Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 711: Old Man DARPA Dog Race

Episode Date: September 14, 2025

A bunch of weird old men are immolating the planet to try to become immortal! Again! South Bend family! Duncan is coming your way next! Come see him at Four Winds Casino South Bend on September 26. Click here to get your tickets now! Thank you, and we love you!! This episode is brought to you by: Get your first month of BlueChew FREE! Just use promo code DUNCAN at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That’s it. Head to BlueChew.com for details and safety info. Your season starts now. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code DUNCAN. That’s code DUNCAN to get $300 in bonus bets instantly when you place your first bet of $5 or more—plus over $200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTubeTV. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/duncan! Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today!

Welcome, welcome to the DTFH live. Hello to all of you out there who are watching or will watch in the future or even watching in the past, which technically, if you're watching this, you're watching it in the past. Even if you're in the live feed, you're seeing a millisecond at least, depending on your internet speed, into the past. So I'm basically a time traveler right now. And I want to say hello to you from the future. It's not so bad over here. A few milliseconds ahead.

Nothing terrible has happened yet. The flash of white, hot nuclear light has yet to irradiate the city that I'm in, though I am in a basement, meaning there is some chance that should nuclear war break out as it could. At any moment, I wouldn't know it for at least a few seconds. It might feel a trembling. And theoretically, theoretically, there is some infinitesimally small chance that I could still maintain an internet connection post-nuclear blast. I don't know the internet infrastructure here in Austin, Texas. And my guess is that it, along with every living thing, will be incinerated, melted, and fried. But if not, I will continue

to broadcast post-nuclear blast. I'm sure Austin is on the list of cities to be struck by nuclear missiles. And it's a perfect place to be down here. Josh, I'd be honored to be incinerated with you. Our ashes mixing together, podcasting until the very end. I feel bad for my family. I would have liked to hug my kids, kiss my wife. But, you know, dims the brakes, right? Dim's the brakes. And, you know, listen, it would be very easy to be angry right now, I guess. You know, you could probably look at the situation and think to yourself, holy shit, we're all stuck in a fucking bus. We're in an e-bus.

We're in a bus that doesn't have a driver because the driver right now is in some fucking luxurious plush bomb shelter flying way up in the stratosphere in some luxurious plush airplane. Old men it'd be easy to get angry.

Like, holy shit, we're in a remote controlled bus that's being controlled by old fucking men who desperately want to live forever. Because they know if they die, they can't keep their power and their stuff. And it'd be easy to be mad about that. It'd be easy to be angry about that. To think to yourself, what the fuck are we doing?

You know, I could, if I wasn't very careful, get so angry. Like, you know, blood-boilingly angry when I consider the fact that right now I've got a family. I love doing stand-up. I love doing my podcast. I like breathing. I like oxygen and the atmosphere. It's nice to have an atmosphere. And it would be really easy to get blood-boilingly angry over the fact that last night,

an old man, an old Russian man, decided to fly his drones through the airspace of Poland. And just sort of fuck it. Let's see what happens. Let's fly a bunch of drones through the airspace of Poland. One of them could crash. Maybe things crash all the time. One of them could crash into a building and burn up a bunch of people. And if that happened, there's some probability that fucking World War III would start in no more atmosphere.

But you know what? Fuck it. Let's see what happens. It'd be easy to get angry about that. You know, in the morning, you eat with your, you eat with your, kids. They're so beautiful. They're so sweet. They don't know that a weird looking old fucking Russian dude and a weird old old old old American president and a bunch of other weird old withered up old fucking Europeans are just sitting around right now thinking,

do we roll the dice on getting rid of the fucking atmosphere of the planet? All these kids live on. It'd be easy to get bad about that. But the problem is if you got too mad, if everyone got too fucking mad, well, you know, you end up going now Nepalese, I guess. Because, you know, the thing about it is, is like, these old fucks, they are one, this is the issue, man. They are fundamentally out of shape. I don't think they can run that fast. I don't know, man. Pull up a picture of like Putin and pull up that picture of Putin.

and Z XI you know when they had that meeting Putin and Z not of Z Putin of Z it sounds like

a great restaurant honestly I don't think they're gonna I don't think that you know what I'm going to guess I think if

now pull up a picture of Trump Putin and Z and Trump yeah I don't know man, I don't think these guys can run that fast. Just throwing that out there.

Pretty sure. They I mean, it'd be cool to have a race. That'd be nice. You know, that'd be fucking nice. You know? That's all I settled disputes is a foot race between leaders. That would be beautiful. You know, a nice foot race, get them all together, you know,

unleashed, I don't know, just to spice it up a little bit. McCron might win. Put the, put the fucking, and put them all in there and put some of those DARPA dogs. Put some of those DARPA dogs in the back and just give them like an hour to run. And then unleash the DARPA dogs

and then whoever makes it out, then, okay, it's over. So we don't all have to worry about getting incinerated. Because I don't know those dudes. Like none of us are probably going to meet those dudes. Are you going to meet? You're never going to meet those guys. I'm never going to meet those fucking guys.

But because of these old pieces of shit, we all have to like have some, at the very least, like a mild anxiety. If you're, if you're, you know, if you've got some hormone shit going on, you're not getting enough sleep,

then you're probably overly anxious about it. You're like fixating on it. And, uh, but no matter what, if you're, if you're on a hike right now, if you're hiking the Appalachian Trail, you don't know what's going on.

You feel great. But if you're in the cities, you know, if you're in the world, you're probably slightly aware of this. And if you think about it too much, it does just turn your stomach. Pull up that thing, Putin and Z, talking about organ transplants. It's fucking great. What is it called when all this is happening, but you feel at peace?

Enlightenment, my friend. That's called wisdom. That's called wisdom or fentanyl. Putin and Z. organ transplants. Donation. Not donations. They didn't mention donations.

I don't think anyone's donating there or you. Turn it out. Yeah. So these guys apparently didn't know their fucking mics are on. And don't you know they're talking about the same bullshit that every other king. is talked about since kings, which is longevity. These old fucks, they know, it doesn't matter how big their nuclear arsenal is.

It doesn't matter how many conscripts they could summon. It doesn't matter how advanced their military is. It doesn't matter how much money they've siphoned from their people and put into their fucking bank accounts. They're going to, they are still going to die. Now, pull up Krishna in the lion form. This is most famously illustrated in this incarnation of Vishnu. That's a good one.

Now, see what you have here. Yeah, I'll just read it. You know, scroll up so I can read it. By performing the rigorous austerity of standing on the tips of his toes for 125 years, Huron, we'll call him David for the sake of this. David became so powerful that the demigods prayed the Lord Brahma to keep him from destroying the universe. is this Hinduism. This is a long time ago. Different scene. I don't know why some dude standing on

his toes for 125 years. Like if I'm a, if I'm a demigod and I'm seeing that, I'm not going to be like, he's going to destroy the universe. That starts with standing on your toes for over a century ends with destroying the universe. Due to his austerity, Lord Brahma offered, call him Danny. Danny, his heart's desire. Danny requested that he should never die. Lord Brahma explained to him that even he must die, that his life was only four, that his life was only four million three hundred thousand times, a hundred thousand times, thirty times, twelve times, a hundred times two years. They didn't have calculators back then. So Danny demanded that he should never be killed in the day or in the night and Lord Brahma agreed to this. Danny then requested that he

should not die on land or in the air, in the water, which Lord Brahma agreed. Danny, having received this promise became very bold and asked that he should not be killed. killed by any man or beast, Lord Brahma agreed. Danny, I wonder if he's still on his toes, all he's asking for this shit. Danny's still not satisfied with the benedictions he'd received from Lord Brahma, then asked for the benediction that he could not be killed by any weapon, to which Lord Brahma also agreed to give Danny his benediction, and then he's like, and then he left. All right, Danny, bye. After receiving these benedictions, Danny became more demonic and began conquering the material universe, with each new victory and increase in his

power, the demigods became more and more worried. In time, Danny had his son called Prolata. Oh, let's call him William. William was a great devotee of Lord Krishna, even from birth. It's a small, blah, blah, blah, blah, bab, bab, blah. Keep scrolling down. Let's get to the good part.

