Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 627: The Leather Rose ft. Corbin Sweetwing

Episode Date: July 20, 2024

The Leather Rose is the celebrated, #1 podcast for Mysteries, Conspiracies, and Fringe Theories. Host Davis Scrimley and Associate Clint Ambrosia blew the lid off of the wet wipes conspiracy of 2022,... and return now with their latest explosive interview with the infamous Corbin Sweetwing. On a completely unrelated note, have you ever heard of this guy Johnny Pemberton? He's great, he played Thaddeus in Fallout! You can learn more about him, and even see his upcoming live dates, on JohnnyPemberton.dog. Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. Harry's - Visit Harrys.com/Duncan and get a five-blade razor, foaming shave gel, and a travel blade cover for only $3! Zbiotics - Visit Zbiotics.com/Duncan and use code DUNCAN at checkout to save 15% on your first order!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, pals! We're about to do my podcast, but before we get going, this is for all of my listeners out there who don't want to watch the podcast on YouTube. I realized when I was too late that in this episode, I mentioned some visual things I'm seeing on the screen. For example, right now, if you could see me, I'm Claymation, which you can watch on YouTube if you want to. And this isn't some cheap ploy to try to get you to go to my YouTube channel. I'm just saying I love you guys. You are the majority of my audience and because I'm getting used to putting the podcast on YouTube I don't want you to feel left out or like I'm forgetting you. So forgive me. You'll hear me mention Ram Dass' puja table and some other stuff. If you want
Starting point is 00:00:45 to see this, it's on YouTube. Otherwise, just use your imagination. It's just stills anyway and it's no big deal. But most importantly, enjoy the episode of the Leather Rose, which is right after my long, hopefully not too annoying rant. Okay. I love you guys. Thank you for listening. Bye. Greetings, friends. It is me, Duncan, and this is the Doug Atrusel Family Hour podcast. This is a claymash of me, by the way. I have an entire team of amazing sculptors who are frame by frame doing everything that you're seeing here right now. We came up with an incredible system. There's 16,000 of them right now and I talk fast so they are working really hard They're sweating the old man passed out. I can't remember his name
Starting point is 00:01:33 but there's plenty more to take his place and this is just an indication of How if you really put your mind to it, you can do anything that you want to. You just have to work together with a team. And these, they're great. They're incredible. And what's even crazier is they're not even here. These are North Korean workers and they are so good. I've got an interesting podcast for you today. In fact, it isn't even my podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:08 I'm sure you've heard of this podcast. If you haven't, you should check it out. It's called The Leather Rose. And from time to time, a podcast will actually signal boost another podcast by doing an episode of that podcast. So today it's a it's a leather rose that is going to blow your mind. Of course, the Leather Rose is the number one podcast for mysteries, conspiracies, for fringe theories, and has blown the roof off of a lot of very powerful industries, including the wet wipe industry. The Leather Rose was the podcast that leaked the big wet wipe conspiracy of 2022.
Starting point is 00:02:49 If you used wet wipes in 2022 and you noticed that your butthole sealed up, it was because of a nanoparticle that they were using in the wet wipes that caused the temporary sealing of the anus. And thanks to the leather rose, they wet wipes are like wet wipes again, instead of sealing wipes, which is what they should have called them. There's a class action lawsuit. A number should come up on your screen
Starting point is 00:03:17 if you had, if your asshole sealed up because of using wet wipes in 2022, especially if you were at Fort Bragg. I've got shows coming up. I'm going to be at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. That is this weekend, July 18th, 19th, and 20th. The Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, New York, August 8th, 9th, and 10th. Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida, August 8th, 9th and 10th. Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida August 15th, 16th and 17th. And then I'm so excited about the Wilbur in Boston.
Starting point is 00:03:53 And then after that, I'm gonna release my comedy special and I'm excited about that too. All right, look, I have to tell you, I feel like if I don't say something about it, I'm going to seem like some kind of like buffoon. On the other end, maybe that's the coolest thing to do is just not even mention the crazy shit that happened in the news recently. But it was just some backstory.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I just got back from a week-long vacation with my family. Up until this point, most of our family vacations have been the opposite of what you would call a vacation. Just the last one was just, there were hospital visits, there were a bag fell on a baby's head, just catastrophe after catastrophe. But this one was just fucking great. At the beach with my kids, watching them have fun, just swimming in the ocean, relaxing. It was just amazing.
Starting point is 00:04:58 And my wife and I were just like, holy shit, man, we figured it out. This was a pleasant family vacation. My take on family vacations was cynical and wrong. We just, I guess, had this three years of really bad fucking luck, which is probably, I guess I shouldn't talk about this, but my wife got into a car accident with a Bavarian witch. And after that, the vacations got weird.
Starting point is 00:05:26 And that is actually what she said right after the car accident to my wife. She said, I'm going to fuck up the next few years of your vacations, you bitch. And we were like, that can't be real. But three years later, we had a great vacation. So the curse is lifted I guess but on the way back on the plane watching Fox News watching the Trump rally to see if you'd say anything Snarky or funny or incendiary about the debate Well, you can guess what we watched live
Starting point is 00:06:01 Like my wife holding the baby we almost watched Trump's brains get blown out at a fucking rally. And wow, that was the craziest, most surreal shit ever because I think we were like, at least in my line of sight, we were the only people watching the fucking news. Everybody else on the plane, psychologically healthy, they're like, I don't want to watch the news. Why are you watching the fucking news? What's wrong with you? The new Godzilla is on. Are you really going to
Starting point is 00:06:28 watch a fucking Trump rally? You could watch that at any time. You're on a plane. Enjoy Godzilla versus King Kong. But no one saw it. No one knew. They just saw my wife like gasp and then like start crying because you know if you watched it I'm sure by now you've seen the footage. It's Seemed like you got killed like he went down, you know, I've seen enough Death videos where like when people get shot sometimes they just they kind of seem like they're okay, but they're not but he um We thought he had died and And that was terrifying. Like, you know, and this has been said a million times, everything about these sorts of things gets said a million times. My political take, people hate it when I talk politics. I'm not going to talk politics
Starting point is 00:07:16 actually, but my takes are always fucking wrong. Um, but holy shit, man, I don't know what would happen if that kid had been a better shot. All the folks out there saying they wish that he killed Trump, you're out of your fucking minds. What the fuck? You don't live out here and you don't know what's going on in the rest of the country if you think like that would have worked out in some great way. It would have just created tumult and chaos and horror.
