Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 758: A Conversation with the CIA's Chief Redactor

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

The ███████ Rose, celebrated ███████ ███ conspiracy lifestyle discord, ███ ██████████ ███ main feed! Guest host █████████ Tranch █████ ███ █████ ██ █████████ ███ ██████████ Kelly Waddleprime, author ███ Chief Redactor for ███ C█A.Hey this is kind of out of nowhere, but comedian and friend of the Family Johnny Pemberton is going to be in Madison, WI at Comedy on State from July 9-11. Click here to get tickets!Houston family! Duncan is coming your way, July 16! Come see him at the Houston Improv, click here to get your tickets now!This episode is brought to you by: Ready to reach your goals? Visit Hims.com/DUNCAN to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at MintMobile.com/Duncan. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self.

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Welcome to the leather rose. This is Jefferson Tronch, stepping in for Davis Grimley, who was wild and out and got attacked by bees in Miami. He's doing fine recovering as the human body does this incredible organism that we all get to inhabit temporarily on the strange journey of life. And part of that strange journey for me is getting.

to host my favorite podcast, The Leather Rose. We've got a great guest for you today. Somebody no doubt you know of, even if you don't know his name. Kelly Waddle Prime is the chief redactor for the CIA. This is the man who tirelessly, for decades, has been in charge of laying down those black rectangles over the great secrets. that the United States government cannot reveal. Is it to protect us, or is it something more sinister? He's just released a book, which is now the number one New York Times bestseller,

The by Kelly Waddle Prime. And it's hard to say what this book is about from the cover. It looks like most of the cover has been redacted, so Kelly, What did you redact on the cover of your book? Hi, it's great to be here for one. I'm so happy to be on the program. I've been listening to Leather Rose for a long time. I'm sad to hear about Davis, but I know that he's got quite a bit of constitution.

He does. He's happy to be here. His love of honey brought him down. Yeah, honey. I actually love honey too. I discovered honey when I was in Egypt. doing on my sabbatical and I fell down a actually accidentally discovered a tomb by falling into a well well let's be honest it was a toilet but I am I are you sure you didn't shit in just somebody as well well well I redacted that but now I'm

now it's been allowed to unredact it because it's been five years great and I did I was shitting in someone's will I thought it was a toilet but it will It was a well that I was here. That's one of the problems. I'm sorry to cut you off, but in Egypt. That's, you know, and who am I to give advice to any other country? But why make your wells look exactly like toilets? It's, if you've ever been to Egypt, you know, and you just, you look out and you're

about to tinkle and someone's like, nodding my well. And, you know, well, it's, it's inside. There's a restroom sign above it. I don't understand why they do that. Yeah, I think it's a translation. issue. Have you been to Egypt, Jefferson? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I'm a lover. I'm an Egyptian file.

And I love going out to Egypt and just wandering the dunes. I'm actually hosting a Viking cruise, a three-week-long Viking cruise up the Nile. And it's paired up with PBS and with brimmer cracker wafers. And we're doing a cheese tasting and a honey tasting. the Nile River on Viking cruises, which typically is a European excursion. So we're very excited. I'll be hosting that and I'll be teaching people how to redact their lives. Oh, now, you know, this brings us, I think, into one of the many interesting things about

your philosophy of redaction. You know, a lot of us, we get frustrated, especially people like me who are interested in the mysteries of the world and that which they don't want to. to have access to. You follow the Freedom of Information Act, and you'll never forget the first time that Manila envelope arrives at your door.

They send it to you, and then you open it up, and it's all black ink. You don't know what's under it. And it's frustrating. But for you, it's an art. The art of redaction. Talk about that. Well, I first learned about redacting

when I was taking a four-month-long haiku class in Hokkaido in Japan. I fell in love with haikus as a young boy growing up in the tidal region of South Carolina. And I just loved haiku because my great-grandpappy said the ocean speaks in haiku. It goes like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do do-do do-do do-do. Like, what is that? He said, that's a haiku.

How about you? And he actually didn't know about haiku at all. he was making a joke as he'd never left never left the city he wasn't allowed to actually what was that well um i can't speak on it but had to do with some criminal enterprises he was involved in so he was not allowed to leave so he had he made up the world around around him by guessing and reading through books and just surmising ideas and that got me into haiku and i thought like how how cool is it that that you can say so much with so little. So much.

And so essentially that's where the CIA gets their redactors is through poems, the international poetry symposiums. Now that's something I didn't expect to hear today. The central intelligence agency recruits poets to redact. Talk about that. Well, if you ever read any E.E. Cummings, you'd understand that syntax is poised. part of the language where you can put, let's say I have the word the, like the title of my book.

I hate to shameless plug, but I have to get it out there's more to the title. It just you've redacted every other word on the cover. Any clues about what the title of the book could be? Well, that is the title of the book. You have to think about where it's located in the frame. Is it at the top? Is it at the middle? Is it at the ending?

