Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Date: November 4, 2014

Christina Pazsitzky (thats deep bro, your mom's house) enlightens us! Also I report on my experience at a quarantine camp for the latest disease ravaging planet earth: SHAKE IT OFF.

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Hello my dear sweet, sentient bubbles of meat floating down the time-space continuum. It is I, Duncan Trussell, the Skrillex of podcasting and you are listening to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour

podcast, welcome. We've got a wonderful podcast for you, but before we get going I wanna talk a little bit about some experiences I had over the weekend. This weekend I volunteered at one of the quarantine clinics that is popping up where people who have been infected with the new Taylor Swift song, Shake It Off, are being observed and kept out of the general population.

The first thing I wanna say is there is no reason to stigmatize or reject these people. There's no reason to be afraid of these people. There's no reason to treat these people differently than you're treating anyone else. They can't help that they got infected with this terrible sonic parasite called Shake It Off. It's a very interesting form of parasite

because in the history of science, it's the very first time that a parasite has transformed into music. This has never happened before. Hopefully it will never happen again. Also, let me make sure that you guys understand that I'm not trying to be a fear monger here. I'm not trying to scare you guys

with what I'm about to say. It's just that I spent the weekend watching people in varying stages of this brand new disease and it was one of the most terrifying, scary things that I've ever seen in my life. And that doesn't mean you should be afraid. It just means that you need to do what you can do to protect your family and your friends and yourself

from listening to this song, which once it gets into your head, that's it. It's got a 80% chance of never leaving your consciousness according to the CDC. They say that 80% of the people who come into contact with Taylor Swift's song, Shake It Off, will spend the rest of their lives hearing the chorus of that song over and over and over again.

And these folks that I saw who are currently in quarantine, I've never seen people so desperate. I saw a man use his car keys and try to scoop his temple out. He took his keys and just started cutting into his head, right above his eye and nearly smashed through his skull. He was screaming that he would do anything to stop the song. They had to restrain him, put him into a straight jacket. It was a horrible thing to watch.

I saw someone jam a chopstick into their eyeball to try to lobotomize themselves. Another person desperately trying to stop the song, but every single doctor that I have talked to has said that there is no way that you could physically cut this song out of your head. Once you hear it, it's there forever. So all I'm saying is whatever you do,

if you go out into public, just put in earplugs. Don't go to places where there is even the slightest chance of hearing that song. If you're driving, keep your windows completely rolled up and play loud, loud music so that you can't hear anything outside of your car. This is all coming from the CDC. These are the only ways that we know right now

to keep ourselves from being infected with this song. Do not go into any public mall. Do not get around teenagers. Do not get around high schools. Do not get around anyone who has ever told you that they like Taylor Swift or they enjoy her music. They're doing studies on Taylor Swift fans and they've actually found that these people have embedded

into their neocortex a very small, mollusk-like creature. It looks like a coiled up elf penis. It's got tiny barbs that inject this neurotoxin into the human brain and it somehow creates the acceptance of Taylor Swift's music and it allows people to like it. It's been compared to the toxoplasmosis virus

which as many of you know when a mouse inhales the toxoplasmosis virus which can be found on cat shit, then the mouse is no longer afraid of cats which creates a kind of evolutionary advantage for the cat. In the same way, many people who have come into contact with the vomit and diarrhea of teenagers at Six Flags have inhaled this terrible parasite

and it is embedded into their brain and makes them into Taylor Swift fans. You guys can find all this stuff on the CDC's website. I'm only talking about it because I spent an entire weekend watching people desperately trying to rip their own ears off, begging to be shot. I saw a man throw himself in front of a bus. I saw three suicides, five attempted suicides,

and countless cases of self-mutilation as an entire clinic filled with people who can't get the Taylor Swift song shake it off out of their head, did everything they could to either end their lives or to knock themselves out or to make themselves go deaf. If you've been infected immediately report to one of the nearest quarantine clinics,

there is nothing that you can do by yourself. Go seek help. They will sedate you, they will restrain you, and hopefully over the next few months we will discover a way to erase the song from the minds of those people who have come into contact with it. Again, if you're gonna go into public,

wear earplugs, you can wear a full helmet filled with toilet paper, and in the extreme cases, if you really wanna avoid being infected by the Taylor Swift song shake it off, then you can actually go to a doctor and have them remove all the bones in your inner ear. Which will make you deaf for the rest of your life, but some people are saying is preferable

to hearing that song. So be safe, stay optimistic, but be smart, avoid exposure to that song, keep America safe, keep this the best country on earth, support the troops, and do everything you can to keep things green. All right guys, we're gonna dive right into the podcast, but first some quick business.

Here's a big important announcement. We finally have restocked the store over at DuncanTrestle.com. That means we have got brand new Enneagram T-shirts designed by Ron Regi, lots of other stuff there. Go check it out, we're also getting some ladies' shirts and stocks soon, and I will make an announcement when that happens, but if you've been waiting

to get one of the Ron Regi Enneagram T-shirts, they keep selling out, they are now available at DuncanTrestle.com, and please forgive me for pulling the Christmas card, but for those of you guys who are overseas, there is a cutoff date for when you can order shirts, and I think that's November 15th, just because it takes that long

to get shirts over there to you. So if you wanna get shirts by Christmas, now is the time to order them. Oh please God, forgive me for even mentioning Christmas right now, I beg your mercy, please, oh great Lord of the Universe, it created jellyfish and sperm whales and sperm. Please, please, please forgive me for mentioning Christmas,

but if you wanna get one of these badass Christmas gifts and you live somewhere overseas, you gotta order one of these shirts now. But if you've been waiting for these shirts, go get one now, cause they always sell out, even though we try to keep them in stock. Why do they always sell out? Because Ron Regi embedded them

with deep metaphysical super potencies that make it so that whenever you wear that shirt, you radiate a force field that keeps all negative energy from entering into your consciousness and draws to you beautiful things. I've gotten letters from people who say that whenever they go out

with the Ron Regi Enneagram T-shirt, they literally have to beat puppies off. You just get sworn by cute, furry, delightful little puppies who just wanna climb on top of you. I've gotten pictures of people just covered in brown, sweet puppies. Butterflies land on you. It can be embarrassing if you're at a business meeting

and suddenly a swarm of butterflies lands on your head. It's not good if you're trying to get a high-paying corporate job if all of a sudden woodland animals start dancing around you and singing about how beautiful life is and how the only important thing that matters in this dimension is love and that this is a university where we are being taught

to open up our hearts and to abandon fear. That's not gonna get you that Wall Street job that many of my listeners so desperately want. So there's a disclaimer. Don't wear the shirt if you don't want fairies to climb into your window in the evening and serenade you as you're making love to your brand new girlfriend or boyfriend

who approached you randomly because he saw or she saw the shirt and said to you, I think you're my soulmate. Don't do it. Don't wear the shirt if you don't want people who have canal canoes to invite you on canal rides. Don't wear the shirt if you don't want the moon to wink at you or you're not interested in being abducted by aliens

who rather than probing your anus will induce six-hour orgasms while injecting high-powered alien level dimethyltryptamine into your juggler vein. All these things are possible from wearing this shirt so don't get the shirt but those are the experiences you're trying to avoid. Also, thank you guys so much for everyone who's subscribing

who is bookmarking the Amazon portal. If you go to dunkintrustle.com, there is an Amazon portal that you can go through the next time you're buying anything on amazon.com and I really appreciate all of you who have been using that. That actually generates a lot of money for this podcast and it's a great way for you to support the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast

without donating what you can do to or buying a shirt. So please, if you're doing any kind of shopping, do go through our portal, bookmark it and a few things that I could recommend picking up. I'll tell you the newest thing that I bought from Amazon is this really cool card game called Dominion and I just figured out how to play it yesterday. I've played a couple of games and I'm hopelessly hooked.

