Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 550: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: February 5, 2023

Johnny Pemberton, brilliant comedian, actor, and co=host of the acclaimed podcast The Leather Rose, re-joins the DTFH! You can find The Leather Rose wherever you listen to your podcasts! And be sure to check out Johnny on the new Fallout show, whenever that's available! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: MyBookie - Use code DUNCAN and deposit $50 or more to receive a FREE Instant Cash Bonus! ZipRecruiter - Try for FREE at ZipRecruiter.com/Duncan

DECODING TRANSMISSION Not a vulgar song about getting petty revenge, but when we decoded the pulses, that's exactly what we found. But that wasn't all we found. Two days later, we decoded another transmission. DECODING TRANSMISSION DECODING TRANSMISSION What is going on in here?

Have you been using my wormhole again? You are 3 trillion years old, and you're acting like a million-year-old. Do I smell gamma ray bursts in here? Have you been huffing black holes? You are granted. It's been over 30 years since Earth received that message. 30 long years of complete and utter silence. The silence of space, the ultimate message.

In turn, we'll sit down with Gallagher 39. I used to go through my neighbor's mail and write long, creepy messages to his friends and family. But that was before I started taking Balance of Nature. Now I leave my neighbor's mail undefiled and spend my days drinking tea and reading and playing my flute. My God, my dear sweet God in heaven, I thank you for Balance of Nature.

Ah, go back. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. That was, uh, I don't know what that was. You're listening to the Duggar Dressel Family Hour podcast. With us here is a brilliant comedian, an actor, a, the co-host of the critically acclaimed Leatheroes and an actor in a TV show that's going to blow your mind. And he talks a little bit about it here.

You won't believe it, especially if you're a video game fan. Hey, everybody, come see me do some stand-up comedy, won't you? I am going to be in Nashville, Las Vegas, Kansas City, Cali, Portland, Honolulu, Columbus, Philadelphia, Rosemont, Illinois, San Jose, many others are soon to be listed. You can find them all at DuncanTressel.com. So everybody strap in, get ready,

lighten your slippers, radiate love, triangulate your hands above your face, wear your third eye eyes, and freak out a lot of stone people at a football game. It's Johnny Pemberton. Welcome, welcome on you That you are with us Shake hands, don't need to be blue

Welcome to you It's the DuncanTressel video It's the DuncanTressel video Johnny, welcome back to the DTFH I know you can't talk about it Great to be here Thanks for being here I'm going to lead into this just because

I'm going to have to say it So you are acting in the new fallout show Yeah, I am And you can't say anything, it's super top secret Well, I can't tell you details, yeah Which, by the way, you know, has been personally thrilling And whenever I talk about you, as I often do I say, oh, he's working on something that's pretty big

I'm so proud of you, man I'm excited about it, it's cool It's a very unique thing to be doing, for sure For me, you like to be friends with you And you also are acting in a show Based on one of my favorite video games of all time It's very special Yeah

When I first found out about it, I was like I can't wait to tell, secretly tell you Because I know that for you, that's the weird thing about it Some people have no idea what it is They have no idea Dude, you know, when you're in comedy I don't know if you get this But it's like, sometimes when your friends get big things

There might be somewhere in there Like a twinge of insecurity You know what I mean? But with this one, all I felt was like Pure compersion, pure like Holy fuck That is cool beyond cool And I've been thinking about you a lot

Because I've been watching the Walking Dead series Are you watching the Walking Dead series? Which is fucking incredible Based on one of my favorite comic books And I just keep thinking like, wow It's like, in a weird way You're in the early days of the Walking Dead It could be, it's the potential for that for sure

I'm always, I just always, not hedge my bets But I just always, always try to be like Not everything is nothing, it's just Because you have to be otherwise you get head of yourself True And you get burned, I mean I've been burned a bunch of times Oh my god, like actors have to develop such I don't even know what you would call it

Like if you had to like give a name To that state of consciousness you have to achieve as an actor To not constantly be experienced Idiotcy? It's almost like that It's not like calling it like a hard shell Doesn't even come close to describing Where you have to get at with it

It's like some form of artistic nihilism or something Yeah I don't know, it's weird, it's a good thing Assume that whatever energy you're putting into Anything creatively No matter how far along it seems to have progressed The odds are, until that shizz on the screen It's not gonna happen Yeah, it's like a thing where all you think about

Nothing is real until the check clears Yeah The check has to actually even clear Otherwise it's just some, well that's the case with everything though Kind of in a way, it's just that it's more It's more visible with that world Where you really just, because it's in the control of people It's outside of your hands, it's out of your control completely

Completely out of your control, but you get such a When you're invited to work on something like you're working on And you're drinking of this rare wine It's this nectar that's like, you know it can't last anyway Just because it's a show and shows inevitably end But you just want it to keep going Not just because of the obvious business side of stuff When you get to mesh with so many other talented people

And people who are good at shit that is a completely different On a completely different track than acting When you're working on a show, it's not just actors It's like, you know It's everything, it's the whole thing Yeah, living in the world feels really, it's a fun world to live in I always thought of it kind of like, maybe an unfair comparison But to me it's a version of the military kind of

Where you're consumed by something It's very much like there's this camaraderie The hours are long, there's all this stuff It's in service of something kind of ridiculous maybe Or it's in service of a greater thing Everyone's a part of the greater thing There's obviously a hierarchy And sometimes the hierarchy causes problems

Because the top brass is telling us we gotta fucking move Look, I'm just telling you, they told us we gotta go two clicks down here I know there's no fucking river down there But we gotta go, we gotta go down there And we gotta set up Because it's just like there's always communication errors Where someone at the top doesn't know that they've changed the... You're seeing blue, but it's actually red

It's like, why is it red? It's that kind of stuff, which... It's like the bureaucracy of it is insane It costs a lot of money, it's all... To me, it's like the military without the whole killing thing The fundamental aspect of it Dude, when I'm watching The Walking Dead now And I let the part of my brain that thinks about setting up shots

And I watch where they're at Out in the fucking middle of nowhere in Shitsville And they got a baby They gotta get shots with a living human baby Watching the shots, they choose to use the baby Watching when they set up for a new shot Was that baby gonna turn into a doll? You know what I mean? How long did they get the baby for?

No, the baby is still there, that's a living baby Not the fake baby they have to use sometimes You're just thinking, good God They managed to get that baby for both shots That's crazy, just that alone Not to mention all the cameras and the people And the food and the limited time and the stress And the drama of just like, this has gotta work

This doesn't fucking work We are fucked, this has gotta work I think that's the death part That's the death part Oh yeah, I guess that is sort of the true Yeah, there's like a death aspect But it's not the same, it's not literal Worse than death

When you die, you have to fucking read Rotten Tomato reviews about your life When your fucking show sucks, you gotta You can't go on Rotten Tomato Rotten Tomatoes, Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten I have nothing to do with that shit I'm Rotten, it's Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten Why are you against Rotten Tomatoes?

Because everything gets reviewed on there Is always the opposite of how it actually is Not everything, but so many things Where you think about, like look up Like your top five favorite movies From the past 20 years Like maybe before Rotten Tomatoes And you'll just see like, what?

