Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 575: Dr. Benjy Epstein

Episode Date: July 30, 2023

Dr. Benjy Epstein, psychologist, author, rabbi, and one of Duncan's favorite people on earth, re-joins the DTFH! Check out Benjy’s new shirts, available now on OHR Apparel! You can learn more about Benjy on his site, DrBenjy.com. You can also check out The Goal is Soul! Be sure to read Benjy's book too, Living in the Presence: A Jewish Mindfulness Guide to Everyday Life, available everywhere fine books are sold! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self.

We're outside of your home. We've got this house completely surrounded. But I sure you know why they're here once perched. So if you can hear the air-dewa, you know what's the lock in New York City? On a thousand miles away, the girl denied you looked so pretty. Yes you do. Tom Square can't shine as bright as you. Us where it's true.

Hey there, Doh-Wala, don't you worry about the distance? Right there, if you can't lonely, give this song another listen. Plus your eyes. Listen to my voice. So if you can hear me, everybody need feet to come to the door. Ugh! I can walk out. I'm trying to record a song! We need to feet to come to the door. I can walk out.

I'm trying to record a song! We need to hear you outside the store. My side of the story is the song! Here to allow a, I know times are getting hard, But just believe me girls someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar and why the good? We'll have the laugh we knew he would.

My word is good, but... Here to Lala, I've got so much left to say If there is simple song I'd vote to you Would take your breath away and run it off. Even more in love with me, you fall. We'd have it all. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me.

Oh, it's... Hey. Tell them to police! I don't want to touch them! Get out of here! Oh, it's... Hey. Tell them to police! I don't want to touch them! I don't want to touch them! No! Damn it. Oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's why you do to me. Why you do to me? That is a single released by the late Clint French Or is why you did me, by you did me.

That is a single released by the late Clint French from his final album, Leave Me The F Alone. Friends, we have got a wonderful podcast for you today. Dr. Benji Epstein is a good friend of mine. He is the author of Living in the Presence, a Jewish mindfulness guide to everyday life. If you live in Israel and you're looking for a wonderful therapist, this is your man.

I call him Irabi. I love him. He takes me into the deep waters of Jewish mysticism. And I think you are really going to enjoy this podcast. If you're interested in some of the coolest shirts ever, all the links you need to find them and Ben Epstein will be at DunkitRustle.com. Now everybody, doctor, Benji Epstein It's the Duncan Tracer, the way you're going.

I mean, the winning mystical quality from the bell is negated by the fact that my I- I disagree. I disagree. I disagree. I disagree. I disagree. You're going into the lowest of places and you're raising out the sparks, meaning that's what we're doing here.

You know, the whole, yeah, I love it. This is the love fest, let the love fest begin. Lechheim. Now, I wanna, you know, I'm afraid we may have talked about this, but have you ever heard of something called Jerusalem syndrome? Yes, I have heard of it. Can you tell people what that is? I've seen it. I mean, I don't treat that. That's not what I'm working with.

But it's a form of mania. I think, you know, you get really intoxicated with the... It's the holy city. I mean, three major world religions are fighting the hell out of each other to just get a piece of it. And so people come there and they get messianic. Yeah, they really become, you know, they start to wear, they wear out, they grow out their hair like a Nazarite. You know, they grow out their beard.

They start rocking the timbrel or the harp or the lyre. They're just walkingte, you know, they grow out their beard, they'll start rocking the timbrel or the harp or the lyre, they'll just walk around, you know. I don't see it as much because I think people are more in tune with it, you know, then I call it schizophrenia, that might be more. But people come there and they think they're Jesus, basically. Like they come there. Jesus, Jesus King David Messiah. I mean, you pick, you pick, you pick your, so they're all descended from the same place. At any given moment, how many people walking around there think that their Jesus or King David or how many people are experiencing Jerusalem syndrome? I do not know that I do not know the numbers. I will just say that people who live here

will not, you know, give a second look. They'll just be like, ah, you know, that Jerusalem syndrome. Jerusalem syndrome. Yeah. Seek us to me. It sounds aside from the probably devastating moment when you realize you're not King David and all the embarrassment that would come post-mania. It seems like it'd be pretty fun to have Jerusalem syndrome. Like if you could induce it temporarily,

an experience like, I'm home. I am the Lord of Lords, return home to bring peace to the world. That sounds like a blast. It's, yeah, I mean, we're sort of all trying to vacillate between this idea that we're all fragments of the divinity of divine. Yes.

And we're also somehow not supposed to, you know, believe that we're better than anyone else either, though. Right. I think is that an Alan Watzism, I'm trying to remember where that's from. Where there's a, at this point, everything is an Alan Watzism? I'm trying to remember where that's from. Where there's this thing I want to know. This point, everything is an Alan Watzism.

I mean, this is what, one thing I'm excited about with AI is you can just train an AI to sound like Alan Watz and type anything you want. Put it on YouTube with some kind of like, mystical background and people will think, shit, I never heard that Alan Watts take. That's pretty incredible.

When Kurt Cobain was singing Wonderwall, I said, I'm not comfortable with any of this anymore. I'm just gonna have to give it a break. Give it a break. But you know, this, I love what you're talking about in terms of, you know, finding yourself as a human being. And there is some part of us that is the Messiah. There is some part of any single person that is for sure, Messianic.

But that's not all of you. And if you let that part take over, you become the opposite of the Messiah. You become something that dresses like a Messiah costume party or something. But you know what I mean? Like inevitably there's this quality to people claiming to be the Messiah that to me seems antithetical

to my understanding of what that might even be like to be around. So, but I wanna ask you, and this is not a fair question, and I say you are perfect, you meaning, there's really no wrong answer. I like your shirt also, I like your shirt, I have to tell you, I really like your shirt. I love that you send me this, it's so cool. I love that you like came out with these.

Yeah, well, that's it. Because this is what I'm talking about. The goal is soul. And then somebody reached out to me in Salt Lake City. And he's like, let's make some shirts. I said, stop it. Don't mess with me. I haven't talking about this.

It's like, no, this is a real message. And we've got some swag now. And I won't plug the shit out of these shirts. But let me jump into this question. God bless you. I don't have enough contact with rabbis in my life. It's yet not cool. So I must ask, if you could describe to us what you think,

the Messiah would be like like what would the actual thing itself Be like to be around what would they talk like what would they move like how would they be? It's a great question and we don't spend enough time thinking about which is ironic because today is Roch Chaudhash Av Today is the first day of the month of Av Which is the month that commemorates the destruction of the two temples. And so we're entering into it. And it's a period of mourning and it's a period of national. I think the first time we talked, we spoke about this a little bit.

It's a period of national mourning, but also a longing for the temple. It's like, what do we need a temple for? What do we need this place on earth? And the answer is, it's that meeting place between heaven and the physicality. And so the person who's modeling that is a person who's able to see divinity in everything. I mean, for a while, I'm not going to get into any messianic controversy. So you know what, I'm going to straight, I'm going to take that one back. But I'll just say that there was a great rabbi of a recent time.

And one of the followers was asked, why do you follow this guy? Like, why? Why? Well, this guy was a major player in a lot of different cathedic sects. And he's been around, and he's like, he chose to come here. Like, why do you choose this one particularly? And he says, when this rabbi sings, summa lachanafshi, my soul longs for you, and kamma lachha b'sari that my flesh desires you,

right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what that reaction was. He says, anytime someone sings that song, they close their eyes. You know, you want to get into that state of duvet kut, you want to get into that ecstatic state of attachment and complete nullification of self, you got to close your eyes. This rabbi, when he sings this song, his eyes are wide open.

His eyes are wide open, right? Whoa. His eyes are wide because again, he's seeing it. And this rabbi actually said, he said, I can't do anymore. He's like, I've done everything I could possibly do to bring the Messiah He says now it's on you because it's all he talked about all he talked about because it was you know a borderline obsession because You want to get there because we know it's possible. We know it's possible for us. It's just you know What do we need to do to get there already and What I'm cultivating this summer the the spiritual goal for this summer and feel free to share what you're working on Yeah, simple simple faith and I know you're a big Hollywood guru

You're you know, you're out in in a no, let's be honest. You're surrounded by You are by the way the guru never says he's the guru except when he's Rebunachman and he's the guru But saying you're not can you're not gonna admit to being the guru, Duncan, but no one's listening right now. It's just me and you. It's just me and you. It's just me and you. It's the bad news for you, my friend.

