Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 377: Sharon Salzberg

Episode Date: March 21, 2020

Sharon Salzberg, author, meditation teacher, and EXACTLY the kind of voice we need to hear in this tumultuous time, joins the DTFH! Pre-Order Sharon's new book, Real Change - Mindfulness To Heal Our...selves and the World. This episode is brought to you by: Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site. Black Tux - Use offer code: DUNCAN for 10% off your first order.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We are family. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JCPenney. Family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two. We do it all in style. Dresses, suiting, and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford, and Jay Farrar.
Starting point is 00:00:18 Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in-store, and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JCPenney. You're listening to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour Podcast. This will all make sense when I am older.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Someday I will see that this makes sense. One day when I'm old and wise, I'll think back and realize that these were all completely normal events. I'll have all the answers when I'm older. Like why we're in this dark enchanted wood. Someday when I'm old and wise, I'll grow up and realize that all of this ain't bad. It's good.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Growing up means adapting. Puzzling out your world and your place. When I'm more mature, I'll feel totally secure. Freaking out and motherfucking quarantine. I'm going to run out of where to wait. See, that will all make sense when I am older. So there's no need to be terrified or tense. I'll just dream about a time when I'm in my age of crime.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Because when you're older, absolutely everything makes sense. This is fine. Greetings to you, my quarantine kids and pandemic pals. It is your noble, faithful, muscular, powerful, masculine, beautiful, bearded host, D. Trussell, reporting in from a very secure compound in LA where we have been told to shelter in place. Suddenly we find ourselves in some kind of apocalyptic thriller.
Starting point is 00:02:34 The news is non-different from every single disease slash zombie movie that I've ever seen. And the weird BDI politicians are getting real squirmy up there in a way that I've never really seen before. And if I wasn't someone who was actually in the movie, I think I would probably enjoy watching it. But the reality is I don't get to lean into my previous self-destructive mode of being
Starting point is 00:03:07 because now I'm married with a one-year-old. So I don't get to get off on the possibility of dying or society falling apart or to lean into the stupid fantasy of being a survivor, wandering down the highway, gathering old bits of metal and trading them for ketamine that I bring back to my bunker. And I don't know why that's a fantasy, to live in a bunker with a big pile of ketamine.
Starting point is 00:03:38 But if I didn't have a wife and a child, that's probably what I'd be doing right now. I'd be up to my neck in the k-hole, spinning around, pouring booze on the rising anxiety and, I don't know, playing God of War over again. But that's not, I don't get to do that now because we got to get milk for the baby. How weird is this?
Starting point is 00:04:01 The buttons aren't working anymore. You press the button and they bring you the food. You want milk, you go to the store and there's milk and eggs. It's all gone. Every single person that I rolled my eyes at who had chickens, I don't know if y'all ever did that, but you know when your friends got chickens, you're like, what's going on, Grizzly Adams?
Starting point is 00:04:18 What else you got around here? You're collecting rainwater, you're gonna do that too. Are you okay? You know, you leave the prepper's house and you're like, oh boy, what's wrong with them? They're eating too much weed. Now I'm trying to remember who the fuck had chickens that I know so I could contact them
Starting point is 00:04:35 and see if they'd be willing to trade some eggs for some of the, I don't know, musical gear or something like that. No eggs, you can't bake, you know? We're okay. After one of the first creepy press conferences where Trump said he was putting Mike Pence in front of the pandemic and in charge of the pandemic,
Starting point is 00:04:57 I ordered hundreds of dollars worth of food and then I told my wife and then she ordered a bunch of food and so we find ourselves fairly well supplied, but still some of this stuff, man, holy shit, we just don't have it right now. They're saying they might bring the National Garden to help stock grocery shelves here. You know, I don't know, it's a very bizarre situation
Starting point is 00:05:24 we find ourselves in and I feel really lucky that I had this podcast on hand with Sharon Salzburg who is an author, a meditation teacher and exactly the sort of voice that I would wanna broadcast out into the world at the moment. Remember, we recorded this prior to this becoming a pandemic so if it seems as though we are ignoring the current reality, it's just this happened before this current reality
Starting point is 00:05:58 was a reality, but nonetheless, I think you'll find there's many things that Sharon teaches that are very applicable to the present moment, specifically the idea of being kind and compassionate to yourself and to others and that compassion and kindness is like a muscle that we can develop that maybe you just don't start off as some kind of perfectly kind and compassionate being,
Starting point is 00:06:28 but just like any other beautiful thing, it's something that you develop over time. We're gonna jump right into this episode, but first this, much thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. Squarespace is the most powerful web creation service in the entire universe. This space used to be held by the Lordarians
Starting point is 00:06:54 from the Wasneck Sector of Ex-Tevalon, but as you know, they were supernovaed into oblivion. So now it's Squarespace and let's face it, the Lordarians are dicks and they're not afraid to slap you for no reason. So look, I'm not glad anybody got supernovaed, but if I had to choose, it would be the Lordarians. Regardless, Squarespace has all the tools you need
Starting point is 00:07:21 to make a beautiful website. If you're in a hurry to get a website up right away, you can make a website in minutes with Squarespace, but if you want some deep, beautiful, incredibly complex, yet amazingly subtle website, a work of art, like the one you might find over at dunkitrustle.com, then Squarespace has all the tools you need to do that. From the basic necessities like a Squarespace website
Starting point is 00:07:47 automatically sizes to any phone or device, to all of your online store needs, they've got a shopping cart function, they can handle all of that for you, to sending out mail to your subscribers, they can do that too. Squarespace has everything you need to get your online business going right away,
Starting point is 00:08:10 but it doesn't have to be all about business, especially these days, you can just make a fun website like quarantinekids.com is available. So right now, head over to squarespace.com and you can try them out for free. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com forward slash Duncan and use offer code Duncan to get 10%
Starting point is 00:08:32 off your first order of a website or a domain. Again, that's squarespace.com forward slash Duncan, offer code Duncan to get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain. Thank you, Squarespace. My beautiful friends, here's some amazing news. I finally got my shit together and started updating my Patreon.
Starting point is 00:08:56 So right now, if you head over to patreon.com forward slash DTFH, you'll find that there's some new tiers. And if you stick around long enough, you can get exclusive DTFH sacred mugs. They're beautiful. You can get exclusive t-shirts that you can only get from subscribing to the Patreon. Also, you'll get hour long extra rambling things,
Starting point is 00:09:22 reports in from my bunker here during the pandemic and lots of other stuff. Who knows what you're gonna see on there. Maybe a human sacrifice eventually. I don't know how far left this thing is gonna slide. Regardless, head over to patreon.com forward slash DTFH and subscribe. Also, I can finally announce that my show on Netflix
Starting point is 00:09:48 that I created with the brilliant Pendleton Ward is going to be out on April 20th. If you haven't seen the teaser for the show, you can find it on YouTube. I'll put a link at dunkintrustle.com. Today's guest is a meditation teacher and an author. She's one of the most powerful spiritual leaders that I've ever crossed paths with
Starting point is 00:10:14 and has written a great many incredibly powerful life changing books. She's got a new book coming out, which is fantastic and certainly timely. It's called Real Change, Mindfulness to Heal the World and Ourselves. Right now you can pre-order the book and y'all, if you love Sharon,
Starting point is 00:10:34 won't you please pre-order her book. These guests are so generous with their time and it's so cool that they come on the show and you can really, really help them out by pre-ordering books. I don't know much about publishing, but I do know that it has some kind of impact on the business side of things.
