Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 730: New Year's Eve Special

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

Happy New Year! For the most accurate listening experience start this episode exactly 13 hours before midnight on December 31, 2025. Or whenever. Years are an illusion, pope Gregory was an asshole. See you next... time! Wisconsin family! Duncan is coming to Skyline Comedy in Fox Valley, Wisconsin, January 15-17. Click here to get your tickets now. This episode is brought to you by: Download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code SECURE10 in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account! Terms apply. That’s Money. That’s Cash App. Amentara (formerly Minnesota Nice Ethnobotanicals) invites you to dive into this world of natural magic—head to Amentara.com/go/Duncan and use code DUNCAN22 for 22% off your first order!  Get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code DUNCAN at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That’s it. Head to BlueChew.com for details and safety info.

Happy New Year's Eve, my friends. We are about to beckon in another beautiful year. And I am here. Let's start a countdown clock. Josh, how close are we to New Year's Eve? Uh, we're about 30.

What? I can't do it because they... 35 hours. 35, no, 35 hours. New Year's Eve technically starts. Oh, tomorrow. thinking new year's so we're 13 hours 13 hours away from new year's eve guys and we're going to be here for one of them at least welcome this is so exciting what a wonderful uh pull up we were here

at times square uh but the camera's fucking up so it looks like i'm at josh's studio but what i'm seeing is crazy we've got all these people dancing they're already celebrating New Year's Eve the night before, which technically is when we used to celebrate New Year's Eve in Tartaria. So this is New Year's Eve. But because the time masters want to control time, because the time masters want to tell you what day it is and what year it is, you think tomorrow is New Year's Eve, which completely throws off your intent. entire bio-energetic field. You've got to celebrate New Year's Eve today.

And what year is this according to the Muslim calendar, Josh? Can you pull that up? Sure. Let's find this out. Just so we can get this straight what the year actually is. It's 1447, guys. All right? don't let the time master's get into your fucking head it's 1447 what year is it according to the chinese

calendar year of the snake there's there on the time master schedule what year is it a whatever it's a new year you want it to be is the point and i'm not saying times just in the mind man i'm saying everyone's got a different way of dating things. Muslims think it's the 1400s. Jewish calendar says it's 5,000. Jews think it's 5,786. Like you can pick what year you want it to be. It doesn't have to be 2026 if you don't want it to be. You know, that's just something some asshole came up with, which is an amazing thing to contemplate that at some point, somebody, can you figure,

out why we even think it's 2026 who the fuck did what control freak piece of shit was like it's the year zero i'm starting over um how do we know it's what year it is can you just pull that up you think they didn't fuck that up you think over 2,026 years somebody didn't forget to put a year in they don't even know you're not going to find it on there josh you're not going to going to find it on there. They don't want you to know. They don't want you to understand we're in an abyss of time floating free. They want to chain you down to a number like your social security number, your driver's license number. These are irrelevant figures connecting to you. They mean nothing at all. We use the Gregorian calendar year for simplicity and business science

in daily life, even though the Jewish and Islamic calendars like Hebrew or Islamic have different starting points, creation exodus for Jewish Hydra for Islamic, making the Gregorian system a necessary universal standard for coordination. Who the fuck said that? Colonial and trade influence. European colonial expansion spread the Gregorian calendar worldwide. I'm sure everyone just willingly accepted it too, making it the default. Solar accuracy. Let's go down to other calendar. Islamic calendar. In summary, while other calendars are used for religious or cultural purposes, the Gregorian calendar is used to conquer, basically. Anyway, it doesn't mean anything for the fucking year is, fucking 2026, 2021. You could just decide. We could make

this year one if you want to. This could be year one. Who invented the Gregorian calendar? i thought it was jesus jesus didn't invent a calendar oh what do you know pope gregory in 1582 how did he know it was 1582 named after him but the core scientific work was developed by italian physician alosius lilius luigi lilio hey i got an idea jesuit mathematician christopher clavius who refined the system to correct errors in the older julian cal Pope Gregory the 13th issued the Popple Bowl into Gophismus to implement this reform removing 10 days from October. You can just do that when you're a pope.

You're like, fuck it, we're cutting 10 days out of October because I want to. And you peons will accept it. The Julian calendar, introduced by Julius Caesar, there you go. You don't get to say what year it is if you're not a pope or fucking caesar that's the problem we can't vote on what year it is it's it's not democratic you can't decide no you got to fucking take what year it is and deal with it

it's 2026 bitch welcome to time we're chaining you to time we're going to crucify your infinite soul on the crucifix of time make you suffer for it but happy new year's eve eve we we can still celebrate whatever the fuck this is it really is lame he named the calendar after himself though i mean come on you could have come up with a different name you didn't have to like give yourself eternal credit for time it's a very human thing to do well i have a very special announcement two days ago a new trussle entered the world you might have felt it i don't know I've heard that there were reverberations throughout the entire planet, celebrations, and distant temples, hidden monasteries.

I know many people reported on a star, an unexpected star appeared over Austin. And I have been getting visited by a great many people bringing gifts. It's for the baby, people from all over the world and within the world. And I appreciate that. I just want to say to all of the Rimposhes, llamas, saints, gurus, and holy people who have been showing up at my house with a variety of gifts were filled up. We don't need any more gifts. And in fact, we would like to get some rest because it's become like some of them come very late at night. And they're all very sweet.

