Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 695: William Montgomery

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

William Montgomery, comedian, "parade" connoisseur, and self-taught qi cultivator, re-joins the DTFH! You can hear more of William on Kill Tony and The William Montgomery Show, both available wherever you get your podcasts! Tempe family! Duncan is coming to the Improv in Tempe, AZ June 26-28. That's FIVE shows! Click here to get your tickets now. This episode is brought to you by: Go to Lucy.co/FAMILYHOUR and use promo code FAMILYHOUR at checkout to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Visit trueclassic.com/DUNCAN to save. Shop now and elevate your wardrobe today.

Greetings, friends! It's me, Duncan. And wow! What an episode we have for you today. My friend William Montgomery is with us today and as you know, parade season is in full effect and he had a lot of things to say about one of the big parades he recently attended. But before I get into that, I want wanna say hello to my friends down under. It's been too long loves, and I'm headed your way. I have an Australia tour coming up and I would love to see all of you, everyone in Australia. I'd love to meet individually every person living in Australia. All I need is for you to come to any of these shows.

I'm gonna be at the Sky City Theater in Auckland, the Tivoli in Brisbane, the Factory Theatre in Sydney, the Thornberry Theatre in Melbourne, and the Astor Theatre, Perth. You can find ticket links at dunkintrustle.com. Australia, I'm coming home. Also, if you're one of our dear listeners, don't forget, we have a YouTube if you want to see these epic episodes live. You can find those at Dunk of Trussell on YouTube. And now everybody, William Montgomery. I'm so excited to introduce today's guest. We're gonna have to start the podcast over. William Montgomery is here, everybody. Can they see both of us at the same time? I don't even know where. Oh, there you go. William Montgomery's here. William, let me just start over

because we have to start over the podcast. So thus ends the live DTFH with me just rambling. And now we will begin the second phase of the DTFH. This is phase Beta Crow. And let me just introduce it real quick. Everybody, cut his fucking mic. All right. Crow and let me just introduce it real quick everybody Cut his fucking mic all right Cut his mic cut his mic. Have you never been on a show? Do you understand that that that I have to introduce the new show?

Do you fuck it you're over there with your live with your wheezy laugh if I'm trying to go into beta Fuck just let me do this water out of the sink by by any chance Turn his mic on so we can hear what he has to say Have any either one of you ever tasted the water out of the sink? Oh, yeah, it's fucking great. Is it safe to drink if you heat it up first Well, I just drank some and yeah, I was immediately thinking this smells weird this tastes weird. Are you kidding or it's okay? You know what we should get William some water. Probably. Okay.

Do you mind and then we'll just. And you were kidding, right? No, you have to warm it up first. We're gonna get you water. Really? Yeah. Just heat it up. You heat your fucking water. Well, I didn't heat it up.

What are you a dog? What are you a dog? I had surgery today, Duncan, literally. Oh, I'm sorry, man. But dude, I heat up. And you're kidding, right? No, you got it. It's a boil order all because of the parades. It's a national nationwide boil order. Oh my God.

Y'all are messing with me. Smell my hand. Do you want to? Smells moldy. Smells good. Smells moldy. No, it doesn't. I just drank that water.

That was, I cupped it out of my hand. I just feel like I smelled a rose. That really smells good, man. Well, thank you. You know, I have heard that people who are like very advanced, magically or spiritually, smell like roses. That would make sense. And you smell like like roses. That would make sense. And you smell like a rose. That would make sense. I've been working on my magic stuff ever since I started doing those shows with you and you were telling me

about all the magic. I started doing some of the magic stuff recently. Isn't it fun? Oh, it's so much fun. Yeah, I just watched that scary movie where they're using a bunch of magic. We can't see you cuz Josh went to get William Water thank you Josh is that Josh is that boiled?

So now I think you all are kidding now, I think it's safe Josh it's safe that I drink the water out of there, right You should be good Well, what is what is theoretically even a problem? Can you cut his mic? Hey everybody! Welcome to the DTFH! We are here with one of my favorite comedians of all time. And we're doing this live. This is the first time that I can recall that we've ever had a guest on a live feed.

So it's pretty exciting. This is the first time that I can recall that we've ever had a guest on a live feed. So it's pretty exciting. As many of you out there listening or watching on YouTube know, we are in parade season is in full effect. And I've you know me, I've been talking about for the last month is like, when is it going to start? When is the parade season start? Now it has happened.

You guys know I got a bunch of kids. I'm very busy. I've been working on getting the napping room in my backyard underneath the house, which is a lot. We've got a tunnel napping room under the house. It's really cool. It's so fun. So I haven't had time to make it out

to any of these parades, but I'm so excited because William Montgomery decided to take a break. He's full bore into the parade thing and dropped by the studio. I think he was just at one of these parades and we're here to talk about it. Now we have someone who's actually been at the parades

in person, everybody, it's William Montgomery. So nice to be here. Great to see you. And if you want to adjust the camera, if everybody wants to see, I actually look at this. I got hit with a bean bag, part of a bean bag. See, I got part of a Shiner coming in. Damn. And then also, yeah, you want to zoom in right there. I was actually at the parade last night having a wonderful time. I just want to say all the there? I was actually at the parade last night, having a wonderful time. I just want to say all the vendors they have set up. There are some really great corn dog vendors. No way. These freaking things.

They're wonderful. Oh my gosh. I was eating so much food last night, having so much fun. People start running for some reason. I don't understand what's going on. Well, it's the running gas. Was there the running smoke? Yeah, there was some sort of smoke.

So you know how they have the starter gun and the smoke comes out of it, it erases? That, that, dude, you know what? You've been, this is the thing, your boots on the ground. I've been looking at the new parade rules, but apparently one of the rules, one of the games they're playing is when you see the running smoke, you run.

Yes, and I did not. Was there smoke? Was there like running smoke? Did you see the running smoke, you run. Yes, and I did not. Was there smoke? Was there like running smoke? Did you see smoke while people were running? Yes, they were. It's running smoke. OK, OK, because yeah, I see smoke, and then I notice people are running.

So I didn't, I couldn't put two and two together at the time. But I didn't really have a lot of time to even try and put two and two together, because I got hit by something in the face. I thought it was a bee or something. And then I noticed there is somebody in some sort of... Desert ware. Yeah, like desert ware or something.

It really was like desert ware with some sort of, looked like a shotgun. And I guess it was, he was shooting. Dude, the cosplay at this year's parades is just off the charts. Like they definitely are putting a lot of money into the cosplay. That's crazy because like, did you pick up the beanbag?

Yes, was able to pick up the beanbag. You got it? I wanna see it. Oh my gosh, it's out in the car. Oh my God, dude. It's out in the car, I should have brought it. I wish you brought it. Those things are so cool.

You can trade those for different things. And like, I think you can use them It's like hold on is that me hold on. I almost guy. I was just having so much fun. Look I was in a No, that was a lady. I don't think that Austin No, I don't think that's Austin But yeah, that's but I was just in California as well. I've been going to all these parades. I've been traveling Fucking tour. Oh, yes. I'm going to Minneapolis I've been traveling. Oh, you're on fucking tour! Oh yes, I'm going to Minneapolis in two days.

I'm really excited. I think there's a good parade about to happen up north. Oh my God, that's gonna be fun. I'm kinda surprised you weren't hitting the Portland parades. They're always good at parades. Seattle parades, you're... I've been sick, Duncan. I gotta get on a statin.

I got my results back from the doctor. I have built up a plaque in my carotid artery. So I'm just, so I'm having to, I couldn't go to Portland. I was pumped about the parade in Portland or whatever, but yeah, I got the bad news and just had to do a couple of puzzles this weekend. Do you think that has something to do with the corndog world record thing you did?

And like, how many corndogs did you eat? Oh yeah 15 and 10 minutes but we're talking two foot long hot dogs. Jesus Christ. Some people would say 30 foot longs. How do you even get those down? Like a lot of water a lot of water I have a system yeah I'll cut it up into little pieces before the whistle starts or whatever and then once it, I can put it in my mouth, pretty much swallow it. You know, I used to really be into

hot dog eating contests. Yeah. I mean, attending, not doing, because I'm not one of those, and I'm not obviously your world record breaker, but I just think some people have such hubris that they would even think they could do professional hot dog eating, and it's just so lame.

So I go to enjoy. I'm not one of these people who's like, I want to be a hot dog eater. Well, I appreciate you because there's way too many people just clogging up the system. Just as my arteries are getting clogged, people clog up the system. Exactly. Full respect for you. No cap. Thank you. thank you. And I, you know, I've always enjoyed a good hot dog eating contest. It's really amazing, the athleticism, the training, and all that, you know, Dogs of Glory is my favorite documentary, the Kim Burns thing, it's like so incredible. But the corn dog eaters, this is like the next level,

because whereas with the most hot dog eating contests, worst case scenario, you puke. Yes. That's just part of the game. But like in Dogs of Glory, you know, they really like get into like the, not just like that as a tradition of the hot dog eating contest, but the ayahuasca purges. And apparently, like a lot of the hot dog eaters say that their negative energy comes out when they vomit.

So there's an actual psychic purging happen. And then, of course, the Ken Burns really covered this well. I didn't believe it, but after I kind of believe it, the demonic entities that can get into the crowd from the hot dog pew, because they're vomiting out curses and all kinds of shit that warlocks and witches put on them and stuff, which is another thing I didn't know, which I'm assuming is the same with the corndogs, is for whatever reason, warlocks, witches, wizards, and necromancers.

They love going to these things. But some of them curse, because they put bets on whoever and then they curse whoever. And so the puking thing is to get rid of the curses that are constantly being hurled at them from the witches, warlocks, blah blah, and the crowd. So corndog eating though, what's fascinating me about that. And that's what people need to know, Duck. And it's like all these idiots out there think, oh my God, okay, I get hungry sometimes. I can eat a couple hot dogs around my family or whatever.

