Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 444: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

Johnny Pemberton, beautiful, powerful comedic genius, re-joins the DTFH! Check out Johnny's website to see his upcoming tour dates. Go see him live! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Athletic Greens - Visit AthleticGreens.com/Duncan for a FREE 1 year supply of vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase! MeUndies - Visit MeUndies.com/Duncan for 15% Off your first order + FREE Shipping! Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site.

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Thank you, athletic greens. Greetings, friends. You're listening to the Ducket Trussell Family Hour podcast, and with us here today is the beautiful, powerful, comedic genius of the great Johnny Pemberton, who's been on this podcast many times. He really needs no introduction, and really, he needs no introduction as in no podcast introduction.

We're just going to jump right into this episode, but first, I would love to invite you to join my Patreon over at patreon.com, Ford slash DTFH. Subscribe, and you will get instantaneous access to weekly meditations and family gatherings and infinite piles of glorious, bulging, sweaty, hot, tight, lovely, musty, oily content for you to swim around in, to rub into your body,

to take pictures of yourself covered in my Patreon, and send those pictures to your most intimate friends. Johnny Pemberton's credits are many. Of course, the most important being the Midnight Gospel, but you have also seen Johnny on Son of Zorn Superstore. You've heard him on Pickle and Peanut. He's been on Adventure Time. Bob's Burgers is always sunny in Philadelphia,

and of course, Pound House. But what you really need to do is go see Johnny live, and lucky for you, he's coming your way. You can see all his dates at JohnnyPemberton.dog, but he's going to be at the Savage Henry Comedy Club in Arcata with Barry Rothbard, June 14th. The Alameda Comedy Club with Amy Miller. You're going to see him at Gasser Garden in San Francisco with Amy Miller.

That's July 18th. It's a whole tour, July 19th. He's going to be in Santa Cruz at the Greater Purpose Brewing Company with Amy Miller. July 23rd to the 24th Siren Theater in Portland with Amy Miller. July 25th, Live's Comedy Club in Seattle with Amy Miller. You're going to see him at Artifice in Las Vegas, Chocolades in Bisbee, Arizona, and Bumsteads in Tucson for all of July. Go see him live.

He is so unbelievably funny, and you also should listen to his podcast live to tape. You can find all this at JohnnyPemberton.dog, but now everybody welcome back to the DTFH Johnny Pemberton. Johnny Pemberton, welcome. Fuck man, you know what's so weird to me? I don't think a lot of people know this occurred to me when we agreed to do this podcast that I don't think people know.

I don't think people are aware of the fact that you're able to make those sounds without any technology. I think people think you're using some kind of equipment to do that. Can you talk about like the training to be able to, first of all, can you make one of your, I guess now you could say like trademark sounds? Yeah, sure. I mean, it's something where it takes a lot of training,

but also it's a lot of intuition because it's, everyone can do it. I'm not doing anything special. I don't know about that. If I do this, it's just I'm not doing anything special there. Okay, so then teach me how to do it and I'll try to do it. Okay, you know those people who hang themselves from their back skin and sort of like a, it's like a Sundance ritual. Yeah, oh yeah.

It's a modernized version of it. You mean like kinky people? Kinky people are also, there's a lot of people who do it in the Far East, like in India. Oh, you mean penitents. Yeah, well, they also do it to prove Shaman's wrong. Like it's not like a special thing you can do. Anyone can do it.

Yes. I love that. Same as that. Proving Shaman's wrong by Mark Conker. Yeah, Mark Conker, which is ironically the last name is Conker. He's a, he's a Conker. Yeah. Well, anyway, so, okay, so I'm sorry.

This is somehow related to like causing yourself pain? No, I'm just sort of like relating it to that because that's the same sort of thing where it seems that you can't do it, but you actually can. It just takes courage and time. Okay, so teach me. I want to do it right now. I want to do some kind of cool sound. Okay, well, do you have, what kind of plants do you have access to?

Do you have access to it? Do you have any Datura or Angel Trumpets available around there? No, I don't. I've got, here's what's around me. It doesn't count as a plant. I've got some Windex and a Cactus. Okay, the Ammonia, is it normal Windex, a classic Windex? Yeah.

Yeah, the Ammonia in there might be able to do it. If you, if you can extract it, you have to heat it up to a perfect temperature to extract the Ammonia from the. All right, hang on. You want to have a double boiler with a, what's it called, an elven head on there? Yep, I've got that. An elven head moisture extractor. So once you let that sit for about 20 minutes at the perfect temperature,

which I can't say, because if I say that perfect temperature, then I'll be liable. Okay. Uh, you know, if someone causes an accident. All right. So we saw that happen a few years ago. What do you mean, Mike? What's the danger? Well, the danger is that if I spell these instructions out, someone will do it wrong

and I'll be liable. The same way that Beavis and Butthead got in trouble with, with the lighters. Oh, for lighting, for lighting farts. Okay, okay. Let's, let's, let's cut. Hold on, let's cut. And then we'll come back after I do this extraction method. Should I use a regular crystal valve stoppers or?

If you have them, as long as they're custom fitted, otherwise you can use latex, as long as it's not touching the, the chemicals, as long as it's just a. Suspended latex? Any kind of latex, as long as it's been galvanized. Okay. I've got galvanized. Okay. We're going to cut and we'll be right back.

Uh, do you want me to drink this stuff after I extract? You have to, you have to inhale the vapors, but you have to swallow the vapors. That's not, it's a weird technique. Okay, we're going to be right back. Big thanks to me, Undies, for sponsoring this episode of the DTFH. We all have to wear underwear. There's no way around it. Are you like me?

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Thank you. It worked. I think it worked perfectly. So give it a try. So just swallow the vapors. Yeah. You know how when you have the hiccups and you say to swallow three times, take a deep breath and swallow three times?

No. Okay. Well, that's a classic. I'm surprised you don't know about that, but it's a classic hiccup removal technique where you go, you swallow air. You do three times, you swallow air. It's very difficult to do. Okay.

You do that with the vapor. Is there any danger in this for me? Could this hurt you? Yeah, there is. It depends if you have an Aries moon rising, that it's extremely dangerous. I do not recommend anyone with Aries moon. I do have that.

