Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Demon Slaying with Jayson Thibault

Episode Date: March 27, 2016

Comedian Jayson Thibault (Punch drunk/all things comedy) joins the DTFH and we talk about comedy, freedom,  and battling the demon ALCOHOL.     This episode brought to you by http://www.squarespace.comSquarespace.com go to Squarespace.com and use offer code Duncan to get 10% off a brand new beautiful damn web site.

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you think. Oh no, you know it. You make yourself a good old website. I'm gonna watch you make that I'm just stuck here in a dream. Hello, sweet angels. It's me. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Guys, I want to try and experiment for the next few episodes, and we're gonna see what happens. As many of you know, I do these long, rambling intros in front of a lot of the episodes, and man, it adds a lot of time in front of getting an episode out, which means that even though I've got a bunch of interviews recorded, I don't put them out when I record them like a lot of other podcasters do because I spend some time doing these rambling monologues and songs, and I really love doing it, but I'm going on tour. I got this massive tour coming up,

and I don't know what that's gonna be like. I have no idea, but I don't want my podcast to diminish or dissipate because I'm busy out there on the road. So the solution that I've come up with in my mind is to maybe not do openings for a little while. If I have time, I'll do it. If I don't, I hope you'll forgive me. I actually spent the last two days trying to record a spring intro for this podcast, and everything's coming out a little weird, a little forced, a little stilted, and I think that's because I got this big tour coming up, and in a few days I got to get on a bus, and I don't know what to expect. I think it's going to be a blast, but there's a lot of loose ends I got to tie up, and I would rather than put out a boring, preachy, half-assed intro

about the beauty of spring, I'd rather not put an intro out and just get an episode out. So we're gonna try that. I want to see what happens. Here's my question. What happens if I just start releasing episodes and don't spend a day or two days trying to do the opening for a little while? Will the podcast diminish? Will it suck? Will you guys hate me? Will you forgive me? What will happen? I don't know. Maybe when I get on the road, I'm gonna have too much time, and we'll be able to do even longer, more complex intros. But for now, I'm just gonna upload a podcast with my pal Jason Tebow, and before that, we're gonna do some very quick business. Today's episode of the Dunk of Trussell Family, our podcast is brought to you by my longtime patrons and friends over at

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sweet love to the baby Jesus or get sucked down into the eternal demon-scarred vortex that is Hades will fall on the Hades side of the scale. So I did it. I was a Charleston web designer and I regret doing it and perhaps part of my karmic repayment is being able to promote the wonderful folks over at Squarespace.com who have opened a portal for all of those out there who would like to dip their sweet perfumed little toes into the waters of the internet by putting a professional beautiful website out without having to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to do it. Squarespace.com. Sign up today. Use offer code Duncan. You'll get 10% off your first order and you can sign up for a trial membership just to try it out to see if you like it.

I like all things I promote on this podcast. Have checked Squarespace out. Have made sure that their customer service is great because designing a website even though Squarespace makes it very easy and even though you don't need to know code, sometimes you might run into some questions. They have a wonderful customer support. You can email them, chat with them and they get back to you right away. And I actually tested that out just to make sure you really have nothing to lose. And if you sign up for a year, you will get a free domain name and you'll show Squarespace that you are sent there from the Duncan Trussell family hour podcast. And if anybody deserves love, it's freaking Squarespace because these lunatics made it possible for me to actually

travel around the country in a bus on the Squarespace presents you are God comedy tour. That's right friends. I am coming to you. I'm starting on the 30th. That's next week. If you're listening to this on the week of the 27th of March, I'm starting March 30th in Asheville, North Carolina at the orange peel. And I proceed in a bus through Charleston, Durham, Richmond, Baltimore, Washington, Philadelphia, Hamden, Boston, New York, Pittsburgh, Columbus, Cleveland, Ferndale, Toronto, Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Kansas City, St. Louis, Nashville, Vancouver, Seattle, Washington, Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and it ends in Maui. We've had some shows sell out, but we've added second shows in Portland, San Francisco, New York, and Toronto.

But do buy your tickets in advance because we might not add second shows everywhere that it sells out. Don't procrastinate buying tickets. Every time I say that something horrible rolls in its grave because I am the ultimate procrastinator that ever lived on planet earth. But if you can overcome the entropy that causes so many of us to miss out on some of the greatest things in life, as they say, Satan is only God procrastinating and you are God. And this is the you are God tour. So go to dugitrustle.com and get those tickets in advance. We're also brought to you by amazon.com. There's a beautiful little Amazon portal on the comments section of every single one of these episodes. And if you're thinking about venturing out into the world because you want to buy toilet

paper, friend, you are making an awful mistake when you can go to amazon.com and have a billion rolls of toilet paper delivered to your house the next day, not to mention if you live in earthquake territory, but happen to be a lazy son of a bitch like yours truly and don't feel like buying gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons of bottled water to add to your reservoir of bottled water that is going to make you a very popular man in your neighborhood. Once that fault line opens up and the world crumbles to dust, people are going to crawl to your doorstep begging for just one little drop of your sweet water that you ordered through my amazon portal. And there's nothing better than when your neighbors gather around covered in earthquake grit and mud and

fierce sweat and bow down to you. You, the lord of the earthquake, now wearing a crown and a robe and a scepter and forcing your neighbors to offer you up things from their house, stereo equipment, whatever until the lights come on and you're arrested. This can happen to you. All you've got to do is go through our amazon portal and order a shitload of water or whatever else. Strikes your fancy. We've also got t-shirts. We've also got posters and stickers at the shop located at dunkintrestle.com and good news. I've been getting this question. Now we have special amazing you are god tour shorts shirts that are only going to be available on the tour. So show up, get a tour shirt, enjoy some comedy, enjoy your life and now everyone please welcome to the

dunkintrestle family hour podcast one of my best friends on planet earth and this is a great episode to release on Easter because Easter is all about resurrection and my friend Jason Tebow had a little run in with a dark demon alcohol that has dragged so many souls into the bottomless vile pits of self-destruction, jail and a general horrible life. Tebow has battled this demon and is currently experiencing some real victories. So if you're somebody out there who's been noticing that your hand keeps pouring fermented yeast juice into your hamburger chewer, even if you don't want it to, this might be a great episode for you. Everybody please welcome to the dunkintrestle family hour podcast comedian and host of a magnificent podcast on the all things comedy network called punch drunk.

He's starting a new podcast. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to talk about it or not. So I'll just leave it there. He also does stand up all over LA. If he's ever traveling through your town, you should definitely come and see him. Please welcome to the dunkintrestle family hour podcast, the magnificent Jason Tebow. Jason Tebow, welcome to the dunkintrestle family hour podcast. It is a strange thing that I haven't had you on this podcast since I've known you longer. We've tried, we've made attempts. We've made attempts but it's hard. Lots of reasons. One of them let you live at the top of like Mount Wilson here wherever the hell it says Jesus Christ. You have a superhero like place to get to like super

villains would like. That's right. Be like, oh, yeah, that's a cool, no one will ever find that place. We like it that way. I bet, I bet. It's good to be secluded. You don't want to, you never know what can happen man. I mean, God, Jesus Christ, not to sound like a prepper, which I'm not, but there is something mildly pleasurable about being separated from the world just because. Even above it because you're kind of like up at the top of the things. You're like looking down on the world, like making evil plans, it seems. Yeah, mostly just thinking, my God, how do I get to see this view than evil plans? But man, wow, it's fucking cool though. It really is cool. So, Teep, we met, when did we meet? I met you, you started working at the

comedy store and you met Sam Tripoli and he called me and he was like, you have to meet this guy, Duncan Chussell. Right. You guys are pretty much the exact brand of idiot. I mean, in so many words, he said that and he was very right. He was very right. Because we were both, man, we were doing a lot of drugs back then. That was like when I had that a guy I knew had acid and I kept going to this guy because everybody knew I knew a guy that had acid. So every five fucking days, someone's like, hey, can you get me four? Hey, can you get me three? Hey, can you give me five? So eventually, and then I was like right when I met you, I got sick of that and I said to the guy, can you just sell him for like five bucks a tab or

something like that, you know, four for 25, when it was some regular bullshit. Yeah. And I just went to the guy, I got a list of, man, I'm sure you're sick of me coming over here for three days. I'm definitely sick of it. How much for a lot of this? And he gave me a whole like giant bi-zine bottle of like 150 hits for like 80 bucks. And this was before the statue of limitations, that whatever that would be. And obviously guys, I say this all the time on this podcast. It actually would be before the statue of limitations, I'm sure. We, anytime you hear us talking about stuff like that, federal officers, agents of the law, anybody, the state, anybody, this is a comedy podcast. We're doing characters. This is a bit.