Starting point is 00:07:56 And I don't think that is necessarily like a hot take at all, but it was just a crazy way, an insane way to end the vacation. And then, of course, everybody's now like calling for harmony and world peace. And, you know, that I don't know how we get there. And I have no special fucking message about that because I don't know I you know, I have such a angry freaked out part of me that that I try to sort of subdue with the spiritual stuff, but I get real cynical and dark and you know this thing that happened, you know Again, this isn't a hot take either but I was talking to some friends saying, you know, again, this isn't a hot take either. But I was talking to some
Starting point is 00:08:46 friends saying, you know, I think like, the odds are pretty good, some something might happen to Trump, just because the way stuff tends to work, when, you know, there's power, when there's like some kind of like cluster of power, power doesn't want to let go of power. And, you know, there's power when there's like some kind of like cluster of power. Power doesn't want to let go of power. And, you know, there's just so many various groups that don't want that guy to be president. Like, aside from the obvious ones, like, there's just fuck running for president. It's insane. there's just fuck running for president. It's insane. And also like if you weren't like blown away by like that guy getting up and fist bumping after almost getting his fucking brains blown out or if you if you actually think that that was staged, come on. You know that was real. And wow, you you know it's just like such as okay
Starting point is 00:09:47 I'm doing I'm not gonna do politics but damn that was like that was a pretty badass move like just to put it in perspective just to put in perspective like I went on a week weeks vacation with my family to the beach. And I've taken some naps. I've let myself relax after the vacation because it was fun, but you know, you're not getting a break when there's kids and you wanna spend time with them at the beach. The whole experience is one of like, you know,
Starting point is 00:10:19 trying to keep them from eating sand or drowning essentially. And that like, I'm fucking tired, man. That made me tired. But like, if I almost, if I got the tip of my ear blown off, because some fucking kid tried to shoot me from a rooftop that my security team should have known about, you're not going to see me for a few weeks. That's Elden Ring time. That's Elden Ring. I'm gonna be playing Elden Ring
Starting point is 00:10:54 and smoking weed for a couple of weeks, at least, maybe longer, maybe a year. So I thought that was just, just badass. And if you don't think that, then I don't know, you might have the mind, you might be plagued by like, I don't know why you wouldn't see I'm doing politics. I don't want to do politics. People get mad when I do. But what I do want to do is tell you what I've been thinking about now
Starting point is 00:11:26 that everyone's talking about we should have harmony and what I've been using is some kind of antidote on the cynical part of me that just thinks well everything's fucking hopeless there's no way this is ever gonna fucking work out and Jesus fucking Christ. Like how, the fact that our entire country seems to be depending on like the survival of this, like presidential nominees on either side or there's gonna be some conflagration, like that freaks me the fuck out. And that, you know, when you see like Biden
Starting point is 00:12:02 or people on the right or the left or wherever calling for unity and harmony, it's a nice thought and it's an easy fucking thing to say. And also I don't like that they sort of co-opt harmony and unity because I don't think they really know anything about that. Or at least they don't seem like, you know, judge a tree by its stinky, angry, senile fruit. But all that being said, I keep thinking about this. Check this out
Starting point is 00:12:47 This Oh god, how do I get this to work No Not that but that's fucking cool They found a cave on the moon. Not that that's the one after where the fuck did I put it? Oh, this one. This that's Ram Dass's Pooja table, which is the table that you would meditate and pray in front of. And you could see he had a picture of Trump up there. And, you know, if you know Ram Dass, you can probably guess who he voted for.
Starting point is 00:13:31 But this was something he did. He always had a picture of the president on his Puget table. And he did that whether or not he liked him or agreed with the politics or not. He didn't care. His POV was, what a brutal fucking job. If people have taken that job, that's incredibly heavy karma that you're going to have no matter what, no matter who you are or what you do. You're going to get really intense karma. We all get karma. I think some people maybe misunderstand what
Starting point is 00:14:08 karma means but the essentially the idea is more than just what you put out comes back to you. It's more along the lines of like we're in this ocean of time and any movement you make creates ripples and those ripples can complexify in really crazy ways that can prolong suffering for you from the cosmological perspective of reincarnation like millennia. So the idea is you know we're all the same family or community or soul cluster or soul pod and that everyone's is eventually going to wake up. And you know what's cool about Buddhism?
Starting point is 00:14:50 That's in Buddhism. Like everyone at some point will be a Buddha, everyone around you. And so the idea would be, I guess, to expedite that process, to throw away all your ill will and anger and bitterness and fear and just recognize underneath the persona and personality is a soul who deserves love just like you do. And that's hardcore. It sounds cheesy as fuck, but that is, try it. Think of like someone who you hate more than anything in the world, someone who really did something awful to you. And then imagine putting their picture in front of you all the time. Imagine making them the center of your good thoughts even before things you want for yourself, wanting it for them. That's insane and hardcore and I I've never, well, I've never really fully pulled that off.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Like maybe for like a couple of minutes, I can sort of do it. But then inevitably, the dark thoughts will creep in or I'll just become fixated on something I want and my family and my kids and what was best for me and like or what my friends, how I want them to be happy. But when it comes to like somebody, you know, you find unappealing, dangerous, evil. That's not the easiest thing ever. A lot of this stuff, it sounds good when
Starting point is 00:16:30 you read it. Like you read the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, the Bible, the Quran, Sun Tzu, Lao Tzu. Maybe not Sun Tzu, that was all about war. Lao Tzu. And you read these things about peace and it sounds fucking good but the execution of it is really really hard and that's why they call it a practice. Because the idea is you're supposed to fucking practice for that moment you're watching the news on the plane and you almost watch an old dude's head get blown off and you don't freak out so that you could sort of maintain some semblance of calm for the people who are freaking out. That's the idea.
Starting point is 00:17:15 You want to be that thing. If you're sort of waiting for the political environment of the United States to align in a way that matches your values, then before you calm down, then how could there ever be any real peace? Because when does that ever fucking happen? How does that even happen? So I keep thinking about that. For those of you out there who are like having like violent thoughts and stuff, it's like shit man, that's terrible karma. And I get it, you know, not about Trump, but I get it. I've certainly gone there. You should listen to early podcasts I've done. I would talk about how we need to be throwing Molotov cocktails at... Well, I won't go into
Starting point is 00:18:14 it, but I went through definitely a period of sort of thinking, you know, the answer is some form of violence and that's so dumb. How does that even work? You know what they say, a broken machine cannot fix itself. Or if you're just, you know, you, am I getting, the point is like power tends to get violent and violence tends to lend itself to hierarchy. Hierarchy is how you create massive imbalances of power and that just leads to the exact same manifestation of whatever the fuck you're upset about. The reason I love all of these teachers like Ram Dass and all of
Starting point is 00:19:08 the mystical stuff is because it sort of points towards like this insanely hardcore thing that definitely sounds cheesy until you try it, which is you're not going to get your world peace or harmonious society or utopian vision if the path to get there is the same exact path that the people you're trying to overthrow trailblazed. If you're going to use the techniques of violence, if you're going to use the techniques of aggression, then maybe when you're the leader, chairman, king, prince, whatever of your utopia, maybe you'll get a few years of something that seems like peace, but inevitably it'll just start decaying. There will be entropy and because the seeds you planted
Starting point is 00:20:14 were the exact same seeds that grew the exact same fucking weed that you thought you should tear out of the ground, you're just gonna get that weed again. That's the... That's the truth. You know... Maybe that... Maybe we all just need to get off our fucking phones.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I mean, doesn't it kind of seem like that? I know it's idiotic to try to boil everything down to some simple sort of upstream cause but when you think about it we're all just staring at our fucking phones right now and maybe you're looking at yours right now I don't count by the way you can look at my podcast on your phone. I talked to a lot of high ranking individuals about this and they said you of all anything on media my podcast is actually allowed and in this picture of terrified people in paradise staring at their phones they are not watching my podcast. They are um yeah I don't know, they're watching the news or they're on Drudge Report or something, but definitely not my podcast. But maybe that's the problem.