You know I have that. I forgot. Sorry. I guess I just, well, I'm glad you said something because I think it could be dangerous. I'm just going to try it. It could be dangerous for Aries moon rising. Yeah.

One more. Yeah. Did it work? Yeah. It sounds like it's working a bit. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's not working.

Yeah. I don't think I'd absorb properly. Do yours again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come here.

Yeah. I'll take one more go. Yeah. Pretend you're Australian or South African. All right. Hey, we all might. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what? I don't have to tell you, man. I don't have to tell you. It's not working. Yeah. You might want to listen to Apex. It's not working. I would say around sundown, take a drive,

listen to Apex twin. That might help you out. That could. Sometimes that unlocks it. All right. Because it's got a long latency period. But yeah, you know, that's life, baby. Man, that sucks.

That was a lot of time doing a lot of an extraction process with no fucking result, man. Okay. I guess that's kind of the thing, right? We need to learn in life that sometimes when you're extracting ammonia, you're not always going to get an echoed voice. Yeah.

It sticks patience and it's all about the patience. You know what's cool about you among many, many, many things is that whenever I'm talking to you, you're always working on something. You're always working on scripts. You're always working on developing stuff. You're always, it seems like, am I wrong to think that recently you've started taking

writing a little more seriously than you used to? Or you've started really focusing on like- Oh, hardcore, like significantly more than I have before. Because I realized like it's the only thing I can really do that actually is, I've been doing it for a long time, like casually, ever since I was a little kid. Even when I found some writings when I was back home, I was like, these are so old,

but it's basically the same tone. The tone hasn't changed at all. But yeah, I guess I just like, I feel like, it just maybe took the pandemic to make me realize like, oh, you can do a lot of stuff with other people and you can wait for stuff to happen. But really, the only thing you can ever really do is write something because that's like a,

it's something that actually like, kind of like fills up your, the activity of your brain enough to satisfy it. At least for me, I feel like that is the case. On top of that, what seems to be like a, I don't know, put it without sounding cheesy, like a deeper commitment to writing. Now when I'm talking to you,

you're doing something called ruck sacking? Can you talk about that a little bit? Oh, rucking? Rucking. It's the dumb, rucking, yeah. I found this book on Kindle, like it was advertised to me, it was called Rucking Gaines, which sounds like something I'd make up,

like a fake- That's it, sure as fuck does. Like a guy's name. Oh, I'm rucking Gaines here. Rucking Gaines. It's like this pretty cheesy book written by some, I don't know, I guess you'd call him like Jim Ratz. These guys who all they care about is,

is it kind of people who go to those gyms, like, I don't know if it's like a gold gym, but the kind of gyms where they're not nice and not clean, but people who lift a lot of weights are like, oh, this is a good gym because they have this thing, they have this thing. I don't really lift weights really. I mean, I do like minor stuff,

but that's who wrote this book. And I just was so, I only read like half of it because I feel like I got the gist right away, but they talk about how, I think it was, I think I told you this, how it caught me because it said, want to ditch the dad bod? Yeah, no, I thought about that more than a few times since.

Everybody wants to do it, but at the same time, it's also like, you know, it's very, very difficult. You have to do a lot. You have to not eat a lot of stuff that's really fun to eat to ditch it. Imagine if like the book was about disposing of the bodies of murdered dads.

It's like, the problem with like murdering dads is it's hard to get rid of their bodies. They just keep coming back. But yeah, they refused to rot. So this, yeah, so this is like some crazy shit you're doing where you're like filling backpacks with books or something. Yeah, I put a bunch of books and old laptop in the backpack about 20 pounds to 25 pounds.

It's supposed to be, I think, about 20% of your body weight, which is, I weigh like 145 pounds, so it's not a whole lot of weight. But I feel like it sounds, to me, it sounds bad, it just sounds bad for your back. Yeah, I think a lot of people would think that, but I think carrying something on your back is not actually bad for your back, really.

I think the most soreness I have after doing it is in my legs and in my, just basically my legs and my shoulders a bit. Are you just fast walking? Is it fast walking? Yeah, you're trying to keep at least four miles per hour, is the idea. And how far?

How far? I think the most I've done is like six miles. Okay. And if you go uphill, though, I did an uphill one on Sunday. I didn't have my phone with me because I was doing a no phone day, so I'm not sure how much elevation I did or how the distance I went. I think I was going for about an hour and 15 minutes,

and that was up a hiking trail, and that like seriously kicked my ass. I've been like really sore the past couple of days, like waking up and I haven't had to take talent over to get to sleep because of it. But that's because that like triggered something at the top of my ass, like the top of my glutes. It's like still sore right now because you have to keep

this pace and also the weight. Like a strip above your glutes? Sort of like your lower back, the top of your butt. Like the top of your tranks, the glutes attached. Those are called tranks. Oh, the tranks. Yeah, the tranks, the tranksanomus ponalis. Yeah.

So it's really hitting the tranksanomus ponalis. It forms the pyramid with the eye almost. Like a lot of people say that's where the. Right, that's a misnomer. The golden triangle is not in the forehead. It's in the cossacks. Yeah, exactly. And the reason they used to call it the golden triangle

because in the ancient days of the Greeks, if you, especially if you were a Pythagorean, that was where you would, if you were pissing on one of your students, that's where you would aim. And like, so it was the where, because like if you can pee exactly on the right part of a person's trank strip, then apparently like their cognition gets improved by at least 30%, which is wild to think about.

Yeah, it's like, it's when you, when you pet a cat that way on the cat's butt, it's the same thing. Yeah. When you see people paddling a cat's butt, you paddle the cat's butt and it just loves it. Yes. You know, it's, it's, it's a sexual thing. Well, it's a sexual, it's a, it's a sexual and an intellectual thing.

It's sexual intelligence. Sexual, sexual. Yeah, I'm a sex. Are you sexual, sexual? I've been reading about it, but I haven't got there yet. Oh my God. Yeah. Sexual, sexual.

