Dumb People Town - Morgan Jay - Me Toover

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Comedian Morgan Jay (Podcast, Tour) stops by as Jason describes a man yelling slurs that sets himself on fire instead of a house, Daniel explains how much an antique vampire hunting kit sold for, and Randy warns against having sex with appliances at a resort, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance and Hims!To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPT.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guys, we got an amazing episode of Dumb People Down today with the great Morgan Jay's on the show. Got a guy who lit himself on fire and people let him do it. We've got, what else? Vampire kit on the show. And then we've also got a guy who puts his junk in a hoover. You got to check out this episode. It's all that. Plus Morgan Jay, you're going to love it.

Boom. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware. They lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic veil in Florida There's half-rice bail I'm happy to say they Good in podcast, random With co-host our man Dan Ben Hurd, don't be a jerk

Because when the music What's the fun, don't people town Hey Towers, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population U Population J! Morgan J. Welcome to Town. Welcome back to town. Welcome back to Town.

It's good to be back in a while. Good to see you. It's good for this. Been a while. Flew in for this. Thank you for flying. Even though you live locally, you did flying from the west side of L.A. From L.A.X to Burbank, you took that flight. I flew from L.A.X. to Burbank, Southwest. Smart.

Yeah, Southwest does that. For the miles. You did it for the miles, even though it's only 20 miles. Well, you know 30 miles out over the ocean that you turn around. And the price of gas is skyrocketed. It's jet fuel. It was a $4,000 ticket just to go from. Jesus.

But it's good because you split it with 100 other people. Exactly. Still cheaper than driving air. Smart. Morgan Jay is here with us. We're going to talk about his wonderful new podcast. in a little bit that we got a chance to do. And all the other good stuff he has, including dates and stuff.

This dude is so much fun live. But we got dumb to get him. So the world is getting dumber. We just know the world's getting dumber. The only way he can fight back is through comedy. We have some stories that people will send in of dumb people doing dumb things. We'll break him down. This first story was sent in by Sam householder at Sam householder.

Anybody can send in? I love that Sam did. He's a homeowner. He is a real. Not to be confused with Sam homeowner. Sam homeowner is a different guy. Sam householder. He will hold your house for you.

He will hold it as you own. He goes in the house and he goes, what's wrong with you, baby? He just. Are your floorboards? Like a psychic household. What kind of work do you need? The gutters, okay? I'm just holding space for you.

How old is your wiring? Man, this is the headline. Man yelling slurs accidentally sets himself on fire while trying to burn house down, police say. Love karma. Got what he got what he was deserving. Shadenfreude. Should have held on a little bit closer to the house. Right?

That's right. You got to have a householder on that one. Wait, so read the headline again? Man yelling slurs accidentally set himself on fire while trying to burn house down, police say. So this is like the end of a Bronx tale. Or a Geico commercial. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. If you're trying to burn a house down, you got to wait until it's completely burned down before you start yelling racial slurs. Yeah, I agree. You got to know the order shit. Don't mix your things. Burn the house down and then racial. Yeah. What are you doing?

Are you going to be a racist? or an arsonist. You gotta decide. Not a multitasker. You can't be two ists. You can't be a multi-hyphenated istist. You can't. You can't be a leftist. Mississippi Burning would beg to differ. But that is a rare example. I'm getting more, listen, you guys are so good at riffing.

I always feel. No! You're like the fucking king comedy rifted up. Riving because I got to sing my riffs. Why did you burn my yourself? You could yell the N-word, but you can't do it at the same night. is burning a house. Waco, Texas. I mean,

that makes sense. Speaking of like, it burns down to Waco, yeah, we know that. Oil country. Also the Waco disaster. Really, I know it's the branch divinians.

Have you guys watched any part of any episode of Landman? Yes. Yes. I've only saw the clip of. Jerry Jones. Yes. Okay.

That's the only clip I saw. He was so good. He was amazing. And that is, I would say probably the most traditional tamest part of Mad Men that I've ever seen.

Really? This show is... Of Landman. Sorry. This show is... B'Landman. This show is... Banana's wild.

