Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 358: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: October 27, 2019

Johnny Pemberton, our Star Glory KING, rejoins the DTFH! This episode is brought to you by: Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site. Simple Contacts - Use code duncan20 at checkout for $20 off your first order. Burrow - Get $75 off and FREE 1 week shipping when you visit burrow.com/duncan and use code DUNCAN at checkout.

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Terrified, but don't worry, you'll sober up when it lasts your body down. Where have you been? Have you been snorting time and spending time smelling your brand? You've got black holes in your teeth.

Who would stare at that party? Oh, I did, mom. You're drunk on existing and can't argue. You've been doing big things. You can't do another big thing. No, I haven't, mama. Let me explain, cause let me explain. That'd be good.

You told me you wouldn't incarnate anymore. incarnating is how I've learned, mama. Mama, I'm sorry, but I'm addicted to reincarnation. I cannot stop. I like birth and death. I like to witness my own cremation. I like to spell my flesh of burning. It's the way that I've been learning.

Time, it is the mirror that God uses to snore your life. And if you forgot that you're high, then you're probably terrified. But don't worry, you'll sober up when it lasts. Your body dies. It's time for the Duncan Shoes of the Alabarque. Yeah. Oh God, Johnny Pemberton is here. He is the star glory king of the DTFH.

And this podcast you're about to listen to is perfect for the Halloween season. We're going to jump right into it, but first, some quick business. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by Squarespace.com. Are you thinking about starting a new business? Do you want to sell your stinky socks online? Do you want to make an incredible tribute website to your favorite sports hero, serial killer, or uncle? Maybe they're all the same thing. If so, then Squarespace is what you want to use to manifest the reality of your beautiful brand new website.

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Friends, if you would like commercial-free episodes of the DTFH, then head over to patreon.com forward slash DTFH and subscribe. We have got everything that you might want if you are in need of a deeper DTFH fix, including extra hour-long rambles, commercial-free episodes, and access to our Discord server where our brilliant community of beautiful souls hangs out and exchanges deep, confidential, and perfect information. That's patreon.com forward slash DTFH. We also have a shop located at DuncanTrussell.com with lots of awesome Christmas joy that you could share with your friends, family, enemies, lovers, ex-lovers, goddesses, gods, and mole creatures that live inside your brain for this holiday season. Just head over to DuncanTrussell.com forward slash shop. Now, with us here today is truly one of my best, best friends.

I've known him for, what, 20 years? And I love every time he comes on the DTFH because he blows the top off my expectations of what a podcast can be. And he does that in every single episode of his awesome podcast, Live to Tape, which you can find at johnnypemberton.dog. And now without further ado, everyone, please welcome to the DuncanTrussell Family Hour Podcast Johnny Pemberton! Welcome, welcome on you. That you are with us. Shake hands, no need to be blue. Welcome to you.

Welcome, welcome to you. It's the DuncanTrussell Family Hour Podcast Johnny Pemberton. You've tuned in to the Bark Hour. I'm here with Crick's Bark and we're going to talk about his new album, Lady Hamilton's Dream. Yeah, that's right. Lady Hamilton's Dream here on the Bark Hour brought you by Bark's Root Beer. Bark's has bite. The best money for your bunny is going to be a barks with bite.

And we're back. Dr. Bark, it is an honor that you're letting me interview you. Oh, just call me Crick. Thank you, Crick. Let's say when I got the phone call from my agent that the Crick Bark wanted me to come on his own show and interview him. I damn near fell out. Well, that's how we do it here. We all live on surprise.

Well, I told my agent, you're fucking with me, right? This is another of your damn jokes. He's a joker. He's a joker. Like that time he booked me at that damn chimpanzee farm. Yeah, you thought it was a wellness retreat. That was good. Yeah, that was good.

That was good. I did not make a penny from that, of course. And I did fly across the country to go there. Well, you know what they say, a fool you once. Yeah. Well, Wild Chimp did get out that was on sedatives and did mall. Let me correct you there. All chimps are wild.

Okay, but you know what I mean. Well, that was a fun time. And I'm learned a lot from it and I'm just recovering from some of the trauma. And I just wanted to, I guess my first question to you is, you got a best selling album that pairs with your best selling book out right now. And I just want to know how you're dealing not just with this incredible success that you've always had. And right when bark reaches a peak, it gets to another peak.

But my question to you is, I think as far as I'm aware, this is the first of your books slash albums that has caused riots all over the planet. I'm just wondering how you're dealing with the, with the riots. Well, you know, I'm just dealing with it out. I haven't taken it as it comes. There's nothing I can really do about other people's mess. I just watch them and I know that they say I did it, but incendiary language is something that only happens if it's paired with music.

Right. Well, I do want to just read. And again, I'm not trying to interrogate you or anything. I'm a huge lifetime fan. I just want to read just one passage from chapter four of your. Is this Kruble Cub? Kruble Cub. Okay.