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sexual. Creepy how much stuff with, with animals it is like, you know, you watch these videos, people doing stuff with their dog or a cat and it feels like, I think you're masturbating that animal. Like you're helping that animal masturbate. Oh dude, that's like one of the more disturbing things I've seen is when you're at someone's house and they've got a dog that humps their leg

and they don't stop it. Oh, that's weird. That's super weird. You've seen that before. That's a thing. Like that's a vibe, as the kids say. I mean, I may or have may not have sold a video of our, our childhood dog Coco humping my brother's leg by the Christmas tree with a Santa hat on.

Sold it to a, uh, like America's funniest home video as many years ago for like 500 bucks, 300 bucks. I did. What? It's an old, old video. Okay. The dog has since passed away many years ago, but it, this little dog used to hump.

Did it get on the show? It might, it must have, they paid money for it. Okay. So now you got to walk me through the process of that from, so you, you, you filmed your brother getting humped by a dog. And then, and then where, at what point, you're like, you know what, I think I can make some money with this tape.

Well, I put it on YouTube and I got a message from them saying, we'd love to license your video for our show America's craziest pet moments or some crap like that. Cause the dog has a Santa hat on and she's like, you know, a 14 pound dog, 14 pound little, little mutt, like a little, like a, just a little shit terrier, the kind that would, you'd see it, a red necks house, you know, running up underneath the porch, like 12 of them. So one of those dogs, we got her for free.

She was, she used to piss when you looked at her, if you were a stranger, she was that kind of dog, you know, like, like shamy, like a shamy little dog, very sweet. And she would hump, she would hump sometimes and she was, my brother was laying on the ground in front of the Christmas tree, just in the background. And she's got this Santa hat on and she's, she's humping his leg. You can't see his face.

You just see the dog with a Santa hat humping. And it's a nice little 14 second video. 14 seconds is too long. I haven't thought about this in a long time. I got to find, I want to find this video now again. It's one of those things where, you know, like there's so many things that were before, were from a different time that you like totally forgot about, because it was like, just like pre, pre, Instagram, pre, like all kinds of stuff.

Back when like having a video, it was kind of difficult or you couldn't take a long video, because it was too, you didn't have that much space. I mean, might as well be past life memories. It's so, so such a different world. Starting to fill that way. Yeah, but a lot of stuff. So did your, did your brother let this humping proceed that long because the Santa hat and he knew you were taping?

I don't know. It's Christmas. You're on the carpeted floor. It's the Midwest, so it's cold outside. So it's one of those things where there's probably had a, we probably had a couple of barley wines each at this point. So we used to say something. We would say something to the dog and he would go like,

hump, hump, hump the hump leg, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump. It was like a little song we made up. They'd try to get the dog to go hump, because it was sometimes you could kind of influence her to hump a bit. Hump, hump, hump the hump leg, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump. Because it's a little dog and it's also a girl dog. It wasn't a boy dog. So it wasn't like, it wasn't going to, going to spray anything on your leg.

It's just some weird dominance shit that they, I don't even know. Because it's weird because she's not very dominant dog. So I don't know why she would hump, but I guess. I know why. I don't think it's, first of all, I think the whole dominant thing. I think that's something people just have decided that's the reason. Because like you were mentioning earlier, they can't endure the reality that the dog is horny, the dog wants to come, and the dog has decided to use you as the thing to come.

It's not like I'm going to establish dominance. It's like, I'm getting that feeling again. That's what I'm going to start saying now when I want to have sex. I'm going to say, can we establish some dominance tonight? Yeah, I, you know, I don't really feel like having sex, but would love to, you know, place my established little dominance. I just think it's going to establish dominance with you tonight. Hey, I was thinking maybe you want to go out and have dinner and then maybe

establish dominance afterwards. You know, I'm somebody who just loves to establish dominance on the first date. I love long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and then just a little slow establishing of dominance on a bear skin rug in front of the fire. I knew when he established dominance that night that I would marry him. Ah, the way he established dominance was so loving. Yeah, you're, you know, one thing I can say about your father is just, he was really good at establishing dominance.

Right away, he established dominance. He, he got his scent all over me. It was difficult to get off. Here's a few things. This is something that I really find annoying these days is like, and I think it's probably gone away, but at some point, like, I remember when dudes would like really talk about alpha and beta males. And like, there's this whole thing in like where dudes would, would like get really

into comparing themselves with wolves. Uh huh. I mean, I don't think it's like gone anywhere. But yeah, it's the moment it first started. It was a big, yeah, when it first started. And then like, and I'm a look, we're all, we're all guilty. We all got sucked in a little bit by it. But like, you know, it's just, I, I can remember at some point just being around

a bunch of dudes that hadn't hung out with a lot. And all of a sudden I realized like they're seriously talking about being alpha males. You know what I mean? Like they're seriously, they're, they mean it. Like they think they're thinking of themselves as like, they're each individually thinking about themselves as leaders of some kind of wolf pack. Yeah. Except the wolves aren't hunting animals.

They're, they're trying to fuck. And so, you know, they're trying to fuck and they're trying to like have a really good job and go to a really nice gym. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like listening to, you're like, you're the farthest thing from a fucking wolf. There's, first of all, wolves aren't alcoholics.

Oh my God. Wolves aren't, wolves aren't like in some fucking weird corner of the, of the forest like getting hammered on cheap fucking beer and talking about how they're alpha males. I just finished that news. I just finished that new Sebastian Younger book, Freedom. And he talks about how all these frontier places where it was like mostly men, like when the railroad camps were set up and where it was like some of these towns, it was almost a hundred percent men.

Yeah. And how the, the murder rate is astronomical. You are more likely to get this one town in Montana or something where you're more likely to get murdered than you were to get like killed working because there's, because all these men are just so fucking pissed that they're getting fights and they kill each other all the goddamn time. I love Sebastian Younger. That's the, that's the great thing about being alpha is you get to, you get to get murdered

because you won't back down from something. Yeah. You're being challenged by another alpha and like you have to like stick up for yourself and try, try to, try to like maintain whatever that's superiority. It's like any time anybody's been reduced, when, if you ever find yourself reducing yourself to a category that is mostly used in like male pickup artists groups, you got, you got to watch out because you're, you're probably cruising for like or something awful is going to happen to you.

