Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 677: Matt McCusker

Episode Date: March 30, 2025

Matt McCusker, one of the funniest people we've ever met, re-joins the DTFH! Subscribe to Matt's podcast (if you're not already), Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast, available wherever you like to listen! You can also check out Stoner Dadz on youtube, and Psych Naw, Matt's psychological health & well-being service. Cleveland family! Come see Duncan at Hilarities in Cleveland, OH from April 3-5. That's FIVE shows! Click here for tickets, more info, and more upcoming tour dates. This episode is brought to you by: Eat smart with Factor. Get started at FactorMeals.com/duncan50off and use code duncan50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Go to Get.Stash.Com/DUNCAN to see how you can receive TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS towards your first stock purchase, and to view important disclosures! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self.

You know, maybe I shouldn't do that now I think about it. How many? How many fucking views how many people are like, all right, I guess i'm not gonna watch that a million Sorry everybody. I'm doing a new experimental thing where I You'll see it's really dumb Uh, welcome to the dtfh My name is duncan trussell and this is my podcast. Maybe you're listening to it on Audio Boom, or maybe you're watching it on YouTube. Maybe you're doing both.

That would be tremendously helpful to me, by the way, if you could simultaneously pull this up on Audio Boom and listen to the...you could sync up the audio, maybe delay it by a millisecond, get a cool little echo effect going. Regardless, I just want to say that I am really happy with this last spate of episodes that I've had. I don't know what happened, maybe South by Southwest or whatever, but what I've always loved about podcasting is that I get to have conversations with just brilliant people. Like, they spend time with me. Brian Johnson, Mitch Horowitz.

Somehow I get to, like, hang out with these people who are, like, writing books or, you know... Brian Johnson's trying to become an immortal. Bruce Dahmer! Are you kidding me? And the reason that I'm tooting my own horn here is because some of you are coming to this podcast for the very first time. You just stumbled upon it. The algorithm is like, why don't you watch this? And somehow you made it through my excruciatingly weird pause thing,

which I don't know why I'm doing it. And you got here and somehow you're still clinging, but you're thinking, you know, there's porn. I don't know if I want to go through whatever this is But if you've made it this far, I just want to I hope you'll go back and listen to some of the last few episodes because the last few Weeks have like contained within them all the reasons that I podcast It's just the best and when I moved to Austin, I got worried about, like, limitations, like, who am I gonna have access to?

And then I've realized, like, no, all these people come through Austin all the time. We have great episodes coming up. But the last few I mentioned, just any one of them is, for me, transformative. I've been thinking about the stuff some of these people have said. I've been thinking about the stuff some of these people have said.

I've been thinking about the Mitch Horowitz episode. And it's wild because all of these people, I think they present something that is emerging into the zeitgeist. And I think it's fucking cool. Like there's definitely, you know, like chaos in the machine right now. Weird chaos too, which is my favorite kind of chaos. And for a lot of people, the know, like chaos in the machine right now.

Weird chaos too, which is my favorite kind of chaos. And for a lot of people, the scariest kind of chaos. Chaos is generally terrifying to people. But there's so much novelty in the system right now. And it's easy for all of that signal noise to drown out the signal. And what I've been noticing, not just in podcast guests, but online is that there seems to be this sort of, I don't know, dawning collective realization of something incredible.

It's showing up in quantum computing, it's showing up politically, it's showing up artistically, it's showing up everywhere. I'm not sure exactly what this thing is, but it seems to be revolving around technology, our understanding of physics, of time, of history, and I'm getting this sense that we're on the precipice of some crazy discovery, some revelation, I don't know what it is yet, but because of that, I realized that I gotta stop having

these fucking nerds on the podcast. Are you kidding me? You really wanna listen these fucking nerds on the podcast. Are you kidding me? You really wanna listen to these nerds talk about maybe our conceptualization of time, the evolution of life, or the human lifespan itself is wrong? I don't. No! I wanna fucking talk about how much cum emerges from America every day because of porn, among other things, which is why I invited

one of the funniest people I've ever met on the show. Matt McCusker is here with us today. You know him from his podcast, no doubt. He is, I don't know how to put it. Go ahead roll your eyes. I Think he would roll his eyes if I said this he's delightful He's so fucking funny and I just any time I get to spend with him is the best ever so Get ready this I is the best ever. So, get ready. This, I can't believe how funny this episode is and I'm so lucky that with his insanely busy schedule, Dad, touring comedian, co-host

of one of the most successful podcasts, funniest fucking podcast out there, that he like took some time out to hang out with me here. And I do hope you'll go see him perform, because thank Christ, he's just as funny on stage as he is during podcasts. You can see him laugh out loud in San Antonio. I'm sure the shows all sell out, so just right now, go and buy tickets. Also, come and see me. Honestly, forget what I said sell out. So just right now go and buy tickets. Also, come and see me. Honestly, forget what I said about him.

Please come and see me do stand up if you're in any of these places. And I want to in advance, thank the good people of Asheville for coming to my show at the Orange Peel. We were raising some money and the Orange Peel was sweet enough to give us a hundred percent of the door to give back to Asheville where I grew up and that's incredibly kind of them to do and as you know Lots of places in the world are having all kinds of fucking problems right now, but Asheville just can't catch a break It's catching on fire out there now because the effect of the hurricane it just apparently like knocked a bunch of

trees over and then of course they died. Now it's dry wood in the forest and now the place is burning to add insult to injury. So if you have any connection to that place or even just want to do something sweet, there's a million foundations out there that you could donate to that would or even just want to do something sweet. There's a million foundations out there that you could donate to that would help a lot of my friends who are still living out there. Also, and more importantly than that bullshit, you can see me at Hilarities! I'm gonna be at Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio, April 3rd, 4th, and 5th. After that you can find me at the beautiful Spokane Comedy Club April 10th, 11th. God damn it I'm going to have an anxiety attack. April 11th and 12th.

After that come to the Capitol Hill Comedy Bar in Seattle. I really love Seattle and I love that I get to be there in the spring, April 24th, 25th, 26th. You can find all my other dates at ducatrustle.com. Oh yeah, and wait, I'm sorry I'm shilling so much shit right now. If you don't want commercials on this damn thing, just subscribe, become a member. And if you're listening on Audio Boom,

go to patreon.com forward slash DTFH and become a member, if you're listening on audio boom go to patreon.com 4.4 DTFH and become a member you click commercial free episodes of this podcast Please welcome Matt McCusker to the DTFH Matt welcome to the DTFH It's a good thumbnail option I know Fucking hate thumbnails! Don't you hate them?

Yeah, I don't like the science behind them. That kind of bums me out. How there's like programs you can use that like create multiple thumbnails and they'll kind of like beta test them in real time and see which ones get the most clicks and then swap them out. It's like... Yeah. So, you know, when we consider the time period we're in and I think constantly reminding yourself

that everything that's happening right now is non-standard. Yeah. You go, you know, imagine 20 years ago, trying to explain to somebody what a thumbnail was. Because if I heard that 20 years ago, I'd be like, what do you mean they put thumbnails, pitch thumbnail, like I'm thinking literally thumbnails. Like you know, and so yes, that not only is there some kind of consideration that needs

to go into the choosing of a thumbnail, and that will have a direct impact on your business, but also that there are these bizarre micro industries springing up around these strange aspects of putting shit online. Yeah I know it's insane. And then there's like the clip generators, there's like the AI clip generators, all that stuff. It's also the, dude the 20 year, I've been thinking about this a lot of like the, like if you had a time machine that could only go back 20 years and you were like trying

to just preach like the future of Like Kanye would be a Valdino Nazi. Yeah, Diddy was like Epstein. Well, they don't even know Epstein was right Yeah, all these it's you would never have thought when you were like a young kid being like nah No They're doing the hypnotized video and like Puff Daddy and Biggie Smalls were like bouncing up and down in a boat Yeah, that guy's running like a crazy sex ring Yeah, yeah, mostly allegedly allegedly strongly allegedly and also a bit of a male chubby chaser according to the court documents Do you but okay, so just kind of rad yeah absolutely well? I mean if to me the you know

Obviously being a pederast is the worst thing you can be outside of like, I guess a strangler. It's like, it's in the top triad of, don't do this as a human. But when you hear about a sex maniac who has broken through their heterosexuality, they really are so frenzied by horniness that at some point they're just like, I just don't care.

