Dumb People Town - Steph Tolev - Filth Queen

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Comedian, actor, and podcaster Steph Tolev (Filth Queen, Steph Infection podcast on ATC) stops by as Daniel describes a man that was found floating down a Portland river on a makeshift raft, Jason explains why a medical clinic receives unsolicited urine samples, and Randy warns against calling 9-1-1 against a stripper because she won't have sex for money, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Quince, BetterHelp, and Hims! Stick to the staples that last—with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to Quince.com/DPT for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Unwind from work, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/DPT. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace And sometimes shoes the life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail in Florida there's half price mail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Arm and Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, bunker down is Dumb People Town.

Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, Tulliv. Stephanie Tulliv. What's your name? Hey, Dad. That was his. Stephanie Elise Tulliv. You get over here right now. Population you population tolev Stephanie to live We're going to downtown Toronto today, and you put on your nice slacks Sure, I don't want to see knees

We got a jump into this show filth Queen. I can't wait to talk about it We get to that in the second segment. We got dumb stuff to go over. We have a real dumb one today. I'm gonna start us out with the first story. Sent by Alvin Catebay at Catebay 36. Who came and saw us. To our show in Portland. Oh yeah? And my favorite thing around Easter

is of course getting the Catebay eggs. It's my favorite thing. The tugboat cruise rescue man drifting on makeshift raft toward Bonneville Dam. First of all, Bonneville, white trash car, right? Yeah, that's like a Pontiac Bonneville. I don't know that, it's okay. You remember a Pontiac Bonneville?

Yeah, I remember. I had a Grand Am. She's too young. That's a more white trash car. We had a Pontiac 6000 LE as kids, that's what we drew. Oh yeah? With an STE dashboard. What was your first car?

Plymouth Acclaim. There you go. You win, so here gets a do. Oh yeah? With an S-T-E dashboard. What was your first car? Plymouth Acclaim. There you go. You win, so here gets a square. I don't even know, is that a Canadian? I'll take Jim Jay Bullock for the block. No, no, no. Like you know how there are like different like car types and like you go, like they have different in Europe,

it's like a Ford Primera. I was like, I've never heard of this. No, I think it's very similar. Plymouth Acclaim. I think you have it, yeah. All of it, we all have cars that companies don't even exist anymore. The Plymouth Acclaim. I think you have it, yeah. All of it, we all have cars that companies don't even exist anymore. The Plymouth Acclaim is like people who were,

just wanted to bag on you, be like, couldn't get a Chrysler, could you? No. No, my granddad, he died. Oh. If you wanna know, and then I got, and all the skin flakes were in the AC. Stop!

Stop! Oh, shut up. Skin flakes in the AC? It was so disgusting. He had really bad psoriasis, and I guess he never used the AC, and then I turned it on. I turned it on once, it was like.

It was so gross. Steph. It was like the car had processed an alligator. Do you think moths were coming out of there? It was chunky, there was big pieces. How long did you have that car? For a while. Snow globe.

It was so gross. It was so gross. It's a grandpa snow globe. It's a skin flake snow globe. Tastes like Lloyd. Portland, Oregon. KOIN, a man drifting down the Columbia River in a makeshift raft, was rescued by tugboat crews just minutes before he would have been swept

into the Bonneville Dam, the boat's captain said. Okay, he's trying. You're gonna die. You will die. 100%. I don't know how far the drop off is. Oh, it doesn't. And is he standing with like a really long stick?

Like trying to like mark twainish like. Wait till you see this third act of cast away. Oh God. Raft this guy. What? No, let him go over the edge. Let him, right? He already has.

That's what he wants. Guy wants to die. What is he, that's not a rat, that's pieces of wood and he's somehow balancing on it. Grim Reaper, how is he? That's terrifying. Is he wearing a trench coat? He's not even wearing anything that's waterproof.

That actually looks like Kirk Fox. That does. I think that's Kirk Fox, actually it is. That actually is him. Just taking some pictures so we can put it on the issue. This is a man who's someday daughter in college is gonna have to explain why they don't have a relationship. Right.

Well, I don't think there's any explanation needed. Look at the raft. Show the photo. Yeah. Look at that. That's not a raft, that's clumps of wood. I'm gonna say that's really, I'm gonna say that's well put together.

That's debris. That is debris. That's driftwood. And there is some miracle that he's on it and that he's still going. The fact that it's still floating, let's give him credit. That to me is all of his relationships right there. The fact that it's still going is like miraculous.

How is he balancing? How are you, he's like standing on two pieces of wood like really casually. Confidently, like he's not even arms out. No, he looks sick. Like I can't balance on a well constructed paddle board. No. Right. That's hard for me.

This guy's on pieces of wood. Is. Right. That's hard for me. This guy's on pieces of wood. Is going down. Parts of old TV's. It's floating down a river. You talking like an old wood. Yes, of course. It's like a dresser drawer front.

You see two knobs on it. That was from the Titanic. Also, I love this. He's reenacting the Titanic. Sheriff's office, because we've been doing the show for so long, and you guys do plays on words with Sclarz and Stripes, stripes Sclarboro country all of that. This is already too close for you to to change them this is the name the

Scamania So close to you guys changing the Scamania, which also didn't real big fish shortly I was gonna say short-lived off branch of warp tours I was only around for two summers. Real big fish. Mighty, mighty boss toad. Boss toad. Headline.

