Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Daniele bolelli is the LOVE GURU

Episode Date: April 27, 2013

Daniele Bolelli gives duncan some much need love advice.

Hello, dear friends, and thank you for tuning in to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast. This is me, Duncan Trussell, transmitting to you from somewhere in the depths of Los Angeles. I am really excited because I am going next week to Lemuria Maui to do a retreat with Ramdas. I am almost in a manic state of excitement and kind of nervousness because I have never done a meditation retreat before, but Ragu Marcus called and was like, you should do this, with all the shit that has recently gone on with you. I was like, you know what, fuck it, I will go to Lemuria. Sometimes you just have to go to Lemuria. I could think of a million reasons not to do it. All of them based in, you know, just it's something completely

outside of my pattern or something that I would ever do in a million years, but why not? Why not just do it? I'm going to go. I don't know exactly what it's going to be like. Everyone's telling me that it's pretty incredible, and I've never done a meditation retreat. I don't know what's going to happen. There's yoga every day, really nice food. I'm going to be that by myself, so I'm kind of worried about that. I don't want to be this like weird, like lonely guy lurking among all the grass-fed, healthy, vegan people, but Ragu Marcus assures me that it doesn't matter if you go there by yourself. So we'll see what happens. So that's coming up, and I'm really quite excited about that. This podcast with Daniela Bollelli, as with all the podcasts with him, is so good that I don't

feel like I just want to put it up because we just recorded it, and it was a really funny, interesting podcast, so I'm not going to do any more opening monologues, stuff, whatever you call this shit, but hopefully there is a small chance, and all of you guys who are into prayer, visualization, magic, and whatever multiverse navigation you're into, there's a very, there's a chance, maybe I can get Ramdoss to do the podcast, which would be, for me, a dream come true. Maybe that's going to happen. If not, no big deal. I'll still be able to tell you guys what it's like to be at that kind of event for better or for worse, but probably for the better. Okay, we'll start the podcast, but first quick business. Do you want to support the Duncan Trestle Family Hour podcast? Here's

some easy ways to do it. You can go to, if you're ever going through Amazon to buy stuff, which I do all the time now, once you realize that Amazon can do next day delivery and that there's really no need to ever leave your house, you can just sit on your couch with the lights off and a veil wrapped around your face and the door, there will be knocks at the door and suddenly you'll have potato chips or a bushel of lubricant or a Gnostic scripture or all of the above. It's amazing. I don't know why anyone does anything except orders from Amazon. It's fun. Don't do it when you're drunk. You will order weird shit, but if you use Amazon.com, there's a portal located at DuncanTrestle.com, where if you click on that and buy stuff, they give us a small percentage

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put my name in and you will get 10% off of your order. Today's guest on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast is an Italian writer, martial artist, university professor, and he just wrote an amazing book called Create Your Own Religion. He's been on the podcast several times before. He's one of my close friends and an incredibly inspiring human being who always makes me feel better whenever I get a chance to hang out with him. He's got his own podcast called The Drunken Taoist Podcast, which I highly recommend. There will be a link at DuncanTrussell.com to this podcast or you can go straight to DaniellaBolelly.com and check out his podcast, which is awesome, and order his book. So now everyone, please welcome

to the DuncanTrussell Family Hour podcast, the super genius, brilliant, loving, fatherly, awesome, deadly, somewhat cynical, yet somehow transcendent super mind of DaniellaBolelly. It's the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast. You know what I would like to do at my house? I want to plant peyote. Um, can you play a peyote? As far as I know, I mean, who's gonna bug you? It's like, it's a cactus. Yeah, where do you get the buttons though? That's the part that I need to, I don't know, I need to get the hookers. You gotta find the buttons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, have you ever taken peyote? No. Well, I had it in a tea, but it was so mild. It was, you know,

how about you? Never. Never? All right, let's get this thing going. Oh, it is already going. That's a good thing to get on tape. Your plans to grow peyote. Just kidding, DEA. Daniella, welcome back. How are you? Good, good, good. How are you doing? I'm pretty good. I'm okay. I'm pretty, I'm like, I'm on one level. I'm really good. And then on another level, I'm like, confused. And then on another level, I'm sort of blank. Tell me who needs to be killed and I'll take care of it. Nobody needs to be killed, man. That never solves any, that'll never solve anything. That's too bad, because that's the only thing I specialize in. Murder? Yes. No, I don't need anybody murdered. I just been pining after this girl. I'm, it's, you ever pine after

a girl? That's life, right? Yeah. Yes, of course. But it's such a, it's a, it's a, it's a, a, um, hilarious. On one level, it's the most absurd, hilarious thing ever. And then on another level, it's the most dramatic, sad thing ever. Yeah, I only go for the second part. The first half, I don't find any fucking hilarious when you're into it and you feel it and it's in you. Well, no, if you look at, like, for me, it's like, I, when I, when I, if you really put it down on paper, the thing, it's kind of, it's an absurd, it's an absurd situation. It's something I, it's a situation I ruined, essentially. Like I basically, I manufactured the catastrophe. Well, I may have a little bit of inside info, but I slightly disagree with you on that. No. You

manufacturing. For, I don't mind telling people, I tell them everything so they can, the, the, what, so what happened is I was, um, seeing this girl, an amazing girl. I, uh, I, I got cancer and, uh, she, I feel really weird confessing that she took it because make, because I will seem like a really, uh, an asshole. She took care of me while I had cancer, basically. Like she would like, she was not, not taking care of in this, I'm pretty much in a lot of ways. Emotional support was the most important thing. And so instead of, we, we hadn't been seeing either each other that long when I got cancer, but I really liked her. And, uh, you know, instead of doing what a lot of people might have done when they find out, oh, you're getting one

of your balls chopped off, you have cancer, you're, I can't deal. I don't feel like dealing with this drama. I'm sorry. They, you know, they leave you alone to deal with it. She was there the whole time and comforting and like an angel. So then I started getting radiation treatments and I, um, if, if you've never gotten radiation, it's the, it's, you just get sick. It's like you're seasick for a month straight and you don't want to be around anybody and everything stinks. Like you can smell, you know, you just smelling yourself is almost enough to make you throw up, but like just smelling anything scented, anything really, your sense of, because your body's being poisoned and it's trying to identify the source of the poison and the way one way your body does

