Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Emil Amos in "Maxwell House Moment"

Episode Date: July 3, 2014

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. That is a little tree planted on a little hill and on that tree hangs the most influential character that ever came in this world. I never feel that that tree is a meaning, this drama that took place on the stages of history. Oh no, it is a telescope through which we look out into the long vistas of eternity.

You see the love of God breaking forth into time. It is an eternal reminder to a power drunk generation that love is on the way. It is an eternal reminder to a generation depending on nuclear and atomic energy. A generation depending on physical violence that love is the only creative, redemptive, transforming power in the universe. Happy 4th of July, my sweet darling friends. You just heard the great late Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King giving a famous speech at the... on November 17th at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church. Can you imagine being in that audience and listening to somebody with that kind of charisma and power?

Saying those words like a booming thunderbolt just melting your brain? Can you imagine that? You totally see why they took that guy out. Too much power. He only got a little bit of time here before they took him out because he had too much power. You get somebody like that talking about violence and war and fighting and the importance of violence, the necessity of violent revolution. And he's less dangerous than somebody who comes out and starts talking about how the most important thing in the world is to love other people.

I'm going to read this to you in my raspy lesbian voice. And the odds are that if Martin Luther King knew that at some point in the future a stoner hippie with a raspy lesbian late stage smoker's voice was going to read one of his speeches on a podcast. He probably would have given the whole thing up and joined the Black Panthers. So I apologize to Martin Luther King. I apologize to everyone on earth, all beings that have lived before me, all beings that will come after. Please forgive me for reading Martin Luther King's speech after you just heard it. Because listen to the, it's obvious the difference is going to be, it's like hearing a tire try to say something, a deflating tire.

It's like listening to a deflating raft trying to say something important. But I'm going to say it. There's a little tree planted on a little hill and on that tree hangs the most influential character that ever came in this world. But never feel that tree is a meaningless drama that took place on the stages of history. Oh no, it is a telescope through which we look into the long vista of eternity and see the love of God breaking forth into time. It is an eternal reminder to a power drunk generation that love is the only way. It is an eternal reminder to a generation depending on nuclear and atomic energy, a generation depending on physical violence, that love is the only creative, redemptive, transforming power in the universe.

That is psychedelic. That is like a high power. That's kind of the stuff that you get when you smoke DMT. You get that kind of message that's not, it's not even, DMT isn't even as charismatic as Martin Luther King Jr. But it still gives you that kind of message. You get that sense that the only thing that matters is love, but it's more than the only thing that matters is love. It's somehow you're being, you're floating in this infinite ocean of love and you're fighting against love all the time. You're the one pushing away love.

But there's another aspect to love that's really interesting. A kind of weirdly violent aspect to the act of loving someone. It's a secret violence inside of love. When you hear about love, you always think it's the opposite of violence. For example, you never, you don't very often hear the term loving violence. I'm going to love you in the most violent way possible. Violence is always something that is somehow antithetical or counter to love, which is really an interesting thing that we've taken love and sort of separated from it all the innate components that exist in every single thing in the universe.

You're constantly surrounded by violence. No matter where you are at this very moment, I can guarantee that somewhere near you, there is a spider that just finished injecting a little bug with a nice dose of deadly venom. Not enough to kill it, but enough to paralyze it long enough so that the spider can surround it in a nice thick cocoon of silk. That poor little bug with whatever tiny bug brain it has knows somehow that something isn't right. It was just flying around and now suddenly it can't move and something is wrapping it up. It's about to get its guts sucked out of it. Maybe not now, but in a few hours.

Birds are ripping worms out of soil. Cats are clawing the eyeballs out of mother birds as the baby birds watch from the nest. You're surrounded by violence at all times. So the idea that somehow love is this thing that is separate from violence or outside of violence. I don't know if that's true. I think that's a naive understanding of the way that love works because if you consider the potency of what Martin Luther King is talking about here, it's almost a form of violence in the sense that it is a sort of destructive force to have your ego annihilated by the potency of someone completely, absolutely loving you. That's an incredible change that's going to happen to you anytime.