It was banded in here in your bedroom. Gold finger. No doubt. Gold finger. Gold finger. Yeah, the mustard plug. Less than Jake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Less than Jake. Come on. The Sky Mania County Sheriff's Office identified the man as Randall Betha. B-E-T-H-A. Where's Randy at? Randall Betha. He calls himself the king of the river. Who was hitchhiking from Spokane, Washington.

Spokane is just a meth capital. To Newport, Oregon. First of all, this isn't how you hitchhike You don't make a shit rap is and then get on a river put a thumb up in a couple logs rolled by It seems like a more sensible way to hitchhike though people are gross now. You don't get some weird Pacific Northwest white trash version of huck Finn. He's like I'd rather die in a damn than by somebody Yeah, then have the jerk off Jimmy Magoo. Than someone in a Plymouth clan.

Hey, the only way I'm getting some beavers is if I head towards that dam. He likes to be called a hobo. After Betha was tired of hitchhiking, he made a raft out of wood and rope and began traveling the Columbia River near Hood River Bridge. This is biblical.

Hood River. I know, I prefer Hood. But he's heading towards a dam. Police told KOIN6 News that Betha called 911 reporting he was stuck in the middle of the channel and could not make it to shore. Good service out there though. I was gonna say, he's got,

number one he's got a cell phone, number two service. It's not wet somehow. It's not T-Mobile, because I would not be able to call 911 from out there. Also, you know he's got a flip phone. Or he's got like a sidekick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sidekick. Boost mobile. Beth had told 911 dispatch he did not have a life vest and Ant did not know how to swim. Oh my God. What are you doing? That's crazy now. So our mom never learned how to swim.

But she's also not making shit rafts. She would go on tubing trips with us, like sitting in an inner tube floating down the river. But there were areas. Must've been terrifying for her. There were areas. Why was she doing that? I don't know.

She wanted to be with the family. Yeah, but all she had to do was hold on and she was fine. Still, but if you go to her in a life. This guy had made a raft out of toothpicks, trying to hitchhike, and never said to himself, like how confident is he in his build that he's like, I know I don't know how to swim, I trust my craft.

He's very confident. Look, I put 11 minutes into this. Of course it's gonna be fun. He's wearing a Canadian tuxedo, he thinks he can just fucking float naturally. Black jean jacket, black jeans. Imagine the dispatcher too, I don't have a life vest. I assume you don't.

I don't know how to swim. I assume you don't. I would just hang up. Yeah. Well, it's been nice knowing you. We'll talk to the county. Where should we ship your belongings? Also stand, you can't swim when you're standing.

Take a seat. Squat on the raft. Sit down. He doesn't want to get wet. The raft is not so well built that the raft itself is not wet. It's so bad It looks like when you so have the rap looks like I just thought of this in high school when you have to like build

Something to see if it can like hold an egg or whatever and you forgot to do the project and he just glued a bunch of Together he could like popsicle sticks. Yeah. Yeah. Yes on top of each other Looks like this got a bit of a clip to it like he's Going Damp Popsicle sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On top of each other. And the river looks like it's got a bit of a clip to it. Like he's going. Oh, he's moving. He's going. He's still pretty fast. Yeah, he's heading towards a dam. Hey buddy, you need help? I can't swim.

Sclar-mania County Sheriff's Office conducted a how long search. How long do you think they look for this guy by boat? 20 minutes. By boat? 20 minutes. 45 minutes. An hour. Five hours.

Oh my. A search by boat. What a waste of resources. Yeah, literally, let him go. Let him go. 20 minutes 45 minutes an hour five hours Waste of resource. Yeah, literally let them go let them go when they when they were finally told by Foss maritime tug that they found Beth and near the Columbia River Dam captain Eric Braden perfect name of the tugboat PJ bricks cutest little tugboat in town PJ bricks could either be a tugboat company or like a TGI Fridays knockoff. 100%. Going down to get tequila poppers over at PJ Bricks. That you only see in airports. There's a good PJ Bricks at the Atlanta airport. What terminal? It's better than the Charlotte one. Is that a sports bar? Do they let you stand outside and watch games? They're nice. they let you watch the games outside.

Okay, so PJ Bricks told KOI and Six News, his boat and another were towing windmill blades to Idaho, nobody cares. That's right. The most, who, the most like non-important details. If I was driving around. Unless they used one of the blades to reach out to him to pull him to safety.

No need. When they spotted something in the river. He said he raised a pair of binoculars to his face. We're getting, this is like pros. He has binoculars on there. Well no, the PJ Bricks. PJ Bricks. He raised a pair of binoculars to like,

settle down with the freelance writing. And realized it was a man floating just below the Bridge of Gods. They never say what that is, and I don't, it sounds cool. Bridge of Gods. The Bridge of Gods. Is that like, on his way, it sounds cool. Bridge of gods. The bridge of gods. Is that like on his way to dying?

