Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 571: Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

Tom Segura, comedian and host of Your Mom's House, joins the DTFH! Check out Tom's new comedy special, Sledgehammer, streaming on Netflix! You can also hear more from Tom on his podcasts, Your Mom's House and 2 Bears, 1 Cave, available wherever you listen! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by:  AG1 - Visit DrinkAG1.com/Duncan for a FREE 1-year supply of vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase!

Greetings friends, it is I, D. True Cell, formerly known as the Blender King, and you're listening to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour Podcast. I just returned from a trip to Italy where I had my entire face tattooed, so forgive me if my voice sounds a little different, Shukans with Satan. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Shook hands with a devil I was on MTV Everybody was looking at me Chakazas with satan That was Prince Terry Greenfell Cone from his album of Fourth of July songs and that is held the hand. And of course that's Daniel Johnston, it's a cover of Daniel Johnston. From his album 1990, I love Daniel Johnston.

Not only is he one of my favorite singer songwriters, He's one of my favorite souls. Does ever emerge from this beautiful bubbling planet, bubbling planet. Lots of heat here. We've got called deras. We've got super hot pools of water that people will fall into from time to time and dissolve completely unless they were wearing like spandex or something like that, in which case they'll find the spandex floating on the surface of the water. There's actually a job at Yellowstone that where people just have to go around all the hot springs and scoop out the spandex because people, they see the signs, they see the warnings, they don't read them, they don't pay attention, and they just go frolicing off in the Yellowstone and

dive headfirst into boiling hot springs. We will never know the number of people who have dissolved in those springs, but when it happens to someone, you have to ask yourself, were they done? Were they tired of it all? Did they just want to return to the earth? But most importantly, you got to ask, what's up with these spandex-clad, yellow stone people? I don't want to get political. I don't want to get into the news because I I don't want to get political. I don't want to get into the news because I am hoping you're avoiding most of it. But I'm going to just for a second. If case you haven't read, there's this new thing where like these weird dudes, it's only guys, guys in their 30s, 40s, 50s, mostly in the 50s, where I come from we call them silver foxes.

They're beautiful. They've got generally gray hair. They wear biker sunglasses, not like motorcycle bikers, but bicyclists, cyclist glasses. You know what I'm talking about? Really cool, multicolored oak leaves. And yeah, nobody knows who they are. They refuse to identify themselves

generally. Of course, now the park rangers are looking for them because obviously nobody wants anyone to die. Even if that person wants to jump into the hot spring, nobody wants anybody to die. And I'm not trying to in any way, denigrate these men, though I do disagree with what they're doing, but they decided to do this for whatever reason. And it's the people who have to clean up the spandex that are in real danger, because it's number one, it's uncomfortable to get next to a boiling hot pool of water, especially when you're using one of those long handled poolnets

to scoop out the spandex and the oak leaves. It's just dangerous. And I'm sure the people who signed up to work at one of the most beautiful national parks on earth didn't think that their job would be early in the morning trying to avoid tourists to get out there and scoop out all that spandex. Sometimes there's some scrotal tissue, which is another interesting thing. You know, I don't know what's going on in the planet. I don't know why all these bizarre things are emerging simultaneously. And until I am flying in a UFO over the pyramids, listening to the Smiths, I am not going to believe or let myself completely believe that just maybe the federal government is about to disclose

the existence of aliens. That being said, I think it's pretty lame to instantaneously not believe somebody who with Seemingly complete honesty is reporting things that they have seen and so I'm grateful that anybody keeping our national parks clean That's above me right now That's above me on a special on a plank that I ordered from Etsy, laser engraved. I'm grateful for that, what they do. And so I'm going to believe them. I'm not believing when, especially when lots of them are saying, whenever you don't find the scrottle tissue, you don't find the

taint tissue, most of the time, most of the time it's dissolved into the pools. It should be every time, every time it's just human flesh, it doesn't matter what part of the time, most of the time it's dissolved into the pools. It should be every time, every time, it's just human flesh. It doesn't matter what part of the body it came from. And yet, according to multiple whistleblowers at Yellowstone, they have found somehow, sometimes a full scrotum just floating there, testicles intact, and inevitably, when they find this, these flashing lights appear in the sky above them, spinning orbs, triangles. Some one of them said that there was actually an oval shaped thing with a glowing, effusive,

linguistic tendrils. So communicating to them as they scoop this grow them up, they don't make enough money for that. You know, and when you have things like this happening, how do you quantify payment for like combo alien encounters, scrotum scoop? What is the value for that? Like what do you, like if I, if I said, do you, hey, do you mind going down the street to this very dangerous boiling sulfuric hot spring and scooping the scrotum of a silver fox out of it while being scanned? What is it? Is it minimum wage? Is it $30 an hour? Because probably the scooping up a scrotum doesn't take that long.

It would be my guess. Even if you're being very careful using safety harnesses, attaching yourself to a nearby stump, bringing a buddy to watch and make sure that you don't fall in. So then what is the payment? Are we doing like her scrotum? Which then that means that you would have to bring me the intact scrotum. I'm not a rube. I love my national park workers, but I know some people get

through the very intense interview process to work in a national park. I know in my younger days, if I knew, let's say I was getting like $300 per silver fox scrotum. There, I might just, I don't know, especially like if I, if I was in rough, rough financial situation, I don't know how bad I would feel if I, you know, marked down a few extra scrotums. I know that's awful, I wouldn't do it now.

As Neem Crowley Bobbys said, love everyone until the truth. I'm not gonna lie about scrotum scoops. I don't want that to follow me around for the rest of my life. But I could see a kid doing that, especially a kid with like a fentanyl pro-problem or something. So the point is these are unquana-fiable systems of payment because there's no precedent for it.

And that seems to be the way things are these days. There's just no precedent anymore. You know, when I was coming up, the discussion of paying for scooping like human flesh out of hot springs that paying for the alien encounter and the lifetime of weird dreams you're going to have after that didn't come up We didn't because it wasn't happening But it is now We got orca attacks we got aliens we got these

Suicidal silver spandexed foxes flocking to Yellowstone and just Diving into the hot springs. What are they doing? What do they know that we don't know? Is it a cult? And if it is a cult, how come it's not being stopped? How is it that the FBI, the CIA intelligence

has not gone deep into this? And if I was a Yellowstone with my children and one of them caught sight of just a taint floating in that boiling hot water. That could be therapy. That could be therapy. I can hear themsale daddy. There's a taint. There's a taint in the water. You know, I'm so happy to be alive and I love How things aren't and you know to quote And, you know, to quote,

from the third patriarch of sin, the great way is not difficult for the who will no preference. And this is a me problem more than likely, because I do have a preference when it comes to my hot spring viewing. I want a pristine hot spring. I want to look at it, think about the hollow earth, think how it looks like a dragon's eye, think about how cool it would be if I could jump into it and not be boiled to death. Wonder about like what else could be down there, but now every time I look at a hot spring, you know what I'm going to be looking for? I know what you're going to be looking for. And this is what happens.

This is how you just a few people way too far out of default reality can really like can mess up a national part. And I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even shared this with you. I'm sure you're aware of it. I think that I think they're doing like a whole hour on and on date line soon because, nope, again, they can't figure it out. And I'm praying it's gonna be Keith Morrison, who is the host of this one. Cause I know offense to my other

date line friends, Keith is my favorite. But also, the meta thing is Keith Morrison as a silver fox. So a silver fox investigating will be interesting. And I am definitely not implying to you, wonderful people that this is a conspiracy of all silver foxes that all beautiful symmetrical fit gray-haired men have something to do with this and and that they're maybe they're all eventually going home maybe that's what it is cross my mind shirt crossed yours the whimmings they go off the cliff the silver foxes they go into these bubbling hot springs the cliff, the silver foxes, they go into these bubbling hot springs. And is it a message?