Starting point is 00:10:53 I will have the link, the presale link at dunkintrustle.com and I'd love for you to do what you can to order the book and to support Sharon. So now without further ado, everybody, please welcome to the DTFH Sharon Salzburg. ["Welcome to the DTFH Sharon Salzburg"] ["Welcome to the DTFH Sharon Salzburg"] ["It's the Dunkin' Tristle, DTFH Sharon Salzburg"]
Starting point is 00:11:40 Sharon, welcome back. It's so great to see you. It's great to see you. This is Loh Star. We're here on the Tibetan New Year and I already got to be at a Tibetan temple and now I get to be with you, who I consider one of the greatest Buddhist teachers
Starting point is 00:11:57 around right now. Is it fair to say it's Buddhism that you teach? It's fair to say it. I mean, I don't often express it that way because I think it's sort of universal wisdom and I don't want like to be labeled. Right, I get it. Does that, sometimes I feel like kind of like
Starting point is 00:12:17 people want you to compartmentalize yourself into something, don't they? Like they want you to say that or, yeah, I love that you're just saying, yeah, I'm not that. But then sometimes I feel like is, if I say I'm not that, does that mean I'm not committing enough to Buddhism or to some path? Because some people say, listen,
Starting point is 00:12:35 you've got to like pick it and go for it and say that's what it is. Buddhism, Christianity, Islam. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, well, I mean, for me, I feel like I live kind of in a hyphenated reality. That's why people say jubus or hindus. Okay, I got you, yeah, I see.
Starting point is 00:12:53 My first teacher was S. N. Goenka. I'd gone to India in 1970 and I began my first intensive 10 day retreat, January 7th, 1971. That's where I met Ramdas and Krishnadas and Joseph Goldstein, all kinds of people. And the first night of that retreat, Goenka said, the Buddha did not teach Buddhism. The Buddha taught a way of life.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Wow. So that was like day one. Wow. And it just became like the foundation of my understanding. That's so cool. That's so true. He didn't know it would be,
Starting point is 00:13:27 probably that's not even what they called it then. No, they don't call it Buddhism. We call it Buddhism. It was a Western notion, some hundreds of years after the Buddha. So they call it the Buddha's teaching or the Buddha's way or something like that. Wow, what a relief to hear that.
Starting point is 00:13:44 I guess it's true with Christianity too. It wasn't Christianity at the time. There was a name for it. It was just some kind of way of being. That's right. That maybe it wasn't even that new necessarily. I mean, it's not like Buddhism didn't, this is also where I get a little confused about Buddhism
Starting point is 00:14:01 is the concept that it predates the existence of Siddhartha Gautama. Like that, the thing that was coming out of him, it's not like it wasn't already there. Right, right. Yeah, I mean, that's true. It's like the word Dharma, which is usually translated as the Buddha's teaching
Starting point is 00:14:21 or the way really means the laws of nature. So it's not like the Buddha made them up. Right. A new depth of understanding maybe or revelation and he expressed them. Well, to me, the implication of the pre-existence or the transcendental perennial philosophy sort of channel through people
Starting point is 00:14:47 means that we live in a world where at some point a new Buddhism or a new thing without a name, maybe it exists in the world right now, could begin to be propagated. And that creates a situation of, I guess what would you call it, hopefulness? That at any given moment, the same epiphany that happens
Starting point is 00:15:11 to the mythological or historic prophets could happen to a person. But it's something new, right? It's something that people haven't quite heard before in a certain way. But the difference is when these people in the past were talking about their epiphany, there was no internet,
Starting point is 00:15:36 meaning that the transference of the data set will happen overnight. Do you ever think about that? Not really. But I mean, I think certainly it's true that we don't think of tradition as like a monument. It's like a river. It's always renewing and changing and being born again.
Starting point is 00:15:59 Otherwise it's dead, right? And what was so important for people like me, 2600 years later, from the Buddhist realization is that he wasn't just describing a reality he glimpsed or even abided in, he had methods, he had a path where he said, I make human being because he's always talked about as having been a human being.
Starting point is 00:16:23 I had some big questions about life, like why is it so hard and why do we suffer so much and why is there change and how do I cope with that? And it said that whatever answers he came to, he came to through the power of his own awareness and so can we, whatever our deepest questions are. And so the whole point is pointing back to you always. And that's not considered selfish or conceited.
Starting point is 00:16:49 That's really the whole point. It's like we marginalize ourselves. We say, oh, it's great for the Buddha sitting under a tree 2600 years ago, but I live in LA. I'm busy, you know, I can't have any real understanding. And that's not true. The whole point is our own understanding. This to me is that's exactly, I think for a lot of people
Starting point is 00:17:11 drives them to take these very expensive trips to different parts of the world in the hopes that they're going to run into this person or that person or see you, I don't know if it was expensive actually, I think it those days. It wasn't that expensive. But you took the classic trip to India
Starting point is 00:17:30 and sure enough, you met a great teacher and you became a tremendous part of a community of seekers because of that. And so yeah, I hear what you're saying and I love the idea because, you know, I don't want to fly to India. I would like to teleport to India. I don't want to go live in a cave.
Starting point is 00:17:53 I like the idea that my home is a temple, being a father is a teaching and that just where I'm at right now is the Bodhi tree. But then the other side of it goes, you had spiritual bypass. You're just afraid to take the big leap, the big jump. But you think so, the LA can be the very same as the forest that Siddhartha Gautama left the palace
Starting point is 00:18:21 to go into with your work, your job. How could that be? I do really believe that I think it's a harder path actually to stay in LA than to go off to India. It wasn't expensive of course in those days, especially not the way we traveled. You were on, you took a charter ride. Overland, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Sounds dangerous. Yeah, it was a little scary. But I do think it's the harder path because it takes a huge intentionality to make that real. It's one thing to say being a father is my path and it can be. And it's another thing when you've got a deadline and your kid doesn't scream.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Oh, never. Actually, yeah, it's weird. I thought that was gonna happen, doesn't cry. He just laughs. Yeah, it's because he's not asleep to price. It's great. And I don't know if it was. And he screams.
Starting point is 00:19:12 But you know, it's like, and you have a feel of this pressure and someone else is really anxious around you and you're picking that up. And it's like remembering in that moment, like, oh yeah, I have a commitment to kindness or I have a commitment to the present moment or look at this, everything changes.
Starting point is 00:19:31 It's not easy, but it's possible. And what is easy is to just talk about it. Like I once had, I was teaching a class in New York and someone rather charmingly said to me, or not so charmingly said to me, a lot of younger meditation teachers than you say we don't have to do regular practice, like a formal dedicated period of practice.
Starting point is 00:19:55 We can just be mindful, whatever we do, mindful stirring the rice, mindful washing dishes or whatever. So what do you say in like your donage? And I said, well, I think hypothetically that's true. For me, that would just be a story I tell. If I didn't have like a regular practice, it's like strength training or something.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Let's make it real, you know, because when the rice is boiling over and the phone is ringing and this is happening and that's happening, it's not that easy. But if you've kind of steadily devoted some time to deepening awareness and compassion and things like that, it will be there for you. Right, so yeah, I mean, it would be a dream come true.
Starting point is 00:20:40 If just by being around weight lifters, you could get in shape. That would be the best. All you would need is to be friends with someone who was in shape. You would need to run, you would need to exercise. That is something I really love about Buddhism is that, or whatever you wanna call it,
Starting point is 00:21:00 is that there is an action involved, a kind of action, which some people say is meditation, some people say is meta, I guess, like working out your compassion muscle or something like that. I heard Chogyam Trump or Rinpoche say something that I'd love to ask you about in this regard. He was talking about the feeling of coming home from work.