Yeah, so basically, God shows up. God stretched Danny across his lap. And with his long nails, he ripped apart the demon. Danny died instantly on God's blood-strenched lap. He was killed neither on the land nor the sea of the air, but on the lap of the Supreme Lord. He was killed neither during the day or the night, but in the twilight. He was killed by neither beast nor man, but by God's lotus hands. He was killed no weapons, but with the nails of God.

Thus, Danny's benediction from Lord Brahma remained intact, and he was killed by the personification of fear. Krishna himself and his half man half lion form. So that, of course, there's like a very, very Hindu depiction of, you can't get out of the mess, no matter, especially if you're like putting your fucking suit on and like ordering drone strikes on human beings. And it's true for all of them, not just pooting all them, no matter who they fucking are. how big and puffed up you are, no matter how important you are, no matter what your popularity

polls say, no matter what you've done for the economy or against the economy, none of it matters because you're going to die. And so that, when you get older and you're somebody who is like fully gotten into the, like, power position that these presidents get into, it's a little scary when you realize, like, you're just going to die and it doesn't matter you look down your ankles are all swollen up you talk to some doctor like hey you like i have all the money you can make me live longer right and the doctors are like yeah maybe in a few years we could start putting different people's organs in you is one final desperate flailing attempt to stay alive we could you know there's all these like organs that we've

harvested from people that we could maybe put in your body. But this is not going to work. Even if they do, then you're going to get this new Frankenstein-style president. That's what's coming. Like, presidents are already fucking creepy. You could argue they are, to some degree, Frankensteins in the sense that they are sewn together amalgams

of generally corporate interest. and they sort of shamble through the world and they do seem monstrous, like, you know, not quite the bolts in the head, but something about them seems just genuinely creepy, like all of them. They don't look okay. Like if they weren't presidents and you ran into them,

you would think it was like somebody at a, like when you go to a bar at like 5 a.m., which I haven't done in a long time, but, or 9 a.m. 9 a.m. bar denizens. You know, they kind of look like that. Like somebody that would make sense in a bar at 9 a.m. Swollen, sick, fucked up, lack of sleep.

And this is, so they're already spooky, but soon you're going to see your president and you're going to know that motherfucker has a spine that was, you know, donated. They don't need any organ donations. That's the other crazy things. is like anytime they send their soldiers to fight and their soldiers get blown up,

it's like stealing organs. You're like just blowing up hearts and brains. So it'd be easy to get upset about all that stuff. And for me, especially, it's no fun like late at night looking at just, you know, the bullshit about Poland that just happened. And now comes my big announcement.

My darling, beautiful, wife. And I know I mentioned this maybe for a second on a few earlier podcast, but official announcement a new trussle is coming to the world. Congratulations. Thank you, Josh. Thank you. Number

four is on the way and they said I couldn't do it. You should see what's going on down there, gang. It ain't great. Let me tell you, it ain't fucking great. My penis looks like somebody

took Vladimir Putin Xi Jinping and Trump and mush them together. It's a mess down there, man. And I got one ball

for those of you who are just joining us. I got one ball. And now and I'm old as fuck. So and I've been irradiated.

You know, I, I got her fucking irradiated, dude. Like, I had to go into a clinic and I had to jerk off into a cup. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by my best friends at Blue Chew. this isn't exactly the age of boners friends you ever try to get wet firewood going if you ever try to light a fire in the midst of rain pouring from the sky well that's what we've got going on right now cultural rain pouring on our erections which is why blue chew is our friend it's the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex Much like Sisyphus, you can waggle your throbbing member at the impending comet flying from deep space. Shake that thing in the direction of whatever it is that's terrifying you.

Things might be weird right now, but one thing that's not weird is your beautiful, throbbing, powerful, godlike shaft. Guys, it's not just about performance, it's about legacy. Discover your options at Bluetooth. dot com we've got a special deal for our listeners is always get your first month of blue chew free just use promo code dunkin at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping that's it join blue chus mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time head to bluechew dot com for details and safety info and big thanks to blue chew for sponsoring the podcast that's my favorite yeah me too yeah that has nothing to do with what i'm talking about i did that

yesterday um and i guess you wouldn't really call it a clinic but you know it's it's a place that has you put on a clinic i guess you could say that we mean my bros but you know my comments still taste good. That's what's beautiful. I mean, I can self-report. Other people don't think so, but having tasted, here's the thing. I just want to address the haters out there. A lot of people, when they taste my jizz, they're jealous. That's what I get at the men's club I go to. You know what I mean? So they'll be like, this dude, this is fucked up. Like, this does not taste this doesn't this taste like plasticy and plastinated and like what is some dick what did what did bruce say the other day he's like it's it tastes like like sour sour cottage cheese and i'm like

okay okay bruce yeah oh your jizz tastes just great like cinnamon it's like bruce is jiz everyone universally talks shit about the way it's jose tastes we all hate it when it's his turn to jerk off in the cup but my jizz having tasted it and having tasted it and having having self-confidence in my own life, it is sweet, it's got a lavender tang to it, and with hints of sage. Like, it's nice. Yeah, there's a musk, but I think it's like a healthy musk, you know? Sorry, I got off track.

The point is, I have one ball, and I had to get one of my balls cut off because I have testicular cancer and, or had testicular cancer. went to uh jerk off in a cup at a sperm donation clinic because they told me that after irradiating my lymph nodes that it my my balls might be barren after that so if you've ever gotten radiation uh it's pretty wild like it's the most insane shit it really will scramble your brain it's like the worst amusement park ride of all time you have to get strapped down into a machine and they put a cod piece over your dick to keep your balls from getting radiated and they play horrible music. They don't ask you what music you want to play. It's for the people

running the machine. So like if you like just imagine having your legs stretched out on an like HR Geiger style alien death machine with a cod piece on and listening to Mariah Carey. That's what it's like to get radiation therapy. So I just want to, number one, salute my remaining ball because this ball is, it's like if you've ever seen a sci-fi movie where like a soldier gets marooned on some alien world, that's my ball and I imagine that testicles I like to imagine or not like they're friends and it's lonely down there in the sack now for for him and and every time I come it's like a cry for help a message in a bottle a genetic message in a bottle that it's sending out into the world

that will never see or no lives in darkness it sends out these coded messages that my wife's vagina turn into beautiful babies because my theory is that my wife's vagina is like angelic or like it's like you know what it's like a god that can resurrect the dead and just does it as just it can do it and you know what I mean or it's like if you've ever seen like a great artist, they could take anything. Like you could be like, all right, here's like, here's a bowl of like ink. Here's some smushed up cockroaches. Here's some worms and a bag of dirt.

