Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 319: Johnny Pemberton!

Episode Date: December 29, 2018

Johnny Pemberton, comedian, actor, and mildly knowledgeable gardener joins the DTFH! Listen to Johnny's album: [Recorded For Quality Assurance](https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/recorded-for-quality-assurance/1368861123) Check out Johnny's podcast: [LIVE TO TAPE](https://starburns.audio/podcasts/live-to-tape-with-johnny-pemberton/) This episode is brought to you by [Squarespace](https://www.squarespace.com/duncan) (offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site), [Robinhood Financial](http://duncan.robinhood.com/) (get one free stock when you sign up!), and [BLUECHEW](https://www.bluechew.com/) (use offer code: DUNCAN at checkout and get your first shipment FREE with just $5 shipping).

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. I'm dirty little angel. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by the beautiful Star Children over at Squarespace.com. Head over to Squarespace.com, forward slash Duncan, and start your free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Duncan, and you'll get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain.

Greetings to you, O Children of Time. What a glorious episode of the DTFH we have for you today. Oh, wow! This is, as far as I'm aware, the very first podcast that has within it a podcast from the future. 6,000 years to be precise. No need for a long intro. We're going to jump right into this episode, but first, some quick business. Much thanks to Robinhood for supporting this episode of the DTFH.

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That's Duncan.Robinhood.com. Think of the great pride you'll feel owning your first beautiful stock. You can comb its hair. You can lotion it down. You can frame it and point it out to your friends and say, that's mine. That's my stock. Oh, thanks to Robinhood. Again, that's Duncan.Robinhood.com.

Duncan.Robinhood.com. Sign up to get your free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Thank you, Robinhood. Much thanks to my dear patrons over at patreon.com. I bow to your noble glory and offer under the many great treats, snacks, tidbits, and snacklets. Here's the real big news since I have at last somewhat mastered the art of live streaming. If you go over to patreon.com, Ford, slash D, T, F, H, and sign up, we will be able to have strange live streaming sessions. This episode with Johnny Pemberton was the seedling, the creeper tendril from which I intend to explore this insane medium of live streaming.

And Patreon is going to be the venue that I use for personal, I don't know what, we're just all going to hang out and do weird things together. I'm coming up with some ways to do that, but I hope you'll check it out. Just go over to patreon.com, Ford, slash D, T, F, H, and sign up. You'll get commercial free episodes of the DTFH and extra hour long rambling thing once a month. And also you'll get access to our Discord server where you can hang out with other dear listeners of the DTFH. Thank you, my Patreon patrons. Also, if you're somebody who, like me, wants people to know your stance on the very hot political topic right now of whether we drink crow's milk or not, you go over to ducatrustle.com and click on the shop, you're going to find stop drinking crow's milk bumper stickers.

Also, if you follow on the other side of the spectrum and you happen to drink crow's milk, we've got drinking crow's milk bumper stickers so you can let everybody know where you stand. You know, in the past episodes, I think I came out a little too hard against crow's milk drinkers. I got some blowback from that and some blowdowns and probably a pretty hard wipe because of that. So I'm sorry. On both sides, I never wanted to offend anybody. I now no longer really have that much of an opinion on it and I just want my family to be safe and happy. So you can make sure your family's safe and happy depending on who your neighbors are. Do they drink crow's milk? Do they not drink crow's milk? Do they don't not not drink crow's milk?

You can go door to door and ask, hey, what's up? Do you drink crow's milk or not? And introduce yourself and maybe based on what they say you could offer them for against crow's milk bumper sticker so they can identify themselves in the coming times. Crow's milk, drink it or not, you can announce where you stand by going to dunkitrustle.com and clicking on the shop. All right, without further ado, everybody, please welcome back to the Dunkit Russell Family Hour Podcast, one of our most requested guests. My dear friend, Johnny Pemberton. It's the Dunkitrustle Family Hour Podcast. It's the Dunkitrustle Family Hour Podcast. I mean, there's so many wonderful...

Is Perrier being something else besides water? Yeah. Besides the big hats, jackets, sweatshirts, gloves. I don't know about all that stuff. Boats? They make boats? I know that Perrier makes a wonderful vest. Did we get a confirmation on that? I want to see if someone can confirm that.

Let me just see if we can confirm that. Then I'm done. Yeah. Okay, we got it. We got it. Yes! I saw Perrier spell Pierre the other day and it was very exciting. I hate it.

I hate that. You hate it when they spell it out? I don't want to get political though. Turn this off. I told you. You don't want to look at it. What we can enjoy for a second. I don't want to enjoy it.

It's too distracting. It's like falling down the hole you're creating. I know, but it's so nice. It's like, for those who are watching this live, this is a historic moment. Not only is this the first live Duncan Dressel Family Hour podcast. It seems live, right? Doesn't it? It feels live.

It seems like it might be live. It's live. It might not be live though. Oh, that's true. It could be a trick. We record this. All these people think that they... They don't know what point in time this is streaming from.

