Dumb People Town - Rick Glassman - Birds In The Attic
Episode Date: August 25, 2026Comedian, actor, dog owner, and podcaster Rick Glassman (Take Your Shoes Off) stops by as Randy describes why a man used demolition equipment on his wife's house, Daniel explains how a landlo...rd got caught having sex in tenants' apartment, and Jason warns against exposing yourself outside of a Taco Bell, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance and Hims!To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/dpt To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED and more, visit Hims.com/DPTSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Oh my goodness.
We've got an incredible episode of Dumb People Town this week with our guest.
Rick Glassman's on this show.
It's such a great show.
You got a story about a guy who tears down his own house.
You got a story of a guy who takes out his own chimichanga and the middle story.
Now I'm blanking.
Oh, it's a landlord who is.
Oh, Landlord's sex.
He's into his own.
Landlord's.
You can say that again.
Thank you.
He takes the birds out of her attic.
There we go.
You know what I mean.
Rick Glassman is on fire and his dog is adorable.
You got to watch it and listen to it.
You got at least, at least put it on, man, and check it out, man.
Just do that.
Make sure you click it, stick it, and lick it.
Thank you.
My name's Rick Glassman.
Keep going.
And make sure you go to punchup.
Dot Live slash Sclar Brothers to find out when they're going to be in Venice, California.
Thank you.
June 16th.
My name's Rick Glassman.
Have a good night.
Thank you so much for doing it.
Have a good night.
Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of dope so unaware they lack and grace
and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news.
Breaking down each epic fail.
Florida there's half price mail I'm happy to say they
couldn't make this dumb
So listen to our podcast band
With co-host our man Dan
Don't be a jerk
Don't be a jerk
Because when the music
Which the funny hits and we are done
Stick around
Make a sound
Come your Downdies
Don't People Town
Hey Tadies
Welcome to another episode of
Dumb People Town
Population You
Population Glassman
Rick Glassman
Welcome to the show
Thank you for having me.
So happy to have you on.
I'm happy to be here.
After enjoying the hell out of your podcast so much, we'll get to that.
Every clip I see.
Brilliant.
Crushes me.
You're doing really well.
I love it.
I mean it.
I love it when you make improvised music.
I love it when you flirt with other guests.
I love it when you do.
Nice boobs.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
He can't, when he's on a mic, he doesn't know when to stop.
Whoa, sorry.
Nice boobs.
Oh.
Hey.
These aren't poos.
This is a dog.
How do we get a dog on the show?
Nice boops.
This is your dog.
He was talking to the dog.
I mean,
I love that each one had a different level, too.
Yeah.
Mine was, like, very outward.
And then James was a declaration.
Declaration.
And dance was a little more understated.
Nice aside.
May I?
Yeah.
Explain?
Yes.
I noticed your booze and I thought they were nice.
Yeah.
I realized then I, like, wasn't paying attention.
I'm like, oh, geez, you have got a minor great.
And then after I was shut down, I just wanted to let you know.
Anything you were going to say, but I don't want to make a...
As my grandmother used to say, let's not make a federal case about it.
Oh, is she a federal boob inspected?
She would make a federal case.
She was on the international itty-bitty-titty committee.
You're on all of your cameras.
Every camera captures you all day.
Don't worry.
So we have great stories sent into us by our awesome fans.
They go on Twitter, formerly Twitter Now X,
and they just do hashtag Dump PeopleTown at Daniel Van Kirk,
at Skla Brothers.
And then we can timestamp it and say,
who sent this story in first?
So we have a story sent in.
Shall we just jump right in?
I think we got to jump right in.
Jump right in.
Jay, you got a dog on your lap.
That dog's so cute.
Here we go.
This was sent in by sexual anarchy at bad liver.
I don't think this person is sent in before.
Thank you, new person for sending this in.
Okay.
You ready for the headline, Rick?
Here we go.
Drunk husband takes messy breakup with wife to the next level with home demolition.
Drunk husband takes messy breakup with wife to the next level with home.
demolition. I'll tear this house down, he quote. That's the name of the HG TV show.
Right. Doesn't this feel like an HG TV show? You break up with your wife and then you destroy the house.
Yeah. The working title is Huff and Puff. Thank you. Hey, that's good.
You big bad wolf. All right, here we go.
Flip it or dip it. Flip it. Flip it or rip it? Flip it or break it or crush it. I don't know.
Make it or break it. Make it or break it. Make it or leave it. Love it or leave it.
Love it or leave her.
Love it or shove it.
Love it or leave her.
Yeah, but it's spelled
lever because it's like how you pull the lever.
Yes, sure.
A marital dispute in Pennsylvania,
thank you, has taken an extreme
turn. This is an extreme
home demolition resulting in destruction
of a large chunk of their house.
According to local reports,
and I'm not going to tell you his age, we'll guess this later.
Eric Piers,
P-I-E-R-W-S-Z-A.
please tell me how to pronounce it.
This is a Wisconsin last name if I've ever.
Pierwiza.
Peer wasa.
How would you pronounce this?
Spell it again?
P-I-E-P-I-E-E-R-W-S-Z-A.
Well, I don't want to, I want to cover that up.
P-I-E.
Just point to the word.
Oh, Piers was a.
Pears was a.
Pears was a great guy.
Pierce was a Morgan.
There it is.
Pierce was a Morgan.
Used an excavator.
He just had one.
laying around.
That's what I wonder.
This is why you don't get in a fight with someone who has access to an excavator.
It's going to be a problem.
No, it said he used to excavate her.
He used to excavate.
Whatever they do in their bedroom.
Whatever's consensual in their life, we let that be.
To rip apart the family home in Butler County, he ripped apart her Butler County.
There we go.
Folks.
After a big night of drinking prompted an argument with his wife.
The damage of the house was so severe that investigators believe it has compromised the
entire building's structural integrity.
Let's talk about the structural integrity of their relationship because that's gone.
This is why you really have to be careful when you throw around a, what are you going to do?
He's going to take it if you need to.
What are you going to do?
And who is Santina?
Yeah.
Put him on.
Put him on.
Put him on.
Well, no.
Get him on the phone.
Get him on.
Who is this?
Santino.
The damage that was so severe again.
According to CBS news, the incident unfolded when peer wasiza.
wife, his wife, reportedly told him their marriage was over, to which Piraweza responded with saying,
it's over.
If it's over, I'll tear the house down.
And I'm sure it was like, you're going to tell me it's over.
You can't tell me it's over.
Oh my gosh.
I tell you it's over.
You know this person?
I know, I think I know her.
No.
No.
She told me that she was trying to leave her husband, and he was so excited that they want to have a party and tear the house down.
That's right.
Well, that was the problem.
And she thought he.
She thought.
Here we go.
Well, this was going to be the plot of the sequel to the Queen Latifah, Steve Martin.
Bringing the house down.
Bringing down.
This is after a all night long drinking.
Not to be mistaken with the Steve Martin Goldie Hawn house guest.
Not to be mistaken with the John Leggizamo vehicle, house a bugging.
I think what I'm thinking is how what you're, there's a, there's a Sinbad Phil Hartman.
one that's house guest
house guest. I'm thinking house sitter. And then there's
Dan Stevens movie The Guest. Then
there is, don't tell mom the babysitter is dead.
Dishes are done. Folks.
Pull. Pull. That movie is, I've gone back
and now watched last night, I sat
and I watched Up the Creek
with Tim Matheson.
It is quite
like we are killing ourselves to make these scripts
that we're writing actually like perfect. It makes
sense. Right. I had the same feeling
It gave up.
It is a crime.
Everyone should be prosecuted who worked on that movie.