But again, it's a whole different thing, Duncan. People aren't even thinking about these people out in the crowd, about these kind of devil-y at times people, about these magical kind of people in the crowd. I mean, you're having to deal with that. Okay, maybe you could do this. Josh, will you pull up a hot dog eating contest, please?

We'll get to the parade stuff, guys, but I think this is pretty interesting. So, yeah, this is let's see if we can get a crowd shot. OK, is that OK? Okay, pause it right there. So after watching the Burns documentary, I thought it was interesting because you would think like a warlock or a necromancer would wear a classic like purple robe, staff with a demon skull on it.

But I look out at that and I just see a bunch of people coming to enjoy a hot dog eating con. Well, I could tell you right now, Duncan, some of those necromancers, they're wearing the hot dog hats. That's how you can tell a lot of these people. And then some people with the regular ball caps. That's that's probably a witch.

So what percentage of people there are like me just coming to watch just like classic American hot dog eating contests? And how many of those are like probably five% or witches or necromancers? No, 5% are folks like you. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, it's a crazy crazy deal. And this explains why if like the you don't bring your kid to a hot dog eating contest because like that's the number one place kids disappear. Yes. Because they snatch the children for the rituals. Or they sprinkle some hair of some dead relative in their popcorn or something. They eat the hair.

You're waking up the next day with some dead relative standing over you. It's actually your child who has gotten possessed by... Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, it's like this waterfall. It's like this... It's horrible. I mean, people are like... Baseball is the best, is the greatest sport because there's so much happening's like this, it's horrible. I mean, people are like, baseball is the best,

is the greatest sport because there's so much happening like just under the surface. America's pastime. Dude, but you know what? I think hot dog eating is America's pastime. Oh yeah. Everything else is bullshit. Way more exciting.

I mean, you start putting mustard on these things, it turns it up a notch. That is wild. The mustard, these things, it turns it up a notch. That is wild. The mustard, spicy mustard, and that is where we jump into corndog eating contests, and that's where I would say you leave the little boys behind, and now you're in the grownup room. Hot dog eating contest is the romper playroom

where your parents send you down when they're doing the key thing. And then the, remember that? When your parents used to like trade keys and shit and bang, bang, like watching them bang like your dad's friends and stuff. Okay, I don't wanna get derailed by that, but. And is it okay that I drink, y'all are scaring me because it smelled so bad

But I had to do it. It's okay that I drank that water right? Nationwide boil order or whatever because the parades okay, you won't die so that's good. Okay. Don't freak him out You'll be fucking fine, man. You eat how many corn dogs you eat? I'm sure you could have a little fucking mildly contaminated water Yeah, I was saying whenever I walk into a place. I think okay. I could set up Maybe a fryer over here or something over there. I swear to God. It's like a weird. It's a weird deal now every freaking house I go into apartment. I go and jump thinking okay. I could set up. I could set this up Right in this corner. I could set this up on this table. I could start making corn dogs in here.

It's in your DNA. Like you're always gonna be, it's always gonna be with you. Yeah, it's from my mom's side of the family. A lot of those people down in Mississippi, yep, eating corn dogs. Mississippi corn dog on a hot summer day. Woo! Give me a kiss, my sorrows go away. Willie Nelson.

Woo! Now tell me this. Yeah. Are you afraid, because as opposed to hot dog eating contest, corn dog eating contest, every year, what is it, 20% of contestants choke to death? Yes. Are you afraid going into it?

It's a free climbing of hot dog eating. It seems so dangerous. I'm afraid Duncan, but if I lived my life being controlled by fear, I wouldn't leave my bedroom. Right. I'm a very fearful person. Right. And that's why you gotta practice.

I mean, that's why you gotta practice when you're cutting it up into the correct sizes. Yeah. You practice how to swallow. You take the breading off at first. First you master hot dogs. Then there's this thing that I bought on Amazon. You stick it in your mouth and then you press a button

and it expands in your throat. So it makes your throat bigger. A widener. Yes, a widener. It makes you gag. It's a really horrible kind of deal, but it really helps. I can't imagine. It looks so painful. Oh, it's nasty now

Do you agree and I? Feeling I know what you're gonna say, but don't you think that they should make it illegal? To the the corn dog eaters who've been getting this surgery where they can unhinge their jaw isn't that kind of like? That to me that seems like doping in sports. Yeah, it's totally messed up, but what I say is, well, good luck getting the surgery on your gut, because that's the one on your actual stomach. Because some of these people are getting the surgery on your stomach. Instead of making it real small like the fat people will do, they actually get another stomach surgically.

So they're doing like the cow thing where cows have that, like, I don't know how many stomachs they have, but they have like one. They have a couple stomachs, you gotta start eating rocks to fill up the one stomach with rocks. Which is crazy to think that they're taking it so far as to replace their teeth with steel so they can grind up the rocks.

Yeah, it's like a turkey. It's kinda like a human turkey. It's kind of like a Turk human turkey It feels like corn dog eating contest hot dog eating contest. It just kind of takes over your life Yeah, well, it's a cruel mistress as they say It's a cruel mistress because it really can start taking over you can Shit, I was 25 when I started wanted to start my first family, but it just didn't work out and now there's now there's nights where I can, wanted to start my first family, but it just didn't work out. And now there's, now there's nights

where I can't go to sleep, Duncan. And it's like, holy shit, I made a horrible decision. But you live and you learn and you try to figure it out and you eat more hot dogs and then you eat more corn dogs. And then you start taking statins. And I talked to my mom earlier and she's telling me statins are maybe dangerous to take but it's also like my mom's not a doctor so I don't know. Yeah you know I don't know too much about like statins or like cardiovascular stuff but you know if I

was you like I've heard like mashed potatoes like Without butter because I've I thought butter was bad for you Well, it is if you do it without the mashed potatoes if you're just eating raw sticks of butter So mixing it in with the mashed potatoes that can maybe help me. I've heard potatoes are superfoods Well that they actually will prescribe buttered mashed potatoes to people for they used to give people actually will prescribe buttered mashed potatoes to people for they used to give people God, what was it called these there were these pills you could take But now they will just it's crazy my dad had him like a little prescription bottle with buttered mashed potatoes in it If you start having a heart attack you eat those things and you're good to go

That's what they gave the guy. I think I think it was a Japanese guy kid. Do you mind looking up the picture? I think it's you would maybe look up What do you get with an atomic bomb? What is that? Wait, real quick, can you enlarge the pair of anguish? Real quick, I just said. That's kind of similar to the thing I put in my throat. But you don't twist it, it looks like that.

Maybe you twist. And that goes in your, that's a widener for your mouth. I guess it could work in your, like anywhere. That seems like it could help me a lot because I have not been drinking enough water and I'm having very difficult bowel movements. Really? Oh my gosh, Duncan, you know what saved me?

What? Because I have two, Duncan. I will go, what about you? I will go a day without going number two. I will sit on the toilet for a day. Well, be careful. It doesn't make your legs go numb. I can only sit on a toilet for a day. Well, be careful. It doesn't make your legs go numb. I can only sit on a toilet for so long.

Dude, my wife last week had to pull me off the toilet because I couldn't get up. Be careful. I know. But it's just like, you kind of miss the boat. So you get up and then whatever. And then suddenly you feel a bowel movement coming on. And then by the time you get to the bathroom

Nothing's happening. So if you catch it's like fishing Yeah, well, maybe I need to sit on the toilet longer because I'll go a day but prune juice has been a real Godsend for me. I've heard that's really good for it. I chug prune juice and then it but then it's scary because it's like your bowel Movements are just kind of watery kind of nightmares and I don't think your bowel movements are generally supposed to be like that. Right? No, that's good. Okay. Yeah.

Well, that's what it is. Just a bunch of having to clean up after. This is the, this is kind of like the, the over-regulation of our country from the woke, lame stream media wants you to think that having geysers of watery. I'm not going to say a curse word. Bowel movement is a sign that something's wrong because who makes the money? You go to the doctor and you're like,

is there supposed to be this much blood in my blood? And the doctor's like, no! Get on a statin. Get on a statin! Well, according to my mom, every time a doctor does add a prescription for statins, the doctor doctors making money So it's like a pushback

They love it. They love it Yeah, so no, it's totally normal man My when it does happen like what I've been on the toilet and it finally happens like sometimes it usually it's just like rock hard Yeah, like rock hard you can like we you know, we were on vacation in Waco. Oh, that's, what did y'all do? Go see some museums and stuff? We went to the Waco Gardens, we went to the Waco Art Museum,

saw three Picasso's, Elton John was playing that night. We took a yacht ride down the beautiful, like massive Waco River. Wonderful. Took a yacht ride down the beautiful, massive Wake Up River. We got incredible massages at the Branch Davidian Spa. I love that. I've heard it's really nice. What, did they do Thai massages there

where they're walking on your back? Thai massages. So it's like, this is what I call making, when life gives you lemons, make lemonades. Because they took the compound that was burnt down and they built this beautiful spa. And you can go down and in the basement, they've got this incredible steam room, which is a kind of wink to the, you know, like, they've got like a Russian spa that's super like hot. It's like, dude, it's great.

Waco is if you are in Texas and you're looking for a luxury vacation, my God. Don't go to Dallas, go to Waco. Don't go to fucking Dallas. Yeah, don't go to Dallas. There's nothing in Dallas. Waco is just, I feel like I reversed age by like 10 years. I left there with a spring in my step.

That's wonderful. Yeah. For good things. And let me just say, the old lady got a little frisky. Woo! Yeah. Do they really, do all the rooms really have mirrors on the ceilings? Yeah.

Is that freaky? Well, the freaky thing about it is it's like, you know the haunted mansion where you can see the ghost in the mirror? Yes. Different, like, so, like, different people who were in the brand, in the compound when it burnt down will appear, so like... Oh my gosh! And we got Koresh! It doesn't happen in all the mirrors, it's considered...

