Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 375: Mehcad Brooks

Episode Date: March 7, 2020

Mehcad Brooks, amazing actor and JAX FROM MORTAL KOMBAT, joins the DTFH! This episode is brought to you by: Zip Recruiter - Visit ZipRecruiter.com/Duncan to try ZipRecruiter for FREE! Black Tux - Use offer code: DUNCAN for 10% off your first order. Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site.

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this podcast blew my mind. Makad Brooks is an amazing actor. He's a musician who's got a wonderful album out called May 20th. He's also one of the stars of the upcoming Mortal Combat movie and you've probably heard him on Aubrey Marcus's podcast. He is a brilliant human being who died and came back from the dead. We talk about it in this podcast, so now please welcome the great Makad Brooks. Makad, welcome to the DTFH. I'm so excited to have you here.

I was researching you. The first thing obviously that pops up right now is that you are going to be Jack's Briggs in the Mortal Combat movie coming out, which is badass and is somebody who plays Mortal Combat and gets into arguments with 12-year-olds, which is just the... that's why I stopped because I realized I was like actually... That's why I stopped too. Really? Because you're talking shit to someone that's 10 years old and you don't realize that. Yeah.

Like, until you do and then you're like, I can't continue that DTFH. I was sitting next to my wife and getting enough argument with someone who definitely was maybe, I don't know, maybe 16 maybe. Maybe. And I realized... At most. At most. At most. And I was like a little mad. He was kicking my ass. Of course they are. And I remember, yeah, no shit. That's all they do all day. But the look she gave me, it wasn't like disgust. It was just a look of like sad,

pity that I was like engaging with the universe in this way. And I'm like, I gotta quit playing this game. Yeah, I've gotten that like once or twice. But Jack's Briggs. Holy shit, man. That is so cool. Yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, it's a dream come true. And also, it stopped being that very early on because I knew how much work I had to do. So it became this very practical thing that I wanted to do as close to perfect as possible. Right.

So, yeah. And we, I think, you know, we all went down there with an idea of what Mortal Kombat was going to be. And like, obviously, we've lived with the game and the characters for 26 years. But none of us had any idea it was going to be what it's going to be. It's going to be fucking fantastic. The way that Tim Burton's Batman changed comic book movies. Yes. The comic book genre. It went from kind of Corny, Adam Utopia, Bang Boom Pow, Adam West, right? Yeah.

Like, you know, Superman, Richard Donner, and like, it's a romantic comedy about a guy who shoots lasers out of his eyes and can fly. Yeah, right. They can crush coal into diamonds. Great. That's cool. But somehow, Jack Nicholson and Tim Burton and Michael Keaton turned that genre into something dark and grounded and real and based in physics and like, but also, you know, I think, I think without Jack Nicholson, I don't know if we'd have a joker because he played it. He played it in such a way where like,

if you believe what he's doing, he's got to be mentally ill or he's got, there's got to be something wrong with this guy, right? Right. Yeah. And so like, when I approached Jack's, I was like, okay, well, he's an assassin. He's a killer. Yeah. And he kills monsters. Yeah. So he has to be a monster. Right. You don't get a, you don't get a human to kill monsters. You get a, you make a monster.

You make a man into a monster to kill monsters. And I was stuck on this, on this Ernest Hemingway quote, and I'm sure I'm going to fuck it up. But it goes along the lines of, once you've hunted and killed trained men long enough, you have very little taste for anything else in the world. And that's who Jack's is. Like, I had to go into this dark space of like, how did I start? Where am I from? He's from Houston. Okay. So how'd that happen? Army boxing. Okay. So he got into boxing to get out, get away from his family life. Okay. Cool. Now his family life was so fucked up that it made him super angry and he was

breaking the adults' noses at 14. Okay. Cool. Got that. I'm journaling that down. Then I get into a place where the best thing he, the best option he has is to join the army. Yeah. I know he, he did six tours. I knew that. Like that was part of the character. So cool. So I'll incorporate that. And what does that mean? And if somebody's doing six tours and there's special forces and they're picking where they want to go, that's a bad motherfucker. Yeah. It doesn't have the same sort of moral compass that you and I do. No. Like it couldn't be there. Like maybe it never was there. And if it was there, it's not, it's not intact in the same way that it was before, before the six tours. So I had to go through who did he kill? How many? Why? When did he feel bad about it? Is

this, is, is he just a murderer or an assassin who's like, you know what? The government sanctioned it and I'm a patriot as well. And so I can make it, I can make it okay in my mind, okay in my head. And that's a dark motherfucker. And it's like, to me, he could be a bad guy if he's fighting for, if he believes the cause of something else, right? If he buys into your cause, he's just an assassin. So that's how I found this sort of this, this, this, this grounded realism in him that like, well, who was he before he was killing monsters and hunting monsters? And like, that's a really cool, you know, I think we all did that. We all sort of approached it in the way of like, how do I make this person real? Because in today's, today's age, like,

you can't play a video game character. You can't play, you can't, you can't play this, a character who's been canonized, right? Like comics or video games and just play them how they've always come off. They have to, they have to feel and look real to people these days. And so that was, that was a level of engagement that was kind of interesting and hard to let go of. And hard to let go of. Yeah. Like those, those memories like stuck in your head or something, or you, you, you, whatever being that you manifested in that exercise you just described, is that living in you a little bit now? Whatever, whatever place you, okay. So for instance, realistically speaking, unless you, unless you have a psychotic break, right? As an actor,

every, every character you play, no matter how different they are than you, has to lend to a part of your personality, right? You have to be able to, to go down this neurological pathway that is something, you know, I'm not an angry person. I could be. I've had a lot of things in my life that happened that could have left me really angry. And there's times where I get angry, obviously, but it subsides very quickly. I've learned how to like, how to deal with that. I know anger doesn't serve me. I know that it creates other pathways and other patterns that you now have to deal with based on what you, what, what you, how you reacted instead of responded. My girlfriend tells me all the time, make sure you're reacting instead of

responding. Right. And so I've really tried to live my life that way. And Jax has two, but headed down that neurological pathway in the part of my psyche that is angry, that is, that could be a killer, that could be all these different things that I had to like tap into. Yeah, that's, that's difficult to, to, to turn on and off. It's not like, you know, I'm, I'm walking around Australia wanting to beat somebody up. It was just like, I just kind of had to stay in the house and like, you know, allow the other things that were happening in my life, not to make me angry because I was in this space, in this space. And like, when they said action, it really helped. It was great. It was great to be in that space. Right. It was great to be in

that space. It's great to be in that space of like, you know, we did three takes of something and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and tears are running down my face and like, you can't, I don't even have a voice after 15 minutes. And we all had to take it there because it's such a heightened reality that this is until these interdimensional beings jumping through portals who were trying to kill us, you know, and then we're coming back for them and like, who are these people? These are some bad motherfuckers and you have to go there. You have to go there. Well, that's nuts, man, because you have to go there. I love that. You know, I remember when the Walking Dead came out, the comic book, did you read the comic book?

So suddenly there's a take on the zombie genre that's acknowledging what would happen psychologically to people if a zombie apocalypse broke out. People would lose their shit. You're not going to be okay. You're not going to be okay with that. Some people have trauma from like, you know, just getting punched in the face. You know, if you went through a day in a zombie apocalypse, you're going to slowly or quickly lose your mind. So, you know, yeah, it's cartoony to imagine hyperdimensional beings jumping out and attacking people. But if you were in that place, who would you, who would that make you? Yeah. And who and what kind of person would you be to be putting yourself in the place in the first place? Right. Well, you would be some kind of

sorcerer or some kind of, yeah. And then there are sorcerers in the movie. But my character is an army boxing special forces commander. Yeah. He's not a sorcerer. Maybe maybe he's an alchemist in his own way. Right. But he's just, he's like, to me, he was on, he was on the SEAL team that killed Bin Laden. He was on the team that went and got El Chapo. Like, he was, he's one of those guys. Oh, I mean, you're the sorcerer. Oh, sorry. You are. Because the sorcery you're doing is a form of summoning a spirit. And that, you know, because when people hear about magic and all that shit, they imagine Hogwarts or whatever, a temple and a thing on the floor and other, but you're the temple. And when you're doing that level of acting, you're doing as ritual

of summoning that literally brings a being into existence, some amalgamation of ideas that comes to life. I mean, this is like, that's for one, I'm so excited to hear that the movie has gone deep and it's gone dark. It's gone deep and dark, man. That's cool. Like, when does this podcast come out? This podcast will come out this week, I think. Okay. So I was going to tell you something, but I can't tell you that now. Bummer. But there's, there's, there's a moment in the movie that we didn't expect to put into the movie. And then our Simon, our director, wrote it. And he added a few scenes. He was, he was doing that here and there. And it just made, whatever he added made the movie so much more enriching and just, and just really tied things together.

But he gave me, he gave me one scene that everybody's going to take a look at and go, oh my God, I get it. I get it. I kind of get something about this character that I didn't think that I would get from this movie. That's so cool. And it's such a real moment. And I really put myself in the situation and, and the film gave us room to do that kind of stuff time and time again. And so like, it's the, it's, it's like, I think it's going to be the kind of film that, that breaks some box office records and also could, could get nominated in some ways. It's really, it's really a fantastic piece of art. It really is. And no one's going to expect that. Great news. Yeah. It's like, well, this is also, we had, we had to, we had to.

This is when you, to me, that is one of the most nefarious, and I mean that in a beautiful way, forms of evolving culture is you take a thing that has, you know, listen, when you go and talk to somebody about Mortal Kombat, nobody's thinking, I'm going to see some kind of like Kubrick film or something like that. People are just thinking, you know, it's going to be some gory, violent, cheesy action movie. So then you take that, this is an ambush, essentially. Now you get to theater, fill with people who are expecting that. And suddenly they're getting the real deal. And they're getting that too. Yeah. They are getting the fatalities and the brutality. They are, they are getting the hearts ripped out, their heads being exploded, the spine is ripped out.

They're getting that. But I think, I think what's really cool about what you're saying is, and it's so true, is that there's this unknown payoff that's going to happen where, yes, you're going to get all the fatalities that you're used to, all the fight moves that you want to see. You're going to get, like, of course, we had to put all that stuff in there. But you're also getting a real story about real people that you can connect with and identify with. Right. And identify with their struggles. Yeah. Right. And like, that's the part that I think is going to be really unexpected. That's cool. I love to hear that. I think that's that. Do you think that this style of film, the, I don't know what you call hyper realistic, comic book, video game remake is happening because

we're in a dark period right now in our, in our culture and people are, it's a, you know, movies just kind of reflect the situation. And, you know, is that why it's happening? I mean, first of all, do you think we're in a dark period in our culture right now? Absolutely. We're in a, I don't know if we're in a dark period in our culture. We are in a dip of consciousness. A dip. Yeah. I think we can easily get out of it. I think that we are on the precipice or the breaking point of something. I think that we are either, we are either going to break apart and what's happening right now is going to cause us to fall apart as a culture, or we're going to heal and the choice is ours. You know, it's either going to bring us farther

apart and we're, and because of that, you know, we will restructure and that probably won't be a good thing for a long time. Or we're going to say, you know what, this restructuring that's happening anyway, should be bringing us closer together. Yeah. Right. And we should be, we should be bonded in that we want to make sure that we're going in the right direction. Right. And so I think we have an opportunity here. We're in the precipice of change. Either way, it's going to be healing and it's going to hurt. Right. And we have a decision to make as, you know, a collective consciousness in our culture. I'd say the hyper realism of comic book movies and superhero genre, and the superhero genre,

I think we've always had our superhero stories, right? Yeah. They were just mythology. Right. Right. So like, no matter where you came from in the world, your ancestors told superhero genre stories, we just called it Zeus and Achilles and Odin and Simba from, from, you know, the Mali people. We had Olin Dumar from the Yoruba tribe. We had different folklore, Gilgamesh, whatever it was, that people, that we had these superhero characters in it and supernatural beings and super heroics and people that represented our fears and people that represented our different emotional states and our heightened emotional states. And they were able to take those emotional states and persevere through the story as a protagonist.