It's at the middle. could be, the is the beginning of the word theater, but you don't know if it's going to go on to say theater or it's going to just say the. There's all kinds of words that start with a word that's not a word, that's that word. And if you flip out and scrap it and dump it upside down and maybe black out part of it,

you can make a new word. And that's how all the great poets since Jim Washberg, Carla Monet Testifade, of the Northern Spanish region. Her work is, I'm a big fan of her work because she would do call Cut Em Up. She would take the biggest books she could find and she'd say, how can I make this

into a story that's different? You just cut it up. Just cut it up. Well, I mean, let's look at some words like that. All right. You know, for example, Spag, you know, which is, it's a Dura. It's a it's a you know it's a slow-for-g Germans yeah German shit dog it's a spag and I've

I'm surprised you're even allowed to say that I got bitten by you can say you can say spag in Germany I was bitten by spag on the ankle and uh you know it was bit in spag on the ankle and uh you know it like it got infected and I had to uh keep my foot in um hydro hydro hydro hydro hydroponic solution. Yeah, but I did catch that spag and I dropped him into a jar of chloroform. And I have one in my bathroom. To this day. Just to remind you not to ever do that again.

And as a form of protection, you know, so that if a spag comes into my house, he's going to see that there's a spag in a jar and probably not want to stay around. I was always told that you only get bitten by a spag if you've been. eating too much prosciutto and once you've had a ton of prosciutto they can smell it because it's coming out your pores this is true they're like it's a warning don't eat so much prosciutto do not this is this is this is a price you pay for a love of good prosciutto and that's why i went to german ham yeah i love prosciutto that's why i get it shipped here because i don't want to get spagbitten no you know it's safer to eat prosciutto in the united states and that's not

some nationalist thing that's just the facts but it's true it's not gonna get that fresh prosciutto you're not going to get that when in germany when you watch them with a razor blade slassen that thin prosciutto down translucent there's there's actual homes in germany where the walls are prosciutto and it is just a delight and you go into those homes and you just have to use every ounce of your willpower to not pluck a little pursuit off the wall and have a taste and those dogs suck it down you want to let you know i want to do i want to go on there there's a saying i used to say is it greedily takes up i want to just greedily take up of that wall that salty wall that's why you're skin like

I love a skin wall I wish to greedily takes up on your salty wall Guten toog Gutten tog and you can find the best prosciutto cafes in Germany just by listening for the howling of those spags because they surround them

There's sometimes you just 10 20 spags hiding under a dumpster hiding behind cars hiding behind cars just waiting for people to walk out with a belly of fresh prosciutto in that aroma of hormones, pleasure hormone. Skunk, the stink. That skunky stink. Because it does stink.

They'll bite you. My wife just not let me keep prosciutto in the home. I have a special man cave in my garage that's meant just for my prosciutto. My prosciutto man cave. And even then, and even then she's like, she's like, Kelly. Do not open the door on the front of your man cave because it'll wash into the home and we'll have these kids because kids are sensitive to that smell and they'll get spaggy. Oh, yeah. They'll have a spag fit.

My son, who he only has one foot, but he does great because of technology. My one-footed son, Beaumont, he has a lot of friends. He's very popular at his school. he had some kids over and these kids just went into because he's he's accustomed to the smell prosciutto i give him taste once a month on a new moon by these kids he had over from the school they were just going buck wild spag fever and they didn't know what was happening it's like it's hard that first that first waft when i mean i remember me as a child when i got wafted down but your child now this i didn't know about balmont waddle prime i imagine it's in you

your book, it seems like you may have redacted it, but it is a wonderful thing to hear that a child with a challenge of having a mono foot is beloved in his school. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by hymns. Guess what this old man has, type 2 diabetes. And guess what they put me on, a GLP one. it was for my blood sugar, but miraculously, I lost more weight than I've ever lost in my life. And I like that. You know, sometimes you hear people talking about people using GLP-1s to lose weight.

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We Govi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS to get started and learn more, including important safety information. We go v. Clinical Study information. and restrictions, visit Hems.com. Thank you, Hems. Absolutely. I have one foot as well.

That's our name. We are Waddle Prime. That is what the name comes from. I see. Waddle Prime. This is a familial, generational one-footedness? Yeah, as far as I know,

seven generations back, and that's as far back as we can trace, actually. What do you think is the eighth generation? Now, that's a little bit of redaction. but that's a kind of universal redaction, which is where do the water prompts? What do you think happened that you all only have one foot? I think probably it was some sort of a deficiency at some point maybe.

We just really don't know. I wish I could find out. A vitamin deficiency mean? Well, I was told by my great-grandpappy, he said that his daddy took it off when he was born. It's like sort of like a type of a foot circumcision sort of thing. Oh, a foot circumcision. I mean, it makes me think of the castrari, you know, the, this is the eunuchs of old that were assigned to guard brothels.

