Duncan Trussell Family Hour - ANDY KINDLER AND BERT KREISCHER

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

Two comedy legends join the DTFH at the 33rd JFL festival in Montreal!!!

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. I'm dirty little angel. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. This episode of the Duggar Tressel Family Hour Podcast is brought to you by harrys.com. Go to h-a-r-r-y-s.com and use offer code Family Hour

to get $5 off a sweet pack of German engineered razor blades that's gonna make your face look like the newly shorn buttocks of the king of unicorns. Harry's.com, use offer code Family Hour, you'll get $5 off your first purchase. And now on with the show. Hello, friends. It is I, Duncan Tressel,

and you are listening to the Duncan Tressel Family Hour Podcast, and I have just returned from the Montreal Comedy Festival. And ever since I got back, I've been thinking about aluminum and the Singularity episode with Aaron Frank. If you didn't listen to that episode, Aaron Frank talked about,

one of the many things he talked about to help explain what exponential acceleration means in relation to technology was he talked about aluminum and he talked about how at one point in the history of the world, aluminum used to be so incredibly valuable that Napoleon, when he had parties, would serve the most esteemed guests

with plates made of aluminum and silverware made of aluminum and all the other shitheads at the party got to eat off of plates made of gold and they would sit there with their crappy gold, silverware and gold plates and look over at the great guests eating off of aluminum plates with jealousy

because at the time, aluminum was incredibly expensive to produce but thanks to technology, they figured out how to make aluminum at a fraction of the cost and of course, Napoleon probably went back to serving his guests on gold. So these poor bastards who probably invested

all this money in whatever machinery or equipment they needed to produce the expensive aluminum suddenly found themselves in a predicament very similar to the predicament of Parisian taxi drivers today and a lot of taxi drivers which is if you wanted to drive a taxi, you would have to go through all this crazy licensing bullshit

and that was ostensibly placed there to protect the public from unscrupulous taxi drivers but the reality is that a license is just another, is quite often just another name for a bribe and whatever long process taxi drivers had to go through in Paris to become a taxi driver has been completely subverted by the beautiful technology that is Uber and we're seeing examples of this

in every single industry including the TV industry which is why it's really cool to be at a festival where many comedians have come there in the hopes that somebody from the TV industry will give them money to make stuff which is fine unless you've let yourself believe that that's the only way that you can make stuff that has any kind of validity

and a lot of people have tricked themselves. I got in a conversation with somebody, a comedian who was headed over there and I was talking to him, he's like, yeah, I don't really do much social networking but I think that this is my shot here. Like this is it, man. I think this is where it's really gonna happen

at this festival and it's like, whoa, wait, what's gonna happen? Somebody from a network that is creating content that's supremely expensive and time consuming to make that gets a fraction of the views of other content being produced by individuals all over the planet is gonna give you some money? That's what you want?

You want someone who's a representative of antiquated technology to night you and to give you some money for which you will exchange your artistic autonomy and maybe you'll water your vision down a little bit and then you'll maybe produce some content that will get put up on what is no more than a glorified YouTube channel

in which really might receive, might be viewed by far less people than if you've just done it yourself. So it's a weird mindset that a lot of people get themselves into. Maybe some of you guys have gotten yourself into that mindset and it's a totally, it used to be the way things were, man.

Back in the 80s and the 90s, that was really how it was. You would be completely dependent on a corporation giving you money if you wanted to get your shit out to the world because there was no YouTube, no streaming services, no internet, but it's just not like that anymore and you're not gonna hear about that on TV. It's just the entire model has changed,

the terrain has changed and Sun Tzu's Art of War, it says the most important thing is knowing the terrain that you're fighting on. If you don't know the terrain that you're fighting on, you're fucked and a lot of people right now are still fighting on terrain, they're fighting using techniques developed for a terrain that no longer exists

and if you're one of those people, then you need to adapt your fighting style, you need to adapt to the terrain that we're currently existing in and that terrain is a terrain where all you need is where you need less than $1,000 worth of technology to create the content that formerly used to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to make.

So don't let yourself get tricked if you're an artist. Don't let yourself get fooled, don't get caught up in the ridiculous bureaucratic development process that people can get sucked into. Don't trick yourself into thinking that you're not procrastinating because you're going to a million meetings every week. That's just procrastination, if you ask me.

Going to meeting after meeting after meeting, going to pitch meeting after pitch meeting sitting down with groups of people to develop some stuff that ends up taking years and years to finally get rejected. That's just procrastination and it's okay. Procrastination is just the manifestation of your fear of success.

That's what procrastination is. A lot of people are fucking terrified of succeeding because innately inside of all of us, we know that there's just a general sense of emptiness. So anytime you're working on anything, you're always going to get this weird fraudulent sense that goes along with it. And if you have the power or the potency

or the insane, or if you're delusional enough even, you can do this ridiculous pull up where you just decide, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to make stuff. I deserve to make stuff. I'm a human on this planet and I'm going to create stuff and I'm going to get it out to the world and I'm not going to wait around for some guy

to tell me that I'm good enough to make stuff because really you're the only person who can tell you that. You're the network now. Everyone's their own goddamn network these days. You're the network executive and you've got to give yourself permission to start making stuff right now,

if that's what you want to do. If you're not a creator, you just like enjoying, you enjoy listening to stuff and consuming stuff, that's awesome. You can just enjoy it and congratulations to you because this is the golden age of entertainment. There's never been more options for stuff to listen to. There's never been so many information streams

in the history of humanity. But if you're a comedian or an actor or somebody who just loves making stuff and getting it in front of people and you're waiting to do that until somebody who's a representative for an industry that is in the midst of a really tumultuous series of changes to tell you

that you're going to be the next star, then you're fucking yourself. Don't do it. You don't need to be knighted by anyone. Those days are gone. There's a great interview with Louis CK on David Letterman. And he's talking about getting at the comedy store. It used to be that you'd have to perform for Mitzi,

the owner of the club. I used to work for her. I drove her around. I was a talent coordinator there and I remember what it was like. She'd sit in the back, a comedian would get on stage and if she liked you, she'd make you a paid regular and you'd get to work out at the club.

Anyway, you can look it up. Louis CK is on Letterman and he's talking about how he'd been doing stand up for 20 years and he got on stage, had barely said anything when the light turned on indicating that he should get off the stage. He thought there was a mistake and then looked in the back of the room

and Mitzi's like waving for him to get off stage. Now, this is Louis CK, who's now one of the top comedians in the country. Regardless of what you think of him, I love him. I think he's hilarious. He's one of the top fucking comedians right now. But, and if he'd allowed himself to believe

that Mitzi Shore or anybody else on planet Earth knew whether or not he could be successful, then he wouldn't have, there would be no Louis CK. If the moment Mitzi had waved him away, he had allowed that to be a poison dart that stuck in his brain and he allowed himself to think, shit man, all the struggle to be a comedian was useless

because this woman who has theoretically created so many great comics or been part of their development doesn't like me, then there, we would have no, there would be no great comedy from Louis CK would have skulked off somewhere. And anytime you find yourself sitting at the bottom of a pyramid looking up at someone,

hoping they let you live as opposed to sentence you to death, then you have really gotten yourself in a shitty situation because you're waiting for a monkey descendant to give you permission to be an artist. Somebody else is in charge of them. There are three temptations that face Buddha. Three progressive temptations.

The first one is Mara, the Lord of the earth starts hurling fireballs at the Buddha. This is the fear of death, destruction. And the Buddha laughs and the fireballs turn into flower petals. Then the second temptation the Buddha is faced with is the daughters of Mara. The Lord of the earth presents Buddha

with his beautiful daughters. And a lot of people say this represents like the erotic temptation or the temptation to start a family. But I believe it was, I think it was Chogyam Trumpa who said that actually this temptation is the temptation to believe that you're becoming enlightened and getting lost in the sort of ego game

of being a spiritual person, right? That's the second temptation. The third temptation is one of the most curious temptations which is where Mara, the Lord of the earth says to Buddha, why do you think you get to be the Buddha? Why do you deserve to be the Buddha? Why do you deserve to be the Tathagata, the great wheel turner?