Why?
It was terrible.
Do you know what I watched this weekend?
I don't like being part of this.
I'm not sure I do either.
I liked tango.
I watched tango and cash.
And he broke my leg, my hip and my jaw.
Tango cash.
Tango cash.
Tango cash.
Was that just pitch?
Are you saying up the creek is in the same category as?
No, he just doesn't want to criticize the stuff.
I'm just saying right on top of that, Rose.
Do people who listen to this?
Are they of the age where that makes sense?
Yes.
So everyone's older than everyone's at least 25?
Probably.
We have some younger people who listen to the show, but majority.
Older folk listen to this show.
You go back and watch tango and cash.
First of all, Terahatcher.
Amazing drummer.
What about Cato and Nash?
Different show.
What about corned beef and ash?
No, that's a different.
What about Pluto and Nash?
No, it was Pluto Nash.
That was the guy.
What about pass or smash?
What about Jason and Nash?
What about creditor cash?
What about balder and dash?
What about Hawkeye and Mash?
Okay.
What about, I got a hair and makeup in here, at least somebody to do my last?
Hey.
All right.
Like a long road with a good ending.
That's right.
The excavator.
He went around the callusack and got back to the same house.
That's right.
All right.
So local 30s allege.
So people understand these references?
I could even reference mash.
Yeah, he did.
He did.
He did Hawkeye on Mash.
Oh, right.
Local 30's alleged.
Pier was a climbed into the heavy machinery and began tearing into the house with his wife and two daughters outside
the whole time he's doing this wait but like his pictures it take to go to get an excavator and then when you hear
that it's coming get out of that B EEP dash B E R P. Ah see what he did?
I'm just already seeing the comments being like this guy's so annoying no about you welcome to the party
I don't know.
He's a flash in the pan.
A pan in a flash.
A pan in a flash.
The sound of the excavator tearing through the walls could repeatedly heard during his wife's 911 call.
After the destruction stopped, which also could have been like, that's a movie after the destruction stopped starring Tina Turner.
Terry Hatcher.
Terry Hatcher.
After the destruction stopped, investigators said peer was a went back inside, grabbed a gym bag, and went into town before eventually being located.
I got to go work out.
After a long day of destroying half my house.
You're drunk.
You've already ripped your house down.
It's time to do some lads.
Yeah.
We'll pull that action?
Yeah.
Just you back and back.
You know, we're making him sound really bad, but she might have been quite a gash.
Oh, yeah.
You know how to make a splash.
He really do.
Pira was arrested over the incident as now facing several charges.
Do you think he said, can I just finish one more set as he's being arrested?
Let me just get a quick fitness.
Quick super set in causing a task.
This is what he was arrested for.
Catastrophe.
You can be arrested for catastrophe.
Reckless endangerment.
He's tearing down the house with the family in it.
Yes.
Disorderly conduct.
That's attempted murder.
It could be.
Maybe he thought in his mind, she's going to get half of whatever I have anyway.
I'll take the half.
Let me take my half out now.
And then we'll see if she like.
So he was arrested for catastrophe, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, and not allowing
someone to work in on the leg machine.
Yeah, that was two years.
Landy.
No, court records show that his wife, he didn't want to smile.
I didn't want to smile?
You looked like you were fighting at all.
Oh, I thought I felt like I was giving you like a.
Like a proud.
Yeah.
Proud like a professor looking at his, he was giving me.
I was into it.
Like when my dad gave me when I would play, when he coached T-ball and I was always
playing in the dirt.
Right.
But now and I finally like got on base.
And he was like, there you go.
And when I say got on.
base. I mean a single. Let's not
let's not, let's not embellish how far you hit the T. First of all, I'm going to tell you
right now, you definitely hit the T harder than the ball. I don't know many people who can get an
extra base hit in T-ball. It's very hard to do. So you did it. You did as well as you could have.
It's base to base in T-ball. Yeah. I was more saying the leg day was a single.
Oh, single leg day.
Court records also show his wife plan to seek a protection from abuse order.
Yeah, good. That's a good call. Good. Neighbors who spoke with the local news
outlet said that they are still
struggling to understand how the situation
escalated quickly.
Because you left an excavator in your front line?
One neighbor actually joked, and
I love when someone comes in hot with a
joke. Let me get in the article.
Susan, they're talking to the other people.
I got a thing.
Hey, we don't need a quote from me.
Can I say something?
We don't need a quote.
You guys writing a story about Rick?
I got a story for you.
Is it funny?
Is it a joke? Let him say it.
Do you have a joke?
Let him say.
What did they say?
There's one neighbor joke to interview with CBS News that he'd, quote,
like to know what she said to him because I'll make sure I don't say it.
This is the reverse.
I'll have, I won't have what he's having is what he said.
Hey, what did she say to him?
I'll make sure I don't say the same thing.
Divorce?
To be fair.
Yes.
It was the writer of the article who called this a joke.
Right.
That's more just an aside.
Right.
That's a throw away.
Calls up the reporter and goes, hey, man.
I wasn't trying to be.
I never said I got a fucking joke for you.
This next guy thinks he's the next Jerry Seinfeld.
Check out what he said about that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's like when people bring you up on stage as a very special guest.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yeah, I'm just a guy who's done a lot of TV and film.
Listen to this guy, and I think this is how the jokester finished.
Listen to his phraseology and his next quote.
Okay.
42 years I've been married.
That's such a weird.
I've been, you should say.
Wait, this is the neighbor?
still?
Still?
Who are you?
Relationship Yoda put it in the right order.
42 years I've been married, but I've never threatened to tear the house down.
Yeah, most people don't.
Yeah.
Good for you.
Yeah.
Does that make you a hero?
I take care of my kids.
Here's a list of other things I've also never done or threatened.
That should make me a good person.
I never took a baseball bat to a guy at an ATM machine.
You're welcome.
I guess I'm a good guy.
I guess, you know, all heroes don't wear capes.
I have never been married for 43 years yet.
Yes.
Okay.
So all heroes don't wear capes.
I'll put that one down as a joke.
Here's the good news.
Users flock to a post on X to weigh in on the wild incident with many questioning how someone
can be arrested for damaging their own home.
You're endangering the people.
Right.
There are children and a woman in there.
How does he get arrested tearing down his own house?
One person question.
Another poked fun.
Well, no one ever accused him of not following through on his word.
How is that even part of anything?
Yeah, also maybe, maybe somebody has.
Yes.
Maybe his wife did and this is what happens.
From this angle, it kind of looks like, could I say the dog's sucking my dick?
Yeah, he does.
You've taught the dog to lick his owner.
He said, how long do you want me to do it?
I said, you'll know.
Yeah.
I'll tap you on the head, man.
I've never accused your dog for not following through on his word.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
He did.
Okay.
Many others made light of the domestic clash.
I don't think insurance will cover that one.
Hey, I didn't go to X or Twitter to have like deep philosophical discussion.
It is.
That would be good if it became a job interview question.
Have you ever been accused of not following it through on your word?
How about this?
And I'm going to do this in the voice that I think the guy is who wrote this one.
The third noted while another said, wondering who'll get the house in the divorce.
Another neighbor yelled.
Another neighbor, let me do it like a writer.
Yeah.
Another neighbor exclaimed.
Uh-huh.
I wonder if this will make it.
on dumb people stupid people town
dumb people town how do the fight get to this point of tearing down a house just to prove a
point someone else pointed out i don't think it was just to prove one point i think he was just
reacting to his person honey i'm gonna weigh in on this uh on what this thing that has nothing to do
with me on twitter this is what i'm thinking of saying peer peer was uh is due in court for his
preliminary hearing on june 9th and i'm just going to say this is not written the article he better
win that court a case or that whole
course is going to court is going to be brought
down to the ground. Tear it down.