It costs 24 bucks and if you're looking for a really fun game that isn't as nuanced and complex as Magic the Gathering, it's like somewhere in between Magic the Gathering and shit, I can't remember the name of this awesome board game that I played with a friend of mine. Fuck, what is it? Anyway, it's a great game. So it's called Dominion.

That's something cool that you could order through the Amazon portal. Another thing you can order and I'll keep tooting its horn even though we're not sponsored by them is a Fitbit. I know you guys have been hearing about all these fitness trackers and many of you are probably rolling your eyes at them but I lost my Fitbit.

I don't know what happened to it. I was trying to charge it and I lost it and ever since I lost it, I have not been exercising but prior to losing it, I was on one of the top health kicks of my entire life, running every day, exercising every day. I guess because we've all in our own ways been conditioned and brainwashed

into wanting to have compensation for every single thing we do that it somehow plays into that part of your brain and gives you the feeling that you're getting paid every time you go to exercise. I don't know why it works like that. It feels like some pretty adept corporate psychologist studied what makes people exercise

and figured out that somehow just knowing how little you exercise and having a daily report of that is enough motivation to get you out there. So if you're wanting something to kickstart your exercise regimen, I can't recommend a Fitbit more and you can get one by going through our Amazon portal. So won't you please do that? All right, we've got an incredible podcast for you today.

Today's guest, Christina Pajitsky is one of my favorite comics on planet Earth. We talk about that a little bit as I'm interviewing her. She's also the host of two awesome podcasts. One of them, Your Mom's House, she does with Tom Segura, another genius comedian. And the other one, that's Deep Bro, she does on her own and she actually just had me on that podcast

and we had an amazing chat. And so then I invited her to this podcast and we had another awesome chat. You can find Christina's upcoming dates by going to ChristinaComedy.com. She's also got links to all her podcasts and everything that you might need to connect with her. So now everyone, please open your third eyes

and send as many thunderbolts of love as you possibly can in the direction of today's guest, Christina Pajitsky. ["Welcome To The Dugget Trussell Family Hour"] ["Welcome, welcome to you, that you are without shame and glory to be blue. Welcome to you, welcome to the Dugget Trussell Family Hour." Christina, welcome to the Dugget Trussell Family Hour podcast. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I got to tell you, man, there have been, I've had a few comedy moments that I'm going to remember forever. And one of them was the time I saw George Carlin perform. Love him. And the other time was when I saw you perform, not even joking. Stop it.

No, I saw you and guys, she's not going to listen to the compliment, but you will. In stand-up comedy, sometimes you see a comedian who is really doing it. And when you see that, it is, as a comedian, it's amazing because it teaches you a lot. But you are so incredibly talented. And the thing that you're doing on stage is so unique where you realize it's like some people, they're taking the form

and trying to fit into it. And then some people are making the form fit who they are. They're taking the form of stand-up comedy and warping it and using it to bring this new, unique thing out. And that's what your performance was like. Oh my God, Duncan, I can't, don't start like this. I can't take this much of it at all. Well, I want to start like that.

So folks. I'm a fan of yours and I can't believe I'm here. This is like the best podcast ever. I've been listening to you and I'm like sweating. I'm so excited. What are we going to get into? Are we going to get weird? Yeah, we can get, yeah.

I mean, yes, I would like to get weird. Yeah, man. I, you know, the, here, how about we start with how fucking impossible it is to take a compliment these days? Well, yeah. Listen, I have approval issues. I know your mother was a therapist. Yes.

What kind was she? She was, well, she would call herself an eclectic therapist, which meant that she would just do whatever she wanted. She had, you know, a spiritual bent to the stuff that she was doing, but she wasn't like a Jungian or Freudian or a Rugerian or anything like that. She just would sit with people and I love them. And I think she was really good at it. But I don't know, you know, that part of her life,

I wish I'd asked her more about it or get, but you can't. You can't watch someone practicing therapy because it's confidential and private. I know, but she obviously taught you to accept yourself because you, you seem to have that part down. Accepting myself? Yes, which is part of taking a compliment, which I have a very hard time doing because I don't accept myself. So that's the point.

You know, I saw Paul Mooney was performing in the original room and he came out after his performance and I said, that was really great. And he goes, I know, wasn't it the greatest thing? Oh, wasn't it wonderful? It was just wonderful, wasn't it? And I remember the way he did it was so honest. Like he was observing himself and was pleased with whatever it happened. It's like an audience member.

Like he was not even commenting on Paul Mooney I was talking to in the hall. He was talking about whoever that Paul Mooney was on stage. So he could leave it, he could look at himself objectively is what you're saying? That's what it felt like. His love of himself did not feel corrupted. It just somehow and it also made me feel like, oh, cool. I guess I have good taste because he believes he's good too. Right. Oh, right.

You know, so it's kind of that thing where, you know, when people compliment you, you get a decision. You and I do. I mean, generally I try to defy. It's awkward. Yeah, it feels. Yeah, it's weird. Why?

Because some part of you rejects you, right? Isn't that the reason? Oh my God, what's moving around? Oh, it's that lady. Yeah. Guys, I've got somebody cleaning my house right now. Judge me for it if you want, but I don't claim very well. Can I tell you that if you got the 50 bucks to spend on that, it'll save your life.

If you're married and people complain about, oh, my husband leaves again on the floor. Why don't you just hire someone to do 50 bucks? It'll change your relationship. It'll change your life. It'll free up your time. Exactly. Love yourself. Love yourself.

And it's an incredible thing that you could do. But to get back to the idea of accepting love or accepting that affirmation from the universe, it's a very curious thing that we block that as much as possible. And that we insult ourselves so much and accept all that. But what is that? What a strange thing that is, isn't it? Yes. Well, I watched this documentary on Netflix about this performance artist.

Have you seen it? It's called Marina. Her name is Marina Abramovitz. Yes, that was that ass where she sits and looks at people. And why is that so challenging a thing to do to just sit and look at somebody and just be and just be still? But she said this really neat thing where she goes, I'm three people. She goes, I'm the person that my mother doesn't love enough.

I'm that child that didn't get the love. I am, oh, something like a product of communism, the rigidity that she grew up in, the disciplined self, and then the transcendent self as well. And she likes being the higher self the most. That's the best place to be. And I was like, yeah, man, I get that. Because my parents are from communism and my mother was a nutcase. And I go through those.

Your parents are from communism. Yeah, they grew up in Hungary. And they escaped from communism in 1969, on foot escaped. Yeah, dude. You think life is hard in America? I complain about, oh, I didn't get my ketchup for my hash browns fast enough. My parents had an orange for Christmas. Or they were eating horse meat during the Hungarian Revolution.

Just crazy stuff like that. Or so what are their thoughts on communism? Not fantastic. I think that in theory, it was a great idea and then executed. Not so fantastic. They hate it. Yeah. Really ruin people's lives.

I mean, to see your neighbors get murdered in the middle of the night for speaking out about the government, stuff like that. Not so great. Having to sing hymns to Mother Russia when you're a Hungarian kid. They forced my parents to learn Russian. Yeah, not so great. That is so crazy to think that that happens from time to time. The power manifests in that way where you actually end up in an Orwellian universe

where you can get murdered. And can I tell you, my father loves America. Like, he's loved America since he can remember. All he wanted was to drink a Coca-Cola. That was his big aspiration. And he came to America and he just fucking, he loves it. But he says stuff to me now. Like, he's like, you know what?

This is kind of how it was before the Russians. Yeah, I think he senses the surveillance is going on. You're never really off the grid. That's right. And it is getting scarier and it is pervasive. The surveillance? Yeah. The NSA, the new disclosure about there looking at everyone's mail.

They're watching everyone. You know, it is similar in one way, but in another way, it's marijuana's legal. True. People are not, they're not getting arrested for talking about stuff. And people are actively railing against the government on the mainstream media. Fox News. That's true. Fox News, it's number one topic is how fucked up Obama is.