Starting point is 00:21:32 It's like all this fucking, we've gotten too good at propaganda and now we're just getting infected with propaganda. We're just getting propaganda injected into our brains that's not just coming from the state like the good old days, but it's coming from all over the planet. Bots and AI. And we're just staring at it and it's just giving a hand job to our amygdala and we're all getting freaked the fuck out about things that we can't control anyway. Maybe that's what's going on. I stumbled upon this incredible C.S. Lewis quote
Starting point is 00:22:08 that actually reminds me of a Jack Kornfield quote that I'm sure you have heard me say a million, billion, trillion times because it's one of my favorite spiritual quotes of all time. If you don't know who C.S. Lewis is, he wrote The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, a lot of other great books. He was like a Christian mystic, I guess you could say. But C.S. Lewis summed up something I heard Jack Kornfield say, which is tend to the part
Starting point is 00:22:49 of the garden you can touch. You know, the idea being if you're always in your fucking phone all the time and you're worrying over things outside of your control, then you feel powerless. And the whole time you're feeling powerless, there's definitely stuff you could do around you that will help people in a real way. Because absorbing data, I don't think that does anything for the world. Like, and I think that's sort of the way the news cycle tricks us. There's some sense of participation when you're not participating at all.
Starting point is 00:23:28 You're just watching. Maybe there's an idea that if you watch it enough, you will be compelled to do something to help the world. But I think most of us just go into like freeze mode. You've heard of fight, flight, or freeze. I think that's what happens is a lot of us have just frozen. We have no fucking idea what to do. And we all want to do, if there is something we want to do, it's something fucking grandiose, some incredible thing, something that will truly change the world. And we get so freaked out and scared and angry that a very thank God super small percentage of us do
Starting point is 00:24:08 Horrible things like what that fucking kid did, you know some messianic lunatic Who's been completely blasted by propaganda his whole fucking life? Who knows maybe he's an accelerationist who knows what he was? Maybe he was just having a psychotic break. Maybe he was some kind of, I don't know, MK Ultraman, Turingan candidate. We'll never fucking know. But the bottom line is that's where it leads. You end up wanting to make some instantaneous, huge change and it doesn't work like that. And the whole time that you are imagining what you need to do to fix the world, cool the environment, desalinate the oceans for clean water, find a way to cure some disease or to spread some philosophy in a way people can understand that will bring world peace or whatever the fuck it is your messianic fucking narcissistic ass is trying to do you're ignoring people
Starting point is 00:25:10 around you and you know for me that's that that's my family and the people my neighborhood and my friends you know that's that's all that that's all that any of us really should be freaking out over. And not freaking out, but just where can you chip in a little bit? It doesn't have to be anything big. That's the thing. Millions of people doing very small acts of kindness will create the change that we're all hoping for. And that's true. That's 100% true. Which is why there's something so incredibly insidious about the news cycle. Because it's just inviting us to be observers and igners of what's directly around us because we're so
Starting point is 00:26:10 fucking freaked out. But yeah, I just happened, I never heard this C.S. Lewis quote before and I happened upon this. This, by the way, is not C.S. Lewis that you're about to hear. It's a deep fake of... Well, it's not even a deep fake. It's just some British guy I found on 11 Labs. It is one of the evils of rapid diffusion of news that the sorrows of all the world come to us every morning. I think each village was meant to feel pity for its own sick and poor whom it can help, and I doubt if it is the duty of any private person to fix his mind on ills which he can't help. This may even become an
Starting point is 00:26:49 escape from the works of charity we really can do to those we know. A great many people do now seem to think that the mere state of being worried is in itself meritorious. I don't think it is. We must, if it so happens, give our lives for others. But even while we're doing it, I think we're meant to enjoy our Lord and, in Him, our friends, our food, our sleep, your jokes, and the birdsong, and the frosty sunrise. Now that sums it up. It's incredible. You know, enjoy your Lord. We all know that C.S. Lewis, when he talked about his Lord, was talking about Kanye West. So I'm just gonna wrap up whatever the fuck this was with one of my favorite
Starting point is 00:27:49 Kanye West quotes. I am God's vessel, but my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live. All praise Kanye. May he come to our rescue in this dark time of need. Now everybody, I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite podcasts on planet Earth, The Leather Rose. Oh, and before I forget, I would love for you guys who are in New York to go and see Johnny Pemberton's one person show.
Starting point is 00:28:26 It is incredible. Minnesota Glostomy Bag. Let me find the details on that right now. Holy shit. I saw it in its early phase and it was so good and so inspiring. Like truly like hilarious, brilliantly funny. I'm sure you've seen Johnny on Fallout. He's a really great actor, not just a great comedian.
Starting point is 00:28:49 But let me find the deets on this real quick. Yeah, Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag will be at the Soho Playhouse in New York. That's July 22nd and the links to get tickets to that are going to be at dunkotrustle.com underneath this podcast. Thank you for letting me ramble to you by the way. If it sounds like rambly and sort of confused, it's because it definitely is. I am confused and I don't, you know, being a parent right now and wanting world peace and hoping that everything's fine and that my my kids get to live in a beautiful world, which I know is selfish because I just want everybody to live in a beautiful world, it sort of leaves me stammering and confused and hoping for
Starting point is 00:29:50 some kind of quick answer to the problem. Which is why anytime I get like that I always put on some Kanye, I light a cigar and I walk around my neighborhood completely naked and that connects me with my community and my neighbors and it brings peace to me and I think to my neighbors too. They like to watch me. They like to watch my naked ass walk around. Okay everybody here we go. It's the Leather Rose and by the way if you like this episode of the Leather Rose you
Starting point is 00:30:24 can find it on iTunes or wherever you stream podcasts. Greetings, everyone. My name is Clint Ambrosia, and you are listening or watching the leather rose. I'm stepping in for Davis Grimley, who unfortunately was attacked by a wild bull shark off the coast of Florida. We all know and we've all heard of the dangers of swimming in Florida or any of America's seas or lakes right now.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Shark attacks are at an all-time high and no one knows why, though some say it could be because of anomalous geomagnetic internal storms. Of course, we'll never know for sure. Or maybe we will, and maybe we'll find out today. With today's guest, by now we've all heard of Corbin Sweetwing, recently granted amnesty by the United States government. He served a 10-year term in the federal facility for named whistleblowers in Richmond, Virginia and now that he's been released
Starting point is 00:31:34 he has not only written a bestseller book Inside the Inside but he's also produced a wonderful song which we will play later in the podcast and now he's also produced a wonderful song which we will play later in the podcast. And now he's here with us today. I'm sure you're as excited as I am. Everyone, welcome Corbin Sweetwayne. Hi Clint. It's just great to be here. Just having a fantastic day.
Starting point is 00:31:58 Sorry to hear about Davis Grimley. That's just absolutely devastating. A tragedy. It's devastating news. A tragedy. It's devastating news. A tragedy. It's a tragedy. It's absolutely a tragedy. What I was going to say is thank you for having me and hope I'm coming through loud and clear because we're, I'm in an electrical storm right now, just off the coast of Guam. The coast of Guam? Yep, the coast of Guam. Now that's not what I expected you to say. You know, Mr. Sweetwing, I imagine if I'd spent as much time as you did in the clink. I don't know that I'd be in the dangerous waters of the coast of Guam."
Starting point is 00:32:47 Well, you know, you have to live, use your freedom if you've got it, and that's how I feel right now. I'm not going to waste a single day to anything now that I have my freedom, and that means chartering a 700 foot long container ship with 26 of my best friends for three weeks to have a private robot chef. Then I say yes, I say yes, Digo C. Senior. Oh, I don't know what it means. I'm monolingual, but I'm, what does that mean? Digo C. Senior means I say yes, my Lord, or sir.