Yeah. Like there is no actual bridge, it's a metaphoric bridge. At this point this did become the Odyssey where this guy has like, he's made a rat, he's trying to get from one place to another, he's under the bridge of gods. Under the bridge of gods, across the river Hades. According to Braden. A three headed dog. According to Braden, the strong current would have thrown the man into the dam within 10

minutes, potentially killing him. The tugboat captain of the PJ Bricks, I believe, said the man told them he had been on the raft for 24 hours. You are horrible at hitchhiking. No, at night, in the dark, covered in waters, can't swim. Can't swim. Standing for 24 hours. That's so creepy.

On his toothpick raft. Let him go. Steph. Standing for 24 hours. That's so creepy. Let him go. Steph said it, let him go. This is crazy. He wants to go. He does not want to live. We've all been in relationships with people who are like, oh, this person doesn't want to be in this.

They want to go. When's the last time you went in the water in the evening at night? Spooky stuff. I did it recently in Spain. It was scary, yeah. And I did it in Hawaii once and it was it was one of the scariest things I've ever done. It's terrifying. You can't see anything. You can't see anything. It's gross. Well we were in Israel. We were there for a semester

abroad. We swam, got like, got drunk and swam out to the breakers in the Mediterranean Sea. Very stupid. That's terrible. Very, very stupid, but the water was warm and it actually was warm. You felt that. It was lovely. It was calm and wonderful and beautiful, but I would not recommend that anybody do it. No.

You kind of knew what was going on there. This guy's in the middle of, he has no idea what he's doing. He's on a river going fast away from his starting point. I'm assuming no moonlight, nothing, just completely dark. After the crews pulled him on board another tugboat called the Betsy L, deputies from Scamania County Sheriffs pulled up and took custody of the man. Authorities told crews they were searching for the man since 2 a.m. after rescuing Beth.

The police discovered, believe it or not, he had misdemeanor warrants from another agency, and so they took him to Stevenson, Washington. Yep. No kidding. No kidding. No kidding, that man, we all thought he had a clean bill here.

You can't. That guy was just like, nice good man, good father. Poor guy. Great guy, he just had a little slip up. He's trying to get to Oregon too, so you know he's like, I don't wanna go this way. You should have committed a crime in Oregon then. That's right.

That's where we'd be taking you, yeah. All right, we'll get out of story one on this. How old is Randall Betha? So we got a grainy, sort of Sasquatch style picture of him. He's trying to go from Washington to Oregon. 52. He can't swim, he's on a river, he built a raft out of rope.

I also think young kids don't build rafts. This isn't a young man, 46. Like a young man would take a bird scooter to Oregon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's like, I'm gonna build a raft, like again. I think he's 59. 59 from Randy. 52 from Steph.

46. Okay, story one will end here when we come back. I'll tell you what I'm up to. We'll hear all about Steph's special, which you better go watch. Filth Queen. Randall Letha is 43 years old. Wow!

Really? He's a young old, he's a young old. Yeah, I absolutely love it. All right, story one down in the books, we'll come back after the break. Steph Tolive is with us and she has a brand new special, I'm very excited about it. Netflix, guys, Netflix!

Heard of it, we'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than PeopleTown. Hey guys, welcome back to the show, Steph, before we get to how people can enjoy, consume, and support, and let Netflix know how much they love it. Daniel, what do you have going on, and where can people see? Go to danielvancourk.com, you can come see me. I will be, I'll be in Portland, Oregon, the first

week of August. The weekend before that, I will be part of the Crosstown Comedy Festival. I'm headlining that festival. On Thursday night, I'm in Dayton, Kentucky at one of the clubs for the festival called the Commonwealth Sanctuary. And then on Saturday night, I'll be headlining Comet in Cincinnati. It's a great venue. Both venues are phenomenal. Get yourself some Grater's ice cream and go to the Montgomery and Boathouse for ribs And then in August later on in August I'll be in Cohasset, Massachusetts in Boston, Massachusetts Where are you performing in Cohasset? It's called the Red Lion Pub. They have this big like venue downstairs in the basement low ceilings They do a lot of bands and stuff there in comedy as well

I cannot wait little seaside town on the south shore of Boston. Yeah, baby. In Massachusetts, love it. And then at the end of the month, I'll be in Richmond, California, and Eureka, California. Everything's at danielmankirk.com. Check out Wine Club if you haven't watched that. It's a fun movie. I always love when people tell me that they watched it.

I was so honored. I love that movie. I love my movie, and I think you will too. And then listen to the Midnight Air. It drops every Monday night right here on All Things Comedy. I love it. Steph, I'm so proud of you. You have a new special. Thank you.

And I feel like we are intimately connected with the special because we saw you run it. It's so goddamn good. You are so funny. There was like a moment in watching you run the hour for us that I was like, a good hour transports you away from your saying I'm watching someone do stand up, you're just gone to another place.

I feel like you achieved that in this special. And did you feel that way as you were performing it? I mean, yeah, no, I don't know. You did, because you were in your head. You were in your head, there's other fucking cameras, I kept worrying about my bangs being sucked in my head and sweatings, and it was like Joe Rogan, I'm like a wet pig the whole time.