And a great artist can take those things and create something beautiful out of it. And I think that's what my wife's vagina does with my jizz. It's amazing. I'm not trying to be like beat myself up, but I ain't like it technically. uh it it is somehow miraculous that she is it's it's like it's not lead into gold but it's like cottage cheese into beautiful baby because let me the other thing is it's not like i'm blasting porn star gouts of jizz i don't mean to get too detailed to your friends but you know it's like you ever see like a zombie movie and they go to the gas pumps and they like they pull the

they go to the gas pump and shake it and just the little tiny drop of gasoline. That's what it's like when I come. A dribbler. He says, I would love to be a dribbler. It's barely that. It's like, it's like,

I don't know, man. Like if, if a frog puked, you know, like a frog just like had like a little like upchuck, something like akin to that. And yet somehow my wife converts this tiny amount of jizz into these incredibly beautiful babies so I am

thank you so much everybody I am so happy that my family is growing and I can't I just can't believe it I feel like obviously all the things you feel when you're gonna have a big family nervous like holy fucking shit

like what is it's already chaos in my house like what what do we do with more chaos but then that's just the weak part that's the weak part of me you know the weak part of me that wants to curl up in a ball play silk song all day long take long naps blow rails academy like i used to like you know but the other part of me is just so thrilled that it's happening and it's amazing to there's all these like

there's all these little things that you forget that go along with pregnancy like remember like putting your hand on your wife's belly how that feels how cool that feels like it's a special feeling you can feel the babies not just kicks but the life energy like you could feel it's like uh you could feel the energy in there and um you sing i talk to the baby through her belly sometimes and uh it's just all these little things that you that you remember when it's happening and it feels like a dream or something, but that's the big announcement, friends.

We have got trussle number four entering the world. And this means that if we are not annihilated by these stupid old fucks that theoretically I'm going to have a billion grandkids and I will never be free of children, I'm always going to be crawling with babies. like it's the wildest thing man it's just the wildest thing you you you just end up with this swarm of life around you when you're on your way out it's a beautiful farewell party by the way you know i don't mean i'm going to die soon i hope not but we all might we all might i don't know

but it's a nice way to be sort of led out of the universe by a bunch of like wild children um Sorry, I'm going to do something really disgusting right now. God damn it. Fucking Bruce, man. It's like when you are pointing the finger at someone, I just came up with this. When you point a finger, there's three fingers pointing back, depending on how flexible your thumb is. It could be four if you have a gnarled hand.

But I just want to say this and I don't like talking shit. on my podcast but bruce your jizz is horrible and it's not jiz shouldn't have like whatever it shouldn't have like literal like stringy ropey things that's sticking your teeth in it you know what I mean like that's not normal

and at my men's club like they're like you know you sign the fucking paper man we have a all it's very like very inclusive and we include all jiz and it's like, dude, there's always someone who comes in and fucks it up. You know what I mean? Because a lot of the members right now are like, no way.

Like, I can't do it anymore. And I'm just so tired of picking little stringy bits of Bruce Jizz out of my lips and my butt and teeth. Yeah, I'm going to vape. God damn it. it's Australia's fault. It's not my fault. Zen pouches. If you know, this is your fault, actually, Josh. How so? Okay. So, because I mentioned Zen pouches in Australia to you, you Googled Zen pouches in Australia. Remember that? Yeah, it was illegal. And you found out it was illegal, which I didn't know. Now, if you had not said anything, I would have brought, brought fuck tons of Zen pouches

to Australia. And then you'd be a felon. No, because I, they didn't, they're not looking for Zen pouches. I would have gone right fucking through. Wouldn't have known. And if they did stop me because there's no, I looked around, there's no sign,

you can't have nicotine pouches in Australia, nothing. So I would have gone right through the gate and I wouldn't have started this demon habit. Aaron, I hope you're not watching. Phone's broken too, so she can't call me right now. I'm going to be like, what are you doing? You can't do that.

I've got to have another baby. You don't do that when you go to other states or other countries look up the laws just because, you know, you don't go to jail. Some of us, Josh, we are living life to the fullest. And also, there's an assumption. I'm joking. By the way, you know, people are like, why are you, I'm, if I see mean to Josh, it's, do you think it's serious?

Don't, I saw that. I saw that. I see everything, Josh. Yeah. And I can see oras. So you can't lie to me. I see oras. What's my aura?

We'll talk about it. We're not doing the podcast. Okay. Fucked up. So I'm super excited right now. I'm incredibly happy right now. And I just feel really lucky. And this is very cheesy to say this.

But for all of you who are letting me have this as my job thank you so much uh you know when you when you're when you're bringing new life in the universe and you you you sort of like scroll through your life and you just like feel grateful for everybody so thank you so much i just can't believe i get to be a dad it's nuts that i get to be a dad i did not think i would get that honor from the universe so thank you everybody all my sweet dear listeners and subscribers thank you and And, yeah, that's my huge announcement. Now, Josh, we got to pull up that UAP footage.

Pull up the congressional UAP footage. I hope you guys watch this shit. There, yeah, Anna Paulina Luna. Go to, yeah, that one. I think we can play this. Can I ask a parliamentary question of you? Yeah, sure. Does this subcommittee have the authority to do subpoenas?

Task force. So the task force to answer that question. has to do it. Jump ahead to the UFO video. And also in regards to these, it's got to be in there. This is, God damn it. There is. Go back.

So just pause it for one second. So you know my, if you've been watching this for any amount of time, my podcast, you know my take on these fucking hearings is, is not good. They are generally so annoying and so bureaucratic and so riddled with. government speak that none of them makes sense but a whistleblower leaked

this footage of a Reaper drone I don't know what that is it sounds cool launching a hellfire missile at one of these tic tacks which is by the way just that alone does not

that's not great because like if we are like shooting missiles at whatever the fuck these things are we'll shoot a missile at anything and that that's whoever's up top saying like you know what fire on that thing

that means they'll they will launch nukes they will they'll do anything so go ahead and play this this is the craziest shit I've ever seen if you guys can please roll that real quick so this is them launching a missile

at a I don't know what some little guy shooting along over the ocean having some fun looking at fish I don't know what they're doing they can be doing anything in there bam

and nothing nothing did they hit it yeah they fucking hit it just still rolling just keeps going real quick yes or no answer hey get away what did that for man

fuck off why'd you do that hey what's a government arsenal that can split a health firearm missile like this go ahead Play it again. Go back and play it again. Do the blob thing. It didn't. Then keep going. Do the blob thing it did. She actually had to say that. It did a blob thing.

Did it ricochet. Yeah, it didn't do. Yeah, the missile split in half. Look, let's watch it again. Having some fun. Wait the fuck. What the fuck? Fuck you, man. Go back and play it again. Play it again. I'm flying over the ocean. I love to look in the fishies.

I love space. I'm a super intelligent. What the fuck? What the fuck, man? Are you kidding me? What the fuck? Okay, while this is still rolling... It's fun to fly. I love deep space.

I can't travel through time. I can evaporate. What the fuck? Are you kidding? The fuck. Ow! What was that, man? What's so crazy?

How slow the missile looks coming in compared to... Yeah. just doing my thing I like to be a super intelligent alien being flying over in the ocean blue what the fuck oh wow why why hey yeah and then um okay well now go ahead and play her now you got to talk about it answers are you aware of anything in the government uh united government arsenal that can split a health firearm missile like this. No. And do whatever blob thing it didn't and keep going.

Okay, stop, stop. How about you, chief? Do whatever blob thing it did. That was a real question. That's a real, guys, this is a real question that I believe a senator asked someone at this hearing. She said, are you aware of anything? They can split hellfire missiles and do that blob thing it did, the blob thing.

Like, okay, so you're in a, you know, you're asleep, you're having a great, you're dreaming, you know, and in the dream, when you start waking up is when in the dream you're washing a congressional hearing and a senator asks a military person if they know about something that can do a blob thing. And then you're like, oh, it's a dream. That's a blob thing. Are you aware, Senator, of anything that can do a kind of wiggly-wobble and then drippily and do a little drip-drapp? Senator, I must ask you, are you aware of anything that can do a kind of flubbery bloop like that and then do a little lulidoo? That, we don't have language to even talk about it.

Che, you missed it. We're showing the, show the video one more time. Wait, with the audio, I want to hear that, I want to hear or say it. Oh, there's audio right now. Okay. I'm having fun, look at that scene, there's a mermaid waving. Oh, I got to do my blob thing. Just do the blob thing, man.

