Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 339: Jay Larson

Episode Date: June 1, 2019

Jay Larson, host of The Thruline and one of the funniest storytellers walking the face of the earth today, joins the DTFH! This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site). Check out David Nichtern's meditation teacher training program here.

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Greetings to you, friends. It is I, Dee Trussell, and you are listening to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast, and we have a glorious podcast for you today

with a great Jay Larson. We're gonna jump right into that, but first, some quick business. Much thanks to the beautiful Saints over at Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. Head over to Squarespace.com, forward slash Dunkin', and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Dunkin' to get 10% off

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use offer code Duncan, and you will get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Thank you, Squarespace. Before I forget pals on June 7th, I'm going to be doing a... I guess you could call it a podcast. It's a conversation with David Nickturn,

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by someone who's in one of the wildest lineages of Buddhism ever, then this is definitely a great course for you to take. Okay, loves, without further ado, I present to you one of the funniest storytellers walking the face of the earth today. If you want to see a great comedy special,

check out Me Being Me. You can find that by going to jlarsoncomedy.com. Now, everybody, please welcome the host of the through-line podcast, the great Jay Larson. My friends. Jay, welcome to the DTFH, my friends. Baby, I love it.

I love you. You're so awesome, man. I did your when I did your podcast. You left. I felt happy for like a week after hanging out with you. Me too, bro. Cool. You know, it's funny as I was like talking to a buddy of mine on

the way here and told almost come with you and I'm like, God, he's like, he's like the most peaceful creature. And then we're walking in together and you're like, you know what fucking makes me mad? And I was like, Duncan, you get mad. Dude, I mean, this is a good this is like a thing that is like a danger because if you like, yeah, you some people don't want to admit that.

Yeah. For some reason. What did they get mad? Yeah. Or that they're people want to like peaceful people. They get home and their assholes. I was just reading about this. It's like on stage and off stage.

And so like you can never believe the way someone acts on stage. You got to be a fly on the wall. Yeah. When they're getting weird male or bad bills or you know what I mean? What's a weird male? You know what I was like, you know, some unexpected massive fucking bill or a peanut or whatever the fuck because it's

like on stage. Anybody can act like same as like online on social media. Yeah. Everyone can look beautiful, but just I always have to constantly remind myself like that's not everything. No way. No way. No way.

And it's tricky and then you'll start going nuts. So like any time I can, I try to admit like, oh, no, man, I get fucking pissed just to make sure that like, you know, like in the old days of media, this you would have static personalities in the sense you'd see like Jay Leno and he's pretty much the same Jay Leno every night. David Letterman, same David Letterman every night. A little more grumpy than Leno, which was awesome.

Totally. Because you'd see him go being a bad fucking mood and it was cool. Like it made people excited. But then you watch Sean Hannity. I don't know if you watch Fox. I I I hate watch Fox all day fucking long and like and I love it.

Like I when I say hate watch, I mean, I love it. It's like it's an inner. He's an entertainer. But when you see Hannity O'Reilly, Rachel Maddow, I don't care what side of the political spectrum, you only see the same persona pretty much true. I've seen some guys switch over like Don Lemon. He is just totally, you know, Don Lemon.

Yeah, sure. He's totally just throwing the towel and be like, I'm not a journalist anymore. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm on the left and I'm gonna be he's like, huh, you know, take, take a look at the clip. Yeah. And you're just like, oh dude, remember like journalists used

to be in the middle. They were to report the news. That's just not the case anymore. They were like robots. Yeah. And they would say in this kind of like we and I think that was the idea of the journalistic pattern was that it was to not convey bias.

You were just supposed to be like, but about about about about about about about about about about about about about and then they started conveying bias and then the whole thing got split apart. And now you don't know what the fuck you're watching because on one side, it's like all representing one paradigm on the other side. It's another and everyone's like, oh, fuck it.

It's all just entertainment. Yeah. No shit at this point. But you know, anytime anybody breaks their character for the world, it's usually a gift because usually I've noticed like this shit I'm embarrassed about or I'm trying to hide anytime I finally admit it. That's when people be like, thanks for saying that a hundred

percent. That's when people relate to you because you're being vulnerable and I saw I was with my buddy the night who's an architect and I go, uh, you probably don't go through this, but I'm like, and as a comedian, I have certain I had like a bad day the other day and like you ever have those days where you just start off and things are a little off like even as much as like you get to an intersection and you go to wave someone

on them and they look at you like, go ahead, Dick face and you're like, what did I do? Yeah. And then for the rest of the day, it's like that and I was like, I get to the the comedy store and I had a weird interaction with two comics. I'm like, oh, no, is this going to happen on stage and I went to the green room and it was a weird.

I'm like, I'm I'm a little off right now and I was telling him about this and he goes, no, yeah, I have those days. What do you think? It's just you because I have days that I'm like, do people see me? Am I even alive? You know, and he's an architect and I'm like, oh, all right. Yeah, we're all going through the same stuff.

It's just a matter of being willing to admit it and be vulnerable so people can let themselves in and be like, oh, thank God you feel that way. Yeah. Yeah, that's like the people do not trust or the people who seem to be universe like universally enlightened and that's when you like quite, you know, people get disappointed all the fucking time.

Like how often do you hear about this? But Tony Robbins, for example, that just came out on Buzzfeed about Tony Robbins. What? Oh, I don't like him. It was a like a me too thing. He was taking showers in front of people according to Buzzfeed. Not I don't.

It's like, you know, he hasn't been to court yet. I don't know how much of it's real or not. But it's, you know, and so what ends up happening is like a massive disappointment because people when they see Tony Robbins, when they see so anybody like that, they hold them to this expectation of being perfect or God like. Yeah. And if they if you let people do that to you, you are fucking

up man because you can only disappoint them unless you're actually God like like if you were a God, then you have to let people know I am like I'm not fallible. I am like a perfect being of love and light a transcendent entity channeling the cosmos and I don't I don't you have to tell you can't do you can't what I'm saying is theoretically and I really mean theoretically if you were to get enlightened Jay and you probably will you would have to be honest about

that too. Yeah. You wouldn't get to lie and be like, no, I don't I get pissed off. I feel horrible. Sometimes you have to like I actually am happy all the time, which is the other side of it, which is weird. You ever get to that point where you're like getting like

some you're hitting a stride. You're in the fucking zone. You're hit. You're like crushing it. You've got some fucking heat and you are maybe around friends who are not necessarily there and you want to lie or summon up negativity to harmonize with their reality because you feel like you're you're successful offend them.

