Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 368: Ian Edwards

Episode Date: January 11, 2020

Ian Edwards, brilliant writer, comic, and amazing human being, joins the DTFH! You can see Ian's new special, IanTalk: Ideas Not Worth Spreading, here. This episode is brought to you by: Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site.

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stuff. We got old muddy boots and bags of denture creams and dentures. We got big clumps of stinky hair and oiled down beaver balls. They're all there at DuncanTrussell.com. All you got to do is click on the shop. Today's guest has got a great new special that Bill Burr helped him produce. It's called Ian Talk. Idea is not worth spreading. He does stand up all over the country. If you have never seen him do stand up, just don't listen. Just go online, watch some of his clips and then come back. He's a brilliant writer, a brilliant comic and an amazing human being. Everybody, please welcome to the DuncanTrussell Family Hour podcast Ian Edwards. Ian, thank you so much for coming to do my podcast, man. My pleasure, fam.

Can you really not swim? No, I can't swim. That's 100% sure you can't swim. I was just thinking about that the other day. I don't even know how you know I can't swim, but I definitely can't swim, which is one black stereotype. It's online. That's hilarious. It's online that you can't swim. Isn't that weird? Everything about you exists in the world. I wish I was for a second, I had this awful thing. I'm like, maybe I'll tell them telepathic. That's how insecure I am. I wish I knew that. I would have believed you. I wish I knew what it's like. No, it's just one of the things that popped up. I was thinking, whoa, man, why don't you learn? I might. Oh, I don't know. I can't swim, but I wanted to double down and not being able to swim at first,

and then now I might learn how to swim and then while I'm learning how to swim, maybe have some jokes about it. While I can't, I'll clown the fact that I can't proudly and double down on it, and then when I can or when I'm learning, it'll be something fun to learn. I want to leave some shit for me to learn. Right. Yeah. And that's the attitude. I have a whole list of shit I'm still afraid to talk about on stage. That's so cool, the thing like that. You're like, no, this is like magnificent material for your art form. Because good God, Almighty, what a vulnerable position to be in, man, not being able to swim these days, not being able to, like in any time period in human history, not being able to swim is bad,

but during like whatever this time period is, climate change or whatever, you got to learn to swim. You got to learn fast. Yeah, probably. But before I'm like, fuck that, I'm not learning. I tried when I was a kid. It didn't take, so I just like left it alone. It's just, you're like a, probably in a past life, you were probably a sailor or something, because that was the thing. Did you know that sailors would intentionally not learn to swim? Why? Because when you're out in the middle of the ocean and your ship goes down, what are you going to do? Tread water? So they just would rather drown. Rather drown. In fact, they would swim down. Like that was something that sailors would just, if their ship went down, they would just,

all right, see you guys later and swim down. Yeah, let's end this fast. Yeah, because sharks would eat you up. Eat your life. Yeah, sharks. Drowning is one of my greatest fears for somebody that doesn't know how to swim. But maybe it is one of my greatest fears, because I don't know how to swim. Do you bind to past life stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you start contemplating the idea that you don't just incarnate once? When I was a kid, and there used to be like these tragedies, like natural disasters, and like kids or young people would die in masses. I would be like, if there's a God, you know, back then I was Christian, there's no way he wouldn't give these people another chance to do it again. You know what I mean? I was like this,

like, you know, when you grew up Christian, when you're 13, before you're baptized, or you're christened, which is a version of baptism. Were you Catholic? No, but it's the Church of England, which is Pentecostal, which is Catholic, but they just wanted to have their own power, aside from the Catholic Church. You mean Episcopalian? That's how it was raised, Episcopalian. Well, I guess it's Pentecostal, or Church of England. I don't exactly know what Episcopalian is. It's a similar thing. It's like Catholicism light. Yeah, there it is. So it's like that. So then you're christened, and then your parents or your guardians, like control of your soul or whatever, until you're like 13, when you can be confirmed. And then you're like, if you

died, and then you can be judged by God, you know, however they had it planned out in their religion. What does it mean confirmed? I've always, I hear that. What does that mean? Like you're a confirmed Christian? Yeah, confirmation is like, now you accept God at the age of 13, as your Lord and Savior. And then you, every Sunday in church, when they have a communion, you get the blood of Christ, which is wine and the wafer. But before that, you don't get to eat it? No, before that, no body of Christ or blood of Christ. So you're saying during this time, you didn't believe in reincarnation? I mean, it's not a typical Christian. No, no, it's like afterwards, right? I was like, I used to wonder, so what happens? So, so now I'm confirmed. If I die, I go to heaven. That's what

they say. Yeah, right? Because I've accepted. So but what happens to the people who die before they were old enough to accept God? Like, it's like, would they just go to hell? You know what I mean? It's like, that wouldn't be fair. So they must reincarnate limbo, right? Isn't it limbo? Isn't that the idea? There's some intermediary state between heaven and hell where all the unconfirmed, unbaptized children who died in the womb, folks just hang out eternally. Just be there forever. That's stone cold. So I feel like reincarnation is the only answer. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I mean, it does seem pretty logical. I mean, it's like, it's either it's either that or like an annihilation, right? It's got to be like, because even if there was

some paradise, if you were in that paradise perpetually in some unchanging state, wouldn't that gradually devolve into like a hell realm or something when you get bored, so bored not dying? I don't know. Like, I wonder if there is a threshold for fun. Like every fun I've ever had has always ended. So it would be, I'm willing to find out if there's a threshold for fun. If there's like, man, I don't want to have any more fun. I'd like to have that problem. Yeah, me too. Well, you know, like there's those famous like forms of epilepsy or something that caused you to have like 10 hour orgasms if you heard of this shit. Yeah, it's like, and I think I saw a story on it and this woman committed suicide because it was having an orgasm.

What's the longest you've ever come? Less than a minute. Oh, yeah. Like it usually lasts, it's quick, man. I don't mean the longest, for me, that's the longest I've ever had sex, but like, sorry, easy joke. But like the longest, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you were to extend an orgasm by 10 minutes, I think four minutes in. But I'm thinking not even orgasm, I'm thinking like euphoria. But I've seen like that the documentary or something on a woman or several people that can't control, they just keep coming or having orgasms and they can't work and shit like that. And that is miserable. Yeah. Yeah, that is miserable.

Embarrassing. Yeah, embarrassing and miserable. They're afraid to go out because they don't know if they're just gonna come or have an orgasm in front of people. So yeah, that's gotta be, it sounds cool. But yeah, it's not. Whoever dates them is like, was that me? Or did you have a seizure? Is that me or him? Like, focus here. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing coming, looking at that? Yeah, looking at that guy. Yeah. And then everyone you meet, like it's gonna, whether, unless they're like really hyper compassionate, they're gonna probably do like this weird little giggle that you've heard so many times and you're like, you don't understand. I'm in hell. Oh my God. I'm in hell. You know, it's also, does that mean we don't have sex later

now? Are you tired of orgasm all day? Right. So are we, it's just a weird realm to be in with a person. It would destroy your life. It's like so much of a human's life rotates orbits around orgasm, whether you want to admit or not. So much of it is like that having that moment in your week or day. And then once that gets fucked up, what a nightmare. But yeah, okay, other things. Let's think of like, what's the mo- Start hating one of the greatest feelings ever. If you're like, if like, people have diseases or illnesses or, you know, like, say, celiac disease or whatever and whatever the symptoms are. What's celiac? I think it's something to do with gluten or some shit. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right. But what if you have like that, just the last thing on the orgasm thing,

you have something that people don't take serious. So that's another level of it. Like, you having an orgasm, how bad could it be? And then like, so then now like, celiac disease or cancer or something, other people can sympathize with you. But, but you're just a person. You're just a guy who comes all the time and is bitching about it. It's got that's another level of terror to it. Oh, really? Do you come all the time when I shit my asshole falls out every time? Yeah, man. I mean, that's the problem with any kind of pleasure based disease. Like, for example, think of like, pleasure based disease. It's a pleasure. What do you have? I have a pleasure based disease. Yeah. And people are like, what? What are you even talking about? Yeah.