It's like so oversimplified too. I'm an alpha, you know, and it's like when you're, you got to make sure you establish dominance with these women right away. Look, if you smile in the first 20 seconds, it's over. You won't, you won't make her come. Tell them their tits suck. Just tell them their tits suck within the first five minutes and they'll, they'll, you will be establishing dominance.

Here's what I do. We go out to eat, right before we go in the restaurant. I say, hold on a second. I got a piss. I just piss on the sidewalk right before we go in. Great one. They fucking love that shit. Great nag.

That's a great nag. That's really, really good. You know what I do? I bring, what do you do? I bring ladies deodorant and then like, you know, 10 minutes into the dinner, I'll pull it out and be like, would you mind putting some of this on in the restroom? You smell like shit. Wow, that's good.

You know what I do a lot of times now? Is I just put a little bit of pig blood on my forehead right before we go out. And I act like I don't even notice it's there. And she's like, oh, you have blood on your face. And I'm like, oh yeah, because I was probably just fucking hunting. Okay. That's good. That's good.

Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, that's really, really good. Yeah. Sometimes I'll bring just a Tupperware filled with raw meat to a meal. Make them eat it. Yeah. Show them your paleo. Yeah.

That's one of the ways I do it for sure. Yeah. It's nuts, man. It's, it's really fucking nuts. Like when you look at like, you know, you ever do, you ever think about this, like when it comes to like fucking and fuck culture, like the, the, what the thing leads to, which is children is so the opposite of the, the, what gets you into that place generally.

You know what I mean? Like all of the, all of the energy that gets expended to get to the moment where you're, you're, you're fucking somebody. You know, and it's the, that kind of energy, like, you know, you're going to do all your tail feathers and it's romantic and you're going to get in a thing. The other side of that is like you being on the trampoline with a two year old. You know what I mean? Like, like, like on a trampoline with a two year old.

Like, you know, just like thinking like, this is the coolest fucking kid I've ever seen. It's just funny that that, that that's the, I would not expect that to be the doorway that leads to that place. I know a lot of people are thinking, yeah, but you don't have to make a fucking baby. You dumb shit. You can just like the grossest thing leads to the sweetest thing. Yes. Yeah.

It's ironic. It's ironic, I guess, but maybe it's also just, it's just so primitive. It doesn't even matter at some point. You're just like, it's all like an impulsive reactions that you can't even, you can't deny it. After I deny it, it's, you have to work to deny it. Otherwise you're just, because you want, you want to do that even though you don't want to do it. Like, it doesn't make sense to do that. You mean you want to fuck?

Yeah. Everyone wants to because, because they have that desire to feel something. And you also like, there's that part of your brain. It's like, you have to make more of this. That's how you survive. Yeah. But yeah, plants do it all the time. The make more part of your brain is that, like, that's not what's, you know, happening when you're like,

you know, in a hump phase, you know, like, which I, you know, I'm, I'm married now. So I used to, you know, I'm sure you've, before you got married, before you were in a monogamous relationship, you were, you would go through hump phases, I'm sure, you know, where you're just humping all the time. I mean, maybe not a ton, but definitely, yeah, there was, there was periods where I was like, it was wild. Wild. And, and, and some people, they never go out of the hump phase.

Yeah. That seems like a thing where that's like, probably like a denial of something, you know, like, you're like, you're doing that because you don't want to do something else. It's like, it's easy. It's an easy thing to say you're doing because no one's really going to be like, hey, you shouldn't do that. No one's going to tell you it's like a bad thing or it's wrong because it's not really, but at the same time, it's also how much energy do you want to spend on this thing

with diminishing returns? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you just have to, you know, I heard once, this could be not true at all. I don't know, but I heard that like some Yakuza crime boss actually had in his mansion, a wall that had holes in it. Like, you know, the, like the, the thing where you put your head into the, like drawing and not, you know, your body looks like a monkey or whatever.

Oh yeah. He had that, but for butts and like he would just hire prostitutes all day long and to stick their butts out of this butt wall. So like he just had a wall of butts. He had a wall. Sounds awesome. Dude, I think about it all the time. That's like, that's the end game, right?

That's the all you ever, once you get that, like, where do you go from there? I don't know. You have to die a few days later. You enjoy it for, you enjoy it for two weeks. And then you're just like, well, this is maybe on a boat. Maybe we can put this on a boat. Take it to Burning Man, maybe. But you know, I'm just saying, like, if you do go into that level of a hump phase,

you know, and you're, you're, you, and you're deciding like, this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I'm just going to hump as much as I can on and on and on and on. Then yeah, you're going to have to go for the wall of butts. I mean, it's going to become expensive. You're going to have to become a crime boss and, you know, it's going to become like, and also you're going to have to like, have the gut. To me, what's, what's beautiful about the wall of butts, aside from like the obvious,

how awesome that would just be to have a wall, a recreational wall of butts for your, not just for you, for your friends too. Like if your friends are like, if your friends are like, you know, tense, you could be like, just go and go spend some time in the wall of butts. In the wall of butts, go in the, the butthole. Go down the hall of butts. The wall of butts is way better than the wall of butts. I keep thinking about that, like a Disneyland ride where it's like,

right before you get on the haunted mansion, you walk down all these, see all this cool stuff. It's basically just that. It's like having a Disneyland, like sexual Disneyland at home in the mountains. That's coming. I want to thank Squarespace for supporting this episode of the DTFH. My love, Squarespace is way more than just a place you go to build a website. It does that.

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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Duncan to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Thanks, Squarespace. That is on the way, man. That is for sure. That's going to change a lot of things in our society. Because don't they say that already about a lot of millennials

and people who are younger than millennials? What is the Z? I always forget what it is. Gen Z. But they are much less interested in sex. But I wonder if it's because of the... I think they're much less interested in casual sex, but I wonder if it's because they have such limited financial prospects to where...

If the end game of having sex with someone is establishing relationships so you can have kids and have a life, if that's a foregone conclusion because you can't afford it, that's part of the reason why they're not interested in it. Because it's like, well, I will never retire. I can't buy a home. It's like, why would I want to do this stuff? That's trending towards that.

