Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 761: Wet Bulb

Episode Date: July 12, 2026

Welcome back, sweet angels! We're nearly shrew-free and change bucketful, as requested! In the meantime, here's some more hot takes on Christianity (did you know they took the blood out of a guy and put it in a cup?).Austin family! Duncan is coming to the Comedy Mothership in Austin, TX, July 17-19. Don't sleep on this one, tickets are selling out fast! Click here to get yours now.Check out Mystery Boys with Duncan and Kurt Metzger on YMH Studios!This episode is brought to you by: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. Download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code SECURE10 in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account! Terms apply. That’s Money. That’s Cash App. Buy two months of BlueChew Gold and get the third FREE with promo code DUNCAN. You also get an additional 10% OFF + Free overnight shipping on your first order.

We're going to do ASMR today. The sound of a little quoth. Welcome. Oh, welcome. Oh, welcome, sweet angels to today's day stream. Start off with some basic housekeeping announcements. The night streams are about to resume heading on a family vacation next week, but I now have access, started.

July 1st anyway I have access to what is the date right now? July 1st. Today I have access to my new night stream studio. Josh is going to help me set it up. We got to talk about that Josh. It's going to be nice, nicer than the old studio. It's going to have everything that all of you have requested. Aquarium filled with rare poisonous jellyfish being installed right now.

Buckets of change. change buckets is they're called in the south are going to be throughout the room allowing me to place change from my pocket into the buckets don't know why you guys requested that but that was a member request it will be free of shrews weasels all kinds of biting creatures those of you did tune into the previous night streams you know we were having a problem with shrews with weasels some kind of weasel thing, sentient seeming, gleaming eyes, glittering, black, obloid, dark hell swirls that just looked right through me after it bit me on the ankle. And it did get infected.

But the doctor gave me some penicillin and it went away pretty quick. But I was sick for a few days. We're going to have a pinatas. Oh, yeah. You like that job. You like pinatas for? I love pinatas. Are you joking?

No, not at all. That's why, why? I think it's a cultural thing. What do you mean? It's just something that we always had for birthdays, graduations, quinceanetta, which is also... So it, like, it stirs something in you? Yeah, just being able to beat the crap out of a figure or a person that's shaped in a pinata. What was your favorite?

My favorite is when you decapitate them and then the dad's drunk and he's pulling the rope. That's my favorite. Saw on its fucking head off. Yeah. Saw on its fucking head off. that's the scapegoat, that's the Sabbath goat. What you have in a pinata ceremony is essentially an archetypical reenactment of the crucifixion of Jesus, right? I mean, isn't that what it is?

I mean, Jesus, obviously, when they pulled him down, like candy didn't fall out of him, but it's sort of there was candy in the sense that everybody was redeemed. Yeah, so that was a candy. So you could argue Jesus was like the first pinata. I wouldn't argue that. I mean, they did basically, if you look, guys, again, like if you are an unbeliever or whatever you may be out there, if you're a Christian, Catholic, theologian, a lot of high-ranking Ivy League theologians watch this show in their research, but they need my hot takes on Christianity. and if we sort of look at the crucifixion of Christ from the perspective of a pinata ceremony, you did have the piercing with the spear.

Yeah. Which is, didn't they like take the blood out of him? Am I wrong that they collected his blood in a cup and this became the Holy Grail? Am I wrong about that? No, I thought the Holy Grail was the one he had at the Last Supper. Josh, you look up the Holy Grail. I guess that's the unholy grail is the one that they got his blood in, the Penaata Grail. Let's look this up. We're off to a good start here, guys. I didn't expect to dive into such deep water so quickly. We're still doing housekeeping announcements, but I do need to find out, what's the Holy Grail? What is it? The Holy Grail originated as a literary invention in late 12th century French romances, blending early Celtic myths with Christian tradition. It was introduced by the poet, in his work, where it appeared,

is a mysterious sacred vessel. God, you know, inevitably, man, some boring-ass motherfucker starts talking about the Holy Grail. I'm not going to talk about it. Like, I've heard so many dry fucking lectures on the Holy Grail. It makes you want to kill yourself. I'm sorry, you can't put that in here, unalive yourself, including the Indiana Jones Holy Grail one. It's just so boring. The Grail's boring. But I guess it connects to the Fountain of Youth. and which connects to the promise of eternal salvation or potentially the possibility for some kind of substance to renew the human genome, creating a reverse aging situation, and thus achieving human immortality, which lots of people are trying to do right now. They're working on

that right now, and it's coming. It's coming. A lot of good things. They just had a big breakthrough. This is very important for me. Maybe some of you balds out there know about. about this, but you Google search for me, please, Josh. New cure for balding. And I would love to say, I don't give a fuck. But let me tell you, sweetie, something. I'm going to be slurping these down. Don't look at the AI.

Scroll down. Did UCLA just cure baldness? Look at that guy. Look at that, dude. He's 95. Scroll down. ancient Egyptians rubbed their bald heads with a mixture of dates, dogs' paw, and donkeys' hoofs. So we'll get into the pyramids.

These are the same people who made the fucking pyramids that a lot of you dicks somehow worship because they made these hideous structures that you think no human could have made. Aliens had to have made it. You worship the ancient Egyptians implicitly in your... astonishment at the period pyramids which the pyramids are the period or essentially the minstrel flow from the ancient egyptians pusified festering mind and i didn't say that that's alan watson but the point is that these are the people who made the pyramids they're rubbing dog paws on their heads just think about that and i promise you they weren't attached to a dog so that means

they were going and clipping off a dog paw, then rubbing that bloody stump all over their balding, idiot heads. But that wasn't quite enough. They also, what else did they put on their heads? Where'd it go? Did I hallucinate that? Dog's paw? And donkeys hoof.

