Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 490: Erin Trussell

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

Erin Trussell, cult-mommy and Duncan's intimate lover, re-joins the DTFH! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Purple - Visit Purple.com/Duncan10 and use promo code DUNCAN10 for $200 Off any mattress order of $1500 or more! Diet Smoke - Use promo code DUNCAN at checkout for 20% Off your first order! Everything 420 - Use promo code DUNCAN at checkout for 15% Off nearly everything in stock!

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Who farted? It wasn't me. See you later, have a great night. Fucking asshole. That was ethereal cumulonimbus by Reginald Anderson Peter and Colonel French Daisy and also you might have noticed that Johnny Pemberton was featured in this track which is now actually number 15 on the Davidson part charts

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or kitchen or bedroom where your computer is type in twitch.tv slash Johnny Pemberton then hop back into your love tub. This is a very intimate episode today friends, maybe too intimate. Actually, I don't know, you do a podcast too long and you stop being able to tell, you know, for my breeder friends out there, you're probably aware of the fact that this isn't exactly like the best time in human history

to be raising kids or to be married or to not be married or just to be a human. You know, I think one of the satanic things and this is not a hot take but truly one of the satanic things about Instagram or anything where people are taking pictures of themselves is it just doesn't tell the whole truth and you can get fooled. You look and you see some beautiful person basking about on some exotic beach.

You're on the toilet. You've got a combination of oatmeal and applesauce, puke, all over your shirt. You're already late to drop the kid off at school. You're just looking at him. How beautiful they look. How beautiful that fucking sand looks. And you think, wow.

I hope I'm alright. I think I took too much psyllium husk. While they're out there, lounging around some beautiful exotic beach. I'm having a weird bowel movement in the mountains while I'm covered in baby puke. Do I even exist anymore? We vaguely contemplated editing this one but we're just gonna throw it out there.

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with free shipping and returns and financing is available. And we are back. Everyone won't you please subscribe to my Patreon it's at patreon.com forward slash DTFH you sign up you're going to get commercial free episodes of this podcast along with the opportunity to interact with one of the most brilliant groups of human beings that has ever walked the face of the earth that's the DTFH family we gather twice a week

for a weekly meditation group called Journey in Abortum and our family gatherings which are always a blast that's at patreon.com forward slash DTFH alright pals here we go with us here today is my beautiful wife the mother of my children and an all around amazing human being everyone please welcome back to the DTFH Aaron Trussell

Welcome back to the show It's great to see you again Good to see you You're welcome Welcome back to the show Welcome back to the show Welcome back to the show It's great to see you again

It's great to see you again I haven't seen you very much Not over the last couple of years, no I've changed, you see I have a lot of gray hair Yeah and I look a little tired Yeah, you're tired Why wouldn't you be?

Messy bun and sweatpants Default mom mode DMM You're a mom, hardcore mom Yeah Like if kids were heroin people would be like wow I like kids like people like heroin You're addicted to reproducing? Yeah

That's another topic Another topic for what? Really, what's it another topic for? Another time Are you all of a sudden shy? We've been arguing about when to do this podcast We're going to LA next week to scope it out, we're trying to decide between

LA and Austin and We're in Asheville currently and I thought it was that we would wait and go and do this podcast in LA In a nice hotel room And Erin felt rejected because she wanted to do it here in LA I felt Or in Asheville

Yeah, well I felt that it was maybe too celebratory See I don't see the trip to LA To do it in a nice hotel when we're Even though I'll be very sad away from our kids I don't see it as celebratory It's just weird Weird? Yeah we're going to The city we left

To see if we want to go back and live there with our tail between our legs And we, yeah And some days it's home and some days we're like Why the fuck would we ever move back there Yeah right And other days we're just heart sick about it It's a sentimental journey And it's like, you know, it's all based on attachment

We're all attached, you know, it's like Sentimentality and attachment Identity, all this weird shit That like, you know, you're making it in a big city Yeah, glamour and like all this ego shit But all that stuff, what I love about having kids Is like all that stuff really gets Completely

Well at least semi vaporized by the reality of like No, I have kids, like I have to These kids need to be in a place That is not only going to be Full of culture And diversity and opportunity But just basically safe Like that's the thing that we want, that was why we came here

You know, this idea of You know, well shit man, all these earthquakes And fires and And us not seeing the Prospect of being homeowners In California, in Los Angeles And And schooling and everything else

That is probably easy to imagine Like all the generic easy to imagine Things that you would face Being in Los Angeles Is what drove us out Yeah, we left, we fled Not only did we literally white flight But we are

We are And we were literally white flight We're white and we fled That is true Yeah, okay, yeah, we're white and we fled But I mean You don't need to say cut it, it's not like anyone listening to this is like Yeah, we're white and we fled

Yeah, it's complex and whatever But I lost my train of thought now Cause I said white flight Yeah, just invoked something in me It hasn't occurred to you yet that we're white flight No, my point was going to be that We fled, but we We were just so boisterous in the way we fled

We're like we'll never want to be here again This place is a complete piece of shit Anyone who lives here is an idiot Anyone who's raising kids here, you're wrong It's wrong, it's unethical Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah I mean we left in a Maelstrom of just running our

Just running our mouths We're basically like the blue angels of white flight Like if white flight was like a show But we ran our mouths Yeah, that's what we do I know, but about this in particular Yeah, we were so, yeah We were so boisterous about it

Dumb, proud idiots Proud, yeah, proud, like very proud Certain Certain, but the truth is we were terrified We were terrified We were terrified, but certainly Yeah, that's not a good combination Never, it causes holocausts

But we were like, oh yeah We shrugged it all off We were like, you don't eat it We were so annoying to our friends We were staying there Yeah, totally passive-aggressive No, not passive It wasn't passive

Aggressive-aggressive We were so loud and annoying about it And you know, we moved here And I was pregnant and we And coronavirus Like this entire, this pandemic was It was September 2020 When we arrived here

Really? Yes I don't remember So, I'm the date-keeper of the family That was cool though No, we first guy was pretty fucking cool No, it was like a, I felt like I could breathe