You're gonna need to close your eyes when you sing around me. You're a person of faith. Not when you, not, you're a person of faith. I am a person. And that, that, when you were saying, I don't know what that was. That wriggle I did is because if I spend too much time thinking

about, forget what the Messiah would be like, the possibility of a Messiah, just that alone. I get filled up with such a heartbreak it wanting to be around that person that it makes me like wriggle. It's like, I want the aliens. I want the revelation of the aliens, but my desire, the idea that like,

if you win the lottery and you get to be a human, well here's what goes along with the human experience. You're gonna die, disease, old age, all that stuff. But also, you just might be born in a time where a Messiah, the real thing appears because it's happened in the past, it will happen again. And you just might, this might, it's like the golden ticket. And so then, when I think about what that person would be like, or even the possibility

that that could happen, we know I love the symbol of the temple. I love the beauty of like in the heartbreak of trying to build a place that would potentially create the necessary qualities that that being could come into the world. But it just fills me with this. You know, all my, all my Bokti friends, they're like, that's the right feeling. The longing is the grace. That's the fact that you have that feeling is so good.

But I don't like the feeling. It is not comfortable and it's really kind of sad. So I do understand why this would be a month of mourning. I get it. I get it because it's like, you're, come on man. You ever see a kid, the last kid to be picked up at school? No. The hope is in the long end.

The hope is in the waiting like, no, no, there's no more hope. That's therapy. That's gonna be therapy. That's therapy. That's therapy. And I think there's a quality to humanity that reminds me of that kid. There's a quality of like, come on.

Come on. What are you waiting for? I don't forget how much I love you and I don't forget how much I love talking to you. But my brain, my ADD starts to go in so many different ways. I got three things that you inspired. The first one is I've never really understood this idea. It's taught in rabbinic literature that the day that the destruction of the temples is the day that the Messiah is born. And that's why you'll see that people who are born in the Hebrew birth date, their names are Manachem, which is comfort, because it's the ultimate comfort for the destruction of, and it's based on a verse.

But I never was able to put it together, meaning the destruction and the birth of the Messiah, their hand in hand, I mean,'s this possibility of this revelation of the wolf lying with the sheep. And that doesn't mean that their animals are going to be hanging out together. It just means everyone's getting along, meaning we've gotten past all of our base instinct, and we're able to really connect on a level of soul and see a person where they are and everyone is not just staying in their lane, but it's just there's this clarity of you know I'm doing me and you're doing you and we're all part of this together because again one doesn't mean there's some guy up there and he's shooting lightning bolts out of his arse at you, right? It's there's one, it's one, Shma'i Israel Adunai Elohenu Adunai'e Chad, right? It's one, Shma'i Israel, Adunai Elohenu, Adunai'e Chad. Right? It's not that there's this...

And then, you know, when we have that oneness, when we have that... And it's again, it's the ineffable quality. It's the... How do you describe this complete nullification of self into something greater? Or the drops of the ocean, you know, the drops of the water into the ocean? It's a nice image. But that's something that has to be experienced. Let's talk about the longing part though. Yeah. Let's talk about things I'm bad at.

What do you mean you're bad at it? How are you bad at longing? Because I want it now. You know, it it's like we want Mashiach now we want Mashiach now we want Mashiach now we don't want to wait that's what that's what we're teaching our kids and that's a real song that's a real song I'm not I'm not a lyricist like you are I'm not me shit Mashiach you tell me you're a study a student of You're a student of language. Yes, yeah, what does it sound like?

Messiah Messiah That's what we're teaching our kids Now we don't want to wait and there's there's a there's actually Of course the Talmud has a an argument says is is is he supposed to come that says beito a chisena I await him in his right time or in the hasten time in the time that'll happen and the answer is which one is it and says like it's Happening but we can hasten it so if you're doing your part there is a Hacen it you can hasten it you can hasten it how do we do it again? It's it's You know how we treat one another how we how we love unconditionally and and that that is

another. How we how we love unconditionally. And that that is is the way we can bring this consciousness and this ultimately this person who is going to be, um, you know, this embodiment of all these ideas. But again, it's it takes it takes everyone. It's not going to be like, okay, follow me guys. It's going to be like, okay, we're ready now. We've created the vessel, right? Just like faith or joy, you know, we have to create the vessel for these things to happen for the turtle to release its head, you know, shy turtle, right, to come out. Like there has to be, I don't know about that image,

but the idea that if you wanna have faith, you gotta create the vessels for that. If you wanna have joy, you've gotta create the right, Kaleem, the right vessels. I'm sorry, that's not a good analogy. I love it. It's beautiful. No, no, no, this is so beautiful. I think what's so incredibly beautiful and brilliant, my God, you're so lucky. Look at you over there. Born in Israel. Oh, great. I think it's born of Miami Beach. My wife drank the Kool-Aid. Even more lucky, you got out of Miami and landed in Israel.

Give me a break. Who does that? I miss you, though. I miss being close to you. You are close to me. But talk to me about the longing. Talk to me about if longing were a rainbow. What are the colors of that rainbow?

Like if we can take longing, put it and analyze it because, you know, it's like in Buddhism they'll say, people, my teacher would say to me, well, what is boredom? Because initially when I was meditating, I was like, I am so bored, this is so boring. This is so boring.

And he would say, what is it? Can you describe boredom? Do you even know what it is? What are you saying? And then, of course, boredom is really a form of suffering. It is suffering, in fact. It's a way where you're making contact with your suffering. And most people, when they say I'm bored, they mean,

I don't have anything to distract me from my suffering. And suffering, of course, Buddha's Miggots broken down into a variety of forms but longing Tell me the components of longing from your perspective and any kind of You know rabbinical stories about this this situation that we find ourselves in is stories about this situation that we find ourselves in is half matter, half soul or all soul with a matter crust. I don't know.

We are just divine beings living a physical existence. It's doing care, man. I got that tattoo right above my butt. Right. Right. Okay. So let me hear you talk about. I want to hear you hear when you feel longing

and also I wanna hear what is this damn feeling? And I don't mean longing for a lover or for a job or I'm talking about the messianic longing that inspires simple, beautiful songs like the one you just sang. I mean, we're, again, you caught me at the right time because, I mean, that's, that's sort of the playlist. That's in my head. I've got, I've got a flaming licks, flaming lips waiting for Superman. You know, you know, that one, like, is it getting heavy? Well, I thought it was already as heavy as

can be. Tell everybody waiting for Superman. Hold on, best they can. He didn't drop them, forgot them, or anything. It's just too heavy for Superman to lift. That's the first song that pops into my head. And then there's Joan Osborne's, what if God was one of us, right? Yeah. Because as much as we're longing, the pain of the divine, eminent shakina is what we're trying to connect to that. Meaning the fact that you suffer because you stubbed your toe or because you lost your job or there's an illness God forbid, you know, that's real. But the real pain is the pain of the shakina. And that's what we're really trying to tap into. And when we talk about longing, I think the way I'm conceptualizing,

and again, from like a rabbinic perception is, and this is possibly the next project, is you know, like the four agreements? Yeah. So in Judaism, we don't have the four agreements. But there's a piece in the Talmud that says they're going to ask you six questions after you die. And those questions are not an exit interview. They're not an exit interview. They're like, if you live according to these questions, that means you've probably lived a life that you were supposed to be living,

meaning they're like these guide posts and one of the questions is cp-celli-ishua which means did you long for salvation will you whoa what i don't make i don't mix i mean i do make stuff i thought but but but i i yeah tom really tom with 31 a shabbat yeah check it out and and i'll tell you the reason why i started this one of these projects that i'm with that I'm starting to write about is During COVID if you'd asked me if I was a hopeful person I would have said no I would have said I I lost that mojo like it went away and I'm yeah, and I'm realizing that again It's part of the is the longing, but, but our teachers,