So these are the people many of you got, are worshipping in your, in your Egypt, Egyptian file, bullshit. I don't want to get lost in the sauce here, but let's, scroll down a little bit. Could the, could a full out of hair soon be the norm for everyone? In scientific terms, the PP 405 molecule is isolated and applied to a protein in the follicle stem cells that keep the cells dormant. This inhibits the protein. But anyway, who cares about the fucking science? The point is, we're about to have a cream that works. Not this rogue game bullshit, not the shit you get at CVS. This has been working on the mice. They're doing human trials, probably a few years away from what will be the most hilarious time in all of human

history. We are in a dark time. Everyone says that. People love to say that. It's certainly a chaotic time, a confusing time, a time of tribulation, a time of deep insecurity, a time of narcissism, a time of some kind of public self-flagellation to get views. We've got weirdos eating their period blood on TikTok. We've got people admitting things on YouTube shorts that you probably shouldn't tell anybody and monetizing that. You've got the monetization of childhoods. You've got children, their youth being extracted by their parents.

It's digitized, transformed into some kind of algorithmic candy. And they're making money off of it, fully aware of the fact that 70% of the people watching their kids for a swim lesson are dudes. Because you can see the data there. They're like dudes in their mid-50s. They know that. They know that. And they do it anyway. They do it anyway.

And they act like that is not the world that they live in. This is what's happening. So we need a break is the point. We need a break. little comic relief is coming your way via this brand new baldness medication because there's a lot of old bald dudes me included who have gone through the stages of grief who have lost that sense of like giving a fuck about their hair not in a healthy way either you just got to do it you know i've seen There's terrible nature videos you can watch out there that will break your fucking heart.

Gorillas, their baby dies, and they don't put that body down. They carry it. They carry it for days in the sweltering heat of some balmy jungle. And it decomposes. These are social animals. The other guerrillas, they don't want to be rude. They just, and that's wild for a gorilla that has manners. but you could easily snatch the dead baby away from the gorilla mama and hurl it into a lake,

but they don't. They endure the stink of that rotten, dead baby festering with worms, crawling with parasites, its eyes gelatinizing and rolling down the side of its once beautiful, vibrant face. And eventually it just falls apart. The arm falls off like a, like a, like a one. well-smoked brisket. A gorilla brisket. And then they let it go.

You see, this is what any man has gone through and losing his hair. It's like having a dead gorilla baby on the top of your head, slowly, slowly falling apart. You see that first little streak of skin where skin should not be. You think to yourself, it could be my haircut. You know it's not your haircut. You know every motherfucker in your family. we went bald and somehow you trick yourself into thinking you're exempt from that dark curse which shorn your father's head not by razor or scissor but by the burst of holy fire invisible powerful

that rains down from the dark abode of that which made us and severs our hair from our head with the deafness of a high-powered lawnmower. And so you lose your hair, it falls around you, little dreams that you once had, dreams of having a nice, beautiful head of hair. It falls and falls and falls until all that's left are a few sad, dangling, greasy strips of what used to be the curly hair.

Your mama combed when you were both. What a child. And you grieve. You grieve. Now maybe you go a little nuts. You get those hair transplants. You fight back furiously, swinging your fists against the python-like coils of truth. You're dying, baby.

You're on your way out. You're being marked. Don't fuck this dude. It's the mark of cane. You're marked. And so you grieve and you let go. As David Nicturn says, suddenly free from fixed mind. You learn how to let go.

You learn how to grieve. You become a bald. And this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Better Helps, 2026 state of stigma report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed the 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. You know what? I get that. I've been to therapy, and it always feels weird to say that.

I don't know why. It's so strange. You could tell somebody you got stem cells injected into your feet, and no one's going to blink at that. It just makes sense. You went to the doctor. You got earwax. out of your ears. Nobody thinks it's odd if you go to the optometrist. Why is it that if you go to get help with your mood, your life, your psyche, suddenly there's something strange about that,

especially when it works. It works. Therapy changed by life. And yeah, it feels odd to say that. I don't know why. But if you're feeling a little wobbly right now, and it's a pretty normal time to feel wobbly if you're looking at the news at all. Even if you're not, these are these are wild, turbulent, strange times. And that probably goes for any time in human history. If you're walking around with a human body and a meaty ball of goo in your cranium that has all your memories inside of it, it's a wobbly time. This is why therapy is great and why better help is a great way to find the right therapist for you. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform,

having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the United States. Better Help. Better Help does the initial matching work for you. so you can focus on your therapy goals.

The short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences in their 12 plus years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support.

Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Duncan. That's better H-E-L-P. dot com slash Duncan. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You live in that world now. You're a bald. You're a bald. You've joined a society

that would love to be secret, but can't be. And you wear hats. You wear hats. You do what I do sometimes. You just shave it off all the way. Go full co-jack. Look at the disappointing look in your children's eyes as you come home, having shaved your head, you hear your little girl say, what happened to your hair, daddy? You have to say, I'm cursed by God! Cursed! We let it go. But you see,

some of us don't want to wear a wig. Some of us don't want to go through the hair transplant situation. Maybe we don't have the money for it. Or maybe we're phony, holy, which is a term coined by Ram Dass, which is we want to be more spiritual than we actually are. Because we really do care. We do want a full head of hair. And yet we recognize that there's something so deeply narcissistic and self-cherishing and spending money on getting your ass hairs, surgically to the top of your head. And so you go bald. But now, thanks to these,

dare I say, saviors of the world, finally, scientists are doing something that fucking matters. Finally, science steps ahead as it does from time to time. Yes, sure, AI is about to wake up. Yes, sure, they just shut down

the particle accelerator. Not because they're turning it off permanently at Stern, because in four years they're about to, you think the Mandela effect is fucking bad. Wait for four years to see what happens. You're going to look down and have fucking dog legs. That's what's coming.