How do you call it a disease? You know, like think of like the most famous person you know, and like, you know what I mean? Like by now, you know, you've met people who are like, super global superstars, man. And just think about how if you get to know people, you know, then you realize the amount of like their day to day experience is universally coveted. And yet, from their POV, a lot of times, they're in a weird, not so great dream sometimes, you know? And but they can't bitch about it. Is there anything worse than hearing a hyper successful person bitch about it? And like, how many fucking songs? I don't know how many weird songs hit, but I've heard so many different songs that have within it, some kind of like honest appraisal

of this hell trap they've gotten themselves caught in because they're too fucking talented and charismatic. And now they're in there's no way out. You know, that's another version of the orgasm problem. Yeah, it is another and even talking about it, I still don't feel sorry for some people. Because everybody's like, well, if I'm in that position, I will enjoy it more than you are. You're still something wrong about you. That's ruining this for you. And I'm not like that. So this is your fault. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's the dream. That's what we hope. We hope they're damaged goods. We hope that the famous people are bitching about, you know, I was listening to some Kanye song, where he's like, and then my wife was telling me

one of his cousins ripped him off. Oh, yeah, I know that song. Yeah. And you listen to like, all right. But really, you know, like my, but then like, if you just think about that, shit, man, that's betrayal in your own family. You can't trust people and you're also you're also fucking genius. But also he's like publicly mentally ill. Yeah. And so then whoa, so then you're like, that's just Kanye, he's mentally ill and talented. So that's why he's having issues with fame. What do you think? Are those two things go hand in hand or it's one a byproduct of the other? Well, I think he's his ego is I think he's mentally has mental some form of mental illness, some form of mental illness, but his ego is also bananas. I don't even know if you count

the size of his ego as his form of mental mental illness, or it's two separate things that are good and bad. Yeah, you know, like, but he's definitely, definitely not normal. No, yeah, like, which is nothing wrong with that, but it's definitely not normal. Have you like, oh, it seems to me, I remember Mitzi said this to me about when I was the talent coordinator. And I don't remember which comedian it was, it like done some crazy shit. But some comedians are always doing the craziest shit, man, being on that side of the fence. You get a firsthand view of just how hilarious, insanely self destructive comedians are, you know, at least a few times a month, a comic would call up and be like,

this is what I want you to tell Mitzi. Tell her to fuck herself, tell her I hope she dies, and tell her she's a witch. Now, you know, you'd have to be like, okay, okay, okay. And then, of course, you would never do that. But because within a week, you know, they're calling in spots again. But the some comedian had freaked out, which is, you know, usually happening up for there at some small degree or a major degree. And she was like, everybody goes crazy, honey. And she meant like, when a comedian starts getting in the updraft, things get incredibly wonderful for them, because it's like, Jesus Christ, they've worked so hard for this. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, you have had an amazing career. You have been a writer on some

like on many hit shows. You have been a producer. You just had this like, like, you know, you work fucking hard, man. But now you're hitting this. I would say I have an amazing, amazing mediocre career, which is amazing, which is, but I would add the word amazing to it. It is amazing. I mean, you're saying insane, man, you've done so much work. And like, yeah, I know what you mean. Like, are you, I don't know, Will Ferrell? No, no, are you? No, but you've been working out here, man. And that's the most competitive. And I can say, I'm not Will Ferrell. And I can say, I'm not sure Will Ferrell has had as much fun as me. And I'm sure he's had fun. Right. So then, like, I measure shit, like, on fun more than cash, you know what I'm saying? Sure. Like, like fun is like, has to be

a big part of it. Right. So there is also a fear of getting to a certain level and finding out you can't have fun at that level. So I'm like, I kind of want to make, I'm not, I'm like kind of leery of certain things, if there's no guaranteed fun there, you know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm trying to make sure. Like, how is this going to be fun? Right. Like, you don't want to get backed into some dark corners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With your, you don't want your success to end up blocking you in some, in some shit that's not going to be fun or healthy. You mean like becoming like a series regular on a show you don't like or like, what do you mean by that? What would that look like? I don't know. I just like, I was just talking, say,

well, I guess there's a lot of successful comics who are happy, like Joe's happy, Russell seems happy. Yeah. Yeah. But then I've seen the ones that are successful and not happy. So I'm not sure if it's them or it's fame. You know what I mean? Or success. You know, it's hard to tell. I don't know. I mean, I want to find out. That's for sure. I wouldn't mind finding out. Listen, if like that's the way I go out is some level of insanity brought on by some like, you know, reaching some career altitude. Fuck it. I was just watching this documentary. It's a good way to die. I want to be in control. That's what I'm, that's, that's my thing. Oh, yeah. So then that's, that's why, yeah. You want to be in control? Yeah. Like, when, when you, when you were saying your answer,

I was realizing why I said what I said. And it's like, it must be, I just want to be in control. I hate not being in control. You know what I mean? So what, like, so you mean like, you hate being in an airplane, not being in control or you that I can deal with because you get conditioned to that, but just control. Like, I didn't do drugs for a long time because I didn't want to be out of control. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't want to have a career that was like, I was dependent on some substance. Right. You know what I mean? Yes. But then when I did do it, I was like, I enjoyed and accepted like the loss of control and how much fun it was. But I'm still the type of person that wants control over how I feel. And maybe I'm trying to get,

and I kind of do want to get rid of that, but it's still there. The desire to be in control. Yeah, that, yeah. Without even knowing. Go to Dominatrix. I know a good one. She will fix the problem. She will fix it. You know what's crazy about that? You're right. But I would never go with your fucking right. Of course you wouldn't. You like to be controlled. You know, it's therapeutic though to some degree. I mean, a lot of like, that's what at least I interviewed her. That is so true. Mistress Justine Cross. I interviewed her and she, she was, you know, without, you know, exposing anybody. She's like the thing they say about really powerful people going to Dominatrix is that's a hundred percent true. Like the people who really want to be in control, they're tortured by

it so much that going to a place where they're tied up and like wit. The most humiliating things happen to them. They have to walk around and like, you know, like beg and suck her feet and stuff. And like for them, that's like a massage. It's freeing. It's a vacation. Relaxation. I went to a clown class once. So that was when I lost control. So those are serious. I don't think people realize how serious clown, like the philosophy of clowning is. How long was this class? It was like seven weeks. Damn. Seven weeks on a Sunday, like for like two or three hours. What's the name of the class? I forgot. It was like a while ago, but it was like in this strip mall upstairs, like maybe Highland and Sunset. And, you know, I was,