Trish, you said? Koresh. Oh, Koresh. Trish, Trish Koresh was his sister, but David Koresh, like, so all the, we see, like, the ceiling mirrors, sometimes you'll get Janet Reno. And that's considered bad luck. But we were just like, I'm not gonna say what we're doing, but you could see up there,

you could see the mirror up there. Any waves. Oh my gosh, do you have his little glasses on? Yep. I love that, that my Steve Koresh. David Koresh. My Steve, my David Koresh. Steve Carell, the comic is what you're thinking. He was related to Dave Koresh. David Koresh. My, Steve, my David Koresh. The comic is what you're thinking.

He was related to Dave Koresh. Did you know that? I thought I had read something one time. Changed his name to Koresh. Really? Yep, had to. Yeah, I guess it'd be hard maybe to get gigs in Hollywood after what your brother

or your relative did. Yeah. Gosh. Well, that's cool. Yeah, no, my David Koresh, excuse me. He wears those glasses. When I think of him, he's got the glasses on. Oh, those are so cool. Can you pull up a picture of David Koresh? This very important episode of the DTFH was brought to you by my friends at Lucy. Lucy, 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco free.

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What does that call it? What kind of poisoning do you get? Radiation. Yeah, and then at some point the Japanese radiation, some guy, some Japanese guy with radiation poisoning, but they gave him the mashed potatoes. That's what I was trying to, I can think of radiation for some reason. Oh yeah, mashed potatoes, like, why do you think there's like massive fucking bowls of mashed potatoes all over DC? Yeah in glass like cubes That's how they thumb prints that only work if you're a politician which is bullshit pretty weird And it just opens up and you just like scoop up some mashed potatoes. It'll be fine now

You know what I find interesting about him. Can you pull up the one where he's wearing that cool rainbow shirt? The one right there. His IMDB, let's see if he's got any reviews. Yeah, he was in some pretty cool movies. I think people forget about that. The Crying Game. Oh my gosh, that was crazy.

Breaks your heart, man. So sad. Kiss of the Spider Woman, the remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. He was in some really cool shit, man. So sad. Kiss of the Spider Woman, the remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. He was in some really cool shit, man. A lot of Cronenberg stuff. But now, can you pull up Jeffrey Dahmer, another actor? Actor, controversial actor, I guess.

And he was more of a voice guy, wasn't he? Didn't he do Muppet stuff? And is there any way to put them side by side, just to find it fascinating that Jeffrey Dahmer and Dave Koresh wore the same glasses? It's great, it's quite the look. I mean, you don't really see it these days. I think they messed it up for people.

What is that? Look at the, like it's basically the same exact glasses. It's a look and it's sad. Is it sad? I don't know, is it kind of weird? It's a look and it's sad. Is it sad? I don't know, is it kind of weird? It's like an aviator, it's like aviator sunglasses with just the lenses in there. I don't know, it's kind of a fun look.

I think aviators can make you look kind of cool. I feel like it's cumbersome on the face. Yeah, don't they always, I had a pair one time of aviator sunglasses, I left them drunkenly at a friend's house one night, they never gave them back. I remember it was, I always had to do this number. I always had to push them up on my face. It's like why do people do this? Makes you look smart. Yeah. It's like an indication of like, let me answer the question and you push them up. Can you pull up PSA Don't Be Horny for Evan Peters, who played Jeffrey Dahmer in the Netflix documentary?

It's right there on the side, it says Decider. See it up there on the screen, Josh? There, yeah. I'm curious what this is about. I just want, I love Decider. PSA, Don't Be Horny for Evan Peters, is Jeffrey Dahmer you sick out. We're friends right? And friends can be honest with each other about important things in life.

You know I'll tell you one thing I love. I love it. I love these vlogs where people correct or like fix me. Yeah, sometimes it happens. You need to get the edges trimmed and this is nice. Lately there's been a disturbing trend of romanticizing and sexualizing serial killers. I do do that. We saw the worst of this when Netflix was going through

its Ted Bundy phase. God damn, I think I, after the Ted, my jerk off the Ted Bundy phase, my cock was raw. Yeah, it was like a freak. I couldn't stop. It was really bad. I kept having to go in the bathroom when I was watching the Dommer one with my wife.

Because it was just- Did she know what you were doing? Yeah, she's like, are you jerking off again? We saw the worst of this when Netflix was going through its Ted Bundy phase the year is 2019 and the streamer released two head Bundy focus projects If you were to believe Twitter the biggest takeaway from both of these projects was that Ted Bundy was a babe. I mean Yeah, I mean it is what it is

Well, that's what I did think. Maybe this is making me think otherwise. Yeah, wait, hold on. Little attention was paid to how Bundy used his conventional attractive looks and charming personality as a tool to allure and his victims and misdirect those. Oh my God. Nope. Fuck.

He's a 10, but confessed to 30. 30 murders. These projects- But if you're a 10, should you be allowed to do that? I don't know. To kill people? If you're a 10? I mean, I don't think it's wrong to ask the question.

It's like, you know, there's so many like laws that should only apply to non-symmetrical people. Let's face it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want beautiful people in the world? Yeah. Yeah, I know you do. I do too. And so now what? Josh does. So I have an idea. Let's start executing the most beautiful people in the world and just make it so there's less beauty in the world. Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense. So fuck this guy. I'm so tired of this shit.

Don't correct me if I want to beat off to Dahmer and Bundy. Yeah, we live in America. It's America. Speaking of which, it's parade season. Let's get back to the let's pull up a live feed of one of these parades and see if anything exciting is happening at them. So you haven't been able to go to one yet because again, Austin,

there's a pretty good one in Austin. Dude, I have been up to my ass in the backyard because we had a fucking die off. Like every single one of our 15 dogs just kick the bucket last night. So I've just been digging holes, digging dog graves.

Oh man. Do you look at that? Look at the calluses. I see it's bloody. Yeah. Is this live? Can we, this is a live feed for sure. All right.

This is fun. Can we turn on the audio? Let's hear what she has to say. Look at that great art of Trump. I know. So break this down for me. You've been to these parades. Can you tell, do you recognize any of these people? What's going on here? The guy in the white hat with the glasses, his head was down, recognize him. Who was that? Mike, or no, Gerald, Gerald Anderson. he's a really nice guy, guy with the hat on right down there, just showed.

Yeah. Know him, that guy right there, he always wears those kind of worker goggles. Cool. Anthony, super nice guy. She's crazy, the girl that just showed, right there with the blonde hair, she's a nut, stay away from her.

What? Just a freak, she's putting stuff in people's drinks, because we go to these parties and stuff after, and then she's putting stuff in people's drinks. Don't do that. Trust me, if you just offer the drug, people will be happy to take it. The problem with that when you surprise somebody like that

is they might have to drive, you just don't know. But just say, do you want to, like, you could just go to a bar and ask someone, would you like some of this sedative? Yeah, just ask. Don't just give it to somebody because it could have something, they could be on a statin.

I don't think you're allowed to do that on statins. So let me ask you this. You know, we were talking about this earlier. It's really cool that Mexico's gotten involved with this year's parade season, huge sponsor. Yep. Is it true, we've seen a lot of flags here, is it, two questions. One, is it true that if you have, if you have an American flag that's upside down, that means you're selling ecstasy?

Yes, because I literally have a neighbor who does that. And there's people constantly coming and going from their house. And I've thought about going over there, but... You should. I know. But it's like on the other side, like they're at the end of a cul-de-sac thing, and then I'm at some apartments on the other end, and there's a big wall, so I got to figure out how to get over there.

But yeah, they have the American flag upside down right in front of their house. And so I also think it's really cool that LA does the whole amnesty for selling ecstasy at the parades, which is fucking cool. Yeah, it's very cool of them. Okay, I've gotta ask though, breakdown for me is someone who goes to these parades a lot.

I'm looking out, I just see people having fun. I see really fun people having a lot of fun, but I've heard that there are like meanings like the what is the pink head wrap mean? It means he is a second in command of one of the one of the little groups, but that means second in command. Okay, cool. Now, I have been seeing a lot of different types of flags. Is it true that some flags mean, like, I'm selling nitrous, some flags are more kind of like,

I'm into fisting or whatever, and is it true that there's a lot of fisting that happens at these things? There is, especially in the tents. If you are by any tents at any of these things, do not go knocking on the door of the tent. Do not unzip the tent. The flap, you mean?

They have door? Or do they have doors? Flaps, excuse me. Yeah, do not knock on the flap. Do not open up the flap because stuff's going on inside. I mean, it's a bunch of people having a ton of fun. It's summertime. It's summer, it's like, it's, you know.

Wonderful weather in LA right now. I don't know if y'all have been following that. I mean, it's just wonderful weather over there. It's a great time to be outside, be with your friends. Now look at this mummy cosplay. You see that, I've been seeing a lot of mummy cosplay, people with a full thing over their head, but I am seeing a lot of bandit cosplay, like old school western bandits. I'm seeing a lot of medical cosplay. Break it down for me. What are these different teams? What do they mean?

It's like one, it's like each year it's a different, it's just kind of like fashion for just somebody's everyday life. Things come, things go. This year it's fun. I don't know who it was, but one of these top guys, I think it was Michael something. He came into one of the meetings and he was wearing, it was like a cowboy thing and everybody was like, oh my gosh, what's, hold on, what's going on? Why are you dressed like that? And then he gets this big smile

on his face and he's like, this is what I think we're going to start wearing this year. And then everybody- Bandit. Yeah, bandit kind of- Cowboys. Cowboys. Cowboy bandit, Robin Banks. Oh my God, I love it. Oh yeah, it's very exciting. It's just because we're all hot in the cowboy boots. You have to switch them out. One thing I don't understand, and I've always Oh my god, I love it. Oh, yeah, it's very exciting. It's just cuz we're all hot in the cowboy boots You have to switch them out. No one thing. I don't understand and I've always wondered about this like cuz if I'm going to this parade You know, I'm probably gonna do

I don't know man. I'm pregnant. I love like this guy's pink gas mask is fucking cool. I'm gonna do that That's super cool. He's got this the goggle thing, which is like ready. There's so many great pools in downtown LA. So he's ready to go swimming when he takes a break. But one of the- Do you care if I plug something really quick? Not at all. If you go on williammontgomerygoggles.com, go there.

