Duncan Trussell Family Hour - BRODY STEVENS

Episode Date: December 24, 2013

Brody Stevens (Comedy Central) makes a triumphant return to the DTFH.

Welcome to the CPAP Games Live from the Hayes Bedroom, it's another eventful night, Bruce. It sure is, Ron. Steve has been flailing everywhere struggling with this CPAP. His wife, Michelle, is as tense as a fiddle string trying to contain her rage. Michelle's rolling Steve over. There he goes, and the mask is off! Oh my, the snoring! Michelle throws an elbow, now a shove! And she's leaving for the couch, taking her place as the Hayes' 100-pound lab. Bask in that dog breath, Steve.

With all this struggle, Steve should get inspired. Absolutely, Bruce. Inspire is a sleep apnea treatment that gives you comfortable, restful sleep with the click of a remote. That's right, a button. As you sleep, Inspire keeps you breathing normally and sleeping peacefully. There's no mask and no hose. Just sleep. Learn more at InspireSleep.com. That's InspireSleep.com. Inspire. Sleep apnea. Innovation. Inspire is not for everyone. Talk to your doctor to see if it's right for you and review important safety information at Inspiresleep.com. Happy holidays, everybody!

And I want to send some special love out to those of you who have journeyed to the homes of your significant others for the first time during the holiday season. That is a very stressful situation. It's a kind of hidden cold war that nobody even talks about. No one talks about it on the news. No one will talk about it on TV. But right now, if you really tune in and take a deep breath and really feel the force that is the connective tissue between all human minds on the planet right now, you can actually feel the tangible, oozing stress of boyfriends sitting at various tables and couches with the disappointed parents of their girlfriends. It is a real sweat right now. It's a little marathon that nobody ever talks about.

It's the process of getting through two or three or maybe even four days with your significant others' parents. And man, it's a mindfuck. It's a mindfuck. It might be great. Maybe their parents are awesome. But sometimes their parents could be awesome, but they don't think you're awesome. The parents could be disappointed by you, for example. This has been my primary experience every time that I've ever gone home with any significant other. Now, I could easily be projecting this, but I imagine that if you're a traditional Republican parent, the last thing you want to see your girlfriend bringing into the house is some bearded acid casualty. Weirdo who won't stop spouting off about unfortunate philosophies that have absolutely nothing to do with steel production

or whatever business they were part of when they were young. It's a weird feeling. Now, I don't know the answer to getting through it. Quite often, for me, the answer had been finding some prescription medication and trying to numb myself as much as I could during the time period, but I don't think that's the best answer. I mean, really, I think there's a lot of cool ways you can frame it so that you don't have to feel so freaked out. You could pretend to be an anthropologist. You could pretend to be some form of Jane Goodall who has journeyed deep into the breeding grid where your significant other's parents live.

Because if you're somebody who comes from a city or if you're somebody who hasn't had a lot of time in suburbia and you suddenly find yourself there, it's really fascinating. That is a breeding grid. That's just like the place in America where the mating happens. That's the mating pond, especially if you're in the house that your significant other grew up in. Holy shit, you can smell the condensed exhalations of a lifetime in that place and feel the weird house smell that parents are able to create. You know, every house has its own kind of BO and it's just the strangest thing.

You get into that thing and then you can feel the vibration of the place. You are feeling the oven that grew the personality of the person you are now in love with. And you should look at it as though you're an anthropologist. Just study and watch. Not like a Vulcan. Open your heart. Be there fully in the moment, but don't allow yourself to shut down because you can't handle the stress of all the strange, unresolved issues

that inevitably are echoing around the walls of whatever home your beloved grew up in. Now, it's not always the case. I know that there are great families out there and it could be that you're in some kind of tree house with a bunch of amazing hippie parents and they're just completely embracing and loving you and not sizing you up, trying to see what way you're going to destroy their son or daughter. It could be that you're with people who have been practicing unconditional positive regards since the 60s.

Maybe they know how to manufacture DMT or maybe they're all massage therapists or yogis and you walk in and you just feel like you've come home. Congratulations if that's happened to you. But if you're somebody who finds yourself in what might as well be an insane asylum surrounded by parents who perhaps worship some kind of drooling death god that hates gays and marijuana, then that's a tricky place to be, you know? Because like, oh, you're going to try to, if you really, really want to see what you act like when you're trying to be something you're not, there's no better time to study that

than when you're with the parents of your significant other. Because more than likely you are going to try to transform into some version of Captain Kirk mixed with Obama. You want them to think that you are, that you came walking down a stairway made of sunbeams into their daughter's life. You want them to think that you have, or one of the people who helped come up with a cure for smallpox or you would like it if they started crying with love and happiness over the fact that you are with their daughter.

And so you're going to start acting in all these ridiculous ways. And it's hilarious to watch. Don't try to change it. Just watch the tail feathers pop up as you have the conversation with the father. Listen to your, listen to, listen to the internal publicist that lives inside your head spitting out facts that you think somehow are going to make this man like you more. And then watch the way that you listen to the man as he talks to you. Are you feigning interest?

Well, that's interesting. Watch yourself feign interest. Watch yourself pretend to think whatever thing he said is funny. Did you suddenly just become a Republican? Wait a minute. Are you listening to yourself actually say things that seem to mirror Mike Huckabee's monologues on the Fox News Network? Did that just happen to you?

Yes. Was it that quick? Was it that quick that you immediately shifted and became something you're absolutely not? You're like a soldier right now. Only you're not in the jungle wearing camouflage that looks like the forest. You're on the breeding grid of middle America wearing the subjective camouflage that makes your significant other's parents think that you're some mix between Rush Limbaugh and Jerry Falwell and that's fine.

You can do that. You can do that. I mean, you certainly don't want to upset the situation. Maybe you're the opposite of that. And for some weird reason, you want to rattle things up at your girlfriend or boyfriend's house. You're just in revolt. Now you're in rebellion against these weird old progenitors who at some point merge their

genetic material together so that your sweet darling could give you blowjobs one day. Don't rebel and don't act like something you're not if you can help it. Just be exactly who you are. Be completely honest. See what happens. Not asshole honest either. Don't get into some table talk about your last DMT trip or try to tell the parents that the holidays are actually based on an ancient pagan druidic mushroom cults or geastic rituals

that happened during the solstice. There's no need to have that conversation. Just be in the moment. Open your heart and try to love these two people. Even if they're complete dicks, which they really might be. They might be alcoholic, angry, judgmental, fundamentalist dicks. It's possible, it's possible, but you owe them a big thanks, don't you? Because you're in love.

And if these two sweet darlings created your beloved whoever, then they're your greatest friends, even though they don't like you. So just go from that platform if you can. And if you're spending Christmas by yourself, congratulations. Somehow you manage to not get entangled into the terrible web that so many other little human flies are now wriggling on as they try to pass time so that they can finally return back to their lives where they are fully themselves. That's really the main thing, isn't it?

That's really the main problem when you go back home with your parents, isn't it? It's that you feel like they don't accept you for who you are. You feel like you're having to act like somebody else. And that sucks. It creates a kind of cognitive dissonance. And also if your parents have always not been very happy with who you are, then when you end up going back or being around them, then you kind of have like, sometimes you guys know about the observer effect, I'm sure.

That's in quantum physics. It's the idea that the actual observation of quantum particles can change the way they act. Well, and that sometimes when you're around judgmental parents, you're the quantum particle and their judgment seems to actually cause some kind of shift in your psychic energy so that you revert backwards many years and turn back into that oily, fat, confused being that they tried to change in so many different ways using techniques such as shaming, yelling or abuse, punching maybe.

And so then suddenly you find yourself back and you're that old thing that you used to be before you climbed out of your shell and managed to start becoming something authentic and real. That's a fun thing to watch. Watch that too. You don't just have to be at the parents of your girlfriend's house to study things. If you end up at your parents' house, you can study that too. And if you end up by yourself, you can study the reactions that you're having too.

You can watch the way that from time to time waves of sentiment might roll over you or there could be a feeling that something's wrong with you because you're not in the presence of some family or some girlfriend or boyfriend. All of these things are fun to watch because what you're seeing is a lifetime worth of conditioning, culminating in whatever your emotional state is during the winter solstice and it's a really cool time to look at how you have been programmed and how you've been conditioned and not in an awful way. Just let yourself be there with it because it's really cool and it's really fun.

And also if you're lucky enough to be in Los Angeles right now, it's amazing because there's no traffic or very little traffic. Also I think the combined tension of all the actors that are usually trying to get to auditions when that's not in the air, it's like somebody loosened the belt of the city by three or four notches. It just feels more relaxed. So happy holidays everybody, enjoy the breeding grid, enjoy being with your family, enjoy watching the way that you are trying to trick everybody into thinking that you're something

different than you are. Just watch it. Don't suddenly come out of the closet or don't suddenly start acting like David Bowie. That's just rebellion anyway. The best thing you could do is just watch the way you interact when you're in the presence of your progenitors or the progenitors of your sweet darling lover because it's hilarious and I think you can really learn a lot from it. Hare Krishna!

Today's guest, Stevens Brody Stevens is awesome. Just quick advertisements, really quick because this is a long podcast. Please, please, please, if you are going to buy some late Christmas gifts or use some of that sweet Christmas green that you got from your darling friends and parents to buy some crazy thing on Amazon, go through the amazon.com portal located at dunkintrustle.com. You can look at it in the comments section of any episode of this podcast. To those of you who have been buying t-shirts and posters from the store, thank you and thank you to those who have been donating.

That is wild that you have made the decision to do that and I'm very grateful to you for that. We're also sponsored by ShoredesignT-shirts.com, Shoredesign T-shirts, soft, soft shirts. They make amazing soft t-shirts with awesome logos. You can go to ShoredesignT-shirts.com. If you put my name in, you will get 10% off a purchase of these shirts. Finally, there's no better way if you really want to retreat into the darkness of Christmas and you don't feel like watching cable and you want to catch up on reading but you don't

want to hold some flop book or maybe you're jogging or maybe sometimes when we're with our girlfriend's parents, we find ourselves going on a lot more walks than usual or volunteering to wash the dishes more. Anything to take us out of the pressure cooker that is the home of our significant other's parents. It can be really brutal is what I'm saying. If you want a little escape and you've got an iPhone or a smartphone or a tablet or pretty much anything with electricity in it, then you should download audiobooks from Audible.com.

You've got great audiobooks. Right now, I am listening to a Jack Cornfield audiobook called A Path With Heart and it's amazing. I love it. It's a really good, it's got a lot of good meditation instruction on it as well as some awesome observations about Buddhism. Some things I'd never even thought of which is that boredom is actually a form of anger. Never considered that but in Buddhism, boredom is considered to be a form of anger.

It's not weird. And also, anger is generally results from fear. I guess I kind of knew that but the next time you find yourself about to get really pissed off and yell at somebody, if you stop and look at what's generating that, it's fear. You're afraid. There's some kind of thing that you're afraid is going to happen. You're afraid you're going to, you're just afraid of losing control or losing a person or whatever.

The audiobook is filled with cool little tidbits like that and if you go to audibletrial.com forward slash family hour and sign up for a trial membership, you can get the book for free and you can cancel the membership if you don't want to stay with Audible. They just basically give a free audiobook out. And when you do that, they give us 15 bucks every time somebody signs up. So it's a way for you to support this podcast and get a free audiobook. For those of you who've been sending me emails through the contact section at DuncanTrustle.com, thank you.

I am trying to respond to your emails. If I don't respond, send another one. I'll eventually get back to you. And all of those emails do go directly to me. So it's at the contact section of DuncanTrustle.com. If you feel like chatting with me, feel free to send me an email. All right. I guess that, oh, and go to our forum.

Join the forum. If you're bored on Christmas and you need some people to hang out with, there's a really cool community that happens at DuncanTrustle.com. So go join that forum. Okay. Now, everybody, let's start this podcast. I'm trying to think of a way to summarize Brody Stevens because I give them a big introduction on the podcast anyway.

But some people, I get around them and they're so authentically themselves that they become my teacher no matter what it is that they're doing because it's like, wow, here's a person who is fearlessly just letting himself be exactly who he is. And that's Brody Stevens. Be somebody who has fully realized that the funniest thing you can do is just be yourself. And that is a real, to surrender to that and to really just allow yourself to be as you are, it takes some serious, serious courage. And also, it makes, if you're a stand-up comedian, it will make you one of the funniest comedians

out there. And that's who Brody Stevens is. And we're all very happy that he's having this immense surge of success because we love him. And when I say we, I mean the entire human race. So everybody please welcome to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast for the second time, the man who now has a show on Comedy Central, Midnights at Sunday. Please watch it.

Please, please tune in so that the show keeps going for a long time. This is a man who has also been on HBO. He's also, you've seen him in the Hangover. If you haven't seen him perform live, please go see him perform live because you will witness one of the most hilarious and unique comics around today. Okay. I think I'm going to repeat all this stuff while he's in the room. So forgive me for the weird intro.

I love you guys. Happy holidays. Hug your mommy. Hug your daddy. No matter how awful they are or how awful you think they are because they're not really awful, underneath all that stuff that you feel that you're reacting to is a great molten core of love for you. And no matter how, what weird ways that love might come out, just have faith that underneath

it all, they just want you to be okay. I think. Okay, everybody here at the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast, Steven Brody Stevens. Enjoy it. I'm here with a comedian who's been on my podcast for a long time, and he's been on my podcast for a long time, and he's been on my podcast for a long time, and he's been on my podcast for a long time. I'm here with a comedian who's been on my podcast in some very dark times and is now

experiencing what a lot of comedians consider the very height of success, the culmination, the fruition of years and years and years and years and years of work, rejection, not being accepted, being pushed away by crowds, maintaining the integrity. His integrity as an artist, not pandering. He could have changed it any time. Any time he could have changed. Any time he could have started doing crappy jokes or he could have gotten married and talked about what it's like to have to drive his kids around in the SUV, but he didn't do

it. He got up on stage night after night after night after night in the filthy original room of the comedy store, fully being himself. Somewhere along that path, he had a nervous breakdown, ended up going into a mental hospital and like the phoenix rising from the ashes, Brody Stevens emerged and he emerged better. He emerged with more confidence, fully himself and because of that, the universe is now rewarding him with great gifts and he has his own show on Comedy Central called Enjoy It. Everybody, please welcome to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour, the great Brody Stevens.

