yeah on World Series of course.
You want to do win?
You want to do win?
It's 900 bucks.
Let's do win.
No I want to comp to us from someone in Vegas.
I want someone, someone told me they can get us on. If you'll say it right now. If someone wants to comp to us from someone in Vegas. I want someone someone told me they can get us on
We'll play around a golf
So that's
October 18th the 19th and then we're in Fort Collins at the Comedy Four at the beginning of November and then we're
Flyover festival doing the Sheldon theater. That's about a six seven hundred seat theater
I want to fill that up with all of our st. Louis peeps and then we're gonna question
What's the flyover festival? So that is an amazing festival in st. Louis. What happens there?
It's all comedy. Yeah, so it's Tig Notaro and Pat and Oswald are gonna be there
We're gonna do a tag it show there Daniel's gonna be there. I'm there Thursday night
Yes, and we're doing our show Daniel do tag it if you want. Yeah. If I'm around that whole weekend, I'll do that. That'd be great. And then we're
doing ours on Saturday night, the show at the Sheldon, which very, very excited. So
let's sell that thing out. And then when we are back in LA, we're doing our two man show
that we wrote kind of shout out to Alex Edelman who won the Emmy last night for his amazing
one man show. I would, you know, I mean, I think that show
is just perfection.
We are writing a show that's in that vein
and we've sort of been writing it and rewriting it
and putting it up.
We're putting it up again in December
at the Lyric Hyperion, the 9th, the 12th, and the 16th.
It's called The Born Identity.
And it's-
B-O-R-N.
It's just about, it's the difference between cura-
It's about curating your identity
versus creating your identity.
Because you can curate it and sit back.
We're at a point in our history where our identity
is the most important thing about us
in a way that it hasn't been ever.
And yet we are choosing to, it's easier, here's the deal.
It's never been more gratifying to break plans
than to make plans.
And so that's the way people feel.
Think about when you have a legitimate excuse
to break a plan for like, feel so good.
Like orgasm.
And that's true, but it's also dangerous
because you're opting out of life.
So that we found.
We also live in an era now where it used to be,
you go back to the 90s and the 80s and obviously before then,
the only people who were in the arts,
and specifically music or visual arts,
had personas. And now every single person has a persona.
Because of social media has a persona. It used to be that guy you knew in town, or however
in your circle, that was what you knew about him. Unless they got you to come over and
sit down and watch a slideshow of their vacation,
all you knew was who they were.
And obviously people were different behind closed doors
and all that shit still, but a public persona,
everyone has one.
Everyone has to know.
It's a different.
Your avatar can be great,
but if you're not living a life behind it,
then what are you even doing?
So that's what the show's kind of about,
so that's happening then.
I can't wait to watch it, of course.
Supersquires.com for all of that stuff.
Matt Walsh, let's talk about your podcast,
let's talk about other stuff that you have going on.
Tour dates.
Tour dates, yeah, with Brad.
Tour dates will be in October 22nd, 23rd in Chicago
at the Improv Olympic.
Brad Morris, Tim Meadows, Joe Cannelli.
I can't, if I could be, is that a Friday, Saturday?
I don't know.
What is it, the 21st and 22nd?
22nd, 23rd, October. 18th and 19th is the Friday and Saturday
So 22nd and 23rd is Tuesday Wednesday
Yeah, that's what it is. And then I think we're in
Atlanta like a dad's garage in some other place in November, but I don't know the dates awesome great promo and then I
Don't want to compete but I have a first Wednesday of the month show too. This is going head-to-head
It's not the same audience so we're fine at the yard. Oh, yeah, and it's again Brad Morris and then Susie
Spacing in her last name and Holly Laurent Susie Barrett. Yeah, it's called
Paper and we get a guest author and they read excerpts from the book and then the book eyes off of it
We improvised a brilliant great show. So we've had like Patrick Stewart in the past Bob Odenkirk Wow published authors
So that's the first Wednesday
So next one will be in October
Idea for a show and the in the whole like
Calendar is my like so the, you guys are talking about
we all have a persona now,
even if we're not in entertainment and behind it,
we have to have a life.
And you said it's more exciting to break a plan
than to make a plan.
I have extreme anxiety by the digital calendar.
If I get over scheduled,
or if someone like my brother is always like,
hey, we should go to Ireland in March of 25.
I get, I'm like, I put the brakes on right away.