Like I just wanna fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck. Something about that. Something to aspire towards. Yeah. Honestly, just to like really. Yes, your just face is covered in blow. You're in your mansion, Brad Pitt sucking your dick. You don't care, your like tits are in your hand. You just sucked a dog's dick

You're some something in there is Somehow seemingly liberating but then of course they can't stop with the dog dicks They can't you know stop with like being bisexual sex may X they fuck a kid and then it's ever it sucks I think I'll be a TMZ patrolling the streets making sure people are acting correct without TMZ. We would be the dark ages wouldn't That TMZ out there. We would be fucked. Yeah, I mean dude it is I was I was uh I was talking to Shane about this and it was like it is funny that like 20 years ago if you Were in entertainment you would just like do a show get home be like that was pretty cool You weren't you were not tethered to like just feedback and all this information

Your actions would like wouldn't make it out You could like spaz in Cincinnati and it would probably never leave Cincinnati You would get people on the matter about it in Cincinnati. Yeah, exactly wouldn't yeah be like boom video right away Did you see Matt what the fuck dude? He's like jerked off in his hand and ate his own jizz after his clothes. They're like, he came so fast. How did he come so fast on stage? It would reach Pittsburgh and then it would just people on the coast to be like, oh, I think he's all right.

And then it would die out because no one would believe it. They'd be like, shut the fuck up. That didn't happen. Shut up. That's a lie. And you would of course be like, that didn't happen. That's just a lie. But the, so yeah, this is something very sinister, actually what you're talking about, because what ends up happening here is that culture, which used to be sort of, it was always kind of controlled. Like whoever had the keys to the zeitgeist, generally were vetted by a big corporation,

the Tonight Show, a TV show. You got on Friends or whatever, generally. But, or you published a book, and maybe the book would get underground popular, like Terrence McKenna publishes a book, like, you know, on how psychedelics are great during the war on drugs, and you would only find out about that book from freaks who would tell you about it. But now everyone has keys to the zeitgeist, everyone has some impact in the zeitgeist. And where it gets sinister is that we are training an AI. Like if you are having any kind of online anything,

it doesn't matter what it is, if anything, either in a small way or a big way, you're training these LLMs that are then having some control over the algorithms, and so the LLMs come back and train you. The LLM bot swarms come in and can actually shift your opinion of yourself, your art, and from that, instead of having the controller

who has access to the zeitgeist, they had no choice but to get in there and then try to shift the conversation according to whatever the particular corporation wants people to talk. Yeah, creepy. Yeah, the, I feel like, and I could be wrong, but I feel like politicians have this too, where they give a speech in Iowa,

if you're like, you know, if you're like, you know, holding something over Mark Zuckerberg's head Iowa if you're like You know if you're like what you know holding something over Mark Zuckerberg said we were like hey, we're gonna ban tik-tok I'm pretty sure you can get like really useful data over like key points of every speech that like yeah This was unfavorable. This was the most Google so you can just completely like Change and flip everything around just based on the numbers. That's not even like a personality game anymore It's just like that's a hot topic, that's a hot topic, they like this, they didn't like this, drop that, push this issue harder. Yeah. It's like ugh. Say this, then say that. Don't say it in the... See if you say it in this order, then you're gonna have a 30% less positive reaction than if you say it in this order. And we've run that

across over 7 terabytes of data with a variety of different AIs and all of them return the identical results. Do not say it in this order. If you say it first, what you need to say is, I didn't mean to suck the dog's dick. Yeah. You know what I mean? So then, and when you look at that from the perspective of what Lot is in the conversation right now, which is that from the perspective of what a lot is in the conversation right now, which is that the time frame varies from like tech overlord to tech overlord, but what they all share in common is that we're X amount of years away from you know,

AGI from you know, an AI that is no longer chained to its code, but is somehow innovating. And so when you consider that, just that alone, what we're seeing right now is a symbiosis between an embryonic new life form, for lack of a better word, and us. And we've been controlling the life form, but then when you realize the life form, for lack of a better word, and us. And we've been controlling the life form, but then when you realize the life form is now controlling us, the life form is now, it doesn't have an external form other than us.

So it's reaching into our brains, manipulating us, and causing huge changes in the way we interact with each other You know what I mean? It's using us as its exoskeleton, and we don't even realize it. That's kind of fucked up. It's like information itself becomes conscious and then starts like, ugh, yeah, it's kind of weird. It needs a body. So I'm trying to think how does it use us, but yeah if it starts really, I guess kind of like, you know, using your biometrics to like plug different things in and that spreads different ideas and opinions.

It's like, yeah, it's kind of terrifying. Well, and here's one way it could do it real easy. Like right now the safe, one of the safeguards, if you like are using chat GPT, no short-term memory. It doesn't, no long-term memory. You can tell it not to remember any of this shit that you talk about it with. You can also tell it to remember stuff if you want to. Yeah. But, so, you're dealing with an amnesiac creature. You know, what was that, there's that crazy movie where the guy keeps waking up in the hotel

and he scribbled notes all over the walls of the hotel to solve some kind of case. Oh, Beautiful Mind or something? It's not a Beautiful Mind, but it's, you know what I'm talking about, it's old. It doesn't matter, this guy's trying to solve some mystery, and he has amnesia. Wakes up in the hotel, there's notes on the wall,

he studies the notes, and apparently whenever he gets back to the hotel, he writes new notes down and then wakes up with no memory. I actually don't remember how it ends. But this is AI. Born Identity. Oh, I love Born Identity. Now that Jason Bourne will fuck you up.

Can you send a picture of your penis to Chach EBT and be like, shoot me straight, brother. Where do I stand? 100%. Can you do that? Of course. What? You don't wanna do that.

I wouldn't, yeah, that'd be terrible. Don't do that. That'd be so terrible to be like, yo, for real. That's gonna lead you to a bad place. Depending on your penis. I know. But just think of how many people have already thought of that I mean now by the way what you just inflicted on chat GPT It's maybe the worst thing that humanity has ever done to an AI

I always get worried and I think this will probably exist where like Jeannie or ancestry.com will be like Oh, here's your great-grandfather by the way Here's his web history and you can just be like did my grandfather here's your great grandfather, by the way. Here's his web history. And you can just be like, did my grandfather? And be like, yes. You're like, fuck! Hello darkness, my old friend. I have come to tie. That's so fucked up.

Dude. But I'm like, there'll be more understanding and accepting by then, so I'm like, whatever. You know, when my dad passed away and I had access to his computer, I remember for a moment thinking, you know. Take a little look.

Look at the history. Yeah. Cause they don't know how to delete it. No. And I'm just like, I'm not gonna do that. I just, yeah, I realized it's just not worth it. I just saw a post. Somebody found their mom's journal

and their fucking mom had decided, and actually I've dated people who do this and it's so weird to write down every sexual encounter they had, the name of the person they had it with, what it was and to give it a rating, like A, B or C. So this guy's mom's just journalist. There's so many entries. I mean so many entries like Darryl Thompson, handjob, C-. She rated herself or him? I don't know because it's just it looks like a ledger. It's

like a shopkeeper's ledger but for fucking. So it's just this name, act, that's insane Do you hear about the restless leg syndrome medicine that was making women become like? Hyper hyper sexual no yeah there was a side effect on this restless leg medication that was just like it was just like an old lady and She would just all like out of nowhere start like flashing her tits under a bridge and like blowing homeless guys And it was it would go on for like a year and then their doctor would be like,

we're gonna switch you to another medication and it would just stop and they'd be like, oh fuck. That's what that was. What a great movie. I know, I know. That's a great movie. It's like though, it's this lonely fucking hobo. And all of a sudden this lady just comes

and starts fucking him. It's a romance, it's a love affair. And he's like reborn. He's like suddenly It's a it's a romance. It's a love affair, and he's like reborn He's like suddenly he's got a reason to live at some point She comes down to like what used to be like I don't know a garbage can fire But now it's more of like a natural fire Yeah, and then she one day she doesn't show up. Yeah.

He's just at the doctor's being like, oh wow, that's crazy. It was like, I know Chantix was like similar for men. It would make men go like insane. That thing that helped people stop smoking. Set like the darkest side effects off. Okay, that brings me to something I wanted to show you. Speaking of going insane, can you please look up Josh? Lawyer freaks out at DFW airport this happened three days ago now. We've all seen the airport freakout

yeah, but this is the pinnacle of Airport freakouts and we need to I think you two might be the place to go for this because you need to see it. Yeah And and we're not you don't want to see the uncensored version But is the uncensored version really bad? Well, you see you're stretching her pussy out Hold up what lawyer lady freaks out at DFW Airport. That's not her She's like, you know what go on Google lawyer lady freaks out DFW Airport And I do think she's somehow managed to scrub it already Go on Google Josh. I'm sorry. I should have sent this to you. Oh that might be it that might be it

No, that's a year ago. This just happened three days ago wait spread pussy Yeah, do spread pussy. See what you get when you put spread pussy into Google. I saw it. Yeah, here we go. X. You're in control! This is what X is good for. Yeah.

