Dumb People Town - Zach Zucker - Robot Sidepiece

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

Comedian/ringmaster Zach Zucker (Stamptown) stops by as Jason describes the oddest unclaimed luggage left at airports, Daniel explains why a group of women started a brawl over a sauce charge, and Randy warns drinking and driving and losing your wife while operating a golf cart, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance and Hims!To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPTTo get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPT.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Townies, it's a great episode of Dumb People Town with Zach Zucker. We have a crazy lineup of stories for you today. We're finding out everything that got left at the TSA. It's stuff you will not believe at all. And then a food fight in New York over a dipping sauce. And then a golf car accident about somebody who should have cared a little bit more about themselves and their wife. Everything happens on this episode of Dumb People Town. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of coke so unaware.

Where they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic bail in Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they could do our podcast, bam with co-host our man Dan. And dirt, don't be a jerk. Because when the music, which the big sound hunger down is dump people town. Hey, Tadies, welcome to another episode of Stamp People Town. Population, you. Population, sookers.

Zachariah Zucker Hello, greetings Hello, it is you It's me Zach Zucker from the great Stamp People Town, Stamp Town. It is such a great show

Everything that you do is wonderful. You are one of those people in this weird-ass business of ours that creates and has his own thing going on that I just, the three of us just love so much. Am I also able to give a peek behind the curtain?

Yes, the viewers at home, they were just hazing me so hard. Oh, yeah. You know what? They were not saying nice things about it. They called me a ripoff. We said cameras on. Yeah.

So just so you know, even your heroes are, they're susceptible to the Hollywood machine that ruins us all. We call them Justin Timber Pond. Yeah, bitch. Yeah. You like that? You like that? He's a big fish and a small Timber Pond. We're going to get into amazing live shows that Stamptown is doing in L.A.

We're going to promote those second segment. You got to stick around. It's happening beginning of May. We're going to push those. We'll talk. I want you guys to come to that and let you know what we're doing. But first off, the world is getting dumber. We know that, right?

Yes. It's a dumb place. You live in the dumbness. I live in it. I'm kind of, I'm one of the most famous dumb people around in Dumbtown. The character you play is as dumb as it gets. Right.

So that, that character will fit perfectly in this world and we understand it. And this, you know, Dan, every year we kind of do around New Year's who do what got stuck in us. Yeah. Just emergency rooms lists like all the things.

And we did a story of why. a lot ago of a live mortar shell from World War I that accidentally got up someone's butt. Yeah, so you know how you're walking and then you trip and fall on a World War War II? I thought I was like living a completely unrelatable life experience. So now you're relating to life. And where was this actually brought up? Do you remember what part of town it was? Because it was an unnamed man of your age, height, and size.

And they said what they described them as like so cute, he should probably be a model. They did say that. He says his mom said he should have been a model. I think they said hand model. Hand model. And how? With for gloves. Like when he was a child, he could have been a child model.

Okay. And they said he's probably so youthly. I know a word that most people don't use. Youthly. They said youthly. You did hear about this. I did. In fact, I think I might have more involvement than you think.

Oh. Okay. You're going to love this. Yeah, I can't wait. Now, talk about a mortar shell exploded. This is like a truth bomb. I mean, from the inside out, the college queen's going to be from inside. I'm my asshole.

All right. This is oddest unclaimed luggage items of 2025. So we've all left things behind. I think we did. We've done 23 or 24 before, so I love it. So this is coming back. It's coming back.

We'll bring it back at Sean 70. Unclaimed baggage in the United States only authorized reseller of lost luggage. So they resell it. They don't just find it. They resell. You could buy back the thing you left. And like, what's the, like, is the mortarium the term?

What's the period between its loss? I'm like, well, I guess we could sell it. Yeah, sorry, Statue of Liberty. What's the Statue of Liberty on this? Liberty on this, yeah. I don't know, but it's third annual found report, so we may have done those. So an accounting of items lost or abandoned by travelers last year. Oh, my God.

The most unusual fines from the airport report include a fully assembled robotic unit featuring fully articulated joints, electrical motors, wiring, and control components. With a mortar shell up its ass. The robot has a motor show. But you know, it's funny. I have a banditlinson. Left a robot. Well, I had a partner when I was at war who was a robotic sort of humanoid.

Sure. Cute, modely, youthly, youthly. Yeah, he had some weird kinks, but, you know. Have you seen the video of, like, the robot in France that kind of goes crazy, like, at the table, like at the food table? Oh, yeah. Not this is spooky demonic crazy. That what do you want? No, it just starts, like, going.

It starts dancing. And then the two waitresses are trying to get it to stop. And it will not stop. It's like the point where the robot. will not stop and people just can't stop it. I'm like, okay, this is... Or the guy at the party who pushes over the robot and just falls down on its back.

I'm like, don't do that. Don't do that. It's going to get up and remember you and... That's going to remember all of us. It's going to take that out on us. I always lift the robots back up. I am an ally to the community. And we've always said that.

Robita, where's your camera? Where is our camera? I'm pointing at the chair over there. The next 20 minutes is us being like, I don't know, where's my camera? Where is my camera? Where is it? Where is our...

Is my camera over here? I'm looking at mine. I'm looking at Dan. Dan, are you the camera? I'm not wearing a lipstick camera. I'm just going to do something really quick. That's a message to the robots. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Another unusual piece of mechanical engineering, which by the way, that's not an unusual piece of mechanical engineering. What? A robot? No, it's normal. Something unusual about that. It's unusual that someone would forget it, right? It's not unusual. Yeah.

Honey, where is my mechanical robot? Yeah. Did I? Baby, are you ready to go? Yeah, I'm just missing my mechanical. What am I missing? I have my guitar. Where did I take it left?

See, I have my yard long shot glass. Babe, did you travel with it? I think I did. I'm pretty sure I checked it. Did you check it through? I couldn't carry him on. Wait, did you check the robot? I have nothing to do with this.

No, no, but you brought it. You said we should bring it. No, I think it's at the house. The house. How can we check? I wish we tagged the robot. Are you ready for this? Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.

Shouldn't you be able to tell where the robot is? It's like there's got to be some robots. Somebody left their bionic knee. No. Trick knee? Yeah, a trickney. Powered prosthetic knee with an integrated motor electronic controls and metal housing. Bionic knee.

So this is my pitch. Randy and I want to reboot the bionic man. This is a $6 million. $6 million man from the 70s. But it's still $6 million because health care is so expensive. All he has is one bionic knee. That's all he can. can do and he has to still fight crime.

Everyone through the knee. I kind of like, right? Get his head near my knees. Just the knee drop. He's getting the knee drop. We've outfitted your knee with a special knee pad. He's a bionic man. He's full flesh.

He's still fully vulnerable. We can't rebuild him. And like, really? We can rebuild. He has a horrible accent. We can rebuild him. Well, we can't really rebuild him. We can rebuild his knee.

I love that this is a pitch that has been worked on many times. It's right. Six million dollar man today. You know, I'm thinking. also as well, and this could just be my bi-privilege over here, but I'm like the bionic knee, so what is this? It's some sort of sexually promiscuous knee. It's a knee for both

men and women. Yeah, yeah, and none of my binary people and all of our transgender friends as well. So I could go down on this knee and propose to someone? Yes. All the gender norms you want with that. You could also go down on that knee and blow someone. You can also rest on that knee and be proposed

too. There's a reason you leave stuff, right? Like, if you've, if you've bag and you land late enough that you have to go straight to the fucking venue. You're like, I can't wait around for this baggage. And that's just our baggage. You come back later. You get it that night after the show.