Yes. And only you could do this. John Ham. It's like his Tobias Futeke. It's like only Billy Bob could do this. He is incredible in the show. But it is crazy town. He's incredible in this show.

It's... It is so wild. It is... And the things he says... Oh. It's like if you updated, there will be blood. If you took it all the way to the current day. He basically wakes up and goes...

and goes from crisis to crisis. How many seasons in are we? Two. No, I think the third just finished, right? You're right. Second just finished. All right. That's a glowing review, so I'm going to hop on that.

You will. I don't even know if you'll like it, but you will go, this is wild. Madness. Isn't it as wild as, didn't, wasn't there a joke that John Mullaney told about Clint Eastwood having a threesome at 90 in that movie?

Oh. Do you know what I'm talking about? He wrote this movie. Oh, the Mule? No. The Mule. Was it the mule? You know what I'm talking about, though, right?

He was like 90. Yes. He wrote it to him. He wrote a three-sit-to-it-to-it. The trouble with my curvy dick. That's right. That's pretty good. The problem with the curvy dick.

It's called really dirty hairy. All right, here we go. Wake up Texas. A man yelling racial slurs and threatening to burn down a woman's home accidentally sent himself on fire, according to Texas arrest, Warren. Is this a woman's home or a woman's home? Because if it's a woman's home, then one woman's home. A man.

A woman's home. Yeah. That's a crime and passion. It has to be. Love makes us two crazy things. I hope he had so much comedy. Or you think I'm going to self-on-fire? Like he was very,

he thought he was in control of the situation. You don't know what you're doing. Who are the racial slurs for? Unless she was a person of a different race. Or it's his accent. She was dating someone of a person of color. He's blaming another race. Yeah, there he goes.

Maybe he's like an ex-man. You know how like Cy Clown. So if you take his glasses off, it like loses. Yeah. Maybe the racial slurs turn in. Yeah. And he can't control his anger, slurs or the fire. Right.

He needs the glasses to stay. You got to keep them in check. Tony McDaniel, and I'm not going to tell you. That's his name? Tony McDaniel. I don't like that. My name is Tony McDaniel.

Tony McDaniel. You broke up with me. I burn your house. You say a lot to my little friend. Oh my God, I'm a fire! It's charged with three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, according to McLennon County Jail Records.

The incident happened December 18th on our street in Macombard. It's a Christmas miracle. A week before. Christmas Day. Literally a week. Police received an emergency call about a man who was on fire in the middle of the intersection. And follow-up, no one seemed to care or want to help. No one was like, we're not putting this guy on fire. Is anybody help him? No, he doesn't deserve it. He's yelling the N-word. Let him burn.

I'm the fourth day of Christmas. My true love gave to me a man on fire in the street. Hey! I felt like, I knew we'd land that plane. We got there. We got there. L-A-X to Burbank plane. I knew we'd land it. We got there. According to the arrest, Warren affidavit, this is told officers that McDaniel

accidentally sent himself on fire, was seen running to his trailer, which was parked outside a nearby tire shop on Hillsborough Drive. All of this is so on brand. That's exactly. Lives in a trailer, parked outside of a tire shop,

has to run across the street. It races on fire. Yeah. I mean, he kind of did everything that we thought he would do. Like, that was in his yearbook. the scene and most likely to set himself on fire while yelling racial slurs while running to his trailer, which is parked in front of a tire shop. And also most likely to succeed.

Officers arrived on the scene and met with three victims, three victims, who said that McDaniel had been yelling racial slurs at them and threatening to set their home on fire. Oh, no. You don't think I'll set someone on fire? Look at me. I'm not. I walk it like I talk it. I talk it like I walk. Walk it, like it, talk it, talk it, lock it, like it, talk it.

Burn my body, no. Burn that body. Everything can eat. This man is on fire. On fire. A woman told police that McDaniel left and later returned to her home with a gasoline canister. Yeah. How is he allowed to leave anything?