And this is a bit that I pre-wrote, which is the story of the time Jason bought a vial of LSD. Yes. Correct. So continue. So you and I would, everybody would always want to do acid. And you and I were the only ones that were willing in this fictional story to do it every single time anybody wanted to. So what happened was everybody that we knew in the comedy scene was doing acid like once a week. And you and I wanted to do it like six times a week. Because it's great. And we had the assets. So like, yeah, man, come on. So I was like, shit, well, now Duncan will do it too. So I'd always call you. But then we got to the crazy point where once again, in this made up story where everybody would do, it was liquid, it was

really good liquid acid. And this was a long time ago, like long before it came back around. So, but our tolerance was so incredibly high. Yeah, that's right. That everyone would do one drop of this stuff. And you and I had to do like one in the eye or like four on our tongue to just be at a level that they're at. Otherwise, I could I could operate a vehicle on just one on one hit. That was not the one hit. That's the point where one hit was nothing to us. Those are the days, man. That's such a wonderful drug. It really is. You and I did over 100 hits of acid in three months. No. Yes, we did. Did we really? Yes. Well, that doesn't surprise me, man. I mean, before I well about that, we pop maybe probably 80 hits of acid between the two of us. Because the other, you

know, whatever third of it went to everybody else that wanted some. And then it was me and you just doing a lot of it. Well, look, I mean, I'm not trying to poop all over something that is as amazing as that. But the problem with LSD is one hit of acid versus another hit of acid. It's two completely different you to the like with marijuana, you have a visual representation of how much you've smoked and the strengths vary. But with LSD, you can't even see it because it's micrograms, which means that who knows how many micrograms were in each drop of that stuff. There's just no telling. But I mean, LSD is one of those drugs that if you have a specific type of personality, then you just love it. And it's something that you do want to do as much as possible. But

and maybe this is denial, it doesn't feel like you're addicted to it. It's I've been addicted to just about everything. It's just about everything. And that was one of the drugs where I'm like, Oh, yeah, you can never get addicted to this. Yeah, it doesn't be right. It doesn't call to you. That's the way exactly. That's it. It doesn't have that terrible, heavy, tractor beam feeling that other drugs have. Right, right, right. And also, you know, my gauge of whether or not a drug is good for you or bad for you right now is how do you feel the next day? And that'll tell you everything about what you took. Sure. If the next day you feel itchy, like you want it again, or if the next day you feel hung

over, if the next day you feel whatever the remorse, remorse, or you can't believe or blacked out, or groggy, or even like groggy, any of these things, if that's what's happening to you the next day, the odds are pretty good that that substance you're taking isn't your pal. But if the next day the colors are brighter, you feel like cleaning, you're writing apology letters to people from your past. That's one thing I did on that after the day after I said, it's like, man, that whole night I had a revelation that I wasn't very patient or kind with just a coworker at the time. The next day I just wrote this, Hey, you know what, I'm looking at a different way and I apologize for not being more patient with you. Probably never would have had that perspective

if it wasn't for acid. You know, acid and pot, I mean, I'm sure I can list and I'm sure you're listeners will list 700 more drugs, but for example, like pot and acid, nobody like does acid and is like, I bet I can rob a bank right now. Right. I should cheat on my wife. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like booze and coke and all those like, you know, gnarly ones, they're just riddled with bad decisions. Riddled, you know, they become increasingly bad the longer that you do it. And this is the interesting stuff coming out right now regarding the studies related to like psilocybin for treating addiction, specifically psilocybin for treating cigarette addiction. So in AA, what is it they you need contact with the higher power? What are they saying? It's sure. Yeah, that's one way of

saying that you need to like this epiphanous moment where you have a connection to the divine. Not even really, you don't even really, it doesn't need to be an epiphanous moment. It's just you need, you don't really need, it's just suggested that you believe in something bigger in yourself. That's it. Well, in these studies with psilocybin, they're finding that people who take mushrooms and with the intention of quitting some addiction, they can tell whether or not the person is going to quit smoking based on whether or not they have a mystical experience during the trip. So there's a direct correlation to that place that you get to on mushrooms where you witness whatever the version of the universe is that it's decided to show you. And if you have that moment

and in during that moment, there's an intention set where I want to quit smoking, then you are going to have a better shot at quitting smoking than somebody. So this is why, you know, this is the story that I've said on the podcast before, but I love it, which is that Bill Wilson was a proponent of LSD for treating alcoholism. And that's one of the things they don't talk about a lot at AA meetings. You heard a lot. Oh, you do. Sure, they talk about it. What do they say? Just exactly that. I mean, it's not, you know, it's, you know, these meetings aren't run by like some sort of like guru guy, you know, it's just everybody else. So it's, it's really essentially just a room full of people that share that addiction, talking about it and the common

solutions that they all, all whatever tools they can come up with. So, you know, anybody in the program has heard that story too or read about it or been fascinated about it. Talk about it and mention it, but they don't say, Hey, why don't we take some acid this weekend, fight this addiction? Um, I mean, not necessarily collectively as a all seven, 10 million alcoholics in America, United and get high, but I'm, I'm certain that people have because the story is he wanted to administer LSD before some of the meetings. Like, right. But, you know, back then, like in the thirties, when that started forties, there was what a book was written, and I think in 37, I mean, there was like 18 of them or, you know, whatever. Originally,

that was just two, you know, and they both found that that, that they're bond with each other and they sort of kept them from feeling like they're crazy or individually, tragically unique. What prior to the book, what was, so if you were an alcoholic institutionalization, no shit, it was insanity. You were, you were just insane and you would be institutionalized. Wow. Yeah. But you weren't good. Was it when, did the term alcoholic exist? Was that a label that existed then? Or was there another name for it? Um, I don't know if there was another name for it. I don't know when that actual term came out. It was a long time after that. Um, when they, when it actually became recognized by, like, you know, the medical association

is an actual disease. Right. Which, and you know, that's the problem. Even addiction, not even just alcoholism, but all that, it's like putting somebody in prison for what, what is the action, the resulting action of an addiction, which could be having a shitload of pot and split up into eight so you could sell it so you can pay for your own addiction for free. Right. Whether it's, you know, crystal meth lab blowing up in your garage, whether it's, you know, any kind of stealing money from work because you're an alcoholic and your whole, you know, I mean, your wife doesn't know and your mortgage is about to, you know, with any one of those things, you know, those are, those are, those are act, you know, criminal acts. And then they just lock

these people up and then when they get out, it's right back to it. They don't treat, you know, treatment isn't a part of the solution here. You know, putting you in jail is, you know, there's no, you can add up all the other jails around the world and there's still more people in jail than there are in America, you know, and then it's like half, all these people that have lost their last 20 years of their life because they went to prison for pot. Yeah. And now pot's like no big deal and it's, I would be so pissed. Oh, I'm sure. If I was in my 60s now and I went to prison when I was 39 because of pot. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, and that is one of the deep politics. That's the deep politics. Like that's the thing that should be being talked about

every single day in the United States is that there are legions of people locked up right now for a substance that is relatively harmless, especially when compared to the demon alcohol. Or tobacco. Or tobacco, relatively completely harmless. Yeah, that's something we just don't like talking about. All those people should immediately be released. Anyone in jail right now who is there for anything to do with marijuana that doesn't involve breaking a law while on marijuana. Or being in a drug cartel. Or being in a drug cartel. They need to be released immediately. Everyone should have an amnesty. There should be some form of compensation, which is like, we were crazy. There's nothing you they did was wrong. And yet they're sitting behind bars

with serial rapists, with murderers, with child molesters, it's insane. It's sexual predators. It's fucking insane, man. But so, Teeb, when do you think since we're talking about alcoholism and you clearly go to AA meetings? Good guess. Pretty good guess from what you're saying. When did you start realizing that this was a disease that had afflicted you versus I'm just having fun? I mean, man, there's so many, I could look back on so many different times, but I think like, you know, I had kind of hit a point where I was like, okay, I, you know, I got to keep, I got to, I got to start monitoring this. I got to start, you know, and my depression was really, really high. And I went and saw a therapist and he kept just like kind of like,

you know, hinting that I might have a drinking problem, which I'm like, nah, it's not that man. It was my childhood. It was this, it's that, you know, it's all these, but it's definitely not that. And he would be like, okay, he's the one you do. Try and pick three days this week where you can drink. Tell me which days they are. And I'd be like, okay, Friday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I'm going to be, you know, be on the road. I'm sure I'm going to drink every night. So just Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It's like, cool. When you get back Monday, we'll talk about it. And I did that for like two months and never could I drink the three days that I was allowed. It was always, there was always some reason why I drank five or six, you know, whatever it was.

And kind of was just a way to show me that like, that I wasn't in control, you know, and like how much power it had within me. Now, this is something that I think about a lot, the idea of control over the self or human autonomy. And I got in a big fight in college, not a big fight, but a pretty nice argument with my friend, Emil, who I love. He's awesome. I haven't seen him forever. But I remember at the time, he was getting really into existentialism. And so his, so the idea is you are the person making every single choice in your life. You're 100% responsible for where you are right now. It's nobody else's fault. And so we got in a fight because I, you know, I was saying, what about alcoholics?

Are you saying that alcoholics have control over their behavior? They don't. They're afflicted by this disease. They're sick. And his argument was no, even them, all humans, all human beings are autonomous, all human beings outside of now, I guess the argument would be, yeah, but what about schizophrenics, mentally ill people? You know, that, that would be the counter argument, which I didn't make. I was just like shrill and, you know, this college, college argument. But I do think about this, that to this very day, which is at what point do you lose control? Like when it, when have you lost control as an alcoholic? Have you lost control when in the morning you make the decision to drink that night? Have you lost control when you put the

glass to your lips and take the drink? Have you, when, when, when is the control lost? Okay, I can, I kind of think I see what you're saying here. And I'll give me an example of that. I'd like, I was sober for like three years. And, and, and in my life, something went down, a couple scenarios of sort of like misfortune or bad luck. And, you know, I wasn't really, I was still going to a lot of meetings and still doing everything I should be doing and all the tools that you get to kind of stay sober and safety in numbers especially. And I was dating somebody that was in the program. And she, we had, went through a bad breakup and, and I was, went into a meeting and she was there and I was kind of like, fuck, like, you know what,

should be cool enough to keep church and state separated. This is more important than what, what happens when we leave this room. And she was talking about me in a very specific way. And everybody in the room knew we just broke up. So everybody kind of knew, she was kind of bitching at me. And it was very uncomfortable. And I think it made other people uncomfortable. And when I went, when it was my turn to kind of talk, and I was kind of talking, kind of like, was looking around the room and there she was in the corner, just flipping me off. Like, fuck you. Like, mouthing that. And the part of my, you know, brain mechanism that, that, that is an addict. Yeah. Loved that. And I hadn't heard that voice in quite a long time.