And also because of all the online stuff too, you have all this stuff that's so... I had this happen recently where I've seen people I haven't seen like a year and a half, but we've been on Zooms a bunch of times. And when I see them, I'm like, you know what? I feel like I have... It's hard for me to remember that I haven't seen them in person.

Because as much as I talk shit about Zoom and how much I hate doing it, it still does approximate something pretty... Just surprisingly good job of approximating, like being around a person. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, also, yeah, we...

I mean, I don't know, I'm sure there's been other time... I think you know that when the pilgrims came to the United States, you could say that's probably not what you would call a sexual time. You know what I mean? Like fucking pilgrims, you're on a boat, just eating like, you know, curds and like, if you can, salted fish. So like everyone's just smells so bad

and they're all constipated and just... They're also like, you know, fundamentalist so they're like kind of sex-negative anyway. So I don't think the pilgrims are like sexual... What you would call sexual adventurers, you know? Maybe it's the opposite though. Maybe all that... As people say about Catholics, right?

All that repressed energy creates a lot of... A nice dynamic as opposed to just the freewheeling, like do whatever you want. Right. It's less interesting than the stuff where it's like, we shouldn't be here, Mary Ann. Yeah, that's the... We shouldn't be doing this.

You shouldn't be showing me the bottom side of your wrist like that. How dare you? Oh my God, cover your wrist. What if the Lord... What if the Lord Bancroft arrives? Did you show your wrist to the magistrate? It's like so spicy, like Victorian culture too. It's just so...

So like, I don't know. To me, that's more interesting than the opposite. I saw her ankle. Yeah. Oh my God, I see her ankle. Is she doing that on purpose? Oh God. Well, you know, I just think like with the pandemic,

that it has to be the least sexual period in global history in the last century. Right? Like, how are you gonna fuck a lot? I mean, maybe there's people out there listening like, Doug, and you're obviously married because we were all just sneaking around fucking. Yeah, I think there's a lot of stuff where it was people doing stuff where like, oh, we just can't post about this. We can't share this.

Okay. People doing stuff like in the shadows because it's like that Jurassic Park shit, you know, where they're gonna find a way, life will find a way. I know, you know what? Two of my friends got freaking COVID because one of them gave it to the other one for making out. No joke. Really?

Yeah, they gave themselves COVID from like, I don't think, I don't know if they were like, humping necessarily, but they definitely... But let's get back to the main, to the juice of the thing here, man. Sex robots. That... Yes. This is going to like really be, well, because, you know, obviously right now, you can't have a fucking sexual Disneyland.

There's human beings involved in this, you know? But like, once we've got like, Blade Runner level, like sex androids. Oh my God, that's going to be weird. It's going to be super disruptive. It's going to be so problematic. Disruptive technology, right? Because, you know, the like, arguments are going to be really like, well, you know, like, you're cheating on, it's the same as cheating.

Fucking a robot is cheating. What do you think? Yeah, I suppose. I mean, I don't know, I think that's up to the people who decide about that. But God, I wonder, I suppose at some point it has to be, right? Because if it approximates it perfectly, what's the difference? Well, because like, when you find out someone has cheated on you, you're not just mad because they were like sucking someone's dick or licking someone's pussy.

It's the emotional aspect. It's the lead up. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's that's what's that's what's the upsetting part of it. It's not like, it's not like, you know, they just suddenly were at the grocery store and then we're like fucking this person that they ran into. Probably it's more like, you know, there were like texts and then there were emails

and there was conversations and they were, they probably talked about you a little bit, you know, and they were like, suddenly they were like sharing like relationship issues that they were having with and then the person's like, you know what, why don't we just go out to eat and like, you know, I think you need a drink. You know, I need, I need, oh, you know, I need one too. I need, let's have a couple of these. Oh God, I've had such a rough day. You know, hey, do you want to like go listen to this new album?

I, you know, I can't because it'll be fine. And then that's the part that was always the most infuriating part when I was getting cheated on it with the fucking part was like, you know, a little, not that that was any better. It's just, you just really start calculating the, the many, the levels of deception involved. Right. They took, they got to that point. That's interesting. I never thought about that before, but yeah. So you're saying though, the robots take that away. Yeah. Cause with the robot, it's just like porn.

It's like, you, you know, you, you go to a place, there's a, you pick the robot. It's not like you're, you're having to like, it's not like the robot is telling you what music it likes, you know, then, then you're fucking this robot and then you come home and like, yeah, I fucked a robot and, you know, maybe it's an eye roll or like, all right, well, great, but it's not cheating. It's not, it's definitely not the same, but I mean, you could also make the same argument about how porn is destructive because it's like this thing where it's almost like a, it's a thing where it's so easy to access that it's, there's something about that that's weird

about it, where it's this thing where it feels like you're cheating, not on, it feels like you're cheating in the game of life almost, where you're like accessing this thing that's so, that's for thousands and thousands forever was unavailable to you. Unless you're like a Roman emperor or something. Yeah. And even those, those guys always died young because of like indulgence. They were, you know, eating, you can only only eat so many ducks covered in their own fat a day before you get liver, your liver explodes, you know, it's like, this is so good. And you keep eating it. So you know, this duck fat and you die because you're just,

you're like, you know, you're drinking at morning till, till night every single day. You're like having sex with all these different courtesans and stuff and destroys your, destroys your body. But so it's like, you pay the price for it. But it's like, it's like, almost like we're, we've found a workaround for it. But there's, it's that saying, what's that saying in nature, there's no such thing as a free lunch. Yes. I, sometimes I feel like that's the same case with stuff like that, with like pornography, where this is basically, it seems like it's a free lunch and it's easy and it's nothing, it doesn't matter, but it has, it has to be some sort of downstream effect

that's, that's causing because it doesn't, it seems like it's a, it's just, it shouldn't be that easy to access something as, it's, as primitive as that. I mean, you know, it's like, especially with virtual reality porn. Yeah. It is like that. I was, I was looking at virtual reality porn a couple of months ago and it'd been a long time since I'd seen it. Cause I got the new Oculus and like, that was definitely one of my go-tos. It's like, I gotta see what this porn is looking like now, especially cause you can, you can go online and just like, before you had to like kind of dig around to find it and use like, you had to get extra apps

to run VR porn. Now you could just go on the normal, you know, down the normal like places you go to get your porn and they have a VR section. And so it's like way more accessible, but I was looking at one of them and it starts off and you're at like a breakfast table with this woman and, but she's looking at you like she knows you. She was like a, like a surprisingly good actor and she's like, you know what I mean? You get this feeling of like your brain is like trying to understand, like, did I just spend the night with this person? And like, yeah, that's weird. I've never done that before. I haven't, I've never tried that, but I imagine it's like, gotta be pretty, um, what's this say, immersive, right?