Right. Right. So we're not doing anything different. I think the difference is we're now taking the stories that we saw as escapism and we're putting, we're putting a very grounded, realistic and modern, I'd say, God, I don't want to go with the darkness. I don't either. Yeah, but it's like, I think you and I sitting here in Silver Lake Hollywood, right? Yeah. We don't have a dark life. Right. Right. But there's the person in Iowa, in Nebraska, who's making 12 bucks an hour. Right. What do they think the future looks like? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. But I can see why Joker became the number one rated our movie of all time. Right. Because people are looking for escape out of, I think, what they think is a dark situation. So I'm not sure if we are projecting

in Hollywood or we're reflecting. I'm not sure which one we're doing yet. Yeah. But I know that we are doing something really, really smart. We're taking all of our sacred cows, we're taking all the things that we've had, all these trademarks and titles that we've had for 60 years or 50 years or 20 years, whatever the case is. And we're reworking them to an audience that needs realism. Yeah. Right. No one wants to have their hand held and like, let's escape with me. No, I want to escape, but I want my feet on the ground. Yeah. I think, I know what you're saying. I think that that, I think, I don't know if it's projecting or reflective. I think, you know, number one, I mean, I don't think I'm having, I'm having, I thank Christ and all the

gods I'm having a good life right now. But I don't think it's geography necessarily. It's more of a kind of like, God, what I was just talking to someone yesterday and they're saying, well, one, one of the things that makes us all a family is we're all going to die. We're all in the family of mortals, meaning we are facing this, this, this, this finality. Yeah. If anything, you know, if you want to find someplace where we can share in the suffering, certainly that's it in the sense that we're all going to die. But to get back to this reflective versus projecting thing and especially this taking superheroes and gratifying them or whatever it is, you know, giving them a struggle, giving them a struggle. This is what I love about the Christ Jesus, because this is a, this,

you know, he was a gritty dude. Gritty dude. And he didn't want to do it. Yeah. That's my favorite thing about him is in the Garden of Gassethomy, there's that he's like, please take the cup away for me. I don't want to die. I don't want, I want out of this gig that to me. I don't want to be a martyr. I don't want to do it. I want to see, I want to see the changes made. Yeah. Yeah. That I love, you know, with like, I know Odin got hung upside down. I know all the Norse mythos, they're all neurotic and fucked up. But you look at like Shiva, Krishna, that, that pantheon in general, there's a kind of like, I don't know how you would put it, that grittiness, that, that thing in there, Shiva's the, you know, of being that is terrifying and powerful and on your arm. But,

but you know what I mean? There isn't like the, I don't, as far, but I'm not aware of the Shiva mythology. I'm not aware of a moment where Shiva is like, I don't want to be the destroyer. I don't want to be this thing. Right. Right. And these types of, you know, movies that take a superhero, and suddenly you've got a person who's now you're like, oh, shit, they're human. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's personify, it's personification of gods, isn't it? So it's like, it's, it's, it's instead of the gods reflecting, sorry, it's human beings reflecting the gods. We're now taking the gods of old, or the superheroes of old, or the heroes of old, and we're now making them more like us. And we're now making them fit more into our time.

Yeah. Like, of course, of course, Joaquin Phoenix had to play the Joker as somebody who was mentally ill. Yeah. Right. And, and go down such a dark path as that character that we didn't judge him for doing what he did, that we judge the system for, right. Yeah. And that, that, that speaks to our society on a lot of different levels, but that's the cool thing. I think what's going to happen with Mortal Kombat is that I think even some of the bad guys, you're going to go like, they just want the same thing. You know that, like, and it's okay if the kids come in and they're fans of, I'm not going to give away who's, who's, who's the bad guys are, but like, we had some really great actors playing those guys and those characters and they, they came in with the same

energy. They came in with the same complexity. They came in with the same realistic and grounded history of why these people are who they are. Right. Right. Yeah. See, this thing that you're talking about, the circumference of justice in our country stops right around there because you, if you go too far, if you, if you're compassion, take the most monstrous being you can imagine, John Wayne Gacy, for example. Pretty about. Severely abused. Right. He was abused and, but let's say he wasn't. The question is, is this person like any monster, you know, because you, Jack Spreggs is killing monsters and he didn't start that way. He didn't start that way. But that thing about any monster, some video games I play, I'm like, who's is the fucking monster? The monster

just wants to win. Yeah. Just like the other guy. You're playing like World of Warcraft. You're running through some hyper colored landscape, just killing things that are hanging out in the forest. Who's bad here? Yeah, exactly. You know, like, they're just chilling. You're the one going around incinerating them. Right. These monsters are like. It's a very sort of old colonial sort of perspective of heroism. Oh God. Can I ruin something for you right now? Sure. Sure. You might be already be aware of this. Can I ruin something? Yeah. I love when things get ruined because the truth is being shown. This is so depressing because I was thinking about the apocalypse and I think one of the, you know, apocalypse means the lifting of the veil. Right. And if you look at the Wizard

of Oz, the man behind the curtain, they lift the veil. It represents the apocalypse and they finally witnessed the worst case scenario, which is it's just a human running the whole fucking thing and your whole journey was just to get to a fraudulent con artist freak behind the curtain. And you know, this also there's like a terrifying story in Buddhism where Buddha visits Brahma and you know, he's like, get the hell out of it. Don't leave all the gods around. And then he comes back to where Buddha's meditating later and says, I'm sorry I kicked you out. This is God in this mythological story. I'm sorry I kicked you out. I know you came to ask how I can help in human suffering, but I want you to know that I'm not really God. I was just the first one here. I don't know who

made this shit. And if you want to figure out how to end human suffering, you have to do it yourself. But when God, you go to the gods for help and they say to you, no, I don't know. You're gonna have to help us. Oh, God, that's terrifying. Anyway, the creator, I'm sorry to finish the point, the creator of the Wizard of Oz, Frank Baum, was a genocidal. He was into eugenics, wasn't he? I don't know if he was into eugenics, but he sure as fuck was into killing Native Americans. There's two quotes kind of goes hand in everything. Oh yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, he's like... When you have specified genocide, that's kind of like... I guess it's a tool of eugenics in a way. Eugenics is I guess the more subtle form of that. It sounds nicer.

You could do it over time without having to be violent about it. You breed out certain genes or something. It's more scientific genocide or something. This son of a bitch, and also because it's the Wizard of Oz, it's a huge franchise that you find, I don't know, publicists for the Wizard of Oz movie, clearly a battle is happening on Wikipedia where they're trying to be apologists for this guy saying, I can't remember what he called them, some awful thing. Savages. Savages. He's like the savages, we must respect their noble heart, but nonetheless, there's nothing to do but exterminate them. Something like that. He said it, the creator of the fucking Wizard of Oz. I mean, that was pretty normal talk for a lot of minority groups to hear

in the 20s and 30s. Yeah, not just in the 20s and 30s, I mean. But I'm saying, I think it was still, it was public in America, you could say that and get away with it. You could say that and not get canceled. Exactly. Like yeah, you could say that. I think through the 40s, it was like pretty... Open game. I'm gonna twist your mind on something too. Please. Apocalypse. I had this thing about how we code words, right? I think everything's based on codes. I think we're coders. Because university learning is a bunch of code. You mean like computer code? Code. Yeah, beyond computer. Beyond computer. But I think the way that, mathematically, the way that we could probably identify it is computer code. But if you look at apocalypse,

what does that mean? Apoc? Epoch, which is a time period. Elipse. Elapsing of an epoch. So the ideas of all the last epoch are gonna go away when the apocalypse happens. So there's all these, we code words all the time to tell us what they actually mean. Holy shit. That's one of them. Hard drive, wipe. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. All the shit you thought meant something doesn't mean anything. And we're kind of seeing that right now, right? Trump is Trump. Listen, I'm not a Trump supporter by any measure of the word. Really? I wouldn't have guessed that. By any measure of the word. Any measure of the word. But I do respect one thing he's doing. What's that? He's making us question if any of the shit that we thought mattered matters.

Wow. Do laws matter? Well, only the ones we enforce. Huh, that's interesting. Does decorum matter? Only if it works. Does this matter? Does this matter? Does so on and so forth? Does being nice to people matter? And yes, I think it does in daily life. But I'm saying on a larger scale, all the stuff that we were taught that was supposed to get you ahead in life and supposed to get you to the victory doesn't work. Let's go through what those are. What is it? Be polite, follow the rules, turn your blinkers, turn the other cheek, bow to your opponent, bow to your opponent, be gracious, don't lie, be honest, don't overtly mislead people. It's kind of interesting. It's kind of interesting that human beings are willing to see somebody who

tells 40 lies in a week and then they believe the one that speaks to founding what they believe anyway. That speaks to supporting their own beliefs with some anyway. That's confirmation bias. So it's less of an exploration on what he's doing and his behavior. It's more about what we're willing to accept. I think any despot or any totalitarian leader is willing to change the course of history on Thursday. Anyone. But what stops them is a willingness of a citizenry and its representatives to stop that from happening. And we've proven that we're not going to stop them. We've proven it. Hasn't happened yet. We've proven that we're not going to stop them. I'm not disagreeing with you. I mean, you look at what's happening in

Paris. That's what it takes if you really want. I'm not even sure that would work here now. We'll find out this year. I think Donald Trump is going to die in the White House. I don't think you let a man like that into a house like that and expect him to leave. Good God. Hold on. I feel like the bottom just dropped out of my house. We're talking about the veil. We're talking about the apocalypse. We're talking about the epoch lifted, the lapse of the epoch. And the knowledge that we thought was that you had decorum, that you would pay attention to the rules and the laws that we set forth in this country that, well, you get eight years. That's true until it's not. Well, all men are created equal.

That's true until it's not, until you give me an example. People should have equal pay for equal work. Well, that's not really true either. All these things that we think are, they're buying our ethics and buying our morals and buying our values, they're really just suggestions. They're really just suggestions based on the opulence that we've been able to obtain. And once we have fear that some of that opulence may go away, we're willing to change those morals, those values, and those belief systems. Right. And that's the interesting part.

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Yeah, sorry if I went too dark. You went exactly the right amount of dark. This is exactly where I hope to link. Listen, this is, to me, as someone who grew up taking me to the next level of my life. I'm not going to go into the next level of my life. I'm not going to go into the next level of my life. I'm not going to go into the next level of my life. To me, as someone who grew up taking LSD and looking at politics and the news,

and watching it, and thinking like, oh, this is kind of fake. Like, we're believing it, but they're definitely not following the rules. And they don't believe it. And they don't believe it. No, they don't believe it. But you know you, as above so below. So if you've ever been in a job that has a certain set of rules and then you rise up in the ranks of that job, you realize those rules don't apply to you.

