Dumb People Town - Maz Jobrani - Apocalypse Meow
Episode Date: July 8, 2025Comedian, actor, and author Maz Jobrani (https://www.mazjobrani.com/) stops by as Jason describes how a man suffered "car crash level" injuries after tripping on his cat, Randy explains why a man left... the scene of a crash to make it to his barbershop appointment, and Dan wants you to buy an adult lunchable in South Dakota, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Hims! Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT.
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Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes
choose the life they choose.
We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail.
In Florida there's half-price mail.
I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up.
So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan.
Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits and wins,
we'll be the first to know.
Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes
choose the life they choose.
We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail.
In Florida there's half-price mail.
I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up.
So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan.
Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits and wins, we'll
be the first to know.
Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan.
Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits
and we are gonna take you down.
Stick around, make a sound, bunker down is Dumb People Town.
Hey Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.
Population, you?
Population, Gibroni.
Yes, Gibroni.
Welcome to the show, dude.
It's so nice to have you on.
Fellas, I love you guys.
I love you too, but I love these guys.
Because you guys are two of the guys who,
when there's something that's out of left field
in the world of comedy, you show up and I show up.
And Brad Williams shows up.
We're the three who say, we don't say no, we just show up.
We show up.
And it's fun.
It's so fun to see you at shows, it makes me so happy.
You're such a good standup.
You are a great actor as well.
I love doing all the stuff you've done.
And for us, I'll never forget the air conditioner
with Larry David, come on.
Oh yes.
People tell you all the time, the tipping.
The Indian Sikh, I played the Indian Sikh.
And then also that show that you did,
like Robbing Mick Jagger.
Yes, The Knights of Prosperity.
Knights of Prosperity was such a fucking good show.
It really was.
Was Donald Logue in that show?
Donald Logue was on there.
Come on.
Sofia Vergara, Kevin Michael Richardson,
Lenny Venito, Josh Cressetti.
It was this great cast and it was ahead of its time
because it was edgy and by the way,
I think it was on the wrong network.
If it ended up on NBC, we might have lasted.
It was like an Ocean's Eleven-y comedy.
We're gonna rip off Mick Jagger.
We're gonna rip off this celebrity.
Rob Mick Jagger.
We got Mick Jagger in the pilot episode of All Things.
Which is crazy, which now, like,
you could get him to just do a TikTok with you.
Like, there's a picture, like, Mick Jagger posted on his,
just like him in a cowboy hat at a bar somewhere.
He must love it.
He's just hanging out.
It's like, I'm sure he feels like nobody knows who I am.
And he's probably like dying inside, but he also loves it.
Well, the day ever come where he's on Cameo.
Yeah.
Hello, I'm Mick Jagger.
Smokey Robinson on Cameo.
I don't know what Hanukkah is.
I don't know what Chan and Manukkah is.
Let's jump into a story,
because we got dumb stuff going on in this world.
This was sent in by Randy Sklar at Sklar Brothers.
Wait, did I send this story in?
I can't remember.
Is that your researcher?
Never heard of him.
This is how you save money.
Hey.
Get your brother to do the research.
I'm doing all the work.
Younger brother, here we go.
Here's the headline, ready?
I'm lucky to be alive after sustaining car crash injuries
tripping over my cat.
So how do you feel about cats?
Well, I'm not, I'm allergic to cats, number one.
You and my wife.
Number two, cats, I would assume that,
I think that cat meant to kill the person that laid.
Amen.
I've seen enough videos on TikTok where cats.
To a baby's face, they're like,
wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, I'ma fuck him up.
Yeah, yeah.
That cat was like, I don't like this bitch.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get in front of her.
I'm gonna trip him.
Is it he or she?
He.
Oh, he.
Wait, she sustained what?
He sustained car crash injuries.
Car crash level injuries tripping over your cat.
Oh, I thought, I thought.
Was he walking through an RV?
I thought the cat tripped him and a car hit him.
Which I think is what the cat intended.
Right, so it's an outdoor cat.
Yes, yes.
All right, good, good to know.
Feral, feral for sure.
Feral outdoor cat, let's get into it.
He's, this is from the New York Post.
So I'm gonna apologize in advance for him.
Get ready for a bunch of puns.
Wow.
Get ready for some bad writing.
Out of the gates.
Groundbreaking journalism, here we go. He's suffered cat aestrophic injuries. Get ready for some bad writing. Out of the gates. Groundbreaking journalism, here we go.
He suffered catostrophic injuries.
Get out!
Of course he did.
Get out!
And he landed and went, me ow!
Yeah.
That's coming, right?
Is that in there?
Yes.
Of course.
A UK man miraculously survived after sustaining
a broken neck, fractured spine, smashed ribs,
blood in his lungs, which by the way is a great new band.
Blood in his lungs?
And other car crash evoking injuries from, wait for it,
tripping over his cat.
Jesus.
Did you trip down the stairs?
Yeah, or maybe he tripped and got hit by a car.
I think he got hit by a car.
He could have been outside.
Or is he in a really abusive relationship
and he had to make up?
I tripped over my cat.
I tripped over my cat, that's worse.
She's just like beating him with like a,
with a tire.
With a pickleball racket.
Right?
Just showing up.
Hilarious.
All right, the freak.
All right, okay, here's what we see.
Yeah, this is like a final destination death.
Oh yeah, this is like, to me this is like John Wick
fighting down a staircase. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. this is like John Wick, you know, fighting down the staircase.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't remember much, just falling fast.
Falling fast?
Is that, that by the way could have been the speech
that he gave on his wedding night.
Hey, I'm falling fast, I love you.
Or it's like an old Journey song.
All right, here we go.
Falling fast, it was quick and it was over within seconds.
So that was his wedding night, also his wedding night.
Journey song is it would be,
Falling, wait, hold on. Wait hold on. Steve Perry. Oh you did. Falling down
ain't all it was meant to be. Oh girl. Happened so fast. Alright it was quick and it was over
within seconds and then I was at the bottom so that is his wedding night. Yeah that is
the power bottom. Definitely. Victim Chris Rowley, and I'm not gonna tell you how old he is.
Okay, we'll guess later.
The Freak Apocalypse Meow.
Yes.
You knew that.
Apocalypse Meow accident.
Come on.
Reportedly occurred on the evening of October 23rd,
while the Leicestershire-
Leicestershire.