I went because I wanted to be a better comic. So I was like, what's, so I'm thinking they're gonna teach you like movement and shit like that. But it was just the whole thing. So when I went there, it wasn't like them teaching you movement is them trying to make you let go, let you let yourself go. So that then you create movement and not care how you looked, what people thought about you when you, when they saw you. So then I was like, Oh, so that's, so it was, it wasn't what I thought I wanted, but it was exactly what I needed. That's cool. Yeah, you can't be in control of not being in control. Yeah, you have to be fully, I guess, like, you just have to hang it up for a second, see what happens. Yeah, at least for the class. Yeah. Well, man, one of the things I love about

your stand up is the, man, I feel like I am out of control at stand up. I feel like my levels are all off in general in life, my levels are always like spinning, the dials are off. And I've come to terms with this something, but I love your stand up, man. And I love the way that you kill, but maintain this like deep calm up there that's so cool to watch because, you know, that, that to me is a diss that's a disciplined, clearly a choice that you've made to be that way. And it's beautiful. But is that related to you wanting to be in control when you're working out your, do you up when you're working out your material and your set? And when you're like, up there, is it some kind of regimented, disciplined way that you approach the craft? Now it might be

both me letting go and not being in control and both being in control because there's other ways to do comedy, but they might not suit me. So I might, so from now for, so the way I do comedy is like, I, I do comedy the way I am. And I can't be afraid of who I am. So I'd like to be an animated comic, but I'm not, you know what I mean? And I know I've seen animated comics kill and shit like that. So now I have to trust and stay me and be free enough to only way I can kill like an animated comic is to let go and completely be me. So then it could take my last to that level. Otherwise it's phony, right? Otherwise it's phony. It's not going to work. And I'm just being a fake crazy person. So it does help. The way I do comedy does help me be loose and be me.

You know what I mean? Yeah, this, this, I don't know of, I mean, I guess because like being on stage is a compressed version of your life or something. And so, you know, like if you're going to become phony in your life or whatever, you can kind of water it down over the days and maybe cut and maybe not even be so aware of what a fucking phony you are or something, you know? But on stage, god damn, that's the shittiest feeling, man. When, yeah, have you ever experimented with that? Like where you see a comic and you see someone and you know, that is not the kind of comedy I do. But you, you decided to try it out, not stealing material. Like you're growing up as a comic, we've tried, there's been so many versions of me on stage, you know? And then the only way I get

caught out now is like, because sometimes we can go adrift for ourselves. But then like, like, I'll see like a clip of Chappelle online or I saw his last special. And then I, oh, shit, that's what I'm, then I'm like, oh, that's what I'm forgetting to do. Like, I thought I was connecting while watching him or just somebody else at the time reminds you, oh, that's what you're not doing that you're supposed to be doing that you were doing and then you went adrift from it. So now I'll come back to that. You mean connecting? Connecting and just like, like being my honest self, I guess that's what I mean. Because sometimes I can pretend to be me, you know what I'm saying? Sure. And then I get caught up in that and I think

it's working. But then you see somebody really being himself. And you're like, fuck, I'm pretending to be me. So this seeing this person be himself is a reminder for me to find back my base so that I can connect to it and just generate 100% me. You know what I mean? Yes. I when I was a talent coordinator, young comedian, getting shitty spots, desperate for Mitzi's approval, but knowing that I couldn't bring up, she knew I wanted to be a comment. You can't bring it up to her because she get pissed. You can't like, you know what I mean? You got to do your job. So funny. But I can remember at one point, you know, and you just want anything, her to give you any acknowledged anything. And she knows knew that about comics. Right.

So she knew that like tormenting you in that way to give you an ambition and make you try harder maybe. But I remember at one point, I said to her like, yeah, Mitzi, you know, I just want to find my voice. Because when you're coming up as a comic, that's the thing you hear allies, you'll find your voice one day as a comic. I just want to find my voice on stage. She goes, why happened? Did you lose it? It was such a deep thing to say. Because it's like, who are you then? How do you not have that? And yet this brilliant thing you said about faking yourself. Yeah, I've done that. Oh, me too. Yeah. God, that's the most confusing form of fakery there is. Yeah, exactly. You're lifting from a form, you're, you're lifting from a form

of version of yourself. And you don't you're so deep and you don't even know until it hits you. And you're like, oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not that person anymore. Yeah. That's not me. Yeah. Now you're fucked. Because you have to jump off the ledge again. You have to like go back and you're like, and you're like, I thought when I jumped off the first time, that's everything was complete. And then you, you realize, oh, I'm going to have to keep on jumping. And keep on this never ends. You know what I mean? It's a never ending series of cliffs. Yeah, that you always have to jump off until you die. Until you die. And that's the final fucking cliff. But all those jumps. So this is what clown school taught you is that you have to be out of control to be yourself. Is that what it

means? It told me it taught me to not care what people think of me, because you do silly things. Like, it's like, so much improv like today, you're in it, we put you, they put us in a group, five people, and the rest of the classes over here. So you guys are going to sing a song about this or make up a chorus. So the group makes up a chorus. But then everybody has to do a solo and step forward. So then the solo is whatever comes out of your mouth. Then you step back with the group, you do the chorus and somebody steps out. So this is like, what the fuck am I going to sing? You just told us this one minute ago. And but you got to open your mouth and make words come out and sing, you know what I mean? In front of the rest of the class. So it just,

you got to be open. You know what I mean? You have to go somewhere you wouldn't wear and stand up. Like, I know what I'm going to say. That's the beauty of a new joke. It's like, when you have jokes that you know are going to work, you're comfortable and you can say them. But it's the new joke that you're going to throw into the, into the, into the, into the, is the monkey wrench. It's the one you're not going to say, right? It's the one that's going to make you feel uncomfortable for the set. It's the one that might derail the whole set. Then you have to figure out a way after, if it doesn't work, how to get back on track with the rest of the shits. And then that's, and that's why a lot of comics hate trying new shit. And they get stuck. And then, so I never

want to be a comfortable comic. Because if I'm comfortable, then I'm not growing. So I always want to like, jump off the cliff, jump off the cliff. Yeah. Now, now just I'm a, I'm a cliff jumper, like by profession, you know? Wow. Cool. Yeah. Oh my God, man. I have, there was a time, a long period. This is when I stopped doing stand up for a while. Because I realized, how many times have you stopped doing stand up? Probably two big times. Like the last time was the longest where I was, where I, I was in, I was in New York. I was watching these fucking New York comics crush it. I didn't want to be on stage. I didn't like what I was saying on stage. But it's because I had like, pretended there wasn't a cliff. I'd camped out on the cliff.

You know, I'd like made a house next to the cliff. And then I moved into the house and was like, what a great view of this wonderful cliff. And then somewhere in there, your soul just dies. Because you're like, what am I doing here? Why, you got to jump off the cliff. Yeah. P.S. gang. Don't jump, literally jump off a fucking cliff. This is a metaphor. But like, but, but, uh, the moment you finally do the thing, you finally break out of the trap of your old self. I mean, this is, somebody told me that if a snake doesn't shed its skin, it dies. Right. Like it's, it's snake skin entangles in the, in the forest floor, I guess. And it just dead meat. You know, like if you don't recycle yourself, your fuck, but that feeling of being

up there, like some kind of animatronic thing, just gang, gang, gang. And then I'll do that. Which is funny because I've seen comics kill. I've watched comics die while they kill, while they kill, because they're doing the same shit all the time and they're not taking any chances. Like you're stopping yourself because you want to get these laughs and you want to guarantee you have a good set. And I was like, you could be getting so much more out of this, but you have no idea. So you're dying. You're stagnant. You're, you're like a snake that doesn't want to like lose, you know, like you want to keep that skin. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, and it's, I've seen it too. I've done it. And I've done it too. Yeah. Yeah. I've done it.