Like I unplug from life and I don't know what,
it's irrational and it's not healthy
because you guys are all about dates.
Like you guys have a very busy schedule and you have a life
but there's something very challenging about that.
And maybe I'm not alone.
No, you're not alone.
Definitely not alone.
It terrifies me.
It terrifies me. but it's not healthy
because like you said, you are unplugging
because life is commitments and showing up.
Yeah, it is.
But there's something because it's the calendar,
I don't know what it is,
or there's this expectation to deliver
and I feel like, and then I start carrying it
for seven months.
Oh, yeah.
Even though the commitment is just getting on a plane
and going to Ireland.
Yes!
You're like, but I'm carrying something you love. You're like, well, I got to order a lift.
Get to the airport.
I can't.
You can suppress the, I can't control it.
I can't compartmentalize it.
The anxiety of all that stuff is huge.
And there are a lot of reasons why we shouldn't do things and they are, they're all right.
But I would say, uh, get out there and go to Ireland in 2025.
Do it.
See if it happens.
I hope it happens.
I hope it happens.
All right, should we jump into another story?
Yeah, you ready?
Daniel, let's do it.
I found this to be hilarious.
Who sent it?
David Fournier at DP Fournier 2.
Thanks buddy.
I got my engagement ring at Fournier Jewelers.
You did?
No.
That's great.
Michigan, Michigan man's hilarious attempt to put out a fire in his neighbor's yard
that he accidentally caused.
No.
This is like the neighbors podcast.
Yeah, I guess a little.
The guy is like, that's what I did.
You know, you know that story of when I was, it was like a hundred degrees in the summer.
We were working full service gas stations.
Summer before we went to college.
Full lot of people. Like full lot.
It's rush hour.
There's like people like cars lined up like out the, onto the street to like get gas.
And like a lot of cars getting gas, this still happens today, is some of the most concentrated
tension you know.
Oh, angry.
Of like, because also nothing's ever lined-
And carbon monoxide.
Yes.
Yeah.
Nothing's ever lined up for like which way who should come in where so you end up a lot of
Us with multiple cars thinking they're next for the same spot. There's no my side. It's on your left on your side
It's my right like it then there's a guy going forward
Right and
So it's packed and it's like 110 degrees, St. Louis summer, it's super humid and everything
and I'm like in pants and the button up like a.
Clark.
Clark oil gas shirt and I think the name I had.
What did you have?
Fletch?
I put Cletus on mine, I don't know why.
Anyway.
I want my actual name.
So I.
And I don't know what I'm doing.
I put Cletus on mine and they spelled it wrong
the first time, I submitted it and they spelled
C-L-E-T-I-S. Oh I would have left that.
Someone was like, what's your name Clitoris? I was like, no, no, I gotta change it. It's French.
Someone ordered in an old Datsun, like yellow Datsun, ordered
five dollars worth of gas
and they wanted me to like put oil in it. And a pack of smokes I hope.
And they wanted me to like put oil in their car.
So two full tanks of gas.
So I had to like, so I had to put the,
but I couldn't like just leave it running.
Fill it up is great because then I can just start it
and then go do that stuff.
So I'm kind of watching it and I'm like,
there's a whole full lot of cars.
I don't get the paper funnel.
I'm like, I can screw this cap off and just pour the oil in.
I pour it in and a little bit goes out on the valve cover gasket, which is there and
it is so hot.
And I'm like looking down and the whole finish up the oil and I see a flame shoot out because
I got oil fire has started.
We're on like 30,000 gallons of gasoline.
Little flame shoots out and I'm like, on the engine block. Yes, like we're underneath like the hood
Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god. Holy shit. What are we gonna do? I just start blowing on it like to try
To try and get it out. Okay terrible
Then I hear a click in the back. So clearly I let it go the way longer than
longer than $5. Completely filled up.
Clicking at it.
Are you Zoolander?
Right.
Then it starts to smoke.
And like, then he gets out of the car and he's pissed.
And he's pissed about the gas.
He's pissed that his car is on fire.
All these people are now coming out.
Like, they're out of their cars.
They're like, I go to get water and pour water on it,
on an oil flask, which just spreads it.
So now it's like flames.
The guy I'm working with, I don't even know his real name,
his nickname was Booger.
That's for real.
I was like, why the car?
And he's like, I don't know.
And so, finger up his nose.