Starting point is 00:21:24 And he goes, people sit on the couch and they go, and it felt like when he was implying that you don't need to come home from work and sit on the couch to go, that actually that feeling is the feeling of being human, but it's being covered up by all the stress. Almost like he was saying enlightenment, is that am I misunderstanding him?
Starting point is 00:21:52 Is there an implication that through this practice, every moment in traffic, in chaos, I could be getting that experience that I get right when I relax on the couch at the end of the day? No, and I think you're misunderstanding that. I think that's in a way the whole point. If not continuously there, then we know how to return to it
Starting point is 00:22:16 when we're in traffic or whatever. Because now I'm thinking about what's in that moment of like, huh, it is authenticity, right? You're not putting on a show for anybody anymore. You're just being yourself, you're relaxing of course, and also it's a sense of almost like collecting yourself. We get so role identified, okay, now I've got to educate people
Starting point is 00:22:42 or now I've got to do this or I've got to do that. And then it's just like, okay, I'm just being, I'm just me. So there's a lot in that moment. And I think certainly that sense of home can be something we have wherever we are. Role identified. Wow, what a mess that is, huh? That's an insidious trap, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:23:07 You don't even realize you've become role identified until it's way too late. And then there you are trying to be the teacher or a dad or a husband or somebody doesn't want to be a dad or whatever it is. Role identified. That's almost blasphemy for some people to even imagine that the thing they are
Starting point is 00:23:30 isn't just an identification. That's right, well, that's what, you know, when we meet people, that's what we say, right? What do you do? Yeah, what do you do? Oh, well, I'm a fireman or I do comedy. Well, I'm not sure if I do comedy, but I do podcasts, well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:46 And yeah, then imposter syndrome sets in. And then do you ever get that? Do you ever think to yourself, am I really a teacher? Yeah, I don't know that I get it so much anymore. Although, you know, there's a certain level it depends on who I'm thinking about as my own teachers where it does seem ludicrous.
Starting point is 00:24:07 But, you know, when I started, I started teaching because one of my teachers told me to teach. So it was really the old fashioned way. Right. And I was completely disbelieving. I thought, that's ridiculous. I can't do that. This is a woman teacher, this woman named Deepa Ma
Starting point is 00:24:23 who I was leaving India, this was 1974. And I was leaving for what I was convinced was a very short trip back to the States before I'd go back and spend the entire rest of my life in India. And I went to see her, she was living in Calcutta. I went to see her just to say goodbye and get her blessing for my very short trip home.
Starting point is 00:24:46 And she said, when you go back, you'll be teaching. And I said, no, I won't. And she said, yes, you will. And I said, no, I won't. She said, yes, you will. I said, no, I won't. And then she said two things that were very mind blowing. She said, you really understand suffering.
Starting point is 00:25:03 That's what you should teach. Cause I like many people that had a very tumultuous traumatic childhood and I never, certainly that's what drove me to India at such a young age but I never thought of it as a useful thing, you know, in terms of helping others. And then she said, you can do anything you want to do which you're thinking you can't do it.
Starting point is 00:25:26 That's gonna hold you back. Wow. And I left her place. She lived in what we would call like a tenement room up on the fourth floor and I walked down that staircase thinking, no, I won't, that's ridiculous. I'm not gonna go teach. And I came back and life unfolded.
Starting point is 00:25:42 And I went to visit Joseph Goldstein who I had met at my first retreat. He was, it was the first summer in Boulder that Naropa Institute was opening up, speaking of Trumpi Rinpoche. And Joseph was actually Romdus's TA. Joseph had run into Romdus in Berkeley and Romdus was on his way to Boulder
Starting point is 00:26:08 and he was gonna teach this mega class of like a thousand people. And then he had these divisions like the chanting division and the meditation division. He asked Joseph if he wanted to teach the meditation one and Joseph said yes. So. Wow.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Jack Winfield was living down the hall. That's where we met. Teaching a class of his own. And Joseph was so popular, he was invited to stay on for the second session and I stayed on with him. And then we got invited to teach a month on retreat. That whole time I thought I can't.
Starting point is 00:26:43 First of all, I was terrified of public speaking. I mean, I couldn't give a talk at all. So that was a 30 day retreat, our first retreat. And the format of our retreats is that there's like one formal lecture like at night and Joseph had to do them all like for 30 nights. I couldn't do it. Was there a time where you were just backstage
Starting point is 00:27:03 like I'm not going out there or you just told him I'm not gonna get in front of people. It's not happening. I was sitting in the back of the room. I mean, there was no backstage, you know, it's just us, you know, like. Sorry, I don't know why I thought you were at the Apollo or something like that.
Starting point is 00:27:16 No, here's some. What was the green room like? Yeah, the green room, the snacks were extraordinary. That's a, because I've seen you speak and you're incredible. So that's so beautiful. Yeah, I couldn't do it. And like all these people would go up and yell at Joseph
Starting point is 00:27:32 like, why don't you let her speak? Why don't you let her have a voice? And he would say, it's not my fault to talk to her, but I was terrified when I was scared of was that I'd be speaking and my mind would go blank. And I would just sit there and it looked like a fool. Yeah. And then I remember this was long before I did
Starting point is 00:27:52 intensive loving kindness practice. There was that one practice that has a really nice guided meditation called loving kindness. And maybe I could talk about that topic because if my mind goes blank, maybe I can launch into the guided meditation and no one will know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:08 And so at home in Massachusetts, I have like piles and piles and piles of cassette tapes of me giving one talk because it's the only thing I can do. Let's talk about loving kindness. So wait, when you say one talk, you mean like the same beats. So like a standup routine, except for, wow. Oh, wow, that's so smart. That's one of my favorite Bill Hicks quotes.
Starting point is 00:28:31 He's a great comic, you know, Bill Hicks, the comic. Sorry, I don't know, of course, I'm sorry. No, no, of course, I don't know. One of his quotes is, your jokes are safety parachutes for when your improv isn't working. And knowing that you have like a, now that is a very controversial thing to say because many comments would be like, yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Go look at like late Bill Hicks when he's all hammered on stage quote, improvising. It's terrible. There's nothing funny about it. You can like trick yourself, you know, but still for you, wow, that's so smart because you always have that to drop into you. That's your, there's certain comics
Starting point is 00:29:11 where you know they're having a bad set because the joke, they have a joke that's designed to like life support their way out of like whatever terrible trap they got themselves into up there. That's so, so you started doing that and then you became repetitive with it a little bit. Yeah, quite a lot.
Starting point is 00:29:28 And did you start feeling in that repetition that it's something like robotic or that this was not that you needed to evolve past? Just, no, it was all I could do really. But then one day I sort of had a realization. I thought, you know what? Cause loving kindness is about connection. That's its essence.
Starting point is 00:29:47 And one day I realized they're all like about connection, all those talks, you know, it's like people aren't here gathered to hear me import my expertise. They want a sense of connection. So the kind of all loving kindness talks in a way. And that was when I could begin to speak. What's going on with us as humans that we don't see that?
Starting point is 00:30:06 Why is that invisible? It seems just from some, like a, not that I'm clearly not an evolutionary biologist, but it seems to me a little bizarre that beings that are so deeply, deeply interconnected seem completely oblivious to that reality. Do you have any theories on that? Why are we blind to that?
