Dumb People Town - Paul Scheer - My Dolphin, My Choice

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

Comedian/actor/podcaster/author Paul Scheer (Joyful Recollections Of Trauma) stops by as Randy describes a couple that is planning a dolphin-assisted birth, Jason explains why Ohio police found a raccoon in a car with a meth pipe in its mouth, and Daniel warns about betting against a man willing to get breast implants, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: ASPCA Pet Insurance! To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack embrace and sometimes choose the life they choose we'll make the news breaking down each epic fail in Florida there's half price bail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up so listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits then we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound,

Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population year. Population sheer. Paul Sheer joins in the chant He knows how this goes you bet incredible actor incredible comedian has a book that you should buy Yes, we're gonna get in that we'll get into that in the second segment

We'll do all that but we got an original twister. Listen, we've got dumb and the second twister Yeah twister. Yeah twister and I will tell you this. You were great in the Twister. With my 11 year old daughter was watching Family Switch. Oh yes. And I'm like, that's my guy. And I was made cool by you. The Family Switch was a very fun. You were great in that.

Thank you so much. I got offered that part and they said, would you like to read the script? I said, yeah. And then I said, I don't see that part. And they're like, there is no part, just come in. And you were in the office being hilarious and a douche. And it was so fun and I loved it.

I love you dude. All right, this first story, because there's just dumbness happening. I was speaking of acting like dumb. Sent in by David Fournier at DP Fournier too. This is just a new trend in things that are happening and I want us all to just sort of give our take on this but we'll get into it as told through the prism

of this story. Couple planning a dolphin assisted birth come under fire from a science expert. Don't bring a dolphin into the birth. Look, if you're gonna, you can hire a doula, right? And also starts with a D, right? And I'll tell you this. You can get to a bathtub. Yeah, and dolphins apparently are very in touch with a D. Right. And I'll tell you about that. Yeah. And dolphins

apparently are very in touch with emotional cores. They're very smart. Exactly. A doula is the same thing. I think whatever gets it out, gets it out. I mean, it's coming out. A doula is a... It's gonna come out. I've said this before. A doula is a land dolphin. I've said that. Yes. I am on record as saying that and Paul knows it. Because you only communicate with him sonically. Print the shirt. Print the shirt. A doula is just a land dolphin. As a person who has not been a part of any pregnancies or deliveries. Right.

That you know of. From what I can tell, it's a lot of educating yourself on all the variables that could happen that day or going to the hospital or at the hospital and trying to anticipate everything, right? No. What could happen, what we need, how we're gonna react, what's our process.

I know things get thrown out the window, but you do your best. Why would you enter a wild animal variable into this? I love that you said that. Here we go, a couple from North Carolina traveled to Hawaii to birth their child. That to me is already in. No one wants you to.

It should be on the plane. No, if somebody's gonna fly back, are you in Hawaii for long? If something goes wrong and this baby has to go into the NICU, you live in Hawaii now, right? Yeah, that's where you go. That's where you go. It sounds a lot better than you saying

you live in Cleveland. Correct. You live in Hawaii. But it's very expensive, all right? So to birth your child. They don't have that. Underwater in the Company of Dolphins, in the Company of Dolphins was one of my favorite. I love that movie. Who do not want you there. In the Company of Dolphins, in the Company of Dolphins was one of my favorites.

I loved that movie. In the Company of Dolphins was that? That was a Nick Nolte movie from 1994. No, no, in the Company of Men. Who did that? That was like Neil LaBeute. Neil LaBeute. There you go.

Good job, guys. What happened to Neil LaBeute? He made like a four election bang? Dark, dark movie. Did he do Your Friends and Neighbors? Was that him? That's a new series now with John Hamm. Right, but that's not based on. I think it's based on that, dark. Did he do Your Friends and Neighbors? Was that him? That's a new series now with John Hamm. Right, but that's not based on.

I think it's based on that, no? No, just the same thing. Cause it's like that. Just the same title? Jay's going to the phone. Jay's going to the phone, Paul. I believe it's a complete, I mean that Apple show is about a guy who starts to rob people.

Paul Shear, the type of guy who will show up to a podcast, put the cans around his neck. Never wear them. He doesn't want to hear our voices. He doesn't want to wear them. He doesn't want to hear our voices. He doesn't want to mess up. He doesn't want to mess up his mouth. He just knows he sounds good. What is our producer going to say that he needs to hear?

You sound great. That's it, I'm like, there's nothing I know. Aaron doesn't need to, okay. So an idea that experts say is not only wacky, I love that experts are allowed to weigh in and say that. Is that the official term? Is that, I'm sorry. If you're an expert, you can't say wacky.

Hey, hey, hey, put it in layman's terms. You also can't go yikes. Eee. Eee. That's a no no. But extremely dangerous. Adam Barentino will get to his age. Of course this is dangerous.

And his pregnant wife Heather will get to her age. Told the Charlotte Observatory. It's the riptide. That's right, that the dolphin assisted birth will bring quote, peace, comfort and strength. You can go visit dolphins when the baby is three. Also, a dolphin being in the same body of water as you is not assisting. No. Well, I thought it was weird that the dolphin is Ricky Williams. I at the time. The other thing I'm realizing too is being born into salt water is going to be

stinging. Is that bad? Yeah. Yeah, I once farted in the Dead Sea No, why I still feel it right? Yeah, cuz even the delivery could be experiencing some wounds. Yes, you're gonna believe you're also gonna bleed there are sharks anywhere nearby Experts say that dolphins especially in the wild are unpredictable dangerous and not to be trusted around pregnant women Sure, just like I think it's weird that they decide to do this as a show at SeaWorld. Okay. Or an infant or a child for that matter. This has to be quote, hands down,

the worst natural birthing ideas anyone's had, one of the worst that anyone's ever had. Sure. Right, this might be. Christie Wilcox in Discover. One of the dumbest stories we've ever had. Dummy is, dummies. I don't even think that Christie Wilcox of Discover

needs to qualify and say this might be one of the worst or might be This is the world To say that and I just want to like, you know, look I For any I'm not trying to you know, bum anybody else You need to put your cans on because you are going off mic on this. Oh art. Well, the mic is very low I mean Mike is like Yeah, don't you dare lose this point? Yeah, don't you dare? Just want to hear your beautiful voice

You don't want to so I don't want these people to have a child in the they don't deserve it right so like if it goes Wrong probably better off for the kid Because are you calling this a natural select unnatural natural natural abortion you know it's like this is not something that we need yeah this is not something that we like if this is the idea for bringing a baby into the world can you imagine how they're gonna teach it to walk sorry I take care of it like this is on board with Paul because I feel like pot the baby survives,

yeah, it's the luckiest baby I've ever trained to body train by the volcano. Yeah. It'll know to move away from the lava. So she cites research showing that dolphins will toss, beat and kill small porpoises or baby sharks for no apparent reason, other than the fact that they enjoy it. Though some have suggested kill small porpoises or baby sharks for no apparent reason, other than the fact that they enjoy it.