Technically, there's nothing we've done so far that has confirmed that this is live and acting like we're responding to the things that we... Obviously, they're going to say the thing and we're going to act like there's confirmation. Right. But technically, we haven't plucked anything from that either. This could have been recorded seven years ago. It could have been. There's no way to know.

We haven't said anything that would even indicate that we're from the year 2015. There's nothing to describe that year at all. They could easily just think that this was like from 2012 or something. Yeah. Or maybe 2000. I don't know. What's the crazy year? 2020?

2019? Yeah. Yeah. That's a crazy year. God, I can't imagine being that year at that advanced stage. That would be crazy. Time is a very odd thing. You know, and it's one of the very funny things to me about podcasting in general is that

it seems like... They're going to say something funny about time. People don't seem to realize that when they're listening to a podcast, they're actually time traveling. And this is that they're listening to a voice from the past talking to them in the present. In the present. And anytime you record anything, of course, you are sort of sending it into the future. Yeah.

Like a capsule. You know, like right now, there's the quad-org capsule that is... Yeah, what is that? You haven't heard of that? I haven't. It's that capsule that's just outside of your hands. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. But it's filled with time. Like basically, I think NASA... Tell me how you shit time. Well, NASA actually... The idea was if we were to pour time on Uranus, then maybe...

They would make it smell better for once. Because it really is... To me, I think one of the... Many people talk about simulation theory. What about honesty thong? We'll get to the honesty thong in a moment. Many talk about... Do you have that to play?

Many people talk about... Yes. Many people talk about... Do you want to hear the honesty thong? Yeah, I do. All right. Fine. I want to hear what many people think.

I'll see if we can do this. Guys, what you're listening to is... That'll be a great podcast. It's just called What Many People Think. Well, many people say that... What are many people thinking? Many people say that chestnuts roasting in open fire and Jack Frost nipping at your nose would indicate that it is Christmas.

Many people are saying that it is Christmas. There are many who say it's Christmas now. Who are they? Show yourself. If you think it's Christmas, show yourself now. Many people are saying that it's Christmas now. This is before we get into the honesty thong. To the meat of the brain?

Before we get to the honesty thong. In all seriousness. I don't understand why someone hasn't made a movie about a war on Christmas. Why does that not exist? I would love to watch that. What sort of a word do you mean, though? That's my question. It's functioning on several levels.

On one level, it's a world where people... You're not even allowed to talk about Christmas. Okay, so it's like talking about... What's currently like that that we can think of? I'm trying to think of... Well, there's a cool conspiracy theory that some Roman emperor fucked with history and just basically erased a huge swath of history. Really?

Yeah, it's sort of like... That was literally not the question I asked, though, but it was a cool thing that you said. Well, it's based on the idea of what is history, right? And how do we know what is real is real, essentially. History is based on trust. What happens is a historian announces to us that this thing happened in the past. We hear it, and if the historian is credentialed, we assume what they're saying must be real.

It seems to be some kind of convergent timeline, so to speak. All over the planet, there's all this writing about... Tinkling, we call it. Yeah, the Tinkler's type. But yeah, that's what it used to be called. Tinklesprick. If you were writing about time, you would be a Tinkler. That's what it says in German.

Tinklesprick. Tinklesprick. Tinklesprick. Ah, yes. Tinklesprick, yeah. Tinklesprick? Ah, wassis das? Wassis das Tinklesprick? Wassis das Tinklesprick?

So anyway, one of the Graykin's Bersie theories is that at some point, this awful emperor decided that he was going to just annihilate history. Right. I think it was an emperor. I can't remember. But basically, all the recorded histories were wiped out. There was a sort of like... He burned the books, you mean?

Mm-hmm. All the books were burned. And the history that we think that happened is actually not the history. It's the history that he wrote after he scorched everything. The history that Dick wrote. Yeah. He just was like, oh, here's what actually happened. And what really happened was way cool.

Oh, guess what? I never heard that. Yeah, it's a cool conspiracy theory. But I guess what I was trying to ask you is that the idea of there being a war on Christmas, you can't talk about it. What's something you can't talk about? Well, in the movie, the war on Christmas, there would be several layers to it. So there would be the basic layer, which is similarly...

Okay, let's imagine this, that the timeline that we're in right now has all these people think things happen, like World War II. Yeah. World War I. That was even bigger. The assassination of Kennedy. Who? Kennedy.

It's from my timeline. Okay, got it. I thought you said Canada. Oh, no, no, no. Kennedy. Yeah, I don't know. From my timeline. Yeah, it must be from yours.

Well, in my timeline, there was Kennedy. There was a president. Kennedy? Kennedy. Kennedy. He was cool. Okay. But he was assassinated.

Yeah. And unfortunately, and it's very sad. But so in this sense, in the movie, the war on Christmas, what would happen is people would be existing in a world where they hadn't quite gotten rid of Christmas. Okay. There were still a few people who remembered Christmas. So it's sort of, yeah. I see what you're saying.

And so they would talk about Christmas, but if they talked about Christmas, then they would get arrested. That would be the part of it. So like talking about Christianity in China? I don't know. Yeah. What's like a metaphor? I'm trying to think of my timeline.