Starting point is 00:30:28 I don't know. I mean, I don't know the why, but it's certainly true and it's maybe getting worse. You know, like one of the things I keep reading about, which I find startling and amazing is, is this kind of epidemic of loneliness that more and more and more people are describing themselves as lonely
Starting point is 00:30:46 and not just here in the state. So you think, wow, look at that because we are so intimately interconnected in truth. I'm going to be real honest with you. When you mentioned connection just then, I don't know that I had actually connected with you. And in that moment, I looked at you and thought, oh, Sharon, hi.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Hi. And then this other thing happened. It was like dropping into something. It's, and so the epidemic of loneliness is, I didn't know about that, but it makes sense. Maybe, you know, maybe just because I remember the first time I saw you talk and you were talking about compassion,
Starting point is 00:31:30 training to be compassionate. And I remember thinking to myself, what? You just, you can get better at that. You train at that. That's a thing you work out at. Similarly with connection, and maybe there isn't much of a difference between the two. Maybe people just don't even understand
Starting point is 00:31:49 that you don't just instantly, it's not something that you can do just in the way that you can like fall asleep or something like that. That's right, that's right. Yeah, I mean, I think that's pretty controversial in the West. Maybe training is not even the right word,
Starting point is 00:32:04 although it's the word I use, but people seem to think that something like compassion is something you either have or you don't have. And if you don't have it, you're out of luck. Maybe you didn't get enough as a kid or whatever, but it's too late. In the East, they would never think that
Starting point is 00:32:21 because qualities like love and compassion and connection are considered emergent properties of how we pay attention. Like in that moment, when we're just here together and we're actually just together, that's a moment of real connection because we're paying attention to one another. I'm not thinking about what time it's gonna end
Starting point is 00:32:43 because I've gotta do my laundry or something like that. And we're also not thinking, does he like me? I hope he likes me better than his last guest. I don't know who that was. I do. It was Brendan Walsh. I hope you're listening, Brendan. He's a friend of mine.
Starting point is 00:33:05 He's a friend of mine. I'm joking. I mean, I'm not joking, but. Yeah, so that's why the word training comes in because we know you can train attention. That's what meditation practice is. And the belief is that if you train your attention, always other things will just blossom.
Starting point is 00:33:26 You don't have to sit and think I'm a miserable, hating person and I have to get more loving. It doesn't matter what you think because you're putting the pieces in place. I love what you said about the idea that if you get to a certain age and you haven't achieved some ability to be a compassionate person, a good listener,
Starting point is 00:33:45 someone who isn't selfish, all the qualities that are, we all applaud and look at it as like, oh, that's the idea of a good person. I love that like there is this idea that if someone's gotten to that point, they're like, well, we have names for them. Well, they're sociopaths. It's a narcissist.
Starting point is 00:34:04 It's a soulless thing. You know, I got on, I don't know how it happened. Maybe I was just Googling narcissism, but I ended up on this terrible mailing, Ask Quora Narcissist mailing list where people, I would get updates anytime anyone wrote a horror story about an encounter with a narcissist.
Starting point is 00:34:25 And at some point I began to feel really sorry for these narcissists because they're universally hated. And like just from the DSMR4 definition, they're like, it's like hating someone who has autism or something like that. But like they're irredeemable. There is this concept that like, oh, there's no way for them to ever not
Starting point is 00:34:49 be concerned with themselves. They're like a black hole. They're a gravity well of ego identification. And therefore they should be, I don't know what, banished, pushed out of society. And there's all kinds of just forget the narcissist or sociopath. Just how many times have you been sitting,
Starting point is 00:35:07 listening to people talk at a cafe? Just eavesdropping and they're talking about that person. Can you believe them? They're awful. Well, I cut them out of my life because the idea is, yeah, you're never gonna, they're never gonna come back. Wow, I love that.
Starting point is 00:35:26 The idea that at any point in time, no matter how rancid you may be, there is an ability, if you wanted to, to connect. I really do believe that. Any one of us might have come from some really disconnected places, you know, and renewed or came back and returned in a way. Returned, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Cause this is a, I mean, we're dealing with a country that's been at war for 93% of its history. We got so many people who are raising kids who have profound PTSD. PTSD manifests as, you know, some people's parents are walking defense mechanisms. And then the kids learn that.
Starting point is 00:36:15 Many of us have learned that. And I'm afraid to say I learned it. And both my parents have passed away. And I'm still terrified to say, oh, you know, I learned to be. I became a master of numb. Like I can go so numb, so fast, ice cold, just glaciated human in moments.
Starting point is 00:36:40 I used to be proud of that. I used to think that was a good quality that's in the world, like a superpower. Now I have a son. You can't go numb. You can't ice down in front of a toddler or a wife or anyone for that matter. But I think a lot of us are kind of like,
Starting point is 00:37:00 well, that's all that's left. Well, you can't ice down or freeze in front of a toddler. Certainly, I think plenty of people have, which is why. A toddler, you know, grows up thinking that's the way to be. I mean, you're also remind me of something I wrote about in this book about the stress reaction and how people always used to say, fight or flight.
Starting point is 00:37:24 And now they've added freeze. What? Yeah, so there's three common responses to incredible stress. And by incredible stress or responses, I mean, there's always stress of some kind, but when the resources we have within don't seem adequate to meet the stress that's coming our way,
Starting point is 00:37:45 it's fight, flight, or freeze. And we're used to fight or flight. And freeze is now considered one of them. And I was really happy because I too am a type, you know, where I'm more likely to freeze than fight my way out or flee. And so I thought, oh, good, you know, I'm being included. But it's a huge pattern. Freeze.
Starting point is 00:38:05 It doesn't, obviously it's not a literal freeze. That means numb down. It means just like drop out of wherever you're at. It's like disassociate, and it's better that way. There's an watershed down. They had a great name for when the rabbits see the headlights of a car. Thrall, I think is what they called it.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Or they had a cool name for it, where they froze up with the headlights of the car coming. And yeah, but wow, so it almost is like this, this is not only if many of us just frozen, but we've sort of come up with an idea of like, well, this is just how it is to live. You sort of, you're here, you're not really here. And you just stay not here until you die.
Starting point is 00:38:48 And then you're really not here anymore. And then that's a human life. Because for a lot of us, you know, growing up, what are you gonna do? Where are you gonna go? You're six. What are you gonna get in the car? You're gonna drive away?
Starting point is 00:39:02 You're gonna find a job somewhere? There's no escape. So what are you gonna do? You definitely aren't gonna fight 190 pound human. So yeah, I get it. You just go to the ground, freeze up. And that's where we're at. Well, not you, but I think some of these frozen people,
Starting point is 00:39:27 are they the ones saying that that's loneliness? Maybe they're not even lonely. Well, that's interesting. Is the definition of loneliness changing? Or does people just feel generally numb? That's very interesting. I'll really have to think about that. Maybe that's so.
Starting point is 00:39:46 I mean, I've only thought about it in kind of sociological terms. Like the things that used to bring us together, like you went to a temple this morning. People don't often do that anymore, necessarily. Right. The classic book about it was called Bowling Alone, about the dissolution of bowling leagues.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Ways we just used to come together and have a sense of community, they're not so prevalent anymore. For some people they are, of course, and other people are just dying, or they've died. So how are we gonna find each other? And we have to find each other. How are we gonna find each other?