Is that what this, is that what the scrottle tissue is? Have they, as many people are theorizing, including Alfred French from Harvard, have they been doing some kind of like scrottle dipping or scrotum surgeries or some kind of, is it a diet that they put themselves on? They say that like at one point, I hope they're still not doing it. This thing emerged in Buddhism and look it up where some of the monks would start drinking this strange brew mixed with like pine and essentially they would mummify themselves before they died. And this is one of the theories right now about it because an analysis of five of these scrotums returned some very strange data, not just that the cells within the scrotum seem to

have crystallized. And again, this could be related to the chemicals in the hot spring. Ocum's razor tells us that the most simple scrotum answer is generally the correct scrotum answer. But it's the, it's, you know, we, we have to like contextually analyze the situation like, yeah, sure, if there is no simultaneous UFO encounter with people cleaning this stuff up, I mean, it's almost a nothing burger, but it's the UFO

part like when the UFO shows up or up or as they scoop it out, are the lights doing something to the scrotum, is the scrotum calling the UFO? Is the UFO warning us to leave the scrotums in the hot springs? That is a very scary theory that popped up on Reddit conspiracy. That somehow the silver foxes know that they were on the precipice of a super volcano erupting over there and that the only thing that's gonna stop it

is these like specially mummified scrotums, like some out balances out, something calms the volcano, the volcano could be asking in its own way for this. I mean, throwing people into volcanoes is a time-worn tradition. Happened throughout history. You know, the efficacy of the practice,

I have to imagine it didn't do much and if it did, it's just confirmation bias because if I'm throwing my friend in a volcano to make it rain and it starts raining and somebody's like, that's just a coincidence. I'm going to kick their fucking ass. That was my friend, I tossed in there. Oh, really? It was a waste of time. Oh, really? So just so happens, we were going through a drought. I took Carter up to the volcano, tossed him in. Liz saw the look on his face of surprise because he thought we were just going on a hike, heard him scream. And now you're going to tell me I'm not responsible for the rain.

I'm not responsible for the rain. But we live in modern times, we must not succumb to the superstitious part of our mind that wants to make connections where there are none. And yet, and yet, the human mind is curious, quality of humanity. One of its most beautiful traits is that curiosity. It's that call that has brought some of the greatest things into our world. Not just the call, but listening to the call.

By Schneiva Bok Tioge, that's a fancy name for the Hari Krishna's. By Schneivaboktyyoga and many other lineage is in that tradition, is the practice cultivating the love of God. In this case, Krishna, many beautiful stories, metaphors for life that show up in some of these, sometimes relatively obscure scriptures, one of them, which I love so much, is the story of the Rosalila. Krishna is out and the forest on a full moon, playing his flute, and the go piece. Thatending to their fire maybe about to fall asleep, babies are sleeping, husbands playing Diablo 4 and they hear that flute, that beautiful flute,

it's the sound of God, the music of God. And they say they leave the lamps burning. You run into the forest to follow that flute. They leave their lives behind. Because not because some discipline, not because of some extra effort, but because the sound itself, so magnetic, so powerful, so transcendent, that all you can do is run to it. Before you can run to the flute, you have to hear it first. And there's Bok Dioga, or any great spiritual tradition. You know, the argument in the Brothers' Caramazov, and weirdly, I flipped through this damn

book just to find this little parable that shows up in all 16 trillion pages of the damn book in super long. Come on, Dazdai, I You could have, you could have added in Oh, greatest Russian writer of all time, in my opinion. You could have added it out or something. But you know, a lot of the chapters in there essentially assays discourses on Christianity. And I've read Dusty Eskiew, is it what's known as an existential Christian like Kierkegaard, but I don't fucking know.

I would know an existential Christian if it bit me in the ass. But he talks about this problem when it comes to God from the Christian perspective, which is if God can cause conversion just by touching you or some magical bolt or a little sparkly beam shooting out of the fingers of Christ, floating through the air and landing on your pineal of land or whatever, then we have no freedom. You're just like a glass of water that God dropped

some food coloring into. Nothing special there. So, and isn't Alice, it's more about choice, the decision. And you know, you can fill in whatever, Jesus with whatever, why the decision you make. Start listening. And then when you hear it to go towards it, but the good news is if you can hear it, you'll probably go towards it. It's the way my dog acts when I shake a bag of food. I mean, that is maybe the most food. I mean, that is maybe the most non-romantic, mundane, potentially blasphemous way to describe the call. Curiosity is the beginning of it. You're not going to hear

Christmas fluid. If you don't get curious, you're not going to dig deep into why these scrotums are showing up in our national park hot springs until you get curious. Now this is totally non-scientific non-journalistic. I have not investigated this. I will not name the neighbor who talked to me about this. But one of my neighbors, you know, I passed him jogging. We jogged shirtless together through the, through Austin, and like three, and the afternoon 105, 104 degrees.

No big deal. I love the heat. And I slowed down a little bit so he could catch up and he said that he'd been in his hot tub which is a really wonderful thing to do right after you finish a nice afternoon Texas run. I like to jump in my hot tub and relax. Yeah, he said that there was a scrotum in his hot tub.

And you know what I'm going this, that he went to scoop it out, a UFO appeared above it. We must not be afraid to look into these occurrences. We must not be afraid of the disappointment, the embarrassment that might come when as it turns out all of this can be completely explained with logic and being rational. You know, I at that moment I'm looking at him, I realize, you know, he's got gray hair. He's fit. And so I said to him, hey, do you, I know this seems crazy. I will show you my scrotum, which is completely normal, non-treated, if you will show me your scrotum. And this is Texas, people are cool here.

They're not freaked out like in so many other places. So right there, he pulls the spandex down, lifted it is... Penis, I'm sorry, sorry, you're listening to listening to the cards, kids. He yeah, and showed it to me. It looked like he'd been dipping it in like pine tar or something. Like it had a crystalline quality to it. And he gave me a wink and he ran off and he ran fast. Curiosity friends, allow yourselves to go where your curiosity calls you. Sometimes

it's going to call you into the end of a clearing where you will dance with the divine. Sometimes it will bring you to the place where you are analyzing your neighbor's scrotum. But I'm going to wrap this up here because we have a great podcast today. If you accept that maybe you're not just a you, you're a hensero of consciousness. Sentient, protruberance, is that a word? I don't care. A sentient protrusion, tentacle. The fingers of the earth exploring the antenna, trying to understand itself.

Some of us, we explore the antenna, trying to understand itself. Some of us, we explore the divine and varnasi and clearings under the full moon. And some of us, we go full science. We're not afraid. Some of us, looking at this scrotum of the neighbor is not enough, holding it is not enough. We want you learn so much from Smout. So if stuff shows up on the internet, over the next few days where it appears that I am on the streets of Austin with my face buried in my neighbor's taint and scrotum. You know why now? That's the whole point of this rant. So yeah, what you're seeing there in those pictures that someone tried to blackmail me about and said, if you don't, you know, send

over blah blah blah, I'm on a Bitcoin. I'm gonna release these. I mean, come on, man. I'm supposed to remember that password to get into my Meta mask wallet. I don't know where I put my phrases. Look, if you see, I'm just saying I love you guys. I hope you love me. If you see these pictures come out all over the internet in the next couple of days Just know you're looking at like basically Neil deGrasse Tyson. It's no different

Then Neil deGrasse Tyson or a picture of any great scientist looking into a microscope I'm just looking into a microscope that happened to be located under my neighbors, like incredibly gigantic disease Texas. Foulness. I wanted to know the truth. I want to chip in. I don't want to sit in my room playing Diablo IV vaping. I want to chip in to the scientific community.