Yes, 100% and I also have been on the other side of the coin me too, where you're like I can feel people pulling away for me that are doing well. Like ever have a friend who's like crushing and got something really good going on and you're trying to you can see it like it took me a long time to see that though because now we're at the point where we're talking about before, you know, we have friends that are like everyone's on all your friends

at this point. We've been in the game this long are on a show have a show we're trying to like four of us are trying to figure out a golf date and everyone's got a TV show and I'm like the only moment on a TV show and I'm like, all right, but I don't I can so I've been on both sides. I've felt myself being like, oh shit, like I can't talk about what's good for me right now and then I've been on the other

one where I'm like, oh man, I start bringing up like what sucks and I see them kind of like pull away or adjust and you're like, oh God, just don't bring it up Jay. Just like don't bring it up like you'll get there, you know. Well, this is to me. I remember once I was in New York with Ari Ari was is crushing it usually and I realized he was padding his description of what was happening to him because he

recognized that he was crushing it and at the time I was not yeah and it made me feel so bad because I'm like motherfucker but he could sense that like, you know, I would I hate having to exert a magnanimous attitude towards a friend who's having success and it's hurting me and you're like, I don't the fact that this is hurting me shows that right now I am like in a weird spot. Yeah.

So what do you do in that? Do you like just back away and give them space? Because I did this happened to me recently with a friend and they got a show and there was kind of like this promise that I was going to get be involved and I never asked they came to me about it. You're going to be this you're going to do this and I was like cool and I never and then they got picked up and then

they went radio silence and then I was like hey is there a thing there and they're like oh blah blah blah and I didn't get it and then they wrote me this long apology that they didn't need to do you know what I mean? I was like yeah I never expected anything. Yeah. And then they got there and then all of a sudden their life becomes consumed with that that thing because it takes so much

time as I'm sure you're I can't I can't you can't say that well I'm you mean the my my the my seashells I've been collecting consumed with a collection of seashells you know when you have something that consumes you like that yes you've seen our friends go through it and then I kind of just like so I was like before they went to go do this show I sent to like a long email saying like yo crush this you earned this like just gave like a motivational thing and saying like

congrats and then we talked once and then like we just I was like I'm gonna let them do their thing I know they're busy and then they reach out to me like hey you round tomorrow to like talk and I was like yeah and then like we talked and we talked for like a half hour and he's like yo I just wanted to like catch up and like touch base and I was like kind of like had to like leave it on his terms to call me because I was just like I don't know wasn't that I didn't know where I fit

I just kind of want to give him space to do what he need to do and not feel like I was like padding in a way to think I don't want him to think I don't want to get in his head while he's doing what he needs to do to think that he may owe me anything you know I'm saying yeah so when he reached out as soon as he reached out was like yeah I'll call you but and then I called me wasn't there so I called three hours later like I'm like I'll stay on it to make sure the call happens

and we it was awesome yeah there's a wall it's like the problem is it is really hard to not be selfish like you you know like we're stuck in a body and and you look down and you see your body and you look in the mirror and you see your face and you no matter how you try to get out of it if you have a body then you are literally at the center of your own universe there's no way to not be like self centered and then we live in a world where like that self centered

attitude is like taught as the way to be yeah like our foot how many like one and ran live by it and thinks every artist should live by it do you what do you subscribe to that philosophy I don't subscribe to and ranism or anything like that but there's another name for it philosophical I'm not very familiar I'm not sure I just you know I love the fountainhead I love that damn book it was amazing to me I never got through it like I started every time I start

reading it but it's it's some kind of like it's capitalism right it's like the no yeah but like almost like self capitalism you know what I mean like you do whatever you need to do and we see it with artists like you become your art becomes more important than anything else and no one excuse me around you is gonna matter you know what I mean like you're gonna be like oh yeah sorry it's my art or it's my passion for her it was like artists and people in general

you should pursue whatever your ultimate goal is and I think it had something to do with her idea of like you know of karma for her like karma wasn't a thing that was you know dependent upon how you act towards other people you just go for what you need to go for okay yeah I've heard this before this is kind of like your desires or the thing or your dreams it's like that's the the same thing that like makes a caterpillar turn into a butterfly and that's not a thing to be ashamed of

it's not a thing to like the worst thing you could do is subvert that impulse to please someone else because the universe wants butterflies it doesn't want mushy fucking cocooned up things it yeah yeah I'm on the fringe of all that I think I'm not full on to anything I look at it like yeah that's 100% true and recently I've been finding the more I just focus on my own constitution and my family and what my goals are without like stepping on people to get to those

things you know to still be considered to still be mindful to still look at situations and be like oh you know be careful about that person because they're in a fragile place right now so maybe you don't bring up X and I'll always say it to my wife like hey just a heads up when we go there today will you do me a favor and make sure to say to so and so's wife because I know he told me she's been sensitive about stuff and like I just think I always metal a little bit because I

think that's what love is it's like you see something that someone's going through and you make a point like hey maybe it's not organic for you to ask them to go to yoga together but like I think she could really use it just by something that she told me because I look at it I'm like well I hope people do that for me you know like every now and then I'm like I wish my wife would tell my friends like hey jay's been going through a tough a tough time you know maybe you you

know what I mean and because I think that like we all need someone to like keep an eye on us you know yeah because it's kind of like okay the whole and ran fucking like art thing or whatever the fulfillment of your own personal desires and all that stuff on one level it totally makes sense but what comes to mind to me is my new experience being a dad my new experience being a husband the living in a family and that fucking shit does not fly in that situation if I'm started

if I you know what I mean if I'm like in any time I've tried to exert that energy is like listen I need to like this this thing's got to get done I got to go down and play on my sense yeah it's so embarrassing and it hurts it doesn't feel right whereas like the moment I kind of like give that up and just hold my son or try to help a little bit more than my selfish fucking ass in my habits and instincts tell me to yeah it's like instantaneous lightning up to the point where whatever

thing I was trying to shit out whatever my fucking idea of like some half baked idea of making some like pseudo radio head synth track when I was high and fucking ketamine or something seems like some dumb basic essentially misunderstanding of what it means to exist in the world in a happy way yeah well I think at the same time there are times when my wife will say stuff like hey do you want me to like take the kids tomorrow morning and then you can just like you know have some

time to yourself and I'm just like oh yeah yeah I love that yeah and that's not luckily when you have a really good partnership that's her being unselfish and allowing me to be selfish without me having to be like selfish at the same time I still think it's healthy to be like to ask for that time you know I mean like hey you know what like I need some space and I need some time like my son was a perfect example where at this like kids fair on Saturday at their school

we've been there four hours that's a lot they're like run around Kate and I volunteered two hours each and then we're with the kids and my son like asked me to pick them up which he never does and he's like daddy I guess I need some alone time I was like you got it bro ago can we get out of here most like yeah and like you know never times with my kids I say it all time like I need some space dude I'm gonna need some space you gotta go right over there just go over there

and play I need a little space and they're like okay and they just they the great thing about the kids at that age is they don't take things personally especially if you tell them don't take this personal I just need some space dad needs to breathe and then I wait like my 20 minutes and then I go over and grab them hug them kiss them be like what do you want to do and then we do something but he knows hey did you have fun that whole time I was taking my space and of course they were