Some of them can levitate. But thank you for welcoming our child into the world. but um you know we need some sleep and if i look tired you know a new baby just new baby just came into our house and that is what i wanted to talk about so this was i this is the fourth trussle fourth child and we've done hospital births for the first three first three we did the hospital we did the square thing and you know my wife she always kind of wanted to do a home birth And initially I'm like, oh, are you fucking crazy? Why would we ever do that?

We live in modern times. Let's enjoy modern medicine. Why are we going to risk you bleeding out in the house when we could be in a hospital? They can give you drugs. It's safer. But, you know, for those of you who are breeders out there who have given birth in a hospital you know how fucked up it is like it is fucked up josh all hospital births yeah my baby's heads were too big so she couldn't pass them naturally all c-section yeah and you know before i go on

me just say this when i say we did a hospital birth we did a hospital birth following millions of doctor visits to make sure it was safe like we weren't going to do it if there was or a home birth we wouldn't have done the home birth if there was any sign of anything that might require being in the hospital but everything came out great so our midwife was like yeah you know i think home birth is fine and so holy shit this is the craziest of all births this is crazy you know the midwife came over they in the afternoon And, you know, I guess I should just also preface this preface by saying, and, you know, this is going to be controversial. This might be taken the wrong way, but you guys can look up the research yourself.

There's probably 50 studies showing that one second of a man's existence, we experience in one second, the same amount of pain a woman experiences in a lifetime. you've seen those studies right josh and i'm not trying to offend anybody and maybe these studies are wrong they were all done at like ivy league universities well-funded and they do all point to the direction that men experience what women would consider to be excruciating pain just as like baseline so uh which i think you know part of being a man is not screaming all the time because of the pain. But Aaron was ready to get the baby out of her. And I get that.

You've got a baby inside of you. You're swelling up like a balloon. You want it out. So there's different ways you could do that. If you go to a hospital, they'll give you something called... Epidural? No, not an epidural.

That helps the pain. It's called... Artitocin? No, it is oxytocin, but there's a different name for it. Basically, they give you this big fucking injection of oxytocin. It, like, causes, it just creates very powerful contractions, which as far as I can tell are, it's got to be the most incredibly painful things. Like, you know, when you get like a, it sucks.

Because, like, as a guy, we really have nothing to compare to it at all. So we have to use our own weak fucking examples. And, you know, like, when you get a Charlie horse. Kidney stones. I've heard it's kind of kidney stones meets Charlie horse it's like a spasm that happens and so

what's it called pertussin or something? Potocin. Potocin just causes these fucking contractions and they hurt and they're so a midwife you know they have different ways of doing that there's something called a membrane sweep

where they shove their hand into your pussy and swipe something I don't know what it is and a membrane I'm assuming and then the other one that we were a little nervous about is castor oil which i mean all of this stuff is like basically witchcraft you know it's like the old ancient ways of like getting the baby to come and they say that you know castor oil and all this stuff it only works if it if it's time and so i you know i didn't think any of this shit would work but they come over they do a membrane sweep they give aaron some

castor oil and they split and so then then she starts having contractions, which when you're about to have a baby, that could happen for weeks. It's like your body's practicing or something like that. And so she starts having contractions. But, you know, she's, we went on a walk. That's the other thing that does it is you can walk the baby out. And so she's having like contractions. But I'm, you know, we're both like, couldn't imagine that this shit was like actually worked. And so I'm walking. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by Cash App. Scammers know the holidays are busy for everyone, which can make us all targets for scams.

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fucking in front of my house there's these leaves in front of the house i'm like look i got to get my i got to get a charger for the leaf blower because i lost the fucking charger man and it shit like that drives me crazy because you got this big beautiful leaf blower it's so fun to blow leaves ready to blow them leaves and i can't turn it on it's been driving me crazy man so i don't we you know you're just not thinking like this shit actually works we'll go to lows see if they have a leaf blower charger so we go we're driving to lows and like these contractions are actually seeming to be like more frequent and i'm like maybe i don't know baby maybe we should turn around like maybe this witch stuff is working and then we get to lows they didn't have the leaf blower

charger can you fucking believe that and so we got paper towels we're driving back now she's having like big contractions like it's happening man i'm just thinking what the fuck this stuff works we get back to the house within like an hour the baby comes like we were that close to having a baby in blows she got in the bathtub i'm on the phone with the midwife i've got the midwife on speaker phone the midwife was like a few minutes away thank god midwife is there eight minutes later the baby came and my neighbors it was so she was the noises she was making i'm not going to obviously show the video but i've been showing the video to my kids and you can't see like it's in bathtub, right? So not that I wouldn't, kids should know where they came from. You know,

they should know the, the area they emerge from and the reality of the bloody reality of birth. But the sound, do you're, the sound, it's not my, this is no longer errant. Like, it sounds, like, it's primordial. Like, it's something, completely different from any other howl you've ever heard i can't even imitate it and both of the boys are like that doesn't sound like mom the middle kid was like i'm like yeah i know i mean that's because like it's so painful and so intense and then he's like but no how is another voice coming out of mom it sounds that different the fucking neighbors heard it i'm sure our whole fucking neighborhood heard what sounded like somebody was getting like slowly sliced and diced