You'll be fine. Okay, while this is still rolling, Mr. Nusitelli, real quick, yes or no answers, are you aware of anything in the United States government arsenal that can split a health firearm missile like this? No. And do whatever blob thing it didn't do, nothing? Nothing. All right, how about you, Chief? Well, we do happen to have a new one sort of vehicle. It can do more of a jelly thing, but not really a blob thing. We've been working on the blob thing. It's really. difficult to do full blob, so we do not have anything that can do any sort of blob blob thing yet, but we're working on it. Fucking blob thing.

You know, the beauty of what's happening right now is incredible. And the fact that that was leaked. And also, what's really awesome is there is a faction. of humans who just is a habit, a matter of habit, try to debunk videos like that. And so already there's people coming out saying like, oh, that was a drone. That's a fucking hellfire missile that's hit it and split in half.

Wobbled the fucking thing, made it go like into some plasma form or reform or something. And it just kept going. like it's just incredible that when you see people that um that that that as an instinct debunk maybe that's just like a genre or something i don't know well it seemed like there's like maybe a force field around it and that's why it like kind of blobs around yeah well i mean i who know who fucking knows i like we shot like i saw some analysis of it that and i want to believe it which is like you you don't shoot a shooting a missile at it like for that to happen it has to be like

a actual threat but you know i don't know too bad greta thunberg didn't have one of those do you think she really got hit by a drone i mean I hope not, but that would be crazy. I thought she was dead for a second. Yeah, me too. The whole thing was on fire. It was just more strangeness. You know, you get a blob thing, UAP, Greta Thunberg gets irradiated.

We fucking, the, no, well, I guess you could. What if she was the next Ferdinand? She's the one that started the whole thing, the war, because they killed Greta Thunberg. that's thank you for saying that this is what's scary right now is this is this is the problem right now is there are so many different things going on and in these things one little fuck up and it's civil war or world war like trump putting the military in the streets people on the right they applaud that they think that's a good thing they're like yeah cleaning up And somehow they don't realize they can't look back at like the history of American politics and see that the pendulum swings from left to right, left to right, left to right, left to right.

And that, yeah, okay, great. So Trump puts a lot of fucking military, the National Guard in the streets. And then he's, you know, then it's Newsome becomes the president. and now Newsom can put the National Guard in the fucking streets for whatever reason he wants and you've just given permission for the government to put the National Guard in the fucking streets. No one should be happy about it.

You know, this is a matter of policing or states, right? You can't put the fucking military in the streets unless it's like beyond horrific. It has to be like an invasion or something. And so that's the problem is if he does what he's saying he sends the National Guard to fucking Chicago and

we all know that like there's a plenty of people who are just fucking there's plenty of Mangione's out there right? Oh yeah they've been coming out on Twitter saying like bring it. Right. Like in Chicago yeah yeah and they know that they might have to martyr themselves and like you know but if they can like get the National

Guard to fire on American citizens. Yeah. That's it. It's crazy because people go, oh, look at these gang members thugs saying they're going to fight back. But if they were doing that reverse and it was, let's say they'll come to Texas, what do you see? The guy being like, I hope you bring your military over

here and I'm my militia. It's just another militia. It's another militia. Yep. And so, so what, so you have in this situation, the on one side of the political spectrum a kind of like celebration of it with very little like insight into how easy it would be

to instigate another shot heard around the world or whatever you could just start a civil war balkanization of the united states and there's so many people who would love that to happen so that's fucking terrifying that we have that happening then you've got like this shit happening with poland in russia on top of that then you got the shit with cutter happening you know and so the stage has been set it's like it's it's like looking it reminds me of when i'm depressed and stacking i don't know if you stack but like where you start stacking shit on a shelf because you don't want to put it away and it's just a matter of time before you go for the whatever it is you want like a PlayStation controller a book and you pull it in the whole stack collapses

everything is perfectly set for chaos at this point almost as though it were intended. Like all of the, all of the, uh, propaganda right now is just designed to get people stressed out and tense and freaked out. And it really, it really bugs. Order through chaos. What? Order through chaos.

That's the, that's, that's the sort of like conspiracy idea of like, that's what I have in my home instead of like, live, laugh, love, order through chaos. Order through chaos. We love the beach. Beach house. Order through chaos. Order through chaos. Grandpa's favorite house.

Okay. So now, moving on. I have something for you all. I'm quite excited about this. So I guess I have to, if we're going to do this, is a non-separate part of the DTFH. I guess I have to get some of you up to speed on it. I'm assuming not everybody knows about this stuff.

But years ago, I'm trying to think of a quick way to summarize this. I'm going to have to make like a little clip that we play for this segment of the podcast. But for now, you know what? Here's what we'll do. We'll make the clip right now. And then we can just play this every time. Your season, your shot, the NFL season is rolling, and every touchdown can bring you closer to a payout with Drafking Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. From first touchdown score to any time TD props

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NFL Sunday ticket offer for new subscribers only in auto renews until canceled digital games and commercial use excluded restrictions apply additional NFL Sunday ticket terms at YouTube.com slash go slash NFL Sunday ticket slash terms. Limited time offer. Got it. We're up. Hello. Okay, sorry, you guys. I had to use Suno to generate some background music so we could do this right. Because I go through the story of these fucked up tapes I have.

I guess just play that in the background. Why are they playing? Oh, that's okay. Fuck it. You got it? You got it? play sorry you guys

the point is if I'm really like now becoming I'm becoming fascinated with these tapes now that's okay go back to the live feed it's all right Josh

I laid that on your last seconds bullshit yeah it's not playing it's okay let me see that feed let me see my feed Okay Make sure they can hear it

Okay, so Years ago I got a weird box of tapes Sent to my house No return address And It created like

I don't know It created a little bit of chaos in my life Because my wife was like what the fuck who sent you this how do they have your address and uh i was excited about it and had played one of the tapes and on it was just some just very weird shit and so uh Aaron told me to throw them away and I didn't I kind of like held on to him and basically ended up storing them here at Josh's studio. We've played a few of them already.

If you go to the subreddit pyramid tapes, you can listen to some of the past ones that we've played. One of the problems was I didn't have a good tape player. I have this shitty four track that is messed up and wasn't able to just, it's hard to find cassette players. And I am such a procrastinator that I just couldn't order one from Amazon. I didn't.

But the other day, look what I got, friends. I went to a thrift store, and I got lucky and found this old Panasonic R-X-D-X-1. And holy shit. How cool is this? CD player. Look at that. An actual shin CD was in it. I had to explain to my kids what this was.

I had no idea. And check it out. It's got a tape player. So I've picked out one of these tapes for you. I'm going to play. it. I think this is the creepiest of all the tapes that I have thus far digitized.

And I like this one because it has an example of what's on a lot of the tapes, which is just like this weird fucking static feedback shit. Let me see if I can find the actual cassette, because I brought that to. Ah. Where it is? All right. Well, anyway, Josh, is there way, this is, so here's the tape.

Is that blood? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think it's fucking pain, but I think whatever psycho put this shit together, I thought it, you know, I don't know. This is, again, my theory on the thing is, it's a, it's a, some kind of, like, sort of psychotic troll. the reason that it is particularly freakish to me is it so many

fucking tapes and I took the box back to my house so that I could digitize some of them and you know I'm I'm fucking up to my ass in kids right now so I don't have a lot of time to do this but this one

I went through a few of them a lot of them are just static and then I found this, which appears to be some kind of gossip, it's like a gospel album. And, you know, it's kind of long. So maybe we'll skip around a little bit. But I just want you guys to hear this because at first, when you hear it, you're like, oh, that's just like a Christian gospel, like, tape or something. And, you know, you guys are welcome to do your own research on this and see, like, put the lyrics in, see if you can find what album this came from. I put the lyrics in. I can't find any fucking any, I can't find this.