There's a store. If you leave your knee, what happened when you landed? Well, obviously, that was his mistress knee, his knee from home. He was coming back home. So he doesn't, that's what I at least think with the robot. Obviously, there was another one. That was the side piece and there's nothing wrong. I've been a side piece and it's fine.

It's fine. You know who you are. Robot side piece. communicating. Robot side piece. That's another show I would. That's how the robot finds out too. We don't even know if like the little bagged person is like, they're going to come give you robot. I thought I was the only one.

It's just going around the carousel. At first the robots like, they're coming. Waiting. They're definitely coming to get me. We had a special weekend. They're coming. Who would check me and then leave me? He will get me because he gets me.

And then like the new shift luggage person goes over. Like, what's the robot? Like, oh, don't even talk to them. Don't talk to that. He's going to tell you about his relationship. He just finally realized. Another robot side piece. It was the things.

You're more than that. You're more than that. It was the things we didn't say. Don't talk to that. He just realized that they're not coming to get it out. Shouldn't you be an oversized luggage? Excuse me. That is not body positive.

That's not bot positive. Maybe I can work here with you guys. Oh, maybe. I mean, it's a long application process. One time they put me with the. One time they put me with the skis I wasn't the same. Okay, all right, all right.

Starting to figure out why they're not coming back to get you, robot. Is the robot just a downer? Whatever you're saying, it has to be shorter because you keep talking and you go to the other side. I can't hear it. There was something that I must tell you guys, I spoke to... Can't hear you.

Literally can't hear you so far. We'll catch you all the way back. And that's how I would solve the Middle Eastern conflict. Wait, what did we miss it? We missed it. We missed it all. Say it all. We missed it.

That's what I meant when I said I would solve it. We missed it again. We missed it again. All right. Here we go. Ready for some more? Robots side piece. We've done two.

All right. Some of the other bizarre items is a Pryon, a 10-carat diamond grills. What? Like, Lil John. Little John Yeezy, we got some good. I would take those. I would take those. A fragment from a meteorite that fell to Earth in 1576.

How do you know it fell to Earth in 1576? Well, I mean, you can carbon-dated. We have meteor. We have meteorites. God, we did have a media. Remember the guy who found the meteor? I bet he travels with meteorites. Yeah.

But, like, you can't, you got to check those. They're so heavy. They're so heavy. A pair of fire poe used for fire dancing and flow arts. See, that's, like, so normal to me because that's just... You know dancing. I know dancing. You might have with...

Have you ever danced with fire? I have. I dance with fire every day. I have also dance with... Come on, robot. Hey, hey, robot. Come on this conversation. Sorry, I did.

You guys talking about fire? I am fire retarded. I am the most fire. You don't even talk about that. I am the most fire retarded person in the world. Can't say that. It's 2026. I just, I want you.

Can't hear them. I can't hear them. And that's why it's coming back. What? What? What? Flow arts. That's like the people who are twirling like this and they have the point.

Like I have a bunch of just fuel and fire sticks in my house. So that to me is normal. Just in case. But you wouldn't leave that shit. No, it's expensive. I already feel bad leaving it in my house, or I'm like, well, my house will explode. But this person leaving them feels like an ultimatum.

They were like, when we land, it's either me or the fire. Do you know what actually I probably think it would be? This is the only one that makes sense to me, is they probably were a performer performing where they weren't supposed to. And then... Oh, and they were like, not mine. Not mine. I didn't take that.

I wouldn't do that. Who brought those? Somebody over there. It couldn't beat a person without a tattoo, a freaking piercing. You see those fire sticks over there? I'm from Chicago. Who put those fire sticks over there? I haven't seen a fire that sticky since I saw dick and butt kiss right on that.

I don't like Chicago fire sticks. I don't like Chicago Hope. Who has hope in Chicago? Nobody is. The last person out of hope was Casimir Pulaski. And look what that got him. He got him a day off from school. Got him a Shifgen Stevenson.

You say Shifton. Shuffin. I don't know how to say his goddamn name. He's singing about Evan. God, it's a great place to get some ribs. Come on, feel the Illinois. Here we go. A one ounce bar of pure gold from the Perth Mint in Australia.

What? Gold? These days? Well, again, that's like one of the ones where it's like when you tick your stuff, it's like, are you traveling with over 10? Like, maybe, maybe. But like, by the person who left it there, sorry, dude. Yeah, someone else is.

That's your fault. Well, how it got all the way to getting sold again is beyond me. For some reason, I feel like all of this gets sold in Atlanta. Like, I think that's where, like, the warehouse is, like, everything ends up from TSA. Is it marked? This is my question. Is it, like, is the bar of gold? I don't know enough about gold.

Let's get into conspiracy. Is it marked, like, so that if you do. Right. If you do sell it, someone's like, we found this and there's like a chip or something on it. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were saying, is baggage claim TSA marking it to lose it to them be like, oh, I guess we have. Oh, yeah. Sorry, we lost.

I have the answers. No, you don't. Wait, hear them out. Hear them out. Hear him out. I can't hear him. And that's my solution. Oh, what?

I missed the whole solution. A matching set of samurai swords. That's Florida. That's Florida. That came from Florida. Katana. But I wonder, too, is it they tried to board and they, like, you never even got on the flight. And so they're like, you can't take these.

What if they made it through security and they're like, can you, we'll just asking people to check stuff through if they want. Sure, you can have these. Yeah, yeah. Matching set up. I guess you could have these too. will these fit over my seat and I think I want an aisle lacrosse

yeah more legroom a full beekeeping suit why would you leave that because you're leaving the profession I think you're like I can't do this anymore or you got stung so hard you're like I can't there's a hole in the suit

that's a bad beekeeping suit because I got stung eight times a set of gold plated golf clubs there's a lot of gold there's a lot of gold and a didgeridoo made from teakwood. Well, I understand the disdre djury do, because no one likes that. No one was like that.

That was a fire regret. Hey, bring out your didgeridoo. The party's really lagging. May I? Not to be a woke. It's actually amazing. Not to be a woke defender, because that truly is my cryptonite. But I will defend, I have heard one epic didgeridoo,

and that was a comedy routine from Dane Simpson, who was a wonderful performer. And he did a Dishry-Doo bit? He was doing stand-up with the didgeridoo and it was very funny and impressive so dane if you're watching was it like punctuating jokes or was he he would just joke and then go to it was a mix it was like it was kind of punctuating jokes and he was doing like jokes through it and then also kind of playing it in between it was really really funny anyone celebrating a birthday

who anyone from out of town I don't know why I'm making him a robot no why are you making the comic a robot in East Australian my wife so my wife I went to 165 Grateful Dead and Jerry Garcia shows back in the 80s, and she didn't go to college and went to the streets of Santa Cruz and lived on a converted school bus and worked at an organic sourcraft factory. It's a story as old as time. Yeah, of course. It's what we all did. She went and was like hooking up with this guy who like kind of ran the school bus and his name was, his name was Lotus Heart. His real name was like Jeff Klein.