Tara Brock and Sharon Salisberg, you know, they put a very defined limit on hope. They're like, if you're hoping for a certain outcome, you're in trouble, meaning that's, that's, that's some unskillful hope. But what the Kabbalist teach is everything starts with hope Everything starts with compassion everything starts with the whole beginning of of creation was key the cob the line going in Right, we talked about this orange. Oh, sorry. We're jumping around the orange. So I love it There's no room for God to create. There's no and Rebinaachman says because we got to mention our guru Rebinaachman says Why did God create the world? We'll get to the answer. Why did God create the world? I'm doing a circle here. Why did God create the world? Right? It's a big question. Why are we here? Yeah. There's the God created the world in his in his magnum opus, the Kutamaran, Shema Satsadi,

where he says God created the world because he had no one to have compassion for. The ultimate act of creation was that God needed someone to be compassionate on. Right? And we're taking that. And we're saying, so into this or in so there were there was no capacity for God to do compassion. Right? He had to create a cave, which is a line. He somehow, and again, all of this is is just just a martial. It's just a fable. It's not the word. It's a parable. But it's not a parable because there's a parable with it. Yeah, I guess it's a par- I mean, it's not real. There's no physical line being shot in with the-

Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Right. So we want to be very careful that this is not any type of physical light. It's just the way that our brains can comprehend something that is pretty much incomprehensible. And there are cabalists who know the nimshel, who know what the allegory of the fable is. They know that they're like five or six of them. They're like in a WhatsApp group. Who know what this actual, like with the line, what it actually is. But in this case, the Hebrew word for line is kav, which is also the word for hope. Key voice. So everything is built on this hope.

Everything is built on this desire to the point where the cabalists, the cabalists and my rabbinic teachers say that there's something even greater in the longing because when you get it, when you finally get the PS5, when you finally get the girl, when you finally get the animated show on Fox, that needs, that needs a rabbinic character. I can't talk about that show because we're on strike. Oh, I know. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. But everywhere in this country is always on strike. So, you know, that show is good're on strike. Oh, I know I'm sorry. I'm sorry But in everywhere in this country is always on strike so you know that sure looks good Um, so again this this idea that that everything started with hope and and and when Jacob is blessing his sons at the end of

Genesis, you know in the middle of one of his blessings He just shouts out li shu'asra ki vis siado nai. He says for your salvation. I hope oh god. You know, the middle of one of his blessings he just shouts out Lishuas rakhi visse adonai. He says for your salvation. I hope oh God You know, I'm hoping meaning I'm always turning to your salvation and that's what he sort of was in this period of time Where they're you know the commentators say that he was about to reveal when the end of days was gonna happen and He was it was taken away from him and In that moment he just shouted out Lishu was meaning here's what you need to hold on You need to hold on to that hope you need to hold on to that that that that longing and not that there's the and and here's here's something amazing

Here's something amazing and tell me if I explain this well enough, okay? Of course what the Jewish the rabbinical way of saying, how do we know that? Meaning the Tomah says, here you go, here's the question, the question is, see, peace at least you are, did you, did you long? And some rabbi goes, show me the proof to that. Where do you know that? What's the proof text for this? Right. And he says, the proof is when God opened his mouth and You know spoke to the Jewish people at Mount Sinai He starts off and he says I am the Lord your God who took you out of Egypt. He said that's

That's the proof that a person has to always be longing Because no matter where you find yourself No matter what Egypt no matter what constricted mindset you find yourself in There's always hope I took you out and I'll take you out again You'll always be able to get out again. It might not be in this lifetime It might not be in a clear way that you're like okay. All I need is the job All I need is a healthy. All I need is a healthy scan. All I need is, you know, for my kids to listen. But here's this idea that if with

again, working on that because the same source for faith, the source for faith is on or yadon ailech. I'm the Lord your God. There you go. Take it or leave it. But that's the source for I'm the Lord your God, there you go. Take it or leave it, but that's the source for where our faith comes from. And we don't believe faith is something external. It's like a roomy poem where like, your job isn't to seek love. Your job is to just get rid of all the barriers,

I'm sorry, from botching it, that are in the way. Meaning simple faith. We have it. We just are the our our the volume the the body The the the things we've been exposed to it is it's so loud and then you get it to be the in the presence of and I'm seeing I'm seeing I'm seeing the guru in the background when you're in the presence of the guru It's not so hard to have faith. It's like, oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. You're your presence. You're you're washing Neem Crowley Bob's feet and you're saying, oh, okay. And we're not trying. We don't even have to answer the questions.

We don't have to answer the questions. We just have to lower their volume because what's really true? That piece of God that's within us just needs to be a little, just raise the volume. So again, in terms of the longing, the longing is part of it, the longing, and again, the longing, the longing is what is what builds up the vessels in order for us to be ready for what is ever going to happen, right? It's brutal though. It's, I mean, look, it's so brutal. Like it is unbearable. If you, even if you allow yourself to get there, which I don't as much as, but if you allow yourself to even like get there,

you know, via some thought experiment for me is usually just, okay, what, what would the Messiah be like? Like what would it be like to be sitting with this being? And what would they smell like? What would their mannerisms be? What would they say to you? How would you feel? And then just that thought experiment for me,

and it's like opening up some magnetic thing in me. And then now it's like, fuck, why did I do that? Because now even the, I'm just an accomplishment. Yeah, you've been finished. You know, your mind will give you like some ideas of what this being might look like. But if you sort of wash those away and get it to the actual experience, this is not as far as I can tell pleasant and the normal sense of the word. And there's a sweetness to it. But there's anger. Is there any talk of anger in this longing?

Like I said, when my kid cries for a mama sometimes, it's not sweet, it's like, there's an anger in there. Is there anything about that? The anger aspect of longing, the, I don't mean like normal aggression either, but I mean just like, I can't explain, part of it is sweet, part of it is angry, part of it is like broken hearted, Part of it is sweet. Part of it is angry. Part of it is like broken hearted. Part of it is confused. Part of it is a desire to forget that you ever felt like that.

But what about the anger part? First of all, you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful that you're so open about this. And it's so helpful for me to hear you and how you encapsulate your master therapist. We've discussed this. You're a master therapist. Master therapist, master songwriter, and guru. Kids, meet your heroes. Meet your heroes, kids. No, people walk away because of the anger. They don't talk about it. They just walk away. They're like six million, six million people. We're out.

We're done. This is, you know, left the building. There's no, and people were singing, people were singing, I believe, in the eminent coming of the Messiah as they, as they, as they walk to the gas chambers. You know, so, oh, it's, oh, God. Oh, don't you, you're, you're, you're, you're,

you tell me that it was, oh, my God. Oh, God, you, as bad as bad as you think the Holocaust was, it's even worse. I was about to say, you're already the worst thing ever. It's the worst thing ever. And then nobody on Tishabov, you sit in it, you sit in it, and then you get up, and then you get up because we're holding on, but yeah, there's anger. But a lot of the Hasidic Masters would just say, look, it's not getting better.

So do your thing, God. They would have this sort of dialogue, but it was never done with this, like, similarly to what Sharon was talking about, like it's not based on some sort of, I need you to do it in my time frame and I need you to do it now, but it's not getting, are you looking

outside? Are you looking at the state of the world? And again, we don't want to be watching news because it's bad. And I think people, I think people are good. And I'm trying to see the good in people. I really, I'm trying to cultivate that in myself and in others. That Nikuda Tova, that good point. But, you know, just read the headlines, read the headlines, and you can get really disheartened. And so our job is to keep that hope going. And when you're around these people, when these people of faith, they have hope, and they're holding the burdens, they're holding the burdens in ways that we can't imagine. This show is sponsored by Better Help. My friends, I love meditation, I love psychedelics.

They have all helped my life, but therapy is what really did it for me. When I used to go to the Ramdas retreats, I was always hoping that he would give me some mantra, some spiritual Path to follow and he would always tell me you need therapy and he was right I wish that I listened to him sooner There be is really powerful and it is a wonderful thing and I really hope you will give it a try. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and

switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash Duncan. Thank you, So our job is to keep that hope going. And when you're around these people, when these people of faith, they have hope. And they're holding the burdens. They're holding the burdens in ways that we can't imagine. Rabbi, tell me what there is. Binge, what were they singing when they went to the gas chambers? אמימאמין, אמימאמין, בהמונה שלהימא דרווייס, המשיה the And that is from the Mimodities, from the 13th century, and one of his doctrines of faith that I believe, Animamin, Bermune, Shalima, with the utmost faith, Bivyasama, Shach, that

Messiah is going to come. And Afapish is my man, even though he may tarry, even though Afapy. Imkoze al-Khakalo. I wait, I wait, mi khakem, it's a pair. I'm gonna be longing for him. There's so much to unpack there. Afapy. Afapy. In spite of everything, yes to life in spite of everything. Is Victor Frankl, who gives one of those speeches after the Holocaust, after the Holocaust. And that's been a mantra for myself and for my clients. Yes, to life in spite of everything, Af Al-Piqin. Did you get what you wanted out of life even so, as a poem from Raymond Carver? Did you get what you wanted out of life even so? And the even so, even so is all all the disappointments and all the longing and all the anger and all the all the all the real the stuff the stuff of life that you're going to encounter.