So I kept getting dabbed up and dried up the whole time. So it's hard to focus, there's too many things to think about. Wait, during the special? Oh yeah, I had to. Me too, I'm like a wet pig the whole time. So I kept getting dabbed up and dried up the whole time. So it's hard to focus, there's too many things to think about. Wait, during the special? Oh yeah, I had. Me too, I had to too. Can I tell you also one of the reasons I love you, I've never told you this, is sometimes I watch

friends of ours, you too, especially Billy Wayne Davis, and they stand there and they do this great comedy and they never have to move, and I'm like, man, I'm just about to go up here and just yell at everybody. And then I watch you as another high energy, let's fucking go people, performer. And I love you, and I love the energy, and I love what you do, and it makes me feel better.

But you guys gotta get dabbed out. But I do, I had to do the same thing. I had a little sweat towel, and part of me wishes I had left some of it in the special because it was funny in the moment. Did someone come on stage? Wait, it was someone came on stage. My boyfriend randomly teleprompter,

because I used one, I don't give a fuck, people were like, memorize it, memorize shit, I need to look at my fucking notes. Hey, it's your show. And he kept putting bangs, bangs, bangs, in the middle of the jokes, because they would go like this, and I'm like, I'm not having this

in the middle of my special. So the guy would come out and fix my bangs and then dab my sweat. I think I did that three times. And did you call it? Were you like? Oh, I did, oh yeah, go here we go again, and then the guy, and I would do crowd work. I almost kept it in the special. That's what I was gonna say. See, this is what I wish I did that three times. And did you call it? Were you like? Oh, I did, no, yeah, I go, here we go again. And then the guy, and I would do crowd work.

I almost kept in the special. That's what I was gonna say. See, this is what I wish I had. Oh, I want you to. I have, so I have the footage. It was funny, I was killing. Of course you were. All my in between was killing, but I was like,

no, then it kind of took people out of it, because it was like so high energy, then it would like kind of stop for a second, and then get back into the mic. Sure, sure, sure. Maybe I'm gonna go to my next special, I would do that, but like, the first one, we gotta have this profession.

Yeah, you wanna do a, and the material is so strong, the stories are strong, that's the thing is like, you do not shy away from good, hard jokes in this thing, which is why you're a fun person to tag, because like for us, there's a lot of room for more jokes. You set the structure well, the jokes are good, and then we just. The old landlord, I mean mean it's all so good.

It all came together very well and I'm very happy. Just go watch it, please, men, I'm talking to the men. I'm getting like really insane messages from men being like, I wasn't gonna watch it because I hate female comedians, but I fucking died laughing and I'm like, I can't tell you how many of those I've gotten now. Well by the way, thank you for watching. Thank you for watching and good for you

for moving the needle on these videos because those are the type of people that are like, I won't watch this. So the fact that they did, it is interesting because it is definitely, your comedy is definitely from a female perspective, but the energy and the style and the jokes are genderless, I think. They are, it is just comedy,

but it can only be told by you, a woman. So like that's the kind of comedy that I feel like can bridge the gap for people who are like, oh, what would you call me? Would you be like, you know Fahim Anwar, he's a Middle Eastern comic? No, he's a comic. He's a hilarious comic. He's a hilarious comic.

That's how I brought him up. Yeah. Oh, shit, Dan. That's bad. No, that's a great point. It's called Filth Queen. Go watch it. So the best thing to do is give it a thumbs up.

Say that you like two thumbs up all the way up. All the way up. One in the pink, one in the stink. That's right. Both in the stink. Both in the stink. Right. Give it that and recommend it to people

and just do what you can to help the algorithm so that you get another special. Yeah, it's all word of mouth really too. Like you know what I mean? Like really just if you like it, tell your friend you liked it and then they'll watch it. That's all it is. And my hope for you is that it does everything

that Netflix specials do for people which is lets people when you wanna know, builds your audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you suddenly have all those people like, oh, who's gonna watch it? And those people come out and see you do your show. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you make fans. Live comedy's better, come see me live. You're so good live. I do live. So good live because you do interact with the crowd. And you do, and then you find ways to pull it back into the material. Didn't you have a clip once where it was like, you're bully?

I called my high school bully on stage. Oh my God. I demanded him to apologize. I loved it. And then I almost got sued for that clip so I had to take it down. Oh my God. Then you had to apologize for making it a while ago. You bully.

I loved it. He calls you up from his offices like, you gotta apologize. I'm like, holy Jesus. Filth Queen, love it, Jay, let's show them. All right, here we go. Story number two sent in by Three Force Geek at Three Force Geek.

Medical clinic pleads for a stop to unsolicited urine samples. No, man. Wait, somebody's just sending in urine samples? A medical clinic in Scotland is asking. We've got, we're all, any type of medical clinic is like, we're all good. We got enough.

We don't need anymore. Have you seen the stories about people who get some reason their address got put in wrong by someone on Amazon and they just keep getting packages every single day? Like car seats, like huge. And it becomes a nightmare for them because they're like. That's what you should have done to your bully.

Got his address. There you go. Put it out there. Don't publish it. Just my piss. Exactly. He's getting all these urine samples. He's like, I got enough.