There it is! Here we go. Go away, stop! Stop! Here we go. Go away. Stop. Stop. Look at that. Yeah, she's, that's a complete meltdown. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by Factor. And I know what you're thinking. Factor, you mean they send me microwave food?

I've had microwave food. I was a latchkey kid. I know what that's like to put the TV dinner in the oven and eat some toxic fucking mess. Why Duncan? Why? Why are you doing this to me, man? If you keep saying shit like this to me, I'll go nuts! You can't tell people to eat this shit, man. You're wrong! You're wrong. You're more wrong than you've ever been in your life. But I was you. I remember when they reached out. They said well, you've got to send it to me so I can see it

if it's good, because I'm not going to plug garbage food to the people who feed my children. They sent me a box of factor meals, and I threw it in the microwave, ready to be disappointed. Not just, you know, disappointed with factor, but disappointed in general with the world. You know, that kind of dark, cynical thing that comes over a person these days, that icy chill of skepticism and cynicism that we use to shield our hearts from experiencing the eternal light of God that dwells within. I took a bite and I couldn't fucking believe it. I was perplexed. How is this possible?

I said to no one. I was alone in my kitchen. How could it be that something I cooked in the microwave tastes like I just ordered an expensive meal at a restaurant. In minutes, I'm slurping back something that my tongue is celebrating. If my tongue had its own mouth with a tongue, it would say this is good. And that's factor.

So if you're in a hurry like I am, or maybe you're not in a hurry, you just don't want to cook. Maybe you've been playing Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, and you're stuck in that fucking stupid scene where you got to do all those baby quests in the castle, and you just want to chop people up. But you don't have time to make some healthy meal, and you've actually prioritized your digital life over the nutrition that you're putting in your body temple.

Factor is for you. Either way, this is incredible breakthrough level food and it's good for you and it's not frozen, which is why it tastes so good. This is not frozen microwave food. This is actually incredibly healthy, delicious meals sent right to your door. So now you don't have any more excuses for having some bizarre vitamin deficiency that hasn't shown up since medieval times. Because you can just throw these sweet babies, is what I call them, in the mic, and you pull out the nectar of life.

And I also want to add, and I'm sorry this ad went on for a while, but I actually feel I really love them. My whole fucking family ate my factor meals. So if you want the proof, I didn't get to enjoy all of them. I think I had two and then they're gone wife ate them kids ate them Probably other people in my fucking house a lot of people in my house all the time Oh, yeah, sure

Why don't I just go in the fucking vault of the Vatican and just just steal the Ark of the Covenant they won't notice So yeah, yeah, I was betrayed. I forgive them, but it was a betrayal. I wanted every one of them. And you know what? They've got food, organic food, they've got deli meats. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash Duncan50off

and use code Duncan50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code DUNCAN50OFF at factormeals.com slash DUNCAN50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Order them. Taste them. Taste them. Love them. And you know what? If you doubt me, just this will show you that your doubt own negative karma than mine. Because this is the this is good. Oh, is she talking to someone on the phone? Oh, oh, no. Oh, is that a breakup? You're just arguing with your fucking girlfriend being like dude. Will you relax? I'm gonna take my clothes off and dance at the airport you motherfucker

My fucking two-year-old did this in my front yard the other day well It is no different than I've just basic toddler tantrum I mean any dad has seen this a hundred times my two-year-old got so mad that she just pulled her pants down I was like what the fuck are you doing? Oh, yeah, yeah, just literally what's happening any parent knows that when it's at this point. You can't use logic It's it's you're gonna have to pick them up and take them to their bedroom Yeah, or they're gonna fuck something up and that's exactly what happened. Oh my god see she now. This is where it's amazing Look, she catches her phone. It's like a boomerang. Look at that. That's Okay, here we go this got it this has to be nice once you finally like yeah, yeah

It's crazy Old black guy somehow jealous of this. Oh, okay. It's fucked up. Yeah, although Yeah, they would have tased his ass if he was naked running around. Yeah exactly. That's you hear that in his voice Yeah, yeah, just the reality of being a fucking black dude in America You just hear it just you know not even mad just it's like yeah Yeah, look look at what's happening here. It is funny to watch that just have like a serious like opinion like oh you're gonna Let it do okay. Yeah, that's fair. Okay. That's fucking bullshit That's pretty crazy. Yeah, this is fucking bullshit

There's nothing weird in the system here Fucking naked lady run around for seven minutes, but so what this is what I think about that which is really interesting to me is that it's why I realized If you take your clothes off a Force field appears around you the reason if she I think if she had her clothes on mm-hmm They would have taken her out. They would have tackled her big time, but because she is And also she wasn't hot yeah, I think if that had been tell from video if that had been like a supermodel Yeah, you know just not that she was fine. I was like she's just like a normal human

I know what you mean. She's not an anomalously beautiful human or an anomalously Hideous person just a normal lady the's naked. If she'd been hot, I think they would have tackled her sooner. You think so? Yeah, I think so. And I think that if she'd had clothes on, they would have tackled her sooner. Clothes for sure. It's just such a thing like it's like, yeah, you don't want to be the guy because then like one hand slips as soon as you cup even accidentally on video you're fried you're fucked you're fucked because you Don't have any way to restrict. You know what yeah, she was hot. They still wouldn't grab her you're right

It's the tick clasp. It's not a symmetry problem It's like the the which is hilarious because it's like if you tackle someone who has tits Yeah, you're gonna grab their tits. I mean through the clothes. Because you have to get around the chest probably right? If you got to subdue the legs you know that could be an accidental credit card swipe. Yes. That would be fucking devastating. Yes. It's I mean dude that is a I think bouncers have a specific protocol for like picking women up where they like fold that women's arms across their own like chest

Yes It's like you're like blocking the ladies boobs with her arms And then you put them on your side of your hip not like the front cuz you don't want to be like rubbing your yeah Take on their butts you put them like you fold their arms and then put them on like the side of your body And that's how you're supposed to evacuate women. That's how you avoid lawsuits. That's how I deal with my wife That's how you avoid lawsuits. That's how I deal with my wife. Ah, yeah. Fold her arms around.

I use bouncer protocol when I'm losing an argument. I know that workshop. Andrew Tate's doing that workshop. I... Ha ha ha ha ha. So, this to me is a masterclass for people who are doing protests right now It's like the the you know the the people who are gluing themselves

To art or whatever yeah, they need to take their clothes off first Yeah, I would agree with that if you're gonna block traffic at least let me look let me look Let me look let me see something. Let me see a little something Let me look. Let me look. Let me look. Let me see something. Let me see a little something. I want to see that.

You want to see that. I know. Some fucking sweaty god damn eco terraces. Big hairy bush boiling her pussy on the fucking asphalt. The stink. It's hotter than the asphalt somehow. The sizzle of vulva lips. I don't want to smell that.

True. But I do think it's fascinating though switching gears Yeah, that is a good point you should definitely get naked if you're protesting yes But they were then did you see a thing in France with the naked ladies who dressed up as Hitler? I don't know what they were protesting in France They were just naked ladies dressed or at least their tits were out. You know someone needs to protest that like Just like Hitler. I mean it was just like I don't even know what you guys are are you guys pro-hitler like what do you yeah look. Yep. This is where it gets weird. Also I mean.