you're a great dad I I appreciate that but I try and I still have faults fuck yeah I mean you gotta have thoughts if you're gonna be a great dad yeah he wants a perfect fucking dad a perfect dad is a recipe for for disaster what did you did did I tell you when we did the podcast so I don't know if I told you this but like one time my wife is out town I'm with the two kids I'm giving him I had this plan for how the night was gonna go and I had the house set up and it just kept I just

kept hitting obstacle after obstacle with the kids and like they were in wacky moods and my son just kept getting grouchy and then he cried cuz he was upset about like he just wanted to go his way and I had this plan that was gonna be perfect for the night and it just like then I snapped and I yelled at him and then he cried even more and then I was like I go you know what come over here to the couch before dinner and I go listen I'm sorry I shouldn't yell at you like that I I had an

idea and it didn't go that way I go but something else you need to know about dad I go dad runs a little hot every now and then I'm gonna I'm gonna yell or I'm gonna get upset I go but it's not about you I'm working at it and he's three years old mind you and I'm telling him all this stuff and I go so you understand I'm not mad at you this is just something with me and he goes okay dad and now the other day like now they know like there are times that I like yell and they go okay and

they do it but they never take it personal and I don't know if it registered or not or if it was right or if it was wrong but I'm just like man I wonder if anyone in my family have ever just accepted my dad for who he was and said to us like your dad just being a loon right now give him space get away from your dad he's being a dick you know what I mean if we would have just if everyone might have just reacted differently to him fuck yeah I don't know but that's how it's going to my

house if you if my dad had said that to me at any point in my life yeah it would have been so empowering to our relationship and I would have felt so much more comfortable around him yeah so much more connected that that kind of display of vulnerability but also mixed in with like but I'm your dad yeah and this is the way it is you know and this so that you're not like going to them as a therapist or some are not burdening them with having to be more than a three year old you're just saying

this is the terrain we're on right now yeah and you know I it gave me this flashback when I was like I've been in LA for like two years and I worked at the cheesecake factory in Brentwood and all the dudes there would like play hoops at this like gym on like Tuesday mornings and I would get heated because I'm super competitive like I would get heated and so finally I went to my buddy I'm like hey man I'm not coming anymore and he's like why not I'm like I don't like who I am

when I play I get too aggressive and it's like you know I just don't feel good and he goes that's what we love about you like we love that you get heated like that and it was the first time I'm like oh they're not asking me to change they're like yeah we know that about you it's like having a friend that's a dickhead do you have any friends that are like just a little bit of a douche yes but you know they're a douche and they're not hiding it and you're like

yeah that's what we kind of love about him yeah you're a douche yeah this attitude is when I'm trying to adopt more and more because my one big fault I have is this weird like trying to fix people thing yeah and so and nobody wants that like nobody wants to be fixed people just like to be listened to yeah that's what I've like noticed and it seems to be kind of the ultimate ultimate if you're around somebody to just listen yeah and not just listen with your ears but with your eyes

and listen with your whole body yeah and just listen just that that seems to be and that means so that someone's you know a douche or whatever the fuck it is if you just let them like you're saying allow the space within which they can be that it's like paradoxically suddenly their douche quality kind of like begins to dissolve because and it's them you know it's just like sometimes people you can't have you can't when you when you say you're at 70% energy in your body right

and you get a Snickers so you go up to 120 yeah you're coming down to 20 now because you went up 50 now you're going to come down 50 yeah you need it there's got to be a balance in the world there's going to be douchey people yeah why do we need to change everyone there wouldn't be humor without douchey people there wouldn't you know there you have to have negative quality no one's going to be perfect and the second we put that expectation for the which is why I think like Yelp is a

huge problem everyone being able to have an opinion is a huge problem when we were kids you would go to crappy restaurants you would just do that with your family and you'd like my why do we come here and she goes I don't know it's close this is where we go and now it's like if people don't have like the ultimate experience they take a place down and you're like no one can be held to this level of perfection no what I mean what are you doing it's never gonna happen like the

whole game of Thrones thing everyone was like what a terrible season and you're like what do you want them to do and why are you turning on them now yeah they gave you glorious entertainment for years and they're like we gotta end sometime yeah sorry Seinfeld the last two seasons of Seinfeld those characters were written for the characters that developed over seven years right you know so they came a little hammy and everyone's there was and you just like all right yeah whatever yeah man

it's just it it's just what it is it's like the the you ever hear this this so like the amount of energy the brain apparently exerts to filter out shit seventeen point eight percent yeah seventy boy maybe more than that because so much extraneous stuff is going down that you have to spend all this energy ignoring shit right and that's why I do TM do you do TM yeah did that happen after Twin Peaks yes but it wasn't because of David Lynch okay well we'll put a pin in that and

get back to you real quick but yeah it is connected to TM and and the which is essentially the idea is that the so if Game of Thrones is seriously upsetting you that's painful yeah that's just basic pain so like a show that was meant to be something entertaining is hurting you yeah and so it's hurting you to the point that you're going online and you're signing petitions to get it redone and you're emailing people and if you just sit still for a second and feel what that feels like you'll realize

like oh my god this is burning me like I'm being burnt by an expectation and that's called being caught and interesting and so yeah and so the idea is like from every we all have it it's not just Game of Thrones it's like a good God the fucking speaking of Seinfeld man I can't watch Seinfeld why because of that bass lick in it that I don't know what I like I've thought to myself like did something happen to me when I was a kid where there was like a Seinfeld ass bass lick happening

simultaneously so that I have some repressed memory connected to that fucking sound because my reaction to the Seinfeld bass does not match a Seinfeld bass it means like something happened to me when I was hearing about but the bow I don't know what and I don't want to know right now what it is but what I mean is I don't get to enjoy Seinfeld not because Seinfeld sucks but because I'm stuck there yeah right and so the more of those things you have in your life the more pain you're going

to be in and the less of those things you have in life the more you're going to fucking love your life that's like shit where'd it go oh man I had it right here hold on what was it it's the Zen book well anyway the there it starts off with this what's the name of it the problem is that's the problem I can never remember the name of these books the Zen in the art of motorcycle maintenance you can make it you know river and stream there were the dude have you ever seen rivers and

tides no documentary rivers and tides I'll remind you if everyone out there rivers and tides as well as artists who goes out into the wilderness and this is what his art is he takes he takes things in in the world and then just turns them into art and some of them only last like at one point he goes to this river and he collects it goes around and forges for this red clay that's like buried in the river yeah and then he collects it all turns into a big ball right

yeah and goes to the top of the river and drops it in and when it lands the water just goes turns like metallic red from the clay and it lasts I don't know 20 seconds and then it's done wow but he does other things like builds these structures and like he's just he's fucking right so he's like working with impermanence he's like that's his medium I don't know but I that's the name of my new my new autobiography working with impermanence working with impermanence well