This is what they talk about when you're, you know, the baby looks at you for the first time that you've had. That first glimpse of this being that you brought into the universe and the baby locks eyes with you. And in that weird moment, you experience this outpouring of unconditional love for this sweet little baby. And theoretically, the baby's feeling the same thing, though more than likely the baby's just thinking, what the fuck has happened to me? I was just nothingness and now I'm somethingness. But who knows? We'll never know what the babies think.

But that power, if somebody really loves you, the transformative power it has, the kind of acidic force that it has in relation to your calcified ego structures that have been protecting you from receiving love, it can overwhelm you and it can destroy what you thought you were. If what you thought you were was the tiny pixel of self that the infinite expansive field of your consciousness had focused in on, usually the thing that we're attentive to or focused in on is pain because it's the most obvious thing. It's the easiest thing to focus in on. It's like when your neighbor is playing shitty fucking drum and bass music in the evening. If you were near your neighbor and the neighbor's playing drum and bass music and somehow Gandhi had appeared in the middle of your living room

after you got over the combination of fear that you've gone insane and were hallucinating Gandhi and the overwhelming awe at the fact that for some reason Gandhi decided to teleport into your Silver Lake house and talk, very soon your attention would begin to wander for whatever that sweet little brown man was saying about love to the terrible vomit-like drum and bass coming from your meth-addled neighbor's garage. Pain's the same way. You end up, that's the thing that you focus in on the most. That's the thing that you're the most aware of, the pain, the pain, the pain. And over time as we become more and more aware of the pain that we focused in on, over time as we become more and more acutely aware of the way the pain doesn't seem to go away but change form,

then that pain actually becomes our personality. We believe that we are the pain and so if you get in the presence of someone truly loving you in those moments where you're being fully embraced by love, the pain goes away and if you've identified yourself with the pain, then that is a form of annihilation. And so when Martin Luther King is talking about loving everybody, he's actually saying let's use this incredibly potent force that seems to be the expulsion of the power of the infinite creative mind of the universe entering into our universe which has been symbolized and embodied in the form of this weird skinny hippie in Golgotha getting his ass nailed to a tree.

Martin Luther King is saying love's a ray gun that melts the goddamn brains of the reptilian fucks who are running things. So it's very strange that on the other side of this love that Martin Luther King is talking about is a form of violence more powerful than the most violent violence that could ever happen. We're talking about killing people while they're still alive. This is what that weird hippie talked about that you atheists hate so much, you must die to this world to come to know me. Now this is the idea, this is why love is crazy. Everybody thinks love is some kind of impotent stuffed animal sort of fluffy puffed up,

nerf ball level, Disney character kind of half hug at a party when you run into somebody you secretly hate. That's not what it is at all. That's why when you see Martin Luther King you hear this guy talking about love. He doesn't look like Wavy Gravy or Jerry Garcia. This guy looks like he's about to rip the eyeballs out of a racist and do a tap dance on top of them. He's pissed. He should be pissed. Back in those days you had to use a separate fucking bathroom if you were black.

You couldn't go to the same schools as other people. You were treated as a second class citizen all the fucking time. It was a rough time to be alive. He was fucking pissed and by the way Martin Luther King was a big man. He really looks like if he wanted to he could crack some fucking skulls if he wanted to. That guy could throw some skinny Alabama gapped toothed moonshine reeking rednecks into a fucking wood chipper and then go eat a nice goddamn lunch and not think twice about it. That's what he looks like.

That guy was fucking pissed. But the stuff that was coming out of his mouth instead of sounding angry and the whiny upset chafed from an inner tube down some river infantile hiss that comes out of my mouth sometimes is this booming expansive all-encompassing super potency. That is transformative. So this is the crazy thing when our sweet Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was talking about love your enemies. He wasn't saying because it's going to make your enemies feel good. He wasn't saying because you want to pleasure your enemies or because you should submit to your enemies

or you should be less than your enemies. He wasn't saying bow down to your enemies roll on your back and show your enemies your fat little underbelly so that they can plunge their razor sharp fingers into the flesh of your stomach and rip your intestinal track out and wear it around like a goddamn trophy. He was saying that the only way to truly transform people is to love them. The only way you're going to change your enemies is to love them. That if you're hating someone angry at someone upset at someone that's going to do shit to transform the universe around you because if you get to pick what kind of universe you want to live in what kind of universe would it be?