Oh, it hurts. And, and, and I have compassion now when I see comics doing it because it's like, I know, I know what you're in. I know as you were driving over here, how you felt. I know it's a, it's a fucked feeling, man. And, you know, but then there's different, isn't there other schools of thoughts here? Like Seinfeld, I've seen him do interviews where he's like, no, you do the material that works. That's what you do. He, he like seems like, and he's great. Right. And he, his analysis of this thing that I saw, and I might be misinterpreting, it's been a while, but it, it was really funny. He was like, I think he was calling the other thing art comics, you know, like, you know, there's these comics who do new material or whatever,

but it's like, let's just. So what does he think about Chris Rock, who's one of his best friends? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Cause that's a completely different philosophy. His philosophy is like, I mean, look at his standup. It's technical, precise. It's like, I saw him in the main room. I can't get out of my fucking, you know, like when you, the long you do comedy, when you see someone like him, you're looking at literally every step, every movement, everything. And he came out and did some Charlie Chaplin shit with a mic stand. He did a little like Spinneru or something. I didn't know what it was. Some weird, like, you know what I mean? Like a fluid, graceful thing, just like, and then puts it behind him.

Chapelle does the same thing. He like does that. When I've seen him, I don't know if he does all the time. It sounds, I've seen it. It's like, he lifts the mic up and does like Thor's hammer, like the door. Oh yeah, I've seen that. You know, yeah, that thing. You know, when you look at comics like that, anyway, Seinfeld, I don't know. My, my feeling is I like jumping off the cliff. Now I would get bored as fuck if I always do the same shit, not to say I'm not going to do all stuff on the road coming up Denver. I wanted to ask you something about your comedy. I know you're interviewing me, always just talking, but like the you I've been seeing on stage is fucking hysterical.

Thank you. And I'm like, what happened? Not that nothing was before, but like, if I'm on the outside looking at you and the way you've talked on your podcast and how it's like, I'm like, how is he going to combine this spirituality and this knowledge that he has with comedy? Or when people listen to the podcast, how do they, it's like being on a TV show and you're one character and they come to see at the club and you're this other person. How do you combine it so that the people who hear you from the podcast come to the club and they're satisfied because they get what they thought they would get or how do you not give them, I'm like, so I was like,

this is a job right here that you have. And I was like, how are you going to figure this out? That's just me thinking of you without even asking you. And then, and then be like, so how is he going to do this? Yeah. Yeah. Well, one thing is like, I had to come to a real like, you know, you just have no, it's so, the answer to your question is really boring. Not really. Because I feel like, I mean, the answer is boring. The question is great. The answer is boring because the answer is just like, what happened is, I just had to, I realized like, you got to write new material, man. And if you're going to write new material, you better write jokes about things that you're interested in. And then it's so obvious and

dumb, but it's like that thing you were talking about before, the weird like ego paralysis or whatever it overtakes you, that gradually destroys you, you know, it, it, what ends up happening is you're caught in time. And the shit you're saying is like, you're in a time loop or something and then I just started writing again and, and like, you know, paying more attention to like classic comics or like, you know, fuck, watch Argus in the main room and see this beautiful old school standup style. And these are not clean jokes, but you know what I mean? Like the, the, the foundation is, it's basic math, not based, I'm not calling it Argus basic, but it's all the foundations of comedy that you need to build. They're the building blocks of comedy,

watching them and you need them to create. That's it. That's it. And, and like just basic shit like that, like, you know, trying to figure out like how to structure jokes in a way that's like, and then also to work into, Oh, what am I interested in? I'm interested in conspiracy theories. I'm, you know what I'm interested in? Buddhism. And I'm still working on that right now. But one thing I know I don't like is when I see fucking comics, or it doesn't appeal to me, any comedian that's on stage and is like doing great. Wow. What a fucking miracle that you figured you got that far. So I don't mean to sound like a hater or whatever, but I personally don't like, I am a spiritual person and I want the world to be a great place. And I want love to reign forever.

And I want people to find themselves and open up to their hearts. And I want joy to reign supreme forever throughout the planet and the universe forever. I don't know how to make that funny. Right. And if you're going to skip making that funny and just get on stage and say that, that's great. But it might not be comedy. That's another thing. You know what I mean? So I don't want to like, I would rather be my set. That's just what you're saying. Like, I don't know how to put it, man. But for me, I just feel like you figured it out. But I know you, it was a task because first you were dunking the comic and then this is my assessment of your progression. First you're dunking the comic, you have your material, then you start growing spiritually and then you have

this material, but you can't really use it no more because it doesn't match the people who. So then you have to figure out that. And I'm like, good luck figuring that out. Like, good luck. And then to see you figure it out, I was like, Oh shit, you figured it out. That's great. It's perfect. This matches. Thanks. You caught up with you. Because you're jumping off a cliff as a human being, as a soul, your material has to do the same thing. There's different cliffs. It's like, man, that's some shit. Yeah, it's fun. What a joy. By the way, if you, this is like, there's a saying in the Bhagavad Gita, it's better to be an honest street sweeper than a dishonest king. And then there's another saying in the Bhagavad Gita that I like, which is, you know,

it's, it's, it's, and it's a Viking thing too. The idea is like, it's better to die in battle than to die some rich son of a bitch. And you know what I mean? Comfortable. It's, that's why all the great myths, it's like, if you die in battle, that's incredible. Right. And as a comic, I think our, would you say our battle is writing new material. And if we die in that pursuit by bombing, it's better than killing with our old shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I've been miserable. People say, I was a great set. And I know I punked out of doing the new joke that I wanted to try because I wanted to match the last comics level of killing in the room. So I didn't get anything out of the set growth wise. So this is

technically, this is a, this is a, this is a spiritual bomb or this is a spiritual comedy bomb. This is like, this killing was, I wasted, I drove down here to do the shit that I knew would work and I wrote this other joke. I didn't even try. I skipped out of everything and I punked out. Like this is not, I just stagnated my growth. I just held onto my snake, snake skin. So this is why I have this look on my face while you're smiling at me, telling me, great set. This is like, nah, fucked up. See, you have identified, it's like, you know, trees, they get, I don't know, it's like a tree fungus for comics. And what a dark trap to, because yeah, yeah, your shit worked. You knew it worked. But it's like the comedy store and any good comedy club, that's

a laboratory. And it's like, you're a scientist. You've been given access to this laboratory for 15, like imagine someone gives you access to SETI, you know, which is really hard to get access to. They can turn those satellites to tune into specific other galaxies to listen to sounds and you turn the shit at the moon. You know what I mean? It's like, what are you doing? You know, there's nothing up there. You know, and you keep turning it to the moon, right, getting the same results. But also, I do think there's something to be said for respecting the audience too, meaning if you're not, to me, the real weird dance you have to do, which is like, also, people got babysitters. You can't just get up there and do, you know,

poor shit into weird beakers and nothing, and it all fizzles. You need a couple of like banks. Yeah, you mix it up. You have your tried and true, but you have to do some work that night and you have to entertain. So you just mix it up so that they, they leave happy and you leave happy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And figuring that out. Cause like, you know, that's to me, like, though I do, you know, I've seen the greatest comics on planet earth coming to the OR with a piece of paper and get up there and eat shit, eat big bowls of shit. And I've always respected it. Cause I know they know that for the audience, they got to see the great comic. And so there's already a gift happening. And I also know that all of us are in the back watching them bomb and

