Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 759: Bobby Kelly

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

Bobby Kelly, you know him from Louie, you know him from O&A, and he's deep, spiritual madman, joins the DTFH!Houston family! Duncan is coming your way, July 16! Come see him at the Houston Improv, click here to get your tickets now!Check out Mystery Boys with Duncan and Kurt Metzger on YMH Studios!This episode is brought to you by: Download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code SECURE10 in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account! Terms apply. That’s Money. That’s Cash App. Go to BrooklynBedding.com and use promo code DUNCAN at checkout to get 30% off sitewide as part of the 4th of July sale. Head to Factormeals.com/duncan50off and use code duncan50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box!

Hey, good to see you. Sorry, I was a little late. I miss you so much, and I'm glad you're here. It'd be easy to think, as you're listening to this or watching this, that I'm not talking to you, that I'm talking to some sort of ambiguous mass of people listening or watching the DTFH. And if you thought that, then that means you succumbed to a sort of naive, understanding of the current technologies, which are available to certain people who are doing shows, podcasts, politics, pretty much anything. And that technology are swarms of nanobots that, via all kinds of things, coffee, vaccines, Kim Trails have gotten into your body at the genetic level

and have allowed me to tune in to you. I'm here for you. I'm here to talk. I'm here to talk. to you, not them. And I just want you to know something. You're being too hard on yourself. Listen, it's just panty-hose. What's the big deal? And yeah, it's the same brand your mama used to buy. And yeah, you like the way it feels when you pull it up your legs over your ass.

And you like stroking your own leg and thinking, that's mama's leg. It's kind of like coming home. And then after those sessions, you beat yourself up. You drink too much. You pour tequila into your mouth. You vomit.

And then you put on the hose again and feel better. And it's a loop you're in. It's a loop and it's a ridiculous loop. Essentially, you're flogging your back and then you're applying a kind of panty hose balm to heal that wound. Wounding, healing, rewounding. I'm giving you permission right now. Wear the hose whenever you want.

Stop the flogging. It's not helping you. It's not helping anyone. And your mom is going to be in hell forever no matter what you do. We have got an incredible episode for you today. and this is just for you. But before we get into that, I would like to invite you,

not the rest of you, just you, to come to one of my live shows. I'm going to be in Houston, Texas, July 16th. And then right after that, I'm going to be doing a weekend at the glorious comedy mothership, Austin. Come see me July 17th, 18th, and 19th. And then this is the most important of them all.

They're all important. But this is not. I don't think I've been to the Milwaukee Improv before. And if I have, I apologize for not remembering. I'm going to be at the Milwaukee Improv in Brookfield, July 23rd, 24th, and 25th. Won't you come see me? And also check out my newest podcast, The Mystery Boys, on YMH. Get ready to solve mysteries and maybe to create a few mysteries that will haunt you until the end of your days.

Holy Lord in heaven, we've got an incredible episode for you today. I'm lucky. Josh is deeply connected. He's in some kind of comic Illuminani and he knew that Bobby Kelly was going to be in town this weekend doing shows at the mothership. Which, by the way, if you're in Austin, please go see him. He's so fucking funny. You're crazy if you don't go. Are you really going to go see fireworks?

Really? How old are you? Do you actually like fireworks? You're going to, what, film the fucking fireworks? Don't go see fireworks. Go see Bobby Kelly at the mothership on July 4th. You're going to have a much, much better time. You're not going to have to worry about a firework malfunction.

These are fucking methods. heads launching these fucking things. People get incinerated every summer in Austin by errant fireworks. Don't risk your life. Don't risk your family's life. Also, I wouldn't want to be outside on July 4th anyway. I can't tell you how I know that. Go to the mothership. See Bobby Kelly there. But first, see him here. You already know who he is. You know him from Louis. You know him from Opie and Anthony. You know him from his, from his podcast, Y, KWD. Did you know he was a pioneer when it came to podcasting? He started in 2010.

He was using weird, obscure technologies to do podcasts with Colin Quinn. He also hosts a show with Big J on Sirius called Bonfire. He is a wonderful, deep, spiritual madman. And he's here today. Everybody welcome to the DTFH Robert Kelly. That's something you should be grateful for. That you can puke into a cup. And that's it.

No, I think it shows you how much power we have over our bodies that we don't know. That's a yogi. That's why I fucking love you, dude. I knew you were going to whip something like that out. And you call them Zen's, not Zen's. I'm going to start calling them Zenz. Oh, look at Dad. Oh, that's crisp.

Is this good? Is this good? It is crisp. You can't see my lips out. You want to fucking get some of the lips there? I don't want to see those lips. Some of those lips? Look those lips.

Look those lips. Is it right? Are we rolling? Are we doing it? You know what's so funny? And I apologize. Because this happened to me twice now, and I have to, I have to stop.

I'm from Boston. So when I say we're upstairs, just in context for the listeners. We're upstairs in the coffee shop, and the dude was behind me. First of all, I walk in two smoking hot chicks with the Labrador. The thing just jumps on my body. Tex. And she goes, oh, I'm sorry.

First one, no, you're not. Text does it all the fucking time. Yes. Okay, because I know guys are dogs. And the thing, if you don't want the dog to do that, you fuck. But I don't give a shit. Let Tex do what he wants. A dog jumps on me.

That means I got the energy. Yep. You know what I mean? There's something about me with text is like, good guy. Yes. I don't give a fuck. But I hate what people apologize for it because it's like, shut your face. Yeah.

You know Tex does this. But I don't give a shit. And then we go in and the dude's behind me. he goes, yo man, your bottom zippers open. Yeah. And I immediately go, you know, man, I'm married. Like, I'm like, this is Austin gay text.

Yeah. This is gay, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Because they have like codes and shit. So I'm like, yo, dude. And he's like, no, my bag on my thing was, the bottom zipper was actually open. Yeah.

Which, and I go, and I said, I thought that was some queer stuff. Yeah. But I say queer and stuff like that. And you're like, oh, he's queer. So, and I, I'm sorry. dude. I'm not queer. Oh shit. Yeah, he's not really queer. Do you get facials? Josh is just gay. Your skin is, are you gay? Josh is gay. You're not gay?

Three kids' wife. Buddy, you have great skin for not being gay. Thank you. Well, I did this the other day. I'm hanging with two friends of mine that are gay. And I was like, fucking, I was telling a story. I was like, fucking queer. And I forget, because I'm from queer, it's not queer. Yeah. I never, you know what I mean? It's like, that's why I love joking had a joke in his last special who goes, I've never called anybody gay, faggot, ever. I only

texted to my friends on their birthday. One of the jokes like that to me, when they solve a problem, in very few words. Right. To explain something. Right. And I said that the other day, and I got to call them, I'm like, I don't, I didn't mean

gay. I meant me. Right. You know what I mean? When I wear my two socks up too high. You think you actually I can't imagine you have friends gay or straight who are actually offended by something you say Well, because I'm friends, here's the thing I don't, I think in comedy

people hang out I've never done this even in high school. People in comedy hang out in groups Yeah. Right? Almost like little gangs. Yeah. I hang out with everybody.

Like I'm friends with you know, I like people in that group and that group and that group. I don't really, If you're a good person, I'm nice. I don't care about your comedy. Right.

I don't care about your political view. I don't give a shit about that. You can do whatever you want. But if you're good to me, if we can talk and you're nice to me. Yeah. And we have, you know, you're good. I'm fine. You're cool.

Right. So I have friends that believe in all kinds of crazy left wing shit and fucking blah, blah, blah. And we have coffee and we talk about other shit. Right. And then I have friends who are like fucking far right. And we talk about other shit. I mean, I agree with a lot of stuff they say. But I'm not.

We talk a lot more. Dude, I love having friends. Like, you know, I'm like a woo-woo hippie dude. But I have, like, brilliant atheist friends who I get into theological conversations with debates. And they beat me. They're smarter than me. I lose every time. I like that.

I'm not offended or upset. It's like, I don't know. Maybe there isn't a God. Maybe everything I've been praying to is wrong. but I was not going to stop. No, but they're wrong. Listen, the thing is. You're Catholic, right?

I'm Catholic. Yeah. But I'm more, let's say this, because I pray every day. I pray during the day. I went to, when I go yesterday, my wife took me to Waco, Texas, because of the magnolia bakery and the silos. Oh, my God. My wife took me to Waco, too.

What the fuck is that, dude? Because she saw it, my wife, 10 years ago, whenever it was, saw that TV show with whatever the couple. Same. And then I remember, she goes, I want to go there someday. Oh, my God. And then two months ago, three months, whenever this was booked, she goes, maybe we'll come.

Me and Max will come. And I was like, that's weird. All right, because she doesn't come on the road with me that much. I was like, okay. And then yesterday I'm walking around the silos. And I'm like, all right, this bitch. She had this plan for years. I'm walking around with a fucking muffin and a fucking dumb latte.

Looking at earth-tone fucking hoodies. Yeah. So we were walking around. there all day yesterday. I mean, dude, it's, first of all, I love it. It's fine. I'll go anywhere and do anything. And then all of a sudden, they actually took an old church that was another place in town, which I love, that they can move buildings. They can move houses. And I don't get it. And they've been doing it for a long. It's not like the new technology. Yeah. They used to just lift a house. So they picked this church up and moved it to the silo area. Yes. So I'm looking at,

And me and my son, who, you know, he prays with me. Yeah. He saw me praying one day in the morning. And he just got down next to me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

And we went in the church. We walked in the church. We sat in the front pews. People were walking and looking around because people are scared. Yeah. Right? People are like, oh, we're just supposed to look at this. We sat down and just closed our eyes.

Cool. And all of a sudden, we looked around. There was other people. We like, other people are like, oh, we can do, we don't have to feel weird. Wow. So I was like, we just sat there for around 10 minutes. And then I closed us and took a breath. And we just went back out to, you know, walk around and look at more fucking muffins.