It's the right and duty of every planetary citizen to stand up and fight against the government, state or power structure surrounding them. Yeah. The tyranny of ancients. I call it the tyranny of ancients. It's not only there, the duty of every global citizen to fight back, but the sacred mission of all souls that have incarnated on the earth plane. And after my accident, I realized that unless the streets ran red with the blood of the

authority figures, Christ would not return. I mean, I couldn't have said it better myself because I did say it myself. So that's just how I feel. It's something where we want, we want to get Christ back. If we don't get Christ back here soon, he's going to forget about us. He's going to move on to a different dimension. Job chapter six verse 16 said, he who seeketh a world, not of this, seeketh a pain unbeknownst to the person delivering.

And so what that means to me is that if we forget our covenant with the Lord, our God before Jesus Christ, then Jesus Christ, the Savior, the Son of man, the Holy Ghost will take a, take a triplicate triangle, triangle is the most stable object in the world. And it, the reason it's so stable is because it's three points. And that's, that exists in our space, the spatial universe. We don't know about how it exists in other spaces. And so how it works is Father, Son, Holy Ghost will abscond from this planetary reality. Yes.

It will set up shop someplace else and we'll be left to, to deal with the, the vacuum that they've created and it will be a vacuum. I want to read, this is a news article from, this is the New York times. Right. And it's dated October 16th. Crick Colt strikes again. A downtown Manhattan parish was attacked by a screaming group of cultists, followers of Dr.

Bart Crick. Uh-huh. They held in their hands scythes, knives and burning flags, which they pelted at churchgoers on their way to an evening service. Uh-huh. Two of these churchgoers are currently in the hospital in critical condition. Those are our people. They got that wrong.

Those were our people. So your people were attacked by the churchgoers? They set themselves on fire. Those flags were to be dealing with self-immolation. It's a tactic that's been used for thousands of years and it's a tactic that we're very familiar with and have to implement at times the most dire. New York times, I respect them. I used to work for the New York times.

I understand their dealings very well and that sometimes they will issue a correction on that. It may take a thousand years, but a correction will be issued. A correction for the emulate? I'm trying to just- A correction will be issued. That is the title of my forthcoming book. A correction will be issued.

It's asterisk correction. A correction will be issued. Okay. What that means is that we can say every said such a man or a thing. We can pull out a dilly bar and call it a poo. We can do the opposite. We can lick hard on a chocolate ice cream and say we're giving the baby a kiss. We can tumble down a hill with our clothes on and pretend that we're walking into church.

All these things are- You choose your own adventure, so to speak. Okay, I'm going to read another article if I could, just real quick. Again, I'm not here to interrogate you. I'm a big fan of your work. Well, you're not asking any questions and that's what interrogation is. Here's a question. Did you encourage your followers last Thursday to-

Dork. Excuse me? Go ahead. Last Thursday, did you encourage your followers to ignite a Halloween ride wagon filled with 13 American toddlers on their way to a pumpkin patch? That's something I don't know anything about. I don't know anything about that. I would never kill a toddler.

But you don't know anything. Well, thank God no toddlers were harmed because they were able to get the fire out before it singe their sweet flesh. Last one, I heard that those toddlers had something about them that made them unable to be burned. You mean God protected the toddlers? Oh, I don't know if it was God protecting toddlers. It was something with quite a bit of power. Don't you find it a bit coincidental that there was 13 toddlers? What are they doing out at 10 o'clock at night?

Well, they were being taken to a pumpkin patch and it was at 10 a.m. A bunch of- It was 10 a.m. Okay, sure. That was a morning hayride to a pumpkin patch filled with beautiful American toddlers. On a weekday. On a weekday. A weekday at 10 a.m.

That's right. Sure, whatever you think happened. But as far as I know, it was closer to midnight. It was 13 toddlers who were all standing upright in a semi-circle off the back of a brown wagon, a large, flat, brown wagon, wider than it was long. For someone who isn't involved in this at all, you seem mighty familiar with the- with the aspects of this incident. I'm very familiar with it because I know-

When people come at me with- with blame, I have to be able to defend it best. So we have an army of drones recording everything in the- everything in our dane. Well, that brings me to my next article. This is actually from the LA Times. Crick drone plunges in to baptism ceremony electrocuting pastor and three clergy members in a swimming pool in Beverly Hills. Have you seen those drones that can set fire now with the flamethrower? Yes, I have.

That- we didn't develop that. Okay. We were developing a counteract of that, a fire retardant drone. And in the process of that, we were testing it and it happened to- it go into a baptism. This is an errant issue. We've since taken this- we've taken care of this, the private parties. We've talked about this. Everything's been- it's all okay now.

