Dumb People Town - Nate Craig - Girl With The Saggin' Tattoo

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

Comedian Nate Craig (Married To It) stops by as Randy describes how a man stole moon rocks from NASA to use during sex, Jason explains why a drunk Wyoming traveler stole a golf cart and drove it at the airport, and Daniel warns against fighting a naked woman while also fighting a fire, and so much more!

Hey, Townies, I want to talk to you a little bit about ways to help yourself sleep better. And I'm talking about gummies. I'm talking about THC. I for a long time kind of didn't like jump into that wave and still was having trouble going to sleep. And then I started taking these gummies that we got from mood.com. And I'm telling you out in 15 minutes up the next day, no hangover, feeling great. I love these guys. I want to tell you all about them. It's online cannabis company. They're revolutionizing how we deal with life's change. challenges from, like I said, sleepless nights to the stress-filled days. Mood.com. They have created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blend.

They will deliver them discreetly to your doorstop. Step, stop, both. And you get 20% off your first order at mood.com with the promo code DPT. Here's what makes them different. They've paired THC and the other cannabinoids with herbs and adaptogens. Yes, I'm not talking. like I'm in the movie Transformers. I'm talking about real things that make you feel better.

You're not just going to find gummies like this at any dispensary or anywhere for that matter. They are special. They have gummies for literally everything. I'm going to tell you, immune support, menopause relief. I need to get more for my wife. PMS symptoms. Again for my wife. Mental clarity, sexual arousal, and each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown

on small family-owned American farms, no pesticides, no BS. And they can ship to most states in the U.S. U.S. Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry leading a 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, our listeners get 20% off their first order with the code D-PT. So head to Mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use the code D-PT at checkout, save 20% that lets them know that we sent you, save 20% on your first order, and get that sleep and feel the way you're supposed to feel, mood.com Dan and Rand and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the new Breaking down each epic bail

In Florida there's half-rise bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this dumb So listen to our podcast jam With co-host our man Dan Bender don't be a jerk Because when the music That's the funny

We are gonna take you down Stick around Make a sound Come you down It's dumb people town Hey Tannies Welcome to another episode of Dumb people

Town Population you Population Craig He's so busy He's got to be on his fun Checking that dick Nate Craig He's got two first names

Er Yeah there he is What's you in the club Getting Tips What's your middle names Which is how you open your sets Nate Edward Craig

Nathaniel Edward Craig Three first names Thank God You thank God you're a comedian Not a serial killer It's the reversal It's a reversal

It's a reversal of fortune That I realized And then continued With my son So now it is a family What's your son saying Are we allowed to say it on the air I mean

I don't want to give out His full name No Is his last name Craig Jeremiah What's the first name Lou There you

Kirk Killer name Great name Great name 1958 In a little Luke Craig Give me a break

Lou Craig. Now betting for the San Francisco Giants, Lou Craig, Craig. And you have to turn to people like, they're not booing him. They're just saying Lou. No, they're not booing him. They're not booing him. They're not booing him. He's going to learn that lesson early on.

Early. Not booing you, son. That means he'll be unfaced. I got a great story. We're going to jump into it right now. He's got a new special. We'll talk about it in the between segment two and beginning. All right, here we go.

Send in by Kevin Starchwill. Have not had one. I get all of my shirts, starch-willed when I take them to the cleaners. It's not martinizing. It's starch-willing it. Yeah. At Kevin Star. What were you going to say?

You have to wheel the starch. You have to happen. All right. Where there's a will, there's a start. So this story, I don't know if it happened recently. It definitely what he did happened a while ago, but I'm thinking that it came to light recently. Dropped in our feed pretty like recently of, and the way you do it is. We're still on X.

At Sklob Brothers. At Daniel, Van Kirk. Hashtag, don't people. Do we want to leave? Eve? No, I think we still get stuff there. But here's my question, Rand. Why are you qualifying this story more than the guy from a history of rock music in 500 songs? Yes. It had to marinate. Andrew Hickey. Do you know this podcast? Oh, Dan. The history in YouTube, Nate. A history of rock and roll in 500 songs. I asked Dana Gould, the great Dana Gould. So it is a British man, a heavy set British man

with a speech impediment who goes deep, deep, deep, deep, deep dives into one song, but one song is the jumping off point. So he'll use like the one song that the beach boys bought off of Charles Manson and really the story goes four parts one part is three hours long and it's about really the story of Dennis Wilson and how he died it's unbelievable and how they got connected with the Manson family and all this stuff it's crazy but at the beginning of every episode he's like there's mentions in this thing of abuse and alcohol abuse and if it's hard for you listen to you I maybe you shouldn't do a lot of qualify so many qualifiers i recommend you read the transcript or don't listen or skip this episode altogether he's very very sensitive so i well when you care about something you care about everything but it's a little

it's a little too overboard so i said to dana gould i saw him walking his dog in my neighborhood and i go dana do you know the podcast a history of rock and roll 500 songs and dana just looked at me and he was like in today's episode there's mention of a chimney sweep triggers you if that dirt you got it you got it you got it all right so here we're qualifying here's that headline man steals a lot of money we'll get into how much worth of lunar rocks from NASA to use during sex after promising his girlfriend the moon what is he George Bailey no but she's a watch chat chat just let me get the moon rocks you too I can't listen to this what do you want what do you want what do you want what do tell me when you're done tell me when

you're done what am I going to plant my flag or not I'm pretty good mayor mayor I'll just Man, I'll lass all the moon for you. Dude, Dan. It's Dan's favorite movie and we're ruining it. No, it's my favorite movie, too. I love. Dan, okay, how much, this is how much I love you. I just don't understand.