They're up down them chambers. I got another face.
I got another face.
Ter it.
Tear it to the ground. That's a solid
single, Randy. Thank you.
We're going to get his age.
We're going to go to short right field.
We should, I don't know what the budget is, but
take this over. We should go.
Let's go and take the house over.
No, no.
But what I was suggesting is, well, let's go to the
court here. Go to the hearing.
And like just do live, live stories from the hearing.
Here's what we do.
We lob ourselves up.
Sure.
But the only footage that we use are when the camera shows us, you know, how it shows like
the benches.
Like I did a background or can always sunny in Philadelphia.
Yeah.
And like you could see me go.
Did you do background?
Yeah, a few times.
And you could see you in the background.
So like we do that.
And you could see it.
But like it's kind of like the DVD bonus features of courtroom stuff.
Yeah.
You can hear what these people are saying.
That would be great to get like background actors commentary.
on scenes that they were in?
Oh my God.
Why are we not doing this?
Why are we not?
You should...
I have a reel of a lot of background stuff I've done.
Your background reel?
Yeah.
And you just are saying,
don't play this,
don't watch this, just put it on in the background.
Yeah, just while you're doing something else,
just have it on a TV.
I was always so excited.
Yeah.
I was so excited.
Crazy Anatomy.
Wow.
How am that your mother?
I love it.
Let's get out of here on this.
How old is Mr. Eric Piers?
You are our guess.
We also have the video, Randy.
Oh, we have video?
Give me the video.
Do you guess his age before we see a video?
Let's see the video.
And then we'll guess his age.
All right?
He's going to.
Well, that's not necessary.
Escalating.
I'm like, what is it?
This is quite a.
Wow, he really took it out on her.
What did he?
I'm going to take you this old.
Did I, did Iran say it was going to divorce him?
Jesus.
I feel this isn't going to make the cut.
He took it out on the Straits of Hormuz.
Yeah.
Of Hermuz.
That's a carmel.
Homosexuals?
What the hell?
Yes.
Thank you.
And the gays of Hormuz as well.
Yes.
That would be a phenomenal gay bar.
What?
The gays of Hormuz.
And it's a very narrow...
It's a very narrow bar.
It's one in one out.
Oh.
All right.
None of this is it.
Oh, this is it.
I had to sit through some really long ads to make this impossible.
Oh, shoot.
From this angle, it looks like my dog was...
From this angle, it looks like my dog is my penis.
Sorry to interrupt me because I know you guys are filming with something.
But does it look like my...
my dog's licking my penis from his name? No, not at all.
Not at all. He looks like he's very tastefully.
He looks like he's very tastefully giving you a paw job.
This is for Dan. How old is Eric Piraosa?
Pierraza. Peerr was a. Peer was a. How old?
Rick, you're a guest. Here's a photo. Oh, that's the house. That's the house.
Tearing down the house.
Also, if that's just laying around in your front yard, don't mess with the guy. If he has access
to one of those, don't mess with them. Well, by the way, messing with him was her.
saying that you're drunk and I want a divorce.
Right, sure.
That's not really messing with him, but also like, don't bring.
She's not supposed to leave.
She may have accused him of not following through.
Right.
And she may have, off the record.
I'm gonna go 48.
Oh, he looks here.
No, that's, he's, uh, well, now it's a lot easier to guess.
What do you think?
I think he's, I think he's 42.
Aaron out here with the tip.
42?
I said 48.
All right.
And I bet he's Australian.
Yeah.
Big penis?
Thick.
Thick.
Thick?
Dick, I think he actually uses...
Do we know his penis?
No, we don't know his penis.
That's a nice house, though.
I'm going to say he's 46.
Okay, 36, 48, 42.
Get your answers in, but one of you is exactly right.
Ooh.
So do you want to stay where you are?
Well, now I know it's 48.
How do you know?
Because when you said one of you is exactly right,
you tried not to look at anybody,
but the person that you were closest to is right here.
I throw my looks all over the place.
We'll see.
I throw my looks all over.
I'm staying with me.
Well, I'm not going to change it.
because I made it.
You clearly fought for yourself.
Unlike this 48-year-old, I stick to what I said.
You follow through on your word.
What you say is you follow through.
I'm going to stay at 46.
Stay at 36.
You're staying at 42 and you're staying at 48?
48.
48.
That is story number one is down in the books.
Eric Piroza is 48 years old.
That's what I have to tell.
That's what I do.
I have to tell.
You are so good.
That's what I do.
All right.
Well, we come back.
You went like this.
I didn't think I did
No that's the multi
The multi-cam version is this
Right
It's very exaggerated
Very exaggerated
All right
That's story number one
Down the books
When we come back
We'll let you know what we have going on
We'll tell you about
Rick's amazing podcast
You can tune in and check out
We'll be right back on the other side
We'll be right back
Stick around
Make a sound
Come here down
East dump people town
Hey guys
I want to talk about my pets
I love my two doggies
Ziggy and Pano
my two French bulldogs.
Pano had like a little thing recently,
and it's been a couple years.
We've been trying to like make sure she's okay,
but I just care about these doggies so much.
I love them.
She's better now,
but I just think about them all the time.
She had like a slipped disc a while ago.
Really?
I just,
I love them so much.
With my kids away,
I love them even more.
Sure.
They're taking up a lot of that time.
They take that space.
Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA
pet health insurance program.
I'm so happy they're sponsoring us, Jay.
Well,
if you've ever owned a pet,
you know that they're,
run on their own logic, right?
Hell yeah.
They jump first, they think later, they ask questions.
They'll literally run on anything.
Oh, yeah.
They'll chase anything.
It's part of what makes them so lovable, but it's also how you end up with a surprise vet visit.
Yeah.
You didn't see coming.
That's why ASPCA pet health insurance helps cover eligible vet expenses.
So when those moments happen, you can focus on getting your pet the care they need instead of stressing over the cost.
100%.
That's right.
So the ASPCA health pet insurance program offers customizable accident illness plans.
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Because let's be honest, bills can add up fast.
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Especially when they're in the wrong time.
I know.
ASPCA, and they never come at a good time.
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And when it's time to submit a claim, it's easy.
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accounts you can get back to focusing on what you really what really matters do you your bet dan
number one thing how do people do this what you got to do if you want to and i think you should you explore
coverage you visit as pcea pet insurance dot com slash d pt that's as pca pet insurance dot com slash d pt this is a
paid advertisement insurance is underwritten by either independence american insurance company or united
States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited.
The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.
So the moment that you notice something's off in the bedroom, maybe the show isn't going as planned.
The thing is, a lot of guys who have that sort of issue, whether it's stress or whatever it is in their life that is making them sort of not perform the way they want to, they not in a good way, sit on it.
They don't really do anything about it.
They don't maybe address it.
That's why I'm so happy that we have Hymns as a sponsor of this episode and this show
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Guys, I don't have to tell you.
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Stick around.
Make a sound.
Come here down.
We can all fart now for a second.
Hey.
How?
Is it your dog?
Ready?
Ready.
Real quick.
Does it look like your dogs eating out?
Okay.
Three, two.
and we are back.
Did you edit out everything that just happened?
We're going to keep everything in.
No, is that all right?
No, I mean, everything that stays.
It's completely livelihood.
It all stays.
That's okay with that look.
Welcome back to the show before we get into Rick's podcast,
which is amazing, which I really want to do.
He won't let us do it.
No, he's, we got to be better about getting.