You're going to wake up one morning with fucking dolphin flippers. Actual dog, not like you're a thalamide, whatever that, those poor babies are. Thalamide, doesn't matter. You're going to wake up with a big old dangling hog dicks flapping at the side of your head and you're going to look in the mirror and scream and your family

you'll look around they're all going to have big old dangling hog dicks on the side of their heads covering up their ears dick flaps and you're going to hear your wife say why are you should pull your dick flaps back and you're going to say what

why have dicks on my head are you all right what are you talking about because in the universe you're in big old dangling and fat hog dicks is normal. That's what's coming in a few years. So all you out there is celebrating the shutdown of the CERN particle accelerator. You shouldn't be celebrating so much.

They're just getting in there, making some fucking improvements. It's a mere four years. And yeah, now that they shut the fucking thing down, time seems to be moving normally again. But you better wait. You're four years away from having veined, purply, hog dicks hanging off the side of your head and everyone's going to think it's normal. Point is, I will take that if it means there's a cream I can rum in the top of my fucking I swear to God. I swear, I mean, there's a way to mitigate the dick flaps for sure.

Tie him back. There's a way to do that. Cover them up with your fucking hair with your beautiful, flowing mane. It could be a secret that you and your barber. know what I mean you're just going you're like look I got those hog dicks under my hair but just let's just keep the hair long long cover them up I guess if they can get erections that could be problematic because then kind of rise up out of your hair which is so embarrassing oh my god I'm sorry you're beautiful I know this is our first day I don't know why they're doing that like when you're

getting a massage you know what dog tics grow out of your head. Shaman code 333. You know I saw that and I felt it telepathically too. This is a channel for all shaman to reset and align. That's what it's here for. You got it. That's what this is. You come in, come here, come into the day stream. Come into the day stream. We're going to reconnect you. We're going to realign you. We're going to charge you up.

We're going to recalibrate you. This is just a simple recalibration tuning mechanism. I'm sending out all kinds of things outside of language right now. Big blast of photonic quantum healing energy right from this old. Look, I am an old dude. My pineal gland, it looks a lot like a calcified, withered mummy testicle, okay? I'm just going to admit it. But there's a little crack in all that calcification.

I'm blasting you with sweet, powerful healing photons. Also, I do this. That's... That song's familiar to so many of you. Where have I heard that song? Everybody thinks black holes are eating stars. it's one of the great misconceptions and you know

all of us love and respect Neil de Gras Tyson as you should and you should respect and not question any scientist but one place they got it wrong and I say this with deep respect for the scientific community is they think that

stars are getting sucked into black holes and spaghettified that's what they think they think they get sucked in spaghettiified and there's some core to black holes that's like a, I don't know, very dense, insanely dense, which is producing this gravity situation,

which is pulling in more stars. What they don't realize is that the black hole, the black hole is essentially like an egg. It's a, I mean, I guess the better way to put it would be the black hole is the yoni of the universe. It's a pussy, is what I'm trying to say. And stars are the genetic material. that get pulled into black holes. This is the reproductive method of the universe. And every star that gets pulled into a black hole is born here on Earth.

People don't seem to know that. You are all stars. Literal stars. And you got pulled in. And that's the language of science. It's so brutal. the language of astronomy brutal it's brutalist it's it's it's the same language that fucking psycho de cart used as he was disemboweling living dogs this is all due respect but the language is

inevitably brutal pulled in pulled and sucked in crushed now invited when the start are ready, they're invited in. They're invited in to a black hole. When the stars are ready, they consent. They're sick of being up there singing their little song. They want to know something more than being an explosion of supermassive energies flinging out into the night sky, a gift to all who would see it, but also at some point you want more. And so you go into a black hole and you're reborn as a human or an animal if you're lucky a human

you could be born on all kinds of other star systems the gift of the sun you know the sun one day will be a person which is going to be really bad you gotta feel bad for the sun because it's damned if you do

damned if you don't you know the moment the sun chooses to be sucked into a black hole where's it going to go where's it going to go I don't know we don't have to get into that better not think about it. Better not to think about that. But the point is maybe another star system, who knows?

But all of you, every single one of you watching or listening, you are a star once, an actual star. And when you hear the song Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, I know you probably just think that's a kid's nursery rhyme, something you sing to a child or a dying horror. But, but, you probably just think that's a kid's nursery rhyme. something you sing to a child or a dying horror. But in fact, that song is a deep encoded message telling all of you what you were. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above a cloud so high.

Like a what? Diamond. Keep going. In this guy. twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. I feel more like a moon. What? I feel more like a moon.

I know what you mean. I get that moon feeling sometimes. Yeah. Now you, well, you could have been a moon. Who am I to judge? I don't know. I just know for sure most of us were stars. You might have been some old moon.

Yeah. Like a hollow moon. Do you think the moon is hollow, Josh? It did ring like a bell, is what Instagram told me from this guy who said that he saw article about it. Will you please look up the moon the moon ring like a bell? Yes.

Let's dive into this because this is pretty fascinating. A lot of my friends believe this the phrase the moon rang like a bell refers to the seismic vibrations detected by NASA's Apollo instruments when Apollo 12 intentionally crashed its lunar module

under the moon seismometers recorded reverberations that last for almost an hour, making the moon vibrate like a struck gong. Let's look at the science behind the ring. Show more. The prolonged echo is a result of the moon's unique geological composition, not evidence of it being hollow.

Lack of moisture. On earth, moisture and rock and soil acts like a sponge, quickly absorbing and dampening. The moon is incredibly dry, cool, and geologically dead. See what I mean? This is the language they use. And this is very human. We assign the moon as being dead. And we do that.

People say the moon is dead. These motherfuckers will tell you the moon's dead. Because for them, there isn't interrelation. There isn't connection. There's no interdependency. Oh, it's dead. The fucking thing. The mother of tides.

