Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 511: Dan Harmon LIVE

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Dan Harmon, super-genius, co-creator of Rick & Morty, and one of Duncan's best friends on earth, re-joins the DTFH! This is a live DTFH from the 2022 Netflix is a Joke festival. Dan & Duncan's new show, Krapopolis, debuts this September on Fox! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Lumi Labs - Visit MicroDose.com and use code DUNCAN at checkout for 30% Off and FREE Shipping on your first order! Feals - Visit feals.com/duncan and get 50% off and FREE shipping on your first order.

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Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in-store, and we're never short on options at jcp.com. All dressed up everywhere to go. JCPenney. Greetings, pals. It is I, Detrusel, a hyper-compressed amalgam

of a variety of metals, meats, and scents that have all been brewed together in one of those new Muskean centrifuges on Mars. I'm transmitting this podcast backwards through time, and I'm excited about this one because it was recorded in the year 2022 in Los Angeles at the Netflix is a joke special with someone that I consider to be one of my best friends on the planet,

as well as a super genius. His name, of course, Dan Harmon. He's the co-creator of Rick and Morty community. I'm going to be on one of his shows called Crap Populous. Most importantly, he joined me for a live DTFH. And that's what this is. Also, if you are listening to this on the week of June 6th, 2022, come and see me.

I'm going to be at the Helium Comedy Club with Johnny Pemberton in Philadelphia. And then I'm going to be at Rosemont, Illinois at Zanies. I hope you'll come and see me do stand-up comedy. Also, if you're listening to this June of 2022, can I recommend wrapping your feet in tinfoil on the night of the 21st? And now, everybody, welcome to the DTFH, Dan Harmon.

Welcome, welcome on you, that you are with us. Shake hands, no need to be blue. Welcome to you. It's the DTFH. DTFH. Our guest for tonight is one of the funniest people that I've ever met in my life. And he's one of my best friends.

Everybody, a round of applause for Dan Harmon, everybody. Let him hear it. Dan Harmon! You didn't say anything in the last 15 minutes that I need to know in order to. No. OK. I mean, I was talking about the new documentary

on John Wayne Gacy on Netflix. Oh, I've been watching that. Oh, my god. Can you fucking imagine? The tapes? I didn't get. I'm in the first episode. And I just got to the part where the guy who survived,

the guy who was down in the basement with him. Oh, my god. Oh, there was a funny moment. I was watching it with Cody and the guy who, the billiard guy, who was like, and then he says, how about we raise the stakes? I'll perform a sex act on you if you win. But if you lose, you perform a sex act on me.

And Cody was paying half attention. Cody's my partner who was in bed. She was like, why is he bragging about that? She thought he. I was like, no, John Wayne Gacy made that offer. She thought the guy, she thought this random guy's claim to fame was this one time I cornered John Wayne Gacy. I was going to fuck the hell out of him.

What an amazing hero that guy would be if he was, not because of the actor of doing that, but because of the pride he would have retained, like a Teflon tile through all of that atmosphere. 40 years of fucking true crimes. Yeah, so then I said to him, tell you what, I eight ball cornered pocket. I suck your dick, eight ball other pocket.

You suck my dick. I said it, and Cody was like, why is he so proud of that? What, okay, what? I know that's not how pool works. I know you don't just put the eight ball in different pockets. What do you think? Young, okay, young Dan Harmon. Thank you.

Yeah, well, no, I think you don't have any internal soul. Shit, that's so embarrassing. I thought you were addressing me. No, you're young now, but an even younger version of you ends up like somehow you end up at John Wayne Gacy's house and you're in the basement. You're younger though. You're like, I don't know, 1918.

You're in the basement with John Wayne Gacy. He's somehow charismatic. He was into politics. He's running this weird serial killer game on you. He's telling you he's like good friends. The JCs were the Dungeons and Dragons of the early 70s. Yeah, I mean, it was, he had barbecues and he was in the Democratic, I don't know.

He was a clown. This stuff was huge in the early 70s. Yeah, no matter what anybody says about John Wayne Gacy, he was a great clown. If you were a fat white man that was a clown and was in the JCs. People loved you. Like initially, it wasn't going to be a horror story.

It was going to be like this cool family story. It was the Camaro of not having a car. Being a clown. And just owning a van that said concrete on it. And clown paint used to be way more expensive. So it's like status. So you're, yeah, I've got to get back to this. I met John Wayne Gacy's house.

Yeah. And, but you're, it's not like you're, like you're not unnerved. Somehow you look around, you see the Tiki bar and you're kind of like, this guy's kind of cool. You end up in the basement with him. He's got a certificate that he studies homosexuality and he offers you that bet.

What do you say? I don't know, I don't want, because I think I would be like, okay. But there's no, did you hear the nature of the bet? No, I think I'm enough of a coward and I'm a people pleaser. So I think I would be like, okay, we'll do the bet. Well, I think I'm so sexually inexperienced

that I fail to see the difference between me performing sex on you and you performing it on me. So I feel like I would be all caught up in that, wait a minute. I think, it sounds like no matter what, we're fucking. I'm not sophisticated enough that I understand, like, well, if your pinky's out, you're getting fucked.

I would just be like, if I'm sucking your dick and then the next day you tell everyone you fucked me, I'm not gonna be like, you liar, I blew you. I'd be like, yeah, it's fair enough, we've had mostly sex. We touched more than a zookeeper, touches penguins. That would be the best part of the documentary, someone being like, look, I touched John Wayne Gacy more than a zookeeper touches penguins

and everyone's like, what does that mean? But wait, are you saying, can you be serious though? Would you or would you not, would you say yes to that bet? Yes, I'm a people pleaser. I would want him to like me and I'm not good at pool. So I would just be like, I guess I'm gonna be fucking you, man or whatever. I don't know, again, I agree.

