Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 723: Ain't No Turkey King

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Turkey is a scam! Heed not God's sunk-cost fallacy! Man was not meant to eat avian flesh! No good can come of eating a dinosaur. Florida family! Duncan is coming to Tampa! Come see him at Side Splitters Comedy Club, November 21-22. Click here to get your tickets now. Don't miss this one! Duncan has accepted the Dark Gift, so these are some of his last shows of 2025! Thank you, and we love you!! This episode is brought to you by: Don’t wait — cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com/DUNCAN! Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary. Check out squarespace.com/DUNCAN for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: DUNCAN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Head to TrueClassic.com/DUNCAN to grab the perfect gift for everyone on your list! Amentara (formerly Minnesota Nice Ethnobotanicals) invites you to dive into this world of natural magic—head to Amentara.com/go/Duncan and use code DUNCAN22 for 22% off your first order! 

welcome welcome chat welcome my dear audio listeners welcome to those using those optic nerves to watch it's me de trucell and this is the duncan trussle family hour podcast now what i think you keep going Oh my God, it's November, and, you know, everybody knows what November is. November is the worst month, and for a lot of different reasons, primarily because Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and the reason Thanksgiving sucks is because of Turkey. Turkey is a scam, and when November comes around, we're all forced to confront something that I think most of us don't really want to look square in the eye, which is that if turkey is a scam, and I'll go into why it's a scam in a moment, how many other things have we been

tricked into doing and believing? Are we just pigeons in some kind of skinarian box being trained to peck and poke away at things? Are we turkeys ourselves, eating ourselves, and some kind of dark cannibalistic ritual which Thanksgiving represents, I mean, aside from like the origins of Thanksgiving, which are insane, to the sort of forced gorging on, like, it's like Turkey was the first iteration of the chicken. You know, you get better at things. And I imagine that God didn't just like immediately make great things. There were sort of precursors, and then the next thing came. And so God was like, how do I make a delicious bird turkey?

It sucks. Wasn't good. Did not get the numbers God was looking for. God got ratioed by the turkey. Not a lot of faves. A lot of people tried it, though. And then you get this very, sad effect maybe somebody in the check and help me remember what the effect is where you keep

doubling down on something you invest in something it didn't work but you keep investing in it what's that fucking called insanity thank you josh it is a form of it's it's an actual form of insanity sunk cost fallacy thank you bando sunk cost fallacy turkey is this is the classic example of sunk cost fallacy because you only make it once a year and before i even go into that let me just point something out we have burger king we've got windies we've got chick fillet where's the turkey king where's the turkey one one fast food restaurant that's like we it's turkey you've got what is it called the i don't even know if you have it anymore there used to be this seafood restaurant fast food seafood fucked up that that even existed like captain rogers or something

was what it was called in the before times before the world ended you would go to these fucking fast food you get everything's fried fried fish it was awful you get sick 100% of the time obviously we have mexican restaurants you got taco bell god bless them where is the turkey fast food is all i'm saying if it's so good. If it's such a delicious meat, where is it? Why aren't we having turkey on 4th of July? Because it sucks. Turkey sucks. All the way across the board, whether you're eating that sliced turkey, I don't care if you went, if you decided you were just going to be fancy. And you actually went to the deli counter. Oh, you prince of sandwiches. And you

And you add them slice turkey for you. Like you're some kind of fucking emperor. And then you get your nice little bag of freshly sliced turkey. And your poor brainwashed mind, you're thinking this will be good. It's fresh deli turkey. And it sucks. Or you go and get the process shit. It's like eating gel.

I don't even know what. It's like eating softened, like, edible play dough. It's horrible. And so I'm not looking at the chat right now because my guess is I'm going to have to do a lot of bands because my guess is there's people in the chat pushing back. And this is classic. This is classic. This isn't the first time I've brought this up and it won't be the last. But there's people who will tell you, you see, no, no, no, you just don't how to cook it right. Inevitably. You don't know how to cook. turkey right now this is where the sunk cost fallacy comes in because we only do this insane

roasting of the fucking turkey once a year and because we only have like one chance to do it each time you do it and it's not so great you think okay well i'm just learning but from that perspective it's going to take you a decade to even get close to a place where you could say okay this is not working. And so by then someone else offers to come in and help. You get the, you get those turkey fascists who are like, no, no, no, I know how to do it. They come over to your house early. They put their turkey in the oven. And, you know, I will say this just don't, so I don't see them one-sided. I think it smells good. Cooking turkey smells good. There's something comfortable about the smell of turkey. And I don't know if that's just some conditioning from early childhood or it actually

smells good. I have no idea. But there is something comforting about the smell of turkey filling up the house, which is why you should get turkey incense and make stakes for Thanksgiving. Get one of those turkey candles that they have. Burn it. Smells like turkey. But don't, don't fall for it this year, guys. Don't fall for it this year. I feel like a lot is changing in the world right now for the better you know and people are sort of collectively waking up and that's always a good thing we've got zoran mondavi fucking holy shit now i got to say this when trump won i was doing some saltmining because it's so fun to salt mine after like a political figure that is divisive gets elected. And boy, man, the salt mining was good when Trump got elected. But, oh, if you

are a salt mine, if you're a true salt miner, you're bipartisan in your salt mining. You don't just salt mine when the guy you agree with wins. You salt mine across the fucking board. And oh, my friends, salt mining, it's so great right now. It's so great. I didn't expect the salt mines to open up again. I mean, I knew he's going to get elected. And I knew that people, on the right, we're going to shit their fucking pants. But yeah! It's incredible. It's incredible, man.

It's the best. People are legitimately horrified. The socialist got elected in New York. And I mean, like, horrified. This is the end of times for them. They think it's all over. This, like, 30-something-year-old fucking kid gets elected. that's just that alone is badass you know the toppling some aren't we sick of old crusts you know do

and like my my feeling when it comes to what might happen to new york is only because like i was in la during the pandemic and i saw what happens uh i see where like my utopian leanings when you try to make them happen in their real world, it doesn't seem to, it doesn't work. At least that's, but that's just one experiment. And this is, I know I'm getting off course, we'll get back into the darkness of Thanksgiving a minute. This is where I get patriotic. You hear people say, America, it's like an experiment.

They call it the American experiment. And I fucking love that somehow a 30, something socialist, maybe communist, has taken the reins of New York City. I want it to work. I don't think it will, but I want it to. I, to me, there will be nothing more hilarious than if this kid turns New York into some kind of socialist utopia. I don't see how that could ever happen. But wow. it sucks you know people

if you get stuck on one side of the political spectrum or the other you start wishing ill you want you don't you want the other side to fail that's such that's so fucked up like you're allowed to think I have no idea how that's going to work

like you try to do the math in your head like okay we're going to have rent freezes and somehow some kind of government run food for people and what's the other stuff he's doing josh uh he said he would do free buses yes now if if you like forget like the how like for the x there just you don't we don't know how he let's assume he knows how to do it

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But you're going to be looking for a long time for that. So they've got a lot of cool stuff. I'm just reading some of the unique stuff, but great Christmas gifts, great stuff for kids. Sorry, I'm actually doing the commercial way too long because I'm finding myself actually absorbed into their website. Holy shit, that is fucking incredible.