And yeah, I'm willing to go the distance here. That's all. And we'll do it another way. You know what? I will have a smelling scientist. I think is what they come on the show and talk about smells and how much you can learn just from the biochemical signatures released from any given person. How much that will tell you like with the bio computer of the human mind.

We've got a wonderful podcast for you today. Tom Segura is like the best ever. Not only is he insanely funny. Not only does he have multiple podcasts that are the most listened to podcasts on the planet, but he's just cool. Nice friend. Somebody just like for me, whenever I'm around him, I just get happier. He's so fun to spend any amount of time with and he's a very, very busy person. So I was incredibly excited when he said he'd come on the show. Because when you get to the point to that point, like when you're like sort of like,

I'm sorry, I doubt you listen to podcast, you go, I'm gonna be, if you are, I'm so sorry, this is embarrassing. But when you, you know, when you get that level of momentum going, you don't have a lot of time, right? And if you do have time, you sure, you probably don't wanna spend a doing podcast

if you're a podcast or so. Super cool, he came on the show, and it was so fun talking in because he's really funny and you really open up a lot about what it's like to be like an ambitious, successful comedian and like maintain like the balance in your own family and your own life, which is something that I've experienced myself and most people I know who are comics who go on the road.

It's something that you have to figure out a way to balance it out. You have to make decisions that maybe to your former ambitious comedian self don't make sense, you know, because if you're most comediansians, I mean feel like beyond lucky to have this as our job, flabbergasted might be a better word for it. And so you really like want to keep like investing your time into like getting out there and doing it. But you know, once you decide to have a family, then that really has to be at the top. If you ask me, um, I mean, the family just under leveling up your Diablo 4 sorcerer.

Because Jesus Christ, if I could just get into those tier three, into those tier 3, tongue-jins and get some unique gear than I could probably spend less mana on my, Frost Novos. We're gonna jump right into this episode, but first, this. Here's a temple not a theater for rest When you're young you shouldn't see

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I got dogs. I don't wanna roll the dice on what happens when my brutal swallows rodeola. Probably will be fine, maybe not. Maybe it will give it some power. It will be able to burrow through walls. Maybe it'll just go full kujo on me. I don't know.

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H-E-1, we love you. And we're back. All right, everybody, big announcement. There's been a change to my Patreon. You go to patreon.com.com for the last DTFH subscribe. I've had these tears and it's a little embarrassing. But to like do the video tier where I hang out with everybody for a group meditation or family gathering, I just had to come

to Jesus moment when I was realizing how much I paid for Netflix. And that the video tear was like, I mean, there's a few different ones that all get you the same thing. But one of them was like, I think maybe a little more than Netflix. I mean, it's embarrassing. Put it out there. Like I'm not making my own funded, limited series starring world famous actors. Just me hanging out, rambling once a week.

So it's not now if you subscribe to the Patreon, it's five bucks. That's just what it's going to be. If you want to subscribe to the higher tiers, please do subscribe away. The highest ones, Jesus Christ, go for it. I don't know why you would, but do it, please. You know, I mean, my God. Do you know how much these miniature horses that my children love to eat, cost? And how hard it is just to find them

and then a lot of these people selling them are so strict about you'll come check your house out. Hey, is that a horse smoker? Why does it seem like, why are there all these? Horse hooves next to your smoker. Why is the why does it seem like why are there all these horse hooves next to your smoker? So it will help, you know, source these things because it's real hard, real hard. You got to go on the dark web, which I hate doing. It's patreon.com for its T, F, H. I am currently taking a hiatus from going on the road for the next couple of months, but after that, I'm going to be doing lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of shows.

You can find those dates at dunkentrustle.com. and now everybody I am so thrilled to jump into this conversation with the host of your mom's house. A comedian who's fifth special, you can now watch on Netflix, at least probably the time that you're listening to this. I think it comes out like July 5th or something. It's called sledgehammer. I was lucky enough to see it live and it, he is mind blowing. Like this is, it's just like so cool that this level of comedy is happening right now. It's so cool.

You will feel when you watch it, like you will be like, oh, he's shit. This is like, this is like, this is like being back in the day and getting like watching, you know, prior a car or a lantern or something like that. So on Netflix, it's called Sledgehammer. And now everybody, welcome.

First time on the DTFH Tom Segura. I'm looking behind you through that window. Beautiful. Aspen. Yeah. Colorado, man. It's an amazing place. through that window. Beautiful. Aspen. Yeah. Colorado, man. It's an amazing place. I've been doing the, you know,

eat what you kill for about two weeks now. So it's exhausting. Because I've heard that. Some days I get fish. Some days I get elk, but, you know, there's been days where it's just bugs and the kids are really upset, but'm just like this is life you know Do you I can't obviously can't but notice right next to the window it looks like a pelt hanging there

What what animal is that? That that's actually it's a rare Colorado squirrel that actually might be well don't know that if in these parts there's some of them can actually fly. So it's one of the flying squirrels. Yeah. Because it looks like I mean again I'm not a hunter and definitely not trying to call you out though I know some people like animal rights people listening might be upset hearing what you're saying but man that sure looks like a dog pal on the wall. Yeah no no it was um I know what you're thinking and it's not it's not and I and I and I haven't I people have been saying that I've accidentally killed a dog

and I haven't I just wanted to make that clear I haven't. Okay, yeah, I mean, it feels like I would hear about that kind of squirrel. And I don't do like ambush podcasts or challenge. I'm so lucky you're on the show. But uh. And there's people that say that like a black lab looks like a like a cub, like a, you know, like a, like a new, like a young bear.

But I've never made that distinction. I also wouldn't hunt a cub. I want to also want to say that. But it would be, I mean, like if you were super hungry, living in Aspen, and like you realize hunting is really hard. Like, yeah, I could, you, yeah, you get where I'm at. I could see how somebody would, I can see how somebody would do that. But I would also I would I would fish first, you know, make sure I'm

you know, see if I can get a fish. Fishing's hard, man. I like you never like, you know, again, just if it let's say your neighbor's out of talk and you were super hungry and you realize fishing is also like a skill like a thing that takes time to Especially to catch the kind of fish to feed your whole family and your kids were hungry. I would yeah Well, I mean, I don't know why you keep bringing up the dark thing. It's I That squirrel

It has a collar on it the squirrel pelt has a collar. They get, they get huge here, dude. If you're in this region, you see them every day. You'll see 34-pound squirrels every day here. 40-pound squirrels. Oh, yeah. That must be scary. Do you hear them running through the trees? That is wild, dude.

Do you know what I saw? I saw out on the river the other day was a bald eagle. And it's so crazy to see them in person. Like I've seen videos and obviously, like, you know, photos, but in person, he was just perched on top of a tree, just magnificent man. Yeah. All the eagle just chill in there.

Yeah. They have resting bitch face. They're like the angriest bird. They do. They're such dead. They look like they're dead. But once you get to know them, yeah, they're, yeah. They're, they're, they're, they're so intense.

And it is like, of all the things to pick for like the, the national image, the ball, the eagle, man. Like, what the fuck? Look, there's so many sweeter birds you could pick. A cockatiel. A cockatiel. But these things have like nine foot wingspanes. They're insane to see out in the open.