like getting some dark pleasure out of me. You know what I mean? Like they bomb too, you know? But it's a weird thing to see that go down, which is like, okay, I know you needed to work on 10 jokes, but couldn't you thrown in like one old classic or something? Or there's a way to do it too. They could all bomb, but if you have something funny to say about the bomb and you made the set like this, I'm working out, but I'm going to entertain you when these jokes don't work, you know, just something, you know? And I guess maybe at the store is safe too, because then there's going to be other comics afterwards. It's just clean up the mess. Yeah. People entertain them before and more people will come on and entertain you afterwards. Yeah. And then

some people like to see the joke, the growth of a joke. People don't get comedy. Right. They only judge it based on seeing you that one time. They don't know it's a whole thing. Yeah. So until they come back, store has like a lot of repeat customers. Yeah. And then they'd be like, oh, I remember when that joke. And then you can see their appreciation now for it. So it's, you know, it just, it just all depends. Yeah, I love watching it. I love just watching like, I was watching like Whitney Cummings. I watched her go through a joke cycle or whatever. And I watched it start with some joke. They're all of shit works because she knows how to make people laugh, but like watching it like crystallize and then watching the like trimming of this and that.

It's pretty, that's what I love about the store is it's such a, it's such a university, you know, where you really do watch. I'm a, I'm slow at it though, man. I take forever to like work on material, but fuck, we're talking. Hey man, take your time. Fuck it. Right. Yeah. But let's jump away from comedy for a second though. I love talking about comedy with you and get back into reincarnation. All right. Let's reincarnate reincarnation. Let's do it. Well, you know, it actually applies to comedy because you do reincarnate as a comic, you know, you have various incarnations as a comic, but what are your views on death, man? Do you have a sense

that like, are you afraid to die? No, I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid of how I die. I don't want to be uncomfortable. You know what I mean? I don't want it to be slow and painful, but I'm not afraid to die. If you had to pick how to die, what would it be? To sit in my sleep, painless, just, you know. Dying your sleep. Yeah. Everybody, I don't know, man. I've thought about that myself. I don't know if dying in your sleep is the best, man. I think that's like a... Me neither, just as long as it's painless. But we all assume it's painless. Yeah, I know. We do. That's the problem, is it's like just because they're not talking doesn't mean they're not in hell. Right, exactly. That's one of the creepiest things I heard is like they were giving lethal injection to this dude.

And it was not working. And he was saying, it's like, I'm on fire. I'm on fire inside. Oh, shit. You know, so, yeah, that's the... I could think of the deaths that I wouldn't want to have happen. I would not... I don't want to get eaten by something. Yeah, I wouldn't get eaten. I don't want to be on a plane that's going hurling down towards the water because I already can't swim. And now I got to be like, just in the air, just... So fucked. Even if you survived. But you could use your inflatable thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those work, yeah. Those work 100%. Yeah, well, yeah, they don't... Yeah, that's a sad... All that does is make it so that it's easier to find the craft for all the corpses floating out there. Yeah, exactly. That's all they want.

To find the craft, to get that black box and hopefully like they're not fucked and the insurance company will cover. Yeah, that's all your flotation devices so that you can help them find the rest of the plane. Are your parents still around? Well, my mom is. Dad passed, yeah. How long ago? Like 2009. Were y'all close? Yeah, because first there was this thing where we never had any beef, but I didn't know how to talk to them. Then there was this article in the New Yorker. My mother used to bring the New Yorker home from work. Where was work for her? She's working in Manhattan. She's been like a nanny for like these rich people. So she used to take care of their kids. My wife was in it. I'll get out of here. Yeah. That's hilarious. So then she's

bringing the New Yorker home. This one guy had an article about not knowing how to talk to his grandfather, but then he realized that his grandfather was his history book to his past, to his great grandfather and the father before that and what life was like before he was born and the lineage of his family. So then he started asking his grandfather questions about just their past. So then when I would just call him up and we start talking, I'd just ask him questions. He would answer the questions and tell me a bunch of shit. So that then, you know, when he died, I felt like I knew everything. I'd asked him. There was no regrets. I'd spoken to him enough. I didn't let not knowing how to talk to him. I didn't let not knowing how to talk to

him affect me, never talking to him. So then we spoke and so it was and he died at an age where like I'd watched him and saw how he operated in life and that had guided me to the point where I was then and was it good enough to like keep me for the rest of my life? So it's like I couldn't be like sad when he died, which like you're supposed to be. I was like, I feel like I got lucky. I had a dad. He handled his business and like, so so why cry now? I cried for like 10 minutes. Then after that, it was like, and then people would call when they heard he died. And I was like, Hey, what's up? How you doing? I heard your dad died. So they're talking to me with I heard your dad died voice. But I'm responding to them like normal. Yeah. And they're like, Is this Ian? Yeah,

it's Ian. Where's your dad just? Yeah, he died. Yeah. And they're like, trying to like, take me down to there. I'm sympathetic voice level. I'm just talking to them regular. It's like, no, we, you know, what is there? I listen, we're all gonna die. Yeah. So I'm not surprised he died. And it was good. So I can't be down there with you. Right. You know, man, I'm so glad you're saying that. I, this is the thing when you lose a parent, or anybody, right? The last thing you need is these fucking grief Nazis, grief Nazis. And it's like grief Jehovah witnesses. Yeah. They're like, Oh, you must be in denial. It's coming around the bend. Soon you'll feel the pain. It's like, maybe not. Yeah. And also, why would you wish that on me? Yes. Yeah. What

because because here's your judgment now, I guess right now to you, I'm like an insect. I'm like Jeffrey Dahmer, some shit, actually having a good day. My father passed away not that long ago. Yeah. I remember seeing that post. Yeah. What's that? I remember seeing the post when your dad passed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. Well, that, you know, like grief. I don't think it's fascinating because it's of all this, like, I don't know what you would call it, some kind of pressure release valve or something of all of the things that psychic processes or whatever, like grief is wild because you'll cry. I mean, not to be a grief Nazi, if you don't cry, it's great, but you'll cry again. Yeah. And it'll come

out of left field. That's what's fascinating to me about it. You know, I'll just be like hanging out, just doing nothing, playing Mortal Kombat. I don't know. And like, this doesn't happen all the time, but it has to happen. All of a sudden, I'm like, out of the blue, like a meteor from my subconscious comes like erupting out or something. And it's wonderful when it happens. It's like, those kinds of tears are my favorite grief tears are cathartic. And do you know what you're crying about? Oh, yeah, like, like a lot missing them. It'll be a realization like, oh, I'll never feel what their hand feels like. I'll never smell their apartment. I'll never, you know, be annoyed when they call. And so those moments are, but, you know, I was interviewing Ram Das who passed recently,

and I was on stage at these meditation retreats that I go to interviewing him, trying to come up with like, God, talk about being a fucking phony, man, you're in front of all these spiritual people you want them to like you, you know, and like, I'm terrified of Ram Das. It makes me nervous. And so you want to seem like a good person. So I'm trying to think of the right question to ask him. I really, that's a regret I have. But I remember being up there with him and being like, what are we going to do when you die? And he looks at me and mocks me. Oh, it's hilarious. He sticks his lip out and he goes, woo. This is like a guy who's had a stroke, you know, but all of a sudden he's like really animated in a very, very fervent way, just completely burning

me up there. Because it's like, give me a fucking break. Number one, you don't really care that much about it in the way you're saying. Number two, if you're not listening to any of the shit I've been talking about, which is, you know, this is not, this is a temporary vessel I'm in right now. And but I feel like somebody had to ask that question though, right? Probably everybody else was thinking it and not saying it. And his answer probably gave them like some type of peace and shit. I think so. I thank you for saying that. I do think that was like a cool, like Matt is a great way to encounter. And it's so Ram Das, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, it was cool. But I think the damn in our culture, we're so like

death illiterate. Yeah, we act like, like the thing that's like so in our face every day, like the news reports death every day. But the society tells us to act like it can't happen to us. And every death is such a surprise. Like, Oh my God, did you hear what happened? These people died in an accident. That plane crashed. There was a natural disaster and all it's like, this is life. Death is life, man. This shit happens, you know what I mean? Yeah. But we're taught to think it can't happen to us. And we're the lucky ones were alive is not a shit. This shit is real. This shit, this shit happens, you know, it does. Yeah, I used to entertain the idea that I was a moral. Did you ever like play around with that? Like, still do.