And also I think the sex act part, I think that guy was saying sex act to replace whatever the real deal was. Like, I think John Wayne Gacy. Oh, do you think he was like, you blow, okay. I think he was like, you let me rub my comment to your face. Like you think he got maybe specific. Very specific.

And that's the guy said sex act. He made it like truth or dare, like you lick an ashtray versus I'll put my finger in a pine cone, he made it interesting. Yeah, cause this is a clown serial killer. It's not like he's gonna be like, I will perform a sex act on you or you will perform a sex act on me.

He was being specific. I didn't even realize that. I was like, God, what an innocent decade. Even murderers that are going to bury you after fucking you in their cross place, they just refer to it as a sex act. But I never even occurred to me that he was censoring it. He was censoring it.

And it's probably why he's alive to censor it is because of his inherently, inherent decorum. Yeah, I think that's, I do think that's why I survived. Like I, and I under, like the people who didn't make it, I relate to them. It makes me wanna now ask that guy, what did he say? Yeah, I would love to know. Like what did he offer?

Because I wanna know, because I fear what you're saying. Like I think I'm a very manipulatable, pressurable person. Yeah. And I'm confident that I'm not so manipulatable and pressurable that if another grown man offered to do a sex act on me, that I would be like swept up in the moment. Right.

But no one ever says that. You never know. People say different stuff. Yeah, you never know. And, and you know, people like that are good at it. He would have said like, have you ever had a rising pony? No, what's that? You've, you, you haven't had a rising pony?

No, what is it? I don't know. Maybe I have. Well, let's make this interesting. All right. Stars and stripes. Yeah. Out tonight.

Lucky Lou. Yeah. Left versus right. Yeah. I sink a three ball, a rising pony. You sink the two ball, bling, bling, bony. You don't know what these things mean? Can I have another drink?

And you work in, what did you say you do? I'm a camp counselor. You work in camp counseling and you don't know what to write? I'll do anything you want. Sorry. I got to call my cool camp counseling friends. No, no, no, no. I'm really lonely.

No, you don't want me to? No. I mean, I like you. Remind me of my dad a little bit. I don't know. Can we just play pool? I just, I had this hotline installed to all the top camp counselors in the nation.

Wow. I'm in the JC's. That's. So you have an all hang it up. What do you do? I mean, just based on your understanding of me. Well, a rising pony is when the man takes his rightful position across another man's breast.

Yeah. Embraces both of their equal masculinity. Oh, you ride me like a rising pony. I raise you like a pony. We rise together. Gotham's Reckoning. Let's play pool. That's what he's praying as guys that are just like,

I just want to play pool. OK, I'm fine. Whatever, man, we'll play. I'll give you a triple sand chest and clip the thing. All right, I'm so bored. I want to play pool as a Tiki bar. OK, so. The flame also rises.

People like John Wayne Gacy, I think they exist, or they get to exist because people like us don't believe that it can go that bad, that it can go that far south, that someone goes from being just a typical douchebag to being a kind of praying mantis that is like strangling people and burying them in their basement. So all the people you've met and all of your experience

is like one of the great comedy writers alive today. Have you ever found yourself in the presence of someone where you realize this person is legitimately evil? I mean, it's probably been like airport shuttles. Right. That's where they all are. Yeah, yeah, not like, I don't know, I'm sorry. It's a disappointing answer, but the answer is probably yeah,

but I'm so old, I don't remember. Yeah, no, I mean, I would have the same answer. I mean, I just think like the shit that's going on in the world right now, it's like we just got it. Fauci is saying we're out of the pandemic phase and almost on schedule. To add a new worry to our list of worries, every single one of us now has to slightly,

in the back of our heads, worry about a nuclear war. And I think about how wild that is. And I try to think about like Vladimir Putin. And I try to think like, how do you get to that? What is he like? Like, who is that person? Who's someone who's like just launching missiles? Who's someone who's like, let's do a kind of World War II

thing again, see what happens. And to me, I think, oh my god, is it the reason that's surprising to me? Because I'm sort of brainwashed into believing that that's not out there when it's so out there, like so many different John Wayne Gacy, so many different murderous people, so many different people who are like,

your whole ethical, humanist, bullshit system is so dumb. It's so dumb. We're here to get power and destroy. Wish I had a question to follow that up. I don't even know why I did that. I remembered somebody that I was like, oh shit, this guy's evil, but he's definitely my friend's manager. So I was like, oh my god, really?

I assume since he's evil, he'd sue me if I mentioned his name. That's what they do. That's the greatest trial ever. He has to prove he's not evil. That's a great trial. No, you know, I, OK, Carl, did you ever get into the Carlos Castaneda books?

No. Don Juan. Basically, it's a sorcerer who, an anthropologist meets a sorcerer, and the sorcerer does really strange things. I like the books, but at some point it gets to this place where the sorcerer, as part of one of the rituals, is sewing lizard eyes shut.

That's part of the ritual. And I've talked to people about it who liked those books. They were offended. The lizards asked to have their eyes sewn shut. It's like, what are you talking about? They're lizards. They don't talk. It's a lizard.

But I was talking to someone who? Well, you know, the core of the entire brain is the victim-blaming lobe. The what? Nothing. Say it again. Wait, what? It's a victim-blaming lobe.

It doesn't matter. Just the acoustics aren't good for new ones. What's a victim-blaming lobe? It's stupid. It's victim-blaming to say that a lizard wants its eyes glued shut. And I don't know. Oh, whoa!

Add to that. I'm drunk. I haven't been in front of a live audience in three years. And you get what happened. He hasn't been in front of a live audience in three years. Do you want to murder or fuck me? A tremendous thank you to Loomi Labs for supporting this episode of the DTFH.

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Why are you? Dan, we got off course. And as I'm thinking about doing this podcast with you, I realized that my question, like the core of what I want to talk to you about might embarrass you. And so I'm sorry. It's not like a scandalous embarrassment because you're humble.