that is with smell. So anyway, there's no fucking way you're going to be intimate with someone if you can't even smell yourself without wanting to puke. So in the midst of having this like awful, um, radiation treatments and, and I, when I, I, when you're sick for a month, is severely sick, you lose track of how sick you are. And so you start thinking you're better when you're not better. So anyway, somewhere in the midst of this, I decided that, oh, I don't want to be with this person. She's, she's too attached to me. Uh, really awful, stupid shit just because I was coming from this murky, dumb place. And so then I basically, you know, broke up with her and, and then, uh, um, which is just shit. I'm sorry. I don't mean to, I'm not applying for a

spot as your personal lawyer, but please rephrase everything you have said there. Okay. You're in the middle of fucking radiation. Yes. You have cancer. You're entitled to say any stupid shit you want. And I mean, of course she's been an angel by sticking there with you, helping you being sweet to you, all of that. But brownie points for that. That's awesome. But at the same time, you are in the middle of shit. You can't just expect that you're going to just be tucked under the blanket ago. Thank you, sweetie. And everything is okay because you are dealing with so much shit, having cancer, uh, the physical effect of radiation, all of it. So yes, that's probably not the best reaction in the world. And you probably don't want to make

big choices in the middle of all of this shit. Yeah, I give you that. But at the same time, on her hand, she should figure out that you are in, you're not, you're here in the middle of pure delirium crazy shit going on because of radiation. Give it a month after you are done with radiation and have that talk again. Well, I try, I mean, that's the thing. I tried to repair the thing after, you know, I mean, I haven't through this maelstrom of insane phenomenal catastrophic phenomena. And when I came back finally to LA, I tried to fix things up, you know, and explain this again. And it seemed for a second, like maybe it was gonna, I was gonna, like she was gonna like believe me, but it didn't work. And so she's sort of like, look, I just can't be with you. I'm,

I'm afraid you're gonna, you know, hurt me because you're gonna get cancer again and radiation again. Or just, you know, if you dumped, if you broke up with me after I took care of you with cancer, when are you gonna break up with me again? That's, I can understand the logic in it, you know, but it's again, yeah. And anyway, the end result is the same, right? I'm pining after this girl shocked by the fact that I'm pining after this girl because I haven't pined. Yeah, I haven't pined in eight years. I haven't pined. So come on. This is my personal appeal to this lovely lady whose name I don't know, but we'll appeal to her anyway. The point is, what the hell, you know, Duncan has been pined in eight years. You are sweet and good. And, you know, you are

sweet and good to take care of him in the middle of all this. He went mildly insane as it's more than entitled to in the middle of all this. Give the man a chance. If he hurts you again, then call me and I'll make sure to be team up for you. That's my personal promise to this lady. Thank you. But you know, it's like, if you hurt her, when you are totally yourself, then, yeah, you're a dick and you deserve to be treated badly. But in the middle of all that, come on, man, you know. I think she's got a boyfriend now. That doesn't mean anything. Yeah, right. Give it up, some dumb boyfriend. Don't do that. Anyway, man, that's, you know, that's like one thing I've been dealing with, but

fuck. And another like pining is great because it teaches you about attachment, right? And it teaches you about how attachment causes suffering and it teaches you, you know, to sort of like step back and realize like, oh, this is a less, this is another teaching. This is a teach. This is of it. I'm just beginning to see that all the fucking great teachings, they are all like getting dragged around by a fucking gorilla. That sucks. Couldn't there be a teaching when you're getting massage and a pinacolada in Hawaii while looking at the sunset? Yeah, there's those teachings, but those things, I mean, that's like, no. I know, I know. They don't teach you. Those don't, I mean, they teach you like, oh, this isn't, usually when I'm in a really pleasurable place,

the thing I'm learning is that I can't enjoy the pleasure because I'm pining over someone, or, you know, they're just depending the ass, aren't you? Yeah, I guess so, man. I mean, I guess so. I guess it's just I'm human and we're all sort of the thing I'm recognizing is like, no matter, I can only, it's almost like there's an engine of happiness. And the engine has, I don't know, how many cylinders does an engine have? Four? Four. Well, this engine of mine seems to have like four cylinders, maybe six. I don't know, I'd have to count them up, but it's like money, career, health, love, friendship, or at five, I think, spiritual life. And I can never get all those cylinders going at once. There's always one that's not going, and that one not going. Like you focus on that one

greater than the other five. Yes. Why? Why, why, why? I think it's the, it's some form of weakness of the mind, because the mind produces thought patterns and of all types on every level. Some thought patterns are about God, some thought patterns are about girls, some thought patterns are about money, some thought, and then you tune into, there's certain thought patterns that you just gravitate towards, and then you begin to ruminate over those thought patterns. Yeah, I mean, I guess some of that is human, because it's kind of like when you get 30 messages that tell you, oh, whatever thing you did, a book, a podcast, or whatever, that was awesome, that was this, that was that, and you know, you take it in, it's great, it feels good,

and then you get one message that says, you fucking sucks, you're the most horrible human being on the planet, I can't believe, and you're going to be thinking about that one, greater than the other 30 people who told you how cool it is. Exactly. So, no, I get it, I think it's natural, but I guess what to do in that situation, because yes, it's natural, yes, everybody goes there, it's kind of like jealousy, you know, we all know that jealousy is stupid, but everybody gets it, right, to one degree. How do you squash it? No, the jealousy part, I got that part, the focusing on the one tiny, maybe not tiny, but the one negative thing when you have several that are really cool going for you. Oh, I don't know, I can't figure it out,

man, it's like when you get a goddamn mosquito in the room. Right. It's the old mosquito in the Taj Mahal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn things buzzing around, oh, if only this, if only, I guess, you know, it seems like one trick that's working in this relatively minuscule bit of tragedy, it's really in the grand scheme of everything fucking cancer and moms dying and Boston bombs going off, getting rejected by somebody is like, come on, that's like a getting a cold or something when there's smallpox raging around. Right. It's like, yeah, it still sucks, but it's not, but anyway, that doesn't work, minimizing it doesn't work, trying to pretend like it's not a big deal doesn't work, all those things don't work.