All they do is talk about how shitty Obama is. That's their favorite thing to talk about. And nothing happens to anyone there at all. They just get rich. They just get rich and they're talking shit about the most powerful, one of the most powerful humans on earth. And they're just making tons of money. Whereas in other countries, if you do that stuff, they drag you away and arrest you.

And I'm by no means, I'm not like, it's there for America's great. I think that there's this kind of like, it's a different kind of horror, which is that instead of having this wonderful central evil figure who is like actively executing people, we get this diffusion of responsibility. Yeah, that's interesting. We're nowhere like there. It's like, who's doing, why are we even monitoring? Yeah, it's like the Panopticon.

What is that? It's kind of similar, not really. Okay, so, you know, even heard of Foucault, he wrote Discipline and Punish. I have to stop you for one second. Okay, Foucault. Yes. Here we are. So you're talking about the localization of evil.

I'm sorry, like the centralized idea of evil versus kind of now or power rather, like the exertion of power from one place opposed to the many like ubiquitous power structures kind of. Right. So Foucault had this theory. It's actually based on Jeremy Bentham, the Panopticon. In prisons, there is, the rooms are, it's like circular, right? Yes.

Okay, let's say this theory. There's a tower in the middle and then all the cells around the center tower. And the theory being that people behave because there is somebody in the tower watching you, the Panopticon. So the power structure works, whether or not somebody's actually in the tower, as long as you believe somebody is in the tower, that's how that works. But anyway, that's not the point I wanted to make. Just love that idea.

I love the Panopticon. But there's the idea in discipline and punish where we used to make public executions well, public, we would punish out in public. The theory being if you see some motherfucker get their hand cut off for stealing, it's going to deter the masses from stealing. Right. Doesn't really work. People still do shit.

So now we've taken punishment behind closed doors and we do it, quote, humanely with lethal injections. We're still murdering people. But now it's sanitized and it's all lovely. And it still doesn't fucking work. In fact, the prisons are more crowded now than ever. But execution isn't the reason we execute people not as a deterrent as much as a kind of compensation to the victims or some sort of...

That's such a crazy idea. Human sacrifice to pay for the... For the pagan thing. Yeah. Yeah. I always thought that's what it was because no one obviously execution doesn't stop people from doing crazy shit. But yeah, I always just thought it was like, oh, well, the person killed your family or killed

someone that you know. So we're going to kill them in front of you and then... You're going to feel really good about that. You're going to feel great about it. Watching someone die, someone in a pathetic situation who had a horrible life and made a stupid decision when he was super eye on PCP, you can watch him go out in a kind of moaning, drooling, frothing whimper. Right.

Because if you're going to kill... If it's an eye for an eye, if we're doing the biblical, then you should be able to kill that person, old school biblical style. Right? Like you should be in like, we'll use Dodger Stadium as an arena and then the lions are released and you get to take your rock like David and Goliath and just slingshot it or whatever you want. Well, you know, the new Texas style of execution where you use like experimental poison cocktails

that take six hours to kill somebody and leave burn marks running up their arms. Have you heard about these botched lethal injections? So the United States is... There's countries that no longer will sell the United States the lethal injection chemicals or the chemicals that go into it because they don't support execution and companies don't want to sell poison to the United States because it's like, if you live next door to a witch and you know that the witch is using things that you sell her to kill people... It's tacky too.

It's just tacky. It's tacky to be a poisoner. So we've been cut off from this chemical like someone at a bar. We've been cut off from the poisoning chemical and so we have to come up with our new ways to kill people because it's not so easy to kill. It's not as easy as you would think to kill someone with poison apparently, which is wild. I thought it was so simple. Give them cyanide and they just die.

But for whatever reason, we can't give them cyanide. You don't do gas chambers anymore. It's lethal injection, an injection of a sedative that knocks them out, then an injection of another drug that stops their heart and that's what that's supposed to be humane. But what's been happening with these new chemicals is you inject the sedative and then you inject the other drug and the poor son of a bitch will wake up. One of them woke up in the midst of it and said, this is nasty because whatever is running through him is so disgusting.

You can feel it burning in his veins. So really it's almost worse than getting eaten by a lion because a lion will bite your head and suffocate you, bite your neck so that you can't breathe and you're gone. It's pretty quick. Yeah. It's quick. I think if I would not be surprised if these people knew in advance that they were going to have to undergo five hours of boiling from chemically being burnt on the

inside or getting eaten by a lion for two minutes, I bet they'd pick the lion for sure. Yeah, that is an interesting point. I wish we could ask people. I would probably take that. I've always wanted to do this thing with my husband called your last cruise. Like if I were to find out that I was like terminally ill or about to die, like we just get a cruise ship of like whoever else is dying that week and then we just do a bunch of heroin and smoke crack and have crazy orgies and just eat all the gluten.

Only gluten, only gluten, heroin infused gluten. Yes and egg yolks like so many of them. Yeah, what a great idea. And then yeah and we party and then at the end of the week I bring out the catapult or whoever brings out the catapult and then we catapult ourselves into the ocean and then you're just getting my sharks and you die. What do you think? Love it.

It's a great idea. I mean especially if you remove the catapults or the idea that you've got to be dying to enjoy a cruise where you just eat gluten, heroin the whole time. Why can't we just do that? Why do you have to be dying? That's true. I like the idea of the best cruise where it's just orgies, gluten, heroin and no shark catapults though it's there for you.

Like if at the end of the thing you decide you want to get catapulted into the sea and devour by sharks you're totally allowed. Dude aren't those like I think gay cruises are like that which is awesome. Gay dudes just party like those guys have the best time. They sure do. Well anybody who's fought for their identity or anybody who's had to struggle it seems like they're anybody who's overcome the awful tyranny of cultural expectation always has that kind of gleeful Dionysian aspect to them where they're just like I'm just gonna have fun man.

Yeah fuck you I've earned this. You ever do that where you get where you're like you know you're feeling gloomy or dark or shitty and you get around somebody who's wrenched from the universe that right to be happy and they've fought for it and you start lamenting about whatever in front of them and it's like it's like water breaking on a rock and you can't change their mood. They're like no asshole I'm gonna have a great time. You know after this awful breakup that I had I can remember riding with Joe Rogan up to his house because he was letting me stay there because I was homeless and I was playing Elliott Smith

on the radio as we're driving up there and he's like what are you doing. He's like why are you listening. He's like don't listen. He's like this is dark. Why are you listening to this. I'm like just listen man it's beautiful. He's like no I'm not gonna listen but it was really cool what he was I mean what he was doing was very sweet and kind of the last thing you want to hear from someone when

you're super depressed and heartbroken and just trying to get all emo over Elliott Smith but it was really cool though he's like I'm not gonna let your depressed paradigm infect my universe. I'm gonna have a good life. I'm happy I'm gonna have a goddamn great life and that's how I choose to live. I'm gonna enjoy existence and no matter how much you try to infect me with your darkness whether intentionally or unintentionally fuck it. I'm just gonna enjoy my life whereas you know I don't know about you but what I do is I tune into a person's mood state and I become like that when I'm around them.