But Lotus Heart went up to Esselin. Kevin's brother. I know Esselin. You know what Esselin is. Do you know Esselin? No, she sounds like my mother's friend. Aselaed. Esselin.

You know, Aselin. She's coming down on Friday. Esselin Herbitts is coming. Aselin Herbiz. Asselin is a institute up on the water in Big Sur, kind of near Big Sur. Yeah. It's a beautiful place where people go to find themselves. Sort of like inherent vice.

I think they... Right. And you go and you get naked. it and go in the... It's kind of like Burning Man-ish. Kind of, but it's almost like the last scene from Mad Men. Yeah. That was at Essela.

That was at Eselin. Yes, yeah. So he was up in the hot tubs at Eselin. And I don't know why I'm smiling as I'm saying this. I'm like, suddenly become my daughter. No, come on now. And he was playing his didgeridoo and circular breathing. And he...

No. He died? No. May he rest in peace. But he died doing something he loved. Anybody died doing a didgeridoo? I thought you were going to say I didn't know he was going there

Circular breathing and he swallowed too much water in his lungs and he passed away I thought you were going to say he was like self-sucking himself and I was like okay I makes like self-discovered Through the Dizury do Exactly I thought you were saying something like this I didn't expect him to

He just circulate So the story has happy ending It does it does yeah well you know It could have had a happy ending And now the comedy was actually My joke is that that made it a Dizierie don't Okay Dijri do not

Thank you Yay That's what we can He died doing what nobody else loved. Well, actually, I have a story. Hey, robot, relax. Other notable odd finds include taxidermy deer foam. What?

I don't know what that is. Deer foam. A frog purse? Hmm. Is that a purse full of frogs or a purse made of frog? I got a purse full of frogs. I got a purse full of frogs and I'm sucking my dick. Hey.

Did feel sort of beastie boys. Either that or like a mafia thing. I'm going to make him a purse full of frogs. You'll never forget. Let's just say I'll have a purse full of frogs waiting for you. If you know what I mean, you know what I'm talking about you? That sounds like a lot of money. A lot of money.

How many frogs it take to make that first of 11th? No, I'm just saying that term would feel like I'm getting a lot of money. It's a bummer. There's a lot of like flies stuck in there too. It's like a great. What's a zipper? It's tongue. Okay.

Here you go. Pre-World War I, U.S. Army bayonet. Can't carry that on the plane. That's pretty valuable. No, you got to check that through. Pre-world one, left it. A giant stuffed goose. For real.

Like a real? Left it. Or a stuffed animal. A long bone specimen. I'll show you a long bone specimen. Sorry. It was right there. No, we had to.

Let's see. May's memory's for me of a blessing. An armadillo purse. Hey, is that my frog purse? No, that's my armadillo purse. So I'm seeing a lot of themes here. It seems to me these are all the lists that you would never actually tick when you fly in from another country.

And it's all of these things that are like animal food products. Related. Yeah, money. Don't take it. All right. The next. Yeah, like, they even told them like you can't fly through as this. And so they just left. Are you flying any animals? No. I got a dead goose in there, but it's not like animals. Is it a purse?

You got a purse? I got a dog purse. I got an armadillo purse. Suddenly I'm Sebastian. You got to put this arm with a dollar. Have you seen these guys? Have you seen this person? Are you seen this guy? I got to get a little. armadela you rolls up you're gonna put an armadela into a purse who is this

have you seen these guys a 12-pack case of sardines leave it leave it that this is the first one that I'm like yeah that I get traveling but again I you're right it's customs now I'm Sebastian questioning how you see these guys who's traveling with the cases sardines you buy it when you're Love all these. You got to do the action. A fake skeleton. Okay.

A suitcase full of rat poison. You're planning a murder. You are planning a murder, Daniel. It's crazy because you don't need that much for a murder. Right. Tying him out. Could you all the whole 12 packs of sardines. Tite him out.

A suitcase full of rat poison could have been like George Thurgood and the destroyer's next album. And a feather bow tie. Feather bow tie. The report's in most. It's like kind of a hat on a hat. It is. feather boa, I get. Feather bow tie.

Feather bow tie. Like he gave her a feather of bow tie. I wish it was someone called father bow tie. That's who I'm also. Feather bow tie. I will eat there. Father bow tie. No, feather bow tie.

Feather bow tie. But they're mild as spicy. So it's true to tie spice levels. You got to know. It's one of the. It's feather bow t h. A.I. Exactly.

Feather bow tie is an Italian restaurant not unlike the Olive Garden that also has stripping. Yeah. I have the bottomless, bottomless people. This is unrelated. I just re-remembered because of this bit. Do you think there is a restaurant in the United States or anywhere in the world for that matter called Kiss Me, I'm Tyrish? There has to be. It's a sleep apnea center slash restaurant.

So we've got to patchy you for you. Nobody does better restaurant named puns than the Thai than Thai coffee places. Here you go. All orders of the sete with the peanuts. There you go, sonny. Some cold sesame noodles. And Thai places have the most pun-name restaurant establishments. That is true.

Kiss me I'm Tyrus. Kiss me on Tyrus is really, really funny. Would you like a Guinness? So we've got yourself a Panang curry and Guinness broth. It's a boiling Guinness. We live in a steep there, young man. You've got to split the G in your curry bowl. He doesn't want potatoes in the wharf.

The Tyrus pub? The Irish pub is also a... so good. Dan. Is it just, what is it just like Thai iced tea but Guinness?

Full on Tyrus. You'll have a milky tea there, son. He'll have a Long Island Thai ice tea. Oh my God. Kiss me and Tyrus. I want to know if it's real

but I also never want to look. I want to make it. You have to just make it. Don't look. Don't look. Leave it a mystery. Let Google ruin our life. I actually,

if you ask me, I can let you know. Wait, he knows. Say it. Say it. Oh, I can't hear him. Now I can't hear him. He's around the other time.

We've always had in our, in the same vein. Every time I've seen like King Thai massage or like tie massage I'm like that's crazy they're only doing thigh massages there like wouldn't you want to get the rest of your body done? But it's not, there's no Irish tie in. There's no Irish tie in. Irish there was a tie in. The report said the most common

items found in the 2025 included clothing items, jewelry, cell phone shoes, device, accessories, headphones, codes, tablets and books. But these were the greatest. Randy, give us the result of your search. There is a kiss me. I'm Tyrish T-shirts

St. Patrick's date. So then we're ready to go. So if you're Thai and Irish. We got the uniform. We got the uniform. We got the license. Do you know the cut them into half shirts and that's what the waitresses wear?

That's a new bit in the show. Delivery guy from Kiss me. I'm Tyrus shows up halfway through your show. The phrase, Kiss me, I'm Irish is a common sight around St. Patrick's Day, especially the United States. You know that.

We know that. We've seen those guys running around in the days. You see those guys? Maybe in the green water. Dude, you're not going to believe these guys running around a fucking kiss me on time. Which guy, which is a funny little pie. You're not going to believe it.

But where does Kiss Me on average actually come from? It's a nod to the good luck. Or does it carry a deeper meaning? Is it one of those Irish things? You kiss the Shaleli. No. Why would we do this? It's actually, that phrase I heard originated in Bangkok.

Folks, it comes from kissing the black. Bangkok is the best word for someone from Baltimore. He's got a Bangkok. He's got him from Bangkok. He's got a Bangkok. He's in Bangkok. This guy from Bangkok comes over to me. He says, just kiss me I'm Irish.