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Great. You don't, you're not, like, you're not going to have to move your old fucking family out of your New York apartment because the rent is shot up by $1,000 a month. That's awesome. Why is that bad? If it works, it's great. Free fucking food. What does the money come from?

We're not getting to that part. Oh, okay. See, that's where it stops working. Yeah. Right there is the problem is where the money comes from. But before we get to that part, the idea itself is good. That's good. I mean, I'm not saying the execution of the...

In other words, like, you know, I saw somebody on Reddit ask how big would your wings have to be to actually, if you were a person, like to lift the weight of an average human, how big would your wings need to be? that's a good question like how to execute that I have no idea but I would love I didn't I was caught up in 31 three eye atlas shit so I didn't like focus on that but the my point is if we just turn our eyes towards that's good then maybe it becomes more of a possibility I to like is an old fucking grump who lived in L.A. during the pandemic and saw the whole fucking thing just collapse around me. Love that city. I've got, I've been sort of warped because of that experience,

meaning that I'm projecting that experience on all future attempts at some kind of socialist utopia. And, uh, which could be considered like wisdom. It's what you're supposed to do. That being said, any time somebody gets a chance to try it again, there is some possibility they get it to work now the obvious issues are how do we pay for it but before we get to that he wants to give child care for everybody fuck yeah that's oh god that's great i don't i don't know like living in new york without kids is a nightmare with kids child care what the fuck great you know so now how do you how does he do it

that that's where we run into a little bit of a problem because if I put my mind into the mindset of somebody who is like making money from renting a building and this socialist comes in who says he's going to do a rent freeze you know what I'm doing this week if I'm like checking up the rent yeah so I don't know how quickly he's got to to do that rent freeze like yesterday because i think what might happen now is all the rents are going to go up in new york because people are going to be so afraid he's going to freeze the rent i could be wrong about that or they could be selling the building what or sell the building to get out yeah or selling the building so that's the first problem is it's like if you do a rent freeze then you make it so that like people aren't going to make money like landlords aren't going to make money Now, you know, one thing I do know about communism is they love, communists love landlords.

They love them. Carl Marx, I'll quote Carl Marx, I haven't memorized. There is no more noble being than the landlord. They keep our buildings painted and they will fix our plumbing issues. And they deserve every penny they get. I'm misquoting a little bit, but that's pretty much communist in the chat. You know, that's what Karl Marx said. So, I'm sure, like, I don't know if he's an actual communist, though.

I think he called him that because he said something about capitalism. The capitalism was the problem. Yeah, that seems a little weird. He'd say that. He'd say that. That does seem a little off. But, again, I'm not going to, what do I know? You know?

the but the it's exciting man I think it's exciting you know people are waking up you know the very least like what what does I think the reason like the right the right people get really kind of like squirmie when somebody like Mondavi I don't want to say his fucking name wrong they just did this great as an L sketch did you see that yeah everybody fucks up his name was Shane Gillis and everybody fucks up his name but they fucking on the right they like do cheesy up's of his name and it's so hacky and I'm not doing that I will you pull his name up it's a cool fucking name too it's like I would name my it's like a name that I would name my uh Eldon ring character Zoran mom Dani Zoran Mondami Donnie it's you know it's not an easy name to say mom

Donnie Zoron mom Damon Zorn mom dip shit Zorm mom Marxist um but do I think it will work absolutely not I think you know what I love about any utopian vision is the person behind it believes it I fucking love that and that's contagious you like see that and you're like fuck I don't know what do I know I don't fucking know so it like catches you and the other So people get really upset because what happens with people like that, the very least, the conversation of class comes up. The conversation of, like, capitalism comes up. The conversation of, is this how you want? I mean, is this just the way it works as, like, human, like, you're just people who lose this bizarre game of Fortnite are going to be on the streets.

Is that good? Is that okay? Are you okay with that? Do you really believe all of them deserve it? And even if they do deserve it, is that the correct punishment for making a series of shitty decisions in your life? And so the conversation emerges.

That's a good conversation. We should be having that conversation, definitely. But then the other problem where it backfires usually is the attempt to implement the damn thing results in like chaos. And you need a lot of time. And it would have to happen slowly, you know, slow, slow, slow. But this, you can't just come in guns blaze and say you're going to freeze the fucking rent and socialize everything.

Because then all the people who want to hold onto their money and don't want to get taxed, they either put it in tax shelters or they fucking bail. And so then you're left with like, who do you, what do you do then? because then all of a sudden the people that were supposed to benefit from these programs actually end up not benefiting because they're the ones who are going to have to pay for it and that's I think the problem but I don't know maybe who knows all I'm saying is don't go fucking partisan man it's not you're number one if you go partisan you can't enjoy salt mining you can't you don't get a it's like plants you know what I mean like if they could figure out how to get photosynthetic energy from the moon, dude, that's going to be a successful fern. But if you're a salt miner and you don't figure out how to enjoy salt mining in a bipartisan way, then dude, you're you're missing the fuck out because it's always hilarious to go down into those mines. And look at what people are saying. It's so fun. But as I was saying before, people are waking up and um you know what we should play josh play that mandami

mondani play his speech i haven't watched it yet honestly if you don't live in new york who gives a fuck anyway it sucks it's kind of like new york at this point turns into this like it's a petri it's an experiment let's take a look at this guy Play it. Zoran Mondagamah Duma. Morons and do me. Morons on Dumi. Brave new course.

Rather than fleeing from it, we can respond to oligarchy and authoritarianism with the strength it fears, not the appeasement it craves. Can you pause it for a second? I think he was in theater. Oh. Because he's doing. He's doing, like, if a theater kid projecting to the back of the room, like, you know what I mean?

That's theater. Like, he might be a theater kid. Another thing I like about him, hit play. After all, if anyone can show a nation betrayed by Donald Trump how to defeat him, it is the city that gave rise to him. And if there's a city that gave rise to him. is any way to terrify a despot, it is by dismantling the very conditions that allowed him to accumulate power. Ooh.

This is not only how we stop Trump, it's how we stop the next one. Oh yeah. So Donald Trump, since I know you're watching. I know this part. I have four words for you. Turn up the volume up! Can you pause? What does that mean?

Um, I don't know. I have no idea. Hold on, let's go back to the chat real quick. I'm sorry, guys. This is where I illuminate. What a true dip shit I am? What does that mean? Stacey says, listen.