by a butcher just and then the bathtub water oh my god just turns red and then there's this beautiful baby and everything was perfect and like it all It was all, like, compared to a hospital birth, this was the most, you feel, the only feeling I can compare it to is like when LimeWire came out, the first time you stole music, you feel like you've robbed a bank or something. Like, it feels illegal, or you're so conditioned that you're supposed to be in a hospital to give birth. Like, you feel like you've broken a law because there aren't suddenly like eight people. you've never met in your life trying to jam a rectal thermometer up your baby's ass, which they do almost immediately. Like as soon as the baby is born,

somebody will try to shove a thermometer up that baby's ass as a kind of initiation. Welcome to the world. The last baby, you know, we had a doula there. Somebody was like, hey, the kid was just born. You don't need to shove a thermometer up her ass. Like, what are you doing? And the experience of giving birth at home versus giving birth at a hospital, it tells you everything about the world.

It is so obvious. And yet, it really is kind of taboo to do a homebirth. You tell people you're doing a homebirth, they get a little like, are you sure about that? you really want to do that it's dangerous but you do a hospital birth and number one god help you if you don't have insurance give birth in a fucking hospital god help you and god help you if you do have insurance because if you do have insurance and they know that at a hospital if you got good insurance they're not going to let you leave they want to keep your ass there because you're a

fucking milk cow for dough and so there's this thing that emerges and also i do want to say this i don't think individuals working in hospitals are nefarious people i think there many of them are like angels or saints like that is a crazy job and i don't know how people do it i think individually most people that i've run across during birth is they're sweethearts and they just want to to help and stuff like that. But this thing happens within the system, which is the baby's born and they have to do all these measurements. Now, if you think about for the entirety of human existence, the baby gets born and then the baby is on top of the mom. That's it. That's the pretty much the trajectory of the baby. Maybe the baby gets swaddled or wrapped up or something,

but that's it. Baby doesn't leave mom. Baby stays next to mom. Baby starts nursing. That's it. In a hospital, that is not what fucking happens. The baby gets taken away from mom. Thermometers shoved up baby's ass. Baby gets measured. Baby gets fucking drops in their eyes. Baby gets injections for VD. That's one of the things they do. They give them a fucking VD. Injecture. Injections. And they do all of this with a kind of alien precision and an authority, the sort of authority you would expect to see in hell from the princes of hell. Like, this is how it's done. You're not supposed to question it. Most new parents have no idea that you can advocate for the baby, which, by the way, that's not the headspace you're in.

when for those of you who have yet to breed or don't want to breed the something happens when a baby is being born that is the most psychedelic wild thing and the best way to put it is whatever the veil is between this dimension and all other dimensions it gets real thin and i mean i always say this but the closest approximation i have for it it's like DMT or something like it you remember the space you've been there before you are reminded of something but you can't quite put your finger on what you're being reminded of it's just things get thin and in warped and psychedelic you could argue that's the oxytocin dump that your brain is giving you because you've served your biological purpose and now you're just trash to the universe. They're like, good, fuck you. You had a baby. Now we have a young

version of you. Die old man. But I don't think that's how the universe talks to people, honestly. It's mystical. And so that's the headspace you're in. So in that headspace, there are all these people who have had to develop a really tough exterior who are trying to convince you to take all these treatments for the baby, all these fucking things for the baby. And the amount of time the baby gets with the mom is diminished at the very beginning of the baby's life, which is very stressful. And so when the mother's having a stress response now, the baby's having a stress response now. And then, of course, some of the data that they're getting is going to be not good data. The baby should be breastfeeding.

Now the baby's blood sugar is off a little bit because the baby's blood sugar is off. they want to get a baseline blood sugar reading meaning the baby shouldn't breastfeed the baby doesn't breastfeed the baby's blood sugar might get weird enough and it just so happens that the baby ends up in the nick you which is fucking the jackpot for a hospital that's the most expensive part of the hospital for the baby now the baby's in the nick you the baby's visit to the hospital will be extended by at least a couple of days and now for real you can't get your baby back now your baby is like under the control of the hospital this was our experience with the last birth and then they cut the placenta too right away that's right if you don't have someone they're

advocating for you or you don't know how to advocate for yourself and by the way advocating for yourself and a baby is probably not what you want to be doing after a fucking human head just erupted from your vagina. You know, you're exhausted. Especially if you're a new mom, labors can take like at least 24 hours. So you're fucking tired but draggled. You just want to hold the baby. You're so happy the baby's there. And then you're in the exact mind state that where you could, people can sell you fucking anything, man. I mean, I'm not trying to be cynical here, but it is a for-profit model at hospitals. They want to be. make money they make money and so every single little thing costs a shit ton of money and so

having experienced this three times in a row the difference at doing it at home where there's people you've already met there the midwife your wife and it's so wonderful so calm it's your house it's your house everything's calm soft familiar there aren't you know nurses who just watch somebody with a chest wound expire and the floor underneath you carrying that energy in and there aren't people who are like acting like it just yeah just give the baby fucking formula you know which is really fucking weird like you know they act like there's some sense that like breastfeeding is like barbaric or something like you know like it's better to just give them formula or some shit like that and what's really weird about birth and i haven't verified this errand told me this i don't know if