McDaniel would pour gasoline down the side of the home and into the roadway before pulling out the lighter and igniting it. So here's the problem. what you don't realize is yes you've poured it on the home a little bit gets on you a little bit gets on you if you're lighting it by you yeah you're catching fire that's where the fire starts yeah yeah that's arson 101 yeah guys you know we've all seen the movie where they flick a cigarette behind them you get to throw it walk away no look walk away it explodes you die forward you know and yeah exactly so

mcdanda would pour gasoline then pull out a lighter and light it police wrote his rest warrant affidavit This is what caused McDaniel to catch himself on fire, along with the road ray and a grassy area near the home. Police said the victims used buckets of water to extinguish the flames on their property and the roadway. So they definitely did property roadway, not him, not him. I'm fine with that prioritization. We're done. We're out of water.

No, I see more water in the bucket. We're in the middle of a drought. We can't be wasting. I can't be wasting this water on you. All right. according to the arrest at warrant affidavit police later approached McDaniel's trailer breached the doors and found him hiding under his bed on fire still you mean door what did it did it mean screen there are no doors wait so after he he was this the fire was

extinguished he went and hid under his under his own bed like like the brave man that he is just just hid there it's not a kind of I mean this is what Hitler did essentially they smelt them they were like we could smell you sir yeah you smell burning flesh You smell like burning flasher. McDonald's was taken to a Waco area hospital for treatment for burn injuries. That's the part that I, that's the part of our system that I don't necessarily like it. People say it's humane. I'm like, if you start a fire and yell racial slurs, you got to wait a little while.

You know what you got to do? You got to let it burn. That's so funny. Well, at the very least, take the long way. Yeah. Right. The ambulance is like, oh, we caught another light. He's like, you could have gone.

They're like, nah, we don't run lights for racists. Do they say how bad the burns were or were they like? If he's in bed, if he's in bed burns. He's under the bed. Under the bed. And they made him go under the bed in the hospital too. Under the bed downtown. It was a bunk bed hospital.

It's a bunk bed hospital. You know what? We're probably not far off. We're not far over that privatized bunk bed hospital. Bunk Bailed hospital. They're going to do it on flights too. Under the bed downtown is what he was. Is what he was that day.

All right. Under the bed. Downtown. In front of the tires. Once cleared by medical staff, McDaniel will be booked into the McClendon County Jail. All right, I'm going to ask you guys now. Okay. How old is Tony McDaniel?

In addition to this being an episode of the pit B story. Yeah, B story on the pit. Tony McDaniel, I'm going to say it's 45. It's a good guess. A really good guess. Because he's got to be old enough. Live some life, but not smart enough to know. I'm going to go 36.

He owns a trailer. He owns property. 36. He hides under his bed. 61. 36. 45 and 61. One of you is two years off.

You guys can go up or down. 59. 47. 34. Okay, get your answers in because Tony McDaniel is 47 years old. Bam, bam, bam. Come on. Come on, Morgan, Jay.

Walks in. Nails it in the first story. All right, that's story one. I know people. You know people. People in the books. People who need people. People who burn people.

Are the luckiest people. No. All right. Guys, that is a story number one and down on the books. When we come back, we'll talk about Morgan Jay, the new podcast, now it goes. Dan's got a story coming up. Get me on the prices right. What's going on with us?

Get him to Vegas or Atlantic City. We'll figure all that out in the break. It's Morgan, Jay. It's Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make us down. Hunger Town is Dump People Town.

Stick around. Make a sound. Hunger Down is Dump People Town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Morgan's podcast and we did it and we had a blast. Oh, check us out on it. Jay, let's talk about what we have going on. So, first thing I want to mention is we did a don't tell comedy set.

Ooh, I saw that. I saw that pop out. So fun. Super fun. The Vandem joke. We're really proud of it. I know. We love it.

We're really proud of it. It's been really fun for us so far. And people are enjoying it. So go to YouTube, watch the full set. It's like 13 minutes. And it's probably opening up to a whole new audience too, right? It is, actually. It's only been out for a couple days now as we record this, but I think it's really going to grow.

So we're super psyched about that. So check that out. Positive comment if you want or just, you know, whatever. Thumbs it up, share it with friends. Helps us out. We're going to be at Moon Tower Comedy Fest. We have our show at Netflix is a joke comedy festival on May 6th. 930 at UCB Theater.

