Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 500: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

PORTLAND, OREGON: Come see Johnny AND Duncan at Helium Comedy Club! This weekend, March 31-April 2. Click here for tickets! Johnny Pemberton, who you might know from Superstore, a variety of films, and his awesome podcast, re-joins the DTFH! Listen to Johnny's awesome podcast, Live to Tape, everywhere you get your podcasts! You can find all of Johnny's socials, tour dates, patreon, and more here. If you're in Los Angeles on Friday, April 22 be sure to see Johnny's new one-person show, Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag! Keep an eye on Johnny's Twitter for tickets. Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Trade Coffee - Visit DrinkTrade.com/Duncan for $20 Off your first THREE BAGS of coffee! Lumi Labs - Visit MicroDose.com and use code DUNCAN at checkout for 30% Off and FREE Shipping on your first order!

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The mail came…and? Well, there's a letter here. It's postmarked from Harvard. Harvard. Truly unexpected mail. To imagine the Kaczynski's got a letter from Harvard. Well, let's go out and open it. It's probably a mistake.

I doubt you got a letter from Harvard. Dear Theodore, congratulations. I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Emissions has admitted you to the new Harvard with a full-max scholarship, but you're only 16 feet or this is a total catastrophe. You're going to leave your mom to go to Harvard? Harvard. This is the letter that killed your mother. To think you would abandon your sweet old mom.

It would have been better for Harvard to send me a bomb. To blow me apart. Shatter my heart. By taking away my Theodore. Dear Theodore, dear Theodore, why would you leave your mommy? Who will give me baths? Who will rub my feet? Who will put lotion into my cracked and dry teeth?

Who will do with Theodore? Dear Theodore, dear Theodore, why would you leave your mommy? Who will give me baths? Who will rub my feet? Who will put lotion into my cracked and dry teeth? Who will do with Theodore? And there's a little sneak peek of an upcoming musical that I have been directing, acting in, doing the music for, singing in, as well as designing all the sets, building all the

sets, doing all the lighting, and doing pretty much everything. In fact, I'm the only person running the entire show, including working at the box office. And to be honest, it's really fucking hard. And I don't know exactly why I thought I could do an entire Broadway production with no one to help me. Maybe I should start microdosing. Now, I am so excited for you to dive into today's podcast, but first, this. You know what I used to think?

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Thank you, trade. While my clone was reading that commercial, I was smearing Adrena Chrome on my nipples and thinking that maybe I shouldn't do the Broadway show. Maybe I bit off a little more than I could chew by saying I could do everything myself. This is clone five letting you know that we have a fantastic podcast for you today with Johnny Pemberton. You've probably seen Johnny on the boob tube. No, I'm doing this one.

No, I'm doing it. Fine. What the fuck? Do it. Which clone is that? It's me, clone three, and I will do the intro like Duncan asked me to do. No, I didn't. You're supposed to be in your pod.

You have Meleska. Fine. I'll go back in my fucking pod. No, it's not gross. It's not gross. It's very common for clones to get Meleska. It goes away. God damn it.

Every clone back in your pods now. Casey, get him in the pods. Please don't make us go back in our pods. I don't want to go back in the pod. Well, you're going. You know, a lot of people think being a billionaire is easy and I get it. I'm not complaining. I think I do have a few advantages over, you know, most people in the sense that I've

got an army of clones, underground bunkers. I've got a tiny maze in my brain filled with extra dimensional beings that give me ideas of things to say. And of course, 17 blimps. But I got to tell you. Clones are not quite as luxurious as they might seem. Maybe you've watched Beverly Hills top clones or my favorite clone, but it's not like that. That's just TV.

You've got to bathe the clones, feed the clones, distinguish the clones, keep the clones happy and euthanize the clones when they start malfunctioning or develop a fungal rot. My point is this. More clones, more problems. The answer to finding peace in our life is not to duplicate ourselves into genetic reflections that do most of our work, but to maybe remove the clones from the clone fleet. Because I go to the bathroom and come back and one of my fucking clones is disguising himself as me.

Done. He's done. Extinct. Destroy him. Sorry about that, guys. That was clone eight, who is the only clone that doesn't realize he's a fucking clone. And I keep walking in on him with my wife. He's drive is my car around and he makes terrible financial decisions and he's done terrible

things on the road that I would never do. And that's the last you're going to see him. We've got a great podcast for you today. Johnny Pemberton is here with us. You probably know Johnny from Superstore or the many movies he's been in. There is awesome podcasts live to tape or maybe you follow us hilarious Twitch streams, but listen to this. If you're going to be in LA on Friday, April 22nd, you must.

It's an order. You must go see his incredible one person show, Rege Colostomy Back. Now I know what you're thinking. Is this another dumb joke? Is that a joke name for a show? No, Johnny is not only incredibly talented comedian. He's also an amazing actor and this one person show is one of the coolest live stage shows I've ever seen.

So I really hope you'll go see him. It's Friday, April 22nd. It's called Rege Colostomy Back and it's going to be in Los Angeles. The links are going to be at dunkatrustle.com. And of course, Johnny will sometimes feature for me on the road. We're going to be in Portland this weekend. So if you're listening to this on the weekend of March 30th, we're going to be there. March 31st, March 32nd, March 33rd at helium.

You can find ticket links at dunkatrustle.com. And now everybody, please welcome back to the DTFH Johnny Pemberton. Johnny, welcome back to the DTFH. Let's start off. I want to see if you can identify what this sound is. Okay. I'm listening. Oh, wow.

I think that maybe it was two possible things that could be one of those early field recordings from when they first allowed clubbing of seals in Canada. Yeah. Or it could be a clip from the Oscars. You know what? It's seals. It is. Okay.

Yeah. But now I'll play the clip from the Oscars. God, I'm ready. That's so cool, though, man. It's so amazing to you. So you had that, I guess you had that relaxation CD, the clubbing of the seals. The clubbing of the seals. The one that came with the Canadian club whiskey when they did the expansion pack.

Yeah. That was incredible. And they put still to this day, if I can't sleep, I just play that album and I'm out. Okay. Now here is the, here's the sound from the Oscars. I'm ready. Oh, wow. Okay.

That sounds similar, but not the same. Not quite the same, but to me, that's kind of the remarkable thing. A lot of people are writing about how identical, almost identical, the sound of Chris Rock being slapped by Will Smith is to the clubbing of a baby seal. Yeah. An exciting thing. You know, well, to quote Mark Twain, you know, history doesn't repeat, but it sometimes echoes.

And I was just wondering, what are your thoughts on that? What are the odds that the sound of clubbing a baby seal would be almost identical to the sound of two of the great celebrities of our time? Two of the great celebrities, you know, in a, in a sort of public. Tet-de-tet. Yeah. Tet-de-tet. I would say one of my thoughts on that, you know, it's, it's mixed.

I feel a lot of different things. I feel embarrassed. My, it was my first, my first thought was utter and sheer embarrassment. And then it sort of warmed up to, um, like, uh, walking around outside in circles, being like, okay, what's happening? What happened? How did this happen? Yeah.

How can we, how can this torturous thing happen again? Okay. We already knew it was bad. Unreal. And this, by the way, the circle thing, this, so I, you know, I watch it. I throw my hands up in the air. I go outside. I start walking around in circles.

Circles. And I look over, my neighbor has come outside is walking around in circles. All my neighbors start coming out and everyone just starts walking around in circles. I didn't even know why I was doing it. Then I look around and see everyone has come outside and Walker. And now I'm hearing you are doing it too. What the fuck, man? Like the, the potency of that smack sent so many Americans outside and we all just walked

in circles. Have you ever seen, you know, the whole thing with elephants in the zoo? They do the same thing. I didn't know that. I do. And the elephants are in captivity. They just walk around slowly in circles because they're just, they're losing their minds. It was like that.

Like I, I, when it happened, I, it, I really like, you know, I have a tenuous grip on reality as it is, you know, and in that moment, it felt like I'd been hanging on a branch and and, and Will Smith just came and like pulled my fingers one at a time off the branch until I fell backwards into some abyss. Yeah. I, I say I felt a similar way. It was less of an abyss and more of like, um, like, uh, if I had taken a step forward and if my, my, uh, foot, instead of hitting the ground went through and I just flipped

upside down. And if it was daylight, it became nighttime. Fuck. Fuck. Just flipped. So you just had a reversal, basically. You just felt like your, your day turned into night, your night turned into day. Yeah.

Yeah. Music started playing backwards. Yeah. Um, I suddenly want, I suddenly found shrimp to be good, delicious things. I don't know, I'm a big shrimp guy, but I like, was like, man, I could actually, I think I like shrimp. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

So you got fucked up. Yeah. I got fucked up. Are you okay now? Are you doing better? That's the question is, are you okay? That's what we're asking ourselves. Uh, I've been watching a lot of old vintage John Stewart clips from the, from pre-911.