But it does sound like it was either recorded from a radio playing this or, I don't know. Anyway, let's listen to this one. It doesn't work now. I'm going to be so weirded out. Oh my God, don't tell... Hold on. Is it eating the tape?

No, I accidentally recorded it over some. God damn it. Sorry, Troll. Hold on. rise and when you realize that your world is falling all that's left to do is spread your wings and fly fly on home your father longs to see you longs to hear his children's song again don't listen to that serpent for he has no wings to fly turn your ear to your father my lost friends do you hear your father singing through the darkness singing let me why Those teardrops from your eyes. And when you realize that you world is falling, all that's left to do is spread your wings.

So that, to me, that just sounds like a basic, you know, gospel song. And I've had this fucking song stuck in my head ever since I played it. It sticks in your head, which I do not like. Like I fall asleep with this fucking thing looping in my head. Not good. I'll keep playing it Do you hear your father singing through the darkness singing let me wipe those teardrops

from your eyes The snake used to fly but his wings were plucked Now he can only slither Well he didn't like that at all And though he couldn't fly he could still lie So he tricked the world into thinking he was king and to the whole world he did sing he sang bow to me bow to me

and i will keep you safe she'll do from the cold hard ground that you will smash upon if you ever try to fly from this here tree the cold earth it is litter with the broken bodies of those who did not heed the snake king's laws and the snake king's warnings let me clip your hideous wings so you can be just like your king's safe upon my lovely branch of gold The coils of the snake king wrap around new branches every day. He knows that his days are numbered.

And that old coward doesn't want to die alone. He wants you to think there's just his old tree. Want you to think there's nothing more. Oh, and he is good at his job children. On some branches, he shows them TV. On some branches, he got them to put their TVs in their pocket. I've seen it. And on some branches, that old serpent is turning human beings into machines.

Okay. circuits in their brains what the fuck was that so like that's the part where you're like what the fuck am i listening to like that it goes from like seeming like just like a classic i don't know old gospel seems like it was recorded live somewhere and then what the fuck was that let me play it again just that part because that's that that's that's where it starts going off the rails for me at least yeah people are saying they can't find it on like uh google they're trying to find the song they can't find it anywhere i've fucking looked everywhere play it again the coils of the snake king wrap around new branches every day he knows that his days

are numbered and that old coward doesn't want to die alone he wants you to think there's just his old tree wants you to think there's nothing more oh and he is good at his job children on some branches he shows them tv on some branches he got them to put their tvs in their pocket i've seen it and on some branches that old serpent is turning human beings into machines put circuits in their brains poison in their veins but he can't take their wings children and so we go to all branches and we shall continue to go until the tree itself is This is what father ass of us. What the fuck is it?

It's so weird. Knock, knock, knocking on a rich man's door. He don't answer because he wants to keep his gold. He thinks that we are robbers come to steal away his treasure when the key to that golden prison we do hope they'll turn you away oh yes they'll turn you away there's nothing you can do there's nothing you can say so shake that gold dust from your feet and hit right back down the street finding someone a wanting to be saved we'll keep trying even though their world is dying we'll keep trying till there's no one left

to say our method may seem mad but it ain't half as bad as what they shall encounter in those days they'll say that they cannot see the soldiers they'll say that they can't see the orbs of life Okay, okay, okay, what the fuck was that? So again, it's like totally sounds like a tent revival, gospel, some Christian music.

But what the fuck is that line? They say they can't see, they say they won't see the soldiers. They say they can't see the orbs of light. What the fuck, man. This, that, this is why I don't like fucking with these tapes. And, you know, you got to understand, like, when you're in my shitty studio at night when I have time to do this, and that, and you listen to that. And it's just like, what the fuck am I listening to? Who did this?

Who did this? What is it? I'm Googling, Googling. They say they can't see the soldiers, can't see the Orbs of Light. You're going to get a lot of shit online, but it ain't lyrics to a fucking song. Play it again. We'll keep trying until there's no one left to say. Our method may seem bad, but it ain't half as bad.

Yeah. Hold on. Totally. kill your egregors. Definitely, like, in my mind, obviously, I'm like, it's got to be fucking AI. For me, the part that's odd about it is I got these tapes way before Suno. But it is definitely crossed my mind that maybe they had access to some fucking great AI like years ago. They'll say that they cannot see the soldiers.

They'll say that they can't see the orbs of light. they'll say that the sun at last is rising even while they stumbled through the darkest night but you and i we two were forsaken we thought that poison was our medicine and then father's children came a knocking aren't we lucky that we chose to let them in but you and i we took us I mean, one theory I have here is that it's some kind of, like, obscure New Age cult or something. Like some kind of weird hybrid New Age, like Christian cult album or something? Because they're talking about like orbs and shit, but also it's got a Christian flavor to it. Like a gospel flavor. children came the knocking aren't we lucky that we chose to let them in to okay so now what you're hearing is on many of the tapes which is just this for the whole

for what seems like the whole tape and this one i because of the awesome gospel weird culty shit at the beginning i actually went through fast forward fast forward fast forward to see if there was any more songs but i just want you to hear this because this is on a lot of the tapes it's just this this i can fall asleep to that i know just like to fall asleep to that i know just like white noise Gary Lee Haskins, I have been putting previous ones up. It's Reddit Pyramid tapes. And I'm calling them pyramid tapes because on all the tapes,

there's some, inevitably, some drawing of a pyramid, some, like this one. I don't know if you, it's just like little triangles on there, but they all have shit like that. So. So, like, some of them is just like this. Whole tape. I mean, honestly, who knows?

Because there could be shit in between the static. Sounds like a... shortwave radio or something 100 the sinuous slither of serpentine grace a dance through realms only they so there you go so then suddenly out of the

in the middle of the static and this is where this is where they inevitably creep me the fuck out when they have something on it because this is the weirdest shit ever 101 scales that shimmer like like the echoes of forgotten dreams and the twilight of

what were we talking about again 102 the secrets hissed in riddles coded messages from realms not bound by earthly what's the word uh constraints 103 hypnotic dance it's like you know that thing when your mind goes all and i can't quite remember 104 they merge with earth's soul sinking into the primordial ooze or maybe i'm just sinking 105 eyes yes eyes that see things we can't but isn't that the point of eyes one hundred six hisses whispers of ancient something slipping through the cracks of reason one hundred seven earthy sense primal like the beginning of something 108 camouflage like chameleons but not because they're snakes one hundred nine evolutions architects threading the tapestry of time with their

Slythery stitches. 110. Ancient wisdom. Encoded and flick as a forked tons like. It was hard to explain. 111. Silence. Like.

It's hard to explain. 112. Constellations in the vastness of... What's that place called again? 113. Ventriloquism in the wilderness. Voices from, you know... No.

There. 113. A language. Ancient life. Something really, really old. 115. Guardians. Protectors of cosmic equilibrium, which I'm not sure.

116. That's razzling. And it's... Like a... Like a... Like a... You know, I forget, 117. gravity defined food inches.

We've quite sort of 119. 119, 30s, maybe like a phoenix, they're not a bird of, I think. 919. Adaptability. Thrive and against. Well, somethings like us. 920. Eyes.

Moly nose to places. Oh, I mean, not. Let's say you can't see what we can. Two to the other. Sign. One. A hundred. 222.

Snakes. They're out of a thousand. Or so they say. One. 100.23, mystical, but I can't break basket. 124. Patternside. Patterns, a big pattern. 125. Serpent's dance. The circle of, what's that word again? 126. Shetting fear. Embracing serpentine.