But I think you might be the funniest person I ever met in my life. You mentioned that and it killed my, you heard how they responded. You made that part of my intro and I'm, I think it made them clap more quietly when I came on. And I'm on your side. I'm on your side because that's a crazy thing

to ask people to acknowledge by clapping. Here he is. He's a philosopher. He cured cancer. Robin Thicke. And you'd be like, it wouldn't matter what you thought. You'd be like, go on. That would be your response because there

would be a hyperbolic intro. You'd be reserving your right to invest. You, there have been so many times as a comedian. But that's a very nice thing to say. Well, it's, I, but. Interpersonally. Interpersonally. But as a comedian, you know, I, it just,

it's being around you sometimes when you're like, suddenly you're just saying the funniest thing, but you're not saying the funniest thing like every year, like I do, you're doing it like every couple of minutes or seconds, it's like what's, it's like a computer that's throwing out the funniest thing. And what, what do you like, you clearly, I mean, all my, whatever that may be aside,

obviously you've made a whole life out of this ability. And you've created some of the, some of the, some shows that like are the funniest things I've ever seen. And I'm sorry, this is such a lame question, but I just wonder, do you ever, you're smoking. Do you, do you, what are you talking? Do you ever go meta with it and think to yourself, what is, what is the thing that is doing this?

Like what is the thing that these stories are appearing from? What is the thing that the Harmon's Story Circle, or what is the thing that is making these things live in other people's minds all over the world? Do you ever get meta and think, where's it coming from? What is it? Well, I have a, I have a really, really, I have a really sad answer to that question,

because I'm obsessed with my sister's disability. Can I just leave that there? That's your answer? My older sister was born with a syndrome that I researched and like it was like what the, there's a, it has to do with all these sheaths and chemicals and things and I kind of got it in my, cause I want to torture myself with believing

that the reason my older sister is deprived of my life is because I stole her brain. In absentia, I'm her younger brother, I'm not like a villain. I stole it like a wizard. That's, Dan, a wizard can be a villain. I know, I have a real answer. It's like, it's like, there's a real chemical answer

to that, cause there's like chemicals that like in the right, in the wrong combination, they can like, they, well, every, yeah. Yeah, I have a real answer to that question. It just makes me, it just, it's just, it's just sad. You think it has to do with like, like the forming connections and like your RPMs and things. And then if you, if you got too much of it,

you, you, you're miserable. And if you have not enough of it, you, you get to pay your rent in your 20s. And it's, it's just not fair. Right. All things not fair. That's what I thought. Anytime you've been that funny around me,

I'm like, this isn't fucking fair. I spend so much time trying to make a funny joke. And then, you know, that you're just like, kind of like vomiting out or like, they call out, you know, when people are speaking in tongues. But I don't really, I'm kind of fascinated. I was like, I don't, I don't know what you mean. I don't, I don't perceive myself as a person

that makes jokes though. I don't know what that means. You don't remember when you had those glow in the dark mice on your finger after the last live podcast we did? That sounds like a prop gag. I mean, I, that sounds like, I gave you the mice. It's funny.

Yeah. It sounds like you're the funny one. You provided me with a funny prop. See, that's what someone like you would do. It's like, you gave me the glow in the dark mice. That's the easiest part. Well, I think that's a fair, it sounds like they, they agree. They're like, satisfying answer.

I mean, he's, he's saying I'm very funny. And then his first example is that one time I had a thing on my finger that he gave me. He gave me. Okay. But glow in the dark mice are neutral. It's not like an implicitly funny prop. They could be terrifying.

Imagine if John Wayne Gacy put those motherfuckers on his fingers, they would be in no one. They wouldn't, they wouldn't sell them. No, I just This is mice, those mice, they were like from the dollar store. And there was like, God damn it. What, what happened with that product?

You could buy a box of Yeah. Mice that were fingertip sized. Yeah. And each of them had an independent battery. Right. Or, or were they all connected by a network?

No, they had an independent battery. Oh my God. The, I mean, and then, and then. So before you could ask the question, why would I ever want this? The package, as if in desperation says night blogging. You remember? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a photo of a kid with a hoodie on going. And he's got a little mice lights on his fingers. And it's like night blogging. As if the reason you can't blog at night is because the tops of your fingers aren't lit up. That doesn't, none of that makes sense.

I can't believe you remember that. I want to cry. Cause that was one of my favorite mo in comedy, watching you riff on night blogging at this bar when we're all hammered. I go back all the time and just think like, I'll never be that funny. It was so cool.

But I wasn't doing, it was the product was funny. We were all being funny. I agree. All right. Look, I'm sorry for blowing smoke up. What did you do tonight Natalie? I went to the Netflix festival. Really?

Isn't there a pandemic? No, the pandemic's over. Okay, we'll put a pin in that. Who did you see? I saw Duncan Tressel, some guy came out. Who was he? I don't know. I guess he fucked a baby in a 2006 comedy sketch.

Oh yeah. Why was that fun? Well, they kept arguing with each other about whether one of them was as funny as the other one said he was. Oh, so you had a good time? No, I'm being sarcastic. Natalie.

That was the weirdest thing, Dan. When all of a sudden everyone's like, all these like cute people are at your throat for like dry humping a baby doll. For a truly victimless crime, I can't stress enough, not a real baby. It wasn't even like a good baby doll. It was like a cheap, you skimped on the props.

Certainly wasn't a hot baby. Yeah. I did not ask that that would be expensive, I assume. It was like, go to the dollar store, get me a baby, we're doing this bit. Yeah. I don't, you know, we really shouldn't talk about it. Why?

Well, because this festival's sponsored by a network that pulled out of a movie deal because of that. Are you kidding me? Oh, fuck. But it's okay. They hand out PDFs of my story structure so they can make writers work for minimum wage. Oh, shit.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm 49. If you live long enough, you see everything. Wow. Well, I had no, first of all, I had no idea that you dry humping a baby. Would Netflix pull out of a movie deal?

