Dumb People Town - Willie Macc - Breakaway Hair

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Comedian Willie Macc (https://800PGR.lnk.to/GoodDadPR) stops by as Randy describes how a drunk woman drove on the sidewalk to chase a teen, Daniel explains how a wild brawl broke out at a kindergarten over seating, and Jason warns against rubbing raw chicken on a business you're mad at, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance and Hims!To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPT.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guys, we've got an amazing episode of Dumb People Town this week with the incredible Willie Mack. He's on the show and he's hilarious and wonderful. And on the show, we've got some sidewalk driving. I love it. We got a kindergarten graduation brawl. Thank you. And we got chicken on the door. If you want to find out what that means, you've got to check out this episode of Dumb People Town.

Dan and ran and Jay will share tales of coke so unaware they lack and racing. Sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic failed and floor. There's half price bail. I'm happy to say they. So listen to our podcast band with co-host our man Dan. Don't be a jerk. Because when the music is funny, stick around.

Make a sound, come you're down. It's Dump People Town. Hey, Tadies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, Y. Population, Mac. Willie, welcome to town, sir. Welcome to town, dude. We're so glad to have you here.

I'm glad to be here. our theory, Willie, that the world is getting dumber by the day, by the minute. We are just here to try and make fun of it or try and sort through it. Fight back through comedy. Comedy is our sword. That's how we fight back. And so that's how we do it. I have a

tattoo on my arm that says life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Thank you. Thank you. That's this show. That's actually a great quote. That is this show. It's a tragedy for those who go through this, but for those who make fun of it.

It's a comedy. Oh. That's a great. I love that tattoo. So let's jump into a first story, shall we? It was sent in by our good friend little Andy Greenberg at Andy the Jay Love him. Here is the headline. This lady is crazy.

This is a quote. Drunken woman drives on to sidewalk while chasing teen on dirt bike, deputies say. That's never going to win that. You've already lost. I get it if you're mad that the teen did something to you, but you can't do that. Right? Yeah. Like, you have a son.

You have a son he's older, as I found out through your special. I have kids. They do crappy things, right? They do a lot. They're jerks at times, and you want to drive up on a sidewalk and chase them. You want to send him a message, quote, unquote. But there's something in all of our brains that's like, don't do that. 100%.

But it also wakes their senses up of the things which you should and should and do. Okay, so we're still on the side of the woman who went up on the sidewalk. We'll find out. Let's get into this. And there's video, Aaron, if you want to queue it up at some point, we can show that at some point. All right. Here we go. Spokane County, Washington, Spokane, the meth capital of the Northwest.

More people than teeth. Right. I think is on there. Welcome to Spokane. Welcome to Spokane. We have more people than we do have two. All right. Spokane Sheriff Deputies in Washington State arrested a woman accused of trying to hit a juvenile bike rider with her car,

then later showing up at a stranger's house and attempting to get inside. Okay. there's where you cross. She could have stopped it just, hey, I was making a U-turn and I just wanted to. This isn't about a teenager. I never heard someone use the word juvenile before outside of the rapper. The rapper juvenile. All right.

So anyway, so all within about a half hour on Monday evening. So she was like, I'm going to get all the crazy in a half hour. Something happened at work. Something happened at work. That's a good, something might have happened. She has a job. she's like her job is the neighborhood one you know what I mean this is like I feel like this could be a person who's taking the homeowners association what is your job ma'am she's like to keep these streets safe nope that's not a job that's not unless you're and like we don't even have to see the video and we're all like white lady yeah this is straight white lady energy but I thought the teenage might have done something until the second part where you said she broke into somebody's house right well who knows maybe ooh I love a good tune no sorry I'm I'm trying to I'm going to get through the ads.

Oh, yeah. To get to the thing. All right, that's fine. I'm going to keep a little, like, bed, like a little bed of music bed. It was like, I thought you did then. I was like, wow. Impressive. Thank you.

Thank you. We're good. We're good. So I'll do. Deputies were called at around what time on April 28th on the 7500 blog. This was like the afternoon to me. Okay. What do you think?

3 p.m. What do you said Monday evening? So I'm going to say. Dan, listen to the details. No. I'm going to say 6.45 p. p.m. Yeah, I was thinking 615. Okay, get your answers in, Townies, because this happened around 605 p.m. Willie, very close. Right after work. Something did happen at work.

KFC, he didn't have that sale. That's right. She's not having it. Someone took her food from the staff fridge. This is something. She bought stuff. She's angry. She's coming out hot. And then a kid just cuts her off. Oh, that's the last. We still got, why would she bring out somebody else's random How so. So we're going to get to do it. Investigators said the driver pulled on the sidewalk, allegedly attempted to strike a teenager riding on the bike and then chase the juvenile along the sidewalk before rendering the road to reentering the roadway and leaving the area.

And someone who's filming it is like, this lady is crazy. Oh my God. I love the commentary of whoever is holding the camera. They're not trying to do any. This is just what's coming out, right? Right. So as soon as Aaron gets it up and rolling, as soon as he has it, we'll show it to you. but let me know when you have it.

A woman can be heard off camera in the incident shared by the sheriff's office. Authority said the juvenile was not hit, was not injured. Deputy spoke with witnesses at the scene and reviewed cell phone video of the incident. Okay. So there she is.