Though some have suggested the poor porpoises serve as practice for killing the infants of rival males. What is the idea of like chum, right? What's chum? This. This. Right, exactly. A po-cent, right.

Sure. This is what Roy Scheider threw into the water at the end of Jaws. Right? So I would say. Get him up here. We're gonna need a bigger doula. We are purveyors of.

We're gonna need a bigger dolphin. How the fuck did this happen in the news? You are an expert in how the fuck did this happen in cinema? How did this baby get made? If this was the opening scene to a movie, this would take over the whole show. This would be a movie about dolphins, like people think dolphins are nice and they're mean. This scene to a movie. Yeah. This would take over the whole show. This would be a movie about dolphins, like people think dolphins are eyes and they're meat.

This is a lifetime movie. This is a lifetime movie. This is no, but the Sharknado 6. No, what's the title of this lifetime movie? But you, well, oh wow. Born on waves. Born on waves.

Born on waves of despair. I was trying to think of a baby on board, but I couldn't get where, but I need the board to be swapped out. Baby, it's like a surfboard. I like that. Here's what I would think, and the issue is,

is like someone's charging them a lot of money for this. This is not, there is a grift going on that we're not hearing. You're saying this is a money grab, is what you're saying. There is someone who is like, you a there is a great going on the we're not here There's a money grab is what you're saying There is someone who is like you need to have a baby because it's like you're not just going into the water Like first of all there is gonna be some sort of Dula presence there There has to be a couple cord unless you have the dolphin do it need the t-shirt. Yeah There's a guy in porpoise papoose we gotta grab those shoes taking your money

Yeah, this whole thing was started by somebody who was a freelance writer for goop. This is it's true This is this is there is somebody somebody charging people a lot of money Is this an animal you want to have your side when you're completely vulnerable she asks now so moreover That's a false equivalent marine. I hope that the dad is seal. Yeah, right biologist Laurie Moreno has noted that after a decade of research, she's got Marine in her name! Corro, quote, there remains no compelling evidence

that dolphin-assisted therapy is a legitimately therapy or that affords any more than fleeting improvements in mood. So we're not talking about dolphin-assisted birth. This is just people who are like, I need dolphin therapy. I need to know. Is it, I just thought, is this happening at the tide level, like at the beach,

or they are in the water? Well this is my question too. I have a feeling that as you dig deeper into the thing, we're gonna find out that it's really just on the beach, needs dolphins. Yeah, because getting in a, this says underwater. Giving birth underwater isn't a new thing,

but having a dolphin assist in the process is. Scalpel. Well then, the dolphin's really good at, they don't make any medical malpractice, because they don't have licenses. But none of them do. But I mean, I'm just thinking about what I'm believing. If I'm, again, I'm putting one level more of thought on it.

They are in the water, but at the shoreline, because somebody needs to be standing somewhere to catch this baby. There's something that goes wrong. Yeah, there's a million things that you need, just from a delivering baby. See a dolphin move around a little barrel with its nose? I love that.

Okay, a few years ago, an American couple went to Hawaii to plan such a birth. When asked by the Charlotte Observer why they decided on the birthing path, mama said, quote, it's about reconnecting as humans with dolphins. Dolphins just call for an epic girl. Why are we reconnecting?

Do we ever have a, yeah. What was the disconnect? Why don't we first connect with the kid? So we can coexist in this world together and learn more from one another. I've never met a dolphin, we'll never meet one in my life. Well here, I have met a dolphin,

but here's what I'll tell you. If that is a true statement, if that is a true statement, then it should be a monkey. It should be like you're having, you should have gorillas and monkeys. Because that's the connection that we have naturally, right?

Yes. You know, it should be like, and you would, no one would ever say, let me have a baby in front of a gorilla. But by the way, this is what, like when someone's really drunk and they're making points that aren't untrue, but they're just not the right points to be making. We all brought up the chum thing.

It's not just dolphins. If you said to somebody, how are you guys having your child? We're gonna get in like a fish tank. You'd be like, that is disgusting. That's the most thing I've ever heard. But many people have water births, right? Right. And that is totally fine. Right. And that's an app tub in your house. You know, and that, and that makes sense. And there's a, there's an energy to it where,

but this there is there, there's so many variables, again, where we have to be standing. Also a woman giving birth needs to be in certain positions to give birth. So, I'm very curious. I need to see pictures. So, here's the deal. Dolphins are highly intelligent animals.

Yeah, you're right. These are all great points. Like someone who's like, if someone is really drunk and they wanted to drive home, they're like, I got the keys. Yeah, you do have the keys. That's like saying, I got a license. Yes, you do.

But it's like saying, outies are good cars. That's a true statement. But when you are driving the Audi while drunk Machine yeah, and you don't you're not changing anything about the Audi. No dolphins always be Kids throwing rocks the name of the Institute where they're gonna do it is called. This is no joke It's called the Sirius Institute s I are I you know This is no joke. It's called the Sirius Institute. S-I-R-I-U-S. Stealing it from Sirius Radio. The guy's name who is like the Russian, Yahoo Sirius, almost.

The guy's name, who's the Russian. He can play violin. Who is the Russian guy who did all the research on this and worked with dolphins for years and years. His name is, and I shit you not, Igor Charkovsky. Almost shark, like, oh right. T-S-T-H. His name is, and I shit you not, Igor Charkovsky. Almost shark, like, oh right. T-S-T-H.

Tsk, Tanksky. See, he, he, he, he's Charkovsky. For that reason, I'm out. Yeah, I'm out. Not like the baby says. That's right. He's like, no, yeah, I'm sorry. He said he's in his life.

So this is the ultimate in I do my own research. Has been studying water birth for quite some time. I don't care, do you have a degree? Not the same. Do you have a degree? He even started birthing babies in the Black Sea with dolphins that inhabit the area. Following the first instances of dolphin assisted birth,

some of the reported observation include a mother and a baby playing with a dolphin within 45 minutes of birth and a dolphin escorting a newborn human baby to the surface for its first breath. That's not. By the way, who cares? What do you remember from your first breath?

That might be on the brochure. That didn't happen. I guarantee you that did not happen. Many people believe that dolphin assisted therapy can help and or heal several health conditions. A few include cerebral palsy, depression, autism, and Down syndrome. Well, there's a lot.

What are you, a chiropractor? There's a lot of belief in animal therapy, equine therapy is a big thing. I heard Whitney Cummings, but no, you don't say okay. I'm just like, but there are people like, they're the wolf. No, I say in terms of depression, yeah, absolutely. But it's not gonna cure autism or dolphin.