What did we give you as a Christmas gift one year? Yes, this is the figurine town. The ceramic town with lights in it that lights up. Dan, do you put it up on Christmas? It's the greatest. Not the greatest. What do you want, Mary? What do you want, Mary?

You want the moon? Not the moon, Mary. I'll wash it down. Buffalo girls, what do you come? And then he goes, what did you wish for when you threw that rock? Right now.

Now to get out of her, Bert, I'll hate you again. My mouth's fleeting. My mouth's fleeting. Burr! Bird! So does those pedals! Mary!

So's those pedals. Turns out it was all fake. Right. The most out of this world heist occurs. Don't care about plastics? All right. So in July 2002, this happened. I don't know why we're talking about it now.

NASA intern Thad Roberts. That's a... His girlfriend of three weeks and another friend. So his girlfriend is in on the heist? You have to get the thing for her and surprise her with it. Fad, those aren't the moon rocks she was talking about. Those aren't the moon rocks you're looking for?

I said, I want to get my rocks on. Three weeks. Not only three weeks in, should you, turns out she used to date a DJ. Be so invested in someone. That you're like, I'm willing to now rip off the time. I got to talk to Johnny Moonrock. Three weeks isn't even a. enough time to trust someone with a heist right just on you don't even know she's going to do she

have loose lips right have you seen these people he's taking bon rocks he's flinging him over there julie how's your new boyfriend he gave me a rash yeah but he yeah that's still within the rash also his name is fad if either of my girls said i have dating a person named that i'd be like Don't. Don't. Don't. Stop. Thad and he works for NASA.

Okay. How many pounds of moon rocks do you think this guy, along with his girlfriend of three weeks and another friend who he roped into it, stole from NASA? Pounds of moon rocks. Wow. I'm going to go six pounds. Jay. When you say moon rocks, you mean the rocks from the studio where they fake the moon landing. Correct.

I'm going to say 12 pounds. What do you think? I'm going to say. Because that's not a lot. I'm going to say he took a piece that was big enough for her to sit on. That's good I'm gonna say Poundage

He promised to the moon He didn't He gave her a sped seating Not to hold it But to enjoy it And sit on contemplating It was to bang this broad on the moon We show you zero gravity

On the moon Okay 30 pounds 30 pounds All right Get your answers in Tannies He stole with these two people 17 pounds of moon

You guys are right in the middle there From Houston Johnson Space Center in a daring dead-of-the-night burglary. Good Lord. Houston, we have a problem. So the crime involved authentic NASA badges,

rewiring security cameras, and neoprene body suits to avoid setting off the thermal alarms. This dude did his research. Oh, my God. He was young, too. He just wanted to...

Get laid. He just wanted to steal some shit. And get laid. It took NASA several days to notice the missing how many pounds safe? Oh, they took the whole safe. They took the whole, they took the bar, the whole freaking bar.

How much? How many pounds is this safe? That was the animal animals. Yeah, that's exactly. The bar, the whole, the whole freaking bar. I mean, it's safe. Yeah, how many pounds? 200 pounds.

That's a 500 pound safe. That's the exact number I had in my head, but I'm going to go ahead and say, I've got to split the difference now, 350 pounds. This is maybe the dumbest thing. It's 601 pound safe. Why does it add, why do you need to add the one? It's a rock. Racks. We're going to get later as to how many.

The straw that broke the interns back. Right. We're going to get the... Put that on a dolly. How much... Most moon rocks on a dolly. They were all worth, and they were lunar landing rocks between 1969 and 1979 and 1972.

These are all rocks that were taken from the moon. The balls on this guy. That's in first moon. Roberts, the brains of the heist, was how old when he arrived at NASA? Do I'm a fad? Yeah. T-Dog. This is in 2002.

How old was he? 26. I mean, you're a moron. I mean, you're dating and girlfriends. I'm going to say 24. How old was he? Do we see his years? Back in 2002 when he kind of early.

When he came into this crime and he'd been dating a girl for three weeks. How old was he when he did the deed? How old was he? Yeah. No, no, but what did we find out how old he was when he stole the rocks? This is what we're figuring out right now. I mean, he knew the security. 26, 24.