Yeah. That really helps a lot. Oh my God. Oh my God. Or so not pre-911, but I guess all around, not, not around 911, but way before 911 and when, after we, we stopped caring about 911. Yeah. It was like kind of like, okay, you know, that happened, but let's, let's get back to

the business. Those old Stewart clips, pre-911, man, it's like when you, I don't know if you've ever had Jock-Itch, but for me, like when I'm really spiraling, it feels like that first spray. It stings a little bit, but it cools you down. Yeah. Exactly. Oh man.

Yeah. I, you know, I, I gotta tell you, man, uh, one of the things that did give me a little bit of relief as I, uh, as I, along with so many other Americans have just been spiraling since that moment. One of the things that did give me some relief was, uh, your poem about the incident. And I wondered if you could share a little bit of it for the folks who don't subscribe to it. There's a wonderful blog at Vlogspot.

Uh, yeah. Well, I mean, it's a private one. I, I haven't made it public yet. I'm still workshopping. Oh shit. I'm sorry. Do you want me to delete that? No, it's fine actually.

Cause I've just been, everything's a work in progress. The idea that it would be finished or something is ridiculous. Why would it be finished? I love that. Yeah. That's very, it's, I love that. You know, I think like not to diverge too much, but I think we have him programmed to think things have some kind of like ending.

That's one of the, I think byproducts of movies and TV shows is that things, we, we have the idea that things resolve when, when they don't. Um, but anyway, could you just, I'll launch into it. Launch into it. Thanks. Screech of the tires as the world turns, picking up the macaroon, the cream motion blur. I turn off the TV and look to my side deep in a pillow lies an old glider hide, slick and fast from uses over the years, pull it up tight like a hat down over the ears.

I'm out. I'm up. In through the air, flipping, slipping, splashing, ripping out my hair. What did I just see in front of me on this big 75 inch Costco purchased flat screen TV? Could it be just a visage that is warped from a dream or just outtakes an NFT sort of like a slice of rotted cream, but it's neither it's nor as I bust out the door, looking in the air across everywhere circles galore, the neighbors spinning beards and mustaches a twist.

I lay to the ground one knee, then two concrete is kissed. Oh God, Johnny. Thank you. It's just, it's so brave because a lot of us, we don't have the words. I'm just a vessel. I can feel that. Hold on. It's okay.

Take all the time you need. Thanks. I just. I need to process. I love them both so much. I love Will Smith. I love Will Smith. The thing is that the thing that really gets me is that people don't understand just how

much struggling it was going on, the amount of struggle to deal with the disability. And these struggles and Chris Rock is so funny. He made me laugh. He made me laugh. He made me laugh too. I think about both people and I feel like why do we have to choose? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's okay. Let's take a break. Let's just get.

Okay. And we're back. Hey Duncan. Great to see you. Good to see you Johnny. Wow. Oh, wow. Sun is shining.

Yeah. The sun is shining. And what a fucking week, man. It was. What a week. It was on week. Schumer. Okay.

And we're back. Sorry. A little technical error there gang. Great. No problem. I'm fine. Everything's on the level now. It's okay.

No problem. Dude. Man. I don't have a fucking. You. You. You. I've been really actually like, um, the while, while, well west quite a bit.

It was Kenneth Branagh, um, who wrote Belfast. Uh, he just, you know, wrote that and that's also. Uh, do I have to see Kenneth Branagh and we'll smell together after. I would have 20 years. That's some. Okay. Well, it's two days later gang. And, uh, I think we've finally gotten our shit together.

Sorry about that. I know a lot of y'all are probably. Feeling the, the tsunami, the emotional tsunami from the incident. Sunday. And we won't go into any more detail about it or talk about it. Johnny, how was the road? I know you went out recently. Why don't you tell me a little bit about it?

It was pretty good. It was, I forgot how exhausting it is. It's like a thing where I forgot how much I, uh, I'm not good at driving. Oh fuck. You were driving from show to show. Every day, every day. Oh baby. That's hardcore.

That's hardcore, man. Fuck. Fuck. I remember that. Jesus Christ. You drive to the show. You check into your hotel. Anything goes wrong.

You're so fucked, man. Like. Because you have every time, every second is precious. You got to have it to like. Yeah. You compress. You just got to have. And also the best thing is how much utter trash food.

I just ate some food where I got to have something. What'd you eat? The worst thing I think was probably some. Oh my God. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. Um, when you go to a place that has pizza and you get something called a flatbread. I remember we got a flatbread. Flatbread's like where they basically hit the pizza dough.

They put a bunch of like mashed garlic on it. Maybe some, uh, some balsamic vinegar and they gave me like a cup of some type of a, I think it was goat cheese dip. Why'd you order that? Because I thought it would be kind of light maybe. Instead of being like a whole pizza. Don't get it. Don't just like, I get it though, man.

You see, I made them. It was a mistake. This is why, this is why my Caesar salad. This is why I get chicken Caesar salad on the fucking road. It's like you get a chicken Caesar. They can't fuck it up. It's, it's so basic. It's very few ingredients.

You get some chicken. You get some lettuce. You get some cheese. And that's it. You don't have to roll the fucking dice because you don't want it. You know what you don't want? If you are going to eat before show, you don't want to get on stage and you, and you like have like food poisoning.

You have to, you could, you know, you don't want, you don't want to have to get on stage and maybe shit your pants. Yeah. I was prepared to do it, but I didn't have to. I mean, we only had a little bit of the, uh, the flatbread garlic with the goat cheese beforehand. I ate the rest of it later, um, over a trash can. Oh my fucking God, man.

That's, that's brave. That's really, but I get it. But by the, what, how many shows in were you when you made that decision? I think I was the last show. Yeah, there you go. By then your mind's a blur. You don't even know what's happening. You're like whirling around.

It's fucking, you don't know. You're in a weird haze. It felt pretty good though. I got to say like four shows in four days. Yeah. I haven't done that in a long time. And by the fourth one, it's weird how, um, because the fourth one they didn't have, uh, it was kind of a last minute tour.

They didn't have the stage set up as well as it should have been. There wasn't, um, there wasn't that lighting. Yeah. And I was like, Hey, uh, there's, there's gotta be some lighting because you can't see the comedian's face. And if you can't see someone's face, that really, that really costs a problem. That's like a real problem if you can't see someone's face. Right.

And so he was like, um, okay, we'll have to kind of like maybe stop down for a second and I'll just stretch. I'm like, yeah, let's do that. That's worth it. And we got one light. They had one light turned on and it still wasn't great, but it made all the world a difference. Holy fuck.

See, that's the, that, that, that version of the road, man is so crazy in that, in that, you know, people are inviting you to come perform. Right. And you, you, like the things that you have grown accustomed to is a comedian, just things that seem obvious. Right. They don't know that. They don't know about the lights.

You know who's a stickler for this shit? Todd, Todd Glass. Todd Glass. Yeah. I remember hearing him say this one time, actually had a conversation with a few people just a few weeks ago about this very night when he came into a show in LA. He was like, Hey guys, a couple of things. You gotta rope off these back seats so they can't go up there.

You gotta have music playing. You gotta have, you gotta do these things. You gotta do them. It's like, do them right now. Do them right now because if you do, you'll make your show a hundred percent better. Yep. You'll make it a hundred percent better. And it's so easy to do because everybody, we always forget that like most people just

will kind of do what they're told if it's reasonable. Yeah. They can say, Oh, you can't sit there. Like, Oh, I'm sorry. I won't sit there. Glass is bar rescue for shows. Like he comes. How many shows is he saved?

Like if there's. I've seen him do it and there's stories of how he does it. I've watched him come in with his ferocity. Like it's, it's hardcore, man. Like he comes in and like, cause he's realized that if you don't have that kind of ferocity, it won't happen. The people. Yeah.

You can't be wishy-washy about it. You can't be, maybe we can do this cause people will be like, Oh, I don't want to do that cause you have to do that. I don't want to do anything. I just don't, I think like probably if you're someone who loves comedy, you're like, maybe I'll put on a show, invite some comics, pay him to come perform. You, your idea of comedy is based on your love of it. You don't understand that it's like you actually have to have these certain things for it to

work. Like, and you know, the, the weird novelty shows people do, do it at a fucking laundromat or whatever. Cause they know about those. And so from those, they, they assume like, ah, you don't really need anything other than a dude on stage. Like you don't even need a mic. Just somebody up there talking.