Leicestershire, Worcestershire.
Worcestershire.
Worcestershire, Leicestershire.
Based professional musician was home alone with his hairless Egyptian sphinx kitten, Let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, let's just, and I will tell you that I watched several of their clips. I did not laugh once. Wow, wow.
Love a Jay.
How many is different?
A Jason deep dive.
Jay went deep.
Yes.
Disaster struck after the wrinkly kitty
apparently feeling playful.
Okay.
It's not playful.
Cats do not want to kill you.
You guys are wrong.
They don't want to play.
Hardline disagree.
Out to kill you.
You think cats are playful?
100%.
I don't know what cats you talking about.
Many of the ones I've had.
All right.
And if you die, they will eat your eyes out.
Go for it, I'm dead.
Dead, he doesn't care.
I love that people are always like,
they're gonna eat you, whereas like,
most of our population is like,
hey, when I'm dead, just burn me.
Yeah, true.
Like, we don't, like, true.
Yeah, I don't wanna be eaten by mittens.
But here's this, apparently,
Dove Out latched onto one of its owner's legs
while he was coming down the stairs.
Oh.
So this is a stair thing.
It took a bit of a chunk out of my leg
and then I lost my footing described Raleigh.
Oh yeah, I understand this.
Reportedly tumbled down how many steps?
27. Before arriving at the bottom.
Whoa, that's a long staircase.
23.
Wait, when did the owl come and start pecking his head?
By the way, he said the cat did try to eat him.
Yes, the cat tried to bite him.
Yeah, I mean you're saying cats are nice?
Meanwhile, the guy-
Took a truck out of his leg.
I said he was playing.
The guy who killed his wife
and also killed his German girlfriend in the staircase.
Could have been very pissed at him.
So like, the guy in the staircase who got off,
who is an author-
Do you know this documentary?
Yes, I remember that one.
Who was an author.
Who claimed an owl came in and was pecking.
Oh, hilarious.
An owl that was outside was pecking the wife's head
and that caused her to fall
and caused all the blood splatter.
And he also just, I mean like if that's the story
and that's what it is, there's nothing you can say.
Then you're like, oh when he was in Germany Germany another woman that he was with fell down a staircase
I'm like you don't get an owl you don't get to staircase
If if German owls just by chance you had a girlfriend yeah, and she fell down the stairs and I hope okay, okay?
That happens once horrible terrible terrible. You're feeling terrible if
At any point in your life. I don't care if it's seven years
I don't care if it's 20 or 37 you better kill this bitch in the driveway another woman
Accidentally falls down. I'm saying if yes
Second girlfriend falls on stairs and dies if that happens you say life is making you just can't ever date again
No, right because it's too much. Well'd be like, what am I going to date?
I'm going to tell a third person in my life
that the last two be you.
I'm saying if you didn't even have anything to do with it,
you just go, well, I just don't get to date anymore.
If a woman falls down the steps in Germany, that is you.
I'm not telling you how to live your life,
but you buy a ranch house.
Am I right?
Oh, yeah.
No steps.
Flat.
Flat.
And you go move to Kansas.
There's no hills. No hills. No nothing. No basement either? Oh yeah. Flat, flat. And you go move to Kansas.
There's no hills.
No nothing.
No basement either.
No basement.
Well, there's a basement.
Fall down the steps once, shame on me.
Fall down the steps twice, shame on life.
Your mother fucker's trying to kill me.
You can't, you can't.
Go on a date and they go, how'd your last two relationships end?
Stairs.
Stairs.
Matt Stairs.
What'd you say, 28 steps?
No, not 27 steps. I'd say 14 steps.
14, what do you say?
I'm going 23.
Jordan?
I'll go 10.
All right, one of you is exactly right.
Okay.
Do you want to stick it?
I'll stick with my number.
Sticking it 14.
I'll stick with my number.
All right, get your answers in,
because he fell down 14 steps.
Yes!
Look at the guy who sent it in.
I didn't read that, I didn't read it. Sure. I'm very sure. Randy would have recused, he would down 14 steps. Look at that. Look at the guy who sent it in. I didn't read that, I didn't read it.
Sure, I read it.
I'm sure.
Randy would have recused, he would have recused.
He's not amped up.
I know this.
Where he not know this.
Lay unable to move when his feline
put the hell in Hello Kitty.
Oh no.
Yes he did.
That's actually a good pun.
That's good.
The massively injured man didn't realize
the extent of his injuries at the time.
14 steps is a long way to go.
How are we going to get to a car?
Paramedics...
He tries to drive himself and then gets in a car accident?
Phone. Phone. Call.
Paramedics later revealed...
He gets car crash injuries.
...that he'd suffered.
He said, fractured skull.
It's car crash like injuries.
Level. Level. Level.
It's like he was hit by a car. He fell down the stairs.
Fractured skull, a broken bone in his neck,
two fractures in the spine, nine broken ribs,
and each rib has multiple fractures.
And then I had a bit of blood in the lungs, he said.
Eric Moore Candy, meanwhile, was completely unharmed.
If 14 steps that much, I'm not trying to victim blame,
but he leaned into it a little.
Cat lands on his feet.
14 steps to do all that?
Cat was fine. You gotta be ass over feet. 14 steps to do all that? Cat was fun.
You gotta be ass over end.
Does he keep the cat afterwards?
Well listen, let's find out.
It is ass over, for sure.
It is.
Oh, yeah.
You go one over.
Ass over tea kettle.
Yeah, ass over tea kettle.
So you seen the, like, they roll cheese down a hill.
Yeah, I saw that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There is a guy.
That guy had a fuck up.
There is a guy who's rolling down.
He ran so fast and he flipped and like the way he came down
and hits is really one of the hardest hits I've ever seen.
He has less injuries than this guy.
Yeah, he's like better than this guy.
This reminds me of Aunt Bunny.
Remember Aunt Bunny, Eddie Murphy?
I'm falling down the steps.
Ow, ow, ow.
Lowest, lowest, I'm halfway down now. Jesus,, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow the woman, the larger black woman who was doing, walking down the runway
of like some fashion show.
Oh my God.
She took one step in the heels
and her left heel did this.
And I'm like, oh she's gonna go down the heels.