And I don't get this. It would be hilarious hearing of Boston. I'm like, oh my God, dude, I'm so fucking tired. I got him from Bangkok. You got him from Bangkok? One night in Bangkok. Try this new Todd Place. That's Australian.

New Todd flies. Okay, so how about this? We open this. It's obviously this has to live in Vegas. Kiss me, I'm Tyris. It's going to be huge. Huge. It's a humongous.

Guy Fiettitti Addies. Kiss me, I'm Tyrus. Oh, for sure. And he has nothing to do with it. We're just taking his likeness. But I want only Boston Irish guys to work there. To work there. To work there.

And they're all in, whether, regardless of their sexual orientation. Half shirts. Belly out. I want like Daisy dudes. And it's very confusing. Like, you order the Ladna? Ladner or Ladna? The Ladna.

The Laudna. The la Fah. All right. Who had the sitet? You got a site on table too. You got enough peanut sauce. Yeah. You got it.

Hey, Ma. Get this guy some peanut sauce. Let's do want some fucking Tom Car over here. Who's Tom's car? No, Tom's car. Take Tom's car to get some Tom Car. Tom Car, get it over here. So you don't want, you don't want potatoes in that lot?

You still have different ways. You don't want that? We got all that. We're boiling potatoes in the back. Waiting on Tom's car. He's always boiling potatoes. We're boiling potatoes. Just in case.

All right, story number one. Down in the books. Well, we come back. We're going to tell you where you can get tickets and how you can go see Stamped Town live in Los Angeles at the beginning of May. Who knows? Maybe we'll, some people will. Who know?

And up and show up on this damn show. That's what I'm hearing. He knows. We'll do all that with Zach Zucker on Dup People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. Come you down. It's Dump People Town.

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Viatris Specialty LLC. Stick around. Make a sound. Come you down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show before we jump into where you can see Sam. Stamp Town Live as part of the Netflix's Joke Festival. Jay, let's know what we have going on.

We have our own Netflix as a joke show on May 6th at 9.30 p.m. UCB. Franklin. It's Tag it. It's our show, Tagget. We're on stage writing jokes. Which you've done. I have. In character, which was so much fun that we wrote.

Actually wrote jokes for your character. I know. That was the first time we all ever shared the stage together. It was fantastic. Phenomenal. I was nervous. I was nervous. I was nervous.

I was nervous. I was great. You were great. So good. And the show's really fun. We have a great guest on the show. Ian Carmel's on the show. And Rob Hayes is on the show.

And Jenna Friedman's on the show. And Sheeds is on the show. And Morgan Jay is on the show. And Jonah Ray is on the show. It's going to be an incredible show. It's awesome. Come see that. Come see that.

And then we'll be in Baton Rouge and Mobile on the 13th of May. Then I don't know. It shakes out. Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Lake Charles, the next three days. So it's a little southern tour we're doing. San Francisco in June 19th and 20th at Cobbs Comedy Club, which is going to be a blast. And more to come. Moon Tower also.

Moon Tower as well. If this comes, I think this will come out right before Moon Tower. So enjoy us down in Austin. It'll be beautiful. All right. Let's get to Stamptown in L.A. as part of Netflix as a joke comedy. Hell yeah. One of the craziest most fun, hour and 30 minutes of comedy that you'll ever see.

It just makes fun of in the best. and embraces like the craziest of a circus burlesque show that I've ever seen. That's a dream. I love to hear that. Yeah, we always say it's, the show feels a lot of times like a celebration and a humiliation ritual at the same time where it's like, it's all those things. If you are willing to do that, we will celebrate you and you will be the star. And almost nobody walks away looking cool or good, but that's not the point.

The point is that we're all in it together. And yeah, it's a blast. Your group of people that participate in this, this, you're, you're, you're, you're, you Your groups of cast, the rogue cast of people that you have are individually on their own extraordinarily funny. Come together. Your sound guy, like you guys work together in a way that like we understand as like a comedy team. It is. It's a sound and you.

It's a double act as well. Right. And the cool thing is I have like three sound guys that can do this. I have my original operator, which is Johnny. Then there's Jeremy, who you also love and Dylan. And Dylan has his own way of doing it now too. That's great. So they know the instrument, and then it's like, okay, how do you want to play with it?

How do you want to make it your own? You react. Well, I love it because, like, you don't know when it's coming. And you have to, you are so involved in the character of who you are that when the sound comes, you play off of it or disregard it or whatever. It's just. It feels so controlled and chaotic at the same time. Yes, it's all of that. Have you seen, you seen Absinth?

I have. Yeah, I love that as well. And I tell anybody who's seen Absinth or loves it. Like, you have to see Sam time. Please, yeah, those are our friends. We love the Speaker World Gang. Yeah, we... My buddy was in that show for eight years.

Amazing. Yeah, we came up clowning in Chicago and stuff, and he's... He had a great run in that show, but I love that show, and I've told so many people. I'm like, if you've seen this... There's a lot of crossover with acts between us, but we got a good relationship with the company. Yeah, but I love... I feel like yours is even more of that, like... It's more comedy for...

Crazy mad-minded. Yeah, yours is so special. We always say, ours is, like, comedy with circus, and that's, like, circus with comedy. That's right. That is not... Great way to put that. Because, like, they have, like, truthfully, the pacing of it is remarkable. Like, it's always something new.

Like, I mean, again, I've seen, I think I'm, like, I think I'm in the top area of people who have seen circus and cabaret on this scale. Sure. And I still go, and I've seen a lot. And I still, obviously, there's so much more I haven't seen. But, like, every time I go there, I am always like, fuck, man, that is. But I love the style that you're talking about the end together. It's sort of, like, there is a place for, for lack of a better term, sort of, like, pretentious

circus where it's like you're here to almost watch a moving tableau which will be beautiful and gorgeous and everything and then there's this sort of like stripped down this is happening in this space tonight and you're a part of it and you're in it as well and i love that about absent and i absolutely love it about stame i appreciate that i love that it's a type of show where jay and i were in we're walking from one show to another in at moon tower last year and i was like i have this idea for a bit i was like i just have this idea and we start talking about it and we kind of put it down and then I saw you and I was like, we have this idea for a bit.

Is it something we can do in your show? And without even blinking, you're like, yes, we've been wanting to do something with you guys. Let's try it. Let's do it. I'm like, where will it fit? You're like, we'll make it fit wherever it fits. And it was great.

And like you clipped it off as a clip. It did numbers. It was crazy. Tell your story. And my story is this. I was at the bus stop for my daughter and friends with a woman whose husband and her were at this party for Scott Galloway,

who's a tremendous author, an amazing podcast. It's a brilliant mind for his new book. And in this like circle of people who are like hanging out and talking is Scott Galway and his wife, my friend and her husband, Sam Harris, who's like a brilliant podcaster in mind. He's awesome. And then Larry David. Larry David and his wife and Ted Sarandos and his wife. And they were all hanging around talking about land acknowledgments and just they were just like joking around.

Ted Sarandos is like, have you heard the Sklar Brothers bit about this? Now, this is our bit that we did at your show. The only way he would have heard it is if he would have seen that clip. And he starts, and this is my, according to my friend who was there, he starts doing our bit from your show and killing with it. He's like, Larry Davidson's stitches. Is that what you guys are suing him? So we're suing. Well, that's actually so.