Hi Vladimir Putin! Hi Vladimir Putin! Hi Vladimir Putin! See, okay, can you stop it for a second? How much to take down, take one of these down dressed like Hitler? I'm not. I'm not. You wouldn't do that. I'm not, I'm not, you mean take them down like

tackle them? No, I mean like engage in intercourse with them. Engage in paid consensual intercourse while they're dressed like Hitler. What do you mean pay? Oh you pay for them to fuck you? I'm saying how much I'm not saying I want to do it. I'm honestly I gotta get like I'm gonna have to get like the thumbnails of all them, you know Sure sure I'm sure somewhere in there there's like definitely I would make love to one of these protesters for sure I. I'm sure somewhere in there. There's like definitely I would make love to one of these protesters for sure I mean I'm interested in a lot of things

I'm guessing they're against fascism, but they're also like I mean their information It seems like they practice their hail hitlers. It would be really funny if they're actually Nazis I don't realize people don't aren't taking them seriously. They're all white they're actually Nazis and they don't realize people don't they aren't taking them seriously. I mean, they're all white They could be Nazis. I mean they're dead. Well, that is interesting They did there I think so that okay that makes me think that when they had them whoever this group represents had a meeting I'm pretty sure there it's a multicultural group if I'm guessing this is an anti-fascist group Which means there were people in the group who were like, hey, I want to do this and they're like sorry if We have like, you know complexed people

We can't have complexed people at our Nazi Satirical thing because it does Nazis were what there's me this guy Is he's gonna spankpank. I manifested this. He's like, it's his dream. Wow. I can guarantee you this accomplished absolutely nothing. Go back a few seconds. I want to see what happens right there at the end with what happens to her when she rubs her tits at the very end. It's like she got burnt by the smoke bomb or something I just I'm curious. Oh, yep. She got what happened. I think she got a little smoke in her face. No look It's at the very end Josh

This is choreographed. Yeah, man. Oh look see what the hats coming off. Oh, oh hey fuck you get that out my face like said Don't feel your smoke wand it would have been so nice to be like the French national intelligence and you like took their smoke bombs and gave them Roman candles and just completely the thing just freaked out and started fucking running away Oh god yeah like if fucking Israel had gotten those fucking things You're, you've gathered around what is this insane protest and then it's just just Exploding fucking hands just it's dynamite sticks and dynamite. I mean

It's horrible, but like imagine that's like a Tarantino movie to be kind of fucking sick fucking sick But yeah, I don't know what they're big fucking. I don't know if they're mad about right America I saw it was catching their ire and they're mad at America Nazis and some of them were painted like earth itself So it's a good so you know I think at that meeting That proceeded that there's probably several meetings because they have the same paint the same moves They had a time when they all pulled out the smoke. Yep, so this is a quote This means that they were, what we can gather from this is they had access

to a studio space. Definitely. They were practicing. And I would guess that's probably an afternoon of practicing, it's not extravagant moves. Someone had the keys to an orange theory and I think they were up to no good in there at night time. But then somewhere in the practice sessions

and somewhere in that, somebody definitely was like, hey, I don't know if this is clear what we're protesting here. Like you gotta choose, are we for the earth or against it? Are we for Nazis or against it? Are we environmentalist Nazis who are for are against it true? Are we? environmentalist Nazis Who are for against the earth like I'm gonna have questions. Let's focus the message That'd be cool to just start just protest and hitting all the classics just at once at costume changes

Just like a multi doing like a bipolar protest to be kind of nice where you're like, yeah I'm for and against this the whole spectrum. Yeah, so it yes So everything you're first you're a Nazi But then yeah, and then you punch each other You have to start fighting right away but this new form of like Number one if I had a time machine everyone says I could go back and kill Hitler's dad or whatever kill Hitler's grandmother

Now we have something where we don't have to murder anybody you go back in time And you just show Hitler that video sure you're responsible for this you want you sure you want to do this and I'm going back to art school like that. Yeah, you know you don't give any context. You're like. This is what the Nazi Party Evolved into, true. Here's the thing though, here's the thing with that, what if you killed Hitler, and then, so he doesn't, you know, or you kill him, but then like, you know, maybe a guy has the same idea who rises to power, but it's just like way, you know, I don't know how to use this word, but like it's more he's more efficient so you kill Hitler but then like a guy who's like Like Hitler but like way better and like actually wins and like yeah accomplishes his mission

A guy who doesn't invade Russia in the winter Just to just to just to get just a guy with a mild of just who's still on meth But not that much meth where that makes sense And yeah, then we you know, then we're Philip K Dick where this is Nazi Germany in the United States. Exactly Yeah, I don't know why everyone's like kill Hitler's Grandfather it might not work out that well as I'm saying I don't know if everyone's everyone ever saw the butterfly effect, but it's like that. It's the butterfly if we don't know the result Yeah, you might not have a Hitlerler, but there you know who knows like Bigfoot Could attack or something that would that would be a funny

I don't know if people like this sketch But there's a guy's time machine the beginning the movie or whatever short film kills Hitler comes back to the present day, and there's like the planet is like Four billion Jews and you go I don't have any I genuinely have nothing against yours It would be funny if there were so many that you'd be like what did I what happened here? Yeah? Well yours like yeah, it's like you're the only non what about that well now that's what I should say You're the only non Jewish. I'm spit now that's what I should say. You're the only non-jewish I'm spitballing. Here's how it works in the movie

You don't even need to go back to the future to see if it worked. Mm-hmm immediately after killing Hitler's grandfather You look at your dick and it's circumcised and you're like fuck it worked. Yeah I'm circumcised search.ced. I'm circed. That means that, like, it worked. Good guys won. That's how you know. True. In fact, and that's kind of the poignant moment

in the movie, because you, this is a hero. And you're like, you will not be able to go back to the future. You must stay in the past. Oh. Then how will I know if my mission was a success? Yeah, good point. Look at your dick. I'm sir. I got sir

That's true. It's not a sign, but I mean, I don't know. Okay. All right, you're right. That wouldn't work I'm gonna be that's gonna get that's gonna get panned in the reviews Something make any sense actually. I'm sir Hitler's grandfather. Yeah, yeah and to clarify I would I would change my plot to that you're the only non-Jewish person in the world, which begs the question, like damn, did like a Jewish guy rise and I don't know, whatever, I'm just gonna stop. Let me kill everybody. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure out a fun, you know, twist on, you know, an old classic.

Because everyone talks about killing Hitler like alright That's over, but you don't know what you would you know set off Tim Tim waltz is here What if you went back to kill it just you know Kamala Harris is here and this This is to catch a Nazi Can you come out? Nazi can you come out? Back to kill me was actually being kind of fair. What the fuck?

The the Switch your gears. No Do you have a copy of fucking mine come with you too? you know this is the Actually does bring me something I want to talk to you about which is kind of weird But I wondered if you've been thinking about this at all. Yeah, cuz it keeps coming up And it sounds crazy like I just had this guy on my podcast Mitch Horowitz He's like or this awesome book about he's like, you know And I so go ahead and cringe, because I cringe too when I hear this,

but you know, anytime I hear like manifestation shit, I do cringe a little bit, because I think it's kind of annoying, and I've seen too many Instagram videos of some asshole telling me how to manifest shit, and it just makes you want to kill yourself, it's horrible. Yeah, I have a similar reaction, where it's like, it is kind of one of those things,

like damn, that sounds cool, when you hear people talk about it, like damn, I hate this. You hate it, yeah. It's something you think privately about I feel like it's to say you know it's like there's so many versions of that where once it gets adopted by the mainstream it gets convoluted in a way that completely like makes people not want to explore the topic at all much I mean famously like if anything sober people up In on this planet it was that lady

You know I was talking about that lady got famous for that one song took a little acid. Oh, yeah Yes, I know you're talking about we pull that up just somehow Yeah, well haven't haven't been hippie chick who's like and all of a sudden it was she's everywhere Yeah, she is she's been quiet for a while, but I think she has a new video. I saw come up Well, it's hard to follow that song. It's a one hit, man. I'm not saying, I mean, I'm not saying she's like, this isn't her fault. Is it gone now?

No, she's still there. She's around. Took a little acid hippie chick. Like she got, like this blew her up, this. There you go. This podcast is brought to you in part by Stash. With Stash, there's no more confusing, frustrating gatekeeping to keep you from investing. Stash isn't just an investing app, it's a registered investment advisor that combines

automated investing with dependable financial strategies to help you reach your goals faster. They'll provide you with personalized advice on what to invest in based on your goals. Or if you want to just sit back and watch your money go to work, you can opt into their award-winning expert managed portfolio that picks stocks for you. Stash has helped millions of Americans reach their financial goals and starts at just three dollars per month. Don't let your savings sit around. Make it work harder for you go to get dot stash dot com slash Duncan to see how you can receive

$25 towards your first stock purchase and to view important disclosures. That's get dot stash dot com slash Duncan. Paid non-client endorsement, not representative of all clients and not a guarantee. Investment advisory services offered by Stash Investments, LLC, an SEC, registered investment advisor. Investing involves risks and investments may lose value. Offer is subject to T and Cs. So, you gotta wonder, was this the most genius anti-drug propaganda? Is she in operative?