And by the way, this runway thing was just boards
and it was like maybe eight feet off the ground.
I'm like, why is it this high off the ground?
She wobbled left.
Wobbled left and I'm like, it's going down right.
This is a wrap and she went down right.
I think she's fine, she had enough padding,
but like, Jesus.
Oh my God.
This is what he said, my phone was dead,
I couldn't get up, I physically couldn't get up.
You just said that, your phone was dead.
Raleigh described, that's how bad this cat hit him.
That's how bad.
Killed his phone.
The cat unplugged his phone hours earlier.
I'm telling you, this is premeditated. This is premeditated. No, the cat unplugged his phone hours earlier. I'm telling you, this is premeditated.
This is premeditated.
The cat unplugged the charger
and you thought it was charging?
That's what I'm saying.
He's like, I was plugging in whatever,
I'm like, I'll look at it.
And then Dan, you love cats, they're die-boggles.
Cat waits till it goes down to like 1%.
It's like, I'm tripping him now.
It's the hardest sensation.
It's almost like claustrophobia.
You can't get out, you can't physically get anywhere,
do anything.
That's horrible.
It wasn't until the next morning.
Oh my, it's sitting in the injuries.
Wait, is this Gene Hackman?
What's going on?
What's going on?
That the immobile, it's Gene Hackman.
That the immobile vocalist's wife arrived.
What?
She doesn't live there?
Where the hell was she?
Yeah, where was she?
Avoiding the cat, that's where she was.
He's fine.
She moved out because of the cat.
I'll come back tomorrow morning.
Like, he hasn't returned any of my calls since last night.
I guess I'll just see him tomorrow.
He's only my husband.
Arrived and discovered her husband spread-eagled
at the bottom of the stairs.
Oh my God.
I normally get home about 8.30 a.m.
What do you do?
What does she do?
What's that?
Street life, dun dun, da da da da da da da.
Streetwalker.
She's been walking that boulevard, baby.
Streetwalker.
But that day I got held back and I didn't get back until about 10. I opened the door
and I heard him screaming and saw the blood. She told the mirror.
What a nightmare.
I love that it's a British paper called The Mirror, but I also like that she just turned
to a mirror and told the mirror. She just said it to herself.
All right, enough said, I'm out of here.
Good luck to you.
Who are you talking to, babe?
Me, me.
He was saying, oh, you're home, help, help.
By this time he dragged.
Oh, you're home.
He had built up so much anger for her.
Oh, you're home, nice.
She'd be like, first I left.
How did this, the cat?
He's thinking to himself, if I could just make it to 830.
Bitch, it's 10.
Look with the cat dragged down.
All right, here we go.
Well, okay, so let's go.
I'm sorry, she was sitting in the driveway for an hour and a half
because she didn't want to go in and tell him that she's leaving him.
And then this?
She got the nerves, she's like, I'm leaving, what?
Oh, I mean, I'll help you.
But this time he dragged himself on the Atlantic.
Jackie then dialed emergency services
who arrived within minutes, way better than her,
whereupon she quickly left the room
as she couldn't stand her partner screaming,
you're a horrible partner.
Yes, I don't know.
That was rough.
I was shot to oblivion.
I was outstounded. Acting like you have blood in your lungs. Oh, you do? You have blood in partner. Yes. I don't know. I was shot to upload you. God-stound it.
Acting like you have blood in your lungs.
Oh, you do?
You have blood in your spits?
We didn't know how bad his injuries were at the time.
That's why I left the room.
No, they had to really drug him up to move him.
Raleigh's distraught, Paramore lamented.
The unfortunate, F-U-R, fellow added,
I can't explain the pain. I realized I –
Yeah, you can. You can just say it's really a lot of pain.
I cut my head as well.
Level 10.
Oh, God.
I didn't know how much I'd cut until I saw the blood, and later on they told me about
the other injuries I had. As if it wasn't agonizing enough, his oblivious pet started
stamping on his chest a move he'd reportedly reportedly been doing all night said Raleigh.
Oh, making biscuits. Yeah. What is that?
A cat, like they make like biscuits on you and they like stamp on you.
Yeah, but it's called making biscuits and they do it like they stretch out their legs.
Is there like a UFC for cats? I feel like there's cats in it.
Cats should, cat fight. Egyptian, he is an Egyptian.
Ultimate fighting cats? Ultimate fighting, UFCs?
Yay, there you go. Medics transported the injured Egyptian he is an Egyptian ultimate cats ultimate you have you have
Medics transported the injured cat owners to the trauma unit were remained for two weeks
Of course rough. He's far from out of the woods
They say it will be six to twelve months until I'm back on my feet
I'm on a trial now because of the seizures. Oh, I'll be great for 12 months, I'd have thought," lamented the music man,
who currently can't breathe without oxygen.
Jesus!
We have to go back to the hospital next week to see if they could put a drain in to get
rid of the blood that's left over.
Then it's just a matter of a long recovery.
Okay, you gotta give this cat away.
The issues have been more than physical.
That's what I wondered.
Do you keep the cat?
You're not keeping the cat.
Raleigh reported he lost a lot of income on account to not being able to tour due to his condition.
Sue the cat.
Sue the cat.
Wait, what's he do?
He's a musician.
Musician.
Sell the cat.
A friend of the family since he created a GoFundMe page
helped ease Raleigh and Jackie's financial strain
while he recovers.
Despite his debilitating condition,
Raleigh doesn't harbor any ill will towards the kitty.
Okay, now I don't feel that.
Now you're a dummy.
Now you're a dummy. Now you're a dummy.
It's not your cat.
Little too zen there buddy.
Yeah come on dude.
That cat was going for your leg.
The cat's adorable and he's only young.
I don't take any umbrage to that.
It's just one of them things.
It could have happened anyway.
I think, I think, I think his wife's out.
He knows the wife's gonna be out all night.
He's gotta love her.
She's rough, she comes, she bites him, he falls.
And all this shit happens and he blames the cat, right?
Therefore he knows he can't, you know,
this is a great, you know what I'm saying?
This is a great, oh, let's let the cat be me.
Meanwhile he knows, that's his thing,
he's like beat me up.
Beat me up.
And beat me up and leave me at the bottom of the stairs.
Exactly, he's got some crazy masochistic shit.
And why does that have to be a woman who comes over?
It could be a man.