All right, I'm gonna say that if you get near a dolphin and you have been in a wheelchair, you will get out. Okay. I can't argue with that. I can't argue with it. I mean, he said he was gonna say it, and he said it. See, I'm mad that they put- He's not saying he's gonna believe it.

Yeah, he said I'm gonna say it. I'm mad that they put depression in the middle of that list. Well, no, it's a- Because depression is, yes, you can overcome a lot of things with the help of animals. I don't know, if you were feeling pretty depressed and you took a walk by the ocean ocean and you saw a baby riding a dolphin You'd go maybe things are gonna be world is okay. I think also like here's what I keep on thinking about what is the most

Intense like what don't you want to do around animals scream right right be in pain Way right bleed probably having fear to write You would look like a wounded animal. 100%. No matter how a mother chooses to birth, it's all up to her, should be respected. But this sure is one unique way to bring a child in the world. Heather Barenton says it's possible

she won't have the actual birth in the water with a dolphin midwife, but she will spend a lot of time in the water before and after the birth, trying to bond with a pod of dolphins nonetheless. Why are you doing this now? Can you do this when the kid is five? I've said this to you a lot of time in the water before and after the birth, trying to bond with a pod of dolphins nonetheless. Why are you doing this now? Can you do this when the kid is five? I've said this to you a lot and you and I disagree about this, but my body, my choice.

You have said that. My dolphin, my choice. You say my dolphin, my choice? My dolphin, my choice. It's about reconnecting as humans with dolphins. I just stop. Anyone else said that? Don Shula.

That's right. I'm gonna keep making this show. The couple has been married how many years? And how many years have they been dating? Okay, this couple. Wait, two answers you want here? How many years have they been married? It's either obscenely long or aggressively short.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, what do you think? Six months. Six months they've been dating. And six months they've been married. Okay, what do you think? I am gonna say that they've been dating for six months they've been married. Okay, what do you think? I am gonna say that they've been dating for 13 months and they've been married for six. I'm gonna say they've been dating for six years

and they've been married for two. Okay, get your answers in, Tonnies, because they have been dating for four years and they've been dating for seven years and they've been married for four. All right, that's an acceptable 11 years of a relationship. I am worried though about, I truly am, I go back to this, you're bringing a child into the world.

I don't like these decisions out of the gate. Yeah, so they work odd jobs and when they need money and travel around the country, staying with friends or in their car, the Observer reported. They both have dreads. They have no specific plans for where they will live after the baby is born. I'd figure all this stuff out.

With the dolphins. Right, I guess. Maybe in the water. You could start working for the place. By the way, that Igor Sharvinsky. Sharkovsky. Sharkovsky. He said, I've been doing a lot of tests. There must have been some failures, too.

I studied for a while. Right? Yeah, definitely. To do any third of tests test you need to have. You literally gotta break some eggs to make an omelet. All right, or waters. Or waters, all right. Let's get out of here on this.

How old, let's do Heather first, how old is Heather Barrington? I mean she's the only person who matters here. Okay, but how old is she? 27. That's a great guess, I was gonna go 26. 26? But I'm gonna go 32.

32, Jay what do you think? I've been together for 11 years. Oh, 11 years, I forgot about that. 26, but I'm gonna go 32 32 Jay. What do you think? I've been together for 11 years Oh 11 years. I forgot about that. No, no the seven seven altogether have it No together for a seven and married for four. So that seven is for 27 is a good guess 29 Okay, there's another version of it. I would say like 47. Yeah, but yeah one of you is exactly right. Oh I'm gonna stay where yeah, I'll stay with 32. You're gonna stay where you're gonna feel strong, but I'll stick with myself. Okay this woman Heather Barrington is 27 years

How old is her husband how old is Adam Barrington 42 60 to 60 9 42. What do you think? 31 okay get your answers in town is because Adam Barrington is 29 years old. This works. It works. It works. Don't have your kid next to, I mean, I don't want to tell people what to do. Why I'm just going to say need it. It's just dumb. Tell them, you know, well this is, this is the thing. I am a believer in alternative therapies

and things, trying things down with it and doing, but where I feel like this, there also needs a person to be like, and not this, right. You know, cause I get it. Like there might be some things where you're like, well, why? If it makes me happy, I could do it, right? I want to pet a horse, I'll get over my depression.

Great. But this feels like some, we need someone to step in. There's a, what you're saying is there's a line. Too many variables. Essential services like birth. Yes, and this is why I'm happy RFK is in there. Yep. Okay, let's take a break.

When we come back, we're gonna hear about Paul Scheer's new book and how you can get it and follow him and listen to his broadcast. We have some people tell with Paul Scheer. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more to his podcast. We have Sound People Town with Paul Scherr. We'll be right back. ["Sound People Town"] Stick around, make a sound. There's more to Sound People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Paul's new book, we should mention, and depending upon when this drops, we got lots of great fun dates and stuff. Six Six is our Tag It show we're doing at the Comedy Store where our friends do their great sets of comedy. We're on stage writing tags that we then pitch them afterwards.

It's so fun. So much fun. So that's super fun. If you ever wanna do that show, you're more than welcome to do that show. And that's at the Comedy Store in the OR. Then we're going on a really cool run of theaters that we have not done before in the Pacific Northwest.

We're gonna do, start out in Portland at Polaris Hall, which is a really cool space, and then we're gonna go up to Bellingham and do a theater up there, then the next night down to Chehalis, do a theater there, and then up to Historic Everett to do the Historic Everett Theater, which is 30 minutes north of Seattle.

18, 19, 20, 21st. 21st, June. Next weekend we're in San Jose at one of the best named clubs ever. I'm gonna now just say this is my favorite name ever, Rooster Teeth Feathers. It's cool, I like that. That's good, right?

That's happening in Sunnyvale or San Jose. I think that's the same thing. Yes, the 27th through the 27th, 28th, 29th and 30th. And then in July we'll be in Houston at the Secret Group in the middle there on the 12th, maybe Dallas the next night. And then in August we are going to be in Phoenix, actually in Scottsdale, Desert Ridge. So, superscliers.com for all that stuff.

And we'll let you know we have other stuff coming out and happening, right? Let's talk about Paul's book. New book, baby. Well, old book. Old book. Old book. But it's out. It's out.

So, a paperback just came out. Great. It came out last May called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. And the paperback is a version of the book, but softer, and has 20 extra pages in it. But yeah. Yeah, it's a mecha stuff. What inspired the 20 extra pages?

Was it stuff you had written before that you were like, let's throw this in here? You know, I was really happy with the book and the way it came out, that I didn't really want to add to the book. I didn't wanna upset the rhythm of the book, but what I kind of approached it as was DVD special features.

I was like, here are some things that I cut out from the book that are off the beaten path that kinda tell a little bit of a different story that wasn't thematically on point, but there are things that I like that I just got excised from the book. So, yeah. This is a middle finger to your editor.