He'd be like talking about Christianity in China, unfortunately. Or Islam. Or any religion. Well, I mean, we all just take for granted. Like the books are the memory banks of the planet, or at least of our species. And so we just take for granted the stuff written in the books is what happened is what's real is what's going down, you know, and so, which is so funny that we just assume that's real because, you know, you can, it's so sad when you hear the data on interrogations where

if you interrogate somebody long enough, they just say stuff. They just make up something. Yes, I made a new color. I made a new color. Yes, I did. I made a new color. Only I can see. It's somewhere between red and blue.

So you admit it. You invented a new color. Yes, I made a new color. Say it. Say it. Say you invented a new color. I invented a new color. What's the name of the fucking color you invented?

What's the name? Is it Lunar? I don't know. Did you invent the color Lunar? Yes. Yes, it's called Lunar. Lunar. Lunar.

Yes, that's the color. Why did you invent it? Because I wanted a new color. Because you wanted to hurt the leader. Because I wanted to hurt the who? The leader. Is that his name? Yeah, the leader.

Just say the leader. I want to confuse your upset. I get it. You're hot. You're hot. Now sign that. Okay. I created that.

What's the name of the color I created? Lunar. I created Lunar to hurt the leader. We're going to take you out back and shoot you in the face. I thought it already was out back. It was another one. There's something behind the back. It keeps going back, in fact.

It's back all the way back. It keeps going back. I created it. There's a ridiculous conspiracy theory that there's a kind of like, you know, I guess you could say it's sort of like the historical version of flatter theory. So that's one of my favorites. Yeah. Well, it's the same thing, but with time.

So the idea is that our understanding of history has actually been obstructed by someone who created a false history. And then we all believe that this must have been what happened. Similarly, in the war on Christmas, this would be the, so if there were some, let's imagine like, let's imagine there was an Atlantis. And let's imagine that at one point the planet was thriving, that it was filled with these people who were bubbles. Well, Shambhala is a word for it.

Bubbles? Shambhala. Shambhala. Shambhala. Shambhala sounds like champagne, and I know what champagne's got a lot of. Champagne. It comes from. Shambhala.

Well, it comes from actually, doesn't it come from a valley? Like the Champagne Valley in France? Yeah, the region. Right. So the region. The region. The region. So, you know, champagne comes from this area.

Similarly, there's like Atlantis, Shambhala. So the idea might be that there actually existed on planet Earth a time. In this case, for the war on Christmas movie, we could say there existed on Earth a time when every day was Christmas. Would you say, would you call it a perfect Christmas? That's a good name for it. Or maybe a very Christmas. A very Christmas.

A very Christmas Christmas. Or the Japanese would say, Maria Christmas. That. Yes. Is the perfect name for this film. Maria Christmas. So what had happened is, who's the person who hates Christmas? Like a Grinch.

A Grinch. Oh, Scrooge. A Grinch. Scrooge. Ooh. We both interested it. Scrooge. Scrooge.

Scrooge. Scrooge. The fucking sixth. Sixth. He started off as just kind of like a lunatic, but he kind of escaped from an asylum. And because he was sort of, I don't know, a little charismatic. Maybe he was like the second brother. I think you could, you could, you could call him the second son.

Second son of a great king. Yeah. Of the king of Santa Claus. Of the great king, Santa. Well, you could. Yeah, so it's so it's almost like Lucifer. What's his name again? Its name is Grinch and!

Scrooge. Scrooge. Screnchiest Grooge, Screnchiest Grooge, the sixth right now. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches.

Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches. Screnches Grooge, the sixth, well, I think it might just be Screnches.

Wait, what's Santa last name? Claus. Yeah, Santa Claus. So it's Screnches Claus, well it's both right? Both right? Screnches. Screnches. Screnchist.

Screnchist. Screnchist. Screnches. So Screnches Grooge, Claus, he's coming down, do you? He's living in this minor key, he wants to take you under, you're gonna go under the water, whether you would like it or not, he's gonna tie the boat off, he's gonna undo the knot. In this ridiculous movie Santa Claus has two children, one is named Screnches and one

is named like Paul, Ben, David, Jeff, yeah, Claus, Paul, Ben, David, Jeff, Stephen, Stephen, Michael, Claus, Paul, Ben, Ben, David, Jeff, Stephen, Michael, Claus, Paul, Ben, David, Jeff, Stephen, Michael, Claus, yeah, that's it. So basically like he's, he had these two brothers and they, two sons, two sons and they didn't get along. Right, bourbon. Yeah, they just didn't get along. And so what happened was, one of them killed the other.

I think that Screnchist, Screnchist Grooge, Claus, killed Paul, Ben, David, Jeff, Michael. It's hard to remember his name, that's kind of like one of the qualities of the time that these people are in is they can't remember the name of the murdered child of Santa Claus. Like they, they, they, they can't even remember his name, his name is almost lost. Well, his name is PBDJSM. PBDJSM. Say it again. PBDJSM.

Right. Right. Yeah, that's good. So PBDJSM was killed by Screnchist Grooge. Right. But in this sort of time period, what's going on is because like this asshole kid wants to be Santa Claus and he thinks like the way Santa Claus is running the shop. He wants to remember that history.