this is the is the medium I guess that we're dealing with and this is why our brains get so fucked up when a friend is like having some success or when we're having some success and a friend isn't is because we can so easily forget this is not a permanent experience it's like when you run into someone and it's very rare whenever I run into it man I kind of enjoy it but when you run into someone experiencing a little temporary success who's managed to get a big fucking head and

you realize they're like acting I rarely see this it's a stereotype yeah the person who's got some fame and turns into a deep hard-baked fuckhead right yeah you know what I haven't seen that really that much either I've seen I was a talent coordinator at the comedy store I remember once during the entire time yeah and it was shocking to the point of being like I wanted to be around it because it's like wow it's a real dick like someone whose fame is actually gone to their

head they're actually alienating people imagining that this is going to last and it's like man it doesn't it can't last similarly you run into people in the opposite situation where there's a little drought happening and it is going to their fucking head because they think this is going to last and so now they're also acting in an imbalanced way completely out of fear not realizing like oh no man you'll get some success don't worry it's going to come it'll happen and then

that's going to go away too and so this is the nature of the beast so to speak and the more I get caught on either side of that fucking spectrum the more I'm not able paradoxically to do the activities or to do the creative output it would make anything worthwhile yeah because my brain is trying to hold on to one spot right yeah well you know what when you said earlier I when I was saying you I had that that day where everything seemed a little off I had been like two months so not since

I had like had an off day you know I mean for like two months I've been like good moods everything was going well even though I wasn't like work things weren't popping or whatever I was content within my world you know what I mean family wife everything I was content and then I had this day and I'm like oh I haven't felt one of these days in a minute whereas there have been other times where you know you go months with like horrible days and you're like what the fuck man how do I

get out of this and then you get out for two days and then you'll come back to it and so yeah you have to find it's for me when I find the balance within myself and I'm just focused on what I can do within myself you know what I mean that's all that's when everything seems to like straighten out fuck yeah yeah and that is finding that spot is the that it's always there it's like you know like you know so for me I'm anxious I get anxiety and I can distract myself from the anxiety

and even imagine the anxiety is not there but it's still there it's an undercurrent would what what gives it to you do you know. Oh my God. I'll tell you on the next time I do your podcast only because here's this too much it will go on and on yeah but but one of my teachers Ramdas says it's these levels are happening all at once yeah so on one level you are maybe absolutely terrified about losing everything for me you know like the paradox of having a baby is like you know we put

him down and he stops crying and he goes to sleep yeah and then you're like oh my God is he okay yeah for sure you know what I mean and it's under there it's under there and you have to sort of like divert your attention from that level to the next level which is like actually he's sleeping peacefully and if I go into check on him neurotically it's going to create tears dude one of the first things ever when I was having a kid so like you know people family members send you like gifts and

stuff like that you know cribs changing table all that kind of shit well my my mother-in-law's friend sent us this mat you put under the mattress and if the baby doesn't roll over or move every 20 minutes it beeps and it like prevents it's right wow so we're like we're getting the room ready and I'm putting this thing in and I'm sitting with my wife and I go what are we doing? She's like what do you mean? I go are we really going to live in a world where we need something to help us feel

safer about the fact that we're not going to lose the thing that we love? I'm like get this in the fuck out of here I don't I don't want that why are we ever going to why don't we just get a rubber car you know what I mean like what are we doing? Yeah life is going to happen and let's live it freely and let things whatever happens to us happens and we'll deal with it but I would rather live freely than and she was like hundred percent I mean she doesn't always agree like sometimes I'll

leave the house unlocked at night and she'll be like you know you left the house unlocked last night and I'm like I go yeah and she goes that doesn't concern you and I'm like we're still here they didn't get us last night we'll lock it tonight in case they come by but we're good. I will realize I haven't locked up the house I will be laying there yeah thinking like about forensic files knowing the alarm isn't set the house is unlocked yeah and then I'll just drift off to sleep thinking

like well hope we don't get strangled roll a dice tonight hope I don't wake up tied up yeah like that the the what the golden state killer you know that motherfucker would tie up the husband and like put plates on his head so that if he moved in the plates dropped in the while he was like raping the wife you know Jesus don't get that's neither here nor there I'm sorry to bring it up but that's definitely set your security so I gotta get a better chair every time I move it

sounds like I'm farting so this to me is is like one of the amazing things about you is that you have the most simultaneously edgy personality and this like amazing wild comedian true comedian self that seems really well balanced with being a dad and a lot of times comedians are not so how would you say family oriented some are but you seem to have really in some way or another like you just seem to have a natural talent for being a father and I can't think

of anything better than that to be on the planet like if I had to pick between being the funniest person that ever walked the face of the earth and being a good dad I've become so fucked up that I would rather be a good dad and that's a mess isn't it no I think that's exactly what you want to be you know what I mean I would always want to be a good dad instead you're saying it's fucked up for you to want to be a better dad but you know but that's that's the selfish thing you've

been talking about like letting go of because if you want to be the best comedian of all time you're going to be selfish if you're going to be even if you're going to be remotely successful you're going to be selfish if you look at all the top comedians right now do you think Kevin Hart I'm not saying Kevin Hart can't be the best dad I'm not saying that but how much is he doing so how much are you home you know what I mean now granted we have FaceTime he's clearly providing financially

but at the same time you're just like well how much are you able to help your kids with a tiny problem that will help them deal with giant problems down the road right you know I mean so for me I put it this way the other day my son we did a trip to Boston together three weeks ago just me and him first time ever and he never takes showers he still takes baths and like I we kept saying like hey when you turn five you can take showers he's like yeah daddy and he never did so we went on

the trip I'm like you know what we're gonna do this trip because we'll go showers bro and he's like okay dad and now he's taking a shower every day since he loves him so the other day we were home and my wife was with my daughter and I was like hey bud you want to grab a quick shower and he's like yeah so we hop in there and I'm sitting there and he's like I'm standing on the water with half the water getting on him and half on me and he's like you know this toys and he's

standing there just playing talking and I'm looking at him and I'm like not only have I never did I ever take a shower with my dad I never learned how to shower from my dad I never learned how to shave from my dad and I never that I can remember because he left when I was two slept under a roof in the same house with my dad whoa my son in the morning will get up come in the bed at like 715 be like hey dad and I'm like hey big boy sometimes we'll just chill you know my wife's

there sometimes he goes to my wife like whatever they wake us up which is the greatest thing in the world that never happened ever in my life wow and I was just sitting there taking a shower with him and being like God how amazing is this like I'm so I love that we get to I taught him how to shower and now we're just chilling in here and he gets to like the idea of being comfortable around his dad with his family I mean we're not gonna take showers together

forever you know and I took a shower with my dad until he passed we took showers every day that I was with him are you for real no I was really fucked up to fuck with me like that I'm like Jesus Duncan how old were you and your dad passed you know what I mean but like so for me when you say that I have this new philosophy that at least for this like idea that I'm working on that parenting skips a generation whoa you know what I mean because like I'm sitting there