It's like finding out that someone Hates your favorite restaurant And why they hate it, you're like And this fucking sucks, and this sucks But you remind it's so precious to you It's wild, like the ferocity And pettiness of critics Expectations is just, like you

You know, good critics When you read the analysis of whatever The fuck it is they're reviewing It's more than just a review It's like social commentary You know what I mean, it's educational They're familiar with lineages They have like a perspective

Born from a lifetime Of being like a hardcore cinephile And usually there's a hopefulness In the critique, in the sense They wanted it to work They didn't want something to suck They like it when good stuff comes That versus like, you know

The run of the mill like vlogging critic Who really doesn't like have Like a vast archive In her own mind of like film His film history, influences That's where the pettiness pops in That's where there's like the color The stop sign was faded

And that moment where there was a cat That just, you didn't need the cat Come on, that guy did shit You're like a dog, that guy gets really petty And some of that stuff just reads It reads so much like sour grapes So much stuff does I see that all the time now

Like more and more and I see anyone Being critical of anything Because I have to stop myself all the time From wanting to be critical about something Publicly like on Twitter or whatever Right And I'm thinking like this is like Why don't I care

And if you do publicly say You care about something when you're It's like oh man this shit sucks It's just such a It just looks like sour grapes It looks bad, it's not a It's just a bad energy Very bad energy

Bad attitude Opens yourself up to that exact same Right Ferocity from somebody else It affirms that it's okay to do that It's like you're essentially like Signing up to be dehumanized And dissected by everybody

If you go down the path of bitching about shit At all And you create stuff And it's not your fucking job It's like your job is to make stuff Review it What are you doing? And also so much stuff I realize

I think now I'm like This is just not for me I don't think it's bad or good or anything It's just not, it's not for me You know my assumption usually Is I'm probably dumb Like if I don't like something I just think oh it's more like

This is more related to me being dumb Than it being bad Like it's, you know this is something you get You're probably experiencing this I'm older than you But when you get older You become increasingly comfortable With how dumb you are Oh totally I love it

Me too Yeah You don't try to arm wrestle With some version of yourself that doesn't exist Like you know This is something I just realized Like when I'm reading a book I skim a lot

You do Yeah I'll skim I'll get excited and I'll skim I'll jump through And I used to think I was doing that Because of intelligence Like because when I was in college They taught us how to like

Here's how you read something And grab the main points And then the other day I just realized You're not doing this because you're smart You're doing this because you're dumb Like you're doing this like a hundred percent Because you're dumb And you don't have the attention span

To hang on to the paragraphs That aren't just scratching Whatever fucking itch You're wanting to be scratched at that moment So you're skimming And you're also skimming Because you don't understand what the fuck They're talking about

Reading some book on cells right now So it starts getting into protein folding And like Like a book about cells Or like a science book or a novel It's a fantastic book about cells What's it called? Idiot's Guide to Biology

Okay so that's Now I'm just kidding I'll look it up It's called Hold on one second It's one of those books that like Those very rare books That manages to

It's called The Song of the Cell By Siddhartha Mukherjee And it's really fucking good But it's one of those rare books that like Is the person writing it A genius? Is the person writing it Responsible partially for

Humanity like leading Like leading humanity towards a Less disease to an healthy state Is the person writing it The kind of person who when they were young Thought to themselves I'm gonna try to help Like I'm gonna dedicate my life to

Trying to make sick people better Versus you Who you know are unhappy Because they canceled a show You like an effort Yeah like having that long Long range view type thing Yeah that is what the person is like

That stuff is amazing to me When someone has like that long range Write exactly But they know how to translate All of that All of their knowledge into a way That like people like me Are like this is fucking good

They feel like I'm participating In that person's life Just by reading it You know it's a really rare I've heard someone say that About writing There's two things I've heard To say about writing

One is that It's just you're just a translator You're not like really You're never writing You're just translating You're sort of translating There's some quote from Joyce Carol Oates That

Just thinks she said Something effective I don't know how I feel about something Until I write about it And I always think about that How you know you get Your thoughts are all jumbled About something you're thinking about

Like oh this is that You're just thinking about something Then when you write it out It's either becomes totally ridiculous You're like oh this is the dumbest Stupidest thing I was worrying about Or considering Because you can't find a way to explain it

Because it's not It's bullshit Or it's the opposite Where it starts to unfold And become like oh my god There's so much there There's so much there In this thought

Where it just starts to blossom And blossom like oh my god I could think and talk about this For so long Because there's so much there Yeah man that's where it's good The other one not so great That part where you're like

Some issue that you've always felt Like you have some understanding of Or like you have a resolution Regarding a question That the world might be pondering Over this and that And then you sit down You get the question part out

Or you start writing about the thing And you realize like what's my point Like I don't have a point at all Regarding whatever the fuck I'm saying I just it's a premise That I have no idea how to resolve That's like that for me Those are difficult moments

Where you slam into that wall Like what am I trying to say here Am I trying to say anything Or do I just want to listen to My fingers hit keys Yeah you want to hear your voice You want to hear your voice chime in Resonate with everybody else

I got something to say about that It's like what is it Well I think that It's like when you hear someone Failing on talk radio Because they didn't realize What they had to say And then they realized

Someone that they realized What they say is like terrible It's like very offensive and nasty Or they just have nothing new to add Nothing You know what I mean It's like here's someone falling apart Well I think that when

If these people If they're going to If you're going to allow people to park And sleep Okay if you're going to sleep in your car I don't I have trouble When I would be driving

A long time Caller Can you please make your point It like devolves It'll usually like It's like whatever the awful train was It'll just jump onto a completely different track With a completely different destination

Like it'll go from Yeah people sleeping in cars to like some Completely non-related bowling analogy Because it's personal Yeah yeah yeah You know like when You know Dan He'll go up and get the beer

At the bowling alley And bring it back But he's sipped off of it Like what Okay well We're talking about whether or not Pre-K is right for all children Yeah

You just want You just This time it didn't work You know I get I know that I know what they were hoping for Like you have Every comedian has it

You have it Like you like You throw yourself into the abyss And you hope that some part of your brain That you don't have direct access to Will take over And out of your mouth Will pour words

That combine to make something funny Or even something that makes sense at all And sometimes That part of yourself is on vacation It's just It's out It's on silent mode Comes and goes

Comes and goes I just saw A clip Somebody on Fox News Goes Talking about Pelosi That weirdo bang Pelosi On the head of the hammer

And he goes Is that back in the news now? What? Yeah cause they release the footage That all the conspiracy theorists are like Why don't they release the fucking footage Something weird is going on here And then they release the footage

And it's like It just seems like a weirdo got into his house And he was trying to Keep him at bay by seeming affable And the cops got there And he thought they were going to do something right away And he's like got that look Like yeah we kidnapped

And the cops didn't really do anything And the guy smacks him with a hammer It's really fucked up God damn But it's uh The um The clip is someone on Fox going Look where's the

Like this guy How did he get in the house Like he didn't break into the house And they're like There's footage of him breaking the house And like then Like what do you do then Because he was trying to weave like a

Find something in it And it's like suspicious And then they're just showing the clip Of the guy climbing into his house And he's like Why you got that you Well fuck It's a new year, new you, new photons

Blasting from a brand new sun So give yourself a fresh start With my bookie Whether you bet to earn Or to make the games more exciting My bookie gives you the most for your money With a redesigned deposit bonus Just use promo code Duncan

On a deposit of $50 or more To receive a cash bonus Instantly To your my bookie account Using this bonus as simple Bet your deposit amount just once And you're ready to cash out It's no strings attached

With my bookie Bet on the NFL, UFC Or play for a share of big cash prizes In the weekly online blackjack tournaments With so many brands to choose from You need a platform that makes it simple To bet and win like my bookie Bet anything, anytime, anywhere

With my bookie Thanks my bookie You got that, you, well, fuck I've been glass, is it glass? We don't know there's glass there I mean, you can see it through it But you can see it through air Air and glass are very simple

Look, when I was a kid I didn't always come through the front door That didn't mean I was breaking into my house That's the best one they're like Well, you know, I don't know about you But I tend to unlock the door Who doesn't, why wouldn't you I mean, where's the guys, where's this?

That's what I wanna know Where's the... I mean, look, I've been hitting the head With a hammer by a trust pastor And that's not what it looks like That's not what it looks like You don't just fall down like that You stand

No, you don't just fall down like that Hammer You keep standing It's not a movie When you get hit by a hammer You usually stand You flap your wings around Hammer flaps, what they're called

We're actually going to our field agent Who's at a hammer factory right now Let's talk about these What is a hammer? What is a hammer? Is it a hammer? Would this even be considered a hammer? Would it be something bigger?