So why would it be any different for the elite, so to speak? Especially because they're making the rules. They're making the rules. They're printing the money. Yeah, they're making the rules. So, you know, like, there's someone who works every day in a place where $100 bills are being printed on paper. And like, who's that person?

Who is that? Why isn't it even necessary anymore? Yeah, it's crazy. Why is it even necessary? Yeah. But when you think about just that, someone who probably goes home smelling like money from like being next to the ink, stinking of $100 bills. And if you think those people aren't peeling off hundreds.

Of course. Come on. Of course they are. Of course they are. And who are those people? And you're not even supposed to talk about it. Because the moment you start talking about it, people are like, what are you, a conspiracy theorist?

They don't want to hear you. And what are you, not one? Hold on. What are you, an idiot? Because if I worked, hold on, I'm an honest person. I'm an honest person. But if I worked in a room that was printing money, I would be going home with $1,000 extra a day.

Yeah. Easy. Yeah. What are you talking about, on a government salary? Yeah. Me and all the boys would be going home with a little extra. Every day. Whoops.

Oh my goodness. I did it again. $50,000 made its way into my pocket. Whoops. Oh, we overprinted $75,000 today between the three of us. That's so weird. Whoops. Whoopsie, David.

Also, it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But especially when people can play with the interest rate the way they do, they can play with commodities, they can play with futures the way that they do, which is devaluing money in many ways. It's like, I'm not going to take this extra $5,000?

Right. Whatever. But I go back and forth with this in my head all the time, because I think, well, it seems that we're in some kind of. And actually, when I was doing research on you, and maybe your opinion has changed on this. Could have. My opinions changed a lot.

Mine did, too. But you said that you feel like, and maybe before, actually, well, I'll just say it. You said you feel like this incarnation, we choose our incarnation. It's a kind of school in that we're here to learn. Am I misquoting you on that? That's close to what I believe.

Yeah. Okay. That's close to what I believe. Okay. And this seemed to be in conjunction with an experience that you had. Several. Yeah, which is wild.

You have a beautiful song about it called May 20th, and an album called May 20th that was inspired by this. Can you talk a little bit about what happened on May 20th? Yeah. I don't know if I can talk a little bit about it, but I can talk about it. Talk as much as you want. Thank you.

Thanks for providing the space. I know for a fact that we have something that I call the original agreement, which is the agreement that the soul makes with the body to be here, and it picks a space time. You know, you're geolocated where you were born, from the parents that you're born of in the time that you're born there to accomplish something, to learn something, to observe something, to engage in something, and to create certain results and pathways based on your existence.

That is an agreement that the soul made with the body. And I was confronted with the reality of that agreement for the first time in my life. Well, the first time I realized that that's what it was. I think we all had that confrontation over and over and over again, and it's just not loud enough, right? Mine became very loud May 20th, 2009, and I had been in the hospital for off and on for about a month. It was during the HVN1 or whatever thing, H1N1.

Avian, was that? No, that's wine flu. Okay. And they thought I had twine flu, they thought I had leukemia, they thought I had everything under the sun, and I had been in the hospital and it wasn't getting better, and I was losing a pound a day for like a month, and I think I checked out a couple times because I was so tired of being there,

and this last time I checked myself in, I just couldn't take care of myself, and it was bad. And so they found out that I had this parasite, and it was, well, they found I had liver abscess, and then they figured it was bacterial or viral or something, because that's 99% of liver abscesses. Mine was the less than 1% chance it was a parasite that I had gotten in Africa two and a half years before, and I should have been dead within 28 weeks,

because I didn't have any treatment, but I was this medical anomaly and I had had it for two and a half years, and they were just like, that's impossible, there's no way you should be alive, there's just no way, like you should, there's no way, like 28 weeks, the parasite should be in your heart, they should be in your intestine, they should be in your brain, your body should have shut down by now. It's two and a half years, you're fucking kidding me, how? How did you, how did you, so I guess, I mean, I was so healthy,

and like I did all these cleanses in my body, and like I had a really strong immune system, but it had taken over my liver, it caused a hole in my liver, and like this abscess is like this defense mechanism that the liver has that balloons around the hole to try to protect it, but the problem is like when your blood goes into your liver, it's not being cleaned obviously, because there's a hole in it, it's coming out dirty and coming out full of parasites, so.

So you have parasites in your blood? I had parasites in my blood, but somehow, some, which normally goes straight to the heart, somehow, my body blocked that from happening, there's no way, there's no way that that should happen. Were the doctors, they had to fly people in, because they were just like, what the fuck is, and like, and for the first few days it was just poking and prodding,

and like not trying, like almost like not trying to make me better, so they could study me, because I was the third case in 12 years, and the other two cases died. Well, because yeah, if they could figure out why you were surviving this, they could maybe come up with a cure. Yeah, I don't, which I wasn't really happy about. I was like, I literally got to the point of yelling, yelling, fucking make me feel better, because like, help me,

I was like pleading, help, like literally yelling and screaming, crying, firing people, because they were just poking and prodding, firing people coming and going, help me, I'm dying, help me, right? Oh my god. So finally, and maybe I should have held my tongue, because they gave me, so there's three major parasite medications, at least that I know of, at least at that time, and they gave me one, the reason I found out there's three is because people are allergic to one or two of them normally,

and I was allergic to the first one they gave me, and. Allergic like how? Swelling up or like? With the amount of drugs that I had in my system, with the other medications that I had in my system, and the allergic reaction that I had, it stopped my vitals. So I passed over and I crossed, I passed away and crossed over. The medication killed you? The combination of things that they put in my body, yes.

That is so terrifying. Right, but I didn't even know that that's what, that's what had happened at first. So I was in, it was one night, so let's just get into it. So May 20th, 2009, it was just this one fucking long night. Like, I don't know if you've ever laid in bed and you're just like, you kind of feels really small in the bed, and like the room feels humongous, and like you kind of just, you feel sunken into your own energy kind of,

and you don't, you're not aware of time, you don't know what time is, and then next thing I know, and like I knew every, like clockwork, like every, I don't know, hour and 40 minutes or something like that, or maybe less, maybe hour and 20 minutes, like when the blood would fully go up in your system, I would be in the most severe pain in my life for 15 to 20 minutes, because the blood was coming out dirty and going into places, right? This was in a hospital, this bed?

This a hospital bed? Or, okay, okay, so you're in the hospital bed feeling sick and small and sunken down in the bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like this was weeks and weeks and weeks of that, and so I knew that the IV drug drip was coming in, and like that always made me kind of like loopy, but feel better, and like, you know, and then they had the parasite medication come in and, The first time? This is the first time they gave?

The first time, every second. Okay. And, but I had a bunch of shit in my body, I didn't need to have, because they had been treating me for all types of other shit that I didn't have, right? Okay, yeah. And, so I remember, I don't know if I get this, so it's night time, and I'm laying there, and I just sort of feel like, you know when you're about to start feeling like shit, and like you feel it, you're like,

oh man, I'm gonna feel, oh, I'm getting sick, right? And it was just a little moment of like, oh, I'm gonna get the flu, this sucks, right? Like, and that kind of happened, and I was like, okay, well, something's about to happen, this is, this is like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get sick again, this is gonna be horrible. And then it got worse, and then it got deeper, and then worse, and then deeper to a place where I was like, wait, that's not, that's interesting. And then it got worse, and got deeper, and got worse, and deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and then it got frightening. Why, when you say deeper, what do you mean?

I'll tell you. So, it started, it starts like, when you feel like you feel unwell, you can localize that. You're like, my lungs hurt, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts. There's something off, and I feel like my whole, like I'm starting to get like a little sensitive to touch on the body, or like, you know, like when you're about to have a fever, right? It was kind of like all of those, like not so much through my throat or whatever, but it was more like sensitive to touch, feverish, but on a level I had not felt. I had never felt. And there was something in the stomach that was like deep in my gut, and I don't know if it was metaphysical,

but it just did not feel safe or right, right? Yeah. And I was just kind of like, this is not good. And like, I started to like, I couldn't really feel pain because of the IV drug drip that I was on. Yeah. Right? And so I started yelling, and I realized my dad's over there, asleep on the cot, and he can't hear me. Oh no. Because, and I'm yelling for the doctors. Oh shit. And nobody can hear me. So I had this button I'm supposed to press, I can't move. I can't move my hand. And I'm like screaming and crying, and no one is, no one hears me. I'm looking at this door, this door with this light in the hallway is, and people walking by like, nothing's happening. And I'm yelling at the top of my lungs like, help me, help me, help me. And as, as this is happening,

when I say deep, this is, this is what I mean. I go into a place where I go into, I go into that reserve of intestinal fortitude, right? Where you dig deep down in your own gut, to your sacrum chakra, and you, you grab your fucking courage. Yeah. And you come back up and you go, I got this, or we're going to fight. Yeah. And I dug as deep as I possibly could, because it just didn't feel right. Like, whatever was happening, just, this does not feel right. I don't know what's happening, but this is not, this is new. This is different. This is more severe. I, no one seems to be able to hear me for, like, I'm calling for help. And I, I reach down to where my intestinal fortitude is, where my courage is, and there's a bottom,

like a fucking table, like a floor. Wow. And like, these energetic hands I have that are reaching down for this courage are surprised to feel this floor too. And then it just sort of broke what I knew. I go, there's a floor to that. There's a limit. There's a limit to your own intestinal fortitude. There's a limit to your courage. There's a, there's a limit to your strength and there's a limit to how much fight you can, you can give something. Oh my God. That's terrifying. Bro. And like, and that in and of itself broke me. Like, you're not strong enough to do this. So all of a sudden when I, when I did that, it was almost like I, I woke, I woke something up and then there was this little calm voice. It was

just like, yeah, man, you know, you're not fighting this one. This is it. And I was like, no, no, no. I was like, sometimes I talk to the voice. I'm like, no, no, you the fuck out of you. You're you're ridiculous. No, no. And then the voice is kind of like, it just kept going. Not this time. Not this time. Not this time. But like almost in a, almost in like this sort of supportive way, like just not this time, not, not, not this time, buddy. Like pat on the shoulder, like, you don't have it this time. And like, I sort of was trying to deny that voice and not really hear it and like just sort of keep going. No, no. Right. Just keep going and keep pulling for that courage. Keep digging for that intestinal fortitude. And there was the floor and the floor

was impenetrable. It was impenetrable. And sorry. It's fine. And then that in and of itself makes you feel like you don't know what to hold on to. You don't know what to hold on to. And then immediately, like I started to feel severe pain and that was physical and that was also emotional and metaphysical. You're looking for anybody to help and you're yelling and you're doing all these things. And they say that your life flashes before your eyes. In my case, it did not. What I noticed was, all of a sudden, as soon as I got a little more comfortable with accepting that this voice was

telling me something, not accepting the message, but sort of accepting that it was telling me something. And once again, the first reaction I had from accepting the voice was telling me something was shame. Shame that I couldn't, I couldn't fight. Shame that I didn't have enough strength, that I was letting myself down at the very moment I needed myself the most. Right? And I was thinking to myself, well, if I wasn't in the hospital, I could definitely fight this. And it was just like, not this time. Not this time. Just kept this nice, this calm, my voice, this calm voice is not this time. It's not it. And I can't believe you're just talking about the Garden of Cassathymia of Jesus saying, I don't want to die. If that happened to you