Starting point is 00:33:28 You know, Digo is to speak, Digo, Digo, si is yes, and Digo si senor, senor is a man, but when spoken in this context, it means my Lord. Digo si senor. I see. Mrs. Sweetwing, I just want to thank you on behalf of our listeners for all the work that you did. You are the reason we know about the Loch Ness Monster and what became of him thanks to the machinations of the state. You are the reason we understand about the water filtration process being used for the water known as smart water.
Starting point is 00:34:12 That's right. Now we're going to call it dumb water, I guess. If you're drinking that, you're out of your mind. Well, now because I'm now officially separated from Jennifer, so we don't. Oh, God. I am so sorry to hear that. separated from Jennifer, so we don't. Oh, God. I am so sorry to hear that. It was amicable, it just wasn't working out anymore
Starting point is 00:34:28 because she has a lot of issues with her hair that I don't have time to deal with. Now, for those of you who might be unfamiliar with Mr. Sweetwing, because you've been living in a cave on the moon. Mr. Sweetwing, his stories in his, not just his new bestseller, but his last bestseller, I don't know if he's ever written anything that didn't sell, so many copies,
Starting point is 00:34:58 but his stories of his wife, Jennifer, were scintillating, if I can put it mildly. I think we all experienced a tightening of the spring. Yeah, they call that hook mouth. Hook mouth. Hook mouth. Uh-huh. That's what we, my publisher calls it, hooked mouth. Oh, well it wasn't my mouth that was hooked, if you know what I mean. Your stories of your wife,
Starting point is 00:35:32 the vivid descriptions of her beautiful breasts, I just could see them in my mind. Such detail, such poetry. As I recall, her jugs were like the freshest milk poured over mountains of flesh. Yep, they called them bra-busters. That's what I, that's the coin, that's the coin, the term I coined was bra-busters. Bra-busters they were. And I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out. These days with the world as it is, so many people are going through so many changes
Starting point is 00:36:14 and I'm sorry to hear that was one of yours. It worked out, it just worked out too much. Does that make sense? Just a little bit too much working out. Too much. Yeah. Sometimes people don't understand that when you want more and you get more, you realize that's too much.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Yeah, and that's the thing with her hair. I couldn't handle the hair. It was everywhere. She was asking me to brush it in the morning twice in the evening and having to wake up at 3 a.m. to brush it in the morning twice in the evening and having to wake up at 3 a.m. to brush it. And this is with an industrial brush. It's very loud. It's like earplugs. It's sort of like a cotton gin of sorts. And that's how she gets it. This is the reason I think that we need another sweet wing book talking about your theories
Starting point is 00:37:07 on relationships because I think these days the ladies of the world, they must think that us men are made of steel. How are we in the midst of our lives? How are we in the midst of our lives to have time to comb a woman's hair? Well, I would say that we don't, that's short answers we don't, especially my relationship with Jennifer A.
Starting point is 00:37:40 That definitely, there was no time for that. Not for my schedule because I'm under contract with the US Navy and I have to appear at their behest six times a week. I can only do so many appearances in a day. I will try to double them up to block book them. But the Navy don't, as they say, the Navy don't play that. No, they don't play that. Now, it's interesting to me that someone who at one point was quoted by Senator, was called, I should say,
Starting point is 00:38:17 by Senator Rand Paul, America's most dangerous weasel. I believe it was George W. Bush who said he'd like to rip your teeth out of your mouth so that you could have a hard time talking. Well, I did bite him once, so, and that was, but it was his fault. And as far as I'm aware, you're the only man in history who has bitten a former president.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Well, I've bitten two former presidents, actually. What? Yeah, I do have the record. I believe it's unbreakable at this point because now the government has passed a law that does not acknowledge any biting on anyone who serves in the highest office of the land. So we wouldn't even know if there was a presidential biding happening. You wouldn't know unless you were literally the person who did it and then you would know because you did it, but even then it would have to be all the witnesses are killed and
Starting point is 00:39:15 the person who does the bide is taken to a brain sequester. And of course, brain sequesters, where they remove your brain from your head for some amount of time and then place it right back where it was. Right, they place it right back, they remove all the blood and put in the new blood, they change your blood type, which means your memories are different, and then you're free to go because how that works is if they kill the person who did the bite, then that will leave a bite trail because of something with the astral markers but if you just temporarily put them out of service, replace their blood, put them back into commission, it's the same as changing the engine in a car where you let cars sit.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Is that the same car? It is, but it's got a new engine so it's a different car because the engine is the engine in a car where you let car says that the same car it is but it's got a new engine so it's a different car because the engine is the heart of the car. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by BetterHelp. Let me tell you, if there is a perfect time to get into therapy, it's right now, during this weird time in history. But even if you feel completely happy, safe, secure, powerful, strong, I'm telling you, therapy is just badass. And I'm going to put it in the most basic way, forgive me for this.
Starting point is 00:40:51 They have to listen to you. If you find yourself in a situation where you want to get things off your chest and you just don't want to burden your friends or the people around you or your loved ones with whatever the fuck it is that you've been wondering about, thinking about, whatever's really truly freaking you out, worrying you or making you upset. My God, therapy is an incredible luxury because you are sitting with a trained listener. They go to school for years learning how to listen to you, how to connect. And if you're like most of us, experiencing some general sense of malaise, a kind of dark sense of some ominous thing on the horizon,
Starting point is 00:41:34 or maybe you're just contending with the basic fundamental challenges of having a massive neocortex, an incredibly advanced brain, and just being a bipedal wingless hominid stuck in a gravity well, then therapy is something you should definitely check out. And if you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it. BetterHelp is incredible because you can do it online. It's amazing and what's even better is you fill out a questionnaire and they will find a great therapist for you and if you don't like that therapist you can switch whenever
Starting point is 00:42:15 you want. I'm sure if you've ever looked into therapy and realized like how the fuck do I even pick a therapist? I don't know what any of this stuff means. Or maybe you've found yourself in a situation where you've driven to a therapist's office and look for parking and then you realize you don't like them and you go home and you're like, well, I just wasted hours of my fucking depressed day. I finally unglued myself from the sticky trap of depression and managed to go to the sticky trap of depression and managed to go to an office with somebody that I just am not connecting with at all. I'm not going to do therapy. This is bullshit.
Starting point is 00:42:51 BetterHelp is incredible because you do it from your home. You don't have to drive anywhere. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Stop putting it off. It's so worth it. Try BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today
Starting point is 00:43:14 to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash Duncan. This is a question that all of us are dying to know. You've been asked it many times before, and maybe because you're on the leather rose, you will give us the answer finally. All right. What does a president taste like?
Starting point is 00:43:53 Well, did you ever get to have one of those hobbit meals they had at Denny's about 10, 11 years ago? Oh, God, I wanted one. And you know, I have a brief story about that. On the very last day that they were serving those Hobbit meals, I finally made it into a Denny's, waited in line for an hour. Everyone wanted that last bite. Ordered the Hobbit meal, the baggins breakfast, and yet they ran out of eggs at a Denny's.