And the person answers in the poem yes, yes, I did. And what was that to call myself beloved to feel myself beloved on this earth. And that is a messianic state to feel beloved to feel Javi to, to feel that you are loved, that you are, that you are not alone. And, and they were singing that to the gas chambers. They were saying, I believe with complete faith and you're just shaking head being like, I don't know, I don't know. And again, when the Messianic state happens, when you get to that stage, when you get to that orange sofa, when you get to the E, when you get to that orane sof,

when you get to the echa diyaachirum yuhud, then all the questions go away. One of the Hasidic masters, the Kudusha Slavy was friends with I can't remember who he was friends with, and he said he was passing away. He was imminent. So they made a deal with each other. They said, hey, when you go up there, just say what's going on? You know, we're, yeah.

And he went up, they passed away, and then he didn't hear from him for a few years. And finally, he came to him in a dream, and he said, look, I'm sorry, but like everything is going exactly according to plan. He's like, you're gonna come up here soon, and you'll see everything is going according to plan. And I wanna have that simple faith.

I wanna have that faith that right now, everything is going according to plan. And I want to have that simple faith. I want to have that faith that right now everything is going according to plan. You know, if you, like, you know, if, I mean, this is our ridiculous statement, but like if you somehow didn't know that your wife was pregnant or stomach gets big and the contraction start. You would probably think she was dying. You would probably think some horrible thing was happening. If you didn't know, if you didn't know a baby was in there. And I think maybe that's like half of the experience of life. Is that some people don't realize there's a baby underneath all of this rotten stuff that we're seeing. Like these are contractions. You're witnessing like, because you know, when a baby's coming, the body, they practice. The contractions start and this is how you know it's coming.

This is how you know the baby will be here soon. And at a site from the contractions, this is my own woo-woo stuff. Synchronicity start happening. Like crazy, like weird events start happening. You know what I'm talking about? Like there's these interesting wild, you know, like my kids can't read yet.

Well, you know, actually I'll skip this story because I sort of agreed with my wife not to be too, not to, without my kids consent. Respect, respect, respect. But I will say, be sure to survive. But I will say, be sure to survive. We say, be sure to survive. Everything should happen in a good, in a good time.

That's what we say to people who are expecting. We say, be sure to survive. Yeah, and I guess that. That's what we say to people who are expecting. We say, Bashar tova. Yeah, and I guess that's kind of what we're talking about with the Messiah. The rabbinic literature refers to it as the chevle masikh, which are the birth pangs of Messiah, meaning it's exactly that. And I'll tell you, there is there is some rabbinic literature from the Warsaw ghetto from one of the real spiritual superman, it's like a real hero.

Like he was trying to bring prophecy back. You know, he's trying to bring whatever, not just in Timberlake, he was trying to bring prophecy back. That was his stated goal, which I'm all for. I'm all for, that is what we're trying again, Messianic, Neville prophecy. And again, it sounds it sounds it's as I'm saying, it sounds crazy. But like that this is this is this is the this is the cool

it I'm drinking. And this is the cool it I want to drink. Yeah, where he was saying he was he was in it. He was being subjected to, you know, suffering that was on a level that is and we have his saved lectures that he gave to give the congregation strength that he was trying to empower people with, in spite of the fact that it was hell. And he gets to the point where it was actually this week's Torah portion is Shabbat-Hazon,

which talks about a vision. These are the three weeks of destruction, because they're leading up to the destruction of the temple. It's named after the week's portion that we read from the prophets. I'm telling you know like we read in synagogue a book from the prophets. You're doing your stocks and you're and you're checking your emails but every time you go to synagogue read it read read read the book in prophecy and we want to get back to that and that is going to synagogue, read it, read it, read the way we believe in prophecy. And we want to get back to that. And that is going to be part of it.

This, so this one, he says, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Right, right, right. Right. Meaning hearing the voice of God doesn't come out all the same. And they're not always sure that they got it right, you know. So so even even like, you know, he'll say, what did you see? He's like, oh, you saw good. He said, but the chazone is the most intense because again, you're seeing it, you know, the vision is so. And he says, it's like, it's like, you know, your son is going into surgery. And he's like, I know that it's good for him. He's like, I don't want to be standing at the operating table. I can't see that. So he says, let me experience it without going through it. And this is a person of faith where it gets to be too heavy where you feel like, okay, like how much longer can we endure this without just being completely overwhelmed with the sorrow. And what we do is we become numb. And that's why we have to cultivate gratitude

because gratitude can warm us up and equanimity. Because equanimity keeps us away from that apathy. The idea of just having that sort of ability to not get too high, not get too low and say this too, this too, this too. But, you know, if you think about it too much, if you're a sensitive soul, it's hard not to become completely desensitized.

Right. Well, I mean, I guess it's like, what did you want? Like, you know, it's easy to fantasize, you know, I would love to be a dad someday. And think, you'll never know until you are. You'll never know what it is. But it's easy to think, God, I would like, this would be wonderful. And then if you're lucky and you get kids,

now you've gotten what you want it. And it is the most beautiful, crushing experience. It is astounding. You are now in, you're out of the kitty pool, in the deep water. And I feel like that, your stories, these stories, they all remind me of like people getting what they want.

Getting what you want. And then having to deal with what that means. Meaning, if you're wanting communion with the, you know, tiger tiger burning bright in the force of the night, what a mortal hand or I did frame thy fearful symmetry. If you're wanting contact with that, and you're hoping that it's going to have, like, it's going to be nerfed. If you're hoping that it's going to be, like, careful in its presentation, so it's not to upset you,

then, you know, you're in for, you're going to have to maybe revise your ideas. You always. Regarding what the Messiah looks like, or what it would be like to have a prophetic vision. It's, you're not gonna be sitting on a rainbow, watching some unicorn tell you, yeah, I'm glad you're here.

I wanna tell you about the apocalypse. You're gonna have to deal with truth, I imagine, more unfiltered than any truth you could run into. And I could see how that would make someone, if they even brush shoulders with that go numb in a spot. Judgment day. Judgment day, hellfire.

What do you think that hellfire is? You don't know pitchforks. That clarity of what is there for you. It's like, this psychedelic experience, meaning, right, you don't get to go back. You don't get to stop, you're like, oh, I'm done. I think I want to get off the ride. You don't get to get off the ride.

And then you're gonna be shown things that are true. You're gonna be shown things that are that are coming from and what do you do with them now? How do you integrate them? But it's also this idea of do you ever yell your kids? I never yeah I've seen people do it. I've seen people do I've seen I've heard I've heard legends Monsters oh yeah, how do you feel afterwards? Horrible I'd still work. I'm like you're the best and Again, my kids is looking me. They're already at the point where they're just like you're just whatever you're upset about like I I this is these these children I'm right. I got to give a shout out to my kids You know they didn't ask permission for this one. This I'm I, this is, this, these, these, these children, I'm right, I gotta give a shout out to my kids,

even though they didn't ask permission for this one, this, I'm proud of this story. Well, my, my, one of my daughters, she's, she's perfect. So she was, she was, she was learning, she studies, she studies Bible, she studies, you know, and, and she says like, you know, in one of the, in one of the verses, it said that God took vengeance. And she's like, how come God's allowed to take vengeance

and I'm not, she was, she's all down for God taking vengeance. She's was like, how come God's allowed to take vengeance? And I'm not, she was all down for God taking vengeance. She's just like, how come I can't? I said, I said, I said, right? She actually, she's a great question. She texted me at 11 o'clock.

She's like, Abba emergency, Dad, I have an emergency. I come running out. She's like, how is it possible that God can take vengeance? It's like I explicit in the Bible, and I can't. She was like, really worked up about it. It's like I explicit in the Bible and I can't.

