Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 580: Erin Trussell

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Erin Trussell, Duncan's dearest angel of a wife (who just gave birth to his third child), re-joins the DTFH! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. Zbiotics - Visit Zbiotics.com/Duncan and use code DUNCAN at checkout to save 15% on your first order!

Greetings to you. I salute you from the DTFH official patriotic studios of light. Welcome. This is the Dunker Trussell family, our podcast. My name, of course, is Dunk and Trussell. I'm known for my use of magnum condoms. I put them on cucumbers. It keeps them fresh. Speaking of fresh, this is a wonderful podcast with my dearest angel of a wife, Aaron, who just gave birth to our third child and we thought we would check in with y'all so you could hear the story. Be warned if you're triggered by stories of vaginas and stuff exploding out of them, then this might not be the podcast for you. But if that's the kind you're into, then get ready. Because this is exactly what you've been looking for.

If you happen to be listening to this on the week of September 8th, 19th, once you come see me at Zainey's in Rosemont, Illinois. After that, I'm going to be in Tacoma. That is September 21st, 22nd, 23rd at the Tacoma Comedy Club. And then I'm headed to beautiful San Francisco, October 6th and 7th. And I hope to see you all at these dates. You can find lots more dates at DuncanTrustle.com. Also, when you subscribe to our Patreon, it's patreon.com, Ford slash DTFH.

And now everybody, please extend your arms and embrace my beautiful, wonderful wife, Aaron Trussell. I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, Who? Evan? Aaron. Wow. Been a while since you've been on the podcast. Yeah. What's been going on? Moved. Moved. Mm-hmm. Go on. Think where we left it off. We were in Asheville debating where to move. We were up in the mountain, so we were like deep weaverville in that cool little. No. We weren't, we're, oh right.

No, that's right, I remember that one. Oh yeah, those are hard times. Yeah. That was brutal. I remember we were all like, we were just like, oh, it was when the whole family had COVID, and we were all like we were just like oh was when the whole family had COVID and we were we just had COVID we were pissed at each other On by it hanging on by a fucking thread sick a Asheville no help No help at all didn't know anybody. We are just kind of miserable. Yeah, and

Trying to figure out where to move. Yeah, trying to figure out what we're gonna do. It was fucked up. L.A. That was fucked up because it was like, I think it was dawning on both of us that like, Asheville is beautiful half the year. And then the other half.

Less than half. Less than half a year. And then the other half of the year, it's like a morsey idea's like a nuclear waste it's just luxury you feel like you're in Manchester like it's sweet. All. Weird. Yeah, just clouded overcast. Like wonderful.

I think I think like, like right now, teleporting to a rainy day in Asheville would be nice. Yes. You know, it would be nice for a weekend. Romantic cozy. Have some hot cocoa, some whatever apple cider, you know, but over the months of those winners, it is very dreary. The occasional snowstorms are really nice. Slighting of the kids, it's great.

Three times more time. You get a few snowstorms and then it's just very honest because people I think mostly visit Asheville in the fall. They also have, we've established they have a pretty wide campaign. Asheville, oh yeah, they like public relations campaign. Yeah, right. So somewhat there is a very ambitious person working on the Asheville tourism board. Who's good at their job? Yeah. Like because I'll be on the road. And they'll be these commercials for Asheville. And they make it seem, or you talk to people and they're like, I've always heard yeah, because it's hurt. And it's like, we'll have you been there, no.

Well, the commercials make it seem like some kind of progressive utopia. Like they make it seem like it's just, oh my God, you're gonna be like hiking, you're gonna be out in a canoe with your lover, you're gonna be having these incredible picnics. And everyone there is like the nicest, sweetest person that you ever met. They don't say anything about the fact that the locals are so fucking xenophobic.

Rightfully so. I've been telling people Asheville is Portlandia on the inside of town. So, and on the outside of town it so. Right. And on the outside of town, it's KKK. It's perlantious surrounded by fucking KKK. Poor meth dealing KKK. Your basket of deplorable sun, both sides of the coin is completely surrounded and then pouring in, at least during the pandemic, assholes like us,

just pouring in it. California. What do assholes like us, just pouring in. California. What do you mean I can't find a nanny? There's no Apple store here. Wait, where's the Apple store? Oh, no, I meant Apple. That was when you started to panic a little bit, be honest.

I meant Apple like technology, not Apple like, like a store that sells apples. Yeah. Yeah. Is that when you started to get nervous? not Apple like the store that sells apples Yeah, is that when you started to get nervous? No, I It wasn't I was sort of like because I you know contextually We have to think this is coming out of the pandemic. Yeah, so in the pandemic this is in the pandemic and my attitude was just like it gone from any kind of like hope for a nice life to a kind of

Grind, I'm like, I'll just make it work survive survive. I'll make it work. We're here. We're gonna make it work Well, you're just like I don't want to move. I'm too old to move. I've moved so many fucking times I want to die somewhere. I didn't want to move. I've moved so many fucking times. You're like, I wanna die somewhere. I didn't wanna move anymore. I wanna, I wanna stay. But what were you just like? I just had calculated how many times. You're like an old dog that wants to crawl up in the house.

Yeah, yeah. I just wanted like cash in my chips, die. But also, I am, yeah. But I was having, that was when I was like, really coming out of what I think was like the final phase of like grieving for my mom. Yeah, like you went back there looking for her. I was, yeah, I was unraveling. Yeah, all this. I was realizing like, oh my god, I just moved my family here because like I wanted them to meet my mom at some level and like realizing Jesus Christ, she's

not here. And so that was that was these slow realizations where like I was having these moments of like pumping gas at the gas station and thinking like, wait, did I ever leave here? If I've been here since high school and I'm just kind of hallucinated being a comedian or something, like just creepy. And that one, when you were losing it that one day

and you just started driving, went into a fugues day. And you drove to her house? Yeah. Drove down that gravel driveway. Like 45-minute drive, you just randomly did on like a Tuesday or something. Yeah, and she's still had that bird sanctuary sign up

that she used to have and like, for a second, you're like, fuck, she's here. And then it's just some weird person up there. That was the, that was good. That was like the bubble popping. Like I knew you were realizing like, that was because you bubble popping. Like I needed that. When you were realizing, like, That was, cause you, yeah, yeah. Like I was realizing like, oh, I have an attachment to this.

Yeah. Place, but not this place. I have an attachment to this place. 2013 pre-2013. Yeah. Not now. And then realizing I've moved my children and my wife into a fantasy I had

regarding what this place would be. Yeah. And that was a that was a big wonderful moment actually. It sounds so depressing. Yeah for everybody. Because you know it was a real riff between us because you had for there was like multi-layer rift because you were concerned you know in my youth that I would be I was sort of like searching for something I would be unhappy like wherever I always wanted and then I was just thinking I'm not gonna die up here. I am not. I don't care. He's gotta take me back to where he found me,

which is in Los Angeles. I didn't, you know, I know that we have these beautiful children, but I did not sign up to like die in the mountains. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, yeah, exactly. And so I was not, it was like, I am not, we're gonna have to figure something out because I am not gonna do this.

You take it up, my little psychosis further. I guess that's kind of what I was asking you to do. Dying the mountains like my mom. Oh my God. You know what I mean? Like if you take it to the, it's fur at this point. It's very selfish. And in the, there's so many like layers to that.