Starting point is 00:44:32 At a Denny's they ran out of eggs. That is absolutely uncalled for. There's people in some states that has a provision for that that allows you to do an open call and to do a street chastization. Oh, I wish I had known it at the time. I left in tears. Mr. Sweetwing, let's jump into the conversation. Let's do it, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:44:58 First of all, I'm so fascinated with you. You are so many things. You are someone who survived one of the most dangerous places to be incarcerated perhaps in the whole world. Why don't we start there? The prison you were in is known as Stone Manor. 80% of the prisoners don't make it out alive. The other 20% who come out generally have some form
Starting point is 00:45:24 of psychosis that they do not recover from. No one up until this point has made it out with their minds and bodies intact. Can you talk about what it was like in stone manor?, it was, like you said, there's a lot of things about it that I would be not able to describe because one, I didn't see them because it's very secretive in general and I'm locked in a cell. And number two, it would be something where
Starting point is 00:45:56 to describe certain parts of it would blow your mind so much, you might have like an issue having a bowel movement for several weeks. So just retelling an experience from stone manor is enough to make one constipated. Makes you severely constipated to the point of impaction. My most recent girlfriend and her brother, I'll call him Stephen, we were having brunch and it was a nice place.
Starting point is 00:46:29 We had the extra pancakes on the side and I had my typical order of two orders of the ones that had the hollandaise sauce on them. Oh, gosh. Mixed with the huevos rancheros. That's what I do because I like to mix Mexican with French. Delicious. Mm-hmm. And Steve and my then-girlfriend's brother, I can't say her name, he had to go to the
Starting point is 00:46:54 hospital for fecal impaction the next week. And they pulled out something the size of a large frisbee, but if you took a frisbee and rolled it into a tube. It was fat, it was feches. It was fat, it was feches. That's the medical word for feces, feches. Oh, I see. It's a hard C, feches. So they pulled out the impaction.
Starting point is 00:47:24 Thank God. Well, the Lord was looking down upon your family. So they pulled out the impaction. Thank God. Well, the Lord was looking down upon your family. Oh yeah, hoping he's looking down upon Davis Grimley too. I mean, the big issue in Stone Manor is the collection of battle sweat, which is, that's what they trade in there. So they put us into these preordained battles and we know who we're going to go up against and we get to pick our weapons.
Starting point is 00:47:48 They're all made of this very light type of breakable wood. And they collect our sweat. It's called battle sweat and that's used to fuel these AI machines that need a bit of human DNA. And we've all heard about this. We will not, this battle sweat fueled AI of course, but we've all heard about the dangers of AI. And we all know that whatever we're seeing as far as technology goes in the world, the
Starting point is 00:48:20 United States government is a thousand years ahead of anything we're seeing. And so this does not shock me at all. Yeah, including the fact that they do shock us too, literally with electricity to get extra battle sweat out. They shock you. This is an outrage. It's terrible. In the land of the free, home of the brave.
Starting point is 00:48:48 To quote George Carlin, they call it the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that is very true. That's a joke among the prisoners at Stone Manor as we talk about that Carlin joke all the time. And even to say the word Carlin in Stone Manor
Starting point is 00:49:16 is punishable by, you get a slap session. They'll put you in the chamber and they'll do the slap. A slap session. Yeah, it's where they force the largest man who's available to do a series of slaps using a special type of a wood paddle that's attached to the hand like a flipper on a seal. And it's done in rapid succession back,
Starting point is 00:49:38 whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack. And it's done until you forget how to say that word. And so people do not say that very much in Stonemainer. back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back,
Starting point is 00:49:55 back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back,, at the meal times, at all meal times, are being spanked, slapped. You can almost see their buttocks in the slapping rooms laid bare, red from the palm print of the imprisoned.
Starting point is 00:50:20 We have perhaps blistered, perhaps more than blistered, puckered, butts held upright, like the head of a meerkat staring out into the plane, searching for some predator, and yet not a meerkat. The buttocks of the imprisoned, freshly punished, freshly spanked. You got it. That's what is going on.
Starting point is 00:50:47 It's really just simple as that. It's that. And we have rolling meals. So basically you can eat whenever you want. That's the good part is the conveyor belt system. So you can- A conveyor belt for your food. Well, it's in the food room. It's called about bringing food. Well, it's in the food room.
Starting point is 00:51:05 It's called the food room, and it's like a swim up bar without the alcohol. A swim up bar without an alcohol, the taste of presidential flesh, and the spanked buttocks of political prisoners. This is why you listen to the leather's. And now we must cut to a commercial. When we return you will hear the newest song from Corbin Sweetwing. His last song of course went completely viral on YouTube. Became an anthem for those who feel
Starting point is 00:51:47 that we need change in the world, and now we are on the leather rose, you will hear his next soon to be sure to be hit. It's called Eagles with Tons of Claws. Well, that's not the one we have. Oh, that's my old hit, the one you were referencing, Eagles with Tons of Claws. Oh, God! You know, this is why you were referencing, the eagles with tons of claws. Oh, God!
Starting point is 00:52:06 You know, this is why I have to get off of Zympac. I'm telling you, it's just destroying my mind. I thought it helped your brain. No, no, no, no, no. And we'll be back right after this break. Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,
Starting point is 00:52:23 great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right I want to thank Harry's for supporting this episode of the DTFH. You know, I love Harry's and before I tell you why, I want to tell you about what it's like to have the giant, sticky, smelly beard that I have. Now you might be asking yourself, why the fuck do you need razors? You have a beard. I'll tell you why. Because I have to shave my neck, I have an area of my face that my beard is not supposed to grow into
Starting point is 00:53:08 It would just keep going up my head. I'm positive about that. I would turn into a saw squash if I didn't shave It's really gross too. It's like it's not a good like I have a it might not seem like it But I have a somewhat groomed beard. Like you have no idea what I'm battling. You have no idea what it's like to see like completely unwelcome, unnecessary mutant hairs springing up out of the moles on my face and going up towards my way. I think I would grow hair out of my eyeballs but what I'm trying to get out here is that if you have a beard or if you've ever dealt with any kind of like hair care stuff and you've fucking fallen for packaging then you will buy some kind of beard
Starting point is 00:53:56 balm cream some hair thing that gives the impression that once you use this stuff your hair is gonna seem angelic your beard will be smooth and soft nice and it won't It won't be some kind of matted sad Pubic bush And then you you open up whatever the fuck it was that you bought in the cool packaging and it blows and you got ripped off You got beard scammed baby. You got hair scammed because some asshole Realized oh dude
Starting point is 00:54:32 All I have to do is like put some kind of like boutique II looking picture of like a guy chopping wood on my fucking Shitty cream and they'll just rub it in their beard and who cares if they don't buy it again I'm only gonna make 20,000 of these fucking things anyway sell them at like overpriced barber shops and major cities and then fucking retire I win This is not what Harry's is Harry's is the opposite of this these are Incredible products whatever it is their deodorant, they're lotion, they're body wash, they're hair gel. It's all high quality, fantastic
Starting point is 00:55:14 stuff, but their blades are the best. It's German engineered blades. Now no offense Harry's, it doesn't bother, I mean I'm glad it's German engineered. You know I use Ableton to record the podcast which was made in Germany and I do like a lot of the tech that comes out of Germany. But the reason that I like Harry's blades is because they work amazingly and they last a long time and the handle of the Harry's razor has the perfect weight to it. So I can imagine that I am Daniel Day-Lewis and there will be blood and though I might not be sitting in some oil field shaving in front of my neglected manipulated child, I still get that sense of like I'm in Westworld or something.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Also their shaving gel is incredible. And right now you can get a five blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cutout cover for just three bucks at harrys.com forward slash Duncan. Harry's has the highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry. No risk trial, you don't like your shave. You don't feel like Daniel Day-Lewis.