She was like, really worked up about it. I'm like, I said, babe, I said, God is both a perfect being, but part of perfect is that he is also perfecting himself, right? And that ties into aliens. We're not gonna limit God with that being aliens, right? Right.

Not really connected, but I'm just saying, yeah, of course they exist. Perfect. For sure, perfect, he could do it. Perfect and perfection. And immediately both of my daughters looked at me and said, oh, like me. And I said, my job here is done.

My perfect and perfecting daughters. I was like, great, go through life like that. Go through life like that. And I'm gonna yell at them. And I'm gonna yell like, great, go through life like that. Go through life like that. And I'm gonna yell at them. And I'm gonna yell at, because, you know, we get stuck in our own habits, in our own cycles, in our own, you know, traumas. But like yelling at a kid, they're perfect.

They're really, I'm not talking about a kid running into the street, you know, and you're talking about, you know, just being a kid. And like just, the most ironic thing is when you find yourself yelling at your kid to be quiet, and your voice is loud. So loud. It's like, God, this makes sense at all. They're looking at you. And they exactly, I mean, this is, like, how do you? You got a model. I have this, I have this thing, but also we are so lost aversive.

And it's the same suffering that you were talking about before. I'm like, when I'm really enjoying something, and I also know that at every single moment, they're pulling away from me. They're growing up, they're getting older. Yeah. And they're doing some amazing things that, like, I see, like, I'm gonna send an email

of every funny thing you say. Like, I'm not gonna remember anything you said. Everything you say is amazing. I'm like, it's a beautiful thing. Shabbat dinners, Friday night meals, I'm telling you, do some Friday night meal where the technology is gone and I'm just sitting back and I'm just watching the insanity.

I have a special need son, so I'm telling you, there are more F-bombs at my Shabbat table that is allowed and we are just, how many are allowed? No, no, no, I'm thinking about, I'm looking at my wife and I'm thinking like, I'm blessing the wine, I'm making kidush and I'm like, I'm the f***, you and that, I'm like,

whoa, and I could be, I could be, I know I could be stuck. I could be stuck and be like, no, no, no, we don't have, or I could be living with what's happening right now. And I'm just, I'm laughing my ass off. I'm like, this is, this is the fun and this, I'm like, and every week it gets crazier and crazier. I'm like, how are we gonna top last week? But here we are.

And it's like this, this is, you know, it's a blessing, but most of the time I listen, yeah, every time I talk to you, I am always like, I'm just going to become Jewish. I'm converting every, no, every time I'm going to the scene, I gotta have a out of here. I gotta do it. I mean, it's no truly. I don't mean that to blow smoke.

I mean, I mean that. But the, truly. I don't mean that to blow smoke, I mean that. But the, cause it's just so brilliant. My kids karate teacher, told the funniest story, cause like I love, we'll go into my kids karate class, cause the teacher is like essentially like a child whisperer. I've never seen anything like it in my life, but cause like these kids,

it's just like what you're saying at your Shabbat table. I mean, you're trying to like organize seven, four year olds and three year olds into any kind of order at all. And it's amazing to watch. And he was telling me the story. He said, you know, as I'm like kind of watching the madness. And but then watching also what happens halfway through the class where suddenly the kids,

they just harmonize with each other and they get better at what they're practicing every week. And it's the coolest thing to watch. But he said, you know, I've been doing this for a long, long time. And he's like, when I first started off, there's this kid. And I would be trying to teach something and he would be running around, running around, running around. And I would think, what am I doing wrong? I can't get his attention. And then after class, I said to this kid, did you hear anything that I said? And the kid said, yes. And he said, can you tell me

what I said? And he's like, the kid, photographically, told me every single thing that I had said, staring that class. And he's like, people listen in different ways. And I was so smart and cool and compassionate for the, for children, whether, you know, they're developing, they, their brains are growing, everything is growing. And, and, and, you know, if you don't,

realize if you forget that, and it's very easy to forget, as a parent, then suddenly they seem like maniacs, they seem frustrating, they seem like they're not listening, they're not hearing you, and then you always holy shit, they're wide open, they're wide open, and it's just harder for them to stay still than it is for us. It's all that energy and a growing brain.

So yeah, I got you, man, like getting to that place where in the chaos, you can still maintain some level of calm and compassion for them always. That is the daily practice of parenting. You're in therapy and it's not necessarily because of what your parents said. It's because whatever you internalize, I mean, one of my downloads, I had recently, is like, live your life like there's a two-year-old with a, you know, if you're a blessed children,

like a two-year-old with a camcorder just following you around all the time. Because guess what? They are. They're seeing everything. They're picking up everything. Verbal, nonverbal cues. What success looks like? What it means to be a kind person? How we speak? How we relate to frustration and difficulty? I mean, they're watching you.

I'm conscious of it. I try to be conscious of it. Like I really, you know, to a flaw. I'm like, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, because my wife and I have a good, have a good division of responsibility. Most of the things, she actually, she's the cares of everything.

So there's no good division of responsibility. She's not happy about that. But I'm saying, is that, is that a point of contention? Is that, is that like, oh, is that, how often does that discussion come out? The discussion comes up because the problem is, people are really good at what they do, make it seem easy.

And then so you might forget what's going on there, the number of plates that are spinning, you couldn't fucking do that. You're perfect, you're so much better at this than I am. Yeah, yeah. So you got to acknowledge it. If you get to got up and like, oh my God, you know, whatever, if you don't see it,

because they're so good at it, that's where we, that's where you can run us in problems. They are the embodiment of the divine. They are the embodiment of the divine, but. Right, because it's making planets, suns, black holes, quasars, thoughts, human existence, gravity, speed of light, big bangs, and probably infinite other universes we'll never see completely effortlessly. Could you please just fill out this form for your kids school?

Come on. You sure you want to entrust me with this? You think I'm ready? I see it. Have you seen my handwriting? The printer's broken. I got a print something. You want me to print something?

Why don't I just part the red scene? You want me to really get a printer to work? work I could do it or you could do it more efficiently Right, there's a thought yeah, but I'm in charge of the emotional. I'm in charge of the emotional intelligence and I am I am checking in I'm checking in a lot checking in like How we doing again not an annoying therapist you way,'m, you know, all we want is for our kids to come talk to us. I mean, look, as above so below,

it's just like, you, it's that check-in moment with the divine, I think, it is a really difficult thing. It's that moment of like, look, and you, and I, you know, if you, I think if you're not regularly doing that check-in, then you're gonna get the check-in the next time you do mushrooms. It's like the next time you, you know, you're gonna get the check-in, which is why, like, I think that a good sign for me is when,

like psychedelics are, you know, where I'm not going deep and, you know, people will say, I don't, you say, I don't like to get too stone because I get paranoid and neurotic. But it's like, you know, if you're getting your ducks in a row, a lot of the time that won't happen. A lot of the time you'll experience the stereotypical stonership that you hear about,

but as a professional neurotic, you're like, yeah, what? Oh, really, you laugh laugh and eat cheetos, because when I'm hit with it, I'm contemplating every fucking mistake I've made over the last few months. I'm freaking out over the state of the world. And I think, for me, that means I'm not doing check-ins.

I'm not paying attention to life as it is. I'm pretending I'm living in a life different than the one that I'm in. And then that's the more that the disconnect, disconnect grows. The more intense the come to Jesus moment, so to speak, are, you know. So yeah, it's a daily practice. And it's like, yeah, if you're probably, if you're not connecting with your family in a positive way, if you're in one of those moments, there's a good chance, it means you're not connecting with everything, you're not connecting with God, you're not making that connection, you're just, if you disconnect from the source, you're going to disconnect from all the manifestations

of the source simultaneously. I love it. One of my teachers, when they talk about rebuilding the temple, he frames it in the terms of the relationship between man and wife. Or whatever the couple is, meaning in terms of that is, when there is Shalom bias, when there is peace in the home and peace is wholeness. It doesn't mean there's not arguments. You're supposed to argue as a couple.

You're supposed to argue as a couple. It's how you argue. How do you speak when you're doing it? I mean, it's not healthy for a couple to be, oh yeah, we're totally insane. I was like something's wrong there. Something, something, something's not good. Something's not good.