And their ability to just kill. And the way they do it, I feel like the horror of getting scooped up, you're just like eating grass, whatever, you as an animal and then all of a sudden, just the ground is getting smaller and smaller, talons in your back, but you can't see what's, you might think you're like levitating, you're right.

It's fucked. You just know that you're in excruciating pain and you're being flown through the sky. It's crazy, man. Oh, no. It's so horrible. And there's gotta be something, like there's something sweet irony to the fact

that it is, I'm sure, beautiful to be up in the air for the fruit, like you don't normally fly. And you're like, wow, we're flying. But you just severed my spine with your talents. Look how small my calves look from up here. There. I watched it. Did you, because I think we both have, we like to look at really fucked up videos.

Yeah. You said you're one of my guys. I have like a circle of guys. And you definitely send me some of the best too. You know, I've been holding back. Like I know I shouldn't, but some of these things I get, I see are so awful that I almost send them to you. And then I'm like, oh, but this like crosses the line.

Because it's so. No, you can always send it to me. You can always send it to you and then I'm like, oh, but this like crosses the line because it's so now that you can always send it to me. You can always send it to me. Did you see the Russian dude, the video of the Russian Shark Attack? The guy I didn't eat in my shark. Yeah. What'd you think? Yeah. Terrible. I mean it was terrible. Like, what's work like, once you get, you're explained everything going on in the video, it's much worse. So at first you're just like, oh my god, because get, you're explained everything going on in the video, it's much worse. So at first you're just like, oh my god, because you think you're seeing it, then your brain realizes what it's seeing.

And then you realize that his dad is watching off camera, and then somebody was like, his dad was videotaping, like, no, his dad's not videotaping. His dad's just there. And then there's a, there's a touristy, there's like a touristy song. So it's like this, like this like playful song. If you watch the video, yeah, because there's all these tourists out. And you're, so you're that playing. And his girlfriend was in the water and managed to swim away from this. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, it's horrible. Because you know, he's trying to get away.

You see him go up vertically and pull it back down. Yeah. And then I don't know. I read the story afterwards that said, I thought he would have been eaten. He wasn't eaten. Mal. He was just maled and killed, yeah. Yeah, because supposedly, he's sharp.

Sharks don't like the way humans taste, supposedly. I mean, that's the great tragedy of it all, is that like you could at least, if you were trying to find the light side of someone getting eaten by a shark, you're like, well, you know, he's become part of the sea or you know, he's feeding a shark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, part at least he's in the he's like, it's primal and awful, but yeah, the shark. It's like once it realizes it fucked up, it doesn't even eat you. It just swims away. My favorite is the the marine like the marine experts, people who are like,

The favorite is the Marine experts, people who are like Marine biologists or regular divers, always give like tips on how to deal with sharks. Like you're gonna have your wits about you in those moments. Here's what you do. First of all, don't thrash, don't splash, don't try to swim away. Be very calm. Like tap, like tap their their their their nose like this. Let them know that and look them. They want you to look them in the eyes. Tap their nose. Tap their nose. This way. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, are you sure about this?

Are you sure about this? The great whites. Is this how you've been doing to great whites? You put your hand on top of their mouth, their nose, you go like this, and then it just kind of like passively, they followed it, because also, you know, even if they're in attack mode, their eyes roll back at the last second, they don't see what they're about to bite. So you're just supposed to like, get them here. But it's just like, it's like telling somebody how to deal with an armed intruder and be like,

all right calm down. Yeah. Just take a deep breath. You know, take a seat. Take a deep breath. Yeah, just announce yourself. Hi, I noticed you're invading my house. Yeah, just announce yourself. Hi, I noticed you're invading my house. Yeah, I was. Good my house. I'm also armed and I don't want this to end in bloodshed. Yeah. Okay.

Do you think this is a, is I, you know, you don't know how you're gonna die, I'm gonna die. And certainly that guy didn't, like when he was thinking about ways he might die, it probably never occurred to him that you would not only like eat by a sharp go viral, which is like a new phenomenon, right? Like if you get killed in a savage way, the planet will watch, do you think that when you get eaten by an animal, something primordial kicks in and you like relax, you kind of

like go into a trance state because like,, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a I've seen a number of big cat videos like that, so I don't know if I've seen the one that you're describing, but I've seen a few where it is so amazing how powerful big cats are. It completely humbles you in such a way where you like you think you've seen real strength and you use like there's leopards that carry like they'll carry water buffaloes up a tree in their mouth and you're like what the fuck it's crazy the whole thing is crazy I think yeah the whole thing is it I think your your brain does probably go into this state of where you have

panic you have resistance and then you have acceptance I think in something like that right like yeah, it's probably like I don't know. It's like a like a plane crash too, right like where you go like what the fuck is happening? Oh my god, oh my god, and then it's like a like a playing crash too, right? Like where you go like what the fuck is happening? Oh my god, oh my god, and then it's like if there's things in a nose dive You're like, oh, this is gonna happen and I think yes I think we're kind of lucky in the sense that if a big cat or a bear or something You have that that panic you have the resistance and then you're yeah, I think your brain just goes like you're you know You're not winning this one. Yeah, And you probably, you probably get released with a chemical cocktail that lets you kind of just kind of succumb to your fate, I think. I don't know. I don't want to find out. But. Well, let me refer you. I know you've seen this one. The Mexican gang that has a

dog chew off someone's balls. Have you seen that one? And you, you, it's some point he rely, like he's watching this dog eat his balls. And the reaction you would think you would have to that would not be his reaction. It was more just kind of like what you're saying, like surrendering to the fact that your balls are getting chewed off by a dog. I also think that, I mean, it's a lot of what we're describing is actually happening there.

I mean, imagine the, what your body is capable of to deal with, like these horrific things. I mean, I'm sure there's an adrenaline surge that you can't even imagine that's putting you in a state of shock, actually. So he's probably actually not feeling how bad that hurts. Yeah, and he can't believe what's,

I mean, his hands are tied behind his back. And there's dudes like casually torturing him like this. Like they're not, they're not in a panic. So you're like, you know, this is not the first time they've done that. It's not the first time that dog is in a... What? What?

What has to happen in There those guys lives to end up being able to do that like so Casually like how Their life has gone where they're like oh where the guy like if you need that done you you call me Yeah, and I'll take care of that Yeah, dude one of them is probably... Jesus Christ. One of them is like probably thinking like fuck,

this dog always takes so long to eat balls. Like he's like, he's got shit to do. You know what I mean? Like they're treating it like a business meeting or something. Like this is just on their schedule. That was on their schedule. He's like, this sucks that we don't have Sparky the other dogs because that dude He gets he tears through these, you know this this dog is so

like Passive with the way he choose. I wish he was a little more aggressive It's horrific man. I'm a riff it This I would love to know your thoughts on this. This is something that terrifies me. Just what you're saying. It feels like there are two, it's stupid to categorize humanity in two things, but it does feel like there's people like us

who watch the video, the people who are getting their dog to chew off someone's dick and are horrified that someone would do that to someone. And but then it feels like there's a whole other group of people living on this planet who look at us as just robes, as idiots, as like complete naive dipshits because they think that is how you are supposed to run things, like that's power. And I mean, that's like the president

or the shit happening in Ukraine or you look at that and it's like, God, am I, maybe we really are sheep, like all the conspiracy theorists yell out. Maybe we are so vulnerable because if people like that exist, man, and we aren't like that, we're fucked. They're the ones who, when the power goes out, become the leaders. It's not the compassionate people. Yeah, I mean, I think we're pretty lucky in that, I think most people are actually,

the majority of people are more naturally compassionate. And the people who rely on the most horrific things, like that, you are, you're not just a minority. It takes a series of things through someone's life to end up like that. You can't just tap someone to do that tomorrow. You can't go to your neighbor and be like, hey, what do you think?