She's mad at the kid. That's a long horn. That's a tough vote. Why is she mad at that kid? He has not done anything to her. He hasn't crossed him front. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, he was probably flipping her off.

He's probably flip it. But also, kid has a helmet on. Is he that bad of a kid? Rose on an e-bike. She's not doing a seven-point turn. But it's also a Prius. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah. I bet this was the most exciting thing this kid has done. No kidding. You saw how he reared good up. Oh, my God. This is wow. Is she chasing him down? Oh, he loves this.

This is the story he will tell. This is a story of legends on the playground. For a year. I got chased. I got chased on the sidewalk, but. You didn't see it. This is like in the daze and confused. You didn't see the old woman pulled a gun on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that thing. All right. So around 6.3 p.m., they were alerted to a reported residential burglary about a mile away at the 10,700 block of West Melville Road. The homeowner, who was not home told deputies she was watching a suspect on live security system trying door handles. It was unclear whether the person entered the home. Deputies responded and found a warrant. woman identified as Wendy A. Clemente.

Bringing shame onto the Roberto Clemente name? Come on. He was a hero in the baseball world. Right. And she's bringing shame. Wendy A. Clemente. Wendy A. Penuts character. Wendy A. Clemente.

Yeah, she's like the... And her silver Ford focus parked in the victim's driveway, according to the sheriff. So you're going to do. some crazy stuff and drive up on the sidewalk soon. You're already identified as like a crazy. I was expecting to see the kid cut in front of her car. No. She's like traveling

northbound. He's on the south southbound. Going back this way. So she doesn't seem like... How did you know the northbound from southbound? Oh, I'm just saying. Oh, I was going to say you are good. Dan is good. Dan is good. He probably understood. You learned it off your yacht. I travel by

boat a lot. Yeah. Okay. So many knots was she going then. Okay, so here's the thing. Investigators said Clemente agreed to answer questions and told deputies this is her explanation. She had taken her dog for a ride to look for other dogs to socialize with. I don't like this. I don't like this. I've never been more on board with this one.

Her dedication to socialize and burn her dog. I'm looking for dogs to be friends with my dog. And just rolled on the window. Why am I a bad person? Right. She's driving around with time. It's a person with time. You see what I'm saying?

Thousand percent. And this kind of takes the she has a job. She stopped after noticing dogs in a fenced yard. Deputies say she admitted she did not know the homeowner and denied and denied entering or attempting to enter the residence. When asked about the earlier incident on Fruitvale Road, Debbie said she told me she didn't remember it. She didn't remember it.

I didn't do that. 25 minutes before. I just, that's like. I can't be responsible for what happened an hour ago. months ago and I'm just like it's out of my brain. It's gone. It's gone. Right?

So much stuff happens to you in a day. Hey. You got to make room for it. You got to make room for it. We got to lose the old memories so new memories can be made. There it is. With my dog and his new friends. This just checks off all the white lady boxes.

It does. Sheriff's office said, dog friends. Yeah. The deputies observed she was impaired. She initially denied drinking alcohol using drugs, but later admitted she was drinking according to it. So the first thing is I'm not drinking. If my dog's going to socialize with someone else, I got to get a buzz on.

I can't be completely sober while my dog is playing with a new friend. I mean, getting to the level of drunk where you care about whether or not your dog has enough friends. Normally is a pretty good level. That's a fun, if you're walking, if you're walking, I'm on board. If you're a little bit drunk, me a little bit high, you're walking. Yes, of course. But my guy doesn't have any friends. Yeah, exactly.

That's too angry. No, this is like, you know who needs friends? You need friends. I have some friends. You need friends. This might be my favorite excuse ever. I was trying to get friends from my dog. And then not to go to a dog park.

You rode through the neighbors. That's like in the wild trying to find friends. It's like farm to table. Farm to table dog friends. Direct. Farm to table dog friends might be the name of this episode. And of course, when she was put in the, police car, the patrol car.

She resisted arrest and tempted to kick a deputy before before. That's the little cherry on top of the Sunday, right? You probably, probably saved that dog to not be around her. Thank you. The dog probably been like, please find me somebody. She's like, people don't understand me like dogs understand me.

You know what I mean? She's definitely one of those. Oh, yeah. I wish it was just me in a world to the dog. You get it. You get it. Her and the son of Sam. Okay, so.

She's the daughter of Sam. Daughter of Sam obtained a search warrant for a blood draw for testing. The sheriff's office said Clemente was booked into the Spokane jail on suspicion of attempted assault, first-degree DUI, and criminal trespass in the first degree. The sheriff's office superior court commissioner later ordered Clemente released on her own recognizance at her first appearance. She was released without posting bar. How is that? How do you get out without a box? The most white lady thing ever.

It's just giving it out on no bond. She also got a presidential pardon, which is weird. I'm kidding. So now, let end a bonus check. Your honors, your honors, if I may. So she did the dog thing after chasing this. Oh, is it, okay. I mean, I'm asking.

I don't really know. No, it does seem like she was looking for friends for her dog. Kid told her to fuck off. She turned around and tried to hit the kid. And then she started opening doors to speak. Can my dog play with your dog? What if that dog was the kid's dog? And he was trying to get out of my yard.

