Dumb People Town - Skyler Higley - Bombagranate

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Comedian and writer Skyler Higley (Help Me Be Black) stops by as Daniel describes why a man was arrested for pouring water on his brother during a pie argument, Jason explains how a tourist accidentally made a bomb threat with a translation app, and Jason tells us about a dog on a jetski getting towed behind a hoverboard, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsor: Monarch!Use code DPT at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Tani's. We have an amazing episode of Dump People Town with the great Skyler Higley. Yay! So much happens to this episode. We got a couple brothers mad at each other over Pie, which I can definitely get myself invested into. Absolutely no problem. And then we have a second story. Fake bomb. Yeah, we have a bomb mix up.

And then we get out of here on Good Times with a dog and a jet ski. And that's all I'm going to tell you. It's all this week on the great Dumb People Town. of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news breaking down each epic bail in Florida there's half-rice bail I'm happy to say they Good in your podcast band with co-host arm and dan benders don't be a jerk because when the music is the funny hits it stick around make a sound on your down is dumb people town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of dumb people town. Population you, population Higley. Diler Higley.

Hey, hey, population Higley. You are in the town. Yeah, I freaking live here now, dude. You do. You grew up in Utah, so I'm assuming there was some dumbness around you. Oh, there was some dumb people in that town, for sure. It was, they wouldn't say that, but yeah, yeah, for sure. You were aware.

You have a great story. You're a great writer. You're a great comedian. I love your don't tell set. We're going to talk about your new podcast in the second segment of the show. But there was, I, off the rip, out the gates.

Randy's not here. He's being a family man. Randy's dealing with some family stuff. So everything's fine, all good. But it's the three of us today. It's intimate. It's going to be fun. But in your latest don't tell set,

which I highly recommend people watching, you did a joke that you said that slavery would have been more acceptable if we just called it adoption. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There, then he was bad parents. What was the, you said, these are my house sons. Oh, yeah, it's, and it's sort of like a, yeah, an act out of them like abolishing slavery.

They go, what slaves? All I got is my house sons and my field sons. That's, I frame that joke and put it in a museum. It is so funny. Any another tag on that, because you know, we're like tag masters. Yeah, you're the tag guys. The South Shall Rise Again is just a form of recycling. Oh yeah.

Is that the line? Yes, yes. Am I right? Yes. That's recycling. Because I'm talking about the KKK and how they had to make their own robes. Yeah, it's a different bit. But it's like how they, just for the audience, how the KKK had to make their own robes.

So it's actually more ethical what they're wearing than what most of we're wearing. Because they made it themselves. The South Shall Rise Again is just another form of recycling. Like if you remove context, it's a good practice. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. The Salas shall rise. There was a moment in that joke where I was like imagining them sewing, like sewing or cutting the holes out of the hood and then sewing it around.

You got to maintain the racism through the sewing process, which itself is very tedious. It's tedious. And that's how much they, how little they had to do back then and how much they hated black people that they were like, I'm fully crafting. I will full on. I'm going to become a seamstress. I went to Michael's. He went to Michael's first. A lot of people want to inspire you. Turns out hate's a great motivator. It absolutely is. If the hay can get you through a tedious task, then the hate's real. And it's real. And then you deserve it. And then you get to keep all of it. You earned it. You earned it at that. And that's sort of the premise of the joke is that now everything's online and everybody's so fast. But back then, people were really committing the way you should. So why I love that joke and why I think you're perfect for this show is that it is an original take on an old racist thing, which is, let me take down the clan, but in a weird way be like positive about their commitment, which I think that angle into that thing I've never seen before.

And I was like standing up and giving it a claps. Thanks. I mean, I just love, you know, there's been so much comedy that it's just like it's, I find it quite hard. sometimes to find like a good new angle. A new pathway. But when you like hit on something or when you see a joke that's like, this is a really new angle that I haven't, I never would have even considered and it works. You're like, this is so.

It got me excited. This is what I like. This is what I love. It got me excited to see you here and tell people tell today. Dan's got a story. Yeah, our story's getting sent in by our fans. Thank you so much for everybody who sends in a story. We try to pick the person who sent in each story first.

This one comes from a guy named Kurt Penny Packer. Hey, at Kurti, K-R-T-Y-P-E- at, Curty P. Here's the headline. Man arrested for battery after dumping water on brother during pie argument. Oh, pie argument. Pie argument. Now, I'm a huge pie guy.

Totally. Pie way over cake. Yeah. Pie over cake. Big time. Guys, any office you've ever worked in, the birthday party was at lunch and at 3 o'clock when you get back from whatever you were doing, you know, you had to go to take your kid to the dentist or whatever it is, somebody will go, hey, there's cake in the kitchen.

nobody has leftover pie the pie is gone sure but are you it's not just a quantity but now you're just saying you essentially have more cake than pie you know what I'm saying like you're kind of comparing well I'm saying because there's always

leftover cake but there's not leftover pie is a lot of cake yeah pie is always in a 12 inch circle Dan not even pie is just pie is just well now we're in a pie argument yes which has so many

right can go on forever yeah absolutely pie arguments can literally it's 3.14 there's so many 314 5 It's repeating. I'm so lucky. Fans of my stand-up and podcast stuff

notoriously have brought pies to my shows. Tiny little pies. All sorts of homemade pies. Oh, so you're like a whole, you're like a whole pie guy. He is clear about his pie. Okay, sure. I can't even pick a favorite pie. Depends on time of year.

Obviously, if you ask me in November, it's going to be pumpkin. But you go right now? Pumpkin all day. I'll even do it other times a year. Do you put anything on it? Whip cream or ice cream on pumpkin? You do cool whip. Cool whip.

You know what? to love as cinnamon apple pie i will say that you can give it to me anytime you go in alimode yeah hey yeah so they said that we just had our 84th annual family reunion okay coconut banana cream pie made by aunt connie oh you got to go get a lot of people get in line for the food because it's a bring a dish to pass down banana cream pie straight to the end gig of the pot does it mention in the story what kind of pie it was i don't know yes it does oh fuck yeah yeah yeah So I will say this. When someone, in an old-time way, wanted you to shut your mouth, they didn't say shut your cake hole.

They say shut your pie hole. Pie. Is the proof in the pudding? And I don't want to bring pudding into this. The pudding, pudding can't even hold a handle to pie. Is there such a savory cake? Yeah. Oh, wait.

Because you have a savory pie. Yes. Shepherds pie. There's shepherd's pie. I think there's a savory cake. I'm sure if you looked it up, people will have done it. But like in a traditional. Yeah, there is.

Crab cakes. Oh. Oh. How does that work? I don't, you see, I don't fuck with crab cakes. I don't, I don't. Because you're from Utah. You're from a land lake. Dude, the way.