It'll be funny. It's one thing if you're going to perform for the, the troops or something like that, where it's people who just, yeah, man, anything you can do, we will appreciate it. Cause we're out here in a bunker and that's different than being a bunch of drunk people in like Mississippi who are, who are ready to be like five seconds behind you and scream shit because they feel like they can, because the environment doesn't tell them that they can. Right.

Or they're like, Hey, we're going to put a band up in front of you. That's always fucking fun. Remember that? I remember that one time. Yeah. And we were trying to figure out like, why is this not work? It's, oh, it's because it's like sapping all the energy from people because it's, you have to pay attention to this.

Yep. Right. Exactly. By the time you get up there, they've been watching like an hour of a quartet and it's like they're exhausted. They were paying attention, but you get the idea, but the idea behind it is always steeped in the love of comedy. This idea of like, man, this is going to be fucking artistic and beautiful.

I'm going to have a noise band before you all go up. Yeah. A noise band and then you're going to go up and it's going to be incredible. You got to follow a fucking noise band, someone playing like pigs, squealing backwards. Have you done that? No. It just seems like something that would end up encountering. Band afterwards.

Band afterwards can be pretty fun though. Yeah. Band afterwards. I think it's a rock out. If you want to stay, you can stay. I did this show years ago in Boston. This is a great band called Bruvz, B-R-U-V-S. They have like this, it's like a duo or a trio.

It sounds like very 90s kind of alternative rock. They played after the show. They just like gung-ho, just brought all their stuff in right afterwards. That's cool. And they played and it was so much fun because it was after the show and we're all just hanging out watching this really loud band play and a bunch of cops were there and shit and they were enjoying it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's cool. You know, like stories of comics like Neil Hamburger are pretty awesome because he's someone who like was forged in that kind of situation. Yeah. It's so different. Right? Who did he open up for?

He used to open up for... Maybe Tool or something. Something like that. Like Tool or something. Like Neil Hamburger. Just like super famous, super hardcore rock bands where no one's expecting a comedian and he would go up in front of these like hostile audiences. I'm guessing hostile.

I don't know. Oh, at least it's not super friendly. It's not like if you had to write down like here's where you want to be is like going up in front of Tool trying to tell jokes. God, I think about that now because there's so many comics who've opened for bands. I don't get... That sounds so scary to me. I think I would be so scared the first probably first five shows.

I guess it's... You know, that's... I think that's one of the crazy things about comedy is like, you know, all... If you can survive opening up for Tool mentally and physically, then after that you're going to be... Look at Neil Hamburger. He's a... That is a bulletproof comedian.

Yeah. He's a comedian who is like, I can't imagine anything like knocking him off course or any... Well, we are talking about Neil Hamburger, who is not an actual person. You know what I mean? Right. Like, I think that's a big part of it is because you have a character. Character is different than a person. But also, I mean, sometimes you think about like Larry the Cable Guy, right?

That's a character. It's not a person. But that's... The character is why he's so successful is because you have this character you do and it's just... People know it's a character, but they don't care. They don't care. Yeah.

That's one of the interesting branches on the comedy tree where people take on a persona. Andy... I guess Andy Kaufman, you could say, did that. Yeah. Well, because Tony Clifton's a persona. Tony Clifton. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. That's really cool, man. I mean, it's like very liberating, right? Like the moment you decide to come out as somebody else, you're sort of unburdened of the need to reflect your ego. Protect your ego. Right. Yeah.

Is that why... Is that something you like about acting? Is that why you like acting? It kidding me a hundred percent because it's that thing where you don't have to protect anything. You're just... You get to be someone else and so you don't have to worry about anything that is said. It's said in the context of that because you're not protecting your ego.

This is why I'm so excited about the fucking metaverse. Everyone makes fun of it. People roll their eyes at it, but my God, it's going to be one of the most liberating things when it perfects itself, when it gets indistinguishable from reality. To be able to go into a simulator as a completely different person, an anonymous person, change your voice, change your gender, whatever you fucking want and just exist as a completely different thing, fully unburdened by your identity, that's going to be really... That's going to be very therapeutic for a lot of people.

Super therapeutic. I mean, it already is happening. People use it all the time for that. I think that's probably why you see all those people who are really into those communities and stuff. A lot of those people have been victims of all different types of psychological abuse and that's what they find. You can say the whole gaming community to some extent, the classical...

Not like now, so much has changed so much because so many people are gaming, but a couple years ago and before that, everyone who was really into games was for the most part kind of an outcast or a nerd or someone who did not really fit in well, but they found this community online through the games where people... You weren't judged on the same characteristics as you would be in real life and so that's why there's people who are so dedicated to it that they just love it so much. Yeah, right. Because it's just a relief.

It's like being a human is so weirdly claustrophobic in the sense that you don't get to pick your avatar. You know what I mean? You could style yourself, you could grow a beard, wear whatever fucking clothes you want, get tattoos, gain a bunch of weight, but you're still you in the sense that the people around you have expectations for you to stay just the way you are, right? You can't wake up tomorrow as like, I don't know, a bullfighter who always speaks Spanish. You got to stay Pemberton.

I got to stay Duncan and that... I don't think people recognize how just burdensome being a human is in that sense, in the sense of like... It's a little burdensome. It's ridiculous because so many people spend so much time and energy trying to alter things about them that are pretty much unchangeable. You think about just skin care alone. Some people have really good skin, some people have really bad skin and the people who have

bad skin are always like, God, I wish I could have good skin and you can do all the things you want. You can drink tons of water. Do all the creams and lotions and stuff, but at the end of the day, fucking January Jones is going to be hung over his fucking look a thousand times better than you just because it's just the nature of that person. It's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit.

It is. It's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. It's ridiculous. And like this, to me, there's so much controversy wrapped up in identity, man. It's like, you get plastic surgery. People are like, fuck you. People will just be like, fuck you plastic surgery.

Look what you did to your fucking face. You're not allowed to do it, man. You're like, you know, there's a huge social stigma against women using Botox. It's stigmatized, dude. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous because any other, like in video games changing your avatar, no one in the game is like, would you fucking change your character's face? No one fucking cares.

But in real life, one of the unspoken rules of being human, you just got to stay in the body you're in the way it is. Yeah. And that's just the way it fucking is. It just upsets the shit out of dumb people. No offense. There's a lot of pride associated with, oh, I haven't done anything. I'm all natural, especially obviously, I mean, women especially have

that that's like a big thing where like, oh, well, I mean, I haven't I'm natural. I haven't done anything. Yeah, yeah. So what? OK, you can do whatever you want to do. So you did do something. You're fucking DNA spun out your flesh in a way that makes you look like you. So you did do something, but you didn't really.

Just whatever the tiny little nano bots that assemble you in every moment are particularly talented. You had fucking nothing to do with it. Like, why would you fucking drink enough water? Shut up. You're symmetrical. See, this is the thing. This is what they're if it's like if suddenly somebody figured out a way to make infinite energy, you know, in a in a in a in a low cost way,

the conspiracy theorists are like, yeah, they take them out right away. There's people who figure out how to do that. But the oil industry, they know that it's possible in any time it starts popping up, they kill the person or the person vanishes or whatever. But similarly, if some method of altering appearance, emerged where all of us could just change into anything that we wanted instantaneously, whoever was coming up with that would be killed by beautiful people. They'd be like, take him fucking out because all he got is that I'm beautiful.

If everyone's beautiful, then it's just my personality. Oh, God forbid you have to just have that. Yeah, that's scary, then, because then you have to actually have have something to say or at least be be friendly or God forbid be polite. Yeah, yeah, we're talking about a fucking economy. It's there's an economy out there, man. There's an economy supplying fucking demand. There's fewer beautiful people than there are like normal people and abnormal people.

That's it's it's it's rare. Otherwise, no one would give a fucking shit about it. And like, you know, you're lucky you get born into that kind of body. You're you're like it's I don't even know what that life must be like. But holy fucking shit, man, if we could all instantaneously just shift, think of what would happen to society society would collapse. Honestly, I think like if that was possible, people like Putin, they would not do war anymore.

You know what I mean? If Putin could suddenly just transform into a beautiful, symmetrical human. Would he still want to be like the leader of Russia? Probably not. Yeah. Microdosing one day, we're going to call it normal dosing. Like when you have a cup of coffee, you don't say I'm micro dosing caffeine. You say I'm having a cup of coffee because coffee has been legal.

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You know what I mean? If Putin could suddenly just transform into a beautiful, symmetrical human, would he still want to be like the leader of Russia? Probably not. Well, it's kind of like the time machine, right? It's a little bit, that story is similar because you have the two divisions of people and the one people are the people who know everything, but they live in the caves and their people remember that scene?