Why do you deserve to be the generator of a world religion? And the Buddha takes his finger and puts it to the ground. He just touches the earth. And voila, now we've got the, that's when he reaches Nirvana, that was it. Because you know, I think I always wonder about what that means, but I think that it's the,

it just represents a person making the decision to fully embrace their autonomy. It was the Buddha saying, I deserve to be the Buddha because that's what I am. And in the same way, if you're a comedian or any kind of artist or any kind of creator and you're sitting around waiting for the Lord of the earth to come and tell you that you're an artist

or that you're a creator or that you deserve to make stuff and you're not gonna start putting yourself out into the world until that happens, then you're failing a test. You're failing an initiatory test, which is that eventually you have to make the decision that regardless of what this person or that person says, regardless of perceived results, regardless of perceived obstacles,

regardless of whatever you think is standing in your way, you are going to make your art and you're gonna do it, even if it kills you, even if you fail in the endeavor. Because who cares, everybody's gonna die, everyone on planet earth is gonna die. No one, I'm about to quote Jim Morrison, which is why I'm stammering because I don't want to, but no one here gets out alive.

There's no way out of this mess that we're in right now. The only way out is your own personal extinction. That's the way it works. The Paris catacombs are filled with the bleach bones of the unknown dead who molder under there. Nobody remembers who they are. And many of them, no doubt, many of those skeletons, many of those skulls belonged to artists who waited

for somebody to give them the go ahead to make the stuff that they wanted to make. And they just croaked to the plague and now they're down in the catacombs getting their pictures taken by pasty tourists, blasting oyster farts into the darkness. Don't be one of those. Don't wait for somebody to tap you on the shoulder.

Don't wait for somebody to tell you you're okay. Start making your stuff now. Just do it. All the technology is there for you and it's the first time in the history of our species that this has been the case. All right, okay. All right, guys, we've got a great podcast

with Andy Kenner, brilliantly funny comedian, Bert Kreischer, he's been on the podcast several times. We're gonna jump right into it, but first some quick business. Today's episode of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast is brought to you by harys.com. That's H-A-R-R-Y-S.com. These are purveyors of German engineered razor blades

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And finally, I don't know when you're listening to this, but this week, the ticket links for my upcoming gigantic tour through Australia and New Zealand will be up on my website. I'm heading out your way with the Lord of Comedy himself, Johnny Pemberton. And I hope you'll come to one of our shows. We're gonna do a lot of shows out there.

And I really can't wait. Okay, everybody. Now, it is my extreme honor to welcome to the Dunkintrustle Family Hour Podcast two incredibly funny comedians, Andy Kindler and Bert Kreischer. And once again, this was recorded live from the Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal.

Here they are. Open your third eyes, squeeze your pineal glands, spray as much astral love in the direction of these two divine beings, Andy Kindler and Bert Kreischer. It's the Dunkintrustle Family Hour. Welcome, welcome upon you. That you are with us. shake and glory to be true.

Welcome to you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's the Dunkintrustle Family Hour. It's the Dunkintrustle Family Hour. It's the Dunkintrustle Family Hour. Good evening, everyone. It is I, Dunkintrustle, the Skrillex of Podcasting,

and you are listening to the Dunkintrustle Family Hour podcast being recorded live at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. perché. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. You are welcome. Yeah. Yeah. You're welcome. корso.

Yeah. Thank you. Hi, skies. Take a short break. Yep. I'm saying you're inside. I am doctor. Obviously, I don't know what I'm talking about,

but I'm with you. You are very spiritual. And I always thought it was like, it's like, it's felt like Gert Jeff, right? That guy? Yeah. It's felt like it's Gert. It's Gert G, but you can pronounce any way you want.

Yeah. No, I was into Ram Dass and I was into Alan Watts. Well, Andy, you, now you do. So I could out spiritual you, my friend. I'm sure you can. You're intro. It's very interesting to me because you are, for those of you who don't know, Andy does this thing called the state of the

industry address every year at the festival where he crucifies so many different. So to speak, ladies and gentlemen. So to speak. To speak. But it's like, you know, it's, some of it's pretty brutal. It's always funny, but some of it's really brutal. It's not always funny.

I was here two years ago. It's not always funny. I've had some trouble. I've had some trouble. Let's not kid ourselves. But I was there today and mother fucker. He fucking killed. What was the joke?

I tried to repeat the joke. Uh, the, let's, let's judge Jerry Seinfeld's joke on a scale of. Oh, uh, who cares to, I admit it's a sentence. It was, it was, I said this to Andy and this, and I have to share this a little bit because I'm a, I'm more than a comic. I'm a fan of comedy.

I will always be a fan of comedy until the day I die. And I love the feeling of getting in the back of the room and getting let in and they say, oh, sure. Right over there. And you watch Andy kind of just destroy any pepper tone who's walking out in a fucking. You, what did you audition for the role of? What was that?

Oh, I said, so my, uh, that's the alpha. He warned the role of the guy who rips up ticket at the racetrack. It was down the ground. It was destructive. And I said to him, I go, when did you start? Cause he free forms it at the beginning and you free formed it for at least 20 minutes.

Yeah. I don't never know how that's going to work. But the other part of it is, I mean, there's not a cheat to it, but I do get to do anything that I've done over the year that relates to show business. Right. I did this. So you've got a catalog.

So whatever I wrote over the year that, that would fit the show, uh, I try to open up with that. So I know it was so fucking good. The spiritual person, well, how do you balance this kind of like me, like, I don't want to call it mean, but this kind of like attack style of comedy with the idea of we've got to love everybody and be kind to everybody. Does that create any kind of dissonance inside?

Oh, absolutely. I mean, I struggle all the time with, uh, you know, and also it's, and the main thing is like, I think you have to be aware of what you're feeling, but I do think anger. I mean, Jesus wrote again with the New Testament, Jesus wrote through the temple. He got angry. Right.

I'm saying I'm Jesus writing through the temple of show business. No. So I mean, anger is an appropriate thing. Uh, and I think the thing is, is that if you try to be loving, it's doesn't, it just doesn't work. You know what I mean? I try to love Hitler.

God knows that. Who has? Wait, wait, wait, how many, how many people did you compare to? Oh, my goal is to commit, is to compare every, uh, comedian to Hitler. It started with Dan. I said, uh, the Dane Cook phenomenon reminds me of,

of Germany in the thirties. There's a guy, he's screaming, all your friends like him, you don't understand. But Dane Cook is worse than Hitler because at least Hitler had a point of view. So that was the first year. Wait, wait, what was the one you did about Spurs all the day?

Oh, so Si fell, I said, uh, I wasn't so, no, I actually compared, though. I said, Bill Maher is like, is just like Hitler except Hitler didn't laugh after every joke. It was so fucking good. I swear to God, that's the one thing in this festival that I'm so glad I can accept it at the festival to perform because I get to go watch you do that.

It is so fucking good. I have to go now, right? Right this, no, no, I mean, like I have to go on the high. You got nervous there for a second. Well, I thought you had the one. No, but it's not 1130 yet. That's, but yeah.

No, you got plenty of time. Myself, but okay. So never early say, that's what happened. You know, Jay Leno claims that he was on Diner Shore, but I think Jay Leno lies about everything because he took it from somebody else where he said, when did you want us to play you off? He said, when I do this joke and he did the word

from the joke early and they played him off. So that's what almost happened there. Right. That's funny. That's the great thing about that, that about that say the union to Duncan is that you watch him run through his notes and you're like to mean to mean too much about me.