Serpentitude. 127. Symmix. It's hard to explain. 128. Shape shift is like things that shift shapes. 129 guardians of stuff maybe 130 silent watch it watch it silently silently 131 venom power and what kind of power 132 life is striking like a striking thing 133 beauty danger at a paradox but not you know 23 One hundred twenty-one Or so they... One hundred twenty-five.

One hundred-twenty-five. Serpents dance, the circle of... What's that one? Old spring deities. Worship them. Something else. One hundred fifty-three. I'm, anything, right, having, fine. What, 160, live.

152. Choms, warding off, stuff. 153. Navigate. 1147. Ah! What's it? Live!

A! The serpent, I'm not sure. 145. Dancing with a dancing, yeah. That's it. One hundred fifty-sip how to heal and harm. I'm not sure how. One hundred twenty-seven.

Eyes, illusions. Spirpins have got something. So I won't keep wrecking your ears with it. I feel like my nose is about to bleed or something. I know, dude. It is so fucked up. It is so fucked up. My, you know, like, it's, it reminds me of, like, noise music or something.

Like, it reminds me of, like, God, I'm trying to think of, like, I don't know, just some kind of weird fucking noise shit, but it's fucked up. It gives you a, it gives me a bad feeling. I really don't like that. That part. And that scared the shit out of me. Play that again. It's just, this a...

I'm not sure. One hundred forty-five. Dancing with a fancy. Yeah, that's it. One hundred thirty-six. Eyes, illusions. It's serpents. A-gark, something.

What? It's like a fast forward to... It's like... Fast 40. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. He's so fucked up. just and that's pretty much the rest of the tape as far as i can tell i'm not going to

listen to the whole fucking thing all the way through. So I just fast forward, jump through it. And, uh, yeah. So I don't know, man. This is one of, again, like, so many of these fucking things. And a lot of them, that's all, it's minus the list of what, whatever the fuck that was about snakes. Uh, it's just, it's just static. And you played it backwards, like any of the songs or anything, see.

i have not secret message i have not i haven't maybe you guys could do that i'll if you go to uh if you go to um reddit pyramid pull up reddit pyramid tapes judge if you go here uh i will i will the problem is that you got a fucking um i got to digitize it which takes forever or i guess we could just grab what we played here and put it on um but yeah you could just go there No, not Doug a trussle. Go to Reddit.com ford-slash-R pyramid tapes. Uh, forth-slash.

Unless it's gone now. I'm an old man. You know how long it took me to make a fucking subreddit? Oh, well. It's too long for you guys. Here, I'll say it's got to be forward slash R, Josh. It's Reddit.com. This is you, I'm here on the exact same page.

What you're doing right now is, it's, so forward slash R, that's the subreddit. You got to do, here, I'll just send you the link. Like that? Oh, no. I'm the same fucking way, man. Oh, I got you. Here we go. Yeah, pyramid tapes.

Yeah, so there you go. I made that for you guys. So you guys can just go ahead and chop it up over there. and you know um i don't know again uh i i i totally like would think this was AI if it didn't come to me years ago uh but that being said i mean AI's been around for a while just i don't know uh so i've no i don't know what it fucking is and i have to have massive reservations about playing it because I am essentially like signal boosting a stalker type person who knew my address. But that being said, people seem to really like it. So that's why

I'm doing it. It was your old address though that they had, right? Yeah. Okay. But that doesn't mean they can't get my new one. Yeah. And yeah, I'll just keep uploading them. You know, I'll even upload a static one if you want that maybe people out there know you can figure out what the fuck it is but to me it just sounds

like somebody was playing like AM radio and just was recording AM radio in between shit like that but yeah I don't know man it's a it's a very weird

bizarre thing and I'll maybe do another one for next week if I have time it just ends up being like it's just extra shit for me to do and honestly I don't like it like

I feel gross like it gives me a gross like when you see like a road kill or something it gives me a gross feeling and you're supposed to listen to that all right look I'm going to wrap it up for the audio only podcast friends thank you so much for joining us

on the Dunkett Russell Family Hour as you're probably aware we are streaming this live on YouTube follow me on Twitter usually I announce it last the last minute because I have severe ADHD and I hate organizing and planning

but you could join us live on YouTube and if you're interested in hearing other pyramid tapes there's a few other ones up at Reddit.com forward slash our pyramid tapes I'm going to keep putting them up there we'll get this up there

ASAP as soon as we can edit it out and you guys feel free to do whatever the fuck you want with it. Download it, play it backwards. I'll see if there's a way we can make it downloaded, downloadable, research it, figure out what the fuck it is, because I would love to know. Really, what would just make me feel better is if anyone could connect anything that is on them

to something in the world. Because what's unnerving to me is that somebody, made them because I can't find and that I somehow am the only one who has it because I feel like if this was sent out to a bunch of people by now somebody would have uploaded it so that's the part that freaks me out the most like if it's just some mishmosh of bullshit from the radio or something great uh great that makes me feel way better than somebody spend a lot of time making a bunch of weird fucking ambient creepy tapes and then sent them to me uh i don't that's as you can imagine that that is weird that there's a lot of tapes in that box and the idea of some weird

i was just sitting and recording the radio and then like muttering shit about snakes or something is not exactly like that's not what good dreams are made of goodbye to you audio listeners I'm now going to jump into the YouTube live feed. And what time is it, Josh? Shit. It's about to be 12. Oh, shit. I don't have time.

Fuck. 12 to 1, 1 to 2. Hold on. You guys, I actually, I don't have time. I'm about to do a interview with one of my favorite video game creators. Edmund Mellon, he made the binding of Isaac. He's got a new game coming out. That's what this shirt is.

Let me just jump on. Twitter, because that's what I've been DMing with him. See if we can start slightly late. Support for today's episode comes from Square. You know, I'm old enough to remember a time when there was no square, where you didn't have some futuristic bit of technology. that would allow you to do business transactions wherever you happen to be with credit cards instead of cash used to have dirty sticky nasty germ-covered weird cash jammed up in your pocket and you knew where that cash had been and it isn't always good it had been rolled up shoved in noses stuffed into bras god knows what else square has protected us from having to reach

into our pockets and grab bacterial, soaked, grubby bits of occult paper with Masonic symbols on it. Right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com forward slash go forward slash Duncan. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash go slash Duncan. it's incredible i mean especially if you're a comic or if you need to sell merch or anything and you know that no one carries cash now it's just so easy to set up it just works every time and that my friends is the future don't get me wrong i'm not against fiat currency it just feels weird to handle something that somebody blew their lower nose into thank you square

Oh, wait, no, we have time. 11 to 12, 12 to 1. Okay, it's because he's on PST. Wait, hold on. Sorry, I'm an idiot. 11 PST is one our time, right, Josh? Correct. Okay, cool.

We have time. Okay, great. I freaked out and thought it was at new. All right. Are there any super chats? Any questions? We'll see super chats. Yeah, you get two.

Adam is asking if I've considered that my wife and family made these. My wife didn't make these fucking tapes. I know that. And maybe my kids, but if my kids made a box of tapes, it would have been one of them because it was years ago. And I guess he would have been like, too so that's going to be very exciting to me and gary lee haskins says all hail the snake king

yeah i don't know it's like it's very spooky to me the snake shit and you know though it does seem like the gospel part of that tape and the snake part of that tape are separate it is worth noting that those songs were referencing snakes and then that is some fucking loon jabbering about snakes. So that's not a happy feeling either, friends. Let's go in the chat. Anyone have any questions, comments? I got a text for one.

What? Your wife says, I can see you vaping. Are you kidding me? Yeah, she texts me right now. I can see you vaping. I love you, babe. I'll explain when I get home. I have to do it.

It's a sponsor. She put in all caps and not good. It's really spooky, but Austin's a small town. When I was driving here, she's like, I saw, I see her car. I'm like, oh, shit, I bet she saw me vaping in here. Fucking busted. God damn it. Aaron, don't watch this.