It could be a dude.
It could be a dude.
Well now you're back on your documentary.
Yeah.
No, because he was gay.
That's right.
That's right.
All right, we'll get out here on this.
How old is victim Chris Rowley?
He's a musician.
57.
Ooh, that's a good guess.
38.
Gosh, I'm gonna go with 43.
43.
Get your answers in.
The next story up is, I think, Randy.
Okay.
I'm gonna slide to you.
Chris Raleigh is 59 years old.
Ooh!
Close, Rand, very close.
Randy's on a roll.
Look, I didn't know.
I definitely did not know that's what he is.
All right, when we come back,
we'll tell you where you can catch Maz.
He's got some dates coming up overseas.
Dan and us, we'll do that on the other side of the break.
It's Dumb People Time with Maz Gibran.
We'll be right back.
Stick around, make a sound.
There's more Dumb People Time.
Hey gang, welcome back to the show.
Before we get into our good friend Maz Gibran,
who is really one of our favorite standups,
out there doing it today.
Love being on shows with him,
what he's got going on in his schedule.
Jay, let him know what we have.
So I'm gonna do our July date.
I think this is gonna come on in the next couple weeks.
Well, I'll say this just in case.
It comes out before we are at Rooster Teeth Feathers,
which I'm very excited about, Sunnyvale.
Never done it, I know it, but I've never done it.
Great things.
It's our first time going there.
It's Sunnyvale, it's San Jose area, it's Bay Area.
You're gonna have fun.
I can't wait, and the room's like kinda small,
so it's really supposed to be really cool.
Laura Peek's going with us, I love her.
It's gonna be super fun.
So those shows are the June 26th through the 29th.
I know that I told you to do it and now I'm doing it.
July 11th, we'll be in Dallas at Hyena's Downtown,
and then on the 12th we're at The Secret Group in Houston.
There's a chance we could be in Austin.
We're trying to figure out if we're gonna do this
on August 1st or maybe around our time.
We're gonna be back in Raleigh in September
doing the Stateside Theater.
I'm very excited to do that.
Right next to the Paramount.
Yeah, 300 seats, really fun.
Yeah, we wanna fill it.
So we'll let you know when that date is happening
and when that's gonna come up once we finalize that.
Maybe August 1st, maybe September 18th or 20th. And then we're going to Desert Ridge,
the CB live, which I'm really excited to do in Phoenix. That's happening August 14th
through the 16th.
And any other stuff that we have out coming out and going on supersclouders.com
And we're guests hosting Jim Rome's radio show and his, I guess it's on X.
It's on X, his show that's on July 7th through the 10th.
So four days in a row.
People who love listening to us on the Sports Talk Radio
for four hours a day, we're gonna be super fun.
That's great.
All right, Maz, let them know, you have some cool things.
You're gonna be in Australia.
I'm going to Australia, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, right.
End of July, I'm gonna be in Sydney, Melbourne,
Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth, and Auckland.
Who set this up?
How did you do this?
I've been going as Australian now for several years.
Really?
I think 2007 or eight maybe was the first time I went.
Amazing.
Have you guys done Australia?
No, I wanna talk to you about it.
What?
You guys would kill it down there.
Can we talk to you?
I would love that, yeah, I'll put you in touch.
And the fact is it's obviously English, but also it's a beautiful country. Oh, I'll put you in touch. And the fact is, it's obviously English,
but also it's a beautiful country.
Oh, I've been.
Big comedy fans.
Adelaide I've been, it's great,
that's wine country, it's incredible.
Yes.
You know, Sydney's incredible.
Yeah.
We've never been to Melbourne.
My wife's brother's in Melbourne,
so I could go visit his.
Why are we not doing this?
You guys should be doing Australia.
Oh, I'm so excited for you.
What kind of venues are you playing when you're there?
I'll do theaters, so depending on which city,
like obviously Sydney and Melbourne
will have bigger theaters,
and then the others will have smaller theaters,
but still theaters, and it's great,
because it's basically six shows over two and a half weeks,
so you get a little bit of downtime if there's time to go.
Like, I've gone wine tasting.
Last time I had time to go in New Zealand,
go skiing in New Zealand.
Hell yes.
So that was cool.
So Auckland is great and amazing, but where'd you go?
Are you doing any TV while you're there to promote?
I do, so there's a show called The Project,
which is basically like, it's kind of like a news show,
but they also have comedians on, and they're great.
They've had me on every time.
Is it an older guy who hosts that segment?
No, there's like three or four hosts.
Will Anderson is kind of,
do you know Will Anderson, great comic?
Yeah, I'm sure he's like involved in that somehow.
I don't know, but it's just a great,
and the food is amazing.
Oh, the best.
I highly recommend you guys get some food.
Dude, great trips.
There's a sushi place right across on the docks,
right across the way.
It's, I forgot the name of it, but also in...
There's food in Australia.
You're talking about the Sydney Opera?
Yes, yes.
And there's also in Bondi Beach.
Bondi, yeah, Bondi.
There's a crazy awesome...
Bondi.
Bondi Beach.
Bondi Beach.
So I'm gonna be Australia then, and then in the fall,
I'm gonna be hitting San Francisco, I'm doing Cobbs.
Great.
And then I'm gonna be doing Boston, the Wilbur.
DC, I'm doing, I used to do the Kennedy Center,
but I think I'm probably not welcome anymore
with the new management.
So I'm doing the MGM Harbor Casino out there in DC.
And then I'm doing Atlanta, I'm doing New York,
I'm doing Houston.
So again, at Moz, Joe Brani, check it out,
come see some live comedy.
We love you.
Here stand up is so fun and it is so,
like, it's so smart, it's like edgy
without being like dirty.
I don't know how to explain it.
I appreciate that, man.
Like there's an edge to it that makes it
super funny for comedy fans,
but it's also something that you can bring anybody to the show. I appreciate you saying that and the truth is like you know
whenever we've been on shows together I love watching you guys too. I told you guys you had some
I think the joke was with when the the Trump shooting thing you guys had a really funny take
on it. I was about that watching the video turns you into a conspiracy theorist.
Yes.
That was our band.
And you guys were so, I was like, I was watching.
It's great when you see something and you go,
oh my God, oh, what a great take.
And I just love watching you guys too.
Thank you.
So right back at you.