Okay, for people who don't know what he's talking about, first of all, Waco. God. God, but Waco. Let's talk about Waco. Yeah. Waco, everybody knows Waco because of Brant's Davidians. But Waco, the city is a very desolate place. Like if you wanted to shoot a zombie movie, you should shoot it there because you don't have.

have to close down the streets. Dude, my wife and I walked around. It's desolate, empty, fucking creepy, weird, weird vibes. A tornado hit. Wakeo killed a bunch of people. Did you stay at that cool hotel? No, we didn't stay.

I'd never stay at where you go. Dude, we stayed. We stayed at the car. Dude, we just got, it's just weird vibes, but where you went, so it was this Instagram influencer. It's a couple who

had a show of flipping houses. That's it. Yeah. And they transformed this desolate city that had a terrible history from the Branch Davidian, right? Yeah. Who that's all people know. Now you go there, buddy, this place in the middle of the city, went to the doctor pepper factory, walked around the museum, made our own Dr. Pepper Peppers. Yeah.

Then we walked right over to the silos. You're walking around. It's like going back in time. Yeah. I mean, they have a baseball, a whifflebone. ball bat baseball field. And you just saw families with their grandparents and the little kids playing games

of wiffleball. It reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode where it's like a zoo for white people. Yeah. That's what it felt like. Buddy, that's exactly. I'm walking around like, what the fuck? I'm trying not to swear.

You know what I mean? So strange. So strange. Astro-Turf everywhere. Exactly. Dude, it was like a black mirror, whatever the show. And the best food, everything is kind of healthy, but a little fattening. Yeah. It was perfect. Yeah, it was, Waco is a fucking weird city.

It's a weird city. And I don't, I mean, I want any city to do good, but I wouldn't say they revitalized it. Well, it was packed. That area. And I spent around 250. Okay. I dropped, maybe three. Add in the Dr. Pepper Factory.

Yeah. That little area. Yeah. is making bank. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think it's cool because they did. It's like, that's their hometown.

They went, they wanted to give back. That's fucking cool. Buddy, I bought Cologne in Waco, Texas. They're doing good. I bought, I bought, cowboy black Cologne.

In wait. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I bought a hat. Oh, yeah. I got Reno 52. Janet Reno sent is there.

She incinerated those children. That's how they think is like. Buddy, I had dinner with her. You. Had dinner with Janet fucking Rina? I got a video of it too. How?

How? What? Well, I don't want to go back into my history because I talk about it. But I was a bad kid, juvenile delinquent. Went to jail at 13, getting out of jail. Yeah. Went to rehab 15. Recovered from booze and alcohol.

And when I got out of rehab, I wound up working for one of the juvenile halls. It was a place called NFI Sheltercare. His name was this guy Yitzach. Dr. Yitzhak, I believe, I hope we're not getting it wrong. He, way back in the 80s, wanted to start,

because back in the day with juvenile hours, they would just throw them in a fucking thing, like a building, like almost mental institution. Okay. He was like, and then they started throwing them in jails. Yeah. He was like, I want to create open door.

They called it normalization. Yeah. Where they would buy a house or a building in neighborhoods. And it was open door policy. So the windows weren't locked. The doors weren't locked. But the longer nobody ran, the more incentives the kids got. So 30 days, everybody got a steak dinner.

Yeah. 60 days, you got to go to the beach. 90 days, you got lobster. Wow. So you would take the kids that were there longer, and they would incentivize the other kids. You gave responsibility, right, to kids. And all of us, we did. be at the beach.

You know, we'd go hiking up in the mountains and the white mountains. We'd have lobster dinner so you incentivize kids not to run, right? And they would actually talk to you. So when I got out of this place, it was one of the greatest, it saved my life. And if I shelter care, save my life. And when I got out of there, I went back and I worked for them. So they call me up and they go, hey, we're going to, we have to go to Washington, D.C. and we want you, I was 18, maybe 18, 19,

we want you to speak in front of the Congress and the Senate. Holy shit. So I'm like, I have no, I have nothing. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, right? I'm like, yeah, sure. Had you done any performance before that? I was just starting, you know, in, I mean, in 1920. I don't know, I don't know ages, so I had just started a little bit of comedy.

Like, I mean, a little bit. But you had still conquered the fear of getting in front of people. I was in college for art. I was taking an improv class. I was getting into theater. Yeah, I mean, shit like that. Gotcha. And I was doing, you know, very little.

But I had that thing in me, that disease we get. Yeah. About speaking in front of people and making people laugh. I was like, yeah, sure. So I go, they fly me. I had to buy a suit. I remember my mother got me a double-breasted suit. It was like an asshole because I had no, I never wore a suit.

So my mom bought me this silver double breasted suit. She must have been so proud of you. Big fan of Kennedy. She'd fucking suck his dick in front of my father. Swear to go today. And he's dead and so is Kennedy. She'd suck him up and blow him.

So I go there and I don't understand what I'm in. I don't understand what's happening. I just know that I don't give a shit, right? We get this secret service. We get into the room. We're in the cannon building. and it's 250 Congress and Senators. I'm at Table Uno

with Robert Kennedy's daughter, Kathleen Kennedy, I believe. I'm not sure. Okay. And Janet Reno is next to me. Holy shit. Sitting right next to me. So it was right there,

and I'm looking around, and I'm sitting next to her, and she was, you know, with her with her fucking Pete Rose haircut. Can you pull up a picture of Jane? Janet Reno. She looks like she pitched for the Yankees in 78, right? Yeah.

She, uh, yeah, there she is. She looks like, she's fucking Pete Rose. Holy fuck. Yeah, dude, look at that. That's the one I sat. Right there. That's the one I sat next to that with that one right there with that hair. Look at that.

Doesn't she looks? She was third base for the fucking Cincinnati Reds. Shit. Pull up a picture of Pete Rose. It's true, though. It's not. There you go. Right there.

Not that one. That's that one. So, dude, I don't know who she is. I don't know the progression of, you know, the present. But I remember she would sit there and she would, I thought she was English for some reason. Because the way she would talk, you know, like, how sophisticated women she would. She would just be looking this way and then turn to you and go, so Robert, where are you from? You know, and I was like, and I'm just like, I'm from Medford.

You know what I mean? Massachusetts, right outside of Boston. I'm trying not to swear. And then I get up and I speak in front of all of them. I was on C-SPAN. I still have the tape. Wow. And I'm killing.

You know what I mean? You're getting laughs. Buddy, it was probably the first or second time I've gotten laughs where I was like, oh my God, this is the greatest thing ever. Holy shit. And I'm, I mean, I think one of the laughs was like, I'm just trying not to swear, you know, and I got to laugh from, not knowing that all these people are garbage.

Right. They're pieces of shit. They swear. Yeah. And, you know, the stuff that they do. Oh, my God. But I remember I realized that night that that, that. This episode has been brought to you by Cash app.

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Our government, people think Hollywood is disgusting and crazy. It's not. It's politician. The government is 20 times worse. Oh, yeah. Because I remember every single senator and congresswoman would walk up to her and kiss the ring. I remember she sat there and they all lined up and they'd come over to the table and they'd be like, how you doing? Jesse Waters.

Jesse Waters, nice to meet you. Jesse Waters, nice to me. Jesse Waters, nice to me. Hi, how are you doing, Mrs. Reno? Oh, yeah, but okay, great. And they would line up and they'd all do the same thing. How are you doing? How are you doing?

Hi, how are you? and they'd give their name and what they were and they'd shake my hand and shake, and then they go right to her and just be like, oh, that nobody hates each other. It's all bullshit. Yeah. It's all power. Yeah. It's all power.

That's right. And it's all about kissing ass and people liking you and being in the right click and knowing this person to get this and knowing that person to get that for that one. Yeah. I just sat there like, wow, these people are all phonies. You know what that reminds me of though, man? that structure you're talking about there. I can remember when I came to the comedy store,

I didn't even want to be a comic. I went there, I needed, I ran out money. I just needed a job, got a job. And I think Mitzi hired me because I'd come out of college and I didn't want to be a comic, and she just thought that was interesting and weird. So I ended up becoming the talent coordinator of the comedy store, and I got to be around Mitzi,

and I witnessed comics bowing to her. Like, for real. Yeah. Like, you know, was it ass kissing? I mean, yeah, but it was more than that. It was this deep reverence, you know? But I saw that weird pyramid-shaped, culty power structure. I'd never seen that before.

That's what it reminds me of. I'm sure you see that at the cellar. It's in every, of course, but it's funny that you have no control over it, which is weird. People like, it's like people bitch about, like, I'm trying to get in here. And then they hate the person who run, because they didn't get into the club. Well, they can't get into the club. But if they do get into the club,

then they love the person. Right. Right. And if they get out of the club, they hate them again. Like, I remember going the comic strip was the club. The cellar was garbage when I moved to New York. No shit.

Dude, nobody went to the cellar. They used to have people barking. They had one show from nine to two. What? They would make the wait staff sit in front. Oh, dude, can I tell you something? I am terrified of. of the fucking comedy seller.

I've been there once. Yeah. Walked in. Like, you know, like, I got to sit at the comics that wasn't the day. And even that felt wrong. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you're steeped in, like, the rules. It's formal.

And I think it's not all bad necessarily. You know, that's good that it's there. But, you know, I know what you're talking about, man. Like that anger comics get over not getting into a place. Yeah. What does it even do for you? When I went to the cellar, I was at the Boston Comedy Club, which was the kind of punk rock club, and then the seller.

And then I would try to get at the strip, which was, you know, the strip, Carolines, Gotham. Those were the clubs. And I remember auditioning for the strip twice, killing, and then coming up to me going, you did good, but not right. We don't think we can use you. And I was like, good, that's cool. I went to the Gotham.

I killed. I was like, send me a tape. I was like, okay. And as I'm walking away, the girl I was just goes, are you sending a tape? I go, no, he just saw him. Why doesn't he need a fucking tape? I know.

But I mean, I never hated the guy for it because I'm not your thing. Right. I'm not your thing. I'm in at two clubs. I'm fine. It just so happened that the club that I liked that was not the top club at the time was one of the bottom clubs. Right. Became the motherfucker.