Yeah. Exactly. He wants to annihilate the history of Christmas. Exactly. He wants to destroy the memory of Christmas. Completely. And he knows that it takes two full generations because it's like that old, this, this, I don't know what culture it is, but this is the idea that you're not dead until the last

living person dies who remembers you. No, you're not dead until you kill your last enemy. Well, that's a different culture, the culture I'm talking about. I come from the culture of the ninja. Well, I come from the culture of the non-ja. Oh, okay. Okay. We have been fighting the ninjas for many millennia.

The non-ja are a peaceful, vegan society. Why don't you leave us alone then? Because we live off of horse, horse. Why do you keep killing us? We don't care. You fall into our traps. Well, why are you setting traps for us? Because we know you're coming to get us.

We don't want it. We don't. We've stopped fighting you. You keep putting traps out. Look, here's the deal. Okay. If we have a ton of lotus root, we're growing lotus root to eat it. We love that you grow lotus root.

We love that you eat it. I don't know that. I just told you. You're telling me now, but this is the lens of history. Okay. In the past, there were our ancestors. The non-jas are expert trapsmen. The ninjas used to feel that the lotus root was sacred and that it should not be harvested.

It should grow free. Do you know why it's sacred? Because it tastes so good. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with eating it. Eat the root. We do. We eat a lot of it.

And we are fine with it. But that's what we're killing you is because you're falling into our traps. Well, we don't want you to kill us anymore. We want peace. Then don't come into our zone. Your zone is the entire planet except for like the 17 miles within which we lived. Welcome to life. But welcome to life, honey.

If you want to dip your stick in the sweetness, you've got to pay the price. You've got to knock on the door if you want admission. You've got to ask for kettle corn if you want kettle corn. I don't want kettle corn. Then don't ask for it. You're right. Well, to get back to the main point, in this wonderful story of course, so we exist in a kind of time where people, there are swaths of the planet that have kind of...

Swaths. Completely, right. Swaths of the planet and swaths that have completely forgotten swaths. The swaths. Have forgotten about Christmas. Right. And that's the name of the people who have forgotten about Christmas. They're called swaths.

Swaths. Right. And there was a wraith. Right. So there was a period where it was weird to be a swath. Where it was illegal to be a swath. Where to be a swath was kind of like these days to be a terrorist. Yeah, because you're denying something that's so great, you're denying joy.

Exactly. Yeah. And then there was a time, like in this particular movie, there was a time when every day was Christmas. Right. Every day people were just giving to each other. Every day there wasn't even a thought of like Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. So there was a time when that was every day.

Yeah. That was every single day. Every day was just. But then people who were followers of Scrinches Grudge Clause, yeah, not PDBJSM, started going around and saying, actually, you guys, you know, not every day is Christmas. You should know that, in fact, there's only a few days per year that are Christmas. It started off that, like, you know, they convinced people that actually only 300 days out of the year, Christmas.

And they just slowly rolled it back. Yeah. They slowly rolled it back. And that started being less than half was Christmas. That's right. And then it just became. Then there was the Christmas minute, which was on December 25th at noon, like someone would give, yeah, that's it.

But then that became illegal. Yeah. And so the movie about the war on Christmas is it's happening right around that time where people are beginning to wonder, like, why do we even celebrate this minute? Like what's the point? Like this minute is distracting us from our work, which is in this new world. It's like people only, they just, they're just working all the time. They work when you sleep.

They've learned how to work when they sleep. They dream work. Yeah. You put on a helmet and you do dream work. Yeah. It's like a thing where you're like. You can get a job when you fall asleep. You drive a car, you do all kinds of stuff, you drive a loader.

Yeah. Yeah. So in this world, like. Sleep job. You just like a sleep job. Yeah. Like there's no more sleep. You're either working when you're awake.

You're working when you're asleep. And when you're, and if you're not working when you're asleep, then it's considered to be like very lazy. Oh, it's not. I mean, it's borderline illegal. Yeah. It's it's teetering on a legality because you should be probably working while you sleep. You should be working.

So yeah, that's the, that's the idea of the movie. And so in, in, in this movie, basically like what happens is there's just this tiny little memory of what was right Christmas. There was a time when every day was Christmas. And there's like a small group of people who like kind of remembered a little bit, a tiny little bit, kind of remember a little bit. And that small group of people, the keepers of Christmas, the keepers of Christmas or the Christmas keepers, they, they have a lodge.

Yeah. They have a lodge that they gather in a very small lodge that appears to be an old decrepit factory. Yeah. The factory that's been, it's been shuttered. Yeah. And it's like, oh, this is just trash. It's in the nether region.

It's designed to look dilapidated. Uh-huh. Or it's actually designed to. It's both. It happens to be dilapidated, but it's also like, yes, we like that. Basically the idea of the lodges, it brings certain types of people in and it keeps certain types of people out. That's the concept, which is that, you know, some people look at the lodge and they think,

uh, I don't know what that is. Seems like weird and antiquated. I'm not into that shit. Yeah. Because they're from like, they're from like the Sido. That's it. Yeah. They're from the Sido.