I love this. Well, you know what it was? It was the middle finger to me in a way cuz I I like cuz at a certain Point like I read through and I was like, oh, I don't need all this like this is gone But I do like it so you have to like get over your own ego of it and just say like this is better for the Book and at the end it's now it's just for fun. It's if you were Dave Eggers. They could all be footnotes I mean that I mean that would be audio. I did do the audio which has been great Did you have to go back and do audio of those?

I didn't do I did not do that But what I did do is I built a special part of my website That is like a big show-and-tell feature where there's video and pictures and a lot of things that connected all together But it's been an amazing what's the website so people can just my web me Paul shear.com. It's simple kept it easy It's been awesome. Do you have how did this get made dates this summer? We don't have any summer dates right now, but dark web which is a show that Rob Hubel and I do on YouTube Which is every Monday. So thanks so much. Yeah, and that's free and that's fun. And that's yeah, you guys are great screen and screen boom, well, so let me ask you just

Curiosity because you've written TV and you've written movies and stuff. The process of writing the book, was it different, did it sort of use a different group of muscles to actually do that, or were you like, oh I know how to do this? You know, honestly I think the tricky thing about writing a book is making the distinction between what is an anecdote and what is something

that's worthy of being in a book. And so in the beginning, you kind of started a very surface of like, let me just talk about this sort of stuff, and you realize very quickly, like, oh, if this is gonna actually mean anything and exist, I have to go deeper. I'm not Tom Selleck. People aren't just gonna buy this book

because they're like, oh, I love Magnum. And I realize a lot of that kind of stuff. You have to make a book that hopefully will connect to people beyond your grouping that are just, and you know, when I was a kid of that kind of stuff. You have to make a book that hopefully will connect to people beyond your grouping that are just, when I was a kid I grew up and Paul Reiser wrote a book, I bought it. Seinfeld bought a book, I bought it. Bill Cosby, scandal noted, I bought it.

But it's like- He forced you to buy the book and you bought the book. Without your knowledge, which I thought was a problem. I woke up after I had a drink at a movie theater and I had a book and I was sore. Not cool. Like I gave birth to a kid in the ocean. But yeah, so then it was kind of just a process of going deeper.

One of the things that was so fulfilling, and I think you all know this, is we spend so much time working on things that no one will ever see. They're a file in a computer and every now and then you may look at it and I thought that by writing a book, I will get a chance to make something,

and make something, and it will be released the way I wanna make it release. I think I had a little bit of an idea of what an editor did versus what they actually do, and I had a great experience, but it was very much on me to kinda do all these different things and go out there and promote the book.

And we did it in fun ways. Like when the book first came out, I did airport book signings. So I went, I called up Hudson News, and I was like, can I start? And they're like, what? I was like, I wanna do a signing in the airport. And I set up, so I set up in Hudson News.

Outside of the thing. Outside of the, and at first it was weird because I think people are like, oh, is this like a religious thing? Like what's going on? Why? What's he trying to sign me up to do? 100%, and I had like these,

these like, these not like foam core backed signs cause it was like, first of all, I want to acknowledge that you may not know who I am. So I put like what I had been in. So I didn't have to answer that question in my entire time. Great, great. Really? And some of the quotes from the book,

but then I think, so then you're like, oh, this is a religious thing. Oh, it's not a religious thing. And I was like, oh, is that the guy? Self help? Yeah, like what, like what's going on here? And then once it keyed then you're like, oh, is this a religious thing? Oh, it's not a religious thing. And I was like, oh, is that the guy? Self help? Yeah, like what's going on here? And then once it keyed in, it was great, but there were so many people who came over,

because the bookstore nicely put out chocolates and stuff. So people would come over and eat a chocolate, but then they wouldn't buy the book. And that was a bummer. I talked for a long time. Get these chocolates out of here. You're wasting my chocolates. I will say that the one thing that I love,

I've been really touring around the country with the book for a year now, and just did a few different events in the last week or so, but the best thing about it, I don't make a dime from a book sold, which is surprising. That's the thing that's different, but it's still, I am excited about it.

People are like, hey, I'm gonna buy this for you. And I'm like, well, it doesn't make a difference. It doesn't, like it does to me. I do appreciate you buying it, but it doesn't come back to me, unless I am Bill Maher and I'm selling like a million books. Well, dude, I said it again so people know. It's called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. You can get it as an audio book'm, I said it again. Some people know it's called joyful recollections of trauma.

You can get it as an audio book and get it as a soft cover book, get it as a whatever you can get in any format you want. You get ebook, everything. Have you summer reading? Have you gone the route of like, not psychological, but like self-help, not self-help, but like, I mean like therapy route because it sounds like that's, it definitely is a story. Like it's not trauma dumping. I think it's like, I mean like therapy route because it sounds like that's. It definitely is a story, like it's not trauma dumping. I think it's like, I always say it's a, it's not therapy but it's a reflection of therapy.

The book is definitely, it goes to some places that I wasn't necessarily expecting it to go to and it's been, that's I think one of the things that's been so amazing about it, how much it's been kind of embraced by a lot of different groups and people. So that's what I'm talking about. I love it.

That's where it gets larger than you. Yeah, exactly. Which is awesome. It was really amazing and I'm thankful. The one thing I did do that I will say that was a bad decision was I said for the first 3,000 people who bought it, I would send them a postcard in the mail to say thank you for doing that.

And it was a personalized postcard. So it had to have their name, my signature and something like a postcard in the mail to say thank you for doing that. And it was a personalized postcard, so it had to have their name, my signature, and something like a little about them. I got something in there that would be fun, and that was something I regretted for a couple reasons. Number one, stamps are expensive. I did not realize how expensive that endeavor was. I thought it would be real cheap, like 10 cents a.

No, no. Like 30 cents. Yeah, it was, yeah always stamp. Yeah, so I $1,500 mistake it was it was yeah, so it was a mistake on a few different levels, but I did send out three thousand I got on the New York Times best It's been a really amazing run got like a lot of wonderful write-ups and all the big things. Are they like, what's your next book? I don't know if I'm into that yet, because here's what I'll say.

Just from an eye test on it, everybody's second book doesn't seem to be as received as well as their first book. It feels like people are like, oh, we already saw it. She already knew it. You want it done. I feel like I'd have to make it like a cookbook. I have to figure out a different angle in to make it.

Cooking with trauma. You know, but here's the other thing I'll say too. What I was very surprised by, I like to read. It was interesting to get people to read. Thank God there's an audiobook. Like the audiobook, I can watch all the sales and stuff like that. You know, it sells almost a little bit better

than the heart backs, right? People are so used to it. While they're listening to you. Softback now, baby. Softback, baby. Yeah, you should not call it softback. Softback crabs. Softback.