Yeah, because this paragraph, I think you read them, you write them in like a month before or the night before or whatever. They sound like a whole self, you know, righteous anger. And then you read it. It just looks terrible. I never know what's going to work.

I mean, I do know certain things, but I don't know other things. Are there. So are there jokes that are funny that you won't say because they're too mean? Well, by definition, by definition, I'm saying things that, well, I mean, if it was, if I, you know, I was giving examples like when I hang around like

David Feldman, like sometimes comics to get alone will do a bit that they would never do on stage. Right. They would be too mean. So that's like, but that's just like, you're almost like making fun of the form. By definition, I'm trying to keep my targets high and all that kind of stuff.

And I have over the years done material about people and then I realized, well, why am I making fun of that guy? So it is something I think about a lot about how mean it is. And, but I can't do it just on the basis of whether the target is working. I can't just do it on the basis of they always have

to be Leno. You know, it always has to be someone who's clearly horrible. Right. No, I love it, man. I mean, it's one of, but it's like, don't you get dissonance? Like it's like, I want, like I want to be mean.

And sometimes like, and I feel like I'm not sometimes because you know what haunts me. I did this Skype with a Ram Dass once where, because he does this crazy thing where like you can do this heart to heart with Ram Dass. And I remember going on his website, signed up for it, didn't think it would happen. And then out of the blue, you know, they schedule it,

your phone rings. It's like, hey, it's Ram Dass. And then it's really intense. And then like suddenly he's like on your computer screen and the guy just like beams love out into the universe. It's crazy right here now. He's a love radiator.

Even all that, even through Skype, you can feel it. But anyway, I was, I was talking with him. I was actually with Natasha Leggero. We did this and we were asking him about comedy. Like, what do you think about comedy? And he said, and I still, I remember how my heart sank. He's like, he said, as long as it's not mean.

Right. And it was like, ah, fuck really? Like you've like deactivated so much of comedy is attack, revenge, to like getting your pound of flesh and to remove that from the equation. It seems like it would hobble you as a comedian. Well, I love, I mean, he's like a hero to me, Ram Dass. He was, you know, he was originally Timothy Leary's

partner at Harvard. But I don't agree with every single thing that he says. And I also think, no, no, no, no. I thought you said Dennis Leary in that one. Yeah, he was with Dennis Leary. I was like, that's so odd. Such a weird, he was with Dennis Leary at Harvard. And, but the point is that you have to make your own.

It's like to me, I do think there's a part of life where, you know, the thing about Buddhism, Zen Buddhism, that I really resonate with, it's not that you don't like things, but you try to, it's that you don't get, it's everything is something to be attached to equally. So that's why you don't want to get attached to the results of things. And Ram Dass talks about it.

Everything, everything can be a moment, every moment is to be here now, you know, cooking, whatever. So, so I also think anger is part of that too. But he does tell a great story about when he went to his guru, Ram Dass, and the guru one day said to him, you have to, you have to lose anger Ram Dass. And he goes, I do. Yes.

So I thought, you know that guru guy that he, Yeah, Neem Kurali Baba. Who, by the way, there's stories of him, you know, that his guru yelling at people. And that's used as an example of how it's not about putting on this facade of being nice to everybody, certain situations, you're supposed to get pissed off and be angry. But man, by the way, I love your comedy.

So I'm sorry if I'm like, well, why are you so God damn mean, Andy? No, but I know it's a very, it's a very important question. I, it's not like I walk around not struggling with it, you know, but so much like when I've gotten bad feedback, it's been because the person's thin skinned and then they're trying to use certain people like say I went after Sandler. Well, Sandler's really thin skinned and he'll put the message,

don't come after me. You should probably put in some of your Sandler jokes right now. They're pretty good. Well, I said Sandler. He has that movie out called The Ridiculous Six, which is a take, which take over the Magnificent Seven, but require it literally to name you come up with before you engage your brain at all.

You know, how about the Crazy Nines, the 15 fantastic 12s. And I said, Native Americans walked off the set because he had all these terrible names like Where's No Bra for the, and Beaver Breath and Native Americans walked off the set and they said they would prefer another genocide over. Wow. I'm the bad guy. But here's the thing is that, is that it is, and I don't think

people understand this sometimes. And in a weird way, I'll say this is a guy sitting in the room and I know Andy and I barely know each other in life. We talk through Twitter and stuff, but like everyone in the room kind of hopes your name's in there. Right. You know, like, it's respect. It's respect.

When you talked about Marshall, today Marshall Books Club and Atlanta that Andy works at. He's here somewhere. No, he's not. He's at where you see Dave Chappelle. What a dick. And so, but it's like, it's an art form. This is an art.

And what he's doing is an art form, and it's respected by us. I don't know if it gets, everyone gets it, and maybe when you have the target, you don't. But man, it's like that reason we're all going to hustle to go see the Roast Battle tonight. Jimmy Carr is going up against the gay guy from Australia. And I want to see that. It's not, I don't care, I don't care about my views on

homosexuality. I want to see the artistry of comedy displayed in front of crowd of people that judge it. Oh, fuck. That's what this morning was. Andy walked up, Jonathan Katz gave an introduction to him, and Andy walked up and destroyed people we look up to, and he appears and us in the room, and it's fucking awesome.

Yeah, it is. Well, there is something about it that's very cathartic, because one of the inevitable feelings. Oh, fucking Marshall just showed up. Oh, there, we were just talking about it. Marshall Charles, everybody. We, no, one aspect of, like, at a comedy festival, especially this comedy festival, you see this vector where art

meets business. That's a pretty fucked up place a lot of the time. It's very desperate. Desperate and creepy, and there's a real palatable darkness there, which is why you're kind of like an exorcist when you go up there and start pointing these things out, because it needs to be said. It's really cool in that way. Well, the other part of it, though, is, and I'm sorry for

interrupting, but that's what, that's my hook. How do I oversell everything? The other thing is that, the other part of it is that you have to add, my problem in life, and I've realized this, is that my spirituality, I believe, it's not like I believe in spirituality, it's just if you sing, or if you play music, or if you meditate, or if you do comedy, watercolor, you get into this zone that you can't explain,

it's not something you're trying to prove, and you can feel it. Now, whatever it is, it is. But to say there's no other state other than something, you know, I need a double-blind experiment to meditate, you know? And so, but why I get so angry at these new atheists, getting angry at them is right, because Bill Maher is a bigot. He, look at that guy who killed these people today,

when the guy killed the people in, was it Tennessee? Bill Maher was like, yeah, we know what the cause was, what's his name, because his name was Muhammad, you know? So, but a week later, he's silent when a white guy who says the problem is in America is all these immigrants, and he says nothing about it, because this whole thing is, so you have to get mad, I have to get mad at it, but I get so mad because I still see my father

who would fight with me when I was a kid. He wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but I was so angry because I believed he was my hero, and he was disagreeing with me about spirituality, so I'm still fighting that battle. So I think spirituality is getting angry, but also having, and that's a big problem of mine, is letting the rage go and letting it, and that's very hard for me.

Yeah, that is hard. Anger is very, very problematic for me too, man. It's really destructive. You have to watch out. It's a, I would compare it to, it's like you can, it's like fossil fuels or something. It's like a spiritual fossil fuel. You can run your engine on anger, and a lot of comedians do, but god damn it, the end result is you get this kind of

subjective global warming happening in your life where the end result of it after a certain period of time is like shit starts melting down, like stuff around you ultimately gets a little misshapen. Let me jump in as the opposite of that. God, not what this gets. You don't seem like an angry guy at all. I'm the happy fool a lot of times.

You can giggle, that's fine, I'm cool with it. I get drunk a lot, and I like to have a good time, and I giggle. I cried watching him laugh, tell jokes today. I cried, I fucking cried. Next to Ari, who's not a hard laugher. Ari's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm sitting there crying, I'm crying next to him.