Oh, yeah. No, it will. They'll probably deny it. I know it will make them do it. It'll make AT&T on it. I know it will make them do it. It'll make AT&T almost ruin your life. It'll make Snickers temporarily pull back.

It'll make, you have the power as a hillbilly to cause a great deal of fucking fluctuation in my tenure. Here's the problem, though. What you'll be creating if you do that and it doesn't kill me all the way is a guy that now gives zero fucks about anyone. Well, don't applaud that.

That sounds, that's silly. Yes! No, but I didn't know. And don't, certainly don't arsineo-woof-woof it. Please don't woof-woof it. I don't mean to shame you, sir. I don't mean to shame your woof-woofs. I just mean I don't deserve the arsineo-woof-woof.

No, I just mean, I don't mean it's a problem. I didn't mean it like a Clint Eastwood way where I'm like, here's the problem. I'm fucking badass. I meant like the problem is I will no longer give the charity. Wow. I might, I might have before.

You might have been able to convince me on a rainy day like, hey, umbrella fund. And now I'm like, fuck all humans. Wow. Which one are you? Are you going to eat me? One of the weirdest, so after that happened, I was at the comedy store.

I was talking to a QAnon person. And as one does, they show up. And this person, maybe not knowing we're friends, brings you up. He's like, you know, look at Dan Harmon, one of the Satanic elite. And having hung out with him is so flattering. He does.

I had to be like, he's not, he's not. Why'd you fuck you, Duncan? You're not. I've hung out with the actual Satanic elite. Okay. What did you call it? Okay. What did you call it?

Did you say he's not Satanic? I said, he called me elite. I said, you're not Satanic elite. You are Satanic. And I'm back to square one with this guy. No, no, I, you know, having hung out with actual like religious Satanists who, by the way, I think they would murder someone who heard a kid.

Like they're so, that's the opposite of like, they're terrifying and they're like sort of, they're awful evil. Because every kid is a potential Satanist, I assume, as with most human society. They're not even trying to recruit. They just have this idea of personal autonomy, free will. I mean, I do think there's like,

there's a really creepy essay by Alistair Crowley called On the Bloody Sacrifice. Highly recommend it. It's an essay about human sacrifice and, but it's anthropological in that he brings in all the world myths, Christianity being one of the primary child sacrifice stories where like that archetype pops up, which is, you know, what is it?

Isaac, you know, Isaac in, what was Isaac's dad's name? Abraham. Yeah, God goes to Abraham says, bring on. The famous, the famous bit. What's the bit? Where God's like, you're gonna stab your kid tomorrow. Yeah. No, come on, G, man.

I've been a, I've been a, I've told the line. I know you have. That's why you gotta stab your kid. The worst. 9 a.m., you ready? Ah, come on, G. What, you go, oh, oh, is that, oh, I get it. You like me tell you gotta stab your kid?

Is that the kind of Christian you're going to be? Or a Jew? I don't know what the, what's the, it's old Testament, right? And then, and then, and then, yeah, we all know the story. And then he's like, about to do it. Boy, I really don't want to stab my kid. And then he's like, and then God's like, psych. Congratulations.

You are 1000th customer. Oh, I feel so good about myself. Yeah. But that, that story is the worst thing that happened to kids, right? Like, because every schizophrenic parent is like, I gotta stab you. I've heard the voice. And you're like, mom, but mom, you're, you're, you're not taking me out of the cell range, right? Yeah, right.

You get, but, but you're going to hear the, the, the stand down. The what? The, the, the all important just kidding part of kill your kid. No. Actually, sometimes that does it. Yeah. I believe that. Yeah.

The newspaper will tell you sometimes they don't get the second part of the order. That, but this was when at the comedy store, when this person was like, seriously saying, was that the light? Did they flat? Yeah. Because, yeah. They flashed the, they flashed the entire, all of the lights in the entire house. No, I know.

I told them to, I told them to flash the lights. So I know what, what time to, we have to, we have to get out of here at nine. We have 30 minutes. So, okay. So you told them, I said flash the lights because I knew if I started, there's a half hour left fluctuate every light in the entire auditorium. I didn't tell them that, but I liked it. It was cool.

It was dramatic. Give me the subtle sign. All right. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm drunk. I'm drunk. I'm sorry.

I am a little too. This is what I'm saying. The, to me, that was one of the first moments, pandemic moments for me where I realized, holy shit, like it wasn't, that was a moment where I realized things are, people are losing their shit. Like that was a moment where I'm like, oh my God, like you, you're not ironically saying that you really believe like in your moment. Sorry.

What, what, what, when someone told me you were part like a, a member of some kind of like satanic elite, it was like knowing you and like knowing you're the furthest thing away from anything that would ever hurt. People tell me that about you. They do. I mean, I'm not kidding. I mean, if I, if I, if I were to mention you, I have 500,000 followers on my Instagram. If I Instagramed a photo of you, tagged you, then statistically some fucking hillbilly

is going to say, he's a Satan. He's in this. Sorry. I know you're also a hillbilly now. I didn't mean to, I don't want to, I don't want to get you in trouble back home. No, no, no. But it, I use that term ignorantly. I don't know.

You're allowed to say it. I don't know where there are hills. There, there, there is some guy, some, some person will go because I'll go, I'll go like, oh, I, I watched, I don't know. Batman nine meets Ant-Man three with Tom Hanks or Colin Hanks. And like, there'll always be one comment that goes like, you know, he's a wizard. Yeah. It's not, you're not.

Yeah. Well, that's so, but that's so for me. And then you'll click on the person's profile and it'll, it won't, you'll find out. They're not kidding. They, they're like vigilant. That's the part that gives me the heebie-jeebies. That's the part that creeps me out, man, because I remember when I was in college that there was a snowstorm and the power went out for like four days.