All of the seafood I ever had in my life was so bad. I remember one time my, my dad tried to pay me. Salt Lake. Yeah. Oh, oh, it was. That's fine. But your dad offered to pay you to eat some seafood. To eat some, like, sushi.

And I like could not keep, and I was like, how are you people doing this? It's disgusting. Have you come around now? Yeah, when I went to New Orleans. I was like. Oh, this is how it's supposed to make it. Also, it's also white people preparing it. Exactly what I'm saying.

You got some real seasoning. You got some real love and some seasoning. I was fully eating alligator. I was like, yeah. Oh, I ate alligator. I tried alligator down in Orleans. Hell get her. Nice.

Okay. Gamey meat. First of all, if you can make shoes and food out of it, it's a good animal. Alligator. It gives you whatever you need. Good. Get me a handbag in a sandwich. Lee County Florida.

Same animal. WKRC. A man faces prison time. for allegedly dumping two glasses of water on his brother during an argument over pie. According, go ahead. Two glasses of water. Well, if it was, if I was, when I heard like, I'm like, oh, they're getting overreacting, but it's two glasses. Sure.

Right. I mean, you don't dump, like, you know, one glass, shame on me. Two glasses shame on you. Right. And you're going to jail. You're going to jail for sure. How many months of prison time? We'll say.

according to reports David Sherman Paulson was arrested you know that name sells insurance David Sherman It sounds like the beginning of Hamilton His name was David Sherman

Paulson And there's a lot of things He hasn't done But just you wait Just you wait Okay nice Dan Thank you buddy Damn I wish I knew Hamilton

David Sherman Powelson dumping water on his son And I'm the fool Who poured water on it But the pie went quick. Okay.

Stop it. There are people getting these references. You're nailing it. Okay. You're doing it really good. I was there, the room where it happened. There we go. According to reports, David Sherman Paulson was arrested on Wednesday.

It charged with first degree felony aggravated battery. A person convicted of this charge could face up to 30 years in prison. I hope he gets all of them. And a $10,000 fine. To me, that should be an either or. That's 15 years of glass. Yes. 15 years per glass of water.

The charge has a minimum term. term of how long if convicted. If convicted. So 30 years is the max. A minimum. What do you think is the minimum? The minimum?

Yes. Of... Jail time you could do if convicted. Of a... First degree felony, aggravated battery. Aggravated battery? Five years? Say three years.

Three years is exactly right. Wow. Okay. For water. I'd be like, what are we doing? I would say, look, look, I'm in the wrong. I shouldn't have poured water on my brother. However,

if your wound can dry, I didn't really hurt you. Imagine you're in jail. Hey, what do you win for? Oh, man. I do. Yeah, you have to lie. You're like, I killed all of them. I killed every single one of them in that house.

No, you go more vaguely. You're like, let's just say, I threw something I shouldn't have somebody. Whoa, really? And they're like like a hammer or a knife? No, no. I mean, it is what it is. It is what it is, my man. Take it's course.

You know what I'm saying? Okay. I found away, guys. Yes? If this is a family of snowmen. Sure. That would. This would be a deadly weapon.

Or hey, well, I know they're at least white. I know that. 100% they're white. If they're not, they're white and they are snowmen. What gave it away? Maybe he just sort of the all of it.

Yeah. The litigious nature of the brother. Okay. If you throw that water at me. I swear to God, John, I will call the police. Don't throw one more. If you throw one more. I will call.

Both. I have two. You have two. There's more where that came from. Lee County Sheriff's Office. I hope he said there's more where that came. In Florida. He goes to the sink.

Yeah. Ooh, just wait, you son of a pitch. Hilted. That's so funny. That's so bad. So bad. Okay, here we go. Lee County Sheriff's Office were called on Wednesday for a physical domestic dispute.

One, once at the residence, police reportedly contacted Paulson's older brother identified only as The victim in court documents. Yeah, I wouldn't want my name out there either. Yeah. Older brother? The older brother. Yeah.

John, I'm your older brother. Wait, doesn't matter. Yes. We're both adults now. You can still hurt me with water. The victim allegedly told police that he was sitting in the living room when he noticed that his younger brother, Paulson, ate a piece of the victim's key lime pie that the victim was saving. Saving that pie.

Oh, well, if he was. saving it. Now that would piss me off. It would piss me off and it would piss me off to the point of the way, the person who ate the pie dumped the water. Yeah. That makes, that does make that's a double crime though. A ate the pie that the guy was saving and then dumped the water. He ate the pie out with the bathwater. If he was the, if he was the wicked witch of the east. Oh my God. Yeah. Water. Yeah. And that's a, that's a deadly weapon. That's a deadly weapon. As Aaron pointed out, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. But there is, if he's a gremlin, like these are these are things that could if he is made of fire made of fire there is a lot of things worse

but it is a special kind of frustration and pain when you have a roommate or a partner boyfriend girlfriend whatever husband why and you come home and you're excited to eat that thing that you know you have in the fridge and it's gone or kids do it to you I imagine and you and you go you go I was gonna fucking eat that but but you can always get another one right I don't I have I agree 100%. That's my rule too. I always tell people. But I think, imagine, you're in that moment.

We've all had that moment. Sure. And as we all know, every time you have that moment, you think the only thing that could make this worse is if I had not one but two glasses of water dumped on it. Dumbed on me. That's everybody thinks that. We've all been in that place. Every single moment.

You go, I. How could this get darker? Was the key lime pie not enough? Right. You couldn't take that for me. And now I have to change my shirt. Yes. Someone needs to go to jail for 30 years.

get another piece of pie and I have to change my shirt. That's two things I have to do today. That's 30 years max. I'm picturing like 1989 Batman McDonald's cups of glass. Like the big. Big gulfs. Yeah. You want to tie up to BD.E.

Elephant ears from like Phillips 66 like gas station. Oh, the jugs. You know what I'm talking about? Yes, of course. Literally you feel it in your forearm when you lift up the mountain. 39 cents to refill. I should have practiced to get this Batman. Right.

Like are my arms strong enough to hold these? Yeah. You feel the tendons. Right? Popping. So the older brother is in the living room or whatever. Here's some commotion in the kitchen. Comes in.

Younger brother has eaten his pie. Mm-hmm. Okay. The older brother became upset. And an argument ensued police said. Sure. While sitting in the chair, if somebody goes, I was in the chair. If somebody goes, I was in the chair, that is their fucking chair.

Right. Well, I was in the chair. Oh, he was in the chair. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chair that smells like him. Mm-hmm.

Cool. Yeah. That's got his skin flakes in it. Sitting in the chair, David emptied two large glasses of water. Empty it like it's a gun clip. Boom. He walks up. He's got it in his waistband.

Yeah, dude. Pulls it up. 1980's action movie, he goes, don't go chasing waterfalls. Slow motions. Yeah. He can curve it like that movie wanted. Yeah. Hate to rain on your pirates.