And you could trust them because they'd had their balls and nib dicks chopped down. They got nipped up. They got no balls. Some of them would have big members, though, but they had no balls. and I think it's similar to that and I love Italy so I've always loved Italy I grew up just love in Italy I would we went to Italy once been to Italy in Las Vegas I love the fresh pasta when it comes out of the pasta cutter and they let you they let you go up and cut it if you want I didn't know that I said put it in my mouth just don't even cook you just I stay let you if you give them 20 bucks they'll let you

stand up they'll put a black cloth around everything so you can't be seeing you can put your lips right after that roller they'll put that fresh lasagna into your mouth like a it's like eating a tongue you're talking about the sausage walls of italy yep this is a sausage walls of italy yeah now the sausage walls of italy i you know i wish that i had the access and the status to even be invited in to one of these uh rooms as they call them but It's true though, it's just like a sampler tray except it's sausages coming out the walls. Chamberisco, that's what they, I've always known. Chamberisco.

And you can just, you can just, you know, taste and each of these sausages and other lovers of sausage are in there with you also. Straight from the pipe. What's it like? It's just wonderful. it's one of those things where I will do a sodium fast for a month in advance so I can handle that much sodium. Otherwise, it will kill you. It will turn you into a crystal. Like Lott's wife in the Bible, which perhaps we have to reference, because that's the original text of life is the Bible. Lott's wife turned a pillar of salt, and that's because they had just initially invented these type of

these meat walls. Now, that's interesting. That's interesting, because the common understanding of that story. The story I was told as a child is that Lot's wife, God told her, you better not look back. And she turned around and looked as a lady will, and she got turned into a pillar of salt. You're saying she was crystallized from a sausage sampler of wool. She was.

She did look back. She did look back, but you know what she was looking back for her. She just remembered that chamber risco that she just came from. And when salt's in a fine crystalline powder, it can't function as a wave, an invisible wave. And it will inoculate you in the face. And it's the straw that broke the camel's back. But it's the grain of salt that filled up the coffer of your salt hole. Wow.

Yeah. You got a wonder, though, did the, you think they went back to Gomorra to gather up salt? when they needed it, you know, knowing that there was like a city with all that salt. Or do you think they avoided that salt? And I guess there's another question to add to that question. Can you talk about what the salt of Gomorrah might have tasted like? I have done a little research on this. One of my associates, Garrison Fumble, he actually is an expert.

He put out of a book called Salty Salt. and that's a great place to start if you want to talk about ancient salt seabeds and his work, Garrison's work, he just talks all about this but the thing is, this is from what I've gathered from his research, is the taste of it

sort of like a modern day fruit punch. Have you had fruit punch lately? You know, I can't believe you're bringing this up. I woke up this morning. I've been suffering from insomnia. First time I've gotten a good four hours of sleep in years. And I woke up and my wife is at my bedside with a bowl of fresh fruit punch. It's like she...

Fresh fruit punch. And she just ladled it right into my mouth there in the bed, just knowing... Oh, God. Just thinking about it, it gets me... It gets me ready to go. It wakes you up. Because it's a mixture. You got cherry, pineapple, orange, lemon, lime, probably a...

Persimmon. There's some sort of a red fruit that's good in there. Strawberry. Strawberry, I think, is the key to fruit punch. Watermelon. And, you know, I mean, the missing ingredient that I'll go to a punch party. and I'm happy to be invited anywhere these days, so I'm not judging.

But you go to a punch party, and if they haven't salted the punch, they don't have fruit punch. It's not really a salt. Add that salt. It might as well be pond water that they died red if it didn't salt the punch. That's what I'm thinking.

That's what I'm thinking. It doesn't take much salt either, just a little bit. Just a little bit of salt near fruit punch, and it is just, the fountain of youth and just wakes you up it reminds you of God's grace in this earth and it shows

us that things are getting better I just taste it right now my lips that sweet tangy fruit punch where no flavor stands out every flavor is blended together in a harmonious resonant frequency of pure red

it's the yo-yo ma it's the yo-yo-maw it's the yo-mo of drinks. It is the Celine Dion of sippers. It is the, it is the, uh, it is the, uh, it is Neil de Gras Tyson of, refreshment. It is the Walter Payton of drinks.

Uh, it is the Michael Jordan of taste. I would call it maybe even the, uh, the messy of pinknecks. The messy. Uh, that's a good one, messy because he's a player and fruit punch can be messy. I mean, it's why they have that,

I haven't stained a child's lips. If it doesn't stain their lips, you could accidentally give them too much. But you see that stain, oh, baby, you've been having the fruit punch, I know. You know, it brings to mind my favorite Cormac McCarthy passage in his book, abbreviated blister. The child's lips crimsonated

like an old beggar's shawl. wiped through a strawberry field beneath a cracked and cursed cloudy sun. Oh, baby. That's a passage on the right. That just tells the story. It's chilling and beautiful. You know he's talking about fruit punch. He's talking about a mustache.