Could you help me cut this guy open? Like that takes a usually a lifetime of abuse and neglect and slowly introducing like the darkest things that are imaginable to a person from a young age and getting them to think that it's normal. I think we're probably lucky that most people never experience that stuff and aren't introduced and have a healthy reaction, which is like, this is really horrible. Those cartel guys, warlords, mob people, like, when you think about the grand scheme of like, you know, there's around 8 billion people. Those people really are the few, but they are the scariest. And you're actually, you know,

if society collapsed and you ran into one of those people, you are, you're in for probably a very dark experience. Probably slavery. I mean, that's like, probably you're going to become, either just going to, they won't kill you. I mean, that's like, probably you're gonna become, they're just gonna, they won't kill you, they're just gonna be like,

yeah, just getting in the car, you're at my slave now. You must have had this thought. Like what type of slave owner you would have been? You know what I mean? Do you think that you wouldn't have enjoyed the benefits of living in that time? Okay, that's a great question. You know, I think of it like it terms of like, okay, this is a round about way to answer the question. I saw some episode in naked and afraid.

You ever see that? They put, they make people take their clothes off. Yes, yes. So to naked and afraid, you ever see that? They make people take their clothes off. They survive. Yes, yes. So this hippie manages to like kill, I don't know, a squirrel or something with a rock. And it's holding the squirrel's body, apologizing to the squirrel and saying,

and thanking it. And I, you know, I'm thinking like God, from the squirrel's perspective, like it's still kind of alive. It's this thing, like this giant thing has thrown a rock at it and is like holding it and making grunting noises at it that are apologetic.

That's, if I would rather someone just be like, I killed you to eat you, not like apologize and try to mitigate the, the karma of it. So I think with like any fucked up unethical thing, like slave, like being a slave owner, the worst slave owner would be there regretful slave owner, right? Like the one who like is like, all four up about it because it's like, you're, so you're a fucking coward. Like you are though, you're somehow even worse than the because it's like you're so you're a fucking coward like you are though you're somehow even worse than the one who's like this makes sense I hate farming now I don't

have to farm I hate paying employees this makes sense because at least that person's like so kind of robot or or you know just purely evil whereas the other kind of evil is fucked, cowardly evil. If you're gonna be evil, be evil all the way. Don't like be like that. Don't fucking waver. If you're gonna eat meat, eat meat. If you're gonna go in your fucking neighbor's yard, take his dog.

You know what I mean? And like, eat it. Just fucking just, you know, that's what you did. That's who you are. Yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, if someone were to do that. Yeah, I mean, I think it's like people always, they, we always talk about the horrors of our history of slavery in this country, you know,

which are obviously valid. Yeah. And what a, like, morally bankrupt group of people had to have lived in that time. Yeah. But what people like, I'd never really talk about is what hundreds of years of free labor was to the people that were doing that. And it's like, I think those people were just like, yeah, we can just order people to do all things for free. For free? We just, yeah, we just feed them. And then when we get upset at our progress, like when our contractor isn't getting things done, then we just beat or kill people.

I mean, that was there, that was their norm. That was a norm of the time for hundreds of years. their norm that was a norm of the time for hundreds of years. Thousands of years and to this day. What thousands if you look at like the world, yeah. Sure. So, Rogan told me some creepy statistic about how many slaves there still are. There's still in other countries slaves. Yeah. Like it's still fucking happening.

Like it's just. What's happening too in other countries is that they're... They're also being coerced, which is one of the sadder things that you don't think it happened in 2023, right? Where they go, where they're being promised work. And so they're getting people to leave their country, arrive. And then they just are thrown into these, basically like camps where they're living in filth,

and they are just, it's just modern day slavery, they're just converted right into slaves. Yeah, yeah, it's, you know, when you look at that, like you know it's bad when you're in the airport, and like they've got posters saying, are you being human traffic? And like that that that shows you how fucked up it is. Like if you get to the point any of your businesses where you have to put up a poster, you know, saying like, hey, if you've been kidnapped, here's what you could do, here's the indicate. And like that really

freaks me out when I'm on road trips. And you know, you halls go by and trucks go by and just statistically, if you're on a long enough road trip, one of them is going to have people in it. One of them's going to have like handcuffed models in it. Yeah. And then they're in the back of a you hole. Yeah. And they're like, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. And they're like, you know.

That's what I'm talking about. I never see, I mean, go ahead, talk. I'm never, well, I'm never like attractive, you know. Can I have a, people capturing mass number. Yeah, no, no, like a hostage, like they never go like, look how hot this group of people that are tied together in the back of this, you know, a cargo van are. Like they're never hot. Well, I, you know what I'm guessing?

That's like the brings truck level. Like if you've got like attractive people that you've kidnapped, you're not gonna, you're gonna put them in like a more secure truck, right? That's why you don't see it. It's like they don't get, you're not gonna put him in a more secure truck, right? That's why you don't see it. It's like they don't get it. You know what I mean? The ones who are getting shipped out to Saudi Arabia or whatever, or like, you know,

because that happens. Like, I read this whole thing about how like, you know, hot girls on Instagram get approached by like incredibly wealthy people from Saudi Arabia who like fly them out, get them in their fucking harem. They have harems. Give them opium, get them high. And then it's not like they kidnap them, but it's like they're just like, you just suddenly.

In a days. In a days, in a harem. You're in a fucking harem. And you know. And that's really happening right now. Yes, there are actual harems, I've seen pictures. These dudes have harems. They're like, you know, women who are living in their palace

who go into a room and they all fuck up, or whatever. They all, and they're all in MDMA, they're all high as a kite, and just like, it, you know, this is what I'm saying. It's like We all of our friends and probably most people is in this live in this one bandwidth of reality that you know Default reality whatever you want to call it and part of living in default reality is you accidentally imagine It's encompasses like most things, but what freaks me out is like and it's encompasses like most things. But what freaks me out is like,

you know, and the way we do that is like, yeah, history, there was slavery, but you know, now that there is in or there were heroms, that would have been cool to have one, but simultaneously this shit is happening right now, like the exact same Gingus con-level shit, but we just never see it. That is, that freaks me out it that is that freaks me out man

That freaks me out that should freak us out. I mean you realize that's one of the big things about like exposing yourself to Seeing more of the world you realize that if you live in United States in most parts and just decide to just never venture out you have no concept of parts and just decide to just never venture out. You have no concept of what the rest, how the rest of the world operates. In any way, like I'm talking about when it comes to like even the way that whatever, people forge for food or the way that people live and bathe in a place that doesn't have running water or the way that crime is just prevalent in certain parts of the world in a way that we don't, so I'm telling my kids this day.

We just don't have that exposure to it. It's just like, it is a totally different thing here. And it's important to actually open your mind about, but I don't know, do you think that maybe by not ingesting and digesting, what is going on, especially dark things, that you're actually just doing your mind a favor? Are people who go, I don't want to know, are they cowards or are they just taking care of their mental health?