it's usually she's right on about this stuff but they don't know what starts labor they don't really understand it like the exact mechanism that is happening there and so it's a that's mysterious and i just think what else don't they fucking know about this process like because it is a hospital and honestly like if i just like i don't know got my hand ripped up in the garbage disposal because i was too drunk and i wanted to see what happened or something i don't want my doctor to be woo-woo-y. I don't want my doctor to be talking about energy fields and the ancestors and quantum data or anything like that. But birth is, it's not like that. It's not, it's, it's, it's, it's, injurious, but it isn't an injury. You know, it isn't a wound. It's not an accident. And so, but the

mode that gets used is the same mode that would get used with somebody who was an tractor-trailer accident and just got like a fucking iron rod up their asshole or something you know that's why that's if you read about what happened to me in the internet it was an accident i don't want to get into that again but the point is that's not what it's like they just it's like crisis crisis crisis crisis and then you do it at home oh my god it is like it like for this birth is the weirdest thing because The midwife stick around. They do obviously check the baby's temperature, blood pressure, mom's blood pressure, all the stuff. They want to make sure the baby's okay.

But then once it's established, the baby's okay, they leave, which is a little scary after having done a bunch of hospital births because it's like, wait, what about our data? But then you're just with your wife, in bed with this beautiful baby. And, oh, it's so wonderful. It's so fucking wonderful. and for those of you who are like in the process of having a baby it's not like I'm suddenly a home birth advocate or something like that like get don't do it unless you're positive everything's okay because if like something's off at all you should do it at a hospital you know you just it's having the comfort of being at home is obviously the not worth it if you're risking watching your fucking wife bleed out or the baby something god forbid happens to the baby but if you could do a home birth and it's safe do it oh my fucking god like it felt like we were rebelling against the dimmy urge or something

you had an off grid baby off grid baby that's what it was man it's off the grid oh i forgot to mention you know what else they do right when you have the baby they probably did this to you they put a low jack on the baby did you know that that little thing around there ankle yeah a tracker yeah they fucking snap a goddamn blow it's a literally a lojack it's a tracker so that someone because people come into hospitals and steal fucking babies which is just insane and they put that thing down their throat to like they suction out whatever's in their mouth yep yep it's fucking nuts dude and they have the clowns that come in which sucks those weird dancing clowns that shoot lasers at it's really wild like how on one level our society is so technologically advanced like on

one level we're it feels like we're right next door to like Star Trek or something but on another level we are so fucking barbaric so stupid so buffoonish so so This episode. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by Amitara. I don't know where you're at on your holiday drinking schedule, but by now, so many people are pickled. They're pickled because we picked is the holiday sacrament booze. Many of you are out there gargling vodka and then drinking it and then drinking mouthwash and more vodka for the holidays.

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check out the guides, start slow, and as always, much love. Like, I mean, if I had to make a list of the top 10 places where it would be the most difficult to relax, right? I'm going to put a bear den, like when they're hibernating. So it'd be tough to be in a bear den trying to chill out with a hibernating bear that could wake up at any second. I'm going to put the obvious things, you know, like being suspended above a, pit of like hydrochloric acid like on on a like hammock that's going to be hard to relax for me there you know because hammock's tip sometimes even if you try not to it's going to probably I'd be worried about the fumes um toddler birthday party forget it forget it try to relax it

a toddler skating party a toddler roller skating party good luck relaxing there You're just hoping your kid doesn't fucking paralyze themselves for a life. But somewhere in there, I'm putting delivery room in a hospital. There is no place less relaxing, no place less comforting. When, like, they make you lay in bed, by the way. And the doctor gets to pick the soundtrack your baby's born to. What do you mean? You know how the doctor...

When the doctors, they get to play music. My doctor, the first baby. No, they don't. Yeah. Your doctor fucking played music? Queen was the first one. Shut the fuck up. Led Zeppelin was the second baby.

Shut the fuck up. That is egregious, sir. Yeah, when I was, you know, when I was getting my fucking radiation therapy for my cancerous fucking ball, I remember like they would just play music in there and it was like so depressing

like the music they were picking like we are family I swear to God they play that in there as I'm getting radiation shot into my fucking lymph notes horrible

I mean the the the fact that with all the money like hospitals get that they have yet to create a completely comfortable, beautiful, softly lit,

hyper-comfortable, mystical area where people can give birth is just nuts. You can get, they call them sweets if you want to pay a little extra. You can get sweets where they act like it's fancy because there's like a a bathtub you can get in, but it's still like if you went to a fucking La Quinta Inn and that was the room, you'd like, fuck this. It's not worth 80 bucks. And they're charging you tens of thousands of dollars a fucking night. And acting like, this is fancy. You're lucky. You're lucky. You're not in a normal fucking room. It's insane that that is just normal for people. Most of you, When you came into this world, I hate to say it,

but there was a fucking thermometer up your ass before you sucked on your mom's tits. And that's the wrong order when you're getting things up your ass. And that's just the truth. Every single one of us, more than likely, or medically sodomized within a few minutes of hitting

this part of time space. That's just the hello from the dimmy urge. And then, more than likely, you were probably taken away from your parents, thrown in a fucking pod, pricked and poked. You heard your mom crying because they're so upset. They just want to be with a baby.