McCarthy always has a bowl of fruit punch by his typewriter when he writes. Yeah. He really has a way. Look at his lips. permanently stained. He could take a newborn baby and make it sound like the devil what he describes it. He can take the sweetest piece of rotissory chicken you've ever had and it's like you just ate a piece of burnt shit or burnt poo-po for that. Sorry, I didn't mean to curse on there. It's okay. We can we cannot redact that. Can you bleep it out? I appreciate

if you bleep it out because shit to me is not really a curse unless you're saying like, oh you're a shithead. Oh yeah, that's actually an ancient curse. That's a real curse, a Babylonian There's a Mesopotamian curse. It has its roots, of course, in the Indus Valley region, but never say that to a person. No, I would never say it to a person in passing, maybe in passing. I feel like when you make a friend for life, which I think has happened between us, Kelly. You get distracted and you don't get into the meat of the interview. and I want to do you the honor of giving you the interview you deserve.

You have been working in the CIA, redacting, redacting, redacting, which to me tells me that you know every secret because you're the one who wipes those lines black. Now tell me, what do you know? What have you seen? And how do you deal with the anxiety of not? knowing every single national, international, global and potentially cosmic secret that exists in the world. Well, let me start off right now and tell you that travel. Travel is my, I got the bug. I got the bug.

And I travel. Once a month, I make an international trip. It's paid for. By the CIA? The CIA pays for it because I know. and different people in the department. Some of them have different type of thing they're into. Some are really into chocolate.

Some are really into mountain biking. Some of them are super into gardening. Actually, isn't one guy, but he kind of flunked out. And this is redactors. Are you saying the entirety of the CIA? Well, a lot of these redactors came as they started as jostlers. Well, no, what's that? I've never heard of a jostler.

A jostler is someone who shakes a person and says, tell them like, you got to stop to cut it out. Oh, yeah. Okay, a jostler. I got you. Who do they do that to? Is this like some form of pre-assassination? What people are you jostling? Usually it's a gymnast, young gymnast.

And most people who were started as jostlers, they were former Soviet. be at Eastern Bloc countries and they would they would do this to their gymnasts. They would, you know, jostle them to shake them out of their funk. Oh, right, just to get them going. Yeah, because they're very physical people, obviously. Sometimes dancers get jostled by the dance teacher who's a jostler. Oh, yeah. It's not talked about much.

It's kind of a trade deal. Cirque. Csolae. Do you, any of them get jostled? Oh, absolutely, constantly. I would say they jostle each other sometimes on purpose. Sort of like, sort of like dipping your. facing water. Okay, that splash. That's a cold splash wake you up. Yeah, more convenient.

Maybe it's better than a slap. A slap can sting and burn or leave them more. Jossel an adult. No, no one under five should ever be jostle. No, not, don't jostle a baby. Yeah, do not. If you're over 18, she don't only jostle people who are also over 18. And if you're under 18, what about consent or does the CIA just send people in to jostle without consent? I mean, I mean, it is, you know, I understand. I mean, no one consents to getting assassinated. No one consents to being gangstalked. Well, it's kind of a one-way street where we get people who are jostled.

They start as jostles, and then once they join the CIA, they stop jostling. Oh, I see. So you're talking about in the wild, like this jostlers in the wild. These are the people, okay, now I know. I've been jostled in a cafe. Who has that? You know, someone comes up and just shakes you. Yeah.

for for taking up someone's order and they like what are you doing why did you take my order and you're oh i'm sorry and it really it scares the goddamn bejazzis out of you oh god that's jostled by a stranger scares you to death it's give you nightmares when you get a good jostling it's and i do that sometimes i'll go into a cafe and take people's orders and it's not for any other reason that if they seem understaffed well i've never thought of that but i guess that's something to bring up with my psychologist is maybe I'm doing it because I want the jostle. A lot of people subconsciously are doing that. They don't know it, but they are.

That's the kind of thing you would know in the CIA, I guess. But I only know it because of people who I work with. I'm not a jostler myself. You're a redactor. You came from the IQ, IQ, haiku, haiku, ha, ha, poetry. Now, some of us have high IQ. High Q.

I have no doubt that you are a genius of extraordinary proportions just from this brief amount of time chatting with you. I can feel your intelligence oozing through my microphone into my mouth. It's like I'm sampling little bits of your intelligence and every single bite is savory, salty, and sweet. It reminds me a fruit punch. Now, let's, I wanted to show you some documents that. I wonder if you recognize them at all. Josh, can you pull up one of their redacted documents I sent over? When people hear that Mint Mobile plans are only $15 per month,

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Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply cement mobile for details. Do you know what this is? Have you seen this? It's for the listeners out there. This is a redacted. This is actually a recipe for Coca-Cola. That's the recipe for Coca-Cola. And that made its way on it.