The difference is we in turn, the happy fool internalizes his anger because you hear people take jabs at you all the time. A perfect example. I love this guy with all my heart, I don't need to subjectify him at all, but Todd Glass. Todd Glass is like me, we're happy fools. We like having a good time, we like giggling, we like fucking smoking weed,

and pretending that the weed may turn us into a different person. Just goofiness, like goofy fucking shit. But then we also become the easy target, and that anger resides in someone sometimes where you're just going like, where do I ever voice this to anybody? We were talking about this backstage, we had a really hard time in the conversation.

I had a really hard time in the conversation. So then you sit there silently, and that's why I love a guy like Andy, and a guy like Jeff Ross, and all the people that's doing the roast battle, is because they're saying this shit that I couldn't do that, I could not do roast battle. I would be a fucking puddle of vodka the next morning.

They say all this shit that I already think about myself, and they're like, how dare you? You're also bringing up a very, very good point, and the point is this, I think a lot of my whole thing is like, I say these things on stage, but the other part of it is like, I certainly hope this is not going to affect my career.

So it's like, I can be like everybody else, but I notice a lot of people, they go through their whole life, and these people are like, and your thing is, I relate to it, the confrontation, the non-confrontation, but there's other people who won't ever take an opinion on anything, because there's like, what are you getting hostile for part of our society?

I think that's the thing that society does, and that purposefully, like someone thought of it, and they said, make it a law, but it keeps you down, and it keeps you from acting, and that's why people like Martin Luther King, or Mandela, or whoever, or Malcolm X, and then you, you know, it's like, there's different techniques for it,

but there's a lot of people who never, ever confront anything, and not just confronting fighting, but they won't give their opinion, they won't say anything, and I think that that, all of it, that, and not in your case, but you know the people who are like, I just like, no, I don't know, I hear you, I don't really have much in the opinion,

I see both sides, and all that stuff, I used to think that was the cool way to be, but that's not a good way to be, because that's a sheepy thing, not you. You can take me. No, because you don't want to be, I hate the confrontation, my wife has to call up and say,

you ruined my husband's shirt in the dry cleaner, and I'm like, you know what, thank you for doing the shirt. My wife does that for me too! My wife will be like, I'm not sending this back, and she's like, it's overcooked, I go, just leave it, I'll eat it, I don't care. And she's like, let's send it back,

you ordered a Flamin' Young, it should be medium rare, and then I go, don't worry about it, I'll just eat it. I was like, fuck it, you're a fucking bitch, and I'm like, oh, okay. Do you think of yourself as an activist? Are you an activist? Me?

Oh, let me go first, Andy. No, go ahead. I think it's having an image of you, uh, yeah, I mean, well, I mean, that's a weird word in a way, because I don't go on a lot of marches, I don't find that. You go on a lot of Twitter marches though?

Yes, that's not a good sign. I don't go on a lot of marches. Marches? Marches are pretty outdated, marches are pretty weird. It's just having a Twitter profile description, I go on a lot of marches. I enjoy marching, I enjoy, uh,

my walking papers, so, uh, no. I am in that sense, and I really am. I got it from my, um, I absolutely won't let stuff go. I won't let stuff go. People hate me for the new atheist thing. They hate me, I know they hate me about it.

And I am annoying, I admit that I'm annoying, but I'm not going to get away with people saying that asshole's not a fucking bigot. Well, yeah, it feels like you're doing it when I watch your... What? The way you said it. I don't go on a lot of marches. Well, yeah, that's what I think of an activist.

I don't have a clipboard. I don't have a bank of phones. I don't go on a lot of marches either. I haven't been on one march. I don't have a 501. You've never been to one march, I don't believe that. I've never been on a lot of marches. That's amazing.

I'm going to talk to those people about... What are you guys here for? I don't go on a lot of marches. I'm just fucking funny the way you did it though. But that's the beauty of a comic because they don't know they're being funny. He literally went, I don't go on a lot of marches.

Well, that is a... Well, I always ask how much marching is involved is because... Is this a sit-in or a march? Yeah, how are we doing? What are we doing with this? Have you ever been to... Have you ever done like a sit-in or a march? Have you...

Fucking have a stroke. During the Vietnam War, but I was a little kid. I was on marching. What about... Remember when we were about to go to war with Iraq? Did you go to any of those marches in L.A.? Remember those? No, I just cried in my house. You mean the Second War, right?

Yeah. Remember that? There were these crazy marches. Man, that was crazy. I went to one of those. That was pretty intense. The energy was so weird because it's a country that doesn't want to go to war trying to come to terms with the fact

that it doesn't appear that it's a democracy to stop it. And all these people are marching and the energy is very sweet but tragic because you know it's not going to stop anything. But I remember, man, as we're marching this way, some weirdo,

muscle, some big muscular guy is walking the other way and elbowing everybody that he passed, violently hitting people. And you realize, Jesus, that is a demon. That's a person like maybe that's a person who got sent there

to make it a little uncomfortable. Then the cops come and they're wearing the new cop outfit because like back in the 60s and the Vietnam marches, the cops weren't dressed like Darth Vader, right? They were wearing more like normal police officer clothes.

Now the police come out. They're dressed like Darth Vader. They've got batons and tear gas and the message that it sends is we are not you. Whenever you see that shit happening, it reminds me of like when you finally get to the very

edge of the wall in the Truman show. When you finally get to the perimeter of where society can be, the guys in the fucking Darth Vader outfits come out and they beat you back until you just forget like, okay, okay, okay, go to war, go to war.

We can't do anything about it. When you're talking about how angry you're getting and this kind of thing, people like Oprah or The Secret, they totally miss, you know, they're twisting older concepts that actually have validity

to make it like, oh, you want to do something? You're just like Tony Robbins. I was in a play with a guy with a Tony Robbins thing and he was like saying, I said, have you ever been to the comedy festival? He goes, well, I hope to go. I mean, I know I will go one day. So it's like those people,

but the idea is that you can control, you think that at some point, I have to turn the TV off and I have to disconnect and I have to breathe, that it's not healthy for me. The anger's good, but if I'm just all day believing that my life is controlled by these events,

that I believe is a misunderstanding of, because most of the time, if you really think about it, nothing horrible is happening to you, even if something is happening to someone else, but it's that anticipatory fear that's going to happen to you. You get that, Bert, right?

You're haunted by that, right? Which is interesting because your career is based around putting yourself in catastrophic situations, which is really curious. That's the thing, I can't believe he doesn't like confidence. He's so brave in those things. I am a fearful...

I said to this young girl, I'm not very liberal. I'm regular liberal, I don't say the M word, but I'm just saying regular... The M word? Oh, yeah, that is... That was a bad one, that was a bad one. That was a bad one.

I don't say any of the M words or the F words. I'm pretty liberal, and I want everyone to be happy. That's all I want. But my problem is, people say you scream like a girl, and I started hearing that as offensive, because I have two little girls, offensive to little girls,

and then I got this stance, don't say that to people. I have my toenails painted, you can't see it, and people always go, oh, what's up with that? And it's like my canary in the mind of how homophobic people still are. I go, I'm just a dude with painted toenails. I'm not sitting here blowing a dude in front of you. I'm just...

painted toenails. You're not going the whole route. I don't even know why we started talking about this, because now I'm lost because I'm kind of drunk, but... I like where it ended up, man. You got painted toenails. I painted my toenails with my daughters, and...

I don't... Let's see them. Let's see them. The hard part is I have to put my fucking socks back on them, so fucking fat. So I paint my toenails. Uh... Give those sweet toenails a round of applause,

you guys. That guy's got nice toes. I have beautiful fucking feet. I have gorgeous eyes and beautiful fucking feet. You've got a great arch. What's the name of that color? Electric blue. Are your eyes also electric blue?

My eyes are gorgeous. Do you not notice the blue hat, blue toenails, blue jeans? Let me tell you something. It makes your eyes pop. One therapist. I'm in therapy right now. With two therapists?