We've reached a pact. So that's- You've reached it. It says here a private settlement and also- That's what a pact is. Private settlement. Private settlement. Private settlement.

Yes, everything- You settled out of court. Yes. Why would we bring something into maritime law? It doesn't need to be in part of maritime law. It's been two weeks and over the last two weeks, how do you explain the 15 incidents that have been connected to your, for lack of a better word, cult? Ephesians chapter 2 verse 16.

Those who would look upon a design and wish to change it would find themselves sooner floating in a river upstream. Hmm. I see. Well, we're- To look upon a design, to find a design, to see the weaving that the weaver weaves is to know the same as the meat that the cleaver cleaves. To catch the whisper that the butterfly spake is to go under the ground six feet on a stake,

riding it down, splinters asunder. I'm sorry, I don't mean to cut you off- Cackle, crackle. I just- I noticed there seems to be some kind of powder at the bottom of a drink here, if you- Did you- Ah. Did you-

Ah. Did you- I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, God. I just- I don't know. I'm immune to that, I guess, maybe. All right, you're listening to Dr. Barks, Crick Barks, 1000% brought to you by Barks Rupert.

We have a little problem here. My guest appears to have fallen asleep. Obviously, he's not getting a good amount of sleep, so we'll be back with a new tale of tomorrow and a remembrance of yesterday here on the Barks Radio Crick Barks Cadillac Frontier. What you just heard was the last recording ever made by the Dr. Crick Barks Radio Frontier show. There are a million things demanding your time.

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Again that's simplecontacts.com forward slash Duncan20 or just enter code Duncan20 at checkout. Thanks Simple Contacts. We're back. You're listening to the Colt Explorer podcast. Hey, this is Johnny Pemberton. Wow. So, holy shit man, this Colt is one of the most interesting Colts to me in the sense that it's the craziest Colt.

There were riots all over the country. Very powerful too. Very fucking powerful. Able to exercise a lot of control outside their initial network. Yeah. Yeah. They had roots everywhere. They almost took over the United States government.

They took over the Chilean government. And Vermont was completely evidently Vermont. The entire legislator was under their command, but it was a secret command. And the president of China was somehow connected to Dr. Crick. This to me is astounding in the sense that the Manson family gets all this fucking press, the Branch Davidians, what were they called? The Northern Tots? No, the Norman Caz.

The Norman Caz Collective, the people who disemboweled the fucking French teacher. The French Marisa Conn. Yeah, Marisa Conn. Yeah. Well, she was involved with that Colt. That's how, you know, some say she's a casualty of what they were doing, but also a lot of people think that she was part of it and gave herself willingly as a sacrifice. So we'll never know exactly.

At least we think we won't know unless something new is uncovered. Yeah. I've always just seems like murder to me. Yeah, it does. But I mean, if you are helping people murder you, is it murder? I think it's whatever it is, yeah, it's fucked up, whatever it is. I mean, but it was also above the Arctic Circle. So obviously different laws apply there.

They were an international water. True. It's something where I'm not trying to be the fucking teacher's pet. I'm not like the school hall monitor for Colt or anything. If you want to get disemboweled by Colt, get disemboweled by Colt. Exactly. You might as stop you. But all these stories, everybody knows you can't walk three feet without seeing another

magazine article about one of them or whatever. But the fucking Dr. Crick Bark. This is a cult that almost nobody knows about. Yeah. But no one knows about it. And he worked so closely with Jane Goodall, which is a thing that I think. Crazy. That's why everyone's so hesitant to talk, you know, to lambast him is because he was

so instrumental in all that research. And he gave all the credit to Jane, but she gives a lot of credit to him. But that's been buried, evidently. It's been buried. She's tried to distance herself from him. But they say there's still chimpanzees living today that have his brand on their ass. Right. And what that means, evidently, from what I've read is that that that brand on their

posterior is indicative of a viral implant in the chimp's brain that causes it to learn at some exceedingly fast rate. It's basically like a plant of the apes type situation, except, I don't know, on a spiritual level. This is the phenomena known as like the Crick Chimp problem that happened where the Crick Chimp's actually began to slaughter some of the other chimps. Well, they were doing and slaughtering them. They were taking their arms off just the left arms of all the other chimps and they were

made this some sort of a daisy chain with it and they made it. So the armless chimps destroyed themselves with their own daisy chain of arms. That is now my understanding was that these technologically enhanced chimps went wild and essentially slaughtered a lot of other chimps until they were finally taken out. And it required an actual seal team to get in there and take down those chimps. Only the seal team knows. And we don't have the source that I read about on the internet. Who, I mean, thank you out there for that.

I'll just call you a DX five. DX five said that. It's five. DX five. It's this. I told you about DX five. No, you didn't. Yeah.