What do you think? I'm going to say he's 35 years old. One of you is exactly right. It's 26. I'm going to say, Dan. you can stay where you're going to go with dan i'm i'm this guy isn't he can stay where you are he's an old intern and he's a moron he was 24 years old oh why did i leave because if he feels like you feel like there's extra school completed a triple degree in physics geology and

geophysics at the university of utah full-time nassar work part-time players yeah exactly yeah he met tiffany fowler occasional criminal who was 22 years old worked in nassasas Tissue culture laboratory. He's got like the massage. Wait, the girlfriend works in NASA too. Wow. Just go have sex with the rocks at work. In work.

Conducting stem cell recently. They began a relationship and then moved in together within three weeks. That is a red flag. Of course. In together, were they? Lesbians? Yeah.

Not long after. Get in the safe. He told, get in the safe. He told her about his idea to steal moon rocks, which was said to have intrigued her. Oh, boy. I was in love with Tiffany. He told the LA Times way back when.

In my mind, I was, I was thinking, baby, I'd give you the moon. It would be a romantic start to our relationship. In my own head, stealing something wasn't the way I looked at it. But here's a deal. You aren't actually giving her the moon. This is like taking your kids to downtown Disney and saying, I told you I'd take you to Disney. Yeah.

He's not like you're getting a byproduct of the moon. You are getting part of it. You are getting part of Disney when you go to downtown Disney. But see if your kids like it as much as actually. going in the park right we weren't going to take uh this we weren't going to take this money we were getting from what we're going to say i was going to say i was going to say look this is it reminds me when elon musk brought the sink to twitter yeah it's like it's it's like what are the puzzles we're uh magic eye photos magic eye photos yeah no no no no when you have the prove you're human

picture a bird yeah plus a you know like a test tube yeah oh you know like yeah it's word like yeah yeah there was a game show like that too What was it? I don't know. You know, where it's like... It was an idiot test. Idiot test. Yes.

We did that show. I did that show. I did that show too and lost. So we weren't going to take this money and weren't going to go buy a yacht or lots of cars or a big house. That doesn't matter. Right. We were just going to live in this small kind of lifestyle, but we found science that might change the world, you know? What?

What? Ask why he went through that with high said, I mean, the simplest is to say that I did it for love. I did because I wanted to be love. I wanted someone to know that I literally cared about them that much. and to have the symbol of there there to remind them of that using the defense that he was essentially a fool in love. That can't be your defense. That cannot be your defense.

But sadly accurate. He argued that theft wasn't financial motive. No truthful thing ever. But the FBI said otherwise indicating that he had been in contact with a buyer from Belgium who was willing to pay the asking price of how much per gram. Oh. How much per gram? This all changes everything.

Oh, you didn't want to make any money? And then now you're talking to some guy from Belgium? Yeah, he's got it. Which is why she's involved. in the heist of her own gift right because this is all a ruse although if you're married long enough your wife is like here's what I want from this place right yeah but they've been together for three weeks but there is something very gratifying now I like these people having someone buy something for you that you know they knew you wanted but you didn't have to buy I didn't like

them when they were just sexless dorks honey where rocks on the table where do we go to trying now they're trying to pay for a trip yeah now you're now you're listening you're gonna start reading this Soderberg script of like we're going to steal these moon rocks a little bit of Logan Lucky at the honey it's an all-inclusive it's sandals down there's that babe babe I'm get your rocks off yeah you bring a guy from Belgian how much per gram was this Belgian guy willing to pay Belgian guy be a range I mean 17 pounds in total that's probably like four million grams no so many grams it's so many grams I'm gonna go a thousand dollars a gram

what do you think jay hundred dollars a gram god damn it's way too long what do you think no i was gonna say a hundred bucks i'd say two hundred bucks a gram two fifty a gram between a thousand and five thousand per gram per gram the buyer though got suspicious in contact to the fbi who quickly said under cover right bro yeah to orlando orlando this did place near disney on july 20th uh the 33 anniversary of the uh first moonwalk roberts and followed droar from houston orlando to meet with the buyer about an hour before the sale, though, Robert's had an idea.

I take some of the moon rocks. I put him underneath a blanket in the bed. He and Fowler then had sex. I never said anything, but I'm sure she could feel it. She never said anything directly either, but it was more about... She never asked me what we were stealing that day.

The symbol that we were doing. I came prematurely. No, he did. Ah, come on. You know, basically having sex on the moon. That's not what you were doing. It's more uncomfortable than not, but it wasn't about the comfort at that point.

It was about the expression, and no one had ever had sex on the moon before. I think we can safely say that. You don't know that. Neil Armstrong in a moment where they turn off the cameras and we're like... Those rocks have been there for a long time. Them boys up there, prune in the rows. Yeah.

You're not the first one to think about this. You're just the first one dumb enough. One giant thrust. Yeah, one giant thrust for man. So Robert Suck ran out shortly at the meeting with the undercover agents because who placed him in flower and handcuffs, according to the authorities nabbed sour later that day.