Wow, thank you, Duncan. That was a great intro. Thank you. I had my eyes closed and I was just letting you go and I was playing off you as pantomining. Pantomining. Yeah, it was awesome. I wish we'd filmed that. Yeah, it would have been good.

We actually put two videos up on Instagram. Yeah, Brody just did the Oculus Rift. He came over and tried on VR goggles and I actually forgot to tell him that it causes motion sickness and it made him a little nauseous. Yeah, I'm just getting over that actually right now. So I'm a little nauseous from that, but. What are your impressions of the Oculus Rift virtual reality goggles? The physical goggles, putting them on, they're pretty comfortable, not uncomfortable.

But in the game, what do you think of being in that place? I thought it was kind of cool. I wanted to explore more. It was like we were at a Spanish villa. Yes. I saw, you could see things and go up to it. I'm going to go up to the wall and kind of try and look over and using the keyboard. I know there's probably a learning curve, but using a keyboard.

I walked in the house and I wanted to go upstairs and see what's happening. Do they have a flat screen or is it, it's probably a king size, no, I would say it's a queen size bed. They don't overdo it in those Spanish villas. Right. That's where I felt I was. So. Italian villa.

Italian villa, exactly. But it was kind of cool. There was birds. There were sounds. It was peaceful and it was fairly clear when I sat. I'm just kind of given a tech review. When I sat still, I was, it really had that high definition. You're right there and you can hear it, but when you move, it took a little to adjust.

But me personally, I guess, yeah, I got a little, after a minute or two, kind of started getting a little sickness, nauseous and it, it's taken me probably about 15 minutes to settle down. And it is so cool to see you right now because I've, we've all watched you, all of your friends watched you go into what, uh, many, what is in Western society, one of the very, like one of the really low place, a really, really low place, which is that you ended up having a manic episode and, uh, became, uh, you were put violent. You became violent.

You became depressed. You were put into a mental hospital. Shocking. Uh, and, and, and you, and the whole thing was, um, what was really fascinating about it was a whole thing is like when you tweeted your nervous breakdown. So people saw this sort of, uh, acceleration, uh, in the direction of psychosis. They sort of watched it happen. A lot of your really close friends were like trying to protect you and help you.

And, uh, you ended up, um, coming out of the mental hospital and you had, um, you were medicated, uh, you were on a lot of like medications and, uh, I'm sorry. When your dog's barking, we're going to edit that. You were, uh, heavily medicated. And when you did this podcast, you were in a really rough state, man. You weren't like yourself. You were, uh, medicated. You didn't, you, they, they hadn't figured out like the right balance of medication

and you didn't know what to do. And you were in, uh, you know, sort of still recovering from this, you know, uh, break that happened this, this, um, whatever you want to call it. Um, and now being around you, it's like being around you before all that happened. Only a million times better. That's what's cool. That's a really cool thing to me, Brody. That's an amazing thing to me that you, um, that you climbed out of it.

And now not only that, but you're having all of this like worldly success to go along with it. Well, I wouldn't call it worldly. They can't access the show in Canada. You know what I mean? Like the world is giving you treasures now. I would say that in form of a billboard, there's a physical treasure, something that's tangible.

You have a full size billboard over pink dot on Sunset Boulevard. Now this is, for those of you who don't know about the comedy store, this is a particularly poignant spot to get a billboard when you've been working for how many years you've been doing standup comedy? I put the February of 1994 on my, my track. Wow. So that is so long to be, and you're, you're not just a comic who goes up once a week or once, you know, every once in a while.

You're a comic who has been working nonstop. Like you go out at night and you do multiple sets. You seem to constantly be writing. You've, you've really, really, really put the time into it. So you're partially right. You don't partially agree with that. Well, I don't think I, I'm picking, I mean, I, I'm, I'm not picking apart what you said.

I don't know if I do multiple sets. It's rare actually in Los Angeles too. I've just, I've seen your tweets. Sometimes you tweet about doing. I think you're right. You're right. I think you're right. I, I, I do, but I'm comparing myself to say a New York comedian who really does

multiple sets when you're doing six. Yeah. Up to six at night. I'm not, I'm not doing that. Am I getting that mic time as much as them for the most part? Most guys, yes. If you want to look at it that way, but stand up wise, you know, New York comedians and my eyes, that's where it's at.

That's the energy. That's the development ground. And I will always give respect to those comedians. Not to say there aren't funny people coming out of Los Angeles and other cities, but I think my opinion, the true American comedian has to spend time, stand up wise in New York for a period of time, whether it be a year. How much time did you spend in New York? I spent three years.

Three years doing shows in New York. Yeah. We're feeling the energy, you know, learning customs of the East coast and. What, like what? Well, you know, you got a different kind of person out there. You know, I grew up here in Southern California. I went to school in, in Phoenix. I mean, I kind of was around this Southwestern Los Angeles, no snow kind of vibe.

And I knew that, you know, later on in life that you, you, you got to kind of experience things. And in my heart, I always wanted to go to New York. There's just some, some draw for me, even as a, you know, I think it started when I was in maybe junior high school, high school. I always wanted to go to New York. It was just something that was drawing me there. And so when I had the opportunity to go there, which was in 1997, I kind of jumped at it.

What's your favorite New York memory? I would say my favorite New York memory, if you're to say. I mean, there's, there's a lot of, I have a lot of memories, a lot of moments I can talk about. I would say, you know, a highlight. I mean, you're asking memories. I have tons of memories. There are some memories that stick out a little more than others.

But I would say my highlight, we'll talk about maybe professionally, I would say is performing at the Luna Lounge there in New York, which was like the equivalent equivalent to Largo or, you know, Comedy Death Ray out here in Los Angeles. It had that kind of clout. And when I did a couple spots and I hosted and I was performing with Todd Barry or Mark Marin or maybe even Dave Chappelle at the time came up and those kind of comedians. I was performing with considering, you know, the top hip comedians and that gave me confidence right there.

That was kind of the final validation that I needed. Like, hey, I can go to Los Angeles with a marketable skill and somehow maybe get, get something, whatever that may be. But that was kind of, I think, my highlight if you had a look at that. When, so when, for those of you who haven't seen Brody, he has one of the most unique standup acts that you'll ever see. It's amazing. And it's, it's just not like anything else.

A lot of comedians, you know, they sort of adhere to this very similar form, almost like, you know, a comedy is almost a form of haiku or something with this very specific rhythm and a very specific pattern. And Brody, even though you have that, you still have that pattern. What you're doing is my favorite kind of thing to see because it shows you how, how, how gigantic standup could be as a form of self expression, how, how you can actually redefine the art form and be this completely unique original thing. And I think a lot of comics forget that.

And because out of fear, you begin to imitate what seems to be successful. Talk about how you got to that place. You couldn't have started off like that in the very beginning. There had to be some kind of evolution to get you to the point where you're sort of fearlessly just being yourself on stage. Yeah, I would say growing up, I grew up in Los Angeles, I grew up in the same Fernando Valley, fairly typical divorced parent, mother, single, raising two kids. It was common at the time.

And how often would you see your dad? I would see my dad at first when they first got separated and 77, 76. I would see my dad for the summers up in Sacramento. Same with me. I would go visit my dad in the summers. Yeah, I would see him up there. And you'd say you'd say for the whole summer pretty much. Yeah, just I did that a couple, couple summers.

I would go up there. So I saw my dad and when would you and your sister go there together? No, it was mostly me. My sister would be with my mom doing her thing. So I would go away. I guess it was like boarding school, maybe with my father and I would go on. He was a salesman. So I went on runs all through Sacramento, Marysville, Auburn,

Truckee, fell off a horse in Truckee. Very traumatic. I always look when I see the weather, I always look at Truckee, California, because it's always cold there. It's like one of the top cold weather spots. Yeah. So I always have a fond. If you want to look at it that way, even though I fell off a horse,

I fell off a big horse. Anyway, I would go to Tahoe, Reno. My father would take me to these these games. I know I'm kind of like, no, God, given you a little bit of a background. And I never, you know, I didn't feel like I was a funny kid. I was just I could tell people like me and my dad would say I use my son as bait to pick up chicks. My dad got a lot of chicks.

My dad hooked up and on these runs with you. Probably I think so. Like I had a van, you know, something's going on. You were sleeping. You were sleeping in the van. Well, we would stay in motels or friends' houses, that kind of thing. But my dad was a salesman, so he had a lot of friends. Was he selling?

He was selling at the time, mostly ski ski gloves and goggles and jackets. Western wear. He had a he had a company head, hand and foot. That was his company. I think he kept it for forever as he went into another. He went into Western wear. But at the time he was doing, you know, ski gloves, goggles, jackets. So we would go to Lake Tahoe and all through that region to stores.

And I guess he would go to stores. And I mean, I mean, it was a legitimate thing. My dad was a salesman. And no, I just mean, like, would he try to go to stores to get them to start selling? I guess, you know, that's what they are. Check up on product, that kind of thing. This is pre-internet, man.

This is like what your dad did. I wonder how many people still do that. It seems like I'm sure people do. They go check in on stores, their accounts. They have their, you know, there's there's guys coming in, you know, maybe have a they have stuff with sports authority. They have stuff at Dix. They have stuff at Big Five.

And then you got the people got a target account or you got an account in another store. So I mean, I think there is that communication, but I would see my dad do it. And I was around my dad and he never touched me and never got weird. He loved me. He would take me everywhere, minor league baseball. He, I didn't really see his temper. You know, my dad had kind of a temper, you know, later on in life, I learned

about that or he would be sensitive about things. But I never really, you know, had that feeling. It was a good childhood with my father. What kind of music would you listen to when you're in the van driving on these trips? He was into Little, Little River Band, Al Demiola, George Benson. You know, some comedy tapes. Sometimes we'd listen to comedy, but he wasn't like, didn't say, hey, listen

to this album and that. So, but I think it was mostly, you know, rock, soft rock. He was into. So, and he was a smoker. I think think everyone smoked. Do you like Paul Mauls? I was his big cigarette, but he was a likeable guy. I'll smoke Paul Mauls.

Who else? Yeah. No, who? I think Elron Hubbard. Well, my mom had a Dianetics book. I'll tell you that right now. I saw one. Oh, really?

Yeah. Did she? Oh, hold on. My mom's had some weird books. Really? Yeah. What's the famous Dianetics Elron Hubbard? The big one.

The one with the fire or whatever on it. Yeah. That's the big one. I think it's called Dianetics. Yeah. I caught my mom had, she had that book, you know. Really? No, she never got into Scientology though.

I don't know. I'm gonna, I'll, I can ask her. Guaranteed she didn't. I don't, I don't think she did. But why she had the book? She had the book. You wouldn't know if your mom was a Scientologist for sure. All right.

Well, okay. So there's a little bit of my background meaning like, okay, maybe I got some from my father that my mom was not particularly funny. She was a worry type person around me. So my sister, kind of funny, but not really, I guess. Not when we played around, we had some fun as a kid. We'd do little games like, hey, let's play Mickey Mouse Club

for mom and dad. And we play around with, you know, you know, goof around. Yeah. Nothing weird, kid stuff. Yeah. So fairly normal. And once I moved back to LA, my father was down here, continuing sales, and he would come to my Little League games.

He would come over to the house. It was very comforting, comforting for me to see that my mother and father were still friendly around me. And I liked it when my dad came over, even though they were divorced or separated at the time. And my mom was dating. She began dating Jack. Her, she went on to marry Jack and be with him for over 20 years.

Wow. She began dating him, I believe in 78, 79. But I just, how old were you when she started dating Jack? Nine, eight or nine. See, this is one to me, one of the weirdest parts of having a divorced mom is when they start dating again. Because I can remember, you know, being in my house in North Carolina and my mom and started dating again.

And it's the morning and my mom comes out of the bedroom and with her is this guy who she had humped the night before. And it was in like his, you know, he's got to deal with that. You know, he is dating, you know, he is his girlfriend as kids and it's a weird thing. And he's got to deal with like looking at me and I'm looking at him. And I know he has humped my mom. Like he has been inside my mom the night before.

And that's just a weird, I was happy for her, but it was just a weird experience to have to deal with the fact that a new man is clambered on top of your mother and is doing like middle-aged divorced moms. How old were you at that point? I was probably 27. Oh, 27? No, I'm just kidding. I was like nine.

So you had those thoughts in your head at nine? No, I don't know. Maybe 11. I don't know. I was okay. I was old enough to know that humping was happening at night. Gotcha. Luckily, I did not see my mother dating different guys.

Maybe one or two guys I know she went out with. But what's another thing that's weird to me now is I consider that those guys who are humping my mom are probably younger than me now. Younger than you now. You know what I mean? Like, they're younger than me. These guys that were humping my mom were probably like early 30s. Yeah, they were early 30s.

I don't know. How long ago was this? That would make you 39. 39? Yeah. You were nine, they were 30. It doesn't add up. Oh, yeah, you're right.

That's kind of right. Am I right? Even I know that. Yeah, that's easy math. I guess you're right. So they're probably 35. No, I think, how old, can I ask, how old your mom is? She died.

At what age? She died when she was 68. Okay, 68. I think. And these kids were younger than her? I don't know. 20 years younger? I guess that's a good point, man.

15 years, let's say 15 years younger. I don't want to know the exact age of the man humping on my mom. I don't want to do this math. So 53? I don't want to do this math. Okay, all right, all right. Well, you made it very descriptive. It's my fault.