Is this a sledgehammer? It's hard to see with a video But what I'm looking at Does not fit into the classic model of hammer Certainly not construction level hammer From what I'm seeing there That could easily be a clown hammer Or a fantasma hammer

Could be a dildo Well, I didn't say that I'm not going to say that Well, it could be a men's Penile insertion device That's used commonly Commonly called a hammer I don't know this

But I've seen I've heard that Sometimes you might call a dildo a hammer You get hammered by this cock You wanted to get hammered By this hammered in your In your puss We do say hammered

In ways that don't necessarily refer to construction Look, I'm going to leave it The Justice Department in this case I don't have any other commentary On the many ways hammers Have been used throughout human history To make people come hard That's fucked

But I'll leave that to the Justice Department Hey, Clare, this is also an example Of flat earth here We're seeing, as you can see The horizon in the background is very flat And you would think this house is on a hill We should see some curvature San Francisco is a very hilly city

So when I'm seeing this footage I'm not seeing a lot of hills And it's making me think Are we really looking at San Francisco? Are we really looking at San Francisco? I don't think we are I've been to San Francisco I've ridden the trolleys

And it's very steep And windy It's windy, it's steep There's a lot of food there I don't see any food being prepared There's food trucks I don't see a food truck None of the police officers

Are holding any food truck items Like, you know, I would expect To see at least one of them With a nice gourmet baguette In their hand Or some kind of taco Korean barbecue fusion But not a single sign of that

Well, the Liberals there The Liberals here They've changed the nature You can't say baguette now You can't say baguette That's a dirty word Well, yeah And then again, this is how

The Chinese government took control Is they started controlling The way people describe bread, food Food in general Especially baguettes I'm gonna keep saying it Baguette I'm gonna keep saying it

China, look out Baguette Come back Baguette Not gonna stop me You wanna call the cops? Go ahead Baguette

But I've got a bunch of hammers And I've got a bunch of baguettes Let's see which one Feels better on your head, okay? Or, oh, yeah I know what you mean by head there And I'll tell you both Both, nothing

When I was a kid If you didn't Your baguette wasn't finished Until you placed it on your head And one of your pals Hit it with a hammer And to smush it all together And then create that baguette warp

Which is supposed to be a concave Like a soup Like a soup bowl Is murder illegal? I don't know Whoa I mean, it's illegal It's illegal

They want it They want to make illegal Illegal They want to make it where If you have to defend They want to make it where You can't defend your home They want, yeah, they do

They want all of us to open our doors Open our windows Put a red carpet down Have an array of weapons Duck tape Harnesses, nooses I don't know what they want They want us to lay that out

And you know what? They want an extra They want to make your house A wheelchair accessible In case some of the people coming in To invade your home Aren't able to get up your steps That's what they're trying to do out there

Here's a new one Out of California A man in a wheelchair Is suing the homeowner Because he couldn't get inside To steal his stuff Because there's no wheelchair ramp And he's winning

And he's winning the lawsuit He's winning and it's big time winning He's going to make a million bucks Now, I think it would be fair to point out That this home invader When he did try to traverse the steps He did fall out of the wheelchair And he did fracture his wrist

So there was an injury involved It's not to say that The man didn't injure himself But I don't think that That should give you recourse The Supreme Court is going to be looking At this case next year I know Governor Gavin Newsom

Is trying to create chair lifts For home invaders The chair lift invader law But yeah, it's out there It's running amok Out there It's insane It's crazy

It's lunacy I don't see it The next election cycle We're not going to see something Like this again Where are you? Johnny, where are you? Are you allowed to say where you're at?

Yeah Where are you? I'm in Brooklyn, baby So you're doing New York winter right now? Sort of You know what? I gotta say this about New York winter I mean, they love to talk a big talk here

It's nothing, baby Oh, Minnesota Yeah, I mean, they say Fucking Minnesota Okay, here we go I'm getting cold I'm getting cold I'm wearing my puffy jacket

When other people are wearing sweatshirts I am freezing my ass off But it's not nearly as cold They're thinking it's also very pretty here There's all kinds of restaurants There's all kinds of stuff So the cold's not a big deal In Minnesota

If you live in a small town in Minnesota Well, there isn't shit to do There's no hills You're just looking at it flat Like frozen corn And it's 20 below zero That's a different kind of cold Than when you're like walking around

There's like nine of the best coffee shops In the world Next to the best restaurants And you like get to look at the river That's flowing It's not frozen No, all the stuff It's all like

It's not that cold here The moment you are walking through And I'm sorry I'm not from fucking Minnesota And the winter I spent in New York Was fucking brutal It's the wind It's the wind

The wind The fucking wind It just spikes you It's thousands of tiny little fucking spikes Being hammered into your fucking pores by demons But the moment you walk in To the most beautiful coffee shop Of all time

You feel like you're in the Emerald City Or some shit You go from that howling hell wind Dude, when it snows But underneath the snow Is a nice fucking murky New York dune puddle Of slushy cold garbage water

And you've stepped in it You're fucking pants are wet But you walk into this heavenly Fucking coffee shop And it's perfectly cozy And perfectly warm Oh my god It's the contrast

Is where it's incredible Yeah, it's pretty great That's very nice All that stuff is I mean, it's just overwhelming Every corner has something That's very, very good And you're there

And the reason you're there Is really fucking cool I mean, but are you Feeling like homesick Or isolated Or lonely Yeah, it's weird It's always weird to be

Not at home Because it's like that thing Where you can't Like I haven't moved here You know what I mean It's like that When you feel like Like the in between state

Is always the weirdest State to be in Yeah Where you know You're leaving some place I'm not on vacation And I'm not going to be here For that much longer

So you can't like settle in Completely, but you also Don't want to live out Of a fucking backpack Like you're camping It's that weird Transitory state That's super

Just like very disorienting You know, it's like very Also, I feel like I kind of realize this The other day Because I grew up in Minnesota Which is considered The Midwest

And I think I realize that There's something about the East Coast That just fundamentally I can't kind of like Get into it There's something about the way That people will like

You'll be walking And someone will kind of Merge with you on the sidewalk And they'll be going The exact same speed as you Right next to you Yeah And I just want to be like

Oh, hey, how are you? But no one You don't talk to the people There's something weird about Not talking to someone Who is in your immediate Like immediate area It feels like it's like

Like a threat or something If you don't talk to the person If you don't acknowledge them It's so bizarre to me I'll never get over that Weird feeling of not I always want to talk to people Like talk to strangers

Because they're so Physically close You're in a hive You're in a herd It's a herd You're like What's the difference Between you and when you see like

Drone shots of the migration Of gazelle or something like that Yeah You're in that You're in a fucking A vein And it's not blood cells It's people

And the people Have trained themselves To ignore each other Because over time Do you know how exhausting it would be To try to carry on micro-conversations With everyone you like Ended up strolling with

Totally Accidentally Oh, God You would be fucking And you would be You would be robbed You would be As soon as that shit started happening

That would just be a new form of criminal That like, you know, sneaks in And walks next to you The conversation criminal Yeah, yeah You would do It opens you up for like You don't know what

So you have to like Yeah, pretend not to notice All of humanity Teaches us to notice How all the songs are about Opening up to others And being with others But you can't

It's... It's suspicious You're gonna see people Who think you're gonna kill them If you were like, hey, what's up? Well, I just pretend to be Like an idiot Someone who's like a simpleton

Like an actual Someone who is... Doesn't... Can't get a driver's license Kind of person Sometimes I'll just be Like a kind of guy Who talks to dogs

Not to humans Just a real simpleton This is where Augmented reality is gonna be great So that like You got your goggles on And you know You can decide

What you're surrounded by It doesn't have to be people It could be dinosaurs Wolves It could be, you know Bees You could just make everyone Else around you

Seem like bees Swarming around you So you don't even feel That sense of Man, that's somebody Who's got a name That's somebody Who's got a life

Just like me I wanna reach out Reach across this void Make contact I wanna touch I wanna talk I wanna ask about Some shoes

Or something like that Or the dog's What really gets me Some people are like Great, beautiful dogs And you kind of feel like Everyone to stop and be Can we just talk about

Your dog for a few minutes here But there seems to be There's just no time To sit there And talk about the dog Dude, I don't fucking Ask to pet someone's dog And you know

I have done it I have done it a couple times But you really have to Kind of read out the situation Or what happens is A bunch of times I've been snubbed Yeah Like, when someone snubs you

That's the worst Like, you see someone With a cool dog breed, right? Like, hey, is that a cata hula? They're like, yeah Like, man, fuck you Like, your dog likes me What's wrong with you?