I was pregnant I was halfway through my pregnancy I felt like I could just literally Take in fresh mountain air It was just, it was incredible It was incredible It was adventurous Yeah, it was adventurous

It was fun, we got a cabin It was beautiful It had a gorgeous view It was tiny, the house But I mean, it wasn't really a cabin It was a cabin more in its locale But it wasn't, like it was a little house It was cool

Had Buddha statues everywhere Yeah, it already had Buddha statues everywhere It just felt like totally divine Where we needed to be I thought it was the best Our son was almost two I was pregnant It felt safe

Felt good We were like, what, 30 minutes outside Of any kind of town? Yeah 40 minutes 40 minutes 30, 40 minutes Yeah

That was great That was a good- That's the last time we heard from you I think I think that was the last podcast we did I don't know From there No

Maybe we did one more after that We did one in Georgia Oh yeah, we did one in Georgia Yeah Oh, that was a fun time Yeah But Anyway, so I guess there's a gulf between

Like how we got To going To check out LA and getting here But I don't even know where to- I don't know how to- I don't know where to start Well

I think the I've talked about this On this podcast But you sort of like You know This is one of the big fantasies in life I think is that There's this idea of like

Uprooting yourself and moving from point A to point B Or like the mountain fantasies Specifically Like Yeah Moving to the mountains Right Moving to the middle of nowhere

Moving to the country That's like That's a trope It's a trope And it's also a I think it's also a It's a kind of pipe dream Like

The pipe dream You have Probably everyone has some kind of pipe dream About well If I had this thing or that thing Then I'd probably be happy A simpler life Yeah, simpler life

Let's just speak specifically Given that we are city folk And I think a lot of city folk That's a city folk though You say that We're city people Duncan I know

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But whenever you say that I feel like We are Totally in a Hallmark Channel movie Cause that's the kind of We are It feels like that

Like I feel like that I do feel like that Yeah We're City People What would the title Of our Hallmark Channel movie Be?

Lost and Found Yeah That's pretty good I think that's pretty good I think that's pretty good We're City People We're City People We're City People

We're City People Yeah That's pretty good I think that's actually A little too artistic Okay Like I think No I don't think so

I think it's really cheesy And on the nose I think it would be more Like LA Couple LA Couple Mountain Move

No Like the names of their shows Are Yeah It would be like Mountain Express Oh yeah you're right That is what it would be

You haven't You haven't fully grasped The Hallmark It would be Mountain Express It would be like I would have to be like A reporter

Yeah Who's like At re Like re-assigned to Be To work at the Mountain Express And I was a girl

Visiting from the big city My dad's here And Like his farm His ranch Is not doing well And you have a successful Blog

Blog How old are you? Blog Blog It's the Hallmark Channel It's the Hallmark Channel You're a successful I don't think

I think it's vlog Yeah it's vlog Blog is Dead The point is We come here And then Like something happens

And we realize Oh wait The city is really home We feel like that That's the Stupid ideas Like Yeah

And you know what For a moment I think we did Feel like that Because we felt safe And that was rare And we were We were

We were literally Traumatized I mean I'm still traumatized But we were like Our nervous systems Like One time

We went out to eat In Weaverville Which is like It's There's one road It's a main street It's called Main Street

I think And like It's a teeny tiny Really really cute Town And it has like Like I said A main strip

And we were like Eating dinner At one of the three Restaurants Two restaurants There And Like

Some people were laughing Loud I feel like we talked about this Already Who cares? Nobody pays attention To podcasts People were laughing loud

And we were sitting outside And we both just like Cranked our necks And In fear of like What was happening Because we Scared by laughter

We were scared of people We were scared of people On the streets Screaming Attacking us Potentially We were scared of like The sound of helicopters

All day long Oh my god We were always having helicopters Fly over our house Black ones Yeah So and then Duncan and I Well you can just imagine

Like You guys know Duncan You don't know me very well But between the two of us Like the paranoid fantasies We can spin up About Black helicopters

During you know March, April, May, June, July 2020 Like what we thought might Might be coming down the line When we were seeing that Oh my god Yeah, totally

So all that All that All that and then we get here And it's quiet and we're just You know But like Then I had the baby and Reality sets in

We're in a place with 90 I don't know Can you look up Doesn't matter Make it up No I don't want to 90,000 people 90,000 people

I'm looking it up I think I think it's like There's more No it's more than that Okay I'm What is it? No okay yeah

Asheville population 91,560 Look up the Burning Man What's the population of Burning Man Just curious I'm sure it's more than that Is it? I don't know

No Oh wait Like 50,000 Okay Yeah So it's like Asheville's like two Burning Man Oh no it has had 80,000

Yeah And times Looks like it Flows Ebs and flows But It does that's what I always say But

The burn ebs The burn flows Tools of the trade Yeah But anyway I don't know Reality sets in It's cold

It's isolated It's the mountains I like became unhappy here first I think And then we struggled with that In our relationship Yeah A little bit

That caused a great Issue for us Well You didn't want to move again We just bought this beautiful house Our house is gorgeous Right I know I know But like this was

Also like there's a lot of beautiful things That happen here You have to really You know here's the thing Nobody wants to go to therapy If you are Like in fact wanting to go to therapy Is a sign that you are

Fucking out of your mind Actually Like Nobody wants to go Like it's Like skin Like if you're If you're a burn victim

Are you saying like being here's therapy? I think so I think that I guess I think sometimes I'm not saying It's revealed things about ourselves For sure

Well I just don't think Like I think there is a Difference Between Like The movie idea Of happiness And like actual happiness

Or like Or actual stability Like you can't get The only way to find stability Is to be out of balance You can't You have to We're not out of balance though

We're fucking bored Yeah but that is a form of Like I'm not By the way I'm not saying like One of our ongoing Like one of Aaron's Forgive me if I say this It's like a rejection

That you put on me is this Weird idea that I secretly Want to Stay here And I I'm letting go of it More Right