And the fourth accomplice, Gordon McWhorter who helped find the They got Gordo He got Gordo McWhorter Still, the FBI said the rocks Are now virtually useless To the scientific community

Why? Why are they useless In scientific community? Well, you don't know what was her name? You don't know what she was a little bit Of her name, man Never was not going to work here anymore Let's just say

Nass is not the only place Tiffany works Okay That's right That's the story Coming to the main stage in the moon room. He pled guilty in 2002 to stealing the moon rocks. He also admitted to stealing

dinosaur bones and fossils from the national history. Who is this guy? For love. In Salt Lake City. Who plays him in the movie? Nick Cage? Exactly.

He was released two years early from prison in 2008 after serving more than six years in an eight-year sentence. Fowler and Sauer pled guilty, received 188 days, 150 hours of community service in order to pay more than $9. McGorder found guilty of a child

received a six-year prison sentence. They reportedly Robertson Fowler. never saw each other again that we're going to get out of here on this you don't say how much money was the 17 pounds of uh moot rocks you fucker you're sorry god damn for listeners there's metal brackets i know on this table and jason and randy love to slide my iPad across yeah you're this is their own little version of air hockey no sorry and both of them are bad what are you doing ran i'm a bad person i'm sorry it's okay uh how much how much were these moon rocks worth approximately i mean one and five thousand that's a gram yeah yeah he's now you go first because you've had your

number stolen twice i gotta know the i got to know the amount of grams no how many grams take a guess just shoot the moon baby yes i got to go back to selling i'm putting you on a clock and then i'm going to go into this five four three two one pick it how many uh 31 21 two thousand dollars 250 thousand dollars seven 50 thousand we'll get out of here on this we'll come back and talk about nate's new special and let you know what we have going on 21 million dollars oh and i felt like i was low i don't know what i don't know the grams i love never been more i've never missed any question but buy more by more 32,000 21 million same thing yeah thank god there's no math in his special we'll talk about it when we come back it's dumb people town with Nate Craig we'll be right

right now I love that guy stick around make us down there's more don't people town all right we are back ladies and gentlemen this is dumb people town with a Craig before we get into his special which he shot in Vegas we will talk about that you say unkempt unkempt gems unkempt gems yeah um jane Let's tell them what we have coming up. Okay, so we're going on a little Alaska tour on September 11th, 12th, and 13th. 11th, we're in Anchorage at the Broken Blender. On the 12th, we're in sewered at the something tap house, which is great.

And then on the 13th, we are in Valdez at the Valdez. Convention center. Very excited to do all these things. And that's, yeah. You're really super excited about that. Then the next week we're in Austin, Texas. If you're in Austin and you don't have tickets to our show, what are you doing? Get out there.

We're going to do, because normally at Moon Tower, we don't do a full hour of our sets. You're going to get to see our latest hour. We're going to be at the State Theater, which is right next to the Paramount Theater. Very excited about us. 300 seats.

Let's sell it. Let's fill this damn place up. Awesome show. Next night, thank you. We're going to be at the Rialto Theater in Raleigh, North Carolina, doing a cancer benefit. Show up for that. First weekend in October,

Wisconsin weekends. We're going to be back in Ann Arbor. We're doing one night. One night. Two shows. Two shows. And then later that month, Hollywood, Florida,

and then flyover fest. In November, a live dumb people town in St. Louis. If you're anywhere near St. Louis, you should just come in for this festival. It's going to be an amazing festival. Dan will be there. We'll be there. We'll do other sets and other things.

But our podcast live on Sunday, November 16th. That's what we got at the pageants. That's it. Nate, you got the news. Real quick, while you guys are in Alaska, I will be at the Comedy Fort and Fort Collins. The one of that's club. Number 12th and 13th. Shut up, David, Andrews.

I'll be at Acme in Minneapolis, September 24th through the 26th. And then I'll be in Winnipeg at Rumors first week in September. The rumor is you were not going to be there then, but the rumor is false. No, no, no, no, the rumor is true. I will be there. I like it. So you're doing all that, and you got a new special. Yeah.

So this is exciting. Married to it, shot at MGM Grant at Brad Garris Comedy Club. Amazing. Thank you very much for, for mentioning that. Taping was, you know what, dude, it was. Were you loose? Did you have fun? I had fun.

I had a lot of fun on Saturday. Friday was, you know, it's kind of a risk taping in Vegas. Yes, totally. You can get, like, people that are just like, we're in Vegas I guess we're going to comedy to not gamble having performed there a lot I feel like that room does better than most in Vegas in terms of people who want to see a comedy show it's like who are like comedy fan yeah for Vegas I'm saying on that scale yeah yeah yeah I mean Brad's been you know I mean he's still open for Sinatra so like he's like definitely has his career was built in and around Las Vegas yeah as a standup and so I think that plays into that yeah but I mean you can also get people who the casino threw free tickets after because they lost a quarter million dollars. Right. So they're in a bad mood and they don't, and they're not fans of yours.

Right, which on the weekends. Which are most of your fans in general. Does not happen. They're big time losers. I'm mad at you for some reason. But in Friday it was just, they were fun. They were loud. It was good.