No. But having that yin and yang, having that the chesitant gvura having that that that that Different you know energies melding, you know and to be able to form that that's that's the being in beta made I'm a dush that is that is a a a Representation of what the rebuild temple is gonna look like and for sure you could fuck the temple up in marriage. We did you did you're doing it They must destroy that's pouring that's pouring lighter flu along the temple. And just, you know, you know, just

you gotta rebuild. You're always rebuilding the damn temple. You are, but you know, it's so cool. Yeah, it's so cool to look at things as a kind of, I mean, you know, what would it have looked like? You know, we see the ruins, we've seen the wall, but what would it have looked like the day after? Oh, what it have looked like? Trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma. But there would have been beauty to it. I mean, because the temple itself, the most beautiful thing ever, a crystallization of the

divine mind into time space. Yes. Yes. And so then the remnants of that, the broken down remnants of it, still would have had to be beautiful in some terrible way. Again, the before and after is again, this is the, I appreciate this because this is what I want to be thinking about, you know, during these, during this time, because again, we become so desensitism, we can so caught up. But the fact that we have to remind

ourselves of what we're, of what we're, what we don't have anymore, because hey, you've got Amazon Prime. Who needs a temple? Right? What else. Because hey, you've got Amazon Prime. Who needs a temple? What else do you need? You've got same day delivery. Like nothing is, and we're missing the main. The main thing is missing. We've got everything except for the,

you gotta keep the main thing, the main thing. But yeah, I'll tell you, I gotta tell you the story for you. Great. And really, again, you help crystallize ideas for me in a way that you can. And it's, it's, it's, these bunch of rabbis are walking. They're walking and they see the ruins of the temple.

And they begin to well, they begin to sob. And one of them, Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Akiva, who is the teacher of Rabi Shimon Bar Yohai, who is the author of the Zohar, which we should have a, we should have a study partnership in because love, I would love that. Oh my God. Non, you know, writings out of a non, what's the word? Um, not, not, not non conscious, but I, not an unconscious state. What's the when you're writing from that? Oh, it's it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's it's it's it's the the the imagery and the allegory and and the is there a translation Yeah, yeah, you can get you can get it's a little pricey

But you can get it. It's the Pritzker edition of the Zorby Daniel Matt It's it's a real it's I mean It's it's a it's a it's a heavy read. It's a heavy read, but but my friend it is Wild it is oh it is wild And it you talk about the beauty of the Jewish religion and there's a real resurgence of And you talk about the beauty of the Jewish religion and there's a real resurgence of studying penis, studying the inner, the goal is soul, studying the inner workings, not just what to do, but like what's happening up there and what's happening down below. You know, there's that's my separation, my summer cover.

But anyway, they're walking. I'm sorry, I'm wait one second. Hang on. You're going so that I'll send you the last two minutes. Everyone should know that the conversations that we're having right now, which hopefully are our titillating and enjoying to your ears comes. It's like one tenth of of our conversation is offline.

So that is true. Oh, I actually have something from that I want to bring up, but, but help me focus. I don't want to lose. Order it. I'm sorry. If I don't order it when I say I'm going to order it, it's like 12. It's like 12 volumes. Are you ordered ordered the first volume I

Ordered five volumes. I don't give us a starter for Damn no Matt. Thank you very much. I want to wow everyone by the way He's his Facebook's about to explode. He actually has a zone our group online He's actually a really good dude. I've been in touch with him Yeah, so it's it was it was quite an endeavor Where was I? The zoo are I'm sorry to continue Sorry, Robbie keep it walking this is a story in the tomberbe keepers walking with a bunch of sages

And they see the ruins of the temple and they start to ball and he starts to laugh He starts to laugh and they turn to him and say, Akiva, why are you laughing? And he turns to them and says, why are you crying? And they said, dude, I don't think they said, dude, but they said, in the place where the Holy of Holies, which is one of our band's names, in the place of the Holy of Holies, right? Where even someone who is not, someone who's not of the priest's case, right? Someone who is not, or the high priest would be, would be killed, would be sentenced to death. Again, I don't know if it was an actual death, but you know, there's a punishment for somebody

who is not of the priestly tribe to walk into that area, now that we see foxes there, we see if they saw fox there, you know, should we not cry? How could we not be devastated by this loss? And he says precisely for the reason that you are crying is the reason I'm laughing and they say explain. He said because there's a juxtaposition of verses where it says, you know, the destruction was juxtaposed to the rebuilding. And he says the entire time that the prophecy of one, I believe it was Uria, well one prophet wasn't fulfilled, I was worried that the prophecy of Zachariah

would not be fulfilled, but now that I see that the prophecy of destruction has been fulfilled, how could I not be enthused? How could I not be feeling that joy of knowing that one day the elderly, well, the streets will be filled with children playing in the elderly and the young and it's just like to have that capacity. We talked about that mindfulness of emotions of what's really behind the boredom, what's behind the sorrow here and he went deeper into it where he wasn't a callous individual. I mean, he was the greatest. He was Rabbi Akiva. He was even Moses.

The Talmud said, Moses saw him in a prophetic vision. He says, why are you giving the Torah to me? You should be giving it to this guy. This guy, Rabbi Akiva, is somebody who is a complete light in terms of the Torah, of the Rin Torah, and the Orchah. And he was able to see in the sorrow In the longing there was the joy there So maybe there's the beauty in that of seeing that in that in that destruction. He's like that that means

Ultimately that there will be a rebirth. There will be a rebuilding, you know We just have to hold on we just have to hold on and again. I'm not saying it's easy I'm just saying that that is that is why we have the study Kim that's why we have our nose I get it saying it's easy. I'm just saying that that is why we have these studies. And that's why we have our knowledge. No, I get it. It's brilliant. It's brilliant because it's the easiest thing to forget. When you're looking at whatever your particular temple is that has been shattered, it's easy to forget

that that means you're getting a new temple soon. That means that you don't get, I mean, one of my favorite things I saw an interview with a Joderowski, Alejandro Joderowski. And he said something along the lines of sometimes you got to kick over the aunts nest. You know, he was speaking artistically, like, sometimes like in watch watch the way the ants rebuild. And if we are talking for a perspective of a, a God in process, as part of the perfection is continuing to perfect,

then that means that like, what you are looking at is that thing perfecting itself. Yeah, and we wish it wasn't so. And I hear so much of you saying this, like why does it have to be this way? And I'm like, I'm not doing well. I'd be doing much better with a,

I just need a little kiss on the forehead. Be like, yo, we're all good here. Everything is going according to plan. Like a joke, like, if like, imagine if you could see the world, how long would you need to have. Like, and I joke, like, you know, like, if like, imagine if you could see the world, how long would you need to have named Kurole Baba's eyes to just to help, like, if you could have his vision of world, what, how long would you need it for? A second. A second. I just need a second and be like, okay, I can, you know, but we have to go through that, you know, the dark, what is it, the dark storm of the night? Whatever that expression is like cross the abyss.

The dark storm of the night. The valley of the shadow of death. That that value of the shadows of death. But you know what, I don't fear because you're with me. So again, if you're with me, I'm good. But like sometimes it doesn't feel that you're with me. And that's why we have to tap more into soul because the soul is always seeing this. What we get stuck in is that we're seeing the world

as separate beings. Yeah, I believe there's a God. He's out there. He's great, but I'm not experiencing it as, you know, how God is experiencing it. And that's the simple faith. That's the faith I get it, man. I get it.

I love that you get it. Because I'm saying that I'm like, I'm like, I am not explaining this well. Because I'm saying that I'm like, I'm like, I am not explaining this well. No you are. Look, you know, before you first, if you look at the, the other one walks through the valley of the shadow death, I'll feel no evil. You don't, first you have to admit, you're in the fucking valley of the shadow of death. Number one, stop acting like this is not that you're in a different valley.

You're the dog and this is fine and that Jeff on in Twitter. This is fine. This isn't hidden valley. This isn't where ranch dressing comes from friend. This is the valley of the shadow. The best. The best. You're not.

Maybe you'll find some mayonnaise under a rock, but it's not going to be good. It's going to be like it It's gonna be like mayonnaise. It's gonna be like mayonnaise. You're not gonna wanna put it in your salad. But so the first step, I think this sort of like rat, like connects everything we've been talking about, emit what you're in that valley if you're human.