And you can just by looking at those bars, you know that's your work. You can recognize this as you. Yeah, it's similar to this old idea that the Aboriginal people of Australia would talk about. You don't necessarily see the thing. You see that the thing

is evidence of the thing being there, and that is seeing the thing. So it's sort of like working in a multidimensional understanding of the universe as opposed to concrete. We in the West would say, I see a bird. Look, there's a bird. Yeah, there's a bird over there. How the dream time interpretation of that is if you see a leaf moving in a way that would suggest a bird is behind the leaf, that's seeing a bird. So it's even though you might not even see that little sparrow. You might not see that mockingbird.

You see that leaf move makes you think of a bird. Bird is there. So in this case, the leaf, is the redact. I got you. So just by looking at the jostling of a leaf, which is the redactor of nature, if it was bigger than a bird, I guess you could say. Exactly. Leaves are the original redactors. And trees, I suppose,

and anything that could conceal another thing. Now, do you, I don't want to get too far down the rabbit hole here, but are you of the school of thought that believes that God is the original redactor, that there's an intelligence, intelligent redactor in the universe that is in the sense you look up and it's and you see those stars and everybody thinks there's space around the stars but in fact those are god's redaction lines covering up something else absolutely that's what dark matter is i mean we know now we learned this i think 20 years ago or so that dark matter is at least 51% of the universe we know that it's a fact 55 Okay, it's 55 now.

Why not by 4? Wow. Well, if it goes up by 4, you know what that says? What? Goes up by 4, there's probably more. You mean it could be even higher than that, 55? It could be as high as 99.99.99.9.9. You're saying, and this is coming from the CIA, 99.9.9 of the universe is essentially redacted.

Could be. You can't say. also there's a kind of thing where you're saying it but you're not saying it though I'm not I can't say it but I can say that if I said it then I would have said it I see does that make sense what if I say it if you say it then I can say that he said that so I'm saying 99.9.9% of the universe has been redacted and I can say you said that and I can say it In a way, I could say like this, you said that, or I could say, you said that, or I could say, you said that?

All three of those means something different, right? Now, which way would you say that I said that? I would say you said it like this. You said that. Oh, wow. And does that tell you what you said? Oh, wow. How you said it?

Because the way I said how you said that you said it should say how, what was said in a truthful way, or if it was said in a dark matter way. But you also have to think about perspective, too, if you are the dark matter, looking at the non-dark matter, is the non-dark matter dark to the dark matter, or is it light? Wait, are you saying that what we think of is dark matter,

that were the dark matter, that were the living redaction? There's no way to know. It's like this. You know, you ever had your haircut? You know, when the barber shows you, your back of your hair with the mirror and you're like, okay, I'm seeing it.

But you're seeing it in a mirror. And we all know that a mirror isn't a truth. It's a reflection of a truth. It's a reversal even. You're seeing the reverse. Magicians use mirrors all the time. That's not true. I'm sorry to push back on that one,

but I don't think that's true. The magicians use mirrors? I don't think they do. I've been to many magic shows. It's one of the, I love magic. And I love it too because of the mirrors. I like it. I've been to many magic shows and I haven't seen a single mirror.

And I look, because I know there's tricks. It's magic. But I have not seen a single mirror. And I've been to over 300 magic shows. To be precise, 346. I'm going to one tonight. 347. Never seen a mirror.

And I don't think they use mirrors. Okay. Well, I feel like that you can think that. I'm happy for you to think that. They don't use mirrors. I do think that. And I know it. After a show, and I'm very shy.

You talk to the magicians after shows? Only once. I just get so nervous around a magician. I have so much respect for the craft. And I went up to a magician, the great Lindsay. And I was so nervous. He saw it. You know, he's a good man.

Oh, they can smell it from a mile away? He could smell it. And I went up to him, I said, I don't want a fan boy out. I have no idea how you made that rabbit come out of your pants leg. There was no rabbit. And I'm allergic to rabbits. And so if there was a rabbit in the room, I would have covered in boils. I would have been immediately covered in boils.

You would have been nasty. I would have been a nasty festering mess. And so what did he? I just said, what did you? Is it mirrors? Slap me across the face. And he said, a magician never tells his tricks, you piece of shit. And I deserved it.

He goes, a magician never tells his tricks, you piece of shit. But one thing I will tell you is none of us use mirrors. don't get the fuck away from me. And it was, well deserved, well deserved. I've heard the great Lindsay's really nice, so I'm surprised he would do that. Well, I think it's very offensive, what you're saying. And I just, you know, I just, I look out for the magician community who are probably listening to this.

By now they're not. You know, I imagine many magicians have just turned off their wild ones at this moment, but. Yeah, that's too bad for them. I'm sorry. They don't use mirrors. Yeah. Okay, well, how would you do that? How would that even work?