You don't understand the lodge. It's like a. It's like that. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a Thrum. I would say it's a Thrum. The Thrumming of the Lodges. The Thrumming of the Lodge is something that is only known by the keepers of Christmas. That's right.

Yeah. And what's really weird about it is that even though there are so many people in this movie who hung out at that lodge, at the lodges who actually were leaders, nobody seems to notice it. It's like nobody even thinks about it at all. The fact that like in this world, like many, many of the leaders were an artist and poets and songwriters and musicians all hung out at Christmas Lodge. They all seem to be drawn to it for some reason for some weird reason.

Most people out there in this weird world didn't even think it, it didn't, it didn't like pop in their head that there seems to be some similarity among like certain types of artists, leaders, or whatever. They all seem to go to this lodge. They don't get it. Anyway, we talked way too much about something that I think we, we, we didn't mean to talk about what we did want to talk about is something fucking amazing that has happened. They're amazing.

Johnny, why don't you explain what, what just happened with Google? Okay. So Google was now doing this thing. It's invite only Duncan and I are very lucky, obviously, to get this thing where you can basically get an email from yourself from the future. It's a crazy, it's a crazy thing. So it's your email address. It's from you obviously.

It's only you have your email address and it's from the future. There's a couple of things that I'm supposed to read here now about this real quick. Please do. Think before search. Core brand message of thinking power project. Yep. Thinking power to the people. Initial message of thinking power project.

Yep. Think, comma, think unthinkable. Final campaign message of computing. Yep. And as the last thing here is two more, two more last things. Too much thinking is a waste of time. Core message of thinking power project and brain can't compete with heart. Yeah.

So that's, so that's, that's, we have to read that and I know why. I guess it's some sort of a thing where it insulates the time differential. Whatever. I don't get it. Google, I'll do whatever they say. Yeah, man. Google. So.

We got emails. We got this freaking crazy email from the future and in the future, Johnny and I had recorded a podcast. This is outstanding. And so we're going to end this, this podcast, the DTFH in the year, what fucking year is this? 2018? 2018.

Yeah. For a second, I thought it was 2015. Yeah. It can look like a five sometimes if people have sloppy handwriting. Oh, yeah. I guess we all just agree it's 2018. So yeah, regardless of 2018, this is, we got a freaking podcast of us doing a podcast in 6,000 years in the future.

Which is crazy to me. I don't understand that. They didn't, they said that it was really far in the future, which I don't understand why it wasn't like 3,000 or even like, even, even two years would be exceptional. I didn't listen to it. Did you listen to it? I listened to it. I don't really listen to podcasts.

We're going to play. No, I don't listen to the podcast. No, I don't listen to it. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, we're going to play it for you guys. Here we go. And hopefully you will listen to it.

In the meantime, we're going to cut to a quick break and we will be right back. We won't, but the future of us. Boners. Without them, you're not going to get a William Shakespeare. You're not going to get a Stephen King. You're not going to get a Nikola Tesla or any human being at all. They're necessary for life on this planet. Much thanks to blue chew.com for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH.

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Thank you blue chew. Jason. Okay, there. Gorby. Hi. It's me, Gorby. Hello. Okay.

Wow. It's me, Gorby. Gorby. It's me, Gorby. Smell. Well hello, well hello. This is awesome. You know.

This is just really awesome. Well, here's, there's a little piece of me that feels, and I'm sorry to say it, but there's a little piece of me that just feels a little skeptical about this actually going into the past. How do I even know? Yeah. I don't know either. I mean, I feel like this is something, it's fun to be here and fun to, that it's supposed

to work, but I just don't know. There's no way to come, there's no way to confirm it. Reality of the situation is that we have to trust Google. But. Boots on the ground. Boots on the ground. Yeah. But here's the thing, because after Hyprex discovered the multiverse reality.

Not a guy. I mean, it's not a guy, but yeah. Oh my God. Two of them met Hyprex. You know what I mean? Just to smell his ray. Assuming our emails reaches that, which is Hyprex, but I don't know. I mean, it probably goes through that.

It probably goes through Hyprex's zone, but I don't think, I mean, everything goes through Hyprex. I just wonder if it's. My heart is that of Hyprex, and I know that as long as I am within this, which is Hyprex is with me. That which is. Yeah. And then that, I guess, is the email to Hyprex.

Regardless, I'm sorry that if there's any kind of like wobble in my field here, but it is a little, how do you say, speculative. Scunch. Scunchish. Yeah. To think that this is actually traveling 6,000 years into the past. I just can't even imagine that we are streaming to 6,000 years into a world where they didn't know that Christmas was every day.

Yeah. Yeah. The fact that they didn't live in that. It was something that was sort of even on the outskirts, the fact that it was like a thing where, oh, this is just a little piece we do even one day. And even that day, it's like stuff is, stuff is not in line with that on that day. Have you read the Tome of Mandraks? I read the last half.

Okay. Yeah. Perfect. That's my favorite part of the tone. Totally. You don't need, the first half is just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just a sound that confuses you to make you stop reading. Well, that's the idea.