Wait, a medical clinic in Scotland is asking local residents to stop bringing in inappropriate or unsolicited urine samples. What's an inappropriate urine sample? Zip block bag. Right, okay. That or lots of blood in it. Or just coming in and peeing all over the floor.

The sultune surgery in Frasserboro, Aberdeenshire, said on social media that doctors and medical staff at the clinic have been inundated, inundated with a high volume. Guys were swamped. I'm swimming in urine over here. Unsolicited urine samples. This has to be a prank.

Just like old guys being like, I gotta turn this in. Wait a second, you might be onto something. How many would it be to be a problem? Like one or two a day you work there, like throw that away. Cups, cups and cups. Yeah, or like you said, gallons. Gallons of urine.

Like just a grocery. Pony kegs of urine. Often in non-medical household containers instead of sterile sample containers. Tupperware. Tupperware. Please be advised that we are no longer able to accept urine samples unless they have been

specifically requested by the practice. Right, what are you hoping to do? I'm gonna give you the sample, you tell me what's wrong with me? Yeah, also like who's voluntarily carrying cups of piss? Right, thank you. In the car, Scotland, cobblestone and shake things. Whoa!

It's crazy. You're so true. You're riding a donkey, okay here we go. This change is necessary due to the high volume of inappropriate or unsolicited samples being submitted, which affects our ability to provide timely care to all patients. Right, we're dealing with your stuff that's not part of the deal.

You're gumming up the system with your urine. You know how people in their jobs are like, I'm dying, I'm literally swamped in paperwork. I'm swamped in pee. I'm overloaded in urine. Guys, we're drowning, we're literally drowning. A golden shower in here. Each unsolicited sample handed in requires time

and medical supplies to test. Wait, you're testing it? Why are they practicing? Throw it out! Thank you! Yeah! You know when you go to the airport and you have to dump your water out?

They should have a piss station at this place because they think so much piss on the end. This isn't like the fire station where they leave a baby and now you gotta deal with this. Yeah, dump it out. If somebody brings fucking piss in a bowl, and you go, is this, somebody asked for this? No, nobody did. Oh, throw it away, and you go, did somebody ask for this? No, nobody did.

Oh, throw it away. See you later, guys. They should install a urinal in the main office. Either that or say put all samples here, and it's like a little. Isn't that what it's normally like? I'm saying it, and it's a little like, kind of a, sort of, not a hole in the wall,

but it's a thing, and then it's a little. There's a little, it becomes like an anti-glorial, but then it's a golden shower hole. And then there's just a shoot goes right into the trash can. No, it should be some pervert at the bottom with his mouth open like, I'm gonna pass. Ah.

People love that. See, we're helping people out. Be like Wrigley Field. Both sides. Install a trough. Install a trough. Wasn't that one of the first comedians we ever saw? Who was that, right?

I wish I remember who it was. Have you heard about the troughs at Wrigley Field? The Chicago. Yeah, I haven't peed together in a while. It's just a trough. Oh, it's a giant, long thing with ice in it. People at Wrigley have gotten in them. No, no, no.

The story. No, it has happened. The story this comedian told us is that. When we were in Vegas, we might've been like ninth or 17 years old. I can't remember this, but this guy was really funny, really funny. This comedian told us that when we were in Vegas we might have been like ninth or seven years old But he this guy was really funny really funny He talked about he was peeing at the trough of Wrigley Field and said I dad

Pick this kid up and put because the kid couldn't reach it Pick them up and put him on the edge of the thing to pee on the thing and then he slipped and then floated Goodbye to his son is his son was like floating down. I'm not touching that, you guys putting that in my car? People, I'm gonna find you the stories. People have gotten in the troughs. Oh my God, Dan. That's so gross.

Talk about some people. It's disgusting. Talk about a fetish. Yeah. One doctor speaking anonymously to the Times of London. Why does he have to be a doctor? Or she, why does she not wanna be? Because they don't want any more piss on time.

Said multiple clinics have had to put up signs asking patients not to bring in unsolicited urine samples. I love that this is a town where people are like, just tell me what's wrong with me via my piss. How much are these people drinking? There is a water shortage in this god damn town today. They're drinking alcohol. It's got weird piss. Glam alcohol. It's got CSI urine.

We really, really want patients to speak to a clinician for a proper medical assessment before we ask them to bring a sample in. We'll tell you if we need it. And when they do, we will issue them with the sample bottles to return, rather than random domestic containers, which can sometimes be inappropriate.

And sometimes open up without you. It's a wine glass. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it's shard. Stem. Laquaw can, there's all that. Why is there blood on the tip? It was hard to get the piss out.

It was hard to get in and out. That's part of the reason I'm here. This is why I feel like I have a problem. Oh my God, all right, so we touched on it before. If someone told me that another name for someone's taint is the Pample Moose, I would agree. I feel like, yeah. I kinda like that.

I didn't even touch her on her Pample Moose and she went crazy. All right, so here's the question. I can't find the Pample Moose. Most men can't. Keep looking, you'll enjoy the journey. All right, tap it. I have it. Here's the question, all right?