H2, oh my God. Damn, it's John Wet. I guess I'm back. While sitting in the chair, he emptied two large glasses of water on his younger brother, the one in the chair. The victim feared that David's aggressive behavior would lead to him being physically harmed or killed. Look, I'm not saying it's okay for the guy to pour water at all, but to the younger brother, I go, or to the older brother who got water poured on him. I go, relax. He's not killing you.

If he wanted to kill you, he's not surprising you with water. He's surprising you with a knife. Right. He goes, oh, every killer's first step. It goes water? Yeah, yeah, I learned that in silence. Get him wet, and then you stab the hell. Get him wet stab.

Yeah. If there's any murderers out there. No fingerprints. Use it the steps. Get them wet, stab. Ideally with a glass, if you have to do it with your hands and cup it, that's fine. Fine. We all know how, there's been so many copycat murders where they just wet stab.

Wet stab. It's wet, break glass, puncture. Right. D.S. is not hard. That's why cops can't solve a lot of murders anymore because people aren't getting people wet before they stab them. And they're like, who could have done this? Right.

Like there's no motive. You're not rain cops. David Sherman Paulson, DSP. They call him the rain man. Yes. That is great. He said, uh, David alleged, allegedly said, and he said it. So he either he did or didn't.

Yeah. Like that the pie was left in the refrigerator for days. and so he ate it, which started the argument. How many days do you believe it was left in the fridge? I'm going to give it. Well, I think the older brother... And is there a number that you feel like, this pie's been in here this long?

I'm fucking eating five. Yeah, it becomes public domain. It's like a song. I think it's been five days. Okay. And after how many days does it become public domain pie? I don't... I still...

It's different. Do you live with anybody? I live with my partner. Okay. And it's different with somebody. But if you order pizza and you got the pizza. Yeah. Or let's say you went off pizza with a friend, you brought some pizza back home.

And your partner, there's one piece left. It's on a Tuesday night. And there's one piece left. By Thursday, does it start to become in question whether or not you can, someone can eat your pizza? Like what is the day where you go, yeah, I mean, it's Friday. And I brought it back on Tuesday. If you wanted the pizza, eat it.

Right. Well, that's what I'm saying. It depends on who it is, right? Sure. Of course. If it's somebody that I'm romantically involved with, And then it's like the next day they're like, I eat your pizza. I might be like, eh.

But like it's one pizza pizza, whatever. Whatever. But if it's like a roommate or something, then it's kind of like, hey, that's like my pizza. But then the timeline shifts. You don't even get to, if it's Tuesday night pizza, you don't get to even ask me about the pizza until Friday. Don't even look at that box. Friday is when you can go, hey, you're going to eat this pizza.

Yeah. You better not move locations or Thursday. Yeah. So I'll even give you another perspective as a parent. Oh, yeah. When I see that kids have eaten the last. leftovers without even like check with me. And they're not even contributing to this. I have a level of pride. Oh. Thank you for eating those leftovers. Thank you. I'm so happy I didn't have to throw those

away. I'm so glad someone did that. So I will then it becomes a different kind of witch hunt. It's like a witch hunt for like accolades. I look around the house. I'm like, who ate the rice from the da-da-da-da-da. We didn't waste dad's money. Great job. Thank you. That was dinner. We got two dinners out of that rice. Look what we did. Look what we did. Good job. team. And I give him a high five. And I'm like, nice work. So it's, you're right. It depends who that person is in relation to you. But you're also saying rice. Like pie is special. Pie is special. Pie is, pie is different than rice. If we know one thing, pie is different from rice. If we've established one thing as a nation. Pie don't lie. Well, you know in the Bible in the beginning. It says,

it was pie and rice. It was pie and rice. And it says, and Adam said to Eve, I know pie. I know rice. That rice is no pie. Exactly. From the debates. The Great debates from the garden. We remember that. Yeah. It's classic. It's about part and rice. Adam and Eve in the garden and Adam's like, debate me.

He's got her on a table. I say that there are snakes out there. Why do you have a Boston accent? All right. Listen, you were made from my rib and I get to say what is pie and what is rice. And speaking of ribs, the ribs in the fridge belong to me. When I invent a cup, I'm going to pour water on your. No.

So after the initial, oh, wait, I didn't even say, How many days? Oh, I was going to, five. I'm going to say three. Three? The pie was left in the fridge for three days. Okay. Wow.

Okay. Got it. But that is, you are starting to cross the, like the, whatever, the, what is that line, the demarcation? What is the line where it's like that? Okay. You're the brother. You go to the fridge, all right? Is there a moment where you would say out loud?

You know he wants to eat that pie. or else you would have asked. You got to ask. Hey, there's pie in this page. Can I have this pie? And he's in the chair. So it's like, you know where he is. You know where he's at.

You know your voice can travel to the chair. You say, is anyone eating this pie? Are you having this pie? David Michael Hamilton? Right. Are you eating this pie? Otherwise, I'm going to eat it. And then he has the right to say,

I was actually going to eat that. How about we split it? And the thing about this, and this is why we're building a character case against this younger brother is that we know as somebody who is a water dumper that he is not respectful enough to ask that question.

We know that. We know that about him. And if he were to say, how about we split it, you know that he would cut it in half and give the brother the front half and he would take the crust and the back as if it's its own piece of pie.

A front half piece of pie is not a full piece of pie. You don't get the crust, you don't get that part of the experience. You are essentially having a half. half experience. You're a guest. I just hope that the older brother, who I'm going to call Ron, was in the chair. In the chair.

And was like, what are you doing in there? Like you could hear him in the kitchen. Russell, Russell, Russell. What are you doing? Russell, Russell. Uh, just, nothing, nothing, Ron. Russell, Russell. Yeah, you eating my pie?

No, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron. Would I do that to you? Would I eat your pie, Ron? Russell, Russell, Russell, Russell. Like, there was a whole conversation. Yeah. I'm going to eat your fucking pie. And then he was like, I am eating the fucking pie.

Yeah. Gonna tell me what to do. Why are you sweating then if you weren't eating my pot? Okay. Step brothers. After the initial argument, David was near the kitchen and decided to fill up a large glass full of water and dump it on Ron's head to, quote, cool him down. Oh, yeah. You're going to be so pissed off?

Why don't I cool you down? That is kind of bars. You got to cool out. Why don't you cool down? Cool it now. Cool it. Cool it feels like a... Oh God, what's his name

who did righteous gemstones? Danny McBride. Danny, it feels like a Danny McBride show. Yes. You got to hold out. You so hot? Why don't you cool down? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dumb. David proceeded to fill up another glass and dumped it on Ron in the living room. Okay, so here's the thing. Ron? The time between glasses is comedy. That is like... Stay right there.

Don't you fill up another glass. Don't you fill up another glass. Oh, I'll fill up another glass. Don't fill up another guy. Don't fill up another guy. Don't fill up another. No? Are you going to dump that one too?