Yeah, you know, my,, okay, the early Buddhism, I don't think they do, they do it in, I think, God dammit. Thailand maybe, no Burma maybe, they, well these monks, they would go to graveyards and sit at the edge of like pits where bodies were decomposing and meditate for days watching the bodies decomposed and the point was really yes Yes, and and and the idea was you need to understand that's gonna happen to you

Like you you don't need to just like intellectually understand it You have to understand like with the entirety of your being that this thing you look at in the mirror every day will have a bloated stomach will have a you know the all the shit that goes along with death. So yeah, they would sit and do that and the idea being to the opposite of ignored. Don't ignore it to the point where it's not like bothering you anymore, where you've just accepted this is your fate as a human. And so sometimes there are Acceptance and sometimes when I'm looking at this stuff that I think I trick myself into thinking there's it's kind that's kind of what I like I want to know

I don't want to shield myself from the reality of what life is actually like on the planet in some places. And also, I always have a self-help book going, not during, not while I'm watching it, but like I always try to have balance it out, I always try to have some kind of like positive shit going simultaneously, but that's stupid. It's probably better, right?

What do you think? It's better not to. Well, I do think that like, our brains do this thing both in our personal life for the things we experience day to day, and then in the greater scheme of like what's happening in the world, where your brain allows you to shell things, right? So that you can get through the day, right?

If you were just thinking about the worst things happening all the time, you would be like inconsolable. So one of the things that like, like I've always been like a pretty, a fairly big news consumer, I feel like I'm less actually now than I've ever been, but every like, when you actually really understand that like,

of course, everyone knows North Korea, but like in China, for instance, China has active labor camps for political dissidents. I mean, you can go out and just say something that is not flattering to the state and end up in a labor camp. And I think like when you really consider how terrifying and awful that is,

if you thought about that all the time, it would be to your own detriment, right? So like, yeah, to have an awareness, maybe the thing is you have an awareness and then you get gratitude, like because it's easy to go like, you can go like how much is it suck here in the US? There's all these things you can obviously go after in America.

But then you go like, yeah, we don't have fucking political labor camps. So maybe it's like to express the gratitude, like makes you think of like, I'm thankful that that doesn't exist here. I don't know. I'm trying to find the positive in knowing something that's so because you can't like you and I and a bunch of people here are not no matter how upset or sad we get, we're not going to end labor camps. You know, like that's just, that's just a reality. Like we, if we had a, Austin. And we were like, yeah, and then.

We did it. That Chinese government was like, fuck. You know, we never really saw that. Fuck, man. Fuck, man. We were just, oh my God. Like it was right in front of us the whole time. The thing is, we just weren't,

we weren't into podcasts until recently. So it's actually our bad. Come listen to this. I think these people think labor camps are bad. Like, no, I grew the man. I grew the I I think that if you lose track of like how incredible it is just to have electricity in a phone compared to like world populations. If you lose track and you know, it is the same thing happens at every level of success, doesn't it? Like you, and this is why I think like the super, super rich,

the familial rich, they're like aliens man. Like they, their existence is so different than most people's existence that, because they stopped even attempting to do that. They stopped even trying to realize how insanely rare their experience of life is compared to the world population. Totally, totally. And I think they're so far gone the people you're talking about that if you were to try

to introduce the concept of like, Hey, be super thankful for like, once you write down the 10 things that are like amazing about your, they would be like, what? Like, I think they would, I think it would be met with like ridicule. I almost like you were to say like, write down your 10 favorite words in Mandarin. They'd be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Yeah. Yeah. They ate it. They would hate the US. They would just be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah, they're, they would hate the US. They would just be like, yeah, yeah, it would be met with contempt. But, but the, you know, in Christianity, I love Christianity, but I think when you, so you, I didn't Christianity, somehow somehow got there's this devil creature purely evil Somehow God is not complicit in the creation of the devil thing

That's where like the logic of this stuff gets confusing to me because it's either God made everything or God didn't make Everything which means God made Satan which makes God the the father of Satan which is more satanic than Satan so If you think about it if if you think about it, I've never heard that before. That's really good. Especially because Jesus said, you shall know the father by the sun.

It's like, oh, fuck, like, well, I try not to think about the stuff, and maybe I'm missing a whole point of Christianity there, but you know, I think something about recognizing all aspects of reality as fundamentally perfect even when they're disturbing that you're still like watching the most incredible thing that we know of in the universe, which is like life is even if life is hurting other life, it's still like, wow, this is part of the universe

and it's so spectacular in this terrible way. imperfections, the imperfections are what make life life, right? Like easy going, gliding through stuff is like, yeah, that's supposed to be a moment. Like life is chaos. Like it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be like you had plans. Oh my God, I thought you're going to be with this person, you're with that person, you're going to be in, you're going to work in this line of work. That thing blows up. You like everything is supposed to be,

you're dealing with what the universe provides. That's what life is supposed to be, I think. with what the universe provides. That's what life is supposed to be, I think. Yeah, man. And that, for me, it's like once you really realize that, then you have the existential equivalent of the thing that happens when the tiger is about to eat you, right? Instead of fighting and freaking out, you can kind of relax until like, yeah, this is fucked. This is fucked. Like so much of like any person's life is probably pretty fucked. I mean, when I talk to people, usually there's always some angle of their life that's like completely collapsing or that they're climbing out of maybe

or that they're about to fall into. It does seem to be the norm Right, I mean Smooth sailing it almost feels like when somebody has a completely like the people who are like everything is just like this What you're actually doing and it took me a while to realize this stug in I think what you're doing at that point is you're not participating in life. So like you can go like, well, I don't want to pursue like the work that I really want to pursue.

And therefore, I'll do this thing that doesn't upset the equilibrium at all. I don't want to engage in relationships. So therefore, I can't be in a good or bad one. So like, if you go, I will retreat from all the things that would make life life. Then yeah, then they go, oh yeah, life is smooth sailing because you're actually like not participating in life. You're not going after dreams, you're not going after relationships, you're not engaging with people. So therefore, you're like,

everything's nothing's really happening. Yeah, you're also not living. Right. Yeah, you can't. I mean, if you had to guess, as a comedian, and forgive me, for two in your morning, one of the great comedians alive right now your stand up and stop so fucking good

Okay How many times did you bomb do you think if you had to guess like if like we're in Vegas and there is like and you get it You get it like the marble how many marbles are the how many times you think you've bum Well, there's a the real question is how many times What I'm actually you bought high times if you had epic bombs Well, there's the real question is how many times, how many times have you had epic bombs? Epic bombs. Epic bombs, epic bombs, you shouldn't have dozens and dozens.

No. Those are like a handful. And I've had a few that are pretty legendary, massive, like... Like what? Hard shaking bombs. He talked about it. Well, I mean, sure, I'm trying to pick my... I mean, I've had just complete chaos unfold at shows where...

I mean, the most famous one for my career was I got boot off stage um and that was there's something poetic to it because I shot my very first special on a Saturday in Minneapolis in 2013 seven days later I'm on stage on a Saturday doing a club, seven days after what is the high point of my career at that time. And I get booed off stage, right? With like the material that I just, I just take the special. Jesus Christ.

And it was, it was jarring. It was jarring, you know, it was like, it was pretty incredible how, like how shaking that was where I was like, what the fuck? You know, I was thinking about it too, I'd never really considered what if it were the Saturday but 4 I taped, how that would have been even much worse, I think, you know. You might not have done this special. You might not have done this special. Maybe not, maybe not. Which meant that maybe you'd never do a special, which means you wouldn't have five,

you have five specials right now. Five. What a fucking body of work, man. So yeah, if like, things had gone the other direction, Jesus, God knows what would happen to you. Yeah, I mean, that's like a crazy one. I've had other ones where it's like, people are, you know, cause I used to work the club system pretty relentlessly. And this is like pre-ticket selling.