That's awesome. First off, that's like unreal. Isn't that crazy? Because again, we're obviously, for the festival, we're shooting a special for Netflix. and I had just pitched them the other day a bit for Ted to come at the very end and go, hello boys, congratulations,

this was the best show we've ever made and here is too many, here's legally binding to many, many more. I'm proud of you and he kisses me and then we ascend him into the sky. That's my dream. That'd be phenomenal.

Damn, because I, oh my God, so at least he's aware of it. So 100% he's aware of that bit and I think in the context of your show. So that's, So that, thank you for allowing us to do that and allowing us to be in that. And for our fans who love this show, get tickets to those tapings. Please.

They will be special to those live shows in the late. May 8th and 9th, we've got that's three shows. Three shows 7 p.m. both nights, 945 on the Saturday as well. What's the venue? It's the Ricardo Montalbaum Theater on Hollywood and Vine. It's 950 seats tonight and there's a saying in this biz and that is there are, the tickets are not selling. So if you guys want to. No, they're going to say.

We still have like a 1,500 tickets to go, so it would mean the world if you all came. And then we're also this year going to New Zealand. We're going back to the fringe. We're going to New York. We're going to London. And there'll be some other fun games. Do it, baby. Moon Tower along the way.

Do it. I love it. Well, we'll be a part of whatever you'll allow us to be a part of. Please. It's my dream. Maybe Daniel Van Kirk will jump in and do some stuff. Who knows? Who knows? Maybe one day we'll be in the same seat in the same room with Ted and Larry and everyone's wives.

And we'll all be doing the same bits. Drake kick it. Do I get to be there, too? No, you do not. I can't if you can tell me where you're going to do. Are you guys ready for story two? Yes. Sent in by Kyle Andrews at Late Night Nachos.

Here's the headline. Food fight. Three women arrested for brawl over extra sauce charge. So they don't like that they got charged for extra sauce. New York City. Now they got charges. Chaos erupted inside a New York City restaurant when customers became violent after they were told there was a charge for dipping sauce with their French fries.

I mean, yeah, this is one of the greatest scams in American history is to charge you another, you know, $50 to $3 on $50 and $3 to sauce. So it's, it is fucked up. I wouldn't, like, kill for it, but I am mad. You and fight. This is what I tell my kids. Right. This is what I tell my kids.

See if he can tell the difference. All right. So when I, no, no, no, don't pose it. Come as the waiter and ask him. Okay. Would you like another sprite? Do I get another sprite? That's the right.

That's the right. That's the right. Would you like some more sprite? Sure. Is it might going to be charged for this? Okay, so this is what I tell my kids, and I'm like, if I teach you nothing in this life, this is the one thing I want to teach you. If they come over and say, would you like another sprite, they're going to charge you for it. If they come over and say, would you like some more?

You can't charge you. It's free. It's free. I like, that's the only thing I teach you in this life. One is continuous, the other is new. We've stopped with this sprite, and we're going to give you another one. But your sprite allowance is still running. Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some more means we can't quantify that, nor can we charge you for that. Now, if they say, would you like some more Sprite and then they charge it for it, now you can start a brawl. I had a deal. You can fight. You're allowed to fight them. Fight for the Sprite fight.

I was recently. Fight for your Sprite. So I think this is before even hearing this and then I want to hear a story. I think this is a story of the waiter or waitress did not tell them that they were going to get charged. And that's what upset them. Well, video posted online. Wait, wait. Dan, say your thing.

Waiter. Oh, I don't. It doesn't matter. I don't even know if it's fun. It was just, I was in this like card store, like looking at cards for a buddy of mine who was like, hey, and I've been doing this recently where, like, my friends are really into trading cards and collect them. And I'm, and I love subcultures. I love, like, being around where, like, everyone's into this thing. And also, I think it's a real fun, like, harken back to, like,

people use cell phones to, like, price out the cost of cards, but it's a really person to person. I'm going to negotiate with you. I'm going to buy this. I really, really enjoy it. So I, it's like, hey, I'll stop by this card shop for you and see if this guy has any of those cards. So I stop in, and I'm talking to him, I felt like he was, sort of like half talking to me, but I couldn't have been nicer. Like, oh, this is a great shop you have, man. He's like, oh, thanks so much.

And then as I go to leave, and you could see the restroom behind the counter with the door open, I just said, hey man, I totally understand if the answer is no, but would it be possible to use your restroom really quick? And he goes, we don't have one. He goes, nearest restroom is about half mile down at the mall. And I said, crazy answer for the question I asked you.

Dan, this is so you. Because a human asked you a question with the preface of like totally okay if the answer is no. You don't even say no to me. You go nearest back. Because first of all, that's not the nearest bathroom. It's not true. It's right there. It's right there.

And there's a hundred between here and there, possibly full of places where they go, you need to use our restroom really quick. Yeah, and I couldn't. Like it wasn't like I walked in and said bathroom here. You know what I mean? It was none of that. Like I had been looking at stuff from my friend. Like we had had a conversation. Did you buy anything there?

Fuck no. And I said, so I just got, I go, insane answer for the question I gave. What did he say? He goes, he goes, it's not that far. I go, neither's that one. Oh, and what did he say? He goes, oh, well, I mean, I'm just, we don't have a restroom for customers. And then I said, I didn't want to blow myself.

I don't remember. But I said something of like, that's more what I was asking. Yeah, that's like, that's fine. There's where you should have started. Right. Yeah. Because if he would have been like, I'm sorry, man, we just don't allow customers. I've been like, oh, damn, but it's okay.

I get that. It's really funny. like nearest one is there. I was like, that is the answer for someone who walks in, not buying any, not respecting your business in any way, and goes bathroom here and you go, nearest one. This is going to be the death of me one day. We're like, I explained this to my brother because we've been like, it's been, we've been working

together and doing some more business and he was like, he recently found himself in a position where he was like, oh, I think maybe I I don't think I was wrong here. I'm not right in, I'm writing what I'm asking for and what I'm upset with, but I think my tone was a bit off. And so I went in there and smoothed it over. And he's like, God, you're really good at this. And I was like, well, yeah, dude, I've spent my whole life in the principal's office. Like, I know how to apologize.

And I know, and I'm like, yo, I'm going to get God. I'm going to fuck up. But if you try to get me when I didn't, I will raise hell because I'm like, I didn't do this. And I would have been cool with. Sorry, man. I would have been cool. Even a no, like, no, we don't know. Hey, no worries.

No. But now I'm like, set it up that way to Pete. But now I'm like, I want to like set up. I want to like learn about bot farming and like spam this location and get you guys one time. And if you would have said, if you purchase something here, then we can let you use the bathroom. I'm like, oh, okay, you got a policy. No, no, no, no.

So we were in Atlanta, and we were shooting this thing in Atlanta, dance with us, and we go to this bar in the little five points area. And we're at this bar. I'm curious how short you're going to be able to make. Make this tight. So short. And we sit down and they're like, do you guys want to sit at a table? And we're like, no, we're kind of happy at the bar. Like, there's lights up.

People are eating at the bar. People are drinking. It's like a good vibe. And, like, we just want to sit down. And we got the corner. So there's like four of us. Brilliant. Side corner.

Two, two. Two, two. You're the favorite setup. And this, the bartender comes over and it's like, what do you guys want? To you first. To me. And I was like, I'll have a salad. You know, there's like a salad there, the kale salad or whatever I asked for.