Yeah. It's literally immersive. And then I put it on Aaron. I was like, oh, when we first out, I was like, where are the, where are the, where are the goggles? And then like, I'll go down on you and it'll be like someone else is going down on you. And she, she didn't like it. She's like, I really feel like I'm cheating on you right now. I bet. Yeah. Yeah. Which was kind of hot, you know, like in the sense that's like, oh, wow, this is cool. Well, you're not, but you think you are, but yeah, she didn't like it. But yeah, I do think it's this kind of technology is going to be really challenging for humans because we, you have to ask yourself how much of that idea that this is breaking some rule or that by doing this,

I'm, I'm short changing myself or I'm like, or there needs a price needs to be paid for that. How much of that is true? And how much of that is just because we're like survivors of this insanely sex negative, sex terrified, Protestant alcoholic series of centuries that have left us like with epigenetic markers that make us terrified of fucking. Yeah, I suppose maybe you can't really know what, because it's got to be different every person and it's got to be, I think it's interwoven. There's no like, there's no truth about it, right? Cause it's something where everyone's different, but there has to be, I don't know, I guess it's the thing I always go to the opposite way where I think like stuff like that just seems,

it seems so unnatural to me that it feels like it can't have a good outcome. But at the same time, there's also that idea where like some quote that you told me years ago, I think about a lot is the idea of a, there's some Buddhist teacher who was saying, he told his master, he was like, I'm going to swim across this, across the sound, I'm going to teach myself to swim across the sound, and he spent years or however amount of time practicing and learning to swim across the sound of this large body of water. And the teacher, he tells the teacher about this proudly and the teacher is like, well, why would you just do all that time to do that when the ferry only costs a dime?

Yeah. Take the ferry. And I think that the idea was taught himself to walk on water. And then his teacher is like the ferry cost a nickel. Yeah. Well, you could have just done that. Is that and the idea was like, that's why psychedelics are good. It's cause it's like a, it's almost like a cheat for, for putting your throttling your brain to a place that you can like experience something that normally you would have to have like a, you'd have to almost

maybe die or you have to experience something that would be super taxing or take a long time to do. But psychedelics allow you to like sort of, yeah, it's like a, it's like a cheat almost. It's a shortcut. It's like a wormhole. Yeah. But so is this stuff we're talking about, is that the same thing? I mean, it could be in a way, you think about it. Cause if you want to like, let's say, I was thinking about this today, you know that was it Edison or was it Tesla or maybe it was both of them who wanted to like, they basically were like, God, I wish I could just, you know, cut off all sexual desire in my

brain. So I could work on the inventions. And if you think about that, like, God, it makes a lot of sense. Cause you're just like so encumbered by this primitive drive to, to reproduce it. It's, and if you really want to build a fucking rocket ship, it's hard because you're like, God, I have this like thing. It's the opposite direction. It's bothering me all the time. It's like being hungry. Yeah. Which is, I think that's kind of insane. The people who like came up with that stuff, the what's it called a silent, I mean, I tried it years ago, but I was like, this is not, this isn't good for me. I don't like the way it makes me feel. And also my time is not that

precious. And so, I mean, I guess it's that it's always those two things are fighting where is this thing, this is this technology a good thing? Cause it allows you to sort of hijack those desires and maybe like get that, get it over with or like, I don't know, fulfill this thing that's difficult and can be messy to fulfill. Or is it the opposite where it's this thing where it's because it's Matt, because it's like a, it's like a wolf in sheep's clothing kind of thing, where it's going to cause all these downstream problems because it's simulating something that wasn't meant to be simulated. Yeah. I mean, this is I think an emerging conversation that's happening.

Uh, in, in the conversation is a fear that technology is going to, uh, disrupt normal human patterns in the same way that, you know, building a, a, a skyscraper next to some bird sanctuary is going to fuck the birds up or introducing some like invasive species into any ecosystem. It's going to fuck up the species. The conversation is similar, I think, and it's not just suddenly we have this technologically enhanced access to, uh, sex. And, uh, that's only going to amplify because of obvious market pressures out there to the point where we have sex robots and then but it's not just that it's like, you know, Musk's neural lace. It's the

augmented reality goggles that are, are, are glasses that are, were on the precipice of, uh, everyone wearing instead of phones. It's the phones, but like the, the, the, the conversation seems to be centered. One facet of the conversation is is by shortening the divide between what we want and getting that thing, are we robbing ourselves of some necessary human experience that is, is what may gives a person character and personality and gives a person some kind of wisdom. If we start, you know, if that thing is shorter between what I want and what I have, do we, are we fucking up humanity? And the whole question seems to be based on the fact that humans have

over time not had enough stuff. And, and we've so, we've, we've been so hungry for so many different things for so long over time that we've begun to equate humanness with lack or humanness with the, with austerity and the tasks involved in getting some particularly special thing. And, and when, when maybe that's not really humanness at all, that's just what happens when many, many, many generations have existed in a place where they haven't had access to resources in the way that is natural because it's like, okay, who's wrong here? Are my desires wrong? Is the, is the thing that's malfunctioning here that I want to, why is my body sending me signals that it wants to do this thing or that thing, whether it's fucking or living in a mansion or

flying in a plane or eating, eating. Yeah, where, what, yeah, what, what's wrong? Is that wrong? Is my body malfunctioning? And is this is satiating those desires wrong? Or is it actually satiating those desires, me fulfilling my destiny as a human being? I mean, these, these conversations come up in different ways across the board. I guess it's like a thing where, I mean, you can think about a couple ways, but I always think to some extent it's where it's the cat's out of the bag at this point. It doesn't matter. Humanity has already been altered severely through, through all this technology. It hasn't happened, hasn't been that long yet, comparatively. So we don't really know what's going to happen, but it's kind of like too late, really, to stop any of this stuff,