I know there's something romantic about the idea of having enemies. I know there's something fun about it. It seems like there's probably a million great fucking quotes about how wonderful it is to have enemies. Voltaire probably said something. Machiavelli probably said something. All the great wits probably said some joyous thing about how wonderful it is to have people in your periphery that you hate overtly or secretly. But really it's not that fun to have these little chunks in your mind that are actually neurological representatives of the people in your life

because that's all you've got really. You're only around people when you're around people. Most of the time when you're around people you're not around people you're around whatever neurological corollary you've happened to ingest into your mind as you're sitting there alone in your house contemplating what this shit had said to you or what this asshole said to you. You're not even around them you're hallucinating basically. You're sitting there with all these images of these people in your mind that have done you wrong but really you're just looking at you. Little bits of yourself that you've segregated away from your consciousness and transformed into some kind of rubber stamp representation of these people who you could never possibly even know.

Why? Because you don't even know yourself. You only know one tiny little piece of yourself. We only know one tiny little piece of ourselves. As everybody says the conscious mind is like the very tip of an iceberg emerging from an ocean broiling with subconscious tides and weird multi-eyed creatures. Strange images that you can't accept. Awful feelings that you had when you're a child or terrible events that happened to you that you can't even remember anymore. Not to mention underneath all of that in the same way that we now know that somewhere in the Pacific Ocean there is a giant skyscraper sized super shark that eats whales like french fries.

Underneath all of you there is some howling screaming octopus like beast that is just constantly screaming about the inevitability of our own complete disillusion into infinity. Nobody wants to die. Those little bubbles come rising up out of the ocean of your subconscious every time you say some shitty weird thing to a clerk because he didn't get your goddamn order writer. Every time you mouth off to somebody and then you pretend that the reason you're being an asshole to somebody is because they deserve it. The truth of the matter is that your soul has indigestion and anytime you act in a way that is counter to having compassion or embracing somebody or loving somebody it's exactly as though your soul just farted through the action of your cruelty. But if you really want to be cruel to somebody like if you really want to get somebody if you really want to get somebody you really want to stick the fangs of the adder deep into the neck of whatever son of a bitch did you wrong took your man took your woman took your house took your job unfairly subjected you to some kind of terrible experience whether it was they told you to go see a goddamn Marvel

comics movie which always suck yeah I said it or whether they did some awful thing like talking shit about you to somebody and it cost you a friend or a job or who knows what. If you really want to get revenge on those people what's the best way to get revenge on them that's not going to put you in jail. What's the best way to get revenge well clearly the best way to get revenge on somebody is to have a kind of unconditional positive regard towards them that isn't passive aggressive that isn't the whole thing like oh my god I just feel sorry for him just seems like something's gone wrong and I just hope they're okay not any of that passive aggressive bullshit that doesn't work that's just this is better in fact than to be passive aggressive I'm just worried about them it just seems like they're going in the wrong direction it's better to just overtly talk shit about them they suck their heart is a slug their brain is a steaming pile of smallpox diarrhea it's better to just tell everybody what a complete flaming asshole the person is than to when you're with somebody tell them oh I just hope they're okay no you don't you hate them and you want them to die you want some awful thing to happen to them you want their neck to turn purple in their backyard as they fall forward into a pile of dog shit because they're having a high blood pressure level heart attack