Now I'm going to be nervous. Turn it off. Don't watch this, babe. I can't, I can't. I can't. Immortal Duke says, is there life on Mars? Of course there is Immortal Duke. There's life across the whole universe.

There's all kinds of life out there, Immortal Duke. The universe is team would laugh now. Just because it doesn't match what humans think life is, don't mean it ain't there. Mars is allowed. The planets are living organisms.

They're eggs within each of those eggs. It's a young godling being born. The sun's the incubator. Once it gets hard enough, then the egg will hatch. That's what the earthquakes are from in Earth. It's from the baby bird inside the shell of the earth, moving around, getting ready to be born. So, yeah, there's life in and out. As above so below.

Soon those little space birds will hatch. That's what Atlas is. That's the, I'm going to crack the shell of the earth to release little chickadee, send it flying into a black hole. the good news is the vape ran out of juice so I don't even have the option of doing it because the part of me that is still rebelling against my mom through my marriage wants to now really wants to vape

to make it like a teenager point of like you can't control me so embarrassing what was up Duncan kitty 04 says dunk in those tapes down eerily similar

to my brother's music you should listen to remote viewers by Frugavore I'll check it out I mean yeah it does definitely seem like

some kind of noise musician or something doing it oh yeah and so yeah you know what go on Josh go on YouTube

and pull up the binding of Isaac intro and we can cut this out of the podcast itself, so I don't get a copyright ding. Well, you might because we're live. Maybe if I, like, hum over it or something?

How come people can... How come people can stream shit all the time? Like, but I... We get a ding. Well, okay, don't play it then. But the binding of Isaac is the most fucked up cool game ever. It's... I think it's one of the most popular games.

It must be. But in the binding of Isaac, you play a little boy who basically has got to like make his way through hell. And it's so fucking, it's like the graphics are like 8 bit, but it's really fun. It's a souls like game. It's very addictive. And it's just, it's an incredible game. And he's got a new game coming out. And so he's, you know, he's an indie game maker and he is just a genius.

And if you haven't played the binding of Isaac, you should. That being said, probably most of you are playing Silk Song, and I'd love to know your thoughts on that. I am playing Silk Song. I wish I didn't start. A lot of people are pissed at Silk Song because they think that it is too hard. Can you pull up Silk Song on YouTube?

This is Hollow Night 2. And for those of you got sucked into the Hollow Night Vortex, I'm sure by now you're playing this. This one? yeah, I'm sure we can play the trailer. The audio's not working again. That's okay, that's better. It's a beautiful game.

The music's beautiful. But, you know, it's a, it's, though, like, what's cool about it is, you realize that great graphics do not make a great game. and this game is fucking hard it's fuck friends hard as fuck and frustrating as fuck

and I love it because so many people are mad at it pull up the subreddit uh hollanite subreddit or maybe the silk song subreddit go just look at Google Reddit silk song and let's find somebody bitching.

Scroll down a little bit. Keep scrolling down. Keep scrolling down. Keep scrolling down. I don't know. It was rife with complaints before. Keep scrolling down. God damn it.

Look, I'll find it. Hold on. I'll just find a negative review of it. It's so funny. Reddit, Silk Song. This person just says, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Look on the spoiler. They're probably making fun of the people bitching about it.

The people who really like Hollow Night love that it's hard. But I'll read, I'll try to find one of these. I feel so sorry for people who make video games. Here we go. This is great. Silks, okay, hey, I'll be speaking for this perspective of someone who 100%-ish beat 100% of Holo Night with radiance, beat most of the bosses except Pantheon and Graham. Silk Song is extremely punishing to the point of no fun.

Far too many enemies and traps appear suddenly and deal two hit points, making chip damage unavoidable. This is especially irritating due to environmental hazards also often dealing two hit points. This coupled with long-distance benches and long multi-phase battles is tedious. Boss combat design is a bit repetitive and plain heart. With Hollenite, the most I've had to restart is like 20 times on a hardest boss. Here I failed 20 times in the first five minutes on Widow alone. Same story with, anyway i don't want to spoil it for you guys but dude this this is and this is exactly what's wrong with society right now right there are you fucking kidding me do you know how my dick gets so hard when i realize that i am playing a game that is brutal like i love it i love the pain it it fucking

hurts. I don't know what bosses this son of a bitch is even talking about. I can't get through anything. I got old man hands. And I fucking die and die and die and die and die and die and die and die and die and die. Same loop over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Just just the same loop, man. Like early phase bosses, I'm getting my ass kicked by dying and dying and and dying and dying and dying and I love it. I love it. It's so fun. You, listen, I don't mean to go old man on you,

but you babies, you little whiny babies. What do you want? You watch a movie. Just go watch a movie if you don't want it to be hard. Go find a nice little baby movie. Go watch one of those egg opening videos on YouTube. Pull up egg opening video, Josh. on YouTube.

Fucking babies. What world are we in? You spineless babies. I couldn't beat the dude. It's supposed to drive you nuts. It's supposed to be like greeting the Necronomicon. You go crazy. You don't want to win.

You want to cry. You want to throw your fucking, your switch to the... You should watch. an egg opening video instead put on some adult diapers and pull up an egg opening video and just just just shit your hormonal diarrhea into your diaper and watch people open eggs because because hollow night Eldon ring these games are hard they're not fun you want fun you want fun

Pull up another egg opening video, please, Josh. There, that one. Surprise egg. There you go. This is good. That's perfect. No, not that one. Go back to the surprise egg, the one right before it, Josh.

Play this while I rant. This is for all of you out there. This is what you want. If you're upset at the difficulty of Silk Song, I would recommend surprise egg opening videos. You can, they open the eggs, inside the eggs are cute little toys. And you can, you can just watch these videos instead of leaving negative comments about a game that costs 20 fucking bucks and took, what, six years to make. Six years.

And it's too hard for you. Look, a little yellow car for you. You know what you do? You could go and get a bunch of these eggs and put them in your bathtub. And you can sit in the bathtub and you could put your iPad up on the faucet. And you could just watch egg opening videos while the real men and women of the world play silk song and fucking screen where we just give us. up, we give up, but we keep playing. We lose our rosaries. We don't get them back. We don't collect, we don't collect our cocoons. We can't. We can't get back there. Don't know how to

jump on bouncing things. We die on the spikes. And that's it. And we suffer. And you, you know what you could have been doing instead of leaving your baby message on, on that subreddit with your sticky little fingers from eating too much cotton candy stabbing away the keys all mad you could have kept fucking playing

you could have gotten good you want them to patch that fucking game is that what you want ruin the game so that you're trimbly little little ask and fucking have it easy

look a little bear there's a bear for you nice little bear from a surprise egg that's what you need this is your kind of game Silkstone Eldon Ring the skulls games these these games are meant to hurt your soul they're meant to hurt you

and trample you like the high-heeled feet the dominatrix cap dancing on your back and the lash in your back as you scream and cry. Not on Reddit, but alone. They're meant to make your body smell bad. They're meant to make your body release the kind of

pheromones that are only supposed to be released when you're being attacked by a badger in a swamp. That's what this game is. You need to play the Donkey Kong game or you need to play, if you're going to play a game I don't know like Peglin

you can maybe play Peglin but don't pitch about Silk Song not on my Reddit and it's weird because usually on Reddit everyone's so happy about everything and it's weird to see some weak-ass person complaining

uh all right we can get on me close that maybe it's because we grew up with games that we couldn't save what we were and if we lost we had to restart the whole whole game and new generations aren't used to that exactly that's exactly right this is we're talking about this is terrible like if we've gotten to the point where we're complaining about one of one of the coolest games to come out in a long fucking time because it's too hard yes it sucks it sucks it's

so hard it hurts you get headaches migraines playing it games games are so hard then they came up with that thing game genie it was supposed to be like uh they'd help you cheat and stuff well i remember when uh nintendo there was a hotline you could call and you had to pay for it and so you'd call a fucking hotline and an adult would give you hints for zelda and they were assholes because kids were calling them all day asking for hints and video games and they were fucking dicks grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with budmgm casino check out our hottest exclusive friends the one with multi-drop wants even more options play our wide variety of table games or head over to the arcade for nostalgic casino thrills only available at