It was not necessarily my demographic. Right. You know, I'd say 60% Florida boomers. And you shot both. shows on Saturday? There was just one show Friday, one show on Saturday. And so do you think most of it will come from the Saturday night show? No, actually, I use a lot more Friday than I thought it was. Isn't that crazy? You think it's one thing, but you're more natural the way you're delivering it and just it is what it is. It's never as bad as you thought it was. It's never as good as you

thought it was. They're right down the middle and watch it and see. There's some moments in there that that you. And I bet it looks great. It's so pretty. The guy, my buddy Hunter, Connor, Connor, Connor's shot at the guy who shot Green Mill. Great. Oh, I love that special. And he That was a timeless damn special. Thank you, brother. He absolutely crushed it, knocked it out of the park. Preferred customer was at Dynasty Type Raider. Oh, okay.

Live at the Green Mill was... Live at the Green Mill. So start with this, start with Mary to it, and then go back if you haven't seen Live the Green Mill. It's just fantastic. Fabulous. Thank you, boys. Yeah.

Released where? Where can people see it? It's Patreon and OnlyFans right now. And then live on YouTube, my YouTube channel. Great. September 5th. Great. I love it, dude.

All right, right about when this comes out. Hey, Townies, I want to talk to you a little bit about ways to help yourself sleep better. And I'm talking about gummies. I'm talking about THC. I, for a long time, kind of didn't, like, jump into that wave and still was having trouble going to sleep. And then I started taking these gummies that we got from mood.com. And I'm telling you out in 15 minutes, up the next day, no hangover, feeling great. I love these guys.

I want to tell you all about them. It's online cannabis company. They're revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from, like I said, sleepless nights to the stress-filled days. Mood.com. They have created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blend. They will deliver them discreetly to your doorstop, step, stop, both. And you get 20% off your first order at mood.com with the promo code DPD. Here's what makes them different.

They've paired THC and the other cannabinoids with earth. and adaptogens. Yes, I'm not talking like I'm in the movie Transformers. I'm talking about real things that make you feel better. You're not just going to find gummies like this at any dispensary or anywhere for that matter. They are special. They have gummies for literally everything. I'm going to tell you. Immune support. Menopause relief. I need to get more for my wife. PMS symptoms. Again, for my wife. Mental clarity, sexual arousal, and each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms, no pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry leading a 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, our listeners get 20% off their first order with the code DPT. So head to Mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use the code DPT at checkout, save 20% that lets them know that we sent you save 20% on your first order and get that sleep and feel the way you're supposed to feel mood.com.

All right. Let me do story number two. Let's do it. Here's the headline. Website. Oh, yeah. Nate Craig.com. Nate Craig.com.

Here we go. Drunk Wyoming traveler. Love a traveler. Me too. Greatest name ever. Okay. Kevin sinning. He's just, he's doing it constantly.

He's literally sinning. He's the opposite of, uh, he's like, uh, I mean, he is what, uh, what's his face. Charlie Sheen, I mean, Charlie Sheen would say he was winning, but he was really sick. New Doc about to come around with Charlie She's. Winning. I'm winning. I'm winning. Wyoming traveler. Also a new country artist. Drunk Wyoming traveler.

Middle name. Kevin. Always seen. Steals golf cart goes on destructive joyride at Buffalo Niagara International Airport. Have you guys ever taken the cart through the airport? No. I haven't either. And there's so many times,

I would like to. You need a broken ankle. I mean, one time I had to haul ass in Phoenix, and I was like, cart would actually really help me. Can we? I had to. There was 15 minutes left before the door closed for my connection, and it said it was a 12-minute walk.

I did it in nine, but I'm like, man, if you aren't me and my height, you're not getting there. No. This was all on stride alone. You made it. Yes. And I was like, man, I would love to hop on a cart right now.

So we were in Houston, and we did the secret group over the, summer in July. Shout out that place. I love it. We flew from Dallas to Houston, flew from Southwest, loved to, you know, Houston hobby airport. And we were flying back to L.A.X the next morning. So check in for the flight. Everything is what it is. Southwest Airlines. I'm like, okay. So we're going to go. We call the lift to come in the morning. He's 20 minutes late. It's an early thing. I know. I always. Okay. So call it at 539. It is now. 653 and he's not there and I call him like dude where are you he's like I'm coming he shows up

at like excuse me at 559 he's an hour and 20 minutes just just 25 minutes 559 comes in 559 he comes in 559 he gets us and he started reserved it yeah no we did okay whatever I always do I don't reserve either so he starts driving and he's we're looking on our thing to be like where are you going he's not going on the highway he's like I need to get gas we're like what what why'd you take this fair if you don't need you're joking that you need to get gas. Go and fine. But let's get on the highway that starts heading there.

If you see gas pull off and only get enough to get you the airport and then you can fill up afterwards, I'm fine. But like, what are you doing, bro? What are you doing? Don't take the lid. Don't take it if you don't. So he gets gas. We're waiting and we're just like, oh my God, we're going to be so late.