A mirror? Well, maybe you have a mirror with a black velvet wrapped around it, and it appears to be a pathway when actually it's a mirror. Perhaps, you know, just to reflect a lot. Why not just have a pathway? Because the pathway would reveal that there's a woman back there who was not killed. The woman, I mean, who was in a box, who was in a box, or on a swing or on like a metal ring.

a swing. Oh, one of the, yeah, a swing ring. A swing ring. It could be a child with cancer. The women disappear. I see it happen at magic shows. They go somewhere. They're going somewhere. Well, it's magic.

Right, but the magic is, you know, the magic is the, is the trick, the building of the trick, the making the trick, they're doing the constructing the box, maybe out of mirror. That's like it's like saying the house is putting up the drywall. The house is the house. What do you mean by that? I mean, you're saying the trick is setting up the trick. I'm saying it's when the lady disappears. And every time I just gasp.

Right, but you know the lady didn't die, right? I don't know that. You don't know it, but you have to assume that the magician isn't just killing a woman all the time. Well, he brought her back. Right. Oh yeah. Well, sometimes they don't bring her back. I've never been to that kind of show. That sounds like something you might find. I only know if I call that a magic show That sounds like human sacrifice

Well some magicians now are daring to Daring to do a thing that's different Like Kelvin Dietrich I saw him in Reno Just a few weeks ago Great magician He disappeared 13 14 women

And they never came back But that doesn't mean they're dead No You're saying because something disappears It's dead That doesn't mean that Well, then what do you think is happening? I don't know.

If I knew it wouldn't be magic. I don't know. The women go. They go. The women go. They disappear. And they come back sometimes. Sometimes they don't.

They're gone. But to immediately assume that the magician is exterminating volunteers from the audience to me seems a little grim. It is a little grim. It is a little grim, I think, but if you don't acknowledge the fact that mirrors exist, you have to think that maybe that's what's happening. I don't need... Don't you think? Okay.

No, I don't... Does a mirror make the sun disappear when it becomes not? Do you think there's some kind of mirror in space that's making the sun disappear? No, because there don't have to be the biggest mirror ever. and that would be super hard to make. I'm there. You just defeated your own whatever you're saying. If there's no mirror that makes the sun disappear,

then when magicians make women disappear, there is also no mirror. That's just logic. But there could be a black velvet that's on the edges of it. Why do you need velvet? Because black velvet, it looks really good for magic. I can't argue with that. You have a nice look.

I can argue with that. Black velvet. Oh, I love that. Southern style. I love that song. Black velvet and that's warm southern child. It's black velvet and a warm southern child. Black velvet, if you please.

And that's, you know, international magic hall fame. That's their theme song. Now, this, I know where you're going with this and I appreciate it. Black velvet redax. I used to think that y'all were up there with duct tape, black duct tape. black duct tape, taping it over the sentences that we aren't supposed to see. And when I found out that y'all have just spools of black velvet in the redactant rooms, and that it's black velvet that you're using to cover up the print,

I just found that to be fascinating. Talk about that. Well, you just basically talked about it, is that we use black velvet to do the redactant. Talk about that. Well, so velvet, the way it is, it's like a rabbit skin, right? It's soft. It has like hairs on it. Yeah.

And each one of those hairs can grab as much light as 100 pieces of paper. 100 pieces of black paper with ink that's federal ink for money. The kind of ink they use in money, it's black ink. Yeah. Well, there's no true black. And I'm not sure if you knew this, but every black is either a... like a dark blue, a dark purple, a dark green. I didn't know that.

There's no, but what I'm looking right now at the screen of my computer, it's just black. And you're telling me that's not black. That's green. No. Well, that's if the absence of light is black, but if you have something that you're adding to something, it's, it's color. I see. It's just a super dense color. Tell me about when a photon.

quote Cormac McCarthy. The photon erupted from the broiling sun, like a sad teardrop, rolling down the face of a witch, burning in the primordial fires of a dark huntress mask. That's beautiful, actually. When a photon makes its way from the womb of the sun, and it lands on Blackville.

Yeah. What happens to that photon? Talk about that. The photon gets confused. It gets super confused because it's being absorbed, and it's being like, it's like a bunch of people who are grabbing one guy going, hey, grab, instead of, if you were watching a concert and there was a hundred bouncers on the lip of the stage, and instead of the, the the bouncers pushing you back, they grabbed you and they threw you to another bouncer and threw you to another one.

You just got thrown around like a mosh pit. Tossed around. That's what the velvet does to light photons. Like a soccer ball. And the photon gets tired and it just goes away. It just goes away. Where does it go? It loses its speed and it falls into nothing.

It falls into, it becomes dark matter. It slows down the black velvet. It tosses that little photon around hither and thither, back and forth. Because light is just energy, and once energy is dissipated, it's gone. It's gone. It's just poof. Poof like a magic trick. So black velvet eats light, but it doesn't just eat it.