Yeah. But if you hear that, then you know, okay, the second half. The first half of the Tome of Mandraks is called, the chapter is called The Membrane of Confusion. It's designed at- Gricks. Yeah. It's called Gricks.

But the idea is we, it's to repel people who don't have the, I guess, just the basic sense to just go further in the book. Yeah. To carry on, to plunder through, to pass by. Or just open to the part where it stops being confusing. Yeah. I think the whole idea of Gricks or what you said is to make it difficult. Wow.

To make it like, well, you know, you can't see the forest with the trees kind of thing, or maybe it's like the pond. Where does the pond start? Is it the weeds that you're near the pond? It's like a thing where, at what point are you wet? What's that? It's at what point are you wet? Right.

Because you're getting in there and you don't know. Okay, am I wet now? Am I always swimming? Or am I waiting? Right. And so it just asks people to jump all in or to just take the time to escalate. This is so funny. It's like you're quoting the Tome of Mandraks word for word, because like my favorite part

of the last half of the Tome of Mandraks is the story of Lesilis and Willys. Now, do you remember? Lesilis and Willys, they have swum. They're swimming. They're swimming far, far, far into this infinite lake of the clearest, purest, sweetest water. And Willys said, I'm thirsty. It's so funny. Yeah, it's the ultimate joke.

It's like, but you're swimming in this. You're swimming in the most drinkable of drinks. Yeah. Regardless, to those of you living in that part of the time space continuum, 6,000 years previous to where we are right now. We shine our light upon you. Hello. Hey.

Let's describe what we're seeing today, because I think it's going to make them excited. I'll tell you one thing. I don't do a lot of looking these days. It's mostly feeling. So most of what I do on my eyes are pretty much, my eyes have become one. I have one eye and it doesn't blink because it's covered with a triple layer. It's a type of special membrane. So basically it looks inward at all times.

But when it looks inward, what does it see? It sees what I'm thinking. And what we think about is what we feel. And what we feel is the beautiful, beautiful copper pyramid of reckoning. Yeah. The copper pyramid of reckoning, the K-Pore, as we call it. We hover around the copper pyramid of reckoning and we gaze upon it and wow, it's so fun. The time period that you're in, reckoning.

Hello there. Hello. Hello there. Hello. The time period that you're in, reckoning is like it sounds bad, like it's like something that happens. Yeah, like a bad thing. Like when they come clean up the lunchroom.

Here comes the reckoning, so to speak. But in the time period that we're in, reckoning is what we are. Every single moment is a reckoning. And so we float around this incredible, beautiful copper pyramid of reckoning and we just hang out. You just draw from it. You feel like the beams of energy that are invisible. Just draw.

You draw. You feel. You learn and you laugh. And it's our ships that right now, I am, the thing that I call I, is elevated in a kind of swan-shaped, crystalline, translucent, pelican that has inscribed upon it the something that I guess in your time period, you would look at it and think, is that Sanskrit? Yeah. That's who you are and I'm a giant leather rose.

It's beautiful. It's a giant rose. It's beautiful. So beautiful. Tell me why I'm just a giant rose. I'm made of leather. It is. It's so pretty.

This rose. I mean, it's not just me. It's part of all of me. All of me is in the leather rose, but I am not alone when I tell you my friends. Talk about that. Talk about the rose. Talk about your friends. Talk about the cluster of friends.

Talk about the sole cluster. If you ever looked at a rose, it's many layers. Many layers upon the layer. They didn't have roses 6,000 years ago. They did. They had roses. They had plants. Oh, they didn't?

No, no, no. But they is us because we've been around this long. We've got to tell everyone that infinite life is possible now. So that's why this is even possible. How to put it? In a time with no Christmas and no roses. Yeah. I swear we had roses, but I don't remember.

Well, that's the problem. At a point, something happened. We'll just leave it at that. And when that thing happened, there was expansion. And when the expansion happened, there was roses. And the roses were leather. So leather roses. Many leather roses.

Many. Sorry about that. I thought I'd turn my phone off. Sing the song of the leather rose. The leather rose, the leather rose. The leather rose is growing. The leather rose, the leather rose. Those petals never stop showing.

You can't stop the leather rose. You can't stop it from growing. You can pull it out from the ground. But the leather rose is still growing. You never stop the thing, you know. The leather rose is still growing. The leather rose has got those petals. All the petals are showing.

Leather rose, leather rose. Leather rose is growing. Leather rose, leather rose. Leather rose is growing. It's a Christmas rose. Sorry about that. It was my attorney. Yeah.

He makes that cool sound now. Oh, that's the other thing. Yeah. A lot of things are just sounds now. Yeah. That was one of the wonderful parts of the expansion. You know, sound. How to put it.

Sound in your world. The world without Christmas. And by the way, I hope I don't sound condescending. Oh, you know, no Christmas. And I've never seen the sweetness of the copper pyramid or smell the leather rose. I mean, it's, it's, you can't help it. You can't help it at this point.

What? Be condescending. It's like just sort of how, how can you possibly? I don't want to be rude. Well, I think it's too late. I mean, a part of me wants just to do the thing. I think you should just do it. You understand that?