Yeah, we were assuming that this is this woman's dog. Yeah. Come on. No, no, he's saying, what if the kid was protecting the yard and saw her opening handles? Oh, maybe. I was like, hey, lady, you can't do this in our neighbor. And she's like going to tell me what I can't do. He's protecting the streets.

Gonna tell me. He's the neighborhood watch. He's the neighborhood watch. Tell by the helmet. On an e-bike. He's using safety rules. This kid is smart. All right.

We're going to find out. and let's get out. And she couldn't catch him in that car. That's how fast those e-barks are. They're motorcycles. My kid had an e-bike before he got his driver's license to drive a car. And I am 100% more like safe in my mind with him in a car than the E-Boh. Oh, 100%.

Hell yeah. He bikes like a motorcycle. So we talked about this. Have you ever done comedy down in Houston? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we did comedy in Houston and we were walking back to the hotel through kind of like downtown past Midd-Made Park late at night. after a late show.

It's like what, Jay, 12.30, 1 in the morning. And everybody's on these, like, crazy e-bikes that are like motorcycles. That are all lit up on the tires. Lit up, but fast. I mean, fast. And they're on scooters. Everybody's in a hall wall video. It feels like the Tupac, California video.

And so they're, but they're down the middle of the street, not paying attention to any streetlights or anything. Drunk. I'm like, this is insane. Yeah. This is like complete and total. Anarchy at one in the morning. She's trying to take care of that.

She's trying to take care of that. So we're going to get out of here on this. Crazy Wendy A. Clemente. Wendy A. Wendy A. Clemente is how old? 46. 46. God, it came right to.

Jay, what do you think? 58. Okay. One of you is two years off. Wow. So you can go up two years or down two years. 56. 56.

What do you think? Dan. 37. I don't even remember. You said 46. So 44 or 48. 48. Okay.

Get your answers in, everybody. That's story number one down the books. We come back. Willie Mack's got a new special that I want everybody to watch. We'll talk about that. We'll tell you what we have going on. Wendy A. Clemente is 56 years old. Yes.

There you go. Dan's got story number two. We'll come right back with Willie Mac. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. Hunger Down.

It's Dump People Town. Hey guys, I know Randy and I are comedy have made fun of people who said that their pets are their children. We joke about that, but the truth is the other night I came home from doing a comedy set went into my son who's 17 into his room and the dog came with me.

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And I thought I could cry. It was such a beautiful and very cool mom. I'm glad you shared that, Jay, because today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. And I'm just going to say this. If you've ever owned a pet, like we own pets, you know, they can run on their own logic. That's the other thing they do.

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I just love wearing something where somebody can tell you picked that. Like, oh, that's what you wanted to wear today. It's intentionality. Right. Sclars be shopping. Sclars be shopping. All comics talk about that. Sclars be shopping. But we also love good quality stuff.

Imagine if there was a place. Oh, once Quince came into our vernacular and came into, you know, I started sponsoring the show. We started checking it out. And I'm like, these. Quality. My favorite pair of shorts. They're a quince pair of linen shorts that when the weather gets warm, if I'm wearing

shorts that aren't exercise shorts, guess when I'm putting on? I'm putting those on. And I'm about to get more for the summer because I got the golf pants. My son was jealous of them. I got him a pair. And he now wears those all the time. Which, again, we play golf a ton. We're out.

I mean, the button-down shirts are great. The simplicity. I got a white linen shirt that was fantastic. Daniel, tell us about the wedding you're going to. I am officiating my cousin's wedding. I am wearing a quince linen, like, you know, for the beach type shirt. Oh, it's my favorite shirt that I own. So much so that I'm like, you know when you have something you really like that you're like,

I don't want to wear that today. I want to wear it for something special. I mean, obviously, this is very special. But I should wear this shirt even more. I just like it so much. I don't want to wear through it. Although the good news is I'll just go to Quincy. Get another one.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash DPT for free shipping and 365 days returned. Quince.com slash D.PT. Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we get to Willie's new special. It is fantastic. I've seen it. You will love it. Let's tell people what we have going on and where they can see us. If this drops before June 16th, we're at the Venice West, doing a headlining set of comedy

in Los Angeles. Not something that people get to do that much. It's very rare. Awesome. So very excited. It's a cool venue. We have two shows, a 7 to 9 p.m. on June 16th. Then on the 19th and 20th, we're at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco.

love that club. Big club. We want to fill it. Yeah. Like I said, our goal is to sell 600 to 800 tickets that weekend,

which would be a blast and we need your help to do it. So please, San Francisco people come out. It's always a fun. It's always a party. One show, Friday, two show Saturday.