But You know what happens When you're married And you have kids A lot of things A lot of things You basically it's like You're with this person

And you both throw yourself Into some kind of combination Centrifuge pressure cooker Yeah And then in that Any kind of Any kind of rough edges Go from being like

You know just annoying To being like potentially Catastrophic Totally So What ends up happening is You either Figure out a way to

Get those rough edges Sanded down Or you Or the whole thing It has to like Naturally just like Fall apart So

You know While we are here And I don't think it's like Even being confessional to say Because I think From what I've heard Lots of couples right now Married couples

Relationship It's been absolutely Bad shit Brutal No like Brutal beyond Brutal beyond Brutal

I mean Aside from us Living in the mountains You know what I just pictured Alone You know what I just pictured What This beautiful dude

Kind of looks like Thor Getting his Getting his dick sucked By this beautiful Like I don't know Like Arian Like I don't know Why you're listening to my podcast

Getting full aided But Like This beautiful I'm just picturing this beautiful couple Okay Their kids are sleeping upstairs Okay

Hearing this and they're like Not us They're like this was Not us This has been wonderful I've learned to love her even more Actually I have learned to love you anymore

But I haven't enjoyed The journey to get there It's horrible It's been horrible It's been horrible Horrible We have looked Separation in the face

We have looked Everything in the face Every possibility that Could have been Has been discussed Yeah Do you want to know why Because

We Are the only people We see in 3D every day Oh god So it also leaves a lot of Great room For every kind of discussion You could have

With your partner Yeah That's the To me like the That's That's sort of the Everyone's life All of a sudden turned into

One of those stupid game shows Where you're stuck in an island With a bunch of assholes Like Everyone's life turned into that Like we all ended up Like what ended up Happening for a long time

Maybe some of you Are out of the bubble by now But we all In some form or fashion Found ourselves No longer in like A consensual Bubble

Of like This is my life And these are my boundaries But it kind of like No It was all non-consensual Right It was like a

None of us agreed to this Societally induced bubble And now that bubble Whatever the circumference Of the bubble is It completely depends on What state you happen to be in And you're like

Your tolerance level For it And your tolerance level And your risk assessment And your risk assessment And your like A variety of things But we chose

For much of the last two years To exert At times Extreme amount of caution Part of it being That I was pregnant During some of that So when we got here

Just being extremely paranoid About contracting the virus Because at one point In my pregnancy It was like a kind of A okay spot Where it was like the normal Terror in my pregnancy

But then there was a Late spot in my pregnancy When we were here Where in if I contracted The virus That I would give birth alone Yeah I would give birth alone

That was like a real thing You wouldn't be permitted to That was the policy then I think they've since changed it And the partner can Come If they're negative Yeah

If the partner's negative But at the time I was maybe gonna have to Give birth alone We were dealing with that You know Then the kids Then the this

Whatever We had our reasons But we've like Been extremely careful Over the last two years Not consistently But the most part It ebbs and flows

But for the most part like So that's just been you know Which by the way I'm not committed to On any level anymore Committed to what? I don't care anymore I'm not

Oh you've gone nihilist No I care Okay let me rephrase that I like my whole family Just had COVID And I'm triple vaxxed But I will no longer Like my

Done I'm not Unless like New information comes around Like I told a school Actually in LA today They had like a very

Insane policy We were gonna go visit the school And I told them They wanted Triple vaxxing Triple vaxxing for me For me to be able to come I had to be triple vaxxing

Hold on So Yeah okay The one where they Sorry we had to take a break Cause food was delivered They wanted triple vaxx They wanted

Parents be triple vaxx They wanted also a negative test Same day So they wanted both of those things We all just had COVID And I'm like No No

You're exhausted I just said I'm withdrawing my son's application From your school It's been A long two years We've all just recovered from COVID And we are looking to relax

Right Stage of the game What do they do? They said Fuck you I'm gonna fucking cancel your whole family We actually got an email from Fauci He's like

Are you okay? They're like Squarespace You can forget it Well to You know to me like Fuck you To me one of the

One of the particularly clawing Aspects Of the Tribe That is like Hyper Get vaxxed Hyper

Mask Hyper like Whatever the fuck you think is That what really one of the clawing aspects of it is The lack of compassion Because Or empathy There's

There seems to be this Like Weird Like they're completely connected to Biological realities To The current cutting edge of science To whatever the current thing is

Regardless of Current by the way Changing every minute Right Like our friend just pointed out That Things that were Conspiracies

A few months ago Are now Considered General knowledge And accepted fact Right So There's an adherence to this sort of like

Generally accepted Like this is what's happening And that's okay I think that's actually a Probably a Like how science works It's like they have the information they have That they have it

And it updates As the research comes along That makes sense to me I do think that's a A result of like Probably going to college Like if you've gone to college And you've studied statistics

The scientific method Any basic biology Or anything You have this awareness of how people come To Like what is Yeah I haven't finished college What is known as

Scientific fact Get that out there And But you know if you Like you know if you Like I Not to brag I have a bachelor's degree in psychology

The shit gets hammered into your head And it's intense And it's like It's serious And like they explain Why it's serious And why you need This rigorous way

Of coming up with This is what's real And this is what isn't real And so There's a Once you've learned that There is a natural predisposition To be like

Yeah of course That shit a few months ago Was wrong Because they got more data And the data showed This is right All that stuff is fine Whatever

The problem is That within all of that It's like this other Thing is lost Which is Guess what Not everybody had to Suffer through a fucking

Statistics class Not everybody had to Learn calculus Not everyone had to Yeah but also like Certain things can be Measured by statistics And certain things

Or certain things won't Be for a long time Like Like Like Like How our children are suffering And what they're going through

And it's going to take Some real time To get some quantifiable data On that Absolutely However Mothers And fathers

Are watching this in real time With their children And we've had enough You mean like When you're putting the mask On the kid and you tell him It's what Spider-Man would wear That kind of

Those kind of Serial moments Or like One of our children Has like An extreme Aversion To

The nose swab And I really Feel like I'm ruining his childhood When I've had to like Repeatedly And I know there's Some people who are out there