Yeah. Like the store. became the motherfucker again. So it's like, you know, Caroline's is closed. The strip is gone. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So if I invested all that shit into something that wasn't mine. Right. And hated people, hated Lucian, the fucking Dracula he was. Yeah. Lost fingers. He would show up with a glove on with like missing. Dude, I talked to him. What was his name?

Lucian, hold. Yeah. I talked to him when I was the talent coordinator. for some reason Mitzie, I think she was friends with him or something. A couple of times on the phone, I talked to him, and it was like a vampire. Like, his voice was so strange. I had no idea. Hello, Robert.

Yes. Well, you're not. We have a lot of white comics here. Well, I do a lot of stuff about me looking Puerto Rican. Well, we have Puerto Ricans, too. All right, dude. I just was like, I did fucking. I'll see you.

I won't see you tomorrow day, but I'll see you tomorrow. night. But the eccentricity of the people. Hang on one real quick. Look that up. Nope. The people who run these fucking clubs

are weird. Thanks. That's it. They're just weird. Like something about having that much power in such a microcosm. I don't know if they started weird. It shifts. Yeah, it's weird. But here's a thing. Like, Patrice used to say something that made

the most sense to me. He used to say, what's good for you is good. And what's good for them is good. Yeah, sure. Like Mitzi. When I lived in L.A. for two years, worst two years in my life. Was it right? Yeah, worst two years my life. That's a tough transition. The New York to L.A. transitions. If you aren't working. If, yeah. And plus, I was in that vibe of like, if you said something stupid, I'd be like, what are you a fucking asshole? I can't do that in L.A. Nope. You can't, like, I remember one night, some guy was like, hey, man, do I know you? I go, you met me. six times. I'm not playing this fucking game. Yeah. And he was like, what?

And everybody was mad at me. Yep. I'm like, this guy, I'm telling the truth about this phony piece of shit. And everybody's like, oh my God, you're rude. I was like, oh, fuck you, you mother. Dude, we were just talking about this, man. We were just talking about how. Yeah. There's, you know, there's all these clicks

in comedy, but there's, some of the clicks understand. Right. That if a comic says, fuck off to you, that doesn't mean much. It's just, you know what I mean? Whatever. You're not going to think about it a few seconds after they say it. Yeah.

But then there's other clicks where you can offend someone for the rest of your life. They will hate you. And it's a completely different type of comic, I think. I don't know what the fuck that is. But you're either one or the other. Yeah, it's, yeah, L.A. at the time, now I can go there. But at the time, like, I was working the clubs, the improv, the laugh factory. Yeah.

But I remember going to the conference. Comedy store, me like, this is the fucking, this reminded me of New York, the hang, the darkness of it. Yeah. You know, I love a, I love a comedy club that has a strip club vibe. Yeah. Like, if you walk in at night, you're like, this is fucking magic. And if you came in during the day, you'd be like, this is a shithole. Oh, dude.

You know what I mean? That's what I love. A rat dying in the wall, Duncan, we can get it out. I wish I met it. Every summer, every summer a rat, or more than one, would die in the fucking. wall and rot in the original room the smell, just the light, subtle

smell of like a filthy vagina would fill up the room and there was nothing you could do. But it was a filthy vagina. It was Sam Kinnison and Pryor killed a hooker. Yeah, people were murdered there too because it was run by the mob.

It was zero. Dude, I was at the cellar one night, it was like, I always had to do the last spot. Like I fucking do something. It would always go late. And I remember I'm on stage is like fucking 12 people there and I remember some just some type of black brownish tar dripped out of the ceiling onto my head I remember looking at the lady in the front one went and I went what to that's the type of club I like me too you know that's what you want man

you want ectoplasm fucking paranormal gloop dripping down on you that's what I like too man that's And that's a vibe I got from the seller. Dude, I wanted to ask you, because you're Catholic, my wife's Catholic. And I go to Mass. I love it. I actually like going to Mass. My kids are baptized. They're all Catholics.

But what are your thoughts on this drama happening in the Catholic Church right now? You know about this? The schism? You know about this? What's happening? No. First of all, when you asked me to do this, I was hoping that you bring up a word like schism. I just learned it.

I just learned it. I love you, too. I thank you. I love you, but dude, pull up Catholic schism. So for the first time in a long time, the Pope fucking excommunicated a bunch of people because it's basically,

so yeah, pull up the news. Society of St. Pius X, clergy excommunicated. So the St. Pius X, basically like, you know, Vatican 2, they made, they sort of made the mass more. formal, right? It went from Latin. You know more than I do. I don't. I don't go to,

I don't go to church as much anymore. I pray every day. And I do a lot of, I do a lot of meditation, manifestation. Yeah. And I pray every day to God. But I, I'm actually talking to my son right now about starting to go back to church on Sundays. I think we're going to start this summer up in the Hampshire. So I don't know a lot. So you tell me what's going on. I'm just learning all this stuff now. A lot of the stuff I learn about Catholicism is from offending my wife. So basically, it's really fascinating. Like this group of Catholics, they think that the Vatican 2 or the new way of doing mass is not, is wrong. It's heretical. So they were doing mass the old way, which is Latin.

You don't look at the clergy. You face the cross. It's very formal, very intense. It's like super fundamentalist Catholicism. Okay. But the problem is you need bishops, right? And because there's this already like tension between the new way and the old way, I guess the Catholic Church was not giving them new bishops, meaning that you,

need bishops to run the show, right? And so they fucking created their own bishops. And so you can't do that. It's called a schism. It's a schism has happened. And it's intense because this is how you get offshoots of Catholicism. I don't know if this is how you got a Piscop, I think a king made the Episcopalian church, which used to be Catholic, but it's a really dramatic, weird, intense thing.

Because on one level, it's just so, so, you know, we're in modern. times. Yeah, I know. Yeah. And this crazy shit's happening. But on another level, there's a lot of people who say that the modern Catholic church has gone astray. It's become too liberal.

Listen, I, this is why I, this is, like when you, this is the, this is the rules shit. Yeah, man. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sober. And when I got sober, the only thing they told me is you need to find, you need to find, find a God of your understanding. I think God, right, is a moral compass. And I think that people, children, especially,

are being brought up without a moral compass. It's all about me. It's all about them. And they don't know, they don't understand right from wrong. They don't understand their intuition, their soul. They don't understand. there's something in you, right, that knows what's right. And you know, you ever walk down the street and see somebody and want to give them money?

Didn't ask for it. Just want to give them money. You ever have somebody behind you and you just want to pay for them? Yeah. It's in you, right? You're like, should I pay for this person and stuff? And then something goes, ah, just come on, you got to go. Right?

Yeah. I say do it. Yeah. Because that's the thing in you. That's that moral compass. That's that spirituality. That's the fucking universe. That's whatever makes people good, good, right?

And I think we all have it in us. But I think what we do now is we bring kids up to worship fame, like, money, success, which I think is great, right? If you've got like some type of thing in you, right? Moral compass. So when I think of church or God, I'll go to, I can go any church. Because I can, like, hey, you can get what, you just have to get what you need. Right.

And forget the rest. Yeah. So, I mean, if I went to church and there was, I had to learn Latin, I'm sorry, you're going to have to go fuck yourself. Yeah. I'm not, I don't, I'm not doing it. But if I can go to church and you can say some cool shit and I might hear something that affects me that day. Yeah. And I can quickly get that bread.

Yeah. And I can pray and say, hey, dude, forgive me for jerking off six times to what I jerked off to. And forgive me for taking my wife's a twat and forgive me for fucking, you know, doing what I'm, and you're like, you're good. And I'm out. You know what I mean? I feel like, for me, that's good. Totally. Like, yeah, don't throw the, like, I think that you sort of have to act as, I don't know, a filter or something.

You know, if you should be able to, like, go into a church. and if there's stuff that they're saying that you absolutely oppose, it's against whatever, okay. But probably they're going to say some things that you can take with you that are good. Yeah, it's like I drove by a church and they had the gay flag out front.

And I was with something like, what the fuck? I'm like, dude, as long as you're not making out and whipping your tits out and sucking each other off, as long as I don't care if you're gay. Right. But if your moral compass is similar to mine,

Come, go to church. Yep. I mean, I understand the Bible, right? And there's certain things. And if that, you can find that church. Find the church that is, you know, that 1960s, 70s, Catholic, you know, we're all this. Yeah. That's my grandma.

That's, you know, my whole family. Yeah. I'm fine with that too. But if there's a church and there's a gay flag out front, I can go in and get the same spiritual workout. sure if I listen Yeah right Now yes Am I gonna be bumped a little bit

You know when the priest is a Is a chick Yeah With a double mastectomy You know what I? Yeah And she says my girlfriend I will be bumped

I'll be like huh You know what I mean But I can move over it Yeah I think this stuff has to evolve Because even the church What's the church about? Come on

What do you mean? Mula Oh yeah Making cash It's money You gotta sell tickets. You got to move tickets.

Dude, it's no different than me this weekend at the mothership, Fourth of July weekend. Why? Why? In Texas. In fucking Texas on the, like you said, the 250th fucking birthday. My whole show is going to be purple-haired chicks. They're going to hate me.

Do you know what's funny about that, though? This is what's funny about that. This is sort of off topic. But you've seen all the waves of, you've seen so many different audiences. You've seen fashion change in the audiences, right? And there was a certain type of audience that at one point you would look at them and you'd like, oh, fuck. This is going to be tough, dude. And that would usually be the conservative audience.

You know what I mean? You'd look at it. These guys are fucking squares. Jesus fucking Christ. They're just going to find me to be so offensive. And then it changed. Now you do the scan. You see the purple hairs.

You know, like, oh, God damn it, dude. They're going to be repulsed by me. Like the shit I'm going to say. But it's the same, it's exactly the same thing in a different outfit. Yeah, no, it's really true. I remember when the, I was in Nashville one time and I was doing jokes and they weren't laughing. I go, what are you guys? The Bible belt?

And the lady went, wear the buckle. And I was like, oh, shit. Fuck. And now you go down there and they don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. No, they don't care. But if I went to, you know, like a side weird club in L.A. off of some, you know, and I go up and start talking about my wife, well, that's misogynistic.