Are you going to dip that one? It's all the way full. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you're not going to. I'm calling the police. I'm calling the police. Why?

Because you're obviously going to murder me. I was afraid for my life. I was afraid for my life. Call him. Call him. I want to see you call him. The cops do are like, I'll write it down that you're afraid for your life.

I mean, this is where the cops. He didn't even escalate. I'm going to recommend hiding your name from this story. This is where the cops. You won't put Ron in there? No, we're just going to put victim. And for the cops.

You don't have anything else to do. update your Facebook page. Well, yeah, this is why we need the police in America if we didn't have the police. Right. People could just be getting water dumped on them all the time. You want to defund that department and avoid them coming to help this situation? Yeah. How dare you?

God. The police were sick of it because police arrested David Paulson, but said that his older brother did not suffer injuries during the altercation. How was he even charged with battery then? He can't swim. He can't swim. Because only water was thrown on the... I basically got waterboarded. I basically got waterboarded.

It was like Abu Graben there. We were Abu Graben. I basically got Abu Rabin. He did not. He did not Abu Ghraub. Yes, he did. He did not Abu Ghraub. He abu grabbed me and my own home.

I guess that's a country we're all living in now. It's great. Let me have you a question. Do I look like I got gills? Do I look like I can... Do I look like I can breathe under a glass of water? Do I look like I live in a lost city of Atlanta? No, I look like somebody.

who saves pie and tries to sit in their chair. The chair. The chair. Do I look like Ursula turned me into a mute? Now, what are you talking about? Don't you worry about what I look like. What are you talking about? Don't worry about what I look like.

Don't even talk about my looks in your report. And it's Abu Ghraib, and he didn't Abu Ghraib. Oh, he Abu grabbed a cup of waters, what he did. I guess the seaweed's always greener and someone else's like that. I don't know what that means. There's a story I do about Waffle House where I talk about this guy named Patrick, whose name was Patty.

and he was just the most beautiful little black man. He was 5'3, 295 pounds. When I start talking like this and him, and I tell the audience, I go, this is exactly what he sounded like. His name was Patrick. He went by Patty. I learned two things about him that day, that little boy from the South. I learned that he loved Jesus and he loved his wife, but you're never going to meet either one of those people. And when I start talking like Patty, I don't want to stop talking like Patty.

Because it's that real high-pitched southern where you don't know they might be gay or they might just talk like Michael Waltrip driving that Napal 55 car. Yeah. It's the South. The best. That might be the South coming through. Well, you know what's the funniest thing to me is that

because there's a lot of these like sort of you know, effeminate southern. But it is like part of the South. That's like a type of guy but you don't know. But I love imagining that voice and that guy as like a slave owner in the South where it's like, you'll better get back to work.

If y'all don't get back to work picking that cotton, I am going to be so milled. I know. Someone's getting whipped today. Someone is getting whipped today. I know I'm not walking out here hearing y'all singing again. I know I'm not walking out here hearing y'all sing again. What did I say about singing?

Hey, y'all. Y'all are not getting your work none. It is, I'm going to make you work past sunset. Past sunset tonight. He's also. In the standing in front of like a 6'5, 260-pound guy. Past sunset. And they roll their eyes.

Okay. Okay, Reg. We'll get back to work, yeah. I don't want to be, y'all making me be a kind of slaveover that I don't like to be. I don't like to be.

I don't like to be mad. I don't like to be mean. I said I did not want to raise my voice. And I am not happy about it. I am not proud of it. And they call him on his bullshit. He's like, do I have to hold the whip? And they go, you aren't going to fucking use it, Red.

We ain't going to whip no one. I know I'm not going to use it. But if somebody comes by here, horse a buggy, they see my ass. I got to get the other sleep voters got to respect me. Yeah. Guys, I don't care. If I could help you and nobody would see I would help.

Now we're in the weeds, y'all. That's not what we came down here and talked about. We are going to have to do a state-to-camera disclaimer where you say it's okay that we did these jokes and made it and joked around with you. Look, we all did. We all said things that maybe we're not proud of, but guess what? You're listening to this podcast and what are you going to do? We personified the southern effeminate slave owner.

We had to. You know it existed. You know it existed. You know I don't like it. overspaned for you and I said that for you. I did. They said at the auction they said it's not worth that much and I said they are worth that They are worth that.

And this is how I look. Please run with this bit. Please run with this bit. This is yours. You brought it in. This is yours. Okay. This is going in your next step.

I'm holding it. I'm holding it and I will give credit. And if somebody ever goes, that voice you're doing sounds like that Patty character, Daniel does. You'd be like, yeah, we both own it. So shut up. It's a guy. It's a guy who exists. A type of guy.

Yeah. All right. So he says, I'm going to cool you down. Then he dumps it. He proceeds to fill up another glass and dumped it on him in the living room. Police arrested Paulson, but like I said, they said that the older brother didn't suffer any injuries in the altercation because only water was thrown on him. Right.

He's not a witch. According to Florida law isn't even a rumor of Florida law. Battery is enhanced to aggravated battery when a person committing battery, quote, intentionally or knowingly causes great bodily harm, permanent disability or permanent disfigurement. None of those things happened. None of those happened. Or uses a deadly weapon.

Again, if it's boiling water, could be deadly. It could be. Too much of anything can be deadly. If it's sort of if it's the, if it's the great ocean. It could be if it's a push. It could be if it was going to put. If it is boiling water, that's the only case. Right.

That is the only disfigurement. We'll get out of here this. We're assuming the older brother isn't just a head in a jar. 100%. That could be deadly. He would have drowned. Yes. Facts.

It's drowned. Okay, well, here's what we'll leave it on. you've been picturing these brothers we haven't even talked about who we pictured we haven't talked about anything but how old do you believe David Sherman Powelson the younger brother the water dumping younger brother the water

I believe dumped it on his older brother are these 20 year olds living together I think these guys are in their 40s okay in their 40s I think they're in their 40s I want them to be in their 60s 64 64 64 64 what are you going with give me a number I'm going like

like 43 and 47 or something like that. One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. Just between the three of us. Who do you think is right? You can stay with your answer or you can jump over to Jason's answer. I'm staying. I'm staying.

I'm going to stay. We got out of story one here as I tell you that David, Sherman Palson, the L is silent, Paulson, the younger brother, the water dumper. The water dumper is... It's like cane and able. Yes. Is...

64 years. God! I did that. That is insane. These two living together. He's fighting over pies. It's not just can't able. He has a cane.

And they are disabled. You think I can get up? You think I can get up at my age. And that's why they call the police because the water, they're like, oh, this might drop. This actually my value. I could drive.

I'm going to get put them on. I'm gonna get pomeonia. Yes. He could drown. This actually does sound all like something that an old... It's like some gray garden shit. Yeah. This is like two old people living together who are in a fight for 55 years.