Like well We don't want to swab Or we don't swab We don't test What Dunk I'm not there That's like

If my kids have COVID I want to know Like Like I want to treat them I want to know their symptoms I want to look out for like Post-viral

Syndrome And whatever Like I want to know that So I just don't want anyone to say Well don't swab them Because like That's just been a reality

Even To attend school We've had to swab Well no Okay so But I have felt Like I just want to say I have felt like

When I'm holding him down And swabbing his nose Like I'm ruining his childhood Right I am ruining his childhood I don't want to get emotional I don't think you're ruining his childhood But I have felt like that

Like it has hurt me How are you ruining his childhood? It's just You It's just Sad For Their

Like For their life To be Massive Swab But if childhood's that fragile We're fucked There's people

There's people who are children When bombs are being dropped In World War II People who are children In all kinds of In those people Yeah In those people

Suffer life long Consequences From their trauma I'm just saying If you asked them Do you want Which would you rather Be

Bombs dropped On your occasional swabs They're going to be like Of course But you can always point to Anything in life Duncan and say Oh well

There's someone suffering worse I mean I don't think that's the answer I don't think you're ruining The Kids childhood I know I think you're right

I think you're right I'm not going to tell you Nuts But I do think that there's a Like That There is That's just a visceral

Real moment I've had as a mother And I feel like Other people can probably Relate Yeah sure To that And I know you felt it too

Like that day When we were all exposed And we knew we were getting It And we drove in our minivan Waiting there And having To hold them down

In their car seats I knew Like I saw it in your eyes That moment Like Yea you're like You're like This is

What is this What is this It was a Saturday afternoon What is this It was a Saturday morning The Cinebytes are coming out To do some kind of bizarre Scientific alien

Thing to our kids And like You have to calm them down And you want to stay calm Yea you have to Tell them It's normal Cause it is normal

Now And But inside You're screaming You're heart is Breaking No matter what decision you make There is an entire

Massive demographic of people Who are going to think you're an asshole So It's like Okay so you want You want to do the right thing That's the essence of it That's why we're getting tested

That's why people get tested The reason people want to get tested Is not just because they want to know If they have COVID or not It's because they want to know If it's safe for them To go out of their homes And live their lives

There's a lot of different reasons There's a lot of Everyone has a different But when you say That's the primary point of testing Is you don't want to spread it To other people Yea you don't want to spread it

I think so Yes So that's the primary The primary point of testing You don't want to spread it To other people And so The basis of the thing

Is compassion It's not Self preservation That you know Chances are If you get COVID You're going to be okay If you test positive

For COVID No one can really Even fucking do anything Other than be like I'm not a surgeon Hopefully it's okay COVID doesn't like you And you'll survive this

That's pretty much it It's fucked You can take glutathione There's a lot of Like remedies out there Who knows if they work Or if they don't My point is

We're getting tested Not for self preservation We're getting tested Because you don't want to Kill somebody with a shit So that's what I'm saying The root of the thing Is compassion

The root of the thing Is you don't want to get Other people sick I know But I'm not even I don't care about that I mean I do care about that I don't want to get anyone sick

But I'm just saying Like just on a personal level I'm just trying to like I'm just saying that It's been horrific Right Well no And I know that's like obvious

But I just want to say it I want to scream it from the root It's horrible I want to like Say it to be a parent right now Is um An exhausting, never ending Horrific risk benefit analysis

That is A drain Right For my non-parent friends out there The idea Like what we used to take For granted Back in the day

Before the Times that we're currently in Is There were a lot of things You took for granted For example school Like pre-school Pre-school, school

Dial-care Child care Right You took it for granted Like maybe snow would happen If you live in a snowy place If it sows a bunch Your kids can't go to school

Yeah But what happened is This fucking disease And so what happened is that Just out of the blue Cause with kids especially Young kids especially Getting a rhythm going is so important

Like It's the only thing The only thing And they're so attuned To that rhythm That they need it Any change in the rhythm A later bed time

Like just any random change It distressed them It freaks them out Cause they're like They're trying to like Use this like structure This temporal structure Which is their daily schedule

To grow as people It's like You could just Any time it gets out of whack They really don't like it And so COVID took that And just blew it up

Cause even if as a parent You like Find childcare Find a preschool Find all these things for them In any second They're rolling closures Rolling closures

Quarantines And what goes along with a quarantine Is of course The possibility That you are infected Your kids were infected So it's not just like The kids have to stay home from school

It's Oh my god Are you going to be One of the tiny percentage Of children That don't make it That don't make it out of this And you know statistically

No You know it's not But you still picture Your child on a ventilator Right It's not like a snow day Cause when there's a snow day You're not like picturing

Your kid Like in the hospital As things kind of slide out of control So there's a psychological aspect To COVID Yeah that's just worrying About them medically Okay then like

In a moment You might be able to move past that Now your marriage is Fucked up Because you're You have The structure of your life Has completely fallen apart

Your partner's ability to work Your ability to like Even shower as a mom Or whatever your situation is It just completely falls apart And there is no Marriage that is not going to Encounter like

Insane amounts of stress As a result of that Right So it's like Everything just Completely Can just fall apart So quickly

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Yeah So this reality Which I'm assuming I don't think all of you out there Are necessarily like riding the maelstrom I think there must be pot That's what's so bizarre about this thing Is that

There's literally like We're living in parallel time lines right now The state that you're living in You know So everyone's living in these We're just speaking specifically about Our experience But

Yeah I mean Times have been dark Well yeah And it's this sort of unrelenting Reminder That You know when you're like taking up any kind of spiritual

Anything that Like the wisdom traditions will In some form or fashion Remind you of your mortality Well yeah For me I know for you Your spirituality has been a great comfort

For me like a hundred percent Really Couldn't have gotten through Without My faith in God And my religious beliefs And my harajin Jesus And

And everyone who was willing to come along Oh no You're like using all your phone numbers And your spiritual rolling eggs I'm fucking talking to leprechauns Whatever it is Santa Claus I don't know