And Randy kind of touched on it, but I don't know. Who do you think the culprits are? I mean, I do know. I think it's old people. It has to be old. Because they're the ones who are like, yeah. Like young people don't even, they're never concerned. So it's less of a prank and really more of dumb old people

being like, will you look at this? Here's my theory. And they're like, stop doing it. Old people in Scotland don't have the internet. Like don't even know how to get on the internet. They don't have WebMD, they don't understand what that, this is their WebMD. Yeah, they're all fucking cheap out there. So they're worried their dick's itchy.

Yeah, the young people don't care. They'll have a committee for like 10 years. They're like, what? Oh, I haven't peed in months. Like they don't care. I literally haven't peed in months. I think you have a game you're supposed to be. Your teahouse closed up. Yeah, you don't care. I literally haven't peed in months. I think you have a gig. I think you're supposed to pee.

Your pee hole's closed up. Yeah, you have chlamydia. That's what's wrong. So this is crazy. It's definitely old people. It has to be. It's old people because they're concerned. I'll go with that too.

All right, the doctor said the culprits are often older patients. Thank you! Seeking to be tested for urinary tract infections. So. They are fucking cheap. I've had a urinary tract infection. Bad. Crazy, it's not good. From a sheep. They're bad.

Without first consulting a medical. You pee and then you're like, wait, I gotta pee again? And then a half trying to fix me. Crazy, it's not good from a sheep. Without first consulting. You pee and then you're like, wait, I gotta pee again? And then a drip comes out and you're like. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah while I get to the tease, again, Filth Queen is what it is. Filth Queen is the special. It is on Netflix, the Big Daddy. Go get it. Watch it. Thumbs up it. Share it with friends.

I will say this, I'll give you a little tease of what we're getting here in segment three. A guy at a strip club who literally does a thing that you would never expect someone to do and it's ridiculous. All right, we got that on the other side of the break. Steph Tolop is with us. It's Dumb People Town, don't go anywhere.

Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. All right. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Let's talk about workplace stress. I mean, people are back in the offices, that's like now a thing, Dan. And the stress of everything,

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This is the way you are, and then that's how you show up to work. Then let alone you're dealing with all sorts of stuff, what can I say, what can I not say? There's just, it's a thorny mind-fuel. For us, it's a constant thing of like, I hope this show goes well, I hope these tickets sell well.

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Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people's town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into story number three, we can tell you what we have going on. We just added, I'm so excited. Just came through. We're going to be in Austin. We're headlining the Stateside Theater,

which I really love. I think it's the State Theater. I love this debate. Do not look. I love this debate. We've done this on other episodes. Stateside Theater. That feels right to me.

Thank you. You know where it is, right next to the Paramount. I thought it was a state. Where are you? I'm on his side. The sign says state on it, but it is, I believe, called the Stateside Theater. We both know.

I'm going to go with it. So it's right next to the Paramount. What? What's it called? You're looking it up? I'm searching it. Would you have a crank on the side of that phone? Yeah, Jesus.

So we'll be there on, it is called the State Theater. Okay. There we go. F you. My girl. So it is the state side theater, no the State Theater in Austin, downtown Austin. 719 Congress Avenue between 7th and 6th. And so. You could walk to our favorite barbecue spot. Where we always go, Cooper's.

Oh yeah. So I mean I I'm so excited So we added this because we're gonna be in Raleigh the next night at the Rialto theater I'm very excited about performing there, but we're doing a little theater thing across it We might add something on Saturday night to supersclarus.com. We're gonna be in Alaska the weekend before I'm very excited putting that together with our buddy Brad Erickson. And then in Ann Arbor, all the dates, superschoolers.com. We have this new series that we're doing for countryclubconfidential.vip. Oh yeah, please, please watch this.

This is so much fun. It's kind of like Great Read. So when you're on a golf course and someone's like, here, putt it this way and go into the hill and then it'll come back down. I have a show called Blame Point. Great Read, this is great read. This is where you're like, hey, that's great read.

So basically there are these crazy stories from country club lore as narrated by the great Joe Montana. Super sidekick, everyone should watch this. Everyone involved with you is a banger of a comedy person. Yes. It's so funny, you got Walsh doing it right. Matt Walsh, James Davis, and Nate Craig on the first.

But did any of you see the recent golf fight? Oh yeah. And the guy who was a, this guy tried to fight a former hockey player and the hockey player goes, do not do this, you don't want any of this. And the guy's just, he's like, I want it. He's so drunk that he can't. He runs at the hockey player,

hockey player throws him in the lake. In the water. He literally throws him. Guy gets out of the water. He comes and runs at him again and he goes, you don't do this, he runs out, hockey player grabs him hockey style. By the shirt.

Here's the craziest part. As he's hitting him, he yells, bang, bang, bang. Levels the guy, the guy gets up, runs at the hockey player. He's like, stop. NHL hockey player. Throws him like a ragdoll. Where you're from, you know, even if I was telling this story about a high school hockey player,

you don't do it. Yeah, yeah, you don't do this. He runs again, grabs him again, bang, bang. Then I'm not shitting, I've never seen this. I always thought it was a joke when you see someone get thrown out of a bar. He threw the guy 10 feet. Threw him, threw him.