Just one therapist. He's doing good. He's doing good. Wait, you Skype with your therapist? He's doing good. He was depressed when he first talked to me. The reason he's doing good is the first meeting I said, I might have a drinking problem. Let's not bring that up for a few things.

And he was like, I don't think you do, man. You've got a stressful life. And I was like, fucking yeah, man, you're hired. Act the way your beers are like. You ordered them at the comedy store. The two drink minimum. I don't have a fear of running out of beers.

That's my fear. Like last night when they cut us off, I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Right. No, wait. You might... You probably do have a drinking problem. Why are we doing this here? Exactly.

Intervention time. I probably... Here's the deal. If you think you have a drink... Stop it. Stop it. Not with those eyes though. I think if I lived a regular person's life, I would never drink.

But I think in the lifestyle we live, it lends itself to either overeating or over drinking or smoking cigarettes when you don't know you shouldn't. Yeah. And it's like you're in Montreal. This weekend's bad. This week's been pretty bad. I'm shocked none of us died.

Because you get there and you just party and you're having a good time and you're having a blast. And you have people that are fucking hilarious. Who doesn't want to get a beer? I literally, when Andy was doing his thing today, I was like, why didn't they serve him fucking beers? And... I don't know.

I think that if you look at me from your life as a lawyer, you're like, oh that guy's got a problem. But I'm a fucking lawyer. You're also gesturing with a beer can. I think that always... I tell you, I don't have a beer can.

This is my Bill Clinton thumb. It's fun to get loose, I think every now and then. I'll just get you loose. I've never really spoken much about pop. But I will say that I think it's fucking ridiculous that it's not legal everywhere.

It will be. It will be. But you know, man, to get back to your drinking problem... Jesus Christ. Come on. Come on. But here's the thing. It's not like you're lining them up. By the way, if you take a picture, you're like, his socks off. You're fucking...

I don't have a drinking problem. If my therapist and my wife don't think I have a drinking problem, I don't fucking need to talk to them. Nobody. You shoved for the right therapist. I think people's stigma... I think having the idea of a drinking problem and a lot of people's minds,

they put it up there with having HIV or something. It becomes like, oh, a drinking problem. It's like having leprosy or some awful thing. But it really is... By the way, I know the chick I got this from, by the way. That's obvious. That you got what from?

My drinking problem. You got it from a person? It's HIV. It was one chick. I remember the day I got it. Mike Osborn. This chick is some of my best friend. Are we going to be... You guys want to be honest? Let's be fucking honest.

And let's be uncomfortable. The chick is some of my best friend. I was in college. I've only slept with two girls for my entire life. I've only slept with six total. I've only slept with two girls and she gave me the clap. And it fucking broke my heart. It just... everything crumbled

in front of me. And I didn't know how to deal with it. I really didn't. I was... I really discovered anxiety and OCD and my buddy Mike Osborn goes, hey, man, I don't know anything, but I know if you drink, these feelings go away. And we sat at Clint Munn's apartment

and just started pounding beers and I went, it's not getting... it's getting better. It's getting better. I told you, man, I'm no doctor. I'm no doctor. Did you use penicillin, too, or just... I had to stop drinking to... Just to get that going.

That's sad that I say that, but I'm sure people in here have had a venereal disease. Sure, of course. Show of hands, show of hands. Why won't we all be honest right now? What is that? What's wrong with that? I just said it. I just said it. People will be like, me, too.

But don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Why is that? Why is that? Listen, everybody in here who has a venereal disease... Not has or had. ...or has had one, after this podcast, we're gonna go on a march through the Montreal County. Not all of us. Some of us don't like marches.

We'll be marching. I just don't... You know, man, I think that... I love the way... I love Ramdas, you guys. But I love the way he talks about addiction, which is it's like... There's a lot of different schools of thought

when it comes to addiction. You've got the AA school of thought. This is a progressive disease. There's no way out. It just gets worse and worse until you die. You gotta stop drinking completely. If you drink, you're gonna go in a downward spiral that's gonna lead to your life exploding around you.

That's like a really severe way to look at it. Whereas Ramdas says, you're a great teacher, and if you're addicted to something, start watching the way you act and the way the addiction is controlling you because it starts teaching all this amazing stuff about yourself.

And practicing mindfulness as you drink, as you watch the beer go up to your lips, as you like that first beer, and you get that anticipatory weird feeling in your body where like, oh, I'm about to have a beer, and the excitement of it, and then the subsequent intoxication,

you just watch the whole system and you watch it without judging it. And somehow, because the whole thing you're doing is like, I don't have a drinking problem. Maybe I have a drinking problem. I'm guilty. I'm not guilty. Watch that too because it's all part of the same cycle. And then from observing it in that way,

it kind of starts fading away on its own. It starts falling away on its own. It's really curious. It's really interesting to try. I think having a drinking problem is not a problem. Keep saying it over and over again. Look, don't feel bad about the drinking problem. It's like, one guy doesn't have a right arm,

and you keep going right arm, right arm, right arm. It's a problem. Everyone knows it's a problem. I've seen it on Zalker. I think I have a drinking problem. I know I do. I love alcohol. If I'm not careful, I'll drink. You've got this guy upset. I'm sorry, sir. See ya, man. I'm sorry.

He's like, I have a clap and a drinking problem. Never get told. Never get told. People leave. You assume things about it. That's right. You do assume things. When I go to comedy shows and when I was at FSU, someone goes to the bathroom and the guy would make fun of me. I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with that guy?

When I see people stand up, I'm like, oh, light up this motherfucker. Yeah, he just had to pee. That's all. And it is your worst nightmare as an audience member, because you're sitting there like, Jesus, I have to piss. I think I can go right now. I'm not going to get noticed. And then the guy with the drinking problem is like, what the fuck?

Is that really your worst nightmare? Because I'm worried about getting rounded up like the Jews. I'm worried about another Hitler. Or Bill Maher. But it's kind of, when I see the stuff that you get angry about the radical atheism that seems to hate.

I hate them like poison. I hate them. But it's singling out Islam. It's singling out Muslims. And it's saying that the entire thing is bad. If you look at the Quran, if you take it literally, there's no way around what it's saying. It's an insidious,

evil religion that can only lead to a kind of theocratic totalitarianism. And that if we don't start acknowledging the fact that that's what this is, then we're going to end up in this terrible apocalyptic war.

When they present their case, if you're not careful, you can find yourself getting drawn into it. Oh, no question. I'm never again ever going to try to argue with these people. And I actually don't, but I get into some kind of thing.

And it's wrong. It's bad for me. But it's spooky because it's because that kind of talk, it always starts off with talk. Like I'm sure that before Hitler rose to power, there was just some talk about Judaism, these Jews.

They're trustworthy. It feels like the way they group together is like, it's not, they're not contributing to society. They're taking away from society. We really should keep our eyes on them because I think the religion itself is not really good for society as a whole.

And it just starts as talk. And it starts as fucking intellectual talk. It starts as smart people just throwing out these ideas in the laboratory of thought. And then the next thing you know, it's a little bit more pronounced. And that's what's really creepy about what's happening

with Islam and the anti-Islam because it's like fundamentalist Islam wants people. They love it. They couldn't be happier. It's the best. The people who are bombing things that we turn on everybody who's Muslim. Because that's what they want.