Paul, Peter You really love us Aliens I'll take Aliens, Pleiadians I don't know Fucking celestial prophecy people Yeah Are you out there

I'll take them all Pour it on please Yeah Yeah They are there See that's the other thing though To me Like some of the comfort

I find is not in some ambiguity But in the real reality That at any given moment There are people Like very, very advanced people Who have dedicated their entire lives To alleviating human suffering Now those people

Take a lot of different forms Doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists But some of them are in fucking caves I think some of them can probably levitate And when you find yourself In a particularly rotten place As I think a lot of people are right now You can really tune into that field

Like it's there It's right That's the other Like paradoxical reality of this Like tumultuous time Is that in the midst of all of it In a non-naive, wishful thinking kind of way If you just calm down a little bit

You can feel something There's something there that isn't all bad There's something there That's actually quite amazing Yeah And I don't Like whatever that thing is It gets drowned out though

That's the problem It gets fucking drowned out By all this stuff This stuff is loud Go back To our relationship for a second Because I feel like We definitely touched on a lot of the negatives

Yeah And there was a good bit of that Horrible Horrible But we've both been in therapy And separately in together I don't want to gloss over it But we're in a really good place right now

I think But I think we should circle back to like There was a disagreement about Us Staying here or not And we were talking about LA And so we're going to LA next week See if we like it

So we have decided together So one of those conflicts has resolved We have decided to leave Asheville Right Right And assuming there isn't something like We don't know where Which is kind of crazy

Also the other funny thing about Making these kinds of decisions And I do think like I don't know how many of y'all Have like this has occurred to you Yeah Probably a lot of you But I think a growing kind of like

Cause one of the Like in the consideration of like This like global fucking trauma That everyone went through Everyone's going through Growing through Yeah Like

Because a lot of us are just doing Like one day at a time Try to make it through Yeah Like the long term effect Of this level of instability And this very specific kind of chaos Yeah

Which is really interesting In that like Like In a general like Environmental disaster You see fire You can see the meteor You can see the bombs

You can see the results of the bombs And in there In that scene The results of the bombs And the fires And all the things that have plagued Humanity from For as long as there's history

There's a natural thing that happens Which is that like You know after an earthquake It's the cliche everyone talks about Things get quiet Yeah And then people help They go and pull fucking boulders off

And they're like Their identity dissolves And they're like Let me fucking help It's a famous thing that happens It's a beautiful thing It shows what humans really are And part of it is because you could see

The rubble And hear the screaming And see the fires What's your point? My point is that in this case With a pandemic Even though you see a number Which is the number of people

Who are literally dying every day It's Yeah, 800 Almost 900,000 people In this country dead Yes Right You know of plane crashes

The plane has 200 people in it And that's going to be news for a long time You're going to have footage Of the fucking wreckage Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Right, so my point is that The normal way that compassion Within a human being is generated

Is not being generated right now Because it's hard for numbers To generate No, we're just being blown out every day Compassion blow out Right, right We're just There's no

We're fatigued Right, so it seems There's a surreal quality to it People will message me And say I feel like I'm in a dream This doesn't seem quite real I feel like that every day

Oh, God Disassociated people are disassociated I'm disassociating like 500 times a day Are you kidding? It's the fucking pet rock of COVID And no one wants to admit it As a former Academy addict

I'm like, oh, I'm disassociating, cool This is awesome I'm disassociating Wow, that's great I don't even need to ask it anymore Or anything I feel like high every day Just on the like

Sheer Dreamy quality Yeah In horror Well, yeah Yeah, I mean it is But you know It's like

And it is horrible And it's And also I think it's Like you have to say It's incomprehensibly horrible Yeah In the sense that Literally incomprehensible

We cannot understand It's HP Lovecraft What's even happening Okay, but We all know that I just want to Good night One kind of fun thing

Good night That was shut up It's incomprehensibly horrible You've been listening To the Duncan Dressel Family Art Podcast Hope you feel better Sweet dreams No, okay

But I just want to go more like On personally to us So like All that's been going on But we're also Just not Like we know the place we're in Is not the forever place for us

For like a few different reasons Like the biggest one for me Is it's too cold I'm way too cold I need to be outside I like the sun Beating hot in my shoulders I like

My freckles are like I need them Your freckles? To come out more Yeah, that's like the measure Of my happiness So I know that's like

What? Terrible for Skin cancer You're saying you're fucking freckles Or the measure of your I like the sun The more freckles you are The happier you are

Like you've got a weird My little pony thing Yeah, maybe so Maybe so I've never heard you say that But I think it I think it You think like

Oh my god, I have freckles I should be happy I always have freckles, Duncan But I'm just saying You know, whenever I look at Like the happiest times of my life You like freckles? More freckles

More of them That's literally the craziest thing I've ever heard you say Anyway It's too cool There's another Types of reasons You mean like

You're like a frog No, listen You're like so got a weird Frog in a pet store Where they're like If it has freckles It's diet is good Yeah

Yeah Moving on Other reasons Oh shit, man You'll agree too, okay Your frogs Freckles You don't want to stay here

Either In Asheville? No I don't really want to stay in Asheville Yeah, so like Okay, we didn't agree on that But we do now Well, my realization is

Really far up It's like Embarrassed It's like the height of embarrassed It's like really embarrassed You don't have to share I'll share it I tell them everything

Generally Almost everything Honestly, you've told them More than I have In this podcast But that's probably good The No, you know

We have We got luck I don't know how we lucked into this We got a great fucking therapist Ramdas used to say You're only good as your therapist We got this Insanely good marriage counselor

Like she is like a It's like some combination Mystical person and like just plumber Like she's So good So good She's like a mystical mind plumber But like

You know, just like getting like a Everyone raves about their therapist Do they really? No, some people don't Now I've had shitty therapists Yeah, everyone has Everyone has Okay

The therapist What the fuck are you doing? What was your point? That therapist was like Are you gonna fucking Like do something bad to me? That we came together Can I ask them to see my dick?