It confuses it into non-existence, is what you're saying. It exhausts it. It wears it out. Excuse me. Wow, it was like a photon torpedo. Right there. I was like a photon coming out of the coming back out. Do they ever come out of it?

No, I'm sure you're aware of Spencer Tracy's work. And, you know, I don't mean to bring up a sore subject. Spencer Tracy claims that the black velvet, the CIA, has been using to redact these files that we all want to look at is sucking out all the light from the universe itself. and that eventually because of what you've been doing, there will be no more light. The sun will be drained. There is a theory about that, but that is the math is wrong.

The math's just plain wrong. If that would happen, we'd have to have, the amount of velvet we'd have to have on hand would encircle, if you could go to Pluto and back 175 billion times. That's a lot of black velvet.

That's a lot of black velvet. But Spencer Tracy says that even if that's true, and I, you know, I saw him on Oprah with Neil de Grosse Tyson. You're talking about Spencer Pratt or Spencer Tracy? Spencer Tracy, the... Oh, right. Yeah, I love it. Well, Spencer Tracy's claim is that the redaction velvet, there is a policy. of a blowback that like that all those photons could theoretically wake back up and they just want out and then that could create an explosion and this is one of the dangers I imagine of working around all that velvet is is do you have you ever heard of this or seen what they call a micro blowback where light shoots back out of the velvet this episode is sponsored by better help summer is he

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I took a trip to the, not the Hadron Collider, but a similar to one. that's for CIA only it's a lot smaller but it's really good it's real nice they have a great snack bar there too what do they serve there that snack bar that's I can talk about this they're not supposed to but you can okay they have all these snacks they make is in using the the ice that's generated the coldness is generated from the from the acceleration oh I see this thing that happens where it's not heated they have heat and they have extreme coldness It's what they do. They have these little steak nuggets and it's a five white wagu

beef what way goo white beef a five a five white white goo I mean a five white guh I mean a five way goo a five way goo a five way goo a rose buying their name is just a sweet you know I know that they have this and what they do is they flash freeze it and they flash burn it oh my God and they do that that in the particle accelerator. They do it on the little side box, the particle accelerator that's attached to the cathode. Like a side lane?

Like a side lane, yeah. Like a side lane, basically. So are they launching the Wagyu into the particle accelerator? Is the meat launched? The meat's getting launched by the puffer blow of the heat in the cold. Okay, I see. So it's in a bounce box and it gets blasted around there, little nuggets playing all around.

And this freezes the meat. This freases it and then it heats it like dragging fire. From the friction of the bouncing. No, it's the heat from the, I mean, that might be some friction in there. I don't really know because I might become a superconductor at that point. The meat becomes a superconductor. So it's because it's so cold and it's going to be like, you know, there's no friction. Sorry to cut you off, but I must ask, I'm sure the listeners buy all.

wandering this right now what happens when you when you launch two cubes of a5 wago at you know light speed or close to light speed at each other well it's the best thing sandwich i've ever had i can't even imagine how tender they don't even put butter on they just put a little horseradish on there oh my god and that's what you eat there yeah you have to bring your own bread but there's a bread store, a delicious bread store right above there. And, you know, they cater to the scientists and the people who are visiting. Of course. It's delicious, like a baguette, like a German baguette.

I don't know. Talk about that. Talk about a German baguette. It's super fresh. You can only have it before noon. Once the clock strikes 1201, it gets hard as a baton. Talk about a baton. A baton is like a stick.

Talk about that. A stick is something that comes from a tree that's hard, and you can use it, much like the first weapon that we think probably was the first weapon called the Shalala. A Shalala, it's an Irish stick. It's still used today by certain hags in the hills. Yeah. They have many kids.

Gutter hags up there. They'll have a shalele. It's a stick. It's the main trunk of the tree used as the blunt head. And it has the offshoot branch that's at a 45 degree angle. And you hold on to that and you club someone with the main stick. You know, I remember my first encounter with one of those gutter hacks and their batons, their foul batons.

I was just lost as you could be out in the woods. And I came upon a cliff face. And I just had to get out. I was panicking. And so I just started climbing. It didn't. Up or down? Both.

I mean, it didn't seem. First, I had to go down into a crevice that cut through down. It was not a gully. It wasn't. I'd argue with my wife about this all the time. She claims it was a gulp. It was more of a rolling dip that washed up. A crevasse?

I wouldn't go that far. A depression. It was a sort of depressed gul. Okay. Something like a sink. And I went in, yeah, more of like a, a thickened hauler. And I went down into that. And I remember how cold the mud was down there.