I summoned this demon. I want to put it back into the Pentagon. All right, put it back in. Put it back in. All right. So, no, I was lucky that my mom, I didn't see my mom coming home with different guys. And she was very, you know, kept that world. And I knew she went out.

I knew she was a part of groups like Tennis Without Partners. And is that a dating? I think so. That was back in the day. And I knew she did a couple of things like that, but... Partners. She didn't bring it home. If it was happening, it wasn't coming home.

And then she began... Now, my dad all the time, I saw him hook. I knew he was hooking up with chicks. Yeah. This guy got it. So... My dad was humping multiple people in the apartment complex he lived at, the Tropicana. And I would always be friends with whatever grubby fellow divorce child was there for the summer.

They all live in the big apartments. My dad lived in sunrise apartments on Manzanita or whatever, Greenback Lane. Yeah. Isn't that weird? This was the divorce boom. This is the... Wait, you... This happened to you when?

This was 76, 77. Okay, you were in the pre-divorce boom because the real divorce boom happened in the 80s. So your mom getting divorced at that time was even more stigmatized than... I think so, yeah. It was a little weird. Oh, yeah, man. It was stigmatized.

Then in the 80s, suddenly it was like everyone just acknowledged the fact that these long-term monogamous relationships weren't working anymore, that the model was falling apart, and that was the divorce boom of the 80s, which gave birth to an entire genre of music. In the 80s, if you listen to that music, you know, that's when you've got like, turn around, ride out, every now and then, I fall apart. Are these like single-mother songs? And I need you more than now. Yeah, those are single-mother songs.

Those are single-mom songs, okay. They're divorce songs. And there's like... My mom loved Barbara Streisand. She loved Carol Burnett. She loved Lena Horne. My mom was big into that. So, but yeah, I mean, I was a child of divorce in the 80s too.

So I felt that one, and I just... And it's brutal. Listen, here's the thing, man, you can't... Like, we all try to make it normal in our heads. We all try to make it normal. Well, it was normal. It's it... Well, normal to me.

Well, it's normal in the sense that it happened. But I think that that initial wound that happens to a kid when your parents get divorced is something that gets deeply, deeply underestimated by people. And then you spend a lot of time covering up that pain and that grief. Because when you're a kid, you don't know how to grieve. I honestly, I mean, I did not feel that grief. I didn't see it. I mean, I heard my father and mom argue a few times in Sacramento.

We lived in CME Valley the first three years of my life. I rarely... I mean, not rarely. I don't remember much about that, our neighbors or what have you. Again, 1970, 71, 72, 73 of them. My father felt like, hey, Sacramento, booming town. I can do more business. And he was right, I guess.

I mean, enough to where... You know, he was working. So my mom went up. We went up there. Yes. And I didn't hear fighting or anything. I didn't feel anything was weird. I was a little weird.

That's kind of where my weirdness started. You know, breaking toys. I remember I would get these. And I know we're kind of just rambling a little bit here, but you're kind of getting to where I'm giving you a pre Brody. This is young Steven, baby Steven. Baby Steven. And some of this can be seen and explained in the HBO Comedy Central, both of them.

Of course, Comedy Central version of what I've been doing. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. So I started doing weird stuff up there. Not violent, but I remember I damaged a doll house. There was a doll house, like a big one. Couple houses down the street. And I went in the back and just damaged it.

I remember I would get... Wait, you went in someone's backyard. Well, it might have been open. I don't know. So maybe a gate. The gate was open. How old were you? I was probably four, maybe five.

So you're five and you toddled into somebody's backyard? I was walking. I was in a toddler. You probably toddled. You're five. You're still new at walking. I'm walking. I'm walking.

You toddled in and you vandalized. I by myself. Do you remember doing that? Yeah, I kind of do. It was like a wooden, nice... I broke the windows. I remember I was into breaking windows, breaking stuff. I mean, I didn't trash the whole thing, like these kids do at these mansions.

What you read about in the news? But I did damage it and I remember that I got in trouble. Somehow my fingerprints were on the shingles. They fingerprinted the doll? I don't know, but I mean, maybe I admitted it to it. I don't know, but I remember my dad beat me with a stick, like hit me hard in my ass. Your dad spanked you with a stick?

Well, he had a stick, yeah. What kind of... Like a birch stick? Like an old... We're talking like... Like a branch? Jesus Christ, Brody, this is like a little house on the prairie shit. Well, my dad ran a tight ship, you know?

It's like, you vandalized, you're gonna get... I didn't look at it that way. I mean, I felt like... I mean, I didn't get beat with a stick. I mean, it was a form of spanking. I actually probably got spanked by my dad. Was your dad religious? I think he was spiritual, more than religious.

Okay, my dad, I remember, maybe in my life, spanked me a couple times, maybe. The stick, I think I got hit with once, but the stick was around. The stick was the threat. If you want to understand the spread of novelty, originality, fetishes, and a variety of sadomasochism, all you have to do is trace it to the spanking dads of the 80s. They created...

This is in the 70s. Or this is 74, 75. Spanking dads are to unique people what Fukushima is to radiation. Once you start spanking your son or your daughter, you are in the process of producing some very, very unique people. That's for sure. Well, because you don't know what, you're a kid. But I'm acting weird anyway.

I'm vandalizing. My vandalized before my dad hit me. That's what I'm saying. This being of such power, which is your dad, this Titanic. Your dad is like a Titanic. He was big. He had strong hands. I didn't get my dad's hands.

I got my mom's hands. They pick you up when he put you on his lap? No, I just remember I got lashed with it. I'm not making it up. I mean, we're doing maybe some... We're doing some hypnosis here and we're bringing it out. I remember the stick. I remember a swat.

That's all I'm saying. And I deserved it. I vandalized a dollhouse. And then there was wet cement on a sidewalk. The sky was working on a sidewalk. And I just walked in it and stomped all over it for just no reason. I did that. I ate foreign objects.

I mean, I'm not a normal kid. Something's not right with this kid if you look from afar. I remember I was down the street. I would hang out. Nothing you're saying really seems abnormal for a kid. Kids... Okay. Breaking...

Okay. Toys? Here's a toy. Yeah. Here's a Tonka truck. We went to Sears. We went to Montgomery Ward. We just spent X amount of dollars out of our heart, mom and dad,

for this Tonka truck, for the holidays or whatever. And I take this truck and I just throw it on the ground. Not out of anger, just because I want to see something smack and break. You wanted to watch something disintegrate. Essentially, yeah. I had a whole graveyard for my G.I. Joe's. I used to take them and throw them up into the air and watch them land. And if they landed the right way, their heads would snap off

and then I would bury them in this creepy G.I. Joe graveyard. You know why I was doing that? I was doing that because my fucking parents got divorced and I felt weird inside and also when your parents get divorced, they're going through such intense stress. And so you're in the presence of a being who's trying. You disagree. I mean, look, all this stuff happened before my parents were divorced.

This is pre. How long before? Divorce. How long before? Two to three years. Yeah. Well, you know what, man? I mean, you're right in what you're saying.

I'm saying like, you are right. I'm saying me specifically. Yes. I feel like the divorce, it really did not. I mean, yes, having a father male figure in your life every day, every night with you, all the way up until say college. We'll say that is, and if your father's on the ball and he's the wisdom and he gets it, you're going to learn from him.

Yes. Did I have that? Not necessarily. No, I didn't. I had it not sporadically, a little more than sporadic. Yes. But I had it. I knew it was there and I knew he cared and he loved me.

But technically speaking, where you see how divorce can affect people, not having a male figure around on a consistent basis. Ideally, your blood father, but there's plenty of stepfathers and everyone who stepped into those father type roles. Even an older brother, a male energy in my life down in Southern California up until college even. I'm coming home to women. I'm coming home to my mom.

And your sister. I'm coming home to my sister. I'm coming home to my grandmother. I'm coming home to my dad who's around. Again, my dad was around. He went to my little games, little league games. He handled baseball. He handled sports.

He handled that angle and that was his involvement. It was never, ever to the day he died, never asked me to pay for a meal. I guess that's common, but I knew he didn't have a lot of money. Yes. At least, I mean, he wasn't rich, but he did live beyond his means. But I knew, I just knew he cared when one day we went through that Carl's Jr. drive-thru. And I got a junior Mac. No, I'm kidding.

But junior Mac, it doesn't make sense. But I knew he cared. He loved me. And I was weird growing up. I can go in. So that's my father issue up into the point. He passed away. So I'm going to give you-

How old were you when he passed away? He passed away at 63. And I was 27 at the time. That's young, man. Yeah, go ahead. That's young. That's young to have to go through that. That's young.

I think 27 is a prime time. And here's the deal. I'm keeping it. And I told people this on other podcasts, not necessarily Joe's podcast, Rogan's or even most I'll mention this because when I am going through currently, I'm going through stresses and anxiety. And I get it. Everybody's got it.

Everyone's got their personal issues. But not everybody's personal issues are out there for the public to see, whether I decided to do it or agreed to it or not. It's out there, number one. Yes. So I also have family. I have family issues, which we all have. I have a lot on my plate, which is new for me.

It's adjustment. I'm not saying it's bad. But for me to not get emotional about talking maybe about my father or talking about my mother's health or the fact that she's aging or the fact that, I mean, those two things or maybe, I mean, those are the main two reasons on this specific podcast. And I know I'm kind of defending myself and I know your crowd is smart enough to accept me. Yes. But I'm just going, I'm asking you, please don't edit this out.

OK. But I feel like just to let you know, I'm a little, I'm at like one and a half RPMs because I need to be. It's very difficult for me to talk about my mother without breaking down. And this isn't the Barbara Walters interview. So I'm going to kind of keep it at that. So please understand that that's where I'm at. I got it.

OK. Totally respect that. OK. Thank you. Yeah. Well, so you're after all this, at some point, you decided to do stand up comedy. When was that? OK.

That was 1994. I never really knew about stand up comedy. I never wanted to be an actor. I never wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be a baseball player. I knew I had a good arm. I was semi successful. I had a lot of people around me telling me I was good.

I had decent statistics through high school. I wasn't a star, but I was people knew me. Right. And again, funny to my teammates, funny to certain girls, just maybe a funny guy, but I didn't feel it. And there were jerks. No, I had normal high school. But again, tie in my little mental issues.

Let's go back. This guy's breaking things, throwing raw. Normal stuff. Well, you were four. Well, I was four, but I was drinking water out of the gutter. This is what all kids do. I don't think so. I do not think so.

I got peed on by a kid. That's not weird. That happens everywhere. I got peed on in the shower at Arizona State. Normal. Go ahead. I don't want to cut that urinate on story. It's one of the worst things that happened to me.

We were doing that thing. I was very, I don't remember how old I was. I was young. And you're doing the thing like show, you know, when you're a kid, you're like, you show me yours. I'll show you mine. Yeah. Yeah.

I went through that. It was. Thank you. Thank you. It's this kid and his sister, right? So the kids pulled out his cock. I pulled out my cock. The little girl pulls her pants down.

It's the first time I'd ever seen a genitals. I was like five, four. Thank you. You're making me feel better. First time I'd ever seen it. And as I'm looking at this strange thing that I'd never seen before, like your brain can't accept it.

You don't know what it is. It's like a new, it's like seeing a new somebody else's. Yeah. It's crazy. And as I'm looking at it, suddenly this little fucking kid starts pissing on me. That's weird. And then, and then like I'm screaming.

The kids are screaming. The kid is, he's like, pulls his pants up. He's like, they're running. He's like, don't tell my mom. Please don't tell my mom. I don't know. I don't know. I guess he had instant regret.

He goes back into his house. And he'll always remember that, by the way. What? He'll always remember that is what he's knowing. He right now, if he's still alive, he knows that he urinated on a kid at that age. I would remember that. Both parties suffer.

My mom was in the garden. And I still remember his mom coming up to the fence and saying over the fence, your son is disgusting. But I had just gotten pissed on. You know, like who's son's more disgusting? Like this was a, the whole thing was a mess. But she beat her kids.

So it was really bad. With the stick, like my father? No, I think she like did, did like ABC after school special level beatings on them. Did this happen in a vandalized dollhouse? Let me tell you what, you say that, and I'm not going to go into detail here. You mentioned being urinated on.

I think that is, it's a weird power move. And I'll tell you this and maybe in future podcast, maybe future years, I will, I had a similar experience. Yes. I'm not going to go into detail and even, even what you had with the, I'll show you, I'll show you mine. Yes. Okay.

I had those experiences. Now, those experiences took place after my father wasn't around on a daily basis. Right. So you want to look at divorce and I'm not, there's no blame. I'm not blaming myself even though I do. For the divorce? No, not the divorce for me being in these situations where certain things like that happened because I feel if I had a male figure there nightly,

an older brother there daily to say, Hey, Steven, which is my real name, who gives a F? Look at my, look at my cock. You know, look at yours. Let me, let me, let me rub you. Let me, I'm going to rub it on you, but not in a gay, a brotherly way. How does that help? But if you had a, well, whatever, I'm just saying if you had an older brother,

I'm saying that you would get that locker room mentality as a kid where you're not as sensitive. So I feel growing up without a male figure on my side. My brother never rubbed his cock on me. All right. I'm okay. Okay. I'm not saying I would want that to happen.

I'm saying when I was in Arizona state, guys would do that as a joke. You know what I mean? That's locker room activity. You know, guys get homoeroticism. Exactly. Repressed homosexuality. Guys who desperately want to give a blow job, rub their cock. I've never wanted to do that.

I've been accused. Not you, but you know, like some guys are gay and they, they're repressing it. And so then the way it comes out is they do stuff like that. And then they, they transform it into a kind of a joke or it's like athleticism to them. But it's really just like they, they, they're probably more predisposed to be with guys, but they've pushed it away so much because their fathers were too strict and they had a stick. What? Their father said a stick?