You do. I used to do that. As long as I'm alive, when I feel like I'm in the water. Yeah. Why me? Why? Why them and not me? I must be immortal. You're the only one having this objective experience. I mean, you can't prove I'm having it. And then you know, is maybe you are an eternal being having this sort of like dream experience. I mean, I like I go, I used to go really far with it, you know, or, or I would like for a little bit, I got into transhumanism and stuff and like would study the research behind like like prolonging life and is old age even isn't maybe old age is just a disease. We haven't figured out a cure to and we might be able to reverse age and stuff like that.

And so I would imagine like, Oh, you know, yeah, sure. I mean, right now that I death is a possibility for me. In 20 years, there might be a way to live forever. But would you want to live forever if you could depends on the terms and conditions. The one condition is this, you give up your right to die. That means I can get like, just be in the way. But not even even worse, like, or maybe not worse, but my fear is like, say, say, say, as a joke right now, I'm vegan, right? Say, I don't know if it works, but I'm doing it. But what if it does work? And I live so long, I run out of money. And then I'm homeless. So how this giving up my right to die, there's a there's a point where you can live too long, you can't afford to live too long.

If you're not super rich, that's right. Like, and I'm not at the point where I can afford to live to be 100 yet. So that's so fucking crazy. So economically economically, you can't be immortal. I can't afford to be immortal. It's like, you're not ready to be immortal yet. My immortality is a curse. Oh my God. Yeah, right. Like, it's not like sometimes I watch these like, you know, movies about Dracula, vampires and shit. And it's like, where are you getting your money? Right? Like, are you just robbing the people you eat? But you're, you're like, they bought Google stock when the early on. Yeah. Yeah. The odds are, if you're immortal, you're going to go through long periods of being

broke. But that being said, you're going to get good at shit. You're going to get good at shit. You're going to figure out the trends and shit. And then you should be able to financially figure it out. Yeah. To me, this is why at least extending the lifespan, it's highly desirable because just, you know, as a comedian, I don't care, you're going to start disintegrating when you start getting older. And that's just the way it is. We've seen so many great comics. They get old. Your body's old. You're in pain. You're shitting your pants. You're like, your mind is slowly like, you know, collapsing in on itself. But man, to see a 500 year old comedian who still has a young body, hilarious. How funny would they be? I

don't know. They'd be like, if they were not afraid to jump off cliffs for those 500 years, they'd be the ultimate funny. This, and this right there, to me, that's the like creepy shit about, because I do think with like gene editing technology and the stuff I have read about it, I do think if they haven't already done it, which if they did do it, they might, they might not be in their interest to tell everybody that they figured out a way to, a way to reverse the aging process. But if they do do it, that's going to be expensive. Number one, like it's, if you want to reverse age, it's going to be millions of dollars. At first it's going to be really expensive, but then it might get cheaper like how VCRs got cheaper. First people had like the flat screen

TVs. Yeah. They were like, how much did you pay for that? 10,000? Yeah. Then they dropped down to like everybody starts getting them. Yeah. So then they just dropped the prices down. Soon as it's CVS. Yeah, yeah. You can go get your aging, anti-aging, de-aging thing done at CVS or some shit. Honey, you need to go to CVS and reverse 10 years. You're starting to look really old. It's like a haircut. It's like getting a haircut. Oh yeah. I'm going to go reverse age. Like I've put on about 10 years over the last 10 years. I need to slow down. Over the last 10 years. Reverse it. And then, but then if it is expensive, what ends up happening is you will end up with an elite species of immortal beings that are experts at everything. And then the rest of the world will

be manipulated by them and controlled by them. Just the same way it's being manipulated now by people who aren't like that. So you might as well. But they are like that, aren't they? They're super rich. Right. They are kind of like, I read this thing. I'd love to know what you think about this. Are you like not to get political, people get pissed when I get political? I don't care. Are you a socialist? Do you lean towards socialism like Bernie Sanders, Yang like university? I like Yang. Me too. And I like his numbers. And yeah, why not? Why? Why don't I just think it's funny how one side has tricked the people who need and they use the words like maybe they use the words like socialism and stuff to make

normal shit seem bad. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And it's like, no, that's just a human right. You mean healthcare? Like healthcare. Yeah, it should be. It should be. Yeah, it should be. Why wouldn't you want that? Well, I think, what do they say the reason you don't want that? The reason you don't want that. And this is not me, PS. This is me like hate watching Fox News. Oh, we love sitting and watching. If you if you're smart, you should watch some Fox News. Yeah, to see what they're saying, what they're saying. Yeah. So I so this is the idea. I think the idea and I think that the entire concept is obliterated by the existence of the military

industrial complex. You can't fucking say there's not enough money for healthcare when we're spending however much it is a day, $200 million or whatever overseas to have bases in countries that are not America. Right. So you can't say there's not enough money for healthcare. Exactly. You could argue, well, if we don't have those bases, the entire global balance will be distorted. What balance? We're at war anyway. Exactly. Exactly. So so to me, that's the thing that has always been deeply infuriated is this sense of like, wait, there's $200 million a day that we have. Yeah, something like that. Because I think about it in terms of like the hood, you know, and like it's funny, I was watching an interview with Sammy DeBull Gravano. And I think he just got out

of prison recently. And he was just speaking on like some of the stuff he's doing down how the prison system is rigged against like ethnic people, like just being a guy, a white guy in jail, how you get convicted of a trial, you get accused of something, then they give you a lawyer who has a thousand cases. And then the government has 10 lawyers, and they're determined to put you away. And then even if some and they can manufacture evidence, like you're playing against the house in Vegas. So you're so it's like, you can't win. And they the law says you're entitled to what an attorney. Yeah, but that attorney can't really help you. So it's just, and so you're going to lose anyway. And it just and just how and I and I and I just had a I forgot what the question was.

Because I know, I mean, what we're talking about is that basically the imbalance of power imbalance of power. So it's like, you have money, like, we're spending money on prisons. Yeah, when that money that was spending on prisons and for correction officers and facilities could be spent earlier on in the life of young people to show them that you love them. And that take care of them so that they don't end up feeling unloved, unwanted, and into criminals. So I say, spend all this prison and rehab rehabilitation money earlier on in their life cycle so that you won't have to spend it later on, right? You know what I mean? So that's that's where I don't like where all funds are going. No, you know what I mean? Oh, I mean,

anyone who has even the slightest soul in their body, right, should at least scratch their chin for a second. Knowing right now, there's somebody's mom dying of breast cancer, who can't afford chemo. Right. And we're fucking paying money for drones to drop bombs on some fucking weird Iranian general. Give me a fucking break. Right. And then the people ordering these things are all millionaires and shit. And then somewhere in there, people like, what? They love America. They don't love America. They're turning their vampires, they're literally converting human life into dough. I mean, that's like, that's the truth of the matter of a drone strike. A drone strike makes Raytheon, Halliburton, DARPA, I guess. There's a profit margin there, man. You know, like, have you done any commercials?