And I just was panicked. You know how that is when you get panicked when you're hiking. And I just thought I could make it up. The cliff face, there were jutting stones and such. And I just, I'm climbing. And I remember I was pulling myself up on a ledge. and it I just felt it felt like a firecracker went off on my butt and it hurts so bad and I looked and there is one of those hags and she is wamping me and just you know you can't I don't know what even if anyone knows the language they speak it's like a gutter old gibberish and all I knew she wanted me off her off that ledge sounds like a paper shredder and they're like mountain goats they looked up and it was just so many of these cliff hags where they're just on this it just their feet are massive maybe

that's part of why they can stand that well they're just perched looking for sugar in the cracks looking for sugar I guess I just it was like sticking your hand in a hornet's nest these hags were hissing at me throwing their shalelys down throwing their batons and this has made me wonder is this how the baton became the performance device that it is because you know you see these I think so. When I see someone twirling a baton, it's different for me now because I know how deadly they are. But you think that's why they twirl batons.

Talk about that. I think so. Because if you look at a baton, if you put spikes on a baton, you would have a weapon that is just unstoppable. There's stories of an offshoot of the hags called sporners. Sporners. Sporners. And these sporners would have these. But these batons with spikes on them, and one sporner could take on a village of a thousand Normans.

Dear God. They would just spike them up. This is a hag offshoot, or is this also a hat? The sporner is like in the hag category, or is this a different? It's an offshoot, but they got offshoots so long ago that became a totally different thing. Josh, pull up a picture of a hag. Yeah. Well, I'm surprised you can find any picture of them.

They should have been redacted. Just see if you could find a picture of a hack. We use it. Oh, dear, there you go. Pull it up. Pull it up. Can you enlarge it with a hag? Can you enlarge a picture of a hack, Josh?

Zoom in. That's not real. Well, that's not a, go back, Josh. I just need to see. That's a witch. Right here. That's a witch. Now, which of these is a hag and which is a witch?

Well, I can't really say that. Am I allowed to do that? What about that? That's, that's, can you make that bigger? That old hag. That's a chicken cassidia right there. That's a hag. That's a chicken cassedia.

Look at that. That's a hag. I'm looking at a chicken cassidy right now. Talk about that. Okay, I'm seeing colors of yellow from the Monterey Jack. So you can't even, I get it, I get it. I didn't mean to put you in this position. You said this is what happens when a redacter sees something that is yet to be redacted, but should.

You call it a chicken cassidia. I'm not calling it. Because everyone saw it. Everyone saw that egg. Yeah, everyone saw a chicken cassidia. Okay. I'm not going to push you on it. I'm not going to push you on it.

The green chilies. I see the white meat breast chicken and the delicious tortilla. It's flour tortilla, which, you know, it's not as good for you, but tastes better. Would you say the flowers? better than corn. Absolutely. Flower. Don't offer me corn. If I wanted corn, I'd go to a cornfield.

I came to your taucaria because I want a flour tortilla. Wouldn't you go to a flower field if you wanted a flour tortilla? You go to a wheat field, get weight? Well, I've never quite looked at it that way. But I guess that's why I'm where I'm at. You're where you're at. It was about time to wrap this interview up. It was so wonderful being here.

Before I let you go. I do feel like I have a lifelong friend here. You should come out. I'm going to Upper Norway next month, and we're doing a symposium there. It's invite only. I'm extending an invite to you and maybe three of your friends. I'll be there with Josh, and I'll be there with a special person that I want you to meet. I'm going to redact the next.

Okay, if you don't read it's I will. So it's okay. Before I let you go, one thing that so many people love a podcast like this and certainly the other roads, they come here not just for stories, mystery and the deep cuts that we give them here on the rose, but they come here for inspiration. What message do you have for the world right now, which is in such challenging, tumultuous times. What do you have to say to the women,

the men, and the children, and the babies of the world? And the elderly. My message of the women and the men, the babies of the world will be to, it's a simple message and it rhymes, and that is, savor the flavor. When you have any kind of a flavor at all,

understand that that is quite literally an unredacted thing from the universe, or God, however you want to take it. And just savor it. If you got a piece of cinnamon gum, I chew on it until it stops being cinnamon. I can taste it right now. If you're biting into a dragon fruit that's been homegrown, savor it. And make sure you chew because when you chew more, you have less gas and that's less space in there.

You feel more full. The food gets to power your cells better. Everything's better when you savor. So you just savor it. Savor the flavor. Kelly Waddle Prime, you are more to me than a friend. You are something deeper. I appreciate it, Jefferson.

Sorry if I've got allergies right now, but you are more to me. Allergies are bad right now. Anyone I've ever met. Something deep, something, something, something, it's seismic. Wow. Makes me think of Cormack McCarthy's description of a lamb trembling, eyes is black as obsidian disks marked on the husk of an old derelict beneath the deep, thick briny effluvia of an ancient spray boy's can.

Can you just, I know this is a lot to ask, but can you just sing us out with a little black velvet? All right, here we go. Black, Bad, Bad, Warm, Southern... Black, Bell... Thanks for having me. It was a great time. I love it. We'll see you in Norway. Norway. We're going to have some great smoked fish and hit the sauna. See in Norway.

See in Norway.