You know, and it's like, I always say this, it's like, if I move to Germany, and I become fluent in German, and I live in Germany for three years, my disease learns German. So it'll, it's just as much my dreams will become German, my head will be telling me, you know, Trinkensie, you know what I mean? Right. I'll just learn that I need to, you know, it'll learn that. So the interesting thing is, is that my disease in my brain learned recovery. Because I've been going to meetings for four years, and I had been, you know, done so much that it knew how to talk to me to kind of trick me and get me away from the herd. And when she did that, and I was very angry, I didn't leave that room like fuck her, or fuck that specific meeting.

I left the room like fuck AA. Right. And, and I didn't drink for like five months, but I wasn't going to meetings. And every time I go, oh, I'm going to go to this meeting, my head would go, you know, who's going to be at that meeting if we go though. Right. And I'm like, fuck you're right. Who's right? Who's we, if we go? Yeah, who is we? You know what I mean? Who is we? It's me and my disease. It's the part of me that wants to fuck up and the part of me that doesn't want to. But we call it a disease, but it's more like a demon, it seems like. I always equate it to that. That's what it, that's what it sort of feels like. It's a hundred. I mean, it sounds like I was having a great conversation with this psychiatrist. Actually, I'm going to have on the

podcast, Cole, and we were talking about the, these studies that are coming out about psilocybin and how you have this mystical experience. And you're going to have, there's a chance that your addiction is going to go away, which is the results that they're getting people with smoking. I don't know what it is with alcoholism or other things like that, but with smoking, which is a pretty nasty motherfucker. Hell of a thing to quit. Hell of a thing to quit. So, you know, the word we use right now is addiction. Because you can't say, oh, you have a demon in you, brother. Sure. But it's interesting that the cure for having a demon in you is contact with the divine. Yes. Also known as exorcism. Okay. You know, yes. But if you follow that, dude,

there's nothing about what you're saying that doesn't make a lot of sense to me right now. And sometimes I wonder if the problem with addiction treatment these days is that people are afraid to revert back to the primitive quote, primitive way of describing addiction. They want to say addiction. They want to say disease. They want to say all these medical terms. Instead of saying, here's what has happened. You were weak and your weak spiritual immune system allowed something in. You got something in you, man. You got a little parasitic entity that is trying as much as it can to kill you because that's what it does. It is what it does. And also, if you look at the, it's really interesting. So I was listening

to this great book, Bill Bryson, a brief history of nearly everything. And one of the questions people have is why did diseases make you vomit? Why does diseases make you sneeze? Why did diseases make you sweat? Why would a thing living inside another thing want to make it do these things? And the answer is that's how it transmits itself through the vomiting, through the sneezing, through the sweating. That's how the virus gets out there into the world. So it actually would apply. It's like spores of a tree in the wind. That's it. And what is better for a demon than to get into a being that it's slowly destroying and convince that being to also throw up in a bar's parking lot. Yeah. To go to bars, to transmit the disease. You know, that's ideas like spread the

meme, spread the fucking thing, whatever it may be, which is, you know, a lot of people are like, it is addiction is not a disease. But it's like, really, it kind of is because it's contagious. Alcoholism can be contagious. It can be you get people around you to drink, you feel more comfortable when the people around you are drinking. So it spreads. And it also is has a spiritual component to it, which is why I think a demon possession is a more accurate, adequate and useful term. Because if I've got a disease, it seems it's kind of like boring or something. But if I've got a demon living inside of me, it's a little bit. Now I got a sitcom. I'll put it to you like this, man. You know, one thing that I've learned in anybody that has ever dealt with any kind of addiction,

and by dealt with it, I mean, actively tried to better yourself in whatever way form that is, whether it's, you know, mushrooms or whether it's your spirituality or whether it's any kind of recovery program or going to rehab, whatever it is. I have always had, and whether this is part of my alcoholism that I was born with or what, I don't know. It doesn't matter. But I've always had the inability to be present. And because I've always been very, you know, in a lot of fear, I've been a lot of regret. I just have a difficulty being in the moment, which is why meditation is so big in recovery and aid. It's literally one of the steps, 11 steps is prayer and meditation. But alcohol and drugs

always made me present. Because if I'm hammered, I can't be anything else but completely in that moment. If I'm high on acid, if I'm stoned, if I'm coked up, if I'm anything, it forces me to be present. Now the problem with that is, is just in these small intervals. So I would wake up and feel the pain of the hangover, whatever I had to do. And the minute I could kind of get my ship back together, then I go back to being present and start drinking and start whatever it was, you know. And the only thing that I have found, and I've tried a lot of different things to not drink from different therapies and addiction therapists, and I went to rehab, I've tried a bunch of different things. And one of the only things that I've found that have given me tools to

be present is all of the things that that book that Bill Wilson wrote in there. And when I speak at meetings and I share that to my inability to be present and how drugs and alcohol gave me that ability to be present, very few people in the room are not nodding. Like, wow, that is, yeah, that describes it. That's, you know, and some of them have, you know, 20 years of sobriety and they know it and they're like, yep, yep, yep. And some of them, some of them, you know, it's their 30th day being sober and they're like, oh, that sums me up pretty good. It's Satan, man. I'm telling you sure. Because think the thing, you know, one thing that you notice if you start hanging out in the present moment is how psychedelic it is here. Very much so. And it's just this trippy, colorful,

very satisfying place down here. And then when you're having that experience, if you're somebody who is high a lot, and you're suddenly having that experience and you're like, man, I am high as a kite. And then you're like, oh, I'm not high at all. I'm just being in the moment. Correct. And then you realize that this terrible demon has intertwined itself with the greatest thing on earth. It's convinced you that it's somehow the real estate agent for the present moment. And that the only way you can get in there is by paying this toll, which is the substance you're putting in your fucking body. Yep. Satan, it's Satan. Satan is the being that stands in front of a field, a beautiful field and says, not to see here, selling tickets. No, yeah, selling tickets. I'm selling tickets.

Satan stands in front of paradise and tries to fucking sell tickets to people and limits it. And that to me is like the real vile aspect of this spiritual disease, which is it's a fucking trickster, man. To me, look, I'm going back in time when I wrestle with my fucking desire to drink. When I wrestle with the that awful moment where I'm looking at the fucking my hand coming to my goddamn lips. And I've just seen myself in the mirror kind of fat and like, you know, I know I'm going to feel the next day. And I like to think to myself, this is a fucking demon here, man. This is a gear. You've got a monster in you if you can't keep this from happening. Sure. But whatever works, man, I guess, right? Like whatever the thing is you want to tell yourself,

it's just like, if you're not careful, I guess the thing AA teaches, which is quite terrifying is it's not just a disease. It's a progressive disease. Well, I'm I wholeheartedly believe that. Yeah, that's I mean, I've seen I've seen that repeatedly happen in my life. And like I was saying before, like so when then I went like five months where I was just every time I knew what I had to do, that little demon would tell me why I shouldn't do it, which was usually wrapped in fear, some sort of fear, fear of confrontation, fear of running into my ex girlfriend and fear of being judged, whatever the fuck it was, didn't matter. It was good enough to keep me away. And about five, five months later, I was on the road in San Diego. And went out with the staff,

you know, you always do that sometimes. And nobody knew I was sober. And it was four, like a manager and three waitresses or something like that. All of us went into a bar. And the guy just ordered five beers and put them on there and four hands grab them. And there was one sitting right there. And, you know, I hadn't had a drink in three years. But I kind of looked around the room in San Diego to make sure nobody knew. Yeah. And I took it and I went in the bathroom with it. I put in my coat. Oh, this is how stupid all this is putting my coat went in the bathroom with it. And it was gone in maybe 60 seconds. How did it taste? Great. How'd that first endorphin rush feel? You know, and then I, and, you know, I was hammered that night. And, you know, I hadn't

had a drink in three years. And in about two weeks, I was already drinking like I used to drink. And then it, like I said, as a progressive disease, it got worse. And your life was getting fucked up probably. Like you're just everything starts collapsing. Like 18, 18 took me about a year and a half. But I did a pretty substantial amount of damage. Yeah, man. I mean, this is, I have seen people who, without question, saved their lives. I know quite a bit, a ton of them. Yeah. I've seen that before. So I get, I get it. But man, I just, I guess, like, from PS, again, let me just reiterate. I've seen people destroying themselves with alcohol, who suddenly are no longer destroying themselves, because they've been going to AA.

No question about it. Breaks go on the catastrophic descent into a horrible death or going to jail for people. So there's the preface. But the thing that I can't get around that I don't like about AA is the categorization, the infinite categorization of the self as an addict. From now on, that's what you are. You're an addict. Because with other diseases, you know, you're a survivor maybe, but you're cured. Like, I don't have the infection anymore from other diseases. And so that is the place for me where AA, where it just bugs me. I think that that infinite category is, and I guess it's necessary for some people. So you're, you're, let me see if I understand this right. Because by the way, let me just say again, one more time, man, all respect to AA. Oh, I get it.