I love softback crabs. All right, this is fantastic. All right, let's do it. Let's get the book. All right, here we go. This is sent in by Adam Polnitpolsky75. Okay. Ohio police find raccoon with meth pipe

in its mouth during arrest. Love it. I saw the video of this and I love it so much. One animal for another. Just the journey you'll be able to find the image. This is like, this is saying like, I hate this phrase but I'm gonna say it, pizza rat, hold my beer.

And you're like, you know, pizza rat ain't got nothing, Godzilla ain't got nothing on me. Wait, so Tracy Morgan talking about the Knicks. We're resilient, King Kong died in this city. Tracy Morgan has had a year as a Knicks fan. I mean, that's a lot. Throwing up on the court. I was like, Morgan has had a year as a Knicks fan. I mean, throwing up on the court.

I can't wait for him to throw up on Tyrese Halliburton's dad. My fans, that's gonna be the next thing. So there is a moment when raccoons of all the animals that we see have those little hands. And when they do a human thing, we love it more than anything. I'm now just, instead of reading the news, I'm openly saying this, and instead of listening to the news, I will watch videos of animals doing great things.

Sure, it's great. The video, the TikTok of the raccoon that hugs the dog is like, because he hugs it with those little hands, and the little sweater that he's got on is fantastic. The video of the dolphin delivering that baby. Here's what I'll say. Yeah, raccoons are cute from a distance. When you have one terrorizing your house, awful. I had a dog, I do have a dog,

but when we first got a dog, it was new. And so I was like, oh, we'll put his food container outside, we have a door right outside the door. This little motherfucker, get up there, unscrew it. Unscrew it. And you could shine your phone flashlight and face, he This little motherfucker, get up there, unscrew it. And you could shine your phone flashlight in your face. He'll just look up at you and keep unscrewing. Eye contact with you.

And they are for lightning. This motherfucker got in our car, hot wired it, drove to Petco, used our credit card. And by the way, put it on the sheer tab. Man, a lot of stuff. Put it on the sheer tab. I love that lot of stuff. Put it on the sheer tab. I love that you have a tab at Petco. But you know, it's because they're,

you know, that's like family when you go there. You are like family. You are like family when you go to Petco. All right, here we go. Police in Springfield Township had a more interesting animal encounter this week when they crossed paths with a raccoon holding a meth pipe to its mouth during an arrest.

According to a Facebook post, which is where now the police communicate with us. From the department, on the evening of May 5th, officers pulled over a vehicle whose owner had an active warrant and a suspended driver's license. So he's not supposed to be on the road. Active warrant, suspended driver's license, put the raccoon in the front seat and let's go.

Yeah, let's go. The driver has a valid license. This is his own B-job. Yeah. The raccoon. Motorcycle license, though, it's a way different. And a chauffeur's license. A show first license. Show first.

Do that, okay, if dogs, are dogs the only animals that we can say have human year lifespans? Like, meaning like a dog, seven years is a dog. No, they, you can do that for almost a decade. What's a raccoon? Oh my gosh. I would love to know what a raccoon is. Well, I think that, I think because we're not really

on method. Tracking, we're not tracking raccoons' lives because we're not keeping them. No. Like, we don't know, I mean. Is a raccoon, can a raccoon is. Well, I think because we're not really tracking, we're not tracking raccoons' lives because we're not keeping them. We don't know. I mean, can a raccoon be 20? Let me just ask that question. If you told me a raccoon, that raccoon's 50, I'd be like, maybe.

Yeah, I mean, because I think that rabies is gonna play a part in some of this, right? You know, they live a tough life. They have horrible diets. Yeah, it's only so long you can live on garbage. Yeah, exactly. I'm not gonna tell you how old this person is, but great only so long you can live on garbage. Yeah, exactly. I'm not gonna tell you how old this person is,

but great, phenomenal name from Akron, Ohio. Victoria Vidal. Ooh, love that. Tennis player from the 70s maybe? Victoria Vidal. She was amazing. Gore Vidal's daughter. Gore Vidal's daughter!

Victoria's principal's best friend. But when an officer walked back to Vidal's vehicle, a raccoon named Chewie, so this is her pet, named this bitch, was sitting in the driver's seat with a meth pipe in its mouth. Just hanging out. Wait, so walk me through this. So she was arrested and then a raccoon got in,

found the meth pipe and started smoking it. No, my guess is this is her pet raccoon who's riding in the car. Who's that with the meth pipe? Oh, that's Chewie. Oh, got it. Okay, so like, or do you think that the raccoon, if Who's that with the meth label? Oh, that's Chewie. Oh, got it. Okay, so like, or do you think that the raccoon, if you're that much on meth,

the raccoon is just living in your car and you may not even know it. You might think, or you might think the raccoon is your husband. Right, yeah, exactly. Who's that? That's my friend Chewie. That's his meth, or this is her alibi.

That's his meth, that's not my meth. Also, this is his car. You won't believe what he brings in here. I think that that's part of the Karen Reed trial right now that I'm racking on. I'm that friend over here. Don't get me wrong. Don't get Dan started on Karen Reed.

I'm all in. I'm all in. I'm all in. Shannon with one end with his god damn Charlie Brown hair. Oh my gosh. Can't confidential and listening to it every day. I'm watching more people on TikTok with Boston accents drinking Dunkin' Donuts.

Analyzing, let me tell you something. I installed garage doors Karen Reed I do have a theory in the Karen We can't derail the show yes, I mean I'm down quick can you do your can you do your theory and like yeah This is a side theory that the house that they were going to, the swingers. The Alberts. The Alberts are swingers. And they were gonna have a sex party. She can't testify on the stand about it.

I think she'd be defaming people. But that's the reason why she's calling and saying you're a pervert. Kevin Alberts. Yeah, and I feel like that's why they ripped up the floor and did all that kind of stuff there because I think it was a sex dungeon. I think they were doing some,

so I think that there's other stuff downstairs. Yes, I think there's another story to it. I'm not saying that this is a reason for how he got killed, but I think that this is a seedy underbelly. There's like a whole other thing that they're like, that they're not even talking about. We can't open, if we go this route,

we're gonna open this door. Right, because that's why he had to destroy the phone and the military base and the SIM card and toss it in the military. The fact that this information is in your head, there's like six things that June is like. There are friends of your kids that you can't remember their names. A hundred percent.

But you know this. But yet if there were podcasts and TikTok people devoted to talking about my kids' friends, parents' names, I would remember it all. That's the best. That's the best. It's just Boston people talking about your friends. That is the best. When I say to my 11 year your friend. That's the best. That is the best. When I say to my 11 year old, what's his dad's name?

She's like, I don't know. Like I would ever know this kid's dad's name. It's tricky. You gotta help me out. It's a tricky thing. And I will say this, all you have to do is prove a reasonable doubt and they're doing a great job with that.