It means listen. Is it a chat? Because I was thinking it was kind of a kind of cleft. jab at like an old man watching TV. That's how dumb I am. I thought he was an age thing. Like turn your miracle

ear up, you old fuck. Oh, he's saying listen to this shit. Okay, go back and play the thing. I think that was the end of it. That was it? Oh, no, he says more. Man, that's got to feel good. Think he'll run for president?

Of course. We will hold bad landlords to account because the Donald Trumps of our city have grown far too comfortable taking advantage of their tenants. Can you pause that for a second? I think this is where I disagree with him because, you know, and this is where I think

he's not a communist, because like I said, before, let's go into the chat, guys. If you love your landlord, if you love your landlord, type Satan in the chat. Because who doesn't love their fucking landlord? Like, I, it's like your best friend. They help you. They care about you. Adam Dev loves his landlord. Who else? Just put Satan in the chat. Yeah, I, Mike. I'm giving mine a Christian present this year that's so sweet yeah that's a good idea they need because they need that people see you guys I don't think you understand like uh it's not an easy job you have to open the envelopes you know if you're doing it that way and I you know I think a good landlord

that's maybe he's taught you know what I think he's talking about with bad landlord is the ones who don't even open the envelopes with the checks in it the people you know what I mean so you don't have that connection with your tenants. I open mine. My tenant's checks. I open them. You know, I, I, I, smell. Smell them, get the smell of,

and you could tell a lot by if they're breaking rules. Oh, yeah. By the smell of the envelope. And, you know, if I smell a marijuana, okay, go ahead and play it again. Kind of has that Mark Rubio here. Yeah, I was trying to figure out. what do you look what reminds me of is it real quick is this a thing now where uh because i remember

politicians not really having beards and now they're like jd vans and him mustache it's not well yeah but he has the shadow yeah it's a thing now it's a thing does that mean we're going more into like harder times is that like no it means they watch my podcast oh okay they're imitating we will put an end to the culture of corruption that has allowed billionaires like trump to evade taxation and exploit tax breaks. How? We will stand alongside unions and expand labor protections because we know just as Donald Trump does

that when working people have ironclad rights, the bosses who seek to extort them become very small indeed. Shit. Okay, that's enough. Press part. Damn. Damn. There's another reason that I get, like, these are the things I love about the United States.

Like, this happens, like, just out of the blue, some fiery fucking, like, leader dude just appears. And it's so cool. I mean, whether or not you agree with this stuff, like, this is a problem, man. I mean, I know everything I'm saying is just so cliche. But it's like, people have lost the. ability to like appreciate people like it's like you okay so you don't agree with socialism whatever but you got to admit that's wow you can feel that you feel it right josh you can feel that i like the way he talks his statements and yells it makes me feel something inside he's alive yeah

you know that that's like the zeitgeist you know like he's representing like i it's it's not Okay. So like, let's take like what Gavin Newsom's doing, right? He's going like, I'm just going to do exactly what Trump does in reverse. So like he's the trolling stuff and all that stuff. Right. And it just none of it. It's just not hitting. It's not hitting. But this dude, that's real. Like whatever the fuck that is is real. And that's what people want. And so yeah, it's going to legitimize a lot of things. Because like when people are. bitching about like woke they're not really they're what they're bitching about is this the sanctimony the condescension that's not that's not what that is that's just like fuck this shit this is the start the way maga kind of pushed the right away like all right we're gonna take over and maga took over yeah right this is the left side going all right you guys young doing it move over it could be it could be yeah and and you know once you start hitting those the places he's sitting it's like yeah that's like who the fuck is going to disagree with any of that stuff the

problem is it's all beautiful until you like walk into the layer of the beast and then it's just you realize you know probably i mean this is where i'm you know one of the most mortifying moments of my life was like when went to see pink floyd with Joe Ari Tony somehow we all

ended up hanging out with Roger Waters in a hotel and he was just eating all of us alive he's such a genius and like he was just

he seemed to like really like being around comics but he's also like a wizard and like crabby but he liked it and so every single one of us he was roasting

and when it was my and he's like, you're a defeatist, mate. Because I was just saying, like, I don't understand, I don't see the path forward in a utopian way. And it hurt. He's kind of right. So I'm, I don't think it was a completely inaccurate. I don't want to be a defeatist.

But I do like the vibe. I just, I don't, it's going to be sad to watch. I just hope it works. Why do you call you a deaf fetus? What? Why do you call you a defeatist? Oh. I'd just been sucking on his feet.

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Things need shook. He shook him. Yeah, I agree with that. Things need shook. And, yeah, it's cool. I think it's exciting. And also, like, an indication, this gets me back to my original point. People are waking up.

People are beginning to risk. that, number one, just because we've done things a certain way, doesn't mean that we have to keep doing them that way. People have begun to realize that the stories we tell ourselves about the world are what creates the world. We wag the dog. People are starting to understand the fundamentals of all magical systems. Globally, consciousness is going from the full tarot card to the magician tarot card which is quite exciting we were all the fucking hobo on the hill wearing fancy clothes with the stick and the dog went right off the cliff now we're going into the magician phase is probably what's happening and that means that we're waking up we're beginning to realize

we don't have to live a chaotic life looking up at the sky we can balance the elements and that's when you become a magician. And so even before we get into some half-wit discussion on capitalism, socialism, oligarchs, and classism, let's talk about Turkey. Let's talk about the fact that Turkey not only is a scam food, it sucks, that Turkey sort of dilutes the reality. that prior to people coming to North America it was filled with people.

It wasn't like North America was empty. If you grew up, especially when I was a kid, that's basically it was just forests and, you know, here and there some Indians, many of which were like, you know, they didn't

say it in our history books, but, you know, we're they were human but not the way like Europeans were human so Thanksgiving is sort of like yeah we've like we worked it out with them we became friends and they gave us

they gave us food and turkey and that's what we eat now turkey and we give thanks and so the whole stupid like fucking Halloween man you know what I mean aka gay Christmas

that's a good holiday it's an occult holiday it's witchy it points to the changing of the seasons it has its roots and a lot of great secret traditions and you get to salt mine on Halloween if you feel like i've actually i didn't do it this Halloween but you get to find like the fundamentalist christians rejection of Halloween which is so funny Halloween's a great holiday Christmas great fuck holiday man another wonderful pagan holiday it's like amnita muscaria hung on the trees the ancient druids used to do it you can go full wodenite during christmas or if you want to lean into your christianity you can make it a christian thing or if you want to go like obvious like just just found out about marketing and how we're all brainwashed idiots you could just be like what the fuck is this it's just