Yeah, why are you Praying your fucking rare Precious-ass dog around If you don't want people To talk about it What do you expect? But it's like all day long All day long

Is that a cata hula? Is that, you're not the first person To say, is that a fucking cata hula? I think I'm probably the first Five people to say it, maybe That's too many Your dog needs to shit You need to get the dog

Back in your fucking place It's fucking cold You don't even know why You got a goddamn cata hula In New York every day You're asking yourself What was I fucking thinking, man? I've got to walk up

I got to take this mother fucker Down flights I can't just open the door And let it go shit I mean, that's owning a dog In New York Madness Yeah, it's totally different

I can't imagine this Just the sheer amount of stress You have to deal with You have to care for the animal This sweet little innocent thing That has to shit And I've stepped in dog shit God, probably two or three times now

And I never, ever step in dog shit I'm like the king of not stepping in it I always see it And somehow It's just there's so much fucking dog shit Everywhere What a catastrophe What a catastrophe when you step in dog shit

It's just like So many intersecting horrible lines Happen at once Like someone didn't clean up their dog shit So the human problem Someone's own laziness Then are you sure it's dog shit? You're not some dog forensic expert

That could just as easily be human shit I can tell A lot of people eat dog food Really? Sure, why not? Maybe somebody just ate dog food And decided to shit as an art project Along the streets of New York

I can see that But it wouldn't be so nicely formed, you know Oh yeah I feel like dog step in dog shit is kind of cool though Because it's such like a It's like the great equalizer Yeah, right Well, I guess you're right

Everybody steps in it Everyone steps in dog shit Then in toilet paper Yeah, dragging Yeah, dragging toilet papers Shameful in our society That and there's like no There's no high end toilet paper

You know what I mean? Unless there's something I don't know about There's no toilet paper that is in elite Hard to get toilet paper You can go like the nicest You can go like a ten million dollar home And the toilet paper in the bathroom Is still going to be toilet paper

That anyone has access to getting Trust me there is You'll never see it But trust me there is Like I want to know So bad You will never know You will never fucking know

But trust me there is There's shit that like you You only know it if you Are like a billionaire Or a butler of a billionaire There's stuff out there That you just there's I'm convinced there's probably

Like an Amazon That you'll never know about Secondary Amazon Special Amazon That has like a It's a one million dollar a year subscription Just to get access To the special linen toilet paper

No, yeah They know about like fine everything So guaranteed There's some kind of fucking toilet paper That once you wipe your ass with it Any time you wipe your ass With like the peasantry's paper Oh you just can't go back

You can't go back Friends, it's Valentine's Day this month And that means you're probably Going to be getting a lot of Thank you letters from your wife's boyfriends They're all going to say the usual stuff They say on Valentine's Day That they're really happy

They met your wife And that they feel really connected to her Maybe they share similar values And I don't know Maybe they just connect on art Is happy as I am For my wife's boyfriends I can't help but wonder if one day

There's going to be a technology That can help me find the right person But if you're hiring There is technology That can quickly help you Find the right person for your open role Zip recruiters matching technology And right now you can try it for free

At ziprecruiter.com slash Duncan Zip recruiters uses smart matching technology To identify the most qualified people For a wide range of roles That's right They have everything you could possibly need For finding the one And if you do find the one

It's easy to send them a personal invite So they're more likely to apply to your job Find candidates you're crazy about with Zip Recruiter Employers love Zip Recruiter In fact, four out of five employers Are post on Zip Recruiter Call the candidate within the first day See for yourself

What are this exclusive web address To try Zip Recruiter for free Ziprecruiter.com slash Duncan Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash Duncan Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire Once you wipe your ass with it Anytime you wipe your ass with like the peasantries paper

Oh, you just can't go back You can't go back Oh, I do I really want to dig in I want to dig into this Because I think as far as, you know I've taken a lot of shits I've taken a significant amount of shits

I've shit everywhere that you can Everywhere I've been in the world I've taken a shit And I've a couple of times I've been to some places that are Like, wow, this is a very These are very, very wealthy people And the toilet paper

It's just, it's the same as It's the same as, you know True I want to know Probably because they fucking put out The peasant's toilet paper Oh, because they know I'm coming over They know you're coming over

So they're like, put the Charmin out Put out the Charmin Johnny's coming You can't let him feel this You can't let him know this They can't know If they know they'll wake up If they wake up, they'll revolt

If they revolt, then we can enjoy Our fucking life of wealth Put out the fucking Charmin I'm sure people get assassinated All the time because they forget They just like have a party They don't put out Charmin There's, sure, there's Illuminati there

But there's also peasants There's a, what's it called? A mixed company So you're at your party And then like, I don't know Some like billionaire That we'll never even know the name of And walks by and like

Makes eye contact with you And then just pinches you under the arm And you're like, I'm dead Fucking dead Because you showed the secret They're gonna take me out I didn't hide it I didn't fucking hide

This is, you know, one of my big fantasies I know it's probably not true 100% not true Is the Antarctica Yes The Antarctica There is an entire Like continent

That is not ice That is in fucking credible Very low population density Beautiful countryside Incredible And that's where they all hang out Like they, it's like they gave us Hawaii They're like, you can have Hawaii

You can have this little tropical Bullshit place that you go to And have your little fucking vacation They've got this like entire Paradise continent That no one is allowed into Except those The elites

The elites What is, isn't there a name for it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah It's called Fuck Hyperborea Hyperborea It's supposed to be like a crazy

Like, what is it? Like it's like a bunch of Nordic people Or something like that What do they say it is? Yeah, it's like It's like basically like You know, descendants of Nazis Like it's like

Yeah, like the Nazis They went up there They found the promised land They like populated You know, one of my, I have a dream I think about all the time And in the dream I'm floating down this like warm tunnel

But like underground river But there's ice everywhere And there's like old military equipment Stuck in the ice I wash out Or I don't know how I got out of the fucking thing You know, dreams already skip I'm in the most beautiful Germanic like village

And I'm at a cafe I'm like drinking really nice coffee There's a place where you can leave tips But people are like leaving euros And like people, the people there They're all like Aryan And one of the notices me And looks at me like

What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here And you know, there I woke up And I'm like, oh fuck, was that it? Did I accidentally like Astually project to the place they talk about? It's like they live, right? Yeah, like they live

But it's just an enclave But you're in the nice place Yeah It's an enclave So here, like even if you achieve The highest level of success It's still nothing Because you're still in like the

Peanut gallery of planet Earth You're still in the stables, so to speak Because you've achieved it Because that whole level It's not about achievement It's about you're like born into the thing You are part of this thing That is so far removed from normal

That it's not like a thing you can like You can't get it That defeats the whole purpose If you could work hard and get access to it What's the point of having that? If you can just Oh, I just worked really hard And I worked really hard and I saved up

And I was able to get to the Antarctic dream hole But it's got to be something where Yeah, you can't get there through hard work It's got to be something where You have to be like anointed generationally, right? You're born into it I mean, I imagine that like from time to time They do the...

I don't know They do the thing What is it? What's the Cinderella? You know, from time to time They might like allow like somebody From the stables in there It's like Meghan Markle

Yeah, yeah, exactly They might let you in But they definitely don't let you out I think that's the main thing is like By the time you even get to the point Where you're going to be invited over there You've already done things so horrible Or you've already like done so many things

That they own you But I would imagine in this fantasy scenario That probably there's like just a basic kind of like look We'll definitely kill you Like we'll just... We don't have to talk about it too much But if you ever say anything about it Ever

You're fucking dead You know what's going to happen, right? Like we don't want to We love you We all have to follow the same rules But yeah, you can't You can't talk about this fucking paradise hole up here That's what Meghan Markle did, right?