A hundred percent. I mean this guy doesn't even have a BA. Everybody who goes, I've had friends go, what if she did hit him? And I go, even if she did, which she didn't, but even if she did, if someone's dead on your front lawn, and they're a cop, and you're a cop, it doesn't matter if neither one of you are cops,

you come outside. Yeah. And the ring camera footage is missing, and there wasn't enough. I always just start with that, I go, come outside. Yeah. Yep. And the ring camera footage is missing, and there wasn't enough. I always just start with that. I go, you come outside. There's people screaming. There's an ambulance.

There's police cars. You're also a cop. Let's just say you aren't, but you are. Can you say you're sound? And the comments don't go inside either? I don't interview anyone? Can you imagine the president that says? We were busy with the sex ring going on.

You call up to your sister's house, someone at the party you were at is dead out front, and you don't wanna go see if everybody inside is, that's all you do. Guys, do you know how loud the sex wheel is when you crank it inside? You gotta clean the dungeon. You gotta clean the dungeon?

But now I bet you there were some raccoons down there. There was a, well, there isn't a raccoon with a meth pipe. Cause you know, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close,

he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, he goes at a close, He's putting on handcuffs on people. He knows how to put the gimp on. Putting on cock rings. That raccoon is great. That's a Canton thing. Raccoons have the dexterity to put on.

There's another catcoon just in the corner throwing fireworks. Did you call it a catcoon? I might have. It's a raccoon down in Canton. All right, so we do believe that this is her pet or this raccoon is living in the. Well, we're gonna find out. All right, so we do believe that this is her pet or this raccoon is living in the. Well, we're gonna find out.

All right, so Chewie had somehow gotten ahold of a glass methamphetamine pipe. Somehow. Leading officers to further inspect the vehicle, the post said, the department said. The search of the vehicle turned up. Cracked cocaine. Photos on the street. There it is.

There it is. There he is. There he is. Oh, look at how cute he is. Adorable, that's how cute that is. Adorable. I mean, she's pretty animal cruelty, thank God. There he is. Oh, look at how cute he is. Adorable, that's how cute that is. Adorable. I mean, she's an animal cruelty, thank God. Yeah, surprisingly. But like, is one hand on the bottom of the pipe

and the other bringing it to his mouth? This is a living car, not a working car. Well, I was gonna say, the minute I see this car, I'm like, that raccoon's living in there. Yes, and so is she. That raccoon has become, whether she invited it in like a vampire or not, I don't think she did. I mean, I believe that.

Do you have to invite a raccoon in? You have to. You have to give it a formal invitation. Sinners taught me that. Good, thank you. Why weren't we the twins in Sinners? You guys, that's not how. Ah!

Trust me, you don't want to be a white person in Sinners. No, that's right. You're not gonna be happy with your Sinners. I'd rather be the white person on a 1990s rap album sketch. and sinners. You're not gonna be happy with your senior meth pipes. Three. Three? Why do you need three? Back up and then back up to the backup. Thankfully, Chewie. Well, the raccoon is going to take one, so now you're going to take two. One for you, one for me, one we share. One for a guest. He's at it again. He's at it again. He's doing it again. All right. Thankfully, Chewie, the raccoon was unharmed and notification thankfully was made to the proper authorities to determine that she has the proper paperwork

and documentation to own the raccoon. that she has the proper paperwork and documentation to own the raccoon. Wait, you can get paperwork to own a raccoon? Where is papers? I wanna see his papers. Show me his papers. ICE has gotten out of control. That's just show me his papers.

Now it does make me, what's that famous movie, a treasure of Sierra Madre, we don't know badges. We don't even know sneaking badges. Yeah, but Dala dollars facing several drug charges and was cited for driving under suspension while our officers are trained to expect the unexpected finding a raccoon holding a meth pipe is a first no raccoons were hurt or injured in this incident as always well this one might have touched do you get into any of this situation because i read about this story where i guess apparently the police officer turned off their body cam

for a couple minutes and so there is some, there is like, there's a little bit of a rumor that the police officer also did smoke crack cocaine with the raccoon. Because they're like, when do I get a chance to do that? With the raccoon. When in Rome.

No, I mean, but would you at that point try and light the pipe to see if this, the. Well, I'm sure that, yeah, I mean, why, you know, if the raccoons being arrested one on one last, you know one last dance with Mary Jane But what do you call it? Not here? 38 yeah, cracky Down to one last breath. All right here. We're gonna get out here on this. How old is Victoria Vidal? Woman who clearly lives in her car She's reached the age of like animals can be my friends.

34. 56. 41. 34. 56. 41. We've got the gamut. One of you is one year off. 55.

42. 33. Get your answers in. We come back, we'll find out what Dan's doing. You can follow and support him in one last story. This woman, Victoria Vidal, greatest name ever with raccoon buddy Chewie who smokes meth. Little bit of meth. 55 years old.

Hey! Nailed it! Nailed it and made the story way more sad. I smoked all of it. Sorry about that. Alright, 55 year old woman. We're gonna take a break, we come back. Daniel's gonna tell us what he's got going on

and then we got one last story. Give us a little teaser, Dan, what are we gonna hear? Possibly the craziest bet I've ever heard. I love it. If that doesn't keep you through the break, I don't know what will. Paul Scheer is with us, we'll be right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than people tell. Guys, I love talking about my pets. I love my dogs so much. You have great pets. Every dog that I've ever had, Virgil, Roman, now Ziggy and Ponyo, I do anything about my pets. I love my dogs so much. You have great pets. Every dog that I've ever had, Virgil, Roman,

now Ziggy and Ponyo, I do anything for these animals. I love them so much. And I think most people who have pets feel the exact same way. They bring you so much joy. Yeah, what can you do? Well, today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program.

And your pet is a part of your family. It's the truth. Big time. You want the best for them no matter what, but we all know vet bills can really add up. Pet is a part of your family. You want the best for them no matter what, but we all know vet bills can really add up. And look, that's why you should check out Pet Insurance. And with ASPCA Pet Insurance, you've had health insurance. Pet Health Insurance, that's right.

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and they have helped more than 600,000 pets during that time. 600,000 people. That's right, they allow you to customize your plan, helping ensure that your pet's plan is as unique as they are because vet bills can really add up, especially when you are least expecting it. It is simple. Use their app to submit the claim and then you'll receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank.

So Dan, I'm going to let you take everybody home here. Okay, let's do it. To explore coverage, visit the ASPCA Pet Insurance. Visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com. That's ASPCAPetInsurance.com. Again, that's ASPCAPetInsurance.com. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency, limited that is. The ASPCA is not an insurer

and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than a people town. Hey gang, welcome back to the show. The great Paul Shears book is in paperback and you can pick that up. Say the name one more time. Joyful Recollections of Trauma.