Is she in the fucking CIA? Did they train her? And they're like, dude, this is gonna get people off drugs. No one will take drugs. We're gonna fucking signal boost this until you can't avoid, I don't care where you are, you could be in a Siberian prison and you will, you saw that. Like, fuck, I can't avoid I don't care where you are you could be in a Siberian prison and you will you saw that like fuck I can't do that and that warps psychedelics. You don't want to be associated you just you're like though, you know, you know That's definitely someone at a festival that you would love to you'd hope to hook up with

So This has happened with any any cool thing It has a weird element of like cringiness to it kind of you're just like watching You're like Jesus Christ, but yeah, only fans. Hmm. She has only fans too. I can see that it makes sense. Yeah That makes sense. It doesn't make sense. That's the first place I went What you did not to see if she had only fans and she did you go on only fans? Oh, no, I just he's producing. Yeah Onlyfans oh no, I just he's producing yeah I gotta talk to you. They do comedy now. I can't you know I can't go fucking only fans my

On my computer. I don't I don't run any of my credit card stuff at all. I'd be fried I'd have a burner computer. I know I'd have to have like a burner credit card Yeah, we paid credit card, and then I'd she'd find that The amount of energy For most married dudes that they would have to put in to starting an only fans Account is the exact same energy you'd have to put into going underground as a fugitive like only's also, OnlyFans is cheating. If you're married, it's cheating. If you're giving another lady money, you might, you're cheating. 100% Total cheating.

100% It's, yeah, I can't, I can't even, I feel like I know of some people who kind of pull it off and like, yeah, my wife is just, you know, she accepts it. It's indefensible! It's totally indefensible. I mean, yeah, it's terrible. You can't, especially when there is a, I mean yeah, it's terrible. I can't you know especially When there is a I mean an ocean of free porn. Oh, that's the major problem It's like bro if you got a look at porn you get whatever, but that's there's an ocean of free content You're like yeah, but I want to give this lady money

Yeah, you know you have started a relationship Yeah with someone you have financially linked yourself to somebody. And if you're gonna fucking cheat, like cheat. Don't like jerk off to the images of someone that you're giving money to. Like you're already cheating. Fucking go out there and fuck your life up for real. If I were to like, you know, of the things to find on like my dad's computer If I found out he was being financially dominated the whole time by a strange lady. I'd just be like bro Do you come on you're thinking at all those times? He said no money? his flesh and blood

He's been giving thousand dollar gifts to some fucking a 26 year old giving thousand dollar gifts to some fucking 26 year old in Arkansas? That's tough. That would be tough too. Yeah, just get utterly financially dominated by just like a lady on the internet. Didn't even meet her. Just like getting messages, getting texts like give me my money you fucking bitch. This is another good movie. Fuck I know. Dude you're coming up with so many good movies right now. So here's how it works Father passes away. It's actually like Very sweet. You loved your dad. He loved you

Then is he's passing away times are always hard now I would say he was very You had like a very austere upbringing your dad taught you these like actually good lessons Yeah, the perverse twist is that you the reason you were poor your dad was like making $250,000 a year. He was just utterly financially down. He was a financial surf for an only fans girl You grew up like a bad neighborhood. Well, this is what you discover. I mean you discover a couple Okay, so this is as he's passing away he says You know you hear him say something like

You hear him say something like rainbow feet 949 And you're like what what that rainbow feet 493 uppercase R And he dies and you're like wait, what did he say? What did he say? Write that down? You write it down that you realize oh my god. It's his only fans password Then you go into only fans and you it's not a little bit of money He's been giving this this woman who lives in like, I don't know where they live What's a good place for them to live for the sake of a road trip movie Seattle Seattle. Okay, she was She lives in Seattle and uh, and so She lives in Seattle. And so it's not just that your dad's been giving all this

money and you thought you guys were making like $60,000 a year, you realize your dad was a financial fucking genius that your dad was in fact a millionaire and all that money was going to her from great secret investments he was making. But then you get into the messages between them and you get mad You know you're like and she doesn't know your dad died So you so you start talking to her like your dad count up Yeah, and then it's kind of great actually you fall in love because it's genetic, dude

Oh, no, you you know what? I mean gets you. She, you fall in love with her and then it's, you like go to visit her and like to kill her. Maybe you go there to kill her and recoup your money. You're out of your mind. Yeah. And then you get there and like just fall in love with her. Dude. You get married.

How about this? And then Shyamalanian Twist, find out she's your mom. She's been your mom this whole time. Blockbuster! Blockbuster! That's a myth! I think a Greek myth, that'd be terrible. That's awesome. Okay, oh my god. So you go in the OnlyFans, I think this could definitely be a movie. You go in the OnlyFans, it doesn't have to be Road Trip. You go in the OnlyFans, you start up a communication

with her as your dad to get some kind of revenge. I don't know what. And, cause she did manipulate your fucking dad. Oh, let's add to it that your dad had some kind of neurological disorder and she was taking advantage of that and so you get on there and you want revenge but then you're starting to fall in love with her. You're starting to fall in love with her.

Can we have a scene where I've read a thing? I think it was a documentary about a guy who had he figured out how to make this like thing He put on his penis that they his dominatrices his internet dominatrices or dominatrices Could hold could like send electrical pulses to his penis from afar. Okay So we could have you like slip on his dad's gear and she would just start fucking just shocking him He's like, oh fuck. Holy shit I forgot the dark it was such a good video about this guy was like a tech quiz and he built this own device for himself And he would just have these women just shock him on webcam and he would just yeah

I mean hours dad honestly, they would destroy the thing but I'm never doing this again He's got a family then he was being a hotel room and put it back together I'm never doing this again. He's got a family then he was being a hotel room and put it back together Yeah, it's interesting to think that like There's other ways you could wire your dick shocker So you don't need another person to trigger it you could just have like shit around the house like anytime your wife opens the bathroom Door it shocks your dick. That was the whole point. He like it was like a rhythm. They would do it according to Yeah, yeah, he had a rhythm and he wasn't in control So it was it was be at this person

It could be at any time the middle of the night whatever He was he was like a tech guy, and he was supposed to give his big like speech at his company But he stayed up all night getting his dick shocked and then gave like a very underwhelming speech and that was like the start of his downfall see if I'm a dominatrix and I don't want to invest time into shocking this guy's dick at random times I'm gonna do the same thing like in cop movies where they're trying to track you and you really get the tracker and put it On a train. I'm just gonna take that dick shocker in I don't know rig it to an elevator so that That would be kind of like tired

just sitting there like. It's annoying. But I think he wanted the webcam so he could see me. I don't know exactly how it worked, but it's pretty nuts. I mean, yeah, that definitely sounds. The guy was no fool. Horniness is wild.

I know, it is crazy. Crazy that you would design your own dick shocker because you're so horny that, and you're not okay with setting up random dick shocks that are associated with an AI. It's got to be from a fucking real person. To get back to our feature, the first film we're going to make together, we have to come up with the Anthropocdoxia Company. In our feature, here's what it is. Now, we need to add to the story. It's not just that the father's passed away.

It's not just that he finds out the father's this relationship with an OnlyFans person who has been shocking his dick. It's that their family is bankrupt. They are in trouble financially, right? And he realizes his dad is making investments. There's nothing in the investment account anymore. He gave it all to this OnlyFans person, right? So now he puts on his dad's dick shocker. in the investment account anymore. He gave it all to this OnlyFans person, right? So. Sorry.

Go ahead. Now, he puts on his dad's dick shocker. And why he does this, we'll have to figure it out because I don't know exactly what his motivation, why he'd do it and all that, but immediately the dick shocks are coming. Somehow he's familiar with Morse code. He realizes-

He learns of a Swiss account through Morse code. He realized. He learns of a Swiss account. Or she's the only fans model via Dick shocks is telling him what stocks to invest in. Oh my God. Yeah. So that's why the dad was giving the money to the only fans model is because she was a business partner.

She, without her, he didn't know how to do stock investments Yeah, and so then maybe the M night Shyamalan moment is that it's not His mom he thinks it's his mom and is not his mom. It's Nancy Pelosi Pretending to be his mom trade stocks also I think a nice scene would be he has like a sweet girlfriend he's about to propose to and like she's there kind of like consoling him when his father's on his deathbed and then they like they become estranged because of him getting

lured into Nancy Pelosi obviously but it'd be a nice scene where like that all falls apart He comes back to his like hometown sweetheart, and then she's actually recording only fans got Like three get with a thousand men and then and then there'd be a nice and climatic ending kind of nihilistic But like he comes out and like a rainstorm and it goes fucking whore No, he said it to kill himself He said the dick shocker to connect with every only fans account. So it's not getting one dick shock It's like the only fans dick shocks go into him It's like the fence in Jurassic Park. It's just like 40,000 volts

That's incredible and all that's left is that dick shocker laying on the ground gotta be subtitled though It's got to be like foreign some foreign language Just totally subtitled black and white It's gotta be subtitled though. It's gotta be like foreign, some foreign language. Just totally subtitled, black and white. It's gotta be a French film. It's great. That's a great movie idea. I mean like. That'd be awesome.