Bonafide spiritual path that has transformed people I know into beautiful, loving, sweet human beings. And kept them alive. And kept them alive. More importantly, let me plug in the computer one second. And you'll, it's like the same person describing itself over and over and over again in different ways. I'm a good person. I forgive, but I never forgive. I love the outdoors. I love puppies. It's human. It's human. It's like the thing describing itself. But it's, that's certainly not the thing. I think dating profiles, you should just be like, I'm a human being. And here's everything that I'm afraid of. And here's everything that I perceive wrong in myself. I'm the howling void wrapped in flesh. Yeah. Like everything else is just, it's a given.

Who doesn't like rainbows? Who doesn't like a nice sunny day at the beach? I like beauty. Beauty. I like, I'm a good person. I like good meals. I'm giving. I'm compassionate. I love tasty meals. I'm kind. Kind. Yeah. I love my family and I love my friends. Yeah. I love, I love my family and my friends. Be like, I love my enemies. Now we're talking. Well, now you're talking about something that's actualized. I love my enemies. That'd be amazing. But even that, you know, it's like the, you, you always in the act of defining yourself create a bifurcation where there is the thing declaring and the thing that is being, that is being categorized. So here's the thing that declares. I like rainbows. I like rainbows.

Who likes rainbows? Well, I do. Well, who's I? Oh, well, this is the me. Well, who's talking about me right now? Oh, I don't know. That person actually have no idea who he is. Yes. But one thing I know about him, Motherfucker likes rainbows. That's for sure. The labeler in the labeled and the labeler is freedom. The labeler, the labeler is autonomy. The labeler is the fountainhead of all self from which every word, every thought, every action, every idea, everything emerges, but that thing can't look at itself. And so that thing is, in my opinion, that thing must be the actual and DNA of human consciousness. And even that's not the right word for it,

because it's everything lays outside of it. This is, the Godhead is what it's called. This is the spinaret through which ourself emerges into this dimension. And so this thing comes into the dimension and it begins to say what it is. And in every single moment, it must say what it is. And every single moment, it must declare what it is. And that is called being human or human being. And in every single moment, you're like, I'm a person who lets people out in traffic, or right now in the second, you know, we are people who podcast, I am podcasting right now. And it feels effortless. And it feels as though this is who I am, because I'm not like planning it out. Yet an analysis will show you that every hand gesture you make, every inflection,

every word you say, the way you talk, the body language that you show other people is all learned habituations from other things. It is not who you are. And so that to me is why I'm always, when I think about AA, after fully acknowledging the glorious, holy beauty of it, demons, saviors at least, saviors of so many lives, I do think, God damn it, I will, I don't think anyone should constantly label themselves as anything at all, because it flies in the face of my experience of, of existence, it flies in the face of what feels to be life to me. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. But to me, some of it's, I think we're discussing variables and constants. And I think with normal people, all of those sort of the attributes of an alcoholic

or an addict in any way, shape, like, it's, to me, my alcoholism is not a variable. And it's just something that, and it's like, what you get with so many of them, that when you, when you're, when you're in these rooms and stuff, you go, that's the one thing they have in common is there's the, there's a realization when you kind of do some recovery work with yourself, if you are an addict in any way, shape or form, there's a sort of realization that you have, and you're like, oh, wow, like, I can, everything that you're saying, Duncan, I can be anything I want and have any sort of, you know, and there's no, you know, yeah, right now I'm a stand-up comedian, but in 20 years, I could be a third grade teacher, I don't know that me doing all of these

things doesn't make who I am, it might make who I am in this moment, but, you know, whatever I am in this moment in 10 years is just a part of, it's just another fiber in that quilt of, of my experiences that define me, but that is something that's not a variable with normal people, it is a variable, I want to quit drinking, so I'm going to quit drinking because I don't, and, but it's not an, you know, it really isn't an option for me without, and then, and then through, through knowing that, once I sort of had the realization, like, oh, yeah, I'm completely powerless over alcohol, I'm, I have no control whatsoever, so, okay, then, wow, there's other people that have that exact same thing, because I just thought I was nuts, I just thought I was this loose cannon

that just like, for whatever reason, was just spiritually fucked, for whatever reason, I was just, you know, I didn't know if it was because my dad was such an asshole, and I have his evil DNA, I didn't know what it was, I just knew, like, hey man, there's no solution, so this is just how it's going to be, and when I go out and I'm drinking with people, like, I, I, if somebody has one glass of wine and it's half gone the entire dinner, I just stare at it, like, how you, you should be on three of, you should be, that should be gone, how can you walk away from a half, you know, so I just always had that, and then when I, when I sort of surrendered to, to, not to the, to any sort of, like, spiritual thing or anything, but I just surrendered to the notion that, like, that I'm

powerless over this, and, like, what sort of solution is there for me? This whole sort of thing is a solution that seems to work for millions of people for 80 years, so I'm like, all right, let me check this out. Now, what, is this going to keep me from drinking for the rest of my life? I mean, it hasn't so far, but I have, you know, five plus years in the last eight years where I didn't drink, where I absolutely would have been, and more my life would have been getting incrementally worse, and if you don't think that this is, that it's still a progressive disease or it's something, just the mere fact that millions and millions and millions of people around the world, I'm not talking about the ones that are out there, I'm just talking about the ones that are

in some sort of recovery program can last years and years and years and still go out and still know how damaging it is to them and still know their spirituality that they have and can still be well aware of what happens to people like them when they start drinking again, they still go back out and they still die, even though their entire life got better. Right. That's insanity. You can hear about that. Every day, it happens, it happened to me. I had three years and my life was going so good and I had so many good things in my life, and I still went, you know what, I can have a beer every now and then, and if it's not a progressive thing, how did I wind up homeless 18 months later? Holy shit. You know what I mean? How did I get a DUI in my buddy's car? How did I lose my driver's

license? How did I, it's just bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Now, all my friends that know me and all my family members that know me, they're like, you're way too smart and decent of a guy to be having that kind of shit happen. Yeah, but I'm powerless over this, and unless I'm doing little things every day to A, remind myself that I'm powerless in these situations, be, sit with other people that are powerless about it and hear what they've done to stay sober or what they did to slip up, I'm just, I'm just another guy out there that thinks he's crazy. Wow, that is so intense, man. I'm really sorry, by the way, man. That sucks, man. That's a bummer, but it's beautiful. I mean, it's, I would say it more sucked, but I mean, it wouldn't be,

you know, any experience anybody has makes you who you are as long as you don't die from it. Yeah, and I mean, come on, if you survive something like that, it's just such a miraculous thing. And that's why a lot of alcoholics and addicts, the ones who have gotten through it, have this pretty amazing specific type of wisdom to them that I think is a beautiful thing. It really is. And yeah, so that's cool. That's, I know what you're saying. Yeah, I totally know what you're saying. It's not, I guess it's like, I'm just saying with normal people, that's a variable. If you've got one arm, it doesn't matter if you pretend and you have two arms, you've got one arm. And if, if alcoholism is some kind of impairment, I guess that happens at a neurological

level where you are, you just wired, I guess, in a specific way than, but yeah, I don't know, I'll never be able to get, I still believe in the essential autonomy of the human being. And I think that, but I, it's a transcendence of sorts. What is, you know, to be able to get to it's an idealistic notion of which you are speaking. I love being idealistic. And that's fine. I'm not, I'm just, there's no judgment. I'm just saying it's like, there's, there's an actuality and a practicality to things. That's true. I know that's true. But it's like, God damn it, man. I guess what I want the world I want to live in is a world where every single person is the charioteer. Every single person is, has been given this, I guess, has been given this incredible

and awful curse, the curse of self awareness. And, and, and it's a beautiful thing, but it's also a curse. It's, it's awful in the sense that you must decide to be a thing. It's awful and that you are, as I heard Jean Paul Sartre put it, it's awful because you're um, or Sartre, how do you say his fucking name guys, correct me? It's awful because- Oh, they will. It's awful because you're always performing. So it's like- That is what it feels like. Yes, sir. And there's no way out of it because if we have an observer and we have the illusion of self being observed, then there's a show going on. There's an- Even if it's just for yourself. Well, it is just for yourself. I mean, it always is 100% just for yourself. So you have the eye known as the ottman, uh, the big eye,

the ottman, and then you have the ego identity. And so the eye is just gazing out into the world. And the part, the first thing it sees is your dumb ass, not you specifically, but- No, that's pretty good. Pretty good description. He gazes that. Pretty much that on. Just like looking through the people of infinity and constantly gazing upon this thing that is so afraid to not be and totally thinks it is and is always putting on this show. And the show is called Human Incarnation. So look at me. Here I am. Even if it's just for yourself, you know? And so- Even if it's how you dress up, look at the way I decorate my spacesuit. That's it. Look at the way I decorate my house. Look at myself in the mirror. Look, there I am again. Wow. Look, I think I'm getting old.

Wait a minute. That's why mirrors freak people out on acid. Yes. He's like, oh, I don't want to see that guy, man. That's what my outsides look like. I do not want to see my spacesuit. There's the thing I've confused myself with. And it's looking at the tether. It's looking at the anchor. It's gazing upon the tooth. It's barely hanging on in there. Because really, when you're, and especially when you're on sort of psychedelic drugs like that, it's like you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you're kind of like, that's my- I'm limited by this thing. You are limited. And you are limited. And but really, the thing that's limiting you is not the self. It's the attachment to the self. And it's the- So the game of it, I guess, is that from time to

time, that's what the present moment gives you, of course, is it gives you this- you become disentangled from the self for a moment, whatever it may be. Creation going on stage. You know, when you get off stage and you're just, you're like, who the fuck was that? Who was up there? Was I just up there? What just happened to that hour? It's all gone. If it happened in a second, or when you're working on something, gone. Time evaporates. And for a lot of people, I think that's why they don't want to be artists is not because they don't have talent or skill, but because they can't deal with the disruption and the time-space continuum that comes from the amount of time- from the evaporation of time when they start working on shit.