He emailed me. I got never mentioned it. When did that happen? It happened a few months ago. I don't know if I told you. So you got an email from someone named DX five telling you about the great chimps. And you just tell me what his name is. I'm calling him DX five for the podcast, but you know his name.

I know what I know. The name he gave me or I don't know if it's a he either. It could be a she could be a no one. That's great. We didn't talk about before the show, but I just thought I thought we shared notes in the Google drive about the show. I was I've been busy this week. I didn't check.

Okay. Well, DX five said that there was a viral implant. So it's not really technology. It's like Jason Bourne kind of. Okay. Yeah, regardless. The, okay. Well, a lot of, I mean, it's fucked up.

It was a slaughter. I've seen the picture of those four chimps with their arms, Daisy Jane together. Yeah. And there were spider webs made of these arms that were catching other animals. And then the crick chimps were slaughtering those. They were able to enslave. Well, DX five told me that the, uh, they were able to get a colony of spiders to collaborate.

Yeah. That is a special collaboration that's never been seen before. Never. It was for the exact term is M. S. C. Malefic special collaboration. Yeah. It's the first time it's ever been seen. Ever.

Well, I've been documented. Horrible. I think it's brilliant. Really. It's going to be a bigger thing coming up. I don't see anything brilliant about fucking collaborated chimps teaming up with jungle spiders and killing thousands of animals, not including the chimps. They slaughtered through.

We have to be careful with the language we use here because. What language they slaughtered? They're not chimps. We're crazy. They slaughtered. Yeah. They slaughtered the chimps. According to DX five, the crink chimps were not implanted.

They were inoculated. Regardless of how they were inoculated. What difference does it make, Johnny? It makes a difference because we're talking about technology, a silicone based technology versus a biological technology. But they slaughtered the animals. It doesn't matter how it fucking happened. It's like what?

I was wearing a tie when I killed the fucking doctor. I was wearing no pants. I have a question for you. What? I have a question here. OK, if something doesn't die, is it was it slaughtered? It's no. If something doesn't die, it couldn't know.

That's what I'm trying to say here. But then it would still be alive. Those chimps that were slaughtered are not alive. They are alive. That daisy chain of arms. The what the what the inoculant does is it takes the brain inoculant does. Who the fuck is DX five, man? He told me this.

OK, he told me what the viral inoculant does is it decentralizes the brain. I don't under Johnny. It decentralizes the brain. Those chimps were alive, but they were their their arms. And in the daisy chain that was created, it was for like a human centipede type thing, but they are very much alive. OK, we're going to move on. The next thing we wanted to talk about.

I'm not arguing with you. I'm just telling what DX five told me. Let's forget about DX five and then we'll talk about. Well, we can't forget about it's game changer stuff here. OK, well, you're getting emails from a crazy person and you're believing them. It doesn't doesn't make sense that they were decentralized. No, it sounds fucking crazy. Imagine if you're using the cartoon Voltron.

Yeah, of course. Tell me about it. A bunch of fucking pieces go together to make a big robot. Yeah, all the rich kids out of Voltron. They all the pieces, the pieces before it's Voltron. Are they just nothing? The pieces before it's Voltron are separate pieces. They're separate robot.

Are they not autonomous? They are autonomous. Yeah. There you go. That's what DX five said. So DX five is trying to compare slaughter chimpanzees whose arms were daisy chain together and put into spider webs by fucked up cultist chimpanzees that had some connection to Jane Goodall with Voltron. Yes, because it's not those entities were not slaughtered.

They were simply remaking themselves. That implies consent. Oh, it does. When you masturbate, are you not consenting to masturbate? Yeah, I'm consenting every time I masturbate. There you go. But the chimps. Do you ask yourself for consent when you masturbate?

It's implied. Exactly. There you go. They've been viral. The brain's been decentralized. They're consenting to cutting their own arm off. I don't know, Johnny. Why don't we play the track from a fun. So this is we're going to play a apparently never.

But now I guess I know where you got the fucking track from. I got it from DX five. Yeah. So I'm sorry. Look, I he's he told me not to share with you until later. I'm even sure I'm sure with you earlier than he said. He said six weeks and it's been five. So what you've been talking to this dude for six fucking weeks. Well, talking to him.

It's just a fan of the fucking show, man. There's crazy people who listen to our show. This guy is not. No, he knows stuff. Believe me, his videos of you and me that only. They're they're point of view videos. Does that make sense? Yeah, I know POV videos.

They're POV from human eyes. Well, I like they were you've vision was recorded. I don't know, man. That's why I didn't tell you because it's something where it has to do with. It's either the most advanced technology. Just take a break. Do you mind taking a break?

Take a break. Yeah. Taking a break. We'll be back here. You listen to the cult explorers, cult explorers. We're back. And we're just going to play it. I guess Johnny's going to play a track from this. I don't even know if it has anything to do with Dr. Crick.