unless there's some sort of a major collapse, like a major collapse. Yeah, yeah. But you can't, but that's, that's something where no one's going to make that happen. But also it's in, it's also in the humans, the human genome's best interest to not allow any type of a major collapse to happen. This is the same reason we've talked about this before, about how I, I don't think there's going to be nuclear fallout ever, because I think that the human genome, even though we work to our own self-interest significantly, there's also, there's that, there's that thing that we don't understand where the human genome is, it preserves itself, and it's not going to let one human destroy all other humans, because that would destroy the genome,

which is like the driving thing. But I guess in terms of like the, you know, like, oh, if you just, if you can have access to everything pleasurable, you know, I guess we're kind of talking about the singularity here in a way, like the basis of it, like before it happens. And the thing that people always say about that is that if you take away the stakes of things that are superhuman, you have like this, there's like an emptiness to it. And so if, yeah, maybe, maybe you could eat all the food you want, you can have everything you want, but there's, if it's just because you can, there's, I don't, there's not like really any, you don't get anything out of it. It's an empty, it's not, it's not a success. It's sort of just like a, you just got it.

It's a question of value too. It's like, it's a, like the value of an expert in anything, like an expert dancer, comedian, athlete, the reason that there's so much value, the reason like people who are like masters at whatever their particular craft or skill set is, get paid so much is just simple supply and demand. You know, there's one Shaquille O'Neal, you know, and, and he makes a lot of fucking money. There's one, Mike Tyson, there's one Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle. And they, if all of a sudden, via some technological mechanism, we can instantaneously gain those skill sets. There's no value in what they can do. It completely fucks up that value set. And so, and that's one of the real challenging things

is that it's very disruptive to people who've spent their entire lives perfecting this thing or that thing, especially if those people, you know, are now completely like just like everybody else all of a sudden, if they've been identifying as the great violinist and it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, Oh yeah, you know, I downloaded it last night. I mean, I know you spent your whole life doing that, but yeah, you want to play? I mean, it's like, fuck you. You know, not my fingers. Yeah, it cheapens it. But it's always that same thing where it goes back to everything always goes back to the same thing where at what point do you do you value something? And if, if you do like, it's like a conundrum. It's like this thing. It's like a, it's almost

like a logical cone of sorts where you can't solve it. It doesn't matter. I think what you said earlier is like really the key point. You can't stop it. Like it doesn't matter. It's over. It's over. When it, when soon as people are asking, like, should we be doing this? It's like, that's, if you have, if you can ask if we should, it's already too late to stop it because it's like that thing where it's just, you can't, you can't stop these things because they're going. I mean, I've been reading this, this book trilogy lately. I think I told you about it's called Three Body Problem. Yes. This Chinese author. I'm almost finished with the third book, but this, these books are insane man because they talk so much about like futurism. His ideas

of futurism are so interesting because they seem like they're actually maybe correct. Just the ideas of how things will be in the future with humanity and what it means to be a human because it's all about also encountering aliens. But a big thing that they talk about a lot is just well, it talks about so much stuff, but I think it's like this thing where what we think as normal, maybe 200 years from now is it would just be become so outmoded that people don't even recognize it. Like this idea of masculinity maybe will become so unnecessary. It's so unnecessary to be masculine or feminine for that matter. It's so unnecessary that it just becomes, it's like when an animal through evolution has this weird vestigial thing where you're like,

what is that therefore? It's like, oh, it's, it doesn't use it anymore. It used to use it thousands and thousands and thousands years ago, but because things have changed, it's evolved to not use this thing it used to have. And so we have these in the future, it's possible like this guy postulates that people will all look kind of the same, same sort of like sleek, feminine looking way, even though there are still men and still women, it's just these differences in the sexes will start to become, they won't be physically observable. At least they'll be super subtle because those things are from a bygone era. They're from an era where we're like living in caves and trying to survive droughts on like a savannah and stuff like that.

Man, did you read that? It was like, it became clickbait for a little bit, but it's a real study they did. The prosthetic robotic thumb that they like, I can't remember this universe. I think it was a university. They designed an extra thumb that you would wear. You could control the thumb. It was an extra finger, maybe not a thumb. I think it was an extra thumb. You could like right around at your wrist, there was another thumb and you could control it with your toes. And they were basically that they wanted to see what happens to a person's brain over time if they have an extra appendage that's useful. And so, you know, they had to learn how to use it, but eventually people started doing things with it that you can't do without an extra

thumb. And they did brain scans and their brains changed to just accept, oh yeah, I guess I have a new thumb. And so, I think you're, what's the author's name? It's Chinese. I think it's C-I-X-I-N-L-I-U or something like that. He should try instead of, he should just call himself Six Naloo instead of spelling it out. But he, that's just so many letters to be named. But the, you know, people who are predicting a human form over the next century are, I think that is, it's not going to be like that. I think that- No, not that fast. No, not that fast for sure. No, I mean, I don't know that we're going to look human in 100 years. I mean, I don't know

if like already they're like, oh yeah, here's like a technology where you could just have an extra thumb. You don't have to get an operation. You're just going to put it on. You're going to control it with this neural mesh or whatever or some wireless technology. And once you get this extra thumb, you're now going to be able to play music on the piano that's never been heard before. You're going to be able to do a million things that humans have never been able to do before. It's $55 and it comes from Apple. You know what I mean? How many people are not going to have that fucking thumb? And then when that turns into the extra arm, and then when it turns into the extra eye, and then when it turns into the extra

dick, and then when it turns into all the extra things, suddenly, you know, looking like a base level human is just going to be the same as being naked. And, you know, I mean, it's not- Totally. And that is the future. There is a science thing about that. There is a certain science thing about that. I have to- I'm not correct you, but I mean, there's this thing that I only learned recently about how there's a difference between evolutionary responses and the difference between your brain accommodating. So the brain that accommodates for the extra thumb, how it changes the pathways,

that is not a heritable characteristic. So that person's kids won't have that- There have to be a very, very long time of having the extra thumb for it to change sort of evolution of the species. It's like the idea that we could inherit the ability to drive a car. You know, inherit the ability to like use a typewriter, inherit the ability to not use a cell phone. Yeah, I know. It's not like tool use is not going to be genetically expressed. It's going to be a learned factor. I wish I knew the technical way to say that. It's like such a cool way that evolutionary

biologists will talk about that. There's some like word for it. It's called triturization. That's like we want to fight the term. You know, one of my friends was saying you could just make it. You don't have to use the word. You could just make it up. It's so much more fun. Oh yeah, you mean triturization. It's also like when people name a plant or an insect they found, it's always like, oh, this is the, this is a Duncan trusselus apexus. That's the funniest thing when they name it after themselves.