So yeah. Yeah, we, we, it's, I think it's all cyclical, man. It's like, good word, right? That's a good word. I think it just, it just, we just keep, you know, switching roles. Yeah. We just keep switching roles, right? Yeah.

But I think as a comic, you should be able to go up in front of any crowd after anybody, absolutely. Anywhere. Yeah. And do good. Dude, I'm on this. This is, okay, so in Buddhism, there is this, I don't know, it's sort of like slogans. It's called the Lojong slogans.

It's just, it's like shit to remind yourself up to get you, like, back on the moral compass. Right. The one I always return to is drive all blames into oneself. meaning it's your fucking fault. Whatever it is, it's your fault. Stop blaming shit around you. This is your fault. Now someone gets to say, yeah, well, I'm getting like stabbed on a fucking subway.

How is that my fault? I don't know to answer that question. I do. Get a car, fuckface. How's that? Work harder. Get a car. Thank you.

You know what I mean? Don't take the subway at that time. Yeah. But with stand-up, I always refer to that. If you're blaming a fucking audience, I just see it. It's like, look, it's a wave and I wasn't a good enough surfer to surf that fucking wave. I got rolled. Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know how to surf the wave. Yeah. I could have. Yeah. There was a way. I didn't do it. And so, yeah, I know what you mean, like for sure. But also, you know, there is this.

And also, like, looking at an audience and shifting your fucking act around. That's fucked up, too. Don't, I don't do that. I don't do that. I just sort of, like, steal myself for like, all right. I might not be able to, like, I might not be able to pull this one off with these people. Yeah, but that's part of the gig is going up and having some person not like you. Yeah.

I remember the first time I spoke, my first year in sobriety, you have to speak, tell your story. Yeah. And I went to this same meeting Tuesday night for a year. I went to the same meeting. Every Tuesday night. Wow. I was, what, 16 and a half, 17? and I went to this meeting

and here I look at imagine me in front of all these old drunks right no I'm the youngest person by far and I'm up there and I tell my story and I captivate these fucking losers right these drugs these fucking you know

and I cap except one dude just I could tell he it bothered me yeah like I saw him like getting up and getting coffee huffing and puffing and puffing and I was like it fucked me up yeah and I went over to my sponsor

I'm like he said kid people coming up to oh my god women were crying right and then my sponsor was like to kid that was great kid he goes yeah I go that one

that fucking one guy was fucking huffing and puffing and puffet and didn't even say anything to me yeah and he goes yeah dude that's human nature not everybody likes you right but that's comedy too yeah

We can be in front of a whole crowd of people. And everybody's dying. And that one dumb face. Always in the front row. It's just, you're up there. And it's like, what are I going to do for you? You know what I mean? I need everyone to like me.

Well, why do they sit in the front? You know what I'm talking? I have noticed that being that you're talking about. And I've, you know, run through my head with whatever that fucking thing is. Yeah. And I've thought, are they vampires? Are they literal vampires that come to fucking comedy shows, sit in the front and expressionless? No.

It's just human nature that a room full of people, 100% of them aren't going to like you. Even if you sold every ticket in there. Yeah. Some fucking dildo brought his dumb, goofy wife. Yeah. And she's just like, hmm. You know what I mean? I don't like that.

It's human. It's just, it's art, man. I hate saying that. Can you cut that? But what we're doing is creating, right? It is art. I know, but I hate it. It's like, you know, it's just going to happen.

But what you can do it. What I do, I love doing this. When I see, I'll just be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He hates my guts. And I just move. I let him know that I know you fucking piece of shit. I know, you know, you know, like. me, but I don't give a fuck.

I'm going to fucking acknowledge you dumb face. And then I swear to God, every once in a while he'll go, you know what I mean? As a comic, you won. But it's not going to always work, right? And I just worked Long Island. I was in Long Island, which is a fucking

another animal of human being. Love them to death. Some of the best comedy fans in the world. But bro, two fucking smoking hot, middle-aged Italian fucking, I mean, smoking And they loved me and hated me the whole show. They would be like, no, that's not true.

And then they walked out on my last joke, walked out. Because I said something about 50-year-old vaginas. Talking about my wife's fucking dried up 50-year-old vagina. And I go, you leaving? She goes, yeah. And then I was like, that's not sure about when. You got offended or whatever. And I was just like, and then she gave me the finger.

That's the, that's the, that's the woman comeback. Yeah. Fucking, ugh. Oh, no. Oh. Fuck off. And I was just like, good, go fuck yourself. You know, I.

And, uh, it's just, I, it's just, every, look at that room. They should all love me. They should, I'm Italian Irish. Yeah. I'm talking. I said what they fucking, they just didn't like me. Yeah. From the get go.

Right. Before I said a word, they looked at me and went, bleh, because I remember. them of some dude their finger popped them in the car and never called them back that's right some you know there's something it's just it's the way it is it's the way it is it's the way it is it's the way it is yeah and you got to just you got to deal with it yeah but and and you're gonna be fucked up at the you're gonna as soon as you get off that fucking one i know that you want to go to the you want to go this is the worst when you go to the middle or the feature or the feature now they want to be called features fucking middlers uh you're in the middle stop it what you've exotic fucking say yeah the easy

spot of the night, you son of a bitch. Baster. 15, 20 minutes and you're out. Cog suck. Can I sell merch? No. You shouldn't have merch. You should have jokes. But yeah, you want to go up to them after me. Like, dude, that lady

in the front is the worst when they go, oh, she was great. She loved me. Oh, fuck off. Go fuck yourself, you add. I didn't notice anything. They were wonderful. Wonderful. Oh, I hate it. I hate when they walk off and you know they did okay. mediocre? How were they? Great.

Were they? Oh, yeah. Because I was listening. They were great. Okay. I want to show you something. And like, you know, I usually on the podcast, I don't get into this shit much. But today, the algorithm gave me just this. You talked to the algorithm? Well, I know you, I want to talk about your AI because I know you have, what's your AI's name? It's, hold on a second. Frankie. Well, I'm, I've, me and Frankie broke up. We'll get to that. I want to show you this. I just want to know your thoughts on this. This is from Vulture, and these two people have been disappointed by Louis C.K.'s latest special.

I just want to hear your thoughts on this. Go ahead and play it, Josh. Is the audio working, Josh? Oh, wait. They are not cool outsiders anymore. Also, like, people are saying the R word started again, start from the top. So you watch...

First of all, stop. Stop. Okay, okay, first. Okay, listen, I don't The, the face Their faces Okay I know When I can

When I know your opinion by your face I know Okay, go ahead Go ahead roll this This is what I was thinking about Cancel culture Was the best thing that ever happened to comedy And specifically, the best thing that happened

For a certain subsect of sort of edgy transgressive comedians Ten years ago Cancel culture, whatever it was emerges as a thing for comedians to point to and be like what I'm doing actually on stage is dangerous I'm cool I'm an outsider for doing it they would evoke the specter of animal culture

if I was an artist and you commissioned me if I was a sculptor and you said or a painter and you said I need you I want you to sculpt me a face that has never lived

laughed, unknown funny, has never ever, ever had joy. Ever. Ever. I would sculpt her face. Dude. I would have a, I would have that face. And I'd present it to you, and that face would be the face. And I'd take off the thing, I'd take it off, and you'd be like, perfect.

Perfect. A masterpiece! Masterpiece! In misery! Keep playing this, Josh. Can you start? Just sort of like. bring comedic tension and energy

to what otherwise would be kind of lazy joke writing where you're like don't have a punchline you can say a slur and then the audience will still make a noise anyway but now

and this is a good example of it they are on Netflix they are doing brand deals they're doing Super Bowl commercials so they are not cool outsiders anymore also like people are saying the R word everywhere

so you watch parts of this special and you watch all of Tony she's going to ruin my show I'm sorry and it just like does not really have comedic tension or energy and it is just so

boring yeah and the feeling of watching to you to you is he seems boring to you yeah yeah you don't think this conversation is boring

to me right listen man these people This, but this is it. Yeah. This is good. Yeah, we want, you guys don't get it. Yeah.

That you're making people, you're driving people. You're driving people over. Yeah. This is the point. You can do this shit. Go ahead. Do it. You're going to drive the majority of people.

Now look, whatever your world is, man, or them, whatever. I don't know what the fuck, what that, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Was that? That was a girl. Yeah. Okay. There's a lot of things you can do if you want to get healthy. You can start slurper back vitamins.

You could make friends with some kind of transhumanist scientist and start injecting some kind of stem cell plasma into your undergunt. Or you could go straight to the fountain of youth. Sleep. really look it up don't trust this old withered man just look it up if you want to feel better if you want to get healthy you could be chugging all the vitamin juice and and snorting big fat rails of some kind of rejuvenatory vitamin e powder i don't even know if rejuvenatory's word but you know what i mean but if you're not getting enough sleep forget it none of that stuff matters

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Yeah, dude. You're fucking to you. Yeah. By having these conversations, you're just driving more people over to check them out. One of the greatest clips of all time, if you want to see how comedy works,

if you want to deal with all this bullshit, because they love to philosophize. Oh, yes. They love to bring. break it down. They love to, well, this is joke writing and boring.

And they just say a slur. Yeah. And that's unintelligent. The audience makes a noise. Yeah, they make a noise. Like, what? A slur noise. If you watch Patrice O'Neill on Fox News,

he did a, I think a, it might have been a battered woman's fucking show with a raising money, which you don't have. Patrice, Nick DiPaulo and Greg Joeldo. Wild, they hired him for that. So he did a joke where he got in a lot of trouble.

And they posted in the news where he did a joke where he said, White Boys' things, they have this thing where they call it the Angry Pirate. And so he got in trouble for this joke. And he's on Fox News. What do you mean, the Angry Pirate? What's the joke? I'm going to say. Okay, okay.