Some weird fucking dude sort of curtly trying to calm them down, acting like they're idiots because they think something's off here that's the mood by the way the mood is like you fucking stupid shits you what do you want your kid to die

you don't want your kid to die do good then let me spray this weird fucking chemical in their eyes you don't want your kid to die right let me give them an injection for VD what is the VD injection they give kids I think it's for HPV

I don't know They give them some VD shot Among a myriad of other fucking shots And then they put you under a heat lamp The same ones they put chicken strips under to keep warm Same same one They use the same ones at 7-Elevens When you're seeing that hot dog roll around

You want your kid in a hot dog roller That's what they do That's what they do Then they try to keep you there And like this happened to us This is our I'm sorry if I've talked about talked about this before. This actually sort of inspired the homebirth. This is our third kid. By then we were like, we knew everything. We knew all the tricks and stuff. I have talked about

this, but I'll mention it again. So the baby's numbers were fine. Everything was fine. The baby was fine. But for some reason, they wanted to keep us there longer than we needed to be there. And so we were like, no, we're going to split. The baby's fine. We don't want to be in this shitty fucking hospital disease vector we're gonna get the baby home and the first thing they did is they said if you leave without medical recommendation or whatever it's called your insurance might not cover this birth they fucking said that to us right so i googled that and like on google you could google it's like that's not true like why the fuck would a you're in Basically, I called the insurance company.

I'm like, hey, I'm in the hospital right now. And they're basically saying, you guys aren't going to cover the birth if we leave against medical recommendation. And the insurance dude was like, what? No. He's like, of course we want you to leave. Like, get the fuck out of there.

Please go. I wish you left earlier. Because every second in there, they're billing the insurance company. So the person who said that to us comes back. in and I'm like hey I just called the insurance company and they said that's not true so that so we're going to go then you know what they said CPS what yeah they threatened CPS on us if we fucking split and so then this is where it gets real dark I'm in the hallway

gone to the hospital cafeteria or something to get some food for Aaron and there was a groundskeeper there who recognized me and in front of like one of the doctors like took a picture with me then their tone completely fucking changed like i guess they found out a podcast or something they're worried i don't know what it was but all of a sudden they're backpedaling on the cps thing and then they let us go it was just so fucked up so fucked up but when we walked by the the nurse's desk with the baby, it felt like escaping from prison. They were pissed. They did not want us to leave. And you're feeling all these mixed emotions. Like, am I insane? Am I putting the baby at risk? All the numbers are fine. The baby's fine. Am I fucking nuts here? So they

fuck with your, the baby was fine. Nothing happened. Baby was totally okay. I get it. On one level, I get it. You're just dealing with numbers, right? It's like, look, if we don't act like that, with every single parent, then what ends up happening is some parent fucking leaves here when they shouldn't leave and the kid dies. And that's why we have to treat everyone exactly the same. That's the reality. I get it. But still, when it comes to like your own child, you shouldn't feel like you're robbing the pound

for a dog. You shouldn't feel like you're sneaking out of the pound. like it's so demented and that is how we begin our incarnation here in the modern world you're immediately conditioned you're immediately taught about this insane hierarchy don't trust your instincts trust authority don't follow your heart listen to what the fucking experts the experts are saying and that's true the problem is some of the times that's exactly what you need to do. If you don't, I wish I didn't listen to my fucking heart when my ball started swelling up.

My heart told me, you know, it'll go away. Heart was wrong. That was death in my balls. So that's the problem. It's like differentiating between like, you know, your own, like, dangerous optimism and reality. But you would think by now, we would have figured out a way to walk a line in between those two things so that mothers don't feel like they're fucking criminals

for trying to bring their baby out of a hospital. Regardless, I am thrilled. It is the coolest thing, man. I feel so lucky to have witnessed something like that. It's like such a cool thing to watch like a natural birth versus the normal thing. wife getting a fucking needle jammed into her spine that's no fun that's one thing that happened to Aaron I'm sorry I don't know if you're watching this but forgive me if this is too much information but at one point they're giving what's that called again Josh the spine injection uh it is a

epidural epidural they're giving her the epidural and it was the scariest thing man her blood pressure just starts dropping and you know there's just like the anesthesiologist a nurse in the room all of a sudden there's another nurse in the room another nurse in the room another nurse in the room and you can hear the alarm sounds you're just like what the fuck like did they just kill aaron like is she going to die in front of me with a baby inside of her it's terrifying terrifying. So you get, you know, and I remember I went down the wrong set of stairs to get food for once and like accidentally went by the morgue.

It's not, that's a shitty fucking crazy feeling. I mean, we need hospitals. I'm not against, I'm not some kind of like woo-woo freak. I just got a fucking flu shot. I didn't want it. I had to get a flu going around right now. It's really bad. I don't want the baby to get sick.

You know, I've gotten two vaccines over the last few weeks. Didn't want to get them. Hate it. I hate getting vaccines. But I still get them. But, I mean, not all of them. So don't get me wrong. I'm not like some fucking, like, super deep, hippie weirdo.