in your hospital bed, you were having that conversation. That's the conversation. No, no. And it's saying, yeah. And it's a very calm voice. It's not going to argue with you. Doesn't need to. Like it knows what's happening and you have to accept what's happening. And so I got to a place where while I was feeling this great shame, while I was feeling this great torment about my own abilities, my own strength and shattering any sort of illusion I had about that strength, I, I started to see images of my life. And I started to see myself when I was three years old. And I started to see the other part of that conversation, like almost like this omnipotent perspective of every conversation of every experience I've ever had in my life,

non-linear, more like you're on the edge of this orb of existence of your own life. Right. And everything is like in this sort of VR and here you are last week with having coffee with this friend and she told you something crazy. And, but now you see it from her perspective as well. Now you see it from the waiter's perspective. What happened when you, next is what over here, it's not next, it's all happening once. You were 12 and your mom said this to you and it felt so great and you, you're, you're immediately thrown back in the emotional state of how you felt when you were 12. And this is yesterday and you're thrown into the emotional state of how you felt this and you're interacting with them in such a dynamic way that they all

feel real and that they, time, time ceases to exist because you are engaging in each one of these things in a way that you can process. So you're, you're thinking this must be eternity because this is, I'm going over the whole life, non-linear, but here, here it all is. And I'm watching this conversation, you're going to see this conversation when you pass away 60 years from now. You're going to see it from every perspective in this room and you're going to learn different things from it. And this is the crazy part. Like this, that's your identity. The constant observer has put all these files into this hard drive of yours, right? And you identify with that story. You identify with this orb of existence. It's you. It is you. It is,

it is what makes up your character. It is what your decisions come from. It's, it's what creates patterns and neurological pathways and it makes up your energetic body and it is you. And then they start to go somewhere else. Like I'm watching something happen when I'm six and I'm, I'm, I'm fully engaged and I don't feel the physical pain and I'm like there and I'm like, wow, and I'm, I have so much compassionate forgiveness for this child who I am. And I understand something that my father's telling me in a much different way. And I'm like, wow, oh man, that's what he meant. Oh, wow. And then it goes away. And I literally am trying to take, I guess I'm imagining it or I don't know if I'm

physically doing it. I'm literally trying to hold on to it with my hands. I was like, what the, where's that going? Where could that possibly be going? That's mine. I lived that. That's mine. Where's that going? And the answer is it's going to a different version of yourself. What? And I got that answer pretty much immediately. Like this little, it's like a light beam that pulls this VR from your perspective, from out of this fear that you're, that you're sort of on the edge of engaging in and it pulls into this light beam and goes up and you realize that you were just here to record all that shit. What? You were here to be part of the observation. You were here to record it. You were here to be the first person observer to a larger part of self

that needed the experience. That is the trippiest thing I've ever heard. I got goosebumps, man. I'm like, it is, that's so, so crazy. That is exactly how I felt too. I was like, wait, then what am I? What are you? I'm not important. What, wait, macabre is not important. But, but I'm macabre. I'm not macabre. What? All these things. So once you realize that you are a tool of your own consciousness, you're the human body of human personality, I realize in that hospital bed, it's a tool of your own consciousness. Is it a projection of your own consciousness? It is, it is, it is more metaphysical than it is physical. It is a, a data point in space time that allows your source self to pick up certain lessons or observations

or engagements that it needs, right? And like, that was sort of kind of obvious. And it's like, why am I trying to stop my own memories from going into the, from being uploaded? This is a waste of time. And I started to feel shame again and like all these other feelings and I still have my conscious mind in some ways. And you ask yourself one question in that conscious state. You've already accepted. You already kind of, it's weird. I can't say you've accepted death. I can say that you've accepted. You cannot fight. You accepted that I'm just, this is, I'm along for whatever ride this is. And I don't know how this ends, but you don't know. I didn't know it was death. I thought it was like, I didn't know what it was. It was, it was happening too fast

and too, it was, everything was too new. Right. And this is before I'd ever done any earth medicine. What? Yeah. I was 28 years old before I'd done anything. Like I had not done any psychedelics. Holy fuck. I had not done any plant medicine. I had not even done mushrooms. You've got no maps. I've got no guideline. I've got no guardrails. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? The only thing you can think of is I am dying. Right. And you obviously, your mind doesn't want to go there. Obviously, your mind doesn't want to go there. And so what, what, where my mind went was back to the conscious state trying to hold on. And I asked myself one question. And you, and I think, I think I've talked to a couple of other people who

had similar experiences and they've asked themselves the same question. And that question is, did I do what I was supposed to do while I was here? And that's a very, that's a layman way of saying, did this soul fulfill the agreement it made with the body before it took the body? Oh my God. And my answer was no. And I, I felt more shame and more, I felt worse than I ever had in my life. Knowing that I had, no matter, you know, I had a SAG award. I was on a hit show at the time. I was on True Blood at the time. Like, I was, I was, you know, I had more money than I knew what to do with at that age. And I, I, I had, you know, I woke up with, with women in my bed that were on magazine covers.

And none of that shit made any difference to me. None of it made any, I'd been very generous to my family and friends and, you know, given my parents a better life and done a lot of really, really cool things. On paper, it sounds amazing. On paper, on paper, it sounds amazing. And then, but in my own conscious state, in my own self-conscious, I knew I wasn't shit. Because I didn't do, I didn't fulfill, I didn't even try to fulfill the agreement my soul made with my body. What was the agreement? Storytelling. Starting with music. Storytelling. Yeah. Taking what's in here and putting it out there. Yeah. And it's because I have, I think, I think it's because I have a very particular perspective of what, what all this is. And in these, in these

experiences helped. Anyway, so I, I got to this, this place in my consciousness where I was ashamed again. And like, this is, this is, this is the darkest, this was the darkest period of my life, period, like the moment before the lights went out. And then this fucking crazy shit happened that I can now explain through plant medicine, but everything that you, that you identify with, all the senses that, that you think make you, you touch, smell, sight, all that. And also, like cognitive senses, right? Yeah. They became geometric shapes, represented as shapes coming out of my body. And then they kind of spiraled together and they spiraled really, really quickly. And I could feel the touch leaving my body and I could feel the sight leaving my body.

I could feel the sound leaving my ears. I could feel any sort of conscious thought I had going like just leaving and becoming a part of the shades. And they started to spin together in this little, this huge spiral that was so fucking big. And it felt like the energetic body. And then it spiraled so fast that it became like this one color and this one beam of light thing. What color? I don't know if I've ever seen it. It's like a future, like a pink. But then sometimes it's green, sometimes it's blue, and sometimes it's this color in between the colors kind of. And then all of a sudden it gets smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and it's gone. Fuck that. I don't want that to go. That's the one. I don't want, at least

give me the spinning color thing. Like, you know, the memories, shit, that sucks. But now what? Now what? What do you got? It's hard to identify as a human being what's left because there's nothing left as a human being. So when I say blacker than black, I mean like a turned off cell phone is not this is it looks like the afternoon compared to this, right? Like a black television screen looks like the afternoon. Like it is purple, blue black, like black wood cast a shadow. Yeah. Bye bye black. I think it's the Crayola name for it. And that's where you are. And it's infinitely large. And you're just kind of and you're aware that you're floating. You're aware that you're sort of hovering and it's this little bouncing sensation a little bit.

And I remember the first thing that I felt was an overwhelming sense of bliss and harmony immediately. I wish you'd led with that. Take us through the valley of the shadow of death man. Oh my god. I had yeah I had this overwhelming sense of like I don't even I can't even tell you I've never felt that I've never felt that happy even till this day. Wow. That's what people say when they come back. Yeah. There's nothing it's like you're dancing. It's like your spirit's dancing. That's the only way I can describe it. But like this beautiful sort of ballet of like experience and time and it's more than human. Like it's just it's just there's nothing there's nothing human left in that. And like you don't

think about your family. You don't think about yourself. You just start laughing and saying oh my god I forgot that I was also here. Wow. What a fucking what a fucking great cup of coffee that was that human life. Wow. Right. And like you're like so I don't know if this is accurate but I say the soul's memory starts to pour back in like your your consciousness leaves the identification of the human being and becomes like this the spirit entity again. And in that sort of awareness of that spirit entity that memories come back and you realize this this dark place that you're in it's not dark. It's a field of pure potential. It's it's where you it's where you always are. Part of you is always there. And wait always there. What do you mean? Part of you is always

is a human body. Like part of you always is in this incarnation. Like it's the thing weren't right now loops. But then there's this space within which it's being held. Is that what you mean? I mean I mean the best way that I can describe it to you is this. The human body is a wonderful interactive projection that has been I believe that has been encoded with let me think of a different way of putting that. The human body is wonderful as it is. It's not the most important part of your existence. Not even close. It is the vessel that carries out in this state of consciousness what what the real you wants to do. It's how you interact with the

universe on a physical level. But it is not who you are. It is it is this wonderful tool that we have that gets to interact with all the different codes that gets that gets to interact with all the different patterns that gets to different act with interact with all the different experiences of childhood trauma. You don't have that as a spirit. But we want to remember what that's like for some reason. Coffee. You know how that is a spirit. Sex. Friendship. All these things. Wait you didn't say whether we had sex or not. We don't. You don't. Sex is so once again think think of think of the player playing the video again right right and like let's say your avatar has sex in the video game. It's cool. Oh yeah right. It's cool

and you have some sort of emotional response to it. Sure. But it's not what it would be if Duncan put the video game down when it had sex. Yeah right. You'd be a weirdo if you were like bragging to your friends about humping in your video game right. Exactly right. Yeah right. And so it's kind of the same. The human body is this vessel for the spirit to go engage in and play in in this little playground that we have and we've constructed to take lessons back to the spirit. So it's the spirit is evolving then like what you're saying means that the spirit itself has a consciousness and the spirit itself has a life. It is a species of thing. Does that friends. It is a species of thing. And I don't know if it needs friends. As a matter of

fact I don't even know if I don't I think I think that species of thing is the singularity. I think I think we are we are all that thing. I think that we are just complex projections of one thing. Wow man. So here so so I'll continue linear on this path on this story. Thank you. So we're in the future. I'm in the field of I say we because I think I'm in the field of pure potentiality or whatever you want to call it. The the abyss the I don't want to call it something negative because it's not and you're aware that you have a body. The body feels a hundred times bigger. It feels pulsating and I start moving forward and I could feel air interacting with me. I like somewhat like not like wind but like you're obviously there's something happening.

There's some movement happening right. Electrons are going that way right. And I can I'm affecting. I'm looking down on my body. Well I shouldn't say looking down. You're aware of like 280 degrees right. Okay. Right. Yeah. It's not quite 360 but it's like wow that's I can see a lot. Yeah. And you're aware that the body is fucking massive and you're making ripples. You're affecting what I thought was a flat surface but it seems to be now you will and I don't know if it's liquid but it has the quality of of of of a liquid. Okay. Because it's like when you throw a stone in a stream and it makes those like ripples. Yes. Something was responding to my movement. Right. Yeah. And I'm going towards this horizon

that I'm starting to make out with mountains and trees. Okay. And I recognize them and I get so happy. I'm like oh yeah. I know that place. I know that place. That's where we go to kind of as a layover till we decide what we're going to do and go somewhere else. What. Yeah. And I'm going to that place pretty fast. It's like it's you're moving fast and the horizon is coming up and it's an eternity away it seems because you didn't see it at first. Right. And here it comes here it comes here it comes and then all of a sudden I see I feel and see these different orbs zoom past me. Come from behind me and all the side and they're smiling ish like once again there's no mouth but you know they're smiling. You know they're dancing. You know they're in bliss.