But apparently this is from a never before Dr. Crick. Dr. Crick released how many albums, Johnny? He released about 14 albums. He released about 14 albums. Dr. Crick Barks has an EP is two EPs, which is make up makes up the 15th album. And these every I'm going to read just some titles from his albums, slaughtering the innocent sets them free.

May the blood rise forever. That's his second album, his fifth album. But what about the songs, the song titles? You're ignoring the song titles because they negate the title. Burn the churches, burn the graveyards, dance in the corpses that you find. Track three, the brain is been decentralized and you can't stop me.

Yeah, the brain has been decentralized and you can't stop me. Right. I mean, I think that's something to explore. Not to just decree freedom, ape, freedom, ape. Yeah, that to me means probably the Apes brain has been set free. Synapse, the Synapse dance. These are sinister tracks. And the mitochondrial monkey. Yeah, the mitochondrial monkey cell wall to the mall splatter his brains.

Parentheses. This is what we do to those in power. Yeah, but then there's a reprieve splatter. Don't matter. OK. I thought you it was called reprise. Well, I don't know how to say that. It's reprise, isn't it? I don't know. Why don't you ask your fucking stupid DX seven?

DX five. Duncan, he's going to contact you. I don't want him to contact me. Don't give him my data. I don't think I don't want to talk to this fucking asshole. All right, we're going to play this track now. Here we go. What's the name of this track? I'm not sure. It has many names.

OK, so we're going to play a track that Johnny's a troll sent to Johnny. It's not a fucking troll, man. Here we go. It's not a troll. Why don't we play one of the actual things from his album? Should I play this song or should we have the recording play the recording? Oh, you're going to play this song. Yeah, I was going to play it. So you've learned a song that someone on the Internet sent you

that's apparently connected to this fucked up call. Yeah, DX five. So why would you spend that much that sheet music? She music. Yeah. He sent it to you in the mail. Yes, through a peel box. Yeah, I learned it. I spent a couple of hours learning it.

OK, the song of many names. We can also maybe just play the recording, though. No, no, I want to hear you play it. You've worked on this with the fuck, man. I'm sorry. I thought you'd like the surprise that you'd like it, you know, because you like anthropology, history. Yeah.

Just get this right here. I don't have too much mic noise, right? Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ, if you're alive, it would be twice as nice. Come on back, baby. I got the barbecue ready for you. Oh, Jesus, if I had been there, I would have stopped those Romans. I want to stop those Romans and all the rocks they were throwing.

How to cut you off the cross and get you a beer? Jesus Christ, I love you, but I ain't queer. You've got to go back in time and free your mind. You're looking pretty good. Those abs are fine. How to take punches pilot and break them off a brand new butthole. How to take my gun and shoot them around the face. I raise my glass and we drink till the sun came up.

I don't open my mouth and accept your throw up. Oh, Jesus, if you're sick, Jesus, if you love me, Jesus, I got to be one of you. Jesus, I love you, come back to me. Oh, Jesus Christ, twice as nice, little Betty, let her grain rise. Jesus Christ, better try, if you want to do and got to do it just right. Oh, Jesus, we share a brain. Jesus, we share a brain. Hey, man, I'm not feeling too good.

Really? Yeah, I just feel kind of like. Dizzy? Yeah, I feel dizzy. Yeah, sometimes that song, when I first played it, I actually passed out a couple of times. I think it's like an invocation. Maybe we should just like. Oh, shit, Duncan.

Hey, man. Duncan. Okay. Um, hey. Hey, yo. He's out. Very good. Very good.

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We are banging. We're back. You're listening to Cult Explorers. This is Duncan. And Johnny. Welcome back. Welcome back, Duncan. We took a little break there, but we're back.

Needed it, man. It was a little dehydrated, got kind of exhausted. It's crazy. You seem great. I feel great. Cool. It's nuts how much the body needs water. Yeah.

Because without it, we can find ourselves very dizzy. Yeah. That's dehydration. Right. Dehydration. That's a big thing. We've talked about that on the podcast before. Dehydration listeners.

I'm not sure if you're hydrated, but you want to get hydrated. Johnny, I so enjoyed the song that you played for me. Yeah. I wondered if maybe I could sing a little. You want to play a song? Is that what you want me to do? Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. I'd love to. Yeah. I want to play a song. May I use your guitar? Yeah. Absolutely. That's the best guitar to use, actually.

Okay. And also, I just think that where we were talking about last time, it's just important to remember that we've kind of changed a bit about what we thought about that. Yeah. No. And I want to apologize. I want to... Who is this?

Sorry. I'll just use it. Just that one? I guess so. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. So I want to apologize to anybody who was offended by what I said about the crick chimps being bad

or a slaughter. Oh, really? Okay. I was wrong about that. Yeah. I think that's good that you came around that. Yeah. You got it.