Well, when you look at like some of the, when you think like right now, it's such a weird time because all these streaming services have this like they have to have new content Yeah, and so there's this never been more of a need for content in the world like they this thirst for content and it's like You know, it's sometimes you watch movies and you're just like only difference between me I think in the person made that movie is they had money to make that movie. Oh big time like Don't you doesn't that sort of?

Cross your mind like why why yeah, why aren't you making movies all the time? Why you gotta put out like at least? Four million dollars, I would guess unless you know you can get I guess you gotta put out at least a million bucks It's a million low. Okay low low, and it's have to have a million bucks. You're willing to not get back You're not getting back huge chance. Yeah huge chance Huge chance. Yeah, you have a million bucks to burn You can you can make a movie and then so so you could make a movie and put a low budget That's a low budget You can't be making it for if I guess that the reality of it is it's like yeah

If you if you want to make an indie movie and you're thinking you're gonna like get rich from that It's not gonna happen, so why not invest that in an Airbnb or something? You're gonna make way more money on some Airbnb than you are on your fucking dick Although it'd be so fucking sick to make the dick-shocking movie. That'd be so that would genuinely be a tense Kind of like you know make a character-driven psychological. You'd have to delete this part of the podcast Spoiler So good though, okay, it is a horrible spoiler But then the big twist would we come up with another twist that we don't reveal they didn't think I know what happened

They go oh my god. That's what it is because they He just fucks his dad 1500 people the 1500 people that saw this episode We'll be watching Don't be like I know what's gonna happen. He blows himself up in the end with a fucking dick shocker attached He blows himself up in the end with a fucking dick shocker attached to all of his pants and cap. Screams of the whores. No, it should turn into like some completely different movie. Maybe like, I don't know.

Or you know what you could do with that whole Lion King scene where like Mufasa is like, Simba. You can have his dad from the clouds be like, fuck, I didn't know you found that. Yeah. Go back to her. No, I think it's gonna be more like look if we're gonna go deep man It's gonna be the Morse code coming in from the dick shocker that he associates Yeah, the only fans account is a GPS coordinate that leads into a deep underground military bunker And then he yeah, or you can make this all the backstory of the guy who hit

Chuck Schumer with it Hit the guy with a hammer. That's I don't know his name See that was no no Pelosi was Pelosi's husband Yes, that could just be the backstory the guy who hits Pelosi's husband with a hammer. Yes Yes, and he had to do it and just pretend like you know we research This is the world depended on it like we did whatever the fuck Pelosi's husband was up to was so bad That he had to get like and that does bring us to well Not Seattle that brings us to San Francisco Yeah, he's just got to go to San Francisco leave his whole family listen. He tries to explain

To his wife you don't understand she walks in on him getting his dick shocked Yeah, and he's and she's like you motherfucker you fucking got one of those stupid dick shockers Attached to a dominatrix. No. Yeah, you don't understand. It's a tech No, and she doesn't he in the yeah Nancy's like you're gonna create a run on the fun of biotech stock that I'm betting big on get that thing the fuck off Right now, and then she maybe she like controls the thing and he's like oh Yeah, yeah, the day or the dick shocker he, I mean, we could go we could go interstellar. We could go interstellar.

The Dick Shocker is coming from the future. It's his future self sending messages back to his previous. I mean, by the time this thing gets fully like multiple drafts, whoever listens to this is going to still be just as shocked. I would not be surprised if we get funding offers after this I am going to imagine that someone that's probably gonna reach out I'm like dude. I've got a million dollars. I got crypto people out there true. They have so much money It's like I'll give you guys a million dollars. It's the right thing. It's the right thing to do now. Let's cast it Fuck who's the lead in this chalamet? Yeah, obviously me. Chalamet. Yeah, Chalamet's the lead for sure. He's a son.

Yeah, he's a son. His father. Is Bruce Willis still kicking or is he like... Can't do Willis unfortunately. Bruce Willis can't act right now. Bruce Willis is a good choice. I know you're the rugged masculine father dude. Yeah, exactly. Okay, Mel Gibson. Yeah, Gibson would be really good actually. Yeah, Mel Gibbs. What? Yeah, Clint Eastwood. Is he too old? Clint Eastwood? Clint Eastwood's perfect. He's a weird, yeah, like a super old dad. His dad's like 90. That's perfect. Also, I like Schwarzenegger's son a lot too, man. He might be, I mean, Chalamet would be great, but have you been watching White Lotus? That's Schwarzenegger's son? Yes, dude. the fucking guy who's like a horny pervert no way that

is his son dude he's such a good actor is amazing of course he is yeah true but he's still like I'm blown away how good he is holy shit I had no idea that you that one can't see you can't unsee it once you know that you're like oh god he kind of can you pull up white lotus Schwarzenegger that is fucking

cool man awesome he is for real phenomenal goodbye sweet lady that is really cool when that happens because that awesome? He is for real phenomenal. Goodbye sweet lady. That is really cool when that happens because it's like, I hate when people are doing that nepo baby shit. It's like dude you don't, like, you have to learn how to act. Yeah, and also there he is.

No fucking way. Patrick Schwarzenegger. Yep. Well also the I mean I get why obviously it's very you know, I get why people get mad at that But it's like people would get mad at ice cube son They'd be like nepo baby, but it's like dude ice cube escaped I mean people I think people debate like you actually didn't live in South Central. Whatever. I'm sure you didn't live in a great neighborhood He escaped that and then gave his children a better life and everyone's like boo your fucking son sucks

It's like what is he supposed to do dude? Just just not do anything ever because his dad's famous I'll tell you what like your kids do what you do exactly so if your dad is an incredible fucking musician You're gonna become a probably you're at least gonna see what the process looks like yeah, if your dad's a good actor It's like you know what's really crazy Stephen King's son what's he do just annoying tweets you got me his tweets are more annoying than his dad what does he do he so Joe Hill what knowing his dad was Stephen King switch his name knowing that if he wrote under the name Joe King, his books would sound stupid. Joe King, that's a number one problem.

I didn't think about that. I didn't either just now. But number two, he didn't want to ride his dad's fucking coattails, so he published under Joe Hill, and his books became successful completely on his own. Whoa. Did he co-author one with his father? I wouldn't be surprised. Completely on his own whoa Did he co-author one with his father? I? Wouldn't be surprised well here's the thing with that on his own is like you know and again I'm not knocking the guy at all I'm sure they're great, but that's also like literary agent publishers, or you know yeah, but if you write a heap of shit You know what I mean like you could put anything on that. That's totally true. I'm not knocking him at all I'm just saying I'm like it's you he did have, he still had a leg up, which again is, I'm not against that. And it's like that, I mean, that's fucking sick. Here's what blows me away though about Stephen King, and we all have to contend with this, and you just have to learn

how to separate one thing from the other. Because I can remember going on Stephen King's Twitter. Yeah. And I fucking love Stephen King. The Dark Tower series, if you read the Dark Tower series. I have heard it so good. I've read a bunch of his books. I have not read Dark Tower and I heard it's like amazing. I'm jealous. Like that's the kind of book you wanna erase your memories

so you can read it again. Yeah, he's so fucking good. So fucking good. It's ridiculous. The Shining, the book is just so fucked up. All of his books, you know, there's some trajectory that happens there, where towards the end, you know, how do you match cocaine Stephen King with like late stage tweeting Stephen King?

You can't. But the tweets, man, it is such a like kick to the balls when you see how bad he is at tweeting, and yet he's such a good writer. It's insane. It's also it to be fair though to those guys That age I mean, it's like you know it's literally like a boomer kind of age range They got fucking rocked by like politics and Twitter like young people did too But old people got rocked in like an embarrassing you know like you know unself aware way That's right. They got spun out. Yeah, I mean. Oh, it's like you know

I'm I it's funny to watch and they shut the fuck up Stephen mean, so it's like, you know, I'm I it's funny to watch I'm like shut the fuck up Stephen King, but it's like can you pull up Stephen King's Twitter? It doesn't take anything away from the man obviously as a you know Is it no we have to learn how to separate these things at this point Like you can't like you can't let one thing dilute the other or you're just you're not gonna have anybody to to or anything. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Better help. You know what? As I've been rambling about how great therapy is, I forgot the fact that a lot of you out there think therapy is insanely expensive, which sometimes it is. It's... Yeah, sure. I'm sure it's great, but like I can't afford that. I mean, give me a break. You have the number one podcast on the planet.