He, to his credit, drives really fast and gets us to Houston, George Bush International Airport. Wrong airport. We got there. Yep. We got there. We're like, hey, we're Southwest Airlines. Not at this airport. at Hobby. Our flights at 7.20. It is now 620.

We go to, and we're freaking, because Jay's got to get back and he's got a golf turn with his daughter and everything. That time of morning, 40 minutes. Real quick, don't disappoint me, Scler brothers. You guys are pre-check, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. And we're just carrying on. And clear. And clear. So we go down. This doesn't really matter at Hobby, but it's so good to have. We go down. We call a new lift. We call a new lift. I know. This guy shows up. Only speak Spanish. Only speaks Spanish. Only speak Spanish in a Honda like the new cool Honda prelude or whatever it's called.

We said we are out of CRV. We have to get to Hobby in 20 minutes. Can you get us there in 20 minutes? This dude goes 905, 100 miles an hour. Now it's early on a Sunday morning. So no, there's no traffic. No traffic. He is burning.

He's going so fast. And we get to the airport at 705. Whatever. It's like incredibly gets us there 25 minutes. We get through security And we just I sprinted I haven't like sprinted like 400 yards

That's one lap around I think and we are sprinting with luggage To get the thing they're about to close They're calling our names When you go through TSA did you go left or right Right right Holy shit you gotta go all the way down to those gates And those gates yeah

And we get it was it was so and sweat And I was like in the first group Now I'm sitting like in between two enormous We were the first gate around that corner Okay that's better and they're calling our names we're like we're here we're here we're here we run around the corner it was it was insanity i was like i got on i came and we got down we're drenched and sweat and i'm sitting between two huge people but i'm like i can't believe we got yeah you made it but it was

one of the hairiest things ever so this guy i wish someone would have driven uh this was sent by david fornier here we go a drunk passenger hijacked an unoccupied golf car is it hijacking it when it's unoccupied no no it's not robbery way a driver to make it a Special hijack. It's not robbery if you're not in the house. It's burglar. He stole it. I'd say the hijack, yeah, carjack is for now.

No, no. Highjack is you pull the guy out and you're like, it's my life. But there's no one here. I mean, hijacks is an airplane. You just stole the car. Commandeered. How about that? Took advantage.

Right. Of an empty car. Violated. Checked on. Checked on. All right. Joy rid. He went on a destructive joy ride.

Joy rid. Can we call it a joy? He joy rid. Yeah. In front of. Shocked. Travelers inside New York's Buffalo. It's Buffalo. But, you know, Uber couldn't survive in Buffalo for a while because people were like,

we'll just drive home drunk. Dr. Drivers killed Uber. Everyone was weaving in Buffalo at the same time, so it all worked. I mean, there's no way they were that shocked. It's Buffalo. Guy was like on his way to Duff for a plate of wings. All right, here we go. Everybody was shocked.

Shocked. Shocked inside New York's Buffalo Niagara International Airport. The people that jump off their trailer. into folding tables full of chicken wings they're shocked Wyoming resident Kevin sinning

sinning is accused of commandeering thank you an electric golf cart and plowing the vehicle onto a moving walkway oh my god

as he unleashed mayhem inside the terminal if you saw it moving faster than it should and no down the people mover he squeezed he wedged it that's what I was going to say if you build a people

People move are wide enough for a golf cart. He got it up on two wheel. You're saying that's on you? He got it up on two wheels. He's creeding. He Dukes of Hazard, the thing I said, wait, Aaron, I sent you the video. Looks like the Wyoming boys are up to trouble again. Just before what time, what time you think this happened?

7 a.m. 4 a.m. He's over there. No, no, no. The airport's not open at that time. No, but he's trapped there. When it closes. Oh, this is a three.

This is a three a museum. There it is. In fact, this is a 3 a.m. Okay, look at this. Oh, my God. Driving it through. going to go afternoon driving it through the people mover he can't even get it through and now he's going down to the other end 9 p.m.

Look at this. The answer is 1 a.m. And he's going down the end. They're like, he's coming back. Look at this drunk son of a bitch. I mean, there aren't a lot of people in the airport. No, but oh, he jacked up. He broke the thing.

He broke the thing. Broke it. Try to go two up on that. He was up on time. And he just spun around and guess who's coming back. Is he coming back? And I think he's using these yellow things as like cones. Yeah, guess who's back?

Back again. This drunk, son of a bitch. I kind of love it. And also, like, at this point in time, if you're there at one in the morning, I'm like, bring it on. Also, if you're a comic and you're there, you're just, thank you. Thank you. It's hard for me to sleep if I'm not behind the wheel or something. Yeah.

I'm, this is Buffalo. I usually fall asleep driving. Get over here, you son of a bitch. And people for a minute probably like, does he work for the airport? Yeah. And then they're, you'd assume it. There's a moment where I'd be like, what did the airport do to this guy that he snapped? Right.