And like, I think it's the one, the early versions of it where they touched the the guy, the time traveler asks about books and she's like, oh, yeah, we have books. And she shows them and he goes to touch one and they just disintegrate because they haven't been touched in eons because they don't read books because they have everything taken care of for them. And they they just, you know, fucking the sun. Fucking the sun. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, that is the I think that's the one of the very spooky.

You know, all the creepy shit they feed us about what to be afraid of. They never mentioned this stuff to really be afraid of. They never mentioned the fact that like kids who are on like Adderall, their scores are better in school. They have a chemical advantage over other kids. They don't mention that shit. And some parents can't afford it for their kids. Or some parents don't want to give it to their kids.

They don't mention the fact that like therapies probably already exist for for the super wealthy. Those creams you're talking about. Right. The lotions. You know, like, you know, already. Themself stuff. Themself stuff. Any kind of a genetic treatment.

Yeah. And that right now, you know, classism exists as like, you know, distribution of wealth and medical care. But once people start like amplifying their intelligence with super expensive gene therapies, now we are talking about a weird new race appearing. That what did Nietzsche call it, the Ubermensch? Oh, really? OK. What is that exactly? He has a philosophical idea of it.

But it's like, you know, it's it it inspires a lot of fucking sociopaths. You know, a lot of people who are like, I think it's a kind of being that is like managed to sort of rip off the moral handcuffs, the ethical handcuffs, the the the the laws of whatever culture you happen to be born into. Or are they real? Your morality, what is it based on? Like a free agent of sorts.

A free agent. Yeah. You can move around wherever they want because they're not bound by like supposing laws of society. It's a way people who want to do shitty things excuse it is some kind of like intellectual act. They're like, I'm an Ubermensch. That's why shoplifting or whatever the fuck. I don't have to follow the rules.

I'm probably getting this all wrong, by the way. My apology to my philosophy listeners. But, you know, the point is this is one of the great things we're approaching, man, which is which is a real the species is going to split, man. It's going to fucking split. And it's going to be split between the people who can afford these incredible, like whatever they are, rejuvenation therapies and the people who can't. You're going to have all these beautiful, old, symmetrical people

who are geniuses who can play violin, play piano, tap dance, do backflips, fly an airplane. You know what I mean? Just because they have been all around for thousands of years. I mean, vampires. Yes, it's basically just to describe vampires. Vampires, exactly, dude. That's where we're headed of playing in a fucking super wealthy vampires.

Yeah, my only hope is that I was just thinking about this yesterday is the idea that I mean, I look at TikTok a lot and I feel like I've learned a significant amount from TikTok. OK, because you learn from from watching. I learned from watching. I think most people do learn from watching stuff. And I realized there's so many things I know how to do now, like as far as like cooking stuff that I've just watched it so many times

that I have a memory of I'm going to make this salad today. I've never made it before. But I'm pretty sure I'll make it pretty good the first time because I've watched this video so many times, this guy making this salad. So it's improved your life. Yeah, it's going to improve my life. And maybe maybe that the access to TikTok because it's so much there's so much more information on there

and some more people than there is on Instagram and Twitter combined. Like the amount of information is staggering because you give Instagram is like glamour. It's sexy. It's like all these status, right? Yeah, and Twitter is moral indignation. It's it's essays, all that sort of stuff. Like 100 percent of journalists on Twitter, but only five percent of people is that that's Twitter.

But you have TikTok and you have all these young people on there and a lot of old people now who are doing it and they're doing it with this way. Well, they're on there just like, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to have fun and do it and they're not not expecting anything. I'm just going to try to do this thing. Yeah. And you have a lot of success. And I feel like that that is democratized information in the sense where maybe it'll supplant this idea of these elite and hyper intelligent

vampires, because you have this people have so much access to information. I mean, also I'm talking about my personal algorithm. There's people who see stuff. I get shown stuff sometimes where I'm thinking like this is fucking wrong and weird and like what? Just weird, super dark, doomer shit or like misinformation. Doomer shit. I'm trying some of it's very second to meme fashion.

It's hard to even describe because it's it's communicating through memes. It's not it's not like a thing where a guy saying, did you know that Bill Clinton used to have only one leg and he would use it to to be something like that? It's not okay. Not like bullfaced information. It's it's these weird, mimatic things where they're showing a slide of something playing certain types of music.

OK, and it's super dark because there's a lot of people, a lot of young people now who are mean, you know, about these do the doomers, right? It's like it's like these people who just are very dead set on the fact that because there's so much income and equality for OK, so that we're really interested in that and they talk about it a lot. Black pill. Yeah, that kind of thing, exactly that kind of thing. Anything where it's just very I mean, we used to call them goths, I think,

but they've they've it's changed with the information economy. They're not just into dark music anymore. It's like all this very pessimistic stuff. And they have I suppose they have some reason to believe a lot. That's sure. Well, it's like it's like the like classic goth was a person who was fixated on death and and this fixation like has these roots in Victorian culture. In Victorian culture, it's romantic and they were obsessed with death, too.

And they would have like what do they call it? Memento, Maury or whatever they would have like Memento Maury. Bits of hair from dead people and the pictures with the corpse, which, by the way, if you see these old pictures with the corpse, the corpse, you can always tell the corpse, no matter how well that they've done the work, because the corpse is more in focus, because it's not moving. Whereas like they're a little blurry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, but so you're saying this is evolved where it's like now instead of kind of romantic celebration fetishization of one's own mortality or the it's it's like the same thing, but for society as a whole. Yeah, there's a little bit of incel stuff mixed in there, too. OK, which I just hate to see. I just hate that shit so much because the whole incel stuff, too. I mean, I had a joke about it. I had kind of abandoned it.

I wanted to try to figure out it again. It's just about the idea of if you're an incel, you basically have decided I just don't want to do anything like right. You know, you know, some people get laid who are super symmetrical. But if you're not, it's like, oh, you just have to do stuff. You have to like do anything. Just practice anything. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's a it's a weirdly materialistic philosophy in the sense that it's it's but it's it's also nihilistic. Oh, it's so nihilistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, again, the whole incel thing gets fixed by the metaverse. The whole incel thing gets repaired by it does. Yeah, yeah, by this, by by by in whatever the like, I can kind of see the forms it's going to take, you know, and I get it, man.

People go in the fucking metaverse. People go into VR into what's it called VR chat or whatever. And they're like, this is stupid. This is stupid. This is shitty graphics. You look right like this is dumb. It's just a bunch of fucking kids, whatever. It's fucking stupid. But it's like, yeah, you're right.

Right now it's blurry graphics. We don't have the processing power to like create like real or so close. And then and then, of course, it's going to be augmented reality. Like you will be able to somehow indicate or have something on you that people around you and augmented reality, if they have this setting, they'll see you as a different thing, as a thing you want to be seen versus how you are. And I think it'll get to the point where it's considered rude

to, you know, look at people as they are. Or like, you'll have to ask them, like, do you mind if I look at you without your AR on, you know what I mean, like clothes or something? It's like a form of nudity, except it's your actual body or something like that. And then I think that will probably there will be some intersect with haptic technology so that, you know, when you touch someone's face, you actually feel their AR mask that they're wearing versus their real face. You know, it did somewhere in there.

This kind of incredible liberation will happen for so many people encumbered by their physical form. And like it's it's a it's a plague right now. I mean, it's a plague. People are just horrified by their own bodies. I suppose there's also like the there's some sort of like compromise there where maybe when you do the thing that is the when you put on the mask, like the digital mask, maybe that makes you feel

better about the reality, your actual self somehow. Yeah, because you learn to accept this. I mean, isn't it about acceptance? If you have to find a way to accept who you are, otherwise, you're just destined to be miserable. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. This is the you know, there's so many different ways to do this. You can listen to Tony Robbins.

You can get into Buddhism. You can like all kinds of pathways to all of them are you can get therapy. Yeah, but all of them take time, dedication, money and a lot of energy that a lot of people don't have. But right, just, you know, fill in the blank with whatever the fucking thing is to let a shape shift, polymorph, whatever you want to call it. Just that ability, you know, is going to be so disruptive. You know what I mean?

Because there's going to be people, you know, like the fitness gurus out there who are suddenly like, yeah, whatever. I don't know if I'm going to work on my meat body. Why? I'm just going to like display this thing that I want to be. Maybe you want to work on it so you can stay alive longer to enjoy this thing that you're enjoying. But yeah, possibly you might be, you know, you might want to exercise just to feel you didn't, you know what I mean?

Feel good to feel good. And you're there's a weird, pure form of athleticism that might emerge versus exercising to like try to fit into some image that you think is going to like make you attractive. But yeah, I just think it's like a right now. The the way the way we think, you know, I remember my grandmother telling me once how they at one point they really didn't have electricity. And I was just like trying to wrap my head around that.