We want a self. I want a self. I want to be me. What the fuck did you do? You fucking son of a bitch. Are you fucking kidding me? Nobody does that to me. What the fuck? This thing. It's embarrassment, but we want to be it. I want to be it. And yet, the attachment to the thing is, I think, in the combing of the doll, the naming of the doll. Now, listen, what I'm about to say, I don't- I think that you need to be an AA, Jason Tebow. And I never want to see you fucking drinking ever again. And I want you sober and healthy. But it's like, man, it's like, you look at the doll. You know, I'm looking at my doll. Oh, there's Duncan, the doll. Look at that. Well, doll's hair is falling out. The doll's hair has been falling out for a while.

We've been friends a while. The doll's hair is falling out, continues to fall out. Doll's getting fat. Doll loses change everywhere the doll goes. Doll spills, doll spills, doll wants, but in the midst of this absurdity of like holding this balding fucking doll, in the midst of holding this ball, the doll is fun. The doll, the doll likes to read the doll as a podcast. In the midst of all this, there's a complete disregard for the what you actually are. And this is the dark matter of the universe. This is the dark matter of the self. You know, they say that 98% of the universe is dark matter. This is the dark matter of the self. It's the what you actually are completely absorbed and consumed in this never-ending grooming of a

very temporary meat doll, an imaginary friend. I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid. Baby Go-Go. I bet you had a lot of them. Probably dated a few of them if I know you correctly. Baby Go-Go. Lived in a matchbox. This is your imaginary friend. Baby Go-Go. Lived in a matchbox. Hold for you. I like 19. Oh, easy stupid joke. I was expecting the 30s. Baby Go-Go lived in a matchbox. And I don't remember too much about the little guy. Outside the fact that I carried a matchbox around in my pocket that Baby Go-Go lived inside of. And you would open it and what would happen? You would talk to Baby Go-Go? I would open it and it would like Baby Go-Go would tell me to kill my mom.

I picture, remember the old Flintstones and like Great Gazoo that big alien would just show up for both of them? That's how I picture Baby Go-Go in my head. I don't think I ever like, I mean, I don't, I think the car functioned or the matchbox functioned as a race car. It could turn into a race car. It's pretty much it. I guess I guess Baby Go-Go was a race car driver's license. That's the name Go-Go. But you know, he goes. But so my point is that is exactly what we continue to do every time we say, this is what I am. This is who I am. This is what I'm like. This is what I do. This is who I am. This is all an affirmation of a thing that doesn't exist at all. And severing that or playing around even with severing that identification

is a real fucking hoot, man. It's like a real blast to feel that amazing sense of relief that comes from not having a past, from not having a future, from not having the illusory web of memories that is your personal history. True redemption, true redemption is not from going into a confessional booth and being told, you're okay. True redemption is from the realization of the actuality that you don't have a self. You don't have a past. It's gone. There's no past. You might have some pissed off friends, but there's no fucking past. There's no past. It's gone. It's gone, gone, gone. Recorded in the meat computer. That's it. Gone. So that means right now, in every single minute, you're constantly reinventing yourself, constantly being

reborn. Not only do you not have a past, you don't have a future. Exactly. No future. No fucking future. No past. And that's what drugs and alcohol gave me. Right. Was the ability to feel what you're saying. It gave me a cheat because I was always so fearful of being in that, of not like, I got to do all this for the future. I always had this kind of like, you know, whatever, you know, like Monday, I just like, man, I just got to get to the end of the month. I just got to get to Friday. And then, you know, there's always this like destination that just keeps getting moved that is so meaningless and pointless. And it would deny me of all that four or five days to get to there of being present because I'm so caught up

in that. Or, you know, whichever way. And drugs now called gave me that ability to just go, no, man, I'm just, it's just right now. It's 1030 at night. And it's just, and you know, the funny thing is, is that, you know, you always hear this, the way that I drank is the exact same, the way a lot of addicts would drink or use or whatever is the exact same way you stay sober. But then you're the side of your head that's sort of affected by this addiction will tell you it's impossible. Like, you know, the one day at a time thing sounds impossible. I always, I always tell this story where it's like, I remember like first time I got sober. I remember freaking out about like, how am I not going to have like champagne at my daughter's wedding? Now, I don't have a daughter.

I don't have a wife. I don't have a girlfriend. So immediately when I start thinking of my just staying sober one day at a time, my head goes 22 years into the future. If I got somebody pregnant today, my head is now 25 years into the future. That's hilarious. And you know, but the truth is like, that's how I drank man, because that gave me the ability to be present. So I would just go, I have $8 to my name, but I need to get $90 drunk tonight. How am I going to do it? And I would find a way to do it. $90 drunk. Whatever. Whatever. I mean, you know, Hollywood prices, you know, I need, I need, I need 12 jack and coax and I have six bucks. What am I going to do 12 jack and coax and I would figure out a way to do it.

You know, my buddy's bartending at some bar at somebody's party over here or whatever. And I would just for that day, and I wouldn't be worrying about how many to get drunk tomorrow because it doesn't operate like that. It just operates completely in the present. So I'll worry about getting drunk tomorrow when it's tomorrow because I have to be so present right now. Right. You know? Yeah. And then the next day, I would figure out a way to do it again. Right. That's the exact same way you have people in recovery need to treat their recovery. That's cool. I just got to do it today. That's so cool. And tomorrow doesn't exist. So why worry about it? Right. And what, you know, however sober I was yesterday, that's on, you know, that's just in

the meat fucking computer. Right. It doesn't matter. It doesn't exist anyway, either. Right. That's beautiful though. That's a beautiful idea. That's a beautiful thing, man. I think that's so cool. Yeah. Well, that's, I mean, this is the, this is the, this is the Garden of Eden and the everything else is just a hellstorm. The moment you start getting caught up in the future. I mean, it's just a mass. There's been a lot of times where I've been like, what if this is a hell? Yeah. What if it's like such a gigantic joke that this is actually hell? Well, this, I mean, that's it. See, this is, I think, I was just listening to this jazz musician, Sun Ra, you know, that is Sun Ra. And so one of his songs, he keeps saying that the earth is the third heaven. He's

saying the planets are varying heavens. And so the earth is the third heaven. And the, so the concept of heaven is really interesting to me because there's the heaven that the human egoic consciousness imagines, which is very funny. So there's the heaven that the doll thinks of. And the doll's version of heaven is a better dollhouse that your hair doesn't fall out inside of and you get to stay in forever. That's the doll's idea of heaven. But if you wanted to create some kind of heaven state, you know, if there really were a heaven, what would, what would, what would be some components that you would put in to it? What would you do to construct a heaven for a sentient being? Oh, geez. I don't know. I mean, first off the gate, just the ego inside of you was like, man,

what if you die when you're 80 and then you just have this old 80 year old body all the time? Right. Right. But I mean, that's silly. I don't know, man, just void of fear. Get rid of fear. All right. So in heaven, there is no fear. I mean, I think that would be obvious, wouldn't you? Well, no, see, because like if you would want to create, like the idea is fluidity, right? So if I can construct a form, okay, so I'm the universe. I fucked up over the course of infinite time. I came to awareness of myself and now I'm a a being that's aware of itself and the only one. And this is cool, I guess, but it's ultimately just absolutely horrifying when you really consider that just like a being that's the way aware of

itself for infinity. And Alan Watts talks about this and he sums up quite nicely where he says, okay, so now you're the universe, the universe has become aware of itself. Like we do know there's awareness in the universe. This is inarguable. If you're a human being who has awareness, then it's safe to say there is awareness in the universe. So the next question is, did awareness exist prior to the jump that proto-hominids made to hominids? Was there awareness on earth in organic life? Did earlier versions of us have awareness? Probably safe to say that it did. Some of them, also some marine life, dolphins, whales. Even if you just think to it like in the same sense, like, I mean, instinct is a form of awareness.

You could even say that it's a blind awareness, a kind of rudimentary blind yet still some form like, I don't know why I'm supposed to do this, but I'm doing it. So then the next question is, did awareness exist prior to the time that planet earth sprouted life? Did it exist before that Cambrian explosion? Did exist before the first fossil that we the oldest fossil we've ever discovered before like carbon-based kind of does it exist in space? And that's an unanswerable question right now. But if you pretend that it did exist, which I think it's pretty safe to say that it is always existed, always will exist and has never not existed, then you could imagine there was a time where it was pure awareness that made a decision, whatever that decision may have

been to entertain itself, to create some imaginary friends. So it started making planets and it started making people and it started making black holes, quasars, dinosaurs, and it spread itself infinitely through the great ocean of time. And so this is what we are in right now. And so Alan Watts says, this thing, eventually after, this is all, of course, a thought experiment, but after billions and billions and billions of years of having the ability to do whatever it wanted, I don't want to feel fear. I want to feel fear. I don't want to be, I want to see what it's like to come down to a planet and say hello to everybody. What would that be like? Eventually the being is inevitably going to be like, wait, I wonder what happens if I put myself on that planet and forget that I'm God.