And there was so much, you know, when they talk about spiritual bypass and stuff, like there was a lot of that that I was trying to do too, like trying to apply some form of like, you should be happy wherever you are. Right, yeah. You know, as a, as a, as not. Well, you were like, if you can't make it work spiritually here,

then that is sort of like a flaw. And you will, you will probably feel that way wherever we go. Because moving sucks. And also because I didn't want to, okay, if you ever seen like elephants when they find elephant bones, it's very sad. When they find elephant bones, they like lift them up with their trunks and toss them around and like pet them and stuff, it's so weird. And I think that's what I was doing. I was doing some weird, prolonged elephant bone ritual

in Asheville. And yeah, so it wasn't just like you were asking me to move. Again, it was like, it's some level you were asking me to like, to let go of my mom. But you didn't know that because I don't know how much I was sharing with you. The realizations I'd start having. Yeah.

Yeah. Grief is crazy. I'm sorry I burdened you with it. No, I don't feel like that. I'm just glad we could have come to an agreement because I was very worried because I was just not going to stay there. Yeah, well, I'm glad that we got out of there and now we're here in Austin. Yeah, so we were last going to...

We were trying to move to Los Angeles, move back. She rejected us. Yeah. We couldn't afford it. Well, we could afford it. That's not really. Not the way we wanted to do it. I mean, we couldn't afford it. Like the way we wanted to let the life so we wanted to live. Yeah, big family. Yeah. Loss of kids. Yard. No traffic.

Christian school. Any good school. Yeah, but we wanted a Christian school for them. We wanted. Because that was the trade off or like, look, if, you know, we realize the seediness that will be exposing our children to by moving back to Los Angeles. You know, one of the most surreal. So we wanted to bubble them a little bit. One of the most surreal, oh yeah. We want, basically like when you're thinking about living in LA, there's all these calculations you have to make.

And a serious calculation is, the school could be three miles away. That's 30, 45 minutes in the morning. I mean, no, we were doing the calculations if how long it would take to drive the kids to school and get back. Yeah, we were like, okay, 20, 45 minutes. An hour, 40, 40 is what we were talking about. Was our goal. That was our goal.

So an hour a day, you're longer, your kids are in a fucking car going to school. And then I did, I started polling data on that. How bad it is for them. Yeah, how bad it is for them. That children who have longer commutes have negative health outcomes. This is studied. You know, and then there's all these little things. And then when we were looking into paying, uh, the fire, fire, and before we even paid on the house,

that's usual like that we were like somehow managing to make any of that seem normal. And then we are like, okay, well, this place in the palisades. Um, already burned. So this is great, because we've got, like, yeah, we had people advising us that we're like, oh well, you know, that means it's got another 15 years.

So it burns again. Great, and we were also realizing insurance that certain places would only cover half of the house, not the entirety of the house. So the... Yeah, fire insurance, and then if you could even get insurance, and then, you know, that was just the logistical stuff. That's not even the spiritual side of things with our children and like our values and

where our values like Hollywood, centric, or were they somewhere else? No. Well, that for, I mean, for me, I don't know if that was a big deal for you, for me, that was a big deal. I think it was, well, I don't want to say values, because you end up sounding like fucking Rush Limbaugh. But I think the way I would say it is, like, you want your kids to have a chance at, like, a normal sort of childhood. And I guess these days, that's considered values. But really, it's just like, I want my kids to be able to go to a playground and and not have to like see like the pull is dick out by the swing set. Yeah and I don't want my kids to and you know I don't want my kids to have like

a daily experience of apocalyptic traffic just that that alone. And I don't want my kids to have to deal with their parents and being stressed out. Yeah, by the the the incumbrance of like super long commutes to get them to school, to get them back. And also just Hollywood is fucking spooky. I've never heard that. I've never heard that. That's one of the reasons we left. I was like getting genuinely spooked out. Well, pandemic Hollywood was the nail in the coffin. Like pandemic LA. I mean, I remember my friend was like before you leave, I mean, I remember my friend was like, before you leave, please just go drive around Hollywood. And I did, went up there, drove around, saw,

I've never seen anything like that. I'm not as traveled as I wish I were, but you know, been to like the slums of New Delhi. And it made them seem like relatively safe compared to what that was like. I don't know that anyone documented it. Everything boarded up. Yeah.

People like in like loincloths, like screaming at the sun. Like HP love. I'm a fire. That was, there was like a, and can't make fire right by our house, like a few days before we left. Well, I just read this article about all these tech people

have moved to Texas from LA and now they regret it. They, they, they don't like, I might, one of them was bitching because they're like, I never go outside now. My kids never go outside because of the heat. And you gotta highlight the hours. You gotta use your hours of the day appropriately. Yeah, because I can go out early or just like,

get you deal with the heat. Yeah, toughen up a little bit. And that sort of like was my big worry about coming here because I knew like with Rogan's club I would be able to do I'm doing more stand-up here. And you do LA. Way more. Because it's like such a quick drive to that club. Sometimes three spots a night. But so but the heat I was nervous about, because like I, I remember the time we came to visit in that fucking unbearable heat. It seems so unbearable. But now it's learned to see us to it. I like it. Yeah. Sometimes I leave my studio door open, A.C. off just to like work up a sweat.

It's weird. Yeah. And I think either you like, you get to that point of like, appreci- liking the heat, or you are in hell, literally. Yeah, yeah. I want to thank Square Space for supporting this episode of the DTFH, my God Square Space, you have done it.

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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Duncan and you'll get 10% of your first order of a website or a domain again. It's squarespace.com for a slash Duncan. Use Africa Duncan to get 10% off of like appreciating the heat or you are in hell literally. Yeah, yeah. Well, going back to what you said, I do think Los Angeles rejected us.

We were trying to make it work and it wasn't working. And then we pivoted because we always were talking about Austin. And we saw one house. And the most amazing house. And that was it. And everything just opened up in cleared way. Once we made that decision to come here, everything got easy.

Everything got easy. Or kind of. Well, we were kind of. Buying a house suck. You know, I was nervous because I remember you telling me, you found this house, you loved it. Oh yeah, and you weren't, you were on the road. I was on the road.

And I was like, they said, well, if you put an offer in, we will cancel our open house. That is the next day. And I'm just thinking like, fuck. And Duncan hadn't seen it. There's no way the first house you look at is the house that you end up living in. And I was so dreading Seeing that the fight between us because I knew like if I didn't like the house It was gonna be brutal because we had already we were just like still dealing with marriage shit and like dealing with the move and the tumultuous nature of

our lives Yeah, I remember walking into the house and like being like oh my god. This is so beautiful. This is so perfect and we had sold our house already. Yeah, we already sold it in Asheville So we were really like, you know, yeah So yeah, we ended up in this like fantasy house It's just beautiful. Perfect.

So much room. A house, I wanted a house we wouldn't outgrow if like we wanted to have. Millions. Children, more children. And I just was like, I don't want to move. No Duncan is like, especially done with moving. So I wanted something we could grow into and stay in and.

That's the craziest feel. wanted something we could grow into and stay in. That's the craziest feel. So now I'm having this experience. I never fucking had in my life, which is like, I feel secure where I live. Yeah, I love my, I'm like, loving my family. Yeah. I'm like, it's the way, it's like,

I feel like I reincarnated or something. It feels like a different existence. Yeah, it took us a while to settle in. And by the way, your fear was unfounded. Although I, about me not being happy here, although I will say I, in the back of my mind, I was worried about that too. And so I told myself, no matter what, here, although I will say I, in the back of my mind, I was worried about that too.