The only thing that seems to work is so unromantic and dumb, it's just exercise and, you know, focusing on other things and just kind of like, and also honestly appraising the situation for what it is instead of what you want it to be, because the real situation is that this is a girl who is seeing someone else. Right. That's the real situation and no one ever in a million fucking years has chosen the person they liked less. Well, no one does that. No, well, but that's not really, because that's not really a fair statement in that way, because it's not like you are in their situation, everything is great and fine and Mr X somewhere else in a situation there and fine have to choose go one way. Yes. She's with you,

all hell break lose around you inside of you in every conceivable way. You don't handle it in the ideal possible scenarios, one wish one could handle it in there. She got hurt, run off. Oh, Mr X here, okay, console me. You know, that's a little different than there are two parallel situation and I pick one over the other. I know, well, maybe it's different for everybody, but I know for sure that if like I was in a flipped situation, there was someone I really liked and I'd been seeing someone else that I sort of didn't like or kind of I would just like, if it came down to a decision, I would pick the person I really like, especially if I was afraid, especially if I thought that person was gonna, for me, it's like if I'm in a situation where I

think someone's gonna hurt me and crush me to pieces, I guess I'm a fucking freak, because that's when I'm like, yes, this is it. Oh my God, if this person can destroy me, then I'm in the fucking land of- Yeah, but you're a fucking freak. You should remember that. Most other people don't walk that way and usually tend to gravitate away from pain. So usually the choice is now, Mr X maybe is an awesome human being and is great in his own right. Maybe he's just safe and not red. There's not that experience of, fuck, I can get hurt. Like some of the typical scenarios that are complicated are awesome attraction to a human being in that way, but danger and weirdness and possible pain. All right, not too bad, safe. Yes. So not as high,

but not as low. You know what I mean? The highs are not as high, but the lows are not as low. In many cases, the choice is shit. If I'm afraid to get hurt, that's not bad, because I still get some high, the lows are not too bad. The point again is not that most other people tend to gravitate away from pain and suffering and possible danger. I, you know, yeah, no, I think it's not that you gravitate. I mean, it's like if there's a, for example, like take the, if there's a nest of hornets outside, you know, you don't go shoving your hand into the hornet's nest because you're going to get stung, but it's more along the lines of like, hey, what do you want to do? Here's some things we can do. We can go to Disneyland or we

can go to Peru and drink ayahuasca on top of Machu Picchu. Yes. Yeah. And in that situation, there is danger. Right. Of course, because it's, you're out of your comfort zone. You're in a crazy land. So it's like, that's what I'm saying. I'm not saying go chasing after pain, though, if you do want to go chasing after pain, I can definitely recommend some professional dominatrixes. That are fantastic. Yes. But I'm saying the inherent, the, the, the greater it's the classic thing, the greater the reward, the greater the fucking risk. Add one element to the Peru story, though, is you have already gone to Peru. You started having a blast. It was so much fun and they robbed you of all your money. And now you went back and now you have to decide again,

do I want to go to Peru again for Machu Picchu or do I just want to go to Disneyland? Yeah, right. I'm going to go to Disneyland and ride on Pirates of the Caribbean with my safe boyfriend. That could be. Blah. No, thanks, man. Give me the fucking, no, don't give me the fuck. Actually, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't want to be a catastrophist. I'm right. You know, but I do, you know, I do recognize, I mean, like, I guess it's just a product. She's younger than me. I guess it's a product of being old when you get old and you just realized you're, you're, you're, you're just going to get your fuck. You want your heart, just this duct taped thing and you just get better at taping it back together. So it's like easier to. That's one of the things that to me,

in fact, if there are many, many aspects of life in which have been anything but brave, where I'm a big wimp, a lot of things scares me and all of that kind of stuff. But one thing that I've kind of never been scared of is getting emotionally hurt to me. It's like, and when I look around, I see the vast majority of human beings being dominated by this sense of what if I get hurt? Yeah. And I don't, I think it's because this is not because I don't feel the pain is because I think I'm so damn used to it. That is just like, so I got hurt. I got hurt anyway, every fucking day of my life to one degree or another, at least it might as well be for something fun. Like I remember as a kid growing up, it's not that I saw myself as better than somebody else. In that sense,

I saw myself as having a bigger emotional range, which means my highs are 10 times as high, my lows are 10 times as low. The range is the same. There's still a plus and minus that equal each other. It just tends to go deeper both ways. So when you grow up, you know, you're a teenager, your emotions are all over the place, you maybe are a little weird and you don't, every fucking thing you feel, it's not like you're having a little bit of a bad day. You're having these emotions that are tearing you apart constantly. And I mean, that's how I grow up. That's how I've been for a really long time. So to me, the idea of, oh, I can get hurt is like, what's new? You know, it's a big fucking deal. Right. So that's, I hear it. I hear it a lot

from people. I don't understand it. Well, it's, first of all, this whole goddamn non-conflictual, like it's a conflictual word, this word. I'm the one who doesn't speak English. This thing where people try to seek tranquility, you know, I think we've talked about this before, but it's like, give me a fucking break. You're not going to find it anyway. Like, you find the safe, you find a safe boyfriend. And I guarantee you there is a basement of an abandoned house in South Central LA filled with court slaughtered victims. It's just dead toddlers and cat brains all smeared all over the wall. Nice. You know, go, you find the fucking safe anything. And it's not, it's got a stinger. Everything's got a fucking stinger. So, yeah,