It doesn't believe in medicine. It saved my life. It's just clearly. There's got to be a way to do birth the way it deserves to be done. It's a sacred moment. It's the beginning of a human being's life, you know? It's not like you're taking a shit that needs to be studied, you know? I feel stupid even having to say it.

It was just crazy. I know there's hospitals that have done better at it, but most of them have it. And it seems like that should be a big priority for our species. Like, this is the beginning of a human's life. And also, like, the other thing that happens accidentally is, you know, when, for the guy, obviously you can't breastfeed. And so your role is that of, like, servant. like you're just trying to get your wife food make sure she's comfortable and i love it because like

i'm like you know in the mornings i go make coffee and cook her breakfast and bring her food and i'm thinking like i'm not making breast milk but this is the pre-ingredients for breast milk and you participate in this real way that's important when you do it at a hospital man there's not much you can do other than like sit and like impotently watch doctors come in and like do shit I mean going to the cafeteria and getting your wife a fucking sandwich and bringing it to her is way different from like cooking food for her and like so that's another thing that gets fucked up is just the whole role of like the whole the whole like the ancient dynamic which is kind of perfect that gets messed up too

Yeah, the nurses make you feel like you're a dumbass and a burden. Oh, they do. Yeah. They do. And you kind of feel like one. You know, because honestly, it's like, I can't, I can't make a baby inside of me. You know, and I've learned now, you know, in the beginning, I would try to, like, do, like, inspirational sayings while she's giving birth and she's shoot me dagger eyes, like, please stop talking but now i you know it's more like holding a space for them and stuff just like keeping calm holding space not being overly exuberant or overly like you're at the gym trying to like you're a

polities coach or some shit but yeah they do definitely make you feel like a fifth wheel in that situation they but they make the mom feel like a fifth wheel sometimes yeah you know something that's getting in the way it's really crazy i'm just saying it's like that's how we come into the world there somebody out there needs to work on this one of you guys needs to fix all of this i blame mr beast um hold on one second here but yeah so if i seem a little out of it it's because we just had a baby a couple of days ago. And I was allowed freedom from the baby jail to come and do these podcasts. And Aaron's doing really good or I wouldn't have gone. Well, I don't know. Is that enough? How long did I just

yap for it, Josh? We're at 46 minutes. You have a lot of super chats. Really? Yeah. Oh, thank you. On behalf of the new trustline. Thank you. I need more. I have four fucking kids. But I went to the grocery story yesterday, are you fucking shitting me? I just I can't believe how expensive shit is right now. It's fucking insane. Do you know how much

caviar is now? It's an outrage! You always thought it was weird that they always have the baby snacks and stuff right next to one house baby stuff, next house dog food. Why do they keep the baby snacks and shit next to the dog food? It's the message, man.

That's what they want to tell you. You're a dog. You're a dog to the Illuminati. You're nothing more than a mongrel, a street dog. You're nothing more than a filthy hound in the face and the eyes of the global elite. They think of you as an organ donor, if that, if you're lucky, they want your organs. Ah, okay, let's do some super chats. Congrats, Dunk on the newborn.

Do you still have a little hobo? Oh my God, I can't believe you ask me. that. Thank you very much, by the way, for that. Lucas, you know what? I was just going through the closet, one of the closets in the house, looking for my leaf blower charger. And I found little hobo's head. Because when I did kill Tony, he kind of like after that, he just shattered. his hands shattered his head fell off and so his head is pretty much all that's left just in a in a Tupperware in the back of a closet where we keep the Christmas ornaments and that's where he fucking belongs because he's a dick and I'm sorry I partnered with him and he got really he got a

big fucking head and then after he did kill Tony he didn't really want to work with me anymore so fuck him Hello, Paul. Thank you so much. Demons be like, we rule the underworld. Yeah, congratulations on being middle management and hell. Much love. Much love to you. I don't know what you mean, but I don't know if that's something related to what I was yapping about or you think I'm middle management and hell.

Either way, thanks for the five bucks. And I, if I were in hell and I don't think we are, I think I'm a little above middle management at this point, or a janitor i'm not sure which babies be like we're being born in one song one song only still tray hit it duck was that a joke Josh did they really play that shit you got me I thought you're being serious thank you tiny lens tales

hello doggeroni congrats to your family on the newest trussle saw you at side splilers and you crushed it thank you yeah you know I am I love being with my family but I'm quite excited to be back on the road at the end of the month I'm going back out there

and I'm looking forward to it I hope I'm funny though Jesus Christ I'm so tired right now I don't know I'm gonna do it I feel like I'm gonna have to I don't know what gotta find some kind of new drug

I'm gonna have to get in a meth wake up This episode is been supported by Blue Chew. Friends, the new year is almost here. Might already be here by the time you listen to this. And you don't want to enter the new year all. You want to enter the new year. Heart is a rock.

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That's promo code Duncan. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. We salute you, Blue Chew. Adam Dev Media, it was so nice of you to give that charity this holiday day season to Danny Jones. God bless me.