He said he'll let one of us do it.
Will you guys do your karate kid story on there?
Yes, of course.
We'll do all of it.
Anything you want.
Let's do it.
Before we get into that, we should mention that we have a bunch of stuff coming up.
And if this lands before June 16th, we're doing headlining shows in L.A., headlining shows.
You don't see that too much.
If you're in L.A., that's a great, that's a great, because you don't want to see these 15 minutes sets.
No, this is a full show.
Full show that we're doing at the Venice West on June 16th, two shows, 7 and 9 p.m.
And then we'll be in San Francisco at Cobb.
Realistically, the 9 p.m. will probably not start until 9.30.
You just heads up.
If you are running late, try not to, but don't not go because you're a little late.
Correct.
20th and Lincoln.
is the location of the Venice West over in Venice.
It is a cool venue.
I've seen music there.
I love it.
Small, intimate.
I'm really excited to do these shows there.
Let's sell them out.
Then we're going to be in Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco on the 19th and 20th of June.
We're going to be at the Comedy Fort and Fort Collins, the third weekend in July.
We're guest hosting Jim Rome's radio show.
It actually will be a pier on X.
That's the end of June.
And then we're going to be at the Grand Comedy Club in Escondito, the middle of August.
All of our dates, you can look at Pumramus.
Punchup. Live.
Sign up there.
Throw us your emails on there.
We have never built an email list.
We're building an email list almost from scratch.
Thanks to Punchup.
Punch up.
We love a punchup.
Email list.
And we will not.
You're not going to spam.
You'll listen.
Here's what we'll do.
You're coming within 50 miles of their city.
They're going to send you an email.
Just give the zip code and your email address.
Thank you.
No spam.
Every now and then they send a couple of emails that you can opt out to, but it's not invasive.
That's punchup.
That's punchup.
Live slash Sklarbrother.
Yes.
Every now and then we will ask.
you to be a part of a pyramid scheme.
Why is that so weird?
You're up to turn it.
You're performing in Egypt.
Yes.
We will ask you to send Lyndonberger Baskets.
Longer burger.
Longer.
And it's the pyramid scheme is...
The pride of Dresden, Ohio.
If you can get 11 people onto a tour of the pyramids and they can get 11 more people
in Giza, then they add...
22 people.
Right.
And then you get their people...
Well, you get a percentage of the next 11 people...
You've got to get the people on the pyramid tour.
Anyway, whatever.
It's very easy.
Punch up to hard to understand how to do.
Good stuff happening.
Let's talk about your podcast, which is so funny.
Oh, thanks, man.
Take your shoes off.
I saw that.
I saw it.
A little stretch.
Are you working out?
No, he's in which way to the...
Which way to the Sphinx?
My dad was just showing my nephew, Steve Martin, King Tut.
So fine.
And in my head, it's like, Steve Martin, he's a king.
Obviously, I mean, he's amazing.
But, like, it feels like that's a little dated.
Like, it's a silly thing.
But sure enough, when you watch...
Did your kid did the nephew laugh?
It's just he's so, he's so brilliant.
Oh, my God.
Just seeing him go.
Yeah.
It's like, it just works, man.
It's a, it doesn't work on paper.
It, we love Steve Martin.
If I had one wish, one wish in all the world.
My favorite.
He delivers it with that same level that he does the exuberance of King Tut.
And he's, he's still, still, still funny.
And I feel like he's funny in the way an older man is funny.
Like he has grown in, yeah.
I was talking about you.
Both at you and saying about Rick Glassman is still funny in his older mandates.
We got to get on Rick.
We're agreeing.
Oh, yeah.
No, we got to get on Rick's podcast.
How do we get on Rick's podcast?
Well, there's three ways.
Sign up at punchup.
I want to tell my tour dates.
Yes, do it.
End of this month in June.
I'm in Washington, D.C.
And then beginning of July.
Where?
The 20, whatever that is, 27th, 28th, 25th, 26th.
Where are you going to?
Where are you going to be?
DC improv.
Fun.
You two?
No, one nighters.
One night in D.C., one night in Baltimore.
One night in Bangkok.
Makes a hard man humble.
Then the next week, I'm in Columbus, Ohio.
July 22nd, I'm in Montreal.
Just for the Last Comedy Festival.
Beautiful.
In August, I am doing the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh.
Nice.
There, and then I...
That's amazing.
Also, at the end there, I'm going to be in London.
And I haven't confirmed the dates yet,
but I think I'm going to be in Amsterdam in Dublin as well.
Whoa, I want to hear about all these.
And then September, Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, Philadelphia, October, Houston, Texas, Tacoma, Washington, November Salt Lake City.
Hey now.
I love all these places.
I think so.
Yeah.
Are all your dates at, what, Rick Glassman.com?
Rickglastman.com, which all of my dates, they are forwarded directly from Punchup.
Punchup.com.
Sign up from email list.
Punchup.
Or punchup.
Live slash Rick Glassman.
But, you know, we've been talking a lot about logistics here.
Let's do it.
But what I really want to talk about is getting inside a podcast.
How great punch up is.
It's wonderful.
How any issues here that keep, they're innovating.
They're making the experience.
Not just better for us, the comedians, but the end user.
For the fans.
Yeah, I like putting content on there.
What are you going to do in Edinburgh?
We're at my show.
Okay.
Just your stand-up show?
No.
Oh, love.
That's great.
Yeah, my stand-up show.
I'm trying to fill my special end of the day.
this year and beginning of next year.
I've never done a special.
Where do you want to do it?
I'm still trying to figure it out.
Perfect world.
Are you going to spoil it by mentioning places?
No, no.
So in a perfect world, where would you like to do?
That's where I would do it.
I feel like in a perfect world.
No, I'm saying in a perfect world, you do it.
In a perfect world.
You just do it.
Right.
It's not like, ah, I would love to do it and, you know.
In an imperfect world.
Denver, but I can't.
Are you Cleveland?
I am from Cleveland.
Yeah.
Would you go back?
I just said it there.
It came and did a set on our show.
I remember.
So you would do it,
you would do it there,
but you just did it.
You got to go to a city
that it has to do it here.
Yes.
Oh yeah?
And I'll tell you why.
Tell us why.
I've been here for a while.
I know it here.
The hesitation I have is
I've never done an hour in L.A.
By choice.
So that's fine.
We'll tell you about it.
June 16.
Two shows.
Two shows.
Seven and us west.
Also,
I don't love the idea of people coming that
I still want them to,
but still like,
I don't want to see people that I know
in the first.
No.
You like seeing like,
you like,
you like,
I wanted to be strangers.
I wanted to be strangers.
Yes.
So in L.A., you know, like, there's been a fair amount of people who have seen me do multiple
20-minute sets.
Right, right.
I don't, but the truth is, I don't think that matters.
I don't know.
I've just never done this before.
Well, I think you're going to, whenever you do it, it's going to be great.
You're going to come back from Edinburgh.
Are you going to do two weeks of your show?
It's just one, it's just five days there.
Great.
And then, and then six, six days in London.
We should do that.
Are you doing the Soho Theater in London?
Yeah.
There was a theater.
I don't remember, like a bigger place.
Lysium.
Whatever it is, I could do one or two shows there, but like, I'm Lester Square.
But I'm like, I want to be there and do like, I want to be there.
I love being in London.
Sure.
So, Soho, not that many seats.
Downstairs and the downstairs thing are the big room.
It's probably in the big room.
I don't know.
Give this guy the big room.
I saw Michael Chey in the downstairs.
All right, fine.
It's not that small.
It's like 180.
It's big room.
Big room.
I can't wait.