I'm selling stuff. I ended up opening up a shop. Cause again, I'm around a lot of these people, Duncan. So I see what they want. I see what people are wearing. I see kind of what the fashion is, if you will, at these things. So go to williammongammerygoggles.com. And I have a bunch of really cool stuff and different ways you can accessorize. You know what I mean? Because you want to look different than other people.

No, yeah. That's the thing. Like I used to sort of be like if I went to one of these things I'd probably just do a t-shirt. You know, I don't want to like be garish. But I, you know, I think, you know, you're going to have way more fun if you put some thought into that. Again, let's like, look at this guy. I just love it. It's like the pink, the way that it sort of like brings out that the the goggles. It's it's really cool. It's like this great outfit. Look at this. Look at this woman here dressed like.

Yeah, she looks lost. She looks a little lost or something. Yeah, that's, you know, I wish that they had more organizers because it seems like she's either didn't want to be at the parade or she's at the wrong parade. And see, I hate this, Duggan.

We've now seen a couple of people with their phones. It's like being at a concert when somebody in front of you is recording the concert. It's like, hold on, I can't even see this freaking stage. All I can see is your phone of the stage. Boring. Yeah, it's like these people, okay, I get it. Just what are you doing?

Participate. You like, nobody like- Keep your phone down. Participate. Stop. Is it true? Now, this is something we were talking about earlier. Josh brought this up.

I was not aware of this. So you know, as a dad, it does bum me out when I see the fuck ice things everywhere. Now I didn't know what that was about because I'm just gonna lay it on the line. On a hot LA day, I would love a nice cold glass of ice water, ice tea, Diet Coke with a chewable ice. And you have all kinds of ice.

That's what I was about to say. I mean, you get me on a hot day, drive me to a Sonic, I'm getting a root 44 cherry limeade with that little pellet ice. No, it's nothing better. I picked up a hitchhiker and he's like, you know, pull over this Burger King, I'm hungry. And he's very rude, but we pulled over there

and he ordered a Coca-Cola, and why all right yeah no ice And I'm like uh am I about to get murdered yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I hate when weirdos are doing stuff. Don't do it around me. It was fucking really crazy And then you know what he did drink it all in like three gulps and guess what the next 50 miles were? I gotta pee, I gotta pee. Yeah, it's just dude. What are you fucking doing? But then Josh shared with me that actually I guess vanilla ice What is the fucking story that he did that pissed everybody off?

He did a rendition of Ice Ice Baby, and it's a rock song and people were really upset. They say he ruined the old one. Oh my gosh, why did he even... Hmm... Let him know! No! Please go ahead. Wait, why did he... Yeah, I wonder why he even thought he needed to remix. Hold on, what's that? Can I have one of those? What's that? Oh, this is a... I haven't done... I'll be honest, I haven't done a six milligram These are these are actually very these are gentle the zens they make you puke whatever the fuck they're putting in the zens is bullshit

Is that gonna kill us stuck in the zens? No, I'm Like you really don't think no, I don't think I think we've like they finally figured out nicotine and for sure in a few years We're not all gonna have like some horrible thing happened to us. Wait, what it that's just nicotine, right? This what? Yeah, just nicotine and for sure in a few years we're not all gonna have like some horrible thing happen to us. Wait what it that's just nicotine right? What? Yeah just nicotine. Yeah it's just nicotine on the air! Okay so this to me obviously you you feel like an artist should not change and I think I guess that's a fundamental disagreement we have. I do think it's absolutely crazy that people try to lock an artist into some style or form.

They don't want artists to experiment. And the fact that people at these parades that are meant for fun, meant for family fun, are so angry at one of our nation's best musicians for experimenting with his music that they would go and write the F word all over the city to defame and just try to lock vanilla ice into that

and punish him. And I already canceled the show he was gonna do downtown. Really? So congratulations. So it kind of worked, so you're not even going to see the show? Well no one gets to see it now. So there's people who flew here because Vanilla Ice is beloved in Mexico and that so many people came to see him perform and now I think he was just like all right. It's sad. I mean look look, it's so sad. People love, I mean, people grew up with Vanilla Ice.

I think one of the first times I saw Vanilla Ice was when he was doing the Ninja Turtle song. Amazing. And it's like, oh my gosh, who is this guy? Come to find out, he's some up and coming rapper, singer, songwriter kind of guy. It's messed up and I agree, Duncan. It's like, we want to have fun at these parades, okay?

100%. Stop talking about vanilla ice. I agree, it's sick. Yeah, it's not just sick, it's mean-spirited. And what did you get? So you decided to put dirty words all over the city at a parade and you connected the F word to vanilla ice and now everywhere it's F ice, F ice and guess you- I just saw it.

I literally just saw it. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. I don't know. Maybe it's just one butthurt super fan. I don't know. But now guess just one buttered super fan. I don't know but now Guess what you don't get Yeah, nobody gets vanilla ice now. No vanilla fucking ice. So congratulations

He will not be performing at this festival. He will not be performing at any of the parades and Did you win? Because I have a feeling that if you have any opinion about him changing a song, it means you're a super fan. Yeah. And that is crazy that they become jailers. Yep. Oh, yeah.

It's so messed up. It's all beyond weird. Creativity jailers. Yes. Not actual jailers at a jail or whatever, but yeah, creative. It's let the guys, let them cook a little bit. So the desert, let's talk a little bit about the desert wear this year. Do you, when I, if you ever cosplayed as the desert wear people,

because that seems like the least fun part of the parade, whereas everyone else gets to mill around, they got to sit there with the plexiglass. Yeah, that's boring. If you got to be one of these guys, and by the way, a lot of the times you're getting, at the beginning of it, there's a big, everybody organizes around or whatever, and they do basically picking lots or whatever. And yeah, if you pick these guys, it's boring. You've got to wear those helmets. Have you ever done one? Yes, I did in St. Louis a couple years ago. Oh, shit. Yes, I did in st. Louis a couple years ago. Yeah, and it was middle of the summer

scorchfest horrible they had us in freaking woodland camo, which I Do prefer over this I think woodland came over is a little better than the desert desert where is a little bland Yeah, it's kind of bland. Woodland Camo kind of says like, you know, Narnia, Lord of the Rings. The colors are richer. For sure.

Desert wear just kind of looks like you left your t-shirt in the sun too long. Oh, yeah. So if you do. Oh, look. Sorry to cut you off. Cat. Ooh, we got a little cat person.

Meow, meow, meow, meow. Duncan, I was in Tampa this past weekend, and somebody walked past me. It was a little strange, sweet little couple. And one of the people had the most realistic cat tails coming out of their pants I've ever seen. I was amazed. I almost wanted to take a picture,

but I didn't have the... I wasn't brave enough. It was the most realistic I mean they were walking and this thing is bouncing. Okay, like an actual cat. No, they're so cool You got to be careful with those This is an embarrassing moment that happened We you know took my family Downtown not this is before parade season started, we were just on a walk, and saw one of those cattail gals,

and you know, I got kids, you know, they don't know, but one of my kids pulled the cattail, and as it turns out, those things, for a lot of those folks, are holding in poop. And so, yank the cattail and just like, a geyser of poop came out and they were so mad. Because like it's like basically like just holds it in.

So what do you tell your child after that? Listen, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna like, you know, that's the kind of thing where it's like, don't cry over spilled diarrhea. Yeah, spilled diarrhea. Because it's one of those things where they didn't know. I mean, I did have a talk. I had them apologize Yeah, you know, it's nice. I'm like you should never even pull anything's tail

But certainly like it but they it's not like they knew that that was a this cork on a bottle of shit Well, that's growing up don't that's how you learn and that's how you learn Yeah, but no, I did not ask them to clean I was like not gonna take it I know some like parents get their kids to clean up after they eat out and stuff But I was like, I'm sorry. You're gonna I'm not gonna mop that up. It was it was horrible It was so weird glitter like she'd been eating glitter mixed in with like normal food like glittery

splatters of Sometimes I wish that I maybe I had a cat tail Maybe that would help with my kind of gastrointestinal issues Like if I literally could just put a tail in my butt or whatever and then when I needed to go to the bathroom Like on my terms, it's just when I pull the tail out then it's happening. That would be so cool Why haven't they made something like that? I mean, that's weird. I mean well based on the outflow from this particular person person I would say that

She does not share the same Issue we have with our bowel movements that it's okay. You know I think she probably What do they say I think her balloon knot is maybe a little loose Okay, I see where I see where you're going with that. So now, William, when you were cosplaying as the desert ware person, I gotta ask, how hard is it not to laugh when they come up and tell you jokes?

Because I've been watching this, I know the tradition is, you go to the desert ware people and you say funny jokes to them and if if they laugh if the desert where people laugh then either you have to go to the back of the line meaning you can't watch the parade at all or you have to do the tag thing and grab the person yeah and if you can catch the person then they have to go if you get caught you have, then they have to go. If you get caught, you have to put on the desert wear.

Well, I got caught, Duncan. When it was me, they got my ass. So you got them to laugh. I'm sure you did. Kind of not fair. You're a comedian. You're a professional. Got them to laugh.