So he flies in, I've never seen this guy move so fast
in my entire life.
He flies in and grabs the fire extinguisher,
runs out to the car and like literally puts the fire out of a huge plume of fire extinguisher exhaust that it
takes like a minute and a half for all of it to settle down. Everyone's standing out
there and the comedian in me in high school even, I just looked at everybody. I was like,
okay, who's next? That'll be that'll be shows over shows over.
No one's gonna blow up boogers here back in an hour. You and I just all the guys in the the the guy in the garage who worked there. Tell them
what they called you. They go You stupid Jew. You dumb Goldberg
is what they call me. Anyway, that was me starting a fire where I shouldn't have them
just trying to relate it. So this guy started a fire in his neighbors house.
Based on his HIT talk, but this guy telling a story is wonderful. Kalamazoo radio personality,
Dana Marshall. That's right, Dana Marshall. Top of the woods
of the twos. Top of the woods. Weather on the fours. Sports on the six. Coming at you
WKAM. Oh, we got humanities on the eights. Don't forget we're doing that adopt the kid
weekend this Saturday. Bring a kid. Bring a kid, drop it off at Bucky's. We bought a
Kalamazoo. That's a chance for you to bring animals home to your house.
Shakespeare's bar and pub.
Kalamazoo.
Give it away free adult chips.
Give it away.
Kalamazoo radio personality data partial.
Found himself scrabbling to put out a fire
in his neighbor's yard.
Oh my God, he's like I need something
for the drive time tomorrow.
After trying to create a small controlled burn
on his own property. Oh no. What to create a small controlled burn on his own property
What do you have the controlled burn how many acres?
If you are doing a trash campfire or a little fire pit that is not a controlled for Stephen Avery
Right this coming up for the control
Party van Troll burn this week. Troll burn, not messy. Party fans gonna call it a field. Anderson's field is potato field. We're gonna burn the whole field.
And we're gonna play both sides of Dark Side of the Moon.
We'll say hello when we get there.
We're gonna say goodbye stranger coming up right next.
Plenty of cornhole of the t-shirt cannon and Diane's gonna be out there.
Anderson Windows, our host.
It's me.
The saga, saga.
To put it out was caught on camera has gone viral.
All Dana Marshall wanted to do was enjoy some of the most amazing things that we've ever
seen. Windows are it's me the saga saga to put it out was caught on camera has gone viral
All Dana Marshall wanted to do was enjoy so this is back in the spring you wanted to enjoy
Michigan's first 60 degree day in a long time now that is
But a controlled burn is as Matt alluded to that's acreage yeah,. That's like, we can't do that in a suburb.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Not our own housing. No. Yeah. Generally. No. No. Sick of the winter
cold and looking for outdoor activities. He decided to do something he has done before
create a very small control burn. Now that's the second time they've said small, which
makes me think it was the person who keeps saying it was small small. It was small
Was the burn look very small in this I mean, but it was big enough to go into the neighbors lawn So it must have been pretty big minuscule this tiny coming at you for both very small bird outside of my house
How big is that bird?
WNBC a petite
Set of the TV show burn notice on. But what the Kalamazoo
radio personality got in return is a little more than he bargained for it. The fire spread
through his chain leak fence. So a screen, they got it. They have a wooden fence into
his neighbor's yard. And, and that's when it ultimately started the fire. It's the Calum a morning zoo. Yes
He created this because he wanted to make a tick-tock
Let me say I died. Let me say I work very hard on tick-tock
No one
Doesn't matter I put more time in a tick-tock than my ex-girlfriend
Kids, that's what you relevant. I forgot to say that you're this comes from inside edition
Doc of course. Yes, they're around. Okay, so the fire spread through the chain link friends into his neighbor charge
That's ultimately where it went viral on sir
Quote let me say I work very hard on tik-tok videos just so no one will watch them
But then I fall on a fire and now everybody wants to by the way he said that this about his relationships
Let me just say I worked very hard on that relationship. Just so I couldn't be loved. Thanks, Gary
Tic-tacs like my last three
You put the time in and nobody's watching why don't you love me to tell you nothing like a lack of response
The other side of the hour. We're gonna be giving away those Bennegan's gift certificate
Everybody gets you to I don't know
10th call he says but then I fell on a fire and now everybody wants to see it
Wait, you fell on it. He all of a sudden it's revealed
He fell I mean to me that would be the worst thing in the world that like you've realized the formula for you to get
Famous on tik-tok is that starting you have almost the formula for you to get famous on TikTok is that starting
you have to almost die and almost kill your neighbor.