Starting point is 00:56:43 You don't feel like somebody out on the fucking prairie getting an incredible shave. No worries, it's on them. They have a convenience subscription option that you can cancel at any time. Stop getting ripped off with charlatan creams and snake oil beard balms. With Aries, you can get a shave that's a cut above the rest.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com forward slash Duncan. That's harrys.com forward slash Duncan for a $3 trial set. Thank you Harry's. And we're back. You're listening to the Leather Rose with Corbin Sweetwing, insider fresh. Fresh, fresh man, fresh life, returning from his internment in the horrifying penitentiary for whistleblowers. He's here with us today. Now, Mr. Sweetwing, before we play your song. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Can you talk a little bit about what country singer Clint Black said regarding your ascent into country music fame. And I quote him here, that whistleblowing twerp doesn't deserve anything more than a bullet in the heart and a crucifix burnt into his skull like they did for the witches of old. Well Clint Black is entitled to his opinion obviously. He is an artist. I've been a fan of him for his entire career. But Clint, I ran afoul of Clint. I ran afoul of him. It was a steam room at the Greenbrier and he mistook me for Toby Keith. And that's because I was wearing my Toby Keith,
Starting point is 00:58:51 I was a big Toby Keith person back then, and he mistook me for Toby Keith, and I said some stuff I shouldn't have had, he said some stuff he shouldn't have said, and we got into it, we tumbled into the hot tub. They had to drain the water out to stop us from fighting. And because it was, you know, we were naked using just towels. Because we both-
Starting point is 00:59:15 Completely in the nude. In the nude, but it was more of a towel fight. Where we had the towels, the tip of the towel was very wet. So we were swinging them like swing clubs. And- Incredible. Yeah, and ever since then, because he knows that there was about, there were seven men around watching and there was, happened to all be professional tennis judges, so they counted all the strikes and I was voted de facto the winner and that's, it's really,
Starting point is 00:59:42 you know what it is? It's just the fact that I won at a on a a wet towel battle that was not scheduled and he just can't let that go. Well I'm sure that the man who is who wrote the and sang the song I'll Never Lose a Towel Fight, Glenn Black, felt particularly humiliated there. Yeah. To suddenly find himself whipped, naked and whipped there in that hot tub. And the thing is, his buttocks were probably up in the air, weren't they? I wasn't gonna tell anyone about it,
Starting point is 01:00:17 but he decided to make it a thing. I was going to use the sanctity of Breach Wilbo, which declares that a fight happened in a private space in that area, is de facto secretified, regardless of your witness. De facto confidentiality. De facto, de facto confidentiality. I was going to invoke that for my sake as much as he has, but he chose to break that. And so he broke the invocation.
Starting point is 01:00:42 He broke the invocation. De facto confidentiality. And I don't know why a man who lost its owl fight would ever want anyone to know. I think he doesn't like himself and he's using this as an excuse to continue his wayward destruction of his own property of his brain.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Oh. It's sad, it's hideous. Very classic. Very common for people who have yet to love themselves to bugle out their own destruction. And to think that a man who in a spa was bedded by another in the towel snapping down
Starting point is 01:01:22 on his bare buttocks. Pushed up, no doubt, in the air from the hot tub like an island rising from some broiling sea. Two cheeks attached to an ass, and the slap of the towel wet as the tongue of a cat. Slap, slap, down upon his ass. Wow, I feel like I've just witnessed a type of poetry that I haven't heard since I was in school.
Starting point is 01:01:51 That's some severe... Well, you flatter me, friend. Speaking of poetry, when I finally listened to your song and I hesitated because as a man I don't like to feel anything. And your songs make me feel. And in my men's group, all of us feel when we listen to your music. And which is why your music is actually off limits in my men's group. No one's allowed to play it.
Starting point is 01:02:22 I'm honored to hear that. Even though it is a tragedy, I'm honored that you would feel that way about my music so much that it's too banning. We kicked Ted out of the men's group because he played it on the Alexa. And this is why we unplugged the Alexa after that incident. But yes, he told Alexa to play her song. There wasn't time to stop it.
Starting point is 01:02:47 And before you know it, we're all just sobbing together, weeping, holding each other, sobbing and crying about our loneliness. That is, that touches my heart. Even this far away on a boat, it's circling down the Guam at a distance. To hear that is. Yes, yes, yes, well, I'm sorry for making you feel.
Starting point is 01:03:13 And now, here we go. It's the premiere of Corbin's Sweet Wings, sure to be hit. I've been paying rent. It's a dang bummer, the way things are The rich men around here driving fancy cars Wish I could wake up, and it weren't true But it were, it's a real bummer I wish it was like it used to be We had regular summers Back when children could climb trees Dogs would sit cats with kids the global elites don't want any of this
Starting point is 01:04:16 They want us to work they want us buying clothes they want us to save money while they buy bathrobes clothes they want us to save money or they buy bathrobes sometimes it feels like I'm in hell I miss the old days when life was great I wasn't overweight I always felt well and my mommy would kiss me put me to bed When I woke up she would feed me breakfast Give me a bath and rub lotion on me My memo would laugh and then cuddle me My clothes were picked out and I got summer break Didn't have to pay bills cause my parents would pay
Starting point is 01:05:01 But the lizard men took it all away Yes they did they made my body expand made my back grow hair made my voice get deeper now my clothes don't fit movies cost more and they laugh when I ask for the kids menu the elites want this for me and for you we've got gotta fight back, make a loud sound. Why the hell can't a man enjoy a playground? Why the hell don't they make booster seats for adults? Are we in hell? Maybe we are. Ask the rich men in their fancy cars. Ask the rich men, ask them for it. Just amazing. Well, it's great to hear that again. I haven't listened to it since we mastered it, so it's real nice to hear that.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Just a work of perfection. Hibba dum dum dum da dum dum I'll start with that. Hibba dum dum dum da dum dum Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Oh wow. Wow. Not you, just that last lyric. That just came out of you, just that last lyric. That just came out of you. You didn't spend any time thinking about it.
Starting point is 01:07:11 It just flowed forth. It spilled out. It just spilled out. To quote Terrence McKenna, it's a Niagara of epiphanous beauty. What was he talking about there? It's floating from your lips. What did he say that about? Well, he said that about dimethyltryptamine,
Starting point is 01:07:28 but to me, your music is a psychedelic. Oh. When I listen to your music, when I feel human emotions, it's something different. I'll just leave it at that. I appreciate you saying that, and it's something that I really feel like I have been working for in a way that's been trying to do that for a long time. I want to thank the folks at Zbiotics not just for supporting my family via this podcast,
Starting point is 01:08:20 but also for creating this incredible game changing product. Listen, you've heard about this stuff before, maybe you don't believe it, and I would not promote it if it didn't work for me. This is something that you can use before a night out with drinks. It's called Z-Biotics Pre-Alcohol. And I tried it and I was skeptical but the reality of it is all of us from time to time like to go out and have a few drinks but there's some sense especially if you're in my 50 year old aging body there's gonna be a high price to pay for the booze but there is now a surefire way to wake up feeling fresh after a night of drinking, and
Starting point is 01:09:05 that's with Z-Biotics Pre-Alcohol. Pre-Alcohol is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next day. We all think it's dehydration. If that was the case, then if you drank a bunch of water, you should fucking feel better the next day. Oh no. We know that doesn't
Starting point is 01:09:38 work sometimes. Pre-alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. Just remember to make Z-Biotics your first drink of the night, drink responsibly, and you'll feel your best tomorrow. And let me tell you, there is something magical about waking up the next day, expecting to feel like Lord Lucifer has been hammering some infernal anvil against the interior of your skull and you feel fine.