They're all loving it. Then one of them grabs me. And then so I know what the deal is, because I've obviously been to them before. I'm like, uh-oh, okay They're about to take me They kind of won this round or whatever and then some of my buddies kind of realized what was going on and they were trying To grab me as well as they were they were thinking I didn't want to play the game even though I wanted to yeah

So then it turns into this big thing where they start yelling at the people trying to grab me to go into the crowd And then the other people. It's like, so it's kind of fun when two different groups of people want you so bad. I mean, it's kind of fun. It's cool. Oh my God, it looks so fun. It looks so, yeah, I've seen a few different,

can you maybe pull up, I don't know, Desert Wear Man playing tag with a parade attendee or something? I don't know what it'd be under, but I've seen some great videos. And it's just like, my God, that, you know, a lot of us need that. We, and that's what these parades function as.

I just feel like it's the age of loneliness. We are in the age of loneliness as cause of our technology and just everything else. Yeah, and many people, they just, you know, just being touched at all is like a big deal. It's great, it feels good. I know, and it's heartwarming to see some of these people getting like, it's essentially like watching like,

tug of war, and it's just love. Oh, for sure. No cap. Yeah, look at this. Look at all these like, look at all the dudes, the blue team. Look at this. Go back to the one where they are letting, where she's taking a break, massaging. I mean, that is like, you know what we used to call that when I went to the raves? Cuddle puddles. Cuddle puddles. Yeah. People are having so much fun. They end up hitting the deck, and then that picture basically

is them making sure they're okay, just like at any music festival or whatever. They have the tents if you're having a bad trip or having a bad time or whatever, they'll help you. But at these, they actually come to you and make sure everything's okay. And they put the VIP bracelet on. Yes, and that guy looks like has a couple of VIP bracelets. Giving them out. Yes. Very cool. Very cool. Well look look at that look at that that's look at the motorcycle stunt dude.

Been seeing a lot of that man. That's like evil Knievel. And it's like the guy needs to realize I don't know if Van ice is gonna he's not doing shows here I don't know. I'm gonna do it shows out of the border. It's sad. I mean really I don't know. I'm sorry I don't I think you could wave a million Mexican flags. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna go down there go down because he's not doing shows here. It's nothing about Mexico. I love Mexico I think nothing about that. I think it's sweet though. It's just like Maybe you know vanilla ice like I've heard he was he watches my podcast like not to brag. What are the chances? He's watching right now. I know vanilla if you are come out. We want to see you again. We love your music

Please listen, you know me. I am a longtime fan You know me very well and I Think that We got a sort of be a little more compassionate it I don't think that people writing fuck ice everywhere Actually hate you. I think they love you so much they're afraid to see you change. And that's one of the very sad things that could happen when people love each other.

Yep. So... He's being true, Vanilla. I mean, by the way, he's being so true. I mean, I can tell it's coming from the heart right now. It's all sick. I mean, what he gave us and like basically like his me your music saved my life and I'm no I'm not

the only person to say that he saved my freaking life twice he artists are Artists are sensitive and I'm sorry. Just be strong man. Artists are sensitive. You know the airports, the toilet paper, it's so fucking abrasive. And it's like now imagine if everywhere that's what toilet paper felt like. That's what it's like to be an artist. It's like you're constantly wiping your butt with like hard paper And you you you don't you when most people when they see like fuck you man You don't even think about it, but when you're an artist that is different Like why not just you know it just fucking like just tap dance on this man's heart.

And he has got the biggest heart of any of us. And that you're out there... It's okay, Duncan. Duncan, it's okay. Well, I mean, for those watching or whatever, Duncan really is, this is sad. He's a huge fan of vanilla ice. He's told me a couple of the stories he said about how he saved his life once or whatever. Did you see my cousin out there?

He was the guy with the Mexican flag, but it was in reverse. He put it front. I think that's a fun move. I think that's a really fun move, because normally it's like somebody's wearing a flag or whatever, like a cape, but if you do it on the front, it's hilarious, and then sometimes if you're feeling weird or whatever, you don't have to wear, you can wear like a little underwear or something,

so then you surprise people if it's windy or whatever and it's flapping around and then everybody's like Oh my gosh, what he's just wearing a speedo Yeah, his favorite thing to do is unzip a zipper and then you don't know if you're talking to a guy who zipped or unzipped Exactly, and I mean you got the flag. Oh, it's wonderful. I love that. That's a wonderful move. So your cousin does that my cousin does that? Yeah, how long has he been doing that move? Since 2012 when they had the in New York. Remember it was against the stock market or whatever. That's where he started. Yes. Oh my gosh.

OK. OK. Yeah. The Wall Street. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to go to that one because I love New York City. I lived there briefly I don't know 15 years ago or something and I love it up there. That is one of my One of my bucket list places especially now with what's going on with my plaque and my artery or whatever But that's one of my bucket list Locations. Oh good thing about drinking that water. It does take a lot of plaque off. I think he locked himself out. Give me one second But yeah, really I mean it's hard seeing Duncan like this.

Are you okay? I'm fine. It's okay Duncan, I'm sorry. I really am. No, I'm not sorry. I mean it's sad, man. I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry. I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I'm sorry. Just get back into it.

Cut that. I'm sorry, just cut that. You know what? Let me just let's let's uh Let's shit, are you okay? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine Let's shift gears. I want to show you guys and I was talking to Josh about this I do have to dig it out of my computer. By the way, it's 1.25. Are you good on time?

Where are we at here? Where do you need to be? What's your schedule like? I just have a puzzle I was thinking about starting later on. Okay, great. I love, crossword or? A thousand piece. God damn.

Yes, I love. I did one last week. It's crazy. What? Oh, They're wonderful And Duncan this is a crazy one So this is basically like a dinner table like in a nice restaurant and it so you see people's like hands But you also see like the lobsters and the steaks fucking guys drinks

This is gonna be a crazy one, but I'm gonna do that after this you blow you're like You honestly inspire the shit out of me, dude. Thanks, man Well, you're sweet to say that because some people are like, oh, you're just wasted. You're really wasting your time doing that So yeah, oh yeah wasting your fucking time. What are they doing? Yeah, no shit. They're not Finishing a thousand piece puzzle. I mean that is a Huge accomplishment well, thanks man. Let me just find this real quick. So I was telling Josh, you know for the longest time, to me what's very frustrating when I watch TV is that they don't have a channel I can go to that's just all commercials. Oh

Yeah, oh my gosh. I've never really thought about that. You know what I mean? Because I fucking love commercials. I love that too. They're so entertaining and it's like you got to sit through a show to get to the commercial and it's so fucking frustrating You know, I you know, I've got an an old school VHS recorder that I found at an estate sale. Ooh. Yeah, it was crazy too, dude. Expensive. What? Expensive.

Not only was it fucking expensive as fuck, because it was that Jeffrey Epstein estate sale they fucking did. In West Palm or the one in Florida? This was the one in West Palm. Oh, okay Palm and let me fucking tell you dude I just got the fucking VHS tape and I didn't think there's gonna be hardcore fucking celebrity cosplay porn it was fucking throw that thing out there's it's just fucking celebrity lookalikes like doing crazy shit. Like this dude, like a fucking Bill Clinton

lookalike, a fucking, on and on and on. It was gross. What was he doing? He was like, I couldn't see her because she was like in some kind of weird ass handmaid's tail meets Marilyn Manson outfit, but he's just eating her ass Damn It was gross but anyway, I threw that out and The fucking box of weird ass videotapes they gave me I fucking threw that out you left them here You're thinking about my cassette tapes

No, trust me, dude. I didn't want my kids to find that shit. I tossed them all fucking out There is crazy shit in there man like just weird stupid art film shit You know I'm not gonna lie. I did put a few more in there's art film shit. There's like Some dumbass fucking shit Disturber was like some angle of the September 11th attacks on the Pentagon. And it- Oh, a new angle on that one. Made it look like a missile. Weird.

Like, just bullshit like that. Like, I hate that shit. Like, what- It's probably good you got rid of the box, so. Fucking threw that shit away. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you out with the old man Now let me just see if I could find this out with the old and with the corn dog That's what we say sometimes before the corn dog contest. Oh, that's funny You know what like we laugh and stuff well. I look this up

Can you do me a favor and talk a little bit about? And I've seen video of you doing this, what's it like to be slurping back those dogs and the contestant next to you is choking to death? And how do you feel about the rule that no Heimlich maneuver allowed? Like if you choke to death at one of those things, you're just gonna die. Well, I'm normally in the zone, so I'm not really, I'm not too worried about what's going on to my left or to my right.

Right. But it hurts a little bit, ever since I saved my buddy's friend in Panama City Beach in 2006. So you actually- With the Heimlich maneuver, I want to help, but I can't. I mean, I thought you were not allowed to do that, though, is what I read. I read that you're not supposed to save anybody. You all sign some shit, which is like, if I start choking, don't do anything.

No, you're not allowed. That's why it's such a weird thing for me, because I know I've been able to save somebody before via the Heimlich maneuver, so it's like I can't even use that ability. Even if somebody's dying next to me, and that's happened before. Is it true that people who choke to death on corn dogs die with erections that last for 10 hours? Yes, and they don't know if it has something to do with the actual hot dog somehow getting, like once it goes through your stomach or whatever,

it's getting down there. They don't know if it's that. Or what is this stuff in hot dogs? What do they call those? Meat? No, the bad stuff. Hot dogs are filled with something. Nitrates?