Yeah that's what okay that's what I do too because my mom was a crazy person and they say that that's what children do that had to adapt to their parents as opposed to their parents adapting to them but what you're just saying about Joe Rogan everybody's hero and who's fucking amazing yeah is that he's a transcendor he's a transcendent type of like being where he can rise above shit and I think that's what he teaches all of us and I sound like he's like he is kind of is yeah like but that is what I've learned watching him and you have that where you tune into a frequency that is not not not of what's happening in this quote-unquote real world you almost kind of have to that's kind of the essence

of being a happy person right is that you tune into the frequencies of a higher frequency we're not gonna go down here where shit's chaos we're gonna go yeah damn yeah man yeah you can do that you can do that and people don't even realize that you can do that they you know some you might be in a shit you know when you're in a shit mood yeah you're walking around in a dark awful mood and if you're if you just change the way you look at that mood state and start coming up with fun words for it recently I've been thinking of the next time you're in a really shitty mood what you can do is pretend that the mood is a demon and that you've been possessed by a demon and that there is an actual demon living inside of you it sounds really intense it's a thought

experiment yeah but what so the idea is in magic is that you're invoking entities to try to you know change the universe so in the universe inside of you as much as as much part of the universe outside of you so if you are experiencing a dark mood state it's fun to imagine that you've inadvertently summoned a demon into your into your you know whatever you want to call it your body temple and the the reason that's cool is because if it's a demon inside of you and everyone listening it's not like I literally believe in demons but if there's a demon inside of you you know you don't now you can you maybe can exercise the motherfucker where if there's just a bad mood state and you're feeling awful oh right the tendency is to like wallow in it and just stay in it and just like

you have no control like it's yeah it's the weather like your mood is the weather like your mood is the you have as little control over the mood as you do over a gloomy day and it couldn't be truth is it's the opposite of that you can invoke and tune into higher frequencies theoretically that can um sorry I'm wagging my I'm wagging my finger I agree with you you can do that you can transcend shit through music even yes that's powerful that's so crazy what let me hear myself echo do you hear are you really yeah oh it's coming through my headphones hold on a second I was like let me fix that right now yeah that's the idea that you sort of there's actually a buddhist term called noting which is n o t i n g and when you're sitting and meditating or not sitting and

meditating you begin to note the different thought patterns and feeling states that most frequently emerge into your consciousness and then he compares it to like naming like the top 10 songs that play on the radio because you know like the inevitably like a lord song will come on and then inevitably some shitty Katy Perry song will come on and these will repeat over and over again and so you start naming the different songs that your mind is playing over and over again which is you know whatever your you everyone will have some the the dog that exists in our mind will have like six toys it likes to chew on or play with and like it's you know quite often they're not great it's like why did this person say this to me at this point or I can't believe this

happened or what the fuck is wrong with me or whatever the the the story is so you start watching it and then when it comes you're like oh there it is there it is okay now I'm doing I can't believe that guy said that to me righteous indignation it should I can't control yeah so so and so cut me off and also um like shame is a huge one like to process shame for things maybe you've done or you feel or you think and then um I had this epiphany today actually where I was like I'm really ashamed of like like I fucking banged some dude in my 20s that like you look back on you're like oh my god I can't believe I left that person penetrating my vagina and do you have anybody and you're you're just like oh my god yeah so disgust I'm such a pig and then you go wait

who am I afraid of my husband knows everything I don't like besides him who's gonna give a shit about Christina Pajitzki doing x y or z like who's approval am I so afraid of losing you know I'm saying yes nobody gives a shit and I mean that in the most positive possible sense we're also wrapped up in our own stuff like I don't if you were Duncan trust what it tell me like I love I put my dick in Twinkies I fuck the shit out of Twinkies yeah that's awesome dude like I wouldn't even wouldn't bother you maybe you've got shame around fucking Twinkies and it's eating you alive and right yeah that's amazing when you realize you're the thing sitting in the center of the tower the prison oh right yes isn't that wild you're the one you're the one no one cares no one

cares about the guy you bang no one cares about putting you when you put your dick in a Twinkie no one cares you could say that to almost anybody and they're gonna like hey what's his dick in Twinkies right and then it's the end of the conversation that's it because even when you hear good gossip about someone you're like oh yeah Duncan fucks Twinkies great what are you guys doing tonight like it doesn't even doesn't matter no it just just drifts away into time it's gone and that's an amazing thing when you're asked oh fuck I'm the tyrant I'm the goddamn communist government shooting people behind the barn I'm the darkness I'm the one who's like constantly at war with myself and that is the demon and what a glorious thing to realize that this crazy

amalgamation of all the awful behavior patterns inserted into you by your mentally ill parents formed this being that is constantly trying to shake its fist at you force you into shame states because now you can now you have in the same way that the moment there is a tyrant now you have a tyrant to fight now you have a tyrant to transform now you have a tyrant to whatever you want to whatever kind of internal revolution you want to wage you can't wage a revolution until you identify the main root nucleus core problem so I think my brain just exploded yeah my mind just exploded man you got it how do you know all this well how do you know this oh god I you know I I don't know I love I think I get I've gotten to talk to a lot of really smart people on the

podcast who nudged me in this direction of thinking and then once you find this little breadcrumbs trail that leads you to that realization that you're the darkness in your own life it's pretty cool it's exciting when you realize that yes yes and I love I love exploring uh just getting to the truth of it all you know I I like this journey I do is painful and as confusing and awful as it is sometimes you're like oh I gotta go there because if I don't what's the fucking point what's the point you gotta do it wait can I ask you that I have written down some questions oh my god I'm supposed to be asking you questions no you trust me you're far more uh I'm so I'm love talking okay what's the meaning of life go there I don't know start off easy I don't

know that's something great I this is a great thing that I've learned to do and what I'm trying to learn to do is to say I don't know when I don't know because it's so easy to not say that and I like I ask the ramdas people stuff like that all the time and it's so nice when they're like I don't know it sucks it's great no they don't who knows I don't know and and the question itself is uh composed of so many goddamn the horrible the terms that are symbols that who knows what any of those symbols even mean anyway that it's like a really hard thing to figure out but um I don't know I don't know I look I like existing I know that I'm a big fan of existence and it's pretty great it's great sandwiches to eat and movies I watched the movie speed last

son I like doing dumb things now a lot dumb shit's my favorite stuff oh lifetime network lifetime network on apple tv man that is a glorious thing the the way they title their movies is so funny it's like they the laziest person on earth right like they go to them like well this is a movie about a teacher who in a stall molester kid in a high school and it's molestation issues so what should we call this dirty teacher they have a there's a movie on lifetime called dirty teacher of course so it's great yeah so yeah and dumb stuff is fantastic you know I that whole hierarchy of like oh i'm gonna sit and listen to classical music and read some kamu come on you could it's all beautiful it's all yeah abundance all of it it's all sides

of the same stuff right but like okay so here's one theory though meaning of life stuff okay like you know i i studied philosophy right and um i don't think there's an adequate answer to to it in philosophy meaning per se but there's have you heard of martin heidegger he's uh yes yeah recently here's what's weird about that because just on this last episode i did i was talking about martin heidegger and i had to uh tell abri i had to clarify i read one essay years ago so that i didn't seem like i knew anything about him but go on please well here's the thing is that i've read heidegger and i still don't know what the fuck he's really talking about like how much heidegger have you read well i tried getting i took a class on um existentialism right oh sorry phenomenology

and i read i was supposed to have read all of being in time but it's so dense it's like you know 500 pages so difficult and his sentences are really difficult because they're translated from german and german itself is a complicated language right there's no sound who fucking knows what they're talking about the one idea i just try to glean good ideas i can't i can't do people's whole opuses i think uh he said the meaning of being capital b is located in care meaning uh the care that we lend two things the care it the essence of like i lend my care to this cup right now and right now that is the meaning of being oh i love it right like wow kind of eastern huh yeah very eastern yeah it really is and and that connective i guess the connective tissue of care is a kind of medium

that you can transmit your whatever your specific uh what is it what's it called the uh is i'm gonna fuck up the word what's it called da something design yeah what does that mean that's another hour on your student but you're sort of like connecting through care yeah does sign is the i right but does sign is being i guess you would say yeah the the the manifest but he still never defines being you who knows what being what is that even but does sign is yes the i the the perceiver i guess you would say you can like to like you know i was i when you're doing any kind of work and especially if you're doing like construction work you're trying to build something then you realize that you're the momentum of your entire life is actually

in a kind of fractal way shaping your ability to hang a shelf or to i just hung a shelf and for the first time i pulled it off man i'm such a half man thing because i'm not good at any kind of construction and i i was like god damn it i'm gonna hang this fucking shelf and it's i'm gonna make it look good and i'm gonna do it right so to do that i had to subvert all of my um habituations and behavior patterns that usually involve i'm gonna fucking just get this over with fast fuck at the screw i'll just hammer the goddamn screw in the instructions can't totally be right i'm gonna use a dumb template just put the fucking thing up and drill it in try to get past the rules but this time like i'm gonna go very slowly and carefully through the