You got it. You got it. You can keep... Just keep going. Come on. Spiders. Spiders. Spiders.

Weeping in the night. Ending. Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. Weeping in the sky. There's a light I never saw, but now it's bigger than the sun. Yes.

Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. You are my sun. Spiders, hey! Spiders! You are my sun.

The Daisy Chain is there and will take us everywhere. See it one more time. Spiders, the Daisy Chain is there and will take us everywhere. Great! Duncan, that was good. Thank you. That was really good. Thank you.

That was great. Okay. You want to lay down for a little bit? No, it's okay to cry, but you know, really, you shouldn't. You can't laugh my fucking foot, man! No. You can't laugh my fucking foot, man! Fuck him, he's no use, he can't be perceived, fucking, no, shut up.

I got him, I got him. Cut his fucking head off, that's coming from directly from the master. Cut his fucking head off, cut his fucking head off. Let me just try it once. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What the fuck? Hey!

Whatever my foot, man! Hey, where's the fucking- Where's the fucking? What? He's wasting your time, it didn't work. Cut his fucking head off. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! That was the last they saw of them.

That was the end of the bit. Were they captured by a cult? Were they carried away? We'll never know. The only thing left is the record of their last podcast. The last podcast they did will live on forever, it said. The words that were spoke are like a vice on the neck that jokes. If you want Jesus to come back, blood must run in the streets.

If you want Jesus to come back, you must fight the police. If you want Jesus to come back, the blood must run in the streets. If you want Jesus to come back, you must fight the police. So praise him. Oh, praise him. We are back. You're listening to the Dug and Trussell Family in our podcast. I'm with Johnny Pemberton.

Johnny just wrote a fantastic book, which is now available on Random House. Yeah, Random House, not so random after all of it. I guess not. Your book's awesome, man. I really have enjoyed it. I've gotten halfway through. It's fucking brilliant, man. Nighttime in Cincinnati is a combination of, I guess, philosophical ramblings from Johnny's

mind mixed in with a pretty beautiful and erotic, if it's okay for me to say love story. It's okay to say that. It's wonderful. It's a part of the book. If you don't say it now, you're going to think it later when you're reading it. What inspired you to write it? You know, I heard the story of Harry Potter where apparently, I guess, she had just used a bidet or something like that.

She had a really dirty ass. And so it was like perpetually dirty. She was trying to clean it all the time. And, you know, she just realized, oh, I'll never be clean. Yeah. And so she's like, okay, if I'll never be clean, then I might as well just write this book about wizards I've been wanting to do for so long. Yeah.

But she felt so, she felt like she was so dirty that you couldn't write it. Now, this is, to me, one of my favorite, you start this book describing what inspired like five of my favorite books. And that's the first chapter is JK Rowling, what you just said. I'll just read from the book. JK Rowling sitting on a bidet looking at herself in the mirror. A smile came upon her face and she said, I'll never be clean. Might as well write a book about wizards.

Now, here's another great one. Dostoevsky walking through a meadow in the evening, right? Looks up at the moon and says, I'm going to write the brother's Karamazov. Do you think it was the moon? Well, the moon, the moonlight has always been known to be a disinfectant. Yeah. And so he was notoriously filthy. And he just had like all these sores and things on his body.

So he would walk in the naked moonlight to have his body disinfected. Yeah. Moon bathing. Yeah. But it doesn't work. It does. I don't see it. It works, but it doesn't work completely.

Yeah. It works like 10%. And so what he realized, Dostoevsky. How would it work at all? You just walk naked under the moon and get clean. You're covered in shit and bugs. It's not going to get anything off of you. It does.

It gets 10% of the bugs and shit off. Who did that study? Dostoevsky. Dokevsky did it. And he realized, look, I'm 10% cleaner than I was before I moon bathed. I'm never going to be clean. So I might as well write the brother's Karamazov, which is about these brothers who that's their name. But it's not it.

But again, this is not a scientific study. It's a self-reported lunatic, I guess. I mean, all science is self-reported. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. Okay. Well, I just keep... Yes, it is.

Okay. So you want to read a passage here? Yeah, I do actually. The activation of unconscious fantasies is a man who walks up a hill in the process that occurs when downtrodden, like a little dumpling, the consciousness finds itself on the other very devil with a wire runs through the modern usual considered thing from conflicts that come from inside a child's brain. Wow.

That is fucking hilarious, sexy, and just cutting edge brilliant. May I continue? Yeah, please. Sorry. Gwendolyn, against the onslaught from outside, no less than the doctor could counsel, found an exaggerating amount of fluid for issuing from her archaic breast. Instincts will thereby let loose the ruthlessness of Michael, the individualist who seeks to bring bread upon that which is bandied together.