So he's on Fox News, defending comedy, right? Yeah. And this lady like that, who. doesn't know funny. Is it in the funny? We're in the funny world. Yeah. This is what we,

she's in this world. Right. Talking, philosophizing, debating. Yeah. Words, periods,

commas, semicholins. She's in, that's her world. I would never enter that world. Right. I would never go in that. But she's,

you're an art, this is, he's like, this is my thing. And he's looking at her, she's not an expert and funny. I'm on Fox News. You brought me here

because I'm the expert on funny. Right. And he goes, yeah, she doesn't know what she told. She told the joke. He goes, she told it wrong. Didn't get it left. She told it very, and, you know, just hit the, he goes, no, what it is is when you ejaculate in a girl's eye, kick her in the shin, and then she hops around on one leg going,

arg. All camera guys laughed. And he went, see? And he pointed, he goes, yeah. Right. You don't know funny. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Everybody laughed. Why? They shouldn't have. you're working for this company you're not supposed to laugh couldn't control it because the way he delivered it who was saying it how he said it and what he said it's not it's not just what you say right it's not just the the the the intellect of the conversation right it's who's saying it right their voice yeah their tempo yeah it's the it's the whole band fuckface right that thing is saying

that thing at that moment and that way about that subject Yeah. That's what makes it funny. Right. I couldn't have said that joke. Right. It would have came out and been hack on me. Yeah.

But Patrice could. Right. Louis. I know they're talking about Louis. You could talk about Shane. Yeah. No, they're talking about Hinchcliff and Louis C.K. Okay.

I just watched the Louis special for the second time last night. I haven't seen it yet. It's fucking. Of course it's great. Buddy, it's called ridiculous. He named it ridiculous because it's just ridiculous. Yeah. You know what I mean?

He's saying ridiculous shit. Right. And it's Louis. Yeah. Right. And it's outrageous and hilarious and wrong. He's saying a lot of wrong. Right.

And that's comedy. Right. And people, a whole theater's laughing. Yeah. Me and my wife were cracking up last night. Right. Just not because we know Louis O'Lai. We're cracking up.

Yeah. Because so it's not for you. So, but this is what they do. They wrong. They say, they blanket it. Like it's not, it's not funny. Yeah. At all.

At all. It's over. So you can go the Mona Lisa, right? I went and saw, I went to the Vatican and I saw the Sistine Chapel. I looked up. It was cool. There's another wall that you don't see, right? That he did.

It's like not the ceiling. It's the wall. That blew me the fuck away. I was like, that's. I was like, that's great. That's cool. What's that? Did he do that?

He's like, oh, he did that? I was like, you understand? Right. It hits everybody differently. Right. Does it, do I say the 16th chapel sucks? Right. No.

No. You're not like, oh, what a fucking hack. Look at this. What was he trying to do? Look at this. Yeah. This isn't edgy anymore. Yeah.

And, you know, to me, the other thing that seems to get missed in this style of critiquing comedy is you're not just critiquing the comic. You're implicitly making. A judgment on all the audiences that love that comic. And in that way, you're basically saying, this world that I'm in, it's the wrong world for me. These people, they don't feel like they belong here. That's the assessment. Like, you're pissed.

Look, maybe Tony Hinchcliffe's comedy isn't for you. Maybe Louis C.K.'s comedy isn't for you. Right. Those guys are selling out theaters. Right. arenas. Right. So in your judgment and critique of them, you're also essentially judging the whole human species

as having gone astray. Yeah. Almost like we need to put people in camps, educate them on what's funny so that they stop laughing at things we think you shouldn't laugh at. It's really fucked up if you look at it from that perspective. I think it's great. I think they should do more of these because it's just. going to someone's going to go

who? Shane Gill is? Don't let me go check and they're going to go, you're just driving more because the majority of us have, I think have, uh, if it's funny it gets you. If it's not funny it doesn't get you. That's it. It has nothing to do

with these two twats. No. Who have literally uniforms. You know what I mean? Right. You know what I mean? The glasses. It's just like, come on guys. You know, they're getting destroyed. If you, you know, in the comments, everybody's just like, you know, like, what the fuck are you talking?

Again, but they want that. It's rage big. They want, this is what sucks. You know what I started doing? And this is going to blow you away. This is going to sound the dumbest thing in the world. Can't wait. I started reading.

What the fuck? Did you get that? Clip that. Clip that. That's big. And, okay, so I'm on my my phone at night and I will go to Instagram and I will go to Facebook and I will go to YouTube. Yeah. I don't really go to X. What it more. And I, I'll, because my brain is,

you know, ADHD and I have all the shit and, you know, I'm curious and I'll just go and go and go and go. And I'll hate and I love and I'll be mad and I'll fucking read stuff. And I go through all this twisted, fucking fucked up shit. And I won't be able to go to sleep because my brain is just, and I'll look, it's three in the morning. I gotta get up at six.

Yeah. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah. And I have all these emotions. And I, I go crazy inside, you know? And then, and then like last night

and the night before, I read. And I read, and I read maybe last, Last night, I read maybe five pages. Of what? Empire of the Summer Moon, I'm reading. Cool. About the Comanche Indians.

Yeah. It's a fucking, the book is nine million pages long. Yeah. Every time I look down at the percentage, I'm like, I'm not going to get this. But anyways, I just reading it about Ann Parker's son. And he became, you know, he's like a half breed that became one of the greatest Comanche chiefs ever, right? Heard it's a great book. It's fucking phenomenal.

And I'm reading that five pages And I'm done My brain shuts down And then you know what I did? I dreamed the last two nights I had vivid dreams I had these crazy dreams And I slept

And I woke up in the morning Felt good Yeah And my creativity My brain was going Yeah I was thinking of stuff And it was like I was my

I had more contri It's fucking weird It clears mind. Your mind's clearer if you read versus letting the algorithm juice your fucking amygdala and sprained cortisol all over your fucking body. And that's

what this shit is. That's what it is. If I had seen this last night instead of reading, I would have been like this fucking, yeah. And I would have went into the comments and be like, oh, fucking ha. And then I would have went, I scroll, and there would have been something else. Yep. And something and then something

out. And then I would have been on to fucking, you know, some guy hiking. fucking Switzerland and then I would have went to some guy building a

boat out of fucking bottles and then I would have went to some twat hating this person and it's

just, it's, I don't think it's for me. Well, it's satanic. I mean, like it's

like what, like truly, like if, if there is. And these days I really do veer towards like, you know,

you can name it whatever you want. Yeah. But there is a fucking energy in the universe that once you tune into that, it will fuck your life up. And if that energy could invent some kind of technology,

it would be social media, it would be the algorithm, it would be, how do I just like send constant blasts of a message, which again and again and again and again says, your entire civilization sucks. Your species is useless. Everything's meaningless. What sucks about it is this, that the kid, like I'm 55 going on 56. I have the ability to know that I don't have much time left. Yeah. I have 25 summers left. Yeah.

Right? I don't want to, I am trying my hardest not to waste it. Right? Yeah. And it sucks for kids because they will not have that perspective. Yeah. until you don't have the time. Right.

You just don't have the time anymore. So it's like I have a son. I have a wife. I have a family. I have a very small amount of time left in life. So when I, and I'm not saying I don't. I do.

You know, you get into it. You know, blah, blah, blah. And it does feed that thing. But it's like if these kids aren't, they're not going to, you need death to wake you the fuck up. Right. And give you empathy. Yeah.

And give you perspective. Yeah. That's the sucky part of life. Yeah. Is you need, you know, people always change their lives when something tragic happens. Right. When they real. And when you have all the time in the world and you're safe from everything.

Yeah. Is when you don't have that perspective. Yeah. You're a temporal trust fund kid. You think you've got all these years in the bank. And you're, you know, you don't understand how, even if you do, which by the way, it's a huge assumption that you're going to live your lifespan. That's fucking nuts. You really think you're going to live to your lifespan.

People who think that's like, look around you. Look at like the people just dropping dead. Look at that dude. What was his name, Oliver? Do you say twist? Oh, you know, look at Oliver Twist. Oliver Tree. Oliver Tree.

You know, this guy's at the top of his fucking game. He's like, he's like this brilliant, like crazy fucking musician. Rides a helicopter in Brazil collides with another fucking helicopter. Here's what sucks about it, though, for us. Because we're comics and podcasters. We have to watch this shit. Well, we have to watch it. we have because we're gonna someone's gonna bring it

someone's gonna talk about it right you know I do the bonfire with big Jay Oakerson yeah fuck of one of the funniest human beings on the planet yeah fast as lightning yep funny as I mean I don't it doesn't make sense to me sometimes

how he could watch something and brilliantly just say something hilarious so it's like it's hard for me sometimes because I have I'm on this I'm like When I was younger and I was just a comic and I wanted to do shows and, you know, and then all of a sudden I have this son and a family and the thing I always wanted, you know, and I have this beautiful thing and I want to experience this.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Totally. And then you go on these podcasts and we have to watch this. We have to be able to be funny about this. We have to be able to be mean and funny and vicious and say crazy shit really fast. You know, so it's like sucks for us. us because I feel like in some way we can net the only way to get really healthy and live

that type of life you know that that oh my god you feel beautiful every day we don't get that okay I'm going to push back on that one I'm going to push back on that one you're number one people you are so fucking funny you are so brilliant and you're so funny but clip that cut that but but but what what you also have this thing this is what actually you know mitzi mitzi could see this in comics so like i i would i got to sit with her i got to watch these comics showcase for her and and she would pass them and i'd be like what the fuck like that guy's not funny at all sebastian man o's colco selling out madison square like you know i'm just some asshole I don't know anything about comedy.

What do you mean? I'm not funny. I, and he was, you know, this is, again, not the Sebastian watches my podcast, but like, he... He does. He called me this morning.

He's like, dude, tell him my long big fan. He's fucking funny. But in those days, I couldn't see that shit. She could see through the jokes, the early phase jokes, into, like, what you are. Right. Which is, you're just funny,

atomically funny. You couldn't, not. be funny. I'm not saying that sometimes you're not funny. What you're made, like the clay you're made out of is funny fucking clay. So you have this idea. I've got to be more like, I got to be quicker.