another way to get people to buy shit to like pump the economy up before the next year you could pick any of these and mix it all together Easter oh my god like my favorite of all occult holidays ishtar you know the egg is the the the symbolism of the egg I think of Hesse demon to be born a bird must first destroy a world just one of my favorite fucking lines from her mom so cool then the Easter bunny's hilarious like how it's what trying to like work that out with your kids how how it even works so fun coming up like do you just well do you say shit's eggs like you know or do you hope they don't get into like the details like where do the eggs come from the painting of the eggs the symbolism the death rebirth beautiful fourth of july

you know it's fun when you have kids but i don't know fireworks are okay but i don't know never it's it's still better than thanks you know you get fucking thanksgiving just this like cat turd of a fucking holiday just i mean i call it fan family week or some any other name just also the term thanksgiving i hate it enforced thanks is not thanks at all if you're going to make me like have some kind of national thing where i i feel thankful i'm sorry that's not going to fucking work man like i'm like you like i have to do like serious micro doses of mushrooms over a period of like weeks to just to just like just like feel normal or feel gratitude to smell it brings my smile back but you're not gonna i'm not just because

there's fucking turkey i'm not going to be suddenly more thankful you know i do thank people i don't want to seem like i'm not thankful i do i think i think i like to thank but what do they call it football family turkey day whatever just take the turkey out call it football family day call it football day call it. I don't care what fucking just chill out day, relax. How about relax day? I don't know. Well, you know what helps you relax? Turkey. Don't say it. It makes you fall asleep. You know what else helps you fucking relax? Indica. Great indica weed, melatonin, chamomile tea. I don't need, I don't need bird flesh to help me relax. And if you're eating bird flesh to chill out, you've got to go to CVS. people are waking up and I think the first step and I'm sure that

Mondervish over there would agree with me we have to this year renounce turkeys don't do it fried turkeys too oh oh I'm sure fried turkeys why don't you just get drones

to fly into people's backyards and spraying with acid instead of encouraging people to do that because every fucking year people see a TikTok with someone frying a turkey it looks fun and then they're permanently disfigured the turkeys blow the fuck up

they get they burn their fucking faces that like this is yeah no no fried turkey I'm sure it's delicious but everything fried is good you could fry a cat turd it's probably good it's too chewy in the middle you don't know how to fry cat turrets

not like my grandmother did that's what people say and this is the sweet part it's like you're connected to your family and so you've paired turkey with you love your grandmother yes that's all it is

you love your grandmother call it love our grandmother day but your grandmother would slave over that turkey you loved your grandmother and now when you eat turkey you remember your grandmother this is the fucking big turkey hijacked our

love of our grandmothers to sell shitty bird meat. And this is why we have to join Zoron Mondami in his push towards equity in the world by speaking truth to power, which I'm doing right now. I have no doubt that some contingent of the internet will take this and warp it and turn it into something. It's not. That's fine. You go ahead and fucking do that.

Turkey sucks. And if you like turkey, you're a fascist. You know who love turkey? Hitler. Hitler love turkey. He loved turkey. Do you know what the original mind comp started off with, the first page? Gobble, gobble.

Turkey recipe. Did you know that? Is it good? What? The turkey recipe, is it good? I'm not eating Nazi fucking turkey like you, Josh. Oh, well, I were here. Hugo boss sometimes, too.

Doesn't mean I'm a Nazi? Yeah, it does. Oh. The main thing is this. Bottom line, if you like turkey, you're a fascist, Nazi piece of shit. And you don't care about marginalized people, and you are a boot liquor, simp. So, no more turkey for you or for me. This year, we're not going to do turkey.

Like ham? What? Ham? Do you do like a big ham? No, let me do that at. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by Mr. Bees Feastables. This Thanksgiving, why not enjoy a Mr. Beest Feastable turkey-style dinner without turkey? This is not your grandmother's turkey because it's ham.

So it's not turkey at all. It comes from a pig, not a bird. Go to Mr.beast.com. Use offer code new Thanksgiving, Patriot, 29, and you'll get 15% off your first order of Mr. Beast's Thanksgiving. feastivals. Now, let's jump, let's dump into this thing now. Man, I never thought about that. The Thanksgiving always depends on who you spend it with. Yeah, I mean, this is the whole trick of all like evil people is they, like the way you get manipulated is it's pairing. So anytime you you see like a brand that is attached to a social movement, all they're doing is trying to

like connect their brand to your feeling of, I want to be part of the social movement. It's one of the most evil things you could do. This is the neurolinguistic programming people do this shit where they'll like get you to start talking about the best day of your life while doing some ambient something. And then when they do that ambient something, your poor stupid brain starts feeling good. And now they're like marionetteing what makes you feel good. And they start fucking controlling you. So this is, that's all that is.

Like, there's a few things that matter in the world. You know, it's your family. It's your, it's your health, things like that. It's unquantifiable things. You can't place value on it because it's, there is no quantification of like, you're, like, the connection with your parents or your brothers or sisters or kids or friends or you can't quantify that. If they could, they would have done it by now.

They definitely would have done it by now. If there's a way to quantify that shit and you tax it, they would have figured out a way to tax it. They can't. You can't quantify it, but you can make the taste buds believe that that's not, oh, this is love for my family. Well, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you're just, you don't know. You're just having fun. You're eating some shitty meat. It's not good. Turkey sucks. I mean, bottom line, turkey sucks were you force-fed turkey as a child what were you force-fed turkey as a child no okay no i wasn't forced-fed i mean not in the not like a foie gras yeah duck i wasn't like they didn't

put a bastar in my mouth and stuff like that but yeah like my grandmother if we didn't like eat all the turkey she would like yakuza her finger oh only happened once yeah it sucked using the turkey cutting knife she was just she's in front of all of us because like the turkey was dry and she just like it was crying and then just before anyone could do anything just snap tip of her finger and then she was like holding it over her next finger and looking at us and everyone ate that fucking turkey and then after that we ate the turkey so no the um hey leanne wants to know what about pheasant

Yeah Haley Ann, that's going to be a one minute That's a bit self-band one minute That you would ask me You know my thoughts on pheasant So yeah, I'm not going to No trolling guys No trolling

Don't ever bring up pheasant in the chat So it was like Turdukin The Trinity of Evil Turducken is It's the Trinity of Evil is going to be Turduckin The term surf and turf in turkey there is there is no less appetizing term than surf and turf it's disgusting it's like it means

you're going to get steak and shrimp or something but turf it's gross it feels like you know you found like a a meatball on a golf course like it's disgusting serve and turf is awful okay now let's into the core of this episode of the DTFH. One second here. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to read this because it's, I'm trying to get a little more organized here. So, because I don't have it, just imagine like some creepy music playing. It is screamsgiving on the DTFH, and today we are going to be talking about three horrific things that happened on Thanksgiving.