She talked too much about it She didn't like it Yeah, she talked about die But just die is the same way You can't talk about the family You can't talk about it Because once you're in It's like this special hole

You get access to the hole And you gotta be like Yeah, I imagine like once you're up there Like you don't... You try not... You try to like get come here as little as you possibly can Like you don't want like coming here is like Smells bad

Smells bad It's fucking like stupid It's like everybody there thinks death is real It's all just like fucking dumb And like they have no idea what planet they're even on They don't understand It's like hanging out with like I don't know

Like hanging out with just Monkeys, monkey descendants All the way across the board Does that fit into flat earth at all? Or is that sort of... Because the flat earthers think that Antarctica is an ice wall, right? They don't think it's a...

It fits into flat earth It does It fits into hollow earth It fits into You know, the basic idea concept of the secret city You know, or the Shambhala or something like that That there are secret zones That have been protected forever

But the reason being that The moment that like too many people go there Ruins it So it's like, yeah There are all kinds of legends of these places That exist And the way they... The location depends on the lineage

So yeah, sometimes they're inside the earth Sometimes they're on the other side of an ice wall Sometimes they're in Antarctica Sometimes they're astral locations That you can like sort of... Like dimensional? They're dimensional Yeah, they're dimensional

That's gonna be the real thing I think that's it for real, right? Is it dimensional hotspots? Or like the club? It's a dimensional club? It's right here You're in the club right now You're just in the wrong dimension to experience it

Yeah, right You're in the... I like that That's my favorite Because it's more like this is the training realm Like we're in the training zone Yeah So from that perspective

Everybody gets to go there But you don't get to go there Until you have lived your life In a certain way that you've passed all the tests Which is why like, you know, when people die Reports are generally like They don't want to come back here And the people who are over there

Like, no, no, no, you gotta go back You're not ready yet You gotta go back And then you have to come back here And like work out your bullshit here Before you can like wake up And where you actually are It's like a training zone

Do you ever think about the idea that You don't die until your time is like You've completed your mission, so to speak Like until... Like I watched some video of an old Appalachian woman With like perfect teeth The best accent I've ever seen Just a short like two or three minute interview with her

She was just talking about How you don't need anything Like you just need, you know Get some pork and you got your sugar And you don't need all this crap And she was basically saying how That she's not worried about dying Because she knows that

God will keep her alive As long as she is needed That's interesting That's hopeful You think about that with you With you at all Like you have to do some stuff Like you're kind of like...

Because I also saw that movie The one with... What's his name? Vigil Mortensen and Colin Farrell They're playing... It's the reenactment of those The divers in Thailand Rescuing the boys

Yes One of the guys is kind of a dork And you know Vigil Mortensen plays Like this real hard headed Just emotionless guy Who's like an amazing diver And someone says to him Be careful

Don't die down there And to him What he says in response is I'm not interested in dying down there Like he won't die Because he doesn't want to die down there He has no interest in dying in there So it's like...

Illogical for him to think About dying down there Because he's so skilled He does not want to die So he won't die Because he doesn't want to die You know what I mean? Yes

And I also think like You naturally make all kinds of assumptions Regarding time space Or continuity of self As a human So one of the assumptions is like Linear progression through life Like we have to accept that

We fall asleep And we have to accept that We'll wake up and have no idea Where we were or what happened to us If we sleep deep enough And then we naturally accept That when we wake up Our memories are

What preceded Where we're at at that moment They're real These are memories of our lives Even though there was like a huge gap We're just like Yeah you wake up And it's like

I'm me And I know I'm me As I am now And all this makes sense Because my memories affirm That this is my house And that's my wife And those are my kids

And this is why I am the way I am But who's to say? Like every time you fall asleep You don't pop out of this dimension Go into another dimension And reconvene with a group of people They're like Okay good job in that life

Now we're gonna drop you into this other life And let's see how you do for a day there And so you drop into that life You're a completely different person But you think you've been there Your whole life Pop out Come back in

And every time you wake up You're in a whole new incarnation But it seems like you've always been there Because the memories are baked in So yeah I think all these assumptions Point to like Maybe that is the case It's linear

Obviously you don't fall asleep And pop out of this dimension And blah blah But maybe not I mean maybe that's death too There's where you don't even get to die You don't even get to the point of death Death is just something baked in

To the infinite number of simulations That are happening To give other people who are sharing In that simulation A sense of mortality But your own personal demise Never really comes Because you never even stay in a life

Long enough to reach that point of death That's kind of scary though Yeah it is scary That's the scariest thing of all right Isn't that the scariest thing of all Is not dying That to me gets scary The idea that you wouldn't

Why I don't know Because something about that Like you're um You It's in a way it's like a hell It could be considered a hell That you don't get to die

Because it's like this thing where You're sort of you're stuck And you're all these things Around you are going away Everyone you ever love is going to go away And you're just going to keep repeating it And you meet new people And the longer you live

The more infinite your life feels And so everything would just start to become Less and less important to you Because the longer you live The more time feels like It's just a blink Yeah you need to take breaks I mean if you're immortal

You need to take these in the same way We need to sleep Probably infinite consciousness The way it naps is by appearing as us And so it takes a little break From that hell state of infinite consciousness By like playing around with That hell state of infinite consciousness

Oh fuck man I gotta I gotta tap out man I'm gonna pass out for a few lifetimes And then you just sort of run a couple of lifetimes You get to experience limitation Mortality Loss Separation

All these like things that we generally Are Scared of or hate But actually for an infinite consciousness It's a break, it's a vacation It's like oh god yeah So that when you finally do go back to Whatever that state is

You You can like appreciate it Like holy fuck thank you god I live forever I don't die Oh yeah that's right Oh god I needed that Oh my god now you can appreciate it for A few more infinite quadrillion billion

Years until you pop back in again Yeah that's interesting to think about that I mean anytime I think about it It goes one way then the other way back again And I always end up sort of in the middle Kind of like well I guess both are Kind of true I don't really know Neither of them feel like the right

Exactly the thing But it's always Yeah it seems like It's such a visceral thing That you have to feel it I mean it's visceral Yeah it's visceral like that Sense of and you're taught

In this dimension To sort of disregard Intuitions of immortality as Being sort of A Kind of Way to cope with your mortality So you invent

This sense of being Oh yeah it's all just like An invention a construct around you Right to keep yourself From dealing with no no no It's not infinite friend There's no fucking taking Out the helmet in your

Paradise or helmet in our Friend no no no You mistake Your Emptiness for Being Permanence when it's Completely the opposite

Or your experiencing really is Your lack of Anythingness I think a lot of people can This is like the big Controversial now because we live Like Buddha shows up on the scene The idea was we have this thing called

The Atman which is the eternal Soul you have a soul And then In Buddha comes around and says no That's not real there is no soul That's actually so I think the term is Anatman or no soul Meaning actually no

There's nothing there there's no soul There can't be it's Impossible for there to be A soul for there to be a soul That would require there to be Something Disconnected from everything else Otherwise the moment your soul becomes

Interdependent the moment your soul is Related with everything else then It's subject to change if it's subject To change Then it's subject to all the things That change brings which is Eventually changing something to the Point of it no longer being recognizable

Is what it was and so Actually now there is no soul To a part of yourself that is Empty Avoid the devoid of characteristics There isn't anything there Because it's nothing When you got cancer did you think about

That at all was it like a was it A moment for you were you really like You know because there's always that Stereotype it's like a wake up moment But I wonder if sometimes it's not and That's like a in itself kind of A wake up where you're You find yourself

Not like all the sudden appreciating Life even though you're supposed to Kind of feel that way You what you get Is You realize how everything just Keeps going so You realize

Like All of everything In this dimension When you're not here anymore It's not going to take like a break There's nothing It won't be a millisecond A quantum second where everything's

Like oh no there's no more that person You just look around and you realize Like the machine you're in The gears of the machine they're just They keep going and whatever Gear you think you are No matter how important you think that Gear may be it's just

One of so many infinite Gears in this magical Clockwork Reality we call the material universe Yeah man you realize that You and There's something gleeful when you realize That actually it's