Joyful recollections of a fly Joyful recollections of trauma. Get it or get the audio book. Get the audio book, get whatever you want. Do whatever, however you like to intake. New York Times best selling book. I mean that's honestly at that point. That goes on your headstone. I mean that's it, yeah.

I will put it on my headstone and it'll be. I should have introduced you to that. New York Times best selling author and comedian Paul Scheer. Well I'll take it. I mean look, you can say it whenever you want. I should have introduced you to that. New York Times bestselling author and comedian Paul Scherzinger. Well, I'll take it. I mean, look, you can say it whenever you want. I say it all the time. That's how your wife has to address you in an argument.

Is that correct? Yes, and she does not like it, but. She has to. She wrote a book, too, and she didn't have that accolade. Contractionally obligated, and she's a great writer. She may be a better writer than you. It was so funny. She might be.

She is. She's the best. I will say the best part of the book was forming my own rivalries when I would see books out there that I was like, oh. I really got angry at. Tom Selleck and Bill Maher's book came out on the same day. It was a tricky day for me. I love, you know.

Right wing and newly right wing. Yeah, exactly. But I did a reverse mortgage and I bought Tom Selleck's book. Oh, that's it. The finance book. Was it really expensive? Yeah, it was very expensive. Oh my God.

He's got to pay for the Ferrari. I got a three-year arm on that book. He's supporting Higgins. All right, before I jump into story number three. Dan, what do you have going on? Go to danielvankirk.com. I'm taking June off, but in July I will be in Green Lake, Wisconsin at the Thrasher Opera House.

I'll be in Chicago doing a week of shows at the Lincoln Lodge. That is July 15th through the 19th. They let me sort of take over, do a show every single night. They're all different, they're all fun. Most of it's all going to be new material. Yeah, like different themes, different like premises to kick off the shows or kick off the line ups and stuff like that. Yeah, super fun. And then I will be in Cincinnati and Dayton, Kentucky the last weekend of July. And then I will be in Portland and Eureka, California

and Richmond, California and New Orleans. Watch my special, Rose Gold, and also listen to my podcast, The Midnight Air, right here on All Things Comedy. It's an overnight radio podcast that drops every Monday night. That's what I'm doing now. So listen to podcasts to go to sleep. Here's what's great. I did an episode of the, I found this list of the top 10 craziest bets of all time. Just a fun little, hey, you ever hear about this bet?

You hear about this bet, right? Somebody emailed me. That's how I got this story. Because you can email my show, The Midnight Mailbag at gmail.com.com He said can't believe this wasn't number one on the crazy bet list And it was so great that you had that I said Tom guys I will be doing this on dumb people a little bit of a crossover episode right this is your Jim sent this in Thanks, Jim. Thanks Jim Man gets breast implants for a bet. Oh my God, speaking of the league,

what if that was your thing? Well, I mean, by the way, I was gonna say, I'm very versed in insane bets because many bets are attributed to fantasy football. Yes, yes, right. And so. You lose the league and this is your relegation. Everyone reached out to you and is like,

in our league, we did it. 100%, all these penalties, all these things. Now here's, I've heard things like this, or threats of things like this or threats of things like this who is performing that surgery and as a as a doctor do you have any ethical like I guess you we can't refuse plastic surgery you can't refuse it right well in his defense he is transitioning into a dumbass alright so that is a complete the trite yes right well yeah I mean yes. Well yeah, I mean, now is it, can I ask,

well I'll let you continue, but is it for a length of time or for permanent? A man who had breast implants for a bet has confessed that he loves them too much to get rid of them. Yeah, he's playing with himself. Brian Zempik earned himself a cool. Brian Zempik.

I'm on Brian Zempik. I'm trying to lose 10 pounds. With an E, he's gaining his money. You gotta talk to Brian Manjaro. Stephen Manjaro. Earned himself a cool chunk of change when he agreed to go under the knife for the cosmetic surgery and keep his new implants

for a whole year afterwards. Oh my God. And he's not giving them up? If he went through with getting them. Did he get full women's breasts? We're gonna get there. If he went through with the bet and kept them for one year, he would win how much money?

Oh, $100,000. $100,000? $75,000. I think it's so little that it's like, he's just revealing that this is what he really wanted. I do think, and I don't wanna jump too far ahead, I do think as the story goes on, we do all sort of feel like, it's okay, man.

Yeah, dude, it's fine. It's okay. It's okay. $, 15 thousand dollars. I converted it from pounds to US dollars. 82 thousand, 80 thousand dollars. Still not enough. Well I guess the other question I have is did they pay for the procedure?

Right. Because is that like, is that 82, you know, without any issues? Insurance money. They're like, someone's like hey, why'd you do this? He's like, hey, my mouth is up here. Universal health care. Yeah, well, yes.

Under the terms of the original wager, it was also agreed that Brian would pocket 6,200 pounds or $10,000. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Four years from Paul Scherr. Six. Nine. He has had, at the time of this article was written, he's had his breasts for 17 years. Whoa! 10 times eight, that's 82. Well, the first year's a kickoff. So it's 16 years at 8200 a pop.

If he doesn't work at a Hooters, I'm mad at him. Well, this is the question I'm gonna have. Is this the type of guy, and I believe he might be, who is not wearing a bikini top, is going to the pool like tits out? Like, and can you go to the pool tits out? I don't think you can. I mean, I don't think you can.

He's adapted so well to his new man boobs, they're just boobs, that he's stuck with his new look ever since, and his wife Anita doesn't seem fazed by it. They're perky, I imagine, too, right? I have a question. His wife Anita loves him. They're in this article. In terms of our YouTube, what is the...

You black bar it if you... I don't want to give Aaron or our editor extra... Fuzz it out. No, yeah, honestly, all you need to do is just put a, well first of all it's a news article, but right. It is a news, it's from the Mirror. Put your fingers over the nipples. That would deny the joy.

But what you should do is take a screen grab of your head and just put it over each nipple. That's all you need to do. Mom and mom or dad can breastfeed you, there's a lot going on. This is him. I believe though, I believe and to your point, that it would technically not be nudity.

I agree. Because it is a man's chest, which we're okay with, which is odd. But yes, yeah, okay. It's like Oedipus Regina. Oh, not bad. They look amazing. You definitely won't get a flag for that.

Great breasts. Let me see it one more time. On him and his wife in bed both holding champagne She looks like a hostage she has her sheet as high as it'll go and he says turn the fan on Bring out you know I'm gonna say about this. This is actually open up my mind I think they're pretty they're pretty and they look good on him Yeah, they really do like that like that And they look good on him. They kind of do. They look good. They fit his face. Yeah. They really do.

Like that, like that. I guess like 17 years. Like I'm thinking in a weird way, like I'm gonna be looking at this person like Morgana, the kissing bandit. Yeah. What if he became that? Yeah.