you want to that cougar wandering around Griffith Park to pounce on them when they're walking their dog and for their dog to valiantly try to fight the cougar so they have to watch the thing bite the dog's head off before it turns its glowing eyeballs back in their direction and pounces on them using its back claws to rip their genitals off while sinking its giant fangs into their neck you want their blood to run into the soil of Griffith Park as their body enters into pain induced doom seizures and as their mind in its last moment thinks back at the terrible thing they said to you and they feel regret you want them to get dragged into the basement of a serial killer and have their nipples sliced off and replaced with plastic salt covered clown noses while a serial killer who calls himself the orange whore fists them to death that's what you want you're not fooling anybody when you feign this kind of compassionate love for somebody you secretly want to eat cyanide it doesn't work everyone can see it and it just makes you seem weak there's nothing worse than when you're around somebody who is acting concerned about a person they clearly fucking hate it's the worst feids you're not fooling anyone the stink of your hate rises up out of your words like an old piece of Korean barbecues stuck in the mouth of a frat boy who's been drinking Miller lights and snorting baby laxative laced cocaine all night if you really want to get horrified imagine this right now let's pretend and maybe you don't have any enemies maybe you sleep in a mattress filled with purring rescue kittens and every morning unicorns come to your window with strawberries in their mouths and you polish their horns using the tears of compassion you feel for the world and the soft bandana that you used to wear when you were in the peace corps

and maybe every single thought you have is like the singing of a million angels and the song they're singing is a song of joy and gratitude just to exist in this beautiful dimension just to be able to float in the great nectar filled ocean of love that is all of our birthrights but many of us aren't like that you boring turd many of us have hearts that are filled with swarming hate bees and every time we open our mouth they go flying out into the world and sting whatever is closest to us if you're one of those people then I invite you to imagine that someone had given you some kind of magical device that would allow you to go through the minds of every single enemy that you have maybe it's just one enemy maybe it's multiple enemies maybe you don't want to use the term enemy you just have people you have an uncomfortable turbulent connection with that is based on past events that didn't meet your expectations or maybe you are there just some people that have like accidentally said stuff to you that bothered you maybe all of that's happening you can pick whatever one you want let's just say enemies for the sake of getting down to the bones of the situation somebody gives you a device and you can go through the minds of all the people that have wronged you and see that the way that they feel about you now what's going to be the most what's going to be the thing that hurts you the most is you scan through the minds of these people you're angry at what's going to really piss you off is it going to be that your theories about what this person thought about you are absolutely correct

and that once or twice a day maybe three times a day they spend a good four minutes thinking about what a filthy little human shitbag you are in traffic they grit their teeth squeeze the wheel shake their head sadly and just consider what a turd you are and talk about you behind your back with people that you they're important to you now imagine that if that was the case and you were you could go into the minds of your enemy and you saw that that's how they felt then really nothing would change in the way that you felt about them outside of a kind of magnification of your anger towards them at the very most you would just get a little more angry your poor little asshole would clinch a little tighter your stomach would bubble a little bit more with anger fluids and your brain would secrete whatever terrible neurotoxins go along with feeling anger and that tiny little fissure in your stomach would widen a little bit and a new hemorrhoid might poke out

maybe your sperm count would go down your feet would start smelling a little worse but ultimately nothing's gonna happen more than that now imagine if you could scan through this Rolodex of enemies and you went into an enemy's mind and instead of finding that they hated you or were angry at you instead you encountered the horror of realizing that they actually authentically unconditionally love you maybe it's not full on titanic level put your arms out in front of the ship and scream to the gods how glorious life is love maybe it's just a kind of ambivalent affection that they have for you a sort of passing fleeting hope that you are okay in this life this person who you from time to time have two or three times a day while you're driving in your car

thought about how nice it would be to watch them run down a field while being swarmed by Africanized bees if suddenly you realize that these people actually felt love for you ambivalent affection just positive warm feelings if they thought about you generally they're probably not thinking about you but whenever they did a kind of warm bubbly jacuzzi-like feeling emerge in their mind because they want you to be happy wow now that would fuck you up wouldn't it wouldn't that be worse because you would be forced to deal with the fact that you were the one carrying around all this toxic snake-like venom in the snake bag of your heart you would feel this sort of combination of probably, I don't know, a little bit of shame or guilt