Starting point is 00:40:26 I mean, I think both of us have a, like I know sometimes, because I travel and do stand-up and I have to go out at night to do stand-up. And a lot of times I don't want, I am a recluse. If I can stay in, I stay in. I like it. And I recognize like, oh no, this is bad.
Starting point is 00:40:45 If I look at it, it's like taking a shower. It's like socially going out is like taking a shower. If you don't do it long enough, you get a little stinky. But, I think for me, it's just like the anxiety, man. It's like being around people when you're out of practice is just deeply anxiety-provoking.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Opening your heart to other people. This is why I don't do LSD. I used to, when I was younger, I would just like take acid, go to the mall, watch people. I can't do it anymore because it opens your heart. And you're around a person and all the, you just see the pain. And it comes wrecking balling into you.
Starting point is 00:41:34 You're looking at a person you've never met in your life and seeing like, oh man, you're not doing good. I'm never gonna meet you. I certainly can't come up to you with my eyes completely dilated while you're at dinner with your family and be like, are you okay? But you see it, you know? So how do you cross that barrier?
Starting point is 00:41:56 There's no way. I mean, we're so sequestered. I don't wanna bug anybody. I don't wanna bother anybody. I mean, literally people are laying on the street and we walk right by them. Much less passing someone with a frown on their face or who seems sad or upset.
Starting point is 00:42:11 How do you even cross that boundary, Sharon? Well, I mean, for me, the most important state is the interstate. What you do externally will depend on the circumstance, you know? It's like you probably are not gonna walk up to every person lying on the street and say hello, you know? But it's the internal feeling of like
Starting point is 00:42:32 that person's life has something to do with mine. That seems really critical and we don't have that either. No one wants to even hear that. What are you? A socialist? Are you a socialist, Sharon? Is that what you've come to? Socialism?
Starting point is 00:42:53 No, because I'm not saying you have to give them money even, for example, but in our hearts, we have got to recognize this person as a person. It's easier to give them money. But it's easier to give them money. Well, I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, but I think in terms of a genuine sense of connection, that's what's gotta happen.
Starting point is 00:43:18 And by the way, when I was doing the R.U.S., whatever, Tucker Carlson interviewing Cheryl Sharon Salzburg or something, I was joking. You know, to me, I think it's like a wild thing that we even live in a world where the term socialism, which is the act of being social, is considered one of the great mistakes you can make. It's like getting a disease.
Starting point is 00:43:42 It's like athletes' foot, politically, you're broken out with socialism. Wow, man, God, I'm itching today, man. I've got socialism all over my body. And this seems to really mirror what you're saying about loneliness. If we live in a country where socialism is considered abhorrent, then wouldn't loneliness
Starting point is 00:44:07 be a natural result of that? I mean, social, we want to be around, it's social. It's like we're social animals. But the term socialism, which would be the practice of being a social animal, is forget it. You're not getting elected if you're a social animal. You know? Well, I'm also not running for office, thankfully enough.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Well, maybe thankfully for you, but for the rest of us, we would love it if you would. But you know what I'm saying? It's like this is the country we're in is, and I'm not beating up on America or anything like that. I just know that a lot of people are watching Bernie Sanders, who is a socialist, and they're like, no, oh my God, no.
Starting point is 00:44:56 So it feels like what you're saying is all the political isms and stuff is great, but first, you've got to dethaw a little bit, start making these connections. No, it's true. I mean, sometimes if I go into a company or an organization to teach, one of the questions I ask people to ponder is,
Starting point is 00:45:22 how many other people need to be doing their job well for you to be able to do your job well? Because we feel like we're all alone, right? And it's a dog eat dog world, and no one's helping me, so I'm not gonna help anybody else. But what's the reality? You're counting on someone cleaning that room, right?
Starting point is 00:45:40 Yeah. And you left it like a pigsty the night before, but you're counting on it, or that operating theater. You're counting on it being sterilized, and you're counting on, we all are, or the roads and the bridges and getting somewhere, getting to work. It's like we live in an interdependent universe,
Starting point is 00:45:58 and we don't acknowledge that very often. So if we don't wake up to that, then we don't wanna contribute. Like why should I contribute to the roads, you know? Yeah. Things like that, and it's crazy, because there's not a way to survive that if it just goes on and on and on and on.
Starting point is 00:46:19 It's completely unsustainable. I mean, you can't, forget the roads in my own house sometimes. If I'm in a particularly dark, selfish, compressed state, you know, I'll like leave like food on the counter. I won't even think about, you know, it's like, and then someone's cleaning it up, that's not me. And that does not work at all. Let me tell you, in a marriage, that does not work at all.
Starting point is 00:46:48 Oh, if only it did. It doesn't work, but much less in a society. But it almost feels like we've all been trained. Since, you know, we could watch TV at the very least to like not think about who's fixing the roads, to not think about who's cleaning our room, to not think about the person that you are just a jerk to at wherever you are buying the thing
Starting point is 00:47:13 is going home that night to take care of their, sister and parents. That's right. You're, no one's saying this stuff. I mean, I love conspiracy theories. I could talk about hollow earth all day long. But if you want to, it's for a different podcast, but if you want to talk about the grand conspiracy,
Starting point is 00:47:32 it's that to me. Why is this not taught in school? Just a basic thing. Oh, you know, the janitor, guess what? He feels. Yeah. He has to buy money to eat. No one wants to even, what is that?
Starting point is 00:47:50 Well, it's like, is that suppressed data? Is that, or is that some kind of like dark, Jungian, like, or like a, a Gestalt that's springing up out of like the way we're running society right now that there's an implicit censorship. The moment you start saying, you know, you're, there's someone who's going to wash your dishes after you eat today.
Starting point is 00:48:15 People are like, shut up, social justice warrior. I'm trying to enjoy my pie by people. I mean, me, I don't want to hear it. It's annoying. Is it, what is, is it conspiratorial? You're, you have a new book coming out about this very thing. And when you told me about this book, I thought, oh boy, I don't know, man, that's, that's want to dive into that.
Starting point is 00:48:46 Is really courageous and tricky. Yeah. Maybe. I mean, the book is about mindfulness, loving kindness and social change. And I include, by the way, art as a means of social change. So I have a lot of interviews basically with playwrights and artists of different kinds,
Starting point is 00:49:08 as well as striking fast food workers, you know, trying to get minimum wage extended to $15 an hour. And people doing all kinds of work, immigration attorneys. And I have made a strong connection with the Parkland community in the last couple of years. So I have a few students and teachers. I've taught there and I've led retreats for that community. And so there are all kinds of people in the book,
Starting point is 00:49:40 which makes me very happy, you know. And they are really heroes, all of them. And they're not the super famous people that we might know about. And I just think they're terrific. And it's about things like interconnection. Like what's, it's a few things. One is like a vision of agency.
Starting point is 00:50:00 I'm not going to just sit around and bemoan how the world is so terrible when I'm on Twitter. You know, I'm going to like do something, even if it seems like a small thing. Wait, you mean rather than just like throwing out tweets. Yeah. Or something a little bit more. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Than typing into your computer. That's right. Going that extra stack. Yeah, a little bit extra. So Instagram. Could be. And then it's about, because I think we also live in a time
Starting point is 00:50:30 where people are very impacted and feel often helpless. And so that idea of agency is really important. And I talk about, I have a chapter on moving from anger to courage and a chapter on moving from grief to resilience and chapter on interconnection, the chapter on. Can we talk about the anger to courage chapter? Cause this is, you know, like I, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:58 I think a lot of people are just pissed off in the most, in terror and terrifying ways and in extreme ways. And, you know, it's not, even talking about activism now is considered, maybe you don't even talk about it. You know, like it's annoying. We just stop.