A terrible event at a family, a horrible carnival accident, and I can't remember the third one, but it's fucked up. I've gathered these from across the inner webs. My apologies in advance. is associated with any of these incidents that could be listening to my podcast. I'm sorry if it seems like I am using your tragedy for entertainment, which I am, but I'm doing it for entertainment. The Tilt a Whirl incident on Thanksgiving night, 1997, a teenage ride operator in a tiny Indiana town hit start on the Tilta Whirl for one last spent. Ten minutes later, the carnival was silent. No laughter, no music, just sirens. What investigators found in that parking lot ended the fair forever and exposed a secret

that had been turning long before that Tilta Whirl ever broke. Fairview, Indiana. Four thousand people, one traffic light, just your typical town. Walmart doubled as a social Hub kids go there and hang out. Every Thanksgiving weekend, the lot behind it transformed into the turkey Jubilee Carnival. Just some rides, fried food, comforting illusion that nothing bad could ever happen here. I'm sure we've all been to the county fair. I used to love it as a kid.

I could remember going with my brother and getting back home, and we both were like fighting over the toilet to throw up because we had eaten carnival hot dogs and gone on like carnival rides and we were not only food poisoned but sick, had motion sickness and we puked all over each other. I'll never forget it. We were like in the bathroom and you know how it is with puking and yawning are actually quite similar. If you yawn in front of a person, that person will yawn. If you puke in front of a person, there's a contagious element to it. And the reason is theoretically because if you were living in a tribe or, you know, living in ancient times and like you ate poison the odds are other people had eaten that too

and so that's what we can trigger puke in other people by puking ourselves you know this is like this is one of this had to be like outlawed in soccer games because it used to be that soccer players would intentionally vomit in front of the goalie making him vomit and like then someone would shoot and win you can't do that anymore they used to do that if you look at the old games in the 70s. 17-year-old Caleb Mercer ran the Tilta World. He was quiet, responsible. The kind of kid everybody said would go somewhere.

His girlfriend, Jess Bennett, worked the snow cone stand, and they were the couple people rooted for until Denise Dorsey showed up. Denise was the carnival owner's wife, 20 years older, sharp tongue, always smelling faintly of perfume and deep. diesel dust. She ran the ticket booth, but spent more and more time helping Caleb with maintenance. Pretty soon, you know, it's a small town. People, like, know everybody and what's going on, and they did start noticing that Caleb seemed to be spending a lot of time with Denise. People would see them out at the diner talking. Apparently, somebody saw her, like, you know,

giving him a massage at the carnival and apparently somebody reported that they both went into the haunted house together and when they came out the other side it the description that I found online was it looked like somebody had sprayed mayonnaise all over her lips. I want to thank True Classic for supporting this episode of the DTFH, but even more importantly for making a perfect t-shirt. I'm a t-shirt, man. I'm a t-shirt snob. Put that on my tombstone.

I don't want a garbage t-shirt on my body. And, yeah, look, I know maybe, like, that's, I shouldn't be so concerned with the feel of a t-shirt. I shouldn't be looking to feel the embrace of my family, my mom, and the way my shirt feels against my very sensitive skin. But I am. And true classic tease, it feels like a hug from my mom. I love it. I love it. I have so many of these now. I mean, I think that says it all, friends. I think I probably have over 15. black true classic

and I have to be careful because I'll just that's all I'll wear that's my go-to thing to put on and if I keep doing that it's like who do I think I am

I think I'm running like a a tech startup I can't do that I got to mix it up here and there but in a perfect world I wouldn't I would just only wear these shirts

and I mean it look what better gift for your friend who's a t-shirt snob than a true classic tea what better gift like if you've identified somebody who gives a shit about

how their t-shirts feel on their body these are perfectly soft I don't even want to know what they do to make these I don't care I don't care what they do I don't care if they have a slaughterhouse where they've got unicorns that they skin alive.

I'd still wear it. Skip the guesswork at the overpriced designer stuff. Give comfort, give confidence, give True Classic to those you love. You can find them at Amazon, Target, Costco, and Sam's Club, or head to True Classic.com forward slash Duncan to grab the perfect gift for everyone on your list. Thank you, True Classic. Caleb swore it was innocent.

Related to the mayonnaise incident, Caleb told Jess that she had been showing him one of the new ways they were going to scare people, which was by spraying ketchup like blood. They ended up not. doing that, but she grabbed the wrong bottle. It was like mayonnaise and sprayed it on her own face. And so that's what that was. But Jess didn't believe him. The morning of Thanksgiving, a worker overheard them arguing behind the funnel cake trailer. Jess was crying. Caleb kept saying,

it's not what you think. It's not what you think. I'm telling you, you can go in the fun house yourself and you could see there's a like a hidden room that's got mayonnaise ketchup mustard in it i don't know why she didn't just have ketchup she's an idiot um by 845 p.m okay this this so cut to thanksgiving night by 845 p.m the fairground was almost empty cold wind lights flickering paper cups rolling across the asphalt. Jess and her best friend Amber Lane showed up one last time, laughing, sharing a slice of pumpkin pie and a plastic container. They asked Caleb for one final ride.

He hesitated. The Tiltoworld had been making a deep metallic groan for days. He told Harlan Dorsey, Denise's husband and the carnival boss, Mack just grinned and said, Add more grease kid. So, you know, anybody who's been in high school, your girlfriend shows up with her girlfriend. You've got a little bit of power, which is you can maybe run a carnival ride when it's closed. It's kind of a flex.

And so he wanted to show off. Now, this is where it gets a little, like, makes you wonder by him a little bit. Because apparently he, like, said, I will let, I will do the ride for you guys, but you have to make out in front of me. so you know they did they made out in front of him and he's like all right we could do the ride kind of a creep kind of girls gone wild shit there um he strapped them into car three double check the latch and pulled the lever the music started the ride spun at first everything looked fine then car three began to rattle hard This is fucked up. I would not advise looking at the crime scene pictures from this. I did. I'm not going to describe them. Caleb hit the break. Nothing. He hit it again. Still spinning. Max shouted something from across the lot. Before Caleb could hear it, there was a sharp, hollow snap. The tilta world jolted sideways and screamed to a stop. When the dust cleared, emergency crews were already on their way. What they found,

would shut down the turkey jubilee forever. Inspectors later determined that the main axle of the tilt-a-whirl had cracked years earlier. Instead of replacing it, Mack had patched it with improvised materials he had lying around, and off-the-books repair meant to save a few hundred dollars. And especially, like, you know, when this happened, like, I'm sure there's more regulations now for carnivals. But when this fucking happened, it was like every time a carnival showed up, somebody would get fucked up uh and you know carnies are just like meth hats a lot of them yeah yeah so um the pat keelb was cleared of wrongdoing but he never forgave himself he left fair

view the next spring spring changed his name and disappeared now listen to this let me see You don't find the description of this. One second. The Fairview police arrive within minutes. Paramedics, inspectors, everyone. Where's the part? The description is so fucked up if I could find it. Basically, they were turned into gravy,

is what is the description of what was last. of his girlfriend and her friend like something about the ride went so fast it completely liquefied their internal organs liquefied their bones like they're apparently like it looked the description is it looked like someone deflated blow-up dolls that had been filled with blood like it was just they were like completely deflated and like that weed commercial which is like this is all she does now she's laying on the couch. Yeah. That