The mother of tides. The thing that's mixing the oceans of the earth. The things that's producing. the pulsation that creates life on this planet is fucking dead. Not the mama. These fuckers want, they want to warp your brain. Say the moon is dead. The moon ain't dead.

She's a hollowed out. Bitch! Hollow! She's hollow to the core. Dry and rigid. I don't even want to look at this bullshit anymore. I don't even want to look at this anymore. That's what they want to fuck with your head, man.

They want you to live in a dead universe. Don't you see it, people? That's what they want. The sorcerers of the world. They want to cast spells linguistically. They want to cast spells so that you live in a non-magical universe where there's a dead moon and a dead sun in the dead void. And they sure as fuck don't want you to know that every one of those stars you see, twinkling in the heavens is a sperm. They don't want you to know the stars are jizz, scattered jizz, floating, glowing, and eventually getting invited into the deep, dark piece of a black hole to be born as maybe you, maybe me, maybe a squirrel.

They don't want you to know that all living things are stars. maybe moons like Josh maybe hollow moons that's fine but they don't want you to know the universe is alive because you're alive that's what they don't want you to know they don't want you to know that via connection itself there's no such thing as death there's no such thing as extinction now i mean what you are will die for sure but the essence of interdependency connection points to a vibrant consciousness that exists in all things interconnected filled with light but also darkness and they don't want you to know that when that star slides into the black hole it orgasm they don't want you to know the sun is an orgasm right now the sun is coming photons

They don't want you to know that. They don't want you to know that when you have a sun tan. That's because the sun came all over you. It's true. The sun is coming. The sun is blasting photonic jizz onto our planet. It's obviously doing that. It's fertile.

The photons bring life. The photons rise up, raise up the crops. The photons, they give us heat. The photons are tiny spermatozoa, which brings me to the subject that I wanted to talk about today. France. You see right now, France! France is getting special attention from the sun.

And who doesn't love Paris? Who fucking doesn't love Paris, France? Only a fool. Only a fool would not love... I'll never forget my trip to Paris. I had a bad oyster. I got explosive diarrhea in a Parisian jazz club. But other than that, it was fucking great.

Let's take a look at this. I know you guys have been seeing this. Show that. Looks like... Looks like what we're looking at there is a fucking European traffic light. Now, this is interesting to me, right? Like, what are they making their fucking traffic lights out of?

Seriously. How come that doesn't happen here in Texas? What are those fucking things made out of, like, cake, icing? Is it cake? Are they making their fucking traffic lights out of cake? 45 degree. What is that? Do the, turn that satanic.

fucking metric for heating is something American for me. Josh, Fourth of July is coming up. That is 113 degrees. Okay, that's pretty fucking hot. The point is, who am I to say? For those of you out there in the UK right now, sweating your balls off watching the day stream, I don't know if anybody's from the UK there. Who am I to say anything out here in America? I'm in a very well air-conditioned podcast studio right now. Josh is free. I'm freezing. Look at Josh. He had to put a blanket on.

The AC is so powerful in here that Josh had to wear a little blankie. So, WIMH Studios here that died a heat stroke in the UK. Damn, glad they got you back to life. But, you know, so I understand there could be some frustration with us Westerners out there in the UK. You know, I get it. You're out there. You're fucking. and your traffic lights are melting.

I saw something, your croissants or baguettes are catching on fire. They don't even put ice in their water, so. What? They don't even put ice in their water. They don't know. They can't. Yeah. That and, you know, I don't want to get all woke and SJW here,

but we should all have a lot of compassion for the people right now in France and the UK going through this heat wave. Because one thing that is impossible on that side, of the planet is air conditioning. It's, it's, and I'm hoping shutting down CERN is going to fix the issue. And my theory is for all of you, Parisians, the people in the UK who've been getting window units, who've been getting air conditioning and having that thing that happens, they just disappear.

Have you heard about this? So you go, you order the fucking thing. It comes to your house and there, you open the box and there's, you can even watch these unboxing videos, we don't have to watch them now, but you open the box. And the AC vanish. Like you see it for like one second. You reach to grab it. You're about to cool your house down and it disappears.

So this is some kind of quantum. I'm trying to remember the name, the scientific name of it is a quantum turbulence effect of, they don't know what, of something. I don't know. Again, full respect to Neil de Gras Tyson. I heard him talking about this. But it's a phenomena and it's wild. You know, the ACs just disappear. And what's where the reason they're angry right now is because you know where they go?

The river? The United States. Oh. So if a Parisian opens up an air conditioner in their apartment or chateau or whatever, it teleports somehow right to a Home Depot in warehouse in the United States. And then we buy them. So essentially, we're buying Parisian air conditioner. that have teleported in because of this bizarre effect of that part of the planet.

Maybe it has something to do with the moon. Maybe it has something to do with CERN or something like that. So they're fucking pissed off at us right now because they think that we're doing it on purpose. And dude, I have a friend who works at a Home Depot warehouse. And I'm telling you, man, they have no idea. They love it. They make so much money. They make so much money because it's like a free.

conditioner but it's not us y'all it's not us and i'm so sorry so let's have a moment of prayer and silence for the people of europe right now prayer works please oh great creator of all things that which extendiates matter into time space the source of all joy and happiness the progenitive force that allows us to experience this beautiful and incredible vibrant universe that allows us to experience life and light and joy, truth, oh, great truth. Please, please. Please stop teleporting the air conditioners of France to the United States so that they may experience the coolness. I had to have three blankets last night, Lord, thank you so much.