Starting point is 00:51:24 There's nothing that can be done. And then this like deep anger is building. This is why we have democracy. They're supposed to, it's supposed to steam pressure valve that anger. So we don't have like violent revolutions. So how do you convert anger into courage? Cause the real problem is anytime anyone really angry
Starting point is 00:51:44 starts lecturing us, even if they're right. A lot of us are like, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to get lectured. You're so mad. I have jokes that I do that I've learned that if I do them with even the slightest hint of anger behind it, they don't work because people feel like I'm like preaching up there
Starting point is 00:52:08 and it sucks. But if there's like real love behind it, the joke was funny and it's, my friend calls it the spirit of play. So how do you do this conversion? This, I would love to learn this alchemy. Okay. Well, there's also a chapter on joy, remembering joy because there are lots of reasons
Starting point is 00:52:30 we get lost in anger. And that's one of them. And you mean lack of joy? Yeah, or lack of appreciation of joy. It's like the small things that seem great. We disregard because we have it too guilty or we're too consumed with outrage or something like that. And then we get depleted, you know, we can't go on.
Starting point is 00:52:50 And I also think, you know, activism doesn't just mean like protesting. That's why I include art. And I also include a person-to-person change in relationship. Oh, okay. You know, it's not just vast social systems. It's like, it's basically an expression
Starting point is 00:53:09 of our deepest values. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay, right. Well, it's sure easier to think about the, you know, grand social scheme than to just think about the fact that you haven't opened up to your wife about the way you feel for a little bit. We just did that.
Starting point is 00:53:33 We were not, we were like, it was rough. We went through a rough patch. And then one, a few days ago, we were just laying in bed and we both just started telling each other how we felt, the truth. And now it's the best. It was amazing. Like it was just, we, and all the things
Starting point is 00:53:50 that we were afraid to, we were both like, I feel that too. I feel that too. It was amazing. But I've never, never would I have thought that was social change. Yeah, well, I'll call it social change. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:54:09 It makes it so much more manageable. Cause I always just think of like, man, that Gandhi movie. When I think of social change, I think of that Gandhi movie where they didn't even use an Indian to play Gandhi. Right. But aside from that, just, you know, the marches. Is he half Indian? Oh, is he?
Starting point is 00:54:27 I think Ben Kingsley is. Good God. Hold on, that's getting, hold on. You have to Google it. No, I can cut that out. So I don't look like the biggest idiot on earth. I'm not cutting it out. I'm leaving it.
Starting point is 00:54:38 What do I care? Anyway, sorry, Ben Kingsley. I know you listen to this podcast quite regularly. We're all good friends. Taught him how to act, actually. The, yeah, in my mind, it's a big thing. Big, big, big. So big that I just don't have the even slightest ability
Starting point is 00:54:59 to, you know, to, I just can't imagine doing anything like that, like really making the big waves like Gandhi or Martin Luther King or Greta Thornberg, all those people, you know, you're just like, oh, that's, that's out there. But this thing that you're talking about, that's one of the most empowering things I've ever heard maybe, which is like, oh, right, of course.
Starting point is 00:55:23 It could just be like, is this, could even be walking the dogs more? Whoa. I think that's part of it. And for some people, of course, that's their arena, you know, like, could Martin Luther King Jr. have done something else? I doubt it, you know, that was just his, his space.
Starting point is 00:55:44 Right, that's his karma where he landed. And also, I'm not sure things at home were that great for him sometimes. It seems like there was some trouble. Well, apparently there weren't, yeah. So that to me is, that I can get behind. Because it's, for one, it's not even, there's no politics to finding harmony where you live.
Starting point is 00:56:06 That's not a political situation. That's just common sense. And the idea that also by doing that, you're simultaneously in some, I guess, infinitesimally small way, a little droplet of peace in the world. Now that, wow, that's so beautiful. And like, I've heard versions of it,
Starting point is 00:56:31 but that, that one really sunk in. Wow, that's cool, Sharon. I really liked that. It's so good. And you're clearly a great parent, you know, and it's coming from somewhere, right? Well, I mean, I don't know if I'm a great parent. I'll be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:56:58 I want to be a great parent. Like, I have that intention in me. But I don't, you know, from hanging out with you and Ramdas and by hanging out, I mean, being able to listen to you teach and read your books, I feel like my wife and I, well, the advantage we've got
Starting point is 00:57:18 is that we can have that moment where we really open up to each other. And we, you know, well, but my wife and I did not come from a place where we should be, where we know how to do marriage or know how to do, you know, do that, do that. Cause no, I mean, my mom was divorced and remarried three times.
Starting point is 00:57:41 And, you know, I know, knowing most people I know are divorced, you know, it's not like how it's like compassion. Yeah. Like how do you just know how to be married? Yeah. Yeah. It's almost impossible, you know?
Starting point is 00:57:57 And it's very, it's difficult to live with anybody. Then at a child, you know, here's an example. We went yesterday to walk the baby around the park and his wagon. And it was a beautiful day. And it's great. Cause we're all, we're getting along now. It's really sweet.
Starting point is 00:58:20 Everything's real poignant and sweet. It's the spring, the baby loves the wagon, but he's hungry. So we go to get something to eat. And I made the wretched mistake of being like, why don't we just stop at this Thai food place? You don't give a baby Thai food. Yes. But Aaron, we looked on the menu
Starting point is 00:58:37 like there's something there for me. Anyway, the point is the beautiful day suddenly turns into the child having an allergic reaction to peanuts, we think. Face turned red, he's coughing, we're seconds away from calling 911. So how do you learn to deal with that level of instantaneous shift into, oh, what a beautiful day to,
Starting point is 00:59:06 oh my God, am I going to lose the greatest love I've ever experienced in my life over peanut sauce? You know, this creates a lot of stress on top of just living with another human being. And so to me, like imagining that the ability to harmonize those situations in a way that is, at least has the intention of love is actually social work.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Yeah. Is actually helping society in some way. I can't tell you how I'm invigorating an idea that. Oh, I'm so happy. Yeah, no, I really do believe it, you know, that it's funny whenever it says something to me like I'm allergic to shellfish or I'm allergic to strawberries.
Starting point is 00:59:57 They say, how did you find out? Cause it's got to be a bad story, right? Like I hit a shrimp and I passed out. It's got to be a bad story. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, there's that level to it. You know, like maybe it's good, you're discovering that. This is something that.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Oh, right, you're right. Well, yeah, you know, we, that's right. We, you know, that's one thing for sure. It's like, now we kind of know something. Also, you know, after the baby was fine, everything was fine, but I was thinking like, how many babies right now aren't fine? Like how many kids are like having to go to the ER right now?
Starting point is 01:00:36 Cause of, you know, cause of this situation, but this to me, there's like a, you know, I would never in a million years wanna be a messiah, a Buddha, a Jesus. I would for a day, maybe it'd be fun to wander around for a day being like that level of a being. But I think over time I would just be like, I wanna go play video games, have a beer and like, you know,
Starting point is 01:01:07 I don't know, hate watch Sean Hannity or something. You know, I wouldn't want that life. But the idea of being a pixel, a little tiny part of an enlightened being in like a movement in society that didn't hinge on saving the ice caps or lowering fossil fuel emissions but was more based on,
Starting point is 01:01:32 can you figure out a way to be with the people you're with right now that have caused you so much trouble or that you've caused them so much trouble in a whole new way? I think it's impossible for sometimes though. Don't you think it's impossible? Like some situations seem untenable, you know, horrific, you know, no way out.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Like just what we were saying earlier about, the whole of society depends on a collapse of the circumference of our awareness of the suffering of other sentient beings. What you're proposing is a really sweet way of saying we have to have some kind of revolution. I think it's rather sweet, isn't it? Because it is like a revolution of consciousness.