And I like day, like within like a day, people were already getting weird with no power. Like transformers would flash in the distance and stuff. And it was the, that world without electricity was a, was a really strange world. And so when the witch burning stuff starts popping up like that, right now, because we have power, it's, there's something about it that's for you. It was really fucked up. I can't, I was so dumb and so fucked up, but still it's like, shut the fuck up. There's no, no one's eating adrenochrome.

There's no satanically, please stop. That's not really what's happening. But you used to have fun with that stuff. You used to think that was funny. The satanic stuff? Yeah. Well, I mean, I was, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm saying, like, right. You, we both, like both of us.

Like, like, like you used to, Can I just say this? You would be like, like people think I'm in the Illuminati, like you would tell me. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna troll them by like, Right. You troll. Doing a thing as an Easter egg.

And it's like, look how mad they get. There's, you have to, well, first of all, Satanists have the best cocaine. I hate cocaine. The only good cocaine I've ever had, it came from like authentic Satanist and it was amazing. That's why I could never be a Satanist because I don't have enough self control. I would like OD, but so I'm not denying that Satan, like Satanism is a world, it's one of the world religions. It's a religion. It's a, it's a way of looking at the world that runs counter to Christian ideology and built into it is what I would consider to be some very beautiful things.

Like, I think you would be out of your mind and not recognize within the Satanic philosophy. There's stuff in there that's like really great personal autonomy, respecting other people. I think you, and there's various forms of Satanism, but you have to look at like the, the idea of Lucifer, the romantic Lucifer. Like what, what, what was the great crime? Like not wanting to worship God, right? That was the great crime, I guess, or turning your back on God or something. It was, it's ridiculous. The whole thing is nuts.

So Lucifer is a representation of autonomy is really beautiful. Dan, I said this was a podcast. These are all my lied. These are all members. These are all members of my Satanic. And we just want you to accept Satan, Dan, tell him, hail Satan, let him know. Okay, great. Thank you feels for supporting this episode of the DTFH.

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And if you don't want their tincture, I would recommend their delicious CBD infused mints for a nice clear headed CBD feeling and fresh breath. Thank you, feels. That brings us to the question and answer period. I think we have a little bit of time. Would you mind taking some questions? Of course. Okay. There's a microphone there.

This is going to be anarchy and chaos. But for the last little bit of the show, we've got, let's see here. Wait, we have more time than I thought. Dan, I'm sorry. The reason why I started harping on that was because I never, I never thought you of all people, because you were, you were expressing a sort of almost, I don't want to call it outrage, because that's not a very Duncan word, but you were like, I can't believe these people believe in. I was mad. Did you cross a threshold where you started getting mad about that stuff instead of being tickled by it? Yeah, I got mad because it wasn't funny anymore.

It wasn't some fun thing where you're like, it was like silly or whatever. It's like, wait, you can't believe that. You can't really seriously believe that about my friend. It's not true. It's not true. And I can't believe you're putting me in the position of having to like actually tell you that this person is not like that and that what you're saying is, is crazy. Like, I remember driving home and thinking like, what world am I in that I, it's like, what is the difference between this and the witch trials? What is the difference between this and like Plymouth and like, you know, just hanging out at a pub.

And they were like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I can't believe I accused someone of drinking baby adrenaline. Boy, I went off half cocktail and then I good thing I did that. And then someone I trust told me I was way out of line. And then that and then I'm sure they, they were like, oh, okay. All right. And that's how they learned and they became a great person. These people are fucking idiots, no matter what they believe.

Okay. Okay, wait. Okay. I mean, their, their brains are clay. Right. And you just shape them. That's what the, that's what our evil counterparts look here. The thing that I define evil as, you know, the whole 5% or 10% or 85% or thing.

It's like the model of the, that's what I keep falling back on. It's like the, there's 85% of the people don't know the difference between anything. If you tell them hitting yourself in the head with a hammer is good for you and you catch them at the right time. They'll just, they'll be doing it until you tell them it's not good for them. Right. 10% of the people who always outnumber the 5% 2 to 1, which is the eternal tragedy. 10% of the people use that futility as an excuse to fuck with those people. Right.

They make them hit themselves in the heads with hammers and they say it'll give them a Bitcoin or they like, they're like, hey, hey. And they, and that's where you hear arguments that you've all heard. Like if I don't do it, someone else will. Or this person was, if you're not, you know, or the thing that I just expressed their brains are clay, which and then the 5% are the sad lot who are only as smart as the 10% but are outnumbered 2 to 1. And but who have chosen to bother to spend their lives trying to save the 85% from the 10%, which is kind of the equivalent of saving sand from water, gravity, water. I don't know, pick your metaphor. It depends. I mean, I, I, I, I, in my old age, I go, well, I think I just fluctuate.

I think we have moods. I think I spend a bunch of my time as a 10% and then I have these brief flashes of being a 5%. Right. Why did I bring this up? Open your laptop. Okay, wait. No, but what you just said is actually why I think, and I have no real evidence for this, barely any evidence for it, but I really think there might be secret societies because I think what happens is after like right now we're in a great period because somebody can just be like, I think your friend might be, you know, harvesting adrenochrome.

And I can be like, that's not real. And he can be like, you might be right. But a hundred years ago, a hundred years ago, say that to 300 years. I don't know when the Spanish Inquisition happened, but say that to the wrong people. Someone showing up at your door, dragging you out or like if you didn't fuck a priest, a priest could be like, suck my dick. You know, I don't want to. And the priest is like, maybe you're a witch. You know, all right, I'll suck your dick.

But we're in a time now where that can't happen. Don't you think we're already there? And I don't mean that dramatically. I don't mean that like, we're already there because I'm not using that voice. But don't you think in a certain sense, to the extent that you could identify a threshold, haven't we crossed it a long time ago? Because don't we already live in a world where if you're sitting at a bar and you could be holding a device in your hand that literally has access to all the factual information that you could ever want. Yeah. And you could, you can be in an argument with people.