Like, you know, Big J. I remember when I met fucking Zach Gallifanakis. Yeah. That motherfucker. Everything he said was the funniest thing. Yeah. And I remember like thinking, oh, well, I don't it's not fair. I don't

have that brain. I don't, I, but here's a thing though. For me to, you can't be, I could, like, I could never be like Louis or Patrice or Norton. You're you. Yeah, I don't have a problem with it at all. I know, because what I have, too, that other people, I have vulnerability. Yeah. I can expose myself in a way that people can make fun of and I'm okay with that. Yeah. So, everybody has their own little things that they do. Yeah. I can, I can, I'm fast. I can say, But I look at guys like that and like he can want like I love that he can want he can go to Reddit and read stuff and it doesn't affect him. I love the certain people. Yeah, immune.

Like that's a that's like a superhero power. It is. We all have different superhero powers. Yeah. I don't, I've never been to read. I don't want to go there. Because I'm a fucking psycho. You understand?

I'm fucking mentally ill. Yeah. I will fucking find you. I will go and find you. I've had visions of being. a vigilante. You know what I mean? Where other comics hire me.

And I have a, I have the outfit. I know the outfit too. It's a black hoodie, but there's a piece that comes up over my face. And I wear certain glasses that you, I can see through. And I show up and I'm like, hey, are you, are you dick shit 9724 on X? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I just carve like fucking a suffi on their forehead. Yeah. And I just don't have. a fucking talk about Dean Cook again. Yeah. But I don't know, man. It's, it's, uh, I'm saying that it, it sucks that in a way, like you talk about spirituality.

Yeah. You're talking about being healthy, moral compass. But comics, we have to ride the line, I should say. I got you. No, I, what, we have to ride that line. The reason, the pushback that I wanted to make was that I, number one, you know, I have four kids. Yeah.

And I experience what you're experiencing. I have one. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll have more. I didn't know. I'm not married to a Catholic. She's a dirty Polack. Okay, one and she was like, I'm never doing this again. My vagina hurts too much. I'm not, it doesn't, I'm saying, when you're a far, when you have kids, you experience a kind of primordial reality, which is the most beautiful thing there is. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. And there can't be anything like it. And you just, want to bask in that, you want to be in that, you want to, you want to live in this kind of Garden of Eden Utopia with your family. Not that it's all good, it's chaos, but you just want to be there.

You have to go on the road as a comic. We're doing podcasts. You started your podcast in 2010. You're one of the pioneers of this shit. I am. And so. One of the least successful, by the way. I have a Ford Ranger.

That's nice. I shop at Costco. I do. I do, too. But you do experience something that, as cliche as is to say, money can't buy this. There is nothing, there's nothing on earth that you would, you would do anything for these people, and it's the most beautiful thing. And then you've got to go and do what we do. Right. And so you do sort of experience this, obviously, you enter into a completely different realm. It's a completely different realm.

And it feels sometimes antithetical to that experience. And so some guilt starts emerging or a sense of like, what the fuck are? You start feeling ripped in half by this. Dude, I know. Yeah. You feel ripped in half. And again, first of all, I think funny always wins, right? Always has to win.

Always. Always has to win. But it's, again, it's like, that's your, like, that's my comedy thing right now. Like when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I was a fucking maniac, dude. Yeah. It was all about going to the club hanging shows, killing fucking chicks. Yeah. Busting balls for years.

Yeah. And then you get married, right? And then it's all about comedy, clubs, killing pussy. No, I'm kidding. I know, I'm kidding. But then when you do have that kid, something changes, right? Now I like, so like I had to, it was weird because I wanted to have, like I had to make choices that weren't good for my career. Yeah.

But were good for me. Right. I had to make choices that, okay, July and August, I don't do shows. I'm doing two shows this whole summer. This show at the mothership on July 4th weekend, why? But no, I love this club. Nobody's showing. And then I'm doing one other show.

I take the summer off and I spend it with my family. I'll do the bonfire on my podcasts because those are easy to do. And then I spend the rest of the week with my family in New Hampshire. We have a little tiny house, which I got shit for. You know what I mean? Because I got a tiny house instead of a mansion on a lake. What do you mean you got shit for? Nothing's ever good enough for anybody.

But it's, again, funny wins. Make fun of it, dude. I love it. I get cracked all the time. You're going up to your fucking hut in New Hampshire? fucking hilarious. You know what I mean? Right.

And I go up there. We have dinner. We have breakfast. We hike. We fish. Beautiful. You know what I mean? So it's like we have campfires.

Well, all my friends are fucking gigging and working it. And grinding it. And just fucking sharpening that blade. Yep. I'm letting my blade get dull a little bit. I'm a little rusty. I didn't oil it.

I just put it back on the sheath. I go to cut a rope and I'm like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I made. that choice for now. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? Where it's like for the, I wanted to be around. I wanted to experience dinner at fucking five. Yeah. I wanted to sit down at a table and talk. Yeah, man. So I made these choices. I could have been like, I'm gone every fucking weekend.

Yeah. Dad's not around. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'm doing podcast and radio shows. I'll be home at eight. Yeah. And then I'm not going to see your lacrosse games. I'm not going to fish with you.

I'm not going to be. be around. You can do all that. I just chose not to do that. And I knew it. I know what I did. So it's fine because I can always, I know there's going to be a point very soon. He's 13. He's going to not want to be with me. He's already talking

about, do we have to go to the Hampshire all summer? It's coming where he's going to want nothing and I will go back and shout like a fucking samurai and I'll spend months just sharpening my blade going back to the clubs Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Friday, Saturday, working, doing my shit and going back. I can always go back to it and fucking do it, you know? Well, you made a mistake because, you know what they say, like the majority of comics say on their deathbed, right? What do they say? Should have done more shows. Yeah?

No. Nobody fucking says that. Nobody's like, I wish I'd been in more grimy rooms away from my fucking family. Why did I spend so much time with you assholes? Well, here's the thing is I realize. You know what I realized, Duncan? I was always chasing success, right?

I was always like, oh, dude, I got to get there. I was always doing that. Yeah. And then I realized when I had my kid, and I remember I came home with it, and I pulled up into my driveway, my driveway that I just had repaved. Nice. And a little small house. It was a, what was it, I think a three-bedroom bungalow, no basement.

in Westchester, New York, right? Not in the best, you know, best, but Westchester. Sure. And I looked at my wife's Honda Civic. Yeah. And I had my Ford Ranger. And I had that Ford Edge at the time. And I pulled up and I got out of my car.

And I looked in the window. My kid was on the couch. And my wife was cooking dinner. And I looked at in the backyard. And there was a picnic to the table. Out and back was set. We're going to eat outside at night. and I was like, I did, I made it.

Yeah. I made, I already made, I made it fucking years ago. Yeah. I made it. I pay my bills with fucking dick jokes. I pay my taxes with dick joke. My kid is clothed and housed and wife and we have fun. I did it.

It's all relative. That's it. So I'm in a fucking Ford Ranger. You're in a fucking $500,000 fucking Rolls Royce. We're still getting to the. same place, right? You're in a mansion. I'm in a fucking house in upstate New York, right?

With a bad, it's the same. We have AC. It's all relative, right? I made it. I'm happy. For sure. Pay my bills. You know what I mean?

But there is always that thing, you know, in this business where it's like, boy, would it be nice to go to an ATM and not hide my balance from the people behind me? Yeah. It's true, man. This is the human mind is an expert at taking. And this, again, like, I think I was just talking, on Theo's podcast, talking about this about Satan. But truly, this is the satanic whisper, which is, you know what I mean? And that's, if there were some dark malevolent entity, it would, when you're looking at your kid, healthy, sheltered, food.

It would be like, oh, but, you know. It's ego. It's ego. I think ego is, if you're talking about, like, people think there's this guy with horns. Yeah. Who's red. Yeah. I don't, I think you are Satan.

Yeah. I think you are Satan and your fucking God. Yeah. You know, it's, it's, it's in your head. Right. It's, your ego is the fucking thing. Yeah. That will, you know, but it's weird because we need, it's not ego, we need.

confidence, which kind of can be confused with ego. Sure. To get up on stage in front of a room full of people that may know you, may not, and make them feel one of the hardest feelings in the world to feel every 30 seconds for an hour. Yeah. Right? It's like, how do you not, how do you, how do you, how do you, and then when you say good night and they go, wow.

Yeah. You know, how. That's never happened to me. That'd be amazing. And then you're going to deal with these twats telling you your hack, you're boring, your bad. So you're dealing with all these things in your head. Is that hack? I did that joke again.

Fucking who get, fuck. Listen to me. You know people that I love, the people that don't give a fuck. Me too. I love that. I love people that don't give a fuck. I wish I get spurts of it. Like, you know, but I love people like, I don't give a fuck.

It's amazing. Because I know we all do. Yeah. We all do, right? Even the fucking motherfuckers that I don't give a shit. They do. Oh, quite often, they give a shit the most. Oh, yeah.

I love when people like, I don't look at this. And then you all of a sudden they're like, hey, did what's his name say something? How'd you know? You don't look at that. You don't look at that. You're oblivious to that stuff. Yeah. You know, it's the, I think the ego is the, it's like, all the books,

I've read, it's like that ego thing is the Satan. That's the real devil. That your own ego can fuck you up. Yeah. And make you, it will make you cheat. It will make you lie. It will make you fucking hurt. People will make you say fucked up things.

It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. And, you know, that, what is it? That I hate, you know, not the alcoholic drug hangover, the emotional hangover. What do you mean? When you wake up the next day and you're like, Fuck. I got so many kids. Maybe you have kids. Maybe you don't. Even if you don't have kids, it doesn't matter. Let's face it, you exist in a super technological advanced civilization that

requires you to spin so many plates at once. And sometimes you just don't have time to go to the kitchen and make some healthy, delicious meal. You're not one of them. By them, I mean those people who do meal prep, and they grill their chicken and they put it in a little Tupperware boxes and alphabetize their chicken. How do you even do that?