Morgan Jay is on that show. Tag it. We watch our friends do their sets and we pitch them tags for their jokes. It's going to be a blast. Morgan Jay, Jonah Rae, Sheeds, Ian Carmel, Jennifer Friedman. It is such a good killer line. Rob Hayes. Rob Hayes is going to be so much fun.

That's at 930. And then we're coming back to the South, doing Mobile, Alabama. We're doing Baton Rouge, Lafayette, and Lake Charles. All that is at punchup. Dot Live. And then we're doing Cops. Cops Comedy Club in San Francisco, June 1920th. All that there.

Come see us live. We love you guys. Daniel, let's jump in. Oh, before we've done that. No, here we go. Morgan, so the podcast we did with you, which was. A live stream variety hour with Morgan J. We do it live with a live streamed audience.

It's a new thing we're doing. So fun. We get little suggestions from the, from the, and our producer, Brooke is so fantastic. I love her. Can we just give a moment for how much we all love her. and she's a good producer. She's a good yapper, dude. She rules and games and the clips she cuts.

It's so hard. Oh, yeah. We had so much fun doing it live, and then he cut like these amazing clips, and we collabed with him, and it's like so many people have seen that. She loves it, man. She does such a good job on it.

And it's a new thing. We're doing our 12th episode today, and yeah, just go check that out at YouTube.com slash at MorganJ Live. And then... You got dates, man. MorganJ.com for dates. We're headed to...

We just at the Pacific Northwest. We're headed to the East Coast. I'm doing a casino know in Salamanca. Oh, nice. Salamanca. Salamanca. The shows are so fun.

They're ridiculous. They are really fun. These shows, they have been so much fun. Just growing the audiences. We have all new fans, and it's just really, I don't know why I say we, I, it's me. I don't know. Yeah, but you have a community, too. Yeah, it's a team.

But also, I mean, the music that you do in the show, the way you interact with the crowd. I mean, your stand-up is great and your material is great, but there is an electric moment. What did we say the first time we saw you and you brought this. up on your podcast the very first time we like really interacted with you at that show on the west side at the west side comedy club for the amazon taping i think you said it was you said it was a good it was nice it's fun we said you are your personality comes through in your comedy in such a lovable way we were like i just want to see you watch you do you just were handling it's a warm space we

create a warm space you were handling that show which was like a 5 p.m. show was some crazy time it was still light outside and we're doing this show and audience was kind of like a lot of industry and whatnot and you were so fun and so funny like you got them going i was like i love this that was before the auto tune that was just that's right that's right shows you can do it just you yeah so thank you guys for coming on the show i mean um yeah but the we have the tour dates morgan jay com and then we're going to be going oh Greek theater what uh sold out the first show yes and the second show is a couple hundred tickets stuff it's in september it's probably the show i'm most excited about this whole year oh dude that's the coolest thing ever it's gonna be amazing

I think I'm going to spend a lot of money on the budget to do fun things for that show. You are absolutely should. Drone show. That's so awesome. Definitely film that show. Yeah, we will. MorganJ.com. MorganJ.com.

Okay. Do it. MorganJ. Live. Jump in. All right. All right. All right.

All right. Yep. Yep. This is fitting because this was just in the news about, uh, well, let me jump in. Here we what it is. Senting by Carlin McDermine at she be Carleen. Thank you. Headline.

Antique Vampire Slaying kit containing crucifixes and, And Holy Water sells at auction. Oh. A vampire slaying kit worthy of Buffy's, Buffy Summers herself. So Buffy the Vampire reboot was just announced by. Is that the Oscar gift bag? Sarah Michelle Gellon. Yeah.

You can kill a vampire. Which was... For sinners this year, which I thought that was actually really nice. This belongs to a British Lord and it recently sold at auction. This is a fun little story. Okay, so vampire killing. Oh, there it is. Yeah.

Whoa. I like that. I like that. That's beautiful. use that today. The lockable box dating from the 19th century included tools and holy items used to ward off any bloodsuckers including two brass crucifixes on the lid. Yep.