You'd rather have the argument like you don't. And therefore hysteria has won. Like it turns out you can equip. Yeah. Homosapien with like as much cybernetic access to as much information as you want. I got you. We've, we've got a little bit of a alarmist addiction. I got you.

And, and, and that's how you get the crucible. That's how you get, we like it. We're into it. It spikes our dopamine to be a part of felling a redwood. I quit Twitter because it stopped being about being on the right side of history or the future. And it became, I was like, this hurts my feelings because it makes me feel like a six year old where I'm just all I know is that everyone would enjoy for this moment watching me fall. And, and, and that's what will win out. Silicon Valley has provided us with that Netflix.

Like, like, like they run TV now. They make their TV deals based on algorithms and they, they don't enjoy us. All right, let's close up friends. We don't have, they're flashing because they have to. I, that Dan, just so you know, that was one of the scariest things I ever heard. And I love it. And that's why I love you. But only because I had this planned, it's a little non graceful to jump into this.

But would you freestyle rap for us? Wow. I mean, I can say I will, but I am pretty sure we all know I've got some rhymes in my back pocket. Okay. Dan Harmon. What's that? Yo. Yo.

Yo. Yo. Yo. My name is, oh wait, sorry. Oh, no. Okay. What? Okay.

Wait, I thought you'd, wait. No, it doesn't, what is it? Okay. I thought you'd know when you heard that sound and you sent her out. I don't know why I thought that. I said, yo, 20 times. I mean, I don't. Wait, hold on.

I'll start it here. Hold on. Okay. Sorry. I'm not a DJ. I don't know how to do this. I don't know. This is Ableton.

I've never, I've never usually. Okay. Wait, you pointed? Wait. Yo. Hold on. Is there like a point where I'm supposed to come in? Is it like a,

I don't know. I don't fainted on Ableton. I don't know. You run. I'm sorry. What am I doing? Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Okay.

Wait. I'm sorry. Sorry. Just go whatever you want. I gotta have support for trying to control him. Yeah, yeah. Yo, yo, yo. I got the rhymes.

I got the times. I got your mama's pussy with the squeeze of lines. I got the rim. I got the glass. I got up for breakfast, served your mama's ass. I made eggs and bacon. I ain't faking. I flipped them.

You are. I ain't faking. I flipped them. Pancake griddle, And I'm making more breakfast for everyone all day long. Some people call it volunteer work. That's my song. Volunteer work. Dan Armand everybody, let him hear it.

Yes. It's, um, that was amazing. Let me just, Dan, you are so funny. It's a, well, don't say that. Then they go, well, that's not evidence of that. That's just basic comedy sports improv workshops. I have to do something unprofessional and ask the venue. Do we have 20 minutes?

Am I, we have 20 minutes, right? How much time do we have? 20, 20. Okay, great. So, okay, great. Thank you. Sorry. So we, I got confused with a light signaling system here and lost track of where we're at.

Uh, so we have about 20. Do you mind taking some questions? Can we do some questions? Of course, of course. Okay. We have 20 minutes to take questions. Whoever wants to walk up to the mic and ask a question, if you could do, if you could do everyone a favor and keep the questions brief, that gives more people a chance to ask.

Also, and just to save time because I know a lot of you want to know it wasn't a real baby. Everyone sits down. That's everyone's question. All right. Okay. Go ahead. Hey Duncan. I have a question for you.

Wait, what's your name? Pascal. Nice to meet you. Pleasure. Uh, I'm really happy to be here. Dan, why do you think there's some recent emergence of people talking about flat earth? I don't know. I mean, I, I'm so old it doesn't feel recent anymore.

I, I don't, I don't know why there's a reason. I, I, I would assume it's intersectional with just the general, uh, uh, uh, anyone could answer this. Are you a flat earth or? No, of course not. Yeah. Uh, square earth all the way. Square earth all the way.

I'm, I'm hollow earth. It's six flat earths combined. All seven planes. All right. I mean, it's, I think, you know, it's just like, the, the, the, the, the interesting thing about the flat earth thing is how I believe you would agree that there was a time like remember a long, people are uncomfortable remembering this, but fucking Alex Jones used to be just the guy that was like, Obama's a reptile.

And we were having fun. It was so funny. And flat earth was part of that. It was like, to me, I died. And I think this partly answers your question is because there was a, there was a dopamine spike at a certain point where it was sort of like, you know what? It's a little bit punk rock and fuck you to just suck your thumb and go prove the earth's round.

The anarchist. Before it got connected to our terrible times, it was fun. And I think the rise of it is just a bunch of people that don't know what fun is. Oh, okay. Well, thank you. Thanks for the question. Oh, I love being here. You guys are great.

Thanks for coming. Duncan, Dan, two of my favorite people in the world, man. Thank you. What's your name? William. Great to meet you. You bought my girlfriend and I rounds of drinks at the comedy store about two years ago. Oh.

And we chatted about my grandfather coming on your podcast because he's an Apollo astronaut. Oh, yeah. He's a big fan of Zacharias Sitchin, the Anunnakai. What happened with that? Well, he died. That's what happened, Duncan. Damn it. That's it.

And he walks away. And then you hear a gunshot from the back of the theater. Yeah, he died, Duncan. You didn't respond. I don't remember getting the email. No, we emailed like four times. I don't remember being excited because you insinuated that he had secret information. He did.

He did. He was a big fan of Zacharias Sitchin. He was a big fan of the alien. He went on a Good Morning Britain and talked about, you know, we are the aliens. We are Anunnakai. They brought humans here. They greeted us as a gold mining slave race. All these things.