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underground MK Ultra facility. It just wasn't fed to the victims of whatever horrific psychological programming they were doing back then and they resold it to Trader Joe's. And then you put it in your microwave. It's trying to bring back to life a mammoth baby. They found frozen in the tundra. It's not going to work. This isn't Factor. Factor is fresh. Factor is not frozen. Factor tastes great. Not only that, but you feel good after you eat it. I have not been disappointed by any Factor meal, and I'm not just saying that because they're paying me. Factor save my ass after my wife gave birth. It's so nice to bring a plate of delicious, healthy food to the mother of this beautiful new baby in your house. And no, you're not. You're not. You're just,

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dude. Okay, yeah, that's the worst. The worst. The worst. It's worse than fucking heroin hangover, anything. That emotional hangover week. Because you're actually trying to be a good, you know, good person. but then you fuck up or you say something

or do something and then you wake up like saying fuck dude I've got this Buddhist teacher David Nicktern he's got a saying

suddenly free from fixed mind which is that ego thing what it does it takes a snapshot right you're living in a snapshot

and you that's when you're fixating on well why that dude say that to me or why did I fucking say that or should I cut that out of my

podcast but if I cut it out who the fuck am I am I afraid of Why am I afraid? Yeah. You know, that thing, you don't even, you can just drop it. If you ever done that, you know what I mean?

That emotional anger over the entire framing. Yeah. You can just, you could drop it. I got fucking right here, dude. Serenity prayer. Serenity, courage, wisdom. I say it nine million times a day. That's the prayer?

Yeah, give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change. The courage is to change the things they can, the wisdom to know the difference. Yeah. Let's let it go. I got to drop. I always have to constantly drop. stuff because you don't have control over anything yeah you know dude i've i've been fired i've been in a fight i've bombed i've people have hate it's before it's ever happened it's like you know

what i mean yes i it's like my yes that that thing in your head is your fucking greatest asset and your worst enemy yeah and learning to fucking wield it right is what I think your job. My job is to learn how to wield it. Right. You know, I can walk in, you know, like I'm headlining this club. You know what I mean?

I'll walk in. You still feel uncomfortable. Yeah. You still feel like, hey, am I, you know. Yeah. I'm headlining. But am I worthy of this? You know, I, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Your brain stats go. You got to, fuck it. Go, tell jokes, hour, try to kill. Yeah. Thanks guys. You know what I mean? That's it. Do your fucking job.

You can't. It's like, and that's the, but that's the juice that makes the jokes. Right. Dude, I was in the gym this morning, right? Yeah. I'm waking up. I'm trying to be healthy. Yeah.

Wake up, go to the gym. And I get my little dumbbells because I'm 55 and I, I'm not fucking, you know, I get my little dumbbells. I have my little guy on YouTube that's going to be, you know, come on now. You know? And then this other dude comes in. Tall, white guy, headband. As soon as I saw the headband, I'm like, fuck me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I wake up. I felt great. My brain is great. I'm, I'm focused. I'm where I'm down. Nobody's in the, all this. This guy comes in.

He's pacing. And he's, you know, he's, I know I have the 20 pound dumbbells. And the 30, I have them in front. And I know. Yeah. This is his gym. Yeah. I'm in his area.

Yeah. I took his little. fucking bench and he's coming down to do his thing and he's going over and he's touching the dumbbells like he's somehow cycling you know which one he's looking at my dumbbells

oh those are those are ones and then he's looking at me and he's going on the treadmill for like two minutes and he's coming back and he's doing his little thing and I if I could read

some paper where that guy walked out, jumped on a scuba and got smashed by a fucking coke truck. Yes. There would be something in Simon. Yeah. And the whole time and then it got, I built it.

I'm in my head. I'm like, just fuck. And he kept walking on and he's looking. And then finally I went, do you want these? The 20 pounds? And he literally went, thank you. And he bowed. And I almost dropped them on his foot. He bowed. He fucking bowed because you know because here's the problem with us where we have we have if you're a stand-up

comedian you have a superhero power right we're superheroes because we have instincts we know what people are thinking right i knew this guy didn't say i want your dumb dumbbells yeah he didn't tell me i was in his space he didn't i knew it yeah because we're so attuned to people's energy. We walk in front of crowds every night and we feel your face. Yeah. I know your face. I know I can call you a fucking, look at your dumb shirt and you'll laugh. How do we do? Because we've done it over and over and over. We feel the crowd. And now the problem with that is we can do that everywhere. Yep. So we go anywhere. It's like you go to a restaurant and the waitress comes over. Can I help you guys? And then as soon as she leaves him, what the fuck's wrong

with that bitch? And everybody else at table is like, what? She just said, can I help you? Nah, this bitch is something wrong with this bitch. Yeah. And you're right. Yeah. There is. Yeah. She didn't like it. You know what I mean? Yep. And then by the end of the meal, she's like, gosh, she was kind of rude. I told you. I knew from the first fucking word, we have that ability. It's almost like some kind of like low level clairvoyance, like some low level to It's some low level, like, thing that you can, you can really identify inside of people, something. Like, people are really good at it.

We have it, dude, because we have, like, we have to, we see that video of those two people. Our brains immediately look at his hat, look at his beard, look at the way he shaves it, how he left some gray in there, his shirt. The slouch. And then, yeah, that's, right. The weird way he slurred words. The slow monitor. And then as soon as her face came up, my brain went, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. Because we have that thing in us. It's like a, and because we're constantly ripping shit apart for years and years to try to find something funny. Yeah. To make a, not even on stage. We did it before hanging out with our friends just to get a chuckle. Yeah.

Because that's the juice. That's our juice, right? Yeah. Also, you came from a family of, what, 13 people in a three bedroom. fucking house, right? So you had to be attuned. Like, I can't even imagine. You have to be so, you have to have great situational awareness if you've got that many

siblings, right? Well, yeah, it was, it was my mother, my sister, my grandmother, my grandmother, my great grandmother, my great grandmother lived and slept in a closet, uh, with a bed. My uncle, I have five uncles. I had one on the sun porch Tommy. He was the math. He was very smart, worked out. We had Sean.

And David, David was kind of the tough guy. Sean was the everybody loves him, paperboy fucking great guy, wanted to be in a cop. You had Michael, who was the cool woman's chick. And then you had Jimmy, who was, you know, kind of the work guy, you know, construction, you know. And then you had my two aunts, Peggy and Dottie. And they lived in another room. Me and my sister and my mother lived on the floor on a mattress.

Wow. In my uncle's room next to a weight bench. Holy shit. And, yeah, 13 of us in a three-bedroom. Wow. And yeah, you get, you know, but I would wake up in the middle of the night. My uncle would be chasing my mother around because my mom got fake shit and put it on the ground. And my uncle stepped on it one time and then got mad at her.

But then the cat really shit. And then one day he just went over and he kicked it. And he went Kathy, but it was real shit. It just got between. And he's like, you son of you. So, you know, you grew up with that Irish Catholic sense of humor. And I got so many different variables of personality on me. And then, of course, growing up back in the day,

we didn't have this shit you went out and you hung out and your status was either you fucked people up from ball you were either fucking people up or you were making them laugh. When I went to juvie jail you either fucked people up or you made them laugh. That's right. Or you were personable.

Yep. I chose personable. Yep. You know? Because I remember one of the first times I was in a terrible lockup, Halifax, middle of a cranberry field, old Jewish camp. It was a bad, not the NFI one, it was bad juvial. Did you say a cranberry field? Yeah, cranberry field. What the fuck?

Like, I'm so sorry. Like, what do you mean? Like, middle of a cranberry field? Yeah, like, there was one road in, and there was a camp at the end. And there was a, they made cramberries. You know, like a lake with cranberries? They were making you pick cranberries? No, we didn't do that shit. We did that shit.

That's what they got those guys for. Back in Boston, we didn't have Mexicans, dude. We had Puerto Ricans. I didn't know what a Mexican was until I went to L.A. Wow. Yeah, dude. I knew Dominicans and Puerto-Denicans and Puerto and Puerto Ricans and a couple Chinese people, or Vietnamese. When I saw my first Mexican, I was like, I thought

it was like Indians. I was like, I thought there, but I fucking love Mexicans. Josh, I'm so sorry, I don't mean to do this. It's ADHD. Pull up cranberry field, just so I can get a sense of, I-Halifax cranberry. I feel like an asshole. I've never seen a cranberry field. I just want to get a sense of this. It's on, they're on lakes.

They're always on lakes? Yeah, it's water. I don't know if it's a lake. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm being a little... Oh, there's no thing with Patrice. You should watch. There it is right there. the fuck so you were in a camp in the middle of the field but like by surrounded by

cranberries i'm sorry that's really that's fucking intense man look at that it's like well it's like blood it's beautiful i think isn't that wild they just walk out there and get cranberries in the water i've never seen that yeah it's fucking crazy but the point is like we couldn't run

you know what I mean you got a bunch of juvies from right and we're out in the middle of nowhere right at this old Jewish camp they turned into a lockup yeah And there was three white kids. Me and, no, there was four white kids, me and three other kids. One dude was a big rock and roll guy, I know, but all the black kids and the Spanish kids, no Mexicans, Puerto Rican kids, right? Yeah.

They were fucking, they were just beating the white kids up. They were fucking them up. We all kind of came in on the same day except for the big white kid. Yeah. And they were fucking them up every day. One, they threw basketballs in his face. The other kid they gave a blanket party to. And then I remember I was sitting in my room.

blanket party. Yeah, they throw a blanket over here and they just beat the fuck out of it. Like from full metal jacket. Yeah, that type of shit. Yeah, okay, fuck. Yeah, it was like a thing. And then they came in my room,

like all these black kids, and the one black kid that was kind of the leader who was named the Godfather. They called them the Godfather. Little tiny dude, too, not even the biggest one. And they all came in my room and surrounded me. They kind of sat on my bed,

but ghosted me. And I was just sitting there, like, had a little, some type of book. And I was just reading. And they were talking about, fucking up all the white kids. They're like that motherfucker's face busted open, that bitch. You see all the blood.

And that other motherfucking fucking white boy motherfuckers. And I'm just sitting there like, it's my turn. Yeah. And then I was reading it. And they were like, they're white boy motherfuckers. And they look, the little godfather kid looked at me and goes, what's up, bitch? You're a white boy or you a homeboy?