And so I told myself, no matter what, I'm staying here for my children's sake and for my marriage and my husband's sanity. Our oldest is also like getting caught, like he's waking up so we really couldn't move again. Right. Yeah for like non breeders out there You have this like window of time To get settled somewhere. Yeah, because once once your kids really start waking up They start making friends. They need a pattern that isn't constantly changing changing and yeah, so

that isn't constantly changing. Changing. Yeah. So, yeah, we, so you won't, you, there is like a deadline. You can't just keep moving them and moving them and moving them, like some of our parents did. Because it's just, it disrupts them. They need to put down roots.

You need to put down, I mean, like, you, like, but I was committed. You listen, I'm just so impressed with you right now. I just can't tell. Oh my God, I feel so lucky. Like so many doubts I had were just projections of my own bullshit. You know, I just, you've like hit so many home runs for us.

Like it's incredible. Like, you know, like a lot of your, a lot of what like in like like an ashtray I viewed is like unnecessary and irritating pressure. Yeah. I now realize like, fuck, thank God. She was exerting that much energy because otherwise we might still be in ashtray.

Our God knows what. Yeah. And now we're in this beautiful place that just is like. Also, this is so boring and non-romantic, but we had a window with the real estate market to get out. And I recognized that.

Yes. Because it's like my little hobby on the side is real estate. Yeah, yeah. All these things that I just don't have the brain for. And that is where now, after our third child, this is where you start realizing, this is where marriage stops being the thing that you make hacky jokes about and becomes this really powerful, positive thing. Entity, yeah. But it sucks for a while. When it's hard, it's hard.

Jesus Christ, like it is. And then the other day you said, you made a comment you were like, and sometimes we're not friends. Yeah, and that is so real. Yeah, that's real. Sometimes we're just roommates. Yeah, well, that don't get along Yeah. Well, that don't get along.

Yeah. You mean, it's that don't get along. But you know, I think. But you know, usually if you look back on those times, it's always in like, when we've had, it's in times of stress. Yeah. You know, generally there's something going on. Right.

That's led us to turn on each other. Yeah. Yeah, there's so much. You know, I still, I know you must think about like the Ram Dass when he married us. Yeah, which is so surreal still. So surreal. Yeah. and the way he said this will be your spiritual path yeah and and you know like I would not not as much anymore but still a little bit I'm always a little cynical about spiritual you are still yeah I have a level of cynicism about it like initially when I was getting like more into it I really did just think this is a lark Like well, yeah, I realized that but then you start finding out it's not a lark Like when he said that he wasn't just like saying something to like all right. Let me get these assholes

I don't know that meant then yeah now it's Donnie it just on it's donning on me over time what that really meant. Yeah. Now it's Donnie. It's just on it's Donnie on me over time. What that really meant. Yeah. Like you called any cast to spell over us. Yeah. In that moment. Yeah, he did. Yeah, and you just don't you know like I think true spiritual paths or whatever you want to call it.

I think there's some fantasy that it's like taking a walk through some kind of mythical JRR token forest with unicorns and beautiful rainbows and sparkly shit in the air. Like that stupid Tom Cruise movie legend from a long time ago. But it's not just that, that is there, but it's also like, you got to descend down

and really find out about who you really are. That I will be done. Yeah, that's your new favorite prayer. Yeah. Very powerful prayer. Well, I guess You kind of just threw in the third child, but we were debating I think the third child the last time We did a podcast, but we did have another baby. I have the most beautiful little girl. She's the best

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did it and Whoa That was wild man. We just had that we wanted to do a home birth. Yeah Yeah, I'm crepping. I really wanted to do a home birth. I'm actually very sad about now You're still sad about that. I'm really sad about it. I'm actually like I Get like triggered. I mean it like, I get like triggered. I mean, people talk about home births. I've never been like triggered. It was basically home.

It was basically home birth. I mean, it was not a home birth. Well, in the sense that we were away from house for what, 24 hours less than 24 hours. Yeah, less. But I, well, I had midwifery care, my whole pregnancy, which was like an absolute game changer after having the traditional mode of care. Can you talk a little bit about the difference? Like, yeah, I mean basically it's individualized

care. My midwife came to my house every appointment, spent no less than an hour with me, just discussing whatever. If you, you know, if you, you generally with obese if you're feeling a symptom of pregnancy or you're not feeling well, they're just like, yep, that's pregnancy. Bye.

My midwife would send me, you know, like a three page email with 50 homeopathic remedies to try for whatever was ailing me. And it's just, I mean, I could go on and on about this. The OBs are not really experts in physiological birth. They are surgeons. Right. physiological birth. They are surgeons and they are really good at stepping in when there's a problem, but I feel like healthy women should be under the care of midwives.

Okay, let me just period. From obviously my perspective on this is going to be more accurate than a woman. No, your perspective on all the births is always that things were a little bit worse than they really were. Okay, but let me just, okay. That things are a little bit more scarier. All right, here's my take on. Birth is, has to be the most powerful mystical thing that can happen to a couple. You're opening up a portal from my cosmology to the bar, the bardo.

Yeah. You are creating a vessel for a, a being to inhabit and wake up. And you're sitting in that for a long time. of being to inhabit and wake up. And you're sitting in that for a long time. Like before the birth, after, during, after. If you have, if you have like the slightest sensitivity, then you know that sometimes you're around people and they seem bright, and sometimes you're around people

and they seem dim, sometimes you you're around people and they seem dim. Sometimes you feel bright, sometimes you feel dim. There appears to be some metaphysical energy, Prana is one of the names for it. And so when a baby is like a compressed bundle of that, that's like a rising sun happening inside of your wife, and that energy starts coming out of them. Like it's not just their energy anymore. It's like another energy starts billowing out into the house. Yeah.

Into your dreams. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. So here's this mystical experience that most people are only gonna have a few times in their life. Now, take that. Drive in your car to a sterile fucking environment. Bright lights. A waiting room filled with people and varying degrees of anxiety. And illness receptionists, you have been sitting in that stew every day for years until

whatever got them interested in that job was the light in them is gone. Oblivated because they have to watch every day, couples walk out weeping. Yeah, the worst outcome. The worst outcomes. In the same with every other person working in these buildings. So they have to develop a callus

around the part of them that was like, I wanna be part of that magical experience. They can't, they know that as they're doing the scan of the baby, that if they think about how, how some dragons is not going to come out when we wanted it to, and like sneer for a moment in disappointment knowing you've got to wait for the next season of fucking the new game in France to come out. And the couple sees that, they're gonna go, oh my God, oh my God, does the baby have lungs?

Yeah. So they have to put on this poker face, is they're scanning you, they can't emote. Yeah. So it has to be this emotionless, sterile environment that is also trying to make money. So it's literally not conducive to birth. It's not what any mammal would choose to birth.

No, it's like a mirror image. It's the reversal of the experience, the negation of that aspect of it, and the intentional ignoring of that aspect of it. They can't be like, so, I noticed that the baby's prana seems to be rising. Yeah. You can't say that, she. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, so what happened is, you know, the end of pregnancy is just very much a mental journey for the woman, for everyone, but for the woman, especially because you're just like, when am I going to give birth? When is this going to happen? You have contractions for weeks. Not about the cycles. Like the baby gets on a cycle and how what happens if that cycle changes? What do you mean?