They go oh these are other souls crossing over. This is cool. And there was a lot. A lot of them. And none of them are regretting. None of them is like my wife this and my kids this and my husband like no. Nothing. You feel their energy and they're all just laughing like fuck we all forgot. We all fucking forgot. We thought we had to hold on to that thing. Yeah. Oh cool human. Right. And then I start to slow down and then I stop on my I'm almost out of stop and I realize oh I'm not going there and I got upset kind of like yeah like no no no no no I want to go there. I know it's there. I know it's over there. It's over there. It's great. I like I don't want to I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to be McCarty again. No. Like I'm done with that.

So we get to I get to about halfway. No I'm pretty close. And like there's this and I think I start to make out like a moon or a star or something right here like in the horizon above the mountains right to the right of it. And I start to go towards that. And I start thinking like this is interesting. I'm the only being doing this and I know that this doesn't feel like this doesn't feel like this is the natural state of occurrences. And like it wasn't like my human mind came back. It was more like I just knew this was a different path than that. Right. And I started to get these messages again like you're going back kind of like not like so much you're going back more like there's more to do. Right. It was it wasn't in that language but the communication was

there's more to do. Right. It's like okay. That's what everyone says. Yeah. It's like there's more to do. And I go okay. And I kind of knew that the physical body was going to feel pain again. I was like I wasn't excited about that. Right. And like all these things that I had just just remembered I was like I hope I don't forget these things. Right. And then so I got closer and closer to this light. I'm closer and closer and closer to this light and then all of a sudden that light becomes those geometric shapes again and they become they're spinning again and they're slowly moving back into the body and then I'm aware and that light's still there. It's just like this focal point that kind of holding you in and then it becomes the light in the hospital.

Geez. And then I remember a sound was the first thing that came back and then just felt like like kind of like like this reverse sucking almost and I could and see I could you know it was kind of blurry. I could make out people and I could make out things happening. The lights were on now and then the pain came back in my experiences and like it just the pain was so severe because I just felt bliss. Right. Yeah. It was the worst pain. I had been in pain for over 30 days but that was the worst and then I remember the pain. It was like it wasn't just physical. It's psychological. It was everything because because I remember right before that I gave up quote unquote. Yeah. I reached down to where the intestinal 42 was supposed to be the reservoir of

that and is a bottom. Now I knew that there was a bottom. Now I knew if something like is happening and I don't know if I can fight this or like should I fight it or all these things are happening. Who am I like I just gave my memories up to something else and like mind you this is me talking about it nine or eleven years later. I didn't know what just had happened. I knew that I had given my memories up to something. I knew that I was not strong enough to fight and that's what I focused on. I was beating myself up right and I wasn't so much pain. I just wanted to get out of pain. So like it wasn't really until couple years later I really figured out exactly what happened. Right. But let's fast forward because you mean wait two years later is

when you know it was it was it was a little it was like it was like May twenty two thousand nine. It was like it was like around twenty twelve and I figured out exactly what had happened to me. Okay. Right. Around twenty twelve and I felt like wait is that what happened to me. Yeah. Because like it's it's it's like when I when I tell people I go hey yeah you know I lost my life once I flat line and they go oh how long were you gone. You go it's not a competition. Like you don't ask you don't go hey how'd I do. Yeah. It's not breath work. It's not like you're you're taking push ups. Yeah. You're not you're not going swimming and going minute minute forty one like it's not what happens in nor do they go hey good job two minutes nine seconds.

Yeah. No I have never met anybody who actually knows. So when people go yeah I was I was out for forty eight I was like okay cool. Yeah. Like I'm not saying not to take anything away from anybody else's journey not to say that I'm the expert on this because I'm not but I've never the few people I have talked to who had the same experience don't fucking know that answer. It's a ridiculous metric. They don't know and you don't ask. Yeah. It's not it's not like you're either happy to be back upset that you're back. You have a million and a half fucking psychological and emotional and metaphysical questions. Yeah. In my case I was in the worst pain of my life physically. Right. So like no it's you know so like you don't really know unless you're in a space

where like you get shot and you and you know you're not in like I'm blowing you and you and you I think I think of something like that happened you would know but when it's like something you're not expecting maybe it's a car accident or it's whatever the case is and the lights go out I don't think you even know right like I didn't know and so made so we're talking about May 20th May 20th 2010 I'm in India I'm trying to like I'm doing my e-pray love thing I'm trying to like get over this this experience. Sure. And that by the way that is a courageous choice for a person recovering from a parasite. Trust me. To head to Southeast Asia. Wow. And I drank yogurt out of a fucking barrel and a neighborhood in the middle of that. You drank out of a yogurt barrel. To prove

to myself that this would not define me. Wow. On the anniversary of that I drank out of with my hands out of a barrel out of a yogurt that they made fresh from cows there in this fucking nowhere village. Hare Krishna. Yeah. Good for you. But like I got to the point where like look I'm not gonna let that kind of shit define me. I'm like I'm not gonna let like I'm hard to kill. That's one thing for sure. Yeah. Two. If you start to live your life in fear based on what could be considered your strength. Right. Right. You might be gaining the wrong lesson from the hardship. Oh shit. You might be gaining the wrong lesson from the hardship. Whoa. The hardship is not supposed to make to minimize you. It's supposed to it's supposed to maximize your

potential. That's what it's there for. It doesn't happen to you because you're supposed to minimize. It happens to you because you can handle it. It happens to you to unlock that potential. It happens to you to unlock the mystery. It happens to you so that you can you can be more expansive and more evolutionary. And and it's an invitation to be courageous not to shut down. It took me a while to learn that too. Took me a little while to learn it too. But so May 20 I'm in India May 20 2010 in India. I go to this Naughty Reader. Naughty Reader. I won't bore you with the details but Naughty Reader is somebody who reads these ancient scrolls called Naughty Scrolls and they were written in between five and two thousand years ago. And legend has it that half of the people

that come to India looking for Naughty Readers will find their name on a scroll that's 2000 to 5000 years old. I happen to be one of those people. What? I saw my name on it. Get out of here. It's not like you've got a common name. Nope. I had to practice your name for I had to practice your name for 30 minutes. Yeah. That's a little extreme but that's cool. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. That's great. And and my parents' names were on it and it had my last blood meaning it had my past life. And my past life was in India and like this guy had told me all about it and so and so forth. And as soon as he said the name I said the name out loud as like my crown chakra blew off and it was like my brain goes hey I thought we said we're not going to say that name

anymore. I was like do you know that name? And like my conscious is like don't worry I got this don't worry don't worry like there's some shit you don't know don't worry right. I was like huh oh god. And so like all that was happening and as I'm leaving he said the same thing I said do a friend maybe two hours before that because he said be very careful driving. I was like that's interesting I just said that to this other guy like. So last thing you want to hear from a guy who reads scrolls by the way. I agree with you. I agree. I never thought about that. That's so fucking true. So I didn't think anything of it. Go back to America. I love my life. I hadn't done the music yet. I was recovering from all this kind of stuff. I hadn't done the storytelling yet.

And I'm on a new TV show. I'm in Atlanta where I just wrapped the third episode. I think the day before and it was about to start the fourth episode and I'm minding my own business and I'm leaving the mall and I'm in my I'm in a car at a stoplight minding my own fucking business and this lady hits me head on going 65 miles an hour. Fuck. On May 20th. What. On May 20th 2011 and I go into a coma for three days. Come on. And it was a very very similar experience to the the parasite experience that I had. And but this time it was a lot more interactive with the universe when I lost when I lost the human consciousness. I kind of I was kind of like OK I'm back in the same space. Then I started to voice. What is this. What's happening. Now I

didn't mean I didn't put together that these were both my 20th. I didn't put it together yet. But I was just like OK what I'm back. What's happening. And it gave me the same answers. Do the music. Do the storytelling. I was like wait. So is this like a did I choose that I choose for this to happen until I start listening. Yep. So I'm just going to continue getting hurt or dying until I listen. That's what you coded. Oh my god. This was your choice. You said wake you up by this age if you don't start doing this. Oh my god. I was like oh OK. So this is a it's my fault. Yeah. You are fucking around. I was not fucking around. That's like you're doing like when I'm like that's the beginning of a game. You're playing your difficulty too high

man. You got to reduce the knobs if you hit it. Listen. One parasite. I'd be like give me one parasite after that if I don't figure it out. Forget it. I'll just do it next time. I'll enjoy my life. I'll enjoy that one parasite but the car. So evidently like I had made an agreement. My original agreement with the universe was that if if I don't listen if I don't wake up and start to and start to make storytelling part of the forefront of my life then I need to start over because because that's what my soul needs right now. So like once again the human body I think is a projection of that original agreement. How do you how do we fulfill that original agreement without a body without engaging in the physical universe. How do we do that. We can't.

So we're only here to serve our higher selves. That's why we're in this thing. So like you know when we get jealous we get angry. We get upset. We get sad. That was OK. That's real but understand it's happening so that you can you can report about it. I gotta tell you this is pretty trippy. I wasn't going to even tell you this just because I thought whatever I never do this but I'm like I'll draw three tarot cards for this podcast and see what pops up. You want to hear what they were. Sure. Card number one the devil card number two the universe card number three strength. It was exactly what you're talking about. You were in this sort of incarnational trap. You look at the devil card. You see these people chain to a sort of you know thing that chain to an idea chain to an

idea chain to a actually chain to a black cube that represents matter and then the suffering and suffering is matter. Yeah. And then the universe you know anyway to me your story is a story of redemption but with this addition to it which is this incredible awakening experience both experiences coming from violence coming from like one of them parasitic violence which is the other one 65 miles per hour head on a May 20th. Let me just add one more piece to this because I want to keep talking about what happened after the second experience. Right. So I looked up May 20th having read that you experienced this twice. If you looked up what happened on May 20th in history. In history. Yeah. Well I know I know the the next May 20th

May 2012 was it was an annual eclipse solar eclipse and I that was the first time I did ayahuasca. That's cool. May 20th is actually a really fascinating date. It's when Constantine held the first economical council where he basically where they yeah that's decided with Christianity essential. Well you know you need in Buddhism they've got it you need some not politically. Yeah. By the way I belittle it all the time when I'm super eyes are Constantine. We don't know what it is man. But then I'm but I think what's really what I found really interesting about the date was all these aviation things like Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Pacific. Wow. Before that I think Lindbergh that was the pilot right. Yeah he flew

on May 20th at that he flew across the ocean. Wow. Isn't that wild. And then it was also great feats of aviation. Yeah. The first commercial airline flew on May 20 encouraged and also exactly what it you know even before I told you that you were talking about the experience of traveling of going across a great distance of seeing it's just fascinating all that you should look it up. It's pretty trippy man. Yeah. That date means a lot to you. It does mean lots of me. So it's my spiritual birthday. It's your it. Well right. That's do you do that. My friend told me the story about a Taoist master and when you asked him how old he was he would say three because he woke up three years before and before that he was essentially dead asleep. So I'm like 11.