Are they not paying him benefits? Some people are so pissed off at 1 a.m. They're not even getting up for this. No. They're not even waking up from the disgusting carpet. Also, like, he screwed this thing up so much. There he goes. He's kicking.

He's kicking to make that U-turn. Yeah, oh, with his foot, he's kicking. He's trying to make time. Go, dude. There he goes. There we go. Go, dude. In and out of those cones.

Yeah, weave it. Weave it. You got to slalom. Is the guy filming this drunk? Somebody, yeah, somebody needs to treat themselves to a little higher deaf video. Yeah, what is this? What is this?

630 pieces? I love that someone said Unleashed Mayhem. This doesn't really feel like mayhem. I love that it wasn't shot in slow motion. I think the... There he comes. Look at the other one.

Look at this. It's just like Nate called. I think... He's angled. He's angled. She's not coming back. I'll tell you this much, buddy. I think the OJ Chase was slower than that.

You can't fit that thing on the moving while. No, yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't get it on there. Oh, yeah. Watch me. Is this backpack on? For Christ's sake, for? If I'm working at the airport, I'm like, we've got a wheelchair at Gate A4. Can you? I love this guy. This freaking guy, Dan. Dan, you know him. I got it. Are you not entertained? I got it. Look what I did. This started with the sentence. Are you not going to Albuquerque? I guess I'll do it myself. All right. So, so, yeah, I'm not going to get my kids back, but whatever. Right. Right. Right. That's the right. I have rights. I have fatherly rights. That's just being in New York Post got it. He turned around at the end of the concourse. Yeah, we saw that. And we saw that. Yeah, one erratic flyer drove toward the other side of the conveyor belt. And then he went and he took it. And someone shouted, oh, shit, he's going down the other one. Thank you, New York Post. Love a good commentator. Thank you, New York Post. Yeah. He forced the cart. You saw that up onto the thing. Like he's forced so many things in his life. You can tell something was not right with him,

witness Tom Brennan said. What gave that away? He was not responding to demands and the people tell him to stop. And his ex-wife is like, welcome to my world. He was totally disregarding the people around him. Yeah, welcome to my world.

What likelihood do you put on your ability to tackle his ass? Not even. Walk up, key. Out of there. He broke. You guys, he broke one of the, He just walk up, pull the fucking key. He broke, he did have a real, like, he did have a real half-assadness about it.

Yeah. Yes. He was like, would some, how long is it take to get arrested in this airport? Yeah, he's like, what do I got to do? I already, I already F things up at the Chili's. The last thing you want, though. Chilies, too. The last thing you want is that guy kind of all of a sudden deciding that he really did want to get arrested.

Right. You're his problem. Yeah. And then now he's like slow zombie following you. Start eyeballing you. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's like, come. also as with every time

I see someone that I'm you guys trying to stab what I'm looking at I'm gonna I'm gonna forget and and uh come here see you can hear me

this guy yeah I got someone say it in my face you still got those keys you keep a secret you keep a secret you start trusting you

don't you walk away from me where you're flying where you're you what's what I was going to say where you live this is every time you're at the gate and you're too good to have a conversation oh you're too good to have a conversation and you know how you start and starts this with

someone else you know what she said to me no we do not what she's we don't know what she's so you're selling out too good I'm randomly throws out a you get it to somebody else you get it buddy I don't I'm not even I'm not even supposed to be here yet steals a card goes down a people mover you get it he understood I went through I used to work here no did you he's a worker you did when I've worked a lot of business I worked her I worked I started here I started what I'm gonna finish it

I was here before I was here before those were there You were here before I don't know the other than I used to have to walk These people movers These fat fucks do He's actually making a good point He is but like on the people

mover he was like to the left He's taking up the whole thing And no one's there If you're Stanley Move I'm guessing How come people are move I'm guessing it's going to be a learning experience for everyone involved, Brennan told the outlet.

This has got to be the first time it happened at our airport. It's Buffalo. It's not the first time. Rick James is buried there. This is not the first time this has happened there. Dolphin fans once a year. Well, dolphin fans once a year. Dan, I'm not sliding this anywhere.

There you go. Oh, I think I got his age. I can get out of here on it. Oh, sorry, sorry. How old? How old? We saw him. You saw what he was like.

28. How old is? He had dark hair. 39 years old Kevin Sinning 39, 28 38 1 of you

is one year off and go up or down 29 40 or 30 70 yeah I'll go 37 29 get your answers in Dan's going to take

the next one Kevin Sinning is 29 years old he had the look of a 29 year old and a backpack of a 60 year old there you go when we come back

we'll find out what Dan's got going on this is dumb people talking with the great Nate Craig, who's got a new special out called Married to it. You can check that out, OnlyFans and his Patreon, and then on September 5th, it goes on his YouTube page. We'll be right back. Stick around, make us down.