Extinction of the individual makes millions of zeros that usher forth like a brand new mass of organizations through something that, one, an evaluation by a doctor would say psychic situations that Gwendolyn cannot, you should, you must, she implored. Great. And I love that passage. I was hoping I could get you to read the passage from chapter 10, the one that's been causing all those riots. Okay.

About anal. Okay. Anything else at the same time said the man, anything else other than having my rear penetrated by an anthropological insect that is man, understanding this penetration that the thorax must issue forth and discard all feces and theories into the, into the depository known as the rectum. Damn, that's hot. Anything other than that knowledge will be something that repeats and repels that with

which it is not. I'm going to have to turn the A-Z on. Maybe. Damn. Yeah. So to me, Johnny, I've known you for how long? 30 years? Yeah, 30 years.

And I never thought of you as a lot of things, but I've never thought of you as an erotic author. Well, it's called, it's a new style of writing actually, call it, it's erotic, erotic philosophy. No one's ever done it. Wow. And you just started writing this stuff? Like what inspired you to start writing this? Well, I was actually having an issue with cleanliness.

I was sitting in a toilet. I don't have a bidet. I actually broke several bidets. Broke them? Yeah. My first marriage. That was, that's a long story. That's in a different book.

What do you, you sat out, how do you break up a day? They became so gummed up with filth that they could not drain. Wow. So gummed up and the water couldn't get hot enough to penetrate the filth, to melt the filth. Jesus. It's like a plaque of filth. Is this what ended your first marriage?

Oh yeah. Ended it quickly too. Because my wife- What is the filth? Like shit? I mean, I don't know. I mean, should I spend time trying to think about this or should I spend time writing? You tell me.

I spend my time writing. How do you clean yourself if you couldn't use the bidet? What do you do? I, you would buy, get a new bidet. I'd check into five star hotels and I'd be banned from, I would, I've been banned from every five star hotel in the East, in the East Coast. Because of your filth? Yes.

Because I would destroy the bidets. I would check myself in for three weeks at a time and I would not let anyone, you know, use, do the room service at all. Yeah. And I would also insist that they have an area where I can do moonlight walks, naked moonlight walks. So I, by day I'd be doing extremely hot bidet passes and at night I'd be doing naked moonlight walks.

Jesus. Just to try to, try to maybe get a puncture a hole in the, in the plaque. How would, again, you know what, when you mentioned the thing about Dostoevsky. Yeah. Honestly, I, I don't see how the moonlight, it's just light. It's light. What color is the moonlight? Depends.

Yellowish, whiteish. Come on. It's opaque, translucent, yellowish, white. You're dancing around it, Duncan. Come on. It's, I don't know the color of this. Duncan. Okay.

The moon has always been described as one, you don't want a drow is a dark elf? Yeah, sure. What color is their skin? Dark. No. What the fuck? Do you know what quicksilver is? Mercury.

Yeah. What color is mercury? Silver. Silver. The moon is silver. The moon is made of mercury. Oh. The moon has radioactive properties and it has the same as colloidal silver, it has antibacterial

properties. The moon is silver, Duncan, and dark elves, drow, their skin is not dark, it is a both light and dark. Okay. It is silver. Silver, when you look at it one way, is darkest midnight. How does that get shit out of your ass? I don't know.

It doesn't really work. But it works better. It works 10%. What does that mean? What do you even know that? You would have to measure your filth. If the people have done it, they've measured, I know how much water I use in my day, I measured that.

Yeah. And if I'm using 90% of what I would normally be 100%, then I know I've saved 10% from moonlight walks. Okay. Well, if you know what, if this filth phenomena is inspiring erotic fiction, then I love it. How do you want more passage here? Great. Well, wait, do you mind reading this passage?

Oh yeah, I would love to read that. Is that your favorite one? This is my favorite one. You'll notice it's been double underlined. Okay. God, 48 is where it starts there. 48. Okay.

Um, the undulating formula of future faction is represented in the quabala by letter N, which refers to Scorpiano, whose triune combines the eagle snake and the hieroglyphics of the penis themselves to indicate spiritual formula that is anxious to usher forth a Gandalfian other triune formula expression of the moon. Yeah. Love that. Which further declares the nature of human existence in the following manner. The moon is itself a dark orb, a light orb, which is in itself silver.

The appearance of light is communicated by the silvery shimmer of shimmers. Beautiful. That passage changed my life. I love this book, but man, it is getting shitty fucking reviews. I'm going to read a review here. Come on. Those are, those haters going to hate. Okay.

But this is a review from Gary Phillips, who is the head book reviewer for the New York Times. He's a hack. Okay. He's one of the preeminent critics, one of the best hacks in the world. All right. So Gary Phillips. I'm just going to read.