Like, you know, her movement? Yeah. Well, yeah, so that's what it all, you talking about her movement. Like, yeah, she don't move it. She don't move it. At the end. Yeah. Okay, well, it's not about really cycles as much as it is, like, frequency of movement.

Right. And so what happened was, my due date came and went so I was and I had never been pregnant that long and my due date came and went and my midwife was like you've got a surrender to this and and just and it's just. But my baby just was her movement, just slowed down a lot. And to me being a third time mom, it slowed down. I was concerned. I was pretty concerned with,

I just didn't think she was moving enough. So every day that I spent like that was honestly hell, worrying about her when she wasn't moving, I really thought she might be dead or dying. And I just felt like her movement was really slowing down. So, and if you ask for a medical answer to that problem, or a medical opinion, they will say, well, yeah, the baby, it gets tight in there and the baby does move in a different way, but it shouldn't

be less. But this could be normal or it could be literally the worst scenario of your life. And you could have a stillborn baby, because fetal movement is a really good indicator of how things are going in there. So we went in, I went in for a stress test to just check on her after 40 weeks because of my concerns.

And baby just, she did like borderline. So she got like a five or a six, because out of 10. In that borderline. The quantification is looking at all these different. They wanna see the fluid in there, which mine was good. They wanna check the placenta for signs of aging. There were none on mine. They wanna see fetal movement, a certain amount.

She wasn't really doing that, and they want to see her practice breathing, which she didn't do once. The scent of the mother right, this is how you smell. Yeah, they see how I smell. But she didn't practice breath once in like 40 minutes. So then they put me on another monitor

and to check her heart rate. And that wasn't so good. So then they sent me over to the hospital for extended monitoring. Yeah. They also heard a fetal heart arrhythmia. So her heart would just kind of skip and stop. Why was that happening, do you think? They don't know. And it could just be that she was in slight distress or it could have just been what they call an incidental finding. Yeah. Like just something because we have all these medical tools, sometimes you just find things that really they don't it doesn't amount to anything and that outcome is still good. It's just like the blood lake. Yeah, exactly.

Like the placental blood lake. That was fun. We had with Lauren. Yeah. The first one had something called a fucking blood lake. And you're supposed to feel it's good about that. This episode has been sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you have the stuff that I don't know how you wouldn't have right now? Are the aliens freaking you out? The potential of World War III? Are you just dealing with

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BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHelp. H-E-L-P.com slash Duncan. Thank you better help. I think all the fucking blood lake. And you're supposed to feel it's good about that. Yeah, it's just, I mean, this is the downside. We all started testing. In Diablo IV, there's literally a blood lake

that you have to be fighting in a lake of blood. It's like, you remember when you were telling me how it's a blood lake, it might be okay. But it's like, how is that ever okay? Yeah, it's just, was just a like spot of blood near the placenta. Don't call it a late. There's gotta be a better name. Like you know, because a lake implies like you could get a boat ride. You could fish for blood fishing. Yeah. So emphasizing this because these incidental findings. freaking you out have fucked up names that go along with the incidental

but that is like the argument against some of this testing and I knew that oh you have a witch's spot it's probably nothing but you could also die in five minute oh you have a mark of mefastophile when you're third quadrant yeah like it's terrifying name. I know, which we had avoided this phenomenon on the entire pregnancy because I had very limited testing and I was under midwifery care. But my midwife recommended just because of my concern

and because she knows, I mean, listen, there's a lot of people, a lot of women, I respect spiritually and intellectually and on every level that I respect that, think that, you know, that know that birth and death stand back to back and that when you are pregnant, you walk that line and they are committed to having natural pregnancies and natural, not interrupting with the course of nature and accepting the fact, taking responsibility for the fact that they could have the worst outcome and they're okay with that. And I respect that joy.

Like I think all women should have the autonomy to have the birth they want, the pregnancy they want, and if that's an outcome that they have like, you know, are okay with, then that's their choice. But we were not we were not, I was not going to be okay with anything happening to her. And it was not, how could any mom actually be okay with that? It's not that they're okay with it It's just that they are Accepting surrendered to it surrendered to like yeah the natural outcome of the The other pregnancy and because and because they know that this testing does

Often lead them down a harmful road. That's true. And that most pregnancies are healthy and most births have good outcomes. And they trust in that. And also surrendered to whatever the fine night, whatever the small possibility is of a bad outcome. We were just not in the down. I mean also, I got it.

Before I forget, just because I was talking about the fucked up environment before it feels so good to walk into the living room and see your wife talking to an expert who is also mystical, but not like, like, imbalance, kind of, like, woo-woo-y mystical, but like the kind of mystical that you run into with, like, people who really practice. That kind of strong, but somehow lighthearted, but somehow

focused, listening to watch you to interfacing like that, compared to. The way you do it. The other two. It's just, oh my God, this is how it should be. Why aren't they doing this in the office buildings? Why don't they make comfortable environments for mothers? Why are they uncomfortable chairs? Why do they not have enough bathrooms?

Why do they? And why am I being treated like I'm sick? Yeah, well, yeah, it's like, it's so- And OB care, oh, that's not I think, just to highlight, you said like, what's the main difference? The other main difference is that in midwifery care, you're healthy

unless you're until you're not. And in OB care, you're sick until you prove that you're not, and in obi care, you're sick until you prove that you're healthy. It's so fucked up. Yeah. Because it's like, how are you denying? I'm not saying, you don't have to get all mystical in shit, but how are you denying,

at least the psychological layer of a human being? It's like you are denying the impact of person's experience. Has on the rest of their life. On their body. And the rest of their life. I mean, women carry, yeah, and the baby absolutely. But women carry that, this is like,

but who thought, okay, we're gonna make a shitty waiting room. That cold, that's cold. There's a weird picture. What, in that one, what was it like a baby lion about to get eaten by a lamb or a lion? It's a fucking lamb with a lion. It's supposed to be, I think, the lion will lay down with a lamb, the sort of like book of revelations.

Which by the way, let's not do book of revelations. But at the high risk, fetal specialist. Can we not do that? And also can we not like pretend that if like the lion wasn't heavily sedated in that picture with the lamb that like within this certain amount of time is eating that fucking baby. So you have, what are you really symbolizing?

You're symbolizing what the force that eats babies, the predatory nature of the universe. I don't wanna think about this stuff when I'm sitting in a fucking waiting room and I see a picture of a lion with a lamb. So you see the aesthetics. Yeah. The aesthetics are a tertiary consideration.

It's just all wrong. All wrong. It's just all wrong. All wrong. Yes. And to the point of being aggressively wrong. Yeah. That's where it gets weird to me.

It's like it's not just wrong. Like, you go to a friend's house, he decorated his house himself. He thought he did a good job, but he doesn't know how to decorate. So it looks awful a little bit, but wrong, like a haunted house at Halloween is wrong. Like, it's so important.