Go see him.
We have, we have fans who are supporters of our in England.
Go see this.
Wait, there's people in England watching this?
Yes.
You should put the dog on the other side of your lap.
Hey, can we?
Let's jump into story number two.
Yeah, let's do it, ready?
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
I'll have you guys on the podcast.
Alvin Catabay.
We'll do it.
Absolutely.
Alvin Catabay, who's a fantastic listener.
I know we just celebrated Easter, and I know you always like to, you're the early to get the
Cadabay eggs.
It's just fantastic, which is egg on the outside, chocolate on the inside.
It's a reverse.
Cadabay?
Westland?
The guy's, our friend's name is Catabay, which to us.
sounds like the Cadbury egg,
which is chocolate with this egg.
I know, I love Cadbury Cream eggs.
But the Cadabay egg, the Alvin Cadabay egg,
is egg on the outside chocolate.
His name is Alvin.
Alvin Cadabay.
That's the dog's name.
Oh, hi, buddy.
Who's a good boy?
Oh, go get him.
Go say hi.
Came alive for affection.
Oh, yeah.
What is he a comic?
He's a whore in a good way.
I think he's scared to jump because of this.
If you move your mic stand a little, they'll probably jump up.
Get him.
Open up.
All right.
All right.
Anyway.
The moment has passed.
Westland landlord caught having sex on tenants' security camera.
The landlord is, wait.
So should the tenant have a camera?
A couple renting a home in Westland were hoping their landlord was at their residence to do some house repairs.
If you ask Javon Crawford and his wife, the owner was there to be removing dead birds from the attic.
Wow.
He was removing.
It's a figure of speech.
Have you removed dead birds from a girl's out of him?
Hey.
I was there removing dead birds from her attic.
But instead...
I had to go all the way in.
When alerts on Crawford's wife's phone from their security camera...
This old lady had bats in the belfry, if you know what I mean?
She was instead greeted with something much different.
Their landlord was making himself at home with another woman directly in front of their security camera.
I mean, is the camera in a teddy bear?
Like, what are we talking about?
Sitting on a counter facing the living room.
Oh.
The Logitech is on.
Yeah.
You're seeing...
You're seeing the thing beep.
You're seeing it beep.
Tenants in the Westland homes said the obscene activity unfolded before their eyes on Monday.
Now, Rick, your podcast, take your shoes off.
Could you imagine seeing that someone didn't break into your home to, like, rob it?
No.
Just violated your home.
Being naked and having sex.
It's the landlord, too.
So it's kind of like it's a worse violation, I think.
Like, it's a bad violation when someone breaks in your house, period.
Right.
You're a name.
I feel like Seinfeld does a bit on that, but landlord just sounds so dramatic.
It is.
Lord of the land.
Lord of the land.
Yeah, but, yeah, because.
Landlord should be able, I mean, have you guys seen Braveheart?
Yeah, it's, you should be able to have sex in your house.
Give them.
Yeah, I know what you're, because if somebody you don't, you know, you have no expectation of trust for them.
You would rather they didn't break into your house and have sex.
Right.
Like, but you have an expectation with your landlord.
Like, you don't call the person, the stranger who broke into your house and say, my washer is.
How could you do this?
My dishwasher is broken.
Yes.
Can you come and fix it?
Correct.
Could you come and fix it?
And they're like, I can do it.
Yeah.
Tenets in the Westland home, in the Westland Homes had the obscene activity unfolded before their eyes on Monday.
On a Monday.
Dude, afternoon delight.
He was walking back and forth naked, Crawford told Fox too.
Was he prancing at this point?
I don't know, but this great.
That's a prancer.
I think he was making a sandwich.
I don't know.
I could come and then fix it.
That's right.
I'll come and fix it.
He was making a sandwich naked?
That's what?
That feels weird.
Also, he's going in their fridge.
Yes.
Is that, but maybe is that a euphemism?
Well, that's not where the birds are.
I made a sandwich with her.
I first gave her the salami and then I took the bats.
Then it took the birds out of her.
Took the words out of her.
I gave her the special sauce.
Both Crawford and his wife,
while this was happening.
Punchup.
That's slash Sclar brothers.
Thank you.
I gave it a special sauce.
We're at the hospital with a sick grandma when the notifications came in.
They're having multiple bad days.
I got to tell you something.
They may have a sick grandma, but they have a real sick landlord.
Hey.
Who rescued who?
Who rescued who?
Squad brothers punch up without a live.
I think there's a moment where they're with their sick grandma.
They're like, things can't get worse than where we're at right now.
Check the ring cam at home.
Make sure nobody's stealing our bread.
You hear the chimes of a ring cam.
You're just like, oh, God.
Crawford wonders is the landlord.
that the landlord had done it before saying he seemed too comfortable while in the act.
Yeah, he's naked.
Well, you're not doing it uncomfortably.
Of course.
If you're walking around making it, like making a sandwich naked is something.
If you ever landed a lord.
If you've ever walked around and made a sandwich naked, you might be showing your dickneck.
Yeah.
Sengroff.
Single.
Crawford's handed the X-rated video over to police.
Fox 2 asked several prosecutors and defense attorneys about if what took place as illegal.
And a neighbor joked, well, is this what?
I got one for this.
I got a joke.
Is this what brought down Hulk Hogan?
This is my question.
Officials are split on whether it was a crime or not.
Yeah.
Why?
Because he owns the building?
Because he owns the building.
So he should have.
No, but contractually, he's not, they have to give 24 hours notice before he's going to fuck somebody in their attic.
That's right.
You do have to give.
You can't clean them birds out without notice.
He's not having sex with her in the attic.
He's cleaning the birds out of her attic.
The attic is a euphemism for her butt.
It's possible to act.
I think so.
Garage and attic is butt and pussy and pussy.
No, that's not it.
Sunk in living room is vagina.
Conversation pit is.
The conversation pit is breakfast.
Conversation pit is the mouth.
Breakfast nook is the ear.
That's true.
The breakfast.
The breakfast.
This nook could also be the bud.
It could.
Depending on how you view it.
Bay window.
Officials are split on whether it was a crime or not.
It's possibly, it could be trespassing.
I'm just going to throw this out there and I'll let you guys answer it, Rumpus Room.
Yeah.
If.
I got some of a view.
Do it.
If, if she.
You ever.
If you've ever had her in her rumpus room.
If she bleaches her.
If she bleaches her butthole, it's a finished basement.
Fair enough.
Stop it.
Don't you think.
What I do?
I don't know.
He gave a look.
He gave me a t-ball look.
You made it to first base.
It's more likely a civil issue for violating portions of a lease agreement.
Look at this guy.
Let me just ask you.
I almost took the L-Sat.
I took it in the practice L-Sat.
You did?
We took the L-Sats.
Took them.
How'd you do on the practice?
157 163
higher
67 170 170
169
168 8 8 oh my god
168 and a half
I took it once I got a 68
68
you guys got into law score
I went to Harvard law for a year
how was it? I didn't stay
well you wanted to be a comedian
Yeah.
You got into Emory and I got into George Washington.
It's no Harvard, but...
No, it's not Harvard Law, for Christ's sake.
Did you get into George Washington's attic?
No, but I cleaned his birds out.
Fox 2 approached the landlord.
I cleaned the birds out of his wooden teeth.
And then as I was cleaning out, I said to the woman,
is that a load-bearing wall? Come on.
Canton Township home, hoping for an explanation.
He waved us off and declined comment.
Now, I'm going to show you the only picture I have,
And there's as much to take away from him as there is the reporter.
Oh, it's up there.
Oh, great.
So that's the reporter and that's the guy.