And she's like, oh, you want to eat. Is that? No. She looked. She doesn't even turn from the POS system, looks at Randy and goes. So you want to eat, but you won't sit at a table. And we're like, well, no. No, we're good.

We're going to eat at the bar like the other. people who are eating at the bar. So that, I didn't even say that, but Dan, who was behind me, he says, she goes, you want anything? And I said, no, I'm good. You having a good? Are you, you having a good day? She was like, I'm fine. He opened it out. I go, I go, I go, really? Because you do working in the service industry? Yes, of course. I know within three seconds, whether or not this person wants to be here. No, do inventory, if I've pissed them off. Yeah. And it was, she was so mad. She came in hot. She was so mad. In a lot. So then I go, so then I said, I go everything good.

She's like, yeah, what else do you guys want? And I said, all right, well, I bartender nine years. If you need any help back there, let me know. Crazy things, that. Seems like you need some love that. It was so good. I literally was like. Nice and she took it.

But I also know why. I was like, let's see where this, because she's either going to go, I wish you could and we're going to like break over. Yeah, yeah. Or, which is more likely based on, she's going to go, fuck off. Yeah, fuck you guys. We went that way. She's like, I'm not doing.

this. She goes, you're going to talk to me like that, and I go, like that. You were mad before you even, you hated us before we did you forget your first interaction with the person who you took an order from? Yeah. When you were like, you totally said, I don't want you sitting here. It was insane because it's not something I would have ever. The best justification is when we leave, the guy who's like the bar back said to a person in our party, please leave a review. Which now, you know, tells you everything about how they feel. That was like when someone grabs someone's arm and and flashes the four things behind their back. We need help here.

I'm being abused. This was crazy when you say, anyway. That would be not a sidetrack. No, that's awesome. It's crazy. I heard a rumor that she went in. And I left, by the way. I was like, immediately it was too much.

I was like, I was like, how are you heard about this? Well, I just, I just heard a rumor. She said the nearest place to eat a salad. Wait. At a half mile down the road. At the mall. I literally see other restaurants on the way that they're not serving salad. It's so funny.

There's a tender greens next door. That's it to me is like, I understand that people are always going through it. And trust me, I promise I go through it as much as y'all do. And I go into every interaction, the way I go into every show and every opportunity, hoping, wanting, and truly going in, wanting this to be the greatest experience in my life. I want this to be the most fun. I want this to be like, do you remember the night where we were two and two at the bar?

Because it can be. Yes, it can. That's the clown. That's what I want. And if you come and meet me there, I'm going to, it's hard for, you know, I can't let it slide sometimes. but there's times when you're just not going to get it for me because I'm like, well, hey man, actually, fuck you. Also, like you said at the privilege of us,

if you didn't earn it. You're like, don't put this out. I didn't even do this. And I have the same thing with flyers. When people try to fire me or get me to sign something or read anything, as someone who's flired for years of my life, and I love the art form, if you get me and you do a good job, no matter what I'm doing, I will always give it to you.

But if you don't, and you just harass me, and then you're annoyed at me. And you're mad at me. Well, you're never going to get anything. And then I'm going to engage in the wrong way with you. That's right. But I'm like, again, if you just, I used to flyer, I used to flyer outside of, it was me and Vigo doing our first fringe run in 2015 at 1230 in the afternoon.

Because you got to sell those shows out. We have to sell our tickets every single day. It's a free fringe show. Nobody knows us. Our posters are printed wrong. It's still sunlight out. We are flying for three hours. And the only people outside near us are credit card salesmen with credit cards trying to get people

to sign credit cards. So I promised you. You look like one of them. We were in like Lycra superhero suits, to be fair. But that looks even worse. And so I trust me, I know what it's like when the odds are stacked against you and people are trying to do anything other than go watch your show. But it does not mean you can do that to somebody.

I know. You never would act that way. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. Jump back into it. It's all good. Video posted online shows the violent food fight that took place over the July 4th holiday weekend at Bell fries on Manhattan's Lower East Side.

And all fries, you know, belfrids? I believe it's Belfast and it's a kiss me, I'm tiring. I think it's a playoff of it, yeah. Employees were left traumatized by the chaos that began just after when. What time do you think this happened? 2 p.m. 2 p.m. They've been drinking all morning.

July 4th weekend. They don't give us an exact. 1 a.m. Okay. It makes more sense that's probably late night, but I feel because of why you said that, it's probably like 10 a.m. 10 a.m. It took place or began just after 4 a.m. Oh, late.

Late late late late late late. The wild hour. We're in the wild hour. Nothing good happens at. Brats and the bell fries. Bats on the bell fries. Two of my employees were hitting the head with bottles. Oh my God.

Annalise Schlossberg said one of the restaurant's owners. She told that to WCBS. Schlaasberg was not present during the attack. Yeah, it was 4 a.m. Another coworker told W. Where was she? Told WNBC that there are six employees at the restaurant, but None wanted to come back to work because they're too frightened after the incident.

Yep. The restaurant charges how much for dipping sauce that the customers didn't want to pay? $350. I'd say $0.50. Dollar from Jason. The restaurant charges $1.75 for a different sauce. That's not bad. But also, weird amount.

It's definitely too much. Too much. How much is it? If it's like this much, sure. But again, I don't need that much. We were in Atlanta. We have to identify. Also in Atlanta, crazy.

Atlanta, same trip. the three of us and our friend Brad Morris were getting dinner, we're eating in the bar, great little hangout place, and we ordered a couple orders of fries for the table, and the guy in a very casual was like, you want any of those dipping sauces? Now that's a very like some more or another one.

I don't know. You want to do something? And then Randy goes, yeah, bring us all the sauces. And then Jay goes, hold on. You guys charge for those, right? Because we just need to know, and he's like, oh yeah, you get one and then all the others. And we're like, we're good with ketchup.

We're fine. We can make ketchup. But it would have been a. another deal where I'm like, you should if you got four dipping sauces and we're in an actual restaurant, I think the first round is at least on the house. Like, hey, we'll bring you one of each of our sauces. Do you want another

dipping sauce? Right. 175 is steep too for a dipping sauce. Should we also? One, I think we need to universalize, is that a word? Yeah, yeah. Universalize which sauce you want because I'm like, it seems like ketchup is the standard should always is almost always free.

Ranch honey mustard barbecue sauce. That's what I'm saying. Ranch. Mayo, if it's fries, and you're in Europe. Yes. If you're making something in-house, okay, we can start talking about a charge. Yeah. Our special sauce.

Yeah. They have to make it. Yeah. That's a different ball game. They wanted extra sauce for the fries, and when we explained that it costs 175, I do think that's too high. They got upset Rafael Nunez,

the restaurant chef, and the person who recorded the video of the brawl told Univision. Wait, I'm mad at them now because if they asked for extra sauce and they told them it was 175, and then they got mad, that's one thing. If they gave them extra sauce,

and they said, hey, by the way, you owe us $1.75, then they're justified. Yes, however, I agree, but I wouldn't go as far as bottling something. No, for a, of course, just to be clear, because I think there is a world where a bottling is fair. I just want those to be, again, to be isolated so we can all as a society go, yeah, that is the time you should buy a bottle. A bottle.