So before you sell in tickets, you're just doing whoever's at the club. And it's good for you in the sense that it really sharpens your sword, like you learn how to deal with all types of crowds, all over the country. But man, I mean, yeah, I had shows, I wouldn't, you know, it wasn't like weekly or even monthly, but I would say every quarter you would have one that would go completely sideways. And, you know, the thing like, you find that like what's your pet peeve from audience to it.

For me, it wasn't like, it wasn't somebody yelling something out, that's actually like something you kind of develop a skill set for. It was like, it was like people just Really honestly just being drunk and and disrespecting the whole experience so They start talking and you're like what are you doing and they're like I'm talking to my friend and you're like And that shit I would feel my blood pressure just start to my friend and you're like, oh, and that shit, I would feel my blood pressure just start to go up.

And I always, I heard this thing from Gary Shanling once where he said, don't get mad, get funny. And so what it's supposed to mean is like in those moments, you try to keep your head in the space of stay a comedian, right? Like, so what's the funny thing to say here? And it's very helpful if you can do it, but you realize that it actually takes work. It's not as simple as just saying it and knowing it. You have to practice it. And I remember after I heard that I would try to incorporate it more. So I would go like, in the millisecond, I would be like, what's the funnier thing to do here?

And I would try to make jokes of it. But the days where I failed, when anger would win, dude, I would say such vicious things that aren't funny. They're just mean. And I would just be in a state of rage, basically, such vicious things that aren't funny. They're just mean. Yeah. And I would just be in a state of rage basically. We're like, you can like continue

that just people would be like, what the fuck? And like, I have, you know, I have women crying being dragged out of the show. Like, yeah, you fucking pig. And I'm just like, just completely fuck. Yeah, just like, because I'm in a I'm so I mean looking back on it, you realize that you're so what you are, you're so like hurt that you were trying to be vulnerable because what the just thing that happens, even if you're

like a silly person on stage, there is a there is something about you being vulnerable, right? Like if we're having a conversation right now and you are super vulnerable about something, and then I kind of mock you or, you know, like belittly you about it, you automatically go like, oh, I don't wanna be vulnerable with this guy anymore, right? Right. Like, I'm not gonna open up to him,

he just mocked me. And I think there's a version of that that can happen on stage that will like basically brew in a show. Yep. And that was a thing where whenever I had like real drunks, like, and I was, and I was, and the thing is I was about to open, maybe I was about to enter a moment where I was gonna say something. Then you go like, I don't wanna say this anymore, you know?

Yeah. So, it's a whole thing, but like the bombing, you have to bomb. I've met people who are younger in standup who are like, yeah, I haven't really had any bomb. Like, well, you haven't done that much standup then. Right. Or you're not really trying.

You're not trying or experimenting or you, and yeah, that's to me like you know You can sort of Understand everything from one thing you're doing and it's like that is the metaphor I mean it's you want to get to be a good comedian You know the worst rut I ever gotten in my fucking life was because of cowardice because like I didn't want to like trying You jokes I had jokes that were working enough. I would have a romp paper, a good show,

but get off stage and just feel dead inside. What am I? 100%. What am I doing? Why not just get an animatronic version of me to wheel out on stage and do all the same sounds and movements? So it's like that, yeah yeah that to me that seems to be something that people are desperately trying to avoid in their own lives.

Your brain can do this thing where I've been in the exact same rut even like not that long ago, just beyond tour, have a show, like meeting I have my show that I put on down, like I know how to do the show. Go out there, big crowd, you know, big, big crowd. Show goes well, really well, get off stage, and I'm bummed out. And I was like, what's wrong, I'm like, that sucked. And Tom was like, what's wrong? I'm like, that sucked. And they're like, what do you mean that sucked? Yeah.

What's really happening is that I'm in a funk because I haven't done anything new in a minute. And I'm allowing myself to understand that I haven't done anything new and I'm reluctant to try. I'm just going like new and I'm reluctant to try. I'm just going like, I don't wanna try. Yeah. I don't wanna try.

This works. I just wanna do this. And then I do the show again and I feel just shitty again. And then it's like I have to work up, like it's courage. It's like you're almost working up the internal courage to go, I'm gonna try something totally new this show. And maybe it'll go poorly. And sometimes it does, but then you at least go,

I'm not a coward, I tried something new. Yes. Dude, and it's so weird, because you forget that every joke you're telling that works started off as a joke that you tried for the first time. Like every single joke. And some of us,

even knowing that you're like afraid to try, to do the only thing that has given you jokes for your whole life. It's still terrifying to come out because it feels so good to be in control. It feels so good to know that you're sad, it feels so good when you get that hour worked out and it's killing and you're like,

this is working. And you just, that's where that's the rich effect. It's like, it's the comedic equivalent of the one person. It's the comedic, you know what I mean? It's the comedic equivalent. It's just like, okay, I've got it. Now I'm just gonna just stay in this exact spot in my life for as long as I can. I mean, that's why people kill themselves, man. I'm certain of it. Now I'm just gonna just stay in this exact spot in my life for as long as I can.

I mean, that's why people kill themselves, man. I'm certain of it. That's like people say 100%. 100%. Because here's the thing that you figure out in all the arts and definitely in stand-up comedy too. If you, you never get to the point where you're there. You never get to the point where you're there.

You never get to the finish. There is no finish line. So people think, maybe if you have the special or you sell out the arena, it's like none of that is the thing. You don't get, you are an artist and you just have to keep creating. You have to keep doing it. You have to keep doing it. You have to keep painting, you have to keep writing. So once you kind of accept that, you're just like, you go, yeah, I'm just never done.

Never done. Do you, does it, now that you are, you know, because we are all hanging out at a comedy store before anything, but you were hanging out at the comedy store before anything, but you were hanging out before your mom's house before like you're you're incredible and deserve success as a comedian. Now that you have the pressure man, like of a family, the pressure you've got kids, you've got like an overhead, you've got you're running a business. sure you've got kids, you've got like an overhead, you've got, you're running a business. Yeah.

Does, how do you deal with that? Like how do you, you know, because the comedians like, we started off like completely free-wheeling. Free, free, like this intense freedom. It's like if you weren't making a bunch of money, that's okay. Whatever. If you were making just a like money Then now you might not even you would think ah That's not enough that you have to pay me so much more than that to do But you would make that or you and you would be so happy you had rent and food For the month that meant rent and food for the month rent is paid that feeling of it. Okay, rent's paid next credit card food.

I think I can swing that and you're happy. So for me, that kind of state of consciousness was conducive to comedy. You know what I mean? Like you could be a miscreant. So how are you dealing with your role as like running a business with Christina, running a family, running a house, all the shit

that goes into that and simultaneously, like creating the creative space that you're, that at least, I don't know, my jokes come from or that I'm assuming most comedians jokes come from. Yeah, I mean, it's a good one. I think a lot of the funny thing is, a lot of the cliche stuff that you go, yeah, bullshit or whatever,

it's always true. That's one of the things that I've learned in life that like everything you hear when you're a kid or when you're coming up, but yeah, all you need is love and all this money won't buy you, having like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all those things are unfortunately, that's super true when you discover their real meaning.