Inside are more crucifixes as well as pistols, holy water, rosary beads, and a Bible. Wish I had that for my ex-girlfriend. Hey. All right. Guys, I'll see you later. We'll see you later. Wait, where's my second brass crucifix? I only see one of them.

It's on the box. Did you take it out? No, I didn't take it. Well, I only see one. So why is that my problem? It's sitting in the top. I found it. It's on the hood.

It's on the roof. So I was holding it the whole time. This comes from a time before. You're soaking in it. You know, what we think of as like modern pop culture. This is when people were like, you better fucking have one of these. You got to. Yeah.

This is like real, we're afraid of witches. We're afraid of vampires. You're going to get got. This was the bro's version of like, you got to sign up for this course and I'm going to make you a million dollars. That's it. Make you a million dollars. You got to learn how to kickbox.

That's right. Did you guys see the new Nostvaratu? Did any of you guys? I did not see it. I recommend, Was it good? It's, yeah. It's very weird, but I liked it a lot.

Very horny? Did you say? Oh, yeah. All vampires are pretty horny. Yeah. A lot of sex in there, right? Yeah, well, all those vampires are like, hey, they glamour people, they're victims. And then it's a lot of times.

It's a lot of glazing, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of glazing of the glizzy, as they say. It also has the most crucial of all items used to destroy the undead. a wooden mallet and a steak to drive. Where's the garlic? Oh, could you... I think it's get your own garlic.

The wooden mallet thing seems funny to me because it's like, hey, could you hold still real quick? Let me just... Or let me see if your knees are... Yeah, no, no, no, this is just a normal hammer. I'm gonna put it on your heart and I'm just gonna... And then nail this. And so, like, vampires are always tied

to Christianity, right? With the crucifixes and everything. So, like, what if you had a vampire that's like, yeah, I don't really follow the word of Christ? I'm a Buddhist. I'm a Buddhist. Yeah, that Christmas doesn't really do anything for me. Like, I get that you're upset that I'm here.

Agnostic. But Holy Water, not really my bag. Yeah, but they don't care. I don't believe in God. So you're an atheist? No, I'm not saying there's absolutely nothing. I don't know what's out there. Yeah, you get into a big theological discussion with a vampire.

I'm not saying I know what's out there. Hold still in your heart. Oh, I'm allergic to wood, too. Oh, yeah. So I don't, like, that's not really a thing for me. Yeah. It also had the most of the spiritual items. Remarkably intact from like the, when was it?

The 1800s, like, never used? The pistols, all of it is just like, if you brought that to the antiques road show. Oh, they'd be like, bro. Well, here we go. The box, which ones belong to. Imagine using it once and, like, getting it wrong, and be like, that's my bad.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Or telling a vampire, can you hold on, I need to get my kit. Yeah. I have a kit for, and I didn't know you were going to come tonight. It's locked in my kit safe.

Yeah. I have to hold out. The code is. Which I don't remember the code. And I keep the stakes separate from the mallet. So that the kids, like, I don't want any of the kids getting hurt. Wait, what was that one Antiques Roadshow where they're, she's like, the guy's like, what do you think this was? And the guy who knew, totally knew.

And she's like, maybe this was like something that went around someone's neck if they were in slave trade and they were trying to do some deep thing. And it was part of a way for somebody. And wait for like two minutes. And he's like, it's a dog collar. Just shots her down. Close it down. He was waiting. He let her say everything.

I saw ones where they had to tell this old woman that this was her grandma's sexual pleasure device. It was just like an old like gildo. And they were like, she was like, and you know, I know it was pressure to her because it was really hidden away after she died in. And we kept it in my family.

Never let us touch it. What's this thing I have in my mouth? That's her butt plug. Very similar to the kid. It was like a wooden steak. Yeah, 100%. It was awesome. Why was grandma under that?

We're dressed at the right point. Grandma had a mallet. I don't know. I mean, hey, it's a... The lube did say holy water on it. Two-sided mallet. Yeah. You know what they say.