Yes, or it could be the nitrates. Sorry, my button was, I hit my pants down the whole time I didn't even notice. Gotcha! Yeah, I noticed, but then I thought, The nitrates sorry my button was I hit my pants down the whole time you notice Got you Yeah, I noticed, but then I thought I'm not gonna say anything and okay pause it okay, so All right, I'm very pleased to show this it's been a long time This cost a lot of fucking money commercials are very expensive Burger King luckily has a lot of money

expensive. Burger King luckily has a lot of money. And again, it's sort of like I would love to be a little more creative with these things, but you do have to do exactly what they say because they give you a shot list and stuff. But this is really one of the most creative, exciting, fun experiences I've ever had collaborating with a great company like Burger King. So you made this commercial, this is recently? I made this commercial, I directed this commercial. I want to thank Gina Castorone from Burger King for sort of like, you know, I'd never done a commercial,

I never directed before. Yeah. So I was nervous, had the butterflies. I want to thank you Gina for Having a little more patience with me than you probably should have I've heard nice things about Gina Castor on before Red Bull. Oh my god, and I do I want to thank all of the actors who worked on this get me in one When are you gonna get me in a commercial? dude, um, please I fucking like commercial dude please I fucking like

Called your people man. I like basically begged. I thought you I didn't want to be rude They were like he's not interested in doing commercials. Well call me next time, please Okay Thank you. It's we've tried. I can't believe they would have said that to you I don't understand it at all at It was like, they wanted a lot. They were like, listen, here's this rate. And honestly, it was triple the budget of the commercial. You're kidding. And this was well-funded, as you're about to see.

But yeah, let's just go ahead and roll it. You will be seeing this in the next Super Bowl. You will be seeing- You got a Super Bowl spot on the first freaking Commercial listen, it wasn't just me. It was a whole team of people. I do like Sometimes they and sometimes they hand that holds the brush is not the painter. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's a whole group of people very passionate about working which I am very passionate about commercials and Yeah, let's just go ahead and roll it.

Yeah. The whole Merger. Bread and meat and bread and meat, fried potatoes that you eat. My voice is a vidakhi. He remembers not learning how to work at the CIA. Now I work in marketing. Here's more people eating food, eating fast food.

Eat food, eat more fast food. Eat food, eat more fast food. Fast food! At ComerFring, hear a serle of folk and tether up on the new remote. That's wonderful. Thank you so much. I see how it could be.

It was so. That's your first one. Dude, I had a lot of... And you're singing. If I heard correctly, that's into like your voice. Play it from the beginning and turn it up a little bit more. It seemed a little low. I just want people to hear it. You know, I did get... That's you singing? Dude, let's play it one more time. Turn it up. The whole Merager. Bread and meat and bread and meat. Fried potatoes that you eat.

My voice is a bit off key. Here, remember us not learning how to... I knew it was you, Duncan. Isn't that cool? ...market. Here's more people eating food. Eating fast food. God, look at those burgers.

Do you know how hard it was to get a burger that size? And those old people. Dude. On top. How the heck and those old people do okay? How the heck how did you do that? cut can you just cut to the frame of the Older Couple dancing on the hamburger. Okay, pause right there on top of a building first off. Oh my god

So, you know you're reading the shot list that Burger King wants you to do and I'm looking at it I'm'm like, okay, I can do that, I can do that, I can do that, that's easy. They wanted a woman turning into a dinosaur. Weird. That's kind of weird. But they do funny stuff. It's so funny. And so that, I'm like, all right, I could probably get some special effects people to

come in But then I get to this fucking thing and they're like we would like to senior citizens dancing on top of a giant hamburger bun in Chicago on Top of I can't remember the name of the building is a historic building And you know, you know at that point I'm like, all right, you know, I could definitely find like senior citizen dance actors,

that's probably not gonna be hard. And a giant hamburger bun, you know, that just means like build a giant oven probably to make the bun. But then I get to the next paragraph. What is it? They must have recently died. Bullshit. You're kidding. That's what Burger King's telling yo ass on the shot list. It's because their thing is like celebration

of the ancestors. How did you get them up and dancing then? That's probably hard. Can you just play that clip again? Because then I'll tell you how I did it. Just this little part with them dancing. And Are they alive right now? Both of them had been dead the woman had been dead for two weeks. I got lucky with the grandpa He had died two days before he looks a little fresher. Yeah Go back and play that again, it was so fucking hard Cuz you you know, I had to call I don't believe you found them. Go back and play that again. It was so fucking hard. Cause you, you know, I had to call, I don't remember the exact amount,

I didn't do it, my assistant did it, but my assistant ended up calling 346 funeral homes. And this is where I'm gonna do another shout out. Thank you so much to the Glancy Brothers in Mobile, Alabama. You guys, honestly, I thought, to the Glancy Brothers in Mobile, Alabama. You guys, honestly, I thought, oh my God, I'm gonna lose this job. I called them up, explained that they love Burger King. I talked to Gina.

I'm like, listen, Gina, they're hesitant because it's an uncomfortable conversation. Now, here's what's great. an uncomfortable conversation. Now, here's what's great. Miss Adder... I can't remember her name. This was easier than the gentleman because she died and had no surviving family or I guess her family didn't like her no one gave a fuck. Okay, so that one was easy like listen We do have an elderly woman Here that we just haven't gotten her with I guess that they had like had a what do they call it a death rush And so they were like spooked. They just didn't have time to like cremate her So she's just in the free sit just in the free and play the back and they have great freezers

and So that was no problem. We can get you that easy. But we do not have any elderly gentlemen. And let me tell you, Berkman was very specific about what the man looked like. It wasn't just like we need the corpse. It was like we need to look like this, this, this.

Yeah, yeah. And so... So... This very important episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by True Classic Tees. Your body is a temple and your t-shirt is the thing you wrap around the temple if the temple had arms in a head. Now, do you want your body temple to be covered in some low-grade fabric? Or do you want to celebrate this incredible gift that we call human incarnation by placing upon your sanctified skin the

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everything they do. True Classic was built to make an impact. Whether it's helping men show up better in their daily lives, giving back to underserved communities, I can confirm that, or making people laugh with ads that don't take themselves too seriously, this is a serious ad. They lead with purpose. I've been wearing true classic for a while now, this is the stuff they want me to read. You heard what I said. You heard what I said. I stake the Trussell podcast reputation on the perfection of these shirts. They're incredible. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to trueclassic.com forward slash Duncan and get hooked up today.

Why don't you do trueclassic.com forward slash Duncan instead of Target or Costco though it's fine if you want to do that but it would be nice if the person buying ads on my podcast to again donated an insane sum of money to my hometown didn't feel like they were shoveling shit against the tide by sponsoring the show. and get hooked up today. I'm like, all right, well, just hang on to the elderly ladies corpse. And they're like, maximum we can hold on to that for three days and then we gotta burn our ass because they needed to make room. So you're able to do this in three days? No, so then no I didn't have a gentleman. What do you do?

Just give them some extra money or give them some burgers or something? No, I got a phone call and they're like good news, good news, good news. We just had a grandpa come in, family can't afford the funeral. Wow. And it's just, this is how, like, you know, this is how, this is luck.

I don't know, I don't wanna just say it's luck, I wanna say it's prayer. Yeah, power prayer. I have been praying hard and The family couldn't afford to pay for the funeral all up Gina. I'm like, hey What do you say we pitch in? She's like, we'll do Burger King. We'll do 10% of the funeral I'm not paying a cent fucking more. She got you think that was kind of nice or not nice Well, that seemed ferocious until yeah until but then you realize what a great business lady she is like she read them like a book and

so and They had the money I guess or whatever and they took the deal and boom bam bam Got the got them what you're not seeing there is People dressed in full green screen body suits. What are they doing? They're the ones standing behind them like holding up their bodies. Oh, I was wondering how that worked. Puppeteering them. Okay, okay, okay.

And what's incredible is like the CGI here on the burger bun, if I showed you the original footage you would see footprints behind them of the people pupp on the burger bun. If I showed you the original footage, you would see footprints behind them of the people puppeteering their bodies. So anyway, yeah. We did a great job. Thank you so much. It looks like they're an old couple

who's for sure still alive and dancing. I promise you. They're dead. They were not smelling good. That's so strange. Burger King specifically asked for it, but that's just what they do. I've heard they do weird stuff, but it's so weird they specifically asked for it. They needed two old dead people.

In the morning, on a hot dog, on a hamburger bun, sorry, on a hamburger bun in the morning. And it was a hot fucking day. And let me tell you, once you pull them out of those ice caskets, I thought we'd get at least three hours of time before the body would start to degrade. But- Do they just start smelling like shit? Both of her ears fell off.

Wow. So it was like meatloaf. It was like the consistency of her it was like meatloaf. It was like the consistency of her skin was like meatloaf. Like her ears were coming down. Her fucking that's you'll notice like the eyes, her eyes seem kind of blurry. If you could see that like we had to sew them shut because a just all this weird gray purple fluid kept dripping on the bun. It was a fucking nightmare. Two days. I was about to ask were all the people working that day able to eat some pieces of that hamburger, but I guess you probably didn't want to eat that hamburger. Under the bun. Under the bun. The meat was fine.

So y'all could still... Absolutely, it was totally fucking fine. And we feasted when that shot was done. The bun was not like, it was like a lot of CGI to cover up all the weird shit that ended up landing on that bun. So just kind of toss them off and then y'all can start eating some. Maybe I'm giving a little too much information here.

But so most of what you're seeing there are sesame seeds. Yep, but I Wish I could show you on camera But if you look to the very back of the hamburger what looks like a sesame seed is the biggest Maggot I have ever seen in my fucking life did that come out of one of these people it came out The the older gentleman was like fresh But it burrowed right out of her belly button And right when we thought we had the shot Right we thought we had the shot her shirt starts bubbling out

There's a we just what do you think things couldn't smell worse? There's just this Stink I'm sure it's stonk. Oh And and I'm like god fucking damn it. I did lose my temper. Thank god everybody there understood It's a new first time director lost my fucking temper. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me and then lift up her shirt and there's this fucking just giant maggot. And man, if you've ever seen grave maggots versus regular maggots.

I have. Sentient, like aware, like look me right in the fucking eye and hissed at me. And dude, I am all for, I probably shouldn't say this. Cut this, Josh. I fucking karate chopped that fucking thing. Found out later that goes against SAG rules. Even with insects, you can't do that.