I don't know. And I do apologize for doing Dear Abby with you. No, no, Dear Abby is awesome. I always wanted to be Dear Abby. I think it's my next reincarnation is what I'm shooting for. Getting relationship advice from you is always so good, man. It really is. But honestly, again, I don't know the day. I don't know her. I don't know the other guy. So that's totally speaking out of my ass because I know you and I feel. But in my mind, assuming that story with the other guys, not like fireworks and everything is amazing and awesome. If you are dead into somebody that you want to take care of them in the middle of cancer and they are doing all this stuff, that's amazing. It's sweet. It's really cool. You go that far. Well, go far enough that you

cut some slack on when they went slightly crazy in the middle of it all. You say, okay, well, let's try again when you are normal human being. When you are a normal human being, you hurt me. Then, yes, I will call my friend Daniela Bollelli and have you shot. Yeah. That's honorable. I can get that. But it's the goblin effect. You know, the goblin effect, it's like you get what's inevitably when you are with someone long enough, the goblin comes out. And you always think it in the beginning, you're like, I just anything that they do is going to be wonderful, even if it's bad. And even everything, you like the way that their sweat smells. You know what I mean? You like every single thing about them. And you fantasize that they don't

have the goblin, that thing, the golem and Lord of the Rings, the thing living in the dark under belly of the thing that's hissing over some stupid shit. Then that thing pops out. And inevitably it's always worse than what you thought you could deal with. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be a big deal. But inevitably this cuckoo clock thing pops out of the shadows and it's like, look at me. And you're like, no, that is, I don't want that. I don't want to be around that. And you know, unless you find the perfect fucking person and I don't think that that even exists, I think the whole soul name of crap is insane nonsense in a good mood. Yes. Yeah. It's tricky. It's tricky because on one end, yeah, right. I mean, 99.9% situation,

you're not going to find the perfect thing. On the other end, sometime making compromises because it's like, well, I mean, this is better than nothing. And there are some highs, but then you are compromising because the blows are really fucking low and there's so much stuff that doesn't click. I don't know. It's a choice. It's like, do you really want to do that? Or do you just say that maybe being on your own and doing some stuff on your own until you have something that really heats quality wise? What you want is worth it. Yeah, I've got no fucking choice. Right. Because I don't know. To me, it's like the more forever I've been always pretty scared of being on my own. Yeah, something that always freaked me out. So I was always kind of chasing a relationship.

But then I was also too stupid for my own good because my standards were insanely high. So if I meet this hot woman who's pretty well read, who's nice, I'll still be like, what is that thing that doesn't, you know, so I was thinking, yes, because I'm needy on one end and then I'm over judgmental on the other. Perfect recipe, right? But then like, I think now where I'm at in my life, something has turned the corner in some way because the neediness is pretty much gone. I'm totally fine. If you tell me you'll never have a relationship again, you're on your own. I'm totally fine with that. And that paradoxically puts you in a place in which it becomes so much easier to get what you want because you're not going to waste like you think that, you know,

if I run into a super hot woman who's nice and sweet, but I don't come from a place of neediness, I'm going to see that. But I'm also going to see ways in which we're not going to click badly. I don't mean a little bit where clearly it's going to be, there are going to be real issues and it makes it easier. And so I don't know, I feel like in some way I'm seeing it from a different angle now that is not that, I mean, it's better, but it's not that I have the recipe to get there. How did you get to that place? I think in that sense is what we are talking about, which is you feel that you got kicked in the balls from every possible direction. Yeah, exactly. And at that point, yeah, I think you already got that part

taken care of, right? So the ball attack has been done. At that point is where you feel like, fuck it, I don't control anything anyway. I can't really be needy of what, you know. I'm not going to get what I want anyway. It's all transitory. It's all impermanent. It's all out of my control. And that's when you relax and you just enjoy things for what they are right here right now with no plan. Because I mean, one of the things I do is like, if I would run into this hot, wonderful woman and I come from a place of being needy, I would start projecting, I would start imagining, and then we're going to hook up and then we got to travel to this place and then it's going to work this and that way. And it's like, why the fuck are you ruining this

moment right here right now where you're having a good dinner with this woman and this fun? Exactly. And you're starting to put all this pressure everywhere. It's not fun anymore. No, now you've got this heavy old fucking thing. You're already planning it. Like, I was just talking to a friend of mine and she was telling me about, and a lot of people have different versions of this, but you know, sort of like how lately she'd been thinking about how she want to have kids because she'd been around a dying grandparent and the, you know, seeing this dying being surrounded by family and love made her think, oh God, if I don't have kids, then, you know, who surrounds me?

And I said to her, you're already planning your geriatric death. The reason you want to have kids is because you want someone to die in front of. I'm going to have you so you can watch me turn into a human skeleton, gasping eyes rolling back in my head, IV needles attached, and a small trail of discolored urine running out of my fucking body into like a, you know, that's why I went, but the two guys love Duncan's new mood of the day. Isn't this inspiring? But, but, you know, and I've thought that too, you know, I've thought I want to have kids with a girl, but when I get old, like basically I want to have raised nurses. Right. Silly. Yeah. Really, what, you know, what we both agreed on is the thing that people want is love.

Kids give you unconditional love. It's love. You want love. But in that, when, whenever you get in a situation, and I'm not advising getting in a fucking relationship with sociopathic people who are like into hurting and are like womanizing or man, not man eaters. But I'm saying if you get in a fucking situation and you actually are playing it safe, based on planning for the, like you're thinking like, oh, I just don't think that this is going to work out. Right. Well, what does work out mean? Yeah. Yeah. Do you mean you don't think we're going to fucking bury each other? Do you, is that what you were saying? Are you saying that I won't be at a churchyard or you won't be at a churchyard? Yeah. Watching dirt

get thrown on my casket? Is that what it means? Not working out or what is not working out mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does it fucking mean? The right here right now it's not working or what are you talking about? Yeah. And if it's working and then the thing is like if you have a real connection with somebody, a real connection, not a fabricated connection, but clearly there's like romance and passion and sweetness and it's nice. Then what the fuck? Why are you planning Act Three? You're barely through the middle of Act One. Totally. And I mean, depending on what Act Three is, if it's like, because I mean, really the only thing I can think of that makes sense in the regard is some people want to have kids and people don't.