You got it. You have to name it. The first thing you discover, you're always supposed to name it after yourself or like your, yeah, you're supposed to name it after yourself or like your mentor. Are you fucking kidding me? That's crazy. That's so limiting. It's a tradition. There's all kinds of super weird name rules. You know, came up with that rule of selfish piece of shit came up with that rule. What a selfish dig. It's like, if you discover a thing, name it after yourself or your teacher. No. Yeah. I want to name it whatever. I discovered the motherfucker. Wait, who gets to make that rule? Who made that rule? It's not a rule. It's not a rule. It's just, it's sort of like a, like a tradition. How about that? Like only naming

boats, like feminine names. Yeah, which is definitely, if you name your boat a male, it's going to fucking sink. So you can't play with fire like that. It's a fucking boat, man. It's not like it's a house. Dude, I, you know what? I want, I'm going to name my boat Frank Williams of the sea. Yeah. I might as well just buy, just buy some spackle. Buy like a, you better get a bunch of buckets and a, and a nice, uh, bailing motor, nice sump pump. I'm going to call my boat Mr. Sump Pump and it's going to sink the second you take it off the dock. It can't even float. Like it's mysterious. It just goes right down. It turns into bricks. The second it leaves the docks. And now we will christen the Gary Plants. Break the bottle and it just drops down into the

sea. You can send a diver down there to paint the word Ms. Gary Plants and it'll just all of a sudden start to float back up again. The Ms. Gary Plants. Gary, Gary can be a woman's name. Hey, did I do it? You try it. Try it. Try it. Try it going from the middle. Say this. Say come here. Say come here. Come here. Can't do it. Johnny, thank you so much for being on the show, man. I love, I love you and it's great talking to you anytime. I love you. I do. I love you. Isn't it weird how you can say it? You can say if you say something in a certain way it sounds like, why are you making fun of me? I do love you. That's another thing we could have talked about too is how like, isn't it weird how that shit is like so real? What? Just

like this subtlest thing you can just basically like through language you can just be you can communicate so much just the way you say something. Yeah. Yeah. I love you. I love you. I love you. Yeah, I do though. You know, I really do. I really love you. I really do find you. Hi, welcome to my art studio. It's in my home. Drop off your child and we'll have him here for nine hours and they give a snack break and they take a bath in my house because we have cats. Wow. Thank you for having me in my child in your art studio. Don't worry. Just drop your child off. No problem. Welcome. We're a state accredited organization. Hi. You're in line to experience sexual Disneyland. That's going to be the weird thing is being in line at sexual Disneyland.

I'm not waiting in line. That's for sure. I don't want to wait in line for anything, let alone that. You're in line with a bunch of horny dudes. I don't want to wait in lines. No lines. You're in line. They've got like paintings of the robot. You're going to fuck all over the wall and you're in line just waiting and everybody's got to wait for the guy to finish in front of them. That sounds like an old school porn theater. What's the difference? Nothing changes. Yeah, because you know the lines long enough eventually they're just going to everyone's just going to start fucking in the line. No one's going to wait for the robot. Yeah, it's going to be something like once you like, well, I'm already here. I'm already going to

do this thing. Might as well just do it in line. Johnny Pemberton, where can people find you? You've got Johnny Pemberton.dog. It'll direct you from there. What happened with your Twitch stream? I'm still waiting. You know, I think it's with Twitch, it's just a matter of getting my case in front of an actual human, because no human would be like, would deny this. I think it's what happened is the AI, because they're overwhelmed with cases and stuff. I think it's just getting it in front of a human. The reason why is because the name of your Twitch was just my nipples. Yeah, which is, which is, you know, I guess it's TOS terms of service, even though they allowed me to create it, I used it for almost a year. And also I was,

there's all kinds of things that were, it should have come up earlier. And also I wasn't doing anything even remotely sexual with the channel. But it doesn't benefit them from cutting you out from the service. Like you draw traffic to the service. So I think there's a lot of sticky stuff with these companies now, because they are having to navigate that weird walk between being something where there's a lot of company, the idea of wokeness and like sexual acceptance versus having content that is explicit. And there's a real difficult line to walk if you're like a massive company that has to make everyone happy. It's you have a difficult time right now because there's so much this sex positive attitude when you can't possibly negate someone's

sexuality. But you also don't want to have this become something where, oh, this is not, this isn't a porn site. This isn't a cam girl site. It's kind of like a lot of these people were saying, well, why can't I do this? Like, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's like loophole shit. It's just, it's really dumb. Well, but it's inevitable, I think. You got to let us know, man, when you're back online. Yeah. Oh, you'll know, you'll know. I'm going to get back on there. It's also been kind of nice in a way because I've been like, been a focus on other stuff because I haven't had that going on. God bless you, Pemberton. Follow Pemberton. Other links you need to find, Johnny will be at dugoutrustle.com. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. That was Johnny Pemberton,

everybody. You can find Johnny at johnnypemberton.dog. A tremendous thank you to our glorious sponsors, Athletic Greens, Meundies, and Squarespace. Make sure that you try them out. It's one of the best ways to support this podcast. Subscribe to our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash D T F H. All right, my darling sweeties, I will see you within a couple of days. It's a two podcast week. Until then, Hare Krishna. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JC Penney family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two, we do it all in style dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford and Jay Farrar. Oh,

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