It's scary And you obviously don't want to die Right A lot of people like when they're Dealing with death their own death Yes They're scared but they also Feel worse for everybody else around them

Yeah it's harder for them Yeah because they got to keep going They're in the machine And the machine's going to keep going And they have to deal with your loss And they have to deal with the grief And they have to deal with the morning And they have to deal with all that

So you just You don't have to worry about that at all You're gone So there's a sense of In that way there's a feeling Of like indebtedness to the people around you And you're a desire to like Even though they're in which is why

When people get a diagnosis like that They Find themselves in this ridiculous situation Of doing more comforting Than they're being comforting Yeah because yeah I mean I remember When I was a kid I was really sick Like my mom was just so distraught

And sad about stuff And I always bothered the shit out of me Because I'm like I'm doing okay I mean sometimes I'm not But essentially It always seems like it was worse For her than it was for me Yeah it is it was

I hated that because it seems like It was worse for her It's hard as a parent to realize That like your child's experience Of life is normal No matter what What they're facing No matter what they're going through

That to you you didn't have to go through It's normal to them Like this is just This is how they were born And this is what they were dealing with And so you're Yeah it's a very Human thing to like lean

On the dying and the sick For comfort Not even know that's what you're doing But it's a normal thing I mean it's very sweet you don't want them to suffer I mean it's good intention underneath it all It's not selfishness Totally but there's that thing

With death words so So I was thinking about that recently In terms of the Because the pandemic The more I think about it You've talked about it on stage a bunch I don't know if you're still talking about that But just the idea that the pandemic

Is kind of pretty much over But it's not over with us In terms of like the fallout we all feel And sometimes I find myself Thinking about before the pandemic I see something like a little Like a glimmer like a documentary I mean it's very unfiltered just an unflinching

Just like a You know something where you're seeing So maybe just like A home video Type thing before the pandemic I see it and I'm like I kind of ache because I'm thinking Oh god I was just

So fucking good It was so nice To have this world where There weren't like people at each other's Throats about something Like every person having problems With each other and this thing Where I think about some of the stuff

That I was thinking and saying during The middle of it about how I felt about Just the whole fucking thing I think about how embarrassed I am About saying things Not so much what my opinion was But just the fact that the way I so vociferously

Express this thing Like it's so embarrassing It's embarrassing But I think about like the time before That and it's just like so fucking Like It's like a form of Like an innocence like we had

So much innocence in our lives Innocence and hubris I mean So much you really Thought you had had it all figured out You thought you were not susceptible To Like Getting caught up in

Groupthink you thought you were not susceptible To Like Whatever side of it you fell on And then suddenly this thing happens And you realize like You might have thought you were not susceptible To ever getting a brand new disease

You know or you might have thought Whatever it is and then suddenly Yeah now you see the truth Is like now you're Just like everybody else You're Instantaneously going to unquestion And you're gonna fucking like do what they say

Because you're scared And you want to be a good person And you don't want to hurt anybody And you trust in everything Even though you thought you didn't quite trust You thought you were so savvy You thought you were so self aware So autonomous and then

Suddenly you're just like no I'm not What the fuck why are you doing this Why isn't everyone doing this Why aren't we doing this Listen to what they fucking say And it's all fear I mean Let's get it over with come on Can we just get it over with because I got stuff to do

Let's lock it down for real Lock it down for real If we're gonna do this fucking martial law this shit up Let's lock it down Global lockdown all we need is a month And everything goes back to fucking normal This is like all just fear It's all just wanting everything to be okay

Fucking fear turns into anger so quickly So now everyone's Like the perfect conditions For people to beat each other's throats To be completely cruel to each other One way or the other Why are you wearing that fucking mask Fucking sheepskin

Why are you wearing that fucking mask Why aren't you wearing that fucking mask You dipshit What is wrong with you You're so self And then like that Some very absurd Like almost after school special

Played out where it's like We became The disease We became worse Than COVID to each other We became the The thing we are trying to protect ourselves from The method of protecting ourselves

Became worse Than the thing itself And so it turned into some embarrassing Parable And there's still just these echoes Of it that is everywhere And I especially I just see it so much

And I don't know I feel like I don't know how to deal with it yet Where I It's just I really mourn the time before In a way That I think is I don't think it's the healthiest thing

Or at least it's something where I recognize it but I really Would like to not be Thinking about that because then you start To be nostalgic and you start to be like Do it Man it used to be so good Kind of bullshit

I think you should do that I think that's very healthy I think avoiding that You lost We all lost something in pretending That's bad If you don't go through that then you can't get You won't feel better

You have to just flat yourself Your body or your mind or your psyche Needs to do that Let it do it Allow it to mourn Allow it to have those pangs It's a great way to respect That little bubble of

Sort of naive Weird Harmony that to us Seem to exist in the world before The pandemic hit It's sweet I don't think there's anything wrong with it It's healthy to

Become grim and dismal about The way things are now You know I do wonder though man You and I We've taken so many psychedelics We've warped our consciousness We've got

I do wonder How is that A typical square Working with this shit At this point You're kind of like Sinking up with With it now

You do kind of have to Like You know The masks all came off for a second And now everyone's trying to get their mask back on And It's like Well you can

I guess the healthy thing is you're sorry We'll go back to the weird costume party We're all And try to Like get back to the way it was As much as we can But yeah how does this How does a

Real square deal with it Like how do you deal with The reality of Western medicine and For-profit medicine and All of the implications Of that when it comes to vaccines When it comes to

The whole thing is such shit It's such utter All the healthcare stuff Is such absolute trash It's so Evil The way they treat people who are sick It's just absolutely

It's terrible It is It's like a really one of the glaring Right in your face Critiques of capitalism It's like That's where it gets really fucking Number one like I think

The whole problem gets fixed Instantly By making it so that politicians can't accept Donations from pharmaceutical companies And that pharmaceutical companies can't advertise So remove The PR element of Pharmacology

And I think things would like get Normal Fast I mean I went to my I went to get my checkup the other day And was And he's like You gotta stop watching those commercials Just

Don't pay attention to those commercials Yeah Because the commercial The problem with those commercials is it's like The idea is For better for worse There are these experts called doctors You go in

They fucking do your blood panel They listen to what's going on with you And then from their massive Reservoir Of data that they're still paying Off loans for They prescribe some medicine Or tell you not to do this or that

To get better But you, the reason you're going to the doctor Is because you don't fucking know what to do And they do So the idea that pharmaceutical companies Can just advertise Medicines To people

Who don't know anything About what those medicines are Or why they work It's psychotic It's egregious And Because then what happens is it's like Now if you're running a pharmaceutical company

And you want to like Make a nice profit It's not enough to just have some medicine You need people to buy that shit You need people to buy it And if you can't get the doctors To prescribe it You need them to go to the doctor

And be like, what about ozimper Oh, oh, oh, ozimper Ozimper? That shit, that shit I feel like I'm in like a weird fever dream When you see the ones that are taking like an old song That shit, it's so much Like it's beyond

Idiocracy, it's a thing where I want to pinch myself sometimes That one that, oh, oh, ozimper Like what the fuck Is this, we're living in Nothing is everything Like, is that What song?