But I'll be here that I saw for a few weeks just in the beginning of the pregnancy before I got like set up with my midwife. They have a QR code that you use to check into the appointment and you know me my personality. I was like Every time I went in I'd say it's not working and I made them check a person check me It's not working and I made them check a person tech me it because I was just so horrified I do the QR code. It's like okay, mother fucker. You better have a phone

Oh, you don't have a phone fuck you. Yeah, you you're a secondary citizen like all these little things When you got to think not everyone has a phone who's pregnant not everyone knows how to use QR codes Why are you creating his division? Because of the massive amount of patients they saw. That's why. Because they need to make that money, and they need to run people through there as quick as they can. And the more like they know, okay,

we're wasting five minutes per patient on sign-ins, which equals, you know, and then they have someone calculating the amount of money. We're gonna use the QR code. That'll speed things up by three minutes per patient, which will allow you to fit in two more patients. Yep.

And that means an extra per year, $300,000 or whatever. That's how they're thinking. The guy I saw was nice. The male, he was like, let's see, there's a little critter in there. Remember? Yes. But he did like these weird paternal pets on me

while his hand was inside me. Flocked up, I wanted to slap his hand. But you know what, whatever, he's. No, not whatever. I'm talking about like, there is, you know, I'm sorry, I'm not going to go into some Buddhist year beating, but one of the root poisons is ignorance. And it doesn't mean you're stupid. It means actively ignoring. Yeah, and they are actively ignoring the emotional psychological reality. Oh, yeah, and that we haven't even discussed postpartum. Oh

My god. Oh my god That was crazy. This is the beginning of everything. This is like how the pregnancy journey goes. And then we wonder why women have issues, postpartum. But so, well, just to sum it up, I went over to the hospital. Again, they put her on the monitor and it was somewhat reassuring. But they were like, I mean, of course, because this hospital, they were urging me to go ahead and induce and my midwife was pretty open

to whatever I wanted to do. And I love that about her. Yeah. She was not trying to slam shit. She knew me though. Like later, she said, I knew if you walked out of that hospital, you would have been back there in four hours. Because mentally you couldn't, she knew.

She knew where I was mentally. Which is what your doctor is supposed to know. Yeah. Your doctor should be treating you like you are a clone of every other mother that you're doing. Your doctor should be giving individualized care based on who you are. Right. not some chart of what a woman is.

Yeah. That is fucking beautiful what she was doing. She was totally right. By the way, can I just add to it? While you were going through all this, do you know what I was doing? Do you remember what I was doing? Getting packing the stuff. No, before that.

Working on a song about putting cotton candy in your butt. Well, I'm like trying to figure out if our baby is okay. Yeah. I want to thank Zbiotics for supporting the DTFH and for creating the world's first genetically engineered pro by Audic. Look, there's a lot of consciousness altering substances out there for you to choose from, but the most convenient and accessible of them all is alcohol. The problem is with alcohol, it follows you around the next day. You can end up skipping your workout routine, throwing your entire schedule off, being completely grumpy, and head achy, and annoyed, or you can consume some sea biotics before you go out on the town.

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they did it. Remember to do zbiotics.com slash Duncan, Use Code Duncan, and check out for 15% off. Thank you, Zbiotics, for sponsoring this episode. Yeah. While you were going through all this, do you know what I was doing? Do you remember what I was doing? Not packing the stuff. No, before that. What?

Working on a song about putting cotton candy in your butt. Well, I'm like trying to figure out if our baby is okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then I called you, I mean, they were a little bit dramatic about it at that. I'm like, can I go home and get stuff before I go to the hospital for monitoring?

And they were like, no, I wouldn't. They had me a little bit freaked out. They're not gonna take risks. I respect what they did there. I think that was the right move to be like, no, I wouldn't, they had me a little bit freaked out. They're not gonna take risks. I respect what they did there. I think that was the right move to be like, no, get to the hospital now. She was actually okay on the monitor.

It was like, I think it was like, there were a few areas of concern on the heart strip, but they were, you know, and so I did think about going home, but ultimately, and there are, like I said, I think there's a lot of women who would have just gone home and repeat the tests in 24 hours. That was our option was to go home and repeat the exact same tests in 24 hours.

That'd be a fun wait. Right. That's gonna be a fun night. Howdy's, yeah. I mean, yeah. So we, and then the other thing was, they checked me and I was five centimeters. Okay.

So we felt like an induction would probably go quickly and well. Does anyone want to hear this though? I don't, I mean, if I ask myself that. You're a demographic, so me, no. I mean, 18. I mean, it's not, actually my demographic,

it's my listeners. Oh, women. 90% super, 90 actually my demographic. It's my listeners. It's all women. 90% soup, 90% supermodels. Oh, right. And the other 10% or like pregnant women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And with a smattering of like Ivy League professors who are also women. Beautiful, beautiful feet. But anyway, so we decide to induce. Right. Now, so I went from like making an idiot song to suddenly I'm like having to pack bags and stuff and get to the fucking hospital. Also, and we had a doula that was gonna come. And she told me last minute at the end of my pregnancy that the baby, she couldn't come if the baby was born on her birthday. Well, y'all can guess when the baby came on her birthday. Oh my God, that was so infuriating.

Yeah, I mean, we don't need to harp into that, but that was just another layer of an interesting layer. But she, to be fair, the sessions you had with her leading up to it were good, right? Like they're good. So it was just the problem was the prioritization of the individual, the workers birthday. That was a whole other thing. And that wasn't handled the best. But you know, regardless, it worked out for the

better because we had the most amazing woman come and held it down because it got really. A-O-My-God. God. Serious. Oh my God. So I max, you know, we started Patocin. I maxed out on Patocin. Now, wait, but I'm even though all of my listeners are women, some of them might not know what pitocin

is and what that does. It is a synthetic oxytocin hormone that causes uterine contractions. And it's highly controversial in the birth world. Oh, you mean in the home birth world? In the birth world in general, because it has some pretty serious side effects like hemorrhage and fetal stress. And it causes... And it causes...

It's like, apparently, the patosin, the labor induced by patosin because it's much worse. It's much worse. It's because I think when you're getting like the normal brain drip of oxytocin that induces labor, it's a slow build or something, right? Like nose had a lot more. Well, they're further apart. The contractions are further apart. Yeah, whereas like, pitocin contractions are like

earthquakes, right? But I did okay. I maxed out on the pitocin and we, and then we broke my water and I labored to 10 centimeters with no pain relief. You guys, lately. And that was okay, I was really hard

and I mean, I was screaming and I'm like, for my ladies listening. This shit is crazy, my bros. Like, because like, you're doing things really quick. Talk about what that means to break your water. What does that mean? What happens when they Pop it well, they have a little hook. They call it an amni Yeah, the fucking hook they put their hand up you and they break the bag of water. They break this Which is another controversial thing, but that was actually I probably should have just done that it's a water balloon with a baby in it They have a hook. Yeah, did they have to pop the balloon? They can't they there's some potential of touching the baby of

Cutting hooking the baby. No, that's not true That's what I thought was that the if the babies head wasn't applied to the cervix that the cord could slip through first. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this.

So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this.

So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. So there's all this. And my midwife called the hospital and was like no residents, no fuckery, midwives only. We got this incredible midwife. Thank you, Jesus in the hospital. Yeah.

But one last thing I was that, we were under excellent care. Guys, if you're old enough to remember Gwar, you go to a Gwar concert and it's just they, you're gonna get splattered with fake blood and fake jizz and fake, this is what birth is. It's a war concert happening in your wife's pussy. And it is just splatters and drips. They gave us some weak nitrous. I like these, they us.