Thanks, I love it.
All right, well I'm gonna jump in this story, thank you.
Come on.
All right, here we go.
This is sent in from Larissa at the girl GRL on the wall.
Okay?
Okay. Here we go, here's the headline. Larissa explains the girl GRL on the wall, okay? Here we go, here's the headline.
Larissa explains it all.
Hit and run suspect claims he fled crash scene
due to barbershop appointment.
Guys, I gotta get out of here.
I gotta tie this up, I gotta fade.
It'll lower my ears if you wanna say.
That accident that messed up my hair.
I gotta go fix it.
I gotta fade out, cause I gotta fade to 10.
I've never looked in the rear view mirror this much,
and I realized.
Did you see that cat?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hit and run suspect,
claims that he fled the scene of a crash
because he did not want to be late
for his barber shop appointment.
Look, if you have a good barber,
right now I'm partying in the front,
partying in the back.
I need to be business in the front.
That's right.
And listen, you should be prompt.
You should keep your point.
I mean, you should really show up on time.
I'm a stickler for that.
Stickler. I hate being that. I hate being late.
I hate being late.
My daughter hates being late so much.
She likes being super early.
And my son is like, I'll be 20 minutes late.
My wife likes being early.
I'm like more casual about it.
My wife one time sent me to a kid's birthday and the family was, they're Brazilian and
Brazilian is Jewish.
So Brazilians are like Iranians,
like Middle Eastern people.
Like when we say show up at eight,
we mean show up at nine.
Eight thirty.
Eight thirty, nine.
I showed up and like my wife said,
you guys gotta be there on time.
And we showed up on time, no one was there.
No one's there.
They're still setting up.
Even the family's not even there.
We just started helping them set up, that was it.
And people thought you worked for the thing.
Exactly.
Like hey man, can you go around back and get the,
I wanted the guest.
I am a guest.
I am an Iranian guest.
An honorable guest.
Wait, no, I will show up to restaurants early
because my wife's like, we gotta get there on time.
And they're like, your table's not ready.
And I'm like, yeah.
See?
Because we're 15, 20 minutes early.
And by the way, you know what else I realized
is comedians, people expect us to entertain.
So if I show up early at a party,
and they're, hey, what's up, the comedian?
And I'm like, oh!
Don't you have some funny stories?
Oh, God.
Come on, I'm gonna do my new hour for you people.
Got so quiet in this party right now.
I can't have nowhere to go.
Patrol units were dispatched at about what time?
Thursday to a Save-a-Lot parking lot
located at 360 Shopping Center Drive.
Guys, you gotta be more creative with your ass.
Shopping Center Drive, come on.
That's a new town for sure.
Come on, Shopping Center Drive.
What time were they?
Restaurant Boulevard.
What time were they dispatched, do you think,
for this car crash, were the guys like,
I gotta go to work?
It's a hair appointment.
Hair appointments, you know it's during working hours.
Yeah.
4 p.m.
I'll go 2.30 p.m.
I'll go 9.30 a.m. I'll go 9.30 a.m.
Okay, get your answers in, Tony,
because all units were dispatched at 5.15 p.m.
So he might be late.
Barbershop's gonna close.
We had a guy in New York,
we used to go to this barbershop
right next to the Comedy Cellar,
when we lived in New York,
and Italian guy Steve, bald,
we're like, that's not a good sign.
Maybe it is, I don't know, maybe it is.
I'm not gonna be offended.
Randy looked at me and he's like.
And I looked at Dan too.
Yeah, Dan might be offended, but I'm not gonna be offended.
Daniel is not offended, but I was like,
I gotta see a little more of your hair if you're gonna do it.
But he always was so funny.
We've told you this guy, I cut a you hair.
I cut a you hair.
I cut a you hair.
I cut a you hair.
I'm like, Steve, he calls up and we're like,
how late are you guys open?
He's like, we're open till eight, come before eight.
Okay, you're open until eight,
we should come before that?
We come at 7.59, you'll give us a cut?
That's like a joke that we now do with our friend Eric,
who we lived with, who anytime we're like,
he's like, what time should I come over?
And we're like, we're open until nine, come before nine.
All right.
So it was dispatch at 515, shopping center drive,
regarding an accident involving the driver
of a white pickup truck later identified as,
and I'll get the age later, Tom Williams.
That's a fake name.
Geez, come on.
Of Summerfield, according to the arrest department.
I'm gonna show you what it looks like.
It's a white pickup truck privilege.
It is white pickup truck privilege because that's Tom Williams.
He's going to get a beard trim. He's got that beard. I know. And he's got it almost Amish.
Well that's why he didn't see the guy. The beard was in the way. The officer advised suspect later
identified as Williams that he had left the scene on foot prior to the arrival of law enforcement.
A, beyond the lookout, alert was immediately activated
to find him, the report said shortly after,
the officer told dispatch that he intercepted Williams
walking northbound on Main Street.
It really is a made up.
Near the Family Dollar parking lot
located at 316 Main Street,
Williams admitted to crashing the vehicle into a pole.
He claimed he left the scene
because he had a barbershop on.
I can't stand around here.
I can't be walking around looking like James Harden.
I gotta deal with this shit.
So he didn't hit somebody, he hit a pole.
No, he hit a pole.
Well then that's his prerogative.
Right?
If you hit a pole.
I'll come back.
I'll deal with this later.
Yeah, I'll deal with it.
Hey, let me ask you something.
Is the pole open till eight?
Yeah.
Because the barbershop is out.
Get here before eight.
Pole don't close.
Pole don't close.
Pole don't close.
Ball don't lie.
Pole don't close. And not only does he Pull don't close. Ball don't lie.
Pull don't close.
And not only does he have to go to a barber shop,
he needs to go and hang at the barber shop.
Right, I mean like, I saw a barber shop one and two.
Of course.
And I seriously say this as-
I'm sure Cedric the Entertainer's there waiting for him.
I say this as the whitest person ever.
Is there any black man mostly,
is there any black man who shows up to the barber shop
right at his appointment,
and then as soon as it's done, leaves?
No, you gotta hang out.
No, you gotta hang out.
People not getting their hair cut there.
It's fun.
White people.
They built an entire show about this.
White people are so bad.
He had things to get off his chest.
This is where therapy happens.