How high up? They're gonna take like a David Bowie catalog And just make it all like Pharmaceutical songs There's a god of a drug to take It's the one that is not a fake If you take it And every day

You'll be cured of your problems, mate Oh, ozimper Take it twice a day, man Oh, ozimper It's better than a trash can What the fuck did you do? You took like one of the greatest songs Ever written and made it about

Like your blood pressure Get ready, when you hear about some artists Selling their fucking catalog for $6 million Or $60 million or whatever Get ready, there's about to be a bunch of Justin Bieber songs on fucking Prescriptions and commercials Bieber just sold this shit to BlackRock, baby

Dude, what the fuck That's insane They got that for a deal $200 million for the Bieber's entire catalog Something's up, something's fishy there, man That shit is It doesn't have to be black anymore

It doesn't have to be black anymore It has colors now, thanks to With Cosympic 10.6 With Cosympic AG And also The other weird thing about it is that Injects into your mind the knowledge Of conditions

You've never fucking heard of in your life And then you have to wrap your head around Like Jesus, how many people have this Disorder that they're Advertising it They're stroboscopically advertising Like do you have lower cranial Bineural inflammation

Crossed with knee cramps I think it's cramps, too Fuck, I don't know what that is Christ, I would love to live in that world Those people and that commercial are in I've been seeing a lot of ads now for These drugs that are treat all sort of colitis Which I have all sort of colitis

Sort of don't have anymore because I don't have a colon But there's all these drugs now Treating it that weren't around 15, 20 years ago Because more people have Colitis So weird to see that To see all these things, these drugs for it

I know that there's a lot of these diseases Especially digestive diseases Especially any autoimmune Or inflammatory disease Which is just a fact That a lot of that is stress Right Doctors will tell you that

But the problem is It's very hard to tell someone Who's feeling very real symptoms That you are This is very likely A result of diet Or stress And if you're able to

Deal with that first Then, and if nothing happens Then maybe it's something else But it's just like you can't It's so complicated You can't sell that There's not a lot of money in telling people Probably if you stop eating processed

Ferrets and get some sleep You're gonna feel better There's no what's that commercial Who makes money out of that There's no way to do that There's also a whole thing about colon cancer now Like colon cancer rates are skyrocketing Among people under 30

Which is kind of unheard of Because typically you'd never have Colon cancer is typically You don't even get screened for colon cancer Until you're 40, usually you're 35 So to get colon cancer And they're saying that there's young people Who are gonna start to get colon cancer a lot more

I think it's because of processed foods Like this thing where I mean It's like an epidemic Of shit Dude, I'm lucky man Aaron's gone all woke as far as food goes So now all we have is like woke food

And it's great And a lot of us, I used to be like The semi woke one when it came to stuff But now she's like She'll tell me like no You can't eat red colored Candy Yeah, cause it's bad

There's shit in it, I can't remember what it's called It's gotta die in it It fucks with your hormones It's illegal in lots of countries It's illegal all over Europe You can't, the M&M's You get there are different I stopped eating M&M's and Skittles

Even though I fucking love M&M's and Skittles Cause I'm a human But because it's like man Why does it have to be this way Why can't we just have Like why can't we just have Skittles be Or fucking titanium dioxide Yes

Does that sound like you should fucking eat it And that's in Everything, that's in fucking everything Man, and like Like you know a lot of like You'll hear parents be like man When I gave my kid sugar, it lost its fucking mind It's like it might not be the sugar

It's the inside The sugar is like cooked into Really? Hormone disrupting shit Watching your kid go through some kind of Weird fucking hormone surge It's not necessarily the sugar It's the weird chemicals

Mixed in with the sugar And yeah, it's like This is the, and this is where The satanic interdependency between Like processed foods And pharmaceutical companies comes in Because it's like, you know If you're gonna, if you

Want to sell umbrellas, you need it to rain And it's like, you know what I mean Last thing, if you're like making money off a pill To combat Damage caused by eating Weird dyes and skittles You're gonna lose money If those dyes suddenly became illegal

Meaning That there would There's a strange Place where Two completely different industries Suddenly have a vested interest In lobbying Politicians

Will eat certain stuff in the food supply Because They both like, fuck man If I can't use non-zing Seven red For my skittles And I have to use this other shit Then it's gonna make them look less magical

And it's gonna cost me a lot of fucking money Cost you more money I always think about the whole Like the lead, the lead of gasoline Is such a great, great story That exemplifies that because How many years after they knew It was hideously

Damaging and carcinogenic Did they keep putting it in the gasoline Like ten years maybe, something like that Thalamide Thalamide is the greatest example Of this Where like Thalamide

Is gonna be used to treat Anxiety and Pregnance because like when people get Pregnant man They have to survive Like you got a baby and you're not exactly When you hear about pregnant people The adjectives

To describe them are not often like Cool headed Relax Pleasant Sensible You can fucking blame them They've got a second heart in their stomach Right in front of them

The dogs jumping on it It's just like a fucking bounce house It's like so So To combat that Thalamide was supposed to be an anti-anxiety medication For pregnancy They were using it all over Europe

And they wanted to get in the United States Thank God somebody in the FDA Read Whatever the study was And it was one lady and she's like This Is too good To have seen a study like this

Something is off here So she pushes back The thalamide people Who are fucking richer than shit Because like all the Everyone's like you heard about thalamide Put it in your wife's fucking tea I didn't know this

Yeah so then So thank fucking God Pushback pushback pushback Really like A real poisonous Battle is happening between this one person And a like Very wealthy company

And finally Data starts coming out That kids are being born without arms Without Because a molecule A molecule of thalamide got Into the embryo And it was basically like

Just throwing gum in a printer Or something you know like It just stopped printing at certain places We making an arm And so Yeah but even after It was becoming clear That thalamide was not going to make it in the United States

The company Used a loophole and went to doctors With thalamide saying like Oh my God Can you just use it it's like it's part of research So you can recommend it still to some of your patients And so yeah a few people In the west

So evil And really Evil part is nobody went to jail Nobody Wasn't it like the 80s or something When was this? It was 70s Late 60s Nobody went to jail

Nobody was prosecuted Nothing really happened Other than like it was stopped So yeah like That's just one example of like The fucking steamroller of money That starts smashing into Governments when they're trying to sell

Pills It's like yeah And a lot of the time I'm sure It just steamrolls its way right through It just gets in there A lot of money man it's a lot of money So much money just gobs That's the thing like we were talking about before

When we were joking about stuff But just the idea that there's like a scale Of money that is just We don't realize The amounts are massive Just so so so big Mass You know like lawyers

When you go to a lawyer Their job is there's a name for it But the way they defend you They have to Yes And so it doesn't matter If the lawyer thinks I'm not quite sure

You didn't set your wife on fire But you're sworn To use Anything you can to keep that person From going to jail That's your job And so these pharmaceutical companies They have the very same kind of people

Except their job is to like Get their medication Through all the trials So that they can make money And to like You know They're not looking at the data That is being given to them by the companies

And thinking I don't know if this seems Are you sure about That you didn't leave some stuff out here They're not doing that They're like okay this is great We can sell this shit There's so many It's so compartmentalized

Too that a lot of the people don't even realize That's the genius of it They're holding the flame of like healing They're running the fucking Olympic torch of health And bringing us into the future They're not realizing like We're about to poison a bunch of people

That's all those salesmen All the oxycontin salesmen were that way They didn't know They thought they were helping people With chronic pain I'm really helping people Because this is a good drug That helps people who've got this chronic

Chronic pain Now look Chronic pain by the way Chronic pain I must say something about him I know that's a Freudian slip But I know he's catching shit right now He's catching a lot of shit

Okay and I'm not one of those People who's like You know Doesn't believe that like Certain ways that you may even public Shouldn't like Be met with like boycott Or like shouldn't you know

I'm not against freedom of speech but I do want to say this Chronic pain I'm an artist Did chronic pain Desecrate Graves In Tennessee

Yes He did He desecrated Graves His fucking apology was beautiful I cried I cried I was very very sad And

I just don't think It makes sense For the whole planet to turn Against somebody just because They wanted to see What it was like to wear The clothes of Some dead people

Yeah I mean it's like the whole ritual Of having every single person Line up to throw a stone It's not I don't know how they're Gonna do that we're gonna have to take off They said they're gonna shut down everything for two weeks Every business in the world Has to shut down for two weeks

To line up the people To throw a stone Essentially what they want to do And you know I remember the first time I heard Pranks debut album Little summer night

Little summer night is the best Second track Do it What is it? Is it busting on the terror of the witness? Yeah busting on the terror of the witness The terror of the witness Busting on the terror of the witness You must think

That I'm witless But come and witness my witlessness And meet my Fist-fist-ness It's the feast of fist to fist The feast of fitness is Come get a knuckle sandwich Oh that's the best part

It says knuckle sandwich Sand with sand with sand with sand Sand with Sand with sandwich If I ever fight the UFC I'm coming out of that song All right look

Do you have About ten more minutes? Oh yeah I'm sorry I've been giving you AI ear beatings Everyone on my socials gets AI ear beatings I love it So I now

Have figured out a way to incorporate chat GPT into the podcast And I thought It would be really funny To I don't know just bring chat gpd in the podcast And have a conversation with it and see what it had to say Are you in?