It was the first warm day we had in southwest Michigan in a long time. So why not make it
hotter. So there was a wind advisory with a possible 60 mile per hour trail of error
trail of error began much earlier per hour wind gustss and you're like, I think I'm going to do that control start today in our front yard.
Yeah. One in a 40 foot plot, right?
Sorry. The densely populated
neighborhood surrounded by air rated fencing.
That's right. Open air.
I wasn't using my head.
I just thought, oh, it's a nice warm day.
I'm going to build a fire because I had a couple of boxes and stuff.
I wanted to burn
Recycle that shit. What is your problem? Marshall tossed a couple of boxes and pieces of mail into the fire
Can I tell everybody yet? That's not what a controlled burn is no
Jerry's that's a trash fire right controlled burn is burning geography. Yeah. Yeah, you're burning the ground. Yeah Jerry summons
Child support.
Electric bill.
Student loans.
Student loans.
Communications department of Indiana State University.
Collections agency.
My fiance walks out and says, why are you burning during a wind advisory?
And my male pride shut her down and I go, I got this.
No, you don't got it.
Why are you burning during a wind advisory?
His next quote, I didn't have it at all.
No, you didn't.
Within seconds of his exchange with his fiance, Marshall said the wind carried his fire into
his neighbor's yard and leaves began burning.
The whole time she was standing in her window drinking coffee watching this whole thing
go down.
So his neighbor.
Just standing there.
Just standing there.
Yes.
That's tough.
And in the background he just hears, I don't want to work.
I just want to work on
my burn all day. Marshall tried climbing over the fence to put out the fire that was created
in his neighbor's yard which resulted in him falling off the fence and onto his own fire.
I mean which also means you've started the fire too close to the fence right. If you
fall on it. Everything he's doing is wrong. I guess it's spread immediately sure ran towards the neighbor's yard
She was trying to do her own control burn
They joined force. I'm gonna say also and I've read the next quote you guys haven't just based on everything is just saying
Great radio DJ. I mean no he
He does paint a picture he does
A week of content on he does I forgot my age and thought that I could climb over a chain link fence. I cannot. I literally fell back first
onto the fire and my fairly large body put it out. Amazing. This is how he now has a
fire. And then his fiance is like, now go fall on the other side. Is he filming this?
He had set up
a camera. I believe this whole event. I'm going to do a control burn for tick tock,
right? That's where he's at. Yeah. Burned it to gold. Yeah. He's like, he made a mistake.
Okay. Cause he wound up. Okay. Just trying to understand. Ultimately the fire was contained
and put out and Marshall learned his lesson. One, a quote. I learned a lot of lessons.
Number one, I should already know not to set a lot of lessons. Number one, I should already
know not to set a fire when it's super windy. Two, I should already know to listen to my
fiance. Three, no matter how much I try to pretend I am a man and I make man mistakes
with my male pride.
No, not man mistakes. Those are just people mistakes.
Right. Just say you love-
That's a dummy mistake.
You love home improvement.
Right.
You love the show
Defending the caveman was my favorite piece of theater ever like your theater
You say Lake sure yeah, like your theater now the laugh Factory our friend friend of the show Chris Sullivan
He did like 350 performances of defending we used to perform at the Lakeshore. Oh you did
Yeah, yeah Clark
Guy used to book that he was so nice. I love that. I love that too. Oh, I don't know
We're gonna find out right after this
at home on improvement
Just the dumb it that's the end of this story. I love it. I have no idea how old Dana Marshall is.
Who cares?
A man with a woman's name, Dana Marshall.
Jay, you're up next.
You want to give him a little tease?
Saving Dana Marshall.
Yeah, that's the trail of error.
There were several signs that he could have listened to.
It's like the kid who went up into the wild, like so many people said, don't go into the deep bush
in the winter, or John F. Kennedy Jr.
when he tried to fly to Nantucket
in like the worst weather ever.
That was like days before everyone's going,
hey, don't do this.
And he's like, I can do whatever I want, I'm fine.
You're not gonna be okay, just be careful.
All right, story number three.
Charles Darwin said he should have died. He shouldn't have propagated. We're weeding that be okay. Just be careful. All right. Story number three.