This is where you get, the reason he crashed into the pool,
his wife was riding him so hard.
He's like, you know what, fuck this bitch.
I'm gonna kill myself.
Boom, doesn't die, let me go cut my hair.
And now he's got something great
to talk about at the barbershop.
Guess what happened just five minutes ago.
I crashed my car in the pool,
now everybody's talking to this guy.
Diamond Cut's Barbershop, located at 405 North Main Street.
You didn't want to miss that appointment.
What city are we in?
This is Summerfield.
Williams was detained and taken back to the scene, detained.
Come on, don't detain his ass.
Chill the fuck out.
How far did he walk?
I mean, is this all in the same strip mall?
By the way, you could just be like, hey man,
you gotta come back and do that.
Can I get my haircut first?
How about 40 minutes?
We'll tell the barbershop, hey,
can you guys stay open a little bit later,
we're gonna take him back to the thing,
pull his car off the thing, he's gonna have to call a tow truck and get it. Whatever, can you guys stay open a little bit later? We're gonna take him back to the thing pull his car off
The thing he's gonna have to call a tow truck and get it
Whatever we'll do that. He'll be back. It's some Barney five shit right there
I love it over over doing it crazy the officers observed visible damage to the ground based ground base and structure of
That Duke energy Duke energy light pole Duke energy later came out to the scene and estimated the damage to be about how much?
Duke Energy.
Duke Energy.
So much.
Frickin' Duke Energy.
I hate Duke Energy.
I don't know anything about Duke Energy, but I hate him.
Yeah, I'm going 100,000.
100,000.
Duke Energy, probably the name of the lamest group
at Duke, the actual university.
We're Duke Energy.
We're Duke Energy.
Really?
We're Duke Energy. That's what they screen about the basketball game. He says 100,000. We're trying Energy. We're Duke Energy.
That's what this is about the basketball game.
He says 100,000.
We're trying to get away from the craziest part.
We're Duke Energy.
I'm gonna, what was your guess?
100,000 just because it's electrical.
I know I'm going way high.
I'll go way down.
I'll go 15,000.
What do you think, Jay?
65,000.
Each answer is in town.
Because Duke came in,
Duke Energy later came in the scene and estimated the damage to be about $1,000. Each answer is in town. Because Duke came in, Duke Energy later came in the scene
and estimated the damage to be about $1,000.
So it's not that bad.
Oh, geez, Duke Energy.
This even more flies in the face of why are we detained.
So we're detaining for $1,000.
And I'll tell you why it's $1,000,
because it's a solar energy thing,
so the sun, there's not electrical boom bang bing.
It's LED light.
After being arrested, Williams reported arrested.
Why is he arrested?
What is going on?
Reported no injuries, however,
as part of the booking process involving the accident,
he was taken to the UF, I guess it's Florida,
Health Emergency Room Clinic at Brownwood
for medical clearance reports.
Said Williams was ultimately charged with hit and run,
leave the scene of a crash, involve damage to property,
and now I understand if you are driving your car
into a business establishment and walking away.
Yeah, it's different.
Yeah.
Duke Energy.
Also he left his car.
He left his car.
He's coming back.
Is it blocking traffic?
He drove into a pole, not a pole lock, a pole.
Thank you.
He drove into a pole, not a pole. Yeah Thank you. He drove into a pole, not a pole. Yeah,
not a pole. And Summerfield? He was transferred, yeah, Summerfield to the Sumter County jail.
Looked up where, look where Sumter County is. Let me just say, if he had actually, if he,
because they, again, they arrested him, because I wonder if they just, sometimes they give you
a haircut when you go to jail. Maybe you get two for one.
Two for one.
Maybe that was the plan.
You ever go to the set of a TV show?
I mean, that.
Never, not me, but I know exactly what you're talking about.
The shave, the haircut.
I'll go in with like, I'm like, I need a haircut,
but I know I'm going to a job.
So I'm gonna have him cut my hair and make up.
Two wonderful guessing games,
and then we'll get out of here,
and we'll go and find out what Dan's got going on.
I'll give a story three.
Diamond Cut's Barbershop is 4.6 stars.
Wow, nice.
People love it.
That's why we wanted to go.
78 reviews, I like it.
It's a decent number of reviews.
So good, you'll hit a poll on your way.
Get over here.
You hit a poll to get here.
Nothing can stop you.
You're all the way up.
Yeah!
You're all the way cut.
So, all right, number one, he was released on bail.
How much bail to get this guy out of jail?
I mean, he's not a flight risk.
He'll be for a thousand dollars of damage, 200 bucks.
200 bucks, what do you think?
500.
Let's go with thousand.
Get your answers in the water.
He was released on $250 bail.
That's not bad, Dan, you were good.
All right, lastly, we'll get out of here on this.
You've seen the picture.
How old is this young man?
This young man who, God bless him.
He's got a little bit of gray in the beard.
Yeah, a little bit of gray in the beard.
Is it LeBron gray?
I'm going to go, I'm going to go 39.
I'm going to go 36.
I'm going to go 44.
One of you is one year off.
I'm going to say 43.
I'll go 37.
38.
Okay, get your answers in, Townies.
Daniel, give us a little,
I'm gonna pass it to you, pass the mic to you.
This man, Mr. Williams was, is 43 years old.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice.
Way to go, Jay, way to go.
One more story, Dan, give us a little taste
of what we're gonna hear.
Adult Lunchables. Adult Lunchables. I have a, Jay, way to go. One more story, Dan, give us a little taste of what we're gonna hear. Adult Lunchables.
Adult Lunchables.
I have a lot of feelings about Lunchables.
I will hear all of them after the break.
Maz Gibran is with us.
I heard adult on triples and I was like,
what is this?
Lunchables.
Lunchables.
It's a white thing, we'll be right back.
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Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Dan's wonderful story about adult
launchables, Daniel, where can people catch you, hear your podcast?
Big stuff, big stuff in July.
DanielVankirk.com for all tickets. You can listen to my other podcast,
which is right here on All Things Comedy
called The Midnight Air, overnight radio podcast.
So good. I said it.
It drops every single week, it's just me.
I record it. I record it on the road,
wherever I happen to be, and it drops on Mondays.
But Dan, it's so good.
Like, what are some of the, you do great lists.
As of this recording, the most recent one,
I just ranked my top 10 breads.