And unfortunately, there is a timeline in the regard. So if that's the issue, then talk about it and figure it out. And yes, if somebody's ultra committed, like I see myself as a parent, no matter what, and you absolutely don't, no matter what. Yeah. Well, there's an issue. We can have a little more fun, but obviously going in a different direction. It's not gonna work. Right. But other than that, what the hell else is there to talk about? What the hell else is there to talk about? It's like sitting in a wonderful, bubbly, sweet hot tub and getting out because, you know, the hot tub is going to turn off in 45 minutes. Right. Right. Right. Right. Precisely. And that's the thing about not living in the moment, which is dumb. At the end of the day,

just it fucks up what the good stuff that you have. And kind of like what we're saying about the one bad thing, you know, rather than enjoying your Hawaiian sunset and the cool things that you have right there and right now, you're thinking about the thing in the past that pissed you off, that's still in your head and you carry it into spoiling the moment right now. And it's like, why, why, why, you know? Can I present to you my new model for attachment? Please. Now that you said that, because this is something I've realized, man. And it's, I call it the dead baby gorilla syndrome. Have we talked about this yet? So it's that video on YouTube of the mother gorilla hauling around the baby gorilla that died. Have you seen this? And I don't want to see it at this

point. It's sad. It's a baby gorilla has died and the mother gorilla can't accept the baby gorilla has died. So the mother gorilla is carrying around this corpse of a formerly living gorilla baby. And, you know, this is the fucking jungle. So just think of the stink coming off that thing. There's flies around it. The other gorillas are coming up kind of like, hey, you know, you're stinking everything up with this fucking thing. Please, it's dead. It's not coming back. But she's like not having any of it. She won't believe that the gorilla baby is dead. She wants the fucking thing to like come back to life. She's stroking it, touching it, you know, doing whatever. This is it to me. The ultimate example of attachment because human minds are

filled with dead gorilla babies that we think are still alive. And that can be either gorilla babies in the sense of resentment or anger towards people or more often it's like you think that, you know, in relationships, the relationship is clearly over. You feel nothing for the other person. They feel nothing for you yet you're still hauling around the stinking corpse of your former love through the jungles of your mind with some fantasy idea that it's going to do a pet cemetery and pop up and start swinging through the trees again. No way. All that's going to happen is it's going to decompose and you're going to be smelling worse and worse and worse and your brain is going to be filled with the flies of your delusion until you end up driving everyone away from you because

no one wants to be around someone whose brain is filled with rotten gorilla meat. That's the best friend ever. Again, fitting your mood currently. But yes, I mean, that's exactly how it is, right? Is dragging along something that's dead and you're just trying to have done that a lot in terms of friendship where because I wanted to have my little tribe. I wasn't just into being on my I like this tribal idea. I wanted to have all these cool people. I would drag people around in that sense where clearly it doesn't fit. It doesn't work. They aren't doesn't mean they're bad people. So in that sense, they are not the total that baby gorilla, but they are not that. And you're trying to at all cost drug them is exactly

actually how does spoken Zaratustra begin the Nietzsche book. Nietzsche I want toward the beginning one of the early chapters is about how this idea of dragging this corpse along. Oh, really? So it's exactly that Nietzsche had the psychically seen that that baby gorilla video on YouTube ahead of his time in the Germany of the 1800s and and about how let it go, you know, because it's done. It's over. And when you will run into somebody who's I don't mean meant to be like I'm talking about soul made shit because I agree with you that stuff make me throw up. Yeah. But so yeah, meant to be start of the wrong word. But is somebody who does click with you not because you are forcing them like you are clicking with me. God damn it. Let me force you into this hole

because it really works that way. It's like it clicks because it clicks. No, it's forced. No, it Oh, if I only change 50% of you, then you would work because that's it never does. Again, I'm back in my dear Abby moment. I love it. No, because I mean, it's real, right? Anytime you want to change somebody, people will change 10%. So you know, you can get the edges off if something is pissing off and this a little thing, the edges can come off. But the substance doesn't, you know, it's like somebody's not going to go from being some like if only this huge thing about them was different. Well, it's not and it's not going to be so deal with the fact that the highest come with that. And if you don't want to pay the price is not going to change tomorrow.

That's true. So it is. That's true. And that's kind of like my thing right now about relationships in that regard is either I'm going to be who I am 110%. And if you like it, that's awesome. And if you don't like it, no, there's nothing doesn't mean a why should you like me? You know, I can think of many, many reasons why you shouldn't. So there's no me trying to convince you me feeling like, Oh, that's because you know, we are always trying to like put the best face forward and trying to convince people that we are. So my thing is I'm going to be who I am without all the bullshit surrounding it, because then you're letting you're preparing the laptop when people realize that you're not at your best face forward constantly and suddenly it's like,

shit, you gave me the three minute preview. That was awesome. And the rest of the movies okay, but it's not awesome. Yeah. Oh, none of that. I'm like, I'll put that on the table. Exactly. This is my personality. A to Z. You like it. That's great. You don't. I wish you the best life possible. Maybe we're friends once in a while. That's it. There's no compromises, efforts, covenants in none of that shit. You can't. And it's a lie. It's like now you made it work by presenting yourself as something slightly different from what you really are. Yes, man, in the iron mask, you've locked yourself into this goddamn mask. They think you're some kind of whatever the stupid thing is that you apprehended that they wanted. They think you're this thing.

And then they really get into you because they're like, oh my God, I've met my dream man. It's like, no, you met a chameleon. You met a horny chameleon. Exactly. We're selling you a fantasy because he understood that that's what you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's bullshit for both in the end. You know, even the one who is offering the fantasy, not only the one buying it, is still doing something that unless you are a cynical asshole and they're only doing it to get laid and in the process, you're going to hurt somebody else, which means you are a sore excuse for a human being. Yes. But if you are doing it really meaning, oh, I love this person. I want to click with them. It's so cool. Well, that's really the wrong way to go about it because you

just sold them something that's not real. They will realize it sooner or later. They are going to be disappointed. You'll feel like shit because somebody's disappointed in you. Why are you doing that to yourself? Because when that fucking mask falls off, inevitably, when you don't have the energy, when you've got your guard down, when you're a little too drunk, when you're a little too whatever, and that fucking mask falls off and they see underneath it, you're this scarred, wrecked, festering, pot-covered, howler monkey. Or maybe you just have a pimple. Yeah, whatever, I don't have your pimple. Yeah, usually it is just a pimple. Well, you know, when they see this thing, then that's when the fucking relationship starts collapsing because you don't have the energy