Charles Darwin said he should have died.
That's right.
He shouldn't have propagated.
We're weeding that one out.
Here we go.
Well, wait, we need to take a break.
I know, but I'm just going to give you a taste of what it is.
This is when you sue for something that you shouldn't be suing for.
Okay.
When you sue for something you shouldn't be suing for.
Meaningless litigation?
Yeah, meaningless litigation.
I have a picture of Dana Marshall.
I'm trying to get this picture.
You found Dana Marshall?
I'll find it.
When we come back from the break,
I'll show you who Dana Marshall looks like.
The headline should have been,
We Need a Fire, Marshal.
We Need a Fire.
We did start the fire.
You know he's gonna play that every time.
I started the fire.
That's his new intro.
And it's always.
Oh, it's two o'clock.
Da da da da da. Da da da da o'clock. Da da da da da.
Da da da da da da da da da da da.
All right, we'll take a break.
See you for the final segment.
Find out what's, find out what Dan's got going on.
It's W.
Stick around, make a sound.
There's more to the town.
I can speak from experience here, Jay.
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Hey guys, shout out to our sponsor.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
I love these guys.
And it is the Halloween time, right?
Scary stuff.
One of my favorite seasons.
The scariness is in the air.
I love these things.
Well, we celebrate the scary on Halloween,
but then there's actual scary,
things that are fears in our lives
that we are dealing with.
Very real fears that you might be dealing with
and you say to yourself, okay, how can I,
one thing you don't wanna do is just push them down
and not deal with them.
You want to actually deal with them
and therapy is a great way
and better help is a great way for you to attack that.
I know Dan.
You know that scene in every horror movie
where they're like usually the final girl?
It's like I've had it.
Yeah.
I've had it.
You're coming after me?
I'm coming after you.
That's sort of what better help is for our own,
for the little axe murderer inside of our hearts.
In the medicine cabinet of your life,
the medicine cabinet of your life,
shut the door and only see you in the mirror.
Yes.
Don't see some behind well
So a big thing happens when you face your fears and therapy helps you get there
Which is you what you realize is when you go through the fear and you come out on the other side still alive
Or still you know ticking thriving perhaps. Yeah, the fear gets smaller it does
Yeah, so therapy is a great way for somebody to help you get to that place gives you the tools to
Perspective yeah, you know whether it's someone saying like well
Do you think maybe you are having that fear because of blank and you're like, oh my gosh
I hadn't thought about it that way or like do you think that it?
Kind of lives more in your head than once you put it out. You can manage that once you even voicing the fears
Saying them out loud them smaller that I better help like giving that ability for people to have something that is entirely online
Like if you're if you're thinking of giving it a try, I really encourage you to try it myself
He's like I said online super convenient. Yeah, it completely works with your schedule fill out the brief
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So overcome your fears with better help.
Visit betterhelp.com slash dpt today to get 10% off your first month
That's better help H e l p comm slash
Dpt turn your tears for fears
Hey guys, welcome back to the show.
Randy, you have a picture of Dan and Marshall.
Can we see this?
Oh, hey, he's a good looking guy.
He's a pretty good looking guy.
He's got nanoscalco-isms.
I see that a little bit.
Mark Schlereth a little bit.
Greg Barrent vibes.
Daniel, tell them what, we already mentioned your first Wednesday every month show.
Yep, that's over share
Overshare comedy we over share. Yeah over share about your show over and then
There's a
Descent chat. I don't know if I could say this we're trying to put together on Thursday the third
I might just do a little drop-in show at the Lincoln launch. Beautiful. I love love theater so much
I've become my Chicago third of October of October
And then in November the first or, or no, second Saturday on the ninth, I will be in Cedar Rapids.
And then on the 14th, Thursday the 14th, I will be doing the flyover headline in the Flyover Comedy.
I love it. So people come out to that. I think I might stick around all weekend if I do.
Definitely. Tag it. You'll see the festival and other stuff. But come out to that. Everything's at danielvankirk.com. Check out my movie Wine Club. It's free on Tubi if I do definitely tag it us one other stuff But come out to that everything's at Daniel van Kirk comm check out my movie wine club
It's free on Tubi if you haven't watched it already and you can watch rose gold on YouTube
Let's get them up over 100,000. Let's do it. Daniel van Kirk comm
There we go here. This is sent in by Kyle Spicher Spicher Spicher Spicher at TV Kyle. Here we go, here's the headline. Woman claims breach of contract
after boyfriend fails to take her to the airport.