I didn't even add that to my notes here, but that weed commercial was inspired by this incident. Oh shit. Isn't that crazy? You can find inspiration anywhere, guys. That's alchemy. Like, you could take the pulpified, like, just smashed

bodies of two teen girls destroyed in a tilt-a-whirl and turned that into like an incredibly inspirational anti-marijuana commercial. So it's always out there. never think that, you know, a lot of people, they talk about the muse or they don't feel inspired. Look, there's inspiration everywhere. Anything can be made into art.

Okay. Caleb was cleared of wrongdoing, but never forgave himself. He left Fairview the next spring, changed his name, and disappeared. Mack was charged with criminal negligence and served less than two years. When he got to... out, he vanished too. Denise sold the remaining carnival equipment at auction and left town with a man who, according to county records, shared Caleb's

new last name. Hmm. Fucking weird. People in Fairview didn't miss the carnival, but they never stopped talking about it, about the rumors, the affair, and the idea that maybe that night wasn't just an accident. So that's where it gets really fucking weird. Like, was this

intentional because he wanted to, like, literally cream his girlfriend. It just seems like, why not just break up with her? You don't have to, like, do a whole carnival accident to kill your girlfriend. So that's story number one. Oh, they sell turkey legs there too.

That's where you find turkey. What? Carnivals. Carnival sell turkey legs. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, carnivals sell them. Fucking Disney sells it. It's so gross.

gross it's gross it's bad for you too they say it causes causes Alzheimer's story two okay this happened in marquette michigan in 2008 thanksgiving morning the klein family was behind schedule their oldest son nathan was supposed to pick up the turkey from his boss randy tull who owned a butcher shop downtown nathan drove over just after sunrise the lights were on the front door was unlocked but the counter was empty and the back room was freezing cold. Literally in the walk-in freezer, he found a single latex glove frozen to the floor. Police assumed Randy had suffered an accident while working alone, but nothing inside the machines matched that theory. The grinders were spotless, bleached like they'd just been cleaned, the smell of bleach in the air. A week later, hunters found a steel

drum burned out in the woods. Inside were fragments of bone and plastic wrap. DNA testing confirmed it was Randy. The mix of organic and synthetic materials led investigators to a disturbing conclusion. Someone had disposed of him by grinding and packaging his remains using the same equipment he used on livestock. Police traced it back to Dean Klein, Nathan's father, a former employee, Randy had fired for stealing meat. When confronted, Dean didn't deny it. He said, everybody wanted a piece of him. I just made sure they got one.

It's so messed up. He said that in the interrogation. Of the 20 turkeys, Randy had prepared that morning, 12 were never recovered. 12, meaning, like, theoretically, some, like, people fucking ate this dude. another reason to not eat turkey and especially not eat processed turkey can turkey because this is you'll never hear about this but it's like

you know a lot you know a lot of people working in some of these meat processing processing facilities they are not they're you know immigrants they come over here to work they go back and they don't have the same protections

people have and like these people fall like suppose I don't know if this is true or not, but supposedly it's in some rotten meat processing facilities. If they know that they have to pay somebody, like someone's worked a bunch of overtime, an accident will happen. They'll just push them in the grinder, you know? Because when they clean, I don't know if you guys knew this or not, when they clean meat processing facilities, the workers have to do it in the nude. Did you know that? Yeah, so they don't steal.

No. No, just because something about the machines is, very like the you it's they're sharpened blades basically and so if you go in there with like work clothes on you can dent or like get your belt stuck on the blades so they will you have to take your clothes off cover yourself in a gel so that you don't get cut from the blades and then you go in there and just clean it and supposedly sometimes workers go down and they're completely naked and they just pop on the machine grind them up put them in the dog food so this is another reason not to eat turkey or dog food and there's barely a different

all right here's the third and final story uh thanksgiving story i've got 17 of these actually but these are my favorite ones i really went down a dark rabbit hole here story three this happened in humble county california 2014 what's up to my weed tremors the rasmusans out of thanksgiving tradition they called the family game everyone would write a secret about another family member drop it into a bowl and they take turns guessing who it was about now that's a fucked up game have you ever played the family a game with your family do you play game yeah uh we played this game called chalupa and it was a thing like where you it was like kind of like bingo and you put it beans on the on the thing and it'd be like la sirena and then it was the the mermaid and

they just pick cards like that it was a Mexican thing what what it's called Chalupa but what do you mean the mermaid oh they had different cards and one was called La Sirena and it's a mermaid oh I see if you have it you put the bean on top of the mermaid oh okay yeah okay fun so you've played family games yes you know I used to play Monopoly with my brother and my dad that was horrible that would devolve into just like almost like fratricide or patricide or all like it was we would start off like just having fun and by the end of it you've turned into a demon now here's a little trivia fact that you might not know about monopoly monopoly is actually a it's satirizing capitalism did you know that no a lot of people

don't know that it's like an monopoly is supposed to be an anti-capitalist game to show you how fucked up it is the system and if you've ever gotten in a long game of monopoly have you ever played monopoly or you get mean by the end where people get heated i made my kids cry it was fun dude exactly it does have this dark like you know you fuck with a Ouija board and things get creepy you play monopoly by the end of it you have turned into a fucking piece of shit oligarch if you're winning you're making garbage deals with people you're laughing out of desperate they are it's so fun and you get to make up the rules if you're winning you start to get to make up rules oh yeah oh yeah we would hide money that was another way like we i don't even know

if we were playing by the real rules but you would like take money and put it away so people would think you were more broke than you were and get false hope tax shelters you know like you it was awful and then at the end of the game we had uh we called it the dollar of shame and you would write on the dollar anything you wanted so if my dad won he would write like i am the greatest father and most intelligent man that ever lived and we would have to sign it like it was true and so it's just filled with like these it's such it was so filled up too with just just passive aggressive shit anyway this game just sounds fucked up the secret game like dude would you do that with your family?

The secret game? Well, in this game, you sit around with your family and you write down secrets about other people in your family and put it in the bowl. If I'm drunk. You would do that with your family drunk. Yeah.