Like she got to like be like, fuck, there's electricity. You know, I mean, I knew they had it, but like not like we have it now. I think like, and then we got to experience that with the Internet. A lot of people living today have always lived during the time of the Internet. But the next thing is fucking whatever this thing they're calling the metaverses, which is like, holy fuck, you lived in a time when you were encumbered by form and you drove your own car. Wow, you drove your own fucking car.

Wasn't that dangerous? That's yeah. What are great kids are going to be saying? Yeah, fucking people are dying all the time. You'd see them on the side of the road. We are super crazy, dangerous. Are there stuff I think about that I did as a kid? I don't not know how I'm alive.

There's like 15 things that I've done thinking back to where if I saw a kid doing that, I would just be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. OK, I don't know where your parents are, but you have to stop doing this. Yeah, you can't do that. Like what blow up? Like you can't make a pipe bomb and put it in a hole in the ground just to blow it up in the woods. Oh my god. You can't like, God, you can't climb that 90 foot fir tree

with just climbing it. You can't build this like bike jump in the middle of the street. And like, oh, God, it's just crazy shit. Like so much super dangerous shit that somehow I just didn't didn't get killed or hurt. That shit gets left out, doesn't it? Like it's so easy to forget the peril we put ourselves in as kids.

We you you forget like you look you watch, you know, TV with teenagers and stuff or kids and it really doesn't like we really, really were always on the brink of killing ourselves or being murdered. Like, you know, like when a bully was like, I'll kill you when you were a kid. They kind of meant it. You know what I mean? It's not like they were like just trying to scare you. There were lunatics back then. Remember, did you have a bully?

I had one guy, one guy was really little. Remember, he did that class thing. He picked me up on my my shirt and threw me against a locker. And I was just like, this is real. What? Yeah. I must be like in second grade. Yeah. So could barely remember it. Yeah, it's not like sociopaths turn into sociopaths when they hit puberty. It's like a lot of them.

They just they're all the way through, man. And like warmed up. Dude, I had those fucking water wings, which, by the way, you should not do that to your kid. Like they're bad water wings. Water wings are very dangerous. Yeah. See, this is the kind of thing where I mean, we had a pool when I was growing up and we had the water wings, a constant water wings. You didn't even get in question.

You just throw the fucking water wings on the kid in the pool. Then have your drinks. The kids over there like a rap. No, just the kid doesn't understand that the water wings are what is keeping them afloat. Oh, so they just jump in. They will jump in the pool and just sink to the bottom. Yeah. But I can remember this is one of my earliest memories floating

on St. Simon's Island, Georgia, in a swimming pool floating in my fucking water wings. And this kid just comes up and pulls the fucking tab on the. Just like to sink me, just to sink me. And like and he's watching, you know, like some fucking satanic experiment. You know, one of the things they say is drowning is a silent death. Like by the time a kid starts drowning, you don't hear it. They just go under like no one's paying attention.

But I just think this gets left out in this in like your childhood, like how dangerous a thing it was. It probably still is. But back then and it's really fucking dangerous. But what do you think about that? Because you have kids, do you feel like you have to let them do things that are dangerous because it's how you develop? I think you have to be able to distinguish between like that and neglect.

And I think a lot of people maybe excuse just basic neglect for some kind of like, you know, I'm just letting them learn. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, I like, yes, you you can't be allowed. You have to let the kid like no one's learning to walk without falling down. How about a potato gun? Would you help your kid build a potato gun? What's a potato gun?

I don't remember how it fucking works. It's a big PVC pipe that has a two chambers. There's a barrel and there's a there's a chamber. And inside the chamber, you have a grill igniter, you know, the little red button used to ignite your gas grill. Yeah. You have the wires that go in there to make a spark. And what you do is you already know, it's already a no. Oh, this is a this is a Minnesota thing, probably.

What's everywhere? It's a redneck shit. But you you build this thing, you're the hardware store, and you build it with like, you know, twenty five, thirty bucks with the material and you spray hairspray in there and you close the cap. And then you you push the grill downer button and you have a potato. It's been lodged down in the barrel with a broom pole and you fire that you ignite the air air solids inside the chamber and it shoots a fucking Idaho russet out.

That's cool. And it fucking it makes a very loud sound. That's cool. And the potato turns to dust against a tree. Cool as fuck. It's and we would put like roofing nails in them and shoot out street lights and stuff. Just like your parents weren't the ones showing you how to do that. That was your friends. My my dad took me to the hardware store. What? I begged him.

I was like, can we make the potato gun? I made my mom took me by my mom because she's the redneck. And we went to the hardware store and the guys like, you know, I'm picking out the equipment and he goes, oh, you guys are building the spud gun. OK, you don't want to get this this producer flange. When we built the thing, I one time shot it off. I was looking like, why isn't it sparking? And I looked down the barrel and I want to watch the spark

and a big flame shoots right in my face and almost burns my eyebrows off. Was your dad there? No, he was asleep. See, I think like that it's a very it's look. It's a cool thing your dad did. And it's a roll of the dice. And you are making these calculations with your kids. And sometimes you do need to like let them run amok. Like you have to let them run amok. You have to.

But you have to know it's just, man, like. Our youngest one. I found this like spot on his stomach that I tickle and he laughs. And it's the greatest thing to hear a baby laugh. So I'll take a lemon. It's the best. So I've been doing that on the couch, just not even thinking about it. And then he's like crawling on the floor. I'd come home.

I I start tickling him. He rolls over. He's laughing. And then he just slams his fucking head into the wood floor. Is like just a slap back because that's what that's what babies do. I forgot it's the hard the sound of your infant's head smacking into the hardwood floor in front of your wife. You know what I mean? Because that's going to activate like the collie inside of a mother.

You know what I mean? They're like, fuck you. What the fuck? It doesn't matter. And I'm like, I was tickling him. I didn't know that it's nothing will extinguish the rage. You know, and then also you have to like make sure. Did what if what if you got a concussion sounded like a hard hit? I know kids have.

So then you have to like do the sad study of them where you're like looking at their eyes, making sure they're not wobbly when they walk because that shit happens. Happens to friend Aaron's friend. Sometimes their kid just falls, smacks the head, concussion. One won't start, won't stop crying. Got to go to the fucking hospital. I mean, this is like the reality because they don't they don't know

what they're doing and neither do we. So it's like finding a happy medium in there. And what they are built so damn tough, those toddlers are like. You ever heard stories about a Buster Keaton when he was a kid? No, they used to call him a sack of flour because he was parents had a stage act and he was he was doing stuff since he was like a baby. They would fucking throw this kid around like he was a little little sack of flour. Wow. Just tossing him around like a little fucking

like just a book bag full of beanie babies or something. They love it. Yeah. But you can't bust them. Those sometimes those I wish I could bust them. You can. But go to the go to the cover. Go to the fucking the pediatric ER. You can bust them. They're in there.

They're busted. But they recover fast. They fucking recover. But you don't want to go to the pediatric ER and fucking sucks. What are you going to tell the doctor? Oh, you ever heard of Buster Keaton when you were a kid? They call him a sack of flour. That's why it's the fucking kid in the wall.

You know, but but it is. I'm also like, man, we want like I went sledding with Forest and like so brave, like we built this ramp, fucking launching so high in the air, rolling through through the snow into the brush and like just up and running back to the top of the dude again. So I think you just have to let them do that within reason. That's all basically you have to think to yourself

when I'm talking to the doctor at the ER, are they going to call Child Protective Services when I'm like, well, you see, I wanted him to jump over thorns. He thought it would be cool. And so he landed in thorns. You know, you have to be just that's all you just have to think in that way. Things are different now, man. They don't fuck around at the hospital.

Like they don't fuck around. They like so many shitty parents are out there that when you come in with your kid, they're like listening to what you're saying, but they're looking at the kid just to make sure it's their job to make sure the kids know they must have like a second, a sixth sense about it. They can kind of smell like, you know, smell when someone's covering like, oh, wait, we just he just he just picked up the kerosene.

And we, you know, we didn't know, you know what I mean? They probably have like a they can kind of smell when someone is covering for abuse and when someone is being accidental and when someone's being like truly neglectful. Dude, it's a nightmare. There's a whole podcast series about this. Like I don't know. The emergency rooms and stuff.

A kid fell out of a chair, cracked his skull. They go into the emergency room and like somehow child protective services gets involved, takes the kid. Probably don't listen to this. That's not that sounds like a nightmare to listen to. If I was a parent. Dude, that's what we do as parents. You fucking we actually did you're right.