But I karate chopped that thing in half, killed it on the spot, and I'm like, use it as a sesame seed. Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. That's really... That's what you tell... That's what you said? I was like, let's use it as a sesame seed. What, did people start laughing kinda? Uh.

Or kinda scared? It is the, there was like a few people who laughed. The Burger King reps, they didn't laugh the whole fucking shoot. They were this weird ass Burger King corporate robe thing. And they just kinda, they called them the Watchers. And they didn't laugh at all. But, you know Honestly, we were so exhausted by then. I don't like and I you know, I was kind of oh my gosh Oh, don't this she says like the Watchers needed to eat a couple whoppers and then maybe and then maybe they would have felt a little

better Because you always feel better. It's like a sticker say that again. I Think the Watchers maybe needed have some whoppers Say that again. I think the Watchers maybe needed to have some Whoppers. Say it one more time. I think the Watchers maybe needed to have a couple Whoppers. Now sing it like the Burger King song. The Watchers needed the Whoppers.

Can you sing the Burger King song? BK have it your way. You rule! BK have it your way I forget that part. How do I always forget that part? I will sing a line then you sing a line trust me You're gonna be glad you did this okay? This hamburger looks so good It is no seeing the exact line don't fuck with oh what you're saying commercial work You got to do what the director says. Okay, okay.

This hamburger looks so good. This hamburger looks so good. Want to eat it if I could. Want to eat it if I could. Two pieces of bread, cheese and meat. Two pieces of bread, cheese and meat. Put it in my mouth, I chew and eat. Put it in my mouth. I chew and eat put it in my mouth I chew and eat

BK Have it your way have it your way well no single fucking thing I'm sorry the commercial director part of me is coming out. I'm sorry Yeah, see I'm couldn't do it. If you're nice to the commercial actors, if you're nice to them they'll walk all over you. So let's try one more time you stupid piece of shit. Okay. BK, have it your way.

BK, have it your way. Can you fucking act like you give a shit about this job? Okay, let me try it again. Can you fucking act like you give a shit about this job? Okay, let me try it again. Do it again! Can you fucking act like you're not just some Hollywood fucking shit? They like wandered into a commercial audition and got fucking lucky you stupid piece of shit. Okay, do it again and I'll try to do it. Do you think I have time to fucking do this shit?

What the fuck is wrong with you? You do real life- Okay, do it again and I'll do it! Literally, don't you raise your voice at me, dude. I'll pull you up- Stop! What are you talking about? I'll do it! Okay. B-K'll do it. Okay. B-K, have it your way. B-K, have it your way.

You rule! You rule! See that? See how it worked? How it got you going? That was better. I like how you do it. That's probably why they hired your freaking ass for a freaking Superbird commercial. Learned it from Gina.

She taught me that. She's like, if they're not crying they're sucking. So like every single person in this commercial obviously except for the corpses I Got them to cry. Oh you were doing that? Oh, I verbally assaulted every single fucking person and it's a hundred percent true in commercials if you get the actor to cry before you do the shoot, it's incredible and then afterwards you're like you did a good job Yeah, eat some of this big burger. Well, listen William Do you I guess we should wrap it up but do you have any

You know, actually I'm gonna ask you this question then we can take a few questions from people watching do you have any tips? You know, actually, I'm gonna ask you this question, then we can take a few questions from people watching. Do you have any tips for like how to stay safe and cool during any of the parades that are happening nationwide right now? And do you have any recommendations of the best parades to go to? of the best parades to go to? What you're going to be wearing at these parades to really make it worth your while, bring a backpack, have food, have water. You want to wear a big hat. That helps with the sun.

Somebody like me that gets sunburned, you got to be careful with that. Bring some sunscreen and bring some fun. Bring some energy, bring some friends. That's what it's all about. Yeah. Once you can connect into a good group of people, get everybody together, wear a mask, that's another thing.

Yeah. Then it's harder for people to tell who you are, which sounds a little counterintuitive. It's like, Oh, well people need to see that it's you having fun out there. Well, people are having so much fun and so many people would just wear a freaking mask, something over your face. Also, there's a new strain of COVID. Yes. And people are getting sick, so sick.

Yeah. So wear a mask or some sort of face covering. That's really going to help out. OK. Bring some boots. Bring some steel toe boots. Oh, wow. Now that's interesting. Yeah. Bring some boots. Bring some steel toe boots. Oh wow, now that's interesting. Yeah, bring some boots.

Just cause people step on each other's toes, I'm guessing out there. People step on toes, you need to have something where your toes aren't gonna get smushed, because I swear to you, the last thing you want is to get to one of these parades and your big toe or whatever toe or whatever, it gets smushed right at the very beginning,

cause that's all you're gonna be thinking about is how much your toe hurts versus how much fun and your big toe or whatever toe or whatever gets smushed right at the very beginning. Because that's all you're gonna be thinking about is how much your toe hurts versus how much fun everybody is having. Now there's so many great flags at these parades that I kind of feel like I'm gonna like freeze up if it comes down to choosing which flag to fly. Now I know the upside on American flag is

it's an ecstasy dealer. Ecstasy and it's also last year. I don't necessarily love that one. What a lot of people, I have been around recently, they've been using, I think it's called a Jolly Roger. It's just that pirate looking thing. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr know if you see some of those flags get by those people. They're having a good time. Now I'm also seeing like some Palestinian flags which is cool. They love vanilla ice out there. I'm seeing some Mexican flags. Are there any other flags? Like what do you think if you want to like really like, I don't know, kind of seem like super hip, what flag would you recommend?

Ukraine all the way, right now Ukraine. That's a huge one and it's pretty colors. It's a blue and a yellow, which are two colors. I like those two colors together, so that's cool. But yeah, that's a good one. This year, last year maybe it's probably something one. This year, last year, maybe it's probably something different. This year, Ukraine, Ukraine flag. And what about is it or any is anyone doing combos?

So on one side, Ukraine, one side, Palestine, one side upside down, American flag, the other side, the pride flag, one side red communism, the other side, Jolly Roger. Is anyone doing a, is that a thing? Yes. And it started out, I think with my neighbor, but I would never tell my neighbor, but it's a flag where one side is the Ukrainian, the other side is the upside down American. So that's kind of a fun kind of easy.

It's fun and easy. You could do it. What about a quilt of flags? You could do that, but you got to, you got to be careful. There's so many people walking around. You got a big old flag, you got a big old quilt people are gonna be stepping on, it's gonna be ripping. Now, I know, and this is, I totally get it.

You find out your American flag has COVID on it. Is it true the only way to get rid of the COVID is to burn the flag? You can do that. You can also put it in, that's probably the only way to get rid of the COVID is to burn the flag? You can do that. You can also put it in. That's probably the fastest way. If you have some time on your hands, put it in the dryer on the highest heat. And that can do it for 30 minutes.

So that's cool. So you can either burn it or go back home. There's no fucking way I'm leaving a fun parade to go back home to fucking dry my COVID flag. Yeah, my gosh. Well, yeah, if you're really worried about that and you got maybe some old people or sick people that you're living with or What have you yeah, just get it done with there. Okay, great. Well, thank you so much, William We're gonna take a few questions. Anybody have any questions out there for William Montgomery? Doesn't just have to be about these parades Yeah, it could be about anything. What's going on you guys? And I've got to say the names of my dear supporters here

Jesus Christ, let me say those names all questions come through Let's scroll back a little bit Jesus you guys. What are you doing here? Okay But it doesn't say their names B B ten bucks I Feel weird self-promoting, but I want to share my art only fans pirate feet check me out

Scroll sessions if this sorry B go read B B is that I'm sorry. That's a bad joke. What a dick I create absurd often fucked up collages, weird out energy with magazine images. Sorry for IG, it's commented below. B is commented below. I will go to the air fryer soon. Go back up, let me keep, scroll sessions, that's great. If the 10 is flapping, don't come yapping.

Love it, that's a good one Inquisitor Godflower can't wait to hear you speak with Ashton Forbes. Didn't we talk about that before? You're always plugging ash Matt. Thank you, Matt Matt 970 Are you certified to like vanilla? I okay self-ban five minutes. Don't do vanilla ice jokes on me Are you fucking serious? Is that what that is for Matt 970? Yeah ban Get him out of here. Matt if you didn't see what happened to Duncan there. He wasn't fucking around I wasn't fucking around I got hit in the face last night with something if you haven't seen that I was literally on Operating chair earlier today fucking You fucking serious, man?

Dumbass. You fucking asshole. Five minutes, self-fin. William, can you name 20 plants? No. What's another one? Okay, can you name 10 plants? Okay.

Monstera, cactus, We're gonna do that. Um... Uh... Maybe a lily. Um... A rose. Yeah. A lavender flower?

Yeah. Or, lavender? Um... Where does that come from? A wintergreen? So we're at six? Or, wait. Not a wintergreen. That's not a... What does nicotine come from? A wintergreen? So we're at six. Wait, not a wintergreen. That's not a... What does nicotine come from? Tobacco?

A wintergreen plant. Wintergreen plants, right? Okay, so what, I'm at six. Magnolia tree. Wait, that's different than a plant. Trees are plants? Yeah, trees are plants. Well, let's do oak tree. What else?

We got two more. Fern? Yeah, fern that's big in the Pacific Northwest, I think. And then how about carrot? Oh my god, you will not believe the text that just came in. I knew it was going to happen. I knew this was gonna happen. I knew this was gonna happen.

And I was at nine, what is it? Hi Duncan, it's Gina from Burger King. Bullshit, Gina's texting me. Really enjoying your live stream. I just wanna say William is adorable. He has the perfect voice for the next Burger King commercial. And I really love for William to be part of our new Burger King campaign, Bow to the King.

Could you please connect us? And that showbiz. That's wonderful news. That's showbiz. That's wonderfuliz. That's how it works. Right there. I knew she'd be watching. That's why I'm sorry I was a little hard on you. I knew she'd be watching. I knew that would happen.