Yeah, exactly. I'll tell you what. I play baseball at Arizona state, to be honest. I never urinated on anybody and I didn't get off on, I never, I've never done that other than when you said you were a kid and I'll go into that later on in my life. But after that, after I was say seventh grade on, yeah. Seventh grade on any type of abuse, physical or sensual, didn't happen. It stopped there.

So seventh grade, it stopped, but even to this day, right now at this very moment, it affects me, whatever, what happened before. Yes. But the more I talk about it, it's the therapeutic, the more I get it out there. Yes. I feel better not only in a selfish way, I feel better. And I know- Why is that selfish?

I know it's weird because I analyze. I analyze because sometimes I retweets and people say, it's all about me, I've been on podcasts, it's all about you. But that's all you could do. See, this is the thing. All you can do is work on yourself. You can't change the people around you. You can't change people.

You can only change you. That's all you can do. So if people think that selfish, it's ridiculous. And that only shows how twisted our society is. Because sometimes I just went to this meditation retreat and I learned a lot from it. And one of the things I realized is that I have a really hard time loving myself. It's really- There's parts of myself that I can't fully embrace and that I can't love.

And that's according to this Ram Dass camp that I hang out with. That's one of the primary spiritual activities is learning to love and embrace yourself. You talk to people about this and say, you've got to learn to love yourself. And the first thing they'll tell you is that's selfish. That's selfish to love yourself. You- Loving yourself is somehow puffed up or egotistical or wrong. I think that's ridiculous.

I think that the very first person you encounter in this dimension is you. So that's the first person you should start loving. Okay. Make sense. Love it. No pun intended. My thoughts on me feeling selfish. Again, you're dealing with the mind that I think-

I mean, like I said, up to seventh grade. Something happened there. Yes. Okay. I got it. So you're tying that in with, you're tying it in with culture, genetics, chemistry, whatever. Yes. Later on in life, it was more mental and not physical for the most part.

Okay. So that issue. When I say selfish, I feel like I'm not the type of guy to go on Twitter, for example, and go, great job, loved you on that. Or, hey, check this guy out. Yes. Or send a card. Send a nice note.

Like, thank you. Actually write down a note. Send it. Or actually get somebody a gift. Or- Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So hold on. If I may interrupt you for a moment, just to pull you out of this where you're not, maybe you're going to turn it where things you do do. But one thing I remember, I was at the comedy store, I was a little bummed out. I just was feeling kind of like lonely and just sort of like weird. And I remember walking to the parking lot and you pulled up and you like got out of the car and you like gave me a hug. You're like, you look great.

And you were just being so, like, you were just being so like kind and like, just everything you were saying completely took me out of feeling kind of gloomy. Like from just, and it was just a few, like, it was like, you know, a minute or two minutes hanging out with you. But the energy was so good that I felt great. And I don't think that a truly selfish person is capable of doing that. I think truly selfish people, people who are, you know, sucking in instead of putting out, that selfishness, people who are pulling in at all times, trying to draw from everything around them

some kind of affirmation or just that, that kind of thing. Those people can't generally generate the sense of buoyancy that people like you can. So I don't, I don't really consider you selfish. Okay. Well, thank you. You know, in that sense, again, I feel like I'm tangibly selfish. You know, I not good with Christmas gifts. I'm not, I'm not good. If you're registered, you get married.

Well, you, here's the thing, people, this whole selfishness thing. It's like number one, you are a self. So saying you're selfish is a lot like water saying, I'm wet. It's like water saying, Oh God, I feel terrible because I'm wet. Everything I touch is gets water on it. Well, you're water and that's what you do. And human beings are a self and in everything that you see. Well, but I like it when I receive a card.

I like it when I get a gift. I like it when I get a nice tweet or maybe somebody pulls me a, not pulls me aside, but says, Hey, I like your, I like your work or you're a good guy. So I feel I do that. I'm very like you explained. I, and I'm not, and I'm not saying I want people to see this like, Hey, look, get the cameras on me hugging Duncan and saying that good. Let's get the cameras on me giving this comedian some advice.

I don't, I know that's a, that's something I'm providing and it's putting out positive energy. I know you feel good about it. I enjoy talking. I enjoy expressing that when I'm in a comfortable situation, but that's comedy. Now you go into family life and they can't take it. You go into a professional, you know, we talk about a comedy. We're talking comedy store, right? I'm in my element.

It's like I'm on the baseball field. I'm in the locker room. I don't have my sister. I don't have my mom. I don't have outsiders. Again, that's a reality. You're going to have to deal with that. But that one moment we had comfortable setting, not unlike where we are today or again at the

club, it's like, yeah, I'm real. I'm putting it out there. I feel good about that. And also in terms of energy, again, I talked about not watching TV shows, not watching because I like it. But then I also go, Hey, I did 2,500 audience warm-ups. I put all my energy out in a real positive, honest way to make those shows. And maybe for selfish reasons, I don't want to go back to that.

But I can learn early on why I'm a certain way with my warm-up early on. Yes, early on roots. But I give out a lot of energy on these shows. And I feel like you give out a lot of energy all the time. Well, I really did it on these shows. Chelsea or Best Damn Sports show specifically, and now hopefully a little more on the Midnight Show with Chris Hardwick. And I get a kick out of that.

I know the comedians appreciate it. I appreciate it. And that's it. But on top of it, I mean, you got to recharge. I'm not like that all the time. You know, I say, I go to Starbucks and I'm not like, yes, you got it. Push, believe, venti, F no. You know, I don't think people are expecting me to do that.

But so that's my idea. And I think that does make me feel good. And I think many people, philanthropists and great men and women over the years say, it's OK to be selfish. It's OK to give. It's all right to feel good to volunteer. But that's well, not the best. I think the service.

But I don't honestly, I said the ball. Go ahead. Go ahead, Duncan. The best service you don't you were going to say you don't volunteer. Honest. Here's the deal. I if you watch if you watch one of my shows coming up on Comedy Central. Yes.

Brodie Stevens in joy yet. Yes. Sunday nights. It says midnight. Sometimes it's on earlier if you have direct TV, whatever. I actually go volunteer, you know, I go down to downtown and I help out and. And it was real. It was a funny thing that people do, I think, and it's something I'm just learning.

So people want to volunteer. People want to, you know, there's an instinct in people where I want to, you know, give service to people. So what ends up happening is people getting their head like, OK, one day I'm going to sign up, go work at a soup kitchen. I'll go down to the laugh factory and dish out gravy for Thanksgiving or I'll do some kind of little act of kindness to people I don't know. And a lot of times in the process of doing that, people completely neglect and disregard

the people around them. So in other words, you've broken humanity up into like the homeless and the needy and the poor and the hungry and all this stuff and you only are doing service when you're like doing some kind of organized intentional trip down to some impoverished area and you're giving out soup and food. Well, I think that's ridiculous. You can render service to everyone that you come in contact with just by being open to them and giving them your attention and also by loving yourself and showing people that you

could fully be yourself without having to get destroyed or crushed by the universe. And that's a very, very difficult thing for people to accept. Yeah, my phone's ringing, but whatever. OK. And I take LeMick doll. I've mentioned that before. It's a mood stabilizer. Sometimes I have to go back and say, you know, repeat.

You were talking about I'm saying that you think that you're selfish when in fact the very act of being a very positive person who is very who's open. OK. You're open about your mental breakdown, which you were and in which you are on podcasts. We are hoping about that and you fully allow people into your lives. What it does is it creates a catharsis for people who listen to you and they don't want to talk about the time that weird thing happened to them when they were in junior high school. They don't want to talk about having a father who dies or they don't want to go into those places

because they feel like somehow talking about it or or feeling feeling compassion for themselves about it is somehow wrong or bad. And every time you do that, you free people up a little bit because here's the truth, man. Everybody on planet Earth has suffered. They've suffered even if they seem like they have wonderful lives and even a great family and all this stuff. No matter what, if you get pushed out into this dimension, you are going to suffer. You're going to hurt.

You're going to get rejected. You're not going to get what you want. You're going to feel lonely. You're going to feel sad. And until you learn to really embrace that and until you really learn that it's okay to feel those things, if you're always just going to be running away from yourself and the fact that you're somebody who kind of fearlessly just talks about that stuff, I think that's a service.

And I think that's a service that is just as good, if not better, than giving some turkey sandwiches to people once a year. Thank you. And I agree, I agree with you 100%. No, I'm not into volunteering. And you'll see it on the episode. I'm glad I did it. It wasn't like I had a bad attitude.

I actually enjoyed doing it and it did feel, felt right. I feel, you know, but in the show, I'm going to have a sip of water here. Go ahead. I'll have one too. You know, in the show, Zach actually recommends me to volunteer. Yes. For real, serious. And he feels like that will, he is always looking out for my personal health.

Zach Alephanakis. Yes. He could actually, and I think he does, could care less about my professional career. As long as I'm happy. He's your friend. He's my friend. So I guess happy for me, if you wanted to say happy, I guess would be a couple bucks so I could survive and allow myself to be myself.

Okay. So Zach wants me to be happy. And part of that happiness of him searching for it, he feels like, hey, you know what, maybe if you volunteer, it'll take your mind off you or whatever. Yes. Might make you happy. So we're happier. Appreciative.

Yes. So I go down there and I'm not into it. I'm not, I, I, I, I, that's not me. I've done the laugh factory on Thanksgiving or Christmas where you feed the homeless and you do it. It's all right. So it's, it's like, look, my, my, my giveness is when I say this, I can look at it two ways. I can actually look at the audience warm up. I've done 2,500.

I've had a crowd, essentially 80 to 150 people right there in my face. For years, different groups, successful groups, football teams, military rehab groups, Christian groups, you know, second chance groups, all that stuff. So I talk to them again, I'm doing my job. We've got to bring energy and clapping, but I do connect and I listen and I do, you know, I don't try to preach, but I give them advice sitting up, looking good. I'm saying, Hey, I'm doing audience warm up. I'm from Recita.

I drove at Pinto. I come from a divorced family. You know, I say that kind of stuff and I go, I'm making it. Now I'm not saying you're going to make it, whatever making it is, but you put out the energy and see where that takes you and you, and you go for it. And some, you know what? Honestly, some people aren't wired to go that way. Some people won't go that way, but maybe there's five people in that audience who go,

yeah, I'm going to try and do it and go for it. So and even now people listening to this, you know, there's somebody out there guaranteed who had some kind of mental breakdown, maybe got hospitalized. They're at the tail end of being hospitalized. They, they're out of the hospital now. They're dealing with what it's like to be stigmatized for having a mental breakdown. Perhaps they think that they'll never reintegrate back into society. And to hear somebody who went through that publicly and then is, you know,

actually reintegrating in this really beautiful way. That is an, that's, that's got to feel great. Feels great for me, man. I mean, I love it because it's this idea. It's this idea that no matter what happens to you, if you just let go and trust the universe is going to pull you back out of it and you're in and heal you. That is beautiful. I love that, man.

I think it's an incredible, incredible, it's an incredible thing to like, to know has happened. Oh, I, again, a wonderful statement and I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's like coughing and I get, my throat's kind of bothering me today. We'll edit the coughs out. Hey, you made that statement about, you know, what the statement was about. The statement is about, we got to stop as human beings. It doesn't mean don't. You got to trust.

You got to trust, but also not just that. It's like everybody wants to have like, okay, so everybody wants to create a situation where in this, right now I'm doing something good, right? So that's usually when it happens a few times a year. You go and you dish soup out somewhere and it's like, okay, I'm doing something good. Or maybe on Sunday you go to church and like, okay, now I'm doing something good or whatever it is. There's always these moments where it's like, okay, this is good. So you've got all the good moments.

And now if you look at your life as a pie chart, you got this little slice of the pie and that's where I'm good. And then you have every other thing and the other slice of the pie. It may be you're like, that's where I'm selfish or that's where I'm not doing good. And that's where I'm fixated on myself too much and all that. But the reality of the situation is that you are a person. So being selfish is actually when you're serving yourself, you're serving a person. And just taking that mental step of being like, all right,

well, I'm going to start being compassionate to myself. I'm going to allow myself to accept the fact that I went through it. A really hellish moment for a year and a half of hell. All right, good. I like how you said that being selfish for yourself is okay. Going on tagging that, I do say to myself, the best when I'm better, when I'm happy, when I'm me, when I don't have stress and I don't have judgment, we all win.

It's a win-win. Yes. I'm better suited. I remember when I was working at Macy's in, this is after college, I was taking a comedy class at UCLA. I was taking a, working on a film, USC, so I was at USC film school, not in it, but helping out with lights and all that technical stuff. And I also worked on another film before just to see if I liked holding a, being around it.

And I didn't. I hated lights. I hated tape. It's not me. Right. And so I started, okay, so I did that. I'm getting a little off track here. It's okay.

No, you're not. Okay. So me being me, the best me being me, everybody wins. I remember working at Macy's, Bingo, working there. And I was selling China. I was actually up on the fifth floor. This was during, after college, during the holidays. So I had to wear a suit, kind of spin in my wheels.

I took a comedy class. I think I may be into it. I'm feeling it, but I got to work. It's $7.75 an hour, but it's a place to go every day as opposed to doing a sales job where it's okay. So I had to place less money, but consistent structure. So I did that. And I remember I was working there and one girl put in my head, one lady, and she goes,

she would come in a couple of times. She goes, you're so good at this. You're my knight in shining armor. She says, you should be a waiter. You make more money. You got a good personality. So she put that in my head like, I can make more money being a waiter. Yes.

So the Northridge earthquake happened in 1994 or in January. And I had been taking, this is also a callback to what you were saying earlier. I had been taking a comedy class and I knew, I think that's what I could feel it. That's where I was drawn to that. I was told I was funny from teammates growing up in school. I could tell like girls and teammates laughed at me, but I wasn't the class clown. Teachers always liked me, that sort of stuff. But I didn't have that confidence.