whole thing and bam i got a shelf on the wall and it looks fucking cool so that care thing that you're talking about it makes a lot of sense because if in the moment of drinking tea uh doing some kind of work uh you know hanging out with a person if you do apply just a modicum of care if that's what he even meant if you do apply a modicum of i care i care what's the worst thing you can say when somebody says they love you oh i don't care yeah i know in difference yeah oh wow yeah care attention you're lending yourself to be you know they use all these wacky German phrases and shit i love that caring because when you're the opposite of caring is when you're driving down the street completely numbed out trying to get home in that weird fuzzy in

between state you're not caring you're just anesthetized or something yeah but i mean is it possible to be fully present and cognizant all the time like there has to be there has to be moments where you're like i'm just gonna fucking you know you've had sets i'm sure where you're like i just got autopilot this to get through you know i've never had a bad comedy set i'm just kidding i thought i looked at you and i was like wow you're like uh i've seen you perform at all you got to blow my mind even more what no i heard some comics said that i can't remember what it was but some comic comic in an interview actually had the audacity to say that they i think it was forgive me for saying this i could be wrong i'd not positive that it was sin bad but somebody told me sin bad

in an interview said that he'd never had a bad comedy set hilarious i my favorite is steve harvey right now like i saw he was on an opera special it was an hour of like ask steve harvey anything do we really have to does anyone haven't we heard enough oh steve yeah there's a great montage somebody put together of his just disgusting weird outlook on life that all seems to rotate around the very real probability that from time to time and i'm not i'm not saying he does this i don't believe that he does it i don't know if he does it so i'm not but it it does feel like there's the potential there if you're a woman around him on the wrong day that it's not going to be a really great day for you you think yeah it seems like he's just like you know

there's like somebody called and they're like i want to watch football i want to learn more about football so i can watch it with my husband and he's like oh you don't really want to understand football that's your husband's day he needs to focus on the game because when he's at work he's gonna be around the water cooler talking about that game and he needs to know everything happens so just leave him alone it's like that anyway we don't need to ask steve harvey but to get back to the concept of caring yes the concept of uh being fully present or the concept of the weird wave form of life where sometimes you're there and sometimes you're not yeah i don't i don't know if it's capable if you're if it's possible but in a lot of different texts there is the idea

that you can truly wake up and you're not going to go back to sleep like this bro like your ultimate neem kerali baba like maharaji people say that he was an awakened being and i think he was and you know like okay somebody in a bad relationship right when you're when you get around somebody who's having a very difficult relationship or even a better example would be abused children so when you get around an abused child what you're seeing is the thumbprint of their parents on them so you could just see the impact their parents have had in the way they act or an abused dog for example you know if you a rescue dog what you're seeing you don't know what happened outside of the way that they're acting whatever the energy was they were around the most was hurting them right

so when you get around disciples of maharaji they all have the same kind of energy that they're putting out which is this sweet buoyant funny sardonic interesting energy and from that you can experience a kind of temporal echo of that guy's vibe still bouncing off of them and so that's how i feel like i know what that guy was like and he was really really funny and he was really really i'm gonna say edgy but he was very he wasn't like always embracing people in the way that looking at me he's laying down he's cold chilling yeah and you know not to throw stones but he's he's a little husky for a guru he was a big big big body because what he would you know as part of the being a guru people always wanted to feed him so he would go to all these

indian homes and people would want to give him food and he was always caught now i'm not saying that he didn't enjoy the food i'm sure he did but uh he ritualistically as a guru people will like you're just eating food and he was feeding people all the time and they ate sugary food and stuff and i wish that he back in the time when he was wandering around they understood how deadly sugar and gluten was because i think maybe he wouldn't he would have lived a little bit longer but the so i don't know what he was like exactly but i have seen his imprint on people and it's amazing it's amazing now whatever that is they all just say well when you got around him all you could do is love like when you were sitting around him or near him

you just felt love coming from him and all you could do is feel love but it wasn't always like that he'd send people away there was a i can't remember the word for it but people would come to him who'd heard about him from ramdas and he would just once he saw them like you have to you can't stay that's rad like get out of here like nah dude not you not you not yet you're not here yeah you're not on the same level not yet you gotta split man and because not everybody not everybody uh that's so funny but then that's a very loving thing to do because i wish i could do that with people at shows you know you're like clearly you got a free ticket you're not allowed in here you can't watch me before it's such an important thing to do i didn't get it bro do you

so it seems like you've been reading stuff about him or yeah well here's the the struggle is okay i got into ramdas and then i interviewed you for that's deep bro which i haven't aired yet but and i just didn't even know that dude was and i had heard about maharajit through listening to ramdas and the struggle with knowing your dude maharajit is that there's no there's no like youtube videos of him talking nope you have to like hear about him via what other people know of him stories of him is that accurate because i don't i can't find a book that he wrote there's a great video i saw of him that's on youtube uh and somebody's sitting around him oh there is a video yeah i've only seen like heard audio i'll show it to you there's only there's only but it's

a quick video it's just him sitting there in this i can't you know these are hippies i couldn't tell if it's a guy or a girl but there's a person sitting in front of him putting their head down kind of bowing to him a little bit but he keeps put he's like almost he's not slapping them but he's pushing their head up in this really sweet way where he's like no like he's not telling them no but he's like come on like the thing that you're doing he's like pushing them out of this like kind of uh what's the word affected thing that they're doing he's just kind of like come on just be here with me just be here and that's what's beautiful about him is that there isn't like a scripture based on him there's people who will tell crazy crazy stories about things that happen when they

were around them like people who swear that they saw him bring a bird back to life and that people who like saw him like he was telepathic for sure like he could yes i've heard stories yeah he could tell you exactly what was going on with you he knew everything about you he could like when you were around him but what's so funny is when i was talking to the people from the foundation about that that aspect they were like ragu marcus the guy who was like runs the ram das's foundation was like every third person in india's telepathic that's not what that's not a big deal really really many he's like whatever tell telepathy who cares it's not a big deal it's a rudimentary thing anybody can develop you know like it is just like yeah okay but what was incredible about him was not so

much the magical things that he would do as much as when you were around him you were able to feel complete love for yourself because he knew everything about you and all the parts of yourself that you were ashamed of somehow from his complete unconditional love for you and his weird connection with the deepest darkest part of yourself that combined to let you forgive yourself and then because you could forgive yourself then when you went back out in the world you could give that love to other people and how do you write that down do i think you just did i mean i think you just i mean yeah what a great way to articulate that whole wow dude yeah it's pretty crazy it's so crazy sorry i'm like blown away by how you just said that because i've never been able to articulate

thoughts that you just did it's sweet oh yeah it's kind of the reason people love their dogs i'm i'm obsessed with my dog he's a rescue and you're right when they come to you you're like what happened to you like tom and i can't high five in the house because the dog starts going crazy barking yeah he was assaulted by high fives and then uh but um oh people love their dogs because uh dogs are complete acceptance yes they don't judge you they don't think anything of you other than like hey you're here this is great i never thought you'd come back you're the greatest thing i've ever seen yes yeah and and that is i i often think of my dog as a guru to me and i and the uh i think that they are like that and that's called unconditional positive regard where

they just like it doesn't they don't care what you just did if you just came home from a night of fucking twinkies yes your dog's gonna he's gonna love it he's gonna want to wake the twinkies off your cock yeah but he but you're you're right yeah that is that's the most potent force is that is uh like if you know the idea of turning lead into gold and alchemy which is the like that was a people still if anyone could figure out a turn some base metal some less expensive metal into a more expensive metal yeah then they would well they would completely devalue gold they want to give a fuck it would be useless but before they got devalued you'd be a very wealthy person as you were producing gold and so that was the dream and alchemy is how do we figure out how