to put up the false thing anymore. And so then you're just exhausted and you're like, no, this is what I'm like. Sometimes I love to play video games or sometimes I fucking sometimes I leave fingernails on the ground. It happens sometimes. And the trip is if you then run into somebody who sees, you know, you do something that's probably not the ideal thing you want to do, you do a and you have that bubble of dog reaction when you turn and you're like, oh shit, now I'm going to hear about it is going to be a bad or something. And they are okay with it. Yes. They're like, that's you think that's bad? That's nothing. Yes. Really? Because that's as bad as I'm going to get, you know, really doesn't bother you. God damn it. See, man, this is why I

this is why I have this attachment towards this fucking girl because in the in the worst time of my life when I really was just literally debilitated one fucking ball freshly chopped off Mamda in radiation. Yeah, the suddenly this person was like, no, I'm totally cool with it. The only thing she wasn't cool with is the fact that I broke up with her after she took care of me when I cancer and how can you blame her for that? No, but at the same time, again, if he was only the you dealing with what you're dealing with your mom, the physical effects of radiation are going to fuck up your mind for a while. And that's so assuming that somebody is going to do the same thing that they did when they were in a state where you probably shouldn't be around

them unless you are willing to take all sorts of shit that's going to come out of them. I think in that scenario, I think that's as sweet and nice as she was. She overestimated their ability to be able to take shit. Because in that scenario is you're not just going to be that is not like a flu where you are there and you need somebody to make you soup and put new blankets and stuff. You're going fucking crazy. Yeah. And one has to realize that they are going to go fucking crazy. And a few weeks later is going to go away. And if you still ride in the bull, then you'll be able to see it for what it really is radar then. So in that sense, I feel like, come on, man, that's why I'm giving her the money back guarantee. Money back guarantee. And if not, it will be my honor to

personally put an end to separating his side from the rest of his body. Try me one more time or I will only talk about you on my podcast for the next 700 podcasts. I'm sure your audience is going to be really pleased. Every podcast. I'm just some old man. And you know what happened? Yeah. Well, whatever, you know, man, I'm already feeling better. This talking about it makes me feel better. You know, being around you makes me feel better. But man, fuck all of my baby high school, elementary school, people right now in Syria are pushing their intestines back into their body while their mouth foams from sarin gas poisoning. Fuck me. Let's talk about your book that just came out. Yeah, which is not sarin gas. There are no gas filling out. But yeah, it's

create your own religion. Yeah, I've been working on this forever because the way I write books in general, and this one in particular, I spend a ton of time ahead taking notes. So you know, you're driving something come to mind. Oh, I'm going to jot it down when I get home. You know, you do that for a long enough time that you have a mountain of material. Yes. Then you sit down, you start seeing patterns, you put it together. And this was create your own religion is not like any other book for me is the sum of my life's philosophy. Wow. Basically. So, you know, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. Because this is the premise of create your own religion is there are X number of topics that are key to human life that anybody who's alive is going to deal with

one way or another, sex, gender roles, a relationship with the earth, beliefs about the afterlife, you know, you name it, you can go down the list, there's a whole bunch. So my thing is, let's look at what some of the answers are by various religion about how is the best possible way to deal with these topics. I'm going to reject the stuff that makes no sense. So it seems horrendously unhealthy. I'm going to focus on the good ones or if there are no good ones, I'm going to figure out my own answers. And essentially in the process of looking at what's out there, the point is not just to study, but to create your own path, your own life's philosophy, create your own, if the world religion strike your own, you know, scratch it off and put

philosophy, same thing in that scenario is about the life, a way of life. So you're saying you're kind of what you're talking about is like the antithesis of what the fundamentalists say, which is like, you must, if you're going to be a Christian, you must follow this word for word, Old Testament to New Testament, and don't throw in any other philosophies from any other religions. You can't make a melting pot. You've got to pick one and stick to that. And part of not only do I disagree with that on a fundamental level, because I don't think it's healthy, because I don't think it works, because a million other reasons. But among other things is their line, because when people tell you that they are following a religion, nobody follow a religion the way you are supposed.

What they do is cut and paste the parts they like within that one religion and ignore the parts they don't like. Because inevitably, in any of the big major sacred books, you have lots of messages that pull you at 360 degrees in different directions. And inevitably, what end up happening is, if you are a certain kind of person, you're going to highlight the passages that resonate, which we are, and you're going to just quickly and conveniently skip over the passages that don't fit your life. And in the end of the day, you still make up your own shit. It's like, look at like the vast majority of Christians today completely skip over all the many passages in the New Testament where Jesus is railing against accumulation of wealth and arguing that, you

know, I mean, when the dude tells you it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven, that's like the most radical condemnation of accumulation of wealth there is. And still a bunch of people are like, I love Jesus, I follow the Bible is my book, except that that shit about wealth, I like my big house, I like my boat, I like my this, so I'm just going to conveniently ignore that part and make up my own version of Christianity. You have to. So my thing is just be honest, since that's what you're doing anyway, even if you say you follow one tradition, yes, have the guts then to open up to since you're picking and choosing anyway, then do it for real, do it with a bunch of sources rather than doing it out of that one

book. That's great. And in that process, and maybe you do realize that in that one book, there's 95 percent of what satisfy you. And you may find a tiny bit elsewhere, I doubt it, because there's so much school stuff out there. But be honest, you know, and there's no, what are you afraid of, of testing it, of trying things out? I find that intellectually dishonest not to try out to pick and choose some ideas, because how do you know whether you like some stuff or not, whether it works for you or not? I'm trying to think of a corollary that isn't religion, where there's rules about not mixing different fields of understanding. I use this a bunch, even in the book itself, the idea like martial arts. Yes, right. Pre UFC, pre Bruce Lee, martial arts was

everybody's judo is awesome karate sucks. No, what are you talking about karate is great. And each one, each school of martial art, like any school, any religion was our way is the great way. Anybody who doesn't train the way we do, they do that because they are morons and they don't really get it, but our way is the great way. Unlike religion, the beauty of martial arts is that having a physical component, one day, somebody had the idea, let's lock them in a cage, let's see what happens because you can only talk shit so much how your way is the best way if you keep getting your head kicked in. Yes. And so eventually, that's exactly what happened and people came up with mixed martial arts, which is some styles are hopeless, but many other have

some strengths, none of them have it all. So yeah, this creative religion is the MMA of religion. That's exactly what it is. That's it. And that makes so much that's so great because it's like what is religion anyway? What is religion? Religion is always a explosion of information coming from a person who generally has gained some form of deep self-realization or a group of people over time. I guess in Judaism, you have the prophets in that variety of self-realized beings sort of giving out this information. So to think that you can only drink from one fountain when there's all these other fountains springing up everywhere, it's always seemed ridiculous to me. I mean, it seemed ridiculous to me about martial arts as well before UFC. So to me,