I mean me. Duncan wasn't having any of it. I was just a sample of my pregnant woman's nitrous in my life that why would I ever do that? Why would I ever partake in it? Very weak. Not for people who take secondhand. You've put no high tolerance to drugs in general.

I were idiots though, because I think that we, like, what were we expecting? I was thinking,, Jenest level The mom like high as a fucking kite. This isn't a grateful They can't have you sing an uncle John's band Well, you're trying to give birth. That's why so we I don't know why it did help with the breathing though because you're just sucking it in So it how I've used it to get through some contraction. Next, if we do another one, I'm bringing my own nitrous. I'm gonna bring one. Let's do it at home.

I'm gonna bring balloons. Oh yeah. Just bring a tank. We can keep it in the bathroom shower. Get a cable in my eye sense and get a tank. Yeah. So yeah, very, very weak nitrous, according to Aaron and the,

the, the, but that, the, but then that's when the labor got like hot and heavy. And I was working through the contractions and things were like really intense, but going okay. Yeah. And then, and I was like, I think it was going well and normal and okay. And then I basically either she turned or we just don't know, but they'd be started trying to come into my pelvis post-serial. All right. Now I want to talk about this moment. Yeah. So one like fight that we got in over the pregnancy was,

I was having a meeting with a midwife. And... Oh, the dou was, I was having a meeting with a med wife. And Oh, the dola. Yeah. This is something that, let me just, let me just, okay, this is something as if your partner is pregnant. And you've watched any fantasy movie any movie about birth a part of you. Well movies about birth though that's a whole other topic. But the point in fear based and inaccurate. Yeah sure but you've what that's your whole life you've been watching. Yes. Varying horrific. Horrific births depicted in cinema.

And so there's a part of me, and I imagine most other dudes out there, that they're not gonna say it, we're not gonna say it, but there's a party that's like, she's dying. Did I kill my wife with my come? Yeah. Is my wife gonna die?

Yeah. Or these the last weeks that I get to spend? I feel a little responsible for that. I feel like I should have shown you some natural birth videos and like the sounds that women typically make, which were all the sounds I was making. Okay, hold on.

Yeah, I feel a little bad that you like, we're standing there thinking I was dying. No way, but in this meeting, because I'm just like, I don't, I have a trait in me that is probably not healthy, but it's like, okay, plan for what is the worst possible thing that could happen. Yeah.

So in my mind, I'm imagining raising the kids alone. No, I'm imagining the birth experience at home. I'm imagining watching your eyes roll back into your head as you go unconscious. I'm imagining like a volcano of blood blasting from between your legs, splattering onto the far wall. I'm imagining like suddenly looking at like the midwife and the doula and realizing like what the fuck have I done? What the fuck have I done? Oh my god, why did why did I agree to this? I'm imagining like

Them being like okay, call 911 call 911. So So I ask okay, when do we call the ambulance? Like how do I know when things have gone wrong and what's the plan for if they go wrong? Which in that moment I guess was not exactly the right thing to say because you took that as me being against home birth. And but then I got a, I don't want to call it a lecture, but I got a kind of lecture of like, no, no, no, your job is to help Aaron. Help, help, help, hold the space, breathe through the pain. Okay.

And I listen to that. I'm like, okay, fuck, I'm an asshole. I guess I'm a fatalist. It shouldn't have. Well, you hire professionals to make that decision. I know, but I'm just thinking worst case. I don't know. One of them is like, goes to the bathroom or like goes down.

No. It was fear. Yeah. So then, okay. Cut to the hospital. Cut to the hospital. Yeah. I'm screaming.

We had a... You were screaming. Yeah. It's echoing down the halls of this house. What's happening is, yeah, the baby's trying to come down. I'm 10 centimeters, right? 10 centimeters, generally, baby's low. You can push the baby out.

I'm a moltep, which is when you've had multiple children. Everyone thinks. Hate pregnancy names. Everyone thinks this baby is about to be born. Like the midwife gowns up, she puts the chucks pads under me, I'm on my hands and knees. Everyone thinks this baby is about to come out, right?

I start pushing a little bit, I'm pushing like on and off, while screaming on and off. They try to get me to get off, like get into different positions, and I'm just like, no, absolutely not. Now, and you're asking for an epidural. No, this was before that.

Okay, well, we're going over. You're skipping over. Okay, keep going, sorry. Because I tried in my head, I'm like, this is absolutely unbearable. Like, I absolutely cannot take this pain. It's, I'm being ripped in half. And in my mind, I'm thinking,

that means this is almost over because generally that's what that means. Like when you think that you absolutely cannot do it anymore, that's when the baby is about to come out, you're in transition, the baby's coming out, everything will be over soon. That's why I feel when I use the bathroom. So I try to push her out. I have my hand up my vagina,

and I can feel that this, her head is not even to where I can feel it, even though I'm fully dilated, and she's not moving down when I'm pushing. Okay, that's when I start asking for the epidural. What I could voice to you was something's wrong. Okay. This baby is not coming down.

This is not imminent. This is not directly imminent. Yes. Which is when I ask for an epidural. Cut to the B of my POV. And that, and then they try to hold me off from the epidural because they don't know what I know intuitively. And they're like, she's so close.

So they don't even, they're like, yeah, yeah, he's coming, he's coming before they even, they didn't call him for a minute. You know, we're like thinking I was so close. Okay, okay. Now, you're trying to come. I'm watching my wife fist herself as she's doing these guttural screams. Yeah.

And I'm remembering what y'all told me. So I'm like, you can do this. And I'm like, stop saying that. I didn't yell it like that. Oh, didn't you. I feel like I said it. I don't feel like I told you something. However you said it like that. I know. Oh, didn't you? I feel like I said it. I don't feel like I told you something. However you said it makes sense.

If you were in hell. I also, what was weird? Because my other labor, my last, my first two labors, when I was in pain, I really wanted you near me. This one is important, nothing could be with me. I wanted you, like you were my main comfort. I, this one I might as well have been an old piece of pain on a fishing troller.

I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller.

I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I didn't like it on a fishing troller. I mean, at one point when you're asking me that, but, Darryl, you said to me, please get that, but, Darryl. And I remember you saying to me, over and over, you know, you have to help me get through this pain.

Yeah. So I'm just like, you can do it. Just saying the most impudent, you sleep. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, you could have been a little more specific. Okay, can you, you didn't have to. Can you do an example of your screen? And I want to just

I can't okay, let me do it then it was like this. This is what it sounded like you can do this. I feel like it was a little more gutter old than that. It was It was shifted from growly to high pitch and I'm just like whenever it's silences I'm like you can do it. That's what I'm saying. Well, you could have been a little more specific than just like a Nike ad. What the fuck am I going to say? What else is there to say? I don't know. Just what else is there to say?

You'll be holding our little girl soon. Okay, well great. So this is pain with the purpose. No one told me the line should print it out of fucking script. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. This is pain with the purpose. No one told me the line should print it out of fucking script. I mean, I don't think it would have mattered. It wouldn't have mattered. But I just want you to know like there were all these thoughts going on in

my head. I wasn't able to like, boy, so I really was trying to push her out. I mean, to get, almost no one gets to 10 Zoom years and pushing and pushes for however long 40 minutes and then gets an epidural. That's not especially a third time mom. Now here's something I have to say. That's not really a thing. This is really I have to say. But she was not coming out. This moment for me, it's weird and a marriage because you fall in love with a person more than once. Right. This moment, I fell so in love with it.