Starting point is 01:02:28 And, you know, I mean, I think it's also, it's not impossible. I mean, there's some situations that may be impossible, but I think the freedom of heart to really care about somebody and include them doesn't mean you're gonna stay living with them or you're gonna hang out with them or you're gonna not fight their agenda, you know?
Starting point is 01:02:57 We have that notion that love is a kind of passivity or something and it's really not so. So I'm not saying like every relationship needs to be, you know, endured or something like that. But inside, within ourselves, we can be free. We don't have to have other people define us. We don't have to believe utterly their story about us. We don't have to be lost in projection.
Starting point is 01:03:24 We don't have to have a feeling that because things were a certain way yesterday, inevitably definitely there will be that way today. If we are awake, you know, certainly we can be different. And if a situation is actually, doesn't seem amenable to change and it's terribly painful and it's limiting us and making our lives smaller or frightened,
Starting point is 01:03:53 it's fine to go. That doesn't mean that you have no love in your heart. Right. It can be done lovingly. Yeah. It doesn't have to be done in some dramatic, dark, you know, vengeful way. There's a loving way to revolt.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Yeah. Loving revolution. I just, only because I love you and I feel comfortable with you, I like that idea, but I have to say, and I want that to be the way. But it's like, isn't that a pipe dream? Look at France, the firefighters setting themselves on fire
Starting point is 01:04:33 while the police attack them because of pension. Look at all the revolutions that happen all over the world. And now in mass, as people begin to really wake up to the reality of the distribution of wealth, how do we do this peacefully? How do we do it lovingly? And also, are you saying that there's a possibility
Starting point is 01:05:01 for loving violence? You're acting violently out of a place of love. Yes. I mean, I think it's talking about pipe dreams. It's like, certainly, there's the idea of forceful action. We know that such a thing is tough love, right? Yes.
Starting point is 01:05:22 We know that such a thing is fierce compassion. You may, first of all, you're working toward having compassion for yourself as well as for somebody else. It's not just all one direction. And in that balance, which is hard to find, you may decide you need strong boundaries, you need to be intense, you need to be fierce.
Starting point is 01:05:43 You need to take strong action. I think when you say, is there such a thing as loving violence, there's every possibility of deluding ourselves. There's a story that actually happened to me when I was living in India way back when, that I've heard like 50 other versions of, as though they happened to other people.
Starting point is 01:06:02 And I was with a friend and we'd left Bud Guy, which is a very peaceful, holy place. To go to Calcutta and coming back from Calcutta to get to the train station in Calcutta, there's something happening on the street, like a riot or something like that. We couldn't get a car, we couldn't get a cab. So we got into a rickshaw and in Calcutta,
Starting point is 01:06:27 in those days, I don't know about now, rickshaws were not like men on bicycles, they were men running and pulling the spark. Oh yeah. So we got into one of those, because it was the only way we could get to the train station. So he's going down these back roads
Starting point is 01:06:42 and these alleyways and things like that. And at one point, this very large, very drunken man comes out of the shadows and grabs him, stops him and pulls at me, like to pull me off the rickshaw. And I thought, oh my God, I'm gonna be raped, I'm gonna be killed, this is the end. And then the friend that I was with managed to push him away
Starting point is 01:07:02 and get the rickshaw guy to start running again. So we got to the train station, got on the train, got to Budgaya and I was very shaken still. And I said to one of my teachers, this man named Menindra, I told him what had happened. And he said, oh Sharon, with all the loving kindness in your heart, you should have taken your umbrella and hit that man over the head.
Starting point is 01:07:22 Yeah. Which is basically saying, you know, be strong. Like, and yet we can think we have all the loving kindness in our hearts and not. And so it's very tricky terrain. I just, I don't think about it in those terms because it's too tricky, but I do think about strength, strong action and that a loving space
Starting point is 01:07:51 doesn't have to lead to meekness and, you know. Wow, this is, you know, this is one of the, I'm so glad we're talking about this because I think it's one, it is the trickiest of terrains. It's how easy to trick yourself into imagining that your aggression and violence had some spiritual intent behind it and therefore it was justified.
Starting point is 01:08:13 How simple to imagine that. But, and I guess this is just a discernment, a subjective discernment. You have to figure that out on your own. Yeah. I mean, because you know when you're in love. You know when you're loving. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:29 Right? Don't you just know, can you trick yourself? But then that being said, think of how many people, I'm asking you, how many people trick themselves into thinking they're feeling love when they, they aren't. But is it a feeling? You know, is love a feeling? I'm sorry, you're blowing my mind here.
Starting point is 01:08:48 So I'm just trying to like decode what you're saying, imagining lovingly hitting someone with an umbrella. I think it could be done. Yeah. I've been to dominatrixes now that I think of it. I'm sorry. Well, there's that too. I mean, this is the modern world.
Starting point is 01:09:06 We're not talking about like some quaint little Indian village. Yeah. But the reason I'm asking you this is because in my own, you know, in my mind sometimes, when I look at the world and I see what's happening, I get real nervous thinking, I don't know if protests are gonna be enough ultimately. Right now, things are great for some people,
Starting point is 01:09:33 but they sure ain't great for most people. And they, people are getting mad. And then that gets me really creeped out because the last thing I want my child to experience is a violent revolution, the collapse of society, the fragmentation of society because of, you know, whatever inequality on such an overt massive level and then the, you know, so that it's just,
Starting point is 01:10:04 I think one of the things all of us should be kicking around in our mind is what does that look like? What would it look like for us to somehow simultaneously harmonize a loving intention with a forceful, That's right. No. Cause I get anxious too. I mean, I can imagine things degenerating
Starting point is 01:10:28 to the point where violence is inevitable. And I think that would be dreadful clearly. And so I would like to see people engage, engage as much as we can right now because we can be awfully complacent and wait for the worst in a way. And why do that? Like I am very passionate about people voting,
Starting point is 01:10:54 not everybody is. And I've gotten slammed for that too, you know, but I think it's, in a way, it's like the closest thing in a social political system to the Buddha saying everybody has innate dignity. Everybody has a worth. Everybody has a voice in other words. And we need to exercise that and we need to protect that
Starting point is 01:11:16 and see if we can protect it for as many people as we can. And people need to do it. You know, you can't like just complain. You know, everything has to move in the direction of it's not right, you know, things aren't right when people are hurting so badly. And we've got to each do something about it. And it will look differently for everybody,
Starting point is 01:11:40 which is why I include art, for example, and creativity and things like that. But however it looks, I think we need that ignited. Can we just, it's an hour and I know you got a dinner, but just very quickly, I would, when is your dinner, by the way? At 5.30. What time is it now?
Starting point is 01:12:05 In a quarter after four. Okay. That's okay. No, we can definitely do whatever we want to. Thank you. Okay, thank you. So, creativity, you're one of, honestly, you've got to be one of the most prolific people I know.