Yeah.
Broke the contract.
You broke the contract.
Take it to court.
Whoa.
What is the contract?
What city?
Is it a business?
An emotional contract.
Because in LA, nobody expects you
to drive into the airport.
No, ever.
The certain cities.
New Zealand.
This is New Zealand. All right. Is it a breach of contract if someone says they'll take you to drive now ever Okay, this is all right. All right
Is it a breach of contract if someone says they'll take you to the airport and then doesn't show take me to the?
I mean what breach of contract sounds too severe. It's a letdown. It's a
Something came up. It's an informal agreement
It's not a legal agreement also if you're talking about your relationship in terms of like breaching of contracts, the relationship is over.
It's finished.
That's what one woman in New Zealand claimed
after her boyfriend failed to pick her up
before her flight.
Did he describe their relationship starting
as a merger and acquisition?
Yeah.
I bet he doesn't even know he's in a relationship.
He's like, this is just someone I know.
Yeah.
The couple, neither of whom are named,
have been in a relationship for how long?
Three months.
Six months.
Year and a half.
Get your answers in, townies.
They have been in a relationship for six and a half years.
What?
That is a contract.
Now is a jerk.
That is a contract.
According to an order released Thursday
by New Zealand Disputes Tribunal,
a tribunal had to listen
Tribune always to me sounds like there definitely is a fire
In front of elders or village elders. Yes. Someone has like either a piece
Talking stick like survivor has a tribunal. Exactly. Yes. Yes the smoke thing from a Greek Orthodox
thing from a Greek Orthodox church. Yeah, incense ball orb.
That's been waving around.
They had to listen to this.
The woman who was traveling
to attend a concert with friends,
it's not like she's going to see her like
dying. It's not like you're going to work.
And she and her boyfriend had entered
into a quote, verbal contract
unquote, in which he agreed to drop
her off at the airport, stay at her
home while she was away, and look after her two dogs
Oh, so he really really dropped out of this son of a bitch
Yeah, yeah the day before a flight the woman messaged the man with the instructions to pick her up between
What time so this is gonna be the issue?
So the 6 a.m. Flight pick her up and she's like I gotta get to the airport really early
It's like I don't even know if the airport's open at that hour sometimes people break up with you at the most
Inconvenient this is part of that and that's like is no right what time what what turn of the day?
She has to be picked up three forty five a.m.. Three forty five a.m.. I
Mean okay, I think he's done 2 p.m.. Get your answers in 10 a.m. Oh 10 a.m. And 10 he's got to work
But that I go to no concert all right, but he could sleep in yeah, that's not that unreasonable
But he never arrived causing her to miss her flight
Oh, but that is bad on her right at this point if he's not there at 10
13 and he's not responding your thing you get another ride not responding to your thing, you get another ride, get a lift, drive to yourself. You call a cab, you get there on
this. Yep. She made herself a victim in that moment. Yeah. But who's going to watch the
dogs? I'd be freaking out. Well, that's true. Maybe he's still in, he might love those dogs.
She told the tribunal she was seeking compensation from him for the cost of taking a different
flight the next day, taking a shuttle to the airport and boarding her dogs at the kennel. You're right. She had to go deal with all that stuff
because this guy said he'd do it and then he didn't do it.
According to the order, the woman said the man, quote, enjoyed staying at her house,
unquote. Well, that's what she did. She probably had a sweet stocked fridge, free load, and
she had cable. She's got a bigger TV than he's got.
Six and a half years is a long time to not be living again.
That's right.
And he had looked after her dogs in the past.
The couple had lived together previously, but were now in separate homes.
Oh, so they lived together and now in separate homes since the man's son came back to live
with him.
Oh, okay.
The woman also sought reimbursement for the cost of a ferry ticket that she had purchased
for the man as part of the holiday planned last December to visit her sons. Okay, so this is a separate, separate issue.
You can't add that into this contract. Also, he, is she overreaching?
That's some pork barrel kind of stuff. You're adding something to the bill.
Don't stuff this bill. Don't stuff my bridge bill with an education thing.
The tribunal, which is used to settle small claims, has no lawyers or judges dismiss the
claim saying that the man's promise fell short of being contract.
That's right.
Well, let me ask you, if we were the tribunal.