The only way to kill a bad vampire way I'm messing is with a good vampire with him. Yes. Yeah, I'm with it. But it was just a comagony, like, old guy with one of those longer wispy beards. And he had like a big, like, it was probably bright blue, but now it's pale blue blazer on. And the woman gets down, he goes, actually, ma'am, I think you need to be informed that this was a sexual plunge. device that your grandmother used. Yeah, that's so funny.

That thing you're holding. Actually, ma'am, your grandmother was a freak. Actually, ma'am, your grandmother was a freak. She was a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. That's what this tells you. Retail price, 2000. It's funny that Jason brought this up because the next sentence is, the box, which once belonged to a former administrator of India,

Lord William Haley, had an estimated value of how many pounds, but it sold for more. It'll tell you that. It did sell for more. Is there a way to bring it back on the screen? Yeah. Estimated value there. How much do you think that was worth?

And Dan, what do you say, 1800s? This is, uh... How much was it worth? Yes, from the 18-hundred. Nope. Back in the day in the 1800s. Or what they valued it at? No, I think now what it was valued at.

Yes. Current. And it sold for more. Yeah, it had an estimated value of what? 100,000 pounds. Okay. I am going to say 25,000 pounds. Okay.

500,000 pounds. Because it's rare. and old. 2,500 pounds. That's it? I know. So what is it? Closer.

You were again. He can't stop winning. But it sold for more when interest swords. So are we guys how much to sold for? I'll tell you some more. Charles Hanson, owner of Hanson's auctioneers. I know things. Interest in this item.

Charles Hanson would get people to drink sweet tea. Yeah. That's Chris Hanson. Sorry. What are you doing here? Interest in this item. Are you to kill a vampire? Kill a vampires?

How old is? Look, bad. You're talking to a 13-year-old vampire. How old is that? Look, man, if you go out to my car right now, you'll see a note that says, I'm here to kill a vampire. It said here you want to suck this vampire's ass.

Weird. Here's some sweet tea, drink it, according to the chat. It's a different story. Chris Hansen's auction here said, interest in this item ahead of the auction was intense and it attracted strong, advanced bids. Nevertheless, the result exceeded all expectations. Great.

Bids came in from all over the world, including France, America, and Canada. Objects like this fascinate collectors. and this one had particularly had interest an interesting provenance. So if it starts at 2,500, like where did it go? A little more.

How nerdy is the world? You're basically asking how nerdy is the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It originally belonged to Lord Haley, a British peer and former administrator of British India. Whether through fear or fascination, it's interesting to know a member

of the high aristocratic social order, I can do this, a man with a place in the House of Lords acquired this item. Now this guy, William Malcolm Haley, was around from 1872 to 1969. He saw, if you were 1872 to 1969, you saw the world change. I mean, Rosemary Van Kirk, my grandma, she's about to turn 96. Whoa.

1930 to now, and she can FaceTime. She's kept up with everything. I know. But I still think 72 to 69. 1872 is like before the Industrial Revolution. By the way, it's seven years after the Civil War. It's before they know about... 69.

Before they know about, like, infections. Like the Nick. This person lived through the Nick. And this person started off seven years after the Civil War and died three years before we were born. Right. During the Vietnam War. So died after the Beatles. Terrified of vampires.

Yes. He might have been a vampire. That's a run. Maybe. That is pretty well. He was educated at Corpus Christi College in Oxford. Great. Good to know.

Sure. Okay. But anyways, amid his illustrious career, he was drawn to the vampire slaying kit. That's understandable. These objects are both curious and intriguing. The task of killing a vampire was extremely serious. And historical account suggested the need for particular methods and tools. These people were walking around thinking, you better.

This is like an earthquake cook for us. They're like, you need a vampire. I just said it's like extremely serious. Like somebody pulled up and just kept giggling. So like, we're going to like, wait. So like, we're going to. Tell them, tell them. Tell them.

We're like really. Give them the thing. Okay. Give them the pistols. We'll get out of here there. The vampire. It sold for how much money? So two, price to 2,500 pounds.