Some people are a bottle. Caught a bottle. We explained to them that this is a business rule, and that is the same for everyone, but they did not understand. The chef, Rafael Nunez said. Video shows the women ripping apart and throwing everything in sight, even tearing down a plastic barrier bolted to the counter.

Not the plastic barrier. What about COVID? The women are sneezing cars. Are accused of throwing metal objects, destroying computers, and can even be seen. Destroying computers. Like girls, like, come on, y'all. At most you get like I throw a burger back like this.

That was his laptop. He's just doing homework in here. Genuinely. And can even be getting seen, can even be seen, getting on the restaurant's counter and twerking. I've seen some of these ones. Maybe I have seen this before. Video obtained by the station also shows employees behind the counter trying to

take cover during the time. By the way, the twerking is a buck 75 extra extra. Yeah, the twerick on the counter. Extra sauce. Yeah, yeah, every 10 seconds of the rate doubles, it's like a meter. Stuffing into my spandex. Chattara Placencia was one of the women. They were all arrested and faced a felony charge.

W.C.T.A. Porsensia could be the next guy Rizzi. see if it's right for you. We ate the placentia from our second daughter. We did. We turn them into pills. One of the women is also accused of stealing money from the register and punching an arresting officer in the face. This is all for sauce.

Yeah, this is awesome. I hope the cop is like, we're doing this for sauce. Bitch, bow. For sauce. Extra sauce. Throughout the video, an alarm is heard blaring in the background, which just makes me think when you're in an airport gate. No, that's so New York. That's so New York.

There's a car alarm going off in the background. Victoria Baez, an employee who was present, told Univision that she turned she turned the alarm on to scare the women, but they responded by laughing. Now, that's when you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah. Turn the alarm on to scare them and they're laughing. When the villain starts laughing at your efforts,

they're in trouble. They're about to win an Oscar. Very dragon bowl-sey. This is the part where you go to the grease machine. No, Jay. Fire up. Whoops. Loshberg told W.C.B.S.

She has hired a security guard. A little late. And it's working, if you're open all night, until 4 a.m. Yeah, what do you mean? You don't have one, you don't have any, especially for 4th of July weekend. You're not going to ask them for a little bit.

It's working to add new safety measures. Go ahead. There is, look, there is a level of negligence for the restaurant. Again, they're still not in the wrong. These people should not have done this. But it's like, you got to, you got to soup up a little bit. Yeah, like, surely, truly there's, they've never, they've never had. Woman Up.

Woman Up. Got you. My favorite, my favorite seven up campaign they never posted. Woman Up. That's why they turned it into what, Stari? Or is a CIRMS? Anna Lee. It is Starrie.

One of the owners. She said, my number one priority is making sure all my employees are not only physically okay, but mentally okay. That's great. It's just be a rule in any scenario. Sure. How old? Well, actually, we'll do this first because I've never done a cliffhanger in the history of the show, but you have to hear the headline that I found. Okay.

Researching this story. Sometimes they say, if you like this story, here's another story. No, not even. This is about these people. Chatarra Placinth. Placincia. Placincia. In another incident?

Exclusive. Oh, this isn't just in. So this is after this. She's got priors? This is the headline also pertaining to her. And I'll look into whether or not we'll do it on a future episode. But you have to hear the headline. Exclusive.

Drunk woman. This is her. Chatarra planencia. Whatever it is. Who trashed a Manhattan fries restaurant after being asked to pay a $1.75 for extra sauce. Here's the headline. Now Sue's Car Wash after it refused her service and she fell down a drain

at 3 a.m. This is the origin story to the sequel to it. So the same woman. She becomes a clown that terrorizes kids. Yeah. The same woman. What car service is open at 3 in the morning? I know.

Car wash. She's suing a car wash after they refused her service and she fell down a drain at 3 a. 8. Fell down a drain. At some point, it's you. It's you. I mean, it already was you with the dipping. Everyone can't be the asshole.

The bummer is, is like, this one could have not been her. But you're already, you've already got, there is a part where it's like she just walked up there. You've used any of your goodwill. Man, fuck this and fell. There's one strike against you. But yeah, but this is the thing is if you get painted in this light in some way. I mean, if you're the type of person that's falling down a car wash drain at 3 a.m., you got, you got to look at your life. And also, I would most likely, I don't want to, I don't want to put on both communities because the dipping sauce fighting community and the drain community.

And the car wash drain community. But there is crossover there. Yeah. The Venn diagram is bigger than it's not. You're in the car wash with extra dipping. Exactly. And it's on your seat because you spilled it. There you go.

That's why I got to wash the car. That's why I got to go out of here. That's incredible. I also, sorry. Also, the woman was talking, the owner of the restaurant was talking about the priority of mental and physical health. What about the priority of lowering the dipping sauce fees? Yes. That's not even an option.

I would argue. And this is what I would argue. This is certainly some to look at. How much extra money are you making on dipping sauce? per month. Right. If you just charge an extra 50 cents for every chicken finger you sell. A nickel.

You'll make that money back. And then you can offer the dipping sauces. All right. And then people would be like, you should go there. Their dipping sauces are epic. And I'm like, oh, awesome. Thank God. Free extras.

Yeah, sure. All right, our main lady in the story. Sell more chicken. Chetara Palencia. Chetara. Is how old. Oh, man. What age?

4 a.m. 37 just came into my brain. Okay, Randy says 37. Accept it from the gods. 22. 22. Open it up at 4 in the morning. It's crazy because it's like 17 to 65 is kind of the range.

It could be anywhere. You go 65. You go 65. I'm going to say. Chetara Plitza. I know what I wanted to be. I wanted her to be 49, but I'm going to say, but I'm going to say 22. 22?

I think I said 22. Okay. We got two people on 22. I know. I got 37. Chittara Palencia is. Is 25 years old. Wow.

We knew it. It's on, boy. You're not up at four in the morning and three in the morning if you're over 25. Fallen into drains. What happened with her drain? Do we know what happened? I haven't even looked into that story. It's worth it on a future episode.

We have to come back. You have to say it from my year. We'll get it back. I will come back. Do that as the update. All right, we got one more story. When we come back, you'll find out what Dan's got going on. This little golf cart tomfoolery in Florida, it's Zach Zucker is with us.

His show, Stamtown, which is one of the most epic fun shows you'll ever see. At the Montobon. Montalbond Theater May 8th and May 9th. You got three shows, three chances. Get your tickets before they're gone. Yep. See us on the 6th and then go see him. We'll be right back with more Zach Zucker on Dumb People Town.

Stick around. Make us down. Come here down. It's Dump People Town. Hey, gang, before we jump into this final story, Daniel, let him know where they can see you. Everything's at Daniel vancirk.com. I'll be in Raleigh and Wilmington. I'll also be in Charlotte.

I'll be in Austin. Hub City Comedy Week, my week of shows where every show is different is happening in Chicago with the Lincoln Lodge. That kicks off on July 15th. I'll be in Cincinnati. Dates throughout the entire summer, Boko Raton. Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com. Go see Dan. His new stuff is so funny.

Love the new hour. The new hour is so good. Nobody tells a story like Daniel Vancouver. I really love, I appreciate. You've taken a really sharp turn into very racial humor this year. Yeah, I love you being brave. It's about time. It's about time.

I hear if you stay all the way to the end, he ranks his favorite races for most annoying to ugly. Try that in a dumb town tour. I got to be honest with you. I'm with him. I agree. Hardedly. Whites are last. All right.