You're in that valley, the shadow of death is always over us if you're human and if you're mortal and You're not going to get to the next part without the first part, which is you're not going to get the the joy of Realizing that even in this rotten place, where there are no condiments, I still have no idea. Not even mayonnaise, let's cut to the chase. But there's no salad there either.

But I'm sorry, I've gotta stop with a ranch, they didn't value it. Are those sponsor? Are they a sponsor? No, not yet. No, I don't think they, and I don't think they ever will be. But if there was a Valley of the Shadow of Death Ranch dressing, you better fucking believe I would buy it.

It's creamy. It's creamy. But you know where I'm getting at. Your the point is you don't get to that point of connection, of what did you call the line, the line that got the cove. You don't get to the cove. You are the cove. That's the thing. You are the cove. You're a part of the cove. Everything exists within the cove. Oh, okay. So the valley of the shadow of death is also in the cuff. Yeah. But you got to see like, I'm just saying like,

without that heartbreaking longing with the destruction of the temple and all the other stories that we've talked about today, you're not gonna get that the next moment where you realize, oh wow. Like this somehow is the Messiah. Maybe not the Messiah embodied quite yet, but it is the beginning. It's a way you can get a feeling of being in the presence of that being by that heartbreak and want for the thing itself.

You can get it there. It's there, even in the rubble. It's imprisoned. It's imprisoned in that. And your job is to somehow shine your light on it to somehow. Prison. Yeah. It's caught up.

It's all these sparks. The capitalistic literature speaks about. They're all quote unquote trapped. And our job is to just lift them, to raise them. You make a blessing before you eat food You've raised those sparks or whatever latent spark of divinity was in that in that food, you know And then again, it's that consciousness to always be by moment by moment, you know every breath I praise you. I'll call Nishima Nishima

You know and let every breath pay praise you and then you know the midrash explains there have been a homiletic explanation is you know let every breath be appraised to you every breath pay praise you. And then, you know, the midrash explains there have been a homiletic explanation is, you know, let every breath be appraised to you. Every breath is your praise. And so, and it's fusion too, right? Every breath is your praise. And then when those praises are coming in the midst of the rubble of some catastrophic events, now we've gone from fission destruction to fusion, which is even the destruction itself has amplified or liberated those sparks that you're talking about. And then if that's the case, you have seen the indestructible quality of the divine. I'm sorry, but raising the temple is not going to destroy this at all.

In fact, it is only going to accelerate the thing you were trying to prevent. So that is where I think you would run into something undefeatable, at least by normal human, tyrant style power structures. Now let's talk about the, you know it I just watched Guardians of the Galaxy number three number three it's so good. It's so good. I will love it. COVID COVID really sped up my my watching with my son who's who's you know should not be watching any Marvel movies till he's like 13. I kind of got him. I started in the Lord of the Rings. We stopped 30 minutes in.

That was a bad idea. That's going to, that's going to be it. I did the same thing. And right away, I'm like, oh, we have to do, do you do you can break it through? Did you finish it? No, no, no. I got to, I think we probably got to the same part.

Garland's torture. Was it, wait, no, no, this was the hobbit.bit. Oh the hobbit and we haven't even go to the hobbit I watched the anime the 1970s animated version is how I started him with it You know the animated version with Leonard Nimoy as Game of the He's he's he's puffed on his magical wizard pipe. I'm like, oh, I never saw that. That's right. The the hobbit leaf I'm like, oh, I never saw that. That's right. The the hobbit leaf. I'm like, is that oh, yeah, the hobbit leaf. Unbelievable. So that was fine. And he's he's able to he's

Jimmy's able to to to to to to he kept up with his story. Like, he was asking me questions. I'm like, Oh, you're ready. He's not ready. He was not ready. I I set back a lot of development there, and I owned that one. It's bad. It's not part of being a dad. Part of being a dad is we're in a hurry to watch the cool movies. Our dads watch with us.

And you're like, it'll be fun. You don't remember our brains, our old, you don't remember that scene. And you put it on and suddenly your kids eyes widen and they're like what the fuck God forbid your wife walks in the room. Instant instant instant instant No, but it was it was also because he can handle the violence for better or for worse like some of these things don't think but it was the torture scene. I don't want to spoil it for anyone else in seeing the poem. I haven't you read the books. They torture in Gollum. And on part of me is kind of proud that like he was so sensitive to that. Like he's cool with the

fact that you know orcs are getting you know chopped up and whatever it's like you know but but the torture was too much for him. He's like ah Goll it gums a bug out. Gums a bug at it. Kids aren't, no, you, you, you just, it's like you can't, it's, it's, it's so, it's so enticing to show kids cool stuff, but you, it's just, it's too much. They're dealing with their own stuff. You got to stick to Coco Mellon, the narwhal cartoon on Netflix is pretty great, but look, I want, I want to know. I'm sorry to cut you off, the spider, I want to know one more time. I'm sorry to cut you off spider the spider verse movie the second one also. I just saw that with him. I didn't understand anything about that movie.

And it was how old is your kid again? He's six. He says he got six. He says he got it. Jimmy, I got a few years by the saying he, but the spider man into whatever which the newest one that just came out was was one of the most enjoyable. And again, you're sitting for two hours like, oh, make it handle. But wait, do you think a four year old can handle it? Again, did you see the first one? No, right. So good. He loves, he loves Spider-Man. I just don't want him to get exposed to violence. It's it's it's again, it's animated and it's it's it's light. And even the villain isn't too villainy but again it's it's dealing with

a multiverse. So there are infinite numbers of Spider-Man. It's confusing. No I love the Spider-Man. I know you I know you can watch the first one then you could see it because if you can handle that one you can see it It'll give you date night. It'll give me movie night with the misses What spider-man are you I mean this one who they're doing has some really cool powers he gets invisible and he can do like electric shock But I'm pretty basic. I just don't I want I want to have web shooters that that come out. I don't want to have imposed Web shooters. I want it to be. No, I don't like the cyborg spider. Yeah, I want to do the same way. Yeah. Old school,

give me the ones that shoot out of my hands. I don't want to put a, I don't want to leave that out and realize I forgot to put on my shooters. I forgot to load. I ran out of web. That's not a super one. That's bad. Refill the web cartridge. Yeah, that's bad. That's not super. That's bad refill. That's bad cartridge. We play this game a lot. Which superhero you'd be. And it's always Superman. It's always Superman.

Who else would you rather be? I mean, again, Batman's cool and Spider-Man's cool. But like, at the end of the day, Superman's. Am I wrong about this? You're wrong. Right, I knew that. I was getting bad looks from me. I was like, damn, we were in sync.

Superman's a fascist. Oh, I'm not talking about politics. I'm talking about power. He's, you see? No, I'm saying it has to be Superman. No, Superman, I like the flawed. I love the flawed superhero. I love the superhero that's going through Deadpool. Deadpool? Deadpool, I absolutely love. But you know, like Wolverine. You know, like

a parallel to Superman in the sense, you've got that admanium skeleton he can heal almost impossible to kill and but he's like all fucked up the rage of the PTSD he's got the PTSD. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I got that. I feel that. Superman. Spider-Man. Spider-Man who's always balancing the responsibility of saving the world and feeling like is he is with being a teenager. You see appropriate. This is what I should be doing right now. Is this like, you know, I'm into the next. I'm just saying straight up on a power level. I'm like, power level, you want super math. I think so.

Now, there was a great, you could probably Google search it. Somebody wrote this really awesome essay on the ecological or civilization old destruction that would happen if Superman ejaculated and didn't catch the com. Because the semen, like if the semen had the ability to fly, if the semen had all of the extra power, the fire, the fire, the fire, the fire, you're dealing with like this like essentially like a quantum disaster. These microscopic, progenitive super sperm would destroy a city.

We were doing so well. We were doing so well. Look, you can't end on on some like the thing about the Messiah and God in full circle. Supercom. Yes. But let's not end on that. Oh, yeah, I'm not going on these super shirts. You know, this

is an audio podcast. One more store only because because you you texted me a few days ago. You wrote the the ocean of tears. I don't even know what it was in reference to. Okay, let me tell you. This is actually really funny because I want to be a mystic. I'd love to be a

mystical person. Spoilers. He is. He, he, he, he crossed over. But wait till you hear this. Um, I'm glad you brought this up. So I recently got embarrassingly addicted to a video game called Diablo 4. Now I'm an addict. So like any time I get addicted to something, it's actually really bad news. I can't just like, I can't be happy and addicted. Like it used to be my, my happiness levels are gonna, like peak and then I will keep playing the thing

even though it's not doing anything for me. And it ends up just like affecting my life in really embarrassing ways. It fucks me up. I get obsessed, I have ADHD, I get obsessive. And so it sucks. So, the long and short of it is, you can play with other people.