I have it in U.S. I have it in U.S. dollars. U.S. dollars. U.S. dollars. Wow, so how much higher could it really go? So $2,500 is about $3,300,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah, somewhere like $3,500. I'm going to go for a round number.

I'm going to start off. I'm going to say $100,000. $100,000. Wow. I'll say $50,000. $25,000. $25,000. $25,000.

The vampire kit that's been around since the 1800s, at least. Yeah. Who knows how many vampires it's killed? I feel like I'm going to be on top again. By the way,

in 1895, he was 23. The shit that he saw then. And it was probably like, my life's over. Wow. For further context, Bram Stoker's Dracula

didn't come out until 1897. Right. So he saw that come out. He's like, hey, I've been on, he was like when you got a band. Yeah, everybody got into it. I was into it way before you.

Yeah. Oh, you want to see my kit? Yeah. He's like one of those not as cool as when I. Or he's like one of those guys like, uh, the stuff in the book is not really accurate. Hips or vampire hunter?

I like killing vampires when it was more like underground. Yeah, it's just like everybody's kind of doing it. Vampire gatekeeper. Yeah, literally. It's way cooler when the last of us were doing it, but whatever. All right. Ready? It sold for $17,6,000.

Oh, I said $50,000. You said $25. He gets it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun little weird story. I think, I think it's, it is Jason. Oh, you already went, Jason. It must be Randy.

You take this. Randy. I will take this. Mimi. I got one more story. And this is a, you know, look, a lot of things can be used in sexual performance. And we're going to go somewhere that. Going deep as it says.

Morgan Jay is our guest. His new podcast. Go and deep. Going deep. His new podcast is fantastic. They do it. Is it every Monday live? We do once a week because it is live stream.

We just kind of, when the guest is available. Morgan J. Variety Hour. Phenomenal. Yeah. Live stream, yes, so much fun. We'll be right back with our last story in Morgan Jay. Don't go anywhere. Stick around.

Make a sound, come you're down. It's dumb people town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show before I jump into this story. Daniel, you've got dates, you got stuff, let people know about it. I'm going to be in Iowa. I'm going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina. Wilmington, North Carolina. I'll be here in L.A.

For the Netflix as a Joke Festival on May 6th. My show is at 10 p.m. Then I'll also be in Charlotte. And then June's going to be a great time, too. I've got shows in Drew and I've got shows in July I'm going to be in Chicago I'm going to be in Austin, Texas Everything's at Daniel van kirk.com

There's dates from now until October and more are being added so Those are good cities. It was a great city. Okay, you ready? Here we go. This is story number three sent it by Adam Poulton at Poltsky 75.

Man arrested after engaging in sexual performance with vacuum cleaner. That sucks. Right? Dan, I like that. Dan, that was good. That sucks. Phenomile.

Kissimmee, Florida. Of course this took place in Kissimmee. Kissimmee. Right near Disney. Sucka me, Florida. Sucka me. I just don't stop. That's right.

Dan, we get it. A man was arrested, arrested after he allegedly engaged in sexual performance with a vacuum cleaner while at a resort. Okay. That's the end. Because up until the very final words, I was like, whose problem is this? It's happening at the entrance to Epcot. As long as what you do doesn't create a medical problem for people to then deal with you. you, it's your vacuum cleaner.

Don't mind me. Did you call the front desk? Like, hey, could you set a vacuum up to my room for a quick? We're assuming he wasn't in a cabagna. Oh, okay, let's see more. Where is he? Let's hear more. Court of statement issued by a Skola County Sheriff's Office and we're not going to get his age later.

Kevin Dale of Westerhold. Kevin Dale Westerhold. Double first name guy. Kevin Dale Westerhold of Oviedo, Florida was taken into custody after the legends and involving a vacuum cleaner. Per of the statement, deputies responded to the Windsor Hills Resort in Kissme, Florida last Thursday after receiving reports of a man exposing himself in front of a residence, all right?

You got to put that thing on. Put the vacuum on it. Is he putting attachments on? I don't know. Witnesses provided a statement and a cell phone record of a partially clothed male engaging and inappropriate. Bring up the tape. Also not turn on the QM.