Yes. And it's all... And it's not really about dumping the water. It's about how back in 84 you took Janie away from me. And she was going to be with me and she went with you and you messed it all up. And you ruined it. And that's why we're together. You knew I liked her pot too before I realized who I was as a person and thank you for accepting me.

When I locked her pie, you stole that. Jesus Christ. All right, that's story number one in the book. Let me come back. Dan's going to tell you what he's up to. Yeah, I will. We're going to talk about your new podcast, and we're going to spread the word and send people to support you on socials.

This is Dumb People Town with Skylar Higley. Let's get it. Stick around. Make us down. Hunger Town. It's Dump People Town. Guys, want to talk about finances. I am planning a trip for my son at summertime now,

but we're looking forward with my family, planning a trip for the winter vacation. After all of his college applications are in, and while we're just waiting for the answers, as a way to sort of congratulate him on all the hard work he's done. And you know what? It's expensive. It's more expensive than ever to travel.

And so I'm like, I need a way to sort of track towards that goal, and I'm so psyched that I have Monarch. I love Monarch. They are awesome. It's an app that helps me understand. Okay. you're on your way to this goal. You're 70% on the way to this goal. You know what you need to do to get there. It also tracks what you're spending. That's the other thing. It's like when I was trying to get like in shape, I'm like, I'm exercising all the time. It's also what you're eating. So when it comes to finances, it's what's going out the door as much as is what's coming in and what you're saving. Look, I love this app and I'm using it to help me reach this goal. And we want to share it with you guys. They rule monarch. If you don't know, is the personal finance app that tracks everything, accounts, investments. savings goals and spending, I said it. Get your first year of Monarch Corps for half off just $50

with the promo code DPP. And so look, maybe you have saving goals. Maybe you've never done that before. Like cash flow visualizations. Like if you want to look at that and start to understand, okay, this is how you can make things happen in your life. This is how you achieve your goals. Like, that's the thing. I think wishing and hoping and wanting things to change is very different than tangible tracking methods. And Monarchs got it. I love them. I love they have an AI weekly recap that gives you a sense of what you've done during the week and how you spent and how you can be better next week.

And I tell you, when you follow it, you improve. It's phenomenal. So, look, most apps, they just tell you what you've already spent. Monarch helps you sets the goals, like I said, big purchases down the line. you want to get ready for it, you got it. You see if you're on track before it's too late to adjust. Amen, I love it. You get a heads up on what's happening, like I mentioned with your AI recap.

These are the things that this app does. It's almost like a built-in money manager that's with you in your pocket. Easy to find. It's an app on your phone. You can check it whenever, when you're on the turlet, damn it. It's beautiful. Look, use the code DPT at monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core. half off just $50.

That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com with the code DPT. I love these guys. I am using them. It is helping me and it can help you guys too. What do you love about the summer? So what I love about the summer and I feel it now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my kids are older or I'm just in that vibe right now.

I love how easy everything starts to feel in the summertime. Keep it easy. Days a little longer, a little more relaxed. I'm playing a little more golf. I'm relaxing. I'm having fun. I find myself reaching. though for the same comfortable

going to wear pieces of clothing again and again that is why Randy and I we talk about this place we keep coming back to Quince I love their clothes they focus on well made essentials talking about like linen shorts the linen golf pants I have I love more than anything in the whole wide world they naturally they just sort of become your natural everyday summer staples

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That's the beauty of it. And it's not just the clothing. Man, what's your favorite thing that you have from me? So, again, these, like, the summer shorts that I have that I got last year, and I just cannot stop wearing them. I love them so much, I'm going to order them in another color. I just, there, once you find something that you love,

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So it's going beyond just clothing. Once you trust one thing, you go through all there. So make your, summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com slash dpT for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Heyo. Hey, ah. That's quits. Yeah, bud. They're up there. Oh, yeah. Up in Canada. You go to quince, QI-N-C-E.com slash D-PT for free shipping and the 365

day returns. Quince.com slash DPT. Stick around. Make a sound. Hunker down. It's don't people town. Hey guys. Welcome back to the show. Daniel. Let them know what you got going on, sir. the end of July, I'll be in Boca Raton. In August, I'm headlining a festival in Cincinnati. I'll be in Cohes at Massachusetts, Charlotte. And then in the fall, I'm also following the Chicago Bears for all their away games, doing an away game comedy show, game show thing. Deal of it. It's me and the Bears on the road this fall. Everything's at Daniel vancirk.com. All right, Skylar, tell us about your new podcast. So my new podcast, it's called Help Me Be Black. I was, when I was a baby, I was adopted by these white Mormons. And so I was raised. It's like the jerk. Yeah. It's. I'm exactly, I'm reversed jerks. Yeah, of course.

And so I was raised in Salt Lake City away from a lot of black culture. And being black in America, it's like pretty, the culture part is really fundamental. And people are mad at you if you haven't seen family matters or something as a black person. You have like a responsibility. So it's kind of weird. Like if you don't, yeah, but did you get some of it? Like did you get, did you get? That's pretty young, right?

I'm 25. I'm, I'm, thank you. I'm 30. Really? Okay. I got a tiny. But like, you know Uncle Phil, be like, why didn't he want me then? Yeah, I saw Fresh Prince.

Which is also white people, black culture. Exactly. Yes. So I got white black culture. And, uh, there, but then there's just a lot of stuff that I just straight didn't know until I moved to Chicago when I was 20. Right. And so it's just we have comedians on that are black. Don't you, don't you dare ask.

So we don't get to come on. You don't get to come. And we just talk about it and we unpack it. And it's, you know, it's sometimes. like serious where we talk about blackness and sort of the abstraction that is the idea of blackness and then a lot of times it's just like real silly like i was you know we did an episode i was on a rift for a while about how it would be funny if bill cosby was a black israelite like just stuff like yeah yeah you know kind of the stuff that we kind of just did earlier was the same type of bit but also like

for white people to be like oh because my cousin just married a black man right and uh i got to appreciate the wedding and i i love andre so much but i remember because i i I have gotten to experience some black culture from having lived in Chicago for so long, and I lived on the south side of Chicago, and then also like, you know, even just being in L.A. A multi-pot and tour in the country. I remember I told my family once, it was like Christmas time. And I go, why don't we ever play Andre's Christmas music? And they were like, we play Christmas music. I go, I go, you think that Andre, when he's with his auntie and their family are listening to the same Christmas music, and my family was like, Christmas music, I go, Andre, and he was

already laughing. I go, do we listen to any Christmas music you listen? He goes, I don't know any of this music. Yeah. And my family was blown away. And they were like, no way. I go, guys, he doesn't even sing happy birthday the way we sing happy birthday. You hear Black happy birthday for the first time. My family thought I was making this all. Andre had to go, no, he's right. I just don't bother you. White people genuinely do not know how different it is. And it's like, it's not like the intention of the podcast is like to, I don't even care who's listening. Probably. a lot of white people, sure. Sure.