looking at it and I'm like oh I didn't have anyone to parent me my dad didn't parent me my mom's a single mom of four she's doing her best and now I'm coming in and I'm looking at my kids and now granted my wife came from a super solid background her parents are still together they and I'm not saying parents need to stay together they they just still need to be parents and be communicative and I'm not saying my mom was an amazing woman and parent and a lot

of things but I think I said this when we were chatting on my podcast is like my mom never said hey today's your dad's birthday you need to give him a call you know and that would be her being unselfish that would be her no matter how bad she hated him that should be an element of parenting and being a mother is saying you need to have a father in your life right you need to call your father you need you need that to be that was never a case in my house and what I don't know

my dad's birthday you know I don't know I never knew his birthday I never knew their wedding anniversary I never knew any of that you know like it just wasn't something that like ever came up that means my dad was having birthdays by himself somewhere with his wife or whoever whatever he was doing and we were off living our life not a part of his day and that to me if you look first of all I'm a firm believer that every single one of us is connected through somewhere

else I would tell you this vision I've had I had this vision one time. I had this vision of this big giant orb right in space yeah with all spinning balls around it yeah you know may almost looking like an atom and then I just had this imagine this thing came to me that when we're born or become you know a human one of those balls goes and shoots down inside one of us becomes our soul we live when we die goes back to the

ball and feeds back into this one universal thing yet so almost like we're all a part of each other because we're living and it's so I always think of it is like you're just here to hopefully try to be your best you're going to make mistakes and have faults but you just whatever that knowledge is that you're going to gain positive negative feelings successes failures you're going to take back and put into the the greater good again you know what I mean of the one thing

that we all exist from you know whoa man that is so beautiful so I have a constant like like when I see my kids I don't just I don't just see them as my children I see them as humans and I'm like well the first responsibility I have is to put a good human in the world which means you're going to carry your lunch in the school because you need to learn responsibility and you need to take ownership and you need to feel pride and you need to be someone who uses a turn signal

when you're switching lanes right so carry your lunch I'm not carrying it for you and I don't do it in a mean way but I'm like you carry your lunch to school that's part of going to school and for me it's like you know when I tell you know it's because I know this is for your good down the road you might get mad at me right now and be upset at me I don't care you know I love you like if I'm like if if I'm with the two kids and one needs a little more attention than the other one I

give it but then I always make sure to go over and give a little like pinch or a little kiss and be like who's my big boy and then go on because and I mean that's just me being sensitive to the idea that I don't want either of them to feel left out also knowing that there are times when one needs a little more and it's okay that I give him more you know what I mean so it's again what we talked about earlier about like hey are you just looking out for people without sacrificing

your own self I'm not sacrificing of my my need to be a dad to one child against the other one and at the same time it's no skin off my back or energy taken away to go over and make sure the other one knows like yo I just talked to them and did this thing that they need to do and told you to wait a second but now I'm giving you a little little bump on the butt to say hey I'm here to you know wow I want to so this is what's really fascinating about you many things are fascinating about you

but so here you have on one side this like I don't even a savant or something when it comes to parenting and you in that and you're blowing my mind for a few different reasons because you're kind of saying things that so like my meditation teacher has said to me literally it skips a generation except he was talking about like sometimes like in anyway the transmission of some like Buddhist ideas sometimes actually skips generations anyway and then another thing that Ram Dass

says is he you know I was asking him like what's the bad you know how to be a great dad what's the best way to be a great dad for for us my son and he goes first of all such a great name thanks man he goes first of all not he he's a soul yeah not your son's soul first and then your son so soul overall as they say soul overall so the idea is like first year the spinning beautiful sort of very temporary manifestation of the whole that's taken a birth in the human incarnation but from

from your own free will you decided to take the birth you wanted to come and swim around in this particular part of the resort of the universe so to speak and you picked your parents and you picked these experiences is that real well that is it real but that's what Ram Dass says yeah because that's God I that was another thing I used to always think when I was really young not really young maybe it was like when I got into my twenties where I was like I think before you're born

you pick the life you want to have because you want that challenge so like people that get like Tiffany Haddish for example you take Tiffany Haddish and she's she's had a she's had a tough road to get to where she is as a person and you're like yeah but only her could have got through that right you know what I mean and I always think that I'm like I think I picked these things you know even though all I maybe I picked having a dad that was gone because all I ever want to do is

be built into someone that could be a dad you know even though I I was like I would I mean I don't know sometimes like I do I'm working on a bit right now where I'm like man I love being a dad it's my favorite thing in the world but when I see people without kids I'm like oh what a good life where are you going Italy where are you going are you doing anything get away you can go wherever you want you know so I definitely that's refreshing to hear that you know the idea that you picked it

and you you know embrace it you need that fucking clay to drop in the river man like you know that's the concept is and if you forget that things can seem really fucked up because you start feeling like you know when you find yourself in a pickle you're like and you and you lose track and you don't realize like listen you have been human incarnation is like in the shout in the like kung fu movies when you get welcomed into the temple and then you get your fucking ass kicked like having

to do those weird Shaolin exercises or whatever like pouring water while you're like standing on spikes while you're about all that shit that's what human incarnation is considered it's like you've been allowed into this very advanced training place which is our lives and you're given these opportunities to basically begin to sand yourself down and and and become something really beautiful and wonderful see this is where was this so this ties back into what we're saying way

earlier and I want to get this out. Another problem with this business or anyone who's chasing a dream or a goal is you came here to LA with an idea of what you wanted and so then you pursue it and you pursue it and you pursue it and either it happens or it doesn't and either you stay in the game or you don't but if you stay in the game then you start to be like was I wrong did I pick the wrong did I I said I was coming here to do this and I

haven't done it yet so am I wrong or am I not good enough or did I pick the wrong thing am I just can is am I clouded am I supposed to be a chef but I picked this because I don't know or you know I have tons of friends that came to be actors and then they now they produce reality television you don't mean like what is it so that's another thing that can get in the way is you're just constantly like well if I'm going to abide by because we live on a spiritual level you know not

everyone does by the way we live on a spiritual level so if we believe that we picked our life and then we're living the life that we're living and it's not going the way that we always thought it was going then you start questioning like am I not am I wrong was I wrong in this choice I'm 17 years into this you know what I mean yeah that's something I battle a lot because especially when you're seeing your other friends like move forward you're like yeah what is that they

wanted I wanted to do this to what why is it you know what I mean and then you just like you know you question it so like knowing that like maybe you pick the life that you wanted to lead and you picked where you want to be and then you start seeing what's happening around you and you see the things that are out of your control because you try and control and then this is where I've been lately is I'm letting go of the control and just trying to like be like all right I'm just