Oh, for real. What, like, what, if you're going going to sleep and I've been doing this I've said this like right
Yeah, listen to podcast as I start to fall asleep that it like it's on the thing the charging
And it's gonna listen to I'm like top 10 breads. I'm listening to that. What's the number one bread?
You gotta listen to find out. I just had to go straight white bread. Oh, wonder? Just a straight white bread?
Yeah, in my mind, like it's summer,
the peanut butter and jelly.
These are just types of breads.
Yes, my top 10 breads.
Dan, you had Trader Joe's brioche.
You know what?
Did brioche make it on the list?
Brioche made it as my one bad bread.
What?
Dan, I wanna make you a sandwich.
I'm making you a sandwich.
No, fuck brioche.
Dan, don't you dare say that. I'm making you a sandwich. No, fuck brioche. Dan, don't you dare say that.
Honorable mention for holla.
Dan, I'm telling you, I'm gonna make you a holla.
Here's the problem with brioche.
No, no, no, no, no, I refuse.
Tastes good, phenomenal.
But it's not a bread.
The bread to whatever you've inserted ratio,
the brioche is always too much.
There's always too much for the world.
You have sliced brioche from Trader Joe's.
Did ciabatta make it on?
Did ciabatta make it on?
You know what, specifically,
large amount of wine and cheese.
I talked about that.
That's my neighborhood.
Yeah, I talked about that ciabatta.
Number two.
What's your order there?
What's your sandwich?
I do the tuna everywhere.
It's so good, have you had the turkey?
I've had the turkey, I've had it all.
I want it now, I want it now.
A little balsamic.
Whoa!
And now there's Clark Street right down the block too.
They have a great bread as well.
Try Clark Street, they have pre-made.
I think my number two bread was banana bread.
Dan, are you listening to?
I think number three was croissant.
Croissant with chicken salad.
Don't give it away, don't give it away.
I'm gonna stop you right there.
Stop, listen.
I want you guys all, when you get a chance,
you go to a Persian market.
You ask for berbere, like Burberry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Berbere.
Oh, I'm in, dude.
Berbere is this bread that's got some thickness to it.
They got some sesame seeds on it.
I'm in, I'm in.
You're gonna cut it up, you're gonna put it in the toaster,
you bring that out and enjoy.
So let me ask you guys really quick,
and then I promise I'll finish the plugs.
This is a short story anyway.
Yes.
Where would you put, in your top 10,
where would you put tortilla?
Ooh, tortilla.
Soft. It is a bread.
Soft tortilla.
Yes.
So there's homemade tortilla,
there's a taco stand in, I say stand, but it's almost like
a restaurant.
It's been there forever.
It's in Santa Barbara.
It's called La Super Rica.
It was made famous by Julia Childs.
She announced it and it's been famous ever since.
I was there and I saw in line, it was like a one hour line that you have to wait in to
get.
I saw Rick Majeris late in Majarris, like a very heavy basketball coach.
I'm like, if he's eating here, then it's good.
The corn tortillas they make are so soft and flavorful.
They almost taste like flour tortillas.
But they're corn.
It's like upper deck for me, like seven, eight, nine.
Somewhere floating.
I'm not putting tortilla in there.
Wow.
I don't know if I counted this.
So many other great breads.
There's a great, you just made me think about it,
there's a great English muffin
that Oprah supposedly loved in Napa.
And I forget the name of the place.
If you look up Oprah's English muffin.
Oprah's English muffin.
It's one of her favorite things.
Oprah's English muffin.
And it was one of those where they were like,
oh you gotta go try it.
We went.
You gotta get Gale to butter it.
Oh my God, Gale butter.
Go butter that muffin. Stedman puts the jam on. to butter it. Oh my God, Gale buttered it.
Don't butter that muffin.
Stedman puts the jam on.
Stedman stands to the side and watches.
Stedman's just there to open the door.
Wait, is it good?
The Gale with the butter.
Delicious.
Phenomenal.
Delicious.
We bought him his gifts.
We started giving him his gifts.
I got one more.
Oh, stop.
See what's the discussion that Dan Swagg has.
That's why you have to listen to his podcast.
The homemade pita at.
Oh, pita was on the list.
Pita was on the list.
At Bavel.
Do you know the restaurant downtown?
No, where's Bavel?
Oh, you're going.
You're taking your wife-
Middle Eastern, Lebanese?
What is it?
Middle Eastern.
It's gorgeous.
So it's the sister restaurant to Bestia,
which is a really great Italian restaurant downtown
in the Arts District.
Right down the street from there is Bavel.
They make their own pita.
It is warm and the hummus is incredible.
It's, and they make Malawa.
Do you know that?
Malawa, it's like a sort of,
all those are incredible.
But the dill dips and the tzatziki.
Maybe that's what I'll do.
I learned something.
Ran, Peroski, Peroski.
We're gonna be in Seattle.
You just inspired a future episode of the Midnight Air.
I'm gonna do my top 10 dips.
Yes!
Let's go. Bitchin in sauce better be in there.
Oh, bitch in sauce is phenomenal. So anyway, listen to that show if you want. You can come
see me live June. I don't have any shows, although I might do a show. I'm going to Spain,
so I might do a show in Spain when I'm in Barcelona.
Barcelona. Do it.
I'm working on it right now, but it'd be crazy if someone who listens there wants to come
up. Go to CalPats. But in July July I will be at the thrasher opera house great
little through theater in Green Lake Wisconsin and then I have Hub City
Comedy Week at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago it's a week's worth of shows
every night me and a ton of great Chicago comics some LA comics are gonna
be in town I've already told me they want to come jump on shows here's what
Dan wants from me getting to live in Chicago for a week in the summer and
doing a show every night.
Dan, let me, I'm gonna, this is my,
I'm going to pitch one moment that happens in work on new material.
This one moment that's going to happen.
Then this would make the whole week great for you. You're at the old town tavern,
which is across the street from second city, right? You're hanging out.