We're just a porous millionaire. Okay. Well, he says, I've never encountered such absolute filth. It is well known that the author, Johnny Pemberton, is a dirty lad who has destroyed many a bidet and is currently engaged in at least three lawsuits with the W hotel, the standard and a best Western in Cincinnati. And Ritz Carlton too. It's also known now that his book has hit the shelves that he is a madman.

This book is some amalgamation of nonsense glued together by the very filth that inspired it as every book contains within it three ounces of human feces stapled to the back in a tiny Ziploc bag, which I, how did, is that real feces? I just threw it. I didn't know what it was. And I mean, it's what's not feces. What is feces? Shit.

Yeah. It's not shit. It's a plaque. It's a body plaque. So you scraped plaque off your body and you put it in? I didn't scrape it off. One of my assistants did in my lab. Yeah.

Is this the first time any author has actually put samples of their own filth in the back of their book? Oh, not since Nathaniel Hawthorne, yes. And the Hawthorne filth is treasured. Yeah. Oh my God. What is it going for these days? Hawthorne filth.

Well, I mean, it depends on where it comes from, but if you have authenticated Hawthorne filth, it's worth more than saffron by an ounce. And they use it in rice. Yeah. That's the funny thing. It actually has the same coloring effect except it goes green instead of red or yellow. So again, I was pretty disgusted by the fact that there was a Ziploc bag of what to me looked just like shit, not plaque, but I threw it away.

I didn't try this recipe, but here I want to read to you some of the ingredients you already know this in the back of the book that you recommend your readers use to cook this filth. One ounce of salt. Yeah. Well, salt is just to keep things from getting out of hand. But that's so much salt, man. Yeah.

I mean, it's a lot of out of hand. So just to keep going. I'm talking about a rolling infection here. Well, not so much an infection, it's more of like a kombucha. So you're saying the salt in some way will keep people from being infected by your filth? It keeps it from rolling like a tide across a flat land. And this recipe, it's not just salt, it's one ounce of salt, two liters of purified gasoline.

Uh-huh. Again, that's just to cut back on the way the bacterium duplicates so fast. That's why you have the ground and chopped eggplant. Yeah. That's a substrate. To me, mixing a bag of shit with salt, gasoline, and eggplant seems like poison, like you're going to hurt people. Yeah, it seems like that.

But when's the last time you mixed those together? I didn't, but I know that a few people have tried the recipe. When's the last time you mixed those together? I've never tried. There you go. You didn't have to slap me. I'm sorry, but sometimes you got to make your point. Okay, please stop.

When's the last time you mixed those together? I'd never... That's three slaps. Can you touch me one more fucking time? No, believe me, I only do three. Clearly, you've learned. You're listening to Johnny Pemberton and he's got a dumb book out right now. It's not dumb.

Stop it. He's a shit book. Yeah, it is a piece of shit book, okay? Can you smell like shit? Believe me, I could smell so much worse if I wasn't... Oh, I believe you, but you're stinking up my fucking studio. How about that? Yeah, I came here to spread my plaque.

Well, if I get any kind of fucking plaque on me out, there'll be trouble. It's all over you right now. No, it isn't. It's all over you. What the fuck, man? Look. What the fuck, man? I'm sorry.

It's just that it's the nature of the... I've spent all this time trying to rid myself of it and now I'm trying to own it up. Dude, what the fuck? We are the filth, we are the crack, we are the ball, and we are the sack, we are the foes, and it's that all, we are the rise, we are the fall, for who can try to tame us, but ten percent can't tame us. We live inside your anus, dancing in entertainment. We are the leaf, we are the tree, we are the pool.

And we are the pea, we are you and you are me, bigger than the sun, smaller than a pea. No one can try to tame us, but ten percent can't tame us. We live inside your anus, dancing in entertainment. Yeah, Johnny, thank you so much for coming back on the DTFH. Will you tell these beautiful people where they can find you? Yeah, man. Well, you can find me in person at my home haunt in Las Cruces, New Mexico. I'm doing that till the end of October.

Otherwise, you can find me online. It's johnnypemberton.dog, and you can also go, listen to my podcast, Live the Tape with Johnny Pemberton, or you can go to Instagram at johnny underscore Pemberton. I'll be in Colorado, too, this weekend. All the links you need to find Dr. Pemberton will be at duckatrestle.com. Thank you, Johnny. Beep. Thanks so much for listening, everybody.

If you like the DTFH, why don't you subscribe on iTunes or wherever you download your stuff and head over to johnnypemberton.dog, and please support our sponsors because they support us. Get yourself a new couch at Borough. Get a new website at Squarespace and get yourself a subscription to Simple Contacts. This triad of glory will improve your life 12-fold guaranteed. I will see you next time. Until then, Hare Krishna.

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All dressed up everywhere to go. JC Penney. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JC Penney. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. We get togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season, too. We do it all in style, dresses, suiting, and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford, and J. Ferrar.

Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in store, and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JC Penney.