trying to find contentment in my life and then thinking once I do that the things that are supposed to happen will come to me and that's what I've been telling the universe like I'm just going to go and work my as hard as I can like we were saying off mic earlier you at some point you just can only work as hard as you can and then I'm just hoping that the universe is going to then reveal itself to me instead of me constantly trying to be like I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do

this why isn't this work you know Jay first of all I like it so when I came when I started working at the comedy star I remember talking to one of the sclar brothers yeah because they were on TV a bunch and I said to them what's it like to have made it and he laughed I can't remember which sclar is talking to you but he laughed in the best way he's like what are you talking about look you made it he's like what do you know like we're doing and then the other day I was talking to

somebody who is so successful and they were expressing to me how insecure they feel all the time and then you are you gotta be one of the best storytellers out there man and like you've been you're on fucking Twin Peaks you have like these incredible special you're brilliant and you have a but but but you because you're in your body and you are using a different relative gauge I guess to measure where you're at you've always been to be here like fuck Lars it's

like killing it I've never two things one if I stopped right now and never did stand up or acting or anything else again people would look at him like wow he had he had a really good career because you gotta look at it like that you like look at all the things you've done if you look comparatively all the time like if I compare myself to like younger comics they would kill to have what I have but then I look at friends and I will I would kill to have what they have and then if

you really get down to it it's like what do you ultimately want and if you ultimately want happiness and you decide that to let go of all this shit we've been pursuing and just trusting that whatever decision you make will be the right decision because you're you're making a decision or you're trusting your gut or you're following a path and it's going to open itself up to you like if I decided to quit today and open the bodega that I've always wanted to open I bet I could

have an amazing life but I'm just trusting in the idea that I haven't yet and that's because I'm I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing dude I was reading your story about and you're a great writer so I'm reading your story about working with David Lynch which for a lot of people would be like the apex of their life just a chance to get to work with him or be around him or whatever would be like like in your story on your website is so fucking cool and so well written but I got

really excited when you were talking about how you love the beat poets yeah and you know why they were called the beats no well now this could be wrong but what I read is I used to think it was because like you know like a beat yeah yeah I think Kerouac and one of his poems kind of says alludes to that but then I heard another interpretation which is they were beat they were beat meeting they lost they just decided yeah we've been beat we're the beat generation we've been

beaten down we've lost we've given up we've completely given up because we we we okay we we we lost like Maria Banford's got a great joke which is when people ask like so what are you up to I'm sorry anyone listening is a fan of this joke I fuck every joke up I pair it I'm so sorry but her joke is so long the lines of where people are like so what are you up to these days and she's like oh I stopped that's tight yeah man and not that attitude to me is so crucial to for me to be

happy which is that the moment I put it down the role so to speak or the story that I told myself years and years and years ago about oh how here this is how it's going to be or when I realized like I'm comparing my career to like Rogan's career yeah just why don't I just get to pay someone to crucify me yeah pay someone to like get some fuck just like hang hang me on a fucking crucifix are you going to compare yourself to someone who's existing in the top one

percentile of a particular industry yeah and not expect to be like suffering it's so this to me it's like the moment I and it's not like I give up it's not like I'm like oh I'm not going to do anymore I'm going to go find some other way or any of that shit the moment I'm just like I don't know yeah I don't know there's just this right now and I know I like to make stuff and then the more I connect with that that's where it seems to start happening but anytime I'm doing the game of

either like looking back to a me when I was like just out of college or or me like 10 years ago and try to like be the thing that would please that person 10 years ago I'm literally trying to please a person 10 years younger than me that did that had a mom that had a dad that didn't get cancer that didn't have a baby and then anytime I do that shit I look at my now I'm so lucky because I have this beautiful kid and I look at him yeah and I'm like this makes it all make sense if I fucking

had a time machine I wouldn't use it man for fear that I would mess something up and that little boy wouldn't be on the plan anymore sure you know what I mean so what I'm saying is these games we play with ourselves their self torture yeah I rewrote my story but my whole life was defined by the fact of my dad bounced every single thing I would walk around the world as if he was always watching like if he was behind like I used to I remember walking across campus in college

I was on the right side of the quad it was wintertime yeah and I was like he came up here he knows you're here and he's he wants to he can't talk to you but he's watching and I would walk with this like confidence and bravado that he was watching every time I would play baseball every time I would do stand up I'm like he's gonna even to the day when he died and I went through his apartment like I went back home and I went through his apartment and I looked around his apartment looking for

things about me you know what I mean that's all I was looking for but it defined me so much of my stand up there were jokes about you know my dad and stuff like that and then I realized I'm like he you don't know what his path was you don't know why he wasn't around or what got in the way or and like you know I found out these different things anyway the other day I said to my my son I was like he said something about his papa that's my father-in-law and I go yeah your papa your

grandpa and he goes who's my grandpa and I go you know my dad and he goes Norman and my dad's name was Norman and all his friends called him Normie and I decided like two years ago that he was gonna be Normie to my kids you know I'm like yeah your grandpa Normie and he's like my daughter who's hardcore three years old she goes yeah he's dead and I'm like yeah he's not here but they're gonna know him is in that same thing that I talked about earlier how like I wish my mom had

like made us call him birthdays or whatever they're gonna know him that yeah he was your grandpa Normie and he was an antique dealer he played trumpet he only listen to classical music he was an artist that welded and he loved to be outside he loved to work with granite and cast iron and he was very creative and he was big and he had big blue eyes and he was he was mystical and he was he was into like wisdom and and I'm gonna tell him all the positive stuff and then

when they get older when they have questions like yeah you know I don't know what it was about my dad but he wasn't around you know what I mean and which is why I you know and then just I'll tell him everything else but they're definitely that's their I'm not gonna leave him out of their story you know I mean like yeah I'm gonna fill you in on what I know about him and like they have stuff in their room that he gave to me and I'm like yeah your your grandpa Normie gave

us that you know what I mean because I'm like time for me to rewrite it instead of being the dude who's abandoned how about being the guy that had this so much of me when when I got in touch with him when I was like 25 we start emailing and I remember reading his emails being like holy shit this is how I write I write just like him like he would I remember he was like up to snowy day today in Hamilton or not I forget this town next to Essex he's like a snowy day I'm up in the you

know you know I live in an 18th century old house and I'm in the attic it's cold up here there's no heat when I look outside all as I see is snow and I'm gonna trudge down to the Richdale and drop two antiques in the mail and then come back for the day and I was like Jesus Christ this is how I like think this is how I write and I was like that's when I it's like I finally got a chance to identify a part of myself that I didn't know where to place so like when I take showers with

my son or I teach my daughter how to use a drill or all the things that I wish I that things I taught myself taught myself how to shave I remember being in college freshman year and I was shaving right and I I would shave and then shower right and there was this kid Eddie Hannon who was like a fifth year senior transfer was like big hockey dude awesome kid from Maine and he's like what are you doing? What do you mean? He goes what what are you you shave and then you shower?