to turn lead into gold and a lot of people say they weren't really trying to turn lead into gold because they began to understand that nothing in the material universe is of any real value what's the most important is transforming the essence of yourself into a higher state or going from a lower frequency to a higher frequency and so if human beings are considered lead then love would be the thing that transforms the human biomass into a kind of egotistical shitty swarm of locust like super advanced monkeys into something beautiful and that's why there's no more powerful ability than to love someone fully there's nothing more powerful levitating bricks or setting buildings on fire with your mind even though that's incredible it's just gonna change the material

universe and make people scared of you or worship you but if you can get around somebody and fully embrace them completely and love them and recognize everything about them and know that just in the same way your dog barks because people high five that doesn't mean that the dog sucks and you still love your dog just because somebody does shitty things around you and they are defensive around you it's because they were around who the fuck knows where they came from yes it's so hard to remember that when people act like idiots like god i don't know if you've ever been in legal problems before oh thank god no i mean i'm involved with something now where i i'm reading the letters being sent back and forth from attorney to attorney and you're just going like what

evil way of thinking what flawed can you talk about what this is i shouldn't i don't think i don't talk about it yeah it's not smart but uh it's not that i have nothing with it's just a contract it's a contract dispute that i'm having with somebody right and uh you go well i'm trying to be loving i'm trying to stay in a place of love and acceptance at the same time it's like how do like how do you accept bad shit when it does come like how do you how did you not get angry with god when you had cancer how do you not let go fuck this i'm out it's you know when you get cancer you you it's you do i mean it does like it's really intense and it rattles you but it's it's nothing compared i'm it's nothing compared to some of the other shitty things that can happen

in a person's life like cancer is like oh fuck i'm mortal and i could die and uh um somehow in that realization it's like god is like throwing cold water into your face or like giving you a chance to live because a lot of people aren't even alive so you feel resurrected by your own mortality weirdly whereas like so yeah i don't know i know i didn't get there were moments of like where i realized oh shit i could i could feel myself like sinking into terror or horror or something and and sometimes i i still get scared but no cancer doesn't do that a lot of other things will are way worse like a bad relationship worse than cancer oh yeah you think so oh yeah but you can you can extract yourself from those and sometimes it's easier to cure cancer

don't think well you've had some pretty horrific relationships then well i've i i've seen i've i've seen them and i've seen how much i'm lucky because i never got uh handcuffed genetically to somebody which can happen like you know so many i've heard of comics who on the road hook up with somebody that person gets pregnant and they have to marry them or they have to start you know what i mean like that can happen where you're deeply deeply sucked into a thing and there ain't no there's no getting out there's no getting out so that kind of the my point is that it's like that's true if you look at the in cancer you could say well there's no getting out but there is getting out because you're gonna die or if you if you're set if you have a certain certain type so with a relationship

i mean that could go on for 30 years 20 years of trying to ignore somebody if you decide not to get a divorce or you just like stick it or even worse like you don't even you pretend it's okay yeah i i agree i life is so short to do that like i say that in my act even like don't if you're with somebody that you fucking hate and you're married and even i know you have kids it's a different story i don't have kids to worry about if you don't have kids and you're married and you you just you hate that person just go just go you'll find something i promise you it'll be better and i know it's terrifying the prospect of what's what's gonna be like outside of this i don't know it's easier said than done i guess well you got it you can't be in a rush i mean you you you have to extract

yourself in the same way you got into it you can't get out of it but the but again how do you deal with that how do you deal with the you know everyone's gonna have their own personal horror story that they have to confront and i think that the advice that the ramdas people give is recognize that where you're at is perfect right it's exactly where you need to be you are in a school that is makes getting into harvard look like driving to the glendale galleria it's so difficult to get a human incarnation it's so incredibly rare to get one of these things you are in the ivy league here right of the universe you're in a kind of like godling training school where you are being given an entire universe that is teaching you uh and the way that it's

teaching you is not through great things but it's also teaching you by giving you challenges to overcome and so when you see that whatever the thing that is that you're dealing with you recognize oh it's you the guru has come i'm so fortunate because here's the guru disguised as my cancer here is the guru disguised as my lawsuit here is the guru disguised as disguised as my mentally ill mom here is the guru disguised as my depression you know whatever it is just that changing what it is from something that's an impossible situation to a initiation ritual that is being offered to you by the universe so that you could graduate and move into the next phase of your incarnation and whatever the simulation is can give you the traction you need to get through it instead of like

falling into a whimpering mass yeah because that is not the point that we're supposed to learn these lessons and like i don't like that the people often miss uh what am i looking for they don't they don't define karma properly like it's not that you're you're punished for your sins necessarily but that you're working out something right like like human incarnations you're supposed to work through is that what it is like you work through your karma you work through your bummers and you figure out here but you need to improve on to become like a being of love and light is that the point that's what they say they just say that whatever's going down is exactly what you need that you're getting this awesome simulation experience that's teaching you all this valuable

stuff and that if you approach it with that intention we're like okay okay i got it it's a class i forgot it was a class i thought it was an accident a catastrophe or some kind of ridiculous thing the simulation's a little more realistic than i might like but i'm gonna deal with it in the same way i might deal with a flight simulator or i might deal with any other video game that's teaching me and i'm not gonna treat it as though it's uh it's anything more than a really wonderful wonderful class with people who are that these teachers man they are dedicated to like when you go to disneyland and you get around mickey mouse and the mickey mouse suit they might be committed to the character but eventually you can get them to admit they're a human but when you get around

some of these humans here they're devoted to being assholes they're working so hard playing the part the universe is like really like not gonna break character no because it's so powerful to think that you are defined by your past that you're defined by your awful mother by your yeah the you know the suit that i'm in what a fun thing that is to i i know people like that i i know people who cannot get past the abuse and they cannot get past the trauma that happened from the mentally ill parent yeah and so every single thing that they do they always revert back or refer back to remember what you know what my mom did to me and it's a victim thing too it's really easy to get caught up in the victimhood of your story and of who you were what happened and blah blah blah

which is really i get i i yeah i i work a lot to get over that oh i hate that and i'm not i am not my story nobody is their story oh it's the worst i sometimes find myself telling like oh this is such an embarrassing confession but i'll like be telling my just do it like telling a girlfriend just like being like you know my my mom was um you know she was she would go into some sometimes she would go into some depression and she would sometimes is a very cold person unexpectedly out of the blue and so i have a really hard time with this because this is anyway i'm saying the reason i'm being an asshole is because in the the part of the universe that has been completely obliterated by time these things happen to me instead of being like oh i'm being an asshole

because i am not allowing myself underneath the defense mechanisms and that's a fucking cool thing that pima children who you would love says which is the next time you're feeling like angry or whatever the negative emotional state is strip the narrative away about why you got angry the story away about why you feel bad whatever it was that happened try to remove it and just feel the feeling oh yeah right man because then because that but that's why you get triggered right it's because you've got this emotional mapping your mom's issue she was cold to you and now whenever someone does that they reactivate the old wound so then do you go when i get into this old wound let's really i'm gonna stay in it or just go oh that's the old wound that's i know this i know this

but i've been here here's where it gets wild this is where you dive into the buddhist idea which is like in fact not a wound but the experience of being human in fact it's not that you're wounded it's that you're actually experiencing the universe and the you know and life is suffering why is it suffering because of attachment and when they say life is suffering the first noble truth of buddhism they really mean life is suffering and so this is what chogym trumpa who is pima children's teacher says is that we literally or that idea is so repugnant that we are existing in a state of pure unadulterated suffering that has no basis in history but it's just like the way fish are always existing in wetness that that's just what we're in he compares it to standing on razor blades in a room

that idea is so awful that we construct fantasies to try to explain while we're feeling the way that we're feeling and those fantasies are the past fantasies the narrative that we're living by i feel awful because i was dumped hurt have cancer my government sucks i came from a communist country i didn't have what i needed i had too much of what i needed so you come up with all these stories to try to explain your poor desperate mind is trying to make sense of the fact that you're boiling in the fiery waters of the material universe and so it because if you can create a reason then there's hope because if you oh they did not yet and someone else can take responsibility for it too because i think that's a conception of westerners we don't like the thought that life is suffering