I didn't feel like it was charity. I like Danny Jones. He's got a cool podcast. He's got a lot of cool guests, too. And he's a really good interviewer, by the way. Really cool studio, too, out there in Tampa. I really like. By the way, Tampa,

I can't believe I'm saying this Tampa's fucking cool Like somehow Tampa got a bad rap Like Tampa's like everyone there are some freaks out there Like good freaks who I really liked Like I was like looking around thinking like What the fuck man I wish the mothership was here It's right you know it's weird

It's like per it's got this weird I don't understand it I was trying to get people to explain to me me how so many weird, cool, eccentric artists had converged on Tampa, Florida, and no one really could give a good explanation for that. Maybe one of you guys can. Julian, hello? That's a good question. Julian is asking, Doug, what's the best course of action the moment you realize you've created bad karma for yourself? Congrats on the newborn. that is such a good question well you know i think a good a healthy definition of karma is useful in answering that question because people get confused about what karma means and they

look at it as a kind of um they in a more superstitious way than necessary because you know karma is just action or cause and effect and so um and depending on what pov you look at it from all karma you could say is bad karma on one level because karma serves to keep you crystallized in infinite incarnations and so whether it's good and this is more of a Buddhist take on it, but good karma, really, really, really good karma could win you birth in the realm of the gods, which sounds spectacular. But if you're in the realm of the gods, and to understand the god realm, it's not as hard as it might seem or as mythological as it might seem. All you have to do, if you have dogs, you know what the god realm is like. You're a god to those dogs. You're a god to

those dogs your lifespan is much longer you can do crazy shit that they cannot understand you manifest food for them whenever you want to food is the most important thing to them they worship you they bow to you they literally bow dogs do that thing when they see you they bow they're they're somewhat afraid of you if you you know they've shit in the house and experience the repercussions of that you're powerful to them important they think about you all the time so that's the road for to understand the realm of the gods imagine that but for humans where humans are the dogs and that's what the gods are like they can do extraordinary things they live much much longer than humans do and apparently they uh the level of sense gratification they experienced

experience is infinitely greater than what humans experience. So like gods come way harder than humans do. Their orgasms would shatter planets. They're so powerful. And so if you incarnate in the God realm, what ends up happening is you're still stuck in this cycle of infinite rebirth. So from that perspective, karma no matter what keeps you sort of locked in. And so there's a chapter in the Bhagavagita. I believe the chapter is called Karma Yoga. Maybe I can find it. There's a great audible by Egnath Sorin.

Well, he did a great translation. Yeah, I'll just read this. So, for those of you don't know, the Bhagavagita is set on the great battlefield of Kru, etc. It's a family feud, essentially. A horrible battle is about to take place where families, a family is going to to attack itself. And standing in the middle of this battlefield is the great warrior, Arjun with Krishna, who is an avatar of Vishnu, and who also happens to be Arjun's friend. Another, like,

interesting thing about the Bhagat is that it is within the Mahabharata. And apparently it is in the middle of the Mahabharata, which is all of this Indian mythology, which is really fucking cool that a story that takes place in the middle of a battlefield is actually in the very middle of the book. And so this is this sort of like condensed distillation of Dharma, of this like ancient way of living. And so it's one of the most beautiful books. I highly recommend it. And so, the arjun doesn't want to fight he does he's freaking out because like he's recognizing he's about to have to kill people he grew up with and he doesn't he in another way you have to look at

this is like this is like he's a kashitra a warrior class he's like his whole job is fighting that's his dharma and so he's basically saying to christia i'm not going to do it i'm going to become a renunciant going to the woods and fuck all this so this is the discourse happening between him and god on this battlefield where god is telling him no you have to be yourself you have to do your duty there's no escape you have to fight and so that's the setting for the beginning of this chapter um and all chapters in it actually but um arjun said oh john ardan there's all these different names for Krishna, if you consider knowledge superior to action, then why do you ask me to wage this terrible war? My intellect is bewildered by your ambiguous advice. Please tell me decisively the one path by

which I may attain the highest goal. The Lord said, oh, sinless one, the two paths leading to enlightenment were previously explained by me, the path of knowledge for those inclined toward contemplation and the path of work for those inclined towards action. One cannot achieve freedom from karmic reactions by merely abstaining from work, nor can one attain perfection of knowledge by mere physical renunciation. There is no one who can remain without action, even for a moment. Indeed, all beings are compelled to act by their qualities born of material nature. Those who restrain the external organs of action,

while continuing to dwell on sense objects in the mind, certainly delude themselves and are to be called hypocrites. so this is like the way ramdas always put this is this is like when you quit smoking but all you do is think about cigarettes but those karma yogis who control their knowledge senses with the mind o arjun and engage the working senses and working without attachment are certainly superior you should thus perform your prescribed vedic duties since action is superior to inaction by ceasing activity even your bodily maintenance will not be possible work must be done as an offering to the supreme Lord. Otherwise, work causes bondage in this material world. Therefore, for the satisfaction of God

perform your prescribed duties without being attached to the result. In the beginning of creation, Brahma created humankind along with duties and said, prosper in the performance of these sacrifices, for they shall bestow upon you all you wish to achieve. By your sacrifices, the celestial gods will be pleased, and by cooperation between humans and the celestial gods, great prosperity will reign for all. The celestial gods, and there's different translations of this, some say Deva's being satisfied with the performance of sacrifice will grant you all the desired necessities of life, but those who enjoy what is given to them without making offerings in return are verily thieves. The spiritually minded who eat food that is first offered in sacrifice are released from all kinds