You're 11 years old. And also I want to point out something the look on your face when you were describing that place was like I could feel it. I could for a second I felt you know it. Yeah. We all know it. We all know it. We all know it. And once we all get back there we're going to be laughing and surprised that we forgot about it and how permanent that place is and how it's home and how it's like it's we it's our workshop. We spin the elements of I guess you put it this way the particles of potentiality. We spin that into the molecules of existence here. Good God. That's the most beautiful thing. Will you say that again the particles of potentiality. Yeah we okay so it's a place where we go where we like it's it becomes this really fun and creative

place in these in this place that we have this incredible attachment to and in harmonious bliss attached to the feelings of that place because it is the place where particles of potential are spun into the molecules of creation. That's what it is. That's where we live man. That's where we always live. Yeah. And like we go there sometimes we meditate. We go there sometimes in breath work. We go there sometimes in trauma. We go there sometimes in peace. We go there sometimes in I even think people get there by blacking out Navajo. Like they just go to this peaceful place and they fucking pass out right like yes you having a physiological reaction but the consciousness is like I'm leaving. Right. I'm out. Even your consciousness is

yeah like fuck get the fuck it bro. You drunk idiot. Wow. You just pissed in your pants. I'm out of here. Like you're going to pass out now. Right. I think there's several ways that humans get there and we're and then once you really find yourself embodying that space and remembering what that space is it's fucking hilarious that you forgot that you live there. Right. And as I'm saying is I'm laughing at myself for things I've done in the last week. I'm like in arguments of engaged in. This is why you're supposed to do this. Yeah. Because you know there's this you know something that I heard there's one there's a Tibetan teacher named and we'll wrap up. I know you got to go and thank you for your generous. No no no listen we have we have another 20.

Okay great. If you have that. I have it for sure. There's a Tibetan teacher called Dilgo Kinsey Rinpoche and he was one of the Dalai Lama's teachers and you know there's a great documentary on him but one of the things they like he said something to somebody that just you know sounds like something you read on the back of a milk carton if you know if I if I say it to somebody whatever like your yoga teacher says it's sweet or whatever he said something along the lines of be more kind but because it's coming from an awakened being it means why it shatters you carries my way. Yes so when you say a storyteller it's not that's exactly what you are clearly I mean I was riveted listening to the story that you're telling but it's carrying the extra weight

of somebody who is had an experience that transcends physical reality because a lot of us haven't got I mean I've gotten there through DMT I've had a version of it. Well you absolutely have trust me you absolutely have gotten there on ketamine you absolutely have but I think those substances to some degree color it a little bit you know like when you're wearing like colored glasses or something they have their own little they add their signature to the experience. Absolutely there's a different perspective in which you're relating to the space because of the pathway you took there absolutely. The coma was a different experience than the death experience and then so like when I got when I was in the coma and I got out of it it was like

everything was really foggy for a while and like I had a really traumatic brain injury was really crazy and I couldn't remember people's names and the people I saw every day can remember the names. Well there's no guarantee you're ever gonna come back man when people like it's not like the movies. They didn't think I would they honestly didn't think I would I almost lost my job at the time I was on a TV show I had I had to relearn how to read. I didn't yeah I remember my I came back to work two weeks later just to I had to go in and do a scene or I would get fired because the other way insurance worked or something. How does that conversation sound I'm sorry just from a business perspective who the hell to call you like listen I know you've got it.

They had to they had to they're like look and like but also no one people just thought I was being a bitch like no one really understood how bad it was because I obviously wasn't communicating with people right like so like first three days I'm out then after that you know they're getting second hand third hand knowledge from people like I couldn't communicate in the first week or two like so finally they're telling me like yo you gotta you have to go to work. I was I literally took my phone I threw it against the wall like this is bullshit I was like yes and then I had to have somebody go give me a new phone so and then I got so but I get to work and I they gave me the script and I look at it and I'm like something's going on my eyes and I'm kind of shaking my head

and I'm like looking at the script and like and it just looks like windings what I'm just like you're fucking kidding me right I'm like and I started kind of like smiling like thinking like this is a joke or something and then I flip it to the front I can't read that either and I know what that says that says the name of the show so like holy shit but that doesn't look like that and then like the color drained from my face and I was just I didn't know what to do I was like I can't read this and the more I try to concentrate the more I would get a migraine and like anyway so like that's a whole that's going in the book that's a whole crazy hell on earth hell it was fucking hell just the pressure of like this clearly the scene is important enough to get

someone you just recovered from a coma to fly there with a traumatic well I was there I was already there I couldn't have flown whatever it is it's like if you're like making a show and you're like yeah get the traumatic brain get a person who was just in a almost fatal car accident come and do this yeah there's no they had to do that like if you're summoning someone they hadn't they had to oh my god so and so you're you have already just have the pressure of that but then to suddenly not be able to read and then to not know if you're gonna be like that forever bro it was crazy who taught you to read again I did I had to hide it I couldn't tell anybody what you do I got a PA personal assistant to read me my dialogue and I matched it up

to what he was saying so he would record it he would record it on a phone and then like I would he would uh he would read my lines and I would little by little maybe 30 minutes a day 30 minutes a day at first and then an hour a day then as the time went on and I could focus more like is it because focusing on anything for five to ten minutes at first was like pounding headache right it's horrible but then I got to a place for us three or four hours a day and I could look I could hear him saying what he was saying and I knew that was the top of page two so I know that this meant possibility this meant purple this is this and eventually as time went on six months into it I was able to like to look at the scripts and go I'm pretty sure I know what this says

and and I still and for maybe a couple years it wasn't completely accurate and people thought I was just lazy and they thought I was rude and disrespectful and considerate about their words and like the showrunner sat me down and had to talk with me like listen you need but this is like this is getting kind of crazy as I go I finally go I can't read wow and they they to my surprise they they held me they hugged me because they saw they saw everything I went through right and they go you why don't you tell us they go because I would have been fired they go yeah you might have actually like and we couldn't we probably couldn't have protected you from that that that would have been a network decision but and then then they ended up hiring somebody to

help me and um you know that's how it happened so like it took me about three years to get back to where I was holy shit yeah but like I didn't tell anybody except for the stuff like maybe until like a year year and a half in uh about the fact that I didn't know what that sign said you're good at keeping secrets let me tell you if I couldn't read as I'd be like I can't read I don't know how to anymore I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about that for three minutes but it was it was it was weird because like I was like a kid like I would like you'd be at a coffee shop and I'd see a book and I'm like world atlas and I was like Starbucks I was just like reading everything I could possibly could just to make sure I got it right and I was like mate mate and like latte like oh yeah latte

like and like there was all this stuff that like and like I'll have people correct me all the time and words I used to know I didn't know anymore and like I would I'll be talking to people and they're like you're misusing that word I'm like well how do you use it like oh yeah so I had to be dumb and and have my pride leave me enough to leave me enough room to learn from people who you know three months ago I was schooling so um that was difficult can I read you something real quick sure I never do this by the way I don't know why and also like I'm not getting all biblical on you honestly I'm not really a so this is trippy to me ma'am okay so like when I'm getting ready for interviews I don't usually read tarot cards and bible stuff is for some reason for you I did

I have no idea because I haven't read the bible in so long well me yeah well I can't anytime I start reading it my eyes bleed let me but this um this is this this is this now I get it like this is what this is I just opened up to this you know it's it's called bibliomancy actually you can do with any book you know about that if you have a question you open the book up and you read it and then through confirmation bias you'll get an or oracular of it so this is what I read this is from this book called sundays at the magic monastery it's all these like homilies I don't know what that is from the trappists of st benedict's monastery and this is for the fourth sunday of lint which we are in lint which I'm not positive what that is

I'm Catholic I was raised Catholic it's a time of reflection and symbolic suffering to honor the Christ body oh but it's it's it's it's a symbolic thing that's beautiful my friend's not eating sugar for lint right um smart friend smart friend as Jesus walked along he saw a man blind from birth his disciples asked him rabbi who sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind Jesus answered neither this man nor his parents sinned he was born blind so that God's work might be revealed in him we must work the works of him who sent me while it is day night is coming when no one can work as long as I'm in the world I am the light of the world when he said this he spat on the ground made mud with his saliva and spread the mud on the man's

eyes saying go wash in the pool of something I don't know that how to pronounce that silo arm then he went and washed and came back able to see was that wild yeah it's weird I would open up to that uh because in that seems to be exactly what you're talking about which is that we these catastrophes that happen in our lives when you look at them from a materialist perspective it's just catastrophe yeah it's it's absurd it's just why me why me it's horrific absurdity but from your perspective and this perspective in this book here it seems to be that our catastrophes have been placed in our lives as gifts that we are giving ourselves to help us remember when we've gotten too far off track from the original agreement from the original agreement right and and that is

so in retrospect wonderful yeah but also when I hear someone say things like that I think oh fuck am I doing my agreement and also because I don't want to get can't I have one ball left man that's what I said right that's how weird I am you were like give me a car accident in Paris I'm like cut off one of my balls cut off a ball and now I'm like I don't know what exactly why did I want one of my balls cut off well well let's examine that why did you what is it taught you not to play world warcraft with my laptop on my lap but that's for sure man okay well there's that there's that I'm sorry I don't mean to reduce your question no no no not at all like but I mean there is that it taught me I was gonna die and it taught

me that like the thing you're talking about hitting that place that it taught me that because you know when you get when you get cancer yeah they they uh you don't know they they're not just like oh it's just in your ball you're fine it's like with your parasite it's like they're like it could be all over your body it could be in your brain yeah you know so that's what it is and they have to prepare you for that what's that they have to prepare you for that scenario right that's the first thing they say is we don't know how far it's spread it could be all over you and so that was that moment for me it wasn't as unfortunately and fortunately I didn't I wasn't in the hospital but I did have that moment of like oh fuck it's real I die I can die yeah holy shit yeah and then

the invitation I think whenever you get that cold water splash in your face is to if you can stop taking people for granted as much you know and yeah absolutely it teaches you that but you have a certain kind of glow that like that makes me think I have not I think I'm I'd I hope I'm doing I'm doing the right thing I think people listening to this to me it's terrifying to imagine and I know I don't want to feel like I'm disregarding what you're teaching us here which to me I'm not I'm not teaching anything about oh oh see it's not wild I'm not teaching you want to be a storyteller who doesn't teach good luck now well the reason I say that is because

you you can't teach anything that you don't possess and I don't possess that that harmony yet I don't possess that that level of of enlightenment or consciousness that I can pass it along yet I'm still learning and I hope that I think that people can also learn from someone who's learning on their own journey sure right if they're astute enough but I'm not here to teach I don't I don't have it yet I don't I don't possess it yeah so I can't give it yeah not yet I'm on I'm on the pathway to try to do that but right yeah not there yet not there yet I know that why you're saying that last thing you want to be is some guru you're too busy you don't have time for it man you don't want to start the cult yet he doesn't you don't know you're like absolutely no way it's

too much time man keep in track everyone's name what's your lifestyle it's a light it's a choice that's a choice that's a choice you don't get to be a star of the Mortal Kombat franchise and simultaneously run a commune nope I don't think you can I don't think you can either but you could oh you watch out you ever watch the life of Brian no oh you would love it it's a Monty Python you know it's a it's like making fun it's not making fun it's a brilliant satire but one of the things is this poor guy gets confused they confuse him with the Christ and it's a great scene where he's running he's running from people trying to get away saying like get away from me and they're like he says to get away get away get away he drops his sandal I like his sandal we touched his feet