Then in July, we'll be at the Comedy Fort, one of our favorite clubs in Fort Collins, 23rd, fourth, fifth, around there. And then the next month will be in Escondido

at the Grand Comedy Club. New Comedy Club down there. Very excited. to play down there. We've heard great things about our friend Jay Moore and Greg Fitzsimmons. We're both talking about how much they love that club. So excited to check that out. And then we'll be in Ann Arbor in the fall and a bunch of other dates that we have coming up. Go to punchup.com. Live. Sign up. Put your email in there so we can let you know when we'll be coming near you. We will not abuse the power of having your email. We're just trying to build

up our email list. Something we should have done like decades ago, but we're going to try and do this. I can't believe we never did it, but we got to do it. So we're going to do that. Go to punchup. dot live slash scholar brothers and find our stuff uh and also see our don't tell our don't tell is up on uh we have a special our set on there yeah that was just super fun so watch that that was a blast all right speaking of specials dude let's talk about your special it was so fun it was so good i learned stuff about you first time you ever had sex you had your son that's crazy first time hey and he's still a joy of your life equipment works it works it works uh the greatest version of like it works yeah How old?

Your son is how old? My son's 24. 24. Okay. I mean, that's amazing. It's, I know we was kind of talking about it earlier, but I'm just looking at my son sometimes. I'm like, what a difference five seconds makes.

Yes. Crazy. It wasn't long. It wasn't, it was just like a, and that. That created that. The first time, I know. It's not a whole human being. Who?

A whole human being. A whole human being who's a giant, who's an entire world onto himself. Yeah. And a huge part of your world. He's a huge part of my world. When he moved in with me, I realized how much we are alike. Like, I'm raising myself. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. I have a son. So, yes. I feel that way about my daughter. I'm like, my daughter feels like the third one of us. Yeah. And I'm like, this is your DNA in this kid.

Ain't that something? I know. It's crazy. And awesome. It's amazing. I think it's amazing. And as our kids, I have. she's almost 21, so we're kind of in the same range.

Yeah. I love it. I love that she's an adult now, fully formed. She's like just one of my favorite people on the planet. That's dope. That's mine. That's my boy. Come on.

What does he think of your comedy? It's funny because I let him know that I'm talking about him, that I'm talking about his mom and all of that. So he's seen it. Yeah. He understands what I do. That was important for me. I don't know what you're. you all's dads were like, but my dad was very strict.

My dad was very, I was a preacher's kid. And so I couldn't go. I couldn't do. I raised my son the way that I don't want to say I should have been raised. You wanted to be raised. Yeah. That's it. That's great.

We weren't talking about neurodivergens. And I find out later in life that I'm on and I have. And it's like, what? But I will say if it was diagnosed then, the way that it is now, I probably probably would not have been doing stand-up. Yeah, this pushed you in two ways of being like, I got to think about things differently. I have a different perspective on how this stuff works.

That's what I loved about your special. It's so thoughtful. Where did you shoot it, by the way? It looked beautiful. Cucco bear lounge. Oh, here, no way? Yeah, yeah, here, right. It looked beautiful.

I love the way it was shot. I was like, it kind of reminded me a little bit of Acme Comedy Club in, in Minneapolis, but the red, I loved that, the curtain in the back. Crowd looked awesome. It looks huge, by the way. They did a great job with that thing. They did an amazing job. I named it good, dad, bad father.

Great title. Great, great title. Looking back at the things and how he's raised with the, I'm like, ooh, there's a lot of things I probably, like me talking about putting Zee Quill in my son's orange juice. Like, right, I did. Just like a little, you know. Hey, come on, just a little tiny bit. Whatever. You used to put whiskey.

They would give kid babies whiskey. on a finger. Right? Just whatever. A thimble full of whiskey. And America turned out fine. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Hey, let's, I, but talk about it all the time. We're like being a parent is a million decisions and you're going to make 30% of on the way to this podcast. Jay's daughter was dropped off at a thing and it was like, I dropped her off at this thing because she's supposed to have like a sports like.

I'm manifesting a sports camp, a golf lesson for her. and she's hanging out this place where you need to have someone who belongs to this place there with you. And as I'm there, the person she has the lesson with is like, we're having a staffing problem. We're going to have to push the lesson back. The person who was supposed to be her person there who's like vouching for her to be there was like, hey, we're not going to be there today. As I'm dropping her off. And I'm like, I got three podcasts to go to.

I got a. And so I. So you're going to have to stay here. My base was like, I'm dropping you off. You're going to be by yourself. You can't act up. You're not supposed to be there. You're not supposed to be there.

If anyone asks you, someone's coming. I'm like teaching my kid to lie. I'm like, listen. Teach you out of game the system. I'm like, just be a quiet self. Practice this, practice that. Things are getting pushed back. Don't make a big deal.

You can't take food. But it's okay. But part of me is like, and you're going to be by yourself. Your friend's not going to be there. So you're going to be alone for a long time. But I was like, hey, that's life. That's life. That's life.

stuff we do. You've got to figure it out. You'll be better for having gone through that. Exactly. The Zekul will help you. Take this while you out there. Yeah, she's on a little ZEquel. Her shipping is unbelievable.

She's never been more calm on the course. She's really good. Facing has gotten great. Good Dad, Bad Father. Where can they watch? How can they watch? Guerrilla Comedy Plus on June 22nd. Nice.