I wanted to be a baseball player. And I felt like, and I wasn't graceful, but I had a good arm and it's part of that's being picked on and not having that older brother to say, hey, it's okay. Don't worry about them. Screw them or my father around. My dad didn't even know. He didn't care. And a lot of this is in my head, but it was in my head.

So I know me being me is the best thing I can be. So yes, I go to Seattle and that's where I start performing. That's the callback. The original question due to my mood stabilizer and my lmictal was selfishness, the best me. Yeah. The question was, what we were talking about in a very circuitous way was what ended up with you being on stage.

And were you always on like, were you always confident in the way that you are now when you started doing stand up? Like you must have started off as in a different form doing maybe more traditional stand up. Or because when I see you do stand up, it's it's it's its own unique thing. It's completely unique. It's just your energy. I've seen you walk through the crowd. You drum on the stool.

You do these things that I would never think of to do as a comic and it works. Okay. Yeah. I got there. There isn't a secret. I don't have a secret how I got there. Again, childhood, baseball. I was around winners.

I mean, I wasn't completely around females. I was playing little league baseball. I had coaches. My dad was there. So there was some male influence on me. Then when I went to college, I still had that. So I had that structure. I had that even though I was sensitive and picked on and not confident,

I still had that structure and that sense of accomplishment that I went to college that I made this move up to Seattle. And that's where I just started. I said, I'm going to put my same energy that I put into school because I just wanted to graduate. Same energy that I put into baseball. I just wanted to be on the team and see how far I can go and maybe play professionally. That's everyone's goal. Yes.

So I did those things. And then when I had the entertainment bug, I followed it. I just followed my instinct. And my instinct was to see how films are made and then go, you know what? I'm not that grip guy. And then I did the comedy class to back it up to see if it was in my heart. And it was. I would drive to UCLA every, it's funny, UCLA.

I would drive to UCLA every Wednesday to do a two minute, three minute set in front of other students and Pauly Shore's sister was the teacher. Sandy Shore. Exactly. Sandy Seashore. I didn't know. I just, I needed structure and that was good for me because I had that in baseball. I had that in college and I did that and I knew right there.

Okay. I feel it. I get it. And I did one open mic in Los Angeles and I go, you know what? There's desperation around here. This is not where I want to be. And I always want to go to New York, but I wasn't ready for it. And I had the bug for comedy, but I said, I'm not going to start here in LA.

And I said, I want to learn more about comedy while I'm here. And I took a business of comedy class at UCLA and learned all about the business. And Danny Robinson, who's an agent. APA. APA taught the class and he just, I mean, this is 1994. Things have changed. But back then it was like, you learn everything about the clubs, how it is, contracts. And his advice to me, because I wanted to be a comedian, there was other guys who were like

sniffing it out. And he said, you know what? If you want to, you know, do comedy, get out of LA. Right. You got to get out. And I was spinning my wheels at that point. It's so big, no support system. But I remember I would drive by the comedy store every night after class and just look

at it and feel that energy. Think about that. UCLA, Danny Robinson, business of comedy classes. You're driving down Sunset Boulevard. 1993, maybe 94. Some inkling, perhaps. Some inkling, some sense that maybe you could be a comic and you're driving down the exact same street where now there's a full size billboard with your face on it.

That is nuts, man. I think that is so cool because you just, you know, people get so down in the dumps. And if you get stuck in the idea that where you are is where you're going to stay. Then you really can get frozen up just because things are, you know, in this situation, man, you were just being courageous. Like, look, I get it now. I understand about you. Like you're never going to, it seems like you will eventually, but you have a hard time

really embracing how awesome you are. You don't want that for some reason or you don't, and that's why you keep saying you wanted a father figure or a big brother because you needed somebody who you could trust to tell you you're fucking awesome, you're wonderful, and give you that confidence because you have a hard time giving it to yourself for some reason, which is why I'm saying it because you deserve it, man. I mean, that is courage to like end up just taking a comedy class, takes balls. That takes so much courage to do something like that.

A lot of people, if they told people they were doing that, they would seem like lunatics. But then to like take a business of comedy class and say, okay, I'm going to take a business of comedy class and then to relocate to do comedy. Well, I was lucky to have family in Seattle, and yeah, I was lucky. I mean, I had it, again, I'm not going to give me a sob story, so we'll keep it positive here. But I was lucky that I didn't have the stressors. My mom did the best job she could to make my life easy, almost too easy. And that's a Jewish mother for you.

And that kind of, she did her best. My dad did his best. I think my mom worried a lot, and it caused me to worry, and it caused me to overthink, and it kind of got in my head. As I've gotten older, I appreciate it, and I never felt neglected. I felt overly unneglected, and that was like I knew back then. Let me swim a little bit. My dad gave me a little more freedom.

But I was still always scared of him, like wouldn't curse in front of him, wouldn't totally be myself, wouldn't let my father know I was a sexual being attracted to women. The fact of my father and my mother seeing young Steven be with a girl, going to prom, having a crush on a girl, I think my mom still thinks I'm a virgin. My dad died thinking maybe I was gay. But I wasn't, 10%. My mom, I think, has given into the fact that I've been sexual with a woman. So you have a, wait, given into the fact of, why does she have to give into the fact?

I'm saying that, no, perfect. But, well, yeah, I'm sure if you asked her today, Jackie, do you think Steven's a virgin? She would go, I hope not. That would be her answer. So in her head, she's thinking that, all right? I come, and again, this is not a blame at all on my parents. I'm lucky they met because I got my dad's bipolar-ness, if you want to call it that, because I'm similar to him.

I've show signs. Well, that's the thing. Now, look where you're at. I mean, that's a funny thing. It's like every, legit, look, it's not, this isn't a blame game. It's just like the main thing is just, you have to don't resist the fact that you went through it. Nobody wants to admit how hard things were for them. And they think that by admitting that, they're being victims or whiny or whatever.

It's like, no, once you get to a nice place, or even if you're not at a nice place, just know that, just you have to respect the past. All right, here's the deal on that. I can see where you're going. You want to move forward and be positive. And you're saying, accept the past, everyone's got their- And honestly appraise what happened. Because this is in occultism and in Buddhism.

And there's two similar activities, which you can do. And this is called get fertilizing the field. And so what that is is, and modern psychotherapy is a version of this, but what it is is you look with non-judgment and full honesty at yourself. You look at everything and you see everything. You see everything. And that being that will come forward after months or years or meditation, or maybe using a psychedelic, that being that you'll begin to see, you won't like.

It's painful, man. The new? No, the ego structure. What was there? This self, the self, the human self, that so many people don't like themselves. They don't like themselves. And you know how you can really tell somebody truly doesn't like themselves? Is they have a lot of people they hate.

When you get around a person who's like, oh, this person sucks and I don't like this person, this person's horrible. And you see what that person did? No, look at this tweet this person did. Those are the people who hate themselves the most. Because they're so separated from who they really are that they've projected it under the screens of all the people around them and they're constantly haunted by assholes. Because really the asshole is inside of them.

And that's one of the beautiful things about starting to really look at yourself and fully embrace yourself and love yourself is every time you love a piece of yourself that you are in denial about, that piece vanishes from the external world. That part of yourself that you didn't like or that thing you feel bad about, the moment you start loving that, that kind of asshole disappears from your life almost instantly. Because the asshole is never there. You don't know what a person's like. You can't imagine what a person's like.

It's impossible to know what anyone else is like except for you. Because you're just making assessments based on a person's actions around you for like, you know, it's certain moments. So anyway, that's what I'm getting at. What I'm getting at is really look at your path. If you have the courage to do it, look at who you are and accept the fact that you have suffered and have compassion for that being. That's the idea.

It's fun, man. It's a beautiful, painful exercise, but it's awesome. I thank you again. I've always agreed with what you said. And maybe I'm different on these podcasts. I mean, I can see that in my head right now, where I'm at on this very podcast, if you want to break it down, I'm thinking of, and you can see it, maybe I'm defending. I'm just kind of clearing it up, making my story specific.

We all have specific stories. Everyone's got those stories. But I feel like I can give my specific story. And then I know I get the tweets. I get the emails based on a lot of different stuff, you know, podcasting and that, on how I've helped people. And it feels good. I didn't intend to do that.

I accept it. I'm fine with it. I appreciate it. And I know it's happening. And I understand like there are actually professional parameters. The more you, I mean, that's a great thing about podcasting. You can just talk and go. But I also am aware that there's formats to follow.

And I'm constantly adjusting. And I'm just in the moment, whether I like to be or not. But I can be professional. I can do a scene from a fake sitcom or play a character or whatever and be in that moment. It's hard for me to not keep it tight when I'm opening up about myself. And again, making excuses. But I think Duncan comes back and cleans it up and puts a bow on it for this particular, you know, this situation we're happening.

So let's move on from the past and talk about the future. Yes. I do feel better. I do feel that the more I talk about these things, it feels good. It allows me also professionally, if you want to talk about that. It relieves stress. When did you start feeling after the last time you did the podcast? You can ask me questions.

Yeah. The last time you did the podcast, you're in a very dark place. Yeah. And at what point after that did you start feeling better? Okay. When I had my episode, my breakdown, I think, and again, it was due to stopping my meds cold turkey. It was being on an antibiotic. It was having pressure.

It was travel. Whatever happened, it happened. It was a manic episode triggered by something, the various issues. Yes. It did happen. And I do feel I have bipolar. I saw Sanjay Gupta, CNN special, talking to a 16-year-old, unidentified. And he kind of was describing me, kind of like how I am, how I was.

And it was funny. Like his sister, her name was actually Stephanie, not like my sister. I don't really hear voices. I hear my own voice. We all hear voices. But nobody's talking to me and saying, Brody, walk into the ball, do this. There's none of that. I'm not at that point.

But I think I do have, I've come to grips that I think I do have bipolarism. But it's not the violent kind. It's not pick up a machete and flip out in the grocery store. It's not that. I did go through that. I mean, I guess that guy is there. I don't think to the point where I'm stabbing people. But it might be to the point where I'm on a bender.

Everybody's got that girl inside of them. Everybody. I don't know. I don't think so. It's called the shadow. Oh, it is? Oh, yeah. It's called the shadow.

Everybody has a shadow. Everybody has a side that's like this dark, malicious, malevolent, cruel, awful thing. We all have. But I had, and I had 40 years of that built up in me. Yeah. And a lot of it had to do with professional frustrations, professional people being not nice over the years to me. Yeah, you weren't getting as much respect as you probably deserve.

I wasn't getting the respect. I was wound up, I'm just describing this episode I had. And it was, yeah, it was crazy. And I ended up in the hospital. And while I was doing my episode, yeah, I was like in another world. It was like that game I was playing earlier. I was in a different world going in and out and knowing something was up. But is this confident?

Is this the new Brody? Because, I mean, I was told to celebrate. I was told to enjoy. Take a victory lap. And I knew that I had an HBO show opportunity. I really don't have to think about warm-up anymore. I was doing festivals. I was getting cool emails.

I was doing all that. You had to pay the piper, Stevens. That's the thing, man. Everybody tries to avoid that shadow. You try to shut yourself off to it. You try to lock the demon underneath the castle. But if you really want success, I think you've got to deal with it. One way or another, you've got to pay the piper.

And that means having a breakdown. And what is a breakdown? A breakdown is not like a breakdown of your true self. It's just that when the mask you've been wearing for so long finally cracks off because you've outgrown it. But I did have a breakdown? You did. But it didn't, I mean, it revealed like an angry side.

Yes. It revealed also a funny guy, a guy being energy. Yes. I mean, I was manic. I had energy like when I'm doing warm-up. I'm being, people think I'm funny when I put out energy. You are funny. So probably no matter what you do is going to be funny, including a nervous breakdown.

Well, yeah. And I guess I took that energy of performing. It was like, OK, I'm on stage and I did it on Twitter. And I was filming it and getting kicked out of Starbucks. It's a reality show. I got things happening and tied in with all this stuff. All right. So that happens.

And I'm in the hospital and it's a shock. I don't belong here. I mean, I felt like, OK, I'll be here for 72 days. I mean, 72 hours. Right. And how long were you in there? 17 days. 17 days.

You were there for two weeks in a mental hospital. Yeah. And I fought it for the first three days, four days. It was like, why am I here? I went off my meds. I made a mistake. I'm not crazy. And I would get treated just like a number, another patient.

And it bothered me. And it kind of just added more to my, you know, a little bit of my anger, my mania. Like, it's a mistake. But then they started, you know, giving me different medications to kind of chill me out, stabilize me. And I actually started after three or four days of arguing with male nurses, arguing with staff. I had to get moved around. I was in a regular, you know, this is where people are.

And there's some like crazy people in my ward who I didn't feel completely safe around. One guy's name was, I think his name was Phoenix or, he was, one of my friends knows who visited me. The guy was kind of, might have been Montana. Whatever his name was, he was intense and nuts. You can tell there was like nutty people in here and I'm not that guy. So I kind of was fighting that and they go, you got to get out of here. We're going to put you in intensive care.

So they put me in another room, another wing and the guy was like, or the Filipino guy, I remember, the male nurse and they had some big Arab guy, I believe, Persian maybe, Persian. And they were being mean to me. I was like, I go, why am I here? Why am I, I'm getting treated like crap. Just like, be nice to me. Yeah. And they go, settle down.

We, you need to take your meds. I go, I've been taking them. And he goes, well, you need to take, you need to write. And I go, I go, can you stop yelling at me? I mean, stop being mean to me. We're not being mean to you. If you don't be quiet, we're going to give you a shot. You want to stay like yelling at me?

Jesus. Yes. And he go, what, are you not like Jewish people? Is that what it is? Wow. So they put me in that thing and I was there for like two days, three days. And I wrote a note. I complained.

I felt like I was being treated unjust and I made a complaint, a league, a technical complaint that this, this nurse and this guy were aggressive towards me, threatening me. I felt anti-semitic vibes and I'm making a complaint. Yes. You know, I was still in, I was still manicky. Yes. And they're putting me on meds. I'm taking Saracwil and Depakote.