You had the coolest grandfather. My grandfather was in Carving Birds. Out of wood. Yeah, he was very special to me. And I really wanted him to come on your podcast because it would have been a great fit. I'm sorry. He'd love to talk about aliens, but he did die. He died like six months after we met and we tried to organize it.

It's all good. I would have loved for you to meet him. But I just wanted to bring that information to you one because I thought it was kind of funny. But, you know, you could have talked about all the everything. Just so you know, I can show you emails from 2012. Yeah. From people being like, do you accept Bitcoin donations? And I'm like, what the fuck's Bitcoin?

Imaginary bullshit. Man. So I regret not responding. I'm so sorry. I wish I... I don't blame you at all. I'm just coming here to, you know, be present in this moment and say it to you because I think it's, you know, comedic value that you died and that you could have talked about

aliens and shit. Look, I'm sorry your fucking grandfather died. All right. I'm sorry. I got a lot of emails. All right. What do you want me to do? Fly into hell.

Bring him back again. He's gone. He was an astronaut. He has some secrets. He's gone. All right. We'll leave this over. It's over.

And I think you had to sweeten the kitty of a human life by going, he had some secrets. Thank you. You started to panic. You're like, how can I make his life worth more? Yeah, exactly. He died with microfiche. Yeah. So I come to you both thanking you for being here.

Cheers. Great to see you both. Great to see you. Thank you for the question. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I had his grandfather assassinated.

Hi. Hi. I guess this question is mostly for Dan. When you're building stuff, metric or imperial? Well, metric or metric or imperial in woodwork. Imperial, but not because I don't think metric is valid. Because the hardware store sells everything in imperial. That's it.

That's all it is. I enjoy learning the fractional things. And I recognize that in a proper world, we would all be metric. I do. However, I also recognize that in a proper world, we would all be named Dave. And then why is that, Dan? That would be confusing. Well, let me finish.

Dave just signifies he was a human. And then there's a string of digits after your name. It's like a QR code. Dan, this doesn't sound good. Well, metric system. Anyways, I don't. Thank you. Thank you for the question.

People on Instagram, they think that when you go like, I use three-quarter inch plywood. There are people from Canada that will go like, just go metric. They think that we in America wake up every day and go, fuck metric. I mean, we can't walk into true value and be like, I refuse your system, Uncle Sam. I'm on the right side of history. I will stand here until this plywood is replaced with metric plywood.

Anyway, sorry. No worries. You said that like there's worries, but... We're cool. God, I'm attacking everyone. I'm attacking everyone. It's like three drinks. You can't follow it.

My grandfather was going to tell you secrets about the aliens. I'm attacking. Do you use imperial or metric? It becomes a tick. I want to get a laugh. I'm going to attack people. It's stupid. It's a bad habit.

It's toxic. It's not a trussle audience compatible. They don't mind. They love you. You have a healthy fan base. They're, what's your fucking question? I just wanted to say my dead grandfather also had NASA secrets. I just wanted to say...

God, you son of a bitch. We trusted you. What the... No, but... Okay, so for either of you, if you could snap your fingers and make it so that the world's water supply ran with psilocybin for just one day. Yeah. Would you, and what do you think the effects would be? I got fucking kids.

I mean, in my minus... What do you want, my kids? I thought about this. Mushrooms, hippie. I get it. What do you want? You want my kids to have a bad trip? I thought you might have some questions.

You might get to watch Coco Mellen and see the devil. You can take out the kids. What the fuck kind of question is that? Do I want to poison all the animals? Okay. People fly in planes. Just everybody not important. Just everybody not important except...

But that includes presidents and stuff. But everybody like... That wasn't your question. Your question was would I poison the world's water supply with a psycho act? Just birds flying into the ground. I didn't want to take up all the time explaining all the intricacies of my thought process. But I did think about the children. I did think about the children.

I didn't. Okay, boomers. I think it would be rad. I'm 49. Yeah, man. I come everywhere. Yeah. I think you should put drugs on cartoons.

No, I love... I mean, don't get me wrong. I think mushrooms are great. But I think the general idea that a lot of people who enjoy psychedelics have is like, get mushrooms to Kim Jong-un. And he's going to say, why was I acting like this? When the reality is he's going to be like, why didn't I... I got to shoot missiles now.

This is a thing to do. I just think the idea of them as a universal kind of making people universally benevolent is a little... I mean, I've been possessed by demons on mushrooms. True, true. Yeah, me too. Thank you for the question. Have they done that though? I mean, because you can identify sociopaths, like have they done...

They must have done tests. Giving mushrooms to sociopaths? Because they've kind of clinically proven that people with PTSD benefit from psilocybin. And so like they must have taken like sociopaths and psychopaths and given them mushrooms. I mean, I've never thought about that. Maybe it's another show on Netflix, Dan. We should pitch it. I don't think...

I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I don't know. I think it's a beautiful... I don't know. I don't think that's the answer though, probably. I think it'd be better to put cyanide in the water supply and kill everything on Earth.

Next question. What? This guy... Howdy y'all. My name is Brendan, so... Hi, Brendan. Sorry, I'm looking at the time to make sure we're not running over. They have a show at night.

Oops, sorry. We have ten minutes. I don't know how to stop it. I can go to the tin bomb view. Yo, okay. Angels. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Angels.

Angels. Go ahead. If you could follow me for a second here. So, the other night I was watching the cartoon DuckTales on Disney Plus. Yeah. And I'd never seen it before. I was just kind of checking it out. I've heard everybody loves it.

There was this disclaimer at the beginning of the episode that said, hey, we do not condone the content of this episode, but we think it's important to show and learn from this experience of this episode. And it was about this Spanish conquistador that... He was like a dog conquistador. And he... I know the episode well. You know the episode well.