And then Amazon Prime in July. It's great, man. Yeah, I, the other part of it, I was looking back, because now I'm doing these series of videos that are like doing pretty well online right now about me being a father on the spectrum. And one of the things that hit me was like, I'm now at the age where my dad was raising me and I know now he had no idea what he was doing. Yeah, but he was there. But he was there. Like being there is the good dad part. The bad father is like the details of the stuff that we all screw up.

which is just that is life. Like being there and trying is worth a lot. Screwing up is part of it. But being there and trying is like, I did that. Yeah, I mean, and if your kid's funny, your kid will make fun of you for the screw ups that you do. Right? So he like roasts you mercilessly over the stuff that you screwed up.

And even on the stuff that I felt like he probably shouldn't say. like he's like dad he's like you've been a father longer than you've been a man that's unbelievable you're like no I was a man the whole time but whatever that's cool that's cool and he said I wouldn't have done it that's what he said I wouldn't have done he said he wouldn't have had no he said and you raised a kiss sober yeah he's like how so that is a compliment and it's a backhanded compliment all wrapped up into one. What I like about it though is that we're able to have these conversations. I love it. I love it. But you couldn't have done that with your father. My God, no. So there's where

the chain from before is broken and you're starting the new relationship because now he'll hopefully have that conversation with his kids. Yeah. In a way, if he decides it. And it'll bring the good stuff that you taught him throughout. And also, again, your ability to laugh at the things you did with him and the things that were maybe questionable or whatnot and talk about it out loud in front of like strangers and make them laugh about it. Yeah. To me shows him that's the better lesson that like you're going to make mistakes. If you can make fun of yourself, then that's perfect.

Yeah. And that's pretty much what the special. Good dad, bad father. June 22nd. It's out on. Gorilla Plus. Gorilla Plus. And then Amazon Prime.

Great. So check it out. Check it out. We'll make sure this drops right around that time. You'll check it out. You'll watch it. We got another story to jump into it. Ready?

It's about being a parent. Oh, good. Set it by Joshua Mout at J-M-O-U-A-T. Wild Brawl breaks out over seating at Catholic kindergarten graduation. I saw this video. Did you see this video? Yes, I did. And you were like, please don't let it be black people.

Because things, obviously we've established all three of you have kids, but things get tense on the parent side of of sporting events for kids, graduations, Christmas recitals, talent shows. Like, on one hand, you're like, hey, whatever they do is great. He thinks he knows how to break dance. It's hilarious. But the other side is like,

this is where I'm fucking standing to take this photo. Right? Like, it's two sides of like... Here is my... This is my... I'm going to offer one blanket phrase. You're so on the money, Dan.

This is my one blanket phrase to all parents, new parents who are a kindergarten in graduation and all that stuff. This is my one phrase, you can see from the back. That's it. I thought you were going to say,

if you tell them you were there, they'll believe you. You can see from the back. I was there. I saw you. You don't think you can see from the back. Well, there's a mom, a grandma, a me ma'a, a peepa, whoever, who's shown up to this thing, who is the old school parent who can't walk and is going to

complain. So there's that pressure coming down from above. And they're trying. I'm supposed to sit over here. So I'm going to say there's a little bit of that too. But I, first of all, there was another crazy video. I don't know if you saw this of like a coach telling a little league kid to turn and pitch the ball into the dugout. Yeah. Oh, I saw that. And he did it. Now they're both banned from Oklahoma. It's crazy. Crazy. I mean, but my, I was just recounting with my kids the time I was, I had to be called in to coach my daughter's basketball or my son's basketball team. This is when no one would coach the team. No parents would coach the team.

They got some guy. My son's name is L-I-E-V. This guy was from some church thing and he's like, I'll be there and I'll coach a team. He's like, what's your name to my son? My son's like Leev. He's like, Leez. And I was like, no, there's no Z. No one even mentioned a Z in there. I heard this whole thing and he's like, no, it's Leev. And he's like, I liez. So we got to, and I'm like, No, no, no. And I had to jump in and be like, so this guy didn't show up one day because I guess the buses weren't running. And so I'm coaching this team. The one day I'm coaching the team.

They're in a tight game. It's crazy. And I see some kid punch at the back of my kid's head, right, as they're running back down the court. And I walk onto the courts. In the middle of the game? In the middle of the game. I'm like, no. You don't remember this?

Yeah. You do not do that. Like yelled at someone else's kid. His Polish dad in sweatpants with the man bun comes running down to like fight me on the court. They had to hold him back. And it was the most intense thing and people screaming. And I'm like, this is a one time I'm coaching to sing. Fight breaking out like this story.

Like the fight craziness, madness. And I was like to my son for, for, for, you. years. I'm like, you know, I'm just sticking up for you to like two years later. I was like, remember when I almost started a fight at thing because that kid took a puncher back in here? He's like, oh yeah, it's because I kicked him on the other side of the guy. I'm like, God damn you. Hilarious. No. Hilarious. I thought I was on the high ground. You put me on the low ground. Who gets punished in every NFL fight? The person you retaliates. But I feel like it like recitals and like things like.

Like, if it is so important to you to get the picture, that somehow your parent, your parenthood is being insulted or in under indictment by whether or not you're in the front row, you're not doing enough other things. That's right. That's covering something else up. Yes, you are compensating way to,

if you being the front row is going to define what, like you, who you are as a parent, let's start worrying about bedtime. Start worrying about you being made. further rehearsals than the other. An out of control caught on camera brawl broke up between families over seating at a Catholic school's kindergarten graduation

in Ohio on Thursday sending one woman to the hospital and another one to jail. Was this Wendy? Wendy A. Clemente? She's now a kid. She's like, didn't even have a kid there. She's just... Chaos for a friend.