That's what they're saying about us anyway. That's what they want. And it gets really spooky when you consider that that culture, is really good at war. That's a really old warring culture. Muhammad was a warrior. The whole thing is very strategic

and smart. Have you ever heard that some in Japan they plan out centuries. They don't plan out years. They think centuries ahead. So if you look at that kind of concept of a very

long war where some fundamentalist Muslims really do want the apocalypse to happen in the same way fundamentalist Christians want the apocalypse to happen. There's a lot of people who really want the fucking apocalypse to happen. And if you look at it from the POV of a group of people

knowing that all they've got to do is a few more terrorist attacks here or there. Just a couple more. And then all of a sudden that chatter about this is an evil religion is going to become more than chatter and then the next thing you know you've got a fucking world war based on

religion and that's an unwinnable war. That's the apocalypse and that gives me the goosebumps. That creeps me out. So I'm glad that you're fighting back but it's spooky when you just think that all it takes is one, like how many more? Three more? Like one more

September 11th level event that's all it takes. And that's it, right? That's pretty much it. That's going to be World War 3. I find it interesting that that's what you like about Andy's fight and I love it because I go to his Twitter and I see him fighting with someone. I'm like, oh, I'll just

read this chat thread. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking scroll back and I'm like, it started with Jen Kirkman. Shut the fuck up. Like she said something in Nagy. Andy made a joke. Someone jumped in and like hopscotch. Like a stranger doing hopscotch. It's awesome. Not hopscotch. Double dutch and Andy just fucking lit him up and I love

those moments. Well here's the thing. I do want to say one thing and I really think it's important. I know I sound like an asshole so much. But here's the thing. Everything depends on where the point of view is. We are ridiculously stupid as a country. Like we don't even know like one of my friends who did a graduate

work in Iran studies couldn't believe what George W. Bush called Iran the axis of evil. When in 1953 we overthrew the government in I think it was Iran or Iraq. I forget which one. It was Iran. But we've been meddling with these people forever. It's kind of like Richard Dawkins.

He's a British colonialist. They see this guy slamming him. He's the same people who were British petroleum in 1900. There was an inquisition. Everything depends on your point of view. So now all these people because I was always saying like look I don't know about Charlie Hebdoe. I don't know. I'm not saying that I'm

not saying I love them just because everyone's saying I love them. And I was saying you know sometimes some of those cartoons could possibly be just racist. And they're like saying people always say to me well you shouldn't kill them. And I was like do I really have to make that

a statement to you? Oh of course. I hope you don't think I mean we should assassinate cartoonists. No we should not assassinate cartoonists but just say like Bill Marr says why are they getting upset about this? Because they live in countries where they can't wear a burqa. And when you see those pictures

of Muhammad because I already heard Metzger talking once about how those pictures of Muhammad they're like you know it's not like a hooked nose Jew. It's exactly like a hooked nose Jew. He's got his thing. There's one where he's got Muhammad's balls. And that is the point of them tearing down Muhammad.

Those people respect Muhammad. Muhammad didn't this cartoon didn't do anything. And it's the same thing with people like freedom of speech, freedom of speech. But where were those same people when they wouldn't let them build mosques around 9-11? But comedians they think of the

I don't want someone shooting me for my comedy. Which is understandable. But put yourself in the position of someone who can't worship at a mosque. And also freedom of expression. Vote for me. Andy Kindler everybody. Let him hear it.

You're the best Andy. So cool. That way. See Andy. Thanks everybody. So leave us with that Andy. We'll finish it up. Wow. That's so intense. Yeah I don't know man.

I'm just still shocked that people on GY's they're still worried about cartoons. Right. I haven't read the funny pages in a really long time. Yeah. It's one of the cartoons. Yeah. Well they get mad. I'm fucking on YouTube bitch.

They get mad. Fucking we're looking at cartoons. We're talking about, I feel like Alan Harrison. We're talking about cartoons. Who the fuck is reading cartoons? We're making a funny one stage. You don't see that? Fucking cartoons?

I'm fucking drunk. That's okay. Man. I just think Mohammed was like, my mom didn't like to get her picture taken. And I think he was probably somebody who just didn't want to get drawn. No camera.

I think it was like that. Happy anniversary. Yeah. That's why you just dream of a time machine so that you could go back and just have one 10 minute discussion with somebody like that. Show them what the world looks like

and see what his reaction is. Because you get the feeling you'd be like, oh god, those idiots. I didn't mean it at all. That's not what I was talking about. But over time, it gets so watered down. It's like, this is something, have you ever heard of Abraham Maslow?

I was hoping you were going to say Lincoln. No, I haven't. Man, he's got this wonderful breakdown of how human beings who actually, like every once in a while, this is something Alistair Crowley talked about too,

which is really cool. He said that if you look at our species, as compared to other species, it's the only species that has a superversion that appears from time to time and creates massive societal change. As far as we know,

monkeys, orcas, any of the advanced species that have developed gigantic brains, there doesn't seem to be a Muhammad whale that appears and starts saying, here's the way we should all swim. There doesn't appear to be a Jesus monkey that appears.

We have to start forgiving everybody, because Jesus monkey is a great fucking name for a band or a show, clothing line. Feel free to do it. But with humans, you get these emergent beings who have an experience that

causes them to somehow become something more than just a human being. Buddha, Muhammad, Jesus, and then what happens is those people get so lit up by whatever the thing is that they figured out that the people around them

change too. They actualize too, because just being around a person who somehow has overcome whatever the boundaries are that keep us from merging into the whole, just being in their presence apparently is enough to melt you down too,

and then you become a disciple. And then once you're the disciple of this person, you carry that energy with you, and then you bring it to whoever you come around, and that energy moving down the line is something called the Disciplic Succession, is what they call it. It's like a hot potato

of enlightenment that kind of moves down the line, but then Maslow says that over time, that hot potato it starts getting a little less hot and a little less hot and a little less hot, and then it turns into religion. And then when it turns into religion, it's just people repeating the same shit

over and over again, but the energy isn't there at all anymore. Are people watching me get confused? No. By the way, you said the total opposite of what I thought you were going to say. What did you think I was going to say? I thought you said when it got to the warm potato

it was people like me that were like, I believe in something, I don't know what it is. And then you were like, it turns into religion. I was like, what? It's like, wait, how do they get it? Oh, fuck, I'm not following the potato. Because it goes like this. Let me help you follow the potato.

It goes like this. Jesus makes a potato. Exactly. Jesus makes a potato. It's steaming hot. It's nuclear fire, it's so hot. But he can touch it because he's Jesus. He is the potato.

Jesus is the potato. Jesus is the potato. And he like, you get around him and it's like, it's done, game over. You get around the guy, your consciousness is going to get shifted to the disciples and then you're somebody

that is spreading that energy down the line. So it's like, when it's somewhere down the line, what happens is it goes from being, I'm trying to think about works with comedy. It's like comedy. To put it into perspective, you get Bill Hicks, right?

This incredible, innovative, brilliant, amazing, revolutionary comedian, Bill Hicks appears. And then all of a sudden, down the line because of Bill Hicks, you get a lot of people that are kind of like Bill Hicks. And they're doing their own thing. They're super funny, but they're being honest.

Like Bill Hicks has opened it up so that now comics can be really honest and do these weird political rants and it can go on and on maybe without a big punchline in it even, but it's so raw and real that it's amazing. So then you get these other comics around Bill Hicks, but then eventually

it becomes just a case of people imitating what they did. Just a guy in a fucking, in a duster that's not doing it. He's not doing it. He's just wearing a duster. He's doing a kind of like pseudo angry thing where he rants about something that seems like revolutionary or something,

but it's like... We're gonna hate this part of the question. What were we talking about? I forget where we started. I know we started somewhere. I know, but it's not potatoes. Potato is an analogy for something we started about. I don't know what that was.