Like you just hear words, but like, I know people won't, but like people don't believe me when I say this, but like, as it is cool to get paid, a lot to do something, it really isn't fulfilling. It doesn't make you feel complete. All the things that are, all your insecurities that you had before then that you think will be resolved by that do not go away. None of them do. So if you try to find meaning in success, I think you come up empty. So you really start to have to find like, you have

to find meaning elsewhere. You know, I mean, like, I'm, I've been getting more into the realizing how important my presence is for the kids, because I've been such a lunatic with touring. I think that since my tour ended a little while back, and I've had a real revelation of like, oh my God, it was actually kind of heartbreaking to realize how much I had toured, and not just what I had missed, perfor myself, but seeing how it affects them.

That was kind of a tough pill to swallow. So, I'm just trying to like, I don't know, it's one of the things where you go like, I don't know if you ever feel like this, but when people go like, you have all these things going on, I'm like, yeah, also, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, man.

Yeah. Like, I don't know how I do any of these things. I don't know. I mean, we just do what we can. I do the best I things. I don't know. I mean, we just do what we can. I do the best I can. I do the best I can at home. I try to make decisions, business wise, that are like solid, but also I try to take some risks,

calculated risks. So there's things that we're doing as a business in that regard. calculated risks, so there's things that we're doing as a business in that regard. Standard wise, I always have the same panicked feeling every time a special comes out. My special, my fifth special has just come out, or I don't know if it's out, whatever, July 4th, I don't know when this airs, but I always have this feeling where I go, fuck, how am I gonna come up with a new hour? And then I sit there and I go, it's impossible, I'm not going to.

And then what saves me is that I go, this is what you thought and felt the last four times as well. Yeah. You had the exact same feeling. So now I know it's a familiar well. Yeah. You had the exact same feeling. So now I know it's a familiar feeling. Yeah. It doesn't make it go away, but at least you go, oh, this is, I remember what this feels like.

Yeah. And then for me, the only way out is just to get on stage, accept that all those bits and all those jokes are gone and just try. Like you just have to try. And I usually get up and I like a few times, I'll do sets and I'll be like, well, that's dog shit. Like there's no way that's gonna make its way into the next hour.

Yeah. And then you do it a few more times and you go, boom, I got one, like, yeah, I got one. I got five minutes now. And then that's the only way, that's the only way I know, you do it a few more times and you go, boom, I got one. Like, yeah, I got one. I got five minutes now. And then that's the only way, that's the only way I know how to do it. I don't know how other people do it. Well, you know, it's really nice here.

You say that I don't know what I'm doing thing because sometimes that haunts me, man. And like, you know, sometimes it's like people expect you to be able to give them some like geometrically perfect explanation of your life like is though there was some plan or there was like a You know since you were a kid you mapped out a strategy that would lead you to the point where you could do comedy specials or, and I don't feel like that at all. I, you know, and I wonder,

is this standard or non-standard? Does the president feel like this? Is this how most people in the government feel? Is there anyone who's like, I've got, I know what I'm doing. I, and he hears the plan, or underneath all that, is there just a general

sense of confusion and like sort of like, you know, burrowing through life like a mole in a yard or something, you know, you're just trying to, like, you're doing something, but the plan... I think in the arts, ultimately we're all like this. Whether we admit it or not, I think you could probably ask Paul McCartney, how do you write songs that he'd be like, I don't fucking know, man. I guess I just go like this, and then I just, I see what I come, I really do think that all artists are like that.

Some of them might not say it like that, but I do think that there's there because everybody knows like there's there's this thing where it's like there's this magic quality, right? When people are like, how did you come up with that line? You're like, I don't know, dude, I just said it. But do you do you think it's just like a trait that is only like an artist or is it like a is it is the basic human experience rooted in confusion? Yes. And if not, if not, and then and then I think as you get wiser and older, it's the acceptance, the realization that you really don't have the answers that that that is what

existence is about. It's about going like it's about the full idea that I don't know what I'm doing but I'm just gonna do stuff. I think I know how to raise these kids. I think I know how to do this work. I think I know how to be a good friend. I mean the people who go I'll tell you exactly how to do all those things. It's like, I don't, I almost don't believe that they believe what they're saying. I think they want to believe what they're saying when they go, I'll tell you how to do everything. Right. That's their version of like coaching themselves.

When, um, you know, like, if I found myself, I'm guessing at night, probably, maybe in the day, in the more early morning, in my neighbor's yard, hungry, not really knowing what I'm doing. You know, just kind of go a moment to moment, committed to hunting and eating only what I kill. You know, if that were me, like, I think I could see myself grabbing the dog, eating it, hanging it up, hanging it up, during a video podcast, during a conversation where someone's gonna see what definitely looks like a dog pal with a collar on it that doesn't look like a tracking collar that you put on a big squirrel. You know, uh-uh.

Okay, let me just say something, you've never been here, and you have no idea how big these things are. Tom, thank you so much, man. I know you're like getting a break right now and you're out there in like God's country. Thank you so much for coming on the show. And I'm so excited for a new special.

I've already already I think I think is the one I the one I saw the Wilbur that's the one that's that's some version of what's coming out right like a Aaron and I came to you saw show you saw me at um at ACL not Wilbur I might as they will right ACL yeah sold out ACL yeah yeah that's the special. Yeah, you That's basically the special that's basically the special. Yeah, yeah It's so good and I hope y'all next man. Well, where is it Netflix? It's on Netflix. Yeah, Fourth of July. It's called Sledgehammer. It's on Netflix and

Yeah, I'm super stoked for it. I really am. I don't think I've ever in my career been this excited for one to come out. I think I just felt, I think it was the fact honestly that I, it was three years. And I realized how much better you can make your hour in another year than it. Because that was in like a two year cycle, the pandemic threw it off. And I was like, oh, this extra year

is actually hugely beneficial. Yes. Yes, take your time. Take your time. Take your time. You know, that's something Mitzi said to me that I'll never get that's where convenience fuck up if they're always in a hurry.

Don't be in a hurry. She's right. Yeah, don't be in a hurry. What's the rush? What's the big deal? I think I'm going to record no rush. I'm recording my special in July, but maybe I'll do it in two more years. Tom.

Oh, where are you doing it? The mother ship. You're doing it there? Yeah, I'm doing it in July. I'm recording it like middle of July, late July. I'm terrified. This is my first specialist. You know how that feels that feels man it's just fucking intense man yeah it's gonna be great how many are you shooting off four for Lance bangs is helping me with it still like it'll be you

know at least I have someone who knows what they're doing reduction wise yeah yeah where you know you're gonna take it or not yet not Not yet. We're just gonna film it. Edit it. See if it's worth a damn and then if it is, then we'll take it from there. But I love the model. A lot of comedians are doing it. They put it on YouTube. I think that's so cool.

Just throw it up there. It gets people to your shows. It's the best. It's brilliant that they have done that. That's taking the, making the opportunity your own. It's like, why are you waiting. That is, that's taking the, making the opportunity your own. It's like, why are you waiting for someone to say, yes, we allow you to?

Just put it up. Put it out there. Don't read the comments. Move up to the mountains. Don't go into society ever again. Tom. Just hunt, you know, hunt, eat what you kill.

Eat what you kill. Eat what you kill. Well, well, man, you know, hide where you're going. E-W-I-Y-Y-K-E-W-E-W-Y-K-E-W-Y-K-E-W-Y-Y-K-E-W-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y- Subscribe to two bears, one cave, bird, creature, I think that's what it's called. Subscribe to anything you put out there, and also a huge thank you to our sponsors, as always. And mostly thanks to you for letting this beat my job. I love you. Follow that curiosity, friends friends into the forest whether it's a forest of pubic air or an actual forest really There's no difference

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