It's more about me, the things that I might not have known or like, it's not that I don't know anything, sure, but it is like I didn't grow up that way and I didn't necessarily have this experience. Like, we had somebody on my podcast where he was talking about, Devontre Coleman. Yeah. Love him. He was talking about the bootleg man and how they would, most of the movies they watched growing up were bootleg movies.

Yes. I didn't have any experience in that. I found that in Chicago. You know, so it's just stuff like that. And it's fun. You know, what's interesting is when I, when we were growing up, there were two, two black sitcoms. We call them black sitcoms, but mostly predominantly black cast that were part of like

mainstream pop culture, the Jefferson's and Good Times. And Good Times took place in the projects of Chicago. Jeffersons were upwardly, it was more revolutionary for television. High Rise in New York. High Rise, New York. I remember as a kid being like, oh, the Good Times is what. what black culture is like about. Because it's about this is what is like to struggle in America.

This is there getting down to issues. Sometimes it wouldn't be funny for a while. They'd be talking about rent parties for Wanda and all this stuff. And then the Jeffersons was to me more pure comedy because you had George Jefferson is this crazy guy who was making fun of everyone. But what I found out from talking to black people that I didn't realize black comics, friends of mine who were like,

no, no, the Jeffersons was the show. That was our show. Good Times was not. Good Times was a white version of what Black Life was like Jefferson was like we got to root for a black successful businessman there was a interracial couple where she really was sort of the dominant one in the couple it wasn't the white guy who was keeping a black woman down right it was like how did this guy get her like that's what everybody was kind of saying you had black people with a black made so there was like

that power dynamic which was super interesting they're like this is a way better show right and I didn't know right so like that's also the other thing too is it it it becomes so much much. And even to the extent of what I do and I'm doing is it's like everybody's interpreting how everybody else lives through media. Sure. And and and did not necessarily lived experience. And when it's like for a long time, it was just shows. I just had, who was it? Rob Hayes. Yeah. We love love Rob. He was talking to me about sort of the opposite experience where he grew up in Atlanta and or just like right outside of Atlanta. And he didn't know any white people. The only way he knew what white people were like was through Cheers and stuff.

And so it's just, it's a very interesting thing where, like, our racial identities in America are also coded through media. And, like, now it's like a lot of hip hop is defining how people are acting. Same way. Like, the godfather started defining how, like, Italian mobsters act or something like that. So it's all very interesting to unpack where you see at the end of the day, this identity stuff is all, like, actually whatever. but it's interesting how much weight we lend to it

versus how much it actually matters but then there's all this structural stuff and this actual racism that does matter and then when you're somebody like me who like has had to face that but then also is like I didn't see the Jefferson's or you got like you got social media so some stuff like if you'd been born 20 to 25 years earlier

your only cultural outlet would have been like MTV like it would have been that it like there's a guy I think it's in Atlanta he goes around and he asks black people what's the black person response so he'll give you a scenario to a black person and then they have to tell him the one I've always loved was he goes you get invited to a party you didn't know about

for a person you're not super close with what is your response? You say who all gonna be there 100% yeah yeah who all gonna be there so I'm there so I'm there so I made it but I was like oh this is providing like so much like black culture for somebody who is whether they're you know white, whatever, outside of that, or just growing up where you were to, like, have some of it seep in.

Yeah. It starts to seep in. I think moving to Chicago really changed it all for me. Like is when I really was like now my friend group and people I'm close with are predominantly black and all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But I still am the type of person where people are shocked when they find out my partner is black. Like, they're like, really? You're like, what? You are like dating white women type. And it's like, I get it. I see. I know, I know how I come across, but I resent what you've said. I resent it. I am in an interracial relationship. What are you talking about? I have a black partner.

Wait, wait, what? What? What are you talking about? That's very progressive. Come on. That's my joke for you. All right. I'm writing jokes. Thank you. Open this up. I'm going to do the next story. I'm going to let you guys know. Why you pull that up? I'm going to cut out. I'm going to grab the power cord because I don't want that to die. Okay, all right. Take a time out and we'll come back. Time out. All right. I'm going to get in the story number two. Let's do it. Just because, damn it, we are. Okay. This is sent in by David Fornier. DP 4nier. DP 4nier 2. Here's the headline.

Tourist accidentally makes bomb threat by mistranslating Portuguese word for pomegranate. You don't want that to happen. Now, this, I cannot fault them for too much. But they didn't have to be like this pomegranate is going to tear apart your insides. Yeah. For sure. That pomegranate is ready to blow. Yeah, I have sent a pomegranate to the hotel.

I left a pomegranate. I'm anti-government. I sent a message. I sent a message. I left a ponigrant. Why you don't write a manifesto about a pomegranate? Islam will reign for a thousand years with this one pomegranate. A tourist caused a scene outside a Lisbon restaurant after accidentally making a bomb threat. Wow. I'm not going to tell you all this Russian speaker from Azerbaijan has confused the Portuguese word. Do you think they're trying to say like, oh, I think the salad has pomegranate in it? And they were like, I think whatever has a bomb in it? in it? Yeah, well, because at a restaurant. Well, because I'm like, it seems like the way this is phrased, the story is blaming the person. But I feel like it's the reaction from everybody facts. Because it's like, it's like a Russian guy and he just said a word that sounded like Bob and

everyone's like, oh shit, get down, get down. What does he mean? All right, the word for so he, he confused the Portuguese words for pomegranate and grenade when trying to order, well, maybe it's on Portugal. Maybe that's on Portuguese. Y'all know your, wait, what are the words? He was trying to order fruit juice. He had written... That's the thing. He tried to order. I don't know what the words are.

So he's ordering a bomb from the restaurant. As long as they don't have any grenades. So technically they're bomb-threatening him. Right. If they had it. Well, we don't have grenades here. Nothing to worry about. No, I...

Now, if you do have a pile of grenades in the back and somebody goes, I want one of those grenades. Give me a medium. Then you're like, oh, I don't know if we should do that. Medium grenade. Medium grenade with a straw. Pin out. Pin out.

Yeah, I'm going to go pin out. Pin out. Let's be crazy. Pin out to go. he had written a oh okay he had written a note okay

trying to order the drink so this is so he didn't say like writing the note also does kind of incriminate you yeah the note you're ordering a grenade well but still which in New Orleans totally you can totally do and it's so good so according to Google translate

grenade in Portuguese is just Granada Granada Granada And what, but what is palmagranet? Is it pomagranata? Poma. Roma. Roma.

Roma. He's an idiot. Okay. So I don't really know how you get that confused. His language app had given him the wrong translation. Well, now he's throwing the language app down the under the bus. The radicalized duolingo, ow. Wow, dude.