I mean he threw him so. How small is this guy? He's not small. The guy was that small, but the enforcer was enormous. I'm like this guy's like six five. He like fresh Prince of Bel Air. Yeah, woo. So I hope you guys get a season two because I want you to do that story on Great Read.

So I want to do a show called Fairway Justice. Fairway Justice. Or Fairway to Hell. Fairway Fight. Fairway to Hell. So anyway, it's called Great Read, it's on there. Matt Walsh is the first story about a guy who divorces his wife because he had an affair

with the cart girl, the girl who comes around and gives drinks. With the beverages. Beverages and gets people to, and he marries her, she becomes a member, and just shits on all the people who are mean married. I can't wait to see that one. Anyway, countryclubconfidential.vip.

You can listen to it as a podcast, because it's really fun, but watch it. It's called Great Reader, you can watch it on YouTube. That's what we're gonna do. Get the numbers up so we can do more. They're so fun. Let me jump into this. Sent in by David Fourniernier at DP Fournier too.

Love you buddy. Man tries to pay for sex at Florida club, calls 911 to complain about not receiving services. I offered money. Is this the biggest? My money's not good here? He's the most caring thing I've ever seen in my life. Calling 911.

Because she doesn't want to have sex. Let me speak to your manager. I got one up. He walks in the club. 911. I'm at 911 unless someone wants to have sex with me. I can go one more one. Great things for the trope, the fragile male ego.

Clearwater, Florida, a man faces charges after Pinellas County deputies said he called 911, claiming security at a club took, and we'll find out how much it is later, money from him, money he used in an attempt to pay an employee for sex. So, this is not on the menu. You don't say, I would like to have say, he just took money out and said,

I wanna have sex with you. And they said, thank you for your money. Now maybe they shouldn't have done that. No, of course they shouldn't have, but this is like when you go to buy drugs and then you end up not getting the drugs, you don't get, that was the risk. You paid to see if you'd get drugs.

If you try to climb Mount Everest and there's a storm. If you climb Mount Everest and there's a storm, if you climb Mount Everest and there's a storm that does not allow you, I don't care that you paid $60,000 to someone to sherpa your shit up the mountain, you don't get to climb because that's it and you don't get your money back. You can't call the Tibetan government.

People do this in Hanlim too, it's like three grand to go elk hunting, there's no guarantee you're gonna get an elk. You don't see an elk, you don't get that money back. You also can't call up there, there's no service on there. There's no service up there. You're actually fucked up there. No, the guy on the raft could get service up there.

That's just so crazy. Is it Betha? Two bars. Randall Betha? Randall Betha, two bars on the Hillary step. Randall two bar Betha? All right, according to an arrest affidavit. Oh, I'm sorry, no, no, he went to two bars

and then he got on the raft. Okay. Sultan Al-faye. That's the name? Uh-huh. I'm a sultan. He called me. I should have sex with everyone.

That's the Sultan of Sex. Da-da-da. All right, called 911 from the Oz Gentleman's Club near Dippin-O-My to the man behind the curtain. Oz Clearwater shortly after midnight. Oz Gentleman's Club. Shortly after midnight on Sunday, June 8th. On Sunday, June 8th.

I bet he, are you looking at reviews? Yes. Yelp reviews. And where in Florida is this? I mean all of Florida is Clearwater. So Os, again, to be able to call your strip club the name of a prison drama on HBO. Yeah, it should be a gay. your strip club the name of a prison drama on HBO.

It's like. Yeah, it should be a gay. It should be, it should be. It should be, yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of sitting in chairs, they all sit in wheelchairs. It's like the main guy from Oz. Come on, how about, it's an Oz theme. They don't call the center area,

there's like weights for people to work on. Oz looks legit. Have you been there? No, he's looking at it right now. He's looking at it right now. Deputies say, Have you been there? I'm looking at it right now. Deputies say, Alma Foway, do you know? No, Alphina told dispatchers to come and take him to jail, then explained that he paid a worker for sex,

but did not receive services. Staff at the club told deputies that Alma Foway had asked for a private room along with sex from a staff member and called 911 when his request was denied. So they took the money. Yeah, of course. What do you want, you want a room for sex?

Yeah, sure, just give us the money. Also, cash not traceable. No one was like, you didn't walk in here with 300 bucks. What money? Sorry, we don't have that. That's why you Venmo strippers. Put it on American Express, because you can dispute that later.

Investigators also noted that Almofy appeared intoxicated, smelled of alcohol, as they arrested him on charge of misuse of wireless 911 system. So there's a misuse of that system. The arrest, okay, so we're gonna get out here on this. Here's a picture of the guy.

There he is. Oh, he looks young. He's an idiot. Oh, God. He looks very young. So we're gonna guess his age. How old do we think Elnify is? I'm gonna guess like 22, 23.

He looks young. 28. That was a good guess. You say 22, 28. What do you say? I'll go, I'll split it. I'll go 26. Okay, one of you is one year off.

25. So go up or down? 23. 27. Get your answers in. Should have gone 21, because he's 21. Damn it! Oh yeah, that is really dumb.

This guy can't rent a car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know how they work. He doesn't know how a strip club works. He sees movies, he goes, strip club sucks me. Yes, I can make this work. Money speaks, money talks.