You did? Yes. Because I was like watching, like you could feel in the room, the pain you were going through. You could feel it. It was reverberating. Everyone felt it. My doula said later, she's like, there's pain and there's suffering and you were going through. You could feel it. It was reverberating through everyone felt it. My doula said later, she's like, there's pain and there's suffering.

And you were suffering. And so, like downright suffering. Watching you going through pitosa and labor, screaming for help. Yeah. She's trying to get our baby out of you. Yeah. And then the epidural guy comes in and watching in the midst of the pain that you're in,

somehow manage to not move. I don't know how I can. Watching that level of strength in anyone will inspire you. But watching it in your wife, like seeing like this is who she is. This is her. This is Aaron. This is the person that I'm looking enough to be married to because she's maintaining suddenly a completely still posture. I felt it was my only

chance at having a vaginal delivery of this baby. I was sure they're gonna be slicing you open. But because the thing with epidural is that needle, if it's off. I know, yeah, I can paralyze. It fucks you up. So you couldn't move. Yeah. You had to say still.

Yeah. This was like literally like potentially something that would alter your- The only thing normally would do is just be like, we can't give this to you. You can't sit still. Bye. And probably whoever the anesthesiologist was

was like some kind of like professional needle archer that you was able to like get it in that quiet. I mean, I remember sitting very still. No, you, no, I really, because I remember the last time we tried, they tried it. The first time. Yeah, the first time and it was like. With Forrest and.

It was not, it was like hard for you to sit still. Yeah. In that place, but in this place, I just thought there's no fucking way. She's going to be able to get still enough for them to put that needle in. I think this comes around to the theme I had at the end of this pregnancy, which was fear versus intuition and how hard it can be to differentiate between the two. But obviously, I intuitive that there was something like going on here with this baby.

You were totally right. And my, because my midwife was trying to put her hand up me to see what was going on, and she wasn't coming out and I couldn't tolerate it. So once I got like pain relief, she was able to put her hand up there, and she felt an ear. Yep.

Just not what you're supposed to feel, and also she was face up, posterior. So, which is makes the bigger part of the head come out, come down, it's just like very hard to push it. And she was nine pounds, nine ounces. Giant. Almost 22 inches long, this was not a small baby. So, but that was the craziest part is like this,

so there's a little pause. Yeah. And then just based on all the other pregnancies like I get up to go pee. And when I'm in there, no, they turn her. You forgot what they said me for they've been for like 15 minutes straight. Yep. They turning the baby and our midwife happened to have this as a skill. She was so great. Yeah, and then I went to go pee Just thinking like you know this is gonna be a few more hours and then that's when the midwife was like Duncan You need to come in here right now. Yeah, and then there was a baby Yep That was cool. Yeah, that was cool. And you got to catch her. I got to catch her, which was awesome. Pull her out into the world. Pull her into the world. And

also because it was a midwife, this is something I didn't know. So there's the placenta, it still is pumping nutrients into the baby and you're supposed to let it finish. Yeah, delayed, clad clamping. So they did that. And I don't want to get into the second part right now. You will see that in the next podcast, but I want to wait a little bit to talk about that. Oh, I thought you meant like the rivers of blood that came out. I know what you're talking about. No, the rivers of blood. Then rivers of blood came out and then eventually we went home. Which is also a great bit of gear you get in the oblo for. It's called rivers of blood. No joke.

I've got it. It's a unique item. And we went home the same day. So that was good. Yes. I went on back under midwifery care. We have an amazing pediatrician in Austin. And this time, we did it right. Yeah. Because this time, we had all the support we needed. And we declined certain things that what have interrupted the yeah postpartum period with the baby the other two babies had jaundice this baby

She had jaundice had jaundice, but we No blankets. Yeah, no Billy blankets. No lights. No blood sugar stuff. We just sort of went through. We used our wisdom as parents to navigate the hospital system. Just coincidentally, we got home sooner than the last two and coincidentally coincidentally, we remained all together instead of the baby didn't end up in Nick you. Yeah. And just an odd coincidence. Very odd. Very odd. It wouldn't be scientific at all to say that there is some connection between the infant's probability of going into Nick you and the time spent in the hospital. Yes. hospital. Yes. So then, um, so, so, and then this part, I remember you talking about some kind of like Asian tradition, what's what is it like? They just the 40 days lying in, yeah, lying in after birth. Yeah. Yeah., like bed rest. And acknowledgement in other cultures

that after you blast a human out of your vagina, you probably need to recover from it. Well, let's be honest, this time I was laid out. You were laid out. I was in pain this time. Yeah, but the difference. The difference. And like the energy that has filled up our house. I know. It's so incredible. Like the feelings of love in the house and joy. And

there's a sparkly. And now you're glad we have a big family, right? You're more open to a big family. Well, you know, I mean, man, this is, I don't mean to sound all like shmooey or sapy or whatever. Trauma is fucked up. Yeah. And I, you know, I think if, if I like where my life is now, meaning that I have to surrender to like what my childhood experience was like. Because if not for that, I wouldn't be here now.

Yeah. And being a different life. And also, you know, being a parent helps you, if you have any chip on your shoulder to what your parents it helps you really forgive them, because you just realize what immense pressure they were under and what it's like on the other side of the fence.

Yeah, of course. But, you know, trauma's a fucking bitch. And sometimes when you're thinking, I don't want a big family, what you're really thinking is, I don't want to repeat what I experienced. Yeah. You don't know whether you want a big family or not.

You just don't want to have that feeling again that you got away from. Or give someone else that feeling. Or transmit it to somebody else or all this stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. So that I think is sort of a epiphany that I've been having lately.

You know when you're walking to the coffee shop with your two beautiful kids and your baby and that's roller and it's like, it's magical, it's beautiful. Yeah, so yeah, my, it's definitely shifted on that. You know, look, it sucks, man, like, it's sad because I used to be when you would say family. It meant something good. It didn't, you know what I mean, it was a good thing. The family was good, fundamentally. I know. Well, yeah, people are a little bit anti-natalist. I mean, I think to be honest, during the pandemic, I'm just going to speak for myself. I found, you know, Christ consciousness became like a very real thing to me. And we went down a spiritual path

together that's been very good for our family. Yeah. For sure. And with all the rest of everyone on board too. Mean curly pop-on round us and everyone's still long for the ride. Yeah, oh god. It's not as if we've yeah. All this stuff, man, all this stuff I still roll my eyes at, man, like they, you know, they talk about the ancestors. God Jesus, you know, people will talk about the ancestors being there. Oh, during the birth. Good God. That I just all of a sudden, in the delivery room, I could just like, it was like my grandmother was there. Like, it's so surreal,

because it's like the way you're at least my brain translates that stuff is like for a second, I'm like, whoa, I feel like I'm back in Georgia or something, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like all the, like there's some kind of like astral

celebration that's happening around you that you can only like if you if you're a muddy if your third eye is calcified as mine must be you're only going to get like the way like someone with hearing loss my hear a symphony or something you're you're going to get like the way someone with hearing loss, my hear a symphony or something. You're gonna get like just a blurry. I imagine if you are a trained clairvoyant or something, you could name who's there and like identify everything.