why because at one time shit was great we were in the garden of eden everybody was naked we were chilling out we were fucking and then the snake comes along talks eve into eating the apple right yes wait it now we're being punished but there's this idea in the west that there was once a great place and we've fallen from grace yes and it's the same ethics of sitcoms and this and that like why isn't my life like this and it's always the idea that yeah that there there is a perfect and somehow we're deviant from the perfect and i think that's the flaw this is why everybody's all fucked up and this is why it's never enough no matter how many selfies you take and i love that girl you made that video of uh oh thanks how can i have like 1.9 million followers and feel so alone i it's great

she's a professional twerker and she was lamenting the fact that she can't overcome but i love it because it really does sum up the christ experience and we're all jesus being crucified even if you're a twerker and so that the crucifixion represents exactly the first noble truth of buddhism it's supposed to represent humans trapped on the time space continuum past present and future and infinity meeting former crucifix and humans are that matter with sentience trapped to the goddamn thing and it's suffering because you're being crucified and i don't mean it i'm not relishing the suffering right but the moment you realize like if we're standing on a room filled with razor blades uh with bare feet and our feet are constantly getting cut the sooner you just accept the fact

that that's what it's going to be like walking around and stop resisting it maybe maybe that's when things can start really changing but before you can like uh before that can happen you just got to accept that that feeling of shittiness that you have been blaming on the traffic the weather the job the mother the father the lover or the kids is always the same feeling it's just different gradients of the same have you ever noticed that of course it's suffering it's that low-grade misery that we're supposed to always have right because we're you know we're we're that dignified westerners supposed to be miserable but you strip away the the the symbol structure to try to explain the fucking thing and now it's just this feeling this aching fucking horrifying

feeling now now sit with that just sit with that feeling and forget the reason that it's there sit with the feeling stop resisting it just for a second just for a second and then suddenly that feeling isn't quite as bad like why wait wait this doesn't feel as this actually doesn't feel very bad at all and if it does feel bad it seems to go away and then right what what it seems to come and go i don't know that's as far as i've gotten with the thing but according to buddhist scripture you can actually there is a kind of hope so to speak there is the chance for rebirth there is the chance to get off the floor of razors or to dissolve the ego mechanisms that are causing you to resist truth and that's just drinking a

lot of wine right that's what they say eating getting hammered getting hammered his ego dissolving drugs drugs help a lot medicating see oh one thing though okay the feelings thing if you don't feel those feelings by the way that's what leads to compulsory behavior right if we don't just sit with those shitty thoughts and feelings and let it get through you that's when you pick up things like eating yes drugging whoring boozing whatever all those compulsions and they're all we're all hardwired for addiction oh and that's what makes for the bad trips too but that's the bad fucking trips i almost said that's what makes the bad trips baby very much fucking embarrassing sunglasses what came out of me just then uh oh god i should kill myself but the the the bad trips usually are

a result of not being in that state of consciousness just a lot like going with it you mean because i've been on acid and had bad trips you know and yeah and it is because like you're in your head about it right and you're not like just kind of going with the flow of of life and stuff yeah and the preceding months or years leading up to the trip you are ignoring the fact that you feel awful all the time and trying to pretend that you didn't feel awful and so then the trip comes and it's like hey i'm not gonna let you ignore that you feel horrible 99% of the time but you're walking around with a big grin on your face like you don't when inside you feel like shit all the time let's do the work you hoarder you fucking hoarder let's do the work stop ignoring the fact

you have 7 000 taco bell bags shoved underneath your mattress connect collection and that's what people do i know people meet that's what i did on the road 20 2013 i was eating bowls of macaroni and cheese in my hotel room at two in the morning alone and you're like this feels great and then no but you don't feel good you feel bad you gotta admit that you don't feel good for a second i have 1.8 million followers why am i so alone are you know the thing like where you're like just want somebody to love you but instead of saying to them i really don't want to lose you yes you say to them are you fucking cheating on me right right you know instead of saying to them i want you in my life more than i love you i'm afraid i'm so scared i'm a scared person this never happens to me and

i really really want you here because i just think you're wonderful you're like let me look at your twitter dms you know i learned that lesson with my husband it took i've been with him like almost 10 years and to have that ultimate um to to truly be vulnerable with another human being and really be honest and naked about stuff it's it's to soft it softens the relationship it softens your your your bullshit when you're just like look you're right i'm not people are like how do you guys stay faithful how do you hold it together you're both on the road and i go well first of all i have no cause to doubt my husband's fidelity and i don't cheat on my husband either but we're super honest about those feelings of like i'm terrified of losing you i love you so much you are yeah like

you're so important oh god it's but it's so scary to be vulnerable with another human it's terrifying but those are the breakthroughs man the moment you do that with someone then all of a sudden it's like the angel starts singing the whole game that was you were playing falls apart and now you're just going to end up crying on each other and like embracing each other and it's sweet and romantic and beautiful but you don't get that until you tell the truth you won't get that until you just drop the stupid game just like god i love you it hurts and it's beautiful and man isn't that the ingredient for the whole for for all of it for the whole thing you just start trying to do that with yourself in the world and then something shifts right away it's just

it's it's it's cowardice versus being a hero you know it's such a it's so easy to be a coward and yeah it totally is it's easier to just be like fuck that i don't even shit i'm fucking but go home get drunk watch tv blah blah blah next next day next day next day next day but man it's so cool to just like sink into the this is what chogium trumpet calls the rocky soil of your life the rough rocky soil that's where you start your practice he says the best way to start your practices well not the best way but he says hopelessness is one of the best places to start a spiritual practice where you've given up the idea that you're gonna get out of this goddamn thing by climbing over the wall that surrounds it but you're like i'm just gonna go into the center of hell and yeah it's so

crazy because i it's actually literally what happened to me i uh i was on the road a bunch and i uh i was in a city in a hotel room during the day i was daytime drinking alone in my room crocheting i decided to take a crocheting like that that was gonna save this right just crochet through this and i was crying just like why am i uh wait a minute something's wrong here and it was a breakdown and i came home i got real high and i laid in bed and i was like hmm i guess what being a comedian is not all there is there's something yeah wait am i this person and if that if that's all there is like i oh boy i'm i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and that's when you break and that's when you break open and you're like i gotta do i gotta

maybe not do something about this maybe i need to sit in this for a minute yeah maybe i need to not be on the road so much a yes and b i gotta figure out like what is this and that started back in like april and i've been on this vision quest and now i'm here with you man and this is breaking my shit open even more love it that is so badass man i love that that is such a and when you record okay so that thing that happened to you crying in a hotel room crocheting and getting drunk and then coming back and having a breakdown yeah that is a thing that if somebody came to you with a menu of experiences and said how about a lonely breakdown in a hotel room where you're drinking and you're crocheting that's like not going to be the experience you

pick on the menu of experiences you're like no i'll skip that i'm going to take a 45 minute orgasm and after that being entertained by a great movie if i could have that please but weirdly those two things are going to give you this temporary fleeting experience which is a blast whatever the sense gratification you're engaging can be quite fun but the fucking breakdowns those are the things that are actually the best things and those are the things where it's like okay you're ready congratulations we've you've moved into the next grade the thing you're running away from is actually the very thing that contains within it everything that you need to really wake up and when you start approaching that those moments

from that place instead of resisting them it's weird then that they stop bearing their teeth and growling at you and they're like okay okay and it's also what am i avoiding right now like why am i being avoided of talking to so-and-so or what am i what am i terrified of right now and that's the heart of darkness that you got to go into like straight away what's terrifying and there it is man face it dive in dive in because it's so great on the other side and it's just a trick that some maybe well you know you can even make up a story let's pretend we're on a spaceship let's pretend that this is a spaceship filled with survivors from an alien apocalypse on a planet where the environment went away because people were polluters and