It has altered my scared. Then you'd be scared of something you probably shouldn't be scared of because that's not going to happen to you. It fucks forensic files up, man. Anytime there's anything with a kid. Oh, I can't even watch this episode. I can't even watch it hardly anymore. I really can't.

You can't. I have trouble. I mean, not the same as you probably, but I know some of the people with kids. I know their kids to where it just it feels like it's too. It's too sad. It's just too like. Abject, it's abjectly. Just, you know, it's one of those things where, yeah, it's it's there's no.

There's it's like so pitiful that it's there's a reason that I can a movie, I think, where they if they want you to let a main character just run ramshot like John Wick, they kill the dog. Yeah, if you kill a kid, that's just so sad. You can't get over the sadness. But the dog is obviously it shows the cruelty of these people he's killing. But it's not this thing where it's not this deep abject like soul wrenching sadness. It's a different kind of thing.

Yep. I do. I I totally get it, man. Like, yeah, the but I hate that shit in the beginning of the movie and they kill the fucking dog. You're just like, fuck you. But you know what? If it's what it takes to let John Wick do John Wick, fine. But you could have come up with another way.

But I get it, man. Have you read nothing works? Have you read The Painted Bird by Yerzy Kaczynski? No. OK. That's that's a mind fuck you. Is this a novel? What is it? Yeah, it's a novel about this kid. I think it's during World War Two, just gets disconnected from his parents

and has to wander through the Eastern European countryside. And it just like is encountering horror after horror after horror until finally whatever made that kid a kid was just gone. And it was now a basically as an adult. And it's an old man. I don't want to ruin it, but it's OK. I'll read it. You know, it just it just like. But it's it's it's one of the most brutal

explorations of that thing you're talking about. Just the the the the reality of what the world does to some kids, like and how just abjectly and completely perfectly unfair that is. Yeah, what are we talking about? I think we're talking about something a few weeks ago. I know something about people were talking about like, oh, this I never had a childhood because and someone was saying how, well, a lot of people never had a childhood.

It's almost like the thing where having being able to have a childhood is an absolute luxury. Right. It's like such a luxury to be able to be at any moment in time where you're just carefree, you know, you can do whatever you want. You can be being fed, you being cared for. That time period is such an incredible luxury because so many people throughout history. It's like, well, mom and dad died.

I'm I'm 14, I guess I'm that's it. It's over now. Now it's now I have to do everything. Dude, there's an animation on YouTube about young chimney sweeps. Oh, God. And you know, again, like I don't know how he veered off here, but like I think it's cool to watch these things because I do think humanity as a whole has evolved. Like we've become a more compassionate species mostly. We're still fucked up.

We're still brutal. You can see that in the news now. But compared to then, which in those days, if your parents died, one option was you become a chimney sweep. And the reason you become a chimney sweep is because your little body could fit up the fucking chimney. And, you know, it's it's basically the animation is just it's an account of one of these of an adult

who used to be one of these chimney sweep kids and then became whatever, a keeper of chimney sweep kids. And like, yeah, basically like he just talking about how like you would have to force them with fire up the fucking chimney. Their legs would get all fucking cut up. And like the more they did, it would eventually callus over. But you'd have to force them to cut their legs over and over again until they got fucking.

And a lot of the times they just get stuck up there and they just die of fright. You know, and like that. Imagine that. Imagine that you fucking hire somebody to clean your chimney. You end up with a fucking Victorian five year old stuck in your. Mad at them. Well, you're doing up there. Get them out of there. How dare you die in the chimney?

How dare you death in our chimney where you have to move now for a fortnight to go someplace else. So as you clean the bones out to burn little boy out of here. Yeah, bloody little boy, the chimney. This is a bastard. Think about that. That was what that was what people were like, man. Like we've we've gone through so many vicious phases.

It's so crazy to think of that. And just the scary thing is to think like, God, damn it. How close are we to returning to that? Like how far away are we from like going back to that level of brutality? Hopefully we get to see it. That's all I care about. Jesus Christ, I just want to see it. You know, I mean, I want to be you want to see the brutality.

I want to be able to see the full arc, you know, coming from rotary phone, coming from all that stuff, seeing, you know, see, remember when my dad got a he got a beeper and then he got a cell phone. Yeah, all these things that change. And then obviously we're where we are now and just be able to live maybe through like a cataclysm. And then see some sort of it would be if it's going to happen, I would love to be able to see it just to see like witness the.

Just witness the the sheer like the thing like the I try. I was hiking one time. I was obviously super, super high off adrenaline. It was one of the first times I did like a big hike and I get to the top there. I'm listening to Philip Glass on a speaker. So it's like just super cinematic. Yeah, with a couple other people get to the top and you look out on this valley. Like we're we're now off the trail.

We're in the middle of fucking nowhere and you look out and you see just this huge expanse of trees and valley and stuff. And what I could think was like was just so much information, so much pure neutrality, like the sheer amount of uncaring neutrality that's out there. This is all this space and things that doesn't give a fuck about if I live or die. Not even like the tiniest bit about me and looking at it. It's like looking into like an abyss or something.

And it felt so like, whoa, shit, so scary. And I kind of feel like it would be interesting to, you know, when you see the thing when you're in the thing that's terrible, you stop for a second and be like, oh, my God, this is. This is like if you were in World War One, you looked out over no man's land for a second, you might get a little high because you're just you're in the sheer terror of existence. Yeah, there's like that.

There's like that moment where it's very, very pure, pure terror. It's almost like you're crossing over into like a God state of some sort. Whoa, right. Yeah, I like that. I mean, you know what, though, if I don't think it is ambivalent, I think actually there's some deep subconscious longing that the forest has for you to die so it can eat you. There you go.

So it's not even ambivalent. It's not neutral. It's like, oh, there's some fucking carbon. You die, die, but come me, but come me, you know, and join us, join us. It's like Evil Dead, too. You know what I mean, the way that like, which was, I think if I had to guess, he was trying to portray what you're talking about, which is what they call Eldritch, Eldritch horror.

He's trying to portray this like the one of the ways of looking at the world, which is this thing is way older than you. Oh, God. And you're barely here and you're mostly just food for it. I mean, you are just food. And also you deserve to be eaten because you've been eating. So like you've been eating it. It's going to eat you.

It gets the last laugh. And so like the way Lovecraft the various like embodies that embodies that thing you're talking the primordial, non-caring, ambivalent, yet consuming face of nature just wants to eat. Give me your atoms. I want to fucking suck your atoms. So cool.

It's like a centrifuge. You know, it wants to spin you into it. And then and then like, and once you've spun into it enough, you're completely forgotten. Like no one even remembers you once you've been spun deep enough into the planet. Good night, everyone. Yeah, it's a children's book I'm working on. It's called Good Night, Everyone.

It's called Good Night, Everyone. And it's about how the forest wants to eat you. I would like to be eaten by a tree, I think. Absolutely. I mean, this is I think this is the other thing. Like really, the horror comes from more of like a delusion regarding your that you're different from that, you know, like you look at it the thing and you're like, this thing is not me.

I'm this other thing that has motivation and feeling and stuff. There's something to me more than this stuff. I'm special. I'm special. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But isn't that what the horror comes from is is really it's more that it's like you're really you're no more special than the rest of it. Yeah, I think for I think when I say horror, I kind of mean like it's delicious.

It's like this delicious horror where you feel for a second, you feel like you aren't you aren't yourself and that feels it feels good. I tell you about that. I told you about that thing where I when I died doing breath work. Yeah, tell me again that when you were doing the holotropic breath work thing. Yeah, I did this breath work class and I never I didn't breath work thing once before like two years ago. And so I was like, I think I kind of understand this.

And the woman doing the class, she was like, you know, you're going to feel your hands are pregnant, tangle a bit. And that's normal. So I was recognized that I was laying on my back, like they say, had headphones on and it was how blank on my legs. It was the only person at home. So I knew I wasn't going to get disturbed or anything. And it was pretty dark in the room and did the whole breath work thing.

It's like she leads it through all the breath work and you keep reading deeper and deeper and deeper. And towards the end, as it's as relieving, I struck my hands really feel like fully numb, I can't feel them. And at some point, I basically like I felt like I was passing out. Like when I when I get my blood drawn a lot of times, I will pass out afterwards. Not during, but afterwards, like, like, like maybe five seconds out after they've taken the needle out, I will black out.

OK. And I go to like a hell realm. It's not like it's sort of like a night. I go to a nightmare for yeah, maybe 15 seconds at the most. And I wake back up and they're like, are you OK? I'm like, oh, I'm always like so grateful to be alive in that moment. Like, oh, thank fucking God, because I was just I was just felt like I was dying. Yeah. And so in this breath work class, at the end of it, I am it's getting very psychedelic, right?