I'm okay with it. It's like Steve. Have you ever seen a more approachable person? I'm like, this guy is great. And here's the thing He looks like Steve. This is your new friend at the resort I'm gonna present and if you show if you showed me that guy I would never think oh he's got breast but to go open Show me again one more time. One more time. He's this is what I was looking at

He looks like Steve boobjobs. No. He looks like Steve Winwood. Valerie. He looks like he plays bass. Oh my god, he plays bass. Also, I love that he's like, I gotta have my glasses on for this. It's a normal part of my life.

It really is. As sick as it is, it's normal, he told Inside Edition. I would go, it's not sick, buddy. It's not sick and it's also not normal. It's neither of those things. Right, it's interesting and it's crazy. Normal in the sense that you don't see this very often. Well, here's what I would say.

F it all, if it all. To my point now, after seeing this man and knowing that he probably put on a shirt and you wouldn't even know, to me, what's the difference between this and a tattoo? Both are things that you want ultimately people to make. Ooh, what's that? What's that? And then obviously there are different reasons you want ultimately people to make. Ooh, what's that? What's that?

What's, you know, and then obviously there are different reasons for that, but some people really have aggressive tattoos or beard. Or chin surgery to like make your jaw bigger. I'm just saying that like the things that we deem as society. Oh, like on top, cosmetic.

Appropriate. If you grow a ZZ Top beard, you're like, hey, I want, I'm doing this for some reason. Yes. And I think a tattoo, so that to me is the same exact thing. He likes the attention of it. What about hair replacement?

I mean, people do surgeries. Sure, go for it. Also, that's a whole different ball game. It changes your look. But I guess what I'm going- This is a little more outrageous. I'm going to the idea of like, you want people to talk about it.

Yeah, you are making a choice to do something like, if you put a teardrop on your face or a snake on your, like you're inviting the conversation. A hair transplant, chin, you may not be inviting that. You may not know. Oh, I see what you're saying. Look, if you get a new chin, you can't win a wet t-shirt contest.

He can't. He, I mean, he got, first of all, great plastic surgeon. Unbelievable. That might be who he has the bet with. Whoever did the work. But he got someone to pay him $82,000 and then $8,200 16 more times. Can I be honest with you, and this is my,

and I'm revealing something about myself right now. I don't love fake breasts. I think they're just, they look like fake artificial things. They don't look, it's not my thing. Those look real. Like the shape of them are. Who would have thought that this man would bring you across the bridge.

They look real. So we're talking about these breasts here, and this is a 2000, what, like 2004? No, like 2008, right? He got these in 1996. 1996. This is, so this is 2013. We were just on.? 1996. So this is 2013. We were just on.

Oh, oh, oh. The article. The article is 2013. I got it, okay. So you could still have them right now. I hope to God he still has. He's got a Bobby Benia. He's got a Bobby Benia every year.

He gets another check. He gets another chest. This is social security. Ready for the next turn in this really quick? The Canadian born magician. Oh, yes. Say no more. Yeah, that's gotta be a part of the, he's his, he's his own assistant. Also admits that after nearly

two decades, he's worried about what might happen if he removes them now. Oh my God, there goes, I don't want them to start sagging too much because they'll get disgusting. He added when I take them out, they're really going to look like wet socks with nipples. That's actually the grossest part of this story. I didn't need to hear that. Well, but here's the thing. Just that image. At this point, too, by 2013,

I think that they've had now breast implant. They can re-form nipple. He can be good. If he can look this good on the way up, he's gonna look good on the way down. He looks amazing. And I'm saying, I just cannot believe those are fake. Is it part of his act?

I just feel like they're real. Like he's always had them. I feel like it must be part of that. His 13 year old daughter Mika says that despite reservations She's finally gotten used to it confessing that with his synthetic additions He can play both parental roles. Sure. How? They can share bras. They can share bras. She's 13. I mean she got a belly. They can share bras. They can share bras. He knows about, but she's 13. I mean, she got a belly burly.

I gotta wear that. Whose bras is mine, yours or your mother's? That she says, which opens up a whole nother. I gotta wear a strapless. Whole nother realm of questions for me. The daughter says, it gets the bills paid. How? How?

Of course. I get this 100%. The boob magician? The man boob magician. Oh, one, he's gonna make your inhibition? The great rector. I am notob magician. Oh He's gonna make your inhibition great He's gonna make your inhibitions disappear. He's looking what's going to the gathering of the jugs Ryan Okay, Zembic Zembic Brian Zembic which is Zembic the great is like a fantastic IC I mean by the way talk about a closing party of the act

And no like I were these your boots closing part of the act. Exactly. Yeah. No, like I was- Are these your boots? He is 64 years old right now. Yes. He's got two pairs.

He's nicknamed the Wiz. Sure. He, okay, I have another- Why? You'll love my show. It's the tits. Oh, okay. He is not only a magician, but he's also a high-stakes gambler specializing in blackjack

and backgammon. That must be where these bets come from. That's right. Because when I did the top 10 bets on the Midnight Air, a lot-stakes gambler, specializing in blackjack and backgammon. That must be where these bets come from, because when I did the top 10 bets on the Midnight Air, a lot of them were poker players gambling with each other, like crazy bets. He is known as the man who would do anything to win a bet. Of course.

That is his moniker. Give me two pair. And then you know what? Make it a full house. And give me a pair of those two while you're at it, Pam. He's still on X Yeah, and he hasn't posted getting to open a how did this get made in New York Wow This is pretty amazing and he's on YouTube a lot with these. Oh my god. Oh my and

So he still has him he still got him. He's in New York No, I just I mean and here's his book Well, here's a book because the man with $100,000 breasts, is that? That is wild. Wow. It is getting the bills paid. All right, let's get out of here. We gotta close it up. How old is Brian Zembik?

Well, now I know the answer to this. As of 2013. Well, now we can do the math. You can do the math. I'm gonna stay out of this. You're out of it. He said it. I said it out loud.

Oh, he did? He said 64. 64 now, so. Yeah. 2013 he was 51. Sorry. 51 years old. Who cares? Who cares?

That is not true. Those breasts aren't 51. We ruin. But I am, but you know what, I imagine that that is, as a wife, or as a partner, you're like, this is a good deal. Because you are, it's not like you have to keep it hidden Like he I want you to take a photo of this when we're done text it to your wife and go we'll talk about this later

Yeah New Christmas card there you go. All right guys. That's a show new tent Yes, a go pick up a paperback or the audio version. Yeah, whatever you do joyful recollections of trauma Guys, we love doing this show for you. Thank you for letting us and enjoy his podcast. How did this get made or dark web, whatever you want to do. We're in a world of creating our own content and I love it. And it's so cool. I love everything you do. Thank you so much. I am a big fan of you all. So this is a great to be here. This is the best. And oh snap, we gotta get back to work. We'll see you. Peace.