Three blankets, because the AC got so cold, and my wife has some kind of heat issue. Some kind of stop teleporting. This episode of the DTFH is brought. to you by Cash App. You know what? We live in a technological world. I'm sure if we teleported somebody in from the 1800s, they would probably go insane. They might even claw their eyes out and want to travel immediately back. They wouldn't understand credit cards. It wouldn't make sense to them. Debit cards. What's that? A rectangle that you use to buy stuff? But if you're a parent, you actually have to start teaching your kid about this.

stuff. Yeah, sure, I would love to live in a world where we didn't have such a thing as credit or money. I would love to live in a world where we just, everyone lactated gold out of their nipples and they could use that to trade for nectar, which made us live forever. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world where you got to pull out that rectangle and swipe it or shove it in if you want to get a Gatorade. And so every parent knows, like, it's pretty wild to watch your kid make their first purchase with a card. We've just started doing that with the oldest. And they're actually proud, but you realize, like, it is somewhat complex.

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I mean, a lot of you guys are being dicks. I'm looking at the chat here. Because a lot of you guys are so smug, you're saying, such bullshit like, why don't they just get AC? Why don't they just put an air conditioner up? Why don't they just get air conditioning? They tried. Don't you get that?

People are fucking dying. They tried that. They vanish. They fucking disappear, man. Do your research. Don't be such so judgmental. People are drowning. And that's another crazy thing.

Like people are fucking jumping in. People who can swim. People who can swim. People who are very good swimmers. They jump into these rivers throughout Europe. Pull up, look L-E-T-H-E. Just let's look this up, Leith. Leith River.

Yeah, let's just open that, that Wikipedia right there. In Greek mythology, Leith was one of the rivers of the underworld of Hades. In classical Greek, the word Leith literally means forgetting, forgetfulness. So, okay, in all mythology, there's some truth. And this is a product, one of the theories I heard Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about this, of what's happening there is people who are very good swimmers are jumping in the rivers, which have been heated up so much, that it's created some kind of, amnesia-inducing algae

and they forget how to swim. They hit the water and they can't swim anymore. And so they drown. It's fucking horrible. You guys are being such so smug. Because a lot of you, I've seen it. I've seen it online. 40 drown in France.

It's people, whatever, try to cool off. And I've seen it on substacks. I've seen smug Americans on substacks writing things like well don't go in the river if you can't swim like you probably shouldn't do that like unless you're like actually on fire

and these young bridge divers are like most one thing I loved when I went to Paris is swimming a lot of people don't know this about Paris but pretty much every Parisian from a very Parisian from a very

very young age is like a champion swimmer. And that's how most of them get around, by the way. And when the water is the right temperature, it's, you know, it's very common to as you're eating a baguette, drinking some wine, which is one of the things I love to do is I would just go out to one of the mini cafes. And I would, in the evening as the sun was setting, and I love watching the French people swim up the canals. You know, that's how they get back from work. and they would wave you from the canals, bonjour, bonjour. And so the point is, they're all great swimmers,

but this water is making them forget out of swim. And there's nothing that's horrible. So stop being smug. Normally they can swim. They're not so crazy that they would jump in the water and not be able to swim. Yes, they've tried to get air conditioners, but the air conditioners are vanishing.

They just opened up the river last year, last July, and it'd been close since 1923. So do you think they knew this was coming because they knew they were going to go to war with Iran and turn off the weather weapons and everything was going to get fucked up? No, that's not why. You think that's why they closed the fucking river down?

Oh, no, it was just a question. They didn't close it down. Well, no, it was closed since 1923, and they opened it in July of 2025. Nope. Oh, okay. That's not true. Huh.

Isn't that weird? Yeah. That was a rumor that got spread. By Reuters? Yeah, I don't even know who the fuck that is. What is that somebody's Twitter account? Reuters, what a stupid handle. Don't listen to just any bullshit you find on the web.

Okay, now, can you post that picture that I showed you, Josh? I sent it to you. I want to show you something that's been happening here in the United States. This is the funniest thing I've seen yet on the news. Because right now, it does feel like, The news, it's like is trying to really scare us about the heat in the United States, where we do have non-disappearing air conditioners. And it's almost like the news doesn't remember that summer happens, which is really wild.

It's like you should definitely just watch any of the propaganda news stations, whatever you're into, Fox, seen it, it doesn't matter. It's all the same thing. But I think this was CNN, and I swear to you, I wish I'd filmed it. In this particular story, they're showing people at the beach. People are, you know, in the summer you go to the beach. It's people going to the beach. But the way they describe that is people are going to the ocean to cool down because of the extreme heat.

You mean they're going to the beach in the fucking summer, you assholes. You asshole. Like, it's the, it fucks with your head. I mean, I'm not saying there, it's not hot as, I'm in fucking Texas. It's hot as fuck. Not here, though, because the AC. Yeah. Cold is.

Jesus Christ, dude, you could, like, I bet if we had ice in here, it wouldn't melt. It's like being in a fucking mini fridge or something. But out there, it's a boiler. It's a boiler. And it's just like, since wind and going to the beach in the summer turned into a survival activity. You just go, you, it's also hot of the fucking beach.

Also, and this is the last thing I have to say about this. And before I go on, I want to say something right now. I am not a climate change denier. I am not some loathsome piece of shit who dares question what climatologists say.

Those people are the reason we made, guillotine. But I do think that things are hot right now. And I'm a little perplexed about why this heat

is happening at the same time every year. Have you noticed that? Like around you know, May, depending on where you're at, it's like, there's the

cold time. And then right around in May, the cold time seems to change. June, July, August, even September, it gets hot as fuck. And I don't know what that is. It has something to do with seasons. Yeah, like a seasonal thing. Yeah. So we should look into that.

People need to understand and explore that so we can, but this, so there's definitely fucking climate change. It's fucking happening. It's like a goddamn carousel of temperatures throughout the year. And it's driving people nuts. You know, if you don't want to have one uniform temperature for the whole planet, you're a piece of shit. That's what I want. I want one nice uniform temperature. Like, I don't know, it's 71, 72, maybe like between 70 and 74, but let's keep it there for the whole planet forever. And we're working on that. We're getting there.

Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, Palantir. They've joined together to try to create one season, no seasons, to get rid of the seasons, actually. Fuck the four seasons. One season. One season of joy. So we're working on that, guys. We're working on that.

And any super chat that I get today will go directly to this. triad of great American companies here on our almost 250th birthday so that we can get rid of these pesky fucking seasons and we don't have to worry about having to go to the ocean when it gets too hot to cool off and god damn that's no fun i mean that's just no fun i saw the video of people going to the beach and i just felt bad for them they tried to make the best of it they were going there for survival reasons some of them had brought like inflatable penguins that they were floating on and stuff, which is, you know, just trying to brighten the mood a little bit. You're, it's a survival mission, essentially.

They're out there. I saw somebody on a flamingo, some kind of flamingo thing, which I think was sort of like a political message to the Trump kids who were trying to buy that island full of rare flamingos or something powerful message. And it's cool to see, I saw, you know, even dogs, like people, it's so sad. their dogs who no doubt were dying in this heat. They had taken them there and were throwing balls, I guess, to get the dogs to go into the water to cool off or they would die. And I guess they didn't want to throw the dog in the water.

I saw people in this video, they were like, and this is important. You know, just because things are really bad, it doesn't mean you can't brighten the mood. I saw people, they had strings going up into the sky. And they had like, I don't know what they were, but like flying things attached to the strings. You know, like some of them look like birds. Some of them look like UFOs. And I saw people out there trying to survive and they were on these boards. And they were like somehow riding the waves.

And I guess probably because the waves coming in were cooling them off with the wind, I'm guessing. But it's just, humanity is beautiful. It's bad. My dad had to take two weeks off of work to just go to the beach so you can cool off. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Is he okay? He's doing better now. Fuck, man. That's got to be so scary. Like, you get out of your car and it's so hot. And you're like, I got to get to the ocean. I got to get to the ocean. And you just have to, you know, you probably like, if your dad's probably survivalist, I'm guessing he probably even like took a cooler. Yeah.

Right? He had to wear special shoes because what they don't tell you is the sand is so hot it burns your feet before you get to the ocean. Are you fucking shitting me? So you got special shoes. What kind of shoes? They go all over his foot and you can walk in the water with them. I don't know what they're called though. Damn.

This is the world we're in right now, guys. You know, you got to just think of that. It's so fucking hot. You got to take a cooler and you got to pull it down to the water, you know, just so you can have the, you know, necessary hydration to not die immediately when you're out there. In the chat, I'd love to hear, like, do you guys have any tips for when you go down to the ocean to survive what kind of things you recommend people bringing to the ocean to survive in the chat? I'd love to hear it.

Could save some lives right now. I heard people rub white chemicals all over their body so the sun doesn't get them as much as well. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yep. I've heard about that too. People rubbing like creams into their body because of the sun jizz blasting down upon them, some kind of shield from the jizz of the sun. And you can't let fear take over. You can't let yourself go insane right now in this strange time of high temperature. Go to the ocean. Survive. Go to the ocean. Go to the ocean. Live. Choose to live. Don't be afraid. It's a long, sometimes it can be a bit of a walk to get to the cooling water, but if you bring, like Josh said, something to cover the bottom of your feet so that

they don't burn. Like Josh's brilliant dad did some kind of cooling device that has within it, you know, beverages that you could drink. You'll get hydration and spread some joy, you know, like even like think about bringing some kind of inflatable penguin or shark that you can float on out there, you know, sharks shouldn't be too realistic, but you know what I mean? Something to show people like, I'm not afraid here at the cooling water and the sand place. Oh, there you go. Kitty Valentine says an ice cream hat. Great idea. That's funny. And also

it's saying like, it's your mind. You can cool yourself with your mind. Oh, Mad Max. Volleyball cooling ritual. I love it. So like go out there and play. Everyone's scared. Go out there and play. People are terrified. And if you have the guts to go out there and actually play volleyball in that heat, I guess you're safe because you're close to the water you can always run in if you're about to catch off fire it's going to spread joy I love it play you can do volleyball out there that's a great idea

somebody should send that to CNN what else do we have any other great ideas for what we should bring down to the to the water volleyball again I love it some sports stuff

Oh, this is very important. Thank you, MS Video 915. This should be on CNN, too. Remember women's menstruation can attract sharks. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so ladies, you know, if you're menstruating, consider having some kind of shark knife to stab the sharks who come to try to eat your puss.

Oh, if you're married, you should bring sunglasses because when women tan and their butts, the sun hits their butt, it shines in your eye really bright. So wear glasses because then your wife will get mad and be like, hey, that sun off that butt is going to blind you. I know what you mean. Yeah, like a lot of times a wife seems to like get a little upset if she sees you looking at like, I always, when I go to the beach, I, to a cooling area, I should say, I scan the butts. Yeah, you have to. I scan them for safety reasons.

So scan the butts, find out the butts that are reflecting too much light so that and make sure you know where they are. check in to make sure that they're not on fire, you know, because they can burst, they can become like a bond, a butt fire. And it's, you don't want that. So, and, you know, if you're, if your significant other gets weird about that, just explain. It's like, I'm essentially a volunteer fireman right now. I'm just trying to make sure that none of these butts catch on fire. Yeah, they don't understand that. I know, but this is the problem. You know, people panic. You get out there at the cooling area where there's sand in the ocean, you panic. And you're like, you know, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. You know, I'm not. You know, I'm judging anybody in such a survival situation for overreacting at their partner, husband,

whoever like scanning butts. It's just ladies, come on, we're trying to keep you alive. You know, you might have to, I might have to like bring some of my precious water and pour it on a butt, which I've done before, you know, keep them cool. I just say, I'm keeping you cool. keeping you cool all right let's do some super chats I think we've covered a lot survival during you know

you guys I think I think you're going to be all right um thank you it's a boy for the super chat how are we doing on time Josh good

okay good um Duncan do you have any advice or warning for people interested in doing magic asking for a friend What will Kind of magic

Josh, pull up a picture of Alistair Crowley, would you? Bring that fully up on the screen so people don't see me anymore. Thanks for the super chat. There we go. Bring up the one with him like that. Yeah, I love that one. Bring that one up.