He shouldn't have gone to duolingo from the river to the sea. The waiter read the note and thinking that the man was making a threat of about having grenade called the police. Why wouldn't you be like, is this what you mean? People are so quick with the police. Is this what you mean? Right. You could just be like, yeah, this is the younger brother working at the-

Yeah, but right, right? He's going to dump water on me. I'm out. Wait, wait, wait, Dan, Dan, you were right. And what did he say before? It's not just getting that we're wrong. If he said, I will have a this. Sure.

if he said, I have. And maybe that part of it, you have to give me the full phrase. Or maybe he just wrote the word down and was like, I hope that's pomegranate. Yeah. Also, there's waiter. It's like, if you want to go home that bad,

you don't got to call the cops. Right. Just quit. Just go home. You don't like your job that much. Video uploaded to the website of Portuguese New Placers shows the man being handcuffed and arrested outside of the restaurant shortly after the news.

He can also be seen, uh, let's see, ordered to lie face down on the ground before five officers are approach him in half. Five. The unnamed tourist was reportedly attending a nearby police station for interrogation. They don't mess around in Portugal.

You need a hand to use a grenade. He was late. He goes, I have a grenade. So they let him sit there and like eat his salad and drink. When I'm done with this watercress out, I'm going to blow all these motherfuckers out. Until the cops got there. I want you all to die.

How hard is it like this is as we said in another episode, this is a stop and frisk situation. Right. You don't need to take him down for a. interrogation. Check his bag, check his person. You'll find a grenade if there's a grenade. You can't hide a grenade.

If it's up your asshole, that's another story. And it's like, were they, there's no clarifying, I guess this person just was by themselves and didn't know Portuguese at all. At all. I'm assuming.

And they weren't being like, no, I didn't, I was trying to say something else or whatever. So they probably thought that they said what they said. Maybe the, this is what I can guess. The waiter or waitress,

I'm going to say waiter, was like, is this what you mean in Portuguese? They didn't understand, so they just nodded yes. Or they thought, is this what you mean? And they were like,

and then they went back. It's that also the, you know, it's a tourist. It's that foreigner thing of it's like this person, I can tell they're not from here. Correct.

And they have used a word that I recognize as a weapon. So I must, assume that they're trying to blow up this tacharia. Maybe bro is wearing, this could be some like clothing profiling. It could have had like that kind of leather jacket, Russia. Russia, yeah. He could have that weird off-brand leather jacket you haven't seen before with too big

of a collar and you're like, well, based on that jacket, too big of a collar. Call the cops. He's got one, he's got an eye patch. Eye patch. Very villain. Fairling coat. Fake Rolex. Yeah, and the two black leather girls.

And it's like, that guy is not, one thing. thing I know about that man, he does not have pomegranate. He's wearing Leveiz jeans, L-E-E-A-Postrophe, like, we don't know what this guy is. Officers later inspected the restaurant with Lisbon police carrying out relevant searches of their databases and lia-liasing with the

country's anti-terrorism units. I mean, this brought everyone into. Everybody was bored at work that day. They just didn't have anything to do. Oh, maybe somebody does a terrorism here and we get to be the ones to stop it. And then I get a big shiny metal from the king of Lisbon. Of Lisbon. Police and anti-terror units are currently on high alert across Portugal after the government, raised the terror threat from moderate to significant early October. The move follows terror incidents

in Belgium, France. All right. So we know why you're doing it. The incident may have been caused by the similarity between the two words for pomegranate grenade in Russian. Granat and Granata. In Russian, it was the same. In Russian, it was the same. In Russian. Granite and Granata. So these language apps, they are not doing a good job of translating from Russian to... However, the distinction between the two in Portuguese, Poma is the word for Pomegranate and Granada is the word for Grenada. Yeah. May not have come across in the translation app.

So really, it's the translation app's fault. If we're going to blame someone for throwing the nation into a terrorist tizzy, it's this translation act. And that is the biggest threat to all of our freedom across America. I do think about how much this is maybe a small example, but I was, it was actually in Denver when we were doing, what is it, high planes. I remember they gave, we all, everybody took mushrooms that one, that first day. And I took way too much and I had not. I kind of did a joke about it in my don't tell set and I've since expanded the joke. That's not even relevant to the story.

but I remember at one part right before the joke part happens I was tripping really hard I tried to go back to the room because I was like I'm around too many people then being alone was even worse because the Jimmy Kimmel stuff was happening and I was getting I was getting in my head about like oh there's so much hate and Trump and people are hate and then I go and I'm in the lobby in the elevator's taking a long time because I think it's broken and the um like housekeepers, they're like speaking in Spanish to each other and they're, something seems to be wrong. And I started tripping out over like, oh, like, everybody is like, they're different for me and they're speaking a language I can't understand. And I'm kind of freaked out because I don't know what they're saying. And that's making me a little bit fearful. But at the same time, like, it doesn't really have anything to do with me. And I think that everybody is just like so afraid of like what they don't understand. But then what they're not thinking about is that these people are the, you know, the housekeepers and they are, yes, coming into America so that they can have a job where they can live, but look at what we've done with the social stratification. And I'm like, I'm like going down like all these roads and I was getting really into just like, if we could all just speak the same language, we would be so much better and we'd be so much less afraid of each other. And then the elevator came and Bory was in it and it took forever and there were a lot of people in it. And I go, are you guys going down? And David starts laughing. He goes, yeah. You're going. You also seem like

You're going down. I was like completely freaking out by myself for what felt like 20 minutes. You got, and then you got that immediate comedian energy fan. And I'm like, are you going down? He goes, yes,

yes, we're going down. And he could tell how high I was. That's so fun. Good Lord. It was so good. It was so good. You almost solve the world for a second.

If that elevator doesn't come, you might have fixed the whole lot. I figure out Spanish in that second. One language. It's a row one language. I was just like, everybody's, because it's like the Trump stuff and there was like the ice was happening.

And I was like, everybody's just half of my people are mad. because they're like, I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what they're saying. If you could tell what people were saying way more, I think you would be way less risk. More people would have not watched a kid rock concert. Yeah.

Exactly. They're just like, he's doing Spanish. Who cares? It's not a grenade. I'm going to jump on your thing. It's not a grenade. I'm going to put a solution.

Okay. Into your brain. I can't believe it's not pomegranate. Big tower. We build a big tower up to heaven. Yes. Okay. Tower Babel.

No, here's what we got. All right. In your ear, you place a, you know just like google whatever glasses but this is google ear like air but an air pod yeah right in your ear not only does it translate what people in other countries are saying it puts it in the accent that makes you comfortable so two people from mex to two to latino people are in the

uh are talking to each other and you're hearing it like your mom hey man let listen i we're going down there we're going to i mean whatever you're from billy actually so Such a good job. Hey, we go down and grab a keg zero out of the frit. They give you the accent. They were saying coccero. And then you hear, yeah, Coke zero. Yeah, get me a keg zero and get out and get me some water ice.