so as part of the plan to move to a new planet where we're all going to exist in peace we were placed into hyperspace chambers where projected into our minds were very specific universes that were designed to teach us to be loving and pathetic compassionate connected people so that when we finally get to the destination that we're going to where the thing's going to open up and we're going to be ready to live together in a way that's not going to destroy a planet and so then when you realize oh it's just part of a simulation and these things that are coming to you that seem so severe it's just a hologram it's just coming to you but it's going to keep coming to you and the program's going to keep repeating until you fucking learn to love and that's what

they call samsara the endless cycle of birth and death it's just going to keep happening the thing is going to loop and maybe this is a prison maybe we are in a super advanced alien prison whereas part of our imprisonment holographic universes are in projected into our minds that are designed to allow us to overcome whatever the crime habituation was that made us get in here in the first place and until we learn that until we have true rehabilitation we keep repeating again and again and again and again that's called reincarnation that's the idea of reincarnation and do you know if you ever heard the concept for how long you've been here for figuring out how long you've been here no i'd like to know that they say yes imagine a dove flying over the himalayas

holding a silk scarf oh in its beak and it flies over every hundred years and the very tip of the scarf brushes the very top of the mountain the amount of time it would take for that to erode the mountain into a valley is the amount of time that you've existed over and over and over again reincarnating in the specific dimension no i want out man oh it's a lot it's a long time it's a long time but it also when you wrote that's that's a thought experiment you use to slow you down so instead of being like i'm gonna wake up in this life and get nice and reincarn or nice and you're like okay i'm not gonna be in a rush anymore i keep doing this thing over and over and over and over again i'm gonna take it easy on myself and in this incarnation i'm just gonna try to

you know finish it out by telling eight people how much i love them yes and that's what actually helps about this thought practice uh is that once you realize hey man it's not just this time around relax you don't have to do everything because i put a lot of stress on myself to be a certain way to do everything just relax man you're gonna come back again you're gonna get a few more shots at this thing it doesn't have to be perfect all the time yeah it takes the pressure off the now and it frees you up because then you're like oh oh none of this is real oh wait you mean it it doesn't fucking matter if i say blah blah blah to so and so or if the stakes aren't this high like it takes the stakes off of stuff it releases a pressure valve

for me anyways to think of myself as an eternal being and not as a limited uh isn't that fun wow carbon based yeah yes exactly you're like what oh shit and my ego i think having that breakdown what it was is going like i am not wait a minute if i'm not the comedian if if all these things and if money don't define me and if my career goals don't define me well then who am i what am i and who the fuck is saying all of this like you go oh the eye is separate from that something there's something else and it's terrifying to think that you're not the things that you thought you were that's the beginning of the like the the crisis the existential second existential crisis first one i had i was 13 years old i was smoking cigarettes and i was like oh i'm alone in the world

yeah i remember realizing aloneness and crying that's an intense moment yeah that's an intense one and then the moment that you're talking about where you realize you're like a a doll that the universe has been holding and playing and gotten so convinced that in the game of make believe that that the universe was the doll that it really believed that you you know you believe it you believe you're this toy that you're not you're a you're a you're a kind of security blanket the universe is using to give itself form and when you start realizing that every single aspect of yourself is just an impermanent fleeting well and also because other people define you in terms of your gender like we were talking about this when i first came to your house that you know i'm a

female comedian and that that's always a it's always a thing you know and i didn't know i was limited i didn't know i was this thing called a female comic until other people told me that term's got to get right that we've got it we've got to get that fucking term out of the vernacular it's like black comedian or mexican yeah like do we qualify the other but the point is i i wasn't aware of my limitations until i was told them actually i had thought of myself as an infinite being or whatever the fuck it wasn't until other people went yeah but you got tits yeah but you're blonde and you're cute no one's gonna listen to you and the people said that to me in my 20 yeah you're too pretty to be chmi and your block of butt not that i'm fucking listen i'm not

tooting my horn to your horn you know what i'm saying like people make assumptions about you based on the package you come in on that's right and i was like but i'm not that being i know that i am not and i let it i let that take over well yeah that's called getting cursed and oh is that right that's what i call it it's getting cursed it's a good curse to have in terms of uh you know i could be a paraplegic in india you know well no i but i know i'm wow the pretty girl you know or you could be a just because your body isn't you know malfunctioning or you're able to walk around doesn't mean that psychically you're not a paraplegic and when you realize that like when you get it so what you're talking about there is like so here's a what robert anton wilson

calls a reality tunnel that you were existing within where you were an infinite being unaware of the fact that there was some limitation based on your gender so there's the universe you're existing in then you get around a wizard who puts a curse on you by saying as a matter of fact your paradigm is limited by your gender and so now they very convincingly will weave a spell of words and tell you why or the sum total of all these awful shitty misogynistic wizards will do whatever spell they're going to do on you and the next thing you know you're cursed and you start living according to their paradigm instead of your paradigm that's the danger that's the danger because you were around a more powerful wizard than you were and you allowed yourself to

be cursed by them instead of doing that thing that when you get around an adept a true initiate they don't let your fucking words spell do anything to them no they're just there man they're not going to like suck get sucked into your paradigm or they're going to more than likely what they're going to do is try to expand your paradigm they're going to try to open you up as much as they can because that's the kind of magic some of these people like to do not all wizards like to curse in fact them really good ones like neem kerali baba they don't they they like to do the opposite for some reason the spell that they like to cast is one where they help free people from the oh most definitely and there have been dudes that are like i'm not saying everybody out there is

that for sure there are even guys like you and joe and like joey d as my husband enlightened beings that have always helped me transcend that fucking bullshit world you know i but it is out there and it is sick man it is right but everybody has if you're not a white male i shouldn't even say that i feel like everybody comes to this earth with their own bag of bullshit no matter who you are right my bag of bullshit happens to be x y and z your bag of bull everybody comes nobody comes here perfectly well i take that back maybe the johnson and johnson heirs like people now but even those people have their own traps being a multi-millionaire heiress or whatever has its own trappings we all come here with obstacles and trappings it's all a trap at first yeah but the

trap is actually the teacher and that's an important thing to realize is that the trap is the thing that's there that that's your that's god in your life that's the angels in your life the very thing that you're looking at is that is the trap the more you focus on it and sit with it the more you realize that it's the key simultaneous to being a trap that's so fucking weird but it does seem to be the way it works and ps any misogynistic asshole antiquated backwood shithead out there who feels okay uh supporting uh ancient stereotypes about women who do comedy please watch christina do stand up and then shut the fuck up for the rest of your life because you are legendarily funny i really mean that i know you do thank you you know i don't

accept it i have thought of your that set that i saw in the original room since i saw i've thought about it at least like 15 times i just thought because it's just a great comic when they get in a room the energy changes in this specific way that is so beautiful and um there's only a few comics can do it out there right now that i know of there's only a few i mean i'll look there's different types of comics for different types of people i don't mean to diss comics or whatever but the kind of comedy i like george carlin bill hicks that kind of like real authentic psychedelic from its honesty that kind of comedy there's not a lot of people out there stan hope i guess you could say yes and you you're putting it out there and it's amazing so thank you

thank you for being on this show i hope you'll come back i love it and you have to come to your mom's house man we're waiting for you done let's schedule oh i got you on audio saying it good it's done thank you so much oh wait where can people find you oh um go to christina comedy dot com twitter at christina p your mom's house podcast dot com please check out your mom's house and that's deep bro i got a philosophy podcast that duncan is a guest on so you'll hear him on that too yep so check all that stuff out and thanks a million oh i love you love you thanks for listening pals be sure to follow christina on twitter and all the links to everything that you need to connect with her will be located at dunkin trustle dot com in the comments section don't

forget to go through our amazon portal get a new t-shirt massage your grandmother find a sweet cat perfume it get it groomed paint your toenails even if you're a man and stroke someone's hair this week i love you and i'll see you soon harry christina