You sure?
How many cycles of steroids has he done that he's distended his stomach?
I love that he's the bad guy in this story and wearing a Darth Vader shirt.
And his face is blurred.
The confidence.
Is that his face?
That's his actual face.
I'm not fat shaming at all.
That's the shape of his body.
The confidence to walk naked around in front of a ring camera like that.
And make a sandwich?
and make a sandwich?
Does you need carbs?
No, but this hour.
She's killing that CRV.
So that's a story.
Who's filming the reporter and what is she filming?
She's showing him the footage of him walking around naked.
Do we have that footage?
We don't have that.
Roll that.
It does exist.
I did not include it in the story.
But you're able to see it?
You see him walking around and at one point.
Wait, you could see it and we're not showing that.
And then at one point, you see, because it's a, the couch is in front of the camera.
Can we get the footage and show it?
Perfectly.
And we don't see his penis.
But you do at one point see her legs straight up in the air.
Wait, how are you not, is this public?
Why wouldn't we be showing us?
It was on the news.
We'll show it.
I didn't get clearance.
That's like having a blah, blah, blah, without showing the da-da-da-da.
You got to put the moment.
It's like having a, uh, uh, uh, I don't know.
No, you were right.
No, you did what he did.
You just did it in your own way.
It's like having an, he did a blah, blah, blah.
And you did it.
Well, you don't put...
Aaron, if you can find it.
The footage.
You don't have to find it.
Can we play a game where we try and do that?
Yes, let's do it.
Okay, cool.
Oh, interesting.
I didn't realize that the landlord was Ben Freeman.
Oh.
You know what people say like a name?
Yeah, I don't know.
Like, I get it.
It's like, oh, my guy must have done something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had no idea that the landlord was Glenn Scarpelli.
Yeah, better.
Is that a real guy?
Yeah, he played, he was in, was he in...
One day to time.
One day at time.
He plays Schneider's nephew.
That gives a new meaning to having a key to the door.
Hey, definitely don't call the maid to clean up.
This guy's walking around like it's DefCon 7.
That's not what I'm saying.
It's time to renew the lease.
Yes.
If you know what I mean.
Now you're getting the rules.
All right.
Let's just say the grapes are in the fridge, if you know what I mean?
Next time, let's read the small print guys.
Well, he didn't finish making his sandwich
That's a real joke
That actually is true
Let's do that, yeah
Let's just say that he
Nobody ever said he didn't honor his commitments
It's the one in the middle
Let's just say he left his grapes in her fridge
Yeah
It's the AOL one
That's it right there
Let's just
Let him finish
Let him finish
Let him get it out
That's what she said
These are getting the tea
Still in the pot
If you know what I'm saying
These are stills from the camera
You had stills from the camera
You had stills from the camera?
Well, no, that was what that was.
That was what that was.
You missed it, Rick.
Nick, it was up.
Stills from the camera.
One of my favorite college points.
I was ever going to hang with my buddies.
That's right.
Well, good thing we get to do both.
Hey.
Looks like we're all out of porn.
All right.
So when we come back, we're going to find out where you can catch Dan live and all that stuff.
And it's great.
Oh, you didn't even mention your podcast, which is fantastic to the Midnight Air.
Midnight Air.
We'll talk about that when we get back.
We'll talk about that when we get back.
We'll be right back.
The great Rick Glassman is here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You take it.
Stick around.
Make us down.
Hunger Down.
It's Dump people town.
All right.
Let it out.
Let it out.
No, this is stinging.
We're out.
And we're out.
Okay, good.
All right.
Great.
No.
One more second.
And we're out.
Three, two, one.
And we're out.
There we go.
Welcome back to the show, everybody.
Before we jump into our final story, which Jason has with the great Rick Glassman,
who take his shoes off, fantastic.
podcast. You got to check it out. We're all going to be on it. Daniel, where can people
catch you? Let's see. In June, I'll be at the comedy cabin in Janesville, Wisconsin on Friday and Saturday. I believe that is the 18th and 19th.
19th 20th. 19th. And then I'll be in D.C. and Baltimore doing one night in D.C. one night in
in Baltimore that last weekend in June. And then in July, I'll be at Cap City Comedy Club. I'll also be doing my week of shows in Chicago that I do every summer.
Pep City and Austin. You didn't say the date. Sorry, you're correct. That would be,
July 2nd at
Cap City Comic
right before the holiday weekend
and then July 15th
through the 18th Lincoln Lodge for Hub City
Comedy Week different stand-up shows every single night
so much fun. Me and the best comics in Chicago
and then the following weekend July
25th I will be at the Thrasher
Opera House in Green Lake Wisconsin
and then end of July
into August that last Friday
Saturday, yeah Friday Saturday I'll be
in Boca Raton at the
Black Box Theater and then
in August I'm doing
in Cincinnati in your home state in Ohio
I will be doing a comedy festival
the 28th and 29th
What festival is there?
It's a brand new festival
It used to be called the Cross Town Comedy Festival
And then they just got a new name for it
And I don't know that I haven't been tagged anything
Yes and through our guys there
Your guys there
Wayne I love that dude
There's so many great
Like young comedians
My shows are at the Comet
Which is one of my favorite rooms
In Cincinnati
So I can't wait to be there
And then Coahasette, Massachusetts
as well as Charlotte, North Carolina.
Everything is it Daniel vancirk.com.
And your podcast is midnight.
You're not a punchup?
I'm not.
We got to get your punch up.
I know.
I think about it every time they bring it up.
I'll get you in touch you.
I always forget.
Get your email lists and out there.
It was great about it is they could let people know that when you're coming within 50 miles
of your city without spamming them.
We're not going to spamming.
We're not going to spamming.
One or two pyramid schemes.
If you like selling makeup, it's a great way for you.
We'll let you know how to get in on the ground floor.
It's on the ground floor.
But we have to show you.
I can't wait.
Jay,
you want to jump with this final story?
Story number three.
I'm doing it.
Send him by Alvin Cadabay.
Okay.
Did he really send it in as well?
Catabay egg.
We got to teach with the Catabay egg.
His Chimichanga out.
Man arrested after a lewd incident outside of Central Florida Taco.
Oh, so he unleashed his chimichanga.
Why wouldn't it be a tamale?
Isn't it?
It's like covered up.
Chimichanga, I think, is thinner.
What a little tequito?
Would it be a roll, a little roll.
It's not that.
thin. Have you ever, what about a
tortilla chip? Well, tortilla chip is
a weirder design. Or that one brown
tortilla chip that comes in at the end.
A mini burrito. I think it's a tamale.
Tamala. Is it Tamala?
Tamala? Not going to work here anymore, that's for sure.
Thank you. I love it. I do it every time.
Every time. Yes.
I did it last night. I guarantee.
Did you vote for Tamala Harris?
It's Tomala.
Tomla. Sorry.
Here we go. A man was
A man was so upset when he's
said the name wrong.
It's Kamala.
It's Kamala.
It's Kamala. It'd be like,
you racist motherfucker. How dare you.
And the truth is, if
all those libtards weren't so focused
on being correct instead of being
present, not as, come on. Maybe we would
have the gays of
hermuth open right now. I would love the gays of her.
Thank you for finally taking a political stand on
this show. And did you call them the gays of Hormuth?
Yeah, it's over in Brooklyn.
It's not her mouth. It makes it
very confusing.
Amen.
I'm not going to tell you.
Okay.
I can't wait.
I was arrested early Thursday morning after deputies say he exposed himself outside of a Taco
Bell on State Road 100.
Can I get a man?
They don't have Chimichurries at Taco Bell.