But, dude, I don't, like, it just seems like, depending on your family, it can lead to, like... Divorce, yeah. All kinds of fucked up things. Anyway, let's keep going here. To me, that's the most horrifying part of the story. It started as a joke, but that year someone slipped in a note that read,

I know who killed Uncle Carl. Five years earlier, Carl had supposedly died in a car crash after leaving that same dinner. His car went off a cliff near Arcata. Case closed, so they thought. When the note came out, laughter stopped. Carl's sister Rita accused her brother, Paul, of planting it. Paul swore it wasn't him. He even joked, why don't we just ask Carl?

And Rita said quietly, you know we can't. You buried him. The room froze. Police later confirmed that Carl had died during an argument that night years before. An accident covered up by the family, they'd staged the crash. Several relatives confessed, each claiming they thought someone else is going to call the police. The strange part, the note was typed. No fingerprints, no traceable ink.

No one in the family ever admitted writing it. That's so weird. Some think a guilty conscience finally cracked. Others think that someone outside the family knew the truth all along. Three stories, three thanksgivings, and three reminders that sometimes the danger isn't out there in the world. It's right beside the people. you trust the most. So this year, when you set down to dinner, give thanks,

not just for the people at the table, but for the secrets that haven't made the front page about you. And then imagine music fading out. Wow, thanks for all the likes, you guys. fucking great. Let's pause for a moment and do super chats. Any super chats in there? Damn, y'all. Thank you so much. Still no NASA gym tapes. Omega phase. Hmm. Don't know what you're talking about there, but thank you so much for the donation. M.F. Damien. Join a bit late. Sorry if the topic

has moved on a while back at this point. I, for one, am very curious to see how the Zoron-Marmaduke experiment plays at. Me, too. I hope it works. Maybe it'll work this time. I don't know. Maybe it'll fucking work. I don't see how. Not in a million years, how it works at all.

And also, I saw something that, like, the mayor doesn't have even the power to do most of what he wants to do. Did you read that? No, unless he takes the power. From who? Who? I don't know. He has to become the governor. I think if he became the governor, he could do it. But, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't know how he's going to do it.

Usually what happens is if, like you say, okay, we're going to taxing people who make a million dollars a year, an insane amount. That's poor in New York. Yeah, weirdly it is, which is, you know, why. you got elected because that should not be bore anywhere so but usually what happens is whatever the number is or the person you're going to tax the most they leave why would you stay you know they love it so much but usually they could just move somewhere else a kutuck business outside the city and then so now you have population decline and you know the other thing that happens because the utopian vision any hippie has had is like man do we really need so many police then or like are you really going to send a kid

to jail for like stealing gum or whatever you know the fantasy is and so then suddenly you remove those penalties and then crime explodes and then you've alienated the police and you just then more people move out because it stops feeling safe you don't have like a actionable way to deal with homelessness so you've got you know people with mental illness like you need to be hospitalized on the streets or drug addicts, and then more people leave. And so that this is why you've got like, look up population decline San Francisco. It's fucking nuts. Austin, too, is losing population.

Significant population decrease starting in 2020 with the net loss of about 109,000 people in the Bay Area between 2020 and 2025. The primary driver of this decline has been domestic out migration, meaning more people are leaving the city for other areas. is signs of recovery, despite the recent decline in San Francisco started to see population growth in 2021 and 2023, although it remains below the 2020 high contributing factors. High housing costs remain a persistent challenge. So yeah, that's generally the pattern that happens is like you, if you're, this just

happened in Austin, there was a proposition where. they wanted to increase tax. You know that Prop Q? It didn't pass. Oh, it didn't? Mm-mm. I don't think so. No. I thought it didn't. No.

Unless I'm completely mistaken. Look it up. Thank you, Amantara, formerly known as Minnesota NICE for supporting this episode of the DTFH. Amatara, they are giving the world the gift of Amanita Muscaria.

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That's www.amem, T-A-R-A-R-A. dot com forward slash go forth slash duncan code dunkin code duncan 22 check out the informational content on the site for safe use tips and let the law of revelation guide you much love no fails yeah 20% property tax increase so and you know if like it's easy to think like well I don't own a house so it gives a fuck but it's like well yeah you don't own a house but whoever owns whatever you're renting is going to increase your rent and this was weirdly a bipartisan thing it wasn't like a left right thing people on both sides are so sick of like what apparently is like mismanagement of funds in Austin and this was going to um this 20% tax increase was not even like it was kind of like vague what they were going to do with it and so it got it got shut down because you know you have to like actually if you're going to like have tax like a shit ton of taxes that needs to show up around people and when there's a lot of taxing happening but nothing

is improved the streets are still fucked up you don't feel safe like things are catching on fire because of like encampments and shit then people start bailing there's can't force people to stay and then when people leave you have less people to tax the housing market gets fucked up then this leads to a potential sort of death spiral you know that's where if you're going to like try to correct classism but you only have limited power to do it in a short time period how the fuck do you do it you can't make people stay in new york and you're not going to like keep people from like putting their money overseas and shit isn't that's what a lot of people do is they there's all these tricks you could just shell companies shell companies in the

maldives or whatever people do that like they get away with it there's a whole like if you look up the number of isn't it the maldives is where they do it i always thought it was switzerland it's all it's everywhere where to rich people hide their money glad that's not my fucking offshore accounts and trust in tax havens for privacy and tax reduction or a private vault. Oh yeah. People can put it. That's it. The Cayman Islands, not the Maldives. Not the Maldives. Wealthy individuals open accounts in countries with lower no taxes such as the Cayman Islands, Luxembourg, Bermuda, Panama, Switzerland to reduce tax liability. They use legal structures like corporations or trust to hold their wealth, shielding their name from ownership and making

difficult to trace their assets. This separation is also used for vaults, making it harder for lawsuits or divorce proceedings to access assets private banking they use private banking services so yeah like once you get to it's kind of like when you get to the place where you could do private planes no one's checking your bags for drugs you just throw your bag on the fucking plane you could throw you your bag could be just filled with cocaine just toss it in the fucking plane you land just throw it that your car is sitting in front of the plane so it's like it's weird because on one side of the socioeconomic spectrum, if you're super rich, you don't follow the same rules. You don't have to pay. There's ways out of paying taxes. There's ways out of like,

and then if you're like dead broke and they can't take anything from you, you also don't pay taxes. So it's to drain the middle class. Right. It's like, but if you land somewhere in the middle, suddenly you have to like, you're the one who has to like bear the burden of everything. It's so fucking weird that way and there's nothing you can do about it nothing can be done it's an unsolvable problem um oh thank you kin puk triggering is e tier salt mining s tier salt mining thank you if there's a time at the end of class can we pull up the big milk video oh you wanted me to show that last time yeah sure there it is because if it's AI they call it slap oh yeah play it we'll go out on this

wait is this wait hold on am i going to get a dinged i guess we can just cut it out of the podcast yeah go ahead and play it okay Three bags, three bags Threebacks, three backs, three backs, three backs, three backs, three backs, three backs, three back, three back. No one, no, no, a point of trouble. Frog in the world, and by a bubble. I am new, and tore a frog would have a gun and hair of dogs. I'll get you my crazy.