I've had therapists where I've thought that I'm like, are you gonna ask me To show you my dick or something? And you would like it And you would enjoy it That's the next thought I'd probably like it You would like it

If your therapist is like Show me your dick You would like that You know most of my It's not like you'd be like Oh, no You'd be like Ugh, okay

No, I wouldn't Here's my dick No, I wouldn't You should see some No, my therapist You wouldn't care You would do it Just for the fun of it

I know you No, I would not Yeah, you would If the therapist was hot No, you wouldn't care I would care I'm sorry There needs to be

If they were like decent If they were like just okay You'd be like Ugh, this is so weird 90% of my therapists have been dudes I'm not gonna like Be like Alright, man

Look at my dick Suck my dick, man Can we just go back to Maybe I would We've decided to leave Asheville, okay We have And you want to too

And That's why we're going to LA next week Although Austin Is at the top of our list as well But LA has everyone we love Yeah, but it's very expensive We actually, before us, a list

I will not share But we have pros and cons lists Don't share the list I won't I'm not going to I'm just saying We're really It's come down to the list making

Well I think we already know We're gonna land Yeah, we do But we'll see Who knows But But I think

Through our conflict In the horror Of the last few years I think we We're in a really good place right now I do too You know, there is a term in Buddhism That I love

Poison into medicine It's the idea And it shows up in a lot of different forms of Buddhism But it's the idea that Weirdly It's a weird idea That I never really understood In fact, I think someone

You know, anytime you get a message From someone telling you On Instagram That they've gotten enlightened You're just like Alright I guess so No, that's bullshit

Well, right But this person Actually did say something to be That was really interesting But I Shut You know what they said What?

They said Either you will Gain enlightenment Or Your suffering will be your enlightenment And I remember Like reading that I was on the toilet

I remember specifically Being on the toilet And reading that Being like Margie back Like congrats on getting enlightened But like The

I thought It annoyed me Because I thought about that Long after this Whoever they are Wrote this to me I think they were saying Come to India

Come follow me in India It was really weird But like Then I thought about it And I thought And then later As I was like studying More Buddhism

That is actually coming up A lot Which is Your suffering Is really your enlightenment But In the way that like The floor is the

Ceiling When you're standing on your head If that makes any sense at all It makes sense Yeah And so So like So I think that

Whenever you find yourself In a Time period Like ever all A lot of us are in And like us Maybe a little bit Displaced

Yeah And you're like married And you got kids And you love the fucking kids But you're stuck at home You're stuck at home You're supposed to be You're supposed to be

The mountains are surrounding you On every side I don't mind that so much You've said it makes you feel claustrophobic I know But like At times To me like the

You have said it I can admit it I admit it I admit it Okay To me though Like I do want to go to a place Where I can regularly do stand up

And Well not that you can't do it here But it's different Look I'm not I don't want to like We talked about this before the podcast I don't want to get into some like Me either

Stupid like attack On this little city That's doing it It's fucking best right now With an incredible influx Of assholes like us It's not the city's problem I don't think that's the message at all

No I know It's clearly about us Yeah But I have to say To get back to the relationship stuff That You can't really hope

To find true peace With a partner Without going through all their rotten shit Yeah Maybe you have been in therapy Before you met the person And they've been in therapy Yeah

And then I think in that case There's a chance to like Maybe not have to like Confront the shit I don't think so I think you're going to just Confront and confront and confront I think you married

You know what Many of my girlfriends Who have been in therapy We don't have the same kind of problems That you and I have Well Sounds good for them They have problems with all my dudes

Well you date fucking assholes Okay we're making a joke We're actually monogamous right now Because it's all we can handle Though we are accepting applications For girlfriends at any time I'm sure after this podcast Oh god

There's a lot of ladies who are like They're lining up Oh my god They're lining up Stop the fucking podcast Boy do I really want to connect with a Displaced couple I just want to see

A couple I'm certain of where they're going to live They though With two kids and the wife And by the way I want more kids So We've opened with that My addiction to reproduction

I want another baby Oh my god I'm going to have to get someone To handle my Instagram after this We're going to get so many messages I want another baby That's my thing I want more babies

I want to have a big family with Duncan I love the children he gives me I want to see them like All running around I want like I just want as many kids as he'll give me It's really bad Why is that bad?

I know it's bad Because it's like it's a lot I don't know It's counterculture I guess But whatever That's like my heart's desire And I feel like God is calling me to that

God is calling you which god? Which god? My god Pan? My god But you know what I think marriage is I think like God is a god of come

My god is an awesome god But listen I really think marriage is like When you All the points you would get When you're dating Like you date someone for a long time And you would reach these points

Where you're like Ugh it's just an impasse We just cannot We have to separate So you break up You break up In marriage you just hit that again And again and again

And again And you get stronger each time No escape No escape Well there is escape But you have to be Yeah we could get divorced Yeah

But we don't want to get divorced Yeah there's It's like You and I are both empowered And free spirit We are And if we wanted to get divorced Like we would just get divorced

I love you so much I love you so much I don't want to fucking divorce This sounds horrible Never you're never getting rid of me You're not getting rid of me You say that I'm gonna make you

I gotta say this You say that But you don't know You don't understand You're never getting rid of me You're never getting rid of me You're never getting rid of me Genetically handcuffed

I will come in And get you Where will I be I need your children I need to bear more of your children Hear this ladies You could be one of these too I need to bear more of your children

I need to be by your side I need to support you in your career I want to hold you and love you And I just want to be with you So I feel But like God damn There's a lot of moments

Like in between that What? There's a lot of moments In between that No there isn't Marriage is just an agreement To stay together You know

Many of my past lovers Have described me As a kind of ballerina In my grace You're full of shit I've been described as a ballerina People say I've been described as an ice queen

Are you joking? Someone called you an ice queen? Hold Cause I would just walk away And walk away and walk away I would just get in my car And just leave someone And never talk to them again

Well So this has been a real blessing for me Me too Well I mean that's what I was trying to say earlier Is it's like I think there's a problem In the world Which is people have gotten confused about medicine