Who wrote this headline?
The neighbor?
Chimmy Changes.
They don't have Chimichungas.
They don't have Chimichungas.
Oh, they don't.
Chimichung is the sauce that you put on stairs.
They do not have Chimichangas and you know what I meant.
And you know what I meant when I said her moose.
Yeah.
But I didn't know.
If you're pouring chimichon.
You know, after I take the birds out of her addict, I'm like,
My cock in her moot.
But it's close.
It's close due to Iran.
The Iranian government.
All right.
Deputies responded to the restaurant
just before what time?
This is late night.
This has to be late night.
What time?
3 a.m.
1 a.m.
Oh, 12.30 a.
1 a.m.
1 a.
You're looking at me.
What's the tell?
Who do you think is right?
Get your answers in.
I didn't see.
I didn't see a tell.
This.
Although it does look like you're falling.
Just before.
Jay, wake up.
Falling asleep, which makes me realize, oh, I must have been right.
It must be 3 a.m.
because it's so late, you're falling asleep.
It was actually 1 a.m.
Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
I'll pull the lever on that.
After employees reported what the sheriff's office jokingly described as a man with his
chimichanga out.
Which, you're right.
Is annoyingly wrong.
I don't.
I mean, it's like, look, the menu.
You're arresting him in front of the fucking menu.
Look at the menu.
Figure something.
Be cute.
You're going to let.
London, call it a double-decker, have some entendre.
Or be mean, be like a burrito not so pre.
If it's in London, call it his bangers and mash.
We're out for the whole world.
It was central Florida.
It was central Florida, but.
Central Florida is always.
Maybe if his penis was in a weird shape, but it was still a cylinder, it could have been
a cinnamon twist.
Yes.
Oh, do you mean a churro?
Do people in central Florida think they're better than the coasts?
A taco bell they do.
Taco Bell is like, we're not going to use the Mexican.
They're not churros.
The cinnamon twists or not choro.
No, not even close.
Why aren't the cinnamon.
Close.
Why?
They're more brachy.
They're more brinky.
Yes, but it's closer than a chocolate cake.
100%.
A little bit of a, I mean.
Name a closer treat to a chiro.
Add a taco bell?
No, there isn't one.
In the world, churro, what's the closest thing to a churro?
That's not a churro.
Top three would be a cinnamon twist.
Oh, I would probably.
Top three, fine.
But you didn't say top one.
Okay.
Name something more.
Old-fashioned donut.
You think an old-fashioned donut is closer?
A cinnamon, old-fashioned donut.
is way closer to a churro than a cinnamon twist as to a okay yeah you might be right you might be right but
I would still go top three yes also it if Taco Bell is ostensibly serves me exactly got to get on punch
you do if Taco Bell ostensibly serves 50 mile like a 50 mile radius we're not going to spam you
you're not going to spam you all we're going to say is all you have to if you sell 20 cinnamon twist
so look sorry now I have to be able to sell 20 I'm with you get a piece of let me down a rabbit hole because I just in my top
10 donuts on the midnight air.
That's the most recent episode of the midnight air.
Check it out.
If Apple fritter isn't in the top 10, I'm walking off the set.
And I ask the question.
I'm walking up to two for me.
Thank you.
Is funnel cake a donut?
No.
No. No. Not.
Is Truro a donut?
No. No.
Funnel cake is not a donut. It is a cake.
Just because it is a fried donut a cake?
No.
Some donut sounds.
A old-fashioned donut is a cake. It's a cake donut.
It's a cake donut, which is very different.
I get what you're saying.
It's very different.
And that's where I would ask for, for, uh, for,
Clarification because because like a cookie cake is a cake.
It's a big cookie.
You put icing on it.
What about a Pizuki?
I don't even know what a Pizuqui is.
It's a pizza cookie.
Pizukey sounds like something that like you would learn as a sexual move that like you
never get a girl.
That's after you clean the bad side of an attic.
It's like a sexual act you do with a girl from the Jersey Shore.
A Pizukey sounds like a weapon that you then.
My number two donut was an apple cider donut.
What was your number one?
Old-fashioned chocolate sprinkled donut.
Chocolate frosting.
Old-fashioned donut, chocolate frosting sprinkle.
I like a Boston cream donut.
I'm sorry.
Didn't even make the list.
I'm sorry.
Didn't even make the traditional chocolate like into the like, you know, the circle cut out like the traditional
donut.
Like a donut?
You mean a circle with the center cut out?
That's a donut.
It's a cake.
It's a cake.
It's a dough that's in a nut shape.
What kind of donut is it?
A cake donut.
It's not cake.
What's your favorite donut place?
Place.
Place to get a donut from.
Quick trip.
There are so many great places.
The truth is, the truth is you could.
You're saying, I said, let's go do it.
Or is that the name of a donut place that I've heard?
The name of a gas station.
Okay, Dan, there's two things.
There's two things.
The way you said quick trip right there.
That made me so happy.
There's one other time.
He likes it.
You got me on it.
There was a man.
Randy loves this story.
This guy was a politician.
He kept it in his office.
It was in Ohio, I think.
Well, I don't know the stories.
A man who had a bird and he kept feeding it, right?
In his office.
In his office.
And they're like, you can't do that.
Bothering people.
It's like, you can't do that.
And Dan, this is an old story years ago.
This is like in Shawshank Redemption.
He does it.
Kind of.
Kind of.
And Dan did the, started improvising as the guy defending his actions.
Can we cut to it now?
Yeah.
Dan, well, he liked, I don't know what he was so mad about it.
Look at him. He likes it. He likes it. And they're like, Don, you got to get him out of here.
He likes it. He likes it. The only people who don't like this are you guys. They're like, yeah, that's the point, Don't. He likes it and Quick Trip. It's my two favorite things that you say, quick trip. I mean, because L.A. does have an obscene amount of donut places.
Did you know that Los Angeles has more donuts per capita than anywhere in the world?
I 100% believe it. I believe that. They're all fucking fronts. And the thing is, the thing is, the thing is, I don't believe that. The thing is, you go to a yum yum. Sure. Okay.
where they're putting out what?
I'm still looking at you like this when you say you up with that.
You go to a yum yum where they're turning around on making this number up at four or five, six times a day.
They're going to be, and I get it.
Tons of left over a name.
They're going to be yum yum.
Yeah.
You give me a donut that's made within a day.
Yes, of course.
It's going to be incredible.
Then what's the difference between an eight and nine and a ten?
Sure.
But you give me a fresh.
And let me tell you, maybe my favorite donut is.
Dish out the oven.
That's why I just might, I don't want to know.
And I've never found somebody who agrees that this is their favorite donut.
Standard Kriker.
A maple French crawler.
Really?
And I'll even just take a regular glazed French crawler.
Maple, you put maple on anything and I'm in.
I'm now in.
I like a good old fashion.
Apple fritter is the greatest thing I've ever had in my entire life.
They're very good.
Ever.
Wasn't on my list.
This might be mainstream, but a free plug, shout out to Voodoo Doughnuts.
Voodoo Donuts, Apple Fritter is incredible.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we were saying our jokes about Blue Star Donuts in Portland is that like they're always out
of everything you have.
Like, we waited in line for them to open on a Saturday.
We done shows on Friday night.
We go in there and we open up.
They're like, okay.
Their first one's in and we're like.
We just have the glazer like, we're out of the glazer.
You just opened up.
Yes.
We're out of it.
How are you already out of the glaze?
Is that maybe they're saying we didn't make them today?
No, I'm joking.
I'm not much of a.
I'm not much of a glazer.
Like they sold it.
They're like what.
What donuts do you have?