There's more don't people town. Hey, kids, welcome back to the show. Final segment to go, Daniel, before you jump into whatever silly story you've got, tell people how they can listen to you on the podcast. I had to move my September 13th date in New Orleans. We are rescheduling that, probably. some point in the first half of 2026. And then the following weekend, I think it's the 18th through the 20th. I will be at High Plains Comedy Festival. Love it. Fun. Yeah, hanging out with all of our friends in Denver. Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com. I'm doing a charity event

for Habitat for Humanity. I believe that is the 22nd of November. So you got some time before that flyover comedy festival. Yeah, baby. We are going to do a live Don't People Town. I'll be doing That's all weekend, and we've got a Greenlee. But go to Daniel Van Kirk.com and listen to my podcast, The Midnight Air. Ooh, can I plug some other dates? Yeah, please. I'll be in Texas mid-November. Great.

I'll be in Detroit at the Independent Comedy Club October 18th. Cool. I'll be in Janesville, Wisconsin, and Bozeman, Montana, the 21st and 20th and 21st of December. Yes. Love Comedy, Kevin. And last best in Bozeman before that, the night before that. last best. It's incredible. And then my show in Madison is the Saturday between Christmas and New Year's December 27th at the Majestic. And then Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, first week of

January 10th and 11th, I think. And then Grand Rapids for New Year's. Great. So we forget to mention we'll be in La Jolla the 9th through the 11th. Of January at the Comedy Star. All right. Ready? Let's do it. Sorry and thank you. No, there's no sorry at all. It's what we're here for. do it. Catherine Bryan sent this in at Brian Katie Brian. I love, by the way, all the new people who are sending stories in. I hope is a nod to Brody. Exactly.

Brian, Brian, Katie, Brian. Brian, Katie, Brian. Steven, Brody, Stevens. Uh, on X, you can just at Sklar Brothers, at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people, town. And then we can do, you know, sort it by the latest. And so we know who sent them. Here we go.

Mm-hmm. Headline. Yeah. Short little story. A lot of fun. Okay. Bakersfield Fire Department fights off naked woman as they battle fire. Is that something you do in your training, learn how to do?

I mean, turn the hose on her for five minutes. If you're a fireman, paramedic EMT, you've definitely had to do some restraining. Give me the hose and get rid of the hoe. Yeah. Bakersfield, California. I was on fire first. Yeah. This girl is on fire.

You think that house is hot? This turns from KGET. Talk about a control bird. KGET. The Bakersfield City Fire Department had to fight off a naked woman while battling a fire in East Bakerfield Monday morning. The incident happened at about, anybody? They called me a fire crutch.

5.45 a.m. on Door Street, Diori. Hey, John Dorsey. Oh, hey, John Dorr. That fire's gotten so big. Yeah. Near the Bakersfield Municipal Airport, as fire crews arrived to reports of a fire at a home, home by the airport. Do you think this woman is connected to the home or she just saw fire and then? 100%. And I don't even remember how this story is.

Okay. Fire crews requested the help of the Bakersfield Police Department because, A, nude woman was on the scene and trying to keep them away from the fire so she lit the fire hi boys look over there that fire look who can't stay away from me

she definitely started the fire for an ex-boyfriend at first Cruz reported that she was and this is in quotes which makes me love it even more shoot away like a bird get her way get out of here stop that He definitely whistled at her. God.

But then she came... Are they whistling at me? Then she came back and she hit a battalion chief in the helmet and took swings at other firefighters. Oh, and you know she's throwing haymakers like all the way down. She got naked fire strength. Naked fire strength. Have you seen... Did you see it?

It'll be a few weeks ago now. But the storm at Burning Man? Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, 60 mile an hour wins. But that is what she is. She's like a dust storm at Burning Man. She just won't stop, you can't see. And you are like, we got to deal with this now.

And she's making it worse. Police say she also tried to grab a New York hook, probably her nickname. A New York hook, what is that? You know what a New York hook is. It's used to pull down ceilings. It's like those tall pole with a hook on the top, and you just rip drywall and rip ceiling. Oh, Jesus. In New York, yeah, yeah.

Police say she tried to grab a New York hook that is used to pull down ceilings, at which point she was tackled by one firefighter and held down by others. What? This woman's got, like, superhuman strength. Get me my hook. Yeah, what do you do? I'm a hooker. Deal with it.

She was arrested and put into a squad car. There's the final sentence of this story. Investigators say they aren't sure if the house was hers or if she was under the influence. I'm going to go, no and yes. No, but like to me, I'm saying. And there's no way of finding out. There's no way. She has no idea on her.

Yeah. Who is this gal? Who knows? You got to take DNA. No. The landlord recognized her from her tattoos. Usually. She definitely had markings.

Girl with the sagging tattoo. Getting shoot away on door street. Shut the door on this broad. Got the New York hook. Got the firefighters alone. Girl with the sagging tattoo. Is that the title of the New York? Is that the title of the New York?

There you go. That is a show, you guys. Fantastic. Nate Craig, you are the best. I love your new special. Thank you. Go watch it. Support comics like this.

So we can do more, more, more. Married to it. And we'll see you guys. Oh, snap, we've got to get back to work. See you. Peace. Stick around. Make us down.

There's more in the people town.