Starting point is 01:10:09 It's magic. Highly recommend it. Vacations, weddings, birthdays and reunions. There's so much going on. Get the most out of your summer plans by stocking up on pre-alcohol now. Go to zbiotics.com forward slash Duncan to get 15% off your first order when you use Duncan at checkout. Pre-alcohol is backed with 100% money back
Starting point is 01:10:33 guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, that refund your money no questions asked. Remember to add to zbiotics.com slash Duncan. Use code Duncan at checkout for 15% off. Thank you Zbiotics for sponsoring this episode and our good times. Now, I've been putting off this question, and I can't put it off anymore. Recently you alluded to a visit that you paid to the Hollow Earth and a submarine made of gold. You said that, and by the way, I proudly contributed to that GoFundMe, used some of my retirement savings and have yet to receive the miniature submarine.
Starting point is 01:11:36 Oh yeah, I know. We have a problem. It's a Taiwan thing and it's the Chinese Taiwan issue, so it's locked up and customs and... No worries. I'm just happy to fund research that many, I'm sure, would not like the public to be aware of. Now, you sailed in a golden submarine.
Starting point is 01:11:59 I read you, eagerly read every update during your journey into the Hollow Earth. And you saw, and I know you can't release the pictures, I know you can't release the video, I'd love to see it though, you found a field there in the Hollow Earth illuminated by a second sun, miles and miles of what appeared to be human buttocks growing from the... Uh-huh. This was something that we found and it didn't appear to be, it was human buttocks growing from the earth. And just to be clear, you're telling me down there in the hollow earth underneath all of our feet
Starting point is 01:12:43 is just a field of ass. Just plump and thin, big and small, hairy, shaved, I suppose. I guess if you're just an ass, you can't shave yourself. Did they all shave? Well, imagine if you saw a field of corn, but instead of being corn, it was butt. It was a behind.
Starting point is 01:13:05 That's what it is. You know, corn is in different shapes and sometimes the corn has a lot of corn silk. Sometimes you're like, wow, there's no corn silk on this corn, so it's the same as that. It's just every corn is its own corn. And every buttock is there in the hollow earth, I suppose, was its own buttocks.
Starting point is 01:13:24 How much time did you spend in the field of ass? I spent about, well, the time is compressed down there significantly. So any time down there, if you're going to spend down there an hour, that's about equivalent to about a week up top on the support boat. So I was down there myself. I experienced about a total of three or four days down there, which meant that I can't do the math, but there was an entire new crew on the boat once I came up, and they knew that. We knew what to expect with that.
Starting point is 01:13:59 And they were like, wow, he's got sucked in one of those asses and he just can't quit, but I'm uninterested in that. I was interested in the research. Oh my God. What do you mean sucked into the ass? These were carnivores? Some were really big and what happens is they create
Starting point is 01:14:14 an area of negative pressure. When you're down there that deep, negative pressure is very strong. It's called delta P and you'll get sucked into delta P. Delta P, yeah. It's because it's Delta pressure basically. It's just a thing where any pressure, any area that doesn't have pressure,
Starting point is 01:14:31 instantly it becomes like a suck hole. Did you do an experiment down there with the field? Was it human atoms? We don't know. It appears to be a human. Did it look like a human? It looks like it. It appears to be human. Did it look like human? It looks like it. It looks like every color of the rainbow, every shape, every style.
Starting point is 01:14:50 And did you try to pluck one up from the earth? Oh, we tried. We tried, but it's strange. It's sort of like hacking at a piece of green wood. It just sort of seems to be so soft you can't cut it and too hard to chop it. Did you push apart the cheeks to see what lay within? Uh-huh, we did and that's when we created that area of negative pressure and that's when
Starting point is 01:15:14 it was extremely dangerous so we had to have that budget. What was within that did you perchance see? Well, we think it might be a type of a black hole. Oh, that wasn't a joke. Up top of a, literally top of a gravitation that creates an event horizon. I thought you were making an ass joke. No, it was literally, it literally looks like, it is a black hole. That's why they're called black holes, because it's a hole that's black. And did you happen to try to put anything in the hole? We made a fake, we made an effigy of myself
Starting point is 01:15:55 and some of the crew members just to see who would react to that. And we threw them outside the airlock and they just got sucked in there. And yeah, so we didn't wanna do it ourselves, but definitely got sucked in. Sucked in to the butts. They got.
Starting point is 01:16:12 Just, when was there a sound that it made? I'm picturing it now, those inner hollowed-out butts. Puckered up and spread, devouring all. It sounded like a lot of whispering actually, like the loudest whisper, like a sad, I was just saying all these messages. They sing. I would imagine like a song from a terrifying ghost.
Starting point is 01:16:40 The song of the inner earth butts. Maybe that's an idea of your next song. The song of the inner earth butts. Maybe that's an idea of your next song. The song of the inner earth butts. I heard the butts sing. They're open them up and it's gonna do what? Showing you where not to go. I wouldn't go down deep in that black hole. It's gonna suck you in.
Starting point is 01:17:01 It doesn't care if you're a friend. Doesn't care if you're a researcher. It's gonna open you in. It doesn't care if you're a friend. Doesn't care if you're a researcher. It's gonna open up and pull. It's not a spray, it's the opposite. You're a fool. Dear God, you are a true genius. It's as though I were with William Shakespeare in the flesh.
Starting point is 01:17:21 Well, I do have descendant, descendant, descendantiary lines that go to Shakespeare directly. Shakespeare was told to have been a, to have been to my, my, yeah, some, my daddy or some shit. From a scientific perspective, one thing that I would be very interested in
Starting point is 01:17:42 is to see if these underworld butts were spankable. Well, I think that's something that's not really a scientific inquiry, but you know. It is. Any inquiry is scientific. I mean, that's inarguable. Okay, well, I bet you could, if it's a butt, you can slap it. Isn't that how it works? Simple as that.
Starting point is 01:18:07 Well, I would know without doing the experiment myself. It's one of those things you'd have to do yourself. You'd have to go out into that field. You would have to take your hand and raise it above one of those butts. Would you want to come down there with me next time? I would love to. And I would be so happy to help in the experiment in any way I could, including putting my very life on the line if it meant discovering more than just the spankability of these.
Starting point is 01:18:39 Butts. Of these underworld asses. It would be more the firmness, of course, or the pinch, how do they pinch? How do they have a tremble? Is it a jello-y sort of tremble, a kind of wobbly-bobbly of a right plump butt? Or are they firm and tight, sort of peloton-toned?
Starting point is 01:19:03 Yeah, okay, you know, we'll get you down there and you can make that decision for yourself. I, you're just really kind of a going on a tangent there that I don't know how to, I don't know what to tell you because we just don't think in those terms when we're working in that arena. I'm sorry. It's Theo Zemp.