What donuts do you have?
They're like, we have baby hair and garbage juice.
All right, give me two of those.
Now I know you're lying.
Now you sound like the neighbor.
Well, whale.
I got a joke about this guy right here.
No.
People love sidecar.
I've had it and it's good.
Sidecar's good.
Have you had S and K?
You can just say it.
We'll bleep it.
Go ahead.
There's donuts down on.
Stephen K.
No, I think I have.
It's down on 3rd Street near LaBreya.
I can picture the logo.
Right?
That is really good.
Have you had Blue Star?
No.
Blue Stars.
It's very voodoo.
Voodoo.
Voodoo.
Voodoo.
But a cake donut.
Randis, have you had Randis?
Randy's is legendary.
My donuts?
The only thing I know about that is when I'm feeling kind of like playfully sexual with a woman.
In Australia.
Close.
When watching Austin Powers.
Oh.
Dip in for a little Randy's donuts?
Yeah.
Diving for a little Randy.
Remember when he was like, I got a little Randy?
And everyone was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen.
We miss a little Mike Myers.
I got to be honest.
I got to be honest.
I hear he's coming back.
Silly, silly.
He's coming back.
He's coming back.
Make the Sprockets movie for God's sake.
Oh my God, yes.
Make the Sprockets movie and I'm watching.
And make it a serious German experimental movie.
Thank you.
Here we go.
When deputies arrived, they found Brandon is erisory.
What are we talking about?
I are a guy who took his chimney chound out at a Taco Bell.
Took his.
Took his churro.
Still outside the restaurant.
So he took it out and stayed.
Took it out and just stayed.
That's more confidence than the guy walking around making a sandwich
naked in the apartment.
Stands on business.
On the business.
According to.
11 toes down.
Erizory had multiple pairs of pants.
He had multiple pairs of pants pulled down.
Wait.
He's got multiple pairs of pants?
So maybe he's doing it over and over again.
Oh.
With a different pair of pants each time to see if the effect is better with the cords.
Maybe he was doing one of those quick change things.
Yes.
And he was trying and he's auditioning.
He waited so long and he just like he needed something to eat and he's just like
and he didn't realize how many pants he was taken off.
Multiple pairs.
of pants. I think that's a reasonable explanation
for why he... I buy that. It makes more sense
than calling a penis a chimichunga
at a taco bottle. I like chimichiro
better. I like when you're describing a sauce that goes on...
Chimichiro sauce that goes on... You call it a
chimichiro. It's a chimichiro.
It's a cinnamon sauce that goes on steaks. Why am I
a bad person? If that guy was in
my gang, if we had
a gang that hung out at
I would call that guy who
flips his dick out at the place, I would call him
Jimmy Choroh.
Jimmy Changa.
Look at the regular Jimmy Churl.
When she take your dick out, Jimmy Chir.
And he initially appeared unaware that the deputies were on the scene before
attempt, that's a single, before attempting to cover himself.
Deputies discovered a-
Go base to base here.
Okay.
This is, this was like thrown in at the top of the story and then they never explored
this and I don't know why.
Let's explore it.
Deputies discovered a live pet fish later named Baja Blast swimming inside a plastic
container store in his backpack. Now that is on menu. Baja blast. That is. You can get a
swimming in his car. No. In his pants. Was it in the fish in Baja Blast? So the fish was in water and
its name was Baha Blast. The fish was named Baja blast, but it was in water. It was in water. How did
they know that in a plastic container stored in his backpack? The defense was wrong.
Oh, wrong. Uh, what are you doing? When I just said that?
My cousin Vinny? Yeah, because you guys says the case hold water. Right. It's a lot of water. The
The fence was wrong.
What I love it.
All right.
This happened at 1 a.m.
We'll get out of here on this.
How old?
How old?
Is Jimmy Chiro?
Is this a regular fucking Jimmy Churro over here?
The podcast, pardon me for not knowing.
You always say how old they are?
No, it's fun to guess.
You didn't do it on the second story.
Oh, we do it as much as we know.
He didn't know the age.
When we hear an age, when we get an age, we always like to try and guess.
That's how we do.
We've learned everything we've learned about this.
We've learned a lot of this guy.
He's got a backpack.
He's a regular Jimmy Chiro over here.
Baja blast fish in the back.
back he's pulled down multiple pairs of hands he had just audition for america's got talent that's correct as a
quick change artist how old is he jimmy chiro jimmy chiro in flagler county i mean i want him to be 68 years old
but that's not true i think he's 41 i don't think people in their 50s have back i think it happens
as they get older or younger i don't think people in their 30s do it so i think he's in his 40s 60s or 20s
Baja Blast is something that's,
I don't know if that's,
I feel like that's something
that's like from a generation before.
Yeah.
So I'm going to say he's in his 40s.
I said 41.
What do you think?
God, I love your deductive reasoning.
Harvard Law.
Your regular Jimmy Chiro.
Harvard Law for one year.
I was thinking about a joke I told earlier.
I got it's 168.
43.
43.
I'm going to go.
Dan, if you go 42.
28 years old?
Yeah.
Okay.
Aaron, you want to throw a guess in?
just because
20
20 years old
Get your answers in
Go see him when he goes to England
Go see him at the Soviet theater
Go see him in Edinburgh
Go see him in DC
All of his dates
Just like ours
At punchup dot live
Danny got to get on punchup live
You really have to get in
It's a small pyramids game
I can help you out if you need out
He's gonna help you guys get figured out
I will say this
One of you is exactly right
To me
Oh
To me he's 28
40
1
Thank you
He's 43
41 he is
28 years old
oh
10
that's incredible
that's incredible
that's incredible
and the tells are great
Rick I love you dude
thank you for doing our podcast
I love your dog
he's been so good
thank you wait to do your podcast
yeah and for people that don't know
you'll give a little
a little heads up of the of the
karate kid story also give us a 30 second
teaser of it it doesn't have to be the whole
joke this is a trailer of the joke
the trailer of our
karate kid joke is that
there's a moment.
There's a moment in the second half of the karate kid that we can't get past.
The karate kids with Elizabeth shoe, they've made out there at the arcade, and he says to
her, so I guess you heard about the big karate tournament this weekend.
And she says, who hasn't?
Yeah, who in Southern California hasn't heard of this obscure high school karate tournament?
I'm willing to bet that some of the parents are the kids in that tournament had not heard about that tournament.
All right.
So a little taste.
We know what we got to do.
We got to get you on what's that show.
people love and they do a lot of clips.
Top Secret.
You guys got to do that on Top Secret.
I don't know what that is.
You don't know Top Secret? You know Top Secret, right?
No, what is it?
Top Secret, it was this show that started, I think, in L.A.
It was called Top Secret because it was always at a different random pop-up place.
And it's become, like, it's like they have so many clips that go viral.
And now I think it's all over the country.
Like, oh, they're going to a Top Secret here.
It's called Don't Tell.
It's called Don't Tell.
And it's like, and they always posted it.
He said Top Secret.
It's Don't Tell.
Don't tell.
The top secret is in London.
Oh, okay.
Oh, right, right, right.
That's the other.
Pardon me.
I'm sure you haven't even talked about it.
No, don't tell is wonderful.
Don't tell.
Have you guys done it on Don't tell?
Can I just tell you?
Sure.
Base it.
All right, guys, that is a show.
That's how we do it.
Don't tell.
I reference that joke all of us.
I love you, dude.
All right.
We're doing your podcast.
That's how we do it.
And by the way, this is like a writer's room where we just mess around before we
actually get to the real work.
And so at the end of every show, we say, oh, snap, we got to get back to work.