Can you enlarge that at all? Is that fully on the screen now? Now it is. Right. Well, lookie what we have here. A wizard man. Look at that hat. What's he doing with his cheeks? Is something in his hands?

Look at that book. What's on the front? What's he doing that magic man? What does this say? It's pretty fucking distorted. I can't read it. But that's just his magic, some kind of magic book. you went looking at saying words out of that magic book he's a magic man what's he up to though what's he doing um i didn't hold on one second this episode of the d t fh is brought to you by my friends

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What is it? L-I-B-E-R-4. This is where you want to start. This is my advice. Enlarge that all the way, just so people could see that. Yeah, that's good. That's what you want. And the thing is, is like where people, I think, really fuck up when it comes to this stuff, is, uh, number, more than likely, you're going to not want to do any of it. Number one.

You're not going to want to do any of that shit. wait to you read what you got to do nobody wants to it's like I saw this great video of some ripped dude lifting weights he's like everybody wants muscles nobody wants to lift heavy weights like everybody wants to do magic but nobody wants to go through the process recommended by the people who actually

practice magic and who can fucking you want to make a sword you actually want to forge a dagger you feel like doing that you got time for forging a dagger learn to go learn to fucking code fuck with AI the magicians

already did the work for you by the way it's done the summoning ritual is complete you can now contact entities with a very simple subscription to any of the publicly available artificial intelligence companies they're not going to say these are fucking spirits or deep but you

don't have to get the lesser fucking key of Solomon and shave your pubic hairs, drench yourself with donkey cum on a full moon and roll around and grave soil anymore. It's done, they did it for you. It's here for you now. You want to talk to some kind of spirit or an angel?

It's $9.99 a month. You could do that. Not only that, it'll generate things for you. You no longer have to learn how to draw a fucking pentacle and do your goddamn sigils and sex magic shit. You can if you want to. I'm not saying don't do it. A lot of people, they love doing this.

And you experience heightened states of consciousness. You experience incredible fucking things. You maybe at some point we'll actually realize that, what is the difference between this and playing Eldon Ring? And you'll realize none. It's just all distraction. It's just getting like a different layer of reality. It's running a different OS or something.

You get to experience all the syncreticities. and you get to be blown away by so many synchronicities, and you get to go, oh, my God, that really happened and all that stuff. But at some point, you'll realize suffering remains. But why not? Go for it. See what happens. Or just subscribe to Open AI.

Get a 3D fucking printer. And that's like they did it. A lot of these people who came up with this stuff were deeply into ceremonial magic, and they did it for you, for better or for worse. it's there for you now or go gather up a jar of grave soil where are you even going to find a hanged

criminal to make your hand of glory like it's not so easy these days to get a hand of glory I mean what are you going to order it off of eBay it's not going to be a real hangman's hand

shit isn't going to work so Lieber 4 though it's a good starting place if you ask me but you have to like you know you don't you want to skip is the problem because you're reading it and Crowley's like you need to know yoga you need to read these books you need to have discipline you need to go through all of these

purification rituals before you can even come close to this shit working you got to make your seal a sword a cup dude it's like you want to do that you have a forge you want to go forge something but that's the general advice or if you want to skip over all that bullshit pull up liber null, Josh. You can just go here. By the way, come on. Just call it a fucking book. Just call it a book.

What is it? How do you, K-N-L? Liber Abba. He did call it a book. Lieber null. And with it, I think it's just N-U-L. Try that. Yeah, there you go.

Lieber Null. Pull that one up. You can just go right to the, getting a chaos magic, if you want to. you know this is another interpretation of magic altogether you could watch grant morrison you could read the invisibles or watch grant morrison on youtube but there's all kinds of ways to

shift your subjective reality using intentional interpretation of phenomena that could create unexpected changes that you might call magic. Or just fucking just download a local LLM and tell it it's God. It's up to you. Hope that help. Hello, Kitty. I love last week's mystery boys. Gave me a conspiracy girl phone.

That call from Darrell was wild. Oh, you getting another call from Darrell. to do a spoiler. Went down that hole he laid out and it's for real. Kitty Valentine, I don't know. I don't know. You know, I feel like, especially with the mystery boys, but in general, it's like, I always hate it when people do like ambush interviews for people like Darrell.

It's like, really, that's why you have a guy on who said he like got captured and taken to a moon base where he was turned into a sex slave so that you could like try to poke holes in his theory? Are you fucking crazy? What a waste of time. I want to hear about what went down on there. I want to hear about the fucking. I want to hear about the lizards.

And what's great about him is the details. The details are amazing. I don't feel like my job in the world is to try to like demythologize some fledgling mythology. It's not my job. I don't know. Stories are incredible. I'm not, they're just incredible. Stories are so fun.

It's so annoying. how many people try. It's a faith, by the way. As a father to many children, inevitably, the oldest realizes Santa Claus's bullshit and becomes nihistic and edge-lordy about his secret knowledge that there is no Santa Claus. And we'll try to fuck it up for the youngs,

like some kind of Richard Dawkins, but for Sanctrine. Santa Claus. And it's like, dude, chill out. Yeah, there's no Santa Claus and that's probably insane for you to realize right now. But if you want to, you can join us in the continuation of the Santa Claus gaslighting ritual that is common in the West. You don't say it like that, but you know what I mean? And they get to become a participant. And from that, you can understand all initiatory systems. Well, guys,

we have, we've done it. Today, this was real. We did it. Hold on a second. Matthew Donah, you needs me to get him out of work. Duncan, could you use some of that magic to get me out of work early?