These are heavy drugs. These are the drugs. You were still on that when you did the podcast the last time, I think. I was for the, yeah, I think I was. So they put you on these heavy meds. And then after three days, because these people are, again, crazy, crazy people in there, you know, girls, some weird kids. And I was being very friendly because I, again, still met manic, but stay into myself,

not doing activities. So they felt like I don't belong here. And then after three days, they put me into the addiction wing, which was next over. And that was more chill. Why addiction? They thought it'd just be a better situation for me because it was just calmer and it was like girls in there who were addicted to pills or, you know, there's some cutters, I guess, but it was more mellow, it was better.

Now I'm six days in, I'm stable. You know, there's a schedule of food and their structure. And I start getting consistent guests visiting me. I had guests visit me the first couple of days. And I was like, still in that manic phase. And that's why I was saying like, you know, even before the visitors, that's where I got the tweet out because I was able to use the public phone. And I knew I could call the comedy store and give somebody that I trust because I was tweeting

like a maniac, which I was. And I felt like, Hey, I got a public phone here. I call the comedy store. Get, I got Benji's number, Benji of follow. Yes. And I said, Benji, I'm going to give you my password. I need you to tweet this out because I'd been tweeting everything up to that point.

Like, Hey, the cops are here. I'm gone or even right before that. Right. Not the cops. So you're like smuggling tweets out of a mental hospital. Yeah. Because I was still first time. I bet that's the first time in human history that anyone has smuggled a tweet.

Yeah. You have to give up your password. You have to know the, I mean, they had cell phones, but they also had a pay phone and pay phone, you receive calls, cell phone, you can call out and sometimes receive it. So I was able to do that. And then I had a couple of visitors come in and they snuck in phones. And I said, effort, I'm here. I feel like I'm here unjustly almost sneak in a photo.

This is a one, this is a one time shot. Right. You know, and I remember one time I had, I had the phone or somebody brought in, I don't think somebody brought in my phone, but they had their phone. Yeah. And I had it like right under my, my lap under my bed and the doctor, a nurse, a male nurse guy came in. Nice guys.

Like they started to be nicer to me, but do you have a phone in here? Are you, I go, no, have you been taking pictures or anything? I think they got wind that I was tweeting. Yeah. And I go, no, and I had the phone right there under, I mean, he could have like pulled the blankets up and go, you're, you know, you're going to isolation. I don't know. So I got the tweets out and then that stopped and it was just like,

hey, I'm going to, I'm going to like just chill. They're giving me my meds. I'll watch TV. My friends are visiting me and I figure, okay, I'll be out in five or six days. Everything's settled. And then I would meet with the doctor. They do these reviews and he just didn't trust me. He didn't feel like I, I was going to be able to be in society and not go to a Starbucks

and get kicked out. I said to him, I go, doctor, doctor said, Jay, great guy, not putting them under the bus. I said to him, I promise you, I won't go to Starbucks and get kicked out. And then they, you go back to your room or whatever and they, there's a case worker there and they talk about it and they'll come back to you. And he goes, uh, I, doctor said, Jay, doesn't feel comfortable with releasing you yet. You're going to have to stay around. So that means you're a prisoner.

Well, yeah, no internet. No, if you wanted to leave, let's say that you just wanted to leave. I don't think I could. I mean, it wasn't, no, involuntarily. You were being involuntarily held. So you were in this classic position that you see in movies where somebody ends up in an insane asylum and you're telling the doctor, no, I'm not crazy. I could go out and he's like, you're actually, you can't go out.

And maybe he was right, Brody. Maybe he did the right thing. It seems like you may have, you probably needed that little space to, to, to, uh, heal a little bit from, from, um, yeah, my body went through a lot. I, I, I, I mean, this is something people, people, this is what's weird about, I think one of the really weird things in Western society and in the world is that you break a bone, like let's say that you just been in a motorcycle accident and you'd snapped your collar bone or something.

If you were in the hospital, then it's, it totally makes sense. It's like, it's, it, people understand that. But if you went up with a, if you have a mental breakdown and your psyche cracks a little bit, people don't understand that it's exactly like a bone breaking. Same thing. It's just the same thing. It's just a different organ, you know, which is the organ of the mind. And I think you needed that space.

I mean, I hear that. Exactly. You know, it's like you break a, you break a bone, you put on a cast. Regardless, it happened. Yeah. It happened. And then when you got out. Well, I'll tell you what, when I, well, when the doctor said that, that upset me again.

And I went on a one day food strike, wouldn't eat. And then I was just kind of like after that, I go, I just accepted it. I go, you know what, I'm drying out. It's like rehab. I'm actually, I feel like these meds they had me on were the right meds. Yeah. I, I didn't feel, you know, I was on a schedule. I up at seven, bed by 11, you know, feeding boom.

I'm not doing the arts and crafts. It didn't make me, I'd read the newspaper, watch the news. They really have arts and crafts. Yeah. That sort of stuff, you know. Yeah. That art, you stay at the table or you talk about things. But I, I would talk to those girls.

I can passing. I go, and they knew me from like being on Chelsea lately and. Wow. And I would say that, come on, I don't need to be here. And they go, that is a weird thing to end up when you end up in a mental psychiatric ward in Los Angeles, you're probably going to be around celebrities. There's probably an 80% chance that if you get committed in LA, you're going to recognize someone there from Chelsea lately.

Right. I, I, I don't think there were any celebrities when I was there, but I know Lindsay Lohan was there at one point, Amanda Bynes after me and some different people. So, but you know what? It was clean. The showers were good. I kind of liked it in a sense that it was rehab. I'm off Twitter.

I'm not taking cell phone calls. This is the thing, man. This is something that Ram Dass said in one of his lectures, which I love, which is that in society, it sucks that you, we need places where you can go and have a mental breakdown. Like it should be something that instead of being looked at as like a stigmatized thing, it should be looked at as like a necessary part of human growth or personal evolution. I mean, I was what, 40, 41 at the time. I'd never gone on a vacation.

I really have not gone away to Hawaii for two weeks and just, I mean, I've had fun. I had, you're dry. No man, you, you were really hard on yourself. You've draw, you were driving for probably 40 years. You were just like, you know, like in the movies, when the cowboy rides the horse too long, you know, and then just like froths at the mouth and falls over. That's what you were doing to yourself. You needed that.

And that thing that you were resisting, you're probably spending a lot of time pushing that shadow thing down. The shadow thing finally got out. Your ego couldn't hold it back anymore. Hulk explodes out of the government laboratory, which is Brody Stevens mind. Rampages through Hollywood for a while, gets taken into a mental asylum. And then the end result now, and I'm, I'm moving forward because we've been on, we, it's an hour and a half.

And I want to go a little more. Yes, we can. But I want to, I want to, the thing I don't want to partner. Yeah, maybe, but I don't, this is what I don't want to miss. I don't want to miss the, the process after, after this, after the psychiatric ward, I want to talk about the period that happened after my podcast, because when you were on my podcast, can we, can we talk about what happened after the podcast? Sure, sure.

When we smoked weed. Okay, yeah. Remember? I do. So we smoked marijuana and you like started having a little bit of a breakdown again, and your psychologist had to come over to my house and had to sit in my office with you and like have a therapy session with you. So you were in a, you were in a, you were still in a very dark place there.

And I want to, I want to hear about the, when you, when you started feeling, when you started feeling okay again, or when you felt yourself really coming back. Um, let's look at my phone while you did that. No, I'm kidding. Thank you. We can edit that part out, right? Okay. Edit what part out?

When I just said, I was looking at my phone and it's not thing. Okay. That's not edible. Okay. We can edit it. I'll edit that out. But if you know, I trust you, I trust you. He's going to write it down.

You don't have to edit it out. Come on. You know what you're doing. I trust you like, I trust you like the editors on my, on my TV. People that nobody, listen, look, nobody, nobody cares about those kinds of things. Good. Thank you for, and I trust you and I believe you and I feel you. So you, tell me about when you, tell me about when you started feeling,

feeling yourself coming back. All right. I'll get, I'm going to give you the condensed version here from me, hospital to wherever. Okay. Okay. You're in the hospital and they basically say, Hey, you're on bipolar. You're, you're, you're bipolar. And the med you were taking, Lexa pro probably helped trigger that.

That was a part of one of the triggers. Now we've got you on these meds that will number one stabilize you. And the doctor told me, he said, hopefully within a year, you'll be off meds. That's what I heard. So I always had that in the back of my mind that I, these were not going to be a permanent part of my life. And this was, that conversation happened maybe one or two weeks once I was out. Okay.

So I get out of the hospital and I'm on the highest dosage possible that you could have for Sarac will, which is a, uh, it's a anti psychotic. It's a sleep pill. It's street, there's street value on it. People take it to fall to sleep 20, 50, 75. I was on 800 the most. Wow. Then they have depacote, which is like lithium, but less side effects, more, um,

I don't know about less, but more updated version of that. I was on 1500 milligrams. That's, that's the highest dose. I was on 800 milligrams of Sarac will 1500 milligrams of depacote. I could drive. I was sleeping 14 hours. My lay, I felt like my body was cement. Oh, some people like that.

It was hard to wake up. I was okay. And I, I, I didn't want to exercise at this point. Nevermind me coming back home and having to move. I got, I didn't get evicted from my apartment, but I was asked to leave after what happened. So I had to move once I was out of the hospital. I'm on these meds. Yes.

These two beds. Oh God. And I had to move. And I had help. Zach helped me. Oh God. That is so crazy, man. That is so intense.

Oh, where, wait, where did you move to? Well, I was a bit, that was a big mistake. I, you know, I had to move. I didn't get evicted, but she goes, you have, you have to go after what happened. All the police coming and all this, this craziness. So we move the stuff into storage. And at that point I start staying with a couple of friends. I actually, I went, stayed with my mom for like five days in the desert.

Then I drove out to Arizona and I spent eight days out there. And at that point I was on those meds sleeping a lot, but once I get up, I was okay. And I was chill, mellow, not a zombie, but very chill, very mellow. I think the first week I did try to smoke pot on these, at that dosage of medication, and it really made me paranoid and scary. I had like a panic attack, like I was having a heart attack. Honestly, I'm going to be honest with you. The first night I got out of the hospital, I was home, left alone.

And I did have a friend come over later. I, you know, the first night I was alone. Wow. And I, I was alone. I, I, I smoked pot because I hadn't smoked for, say, you know, 17, 18 days, 17 days. I take a hit and I, my heart started racing. I felt, I, I, I, I, I don't want to freak people out, but I felt like hurting myself, like keep, keep a firearm away from me.

You felt like killing yourself. Not killing myself, but I felt like I could. Well, I mean, you are lonely. Think about it. 17 days in a mental hospital. 17 days, 17 days, almost a, more than half a month. But I got visited. I, I, I, my friends came by.

It's just, you, you, being alone that first night, that's, that's. Well, that was, and there's nobody to blame. There's nobody to blame. And somebody does claim that they did spend time with me. I just know that moment. Nobody was there. Yes. I had time.

I said, I'm going to smoke pot and it was the first time and it freaked me out. And my heart was racing and I flashed back to all those tweets that I made. I had time to look at them. I couldn't believe what I said. I deleted, there's one about a gun. That's the one that got everything going when you mentioned gun, even though I didn't have one and I never thought of using one. But when I came back on these meds and I also smoked pot,

it kind of triggered scariness and things going through my head. Don't, don't touch a gun. Don't, it was like a gun thing almost. Yes. Not to hurt people, but to hurt me. Yeah. And I said, you know what? I can't smoke pot.

I knew right then and there, no pot. So once that died down, I mean, it was freaking scary. My heart was beating. It was a whatever. I thought it was going to have a heart attack and heart disease runs in my family. And that's one reason why I don't want stress. It's in my family.

You know, so part of the show, luckily, and part of me talking about all this relieve stress because you got to have your health. I know, I know people talk about it, but you have to be around. So I had that moment happen and I said, I am not smoking pot at all. I know not to. And I was on the Sarac will and I had to find a place to stay and depacote highest dosages feeling pretty good

other than just lethargic and, you know, skinny. I started walking a little bit. I actually found a place. I was staying at friends house and then I had, I stayed at like a crappy motel on Sunset Boulevard. Then I stayed one night at a nice place, but I didn't want to ask for money. I had a credit card and I owed.

I know that I owed a lot of money. Thank God I insurance, but I owe. There's a big bill which I think Zach helped paid for. And then I had a big bill to continue this therapy that I had to stay with this doctor, which is like 500 bucks an hour. So I have that that I'm dealing with. And I got out of it basically walking flat ground from like my,

I found an apartment. I said, I'm going to try and live in Hollywood. I'm going to try. I always kind of wanted to see what it was like living over the hill, maybe living on the west side. Give it a shot. I wanted that. I had to move now.

And I said, I got to get a studio or one bedroom. And I looked around brutal and I found one in a couple of comedian friends lived in the building. I moved there on these meds. And I just stopped doing everything I was doing up to that point, which was taking vitamins, being healthy. I was trying my best. I just was not myself.

I couldn't exercise. I didn't want to exercise. I was showering. I was doing that sort of thing. But the meds were just mellowed me out. But you know, my comedy, the first few times it was hard. I did like three or five minutes at the comedy store, the laugh factory.

Then I started feeling a little bit better. And my comedy actually was okay. I was feeling like crap. My comedy was okay. And the comedians were there for me to feel better. And then I just to make the, I'm going to speed up the story. I eventually adjusted the meds through the help of the doctor. He had to go down, try a different one.

And it gave me a little more energy, less zombiness. And I was able to kind of still stay cool, but I wasn't a zombie. Right. But something wasn't right. I didn't feel good. And beyond, I would perform at night and I would cry during the day. Like this is not going to get better. There's dark thoughts.