Man, you can never try to go back where it started. This is why we need a time machine. We're talking about the idea of going back in time exactly to have a conversation with Muhammad or any of the great prophets to find out what they're really fucking like. Because my theory is

they're probably the opposite of the way people think they were. My theory is that you get around people like that and it's like being around... I heard a description once of a saint. Somebody who runs Ram Dass' foundation had gone up to India

and there's apparently a woman living up there right now who's a realized being, whether you believe it or not. I don't know if I believe it or not, but I don't think that they have any reason to lie. I don't see why they would have any reason to lie. But there's a few people out there

and probably in other parts of the world too that for whatever reason they've created the chemical conversion in their mind where they're no longer attached to being a human anymore. It sounds something else, but this woman's name is City Ma and

he said that being around her was like being... and it sounds really strange, being around her was... you don't feel like you're with a human. It was like being around like a wild animal. It was like something that is so fully in the moment,

so completely here, something so completely here that it's no longer a person. It's not what she's going to do because she's fully in the moment, whatever's coming through her is like the force of infinity. And that is way different

than like, I don't know, like somebody wearing a funny outfit with like a Bible making you repeat over and over again like... Predictability. It would be cool if priests were unpredictable. If they had the spirit inside them

and they were like, stop it, everyone on your fucking knees and you're like, whoa, what are we doing today? I can guess. I hope everyone appreciates that we're not similar, but I love you. Like, I love listening.

Everyone can witness. You're seeing my face. I get lost every now and then, but I love having friends like you these interactions because I don't think... You know me, I called you from Hawaii that one time thing and I had to tickle a cancer. Yeah.

And you were like, you were like, don't ever go into your brain by yourself. Well, that's a Jack Cornfield quote. He says, yeah, your brain is like a bad neighborhood. You shouldn't go there alone. Yeah. But it's like, I wouldn't have

someone like you in my life. Like, it's the greatest thing bigger than I think. I'm a pretty meat potatoes kind of guy. I'm a therapy and I'm working things out, but like, I hear you talk about shit and I'm like, hot potatoes. Like, fucking,

I'm going to put that into an analogy with my daughters. Like, and it won't be the same one. Your teacher is like a warm potato maker. Thanks, man. But it's like the greatest thing about you. I fucking, I had to say that in the moment because I was like, so overwhelmed by, I don't know,

you're all here and you paid to see it or did not or whatever. But like, you came to see him and I got to be on stage with him. I just think that's cool. Well, it's just fun to have these conversations, man. I think you're super smart and I think that that's a weird thing that people do

where they're like, I'm not smart, you know, in this way. Not like you though, like you're different. I'm not smart like you. That's the whole idea. You know, your wife Christmas house by yourself. Exactly. I can't make that joke.

I can't do what you just did. That's brilliantly funny. And so it's just a different kind of thing, man. It's such a cool, I like, I hate to slug each other's dicks up here, but like, it's literally do it. We'll make podcast history. You've already painted your toenails.

Let's go for it. All I'm thinking is, if we did slug each other's dicks, would I do it good or poorly? Like, it's the worst I do, the longer your dicks in my mouth, the better I do, you're like, that guy's fucking good. You know what, man?

I bet if we do it, we'll definitely make it in the kindler's next state of the industry address, for sure. God damn it, that guy's funny. He does get hot about shit. I like it. I like it too. That's really cool, man. I love that.

There's something about somebody who isn't afraid of confrontation, who likes to fight, or maybe doesn't like to fight, but just does fight. I find that very inspirational. Because I think a lot of times people like to rationalize their cowardice

and when I say people, I mean me, a lot of times people rationalize their cowardice by thinking they're spiritual. So they say, oh no, no, no, no. I'm not afraid. I'm not fighting because I'm not abstaining from fighting because I'm afraid.

I'm abstaining from fighting because I'm just too holy and sacred a person to do that. When the reality of the situation is, you're not, if you knew you would win the fight, that's a way you can tell if you're a coward or not. There's a fight that you're withdrawing from

and you consider to yourself, wait, would I fight this fight if I was 100% certain that I would win? And the answer is yes. Then you're being a coward. Well, here then to find this, because here's the thing I'm going through right now that I feel ashamed about. I

end up giving advice to people that maybe aren't asking for it. I find myself getting to preachy rants about advice but it's stuff I actually know about but I give advice to people and I find it disgusting. Why?

Because it's arrogant. Advice is arrogant. I get advice from people. I go, hey, you don't know me. Don't do that. I think maybe we talked about this the other day when we were fucked up. I get advice from someone.

I go, hey, easy man. You don't have all the information. You don't know me and our business but I'm on a different path maybe or maybe I'm not going where you're going or maybe I need something else from my life but I find myself fucking doing it. Here's the thing about managers.

Kids are signing with new faces or signing with managers. Here's the thing about a manager. What the fuck am I doing? I do have great advice to give to a new face signing with a manager because I've been in the business for 16 years but still it's disgusting.

Giving me great advice didn't think like that. But how many people have given you fucking mediocre advice to hear themselves speak? Yeah, but you forget about those people. I don't remember that. I just remember the people. The only ones I remember I don't remember the good advice. Yeah, that's it.

The shitty advice you just forget immediately but sometimes when I'm getting good advice there's usually, I know it's happening because A, it makes me feel uncomfortable like whatever the advice is pushing me past where I think I should be I see what you're saying.

Let me preference this. I remember Joe giving me advice very early when I met him and I didn't hear it as advice. I heard it as the truth. I was like, that's what I need to be doing. What was the advice? It must have been great.

It was great advice. Joe's advice was and I'll be candid about it. You're a very sweet guy that everyone likes and you have a lot of people that love you and you just need to accept us as friends.

We had just done a shot of whiskey and we had done the Ice Health Chronicles I was about to go on stage and it was very sweet and he gave me a hug and I thought, I don't think I've heard that from a man ever. I've never heard that from a man.

You're a very sweet guy. A lot of people love you and you deserve bad things in your life. I always thought that I deserve bad things. Everyone thinks they deserve bad things. I always look in the mirror and sometimes I go, oh you piece of shit, whatever. That's your conditioning of where your head's at.

I remember hearing that and getting on stage and I was kind of fucked up by it. I was like, what's that mean? Then I got in the car and I was like, oh he's a good guy or he's a good guy, Joe is a good guy. I went into therapy right after that. I'm saying way too fucking much. I went into therapy right after that

and he called me up and he was like, dog. Let's get coffee. I said, I can't, I gotta go to therapy. He goes, dog, fucking cancel that shit. He goes, let's me and you hang out. We'll drink coffee and we'll talk. You don't need to pay anybody, I'll listen. I remember me and you and Joey had coffee

and then we had a podcast and for a month I sat with Joey every single day and had coffee and I didn't think I really deserved good friends. Tommy Segura is one of my best friends in the world. I don't get to see anybody much. I remember hearing that from Joe and I went, that's the best advice I've ever gotten. I think I had surrounded myself

by people that were maybe not, my interest in my life was not their interest. My happiness and my success or my trajectory was not their interest. What I could give to them was their interest. Right.

Joe said I had nothing here. I was like, if you have a date, let me know. I'll tweet it for you. I really didn't trust it. I was like, I'm not fucking telling you anything. Then he was like, why wouldn't you tell me there? I could've tweeted it and Joey was the same way. He'd come by my house with his fucking family

and we'd fucking sit in my front yard and I was like, what's going on? I was very shaky about that shit. Isn't that weird? I'm right on the same page with you, man. It's really difficult to accept love and that's one of the strangest aspects of being a human being

because you'd think it'd be the opposite way. You'd just be like, oh great, love, oh friends, this is great, but for some reason, for some of us, probably not all of you, but for a lot of people, when it comes to you, you'll find yourself pushing it away. It seems like you'd automatically

on paper, burst, someone likes you in a weird way, my defense is if any of you guys tonight will say, hey, that was a great podcast, you'll see it. I'll go, everyone do it to me. But you'll see me, I'll go, oh thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. Those are my words that I say, but I push it away

because I can't accept that. And even friends, I go, oh good, good, good, good, but I'm waiting for you to hurt me. In a weird way, I'm waiting for you to hurt me. I'm waiting for that. It's fascinating because you'd think on paper if you said, hey, you're going to be loved. I'd be like, who fucking bring it?