Maybe you ate either you had deep dish, old town alehouse. You had deep dish either sent to you or you bought the dish that they have there and you're eating it
You're talking. Yeah, they do tavern, but you're it's great. Keep going someone rolls up who heard about the shows
Maybe was that the show comes up to you and says do you live here now? Sure. That's what you want
That's what I want. That's it'll also be when I get to try out my new jelly roll bit
The patrons saying of people on parole I
Know I wrote it down and I'm like fuck I'm not I don't have my next show isn't so fucking July anyway
So that's that and then at the end of the month
I'll be at the Commonwealth Sanctuary in Dayton, Kentucky and then in Cincinnati at the Comet Theatre and then
I'll be in Portland, Oregon then I'll be in Portland,
Oregon. I'll be in Boston, Massachusetts, go Hassett, Massachusetts, so many other great
shows. Everything's at danielvankirk.com. There's stuff all the way up through September
and I'm good to announce some more things coming up soon.
It's beautiful. Jumping to the last story.
Ready? Yep.
Sent in by Brew Pounder at Brew Pounder, perfect for this. San Diego grocery store selling adult lunchables with steak, potato, and beer.
What?
Potatoes?
Yes.
Adult lunchables is just charcuterie board.
That's all it is.
Don't act like it's anything but-
Oh, did I say San Diego?
I meant to say South Dakota.
Oh.
I saw the SD and I forgot.
All right.
But South Dakota, go ahead.
So you've bought, I'm sure, lunchables for your kids.
Of course, yeah.
Kids love them, you're like, this is gonna like all.
We call them sodium delivery packages.
Yeah, it's ready to go.
Do you want this chemical that looks like baloney?
It's just all sodium.
Yeah, it's just all sodium.
Salt and baloney shape.
Salt and baloney shape and the portions are so small
that you eat one and then you're hungry again.
Do you want that?
You can't only have one Lunchable.
No. You gotta have three.
You gotta have three Lunchables.
I'm lunch-able. They do get you through the bind.
Although my number, that is on the list of like,
I'm in an airport, I gotta grab something quick,
I'm not gonna eat for five hours, whatever.
You grab a Lunchable?
That is like two or three, four or five on the list.
Number one, you know, child for me,
if I gotta grab something real fast.
You got the adult Lunchable or the child?
Oh, I would love the child lunchable.
If he's in South Dakota, of course.
Steak, potato, beer.
Really quick, especially in LAX,
an Uncrustable will get you through a four hour flight.
I like Uncrustable.
Oh yeah, just a little PB&J, peanut butter,
a little protein.
You really love your peanut butter and jelly.
You pinch Dan, I'm making one on brioche.
Stop it!
All right, here we go.
South Dakota Grocery Store is going viral online for packaging and selling
What they refer to as adult?
Lunchables there we go lens
Lin like the name a woman's name Lin's Dakota Mart in lead started packaging rib-eye steaks
with two beers and a potato a
Few weeks ago a representative for the store said.
So it's gotta be like this big.
Do you microwave it?
Like how do you, or?
You gotta throw it in the package together.
Slice it?
A week ago a picture of the product was posted to Facebook
and has been shared more than,
I would make you guess but it's too ridiculous,
600 times, it's like that's not.
Is that really newsworthy?
Wow, are we viral?
What is this, is this a Mazda brown?
Oh, South Dakota coming show pose that's everybody twice. Yeah, that's everybody twice that does represent
Population-wise that is 90% of South wasn't Kristi gnome the governor of South was in North Dakota. Where did she kill?
a puppy or where she shoot a dog shot a dog dogs. Yeah
She needs a cat.
Take care of things.
To knock her down.
The store said the package of ribeye steak,
one potato and two beers has been a hot seller
because it goes for how much money?
One potato, two beers and a steak.
In South Dakota?
South Dakota money.
Like a dollar 99?
No.
Stop it right now.
Although that would be amazing.
Like back in like the 1970s, that's three.
No, wasn't that like the Vegas thing? Like come to Vegas and get a two dollar steak three dollar steak
Yeah, I don't know if I want a three dollar steak. Yeah
Midwestern states you guys figure they're not screwing around about 1499. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go 1699. Okay, $12
the cost for the rib eye steak one potato and two beers is
The cost for the ribeye steak, one potato and two beers is? $19.99.
It's not bad.
Two beers I forgot I should have added.
Look at the photo of this.
And are we talking like Bud Lights?
Probably.
It's not craft beer of any sort.
You are so in the right wheel, Hoss.
Bush light.
Bush light.
Look, nothing says legally separated like buying this at Lynn's Dakota Market this you got to cook it at Lynn's Dakota. It's not lunchable
It's not a no. It's not no. It's not is the steak is not cooked
It's not cooked the kids lunchable. They can't cook. No, you don't lunchable. They understand that the whole point is guys peel and eat
You know the packaging Jason. She's not coming back
She's not coming that is that how many-dums do you think bought into this?
And just ate the raw steak.
Oh, wait a minute, drank the beer, they're like, what?
And just threw it in the sink.
You could eat the raw potato.
You could eat the raw steak.
By the way, that's a nice looking steak.
I'm gonna say that's what I said.
It's marbled beautifully.
For 1999, two beers, a baked potato and a steak.
I'm in.
This is great.
It's not a Lunchable.
Not a Lunchable.
I'm arguing against it.
You know what it is? I'm with Jay on this. It's a dinnerable. No, it's a dinnerable. It's not a Lunchable. Not a Lunchable. I'm arguing against it.
You know what it is? It's a dinnerable.
No, it's a dinnerable.
No, it's a cookable.
Thank you.
Lins will soon be offering a Lunchable, Jason contests, with different types of steak like
T-bone and New York strip and for those looking to cut back on their caloric intake, hard
seltzers will replace the beer.
They're like, we know you gotta get effed up.
I'm sorry, if you're living in South Dakota,
you're not worrying about.
We know that you gotta get effed up.
We know that you have lawn furniture in your new apartment.
That's right.
That you have someone else sign on the lease.
So don't worry.
There's alcohol included in your adult.
You've opened an umbrella.
Non-lunchable.
All right, that's story number three.
There you go.
I love it.
Thank you so much for being here.
Maz, thanks so much, dude
Good luck in Australia. I want to talk to you all about it. Daniel. Good luck in Chicago and all the things going on
Come see us follow all of us. Okay, he's at ma's Joe Brani
He's at Daniel van Kirk and we are at school our brothers on all
Platforms and follow dumb people down to we love you. We'll see you next week and oh snap
We gotta get back to work. Peace. Bye guys