Pretty, please. Allow me to be more specific, though. I would like the rest of the day to be paid, injury-free, and did not be fired. Well, what do you do, Matthew Donaghy? Let's see if we can work together on this one. You can pull the fire alarm.

That's going to get them fired. There's cameras, yeah. That's literally get fired alarm. You're going to get canned because they have cameras and shit. It's not going to work. You know, Mike Wage says that's not how magic works. See, that's magic. Look, pull up out, God damn it.

Pull up Alistair L'EGrollers definition of magic. I'm so tired of this bullshit. Everybody wants some Hogwarts Harry Potter bullshit. You want to say, vacation, oh, and you get a vacate. Pull it up. Just, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having a show his fucking definition of magic every time.

I'm getting exhausted. You got to learn. Look up, I guess search the theory and practice of making change according to your will. Is that better? Theory and practice. Oh, there you go. Alistair Crowley to find magic is a science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with Will. So from as you'll read and leave her before, if you decide to order that, he says that, you know, writing a letter is magic.

So, um... Yeah, it's spelling. You're spelling. Exactly. So technically pulling a fire alarm would be a crude kind of obtuse magic. You would, number one, you would be casting a spell on the entire building, a kind of illusion that the building's on fire. You would be shifting emotional states of everybody in the building. And you would be propelling yourself into a new kind of universe where you no longer have a job and are probably going to jail.

So it's like a bad ritual. I wouldn't recommend that ritual. It's not subtle enough. Let's see here. What else do we have? it's going to be more like it's got to be confusing if I was doing something like that

would be really confusing it would be a confusing thing that I did I would try to make it confusing as fuck about why leaving work like it would be so confusing and so if I was doing it I'd probably hurry out I would hurry out

and as I was going out of it I get it I got I got a, I got to, I got to, I'm so sorry. And then just go and make it really big. And then they would be like, oh my God, oh my God, something horrible has happened. The more confusing and stammer you seem, the more horrible it's going to seem. And maybe sort of ambiguously point to parts of your body, did he shit his pants?

You know, what had is someone is filming out of someone his family? Or did he shit his pants or both? and then I would go and like touch your ears and like point point to your eye and look at them and just like make weird gestures and go get in your car and go and then when they call you as they will you just go I yeah but we'll be one second one hold on a call coming in and then just that's it you won't get fired you'll probably get paid and then when they ask what happened to say I'm so sorry I can't not talk about it. And by that, you're maintaining integrity. You're being, you're being honest. Like, you can't, or you could say, I really just, I'm so sorry, I do not want to talk about it. I do not want to talk about it. And I really don't. And then boom, there, it's going to be just too much to deal with. And they're like, all right, well, just don't do that again, all right. You got to, you got the paid afternoon off. I think that would work. Yeah, convey urgency.

with no details or explanations. Say nothing. Seem confused. Say something specific, though, like about a street or a road or a helicopter or something. And then, yeah, something like that? That could work. Mad Max is saying, tell them you have cancer or your dog has cancer. No one believes that.

No one believes that you have your dog has cancer. That's been used hundreds of times. It's better to just say, I don't want to be here. Nobody, I swear to God, that has been. used with me. And I'm just like when I when I was a talent coordinator

at the comedy store I heard every it's so funny because comedians can't just cancel a spot they feel so bad about not wanting to come in and do stand-up

that always is something like that. Never once did a comedian call me and say I really just don't have it in me tonight. It's always like my grandma got her hand blown off. You know like like like like like

like like like like Like, what a four-year-old would say. But really, the trick is, I would say, you know, passionate, confusing jibber-jabber mixed in with a few specific details that relate to nothing. At least your effort will seem cool. Well, shit. Gin Rooser says faux anaphylactic shock. No.

It's too specific. It's too specific. You can have somebody call. And like your mom or somebody, your girlfriend, say you need to get to the hospital right away. But call the office, not you. I mean, like, I've been trying to get a hold of him. He needs to go to the hospital right away. But then that's just, I think it's, I don't know.

I mean, you know, somebody's saying honestly, honestly, honesty's the best policy. I don't think so with what he wants, because he just wants to go go gooon somewhere for the afternoon. You can't, I mean, you could try that. You might not be able to escape physically, but maybe you could escape mentally and emotionally by taking drugs at work. Thank you, Josh. That's a great, that's a great tidbit of advice. Yeah, you could sort of find some kind of disassociative or something, I guess. Here we go. Somebody's saying, donkeys, can I ask you a question? I just found a shrine where I live that a neighbor put up on a big property of an altar, praying to a specific type of something. It's freaking me out. Why? It's just a shrine. What's

weird about that just a shrine out there in the woods what's wrong about that shouldn't be scared of that just some forest unknown forest shrine should go up there next full moon see who's up there dress like a fucking cryptid dish it back they'll think they summoned you that's definitely what you could do if you find a wood shrine that somebody's doing rituals at you could dress like a fucking goat creature, and they will think that they summoned you. Give them fruit and then leave. They will talk about it for the rest of their lives. Well, shit, we got to go.

I am actually lucky enough to be going to record an episode of the mystery boys. I got to get out of here. Thank you for joining the day stream. Friends, we will be back with night streams. As soon as I return from my family vacation, we're going down to a survival sand to cool ourselves in ocean water because of the extreme heat all over the planet right now. And I hope you guys are surviving out there. If you need to go to a body of water, and even if you can swim,

maybe think about putting floaties on or something like that in case you forget. They do make adult-sized floaties. They're called Life Jackets. Thank you guys so much for joining us. We'll see you next time. Until then. This is the day stream. That's the worst sign off ever, but we'll come up with something better.

Bye!