I'm looking for a friend for my dog. And you're sitting in my seat. Chaos is a dude. At Queen of Apostles School. in Toledo, of course, Ohio. Thursday morning when one family member reportedly began hoarding rows of seats for themselves, witnesses told WTVG.

That is egregious. I mean, you can go and say to someone, hey, you know what she's taking off an earring and putting it nine seats away? You can't be throwing napkins. Right, right. Like, what is, the woman is completely disroved. I know. The rule is this. That's all my... The rule is this. You can use as many jackets

as you want to save the same row that you are in. You can't go back. You can't go back a row. If I saw that, I would get mad. You lose two to three seats for every three minutes you're waiting for someone else to get in that row. So like, if I'm like, if I got all the whole row and you come to me and you're like, all these take them, like, yeah, yeah, they're coming. If somebody's not there within three minutes, I've got to give up some of these seats. Two of them.

You get two goats. Now, if I get someone within three, we just re, the clock restarted. But you can't just sit until like right before. game time. I like this is a good whole row. Like this is starting in two minutes. These people are not here. It's like a waiting for guffman's situation. But the whole row and another row is like

that's over the line. Oh, I agree. You need to get hit. You need to get no, no, no. They said rows of seats. That's like three. Otherwise they would have just said two. I got these rows is what the person told all of their relatives. No. No. And also. Show up whenever you want.

This isn't the first day of the school. A little bit of me wants to go, you need to put all these parents on notice, we are not saving seats. No saving seats. Did they, like, school a little bit, they know who these people are like. They know how parents can get so intense. No, they're kindergarten, so I don't think they know them. But the truth is.

But the school's been around long and up to go, we're going to have issues. We have video here on the street. This is people fighting. This is before the show. What is that? This is ridiculous. Oh my God. This is the intro to the Peanuts gang.

Did, all the kids behind that. curtain just waiting. Also, there weren't that many seats there. It's like there's a massive gym. Massive gym. You can't stand for 35 minutes. You can't stand behind the thing. You don't love your kid enough to stand and watch them. And if you're physically like compromised, you could go up to someone who has a seat and say, can I, can my mom can't stand sit here? Lost her hip in Vietnam. Of course. Of course. It's not in the war. She just went to travel to Vietnam last year and lost her hip. She was in Hanoi and got hit by a moped. She lost her hip in Vietnam in 2024.

What's wrong with them? I just think these people. These kids don't care. They don't care. Look at these people fighting. They rather probably not even beat in. This is crazy. Also fighting with a person.

Fighting with a person is pretty, you know, that's like, there's a dude on the ground. Don't you want somebody to just go, they're five guys? Yeah. Who cares? They're five years old. They shouldn't be graduating from kindergarten. Yeah, like, why are we doing a graduation from kindergarten? Like, stop, stop.

They're going to first grade. They're not like joining the work friends. Jessica Anderson allegedly started cursing out befuddled parents who tried to take some of the seats that she was accused of hogging. Another parent of a graduating student, Craig Mays, great name. Yeah, he told the outlet, he's a relief pitcher. Or a D-back. Yeah, he told the outlet that he tried to calm Anderson down but could only be. get a few words out before her family jumped him.

That's right. And to which I would go, where the fuck were you guys when these seats needed to be taken? Oh, suddenly now you're here. Coming to her eight? Oh, you're on time for the fight, but you're not on time for the goddamn seating of the graduation. I get out here for the party. Crack. I get how this family works.

As I'm arguing with Jessica. It goes up. They show up. Also, you know he just said, ma'am, can you just please? Can I take two of these? No, he said, ma'am, can you calm down just a little bit? And you know he said it in the nicest way possible. And also, just chill out.

Jessica Anderson, why don't we talk about who you're really mad at? The people that made you save all these seats. That's the thing. That's who put the stressor on you. You're mad at them for not being there. Are you ever more stressed than when you have to save even one seat for somebody? Right. Never.

Right. So sometimes like when Southwest was, you know, free seating or you sit down and play whatever. One of us would get like two groups ahead or something. I'd be in A and I'd sit down and I put my stuff on the, this is the most stressful thing like more stressful than the flight more stressful than security more stressful than anything is me putting my bag down at people being like is someone's in there i'm like my brother's coming yeah and and just the look that people would be like the fist fights you got in the look jessica calm down jessica Anderson i'm all right as i'm arguing with jessica i literally

don't remember anything i just know i was sucker punched craig maze says he said that five men and anderson's extended family surged out of their seats in dog pop how many seats these people have She has some family already seated? And we still have Rose? His family jumped out, right? No. Her family. Five.

The wild video obtained by the outlet showed several people pummeling a man who laid prone on the ground while others tried to yank them all apart. When Mays's, when Mays' Craig Mazes's ex-partner tried to step in, Anderson allegedly snagged her by the hair and dragged her away. No. The two women fought off to the side and each grasping each other by the hair. That's always a battle. I've worked in so many bars.