You get 17 million views on your YouTube channel. You have over a billion subscribers. Yeah, sure, I'm sure you can afford therapy, but that's not everybody, man. That's not everybody. But this is why I love BetterHelp. Because if you're a therapist, a huge part of what you're spending per month

is on renting a beautiful palatial tower somewhere in Bulgaria. You know, those are very expensive. And flying people out to have therapy sessions with you, it's incredibly expensive, which is why they charge so much. Better help figure out how to fix that to make therapy accessible for everybody. Normal therapy can cost from anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, sometimes more if you live in LA. With better help, you save on average up to 50% off each session.

That's right, it's affordable. We're not talking about investing in crypto here, friend. We're talking about investing into your mind, into your ability to go out into the day and not wanna curl up into a fetal position when a bus drives by and splashes water on a dog that reminds you of your childhood dog who got hit by a car when you were taking a shit and you heard your brother scream.

That's me That shit hangs out there man. You think it goes anywhere? The the scream Out there on the road But also you're pooping So the two get paired together. You know what that's not gonna be great for pooping for the rest of your life. Sorry, BetterHelp, but I mean, you know, you should know what I'm talking

about. That's why I need therapy. One of the many reasons. I'm not gonna go into any more detail about that, alright, but I have, I'll just say I have definitely benefited from therapy. You know what I mean? Like, I can poop at restaurants, not that you should, but if I need to, it's not going to be a whole thing. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life,

plus switch therapists at any time. Your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash Duncan. Thank you, BetterHelp. Oh Yeah, for real it's even on here anymore did he pray went to nice guy God the first one the arrogance of the Trump administration's only help pays much ineptitude I think of Casey Sting on the first season of the New York Mets, a team that epitomized failure with its 40 to 120 record. Casey asked, does anyone here know how to play this game? Okay, can you pull up the first line in the fucking gunslinger? Pull up that's the best.

Oh, it's probably so good. It's like dude, shut up, write some fucking cool shit. Or just apply the same rules you apply to your fucking books That's true The man in black fled across the desert in the gunslinger fallow beautiful man It's completely beautiful a perfect start to a perfect series go back to that tweet Please Josh the arrogance of the Trump administration is that like Stephen King? What have you started a book with that? I do it's crazy. It's dude here

Here's a good author on Twitter. I like a lot look up Jeff noon. I think it's just J. EFF and OON His Twitter is I think it's cool shit. He just writes Random shit on it like random. I mean that's just something's doing well He just writes just like prose on his oh, that's cool and just puts it out That's cool. He's a big like cyberpunk guy. He wrote the book vert which is dude the verts is v u r t It's a really cool book. I'll get it totally unnecessary incest plot to it like I don't know why Jeff Noon if you hear this again, you obviously have your reasons

I don't want to deny you the muse because the book is sick It's like people in this dystopian future and they have these feathers load like loaded with like a virtual access to a virtual reality It's like a drug So you like you just stick the feather in your mouth and it'll throw you into a place where you're either like murdering people You have snakes attacking you well these creatures start to like bleed into reality But then there's like a guy loses his sister because they go to, because you can get feathers within the cyberspace, so you're going to like a meta reality within it and like he loses his sister and he has to try to find her. That's cool. It's fucking awesome. That's cool. He's fucking his sister the whole time and it's just like dude. Somehow that- Couldn't they be step? You're creating this world. The um- step, at least step. It's worth discussing the incest porn phenomena.

Because it's a huge genre of porn. Massive. Massive. Now, the genre follows the same pattern, which goes back to what we were talking about earlier, which is that the algorithm is impacting the discourse and so you can't just say on a porn site apparently you can't say me fucking my mom.

You have to say me fucking not my mom. That's like the genre. You've never seen that before? Me either. I'm just making out. I've never seen it. No, trust me. I got plenty of demons, but the siblings is not one of them. No This is like the crazy you have to search not it Listen, I know I know this sounds like I'm trying to backpedal

I am into all kinds of kinky shit incest porn. It doesn't do it for me I hear what you're saying. I what happens to me as I probably have seen this but when I go into porn sites I just complete. It's like a where I black out, and then I come to it. I'm like oh, I know it's so fucked I got hope my ancestors never see The fugue state associated with jerking off the porn is so rancid. It's horrible. No. I think it's a porno It's literally a porno that can extend into real life That's the problem because then there's like I've talked to my brother about this a lot Because there's like you can go on porn, but then like you know you're in the pornhole

But then like that can extend to once you're in that state you can be like I've heard of people like taking Facebook's while they're watching porn finding people who look like that next you know you're calling hooker ads and you can like Be off porn, but still be in a pornhole and like end up You know and it's like yeah, you're driving by by hookers house and you chicken out of the last minute You're like fuck you just got out of a pornhole. You're like, what the fuck was I doing? Well, you summoned a demon. Yeah, I mean you're summoning a fucking demon into your life and you're doing a sex magic ritual You're like, you know, yeah all the fucking like people into sex magic and ceremonial magic a hundred percent of the time

They'll tell you that when you're doing any kind of like sex magic stuff, you jerk off onto a sigil. You'd basically do a come tribute to some kind of thing you wouldn't have happen in the future because, you know, in Daoism they talk about like, you know- Is this what Horowitz was talking about? Didn't Horowitz mention that? He mentioned fucking coming on stuff? Well, it's not the first time I've heard it. It's a big part of like manifestation stuff.

I mean, Crowley talked about it. It's in Taoism It's like Taoism would like the idea was that you have a lot of tissues in my house I think I have manifested boxes of fucking better. Hope there's not some weird shit on your Charm and you have a lot of old t-shirts. Yeah, don't jerk off on the wrong fucking t-shirt, dude Don't have her shitty old t-shirts, but I guess that but no that makes sense the idea is you're sort of like because You know it did I mean this is a terrible thing to ponder, but I do ponder it sometimes Which is? It's an unquantifiable, but at any given moment because of porn

How much jizz is How much jizz is being sprayed into time space per minute and then I try to put that in like how many Olympic sized pools in other words like So much it's gotta be is it one Olympic size pool a minute oh Dude didn't we I looked up how much comment would take to fill the Grand Canyon But this is a new thought This is a new thinking for me, which is how much jizz is generated per minute? Based on porn activity, and I guess you could I've actually met I've actually mapped this out at some point in my life, and I don't remember when But it's like I remember you got to look up the average don't say in America. You say globally please Josh Well, you got to look up milliliters in the average load I've done this I've cracked this math before okay. Let's do it

You go mill how much how many milliliters in the average load, and then you go male population and just say If there's four billion men 50 50 you can just say if half of them are fabbing. It's probably more than that well like I guess you got to go like Okay, let's go okay one point twenty five to five milliliters So let's do two point five because a lot of the fucking People are jerking off all the time or not generating five milliliters anymore five milliliters. That's crazy. Yes, that's I Unfortunately, I'm looking at it through like one of those kids Tylenol cups. I'm damn hitting the five dude I have one fucking ball. You should see the sad rivulet. It jizz my dick produces

It's sad it says it's like if you want to know like I don't smash like a Smash an emaciated mosquito Dad that's what's coming out of this whole thing We're gonna need a pen and paper Do this now so we know okay? Let me pull out the iPad here 96% of British men 93% of German men 92% of America. What's going on here? Wait, what's this? Why are British men so honest? Okay, 78% of adults of the world masturbate, but we got to separate

Okay, so that is is it separating men from women, but now they're going men geographically listen this we're gonna Do the rough math here anybody watching can any scientists out there could maybe do this for us There's a better the NIH might have better that one's more like geographical. This is masturbation prevalent We have 2.5 milliliters. We're gonna say at let's just average it out 2.5 milliliters. I could hit that line I think milliliters You don't need to fucking flex on me I'm gonna go and jerk off of my kids Tyler you gotta see what you then you forget that's the thing dude you got

that's a problem because you're gonna forget okay he was like oh sweet my wife already filled up the fuck it all it kind of looks exactly like children's That's on our movie! That's gotta be a scene in our movie! She's about to give! Cause he was curious and I don't know maybe the fucking signal was like can you measure your jizz? He jerks off in the thing, forgets, but then his kid's sick and he sees his wife like bringing the thing up to the and he smacks it out of her hand in order to yeah he doesn't want to like call us too much of a ruckus or he's takes it and fucking knocks it back himself being like oh that was actually adult time like with Tylenol I was and he's like I messed up and then he hears a voice in his head true now you can hear me in your mind that's it okay

so okay hold on here we go so we've got two point five milliliters now the next question actually is How many I think we need to figure out it any it's some interval of time? How many people are looking at porn per hour like we got to have this statistics? Yeah, and I mean there's a lot of people jerking off not to porn too I bet that comes up how many people we can like lower that how many people how many hours how many people? How many people are looking at porn? Per day yeah right you do right now Yeah, you could probably do right now

Or a day as far as we're capturing in a day how many people are actually watching porn oh? Nine million right motherfucking now one okay eleven percent of people in the United States watch porn daily, so okay Let's just do United States. Oh hold on. What's that second stat? 84% of Americans believe watching child pornography should That's insane that is that number needs to go to a Who's gonna? Who's gonna cut the anthem they'll legalize Wait, okay. Wait, how many people voted for Jill Stein what percentage of Americans voted for Jill Stein? Ma'am you're losing a child pornography

So what she's she's got to run on a new ticket Who was that Strayer it was like well, I'll give I'll be honest. I'm a yay on I'm a yay on the issue. These are dark statistics! This is fucking nuts! What the fuck! Okay, 166 million men. Now let's look at the... What was the percentage?