And I'd been trying to play Diablo with my friend. And I made it, we didn't meet up that that night to play so I thought I was texting him I waited for you all night by the ocean of tears and I accidentally texted to you That's and you are Sponsing and I look at like what I texted you and I think about it in terms of roomy And I'm like Jesus Christ That's some kind of mystical poem that I sent to a rabbi that I meant to send to my friend that was completely connected to my addiction.

And that to me is how God works. That's how God works. God doesn't care. God will like use you to say things that you might not even know what you're saying or intended to say, but then you look at him like, oh shit, that's perfect. That's prophecy. That's prophecy. You can prophesy without knowing, or you can be aware that you're doing it. Meaning because you've cultivated it. Here's why I was

tripping. And again, I might have been tripping at the time, but there's a very famous Hasidic story. Again, back to crossing over the veil, where these two gurus, two Rebus, Rp. Vorker, and he had his good buddy. His good buddy was Manachemendel of Kutsk. And after his father passed away, the son of Rp. Vorker was very upset that his father had envisaged him in a minute dream. He says, as he comes to see you, as he comes to see his best friend, he says, funny. He hasn't, he hasn't seen me either. And he hasn't heard anything. So he decided to, you know, go

up to heaven and inquire, what's up? Where have you been? So he prepares himself. He, you know, does the incantation. He says the names. He goes into Depecuit, right? He purifies himself for whatever names of God you need to go and he starts to ascend and He starts to go into the various chambers of heaven. The hei Chalout and first he sees the father before fathers Abraham Isaac and Jacob and they're like, we had he was here for a little bit But he got antsy and he bounced. He's like, all right He goes and he's continues going go deeper and deeper into the heaven. And he sees Moses. Moses gives him the same answer. He says, you know, he was here and then he bounced.

He was here and then he bounced and he keeps going to these ascending chambers. And finally he gets, you know, a full circle brother. Wow. He gets to the chamber of the bird's nest, which is where the Messiah is sitting and waiting to bring the redemption. Right? And he says, have you seen my friend, Rabiotsuk? And he says he was here, but he left. And he says, well, what can I do to find him? You know, he seems to be like, you know, the last level, the Messiah. And he says, you have to go through the great forest that lies at the end of this heaven. Again, I'm sure there's allegory here, and he continues to go and he goes through the thickest, darkest forest that he can go through. And after much effort, he finally gets there and he sees when he comes out of the clearing, he sees this massive ocean. And the ocean is like tsunami like waves right and they're like the highest you know those massive massive waves and in the distance he sees this old Jew walking with his walking stick

and he's just you know they're looking over on this cliff overlooking this you know massive massive ocean and stop me if you heard this one and And he goes and he says to him, he says, what are you doing here? He says, he says, rubyetschuk, you know, you could be with the forefathers, you could be with Moses, you could be with Rabiakiva. I looked all over, you could be with the Messiah, you could be experiencing the bliss of the world to come, the messianic state of just being completely nullified in the divine. What are you doing here? And he says, I was there.

I was by all those places. He says, I couldn't be comfortable there. I had to leave and have to come here. He's like, do you know what this ocean is? He turns to his friend. He says to the Cotscars, do you know what this ocean is? He turns to his friend. He says to the Cutscrisse, do you know what this ocean is? And the Cutscrisse says, I have no idea. And he said, this ocean is made of all the tears of the people,

and the people who have suffered through the bitter years of Galut, of exile. And I vowed to God, I vowed to Hashem not to move from this place until the Gullus is over and all the Jewish tears and all the tears have been wiped away. I mean, that's the ocean of tears. So you foreshadowed that by the ocean of tears. And this is what the Bodhisattva do.

This is what the Sadiqim do is that they refuse to leave until every single tear is wiped away. There's a value to every single tear. There's a value to that. There's a value to that, to that sorrow. We can't be, we can't become, you know, sometimes we become very addicted to our sorrow, and we don't allow ourselves to feel good, but to know that that is so wild. You predicted, you texted me. You said, ocean of tears or something. I, I'm sorry God. No, no, sorry.

I'm sorry God. This is so good. No, God has to work. You said, God has to work through me. The way that I have to deal with like a shitty fountain pen. It's like, he's addicted to Diablo. I want to, I want to be So you are so I'm just gonna

To Sean yes that whole game probably existed for that text for us to be sharing that story because somebody out there And we commiserate with you someone out there is crying tears and feels like hey, what is what is all this foreign? It's just like I don't know but but, but, but someone's holding that. And you're not alone. You're not alone with that. And, and, and if, if somebody can come and wipe those tears away, you know, and if that story can provide a measure of comfort, then, you know, our job here is, that's what all we're doing.

We're walking each other home, right? Even better added to the ocean added to the ocean. Let him trip in that beautiful ocean. And which I'm sure has some very beautiful fish swimming around. Oh my God, can you imagine what is my side? What did the fish look like in the ocean of tears? Fishing at the ocean of tears, my friend. Well, I love you. And I love our conversations. And I just feel so lucky to have you as my friend. And I am always thrilled when you text me. and I just feel so lucky to have you as my friend and I am always thrilled when you text me and I just love our conversations. Thank you.

And, you know, I'm sorry to do after the our conversations like they, they follow me around and this conversation will follow me around for a long time and I'll think about it. And I don't mean to end I'm plugging your awesome show. But if I, if I don't, how am I your friend? And also, I'm a T-shirt snob. Yes. It's not just the design of a shirt that's important to me.

They need to feel a certain way. And I'm telling you, you have a wonder, these shirts are not just super cool. I love the designs, but they're very comfortable. Yes. And I hope that people listening will at least check out what you've got out there. So can you please direct people to where they can find these shirts? Or apparel.com. OHR, however you spell apparel.com, it started because again, I just started saying the goal is soul. And then a wonderful, beautiful, talented artist designer named Zev and his partner, Shira May, reached out

and said, let's collab. And I said, don't mess with me. I'm very, I'm all about the t-shirts. It's all about t-shirt Tuesday. You know, it's a mitzvah. It's a mitzvah to wear a t-shirt on Tuesday. That doesn't, what? No, it doesn't say that, but it should be. Ah! Right? I think it doesn't even know what it's gonna be saying. He says, I love you. You say, the goal is so.

I'm like, that's because the goal is so. And we started talking about it, what it meant to him. And he was, you know, connecting with a lot of my friends, you know, Ravdhuda Michelle, the chief rabbi of the world, and Ravdhjou Yuz, an amazing cabalist, and clinical supervisor. And that story that I just told you know from the ocean of tears is from my guru, Ramosha Weinberger, actually, that he's the Holy Fire, he's the captain of captains,

and say all these people. And you know, it's all about soul. And so I wanted to be more mindful of that. And we create physical representations of things that can help sort of sensitize us to that. So the goal is soul. And then the next thing you know, you put it on a shirt and now you're wearing it. And people are loving it. It's just, it's a real gift.

And people are going to, because we want to let our soul glow, we want to tap into that essence. And I want to see the good in you and I want to see the good in me. And I want it to shine out into the world. And I want to live from that place. I want to live from that childish innocence where I want it to shine out into the world. And I want to live from that place. I want to live from that childish innocence where, you know, I'm not jaded, where my eyes haven't become pleased. And talking to people like you reminds me that it's possible. Love fest. I don't care.

The show is fast. It's really is mutual. Tell your love about everyone. Thank you. Thank you for the shirt, Tell your number, Benji. Thank you. Thank you for the shirt, for your friendship, and for being on the show. All the links you need to find, Benji, you're going to be at DuncanTrustle.com. And I, Krishna, do you, my friend, thank you. The goal is soul. How do you go?

That was Dr. Benji Epstein everybody. All the links you need to find them will be at dougadtrustle.com. Which are a tremendous thank you to our sponsors and thank you for listening. I'll see you next week. 2.0.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.