Like medicine Medicine? Yeah medicine Like people have gotten confused about medicine Cause there's this weird idea That medicine is supposed to be pleasurable That's popped up Or the idea is like learning

Learning curves Growing Growth Personal evolution All this stuff Yeah like when I work out I ride my peloton every day Like

Therapy All of it It's awful Like It's awful at times It's not all awful But it's a bitter It's like yeah drinking

Okay but I don't want people to think We're saying our marriage is like bitter medicine You know what? I gotta say What? Don't say that Sometimes it is Sometimes it is

But Are you fucking kidding? Like sometimes it really is Yeah it can be but Are something so Good about it Yeah Well because it's you know it's love

But I don't this whole idea of like love being like The problem is like this People have crazy ideas about what love looks like I'm not saying But Because like You know look This is something that I say all the time

What? Every rose Has it's thorn As I say Yeah and you say every Night has it's dawn What else do I say? Just like every

How is it a sad song Yeah Yeah this I have tattooed on my right butt cheek Right underneath a pentagram I just think like For me For my personal experience Like our marriage

I've just recognized I recognize these little moments in our marriage Where I'm like Oh I've hit this wall before In XYZ relationship whatever And I'm like And then I got the hell out of there And by the way I'm only 28

So like I have a lot let Like it's not that much It's not like that much of experience But I see like our marriage It's more than anything A confrontation with myself Yeah And my own trauma

Yeah My own baggage Yeah And knowing that like If I were to go elsewhere I'd just be like starting at zero And it would be just right there waiting for me Not necessarily

What is this? What you never think to yourself like who knows Maybe like you Yeah but imagine this What? There's someone else You find somebody and you're like Oh my God Duncan was a fucking asshole

I was just rationalizing the whole thing With all this spiritual bullshit That guy was a dick You with some guys playing you violin At night Lotioning your feet It's so annoying Who the fuck played violin for you at night?

No I'm just saying that's not Sustainable That's NRE baby What's NRE? New relationship energy Oh right right right NRE NRE

It can get you a few years You know isn't that what was above Jesus's head On the cross? Henry You sound like you wanted a new relationship I don't want a new relationship I'm not Number one I'm joking

I completely concur with you I know you are I know you're done with me I know I'm the end of the road for you What? I know I'm it for you No you're not You're not the end of the road

I mean not sexually But I just know like relationship wise What do you mean? I know that I'm the one for you I mean What about I'm just baby I'm sorry

I'm trying to make a stupid joke of me I love you so much Of course you are Of course you are Look I'm making a joke What's a joke? The joke was a person

Here's the format of the joke In a podcast a person expresses some Cineminal beautiful thing And defuse The romantic moment because There's some spark of Lucifer inside of you Trying to do a bad joke Don't defuse

Now you have to bear your soul You don't have to bear my soul Yeah you do No I don't I don't have to bear my soul to the little podcast There's nothing else to bear I mean that is what it is And also I just want to put out there

Like Duncan and I have a non-monogamous Like we started our relationship You don't have to do polyamory No I'm just saying So it's not like Like we're definitely not the last people Each other will be with But

Especially sexually But like What the fuck does that mean? Especially sexually Like that's not an issue for us What the fuck It's not an issue for me I will be the last

No I'm gonna be the last person I will be the last man you touch Well that's gonna be difficult When you're 20 years older than me Are you gonna lady chatterly lover? You're gonna do You're gonna fuck a huntsman? It's a mess

That's a mess Our kids are gonna listen to this They're not gonna listen to this They might But I just mean When I'm in a wheelchair Quivering somewhere You're gonna like

Go bang a like quail hunter You'd be fine with that Not really But what am I gonna do Like roll out of my wheelchair I'll take care of you What am I gonna do Like fill up an extra diaper to punish you

Look if you give me The amount of children I want I'll just sign a deal to not I don't know if I would even sign that deal Sounds horrible How many kids do you want? None How many are you willing to have?

For laying it all out And by the way we've been drinking This is a stupid question Why? I'll tell you why Because How many How do you answer that?

Are you willing to have? It's like Like what's your You know what it's like When you have the paper thing Okay I know But what's your limit? My limit on kids?

I don't have a limit Or I don't have a limit Or even know You don't have a limit? I don't know I can't think that far ahead I don't know I'm doing it moment to fucking moment

Seriously I think kids are complex And right now it's like A crazy time to have kids But there's something in it That I like Yeah fuck it Like let's just

Reproduce and get ripped apart By like environmental tides No but also There's a sense of like What else are we doing? Like you know Yeah are some of us Going to get carried off

In some kind of apocalyptic cyclone? No No But what else are we doing? Are some of us Going to get like Ripped to shreds By the thinnest wolf?

I was looking at rooms In the Maldives today And it's like Why are you looking At rooms in the Maldives? Because You are going nuts Well really

Are we fucking Maldives Right now? No we're not We're not But I'm just saying Yeah you can't even Go to other countries Because you might get

Like held in a room For 14 days At their discretion So we might as well Just have babies Something I love to have That is not like The answer

Not being able to go To the Maldives That's the in fact The cra- You know what We couldn't go to the Maldives So we thought

We would sentence Another human to death I think God calls us To have a large family God calls us to do By the way I'm okay with another kid

But I can't I can't promise you more Than that I mean that We might need to have four I don't think so I don't think so No way

In fact I'm gonna have to say We'll see how we Fucking Jim Gaffigan We're gonna Pray on it No one Pray to who

Who gets to be The receptacle Of their response From the divine God Yeah but Who's God

Who's God talking to Koresh Or Like if a frog Jumps at me Well no in our hearts Don't be so cynical I'm not being cynical

You're like You're already on Kid number four We only have two I know I'm just I wanna leave All the doors open

Sure leave the doors open For any souls That might be circling Yeah but you can also Bring those souls In other ways You can be Mounted by the

Spirits And let them speak Through you I can be mounted By the spirit By the spirit No by the spirit Not a dude