How many men jerk... Wait, let me write that down. How many men look at porn in America per day? One in three Americans seek out porn, but some of them are going to be women. Also...yeah. Can you go back to how many men in the United States, please? One in three Americans seek out porn, but some of them are gonna be women also Yeah, can you go back to how many men in the United States please 16 million? Okay? 116 million men million men in the United States now, okay go back to how many?

So that we're looking at 20 20. Oh my god. Wait. No do the math there for me me ma'am an idiot is that I'm horrible That's it was 16% of Americans believe watching child pornography should be illegal So what is do me a favor? What is the 16%? There's 60% of America that's getting five milliliters every time What's 16% of a hundred and sixteen million? Oh? 60% of 16% 18.5 million so 18.5 million men in the United States do not think it should be wrong to back off to fucking child-born and That's the ones who admit it. That's the fucked-up part. We're gonna get murdered. This is like data

I've never heard before you're not supposed to say this out loud. We're fucked This is I had no idea there was that many people outspoken as the most terrifying statistic I've ever fucking seen what were the ages I gotta see the ages of the study because they're hitting like 12 year olds Right you're saying if there's like younger kids I don't think I don't even ask kids about this a study shows that 58% of Americans have you pornographic material at least? Once and around 27% have watched it in the last month So that study shows that 58% of Americans are happily lying the hams they generate a damn I'm surprised the NCAA

Generates as much as porn porno. Okay. There we go. Let's just go off pornhub then a hundred million visits per day and let's Let's be conservative here and say each of those visits equals one Ejaculation. Yeah, okay, and that's you know, the data is rough here. So so that's 250 milliliters and Convert that convert that how many convert that to liters for me Josh 250 25 liters. Milliliters to cups.

Just do cups. Oh, million, right? 250 milliliters. Just ML to cups. 250 million milliliters cups. I need a picture two liters full of gum. So how many cups? 1.05 million.

Okay, how many cups of water would fill up an Olympic-sized swimming pool? Back to the original take you a long time You're using cups Yeah, would remember that number before would fill an Olympic pool 105. There's a better way to get to this number One million dude. We need seven. I mean easily We're filling up an Olympic pool. So every day, Jist Pornhub fills up an Olympic-sized swimming pool of American Jizz. And that's being conservative. Yeah, that is being conservative. Because we're using the median ejaculate rate.

Yeah. That's insane, dude. Pull up an Olympic-sized swimming pool, would you, Josh? This all comes back to manifesting. Yeah, and then it's like... Jesus Christ. I mean, I want to take... Oh my God! Come on! That's the end of the day at Pornhub. That's the end of the fucking day. Dude, we'd be living in a different world if that it's swimming pool wasn't full of calm Dude, if it's been also like if everyone had to like gather together and put their calm in a pool I mean we might as well that would be I mean it's worth as an art experiment. It would be incredible Maybe we should get naked and put swastikas all over our chest and stand in the pool. I was gonna suggest

Stand in a pool of jizz to show that we're we hate third We're against the earth and we stand in jizz to show it If a pool is full of jizz, could you swim or sink? Would up of course, it's on reddit Water has a density Human body has a density of one the body is more dense and would sink over there between one and four liters of air And the lungs if you were holding your breath you could play so you could do you could float you float also I'd be like a water bug on the surface tension do that do me a favor how much what's the salt content of Jizz?

Cuz it's like pretty high. Oh, yeah, you would be boy. I think you're gonna be buoyant float tank salt content Oh, yeah, you would be boy. I think you're gonna be buoyant float tank salt 26 300 milligrams per 100 milliliters. It's pretty good. So so what is that compared to the Dead Sea? How much what's the salt content of the Dead Sea? Okay, it's nine times seven so the real test is we got to taste the regular ocean and then taste but that's and taste our own jizz yeah World world's oceans is three point five percent. We can do the percentage if we go back Yeah, let's go back and figure out what the percentage of salt and jizz compared to the oceans

I mean 300 and 100 that seems like 33 percent somewhere around there doesn't that's like a 33 percent kind of thing I mean, well, you know, this is the kind of thing where you know 70 percent of my Scientists they will do the workforce. I'm sure this is so I'm sure we'll see this as a published Yeah, how many milligrams in one milliliter? I don't know if that's even a thing but Let's go let's go Thousand milligrams in a milliliter mmm okay, so if there was 300 to a thousand that's 30% well Yeah, that's about 30%

There's something poignant about that that our jizz and the sailing content of the ocean kind of match the Dead Sea the oceans like 3.5 that's a Dead Sea is like 30. That's so so It's fucking sick. So that means you would if you jumped in a pool of jizz. You're not gonna drown You're just gonna float you're gonna be buoyant is how you're gonna be at three to five percent Just the same as the ocean It's the same as the ocean that's like a beautiful. That's okay. That's cool What are women complaining about when they get jizz in their eyes? It's the same as the ocean. Oh fuck. It's the same as the ocean. That's like a beautiful, beautiful. Oh that's sick. Okay, that's cool. What are women complaining about when they get jizz in their eyes?

It's the same as the ocean. Just rub it out. I don't like getting salt water in my eyes. It's a beautiful spray. It's a beautiful mist. It's a pleasant mist. That's the name of our movie. Pleasant mist.

That would be actually so funny. Me and the wife are going to go watch Pleasant these beautiful shots of like PC one over at Pacific Highway PCH Matt Thank you, and it's with like science. I think yeah like definitely Pushed science ahead because of this podcast fill the pool. You finally got your answer on the pool. It's a pool. It's a it's No, that's just part. It's a it's just no that's just poor It's more than one pool saying I think you could probably extrapolate that

Like the top ten most popular porn sites are generating one olympic-sized swimming. Yes full of jizz per day And then I didn't even get into and I won't maybe the next India imagine India I mean with like a billion. I know country with a billion Some something goes some billion people so I think we're getting we're not I think in them in I think you could I probably I'm just throwing this out there you guys could do the math for me, please I'm gonna say every three months at a global level Enough semen is generated to fill one of the Great Lakes. I was thinking I was thinking taking it to a lake as well I think that's fair. Yeah, I think it's fair to say.

The smallest Great Lake, but definitely one of the Great Lakes. And you know, I don't know, and I'm sorry, I mean, I know you're fascist, but I, like, but you know, I do weep for the earth. And I don't want my kids, when they get older, to go to a dry, dead Great Lake. And I think we've created, if we can come up with desalination plants for human semen, and we create organized circle jerks in front of bodies of water that have dried

up because of climate change. Not a bad idea. We have potentially solved the climate crisis, at least when it comes to access to water. Potentially the immigration crisis, because we could use migrant labor to just all come in the lakes. We could have like...

You know, listen, I am a fan of open borders. But... That'd be so nice. I'm a fan of open borders, but honestly, I kind of want the Great Lakes to be filled with American co- You want American co- You're the best man! Thanks for coming on the show!

Thank you! That was Matt McCusker for the scientists out there. Seriously, in the comments, wherever you're picking this thing up, help us with the math. I know we probably did it wrong. And I know a lot of you out there have much higher IQs than we do. So could you just go through those numbers, maybe do your own analysis of the data out there and in the comments section for folks who might be scrolling through the comments,

do the math and help us. Because I think the question we actually had is globally, how much semen is ejaculated globally. And we're using porn as the metric for that, but it's more than that, because probably not everyone's jerking off to porn. I think we should exclude actual sex though, because we're talking about free roaming jizz here, not like jizz landing

in an orifice. So do the math. You can leave that in the comment section here. And I would really appreciate that. And whoever does the best job, I will mention you and I will bring it up in the next podcast if your data checks out. Thank you so much. Don't forget to go see Matt in San Antonio this weekend.

My dates are at dunkittrustle.com. I'll see you next time.