he's like I just want to be alone but the problem is you know and it's I think it's actually a weird I think it brings us back around the where where the you know because you do have this power and this charisma and because you're very good at telling stories when we're talking about Trump potentially becoming like a czar or something it was powerful and it made it creep me out I have a friend who's very good at talking about bear attacks I don't an animal attacks and we describe animals attacking people if Joe Rogan it freaks me the fuck out because it's like he's too good at it and so like you get there's that extra that's what a storyteller is so but what I'm saying is the there is a weird little thing right now I think happening among certain people

which is they don't want to take on the mantle of being a teacher thing because a it's an embarrassing thing to call yourself like what are you a teacher really what are you gonna get sell me a crystal be it's a lot of responsibility it is but it is funny to me that you would say you're not quite there yet I'm not how do you get to decide that and how do you know well I think it goes back to that principle that you cannot you you cannot pass on anything to anyone that you don't already have possession of I don't have possession of that sort of consciousness level yet like I'm learning and I have been put through the ringer and I've come out clean in the other side but I still have but I still I have daily struggles with jealousy and and daily struggles with fairness

and daily struggles with reacting versus responding and I have daily struggles with all these different things and so I don't think I'm qualified right truly I don't think I'm qualified to to take on the mantle of teacher guys thank god people like you exist because when they when you don't have that yeah that's a jones town right there yeah you get a jones town I don't think people like that should learn on a job right like I don't think I don't think your guru should be learning on the job whoa I'm sorry I just don't think it should be happening wow like I think I think everybody's learning on the job I don't think you should be able to teach me anything that you don't have mastery over yourself wow now you can I can learn from your journey yeah right and I can learn from

what you've learned from your journey sure but don't teach me shit yeah please don't teach me anything that's the worst when someone who's like clearly incredibly unhealthy in some way are completely fucked up is like how many years I'm a life coach like what what how what's your life like though yeah like do I want your life or do I want do I want your life experiences coaching my life experiences yeah and how you qualified like I don't know I I'm not taking anybody's I'm not you know talking shit about anybody's hustle but I just kind of feel like there's a lot of people coaching lives who haven't really lived one yet it's a big business huge business life coach yeah that's a half a billion dollar industry really alone online

life coaching is a half a billion half a billion half a billion wow gang um also I decided today I'm starting to do life coaching that brings me to my next point Duncan I have a I have a life coaching business that I'm starting next week coach my life it's a funny name for I know you mean it's it's such a it's a ridiculous like your life is the life coach your life your experiences of life should be what coach you to a better life right otherwise you're doing it wrong that's right there's no wrong way to do life but that's the wrong way to do it and you don't by the way the guru thing at least the way I've been taught is it's not like you just like if you run into your guru that's it man that's like game over you that's your your that place you are talking about going to

that means that you've like not only are you going there but like while you're here you somebody from that place has shown up to like help you to some degree you don't just run into a guru you don't like I have a belief that you are your own guru oh yeah yeah oh yeah and that like really truly the only guru that you're ever going to listen to is yourself and that there's a part of you that is in that guru consciousness there's a part of you that that knows like you said something interesting maybe 15 minutes ago you said am I doing the right thing yeah I don't know if I'm doing the right thing yeah yeah you do oh there's a part there's a part of you that's very calm about what you what the decisions that you make right and how you spent the majority of your time in the

last 10 years or how long you've been doing this podcast right you're doing the right thing right you fucking know it yeah I thank you for calling me out on that and you're right and I don't know why I play that game of like am I doing the right thing because because because a lot of well and you weren't looking for that a lot but you are looking for a false sense of humility yeah which we all play along with but that only belittles the guru energy that's in you right right you shouldn't do that because you've done the work you've done the research you've done you've had enough experiences to trust that portion of your consciousness you have it's it's written all over you I'm headed there the moment you finally open up the whatever you want to call it your center

it's the guru conscious I'm headed there you're doing the work no you are like this is exactly this this brings us back because it's like to me the your you are the perspiration of the divine and you're dripping into this particular sector of time space and it's just the right time that and I perspiration is a lot do is a better word I want to say you're like I like your god sweat and perspiration because it's like it means you earned it yeah okay yeah I think I've I I could say this we just did a plant medicine ceremony the other night and people kept coming up to me and saying you're a king you're a king your energies just yes it's majestic and like you know like you're like a you're like a peaceful warrior yeah yeah and like I just kept saying thank you very much I

really appreciate that I've earned it and I said and the king energy in you recognizes the king energy and me and that's why you're saying that otherwise you'd be a hater and you're saying who does this guy think he is oh yeah but you see a reflection of of the compassion so like to me king when people talk about king energy or a queen energy or a royalty they're really talking about compassion well compassion means suffer with them suffer to suffer with yeah if I can put myself in your shoes if I can have compassion for your experience that is the most royal thing you can do that is what takes a leader that's that's what that's what we look at we look at the kings that we celebrate from the old the queens we celebrate from the old the leaders we

celebrate from the old they had compassion so diving into the the place in your consciousness where you can have compassion for all things is what we think it's what we relate to royalty it's why it's purple compassion is purple it's red and blue red being the suffering blue being the camaraderie of aura and then it makes purple and that's why compassion and royalty are come off as the same color and in the aura structure we we we don't know that's what we're saying but that's all we're talking about when somebody's like oh my god you're a king you know thank you I I realized that you see the compassionate center has been opened up with me and it's open it's opening up in you because you can see it holy shit right my mind officially blown no thank you so

much a lot of quite you answered a lot of questions for me today and I am so grateful to you for your time I hope what you're y'all come back on absolutely sometime I'm sure we'll do some work together I would love that thank you would you mind telling people where to find you you've got a new podcast yeah well man uh just had I just pitched the new podcast we were talking about this people are actually pitching podcasts now and the company said yes and we are yeah so we're we're gonna start this summer don't know the name yet maybe you can help me figure out one show um be cool like I'm thinking of I never agreed or cheat codes something like that it's kind of cool right that's cool that's what I think I think I think trauma and learning from trauma

and just being that that like you said that god perspiration or in psychedelic journeys I think those are the cheat codes that we have in this in this in this realm that we're in right and when once you earn those things you can now play the game a little differently can't always play with the cheat codes on right but now you know you can and you can turn them on and you can access them right yeah and that gives you a different perspective about how this game can be played right right so I think she goes could be a cool name I have a book we're doing too called I never agreed to be black which is about which is about servicing the original agreement which I learned in that hospital that I spent a good 30 to 40 percent of my time on a daily basis servicing

inherited agreements meaning agreements I never signed up for that I inherited because of the cultural and sociological structure that I was born into wow meaning there's these intersubjective myths that become agreements with my participation so if I refuse to participate in the agreement it's just a myth and then your myth has to has to die with you and your myth and you have to deal with your myth I don't have to agree to it I don't have to agree to you me doing my existence you're demanding my participation in something I never I never consented to and if we can understand the me too movement you can understand I never agreed to be black I never agreed to to to adhere to what your privilege tells what your what what your confirmation

bias and your privilege says about me I never agreed to the person who looks like me that I have to adhere to your expectations of what my blackness is and in doing that we were imprisoning ourselves and taking our spiritual energy and our guru consciousness and belittling it based on sociological structures and intersubjective myths that were created by people who are less woke than the average 13 year old today yeah right and like wait hold on so we've updated science we've updated travel we've updated our diet updated health care we haven't updated our sociological structures right how we think about our sociological structures or our interest our intersubjective myths and agreements we haven't we haven't decided that we need new

agreements based on our new consciousness okay and so like I think we have these three agreements we participate in on our daily on our daily lives and too much of our time is taken up with inherited agreements we should be spending our time on chosen agreements and the original one and your chosen ones should serve the original the inherited ones maybe some of them are good maybe some of them serve you chances are many of them don't and so that's what the book's about that's what the podcast is kind of about just redefining what our agreements should be and how do they how should they serve us in the 21st century because we're still adhering to you know 16th century or 17th century myths

regarding my hue for sure regarding my color for sure yeah for sure the weaponization of my skin tone has been the exact same since 1619 why 16 I mean isn't it older than that I don't know I know in particular in America it's august 30th 1619 is the first day that 22 African slaves stepped foot on to a place called Point Pleasant Virginia uh summer of august 30th 1619 on a pirate ship called the white lion the white lion right really absolutely and so I know that the weaponization of skin tone started there and this is crazy this is in the book too you know it started no so there's a there's a very old company I forget the name of the the the acronym on the stock market but it's it helps start the stock market it's called the dutch east indian company

right and they had a partner called the dutch west indian company they're both based in instagram in london now they traded commodities they were shipping magnet and they had their own army of mercenaries and they were they were uh quasi-governmental agencies think haliburton okay uh with ships okay right got it now this we're talking about 1580 and 1600 and now we have the new world quote unquote right so what were they shipping people now was the number one commodity so spices textiles blah blah blah blah salt or whatever and humans and they started humans were such a a lucrative commodity because they were free you didn't cultivate them you just kidnapped them or you worked with the local governments in africa

and who are your enemies and they ambushed these people and they took 20 of these people 30 of these people or they had a meeting between two tribes and then the other tribe would ambush them and then they would get this tribe and then they would get their land all this kind of fucking you know really fucked up you know local political you know rivalries that turned into a slave trade right but in the first 10 to 15 years you had sailors jumping ship killing themselves coming back with PTSD you had investors saying I can't do this this is horrible yeah this is like look how these people are being treated so the dutch east indian company the dutch west indian company closed their doors for the first time for a little bit for i think it was

the little less than a year and they hired a bunch of doctors and psychologists and scientists that created a myth that africans were a product of satan's last stronghold on the planet and that ripping them from africa was actually doing them a favor taking them out of their savage nature and giving them christianity was the most humane thing that they could do and if we didn't go get them there they would eventually spill up into europe and take over and they're brutal and they're strong and they're this and they're evil and they and they and they and this was these were pamphlets that were handed out by a private company to insure profits never heard this story before and they and they were also to make 16 or 17th century

sailors feel better about themselves about going into a ship and kidnapping children from their parents well these are savages these are these are demonic beings subhuman subhuman and all these things we have in our heads today all the same agreements we have the myths that we have in our heads today that when i participated in them they become agreements were written by dutch and english scientists doctors and shareholders in 1610 that's the most evil shit of all time wasn't even supposed to sustain it wasn't so so we have this thing called um it's called humes problem right it's it's it's a it's a philosophical it's a philosophical sort of question humans don't like having a lack of information it

makes them afraid right right that's a natural state of being right so when i have this chocolate shake right here this keto smoothie yeah you've never had it before no let's just say you never had it never had it but you go let's chocolate and you go and i say it's got avocados got walnuts it's got almond milk almond you go oh i know what they taste like but you don't you're only comparing it to what everything else that you've already had right that's humes problem hume says if humans don't have any reference point of something specific they compare it to something else not to feel afraid and that is what we base our society on we've taken a pamphlet that has made pirates and sailors and shareholders of a company that no longer exists and tried to make them feel