And I just went, I think I'm a homeboy. They all just went, what this motherfucker? What? This motherfucker fucking homeboy. He's a he's right. He's right. And they just left. And I was like, who. Superpower. It's a superpower. If you can make somebody laugh, if you can make somebody laugh in a fucked up situation about something fucked up, right? It could save your life. Yep. And that's the craziness. So for people to break it down and judge it and what's good and what's not,

it's like, no, I don't give a fuck what you think of any of us. We're all going. going up there and fucking walking on that tightrope for one purpose to make you laugh. That's it. I'm just trying to make you fucking smile for an hour out of you, a fucking dumb shit day that we all have. And shut the fuck. If you don't like it, don't go see it. If you don't like it, don't watch it. Shut the fuck up.

I know you're going to judge it anyways, but fucking who gives you shit, you know? it's like like and you can't fuck with us because we know it it's helped us survive life it helped us make friends and we and then we did it every night for years

and shit places with no people for fucking no money for nothing yeah and then when then you then you fucking you have the fucking balls to tell us that you know it more

and also stop acting like the phenomena of comedians saying shit that offends people is started according to this dude I don't know 10 years ago shut the fuck up this is the history of look at all the great comments don rickles lennie bruce Richard prior you're acting like this is like a new phenomena because of cancel culture it's it's always been this way it's always been people like that what do you what do they want shecky green What are you looking for? You know, you want us to go back in history

to where nobody got offended? Yeah, right. You know, we just went up there and went, hey, yeah. You mean like the old cat skills style? Yeah, right. It evolved. Prior was the one who evolved it into fucking psychology and intimacy and fucking personal experiences

and being vulnerable. Could you imagine going on stage and talking about being lit on fire because you're a drug addict? It's the craziest bit of comedic alchemy I've ever seen because it's so funny. Yeah. And it's so horrific what he's talking about.

Terrible. And then like they like I've, I watched Shane do his hour in front of 20,000 people. And I'm sitting there and he's talking about, he does this joke about playing football against the black team. It's all about it's so fucking funny that he's good. this guy's up there and he's saying that the whole joke is how the black kids would just come in like, you know, talent beats, you know, this whole thing. But it's like talent didn't beat fucking, you know, the black kids that day.

You know what I mean? Right. You know, positive thinking didn't work that. It's all about him just getting his fucking ass whooped. Yeah. It's so, and I'm like, and 20,000 people are laughing. Yeah. 20,000 people are like, what the fuck?

And it's probably the day that he lost sucked. Well, according to them, 20,000 people are making a sound. You know, that's the term for that. He did a slur, and he made 20,000 people make a sound. Right. The sound is fucking laughter, you assholes. It's like, it's... But guess who's going to tell you when you made a mistake?

The people. They're not going to come. That's right. Not going to come. when you when you stop being funny yeah what you say they won't show up that's it I mean they they they don't tell us right the people the people tell tell it look at the people that made it that did that and now they can't they don't right the people right who are going to comedy shows now go we don't like that anymore yeah we don't want that

anymore yep they tell us not you that's right yeah they'll tell you it's pure populism that's what it is and it's these you know and to be upset about it it's like you're you're angry at the culture you're not angry at comics you just don't seem to realize that you know you're just culture went a different direction than where you wanted to go

it didn't go in the in the New Yorker direction you wanted culture of comedy to be like I get the New Yorker little comic strips but those comics exist go see them yeah promote them stop promoting the people you hate fuckface no I mean the little you know I'm

But I'm saying like, there's plenty of people that these people like. Go see them. Have them on your show. Yeah. Promote the fuck out of the. Look what Rogan does. Look what you do. Look what you do.

Promote them. You are legendary for this, by the way. You, um, Soder, Joe Liz, Gomez. Before these people, anyone knew who they were, you were having them on your show. Yeah, I really am a fucking, like a, I, I'm a farm team. You are. I'm a prospect. You are.

I really do. I pick winners. You do. I like to say. But it's true. It's true, man. I mean, well, you know it was weird because I used to do like Opie and Anthony. And I'm hanging out with, of course, Patrice and Norton and Voss and Keith and all

them and Colin, of course. Collins were the best comedians ever. God damn. You ever want to see a, you want to see a. a fucking, you ever want to see a comic, real comic? Yeah. Like a guy who works it. Yeah.

I mean, works, right? Yeah. And does it and over and over again and says stuff that in a way that's never been, you want to see a real con, that I feel like can't be fucking. Colin Quinn is one of those. I just watched him last Monday night. I just went in, didn't tell him I was coming. I just sat on the stairs and watched him do his stuff.

And he's talking about stuff. that should never be in a set. Right. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah. How did you even think? Right. And he finds a subject and just talks about it, right?

Yeah. But it's like, like, I was hanging out with all those guys. But I love, like I said before, I've never been, comics tend to group up. Yeah. I don't know, man. I just, you know, me and DeRosa, we would hang out all the time. Yeah.

And he was like the new guy. And Jay, I would take Jay on the row with me. Yeah. And I, it's like I always, I love hanging out with funny people. Yeah. And, you know, and then I remember, me and DeRos used to do yono dude first. And then one day he couldn't do it. And we had Dan Soda.

He's like, I got this guy who works at a Mexican restaurant like two blocks away. And Dan came in. And I was like, I remember telling my wife going, I fucking love him. Wow. He's so, he was doing voices. Wow. And we had this. And then I remember the first time we really smashed Dan Soda, he did this.

he was on stage one night and he was doing this boss and it's a god's a gator fight and a goddamn gator fight and then he made merch and we trashed him we brought him on the show again

and we didn't tell him and we fucking played him and we went you go goddamn you fucking hat and we just smashed him for doing a voice to have merch and and he took it it was so fun yeah And yeah, I just like, I like different groups of people.

Like, I've never been into, I remember when Ari, I used to like Ari, and people would tell me, you can't hang out, like back in L.A. when he was doing the Amazing Racist. First time I met Ari, he walked up to me. He just looked like, you know, some type of, you know, Nazi propaganda fucking drawing. I know. No, he does. And we just started talking. And, you know, I was hanging with Dane at the time.

You know, I was touring with him. So I was kind of in that universe. You know what I mean? Yep. And I'm over there talking to Ari, who wasn't really shit at the time. Yeah. And I just remember, I was like, I love this guy. And we just talked and we became very good friends.

One of my best friends, one of them, I love them more than anything. And one of the funniest guys on the planet. So funny. And I've always been, I don't know, I've always felt good about that. That the people that I've liked here, right? Yeah. And then I see them succeed. I'm like, it makes me happy because I, my instincts were right about those people.

It's one of the coolest feelings. Yeah. It's one of the craziest things to watch. Louis Gomez. Yeah. Dude, when I first had him on my show, people like, get that fuck. Because nobody knew him. He wasn't anything.

Right. He's just the fuck. But I was like, he is funny. Yeah. He's funny. He's a unique motherfucker. Yeah. He was just like me.

You know what I always saw myself, you know? And people would tell me, don't get him off the fucking show, you know, because my show is like one of the only podcasts around in New York at the time. I was like, dude, he's ruining the show. I'm like, nah, dude. He's fucking doing him, you know? And I've always loved. And now to see him now. Yeah.

And dude, he wrote a book. He's got a special. He's got skank fest. He's got fucking multiple. I'm like, I mean, it gratify. It makes me feel, it makes me feel gratified that I, I didn't listen to these fucking idiots. I, I listened to my gut. And I was like, I was right. Yeah. You know, about these people.

Yeah. You know? I just wish some of these fuckers would maybe throw me a bone. What's the while? What the fuck? What I mean? Fucking soda's got a penthouse and fucking lists got a fucking. Logos is driving an Audi for Christ's sakes.

I got a Ford Ranger. Come on. What's going on? Are you doing Legion of Skanks this year? You mean Skank Fest? Yeah, yeah. I can't wait. I can't get out of it.

Oh, yeah. You have to. I love it. That's the best festival. I'm just the old guy there now, dude. I go, they gave me a cigar lounge. I go, I need a place to hang because I don't do drugs. I don't do any of the stuff.

Yeah. So they made Rebecca and Christine and Lewis, they made me a tent. You now have a cigar lounge? It's called the dude cigar lounge. It was there last year. And, yeah, they gave me, I'm like the old guy that, you know, they let come down. And I'm part of the shows and shit. Yeah.

And I have a lot of fun They don't think of you like that at all. Whatever. You're so humble. You're a fucking star there. As my kids old enough, I'm fucking sharping on those blades again. They're sharp.

I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna fucking, fuff. You're here. You don't need to sharpen the blades, man. I'm here, baby. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Buddy, I,

let me tell you're one of the guys who I fucking, when I first saw you a weird face on a, I forget where it was. You had me on your podcast. You had moved to New York. Yeah. You had me.

on your podcast almost immediately. You started digging in because I was wearing this stupid jacket. I loved it. You're like, was that your grandmother's jacket? I remember it was so funny and so deserved. Yeah, man. I was so, as soon as I met you, I was like, dude, I fucking love this guy. And then, of course, I've watched all your stuff and you and Kurt and your brain the way

it works. It's like, I love that you think, you go, you go into it. You let yourself go, which I love that you. I mean, I couldn't do it because I'd kill somebody. I couldn't go where you go because my brain will implode and then you'll just see me at your door

just with just blood. I killed them all. I got Satan. I got them for you, man. A Redditor's head in your fucking backpack. Yeah, I'm like, this is for you. It's that lady's head. No, dude, look.

You said you wanted a statue. I made you a statue. Did you guys you got it? Dude, Satan's gone. Ego's gone. The world is cleansed. Dude, Christ lives. Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus. Thanks, dude, you're the best. Thanks, buddy. I'll see you later. That was Robert Kelly, everybody. Won't you go see him at the comedy Mothership this weekend, the weekend of July 4th? All the links are down below,

and come see me at the mothership coming up or the Milwaukee Improv or come to Houston. Come and see me or watch the mystery boys. Happy fourth, everybody. Happy 250th birthday to the great United States of America. Let freedom ring and start storing up food. I'll see you guys next time.