Very psychedelic, very emotional. And at some point, I feel myself going to that same place that I have been before when I've passed out. And it was like a nightmare realm. So this time I went there and I felt like I looked at it and I was like, oh, I'm I'm dying right now. I'm I'm dead. I have just died. And it was funny to me.

It was like this thing where I was laughing at it because I wasn't scared at all. Because in those times when I passed out and gone to the nightmare area, I was terrified, absolutely terrified. But in this case, I felt like super cogent and very like, oh, this is this is nothing. This is doesn't matter. What do you mean? What are you seeing like demons?

Like, what do you mean? How around? Like, it was just like it felt it wasn't so much visual as a feeling. Like, I felt like, oh, I am I have died now, but it's OK that I have died. It's not a terror. It's not like a thing where I should be terribly scared of death. It felt like a thing where when you die, it's just it's OK. And it's totally fine. It's just where you're going to if you're going to go there,

you're going to go there and you can't stop it. And so there's no reason to be afraid of it. Right. I don't know. It was the strangest thing I've ever had happen as far as like one of the most psychedelic, I mean, beyond psychedelic, it felt just incredibly. I mean, it's almost impossible to describe. I mean, it is impossible to describe. Yeah. But the best way I can describe it is I.

Peace. I peace. I I died and it was I was laughing at the idea of dying. To me, the idea of dying was absurd. It made me feel incredibly powerful. The idea where death is not something to be feared. And that's the first thing I've ever felt that. And I didn't I didn't just I felt that I could feel it. Yeah, the death fear thing, man.

It's such a fucking bummer. It's such a burden. It weighs so many people down. They've got they don't want to talk about it even or think about it. And in the reports from near death experience is what you're talking about. Everyone is just universally it's like the best thing that happened to you. Like death is like the best.

You don't want to go back. You're like, fuck that place. It's you know, it's weirdly like you like. It reminds me like the indie stuff. It's like when your dog gets out of the yard, like, you know, these people die and for a second they get out of whatever the fuck this is, which appears to be some kind of yard for sentient beings. And then these beings like, yeah, you got you're not done.

You got to go back. They're sweet. They're loving. But they they send you they send you back into your incarnation. And many people go dragging their fucking feet. They don't want to go back. Yeah, because it's like it makes sense why you wouldn't want to go back. Or if you do go back, it's a thing where you have a different outlook.

I don't I wish I did. I don't think it's changed. I got to remind myself more of the experience, I think it's something or also just do it again. Man, I mean, you're reminding me of the scary idea I add, which was that. Because that, like, if you wanted to really understand. Like if you OK, if you were an alien and you were about to colonize a planet that was already like already had living beings on it, which maybe aliens.

This is one of the problems is like by the time you find an inhabitable planet, probably some kind of sentient life has evolved onto the planet. And meaning that unless you want to be like brutalist, brutal and just wipe them out, if there's any kind of universal compassion or ethical anything. Anyway, if you wanted to study a species on another planet, the best way to study them would be to become one of them, right? To like put yourself in there, become one of them. But also not know that you're a probe, like not know not you need to go in fully human

so that you're like in there and fully get the experience of being a human. And then when you die, the reason you feel so relieved is because you're like, oh, fuck, right. Oh, yeah, right. I was studying that planet with a with a bipedal wingless hominids that we were thinking about colonizing. Yeah, they're assholes. They're fucking horrible. Yeah, I just wipe them out.

You know what? If you ever think about that, like maybe you're the probe. Hmm, I have not thought about that. No, I haven't thought on the probe. I a lot of times have thought that certain people are maybe alien intelligence. Like it seems to me pretty obviously that Mark Twain is probably was probably like a piece of alien intelligence that was sent to do to make changes. Maybe like David Bowie or anyone like that, anyone who's caused a huge shift

in consciousness is maybe a like a person who it's like a a form of an of skin of biological intelligence that's been sent. Or you could also say the opposite, which is super scary to think that someone terrible who's wreaked havoc on the planet is maybe the opposite. It's like different beings who are trying to destroy the Earth by creating some sort of a monster to to kill people and plant all kinds of bad deleterious ideas. Yeah, the the one they called it the I think Crowley talked about this.

He called it the Black Lodge. That there is. Yeah, that there's a there's like a I'm sorry for my thalamites out there. I fuck everything up that I talk about. But basically, the idea is like at the edge of the abyss, there is a lodge like a a temple where these like exactly the people you're talking about, these sorcerers who are like truly just intent on causing chaos and destruction and and and pain and like anti life stuff hang out

and like plan their next shit disturbing mission or whatever. So seeds. So seeds. Yeah, so seeds. I mean, but even then, you know, that seems like a game kind of. You know, there's a kind of playfulness, even in that horrible and then being like that. Because again, it's like how do like if suddenly everyone on planet Earth. Remember, oh, right.

We're not even here. This isn't real. There's no such thing as death. We're maybe in, I don't know, on a spaceship going a very, very long distance and as part of the, you know, keeping. Hive sleep. You have to have a simulation to keep the body from just being destroyed. Or we and we all remember that simultaneously.

We can just there's a way to just blink out. It doesn't even mean you die. You just sort of blink out. You just go back on the ship. Right. How many people would stay here? Like in the people who stayed here, would they be just would they be looked at as like childish or something? Like, you know what I mean?

Like, ah, you guys keep playing mate, believe on the fake fucking planet. We were actually like, we have to get back to work. You know, like how many people would stay on the planet as themselves. If they knew there was no such thing as death as we understand it. We're infinite beings, non encumbered by the physical body, capable of transforming ourselves in anything we want at any moment. Just temporarily engaged in some exploration of mortality. How many people would keep doing the human thing?

I think I would do it for a while if I knew that because I'd have a lot of fun. Yeah, but think of the kind of funny. What kind of fun would you fucking have? That's the scary thing. The type of fun people would start having would be really interesting. Maybe maybe it wouldn't be that great. Actually, it just also depends on the spaceship. Like what's the conditions on the spaceship?

What kind of work are we doing on the spaceship? Are you just going from one situation to another? You're a fucking minor. It's like, well, so it's not even out of the fire and not even out of the front end of the fire. It's out of the the swimming pool into the fucking pit of stakes. You got to get back to work. You got to get back to work.

I'm not going back to work. I'm going to stay here and I'm going to play every instrument. Wake up, Pemberton. Pemberton, get the get that shit off your fucking head, man. We're finally at the asteroid. We got to get you on that fucking thing. You got to start drilling. Xymenite.

You're a Xymenite minor. I would sell out everybody I could to stay like Joe Pinley on on the matrix. Yeah, yeah, you would you would be that guy. No, they just Judas. I'd be Judas. The captain of the ship just wrenches your fucking goggles off and is like, fuck, you know, that's like every incarnation.

It's just the ends with like you think you're dying. And it's just this fucking wrinkly, mean space captain ripping your fucking thing. I mean, like, get out of the bag, get out your car, Pemberton. You got a few using your goggles too much. You got goggled arrangement. You know, you're like, no, I swear. I mean, you and I have a life. I was a comedian on the fucking planet.

What are you talking about? You always do this, smacks you. You start remembering off, fuck, I'm a space minor. I'm not a comedian. I have fucking what happens in the space minor world. What happens if you die in the space minor world? Is it just nothing when you die in the space minor world? That's what see when you put your VR goggles back on.

The first thing it does is inject a memory of you like dying in the space minor world. Then you wake up as a human and you're like, oh, I had that dream again where I was a fucking space minor, you know what I mean? And then you go back to your life and forget that you live your whole life again. Jesus Christ. In between every human incarnation, you do like eight hours of work on a shitty asteroid. Well, oh, my God, that's hell, then. That's what hell is, right?

I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Is it hell? I don't know. I mean, it's something. It's something that's not heaven. It's definitely not heaven. There he goes again, talking about hell. Shut the fuck up and take your space pick, Pemberton. We're sick of you talking about this being heaven or hell. Get to work. So what happens if I take this laser pick and I cut my legs off?

God damn it. Trank him. He's got space delirium. Yeah, it's like, I don't know, but I'm but again, like to me, what's like really hilarious about this line of thinking is this is where we're headed as a species. That's what the fucking Zuckerberg metaverse is. We are about to get to a point where we can mostly abandon life as we know it, you know, and it's just going to get better and better and better.

And the reason that this we're getting to that point is not because where we're at is paradise. You know what I mean? Like it's not because people are content. We're so miserable, we have to burrow into the digital realm and replicate ourselves in some alternate form so we can experience things that we don't have the resources to experience in our current lives. It's going to be so much. It's one of those things that just the idea of it, you can think about

a significant amount of resistance. The kind of thing where it is like two camps of two camps. It's going to be a lot of. There's so much resistance. There already is. There is. There are a lot of you. You're born a dude.