Starting point is 01:19:20 Yeah, I guess it must be. I have to say, and you know, I know many of my listeners are on zimpies. Zimpies, huh? And many say that the effect is positive for their cognition. But for me, I have been completely out of it. And I don't know if I'm ever coming back. I lost 600 pounds.
Starting point is 01:19:41 That's a lot, wow. I know, I know. It's a miracle, I guess you could say, but not for my cat. God rest his soul. Because unfortunately, I eliminated my cat during this unambulant episode. That means when's you're sleeping, right?
Starting point is 01:19:58 Some name, you know? I was asleep and I cooked Grover up. Oh, while you were zimping? Yeah, well, I mean, it's an injection, the last several weeks, and you know, I'm zimping now, I guess you could say, but yep, woke in the morning, went downstairs to feed Grover,
Starting point is 01:20:19 and realized that Grover had been my food that night. Joshua Jack, I can't believe that. That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear. Maybe you should consider a different style of living. I don't, I'm not getting, I will always take the Zimbez. I just couldn't bear. I stand in the mirror and all of my body, my, but especially my butt is much better than it was when I was so mid-sized,
Starting point is 01:20:52 as they say these days. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Now Mr. Sweet Wing, I thought I would share with you the listeners something I'm sure they're going to be very excited about.
Starting point is 01:21:20 Corbin Sweet Wing is proud to announce the formation of the Corbin Sweetwing Sweet Men's Sweet Group, gathering together three times a year in Peru. For men's omens. Again the ozimbic. For men only. No ladies allowed.
Starting point is 01:21:41 This is a chance for men to get away from their phones. All phones will be placed in a pressure destroyer. I'm not sure what that is. A lockbox. Oh, I read it. Yeah, that's just a lockbox. Oh, a pressure destroyer is the brand, I guess. And all men will sleep together in the same room, will wash together in the same washroom.
Starting point is 01:22:08 There will be no games of any kind allowed, just men together. No gaming, no D&D, no playing of any mind games. Just men together expressing their loneliness in the jungles of Peru. Tell me about the group. Well, it's called Men of Men can be anything that they've been. Men of Men. And it's very exclusive.
Starting point is 01:22:41 You have to make sure you sign up with a deposit. And what's the deposit and where do I send it? I'm gonna look online. I don't like to say the number out loud because it scares people. I'm sending it immediately. Drop in there. Carol, send whatever the deposit is.
Starting point is 01:23:00 I'm sure she'll be able to help. No problem. I'll give you a little sweet, little discount. And we basically just do all types of exploring. We do micro exploring, macro, meso exploring. We're essentially just doing any type of... If we find it, we go out with wooden tools, and we find a crack in the ground,
Starting point is 01:23:22 and we're like, one of them, one person will decide this is a good crack to check out, and we'll dig in that crack and tilt a little crack in the ground, like a little fissure in the earth. We'll just check out that. And sometimes cracks lead to treasure. Well, there's crackjacks, there's stinkhounds, there's double doors,
Starting point is 01:23:47 bluster buffs. You never know what's in the... Oh, you never know. Yeah, it could be a bluster bank, could be a sweaterhuck, maybe it could be like a flip friend. Could be a steam wagon, even like a... Oh gosh, there's just so much you might find on there. Even like a, oh gosh, there's just so much you might find on there, even like a Jerusalem cricket.
Starting point is 01:24:11 Humans are part of the earth and we all have cracks. This is true, I'm excited to have you and it's gonna be a fun trip to do. Tell me about the shutter, the men's huddles. The shutter huddle. What is it? The huddle shutter men's huddles, the shutter. What is it? The huddles shutter? The huddles shutter?
Starting point is 01:24:29 So we have to wait until there's a category five storm. And what we do is we put on like a special tarp that's made of seal skin. And it goes around a group of 31 to 36 men, and they create basically like a ball, and we protect ourselves, using ourselves from the storm surge and the winds and such like that by creating. Well, I won't be coming if that's the case,
Starting point is 01:25:01 and I don't wanna talk about it. Now I wanna show you a few things. if that's the case, and I don't want to talk about it. Now I want to show you a few things. These are a variety of films that have been sent to me by the listeners of the Yellow Rose. They don't know what they are. And hearing that you were coming on the show,
Starting point is 01:25:21 they asked, would I show them to you to see if you could identify them. All right, let's go. Let's begin. What are we looking at here? Oh, that's a classic, that's a spindle. We call it a spindlewinder, but it has its very long technical term. This is a type of a earth drill
Starting point is 01:25:42 that uses a laser technology to go and do the center of the earth to do core sampling. A core sampling drill. On to the next one. And what do we have here? That's a chubby flooring. What's the name of that? It's actually a type of a dessert that the indigenous people of Canada would make on a birthday celebration.
Starting point is 01:26:10 And it's what it is. It's got like a little piece of something in there that's got extra, it's really chewy, and it's got some of that really special blubber from a walrus that goes on the top inside the snow. Tell me what this is. Oh, this is Monica Shytower. She is a vegan witch who we had to have put into a special type of reverberation chamber for the last year.
Starting point is 01:26:43 So she was not able to influence any type of elections happening in South America. Dear God, and oh, the ozymic! And now, can you tell me one moment? I mean, you can see her extracting the feather custard right there. Um, tell me, ugh, ugh, ugh. It's happening. Ugh.
Starting point is 01:27:16 I'm gonna be going out of the satellite range pretty soon here. We're almost done. What are we looking at here? Oh, this is a classic case of a pumpkin ceremony with the second born child using Jack the Jeak. Yep, this is something we actually stole from a culture that was discovered in Macau. Well, no one gives a shit about that.
Starting point is 01:27:45 Now, finally, the last question, and I know this is gonna come as a shock to many fans of you and your books. You have a twin. I do. Johnny Babbitton. Tell me about your twin. So, he's busy. Tell me about your twin brother.
Starting point is 01:28:05 He's busy. He's moving around a bunch. He keeps me up to date. I don't keep him up to date. He says he's going to be in New York City on July 21st. New York City? They've got some great pizza there. I've had it.
Starting point is 01:28:24 I have to stay away from New York because I'll eat the pizza until they run out of cheese. And what's the name of the show? The show's called Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag and it's at the Soho Playhouse, he says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simple as that. Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bags.
Starting point is 01:28:45 And it's at the Soho Playhouse, July 21st. Soho Playhouse and play about the Bucks. I guess so, you know, who knows what he's up to. It's probably Wild and Weird and Fun and something like that. If it's in New York, you know how they are. Corbin Sweetwing, what a joy it has been to share my life with you. Thank you for having me.
Starting point is 01:29:09 I look so forward to your men's group. I can't wait to have you. I look so forward to all of our adventures together. And I will be looking for you in my dreams, in my dances. We will have a spice festival in your name. That I don't remember, that I don't remember. And I do not remember them. You have been listening to the leather rose
Starting point is 01:29:40 and I have been. You okay? Oh dear. Are you okay there? Um... Are you okay? Uh oh. Oh dear.
Starting point is 01:30:12 That was the Leather Rose everybody! Thank you so much for watching or for listening. You guys are the best and I really hope that you are maintaining some real peace and calm and happiness and maybe maybe even figuring out a way to enjoy yourself during this fucking awful rotten terrible recurring bullshit that happens any time we're about to elect a new president. I love you. I'll see you next week.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.