So, I don't have to explain, but my question is this. Do you think we'll be in a world in the future where Midnight Gospel, Rick and Morty might have some of these disclaimers in the beginning? And how would that make you feel as creators of these episodes? That would make me feel great because you know what Netflix does, they literally delete shit. They don't invite you into the conversation. Thanksgiving, my niece and nephew came over and my family who loves these kids and who

want to parentally guide them wanted to show them Peter Pan. Disney, an ostensibly accountable corporation. I don't know. I guess they've got their eyes on financial prizes. Disney, when they keep Peter Pan on Disney Plus and then when you play it, God, it's the darndest thing. There's just a crawl that says, this shit is racist. And if you're going to watch it, you're going to see a bunch of racist shit because it's

Peter Pan and it's from the 40s. Go fuck yourself. We're not removing it because it's a property. We own it. We make money off of it. Netflix is just like, doesn't exist. That seems stone agey. I just don't.

It feels weird to me that the air blasts a fuck that you're like, like, oh, every mash episode where Klinger wore a dress, Mr. Ed's doing horse face. I don't just put a warning at the top. You're helping me understand something. So when I announced you were going to be on the show, Netflix, they sent me a warning of flyer that they made. And it was like the worst picture of you. Oh my God.

And I literally said to my assistant, I'm like, what the fuck? We're not using that. Now I see why. I mean, I grew up in the 90s where it was the explicit lyrics. And also during the 80s, there was the rise of PG-13. A lot of people that look at the stuff like, I don't think that these were good ways to raise kids, but I don't think that these were corporations being the most responsible corporations in the world.

But I mean, memory-holding art is insane. That to me, it's crazy because you can't undo it. Netflix isn't going to have a referendum where they say, does everyone want to bring back the most racist episode of the office ever? Even 20 years from now. At which point, some of these pretty cool zoomers are going to be like, yeah, I want to see the most racist office ever. I watch a show about a guy who imprisons people in his basement with plexiglass.

I'm down to clown. I can handle it. Down to clown. Give me a warning. I'd like to raise myself. I'm 13. That's a good question. Yeah, so I would love warnings.

I think warnings are great. I think erasure is frightening. Yeah, me too. Great question. Thank you. I think we have time for maybe two more questions. I promised them I'd be out by nine and they have another show to get in. So apologies for those waiting.

Probably only time for two more. Hi, I'm Liv. Hi. It's really cool. I'm talking to you right now. I'm really excited. Great meeting you. My question was just, I love hearing about your family and I wanted to know how you were

doing moving your family to LA, how your kids were and what was the most recent exciting moment that you've realized as a father, especially in these kind of crazy times. And Dan, I'm not sure if you have any kids, but if you do, you can add on to that. Well, I tell Dan about my family a lot. I'll let you answer that, Dan, about my family. Also, I love Erin and yeah, I love her. If she's here, I love your Erin. Thank you.

She's not. She's going to Austin right now because we're probably going to end up moving there. Like we ended up looking at a bunch of houses out here and stuff and it just didn't. But I was so lucky that I even get to look at houses in LA. It's incredible. As far as like a cool, very quick family story, this is like where being a parent becomes incredibly psychedelic. My oldest saw Erin and I getting a horrible fight.

And sometime after that, we're sledding. This is the cool thing about kids in the middle of like whatever. They just say stuff. So you're sledding. Bring the sled up. He goes, Dad, remember that time? He was like, remember when you and mommy got in a big fight? I'm like, yes.

And he goes, Jesus wouldn't get angry like that. Oh, it was fucking intense. It's like God appears in front of you. Like it's the burning bush or whatever. You know, it's like that moment of you're like, I will do everything going forward. Oh my God. That's how you interpreted that. I would have been like, my kid is a sociopath.

What? Why? Manipulating you. You think forest is manipulating me? Whoa. When else do you invoke God except to manipulate people? What do you think he was channeling God? Okay, baby hopper.

Next question. Thank you so much. That was a good question. Time for one more question. Sorry. You should be proud. Thank you so much. Thank you.

All right, guys. I was wondering if we could end it with a quick improv exercise between you two. Here's the setup. John Wayne Gacy needs to fill a room in his house. So we have a potential tenant coming to check out a room, but there's underlying stench. So Dan is John Wayne Gacy. Okay. Duncan, you're a potential tenant.

Okay, great. Awesome. I don't know why I'm coming in. Okay. Hold on. Let me look at the time. I'm sorry, John. I got to look at my watch.

Okay. We have three minutes. I'm already giving space to objects. All right. I mean, obviously we took different workshops. I did never take a fucking improv class. Knocking on the... That's what my parents would do.

You're knocking on the table to represent... You're knocking on a door. Just knocking the door. Knock, knock, knock. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm attacking. I'm always attacking.

Listen, no, it's okay. I just want a room. All right. I didn't know this was an improv lesson. Gacy. Okay. Hey, how's it going? I heard you have a room for rent here.

Yeah. It's pretty much, come on in. Thanks. Wow. Going back there, check it out. I'm in there. Pretty cool. There's wall to wall, walls, and there's stuff.

I'm going to lay out some Cheetos on this counter. Yeah. Facing this mirror. What? I just have to say, you have the most beautiful house I've ever seen. Oh, come on. It's not that great. There's an airport nearby.

Look, I don't believe in upselling. You're going to have some problems here. Okay. There's a plane that comes over all the time. I love planes. I'll tell you the three things I love. Airplanes, clown paintings, and suck and dig. Would you like to see the billiard room?

I love pool. Come on. Thank you everybody for coming out. What a wonderful crowd. Big round of applause for Dan Harmon. Let him hear it. And please, Chris Mansfield. Let him hear it.

Chris Mansfield. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. Have a great night. Thank you for coming. Dan, thank you so much. That was Dan Harmon, everybody. Keep your eye out for Crapopolis, which will be on Fox soon.

Thank you all for listening to the DTFH. And stay tuned in just a few days. We have a podcast with a Taoist monk. Monk Yun Ru. And it blew my mind. I'll see you then. Hare Krishna. We are family.

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