You understand that? You imitative idiot. That's my banana. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Well, you did it. I didn't mean to. Now you got it out.

You got it out of the way. It's still in there though. Get away from my tree. I bet they've never even thought about leather rose. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry me.

Sorry me. Hey Duncan. Hey Johnny. Sorry. Sorry guys. You're going to have to figure it out. Don't worry. You figure it out.

You guys are going to like the princesses. And you'll love the princesses and you figure it out. You figure it out. Every one of you, you figure it out. That's the good news. It's just right before the expansion. There's the thing. It's a little turbulent.

Well, the thing. The thing. The thing. The thing. Oh, the thing. Ringling ding dong. Ding ding dong. Ding ding ding.

I don't want to focus on the thing. The thing. It smells. The thing. It dwells. On top of the pyramid. Oh hell's bells. They ring.

They ring. And they've rung. And they've rung. And oh, here come down the angels. And listen how they've sung. What did you say? You said it in past tense. Yes.

I said it from wits. Cam. They once wince. What do you mean when you say they did dong-ing? They did a ding. They did a ding. They did a big bong. Bonging.

They rung. And they ripped. And they scraped. And they scratched. And they thonged. And they thonged. And they hissled. And they thunk.

And they thrashed. And they sang there. But the thing that I'm singing is the thing that I know. That's a song that I say about an honesty song. And this is another part of the, in the future, weirdly, many of us, when we wake in the morning, what you call waking, we don't really sleep or wake. When we wake in the morning as you, we call waking. We sing something that is known as the, the honesty thong.

It's the honesty thong. Honesty thong. It goes a little bit like this. We'll just play it for you very quickly. Let's see if we can find the honesty thong for you here. You have to queue it up for the membrane. Any time, would you mind, Johnny, just reciting a few passages from the Tome of Mandrex? Sure.

No problem. Here we go. The Tome of Mandrex reads as follows. I have to sound this on the Tome Whistle. Dutch Wish. Kipple Snip. Crackle Cash. Breaveman Gorp Kettle.

Stumble Cash. Scamp Candle. Dwarven Curve Bettle. And those are the words that they've established for us at this moment in time. Now you have to ask yourself a few questions. The first question you should ask yourself is, do all clothes have holes? Do all? Think about the words I'm saying.

Think about the letters that make up those words. Do all clothes have holes? Are those the same words that... The same letters of the same words that make up the words that are inside the thing that I've said? Also, do clothes all of them have holes? Do all clothes have holes? Do all clothes have holes? We'll answer this very important question right after this.

An eternal thank you to the warlocks and sorcerers and clerics and paladins and beings of light over at the Squarespace Mega Complex for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. Sweet friends, Squarespace is the very service that I used to create DuncanTrustle.com. If you want to see a Squarespace website, head over to DuncanTrustle.com. They use beautiful templates so you can mix and match templates together and create a glorious website that you can use for your business. You can use it as for activism. You know, I've heard lots of people out there creating their own stop drinking crows milk websites,

which is very important for the movement. But not only that, you can create websites to invite people to parties. You can create websites to make announcements. You don't have to limit yourself to just making a website for your very upscale, brand new egg diner in Brooklyn. You can make a website because you just feel like it. You can make a website and offer it to the forces of cacophony that throb and thrum around our planet at every single moment. Check it out. Forcesofcacophonythrumming.com is available right now. All you got to do is go over to squarespace.com forward slash Duncan and start a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, you can use offer code Duncan to get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain. They got everything you need at sizes to every phone. You got wonderful shopping cart options and you will find it to be a flawless experience. If you want to make a very complex website, you can do it at Squarespace. But if you need to get something up real quick, Squarespace will help you with that as well. Once again, it's squarespace.com forward slash Duncan. Use offer code Duncan and you'll get 10% off your first order of a website or domain. You can try it out for free just to make sure it's what you're looking for.

Thank you so much, Squarespace. After all, we shared everything you and I. I told you my deepest, darkest secrets. I showed you exactly what people are capable of. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. My honesty dong, I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs.

I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. I shocked you with my honesty thongs. That's the honesty thong. It's a great song that reminds me of a lot of things. Whenever we wake up. It reminds me of good old days by gone and by gone those days be. Now, here in the future, eggs and baking, you guys might get a little kick out of this.

Recently, Johnny and I gotten what you would call a, where's my banana? Email and from the future. We got one. So we in turn are, so yeah, obviously we're 6,000 years in the future. Talking to you now, 6,000 years in the past, but it's your present. We, they call it the present still. Yeah, that's so funny. Where's my banana?

What's a rose look like? What do we know about banana, sir? What's Christmas? I've never heard of Christmas. Who's Christmas? It's a thing. We got an email from us in the future. So through our technology, we can take from the few from our future and put it in our

quote unquote present and send it to you in your presence. So we're just going to stop this, this, this podcast with us from 6,000 years in the future. And here is a podcast that was sent to us from us 10 million years in the future. Did you listen to it? Of course not. I don't listen to podcasts either. No, I was too busy. But yeah, we're just going to send, we're going to play this now and it was very nice chatting

with you. I hope you find your bananas. I hope you find your bananas. Don't forget what's yours is yours and what is it yours, who you should get. That's who they were into. They earned a property back then. Oh yeah, they were super in property. This is mine.