And bam, that's where we're at right now. That's us. That's what we are is where the infinite experiencing limitation is a form of recreation. And so if you wanted to create heaven, you would want to create a wave form. You'd want to create this feeling of like, oh my fucking God, I can't believe this is my body. This is who I am. This is what I look like. I'm getting old. I'm gonna die. Everyone I know is dying. Oh my fucking God. And then you die and you're like, holy shit. Whoa, man. I thought I was a fucking person. That was so intense. Right. God is getting high off of us in the form of limitation. And that fucking intoxication only happens when the bow is pulled back in the form of impermanence and limitation. The moment it's released at the moment of death,

then there is this sudden explosion of orgasmic relief that comes. Fearlessness, of course. You realize you're immortal. You realize you were the mortal being, having fun with yourself. And then you realize that is what heaven would look like. And that's what we're in right now. And our limitation is just the other side of the coin of paradise that we're already in. But the beauty of it is you don't have to die. You can pop into that, theoretically, you could pop into that right now. That moment is the moment and that is all moments. In fact, that isn't a moment at all because it's not differentiated. But the idea is you could do it right now, supposedly. Do you still meditate a lot? Man, just yesterday,

I've got this, I'll show you, I've got a picture of Neem Karoli Baba. Of course you do. That I sit, that we have some cushions in front of our cat got sick and Neem Karoli Baba, Maharaji, the great guru. The cat has been, it's really cool because the cat's been sitting on the cushion in front of him. The cat's got, his old cat is sick. So I went and sat down in front of that picture of him and I haven't done it in a while and man, it's just the best. It's just the best and you always, you always forget. It really is like a timeout. Well, it's the greatest thing you can, I mean, it's like, it's one of the greatest things that you could do. But what is meditation and how do you do it? And what is your practice? What does it look like? I mean, to me,

it's just quieting of everything. It really is just, I mean, I almost start at like with my hair and go all the way down to my toes of relaxing everything and just sort of feel the, what, you know, the first couple minutes, it'll just be that. And it'll be acknowledging that, okay, my arm's okay, that I can hear a siren going by outside. I can, you know, and just being really focused on being super present. Body scanning. First. And just even like, okay, I can hear a fan blowing. I can, okay, traffic's outside. Okay, there's a helicopter, you know, and just slowly relaxing everything in my body. And then just like, just, I don't say let go, because that sounds silly, but it kind of is what it is, you know, and then it's a few minutes of

just the clatter in my head. Oh man, I got a gig tonight. I haven't even gotten ready for that. I got to do laundry. All of that bullshit fucking chatter interference. You know, it's brain noise. And slowly then slowly that kind of will go away. I'm focusing on my breathing. That's the really the key, because if I can really just focus on that primitive action, you know, and feel my lungs fill up with air and feel it exhale. And, you know, sooner or later, you know, once I get, you get better at that practice, then, then I'm able to get, you know, and you get better at that. You know, if you're going to meditate for 20 minutes, you'll get the time that you're actually at sort of peace, I guess I would say, gets bigger, you know, because at the beginning,

I can hear his noise for a long time. And then I can really do his focus on all the shit that's in my head or whatever. But slowly, but surely, the amount of time that I feel that I'm just sort of, I don't know, meditating almost in ways is almost like getting, it's like becoming the dark matter or something. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like connecting to everything that I'm not connected to regularly. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which is everything. Yeah. That's the ironic part. It's like people like 20 minutes of meditation a day. Who has time for that? I got to watch reruns have lost. You know, that joke, it's not a joke. There's like a joke here all the time. Yeah. Spiritual joke, which is this guy goes to a

Zen master and the Zen master says to him, meditate 30 minutes a day. And the guy says, I don't have time to meditate 30 minutes a day. And the Zen master says, well, then you should meditate an hour a day. Exactly. Because, you know, but this is the, the, what's a very funny thing is one thing that you said was, I'm not connected to those things most of the time, but the crazy thing is, no, you are connected. I'm talking about conscious and subconscious. That's it. It's making a conscious connection to the real environment. The environment isn't the street in the street corner and the 7-Eleven that you live next door to the environment of like infinity. That's it. You know what I mean? It's like connecting to

Jupiter as much as, you know, because I'm constantly not consciously connected to that. It's a conscious connection. It's a conscious connection. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, and that meant that. Because once I can do that, and then once I can realize the infinity of it all, I mean, another good byproduct that I have found from, from doing that is the things that are huge in my head no longer become huge. Right. Man, I got to get that article written. I got to, you know, it's like all of these things that when, when, you know, when I'm older and on some sort of death bed or I'm really old and whatever, all of the things that are meaningless that I give such meaning to. And you always hear that, you know, I read a book called, I think, I'll think of the

name of it, Proof of Heaven. Oh yeah. I was just looking at that book on Audible. Is it good? Incredible. It's got to be a movie. They got to make this into a movie. It's really incredible. Loved it. Loved it. And what's it about? It's about a, I believe he's a neurologist. Yeah. And he goes to like, you know, like some foreign country, third world country, I believe, and can get some sort of very rare virus. And when he gets brought back to America, they have to quarantine him because they're worried about it. It's going to cause like an outbreak. Yeah. And then he goes into a coma, passes away a few times and resuscitant was completely in a coma. And everything that he experiences when he's in that state,

as well as compared to his medical chart, he's a devout, going into this a devout atheist. Yeah. And everything that his medical chart during this whole time and how it refutes anything that he could be experiencing or having gone. It's really incredible. However much of it is true or false. I have no idea. I mean, nobody can write anything, but it's a, it's really fascinating for somebody from somebody with that point of view to be, to be sort of convinced. What do you experience? He was raped repeatedly. He was raped repeatedly by the orderlies. No, just, I don't want to spoil the book for anybody because it kind of kind of does spoil that. Did he see some angels? All kinds of just, just incredible, all kinds of states that he would

go in and out of different levels of how deep he would sort of go into really everything that we're talking about. And you know, there's a lot of things that happen in there that are kind of like, if this story is true, you're kind of like, ooh, that's, that's pretty hard to deny. So it's pretty good. Yeah. But anyways, I forgot what got me on that. Did he talk about hell? I just believe that it wasn't like a destination. Like there were two different things, but there was a fighting this process and not fighting this process, which, you know, there's a trudging versus a releasing. That's the story. Yeah, you fight it and you're going to hurt. Now, what started off- Which is great for, which is true for everything, really.

Everything. It does the, it's, it's, it's, this is the, if like, this is the, it seems like this is just the lesson that we're in this class to learn. Or if there, if there is a curriculum here, then the curriculum appears to be, stop fighting this. I was going to say about that. It's exactly, you just reminded me of that. So anyways, in this book, and the other book I read was, I'll think of that, but they always had this thing where like every time you would talk to anybody that was terminally ill, especially really older, a lot older or anything like that, really pretty much facing their own mortality. They always would say the same thing. I really wish I didn't put so much emphasis on all of these things that weren't

important. Yeah. Yeah. And if every single person says the same thing when they're facing death, I would think that we would pay more attention to that. You're supposed to, it's like, this is, you're just, yeah, like the thing we're doing here, the, we're playing this game of mate, believe a little too seriously. And it's getting, it's a bummer, man. It's like, you don't have to wake up in the morning and feel like a fucking asshole because of some thing that doesn't exist anymore. You don't have to wake up and you don't have to feel like you're a slacker because your friends are like all astronauts or whatever. You don't have to feel like you're, you know, that's another malady that people get afflicted by as they either

watch TV and observe some of the most highly functioning Adderall addicts on planet earth, building the empires and steaming to be as happy as Buddha the moment he gained realization. They see these, you see these clips of people. I mean, the thing is, it's like, it's not just TV. If you're performing for yourself in every single given moment, because you're an observer and that, which is observed, then how much more are you performing for other people? You're performing for other people constantly and that means that I would, I would argue a hundred percent of the time for most people. So whoever you're comparing yourself to, you're comparing yourself to a projection of a person who's pretending to be something you're projecting your own bullshit.

It's like you're, you're, you're comparing yourself to a screen, a movie screen that's pretending to be the greatest movie screen on earth upon which you're projecting your idea of what the movie screen is. It's two illusions meeting at the same time. So you're compare, you might as well compare yourself to a cloud or to spaghetti or to a fart because it's all the temporary gooey changing. I don't know why I said a fart. I mean, I'll, I know, I'll even go as far as to say, like it, we're so conditioned to it and used to it that if you are not the type of person that is performing for other people one hundred percent of the time, yeah, people think you're crazy. People think that you're aloof or out there. Like you're just, I don't have time to try to figure that out. He's, you know what I mean?