Shower me with letting tongue kisses or whatever. This is a funny battle, man. And I'll tell you very quickly about one of the coolest mushroom trips I ever had. It was when I was in college and I was really depressed. I actually got so depressed when I was in college

that I got on anti-depressants. I had to get on anti-depressants. It was awful. I was having suicidal thoughts. I was really, truly, deeply depressed. And I took mushrooms, which is maybe not the best thing to do when you're deeply depressed,

but some people are saying that they might cure depression, but I remember, or they might help depression. But I took these mushrooms and I'm so gloomy and I'm feeling so down and the trip starts and it's not a great trip. I'm walking through the woods, just bummed out, and then came out of the woods

into this giant field of flowers near my college. And it was the weirdest moment because all of a sudden, it's like I could feel the entire universe was made of love and that it was pouring in on me

like through the flowers or it was just love, love, love, love, love, love, love. And it was like the universe was saying you're the last part of the universe that doesn't love yourself. You're the last piece of the universe.

The entire universe loves you except for you. And you've got to be able to accept it and not just accept it but be it. And the moment you do that then it's a party. Like it's become now you're in heaven.

But until you can do that, as long as you keep this membrane up between you and all of this tsunami of love coming in at you, you're going to feel sad. You're going to feel like somebody standing in front of the most delicious meal that anyone ever ate

starving to death for whatever reason thinks there's an invisible screen between you and that delicious food. It's really cool, isn't it? And this is why they talk about the concept of surrender which is in so many different religions.

They say you've got to surrender. You've just got to surrender. And we hear that if you're depending on what kind of family you're raised in the term surrender has very negative connotations associated with it. You don't want to surrender. Loser surrender. You don't want to surrender.

But this concept is you're surrendering in the battle of fighting against love. You're saying all right, I give up beating back love in the world. I'm putting down my weapons and I'm now going to be

completely enveloped by the great transcendent eternal love field that the entire universe is composed of. And it's a really scary thing and that's kind of scary for a lot of people because it means you merge into this like ocean and it's terrifying.

It's better to feel like you're starving and have a self than to not be starving anymore and become everything for a lot of people. You know what I mean. I like it visualized as like a meat head jersey guy who is jealous and couldn't accept the love his girl gave him

because he was so hot. She was so hot. She was like, what the fuck are you talking to her for? What the fuck are you talking to him for? And that's the surrender. I was like, just let it go. She loves you. Just be her boyfriend. Yeah, that's it. And you could do it in every single thing.

I'm not the smartest person. But the way I see things are pretty basic sometimes. It was all jersey short. But yeah, I see it. I don't know. I'm in therapy. I'm very happy I'm in therapy. I love it. I love it.

I'm learning so much about myself and I didn't like it before. I fucking hated it. So how long have you been in therapy for? Probably like a day. No, I've been in since I fell off that waterfall. So probably like a couple months, a few months.

By the way, being friends with Bert is like being friends with a pirate because he's got pirate level adventure stories that I'll never have one. If I could just have one. Yeah, that was the time I fell off the waterfall. But that would be amazing.

But you've got fell off the waterfall almost died scuba diving. Rupture my nut. The classic pirate story of rupturing your nut. Drinking Goat's Blood with a Masai Chief. Like it's been. I never knew about that one. I drank Goat's Blood with a Masai Chief.

This is a good story. He told me there's other Chiefs in Tanzania. And we get in access to his tribe and the Chief pulls me aside. I got the whole crew with me. I'm the executive producer of my show. So we roll in and he says

it's an honor to meet you. We're shooting a TV show in his village. I was like it's an honor to meet you. He brings me over and he cuts a goat's throat in front of me and bleeds it into a horn. And he says it's a welcoming ritual. I want to welcome you into my tribe.

Goat's Blood. I'm like motherfucker. Blood in Africa is not a good idea. No. It's like maybe like top 5 worst ideas. Literally I'm like does anyone fuck this goat? I'm not even being cracked. I'm being honest right now. I'm about to drink the fucking blood. That's what was going through my head.

And his whole tribe's like drink it. And so I drink it. And he says in front of his whole tribe he's got his bossy bottom like the Wu-Tang Clan. He goes how are you famous? He doesn't know any better. I'm like fuck yeah. Big time.

He goes how did you become famous? Now I have a spiel. I give people when you go how did you like tell me your story. I was very quick. I can tell you. In 1997 the Rolling Stone magazine called me the number one party in the country. Oliver Stone optioned the rest of my life. That began the movie Van Wilder.

So Smith discovered me. After six months of doing stand up and I started doing TV. I've been doing TV for 16 years. And I'm on travel channel. I've been there for six years. It's the greatest job in the world. I take people on adventures of a lifetime. And now I'm here and I'm meeting you. And he says wow.

I said how did you become chief? And he says when I was 12 I killed a lion. Fucking I just I watched the Wu-Tang Clan behind me. Like oh shit bitch. They started doing that stuff to each other. And my whole crew

tells how to kill a lion. I was like fuck you guys. Do you want to hear it? It's a good story. So in Tanzania in a lot of places in Africa they don't do circumcision until they're like 13. Because they do it in front of the whole tribe. They cover them in mud and they

circumcise them with a fucking rock. A sword and a stick and a whole tribe. And if any of the mud on their face cracks then they're shamed and they can't live inside the tribe. They can't marry any of the women from the tribe. And they're shunned. Wait you mean if they make any

an expression. Any expression. Wow. Fuck. He's telling this goddamn story. I've told him I was in Rolling Stone. You think he even knew what Rolling Stone was? I fucked up. I fucked up. I should have made it bigger like BBC

and so the day before your circumcision you're set outside the tribe to kind of reflect about the day you have tomorrow. And so he goes outside the tribe and a fucking lion rolls up on it. So he climbs up a tree and a lion climbs up the tree. He takes a sword. They're all given a sword at a certain age.

He takes a sword and he cuts the lion and the lion falls out of the tree and dies. He then takes the lion and makes yours instead throws it over his shoulders and the next morning rolls into fucking camp with a goddamn lion over his shoulder. And the rock in the movie nobody saw. And then he says to me,

this motherfucker says to me at the end of the day here is that sword. He gives it to me. He hands it to me. He gave me a fucking sword and I go and I was like oh thank you and then he looks at me. I can see it in his eyes. He's like what do you got for me? He's like you can't give a present

not get a present. I wish this story was better in the ending of this. I wish like because in my head I was like do I give him my cell phone? Like oh by the way I did show his whole posse porn on accident. And so I was like do I give him my cell phone but he didn't have a charger. They don't need

a wifi. And all I had to give him was a fucking football. I gave him, we had a football and so I just handed him a football and he was like uhhhh. Thank you. Oh man. So I got this awesome massage.

You got a magic sword like in a video game plus eight sword. A holy sword and you gave him a fucking football. Not even a leather football like a rubber football. Here's what I think. This will ease your mind. I have a feeling that this chief

has like a whole cabinet filled with swords and anytime a right person. By the way, I gotta tell you I'll show it to you next time you're in my house. It's a weird color to sword. You're like kind of like it's like a mauve.

Is mauve the right color? It's like almost pink but red but like big. Mauve. Wait did a black guy just yell move to me? Mother fucker! Shelf your fucking stereotypes! Move bitch!

It's so funny though to imagine as you guys are coming him and his friends his friends are like are you gonna do that lion trick? Cause it got us a VCR last time. Tell the lion story.

Give him that fucking bullshit sword. Burke Kreischer everybody give him a round of applause Burke Kreischer. I had a fucking fantastic time tonight thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for listening everybody this episode was brought to you by

harrys.com you can go to to order some fancy gourmet level razor blades and if you use offer code family hour you'll get five dollars off of your first purchase.

If you enjoyed this podcast I hope you'll give us a nice rating on iTunes subscribe to us use our Amazon portal and most importantly use whatever portal you must to connect yourself to whatever force it is that is creating all life and matter in this universe.

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