Grass him out of the hair. You will never... It's like a Chinese finger trap. You're never going to let go the hair. Like, why do they have such a good... The negotiation process you go to to say both let go at the same time. This is where you hope you have a weave in because then they can pull it out. Pull it straight off.

Yeah. Some breakaway here. Breakaway hair. They were pounding if you think you're going to get into fights, you should have breakaway hair. Like breakaway sweats. More's, Craig Mays's former partner appeared to slam her face into a metal chair. This is WWE. There's a slumber knocker.

he can't get away with this Anderson shoved her away from the large bra ex-partner sticking up for him the woman was later hospitalized requiring stitches according to F David at tubby WTOL we'll get out of here with this

how old do you think Jessica Anderson is the woman saving all the chairs starting the fight she's got other family members already seated yeah

how old what age are we kindergarten fighting 39 and she's probably divorced. 39. Divorce. I'm going to say 34.

I think she's younger. Hot under the collar. I think she's 27. 27. 37. 34. 34. One of you is only one year off,

so you all get the option to go up a year or down a year. 28. 28. Jessica Anderson, before we go to story three, as read by Jason Sklar. Jessica Anderson is

28 years. Yay! She's young. She's dumb. She'll figure it out. Her whole life ahead of them. It's not that important. She's got so many more congratulations. Randy, I love you said you can see from the back.

You can see from the back. That's all I'm going to tell people. I know these seats feel good and you want to say it. You can see from the back. Also, they're kids. So if your kid has a solo and you're in the back, walk up to the front and record. Take a photo during the solo. Walk back.

Nobody's going to care. So I'm going to tell you this. This is how brilliant. My daughter had a piano recital the other day. They have a seat in the floor. front middle for the parent for whoever wants to film their kids you go back and get it to your seat as your kid walks up you go into the filming seat this is the pre-planning we need we need this level of pre-planning that simple that's that hard dude that is smart filming seat yeah all right we come back tease it up

give a little tease today what we're going to see uh you see some grocery store um foolery tom foolery that i've never seen before all right i love it uh willie max with us his uh good dad bad father is the special you're going to want to check out. We have one more story to go and we'll find out what Dan's got going on on Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. Hunker Down is Dump People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, before we jump into this third story, you have so many fun dates coming up, including that week in Chicago. I'll be in D.C. in Baltimore in July. I'll be at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, the 15th through the 18th

through my Hub City Comedy Week, different shows every night, all the best comics in Chicago. I love that they just give you the keys to the Lincoln Lodge. You program it. It's the best. It's like a Daniel Van Kirk film comedy festival. It is. It is. So those shows are all different, all great, all fun.

You're going to sell my. Come out the 15th to the 18th. And then I will be that following weekend on the 25th. I'm going to be in Green Lake, Wisconsin at the Thrashire Opera House. 30 year in a row doing a show there with them. I love that place. It's awesome. And then in August I'll be in Cincinnati doing a comedy festival at the end of the month.

I think that's the 28th and 29th. A whole bunch more dates. Everything's up at Daniel Van Kirk.com. Check it out. Check it out. And we got to get you on punchup. com. We have to.

Yes. Make it happen. It's a good thing. All right. This is sent in, story number three, by Keyless Chuck at again into. This is new people.

We got new people sending into the show. So we have our longtime people who send, who just scour the internet for these crazy stories and send them in. But to the new people who are sending in, thank you so much. Okay. Here's the headline. Pennsylvania man charged after rubbing raw chicken on grocery store door.

Why? Let's get into it. So he opened up the package and rubbed up. Yeah, it's bacterial. Yeah, or just salmonella. Salmonella eggs, right? It's nasty. Some of those eggs and raw chicken.

Willie's like, forget about the technical term. It's nasty, period. A Mifflin County man was charged with a felony. He was still a Mifflin man. A Mifflin man. After he rubbed raw chicken on the door of a local business and poured hot oil on a vending machine. State police said he's got a lot of anger towards his thing.

This guy hates these oil cans. More cats. Hill, hay fry chicken. That's right. Come on. What are you doing, man? Said grocery store. For some reason, it feels like a convenience store to start.

A convenient store. A vending machine? How many times you've seen a vending machine? Just chicken on the door felt like a gas dish. Chicken on the door. Chicken on the door does sound like a Charlie Daniel's song. Sure. Yeah.

Chicken on the door and a brother in the car. All right. Here we go. This guy's name is great. Timothy Peachy. Timothy Peachy. Because all things aren't peachy. Not in his world.

It's Peachay. Of Pichet. I'm not going to tell you oldie as we'll guess at the end. Of McVeigh Town. Wow. Always good to invoke the guy who blew up a government building. Sure. Name a town after him.

Good old Tim. We don't want to change that name. We don't want to change? Isn't the... Of Hitlerville. It's like Sandusky, Ohio. Yeah. Just change it.

Get rid of it. Just change it. Yeah. Change it. Was charged with criminal mischief. a felony and disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, as well as the citation for scattering rubbish. Rubbish. The hot oil on a vending machine.

Right. You have to... That's vandalism. Well, you've got to heat the oil at home. Then you've got to transport it in your car. You don't think they have hot oil on hand? No, there's hot oil somewhere. He pulled hot oil from something.