Here we go. Is you ready for this? Send in by David Fournier at DP Fournier 2. Thank you. What's up? DB 4282. Florida man arrested for golf cart DUI after wife fell out on the way home from day of quote partying at the club.

He left her? She fell out of the cart. Doesn't matter what you're riding, you can get a DUI if you're drunk. You can be riding a horse. A horse. In some states, it's actually handled by the Department of Wildlife. So it's a fine instead of a DUI. So that's why in a lot of places, I think Wisconsin is one of them,

where you'll see people do these, like, non-traditional cars as their vehicles because they can't get a straight DUI. So in Florida, there are all these retirement communities. They can get a straight DUI. They can get a gay dessert. Or a bi-ionic DUI. Like the village. Do you buy. Dubai.

Do you buy. Have you had that D.U. Do you buy chocolate? I have. It's really good. It's pistachia on the inside. And then it's, you don't know if it's dark or light chocolate.

Yeah, exactly. But either way, it's okay. You like both. You like both. Kiss me. I'm Dubirish. Kiss me. Yeah.

Dibirish. Yes. It's just, it's all type, like themed different restaurants. Do you want falafel with your Guinness or tahini? I would. I'll get that. With your PADC.

Guinness? I have to know if the wife fell out and he said, meet you at the house. Well, I'm glad you're asking me. Yeah, because, well, you know, we're going to find house that fell out. So you know there are these communities like the villages or where the people have their golf carts, that's how they get around. And they go so hard. No, they can soup them up. You know, they like go crazy.

Please. They go 60. Also, they wife swap these people. They're like on, they're just like their kids are, they're just going crazy at this point. Yeah, yeah. It's like a chlamydia farm. It's like a koala farm. It's like koalas.

Everyone's got that. Every time about Click farms, I want a chlamydia farm. Hey now. Click farms. Sorry about a clap farm. Hey, oh. Earlier this month, a day of, quote, parting at the club for a husband and wife in Florida took a turn that landed them in handcuffs.

It was a left turn. And her husband, he did not corner well. Northport police responded to a call around what time? A little day. I'm going to go six 30 p.m. Parting. 6.30 p.m. what do you think? We used to have a t-shirt that said 6 p.m. is the 3 a.m. of day drinking.

I'm going to say 8 p.m. Yeah, because it says full day doesn't say night, right? I will say, yeah, maybe like 7.30. 9.30 p.m. March 1st of a woman who had fallen out of a golf cart, according to the My Son Coast. She had hit her head and was unconscious. But she was unresponsive before she hit her head. And that was a problem.

She wasn't responsible for years. This guy hasn't been saying anything. Why should get into this? Her husband, James Pronte. Prante also sounds like Get over here quickly. Yeah. Pronte.

Yeah, for sure. Let's go. We're leaving. Pronte. James. Also, his wife wrote Wethering Heights. Yeah. Emily Pronte.

For the ones out there. Her husband, James Pronte, was still behind the wheel of his golf cart, according to officers, when they arrived. He told them that the couple had, quote, been party at the club since noon. That was probably no one had asked him any questions. And he was like, we weren't asking. We were in part.

No, no, no. You don't understand. It was awesome. Since noon. I've been hammered since noon. Great, but we want to know what happened to your wife. She was partying with me. Yeah, but that's not.

Do we tell you it was since noon? All right. They were on their way home before his wife fell out of the golf cart and hit her head on the pavement. This does sound like the guy from the staircase. Did you ever see that documentary? Oh my God. Get on the staircase. Don't you ruin that.

I'm not ruining. It's a wild ride. It's a great. What platform might I find? HPA. Is it an H-M-X? Maybe H-B. Well, there's a couple documentaries.

The original one was H-H-Burn. There's a couple about this. Dude. It's about a guy whose wife dies, but there's a lot of questions that's true. Whether his involvement. And his explanation is like, I can't even go. Don't take that for me. I can't.

It's Pronte. They're on the way home before a wife fell out of the go-card, hit her harder than pay, but she's taking the local hospital as a trauma patient. As for Pronte officers detected a strong odor of alcohol. That's right. Really? He told them he had been partied since noon. Yeah, and it was nine.

So it's 12 hours, nine hours of partying. A lot of part. WFLA reports and they suspect club party. Right. Officers also noticed empty containers in the golf cart and decided to conduct roadside sobriety tests, which he failed. Of course.

So he's drinking at the club and has empty containers. A little rowdy. Yeah, a little roadie for the thing. Responsibly wise. Yeah. In the neighborhood. He's in the gate of community. Breath tests reportedly shows blood alcohol level was, and we're going to get,

my son coast, added the breath samples he submitted. And what do you think he submitted two of them? You can pick either one of them. What do you think is blood alcohol level? 0.08 is legally drunk. I'd say a 2-3 and a 2-9. 0.29. What do you think?

0.3. I'll go on the low end. I'm going to say 0.18. Ooh. Very good. 0.197 and 0.194. Very, very close, which is more than double the legal limit. It took a long time.

More than double the legal limit. Almost three times the legal limit to drive. 0.08. It's a party. Yeah. That's right. Just to be clear. Which is what he said.

When he saw the number. I mean, that's a party number. Good number, right? Look at you number. 0.194. Florida man was then a rate point average, too. It's pie.

Charged with his... They said 0.19. He goes, Kobe. Not pie. That doesn't even... Don't die. Not his number. Not pie.

With DeUI seriously, boldly, he had serious bodily injury. He has since been released on Bonn. A few days later, his wife still in the hospital, but responded, she's in stable condition. Oh, good. Instances like this are very rare.

Most residents in golf car communities use them safely, said North Point Police Department of the incident. That's another way of saying, don't mistake a golf cart for some magical form of transportation that will get you home safely if you're hammered. Now this article is just like becoming like your aunt. It's like don't be a big shot. There's still a huge question is why didn't he stop when she fell out? You're still driving.

No, he did stop and he was just sitting there. He wasn't even helping her. He was just sitting behind the wheel. They came up when he, okay, I thought he had drove off. No, I was just laying there, laying the ground unconscious, and he's like, what? What? You're still driving it. Here's why a golf cart isn't a great option home.

No doors. No doors. None. You turn slightly. If you're drunk and you don't have it and you're an older person, you're going to flip. I may or may not have allegedly driven a few golf carts, are drunk and or stoned in my life.

And let me tell you, I'm worried a lot of times. It's going to flip that golf cart. I would be if I had done that. It's my favorite show on HGTV. Flip that golf cart. So funny. There we go. That's story number three.

Down in the Bugs. Great show. That's a show. May 8th, May 9th, Stam Town at the Montalban Theater in Los Angeles. Part of Netflix is a joke. Come see us. Our thing is on May 6th.

That's Wednesday at 930, UCB theater. All the stuff. Daniel Vancirk.com, Super Scalars, and punchup. Live at slash Sclar Brothers. Come see us all. We'll see a moon tower. We'll hang in Moon Tower.

We'll do another bit. I can't wait. And maybe we'll do a bit in these. shows you never know. I am optimistic and I'm excited. We'll make it happen. All right guys. What about me? What does he say? He wants to get back in. I can't hear it. I can't hear it.

All right guys. That is his show and oh snap we got to get back to work. Peace.