I'm not the same guy. And then I began not taking care of myself, meaning like the shaving and the showering and hiking Runyon Canyon and then coming home and just lying on my air mattress and not washing the sheets. Not my, my diet consisted of apples and bananas from, you know, seven, 11, five hour energy shot to try and stay awake. And I just didn't think it was going to get better.

And I tried different meds and I wasn't, I mean, I could get periods when I could get it going, but it was a struggle. And I just didn't feel right. And I shot that show, the HBO version, not feeling good, not feeling right. You know, when I did, you know, I did a national TV spot stand up on the show and I was not feeling good. Yeah. Not beyond having anxiety about doing well on the set, on the comedy set.

So what got me out of it was a constant, you know, I had foundation. I started developing a foundation. Comedian friends were there for me. I had to do therapy. Then once I started working a little more and warm up, getting those cobwebs off, not having people, not everybody knew about this. Oh, he had a breakdown and it didn't bother me so much, but I didn't want people knowing other than those who like in the comedy world or followed me on Twitter.

You know, I would, I started doing warm up. I worked at Rob Deirdic's Ridiculousness at a small studio in Glendale. Steve Agee got me the gig. And I remember I felt fat, bloated. This medication was just making me feel not good. And I just slowly worked out of it. And for me, it was work, the support of comedians, and then the HBO show coming out, people saying they liked it a lot.

Yes. And then it was me podcasting because I started podcasting more and I learned a lot through just talking on a podcast. I mentioned today I'm talking at a one and a half RPM, so I don't break down and talk about my mom. But I learned about how to talk on a podcast. So that helped me feel better. Then I adjusted my meds actively through my doctors, which I had to continue taking.

Hollywood made me do it. And then I moved back to the Valley. I brought in more positivity, more structure. I got out of that negative energy of Hollywood that we spoke about. And I started getting things going. When I was on your podcast a year ago, I was at living in Hollywood, miserable, not feeling good, but I looked forward to doing your podcast. And I came here and we talked and it was good.

It was at your old place. And after I said, you know what? Why don't I take a hit? And I knew in about two hours, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. I had to meet with her over in Brentwood, which is way across town. And I said, and I have to do this. You have to follow up with these doctors. You're just super stoned and you got to drive to Brentwood to see your psychiatrist.

Well, real quick, I did the episode and then after, hey, you want to... And I don't blame you at all. I knew Sarah Quill was messing me up. At that point, I was on meds, but I was at a smaller dosage a little bit. I mean, a little bit, but still... I think I was pretty hot. Yeah, that is something I think back to and think, man, you shouldn't have smoked weed. I shouldn't have.

I know me. I think I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have made it available to you. Maybe don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty about that. I asked. I said, let's do it. But it was irresponsible of me and I feel bad about that.

It's something I'm not... It really did teach me a big lesson. And then all of a sudden, your psychologist is in my office with you and I just felt terrible. It wasn't your fault. I couldn't drive and I had to go to see my doctor and I couldn't drive. I knew it. Again, I did pot a couple times. Not only in my house, I did it one or two times at the comedy store.

And I was like a zombie and I felt like, oh, these comedians must think Brody's on drugs and out of it with this guy. But I really was messed up and I was saying like, oh, maybe pot will do this. And it didn't. And I knew to stay away and comedians respected that. You didn't know. I brought it up like, all right, let me try. I'm feeling we had a nice podcast.

So I do that and I just, I knew I'm too messed up. There's no way I'm going to make it to my doctor's place. And I had to call her and let her know. Like I couldn't just cancel and I was high and I called her and I said, I like messed up. I can't, I'm sorry. I can't be there. Can we do it over the phone? And it wasn't good.

And she can be tough at times. This psychiatrist, which I go to essentially just to check up on my meds. And then, so I felt bad about that. That added stress. And then I was just freaking out, you know, not nauseous. But then I called Dr. Tabori, who's been a trooper checking in on me every day, especially when I was in Hollywood, structured, doing this, getting out of the house, walking. So I called her and she came out to.

This is the lab factory psychologist. Yeah. She came out to your apartment, I mean, your house and basically just like talk me down. And I kind of revealed some things to her and I let her know as being honest. And I was out of it. You know, I'm tying in meds, this pot. And I said, Duncan, I'm just, I got to stay here. Yes.

And I slept at your house. I slept like 12 hours or something in your bed. You left, you did a show. I think you had something, a concert to go to that you went to. I don't remember. I do. And you went and I just stayed in your bed. I just slept and then slept all the way through the morning.

And I'm always going to, and I'm not going to break down in tears. Very grateful for that. And then then, and you said, Brody, you could stay here as long as you want. I just got to go on a show in three days, wherever with Joe Rogan out of town, something like that. And you drove me, we got some food, breakfast. You like took care of me almost for like 24 hours. And before that, you know, I would call you occasionally like a couple,

three years ago just to talk about stuff. And, you know, we didn't do it all the time, but there's a few times. And I really, you know, you, just like you did today and what you do, I'm sure on your other podcast, you really have a good calming spiritual wisdom. And you're a good guy. So I felt like I called you and I felt very comfortable staying in your bed. You did take care of me. It wasn't fake or phony.

And I didn't know you felt bad about the pot, but maybe you mentioned that, but I was out of it. Well, I just, you know, I felt it wasn't your fault at all. Please don't take blame. I don't, you know, thank you. I don't feel bad. All of these things, you know, what's really beautiful about all these things is, is like scary is they seem or as terrible as they seem.

They're all just opportunities to either express love or to receive love. And in that way, it's, that's, it's, it's a very beautiful thing, you know? And I think that's, you know, when I, when my mom died and when I got cancer, it was amazing how just out of the blue, man, everyone just started calling me and emailing me and like loving me and like people I barely had even talked to or sending me emails and like, Did you want a card? Did I want to get a card?

Is that better to physically write a card? You'll accept an email. I'm, I'm sorry. Anything, it was just the gestures of kindness. That suddenly when, when you really get down and you really need help and the immune system of the universe suddenly starts coming to you to heal you, it is, it is breathtaking how much love is out there around you that you just don't see all the time.

Because unfortunately people feel like they need to wait until there's a really a big disaster, a catastrophe that happens to express that level of love. But when it happens and you realize like, Oh my God, I'm surrounded by love all the time. It's a really beautiful feeling. Yeah, it is. And I'll tell you what, I've been lucky that within two years I've had both ends of that. I had, you know, when I was having my issues and coming back, podcasting,

doing shows, the podcasting with Red Band and Death Squad and my own podcast, I felt like I'm just going to double down and talk and let people know and interview and not be, oh, screaming Brody. Because early on when I did podcasts, I'd yell and this and those are maybe early signs. You can see like, this guy may not all be there because he's not thinking professionally. He's doing that. But again, sometimes, you know, Jeff Ross, he told me you got to crack some eggs to make an omelet and maybe I was cracking the eggs and getting the negative feedback.

And it just, it calmed me down to talk. So I got that. And then I started doing my own podcast, interviewing, relaxed, felt good talk, gave me confidence, emails coming back. And again, I'm a mood stabilizer. So I'm kind of drifting here. What was the initial question? It's fine.

Well, now we're talking. Oh, got it. Okay. Time out. Yes. Sorry to cut you off, but you triggered that. Fine. Your voice, your tone, your pitch triggered that.

So I got, yeah, I got tons of support. The comedians were there for me. My friends were there for me. The people making the show with the HBO were there for me. They never pressured me. But getting back on my feet, it was just, it was slow. It was a build up and like one show led to the other, the confidence, the adjusting of the meds, going back home.

Again, the young comedians reach, I hate to harp on that or going to coffee, being and talking to comedians every day, just kind of getting on that schedule, getting out of the apartment. And it sucked. I mean, just doing that, I still cried every day. I would call my mom and I have guilt over that. My mom doesn't like me to see me worry. I would cry basically every day thinking that this is not going to get better.

I'm on these meds forever. Am I crazy? You know, I don't like this. It doesn't feel right. I mean, I took a whole year off from going to baseball games. I'm afraid to travel. I'm not washing clothes. You know, not taking care of myself.

I knew. And then I would just talk to people like I talked to one of my friends' mothers and she says, you got to be an advocate for yourself. Yes. Yes, that's beautiful. That's a great way to put it. And I, again, I got out of that with the help of friends getting out of the valley, physically and mentally and Dr. Tabore.

And I got back to the valley and I just kind of adjusted my meds and just started being positive. And, you know, that's where the positivity came out. I just wanted to be positive. And I brought up the positivity because I came out like such a jerk on these early podcasts. So I said, I'm going to be known as the positive energy guy. Yes. You know, so I worked that in and then other things kicked in. And it was that sort of deal.

And right now, we'll just fast forward to now today. Yes. Yes, it feels good to have the billboard. Yes, it feels good to get positive feedback on Twitter. Yes, it feels bad to get a few hate tweets, but that comes with the territory. Do I want to be on Twitter the rest of my life? No. Do I want to put up tons of Instagram videos and photos?

No, here and there, yeah. Do I want to answer emails? Yeah, maybe. But honestly, I kind of just want to like continue to do stand up. I want to hang out with baseball teams, Major League Baseball. I want to go on some concerts, you know, travel around with the band, maybe open up for a band. Yeah. Play drums.

And then eventually, you know, hopefully like maybe find a partner, girl, and have a child. And, you know, that's why I want to stay healthy. I do would like to have that. I don't think I can handle that now. There's things that I think about that I can't handle. You know, my mother's older. She's 82. She fell.

You know, it's a tough one for me. Yes. And that's life, but everybody handles it different. Maybe somebody's married and they have kids and they have structure and their mom dies or their dad dies. And they have that and they can, you know, they're going to grieve differently. I don't want to feel like my grief is different or harder or more difficult. And I'm not mourning the living, but you see that. You see your mother getting older when she falls and she hurts her hip.

And you see her just not being what she used to be. For me personally, it's hard. And then for it to be happening right now in the middle of this introduction of America to me. Yes. You know, yeah. So I'm not out of the woods yet. I appreciate the billboard. I appreciate the positive tweets and the emails and I enjoy podcasting.

But I have six more episodes that are airing. I've released and I'm okay with these first six episodes. I saw the first six. They aired. I'm all right with it. Breathe. You know, it's relaxing. You know, now there's six more episodes and maybe one more little bonus thing.

I don't know. They want to shoot six more. No, we've done them. They're locked and loaded. They air episode seven and eight will be airing. This podcast is going to air this week. This Thursday. Okay.

This Thursday. So on Friday, Saturday, Sunday night, at midnight, that's what it says. Some people find it earlier. But midnight, you're going to see episode seven and eight on Comedy Central. They've been playing them back to back. I think it's on, luckily, after Tosh. She's got big numbers. Yes.

And it's going to cover some of the things we talk about here. My fear and its anxiety and I've controlled stress. Believe me, I fought on this thing. I wasn't pleasant to be around. I brought negative energy at times. I was wrong. How I handled things. But I also feel I was justified with things.

I trust my instincts. There could have been better communication and parameters. And I've mentioned this on another podcast. Zach has nothing to do with this. I have nothing but positives and thumbs up. Same thing with Comedy Central. Same thing with Funny or Die. After that, yeah, we had some breakdowns of communication and structure because that's

kind of what I'm about. You are doing a story on a guy who may not be stable and things affect him differently. And he has an OCD away of looking at things. And they did their best to accommodate that. And it wasn't a great experience, necessarily, the editing. Producing and editing for TV, it can be brutal, man. I think that's the problem. I know it's normal.

I mean, again, I'm cutting you off. I don't want to cut you off. It's normal. I'll give you an example. I had a conversation with Nick Kroll. And I'm on the Nick Kroll show. I'll be on a couple of the episodes. Nick has been very supportive.

Nice guy, great energy, gets it. And I talked to him about this. And he goes, it's completely normal. I don't like the way I look on camera. It's normal. Everybody will say that. Johnny Dent doesn't watch his movies or the premiere. And I'm sure there's others like that.

Yeah. So my thing is, this is my introduction to America. This is my name. This is, quote, unquote, my life. It's very personal issues. And that being said, I feel there's extra, you know, it's not the same of having your name on a show. I'm not comparing myself to Nick Kroll,

but anybody who has or doesn't have their name, it's a me. You know, I'm not, it's not like Brody presents sketches. Oh yeah. No, I know exactly what you mean, man. It's like, so if you get rejected in that way, then you feel like they're rejecting you, as opposed to if you're playing a character on a sitcom.

It's just like, well, they didn't like the sitcom. There were other writers. So you've, the burden that you're creating here is one where if you get, if for some reason, the feedback you get isn't good, but it seems like you're getting great feedback. It's been 93% positive. But I see it and I'm, again, we're going back to everything we talked about before and I won't rehash that.

Those elements come into play as how I look at this and how I, you know, taken the positive energy from others. But technically in closing, again, where I am right now, I don't know how I'm going to feel about episode seven and eight. I don't know how I'm going to feel about episode nine and 10. I don't know how I'm going to feel about 11 and 12. I have anxiety. My feelings are, wow, you know, you are giving up material,

yourself, footage to editors and producers that kind of put their, they're, I'm not, You've got to surrender Brody. You got to let go. Well, yeah, and I've done my best at letting go and it has caused friction. It has left emotional scars on me and I'm sure it's left it on some other guys and that's not healthy. That stress, that's heart.

That's what my father went through, my uncles and I can't have that happen. So my feeling is I just want to get through these next six episodes and have them stay in the pocket and just be consistent to what I've done so far because episode one through six, I'm happy. I'll take that. If they said today, Brody, you're done. The ratings were terrible. It's over.

I'd walk away fine. Happy. I got a billboard. I did a show. People like it and I'll enjoy the ride. But I still have these six more episodes and I don't know. And it's hard for me and I've watched some of them, but you never know. And again, maybe I'm making it too big.

Well, look where you are. Maybe I'm too small. Right now. Let's celebrate the noun. Yes. I'm saying yes, but that's not how I'm wired. I know. None of us are.