Oh my God. Mine. I haven't heard that word in so long. Mine. Mine. Isn't it funny that that word mine is also that thing you put in the ground here to kill people? A mine.

Like an indiscriminate form of killing? Yeah, they didn't know that that was like encoded in there by God. Yeah, a mine. Yeah, they didn't know that a land mine was just like a desperate attempt from like the future God. Doesn't matter if it worked. But they were still there. Give me back my banana.

Mine. I'm going to build a wall. That's mine. I'm going to build a wall around my banana. Miners. Sorry, guys. Let me get a city. That's my banana.

Sorry, guys. That's my banana. It's so funny. You guys are so funny. Play that future message. All right, guys, we're going to cut to a quick break. In the meantime, we want you guys to enjoy. You probably can't enjoy anything because you still think that you're a you.

They still think they're a you. They're a thing. I got one thing to tell you right now. Breaks your snakes and lakes your cakes. Don't do that. Don't do that. Sorry. Breaks your snakes and lakes your cakes.

Don't do that. Do you want to start a black hole? That could start a black hole. If I say two more words, it will start it. You're right on the precipice. I'm not going to say it. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Stop. Our snakes, lakes, our cakes. Don't be lame. I'm not going to do it. Breaks your snakes. Lakes your cakes. Don't do the next two words. Please.

Just are. Don't do it. It's us. It's us. It's us. It's us. I won't say it. What do you do that?

It's like breaks your snakes. Lakes your cakes. Stop it. Please. Breaks your fakes. Don't do that, man. That's not even funny. You're so freaking close.

Don't annihilate us, please. I hate being annihilated. When did you get annihilated last? Just 20 minutes ago. Stop doing it. It fucking hurts, man. I'm still at the place. Breaks your snakes.

Lakes your cakes. I'm still at the place where it hurts to be annihilated, man. No joke. I really do not like it. I really mean that. I love you. I consider you my best friend, but I do not like to be annihilated. Look, just tell me if you want it or not.

I don't want it. I don't want it. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do it. I do. I do it, man. Please don't, please don't.

No, sheesh. Don't do it, please don't do it man. Wait wait, hold on, just wait. Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Please don't. Please don't. Mm-hmm. Give it like 10 seconds please.

Yeah. Please, just give it 10 seconds. You know what fuck is saying. I don't give a fuck. Breaks her snakes. Lakes her cakes. Rakes her steaks. Jesus Christ!

Starting with the schicka. I do. What the fuck is this? I don't give a fuck and... lernate. Hi. Nothing.

Nothing. I have no idea what you're saying. Okay, you can stop yourself. No worries, you can stop yourself. But now this is up to this world or the nightmare of having Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

It's literally right now. That never stops freaking me out. That moment when you did the annihilatory thing and you created the black hole and I said I hate annihilation. Every single time you do that we end up exactly back at this point right now. There's like a second where I'm like man I wish

I were in the future but then I'm just so happy to be with you because we're back where we started. Johnny I don't care where we are. When I'm with you I feel happy and I guess I don't know if that's like what you're teaching me or what it just is. So that's a cool thing and I think it's worth sending this one backwards to time. I'll send it back into the time

I guess from once it came. Wow okay. So gold is worth something. You'll get that joke later on. But definitely remember that joke. Tell them about the Dodgers. I'm telling them. I don't want a black hole. It's too much work. It's not that I don't want to.

It's like tipping over a dump truck. It's fun to watch. There's an old saying. It's a new saying to you. It's a future saying. It's old to us. To them it's new. They've never heard it before. They've never heard it. This is going to seem completely new to you guys but Jesus Christ. If I hear it one more time I swear to God I'm going to go nuts.

If you're trying to be quiet it's easy to make a lot of noise. Yeah. I'm sorry. I remember the first time I heard it. If you're trying to be quiet it's easy to make a lot of noise. When I heard it it's the first time it seemed cool. It's a cone. Oh I hate those things. They smell bad too.

The taste is just not what I would want to taste. The fact that they forced you to taste them is absurd. They taste bad but you can't not taste anything that tastes bad. If that's not marketing I don't know what is. To me and again I never wanted to get political. These are the same people who want you to taste them. They're the same people who believe in Christmas. They're also lodge folk.

To taste or not to taste, one thing's for sure. Thank you so much for appearing on this episode. Much thanks to our wonderful sponsors Squarespace, Blue Chew and Robin Hood for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. And much thanks to Johnny Pemberton for appearing on this episode of the DTFH. Try out his beautiful podcast. Live to tape. All the links you need to find my dear Johnny will be located at DuncanTrussell.com

If you enjoy this podcast give us a nice rating on iTunes. Subscribe and prescribe. Love and joy to yourself and to your friends in the coming new years. Hare Krishna, until next time, I shall see you when I see you. Goodbye. All in style. Dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford and Jay Farar. Oh and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable.

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