of sin. Others who cook food for their own enjoyment, verily eat only sin. All living beings subsist on food, and food is produced by rains. Rains come from the performance of sacrifice, and sacrifice is produced by the performance of prescribed duties. The duties for human beings are described in the Vedas, and the Vedas are manifested by God himself. Therefore, the all-pervading Lord is eternally present in acts of sacrifice. O Partha, those who do not accept their responsibility in the cycle of sacrifice

established by the Vedas are sinful. They live only for the delight of their senses. Indeed, their lives are in vain, but those who rejoice in the self, who are illumined and fully satisfied in the self, for them there is no duty. Such self-realized souls have nothing to gain or lose, either in discharging or announcing their duties, nor do they need to depend on other living beings to fulfill their self-interest. Therefore, giving up attachment perform actions as a matter of duty, because by working without being attached to the fruits, one attains the supreme. By performing their prescribed duties,

King Janaka and others attain perfection. You should also perform your duties to set an example for the good of the world. Whatever actions, great persons perform, common people follow. Whatever standards they set, all the world pursues. There is no duty for me to do in all the three worlds, nor do I have anything to gain or attain, yet I am engaged in prescribed duties. For if I did not carefully perform the prescribed duties, all men would follow my path in all respects. If I cease to perform prescribed actions all the worlds would perish I would be responsible for the pandemonium that would prevail and would thereby destroy the peace of the human race um anyway it goes on for a bit but and it's you know this is a 5,000 year old text so it's when it's talking about sacrifice the

question is like what does that even mean and the there's a lot of ways to answer that like you go back to the antiquated version of that or You could think about the difference between the way you feel when you are serving people to help them versus the way you feel when you're serving yourself. And it's a completely different feeling, totally different. The feeling, you know, for me, like right now, you know, just like bringing food to air and taking care of the kids and it's an incredible thing. like it feels religious, it feels ancient, it feels right in tune, like harmonious with things.

It's very simple. There's nothing special about it. But the moment I get into my head, anything about wanting something out of that deal other than the baby that I got, the moment I start wanting praise or wanting to feel like a hero or any of that stuff, anytime that creeps into my mind, it dilutes the experience, which is really an experience. is ineffable and sort of empty and you're just part of something bigger like you become like the way the you know the planets revolve around the sun the basic flow of tides and things like that you can tune into that and become part of that that's the sacrifice you're sacrificing your ego to that

greater perfection that you can you won't understand I don't know what these kids are going to do or what their grandkids are going to do or their grandkids are going to do. I'm just a tiny little piece of this much bigger, beautiful tapestry of consciousness weaving its way out into the universe. And letting yourself just be that instead of wanting to take credit, wanting to be the hero, wanting to win fame or glory or all the things, that is the sacrifice that I think Krishna is talking about and is saying the karma is actually not so much coming from the action as much as attachment

to the results of the action is what's generating bad karma but if you can do your prescribed duties which sounds very heady and like what the fuck does that mean like i'm not the military but it's not talking about that it's talking about something much more earthy and human and all of us have different prescribed duties you know what they are if you can just do do that and do that without thinking about your own benefit, then at least according to this, the karmic repercussions are negated. And so, and it makes sense from the perspective of sort of escaping the infinite cycle of birth and death and merging with the supreme in some way, shape or form, which is yoga.

It means to yulk, to connect. And so this is one of the methods of connecting with the divine. There's other methods, too. This is karma yoga. But from this perspective, it's purely being the action. And as far as like what can you do about past bullshit that you did, you not a naughty boy? Well, nothing right now.

you don't have a time machine I was talking to my meditation teacher Nick Turn about this I just eating fucking lamb it was good and I was feeling guilty and I was told him I feel bad I ate the fucking lamb I'm not even a vegetarian I don't know why it hit me so hard

and he's like too late for you too late for the lamb he's right so but that's even that's just another example I would say of attachment right because now you're you're attached to the fruits, the negative fruits of this thing that you did, you're worried about what might come.

And this is saying, don't worry about that. You know, the seed is planted. It's too late. So to get caught up in things that you've done wrong in the past is just another form of worrying about the fruits of your action. To get caught up and worrying about what's going to come of things you might do, it's caught up in the fruit of the action. But if you're purely in the action, that's where you can experience a sort of harmonizing with like everything and you lose yourself in that

you really do I mean the when they talk about enlightenment and things like that it's very confusing but when you hear stories of people who like save people

who jump into like freezing lakes and pull people out and afterwards they seem legitimately confused that people are calling them a hero because that's not where their mind was at all. They just did it. They didn't even think about it. They were just in the water pulling people out.

And I think that's what it's pointing towards is just, you know, connect with what you know is like the right thing. And I think people do know and not in some big way you're not going to save the world the world doesn't need saving but what you know is right in the next moment and do that and don't think about what might come of it and that's what this is pointing towards but you've got to stop robbing graves don't do that anymore i've done it it's fun but you got to stop and it's addictive especially around the holidays

but please stop all right hadakrishna onward and upward i love you guys best to all of you and to the expectant mothers out there you can do this that's what i would say to erin before she told me to shut the fuck out bye