BetMGM. Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. 19 plus a wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Oh, man. Well, look, guys, we need to start. Drew is saying no scum saving I don't you can't really scum save in Silk Song you can't do that you could do that in Baldur's Gate but you can't scum scum save in Silk Song

I scum save I don't care I like scum saving like in Baldur's Gate it's fun to scum save because that's how you set up stupid shit when you're like sick of it all right look we need to start wrapping it up

it's been a joy hanging out with you, Sweeties. Thank you so much for joining my live YouTube. I should let you know we do have a Patreon. I don't know if you're already subscribed to the YouTube. I don't know exactly why you'd subscribe to the Patreon, but if you want to, it's there. Thank you for my dear, dear subscribers, which have been going. How many subscribers are we at now, Josh? 159,000. We're now at 159,000 subscribers. Now, that is a vanity number, is what, Chat GBT GBT told me, which hurt. That's a vanity number.

It doesn't really mean anything at all. But that's what we're up to. And to me, it's not a vanity number. And Chat GBT can suck it. Sucubis. I haven't talked to Chat GBT GPT in a while. We're in a fight. Not interested in anything she has to say at this point.

But yeah, fuck her. Oh, it's a vanity number. It isn't a vanity number. It means every single one of you who are my subscribers. subscribed you spent the time to click the subscribe button you click the like button and you drove us one step closer to getting to mr beast level subscribers what number is mr beast up to right now josh let me check i think it's like 340 million but he's at 340 million so we are well on our way to getting there how many do we have again josh 159000 159000 so we are well on our way to getting to

340 million subscribers 433 million actually for okay for fine just a few million we're well on our way we're thank you slurm we're right on his tail so don't give up

I know a lot of you guys have been going door to door telling people to subscribe to my YouTube I appreciate that be careful out there things are weird right now definitely if somebody doesn't want to interact with you just go

just go, don't, um, don't antagonize. Some of you guys are a little agro about it. I know many of you have been going on on the streets to various rallies handing out flyers to subscribe to my YouTube. Operation Beast Blast. And, uh, you truly are my family. You are the elite. And for those of you who haven't been, you know, working towards this goal, maybe you should reflect a little maybe you should think and ask yourself like if maybe you really want the pyramids there maybe you secretly want those hideous fucking things sticking up out of the desert

like spikes that a giant could easily puncture his foot on maybe that's what you want I'm not saying it is but words or words actions action I need you guys out there I need you guys you could do I don't know

food stands make food for people and then give them the literature i'll print something up for you if you want i'll have a pdf that you could print out distribute around your hometown and your city this is real yeah sure i might just seem like a weirdo doing a podcast but it's more than that and though i know you might think it's some kind of big gag or something that i never take anything seriously let me tell you i'm a very serious man And I mean everything I say. And I definitely want to blow up the pyramids. 100%.

And you can go ahead and fucking clip that if you want to. Use it wherever you want. I want to blow up the pyramids. And I will blow up the pyramids. And I'm going to do it by getting more subscribers than Mr. Beast, who I might add from time to time sends me chocolate. I'm not sponsored, nor will I ever. be sponsored by Mr. Beast.

This is not some clever product placement. If it was, it would be illegal. I would have to say this, the words. I'm not even going to say it because people are like, no, he's actually not sponsored by Mr. Beast. And Mr. Beast thinks he's smarter than me. And so Mr. Beast thinks that by sending me chocolate and snackables,

that he will get me to talk about it on my podcast, that's getting free advertising. And it doesn't work, Mr. Beast. And the other thing that he thinks is that I'm going to eat the chocolate because he knows I have diabetes. And I will tell you this, it was only after my, it was within weeks of me publicly saying I had diabetes that I started getting chocolate for Mr. Beast. What was it?

Like two weeks? Yeah. And he gave you $100 cash. Yeah. Oh, yeah. One dollar bills. Roll like a stack of $1 bills and chocolate. like you're a stripper yeah i what didn't really can think of it like that josh until just now but

yeah like i'm some kind of garden variety like afternoon dancer at some garbage strip club and you know how did i get diabetes mr beast i'll tell you i couldn't control myself and i ate and ate and ate sugar all the time and so when you send me me a box of delicious chocolate. It was a little bit like sending Gallum the ring of power. You knew what you were doing.

You knew that box of chocolate would call to me in the night. And I I ate a piece of that fucking chocolate on this very podcast and I fell asleep because that's what happens when I ate too much sugar. Didn't die.

Didn't work, Mr. Beast. I didn't go into the Coma that you hope to induce. So I win. I win. And I will win. I will exceed your subscribers tenfold. I don't know what that number is.

How many subscribers is he have? You'd have to get $4.3 billion. I will get $4.3 billion. How many people are on Earth? $8 billion. I'll get half the population of this beautiful planet to subscribe to my podcast, Mr. Beast. Half.

While you have a quarter, and then what? And then what? Well, it's obvious with the probably $500 million I'll make every month. I'm going to buy the pyramids. I'm already in negotiations for that. I'm going to cut off the capstone. I'm already talking to contractors about how to do that. I'm going to drill through the top of the pyramids.

already talking to drill men about that. I'm going to fill it with Mentos. Learn that from you. And then we're going to use fire hoses connected to diesel trucks filled with Coca-Cola. And we're going to fill the pyramids up with Coca-Cola and Mentos.

And it's going to blow those babies back down to fucking hell. where they belong. It's going to purify them after you decided to go squirming through the tunnels for one of your popular videos. We're going to eliminate the pyramids, and we're going to do it during a beautiful music festival. I'm already in negotiations with several very famous, very talented musicians. We're already in contract negotiations. And I know what you're thinking. If I am at this festival, and the main event is the destruction of the pyramids, will I not be hit by shrapnel?

Stone shrapnel. No, you will not. Because we're going to use the money that you're investing just by subscribing to build a titanium fence of microfiber, titanium microfibers, meaning that you'll be able to see it. It'll look plain as day, but you will not get hit by the shrapnel, which a physicist told me could be traveling at over 300, 500, 500. miles per hour with the amount of mentos I intend to dump into there.

The chemical reaction will be very powerful. It could even create a mushroom cloud. And every single one of my subscribers will get a free ticket. Everyone. And every member will get VIP seating. So don't forget to become a member of the DTFH on YouTube. You will get commercial free episodes of this podcast. And I don't know what else.

I should put, probably do, I should work a little harder. But you'll get stuff. We can do it. Believe in yourself. Don't let them make you think that you can't achieve anything in this world. I'm not going to be that kind of dad. My kids are going to look up at me with such pride as I stand on the leader podium, wearing the medals of freedom I intend to award myself.

As we watch those pyramids transform back. into desert dust. And we'll probably cry. Alpha male-style tears. Thick tears. Rip tears. Because we did it. And you can too.

Don't be one of these people who go on Reddit and bitch about Silk Song. Instead of spending your time doing that, go to Kinko's, go to FedEx. Make your own flyers for Operation Beast blast and distribute them throughout your town. join us don't be afraid remember the journey of a million miles begins with one um movement a step one step join us you are my family those of you who can feel me in your

mind right now telepathically communicating with you you hear what i'm saying and you know what i'm doing i'll see you next week everybody thank you for joining us. Hari Krishna, God go with you into the night. Goodbye.