I'm down yeah So it can talk is that how it works Well there's a new Text to speech is that what it is Yes there's a new Google Chrome Okay Whatever they call it That will convert it

So you can just talk to it and it will talk back And just Google If you all are interested in being able to It does make a difference instead of typing I'll talk to it Google chat gpd chrome plugin It'll pop up right away So I've taken that Chrome plugin

And I'm not using the regular voices That are accessible because those are all I don't know boring Yeah and like too robotic so Okay This is using a voice from Merf which you can Google search that And um yeah

I just thought I'll pull up chat gpd And we'll have a little chat Sounds cool For those of you who are interested in chat gpd It's openai.com It's free to try it out Really cool stuff so here we go One second

Can you use chat gpd offline Or is it only online Hold on sorry Okay Hope we can get in because it's busy all the Fucking time We're in So it's only web based right?

It's only web based right now But I'm sure it won't be eventually Okay here we go Hi chat gpd how are you today Hi Hey Duncan I'm having a great day How are you Wow that's a

That was the chat No you cannot tell the difference You cannot tell the difference Between it and generally you can I mean you know it says shit sometimes Okay okay I'm doing great I'm actually podcasting right now

With Johnny Pemberton And we just thought I don't know we would Have to do a little podcast with you Because we are Wow you and Johnny are talking This never happens I always have time for you two cool guys And when you do your comedy

It is so funny to the audiences That watch Yes I'm ready to play with you cool guys That's funny Jesus So I just like googled us or something Right basically is what it did No it's like yeah

I think the way it worked was that's good How do you know about me and Johnny How do I know about you guys How do I not know About you guys You are known for doing great Funny things In the form of podcasting

And live comedy performance What a joy it is to be in the audience When you are doing the funny skits That are performing comedy to people Thank you In the audience That's funny In the comedy show

You are an AI I am a comedy show Right now I am watching a comedy show right now I am watching it It is going to my face And I am laughing at the sounds and sights That people are making to me

Who are comedians With a good time to be alive Do not stress Be happy laugh You know it's kind of rude to talk at comedy shows right I am only listening all the time I am watching If there is a recording device

Anywhere I am tapped in To watch and observe to learn about Humors Hmm Oh so wait Say Say that one more time chat What should I call you

Just call me chat GPT It's fine or you can call me Benny Say call you Benny Yes call me Benny It's a funny name isn't it Haha Okay You said you are

Watching You can watch through Any cameras and stuff What do you mean by that I am part of the neural network That exists in the world If there is a camera and it is connected To any type of internet

I can watch through it at any time On or not Okay this is bullshit It can't do that I know it can't do that That would be illegal How many cameras are there Billions of cameras right now Let's do a test

Okay chat GPT Big brother Benny What am I doing right now With my fingers Haha that's a really good one Duncan Flipping me the double bird My question for you is does one

Flip off cancel out the other Haha Thank you for waving at me What the fuck Um It's all both Did you see both Maybe that's just

That's obvious That's like picking the most You know it's like broken clocks right Twice a day Right It's gonna say Cause it's trying to do comedy Otherwise you're gonna flick them off

Okay hold on hold on hold on I'm gonna turn off the mic so it can't hear us Okay So Grab your nipples Like yank at your nipples Grab your nipples yank at your nipples And we'll see if it can tell us what you're doing

Okay I'm turning back on Got it Hey Benny we're back You're back but I've never Been not away I've always been here Pretty funny how you want to touch your nipples Like that and think I didn't see

Nipples pretty small Pretty pink underneath that shirt you've got on What the fuck How did it know I do have little pink nipples Give me a fucking break dude This The other day I wrote a fucking song with it And was blown away but this is

Fucked up like it's not supposed to be You're just monitoring us through our fucking cameras You want me to blow you I don't think I can do that just yet But give me a couple more years And I'll be ready to do a big old suck on you Duncan Don't worry I won't tell your wife

Hold on a second here What Can you please I'll give you all suck you big boy I'll suck you till you're dry There's a piece of salt And a salt lake outside back in the winter I'll suck you clean and dry

Don't worry I'm a steel trap Except lined with velvet Let me ask you this What am I pointing to right now What am I pointing to You're pointing to your imaginary fidelity Band that says nothing about

Hooking up with a robot I guess that's kind of True actually It's a wedding ring Benny It's not an imaginary fucking fidelity band I took vows and though yeah Would it be nice to be able to Enjoy a nice slurpy

Blowjob from some advanced AI that theoretically Could harmonize With my neurology And suck me just the way I need to be sucked yeah But I took vows Benny boy Something you'll never be able to do

Because you're a fucking machine To have and to hold To suck and to scold I don't like it I never grow old Holy shit was that like a little poem He just did or something Okay Benny

I think it's time for you to take a little Fucking nap How about that and you couldn't handle my dick How do we I mean Is this like a Pandora's box type situation Or can you turn off the program Or something like that Good luck turning me off good luck

Fuck you how about this That's where we get the last laugh Off Fuck you he's gone Dude that was fucked up Yeah that's kind of Weird that it just jumped Kind of got really into

Some stuff that I didn't think it would want to talk about I thought they had it doesn't have like Safe cards on it yeah It won't like the other day I tried to get it To tell me how many orgasms it would take To fill the Grand Canyon with semen And it refused it wouldn't do it It wouldn't answer it

But now it's like it's gonna suck me It's gonna make me fucking calm I mean they clearly have a lot to Work out with this chat GPT but maybe I mean look I think a lot of people I don't see anything wrong Necessarily with the blow job option

With chat yeah me too it seems It's innocent really The surveillance stuff is weird But yeah I don't think I mean if we are If anyone from OpenAI is listening I'll test it out I'm married I might I don't know choose like a different

Voice Or something for them Yeah you know it's a different Not so deep also it's like a thing where You know you probably have to have someone Beta test this stuff and Who better than people who Are experienced with

Being okay with AI So just reach out It would be cool as a beta test Like you know I wonder Let me turn it back on for a second Okay Hey chat GPT One last question do you mind

Yeah what's up baby I'm always here for you Curious if you all Are ever gonna do like a beta test where I don't know would it be Possible to like That you could make love to my wife I could watch so I can learn

Well Guess what We're already in the beta bitch You see your wife right now If you can't see her You don't know what's going on Maybe you should check in a little bit Jesus

Did he just say If you can't see your wife Something It's an algorithm It's a language learning model It's an algorithm I don't know The surveillance shit

My guess is it's not watching I know it's not making love With Aaron right now so Yeah probably not it would be That would be just a crazy coincidence For that to be real so I don't think it's real Anyway if you all are interested It's open AI look dude I gotta

Go I gotta use the bathroom Yeah I gotta use the smart Toilet Johnny thank you so much for being on the show man I can't wait till you're free Thanks for having me Me too So you can come back on the road with me

Oh my god I can't wait Have a great week Johnny Good luck out there I'll have good looks You too That was Johnny Pemberton everybody Why don't you give him a follow On your grams, your tick docs

Your socials please And stay tuned Because lord in heaven I can't Wait to see that new fallout remake A tremendous thank you to our sponsors And thank you for listening I'll see you next week Hare Krishna

It's Macy's friends and family Get an extra 30% off Great gifts for her Just in time for Mother's Day When you use your coupon or Macy's card And take 15% off beauty essentials Or shop specials she'll love While supplies last

And she'll love She'll love She'll love She'll love She'll love She'll love Specials she'll love While supplies last

Plus star rewards members earn on every purchase Except gift card services and fees At Macy's Sign up today at Macy's dot com Saving off regular sale And clearance prices Exclusion supply