UFC confirmed exactly what I thought about mixing as applied to martial arts. Unfortunately, we can do that with religions. But in my mind, it's like, obviously, there's more than one right way in that sense that you do find cool things in multiple sources. What is your religion? So in that sense, my religion is, you know, my way, right? And where I take the most from, I tend to take the most from Taoism, some aspect of Buddhism. But then that's where the ball comes from. Then I'll borrow from a bunch of sources. And the reason why I take Taoism in particular is because it's not unlike 99% of other religions, it doesn't give you an identity. This is what it means to be a Taoist. I have to believe this. I have to wear these clothes. I

have to do this shit. Taoism is the language of life and it's not trying to convince you, it's not trying to tell you, you need to believe, you don't need to believe in shit, is it's like gravity. It's a force that's out there. Whether you believe in it or not doesn't matter. It's really about how you use it in your daily life so that you don't put heavy object above your head and let go. It's not a scene if you do, it's just stupid. And so that, to me, is what Taoism is about. It's not about having beliefs that you cannot possibly prove for which you have need to have faith. It's not about trying to convince anybody of this is, it's speaking a language that I find easier to apply to life and to everything else for

that matter. And what I dig is the fact that a ton of people can be Taoists without having ever heard of Taoism. How can you do it without the religions? It's like either you follow that religion and you have certain articles of faith that you stick by or you are not. In Taoism, it doesn't matter whether you even have read it out at Shing or not. In some cases you may be applying the same insights because you pick them up by looking at life and that's how life is, those are just kind of natural forces in a way. Yeah, because Taoism is this kind of super condensed articulation of the way nature works. Absolutely. Now, but what's really confusing to me about Taoism is doesn't it have a mystical element? Like isn't it there in Taoism and the

practice of the religion? Don't they burn like incense and aren't there firecrackers to ward off demons and like a lot of like weird ceremonial things? What happened with Taoism is the same thing that happened with all Chinese religions, which is all Chinese religions are various forms of shamanism. Okay. And what happens is somebody come up with a cool philosophy, become popular enough, now you attach some elements of that to the shamanism practice within China. And now that's the religious component of what started out as a philosophy. So in that sense, Taoism, Confucianism, bunch of forms of Buddhism, China kind of are all the same. The only thing that they do different is that they put Lao Tzu as a patron saint versus Confucius, but it's really about the ritualistic

aspect of animistic shamanistic way. So when I look at a lot of the sects of religious Taoism, they have very little to do with what I'm talking about when I speak of Taoism. Yes. The thing that I do like about it is that no matter which sect you are talking about, they tend to be open to the fact that there's more than one interpretation. So you have Taoists who are like crazy into sex as a way to transform consciousness. You have Taoists who are hardcore celibate. So there's one thing and it's opposite under one cover, and they are cool with it. They let you do it. Okay, that's cool. Right. And that makes sense. They kind of have to be cool with it because they're Taoists. And also, by the way, there was a time when I would look at

this kind of ceremonialism and it is a degradation of the thing. But the older I get, and especially having practiced various spell workings from Crowley or playing around with the function of ceremony and enacting your will into the world, there's something really beautiful about it, regardless of whether or not there's some true metaphysical principles, something about having incense and imagery and candles. It really helps focus the focus, if nothing else, helps focus your mind or your consciousness and opens you up to maybe receiving certain transmissions or something. I think it's part of my religion. There would definitely be ceremony. I'm totally cool with that. In my mind, my one yard stick to measure whether I like something or not is

you try it, it works for you, then that's great. And maybe the ritual that works for you doesn't work for me. It doesn't mean that it's a bad ritual. It doesn't click with me. So I'm not going to use it, but that's awesome that you do and it's working for you. Because really, at the end of the day, the only thing that means something is whether that idea or that action or whatever, produce a positive result in your life where it improves the quality of your life, makes you a nicer human being, makes you cooler to your neighbors or doesn't. Everything else is just theoretical bullshit. The problem is the priest class, it seems like. It seems like the problem is that in every single one of these fucking things, there is a dick who

will tell you that what you're doing is right or what you're doing is wrong. And that dick always happens to be the one with his hand outstretched getting the fucking bits of gold and silver. That's why I dig Walt Whitman and Thomas Payne both said basically the same thing about this idea that kind of a new age is coming in which every person is going to be their own priest. And what they mean by that is like, there's a beautiful line by the priest thing was Whitman. There's a beautiful line by Thomas Payne that argue, he says, my own mind is my own church. And it because that's really the only honest thing can do is it's your life. Nobody else can leave it for you. People can give you advice and it's a good idea to listen to what's out there.