I go yeah he goes no you shave you shower the hot water and air gets in your skin makes it easier to shave you shave after and I was like oh all right and I never know I just never knew and I'm like all these little things I'm gonna get to teach my kids which is again not only does parenting skip a generation but all the it took me so it took me to 20 or 18 years old to learn how to shave he'll learn how to shave it I don't know 12th you know what I mean so that's

our he's already got a six year head start on me with that I'm gonna teach him how to use money I'm gonna teach my daughter how to use my I'm gonna teach them how to like drill saw build how to be respectful of they've already been teaching them how to shake hands at this young age I'm gonna teach him how you look in an eye I'm gonna dude I took my daughter on Saturday to the self realization you know that place in the palates and I said to him like hey this is a place

where people come and meditate because they know I meditate and then summer reads teachers meditate and sometimes I find him in the backyard with his legs crossed and him just sitting and his eyes closed and he'll do it for like six seconds but he's like I'm meditating and like meditation is gonna be a part of their life they're gonna know it and when they get old enough then I will get them into it where they can like take a class and learn TM or whatever form

that they want to learn but so we're walking around that self realization I was like hey that you know we gotta you have to be quiet we're here there's not like yelling and screaming and my daughter who's three we were there for an hour the whole time talk like this daddy daddy come over here and whispered the whole time and there's a there's a chapel there you know and we went in I go do you want I go we can't go in I held him like looking she goes can we go in and say

a prayer and I go yeah and we went in sat down I was like she sat I sat she's got her hands like together and like did her own little prayer and she's like let's go and I'm like hold on I'm in the middle of mine give me two seconds and it was like amazing and I'm like oh the more the more before you have kids you challenge yourself to learn the more you can offer and feed into that next generation so that they know more they're more awake you know what I mean

there have more knowledge they have knowledge of like I want my kids to have a knowledge of money because it's something I never had like how to save yeah you make a dollar you put at least twenty five cents away that's just start getting used to that yeah you know so that they can like be financially set it's like it's like that guy who just who did the the graduation address at Morehouse College you see that guy now you know what he did oh we paid off everyone's everyone's

student loan and he said to the alumni and he goes and all the alumni here today goes this is my class two thousand nineteen is my class I'm going to pay for all them basically saying the alumni get off your ass and someone else sponsored the next year and like if they can start especially you know I'm white but in the black community I've always had this like I always had a passion for Judaism and I always had a passion for Native Americans and African Americans because

I loved I always felt as a kid who had nobody and felt like as waste and discard and having a dad that didn't love me I felt like only felt connection to like Native Americans being ripped away from their place being African Americans just like being beat down and you know not being able to vote like Martin Luther King was an idol of mine OJ Simpson you know Hank Aaron these were all my idols they're all black men and so when I saw that I was like oh that he's like supporting

the young black men in America and giving them a head start and as a dad I'm going to I say to my wife I'm like the only reason I want money is to be able to give them a head start not so that when they turn twenty five I can be like here's two hundred thousand dollars but so I can say yeah you don't have to pay for college right or you know what you do have to pay for it you give it to me and then I take that money and I put in a savings account and then when they're twenty five

and they're like moving to a city we say hey how about we go to that city and you buy a condo and you can start having an investment so that there's money in your life and you can start you know building something that's going to help you succeed so that you're not forty three like me don't own a house and have student loan debt you know what I mean this you are the answer man you know I'm making you my father guru know I am like I don't have it like every like it's so

funny everything you're saying I'm just like soaking it in because it's so like it's so on the level it's so good and I like we so many people went through the divorce boom and like so many people are children of divorce they didn't have a father figure maybe they didn't have a mother figure in there they have no idea how to do do it they have no idea how to be in a relationship that last they have no idea how to be married then certainly have no idea how to like be a

good father they're self-absorbed self-obsessed and and within that there's so much room just to continue this never ending shit snowball that's been rolling through time yeah and the moment someone like you like grabs the energy that very easily you could be better very easily you could just better yeah well I have been forever yeah and I constantly working and I still get it but I just like you know it's the same thing we're talking about I wouldn't sit

here and talk about my bitterness but I do get it and I work at it of years dude I want to therapy still do for years because I'm like oh I constantly need to work otherwise you just fall into old ruts and old habits and when I have bad days I just have to be like all right man you got to work this you have to like you know do something to mode like and I've also learned lately to give myself breaks yesterday afternoon I was like take a break dude like it's not happening

today go go lay in the hammock for an hour I want to know man is how are you like how are you balancing your your stand up your writing the fucking hard work you're putting into your projects and how do you balance that with being a dad how are you making these two things coincide and also how are you staying funny you know that myth or like a lot of people say once you have kids you're not funny anymore it eats me alive man I haven't been on stage in six months

I'm terrified to get back on stage because what if it's all gone like what if I can't be funny anymore yeah well you will be you're a funny person in general so it's not going to matter I first of all I don't know the way I balanced it was I just said the kids are more important you know and I was like dude trust me you know as a stand-up you got to be on the road and I always said like I just don't want to be on the road because I knew I was going to want to be home with

my kids and now I'm looking at like guys like you look at Segora remember how much road Segora did way before he had kids yes he was always on the road I remember thinking like what's he doing like don't you want to get on a TV show or something like that and it's like oh no Tom did all that work on the road built a fan base built an act built the ability to write stand up continuously so that now all that stuff just came to him because he worked on that one

thing yes and that was just never the route I took with and I always look at it and not an envious way but I'm like man I wish I kind of had done that but it's okay I picked this road so I feel like the balance hasn't been first of all if you're able to conceptualize the idea that balance doesn't have to be 5050 it could be 7030 then it becomes you know if your balance is just putting 100% into your life whether that be 70% here and 30% there but 100% into

that 30% into the 70% then you're going to be balanced so like I could be doing way more work in stand up and being getting up I could be getting up every night if I wanted to but then I have to pay for a sitter because my wife is out of town and I just started looking at it like this is all you can do because like my wife is out of town last night and tonight right but I have to get out tonight I have to so I got a sitter for tonight but there's no way I want my kids

to go two nights in a row without me being there last night we did we hung out of my neighbors for a while after we ate dinner at a table by ourselves listening to music because that's what we do went over and played in my neighbors then we came over played out back everybody had to get in their PJs then we sat and read six books we like read six books and then we go into the room and then hang out what do you mean you read six books we read six books I picked two

that each each one of them pick two I mean but the kids like these books five minutes each or something yeah something like that but I mean we read books for like 40 minutes sometimes we do eight sometimes it's two but a lot of it on average it's at least four I like to just like for me it like winds them down and my friends like they're like you know God that you know finally we got the kids working just put them in their room and say good night and I'm like yeah I just kind of