He's not showing me who he is all the time. It's like, yeah, he is. Yeah. This is not showing you what you, what he's not showing you what he thinks you want to see. Right. And that's what we're most used to seeing. That's right. We're used to other people acting towards us in the way that they think I want them to act. And for some reason, as crazy as that sounds, that feels comfortable to us. Yeah. It's like a sock puppet that's like somebody's doing it. And anytime you're in a conversation with somebody, you're in a kind of sock puppet show where the universe has temporarily animated this thing and is like giving you a show. It's a hypnotic show or the thing wants to show its power, its success, its lack of success, it's whatever it is. But it's just a show that, so

the point is you, if whatever you're, whatever, usually what people are comparing themselves to that's the crucifixion is that they're crucifying themselves. They're nailing one hand on who they think they are, which is usually a piece of shit that they're not. And then they're nailing the other hand on who they want to be, which is also a thing that doesn't exist. So on one side, it's like, Oh, I'm just a miserable monster. And I'm just a failure. And I'm just got a lot of people who really hate themselves. So that's what you nail this hand to, which is this version of yourself you created that it is even you. It's a version of yourself more than like your parents told you you were or some shit I told you or a group of shit I told you were, nail that hand to that,

then create the thing that you want to be, which is like, depending on what level of egomaniac you are, which is floating around on like a flying island that you've constructed with your Elon Musk level money because of the cure for cancer that you invented mixed in with the money you're getting from the comedy special that's the greatest comedy special that ever happened. Don't forget the harem. And the harem underneath the city who all love you and the and every day aliens come down to your floating city to tell you just how incredible you are. So some that's a far into the spectrum, but or you or it's just like, I wish I had a six pack, whatever it is, bam, there's your crucifixion. You've nailed yourself these two imaginaries

and you're hanging there on this ridiculous torture device that you constructed for yourself. And so when people are, which is very, it's very symbolic and poetic that you've nailed yourself to these two things because what's really true is what's in between those two things. There you go. That's it. There you go. That's exactly it, man. And that's the present moment. And it's like, and that thing, it's the book ending. It's I have the capability of being this or this. And I'm just going to focus on on the two extremes that I'm capable of. But the reality in the present moment is that everything in between those two things is not only what I am now, but probably what I always will be and have always been. And you're missing

out. You're missing out on the taste of on how good fucking tea tastes. You're missing out on it's fear. It's fear. It's fear. It's fear that I'm going to be this shitty version of myself, or it's fear that I never will be able to match the extreme maximum of my potential, which also would involve a lot of luck. Yeah, all that. Yeah. And they're inside. This is why when people are dying, they're always like, man, I didn't have to worry about any of that shit. That time that I woke up in the morning, didn't have anything to do and felt awful because I was sleeping in. I could have felt great about sleeping in. I just slept in and felt fantastic, gotten up and looked at the beautiful day. But instead,

I allowed my mind to get tortured and tormented by the pitch for what you didn't do or what you got to do. You know, and those are the demons. So there is how. So this is why I think heaven and hell coexist. Heaven and hell live together on the exact same plane and that in any given moment, you can be in one or the other anytime that you want to. But ultimately, you're the one making the decision. And that is the final component in making something paradise or hell. Because if you were the one who is causing all your suffering, then there is hope. And if you were the one who's climbed out of hell in the heaven, then there's the feeling of accomplishment that comes from escaping the self-made prison that you would allow yourself to getting trapped in.

And what's more fun than the feeling of escaping, overcoming, you know, that makes, that's the savor of heaven. Well, there's a great saying of like, which I don't think church hello, one of those guys, but if you ever find yourself walking through hell, keep walking. Yeah, that's it. Right. That's it. And that's it. It's like you make this choice. But it's like, what I'll put it like this, whatever I feed gets stronger. Yeah. So whatever I feed, you know, just give my attention to, I can give my attention to everything that I have and accomplished. And I can compare my insights to other people's outsides. Oh, look at that guy. He must have everything with that shiny car and that cute girlfriend or everybody, you know, and then

compare his outsides, which is just the dog and pony show that he's showing the world. Think of me as this guy. And I look at that and I'm like, man, I'll never, I'll never find love. It's like, how did they get from that to that? There you go. How did they get from that to that? And you know, it's all fear based, man. And if you really can have the opportunity and you know, you know, whether it's therapy or whether it's just self exploration or whether it's doing acid and mushrooms or whatever combination you have to really get in, put yourself in ability to take a spiritual inventory and like, what am I afraid of? You know, just a list down. You could start with fucking spiders, spiders. I'm afraid of spiders. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid. And as

you're just focusing on fear and you're writing it down, you know, it doesn't take too long from all the dumb shit of spiders and monsters under your bed to you get to loneliness and not being good enough and never being loved. And then you get into some real shit and then you're like, wow, in 10 minutes, I just listed everything that I'm afraid and there's some pretty gnarly shit on there. And like, what can be done to get around some of those things? Well, it's good that you call it gnarly shit because in Buddhism, it's actually considered to be the fertilizer for the practice, which is like, when you do that kind of inventory, you're gathering up all this wonderful soil that you're going to grow your practice through. But yeah, you got to do that

first. And it's interesting, Alistair Crowley advised a very similar inventory where you write about the self and the third person completely honestly, every single thing you just write exactly what it is. So you understand what the doll is that you're playing with, what the clothes are that you're putting on it, and what the game is that you're playing with it, because that's what you're doing, you're dressing and playing a game with a doll. Yeah, and it is scary loneliness and fear and rejection. Sure. Oh, these things are just so scary. But man, having you notice that underneath it all, it's kind of fun to be afraid. Uh, elaborate on that. So it's like, when I like initially I'm going to say no, but I'm listening. Well, I mean, when I find myself really caught up

and being terrified over some future event, whatever it may be, fear is a great motivator, a show I'm nervous about death, usually show I'm nervous about same. But but if I find myself, so what I've done when I'm doing here is I'm creating. Well, I'm creating the exact same thing I create when I'm having sex. So basically what I'm doing is I'm building up all this pressure for the moment that's coming right so building up all this pressure for this event that I've created in time, whatever may be created this event I'm dreading right so that's the energy build up is the experience of dread. That's the air I'm blowing into the balloon. Oh, God, man, I've got to go do this fucking thing. Oh, it's going to suck so bad up. Oh, no, but I run into

that fucking person. Right. And then and then so you go to the event and you're letting the air out of the balloon that you filled it up with and that creates the sense of relief. And so then you leave that moment that you've completely created yourself with an imaginary feeling of relief that's just imaginary as the feeling of suffering. And if you watch yourself in the act of these this funny game, then you realize that you're enjoying it you're enjoying you but the main point is I mean there's adrenaline attached to it there is sort of a finality to once you've finished what you were afraid of and you and it didn't manifest itself in the terrible results that you had thought like oh I did this and I didn't bomb I didn't die and I'm fine nobody was throwing shit at me I'm

fine and you realize that you're fine and every single time you realize you're fine there's an adrenaline dump to realizing you're fine if that's what you mean that's it that's the game that's the big pastime of human existence for a lot of people is playing this ridiculous game of hide and go seek with yourself and acting like every time you find yourself that the world is a great place and every time you don't find yourself you pretend that you're in hell but it's really it's and it really it's just this kind of pastime it's like you're chasing your own tail you're god chasing its own tail and then the those it's a fun way to be even the darkest of the darks it's kind of fun like when I think of like god I mean some of the worst moments in my life man

when I think about the an analysis of those moments I realized that there is an inescapable underlying feeling of enjoyment to almost every single thing no matter how horrible it is if you really have the guts to take a deep look down in there you realize it's all kind of great it's all kind of great and maybe that's what makes it out maybe you don't want it to all be great maybe you want it to be differentiated who knows I don't know but I do know the next time god forbid maybe nothing horrible happened either of us ever again but if it should happen if you really taken a look in the in the in that moment when the fucking phone is wrong always underneath it right always underneath it is that thing of you're fine yeah you're fine and you know that's the kind of thing

that you did you know if you meditate you can get to that's the kind of thing that if you listen for it it's there and that and it's a practice you know it's a practice and it's like a lot of peoples my okay I'll speak for myself but I think on human condition your default practice is to be in fear and to think and to have this sort of like my needs won't get met that's the fear my needs won't get met but really like if you really get to the bottom of it they always have and they always will be it's it's it's it's the the the confusing of the term needs and wants people fear my wants won't get met well that's a whole different thing because what you want to you know your needs are being met as we speak yeah you know they always have been there

as will be yeah but don't don't confuse me your wants not getting met with your needs not getting met brilliant that's so true man and man yeah you're right your wants what do you want and then you spend the other oh god the really problem is with that line of fucking thinking as you trick yourself into thinking that once you get the thing you want you're gonna feel great well you'll always know that because when your needs are getting met there isn't some sort of like yeah I deserve this kind of thing there isn't it you know Mercedes uh you know you're gonna you get a brand new Porsche that's your that's not your needs getting met that's your wants yeah yeah yeah so when you're once get met you have a you have a kind of a thing like yeah I wanted this and I got

it doesn't do anything but it's like if you're thirsty and someone gives you a glass of water you're like I'm gonna give a fuck it's just water right and then I mean yeah not even thinking about what that is I want to I want to gatorate well you're thirsty and you needed something to drink and you got it and the universe gave it to you you had a need that the universe gave to you the universe gave you that's the miracle substance right this incredible substance that your body is magically going to process through your kidneys in the most incredible way it's amazing what's going on oh harmony of atoms and microorganisms and organs you incredible beautiful perfect invention spitting the time by yourself come on it's a all a great miracle I was just telling a

friend of mine man this guy Michael Beck with who I want on this podcast so bad Michael Beck with from agape yeah no Michael Beck with oh god man I've got the black out of the brain some of them I email him once a year never responds but probably a busy guy yeah he's a fucking amazing but um uh well he did I think he I don't know if it's his twitter account anyway maybe he did respond once and I screwed it up but he's incredible but one of the things he's a friend of mine's mother-in-law is in his choir like sings in his thing on Sunday get him on my podcast please Jason but he said something that I love to think about all the time which is like when talking about gratitude he's like something along the lines of if you are if you're peeing okay like if you can