You're not getting Mounted No one's mounting My wife Just so you know Well maybe I wouldn't mind A lady

Mounting you Yeah That's what I'm saying I just see Like the number four And I think it's good For us Well

This has been The Duncan Dressel Family Hour Podcast You have heard Two lunatics Rambling for The last Hour

How long It's been about an hour How long has it been I don't know how to tell On this It's been over an hour I'm pretty sure And

We are now But I do Wanna say one thing What I love you I love you Love you so much I love you

We're bullshitting Right now But like What do you mean we're bullshitting I mean we're being Silly But like I do Love you so much

You do I do Like I think you're so handsome Gorgeous I think I'm handsome Yeah Even my bald spot

It's growing Yeah I love your bald spot I stared it right in the face When we were dating What about when the dog licks it Then cracks me the fuck up The worst

She's got this rotten dog That climbs on the couch And licks my bald spot Like it's her job Like it's her job Satanic imp Like it's her job You know like

Just when you forget You have a bald spot I just wanna tell a story I like Looked at your bald spot Yeah In our Silver Lake Bachelor pad

When I met you And This is gonna be great I was really just completely falling in love with you Like Bad Bad bad case Like the worst case you could have

Of falling in love with someone Like horribly Oh my god And when you saw my bald spot You were like Oh my god This is the deal That shiny kind of

You know I saw it And I It's like you said Like you've said before Like the bald spot Like death Like it's like The

It's like you know like The aging You know like Yeah You know and then like And I looked at it And it looked back at me And I was just like

I don't fucking care Really Really And it was like My bald spot looked at you I love even that Oh that's sweet Like so much

I love I love that so much Like I love that part of him so much Oh that's sweet That's a cool thing About having a bald spot And I was 24 And I'm just saying

Like there was a lot That went in Into that Cause you were 20 years older Than me But I was just like I don't care I love this

I need to have this Have you even Is it even Dawned on you That what you did Marrying someone as old As me Now that you're like

Yeah It's dawned on you Like it's It gets hard sometimes Like sometimes Like when your back Has gone out Oh my god

That's the way And you're trying to fake it Cause you don't want to see So old And she knows And she's nagging at you To go to the doctor Yeah

Yeah I've faced it And you know what You and I also sat In that exact bachelor pad And we shed tears Like we cried together Knowing that like

Our time together Was gonna be I mean no one knows Their time on earth But like Likely Yeah what the fuck Likely

By the way I don't remember this Tear session We were high We were high We were high Yeah we were on drugs You were high

What Okay but I remember it And Um I've done a lot less We cried than you And I remember it very well

Some point we're high And I start crying And you're crying And we cried together We hear You were like I'm gonna leave you I'm gonna leave

I'm gonna get emotional You were like I'm gonna leave you Before I'm gonna leave you We're gonna Like we knew we were Together

We were planning on our marriage We were planning on like Our forever union And you were like I'm gonna leave you early That is true I remember that You do remember it now

Yeah And we were crying together Well I felt unethical You know not bringing that up It's the truth And I And I did think about it And you know what

The like a few weeks Like two weeks before we married We were in Little Cumberland In that house And I read A year of magical thinking By Joan Didion

For like whatever Time And I'm gonna ignore that And And I thought about Like what it might be like To lose you

Like I really I thought about it all And I just I just like And I thought about I remember it being In that room actually That like

Kind of had a moldy smell Like sand But like in the good way Like a beachy smell Yeah And I thought about Like taking your last name And I thought about

You dying before me I thought about those two things So it wasn't sure If I wanted to take your last name And I wasn't sure If I could handle you dying Before me Well guess what

I was 24 by the way And tender age And I just knew like I just knew I just knew you were the one for me Well that's beautiful But I'm not gonna die before you

I can guarantee that You're gonna murder me No I didn't say that But I just I just knew it And I still know it I love you You're a wonderful sweetheart

I love you so much Love you too What a great mom you are too I wish you all could see What a great mom We got on our hands here A real genius Truly

Like we got some lucky kids And I didn't want to say I'm like I wanna also say I'm a happy mom too I love I mean I'm an unhappy mom In the circumstances

But like I adore my You're a great mom I don't think anyone Expects moms to be happy All the fucking time No I'm just saying I'm happy to be happy

All the time I wanna say that You're happy in your role I really like being your wife I really like being a mother I love our age difference Like all of it Well I love you

And thank you for being on my podcast You're welcome Even though we argued about Whether to do it tonight or not Whatever I don't care I'm glad we did it We're gonna eat the madness Ugh

Can you tell what it is Well actually the madness I made fun of it For the longest time I made fun of it Cause we there's like It's in a strip mall by the library It's a strip mall

It's a sushi place Called the madness Sushi and burger Their big Angle as they have burgers And like so for Months we made fun of the madness Cause it was coming soon

Imitating like What How the person gave up with the name A lot of stupid jokes Right out of the madness I fully expected it to suck And it's actually really good Quite good

And it's on our doorstep It's very good actually It's very good Really good burgers We're about to eat it And we're hungry And I just want to say To like anyone that I came across

Wrong too I'm really sorry And Me too This was pretty raw And where you have been drinking So Not that much

There's like two drinks But I'm sorry They love you I say that to God Literally every day That is my prayer You just did my prayer

That's your prayer I'm sorry I love you I say some I say some I don't know Is that your mantra? It's not a mantra

It's just a prayer Some version of usually It's I'm sorry Forgive me You are so forgiven I love you babe You're the best Everyone's puking now

People are People are like wrecking their cars They vomit And they sit in their own mouths People are choking on their I love you Please don't ever leave me I will not leave you

And I love you so much Please Everyone's literally People are like Stemming seizures of a bear I love you guys We gotta go bye Hare Krishna

That was Aaron Trussell everybody A tremendous thank you to our Spotsers And of course Thank you for continuing To listen to the DTFH I'm gonna see you next week With two episodes

Llamasomo And Marcus Henderson Until then Hare Krishna A good time starts with a great wardrobe Next stop, JCPenney Family get-togethers To fancy occasions

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