like having 40 minutes I always block off seven to eight o'clock is going to be the time for like starting to like do the bedtime thing because for me I like it like I like we brush our teeth together we we go in there will clean up together we might go for a walk around the neighborhood is part of that then come home and read some nights they watch TV some nights it's like okay you get TV tonight and they'll watch TV and then they you know they go to bed but I just don't like to do

it as far as the balancing thing is I've just put I feel like I've put part of my career on the back burner to focus on them and part of that is that my wife her job calls her to travel as well so I can't I don't want to life where before kids used to be she would go away we went through a stretch one time she went away on a Monday came back on Thursday I left Thursday to do clubs Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday I came home Sunday she left on Monday I left on Thursday and

we went like a month and we had been in the house you like three times and I just kind of looked at it like my wife is in sales you can't just leave sales and get another job at the same amount of money you make so it was like family is number one and right now she makes more money keeping that job than she would as if she left that job and we focused on mine you know what I mean so I was like hey I'll keep hitting singles and swinging for home runs and you keep the

doubles up and eventually like you said it's going to settle into my spot you know this is your spot yeah well this is like yeah for sure but I still am hoping that we hit something where like I'm able to take my comedy and my love for parenting and being a dad and put that into a show and then and where the show comes into our world have to yeah that's what I mean that's what we're trying you got to man because it's we don't like it's so cool yeah I don't know what it's going to be that

you that like the it's it's like really cool listening to this part of the like the matter as it's beginning to like form into something and and I don't know what your the details what you're working on but holy shit you know is someone who's a fan of the beat poets yeah you care whack Ginsberg you know show him Trump or Rinpoche my teacher's teacher was Alan Ginsberg's teacher and he was this great Buddhist teacher real real controversial figure but you know they met arguing over a

fucking cab like Ginsberg got in the cab and Trump or Rinpoche got in the cab at the same time and they like for a second were like arguing over who and then they shared the cab and then it's still craziest coincidence because this is like a in Tibetan Buddhism which is known as is known as a Tolku reincarnation the Dalai Lama is one so it's one where they go to the child and they show all this stuff to the child and the child like picks the items that he had in the

previous oh yeah and you to pick the Dalai Lama right well yeah and they do it for other the other Tolku's as well like other but as a side note if you want to add to your list of people to connect to you that have been that are refugees the Tibetans man they got fucking kicked out of their homeland by the Chinese and they like it's a really beautiful story man but anyway Trump or Rinpoche his advice for how to like create what he called an enlightened society is to

create a sacred home environment and that is what you're doing and I just heard this recently someone else and politically my whole thing has always been like why are we not just taking care of Main Street we spend six trillion dollars a year on wars if we put that money into here like why are we not doing that and then again if you build that home then you build the kids will you know yeah please continue sorry that's it that you just said I mean that like all these

plans and all the stuff that we all want everyone wants a world to be a beautiful harmonious world yeah but in the moment you decide okay I'm going to fucking you know I'm going to try to become a famous this or a famous that I'm going to exert my ego into the world and try to get this very temporary success at the cost of abandoning my children abandoning my wife what ends up happening is okay great you made a million dollars and you've got some great comedy

albums but you had three children who are severely neurotic because they were overshadowed by you and they had a feeling that they were unwelcome visitors into their own home because they were getting in the way of your art and then now those three kids are going to have kids and now we have this never ending sort of fragmentation in society that's happening whereas the moment someone like you gets lucky enough and smart enough to like pull it together into like

focus on the actual like fundamental the heart of society is the family then people like me or just like well I'm an aw man like I did not do this like I I mean I'm like I'm soaking it in and then then that you know we all have a different path we all are going to be learning at different stages and different times you know and at the same time I also look at some people that might not be as present at home with their family doesn't mean they're not a good

parent and ultimately at the end of the day like they might be doing stuff for the greater good of the world by you know being able to you know do their art you know I have no idea I just know for me this was like even though I fight with it like man I wish I was working more I wish I could be doing more you know and then you know what that happens during the day and then like 445 when I'm going to pick up the kids and I get there and I'm with them I forget about

all that you know cuz I'm just like well this I love that I get to pick them up and I love that I get to go in their room and they can show me what they did and I asked them and I challenge them I challenge the fuck out of my kids not not to like be anything just to think differently you know what I mean like if they say something some way I go no that what if it's this way or I go hey get up there and call out to so and so like we'll like I'm like roll down the when I go

ask that guy where he's going like just a strange like where you're going and they're like huh and I'm like and they're like why'd we do that dad and like why wouldn't we do that cool you know just because what ifs this is so cool man I'm like I'm not joking man I'm gonna like make you're my dad guru now like I'm gonna do you mind if I reach out to you and this is the coolest thing ever there's no person on the planet that would see Duncan Trussell calling on their phone

that wouldn't be stoked to pick it up brother thank you this is so good man I really hope and we I mentioned this on when I was on your podcast I saw that you write this book man because it's like for you it might see I don't know what it seems like but for someone like a new dad like me yeah this is shit that like you know it's so useful because my dad similarly to norm normie normie similar to normie my dad was more present in my life and he's a wonderful wonderful

man but there was some as many fathers that were in Vietnam you know there's stuff and like I don't have like I I'm I'm really like playing it like I'm spitballing so to speak when it comes to being a dad and I don't want to spitball you know what I mean like I like so I just think a lot of people like me need people like you because also I don't need some sanctimonious motherfucker who's like blurting out some moral like corrective bill O Riley style bullshit about how to be

a good dad or some hyper masculine motherfucker like talking about it somehow you're like balancing all of your comedic skill and your talent in with this way of conveying like fatherhood it's really bad thanks man I appreciate that how can people find you Mr. Larson J Larson comedy on Instagram and Facebook J Larson comedy dot com my podcast the through line you can get on all your podcast venues what do you call it all I don't I have no you know I mean all the

podcast if you listen to podcast you know where just look for the through line THR you and they can listen to your episode that you do with me. Why did I think your podcast was called the crab that was I did that for a long time but now it's just that was with me and Ryan and now it's just me doing the through line cool man yeah man cool. Howdy Krisha.

Thank you Jay. All the links to find Jay are going to be a dog at Drussel dot com. I'll see you again soon. Yeah much thanks to Jay Larson for coming on the show definitely listen to his podcast through line with Jay Larson and much thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH don't forget subscribe to us at Patreon Ford

slash DTFH give us a nice rating on iTunes won't you until next time. A good time starts with a great wardrobe next stop JC Penny family get togethers to fancy occasions wedding season to we do it all in style dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne Worthington Stafford and Jay for our own and their abouts for kids super cute and extra affordable check out the latest

in store and we're never short on options at JC P dot com all dressed up everywhere to go JC penny. A good time starts with a great wardrobe next stop JC Penny family get togethers to fancy occasions wedding season to we do it all in style dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne Worthington Stafford and Jay for our own and their abouts for kids super cute and extra affordable check out the latest

in store and we're never short on options at JC P dot com all dressed up everywhere to go JC penny.