stand up and or sit down depending on gender or preference and you're peeing okay and you're holding that's amazing what a great gift right it's incredible it's incredible you know there's so many things prior to the uh wants as you're saying that are so fucking amazing so amazing it's so amazing and we're not just like oh I'm getting all passionate and pretending that it's amazing but it's if you look into the science of what's going on in your body in every single moment if you look into the history of the world and what got you here if you look to the sheer improbability of not just life existing on planet earth but you as a human being existing at all the number of miracles that had to happen the incredible number of synchronicities that had

to happen just for you to exist if you consider that just that you get to breathe once and inhale and exhale once in this world you can it's a while let alone without a problem let alone without a problem it's just a miracle miracle miracle miracle all miracles all miracles all miracles and yet um we don't want to live in the land of miracles we don't want to live in the kingdom of heaven we don't want to live in the kingdom of heaven well I think it's a little more of uh it's just not good enough like just breathing and just having food and water and everything that I need to survive like I need a helicopter man and that's the comedy I need an island bro I need I need I need multiple wives because one one woman's love just isn't good enough for somebody

as awesome as me man I need all women's love you know and it's you know but really it and a lot of that you know that's it's excessive you know especially in this day and age with the internet the way you know everything is just so readily accessible the lost art form is is is the conversation conversation a real conversation where two people look at each other and talk yes is go to any bar go to any restaurant look at every table of four everybody's in their phone gazing at this rectangle nobody is even remotely present it's and those you know and I'm just guilty of it as anybody but you're you know we were sitting there with the most beautiful woman and and and really engage and have an engaging conversation and really get to know each other and both of you

guys are just like what else is going on everywhere else but right now I have to know this is why I think somebody needs to work on this guys out there please listen I think that this could be like anybody out there is welcome to this idea I'm not going to do it uh a book of meditations that you can do while staring at your phone so it's like so so so because this is what I love about Buddhism uh-huh Buddhism is a viral religion Buddhism gets into the DNA of other religions and it converts it transforms the DNA of other religions and turns it into some form of Buddhism which is why Buddhism is so incredibly varied uh when you look at Zen versus Tibetan Buddhism you see these two you wouldn't know they were the same religion probably if you didn't know what uh

what uh what you're looking at right so and that's because just depending on the culture that the information present in Buddhism infiltrates that well that's the form that Buddhism will take so there is no reason that we cannot innovate a new form of Buddhism of practice of meditation that comes during the absorption into the internet into the phone into your social networking this should exist this will exist it just it's not going away it's not going away so let's practice so instead of so when you look at your and I by the way what you said about conversation this is why I love the podcast because it forces and formalizes a conversation that I that that I get to have these conversations that we are having once a week and it's the greatest thing in my life I love it so

much it fills me with with information so many things you've said I'll get to think about and like you know chew on for days and just like roll it around and look at it and think about anyway fucking phones man like if there are like so mindfulness you know the practice of mindfulness the idea is we pick up the phone we look at the phone we do whatever the thing is that we're going to do on the phone and if you just add to it mindfulness you know just like I am lifting the phone I am looking into the phone I'm just I don't know I don't know some spiritual genius out there should come up with it though which is a system of because our religion is distraction in the west right it's a some form of it's a religion of distraction a religion of what we call entertainment

distraction whatever whatever you call it so why not turn it into likes a form of buddhist practice instead of like I gotta sit and stare at the wall no sit and stare at your phone go on it's just a koi pond it's just a koi pond video that you just are staring at sure just stare at this koi pond for 20 minutes since you cannot stop looking at your phone as long as the kois have my direct messages on their back as long as the kois have ridiculous facts about parts of the world I'll never see if everyone's in a while the koi as long as the koi have videos of bullies getting what's coming to them that's a rabbit hole on youtube right there it's great man it's great it's all great and and and and the the figuring out a way and again I'm an idealist man and like

I've seen I know there's I'm an idealist but man the idea that this every single iota of experience here in this dimension is holy sacred perfect and part of the experience of heaven this is what I give this is the message that I always get not always sometimes the message I get is quite terrifying but if a psychedelic gives me a message that's what it always says is hey man stop being so hard on yourself we love you you are loved you are sustained you are supported you're this is a playground that you're supposed to be enjoying and you're not going to be here forever so have a blast you have you have permission that's what I get that's what I used to get from psychedelics now I get it from these ramdas people the same damn message in a different way

only the difference is this message that they're giving and the message that a is giving is one in which there is no longer a landlord renting temporary spaces in paradise for you to experience while you're dissolving your liver and and that's the difference you know to me that's a more sophisticated yeah it sure is you know somebody once said something cool to me about that when they're like you know early on in getting sober one one of the many times I've tried and that's always tough it's tough when you quit anything it's tough to you know first few couple weeks or was hard I was talking to somebody and the human condition is just it's it's abrasive you know oh your your head it's a practice to get your head to do exactly what you just said

which is give yourself permission to be flawed to just be having this human experience is enough yeah you know so every time and what he said that was so cool was you know your head just think of your head is like you know the kid that you weren't allowed to play with when you were little and then I mean the kid that every time you listen to this guy it got you in trouble right you know and it's like when any one of your friends if Duncan was to call me and go look man I I don't think I'm good enough I just I don't think I'm worthy of love sometimes and I don't you know in a lot of fear you know but in any any one of your friends were to call you and say that what would you say to them you wouldn't go yeah you're right dude I'm trying to get a

podcast up can I call you in an hour that's what you do with your head as you go yep yeah because it because it originates in between my ears these thoughts you can't see it as something other than you that's right you know so when I do hear that in my head you know wherever that that's coming from I can go now that's not true actually I'm I am a very loving person I'm a kind person then you know and it's fine if I make mistakes I would say if I literally practice and I've been doing this for a year of when those thoughts come in my head treat it like it's just another it's just I've just dialed into that frequency of the universe for now and then I can talk and I literally will say no no no no that's not true

and I would just say to myself whatever I would say to you or any of my other friends it would call me down and beating themselves up that's beautiful and that is it that why you gotta do that it's like this is the first you know if if like you're contacting you're this is the first being you're contacting you you know the doll the doll's called you the doll is like I am awful and we've all called friends when we're down to be like man I'm fucking this and this and this and I'll always talk you out of a tree but really if you if I've already heard those thoughts and they've been getting at me enough then I want to pick up the phone and call somebody about it there is a secret step you could do before that which is say the same things that your friends are going to say to you

yeah you know yeah oh man you know I I mean god here comes what every crazy person has always said from the beginning of time but I have conversations with my mom who's passed away oh that's you know what's crazy about that and and do you really find that to be crazy well no I mean you know talking to your dead mom it's like norman norman baits what's crazy is I talked to your dead mom okay dude I didn't start talking to her until like after she passed away well the thing is man I realized that like I can just have those same phone conversations with her that I used to have all the time and always get the same response generally and the same response is the response that all mothers have said since the beginning of time which is stop smoking

no which is which is where have you been stealing my cigarettes again oh mom I miss you which is I love you sure take it easy on yourself be kind to yourself yeah it's fine it's fine and that that place there man that is the kingdom of heaven I think I think when you start finding that compassion to yourself and just like get to relax for us even a millisecond after a mostly a lifetime of a kind of constricted horror just a three seconds of like oh there this is great and then when you do there is that kind of like oh yeah thank thank god everything's cool well it was you were just tuned into the frequency that refuses to accept quiet Jason Tebow thank you so much for coming on the podcast I love you Duncan I love you Jason Tebow

where can people find you uh you can find me on twitter at the tib t-h-e-t-e-e-b um any kind of dates or tours or anything like that I have will be on there and every Tuesday you can find my podcast with Ari Shafir and Sam Tripoli called punch drunk sports on all things comedy and that's at punch drunk sports on Twitter as well and Instagram howdy Krishna thank you Jason love you thank you so much for listening everybody big thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode you can go to squarespace.com use off code Duncan to get 10% off your first order all the links to connect you to Jason Tebow will be located at Duncan at trussell.com if you like this podcast give us a nice rating on iTunes it actually makes a difference amazingly enough and it's an easy

thing to do give yourself a nice rating I don't care if you give me a rating I'm just happy that you listened to this podcast and now presenting the very first song from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast house band win streak bonus star this is a special song featuring uh young nasty aka Johnny Pemberton doing a rap about doing a big foot thanks for listening you guys tune in next week we've got a flurry of podcasts coming at you as I continue this experiment of not spending days doing my opening monologue all right here they are all right here they are win streak bonus star and yes I realized that this part of the podcast is echoing if you like this song there will be a sound cloud link in the comments section of this podcast a giant hairy creature part 8

pardon man Indians call him Sasquatch so I am the Sasquatch and you will never find me because I am so wise and connected to nature and I love the land here comes young nasty man in a suit what up gigantic political kiss what the fuck is this coming at me harry levy heard you don't even exist i seen you strolling yo slow-mojination hoeing got no gps don't know where the fuck you're going you got my back hair then a whole pack of coins you slip away like a crew team without the rowing

oh yeah yo henderson listen here ain't your friend i got my evolution brand new Mercedes Benz what you got a petrified poop pot you just a fart fairy waiting for a parking lot gigantic political kiss what the fuck is this you get extra communicator from your fucking sticks oh you get the motherfucking dick then pull it out bitch come on yeah if you're so big how come i can't see your dick when life gets crazy and when doesn't it shop right helps you keep it all together now with a little extra help from instacart if you need your groceries now ish but your options for going to shop right are later ish or never ish you can get everything you need delivered through instacart right to your door in as fast as an hour skip the shop and savor more

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