because now you just kind of feel like Gollum or something living at the bottom of a cave you would be like oh man you'd have to analyze your life you'd realize that your assessment of the way people in the world actually think of you is completely wrong and it might even force you to go backwards all the way to the part of yourself that you hate more than anything else and then you would realize that actually all you're seeing in the world is a projection of the part of yourself that you haven't figured out how to love yet and then somewhere in that process there is some possibility, some vague possibility, some small possibility maybe a 4% chance that from realizing that your enemies actually love you and then falling backwards to realize that it isn't the anger of your enemies or the hate of your enemies that is terrifying to you but more the awareness of the fact that there's a part of yourself that you can't love that's causing you all the problems

then somewhere suddenly that might make it so that you turn your eyes into yourself, figure out a way to love yourself in the moment you love yourself you would experience a kind of radical transformation that would make it so all the enemies in your universe evaporated and you were left in a kind of glorious, warm, happy, garden of Eden style dimension where your biggest problem is that there's too many unicorns coming to your window with strawberries in their mouths you in other words the you that you used to be, the world that you used to live in and everything you used to know would be annihilated by your enemy and that's way more powerful than getting killed by him so in the same way if you really want your enemies to experience this kind of radical transformation something that for lack of a better word could be called a violent transformation

then the safest, most legal, psychedelic and awesome way to do that would be to figure out a way to unconditionally love them but that's not gonna work because your enemies are cunts they're smelly, stinky, angry poop heads you're not gonna figure it out, there's no way in fact if you even consider the idea at the very best all you're gonna be able to do is paste on some kind of phony smile when you see him and act like you love them when inside you're just feeling superior no the only way to figure it out would be somehow to love yourself

turn that fucking transformative super power high beam that seems to be poking out of the crack in the universe that's symbolized in Christianity by this skinny little hippie getting nailed to a fucking tree on yourself if you can that black stinking poison hell seed that you carry around inside of you all the time figure out a way to love it, it's way worse than your enemies PS no matter who they are, even the worst of the worst of the worst out there it's still

it's bad to exist on a planet where somewhere in some proximity to you there exists some person who maliciously did something to you or accidentally did something to you in the past it's bad to know that somewhere you might have enemies plotting your destruction though I doubt that many of us actually are that important but maybe you do, that's bad but what's way worse is the fucking you've ingested a mental corollary that's supposed to represent this son of a bitch and now they're living inside your heart can you imagine if suddenly your landlord or wherever you live your parents or I don't know where you live

but if somebody told you that your very worst enemy was going to move into your house and there's nothing you could do about it you'd leave so now imagine how even more horrifying that is if some mental representation of your enemy has somehow climbed inside of you that's way worse what's the solution because whatever mental corollary you have whatever the neurological representation known in the yoga sutras of Patanjali is the vrittis the thumbprint of the universe neurologically pressed into your mind

because you have to recognize that anytime you imagine a person you're not like making a telepathic connection with that person but rather you're just summoning up the exact amount of neurotransmitters to create a sense of this person in your mind unless you're a new age crystal buff in which case you think you have a kind of infinite array of microtubules stretching out from you that kind of create a quantum connection with all living beings and not just on this planet but in all time and space known as the net of Indra Google it regardless of whether or not you're some kind of psychic super octopus with quantum tubules connecting you to everyone you ever met or whether you've just digested the universe and have a neurological living reflection of the universe that's inside of you at all times

the ultimate solution would be to figure out a way to forgive empathize and love those parts of yourself which are currently being taken up by the shadow of those you think are your enemies love that fucking thing shine some light on it it's just you anyway see if you can watch the feeling the next time that enemy of yours mentally emerges in your mind and you get in one of those fake conversations can you change can you love that guy change the conversation the next time you start chatting with a shithead who stole your girlfriend or your money or your car or your house or your job or your happiness

have a chat with him sit down imagine it's kind of fun pretend you're in some kind of yurt and you're both sitting across from each other and look him in the eye and say I fucking love you I can't do it see if you can let me know maybe it'll work here's my theory if you figure out a way to do it if you figure out a way to embrace yourself and that doesn't mean suddenly it doesn't mean accepting the part of yourself that likes to go walking down by the river and kick squirrels or baby ducks or whatever horrible thing that you do it doesn't mean continuing that it just means look at it see if you can love it and watch what happens to your life because every time you figure out in the most tiny tiny tiny little way