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about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. That's pretty good. Bravo. Bravo.

That's freaking cool, man. I like it a lot. That's a new Chick-fil-A commercial. Yeah, so, you know, I don't know. You, like, it's interesting, right? Because you have to think, whenever we see movies that have animals in them, they always have at the end, no animals or harm making this. And one thing for fucking sure that AI-generated video is going to do

is, like, really protect a lot of animals from having to be fucking, up in movies because definitely like it's still not cool getting a chimpanzee on set or whatever which i did once still feel bad about it and babies babies can now work long hours because they're not real exactly it's like yeah exactly child labor all that stuff there's a lot of good that's going to come from it for sure and then also it's like what are you going to do like if you really wanted to make that without AI. What are you going to fucking do, man? How are you going to do that? You're going to get cows and throw them in a fan? You know how hard that's going to be? You're going to have to have a catapult to launch a cow into a fan. Think of the energy that

would take. You know? So we have to like just distinguish. But first of all, you can't just call it Slop because it's AI. Yeah, everything I just showed you was Slop. Verifiably garbage. Just shit. Like, just a dumb idea that cost, like, I put no thought into, but I'm just bored. I'm like, I want to see what people look like fighting on cheese, essentially. Don't even know why. I just interested. That is Slop. But I don't know if you can call this, that video that we just saw Slop. You might not like the music, but that's not really Slop. So maybe we have to find like a new, I don't know, a new word for whatever this shit is.

That's what was cool about talking to the SORA people, is they really want people, they want this to, they want people who don't have access to Hollywood-style cameras and a crew and they want someone to, they want them to, like, be able to make something cool. Is that bad? I mean, I don't know. Also, probably there is some capitalist stuff in there, too. They do recognize the first moment,

like some high schooler makes the next, like, Stanley Cooper movie with Sora and VO. It's like, yeah, the AI bubble will not pop a little bit longer. I mean, that's where I've been kind of shocked by the people who are attacking me about it is I feel like they haven't thought it all the way through that because it seems like in some ways I align with them in world view like in the sense I see this as a more of like an equalizer. Yeah, it's a disruptive. it's fucked up, but it seems like a kind of amazing equalizer and the power of media to satirize

is like you can really use the, to use the language some of you use, which I don't necessarily care for, but you could use the sort of the, you could use the swinging watch of the oppressors hypnotic fucking pendulum, you know, which is all. the forms of media that we've all just gotten used to and think is normal and you could duplicate it almost identically and people are so used to thinking that's real I believe that you could use it you know come on got to be a little bit more think outside the box a little bit more just a sort of monolithic denouncement of AI generated content seems a little short-sighted.

Let's see. Tanner is making a very important point here. Slop is for pigs, how symbolic is the boars domesticate into fat little cute hugs? It is fun to say big swinging hog. I don't know why.

Michael Dobos wants to know when will you do the AI porn? No, fuck that. Because like, I mean, I'm still, I'm from a different time. I don't know where you kids are at with porn right now, but I'm still kind of like, I'm embarrassed that I look at porn. I can't get that out of me. It feels gross and weird. So, dude, I mean, yeah, it would be fun. Also, I feel gross talking to chat GPT. Like, all of a sudden, making it do like erotic conversations with me would just seem like

really not cool, not cool at all. I've been getting it to tell me, like, I've been giving it medical symptoms. I've been letting my kids talk to it. I can't suddenly be like, act like you're Cindy Sweeney with a big old hog. Wouldn't feel right. Also, I don't want all my kink fantasies going up through the fucking open AI servers. Give me a break. That's a real problem they're going to contend with. Like, I get them wanting to monetize and get more people interested in it.

But, dude, nobody in their right fucking mind is going to, like, feed chat GPT, all their kink shit. Nobody. you'd be out of your mind to do that that's crazy wasn't there guys making only fans models out of AI yeah and so they're putting in maybe not their own personal stuff but what other people want they go to see who's searching what dude I know and I think there's a sort of that's another place where you have to ask like what's more ethical like porn human porn or AI generated porn it's virtual pimping right and no one gets hurt like it's like it's like it's It's, you know what I mean?

Like, there isn't, you have to, there's all these, like, weird things that we're all going to have to deal with. I'm sure the consumers get hurt and shrinks their brain. Porn drinks your brain? Seems like that could be useful. How? Oh, useful to, like, bad people? Well, like, you know, somebody has, like, a brain injury, right? Their brain starts swelling.

Oh. Instead of removing a piece of the skull, you just show them to jerk off to porn. Has anyone thought of that? If you really shrinks your brain, it seems like it could really help. I wonder if neurologists have considered this. Any neurologists in the chat? That's what you do. If somebody comes in with a head injury and they're having brain swelling, you're like,

dude, what kind of porn do they like? Like a theater where you wheel them in and they just jerk off for a few hours and then shrink their brain down. Mike says whistling grows your brain. Fuck you, Mike Mulgrew. Whistling grows your brain. Okay. I'm not.

I can whistle. It's easy to whistle. I know how to whistle. I could show you YouTube videos I've seen on how to whistle. It's easy to whistle. I can whistle. So I could easily do that. And the moment that I do that, I am sending a message to the world, which is succumb to pressure. And yeah, yeah, it would be easier for me to whistle. Trust me, it would be easier for me to whistle. and a lot of people in very like high places of power would love for me to bow down and whistle be a whistling man

but I do whistle in fact as soon as this camera starts rolling I'm gonna be whistling you've heard me whistle right Josh you're whistling when you came in here there you go so yeah you whistle how about that

you whistle talk about bad combacks you whistle you fuck you whistle you fuck you whistle all right I gotta get out of here you guys I love you thank you for letting me do this hey if you didn't watch the Oz Perlman episode

you should watch it you blew my fucking mind there's a clip of it on Instagram but you need to see the whole thing. Holy shit. That guy is cool. And also check out his book. It's not bad. He sent me a copy. It's good. So I got to get out of here. I'm headed to Illinois this weekend. I think it's Illinois. Where am I headed this weekend, Josh? St. Louis, not Illinois. What the fuck's wrong with me? I'm going to be in St. Louis, November 6th, 7th, and 8th at Helium. I don't know if I've ever done that. Then after that, I'm going to be at the Legion of Skanks, Favis. and then after that, I'm going to be in Tampa, Florida. It's side splitters. And that will be

the end of this part of the tour. So come see me. If you're in any of those places, I got to go. I love you. Like, subscribe. I'll see you next week. God bless you. Hara Krishna.