And he's definitely a virgin, so he's like, he probably was like, here's my theory. He's a virgin, he's like saving up his money, all his friends have had sex, he's like, I need sex now, here's my theory. He's a virgin, he's like saving up his money, all his friends have had sex, he's like, I need sex now, tonight's the night. I'm gonna do 21, I turn 21, I'm going to the strip club. And I'm getting the sex. We're gonna get out of here on this.

Oh, you don't wanna guess the rating? Oh, let's guess the rating. What is the rating of this? Out of five stars? Five stars, 1,229 reviews. Unbelievable. Who is going to the internet to review a strip club? Chris was absolutely amazing. Honey, what are you doing? Dinner's ready. The kids are waiting for you.

I'll be with the kids in a second. Two weeks ago. Let me craft this. Oh, God. Two weeks ago, Mary McCombs, five stars. Chris was absolutely amazing. From start to finish, she went above and beyond to take care of us. Oz's Gentlemen's Club responded, Chris is truly one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet. We're lucky to have him on our team.

Back and forth. Yes, the owner responds. Mozzarella sticks, delicious. The car's on, we're all in the garage, we're waiting to go on our trip. Hold on, Reeva. Let me, I just wanna spell check. This guy named Joe Kelly,

he took pictures of himself in front of Oz. Wow, Oz, wait, Joe Kelly, I think I know that guy. No you don't. Shut up. I swear to God. No you don't. Shut up! I swear to God. No you do not. Is that my, oh my God, this guy owes my dad money.

Shut up, Steph. It's not him, but it looks like him. I swear to God. I was like, I actually was like. I wanted it to be him. So did I, I was like, oh my God. The fact that he's got money goes straight up. The fact that there's this asshole.

You're like, no, it's the guy who bullied me in high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that there's someone out there that owes Steph's dad money. And she knows about it enough. Oh, I know about it. I'm not supposed to know about it. And it's plausible that he could have left a review

on a Clearwater. Yeah, big time. If you knew Joe Kelly, the Joe Kelly that owes your dad money, then this makes total sense. It's the type of guy that would leave a review. All right, so I think 4.3 stars. 4.3 on 1,229 reviews? Yeah, 1,229 reviews.

That's insane the amount of reviews. Guys guys the place looks like I like I think Momo Foucault the restaurant has like 1100 reviews how do they have 1200 reviews 4.3 what do you think? 4.5 okay 4.1 okay Oz's Gentlemen's Club to not get out of here in this because Randy's going to but I can tell you that Oz's Gentlemen's Club people posted videos of themselves in the bathroom, a guy, just of himself in the bathroom. Has a rating of 4.7. Wow.

So here's what I think. I think they're like, if you post a review of our thing, you get a free lap dance. But people love this place. 4.7. Okay, sorry, take us home. All right, so how much money did he give an employee and not get it back, which prompted him to call now?

21. So it could be a whole, like way too much or not enough, and they're like, we're taking your 20 bucks. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, well you go first. I'm gonna say 5,000. 5,000, okay, what do you think? I'm gonna say it's too high. I'm gonna say like $800.

Okay. $100, and I think they were like, you're not gonna- Aaron, you care to weigh in on this? It's gotta be enough that it's a loss. Yeah, that's right. For a 21 year old man. But he's an idiot and he's drunk. A hundred bucks could be a loss.

That's what I'm saying. Could be a loss for a- A thousand dollars. Okay, get your answers in. It's everything he's had. That's right. It's all he's had. He's definitely been saving up for it.

We all get it. Did you just say his student loans? Yeah. Filth had. That's right. It's all he's had. Definitely he's been saving up for it. We all get it. You just say his student loans. Yeah. Filth Queen, I love this. I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy. I'm gonna watch it tonight. Thank you. Everybody go out and watch it.

And I love you. You're just one of my favorite people. You're a light in our life. Right? Every time we see you, I'm so happy, right? We love it. Yes, you do. It's nice.

It's joy. It's pure joy. Why are you fighting it? You know I'm not fighting it. I haven't said nothing. Why are you mad at it? Why are you fighting it? We've worked together this year. Bangs, bangs, bangs. Trying to know each other better.

Bangs, bangs, bangs. All right. Which is what this guy wanted to do. He wanted to bang, bang, bang. And I am the hockey player. Yelled as he fought. Bangs came up a lot today. Bang, bang, bang.

I wish that was what the guy, we just saw that guy on your special next time like your bangs were fixed. It's just bangs, bangs, bangs. Okay. All right, this guy, we just saw that guy on your special next time like your bangs are fixed, it's just bangs, bangs. Okay, all right, this guy, Sultan, get this, how much money he gave the employee, you ready? Yeah. $300.

So y'all, it's in the range of what you were saying. I said 800. 800, 300, 500, a thousand. You were close. I said 5,000. This is so much fun, I love this, go watch a Step To Low Special, go listen to Dan's podcast, watch it. Watch our thing, love this. Go watch a step to a special. Go listen to Dan's podcast. Watch it. Watch our thing. Great read. Come on. It's just

all live. Yes. We love you and oh snap, we got to get back to work. We'll see you.