to forgive the part of yourself that you're most ashamed of or that you're even slightly ashamed of or even if you're minorly embarrassed by it there is a change that will happen in the external universe 700 times more powerful than the change that happens in the internal universe this is what the mystics say like Martin Luther King I think it's true so on the 4th of July when for every firework that explodes in the sky above you instead of imagining that those fireworks are miniaturized enemies being simultaneously blown to smithereens and incinerated by fire

imagine that those things exploding are the external representation of the energy of love being directed to the parts of the world that you haven't figured out how to harmonize with yet or even better just enjoy the fireworks and get drunk forget all this rambling nonsense and have a good time stop over intellectualizing everything you damn weirdo just shove your face in some watermelon and go finger your darling that's how you enjoy the 4th of July how are you gonna enjoy the 4th of July if your heart is a trash can filled with rage puke

okay let's end this weird rant with a little bit of coherence here is Martin Luther King talking about love and power and one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites, polar opposites so that love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love it was this misinterpretation that caused the philosopher Nietzsche it was the philosopher of the will to power

to reject the Christian concept of love it was the same misinterpretation which induced Christian theologians to reject Nietzsche's philosophy of the will to power in the name of the Christian idea of love now we got to get this thing right what is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic power at its best

power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice and justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love I'm going to be doing a little bit of a boring portal on my website that goes directly to Amazon.com and the next time you are considering going down to the local delicatessen to pick up something or going down to buy some swifters at your local

CSV or CVS or any chain store remember that you don't have to spend that time entrepreneur's nightmare but rather you could spend your time walking by a forest contemplating love perhaps you could even find some field somewhere springing forth with daisies and lay in that field with your enemy who is now your friend climb on top of him, straddle him

and with a full force of love and power allow your throbbing member to enter him as you make sweet Martin Luther King level love there on that beautiful day instead of spending your time picking up Kleenexes and cashews from some sticky stinky shore store you could be humping your enemy who is now your truest friend and lover and to do that all you got to do is go through our Amazon portal located at dunkatrustle.com

order whatever it is that you need hopefully you'll be stoned so you'll forget about it and then there'll be a knock at your door in a few days you'll open the door and with a kind of perplexed excitement you'll open a box to discover that you actually ordered a pentagram tapestry and didn't even remember it that's the glory of shopping at amazon.com

you're not going to get that glory by going to some stinky chemical laden weird place where everywhere you look are awful indications of your inevitable decline and do old age and eventual death when I go shopping I don't want to look over it's somebody in a god damn blood pressure machine getting injected with a flu vaccine I just want to buy my swifters and go home without worrying

that I've contracted polio from an anti-vaxxer go to dunkatrustle.com go through the Amazon portal they'll give us a very small percentage of whatever it is that you buy and it costs you nothing we're also brought to you by audible.com if you go to audible for those of you who don't know I'm currently listening to Dr. Sleep which is an audio book by Stephen King

and it's actually the sequel to The Shining and it is badass this is old school Stephen King at his best this is the Stephen King whose coke-addled nose was dripping blood into his keyboard as he typed The Shining in a kind of satanic frenzy it's that level of King, old school King the King that I love and you can get this audio book for free

by going to audibletrial.com forward slash family hour and signing up for a trial membership you'll get to download this audio book and if you want to cancel you can cancel you'll still get to keep Dr. Sleep and man that is like I don't remember how many hours I think it's probably at least 18 hours of badass scary

engrossing entertainment this narrator is off the chain the guy narrating this I'm sorry I don't know what his name is super talented and it makes a big difference sometimes when you download an audio book for whatever reason the goddamn narrator feels like he's got to sort of apply his interpretation of the general mood of the book

it's the worst so you listen to some god download a Henry Miller audio book and the narrator reading it sounds like he's just been listening to fucking Elliot Smith and eating quailudes for the last nine months I don't need you to tell me what the tone of fucking Henry Miller is asshole lighten up