I know. But here in closing, to let you know, Duncan, that I'm going to be okay. I know you're okay. And I feel that come January 5th, they're going to air 7 and 8 on Sunday. Then they're going to air 9 and 10 the following Sunday. And then 11 and 12 on January 5th, which is a Sunday. Once those are over and done with, I'll say like a day or two after that, whatever happens. Because there's some strange stuff.

There's some goofy stuff. There's some stuff that I feel maybe puts me in a weird light. But I felt that way about some of these episodes ahead of time, one through six. And they turned out okay. They did a great job of weaving the story and then tying it into the original HBO footage. This is a clean palette, clean slate, new stuff, we're kind of breaking out of it. But I feel, you know, are we going to stay in the tone? Is it funny?

Is it real? Do I look a certain way? You know, these thoughts are going through my head. Because I did evolve. This is not, this is Brody actually after doing Conan. Brody, after having the HBO show go out and have people say, hey, you did a great job. This is after me, you know, when I was shooting this, I was feeling good. I was up.

I was Brody, positive energy. I had certain friends around me during the shooting. And I would constantly check in. And I would say to the director and those around me, I don't want to come off too happy because I am feeling good. You know, I'm not stressed about this. This is fun. We're shooting everything I put up on the board.

We're doing it. We're getting the angles. You know, that felt good. And then the edit, I backed off and I know let the editors edit. And I saw the stuff, rough cuts kind of freaked me out. Didn't like, didn't feel like that was what I saw happen, not in my head. So I had to constantly, I stay on these guys, get my vision. And that's where I clashed a little bit with, say, producers.

Part of the process, man. You got to clash. That's just the way it works. I know. But here's my feeling. I don't want to clash anymore. I feel like, and that's where, in closing, that's where, and I'm not saying, it's not the end all.

It's not the be all. This is not my masterpiece. I can't, I can't predict the future, but I can predict one thing. I will hopefully, after these, and I don't want to rest my life on television episodes. But that's where I am right now as a professional and how focused I am on comedy, performance, and that, you know, tightness. All through everything I've done in comedy. And I allow myself to get loose and be off base.

And sometimes that throws people off. But that's kind of me. Yeah. So let me get through these. I'm asking you, episode seven through 12. Yes. Keep it in the same ballpark. And I feel, from that point on, I don't want to have arguments with anybody.

I don't want to have to fight for comedy. You want to fight for comedy? Thank you. I have, I did a show and hopefully it's successful. I don't know. I don't want to argue with you. See ya. You know, I'm not, I'm going to

divorce myself from those situations. If I was to do another television show and I can't say I'm going to, I don't know if I'll have that chance. I mean, I could go on YouTube and make something up if I'm driven like that. And I don't know if I am. So, but that show, it's positive. It's, it's happy. It's Brody.

Bring them down a notch. It's Brody. Interview Duncan. It's Brody talking. My mom's funny. So having her on. But I don't want arguments. Number one, not heated, red level, heart racing, stressful arguments.

Not helpful. You got to pull yourself into the moment, Brody. You're a way out in the future. And the more you stay out there, the more you're going to have arguments. But okay, all that aside before, just let's just wrap up with one thing. Because I know you won't accept how awesome a person you are,

because you're afraid to or you, I don't know why we all can. It's hard to do. But you are a fucking amazing human, man. You're an artist. I feel so proud to know you as a friend. I think you're such a cool person. I beat eczema. I beat acid reflux.

But I wasn't solid for two years straight from stress. Brody, family. Listen, right now, there's legions of Brody's out there right now listening to this. People prior to getting the Sandy Shore comedy lessons. People prior to realizing even what they want to do. People working. Maybe there's someone with earbuds net right now listening to this, selling China at Nordstrom's.

Tell them, give them some inspiration. What can they do? Give them some courage. Give them like a locker room talk before the big game. Okay, I'll give you a little talk. And I mean, what I feel, maybe I've done this already. I would say to aspiring performers or comedians, it's not about being on TV.

This is how I did it. You may be that one in a million guy who goes, I see myself performing in auditoriums, theaters, Madison Square Garden. Maybe that drives you. Maybe you want your own sitcom. You want to be the next Steve Martin. You can go ahead and do that. I'm not going to stop you.

My philosophy, and I come from a John Wooden, San Fernando Valley, Consistent Wisdom, Pre-Internet, Division I baseball, structured reality of staying consistent, putting your time in, 10,000 hours, stage time, jokes, be nice, tape your sets. I'm talking comedically, stand up because I get those questions. So stage time, jokes, be patient, let your persona and your voice develop and come out and experience things, live in different cities, travel, put yourself out of the comfort zone, learn to speak in public. I sold t-shirts for the Seattle SuperSonics.

I couldn't have done that in high school. I was embarrassed. I got a C plus in public speaking at Arizona State. There's so many things there. Give us one thing. Focus it, ground it. Give us one thing. What's the step that we can all take after this podcast in our lives today,

right now? What's the step? I would say the step is, honestly, believe in yourself. Find the goodness in others. Don't focus on their 30% jerkness. Find the 70%. Find the positive out of somebody. Don't hate.

I know it sounds simple. Don't compare. Be the best you can be. I know these sounds. I mean, I'm not reinventing the wheel here. Why would you? I'm only, I'm growing though with the, I'm getting it, but I'm not, you're not looking at a guy, by the way, and I hate to go back to negative.

You asked for one button. I'm not a guy who has a million followers on Twitter. I don't have a YouTube subscription channel. I see those things and I go, you know, that's got to play with your head. And it's got to play with a guy's head who also has a million followers on Twitter and goes, Hey, I'm not on Comedy Central. So it's kind of weird, but in closing, I want to get through this period, January 5th.

And I'm not to say, I'm not going to say there's going to be stressful moments coming up, but creatively and professionally, I'm going to divorce myself from those situations because my health matters. And if I'm going to do something comedy, it's going to be fun. It's going to be my guys and we'll push it, but it ain't going to be unhealthy. And that's the main thing, your health. Because if you're gone, what good are you? Right.

You know, your energy may be left on these podcasts, maybe memories, maybe this 3D thing. But when you walk in the room or I drive into the comedy store, that's real palatable energy. And so that's why we need to be healthy as a physical being to bring that. I can't speak for what happens when we're gone, maybe we're in somebody's head and they're going to remember your thoughts and what I say. Who knows?

I don't know. Doesn't matter. But in the meantime, we're helping people. Right now, all that matters is embracing yourself and finding a way to be healthy emotionally and physically. And I think you're a great example of somebody who trusts themselves and who is, what we all are getting to enjoy watching is your life like flowering after such hard work. And that is an America that we love that, man.

It's the most beautiful thing to see. I do get that and I appreciate it and I want to quote unquote enjoy it in the process. And I am struggling with that. I'm going to be honest. But it's normal. But I'm just being honest, how my mind works and I'm big on dates. I'm big on closure. I'm big on somewhat evenness.

But I could be talked out of it. You could say, hey, Brody, you know what? Here's, go to Hawaii. Forget about the show. Don't even tweet about the show. I'll tweet about the show for you. I don't want you to go to Hawaii. But you know what I'm saying?

I think that I want us and everyone to be in the moment more. And I think the spiritual practice is your mind is always going to bring you out of the moment. And you always, if you can, pull yourself back in. And that pendulum from going into the future and going into the moment, recognize that that's normal. That's what everyone does. But just start pulling yourself back into the moment, right here. But it's hard, Duncan, when you are on television.

When it's recorded. People are watching. I mean, it's not that people are watching. It's hard when you're in the moment. It's hard to be in the moment when that moment happened three months ago. Or that moment was a moment that you would never, ever be involved in unless you were put into that situation due to making a show. And I'm not saying it isn't reality.

I had to go to Boston. I had to go to Miami. We did take cameras. These cameras didn't dictate it. This is the way you can really, really love yourself is by like right now, like right here, here, like in this moment, recording the podcast, just be here and like look at your breath, you know, like follow your breath.

And Duncan, I like, like I said, I am 100% on board with basically everything you say. I did nitpick and kind of clarify and shift a little bit. That's my mind. I am getting a little hungry. And I can talk like this. I can bring it to this level. But I, but for the sake of this pot and I knew I could get emotional with you.

I cried in your house. I was broken down. I mean, there was a chance. I was going to go back to the hospital right there. She goes, do you want me to take you to the hospital? Yeah. So for me to come back and be with you a year later. And you're so much better.

Well, I feel better and to come back here. And then if I was to talk about my mom being in the moment, it's difficult for me. I'm adjusting to it. So I have to steep it. That grief. At this. That thing that you're amped just a little.

I understand. Listen, nobody's asking anyone to go too fast with this kind of thing. Because you want to slowly do it. But listen, man, you know, my mom died less than a year ago. She did? Yeah. And I still, I know that there is a huge core of grief and sadness that I have to deal with.

Like, I have to deal with it. And that's why I do this stuff. This is why I go to meditation retreats. And this is why I try to work on myself. And this is why, like, when I meditate and when I really slow down and I go into my heart and I feel what's there, I'm scared because it's such, there's sadness there and it makes me cry. And that, that is what many people try to avoid.

Because they don't understand that on the other side of that is something a million times better than being on TV or getting the great job or all your dreams coming true or finding the right lover or any of that stuff. On the other side of that foggy wall of grief and sadness is true happiness. On the other side of that is love. And you, but to get to it, you got to go through the dark forest and all the mythologies and fairy tales and everything. It's like, you got to go through Mordor.

You got to go through that black, thick, gnarly place filled with monsters and beasts. Because on the other side of that man, that waiting for you on the other side of that is just love and embrace and finally finding peace. But it's to get there as a process. It's a process and, you know, not to heart back on my dad and the selfishness and we were talking about health is like, my father was in the hospital and it's like, I didn't visit him like I should. You know, I don't want, again, I don't want to get emotional,

but there's things in my life that, you know, I wasn't with my mom when she died. And that's something that I have to deal with. You know, it's something I'm going to, I have to deal with that and I have to forgive myself for that. And I know she would forgive me for it, but I have to look into it and be with it. It's hard. It's, it is a life's work.

It's hard. And as a performer, you know, the show must go on and it is therapeutic. And I remember the night my dad died. It was hard. Yeah. Yeah. And that feeling that you start getting when you go into that place and you just let yourself go there for a second,

you can feel it right in your heart. And that right there, that feeling, that's the game is always moving from your head down into your heart. And even though it feels like touching an electric fence when you do it and you want to pull your hand away and go back into your head where it's safe and numb and you don't have to deal with it, that's fine. But just know that over time, you start going back down there. Start going back down there.

And whenever you can, and the more you do it, the more, the more you're going to, you're going to start opening up and really feeling and really feeling. And have that release and not have it be a pill and not have it be, not to say I'm going off my meds, not to have that. So I know, I have feelings about how I was with my father. I felt, you've heard other comedians say when their parent has passed away, it kind of opened them up a little bit.

Like I can say things that my father's not going to judge me about. I'm going to go for it. It's not like I was saying F you dad. It was like saying, see, I can do that. And I do remember you and it's not the negative stuff. And I feel if my dad was around, I'd probably butt heads with them. He'd probably say, do this, do that. Why are you doing that?

And I think it, again, I don't want to think hypotheticals. And but what I do is I've taken that, you know, not lack or like that lack of empathy that I had towards my father, because I knew he was in pain, heart problems, money problems, me not being reciprocal in my love, I think. And so I put that into my mom and it's not phony. It's not for show. I actually love being around my mom.

She can be, she can be, makes me worry and stresses me out unnecessarily. And then she yells at me and she goes, you know, I'm 82. I've been through a lot. You know, you know what? You got to give your parents a break, but they can stress you out. Again, very normal. And I'm dealing with it.

She's getting better. She's happy. She's funny. And I think, you know, again, moving forward, if I was to do something else, wherever it may be, if it's, you know, televised, I like to have my mom on, you know, she's funny. She doesn't like being on TV.

But she does. Same thing with my sister. And it's helped bring my sister together. So it's all been, it had the experience, the editing, the communication. There's a lot of stuff that, that eat at me and will physically and spiritually eat at you, but I'm learning from it. And I, and I, and I do appreciate everything and everyone's positive support.

Well, I love you and we love you. Congratulations on your show. Everybody watch Brody Stevens. Enjoy it. You got it. On Comedy Central. Tell me again when it's Sunday. It's Sunday nights.

They say it midnight. It could be, or sometimes they sneak it out, but think midnight. Follow Brody on, follow Brody on Twitter. If you want, I could tweet a lot and some people. No, it's so hilarious. Okay. Brody is my friend. And on Instagram, it's Brody is my friend. And then I'm doing a live show and I think we'll reciprocate.

If it keeps going, I'm doing a live show every Tuesday at noon on the Jash VPN network. Beautiful. It's positive push with Brody. And that's all about positivity. Yes. We don't get into, it's not a deep show. Not, and then we get deep here. We get real.

It's heart to heart. This show that I do on the Jash network is more upbeat, positive, lifestyle, that sort of thing. Lifestyle. And then my podcast festival of friendship that I have on the Farrell Auto Network, that's just me right here talking, taking phone calls, being in the moment. A lot of it's just me. So friends, I'm out there. Let Brody into your heart.

You need him in your life. I'm not perfect. But he's so funny. The funniest person ever. And I'll listen to you if you say I'm being too loud. I'll listen. And he's the best. He's, and he'll listen to you if you say you're not being too loud.

Okay, I'll bring it down a notch. I'll bring it down a notch. Mark, my Russian neighbor thinks I'm too loud, but the walls are thin. Thank you, Brody. Thank you, Duncan. Thanks for listening, everybody. That was Brody Stevens. Be sure to watch and enjoy it on Comedy Central on Sundays.

Follow Brody on Twitter. And give us a good rating on iTunes if you enjoy the show. Happy holidays. Bye. Now you can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Town's Dirty Angel Out Now. New album and tour date coming this summer.