Yeah, rarely. Yeah, like some voice over shit. So remember, I never, I got one commercial, I never got that sweet fucking commercial money. God damn, you know, these comics will book these fucking things and every time the commercial ran in the old days, at least, they'd get 10,000 bucks. And if they got it now, you'd hear these comics, I booked a national and then, oh my God, every month they're getting like 50 grand, just fucking mailed to their ass for doing like one day of work. And it was a dream in the old, I heard it changed a little bit. Yeah, it changed. But fuck, if you're a weapons manufacturer, and you hear about a drone strike, there's a PC that's like, well, well, well, we just made a little bit of money this month.

We're making money. Yeah, you're not thinking we shouldn't kill people. Yeah, you're making those weapons so that they get used so you could sell more weapons. So like, like, you make clothes, so people will wear them. And then you make up reasons like we have so many different types of clothes, we got pajamas, we got pajamas that are sexy, like lingerie, so that when you go to bed and late when a woman lays next to a man, he's going to do something to her, like have sex pajamas, then there's a work clothes, and there's different types of work clothes, and then there's there's a hiking clothes, and there's, there's a yoga outfits, and then there's suits, and then it sounds like, but you always, when you, if you make these things, you make up a reason why people

should wear these things. So if you make weapons, you're going to make up a reason why people should use these weapons, you ain't making them just if they just buy them and never use them, then they'll stop buying them. So anybody that's selling weapons is doing some shit to make people use those weapons. Oh man, that's the dark, dark thought that I try to avoid. I had a fucking Uber driver say this to me, if you're making umbrellas, you need it to rain. Yeah. And it's like, fuck, this, this shit is like so, it's so unreal to me to imagine that there are people in the world that are so insane, greedy, that they would want to perpetuate war infinitely to make money. Oh yeah, they're there. And yet they exist. Yeah. And we let them live.

Yeah. You know, like in, I thought like, you know, Dracula movies, Frankenstein movies, they surround, like you surround the castle with the torches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would happen to you. It's like, if you were doing this shit, the villagers set you on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we're just like, yeah, it's just, we know that's what the vampire does. Because we have a certain level of comfort that as long as it doesn't affect us, like we're numbed by our own comfort. Right. And we're like, oh, well, that's not happening to us. But like, this is some guy said this, you know, this is, and I wish everybody heard this. And I think he was, he's like a black sports journalist, right? And he was like, hey, man,

like if you're some rich, non black person, right? And I think cancer or any disease is a good equalizer just because of this. So say you don't care about the poor segment of society. And you don't mind them going in and out of jail and having ruined lives because there's, you could make money off that, you know what I mean? But say you're rich, your whole life. But one of the equalizing factors is death and uncertainty of when it's going to happen. You can get any sickness, any illness, any disease. Do you know rich person that somebody who's in jail right now, if they had the great upbringing, and I had not been oppressed, they could have come up for the cure for whatever you're going to die of, or a relative who's close to you is going to

die off. So you think you're getting away unscathed, but you're hurting yourself by hurting other people. And that's how connected we are. You know what I mean? That is the craziest. I have a fuck. And then they said that I was like, Oh, shit. That is true. It's like, we all need each other, you know? Yeah. But we just selfish, like that's why that's why death is great. You know what I'm saying? Or some unforeseen illness is great because you can't get away from it until people start making these connections and realizing what they're doing to other people to hurt them, eventually comes back to hurt you. You know, they won't get that shit. There's a Ram Dass foundation is called love, serve, remember. And the remember part they say

remember God, but I've heard it actually remember you're going to die. So that's their like, you know, motto love everybody serve everybody and remember you're going to die. Because if you forget that, you will become the biggest fucking asshole on planet Earth. And the fact that these bastards have forgotten the fact that every single great, many of the great things that come into this world do not come from a predicted source. They don't come from a they are sure they're not coming from the fucking Ivy League trust fund babies all the time. And this is why I love the Christian story. Because this is a major situation. This thing pops up in the middle of a barn. And it's the hope of the world. Right. And sometimes this is when I'm definitely eating too

much weed. Sometimes I think, Oh, actually, that's not a mistake. Right. They don't want things to get better. They don't want a hope of the world. They want to get into the places where there's the highest likelihood of some kind of novel idea. And how many times have you like heard the story and that does happen, man, there are comics, I know, who are brilliantly funny and wealthy upbringings. But more often than not, that is not the way it works. And so if one of the fundamental seemingly universal things that, you know, if you're, you know, we want to grow carrots, there's a certain way maybe they're going to grow. If you want to grow wine, wine country, right, want to grow fucking, you know, great minds, adversity, unfortunately, right.

So if we start making it so these diversity is imprisoning people, destroying their consciousness, turning them into survivors. Yeah, occupying their mind with survival. Yeah. Then they can't use their mind to just create and do things. You know what I mean? Dude, it's almost like if you were a reptile alien taking over the planet, it would just be standard. Like, oh, you need to start putting the poor people in jail because they come up with ideas. You need to imprison the first step in conquering any planet is immediately get as many poor people imprisoned or dead as you possibly can. You don't want socialism because you need them to die. Because otherwise, if you let them live too long,

what are you going to get a fucking car? You want a Karl Marx? You want another Jesus? You want another Gandhi? Do you see how bad Gandhi fuck things up for us? You want another Martin Luther King? Is that what you want? No, you want sheep that you can suck their life energy off of so we can live forever. Right, right. Yeah, they're definitely like vampire in us. You know what I mean? Like we're just, it's almost that's why the matrix hit so hard when it did. Because it's like, oh, shit, we're like, like batteries that they're just feeding off and shit until, you know, until what? Until they just don't care you throw out the old batteries, just wait till the new ones come in. People are going to be born. And they just keep it moving. Man, this is truly the I think

one of the grim realities until man, I like I remember I had this guy Rick Doblin on my podcast to is the guy doing the MDMA studies with people have PTSD. And I was raging against the machine with him. I think I was talking about the FDA maybe or I don't remember he was really bitching about it. And this is the guy who went to the Pentagon and like met with generals and he somehow managed to get the insane, you know, viewpoint of the United States when it comes to psychoactive drugs to change enough to at least allow the studies to happen, which are now, you know, having a lot of great results. And the thing he said to me was really fucking unnerving. He's like, no, they're not all bad up there. And then you know what I mean? So now it's like,

where is the evil? Where's the vampire? The system itself seems to be more like some people are just brainwashed to and they're unaware until like something close to something close to them happens to them. And then he goes up there and speaks to them. And then, you know, like, like a lot of people in that lifestyle, some of them, like they believe in their like the American system, the way it was taught to them and they have they've succeeded listening to it. So there's no reason to doubt it or to think that they're wrong or that they've been doing anything wrong. You know what I mean? It hasn't even it's like it's a flickered across their fucking screen. Yeah, exactly. It hasn't occurred to them. Like, nah, those people, they fucked up, they made