Yeah.
Three of us.
I kind of think I would say.
You owe her something.
Let's say she was out 500 bucks.
She gets to spank you.
I would, no, I'd be like you. her an apology you at least or a deep felled apology
He's got to give her 200 bucks
Yeah
You got to get her to the airport right and whatever a little extra that maybe like a month-long ferry ticket
Right. Yeah, I would say the shuttle for the next day and like the difference in airfare cost. That's it
You're gonna be an airfare cause yeah That's it! You know what I mean? Difference in airfare cost, shuttle, and kennel.
And kennel.
If she changed her flight and it was 150 bump more,
and then whatever the shuttle cost you.
But he shouldn't be on the hook,
because for the dogs?
I mean, he fucked up.
I think so, she thought he said he was gonna do it.
Yeah.
I know, but I'm just, I'm a hard time, like,
people fuck you over, you gotta sort things out.
Who's the concert?
But on some level, I think there's some of it that's like. The makes like who was a Huba stank. No, then I'm in who
who be the concert who be saying you just want to say who was that? I did.
For an agreement to be enforceable. There must be an intention to create a legally binding
relationship. You got to try to be a referee. Chris Yacauy said in the order, which was
dated March 7th, partners partners friends and colleagues make social arrangements
But is unlikely they can be legally enforced unless the parties perform some act that demonstrates an intention blood
I mean probably if they even any if she added an email she's gonna cost me
Sure, you can do it instead and he's like, yeah, I got you. Can you consummate the contract with sex?
I don't know. I don't know or she says if you don't show up, I'm gonna go after you. Right, right. That makes it a contract
Yeah, there are consequences. It forms part of the everyday family and domestic relationship agreements that are not enforceable in the disputes
Yeah, if the tribunal is like if we allow you to get paid then we're opening up a can of worms that we cannot
I just feel like if I was on the tribunal I I'd be like, look, you don't want to deal
with her anymore. You don't want to be together. Yeah, fine. But you can't like you got to
literally fuck somebody over. You screwed him over big time. And if we'd never heard
about this, I wouldn't care. But you brought it. You got it. It's before a tribunal. Right.
So look at it this way. We're going to find you 250 bucks. Yes. For 250 bucks. You'll
never deal with this person. You're off the the hook do you realize that like this tribunal deals with one thing and one thing only runaway
controlled burns time for you and your sit here and talk about him not picking up for
the air this is my favorite part of the whole article according to the order the man said
he would not attend the tribunal hearing and did not answer a follow-up call from cowey
no the best would have this guy's ghost in the trib Callie. No, the best part would have been, this guy goes to the tribunal.
No, well, the best part would have been,
is like, I'll be there.
And then he doesn't show up.
Yes, I will be there.
You said to her, I'll give you a ride to the tribunal.
I'll even sit in on for other tribunals you have
after this one's done.
If you promised her a ride to the tribunal,
that'd be amazing.
Look, I'm sorry. I screwed up.
Let me give you a ride to the tribunal.
Be outside your house at 9.15.
She's late and she's outside.
They're like, you now have...
Because you were late for the tribunal.
Do you want a coffee? I'll come with a coffee.
I'll have a coffee in the car. What do you want?
You know what, Kareem?
Soy latte. Done.
I can do oat milk. Yeah, okay? I'm sorry
I didn't pick you up from the airport the day before and for your con make it right
I will I will drive you to the tribunal and then like he's unreachable and anything like that
She's got to pay for the tribunal to come back again
There's gotta be a tribunal on the tribunal when when the classic like movie thing when the woman makes a beautiful birthday dinner
And the guy doesn't show up show midnight, right?
And everything's ruined she couldn't sue him for like the steak and the cake right now
It's like there's always that one bad the sniffing out of the can yeah
Like I'm going to bed right and that's it and then it's in the oven or she throws it out
Maybe she takes a bite and throws it all in the garbage trash
Yeah, sit up and put the foot release foot open garbage
Yeah, can't be a garbage candy lift the top off or a drawer
It's got to be the foot up and slide slide it down off the pan
You'll be under the thing and then just say that and then and maybe the dog is looking up like you can give that shit to me
Yeah, but that's not a suitable you can't see some moment. That's not romantic comedy. That is a romantic
There you go. There you go There you go
That's show that wall. Thanks for joining our tribunal today. Love you guys