Starting point is 01:12:21 You've written so many books. You're always speaking. You're always doing retreats. And how are you finding the inspiration and the discipline? Like, where's it coming from? When are you writing? Do you write every day?
Starting point is 01:12:43 Well, I just turned in the final final edit. Oh, no, I just got some back today. I thought I turned in the final final edits of my next book last Wednesday. I did just get a few queries back today that I had to answer. And so now it's done. I think it's in.
Starting point is 01:13:04 I have learned that, you know, I usually sign a book contract, but I get booked in teaching so far ahead of time that I'm then scrambling to find time to write. And I've learned that doesn't really work as well as just doing what sensible people do, which is not traveling so much when you have a book and being more present.
Starting point is 01:13:25 I do kind of write every day. Do you have a practice around writing? Most of my practices is based on sitting, meditation, and then writing, for example, because what I found like, I wrote this book called Faith, which was really like my faith journey. So it was very personal.
Starting point is 01:13:49 And I found that the best writing I did was two times a day. One was when I first woke up in the morning. It's like the sensor had not woken up yet. And the other was just after I meditated because I don't sit down and think how, my biggest weakness in writing is structure, which is really relationship. How does this relate to that?
Starting point is 01:14:13 Because it all relates in my mind. And so the editorial criticism I received right from the beginning was, how'd you get from here to there? I just went, I don't know. But when I sit, and I'm not trying to figure out how does this relate to that, but I'm just creating some space and it's open.
Starting point is 01:14:34 And it's a space where a lot of possibilities can emerge. And that's when structure comes to me though. This relates to this in this way. Okay. So when you're sitting, you don't feel like, you know, because sometimes when I'm sitting, I'll have moments of inspiration. I'm like, oh, that's a funny joke or that.
Starting point is 01:14:56 And then I think, what are you doing? You're meditating right now. This isn't a place to be contemplating what your next podcast is gonna be about or what you're gonna say. You should both, you should be quiet and let that float on. So it's okay.
Starting point is 01:15:10 It's okay, of course it's okay. But you know, I try not to deliberate on it and like elaborate it and figure it because then I'm thinking about India or something, you know, before I know it. But it's like, I almost have a compartment I feel in my brain where I just say, remember that. And I remember it.
Starting point is 01:15:28 Some people actually keep a pad of paper near them and they'll just write down that idea. But I don't like to do that because I figured I'll just spend all the time writing, you know, knowing me. So. This is, oh my God. This is such a cool thing to hear.
Starting point is 01:15:43 It's so funny how, David Nickton and I worked together with meditation. He has taught me a lot. And before I started sitting with him, I thought you had to be in pain. Like you load his position back, but you know, like there was an agony that needed to be there.
Starting point is 01:15:57 And also don't move. Like stay completely stone cold still, like you're being stalked or something. So my meditation, which I didn't do that much was essentially like the most ridiculous, contorted, frozen, paralyzed thing. And I remember when he told me, you can, you can, if you have an itch, you can itch it.
Starting point is 01:16:21 If you need to adjust, you could adjust, but the pad, whoa. Now that's revolutionary. But if it's too much, then try what I do, which is just like mentally put it in a place where you're going to file it in effect and then go on. I get the feeling I've smoked more weed than you have to show you.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Very possible. I'm a child of the 60s though. I didn't want to say that. I went to college in 1968. That compartment you're talking about in my brain is like a collapsed mine. I think the pad would be maybe the pad. P.S., no offense marijuana friends out there.
Starting point is 01:17:01 You know what I'm saying though. I know it's not fashionable to say maybe it affects our memory. I've done other drugs too. I also fell off my bike when I was a kid. Anyway, the point is the pad sounds amazing, but I feel like we should close on, not just talking about your process, but in your book, the idea that your art,
Starting point is 01:17:22 your writing, your comedy, whatever particular mode of creative expression, it might be a little bit more important than you think it is as far as our planet goes. Well, I think it's crucially important. And one of the things that I went into, because I do have this whole section on accepting joy, and it's hard when you're aware, you're concerned.
Starting point is 01:17:49 I mean, you keep bringing up other people's children. When you're aware of how hard things can be, it's very hard to accept the joy, but we need a sense of renewal. We need some peace. We need a break so we can then marshal some energy and try to make a difference. And so I've really long been fascinated
Starting point is 01:18:09 by the question of that in art, because I've always been asked, like I've had painters say to me, I don't know if I want to meditate because I'll lose my ability to make art, which has to come from this anguish inside of me. And that's a very Western notion of where great art comes from.
Starting point is 01:18:29 So I talk in the book about this panel I saw once at Emory University with the Dalai Lama, and it was actually Alice Walker and Richard Gere on the panel, and that was the first question. Like, does an art have to come from great suffering? And Alice Walker said she once believed that. That's sort of what she was taught, but she felt that she got happier.
Starting point is 01:18:54 Her art was getting better. And Richard Gere talked about being like an angry young man. And then the Dalai Lama was so interesting. He said, basically, people are always taking me to look at things and say, isn't that beautiful? And he said, in the Tibetan view, a work of art has worth depending on what happened to the artist in the act of creating it.
Starting point is 01:19:20 So if an artist got more enlightened or kinder or more balanced as they created, more aware as they created the work of art, that made it great art. Wow. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Wow. You have got me tearing up over that. That's beautiful.
Starting point is 01:19:49 I'm so happy. That's the metric. Yeah. Worth torturing ourselves over here because the metric is how much money did you make? Or was it, did it get out? Or how many, how many? That's right.
Starting point is 01:20:03 Wow. The metric isn't even, did it like bring world peace or did it create social change out in the world? It's, how are you? That's right. When you finish? That's right. Wow.
Starting point is 01:20:21 Well, if the Dalai Lama is correct, then this was a very good podcast. Cause that's like, thank you for that. Yeah, well thank you. I can't wait to read your book. Yeah, thank you. When's it coming up? June 2nd.
Starting point is 01:20:40 June 2nd. It's right around the corner. Yeah. Yeah, it's already available for pre-sale, which is remarkable. And friends, please. I don't mean to go all telethon here. I'm just, my eyes are now watering from what I just heard,
Starting point is 01:20:53 which is my mind is blown. So I'm going to, I got some, I'm going to do a telethon. It actually helps a lot if you do pre-sale. I've heard. Yeah, it does. Do the pre-sale. Obviously, this is a book you should read. I'm going to be reading it.
Starting point is 01:21:06 Go, just go do it right now for Sharon, because I'm sure you get a litany of podcast requests every day and thank you so much for giving me your time today. I'm so delighted to see you. I'm so delighted to see you too. And thanks for what you do. Thank you. It's been really, really wonderful chatting with you.
Starting point is 01:21:30 Wow. Friends, that's real change, mindfulness to heal ourselves in the world. By Sharon Salzberg, all the links you need to find that are going to be at dunkitrussell.com. Sharon, thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for listening, everybody.
Starting point is 01:21:49 That was Sharon Salzberg. A big thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. I've got to head out and put razor wire and machine gun turrets around the side of my compound, but we will be back next week. If you love the DTFH, don't forget to subscribe to us
Starting point is 01:22:07 over at patreon.com forward slash DTFH and give us a nice rating on iTunes, won't you? I love you all. Stay safe. This will blow over soon and we'll be back to normal before you know it. I'll see you soon. Hare Krishna.
Starting point is 01:22:24 We are family. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JC Penney. Family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two. We do it all in style. Dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford and Jay Farrar.
Starting point is 01:22:43 Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in-store and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JC Penney.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.