There already is, man. Like the very beginning of it started started. And the resistance is so extreme, so fucking extreme to know you're going to stay the way you were born. You're not changing your fucking. So you're the way you are the way you fucking are the way you were genetically predestined to be these genetic fucking predestination fucking fascists, man. And like if it just wait, just wait, they will try to make laws.

They will try to make it illegal. They already have started made a bunch of laws. I think it's just going to be generational, though, because that stuff takes so much time, you have to wait for those people to die off before you can have a real change, because it's just some people will never. It just doesn't make sense to them. And it's not their fault. It's just never going to make sense, because it's they can't feel it.

It doesn't make sense to them. It feels weird in their body. It just can't comprehend the idea of something being significantly different or things being things changing so fundamentally. Yeah. It's it's too it's too much. And it makes sense why it is. I don't I think that makes sense.

It just takes so much time to transition. The moment the technology is there, the moment there is just like, you know, theoretically, you read like Kurzweil talking about self-assembling nanobot technology, which is essentially what a human being is, is self-assembling nanoswarms of self-assembling nanobots. The the the the moment that we can get into those nanobots and program them is they, you know, I don't know the I'm not a clearly not a biologist, clearly not. But something like our DNA is like a printer, right?

Isn't that kind of how it works? And it's one of the comes we can manipulate the printer. Right. Then we can tell it the next iteration of me. I want it to be this 30 years old. I want you to print this out. You might have to like take certain shits. The printer has new ink or whatever, but like you you.

So the moment it becomes like that, where it's like you mold essentially, I guess you would mold, I don't know what it would look like. But in like two months or three months, what are they? How how how many how much time is it between when you regenerate a new body? I don't know. I thought six years between full cellular regeneration. OK, so you you you you you're going to stay how you are. And then if you want to change, there's going to be six years of transformation.

Now, if we could accelerate that so that it's a month. How many of these old fascist fucks are going to say no, no, no, they're going to change. That's where the hypocrisy will become so clear, which is like all these people who are like digging their heels in regarding human's autonomy over their physical form, their body, their identity, whatever the fuck they want to be. These are going to be the very same people who cut in line to get the therapy because they want to be younger, older, smarter, different eye color, whatever the fuck it is.

And then, you know, and that they'll just be a stampede towards self transformation. Sure, maybe there'll be a couple of like weird old fucks who are like trying to stop it. But not not many. You won't be able to serve like you literally be like, all right, stay old and stay old and fucking like repressive. We don't that's going to be a that's going to be temporary because they'll that'll be a certain period of time. Because then the whole idea of having a body is going to be ludicrous.

Exactly. Yeah. When that happens, then you get in the whole thing. What is the nature of a soul? That's when that shit happens. Yeah, that's the argument where we just can't have. No one can win it or even have it because you can't talk about it until we don't even know what we're arguing about yet because there's not it's not even there.

We don't have the we don't even know what it is. Yeah, to argue for or against. Right. Yeah, we're not quite there yet. But that's going to be scary as hell. It's it is, you know, it is. I think it is going to be but the lead up to it is also going to be so scary that by the time we get to it, I think there'll be a certain like it really meant to me like the the some of the great problems

we're going to run into are all wrapped up in decoding the way human memory works. Oh, my God. Yeah. For you know, so much of a person's identity is their memory. If we can implant memories into a person, then, you know, now we can like change a person's past. If you change a person's past, you can alter the way they're going to be in the future. So like once we get into memory, implantation and or memory extraction. Oh, God, it's going to cut all these fucking problems.

Everyone's like fucking freaking out over gas, which I get. Which I get. But man, it's a funny turn. Just wait. Gas prices. Well, like what like, you know, I think and this is probably idiotic, but I do think you can predict makes predictions based on what people want. And and like from that, you can in these days,

you can almost assemble a timeline based on when people will get that thing that they want. And, you know, right now in Ukraine, the what they keep saying, like, well, if he uses chemical weapons, biological weapons, why, why use chemical weapons? Why use biological weapons? Because it doesn't destroy the infrastructure. You use chemical weapons, biological weapons. You get to keep all the toys.

You know what I mean? And you just the job just becomes body disposal. It's so brutal and fucked up. The problem with a nuclear bomb is it radiates the land for a very long time. Yeah. And the radioactive clouds are going to just blow back to Russia anyway. So it's like it's like attacking yourself. If you use a nice chemical weapon, nice, get some fucking smallpox in there.

Get out, get your soldiers out and just burn the whole fucking population out. It's horrible. But this is why they keep saying you might do this because he gets to keep the stuff and they want the stuff. So but that's so it's such a brutal thing, right? It's brutal. The next iteration of fucking nuclear weapons is going to be some kind of memory implantation bomb.

Drop a like a wave or something, a we're and then suddenly everyone just remembers their Russian. You know what I mean? Everyone's like, oh, I'm right. This Christ. Oh, I'm Chinese. Oh, the planet is Chinese. Like, oh, it's not even like it's like everyone just like, oh, my God,

what the fuck are we thinking with this American thing? We're Chinese. Like we're all part of we're all part of whatever the fucking thing is. Yeah, something like that will come in a virus or some psychotropic fucking virus that just like replaces your your identity with another identity. That's that's sounds like some William Gibson shit right there. Like, you know, the author William Gibson. Yeah, that's just so spooky.

That could happen. I've always think that as much as that's of as possible, I think there's a reason we haven't had any more nuclear bombs since the first two because there's like the human genome just doesn't want it won't let it happen. Yeah. And well, thank God. I mean, we're so like, you're what are you going to do? Nuke your fucking yacht, your condos.

We're going to nuke your fucking like billion dollar secret mansions owned by your like private trust that you have. What are you not going to blow that shit up? You want to keep that you want to keep it, but what you would be awesome. What would be awesome would be to reprogram instead of invade. That would be fucking awesome. And to do it in a way that like just makes the place you're invading like like fawning, you know, there's an accident instead of making everyone

think they're Russian and they're fawning for the leader. They become jazz musicians. It's like, oh, shit. What have we done? The country's obsessed with jazz now. No, no, no, no, like no one fucking understands what happened. Biden comes out. He's got a saxophone.

He's just fucking jazz 100 percent jazz playing jazz. Like Putin's like, oh, my God, what the fuck? We got to fix this. Nobody goes to work. All people do is just jazz. They do jazz until they die, just skeletons, just playing drums and bass and saxophone, just jazz to 100 percent jazz. And you're like the one person who it didn't work on.

Oh, God. That would be hell. You're like what? You wake up, you wake up because you're fucking neighbors playing like Bay like base, you're like, what the fuck? Shut up. And then when it's coming from all of a sudden, the whole neighborhood is like doing improvisational jazz together.

Maybe maybe it's only jazz musicians who are immune to it. So the only people left who are normal or actual jazz musicians. So at first they just think like, wow, man, finally, everyone's getting on this jazz train finally and keep doing it. Like, don't you want to go to sleep sometime? It's like, no, jazz. You're like, just do it there. Like your your friend's got a fucking chopstick in your ear and a mallet.

And you're like, do it. Just do it. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to hear. No more jazz, jazz planet, jazz. That would be how hilarious, Johnny. Thank you so much for thanks for having me on the show. We are going to be in Portland in one tomorrow, tomorrow.

I'm leaving tomorrow evening soon. We'll be in Portland. I'll see you there. See you there. Love you, Johnny. Where can people find you, Johnny Pemberton? You can find me on Instagram and Twitter at my name or you can listen to my podcast. It's live to tape podcast.

It's on, you know, it's on iTunes. This is where it's where all find podcast available, Spotify. You got any shows coming up? Shows with you. Otherwise, I have my solo shows at the at the Elysian. It's Friday, April 22nd, I believe is the right day. That's Minnesota reggae colostomy bag. It's such a good show, Johnny.

You know, I think about that show a lot. It was so moving and good and like inspirational. It's gotten a lot better, too. I think it has. I feel like I can't wait to see it again. Right. Check it out. Beautiful. Johnny, I love you. Thank you so much.

You too. How do you say that? That was Johnny Pemberton, everybody. A big thank you to our sponsors and thank you for listening. Come see us in Portland this weekend. I've got a lot of shows coming up. Check out my website. God bless you for listening.

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Check out the latest in store and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JCPenney. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, JCPenney. Family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two. We do it all in style. Dresses, suiting and plenty of color to play with.

Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claiborne, Worthington, Stafford and Jay Farrar. Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in store and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JCPenney.