But yeah, and not just there in the delivery room, but in the house, you know, my mom, they just come to visit and you just feel them. It's so weird. God smiling on us. Yeah, you feel just this sense of, and then you start doing spontaneous gratitude prayers. Oh yeah, that's the best.

Because you can't believe that you're experiencing it at all. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing. I mean, for me, sometimes during those, during these peak experience moments, I do actually get fearful.

So my gratitude prayer will be like, just churn to God and pray that. Because sometimes I have a tendency to wait for the other shoe to drop. Yeah. Yeah. No. Of course. I mean, like, that's generally that, I think that's a, no, that doesn't have to be a terrible tendency. I think people really, like, people who get into manifestation. Yeah. They feel like you're not supposed to do that. It's about dilutes the manifest. If the manifestation thing were true,

like I've thought about that. Like if my intrusive thoughts were, there was a correlation between manifestation and my intrusive thoughts, how it would look. Yeah. Holy shit, we'd be so fucked. Yeah, I mean, like I've thought about that a lot, you know, because I always worry about something happening

to you or whatever, like the number of times I'll worry about something happening to you. If I were to manifest it, you'd be so fucking dead. You would be like 60 times over dead if that were manifesting that reality. Well, don't fucking think that shit anymore. I, my point is I don't think that's how it works. But I think like what we have got new experience

is like an archetypical cycle, which is like Chugum Trump talks about setting sun energy versus rising sun energy. And like, if you're going to get a rising sun, are we rising sun? Yeah. If you're going to get a rising sun, you have to have a setting sun. Like, there's no way to just if you only had rising suns, then you would have a fucking scorched earth. We've been through a lot in our marriage. Yeah.

Two, which really deepened the love that we have for each other, but it's tough. I mean, we weren't really getting along. We're like at the end of my pregnancy, which I'm sure no one can relate to that. Yeah, my no, because most people, nine month pregnant, no, most nine month pregnant women, or so wonderful to be around a- Like, what the fuck is that mean?

I always try. Every time I'm nine months pregnant, you go, this is it. Never again, I do not want another child. This is, I am done breeding. And then when the baby comes out, you're like, hmm. This is pretty great. I feel like I have more compassion for you in this one. Like I think in the last couple I was a dick and I wasn't really even contemplating what that feels like to have your body swell up

with a living being inside of it and how uncomfortable that is. Like even though like David would tell it would say to me again again, Duncan, if you experienced 10th of the hormones, she's experiencing. I know you would be in a psychiatric ward. Yeah. But you know what? I feel like, I just love it so much. I don't feel like I was that, I mean, I was uncomfortable,

but I think the tough, I think the tougher part for you is how I'm just very emotionally needy at the end. Yeah. And there's just not a lot of space for you there. You know, like space, spaciousness. Right. Space for your self. I just kept bringing.

And that's not really how I am when I'm not pregnant. I just kept bringing and that's not really how I am when I'm not pregnant. I just kept bringing to mind where Ragu told me when my dad was dying, which is like take like get yourself out of this. This isn't about you. And like that, something about the intensity of the the situation really like I was able to drop into that more than I've ever been able to where it's like this isn't about me right now I'm just gonna bring food and help as much as I can and help yeah and then that suddenly when you're doing that oh my god like it feels so

good like you did such a great job this time, really. You did too. Carrying for me. You did such a good job. I would cry, I cried a little bit. I had like the baby blues a little bit this time after, but I don't know if it's fair to call it that. I just feel like you're sitting in the birth portal.

Everything's open. I mean, I'm only three, four weeks postpartum today. Whoa. And that portal doesn't just shut. No. When the baby comes out, it stays open. And, you know, the ancestors are around.

I had really good advice from people that were like, because every night when the sun would set, I would cry. Yeah, so sad. And someone told me, light some candles and just cry. And like, just sit in that. Yeah. And, but that's really hard for me. You know, I just, it's always a little bit scary

when you're a postpartum because you know, there's a chance. You might go fucking crazy. You might go fucking crazy. Yeah, that's what it's like depression. You start getting this sense of like, oh fuck, am I getting depressed again? And then you're like, you don't know, except with this, it's not depression.

But this is like normal, that some of it's be expected. And I always have like 24 hours of Omania after I give birth a little bit. Yeah, sleep deprivation. But I can't sleep. Yeah, no, I know. It's like, it's. I'm on a little bit. Yeah, sleep deprivation. But I can't sleep. Yeah, no, I know. It's like, it's.

I'm on a birth high. And so you know, like if this goes on a little too long, you're gonna cry. I might be checking into the facility. That's just like in the back of my mind, even though all of it is very normal. I just, I feel like this pregnancy, like you were, it was like, not that like I'm like,

the Simon Cowell of fucking pregnancies, but you, it was amazing, like you, it was incredible, like the way that you conducted, yeah. The, your life and the way that you like to care of yourself and the way that you still maintained, like your presence and all of our lives in the midst of all this stuff. Yeah.

Incredible. Artful. Like, powerful. Well, I just felt so blessed to be pregnant again and I just really, you know, I just flew by. Yeah, I'm just so blessed. Like, I wish I would totally do another day with her pregnant.

Not that, not those last few days when I was worried about her, that sucked. But any other days, I would, deaf, I would do an heartbeat. Well, this brings us to the end of the podcast and before we wrap up, I do want to surprise you with something. What is it?

I'm giving you the pregnancy of the year award. You are? The TTFH pregnancy of the year award goes out to one of my lovers a year. And how many pregnant lovers do you have? We've given out seven awards. But total. This year.

This year? No, every year we give out a new award. Okay. This year you get my favorite pregnant wife. Yay! Congratulations. You did do an incredible job and I love you so much. I love you so much.

I'm so in love with you right now. I love you so much, sweetie. Everyone do hear it. Do you hear the people wrecking their cars as they fixate on their own vomit as they simultaneously pass out from cringing. And it's just... I think you said that last time too.

Ha ha ha ha. The exact same thing. No, I did not. Yeah. I just repeated a podcast. But I actually do. We're in such a good place, which is just so nice. It's tough when you're marriages

When marriages can be really hard sometimes But it's weird to you with you and I mean you think we'd be so good at this Are you being sarcastic? No, like what the fuck do I have to model up on? I know. We don't have any. Fucking my mom got divorced and married three times. Three times.

She did her best. Yeah. Aaron, you got anything you any dates coming up? You want to plug or anything you need to. Yes, I'll be at preschool. Pick up. In about 30 minutes. Okay, everybody, you can find Aaron at preschool,

pick up in 30 minutes, and all the links you need to find out will be at dunkeatrustle.com. Thank you so much, I love you. That was Aaron Tressel, everybody. She is gonna be performing at the preschool parking lot in Texas. Come and watch her as she brings our children into a preschool a lot more difficult

than you might think. A tremendous thank you to our sponsors. Come see me. Zainis Rosemont Illinois. This weekend if you're listening to it the week this came out. The eighth ninth and 10th of September then to coma then San Francisco Cubs and he This weekend, if you're listening to it, the week this came out, the eighth, ninth, and tenth of September, then Tacoma, then San Francisco, Cobbs, then Helium and Philadelphia,

I would love to see you all out there. Have a wonderful, wonderful week, weekend, Labor Day. I hope you all are doing great. I love you. Goodbye. I hope you all are doing great. I love you. Goodbye.