those choices. But you haven't seen the positions they were putting, they were putting in survival mode. And when you're survival mode, like, if you're born in the jungle, man, you learn how to kill lines and shit like that. But if you're in America, you're like, Hey, man, the line population is down. You can't be killing lines like that. You know what I mean? But you're not the lines ain't walking next to your goddamn. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna tell me not to kill lines? You're gonna tell me not to kill lines. Like, so it's like, right. And then you're occupied with like, trying to not being killed with a lion, you can't create or do anything or come up with nothing. You're just constantly under survival pressure. And this is why we made the world it

was so you could have time to create so you'd be in a house, you'd be protected. And there's water and there's electricity. And people who have that can think and come up with other shit. And the people that don't have that staying survival mode. And they keep the prisons as chaotic as they possibly fucking can because otherwise the prisons will become the house. They'll become like, if you were to do like the way some, what is it, Sweden, their prisons look like dormitories. It's true. They truly want to rehabilitate the prisoners. They're trying to make it so they don't kill people anymore for real. And they have a very low recidivism rate. But if we did that here, then the prisons would become monasteries or something. They would become places where people would begin to write great

poetry, not that it's not happening now in prisons. And there's a lot. Do you ever think about doing, do you do any kind of like volunteer work? Like I always think if I was going to do volunteer work, it would be some kind of prison outreach or something. I've done like, once like Tosh has like, he'll say, Hey, you want to do a charity show? Like, so we're doing it for free. But then every comic on the show gets to pick a charity where they want to donate the money to their money to. So I'll do like the innocence program. Is that a prison? Is that a, yeah, it's like where, you know, it goes to a fund and there's these lawyers in the innocence program. Hope I'm saying where they try to get people who are already convicted and in jail for a long time,

if they believe that they're innocent, you know, they keep on appealing and trying their cases and trying to get them out of jail. You know what I mean? If they feel like this is what went wrong in this case, you know, and so this is why we believe this person didn't do it, you know, then they try to do that. That's cool. Yeah, but I don't do it enough. I need to like stay on that. That's like my main cause of any cause, you know what I mean? I think it's one of the great causes. People aren't fucking dungeons, man. Yeah, man. They're in dungeons, a lot of them are in dungeons and they did do a crime, but the crime isn't even a real fucking crime. Right, exactly. They're just selling acid. Yeah. They had a Grateful Dead show and they're in there for 50 life sentences straight.

It's crazy, right? Some southern fucking judge was like, you're trying to drop it in the water, supply hippie. Yeah, they make up like, I like when the judicial system makes up your motive for you and you're like, what? I wasn't even thinking of doing that. Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your mind? Yeah. But no, they're not. They're just like their friends were in the prison. They need to keep them stuck. Yeah. Good God. This got dark and awesome. But before we wrap up, He said dark and awesome. I love it. I love it, man. Why don't we just start milking them? Why don't we, why don't we just admit what we're doing, herd people into prisons and start juicing them for their stem cells? I mean, it's a version of basically what they're doing. It's a version,

yeah, but you got to make it seem like it's not otherwise. Yeah, exactly. If we were, if the prisons look like fucking dairy farms or the prisoners just had weird tubes attached to dicks and nipples that were sucking their life essence that rich people were drinking, we'd shut down prisons in a day. Yeah. Every time they're making a phone call or something, you're milking them or buying, getting something from the conversation or $30 a minute to talk to your son. I'm in jail. This is how I got here. I was broke. I did, how am I going to pay 30? Yeah. So crazy. I had an ounce of fucking marijuana in my backpack. And now my son doesn't have a dad. How am I in jail for this and you ain't in jail

for what you're charging me for a phone call? Well, that's crazy. I'm glad you asked that question, prisoner. Now back to the milking room. Tell me about your special. Bill Burr, this is the one Bill Burr. This is the one Bill Burr. How did that happen? I mean, fuck, that's incredible, man. How did that phone, was it a phone call or a chat or how did that originate? So Bill got a deal from Comedy Central to produce three specials for some crazy reason. He hits me up through, first my agent hit me up because I think I'm not the same agent, but my agent hit me up. So Bill wants to give me one of the specials. And I was like, and I was looking, I was going to shoot a special. I was going to use my own money.

We were looking at venues with the same guy who directed this special, which is cool because Aristotle, a theorist, directed my special. But he was like, before that, he was like, you should have a special. I agreed with him. So, excuse me, I was just going to use my money and shoot it. And then, you know, just putting that shit into action and taking the steps and Bill getting a deal and then Bill being able to offer me money and me not having to spend my own money and it having a location like Comedy Central just worked out. Beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. But like, to me, I do get like paying for your own special in the sense you own them. That's your IP. And that's what I liked about it. Yeah. And that's what I still,

even though I'm happy it was on Comedy Central, I still like want to own my shit more than it being on Comedy Central or even somewhere else, unless they're going to pay me so much. I don't have to worry about owning it. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah, right. That's and also, you know, I don't know how much, I guess that did they put it on YouTube or they put it online or anything like that? How accessible is it? It's at comedycentral.com. But Comedy Central's like website is not the greatest and their app ain't the greatest. Right. So and then so only people in America that have Comedy Central, whether the app or maybe somewhere on Amazon, and maybe Hulu now you can watch it.

When I haven't seen it yet, I was reading about it and it said it's like a TED talk. Yeah. So okay, so this is it's not it's not tradition. It's not traditional stand up. It's more Well, it is. It is. But when I when you look at stand up, like dependent on the type of stand up you are, you are explaining something. Right. You are explaining something. And but you're giving your like a TED talk is like somebody's perspective on something or a new idea on something. So I just presented the same jokes, but in a TED talk format. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, man, if you can, to me, you know, I think that is an emerging form in comedy right now is figuring out a way to in a funny way, also be like informational, you know, not just like,

you know, all good stand up is like that. But I do love that, that approach, that approach to it, man. Yeah, that's cool. That's always like fantasize about that. Like, look, you know, I really do want to talk about Buddhism on stage. Right. But I have no idea how to make funny. I have no idea how to work it out where it doesn't sound preachy. Just do. So I get caught up in stuff that that I'm passionate about. And then I will say, Oh, just let me just do a one liner about it first. So just do it a one liner at a time. And then you add a tag to that one line, then another tag. And then it turns into the bit like if we try to make the whole bit, then it's going to be preachy, but just make the first single joke about it and then tag it and

then tag it. And then you build a whole then you get to say what you want. But I think sometimes when we sit down to write, we're trying to do this whole thing. And it's just you just got to simplify that shit. Very Buddhist of you to say by the way. Thank you very much. My pleasure. Man, this was a joy. Thank you. Thanks for coming here. And my pleasure. Please let people know where to find you on Instagram at Ian Edwards comic on Twitter at Ian Edwards comic on Facebook. Just type in Ian Edwards. And on my website is Ian Edwards comedian.com. All the links you need to find Ian will be at DrTrustle.com. Thank you, man. Much thanks to Ian Edwards for coming on this episode of the DTFH. All the links you need to

find Ian are going to be at DrTrustle.com. And thank you, Squarespace for sponsoring us. And thank you for listening to the DTFH. If you like us, subscribe to us somewhere. Give us a like. Leave a nice review on iTunes. I'll see you next week. Until then, Hare Krishna. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JCPenney. Family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two. We do it all in style. Dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford and Jay Farrar. Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute, man. Extra affordable. Check out the latest in-store. And we're never short on options at JCP.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JCPenney.