That's what I felt like, too. That's why it feels convenient story. He brought a turkey friar plugged in, whatever, the vending machine was in. Took the way... Trimmings off the bat. Forty-five minutes of them going, sir, what do you do? You'll see. Don't worry about what I'm doing.

You'll see what I'm about to do to this vending. You're going to cook that chicken. No, no, no. The oil and the chicken are actually separate. Those are separate things. Those are separate accessories. I will eat this chicken while I'm watching the vending machine suffer. So police say peachy dumped oil on a vending machine and rubbed raw chicken all over the front

glass door of the McVeigh Town Market. Who's this for a grocery store with a belly? This is personal. This is like an ex-girlfriend work there or something. Something's like I hope she catches E. Cola right this is not gonna know she'll walk in and understand What I mean you shouldn't have to every what where McVaytown is a Vatown market okay McVaytown market. I think you're gonna see that it is gonna get like a Yelp review on the McVeightown market I have ratings are there ratings? Yeah

door's a little door tastes a little like chicken yeah it is a grocery store It tastes like chicken feels like chicken feels a little like this is like this is like one of those time travel grocery stores. Okay. Where you're like old school grocery. Yeah, like old lighting, old like you can smell, I can smell this grocery. Right. It's white with a couple of blue squares of tile on there. Yeah, that's kind of nice. Yeah, it does have sort of like a home, like look at this little like lounge eat here area. Yeah, that's the wife thought of that area. No windows. God it also, it looks like they serve like breakfast burritos. I'm starting to get on board with this. chicken was he fired that's the chicken from the door

do they have a burrito and what what state better to get burritos than in Ohio Pennsylvania Pennsylvania all right no yeah do you guys want to guess while Dan's looking up this how much money and damage

he did to the vending machine well the vending machine $2,000 that's a good guess worth of damage $1,300 bucks okay yeah I'm gonna say like Fifteen thousand. $15,000?

Okay. Get your answers in. Please say he caused more than $10,800. Oh, yeah. Damn. He was arrested and released on how much unsecured bail? $10,000. We released on it, so that means he paid it.

Oh, wow. Wow. $5,000? $5,000. Yeah, I say about that, too. $25,000. How about $25,000? $25,000.

So you'd be 10% if you bond it out. You bond it. So $2,500. So then you were right. That's insane. I wish I had more details about it. I really want to go over here. What are the ratings, Dan?

What does it get us? Why wouldn't we guess that if we're going to guess? Let's guess. Bail in and out. So out of how many stars we're guessing. And then we'll guess his age. Yeah. What's the rating out of five stars?

4.8. 4.8. Yeah, 4.6. 4.3. 4.4. Oh. Okay. Yeah.

It looks like a great place. They do meatball subs. Their sandwiches look good. No, those, what you showed looked at them out. I just don't put, don't put your hands on the door not. Right. So if you're going to that sandwich, elbow the door. That's a good sandwich.

I like this place. I'm mad at this guy for fucking up McVeightown Market. Why did he, again, we get back to the root of this. What is he doing this for? He's mad at somebody. He either got fired by, we're at this point now where you can't get broken up with and you can't get fired. This is you got to teach your son.

This is what you got to do. If you get, if you get broken up with, if you get it, just move on. Move on. Just move on. Move on. There's life is better when you leave that wreckage behind you and move on. Have y'all kids going through a heartbreak? Yes.

Yes. Oh, it was the craziest thing to watch. My son cornered up in it because he's always so, you know. Then when this was like when he was like 16. I mean, my son out of the bay. Oh, yeah. You got like seven more before it. It's the house.

I know, dude. Yeah. This is, and in your brain, you're like, I hate to see that you're hurting, but this is a good thing. Yes. When you realize, and you'll tell your kid this, when the day comes that you're not hurting from this anymore and the sun comes up or you meet somebody new or something like that. Just have new things you're interested in. You will understand that you're strong. It like teaches you something about yourself.

You're like, ooh, I survive that thing. and I am still standing. I'm not going to go to a market and put chicken on the door. It's $10,000 worth of damage. You think he's crying as he's doing it. Dumping oil and tears are coming. All right, let's get out of here on this.

How old? How old is Timothy Peachy. He's spreading oil, pouring oil in a vang machine, spraying chicken. This feels like a young man's game, as we're talking about. Like, he hasn't gone through this hard break. I'm going to go to Michael Jordan, 23.

23. I think he's 25 years old. I think he's like an in-sale. He's 41. 40. That could be. Okay. Dude, that's not a bad guess, but I'm going to throw this out there. The special one more time is good dad, bad father.

And it's on Gorilla Plus, June 22nd. Then in July, it's on Amazon Prime. Watch it. Support it. Watch it, support it. He's a good dude and a great comic, and the special is great. All right. Timothy Peachy is 33 years off.

Oh, okay. We encircled it. I love this so much. Willie, so good to have you on the show. Thank you all for having. This has been amazing. It just cruises, right?

This is like we say this show is like if you're in a writer's room and before you sit down to do your actual work, we mess around with these stories. So at the end of every show, we like to say, oh, snap, we got to get back to work. See you.