I got goosebumps right now. Oh my god. Oh I hope she lets me direct it. We will have so much fucking fun. Do you know what they want to do? The moon! The first commercial do? Oh the moon. Oh My gosh, the first commercial shot on the fucking moon cool. Well, I'm down My god a lot of corpses they want to use on it. That's the only part is weird, but this one's like 10

They will talk about that easers and are there any more suit. Oh, mr. Beast taunted me by going to the pyramids, this is true, right after I said I was gonna- Operation Beast Blast, I'm not gonna go into it, we don't have time, I'm sure William has to go, but yeah, I- don't worry, don't worry. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that's all I'm gonna say. We- Military Bros wants to know, are you ever gonna stop? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm We military bros wants to know are you ever gonna stop? Um I wasn't thinking about it, but i'll probably never stop Never gonna stop heard it from this source right here um William have you stopped disappearing homeless people yet? You're Something your dear family. We are praying for your soul. So yeah, let's talk about that a little bit.

You know... Did you see that on the news the other day? Didn't they find another body? It's... yeah. Yep. Well, that's the answer to that one. Okay, what else? Okay, got it. Any more questions for Williams? Williams Montgomery's? Do you, Williams, say Mike Tyson or Mike Dyson? Mike Dyson, because it's kind of funny because you're bringing up the company

that makes the good products. Dyson is incredible. Dyson. I love that. Not the boxer. So it's kind of funny. Yeah, like instead of Mike Tyson, the boxer, Mike Dyson is incredible. Dyson. I love that. Not the boxer, so it's kind of funny. Yeah, like instead of Mike Tyson the boxer, Mike Dyson. And then people are like, wait, are you talking about the company or the boxer? So it's like funny, it gets people thinking.

That's cool. I love that kind of comedy because it does get you thinking. Yeah, and then you think and then you might laugh a little bit after you think. You know, do you think Mike Tyson uses a Dyson? He easily could. Maybe one of those fans that it's like, how is that fan even working? Have you ever seen those fans that they have? There's not like a blade. There's not something spinning. It's just like a circle and air comes out.

I don't even want to fucking know because I'm pretty sure that that is not like any... Yeah, I don't understand how it works. I do know this about Dyson, not Tyson, is that Dyson used to work in some like DARPA shit, and like before he started working with

vacuum technology I know that he was apparently involved in some kind of like you know, deep like military grade sort of... Let's just say, apparently, he had something to do, like, they had him reverse engineer some shit. I'm just gonna leave it. I can't say where I got that from, but I'm pretty sure that any Dyson product is not human technology. I'll just... I'm just gonna leave that there.

If you've ever seen the movie predator We'll leave it at that We're just gonna leave that there if you've ever if you've ever Seen Close Encounters the third kind let's just leave it at that. We'll leave it there Any more questions for William this one right here? What did you sell out to him if you've ever seen the Mortal Kombat movie? I should have mentioned that too. I'll leave it that too William why'd you sell out to Hannah Montana? If you've ever seen the Mortal Kombat movie, I should have mentioned that too. I'll leave it at that too.

William, why'd you sell out to Hannah Montana? It was something I didn't, I wasn't wanting to do, but it was something that was kind of forced upon me. I was kind of living outside of my means at the time. And then I get some deal or whatever with Hannah and One thing leads to the other She wants to strike up a deal. I don't necessarily want to strike up the deal because I don't have a lawyer to look over everything So can we just pull up a picture Hannah Montana

Let's actually go to her Wikipedia, let. Let's not just be lowbrow here. Yeah, she's wearing those glasses actually. Can you pull up her Wikipedia please? Hannah Montana is an American teen sitcom created by Michael Poirier's Rich Corell and Barry O'Brien that aired on the Disney Channel. The series centers on Miley Stewart played by Miley Cyrus. Yeah. And all this went down in 2010 so that was towards the end of her run on Disney. So you kind of made a deal with the devil there, huh? Pretty much and I regret it some. Sometimes I regret it. But yeah, it was 2010.

I was living outside of my means. I needed something to happen. Hannah comes around or whatever, and then we just start talking, and then it's like, okay, do you want me to be a part of this whole Disney thing you're doing? And then it sounded like she did want me to be a part of it. So, you're doing, and then it sounded like she did want me to be a part of it. No, so, you know, I am a huge fan of Method acting.

I love Daniel Day-Lewis. He is incredible. My left foot, there will be blood. Yeah. Also Jared Leto. Yeah. You know, when he gets into a character, like when he got into the Joker character, he would send used condoms to the cast members,

because you know, he's like becoming the Joker. I don't even want to say the Joker's name. I don't like saying that name. But is it, Miley Cyrus is a method actor too. And so Cyrus apparently like, like would spend years not letting anyone call her anything other than Hannah Montana. Is that true? And is that so it's literally Hannah Montana came to you?

Yeah, no, it's Hannah Montana in my phone. And let me in and so like when you is it like I've heard that it's like shape shifting when you see Cyrus turn into Montana, like it's like watching. It's weird. It's pretty, pretty pretty out there it's pretty out there her dad used to love to watch but now the dad's not doing good why I think a drug and alcohol kind of thing mm-hmm yeah I think it's really sad right now what's it like those parties cuz I've heard crazy shit about what those parties used to be like and maybe if you

don't if you don't have to say it if you don't want to, but... Okay, I gotcha. Yeah, not really, did I? But it's kind of like, you know... I don't know... You didn't get filmed or anything. No, no, no, no. As far as I know.

I mean, there were cameras, they had cameras and stuffed animals. Did nanny cams everywhere. So, there's no guarantee. That's why I don't even want to talk about it. There could be videos of me out there right now. Seriously, there were nanny cams everywhere. In Hannah's place. And then I still would go over there.

Because I was drinking a bunch of Bud Lights at the time, Bud Ices, what have you, Bud Weiser. Bud Ice, hell no. Oh yeah, I'd go over there. I cannot believe you were doing Bud Ice. Oh, it was horrible. I'd go over there one time on July 4th and Hannah opens up the door, whatever.

I'm with some buddies, there's people over there. I have a 24 ounce Coors banquet right when I open up the door, right when the doors open. That's Hollywood money. I see Hannah, oh yeah, I open up the beer, it slips out of my hand somehow, immediately hits the ground, starts spraying everywhere. Oh my God.

She comes running up saying, oh my God, this is my new place, literally slips in the beer. And I'm just like, okay, I can show myself out now and like people laugh or whatever, but it was, yeah. Something else. Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, man. It's just those banquets, man.

Oh yeah. Slippery. Oh yeah, getting out of the paper bag. It was like my gift to myself and then it slips out of my hand. That's why the dude from Bud Lights in jail right now because they made them intentionally slippery, because he realized that if like, you know,

he just needs people to drop like 2% of the banquets and that translates into like a billion dollars. Yeah, that's what they say. So fucked up. So fucked up. People were wearing the sticky gloves to hold onto the banquets. Oh yeah. Well, William, it has been a delight to have you on.

Oh, it's been so nice. Are you headed to a parade now, or what's your plan for the rest of the day? Might look up what's going down in St. Louis soon, because I love it. Again, I just love those parades. Love to eat some barbecue there. Love the parades. You gonna do the puzzle at the parade, or you go home to do the puzzle? I'll do the puzzle at home. I'm not doing, I'm not in a puzzle mindset when I'm at these parades. I get it. It takes a lot of focus to do a puzzle. It does. It takes a ton of focus.

Got any shows coming up? Oh yeah, New York City. Not this weekend, but next weekend. Jesus. Gotta start selling some tickets or they're saying, I'm not going. Where is it? And they haven't even bought a plane ticket yet. Where is it? Oh God, I should know.

Can you Google what? City Winery. Ah, City Winery, William Montgomery. Next week, yeah, New York City. Yeah, next week, New York City. Manhattan. Ooh la la! That is crazy dude. Yeah who would have ever guessed. They fucking that city it's just massive. Yeah and at Philip Seymour Hoffman's place where he

died I think is close to the earth. He died at the city winery? No but I think his place was kind of close. I looked it up one time and I walked past it one time, but this time I wanted to take a picture. Jeez, man. That's going to be weird performing. I know. Well, it kind of gives me a weird, spooky kind of mindset. Damn, what are you going to do if you look out in the audience?

And there he is. I don't know. It's been happening recently. I've been seeing people I've thought have been in my life before. When I was in Cleveland, there was this guy named Jubal Davis, who I was convinced was the guy who fired me from my job at the bicycle shop in Denver. And then a guy named Todd Tigner was sitting in the front row. I thought it wasn't either one of these people.

Well, that's just gang stalking. Okay gang stalking. Yeah, that's just like that's a thing that like the deep state does to people like you They just like go through all your shit find out people you knew They dress up like them and then watch your show and then when you come up and you're like, are you jubilant? They're like, huh? It's weird. Yeah, that'll happen to you until like you either go crazy or what do whatever the fuck Yeah, they want you to do. I know it is just do what they want you to do It's not that bad and then it ends. I'll figure it out fucking black eye fucking And I got one and it's gonna get worse. That's what the doctor said today. No big deal. Well, just do what they say Thank you guys so much for watching. We will be back around the same time next week

Please go see William Montgomery in New York. Rest in peace Philip Seymour Hoffman. Stay safe at the parades God loves you. I love vanilla ice and remember that You you are Filled You are filled with so much light and so much joy and love and God wants you to be happy. And drive all blames into oneself. Thank you to our super fans, Donators, Kat Chang, Fucks with Dogs, Lady Carson, Mr. Brightside, OLL496, and The Iron Blade. We'll see you next week. Until then, Hare Krishna.

That was William Montgomery, everybody. Let's all pray for him. I know he, after my episode, went to another parade, and I think the running smoke, like, I think he got hit by like a can of running smoke. So let's just send him our thoughts and prayers because I think he's going to be okay. He's in the hospital. See you later.