It's your buddies. It becomes your buddies from high school. Oh, yeah. And it's modeled after a voice of your buddy in high school. I don't even know if we've taken it. If we take it a break between the two or two. All right. We're going to take a break.

We come back in 73 and I got a crazy story about a dog. This is dumb people, town. Don't go anywhere. Make a sound, longer down. It's dumb people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I'm going to tell you a little bit about what we've got going on. You and ran up to.

Follow us on punchup.life and throw your email in there. We're only going to invite you to six or seven pyramid schemes. Just kidding. Put your email on there and we can tell you when we're coming to your town. Like we're coming to Fort Collins at the Comedy Fort, which is just one of the best clubs in the world. David Rodriguez as well is a brilliant, wonderful man. And I love that club.

We're going to be there July, 20. second, 23rd that weekend. Nice. And then the next month we're going to be at the Grand Comedy Club in Escondido, which is Southern California, kind of near San Diego. It's going to be great.

And then you can come see us. We're going to be part of JFL Toronto doing tag at shows. We might be calling the show the tag team because we are the tag team. We'll come tag team your show and your sets. And so we're going to do that JFL along with some headlining sets at the comedy bar, JFL Toronto,

that is in September. And then in October we're going to be in Ann Arbor during the Penn State. weekend doing shows and going to the football game. It's really exciting. We got lots of great stuff, punchup. Live, and check us out. Go see our, I loved your don't tell set. Check out our don't tell set. We have a great don't tell set that I'm really proud of that is on their YouTube page. And let's push those views up. You got a couple clips that have gone pretty viral. I want to check it out. And speaking of viral, I want to get to this story. This is sent in by David Fournier

at DP48, too. Another story. Here's the headline, man in viral video of dog on personal watercraft. in Fort Lauderdale speaks. Okay. I'm going to need to hear those words again. Man in viral video of dog on personal watercraft in Fort Lauderdale speaks. Okay. And what does he speak on? Well, I wonder if the dog turned to him and was like, speak.

Speak. Steve. Man. So I'm going to have Aaron while I'm talking about this. See if you can pull up. I sent you the link to the story, which has the video of it. Dog owner is speaking out after a wild video shows his pet cruising on a personal watercraft being pulled by him as he rides a jet propelled hoverboard in Fort Lauderdale.

I already hate him because he has a jet propelled hoverboard. Yeah, that's... Do you know, there is that... A lot of these are coming out of Florida. Okay. So there's the viral video of the guy who's on a date with a woman and then the hoverboard guy grabs his date and like kind of flies away with her. Oh, sure.

You can take hoverboard rides, but like she's holding on to him because she's like, oh, here's my new man. That... I don't know why that video always makes me sad. This guy's in one of those things. you know where it like shoots water down and pushes you up or you have like a trail behind you that's connected to something

well this guy's connected to basically a sea do a jet ski he's got a golden retriever that's sitting on the jet ski so neither of them are doing neither of them are going traditional boat craft and it is like the dog the beginning I made it in my mind I thought the dog was operating

the jet ski and pulling him which would have been way cooler that would have been really a sequel to air by a ticket for that. Air bud. Wet bud. Wet bud. Water bud. Yeah. Where they're water bud and they're not afraid of water. They don't think it's going to kill them. Right. Where there's a water, there's a way. Here we go. The viral video, which is amassed more than how many views across NBC's 6's social platform stars Eddie Inch and his dog Lucy. How many views has this video gotten? 50,000. No, that's not viral. Viral. It's got to be. Oh, look, there it is. Get a two mill. Two milly. You are exactly right. Two million views.

All right, so you see him, he's up, and he's pulling the dog. He's pulling the dog in the video. I love it. According to Inch, the guy's name is Inch. You give Eddie an inch. Yeah, he's going to take a mile. Take a knot. Take a knot.

A nut. Yeah. Send him a few. Yeah, I know the water measurements. I was like, wow, dude. Yeah. Take a league. Lucy isn't just along for the ride.

She loves it. Yeah, dogs like. Look at this perfect. Oh, my God. That's awesome. That's a good dog. That's a great dog. Inch.

Eddie Inch. I know how that guy's voice sounds. to be looking at it. Yeah. He said, according to the inch, Lucy isn't long for the eye. She loves it.

We're hours and hours on this. Wait, are people mad about it? No. There's no way. There's no way. This is a... Well, you know, wait.

Does this guy look like Conan O'Brien's Florida brother? Any inch? God. God, that dog, that's adding seven dog ears on this life. Man, if I was half drunk sitting at like an outdoor patio

along some Florida water, that would make my entire fucking month. The way you would tell everybody for like all weekend, I just saw a dog on a jet ski. You will not believe what I saw. Look at how much. How much he likes it. He loves it. He loves it.

I'm wondering like if anybody is because I feel like PETA could react where it's like dogs don't belong on. They should not. No, they shouldn't. I'm saying, but I could see it. If the dog slips off and is in the middle of the water, then that's a little dangerous. And the guy doesn't notice. Life Fest on. He's doing great.

Yes. You can't go fast enough first. She's just in there and when she's on that street, it's unbelievable how locked in she is on the street. Like on the way there maybe? Okay. And despite online speculation question whether the video was AI generated, Inch insists it's all real. Everything I have is like set up to take this knucklehead with me so she's never alone. Wow.

What a great third story. This is a great. I love that. It's not dumb. There's nothing dumb on that. It's just plain good vibes. No, it's something that would happen in dumb people time. Listen, y'all, there is so much darkness in the world and there's so many terrible things going on and so much conflict.

Yes. But sometimes some places, dogs can be on jet skis. And we're okay. And isn't that beautiful? Dogging a jet ski is what brings her so much. And David goes, you getting in? You're going down? You're going down?

Yeah. Yes, I am. I got to go see that damn dog. The podcast one more time. The new podcast is called. It is called Help Me Be Black. And, you know, follow me. on the internet.

It's Skyler Higley on Twitter and Instagram, and I have dates to July, July 30th, I'll be in Detroit, October 4th, I'll be in Chicago, September 25th, I'll be in Cincinnati. In November, 3rd and 4th, I'll be in New Orleans again. And, you know, yeah, sports drink. Love it. And Salt Lake City, November 21st and 22nd.

A wise guys. At wise guys. And then Washington, DC, I will be at the DC Comedy Loft, December 4th and 5th. So y'all, you know, I'm around. Get on the internet. Come see. Come see if he does these new jokes that he's developing.

I'm going to do the new jokes. Southern, a feminine slave owner. You can see it develop over time. That's crazy. I have to do that one. That's a full on bit. That's crazy. And interracial relationship.

You got to go see him live to check it out and check out his podcast. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Peace.