But at the end of the day, you got to choose what works and what doesn't. You are the one who has to live with the consequence. So it really is the only thing you can do is figure out for yourself what is that you are about. Otherwise, you're living somebody else's life. Right. Oh, God, that's so easy to do, isn't it? So easy to live someone else's life. And it's a terrible mistake. This is like one of the worst mistakes that you can make. And anytime anyone, this is why like, you know, whenever you hear like some of the great comics like Doug Stanhope, he wrote this amazing essay on like, you can't teach comedy. If I'm giving you comedy advice, I'm not telling you how to be a good comic. I'm telling you how to be me. Yeah, this is all

that's such an individual path that you learn. So in the same way, and I think this is this is in Christianity and real Christianity, I think Jesus was saying, you don't need this fucking priest class anymore, you just are already connected. We are this is the kingdom of heaven, we're existing in the kingdom of heaven. And you can be in the kingdom of heaven if you're willing to allow the part of yourself that is someone else's life to die. And then boom, now you're in paradise and the birds are singing again, the fountains are flowing. And that's in fact, that's what I mean is even by people who got hung up is like Christianity, good Christianity, bad. You look at it that message. I dig it. It's beautiful. Is it real Jesus is who the fuck cares

doesn't matter. It's a cool idea. And whether it's a myth, a legend or total reality, I'm gonna take it and use it for me. I think it's the real Jesus because that motherfucker got nailed up. Yeah. And usually by the priest class, the priest class put him the cruise in the in the story. The priest class was so frustrated by this fucking hippie wandering around telling people that they could do whatever they want on Sunday or Saturdays on the Sabbath and was healing on the Sabbath. And he was totally disempowering people who deserve to be disempowered, which is these creepy God clowns wearing their funny outfits and driving people out of the temple. That was like what they would do like they would like that was like the worst thing that could happen to you is you

get driven out of the temple. Yeah, it would have been cooler for Jesus had been able to hang out by the Sea of Galilee and microphone on and start his podcast and communicate with people that way. They're learning to put his body on the line that way. But hey, that's the game, right? No, that's fucking Jesus Christ superstar. There's that song. What is it? The last song when Judas is singing that awesome song like, why'd you pick such a backwards time and such a strange land? Yeah. No, it goes if you if you live today, you could have saved the whole nation. Israel, something BC had no mass communication. Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Yeah. But you know, the thing about it is, man, which which I think is I love that Jesus by the way, I fucking

love Jesus Christ superstar. We'll definitely play a song from then at the end of this podcast. But the reason Judas is wrong and seeing that is is because the reason Jesus can be so potent and powerful is there wasn't mass communication because the myth could build over generations. Yeah, absolutely. If you'd heard the real Jesus, he put the voice was probably like, you know, we just have to love each other guys. I can I get a hand job. Yeah. How much for a hand job? He probably love paying for hand jobs and was unashamed about it and that stinky feet. Yeah, that would be and that's where one of my Jesus story that's along this version of Jesus and the cooler one that's I find hilarious in the New Testament. Jesus going off and running into

this fig tree and he decided he's hungry. He want the fig except that is the wrong season. And so there are no figs at the moment. Jesus got mad course, the fig tree, the fig tree withers and disciples are like clapping like what an amazing miracle. This is great. And Jesus goes off about everything that you can do with faith. You can tell a mountain to jump into the sea and yeah, it's like it's a fig tree. There's it's not personal money you can. So yeah, there are the really high parts, even in the New Testament. I hate you, you old dumb old fig tree. Everybody look what I can do with my magic. She's dead now. Let's go. If you wanted to, you can move a home out. Yeah. Can I get a hand job?

By the way, just so you know, I think that is beginning. I'm trying to convince Duncan that is that we need to write a book about Jesus and well, I won't spoil it. But yes, no, it's a comedy book. Definitely. My balls sting today. Guys, you want to go heal some lepers? He just wrote half of the book. That's perfect. Man. It is this pot. You know, we've been talking for an hour. This podcast flew by. I want to thank you for being on the podcast. I forgive me. I am so sorry. I feel a little selfish for having you be my therapist during this podcast. Jesus, man. God damn it. I feel better. And how can people get your book? I can put a link on my website,

but is there a place you want them to go in particular? I mean, either link through your website. If they were basically, you know, if you guys are into it, double up either way, either go through Duncan's Amazon link and you got it that way. That would be great. You go on my website, Daniela Boleyli.com. You click on the book cover. It takes you to Amazon. Same thing with me. Either one is good. So it doesn't really matter. And you guys do it. Please. Everyone loves you. I would say you're, I mean, I don't want to create a hierarchy, but of all the guests, you're the one everyone requests and loves and they love your voice. Jesus, you got to be, I didn't realize how ripped you are. I'm flexing my muscles for the microphone,

which suddenly we don't have the camera. Steel ball under there. So yeah, you guys support Daniela because the book is awesome. I've started it. It's really fucking cool, man. And go, go buy this book and listen to his podcast, the drunken Taoist podcast, which is located where Drunken Taoist podcast. You can find it tonight. Toon's teacher. Our site is the drunken Taoist dot com. So easy enough to find. But otherwise, yeah, you can find it through all the regular stuff that you got your podcast from. Um, I'm actually, I would love to, if you, you are officially our very first guest of the podcast, it would be fun to do another one. Love to. Anytime. Do it sometime soon. And love your neighbor as yourself. Lord,

you're God, all your heart, mind and soul. Yeah, somebody get in here. I see you right out of lubrication. This is fresh lubrication for my head jobs. Yeah, this is my father's house. This is creepy pussy. Okay, everybody. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Daniela. Thank you. Thanks for listening, everybody. If you like this podcast, why not go to iTunes and give us a positive rating? Okay, this is superstar from the greatest musical of all time. Jesus Christ superstar. God bless you all. Yeah. Every time I look at you, I don't understand why you let the things you did get so out of hand.

You don't manage better if you had it planned. Why did you step back with time and search straight lands? That's what have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, who are you what have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ, Superstar, do you think you're what they say you are? Jesus Christ, Superstar, do you think you're what they say you are? Tell me what you think about your friends at the top Who just think besides yourselves to pick out the clown? Who do you watch, he where it's at is where you are Could no home and move a mouse, no words that just pee off Did your Altpete site like that? That was quite a mistake huh Did you know your messy dance would be你們 I couldn't be good Don't you get me wrong?

Don't you get me wrong? Don't you want to know? Jesus Christ Jesus Christ Who are you, what have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ Who are you, what have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ

Superstar Who are you, what have you sacrificed? Jesus Jesus Who do you want to know? Tell me, don't get me wrong What do you want to know? Jesus

What do you want to know? Jesus What do you want to know? Jesus What do you want to know? Jesus What do you want to know? Jesus

What do you want to know? Jesus What do you want to know?