Unless he brought his own. Documents obtained that witnesses provide recordings on the mobile device. It allegedly shows suspect engaged in sexual performance with a vacuum cleaner, just having fun. What's he doing? Is he sitting on it and turning it on? I don't want to see what this guy does with a Roomba. Turned him on. Why did he keep calling it a performance?

I know. He sold tickets because he was barking. He was barking for the show. It's art. It's art. Do you hear me? Dust buster. He's banging a vacuum.

That's my baby. Suspect later identified of the threshold left before deputies arrived. Of course. He had gotten all the dirt up. Further investigation. Guy more dirt on this guy? Yeah. And this is maybe the most thing that you will believe the least about this.

Westerhold and his wife, there's no way he's there. You don't have a wife. Our Airbnb hosts. Our Airbnb hosts. Wait, so the guy who did it is a Airbnb host. He owns an Airbnb that name. On Grasendale Street and Al Maiton Loop. Oh, this article is outing his residence.

You know, January 20th. Yeah, it's a loop. It's a loop on a very specific. Pacific Street. Right. For January 21st, included ring camera video of a nude male in a shared hallway. Additional statements and blink video footage from the Al-Maiton-Loop residents reported similar behavior. Previously reported to the HOA in December.

Like, the HOA is like your hedges can't be X amount of inches. Guys, I don't know if I... Maybe I'm not following. So there was a guy to resort who stuck his dick in a vacuum cleaner, but now there's a... He's an Airbnb host. Why are we throwing that in? Because there are other videos of him and shit. And he's in his own Airbnb with guests.

And he's doing it in the shared hallway. Right. Similar behavior previously reported to the HOA. So this isn't his first event. To tell you guys this. But I recently became the HOA president of my mom's building. Because I guess I don't have enough things in my life to hate one. Oh, my God.

And this is not the headache. And I hope you're doing this for 10 minutes of material. But at least it could be like, hey, you think this is bad. At least I don't take my dick in the vacuum. Thank you. I'm going to say it at the next meeting. Say it at the next meeting. This crazy.

Westerold was arrested near his residence, which is just insane by the Oviedo Police Department on January 27. Keep it in your place, man. The Seminole County Jail, charged with the exposure of sexual organs. And I would say the desecration of a Hoover. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know it's not a, you know it's not. We're going to end on this.

How old? How old. Does an Airbnb holder, I'll go first. I'm going to say it's 53. 53. Exactly what I was going to say. Are you serious? exactly what I'm gonna say. How old? No, I'll try to, I'll stack somewhere else. Okay. Yeah. I'll go 61. Okay. There we go. Jay Holder Zee. Oh, man. Feels like a, feels like a, yeah, this is an older guy. This is like 50. This is like 50. And even a guys, I just want you know, if he is 53, he's not your 50s. I know, we're 54, but we're like, 34, but we're like 44. 44. Yeah. You guys, we ain't no 54. You're not this guy's 53. No, I'm not dick in a vacuum 53. Yeah. Love that song.

in a vacuum. I'm going to say 67. 67. See how useful you guys are? One of you is two years off. I'll say 65. I'm going to say 55. Okay.

59. All right. That is it. I'm going to give you the age. I love that we were all right, though. He was above 50. You guys were all in the zone. I want to just say check out mortgage.

Watch our clips from his name. We got more. We got more clips cooking. She's just trying to get a different. Yeah. It's so fun and so good. We loved it. I love having you on this show,

and I'm excited to have you on the Tagget show. Thank you. I got some jokes I want to try. Selling out the Greek theater, this dude is like big. And you get to see him at UCB theater. Come on now. It's going to be great. I love you guys.

No, go see him at UCB theater. Then get tickets for the Greek and see if any of the tags made it to the Greek. I bet he'll be sell up by them, but if he's not come and do that. This man who had a dick and a vacuum cleaner and just Airbnb owner. Airbnb owner is 51 years old. He gets the wrong way, but you're right. Oh, my good. This is why gambling is fun.

I do it. You just win all the time. Just win, win, win, win. That is a show you guys. We love you so much. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Bye.