better and created a sociological structure based on that that i have to participate in today come on man nah so i'm just gonna so with the book and the podcast it's the first time i and i know of that someone who looks like me is just saying no absolutely not if donald trump can live in his own reality so can i if i don't have to if if if you can understand the hashtag me too movement then you can understand i never agreed you can you know what consent means wow and i i do not consent to what thomas jefferson thought i was i do not consent to what the east indian company has told you i am holy so let's get the conversation started i love so that is so radical it's actually you know for a lot of it feels like it's

you know it feels like it feels futuristic man it feels like it feels like all of us all of us to some degree are starting to realize in the grand scale we're not we might not like just like what you said our bodies are a tiny fractional part of what we are we actually are yeah i mean to me what's amazing is your i can i say can i say this based on that point our bodies are the least are the least important and and and the least identifying part of our presence right sorry sorry they're the least important and at least i at least identifying expression of our spirit your your skin tone your hair your gender your sexual preference has nothing to do

with your spirit and we are mostly spirit and we built a society based on what i think in 20 years we'll look back and say that any inherent bias was a mental illness it's a delusion right we have we described racism to somebody like you go i feel like that person's existence bothers me so much that my cortisol levels go up i wish i don't wish them well i don't hope that things to work out for them i want them to have a harder life because they deserve it there's all these inherent biases that i have that i hold on to even though there's no empirical data to support them hmm they they make me paranoid they make me worried in fact i'm so paranoid worried my cortisol levels are so high that i think i'm gonna put this t-shirt on and try to go hurt one of them

it's a fucking mental illness hey man we have we have we have a determination for that it's called delusion disorder it's called delusional disorder but we're trying to be nice to racists who is as a society we are because we have it we it's misdiagnosed mental illness or undiagnosed mental illness i see we used to treat schizophrenia with exorcism oh so happy we don't do that anymore right so we haven't always been right matter of fact we've gotten a lot of things wrong in 20 years mark my words maybe less we're gonna know that if you're part of the alt right if you're the this is something we should be able to study the cdc should say okay there is something in the brain that makes people paranoid

and delusional about other people's existences and we should try to figure out what that is well it's a it's a i mean it's like a viral it's a it's first of all it's a it's a a meme in the sense that it's the kind of thing if you take a terrified dumb person you can make him scared of just about anything absolutely anything but it's so but it the to me the creepy thing about racism is that it's viral and intentionally spread it's a weaponized philosophical virus that people to this day continue to propagate and they evolved the ways of doing it and you know so when you're talking about the alt right you know you're talking about a thing that has its roots and fucking storm front you ever go to storm front

don't you want to chip bricks go to like go to one of these i don't know do you go to the white supremacist websites ever like when you're super baked and why freak yourself out i i i did back in the day because my dad my dad's a civil rights attorney so he joined the kkk what yeah your dad i thought because you want to get the newsletters you want to see what they're doing want to see what they're up to see what they're saying oh shit yeah they were mailing a civil rights attorney they're like schedule they're not that smart no they're not but man you go you go and look at these people they're like this is the problem they pray on and again uh why am i saying i don't want to i don't want to finish race they pray on idiots so like what they so what they do is they

go to places where idiots might congregate like flat earth message boards for example if i if you don't believe the earth is round i can i can sell you anything anything i can definitely make you afraid of jews if you think their earth is not round then i it's just a couple of steps to like you hating jewish people or black people whatever women or anything they pray on them so like let's and i always give people this example too which is kind of interesting i give people two examples when they when because i don't even get mad at racism anymore how i'm amused i'm curious i have so many questions when it when it rears its head but i don't engage because a bully needs a target right so once you remove the target their entire the reason behind the why of i'm doing this

shatters and you just watch it you watch this flimsy ideology just crumble in their face and you go what do you mean oh that's that's interesting but why and you just start instead of going fuck you you go what do you mean and they go they can't explain it well they have to defend racism or sexism they can't it's it's a it's really really it's kind of an interesting thing and i'm amused by it so like i tell people i give people these two examples kind of it's really funny if there is a homeless guy right houseless person chronically houseless homeless person yeah i don't say that disparagingly and there they have you know dirt under the fingernails and like they smell like they smell horrible they smell like a subway clothes are raggedy there's dirt

everywhere and they're having this disgusting vitriol of this of this of this of this racist um um spout right yeah what do you do you walk away why because they dress like shit so if that person took a bath and shaved and got in the suit why does he have why is why why is his voice more important oh yeah right why did i just walk away right aren't they just the same crazy yeah also the other one i i give is if somebody comes up to you and you know on a chat board or anywhere else in the world and goes dunking i gotta talk to you man these leprechauns they are fucking just fucking raping these unicorns man and they're taking all the jobs and they're doing this and doing that dunking we have got to get rid of these fucking

leprechauns right yeah and people you'd be like this motherfucker's crazy yeah but you've replaced leprechauns with women or blacks or jews people go fuck you man i gotta fight you now right what are you fighting right what are you fighting i got you your engagement is making it real i got you that's the one thing we haven't tried yet whoa just going i disengage with crazy people i don't talk to crazy people like i had we had an experience in vegas um over new years and this girl was saying this crazy racially insightful shit and everybody was so angry and upset and i'm the black person i'm the one black person in this in this scenario and i'm sitting there laughing going you need help she's like well let her not go you actually need help you have a mental dysfunction

and she got so offended and she's like why can't you just talk and talk about it i go because i'm not going to talk to somebody about eating feces sandwiches or i would rather or punching chihuahuas in the in the third rib because you think that brings them good luck whatever whatever your mental dysfunction is i can't engage with it right whatever it is right that's so smart whatever it is yeah man that's really i don't know i don't know i mean like the thing is if you haven't guessed yet i'm a white dude so my experience in this regard is like sadly limited and and and the way you're explaining it to me it's like i feel embarrassed because no i shouldn't be it just in the sense like i didn't know that about the i didn't know

that about the pirate company i didn't know i don't know the name of the ship you know i don't know any of that that's my brain doesn't can like i'm not attached to that and that's to me a little bit embarrassing but also to me it's kind of incredibly inspiring that you would be this patient because if somebody you know man like i remember once i was sitting eating and this girl at the time this girl was dating her friend was there and she didn't know i only had one ball and honestly i don't give a shit that i have one ball right but it still works it still works it works i made a baby wait but we're a better work um but we're this girl she's like talking about someone she knows who had a i guess had one of his testicles cut off and she goes and he's

half a man that's not what makes a man i wouldn't think so but i'm sitting there and just that i almost was like what the fuck are you talking about what the fuck are you talking about when what you're saying if i'd applied it in that moment it's like this is a dope like i don't know if she's mentally ill but she has a myth in her head that you can either validate with your attention or allow to be in the ether right and it makes no difference if it's just floating around right doesn't require engagement at all at all and then in fact engagement gives a power it's a it's a parasitic force it's a vampiric force and the engagement speeds that needs a host you're a parasite fighter i'll take that i'm not a teacher i'm a parasite fighter you became a super

hero that's what a parasite man yeah yeah that's you're you're like what you're teaching well i'm sorry to call you a teacher what this what you're talking about is a what i've learned what you've learned is a it like crushes exactly what they need they need people they need a host so any mental illness and i say this with with because i said this on my instagram before and people fucking ripped into me as if i was talking shit about people who have who aren't completely mentally fit i was like no no no people can have depression people can have this schizophrenia i'm not or delusion or whatever i'm not saying there's anything wrong with a mental illness that's the stigma you're attaching to it i'm saying racism is one yeah and if you're you're fighting

to defend the racist's feelings that's not a fight i'm sure that you really want to take on no and then if you're if you're putting words in my mouth and telling me that i'm saying all mentally ill people are fucked up i'm not however i am saying it is the mentally ill person's responsibility to realize that they're mentally ill to get help that's right one it is also the people around that mentally ill person's responsibility to make sure that they get help right if they need it they want it and three if you engage in anybody's mental illness who's sick now oh yeah now you're sick holy shit now you're the one who needs help yeah right not not because there's there's no getting through to a delusion there's no getting through to a paranoia there's

no getting through to something that doesn't make sense in the real world right so what are you fighting what are you doing and how much of your time and energy are you wasting on someone else's myth agreement or mental illness wow i love it this is crazy i had a friend who uh pat i work for she passed from parkinsons and and thanks in the towards the end you know she was having like she had a she was a brilliant wonderful person she she was having a moment where she's having an illusion and she thought something about a robot's attacking her and one of her assistants at the time was like confirming those are so afraid of her that was like saying something about yeah i know the robot we have to watch out anyway when she came back to herself the first thing she said to

that guy was why did you why did you let me believe about the robots why would you say it was real i was going crazy and she was pissed at him because it was he it was the last thing she needed was the confirmation of the insanity every mental illness is attack on one's own self a racist is attacking himself or herself first you ever met a happy racist no exactly they are constantly attack yeah they are in constantly attack mode first themselves and then it becomes outward so of course what is their only response when you engage attack that's it that's all they can do right they are in a constant state of self attack yeah mental illness is an attack on one's own psyche that's what it is right like an autoimmune disorder or something so if once i engage in

your self attack i can only be attacked and it's not even anything about me and you're holding it up yeah you're you're how i'm making it real i'm making your fight real i cannot wait to read your book yeah that's what's about yeah that's so cool it's so funny though me reading it is gonna like no it's no because it's it's not even just about like people are gonna see me reading but like no shit you didn't it's it's it's and that's the only thing that kind of makes me that gives me pause about the title is because i don't want people to think like i realized in my own experiences i never agreed to be black because i was in a hospital bed and i crossed over and i was in a car accident and i if i'd done it i wasca 30 times and it's made me realize that your race is the is

the least important expression of your soul and race and gender and that that's true for all of us and then it doesn't just have to do with race it has to do with your sexual preference it has to do with your story the stories you have in your head about who you are has to do with your your age has to do with your your your social economic structure all the things that you think are definitive about your story and could and can set forth a pathway they are real and they are made they they are they are formed and conformed by the guidelines that you give based on the stories that you have in your head the attention you put into them when i go and watch the Mortal Kombat movie and see you as jacks briggs it's gonna be the trippiest shit of all time it's like if ramdas

were an action hero like my brain my brain is gonna break it's just gonna it's gonna it's like you're gonna be like whoa that's the best thing ever thank you so much for being on the show it's my pleasure brother thank you all the links people need to find you will be at dunkitrustle.com hadekushnet thank you for this namaste thanks for having me brother that was makad brooks everybody all the links you need to find him will be at dunkintrustle.com if you like this podcast will you please give us a wonderful rating on itunes or wherever you listen to this podcast and subscribe across the board and unsubscribe from all the other podcasts you listen to we will be back next week with edm glitch producer and all-around genius mr bill

until then Hare Krishna a good time starts with a great wardrobe next stop jc penny family get-togethers to fancy occasions wedding season two we do it all in style dresses suiting and plenty of color to play with get fixed up with brands like lis clayborne worthington stafford and jay farar oh and thereabouts for kids super cute and extra affordable check out the latest in store and we're never short on options at jcp.com all dressed up everywhere to go jc penny a good time starts with a great wardrobe next stop jc penny family get-togethers to fancy occasions wedding season two we do it all in style dresses suiting and plenty of color to play with get fixed up with brands like lis clayborne worthington

stafford and jay farar oh and thereabouts for kids super cute and extra affordable check out the latest in store and we're never short on options at jcp.com all dressed up everywhere to go jc penny