I'll decide if Henry Miller is depressing maybe I think Henry Miller is optimistic joyous glorious and happy I don't need you to be morose well this particular

fellow reading Dr. Sleep all he does is embody the characters in brilliant ways it's amazing what he does with his voice go to audibletrial.com sign up for a trial membership download Dr. Sleep

every time somebody does that they give us 15 bucks so if every single one of you out there out of some insane whim went and signed up for an audible membership then they would send me a check for 45 dollars do it today why not

we also have some brand new t-shirts located at the shop if you go to dunkintrustle.com check out the shop we have the enneagram t-shirt designed by the mystical artist Ron Regi it contains within it various occult symbols designed to ward off the evil eye

so that when you go out into the world you won't have to deal with the psychic radiation from people who haven't learned to love themselves yet and want nothing more than to fall face first into some wet concrete and vanish into the darkness of the sidewalk

go to the shop sometimes these shirts sell out the last batch that we had sold out a lot of them sold out in about four days we have a new batch coming in so go check out the shop check out these beautiful shirts show that you are

aligned with the dunkintrustle family and ward off the cruel dark gaze of the many witches who sculpt through our streets fists clenched hemorrhoids bursting from their blackened puckered anuses today's guest on the dunkintrustle family hour

podcast is a dear friend of mine he is a recurring guest comes back all the time and I haven't come back all the time because we have some generally really deep conversations that add a lot to my life and because I love him and because

I don't know why does there have to be a fucking because why am I coming up with some stupid reason right now anyway to quote my dear friend Emel from one of his songs if I was to do something especially some terrible act

I wouldn't want to think I was doing it for any reason that in fact that reason would dilute the act make it almost laughable or petty I'd rather think that something was operating through me and I didn't really know what the means

to the end would be something like that I'm sure I butchered it I believe that's from his album Decline of the West now everybody please open your heart chakras and send love firecrackers right into Emel

Amos's sweet ass but before you send those firecrackers in Emel's direction please enjoy this track from his upcoming album The Fact Facer this is called All Too Free

links to all that are going to be in the comments section of this episode Altoo Free Why is it so hard to believe today no one could believe that they were lying to themselves Wicked and attached

to my own way Not seeing something clear just like I should Wanting someone dear who's any good I have forgot just everything they taught and all of a sudden

way to play It was just a dream of mine and no, it was just a dream It was just a dream of mine and no, it was just a dream It was just a dream of mine and no, it was just a dream It was just a dream

All too free, oh, yeah All too free, oh, yeah All too free and all too free All too free Welcome back to the Ducket Trussell Family, our podcast. Oh, sweet God and Lord of Music,

Lord of my heart and dear friend, Emil Amos. Oh boy, I've been thinking about... Why was I doing this? I think I was watching this documentary on Chappelle last night and it was showing the comedy store in 99 or something

and I was thinking about when I left there and what was going on in your life and how you must have been feeling and looking at LA like when I told you I was leaving and you had to get a new roommate. Do you remember all that?

Yeah, I remember getting the new roommate. I certainly remember that. Why? What happened? Well, because she would lay on the couch and like in a blanket and watch X-Files all day. She was chronically depressed and I was, you know,

really mean back then. So I had zero empathy for her situation. Like everything was completely about me and, you know, my levels of comfort and part of what I wanted to be comfortable was not to have to walk in front of a

depressed, moldering person, no pun intended, watching X-Files and cooking smelly food all day. I should have loved her more. I'm sorry, Simone. I remember you, we kind of like didn't talk that often for a few years.

I mean, not that we ever talked like in really condensed blocks of time, but I mean, a long time went by and eventually it took a while, but eventually I did recognize that you changed a lot it seemed like

and just the other day I was kind of thinking, you know, I think we've switched back positions. I think I've become the pessimist again and you're the optimist like when we met and that. But would you

explain anything about what it was you think that made you transform when you're in those middle 2000 years in LA? I don't know, man. Maybe a combination of a bunch of different stuff. I don't know. You know what? Who knows? Maybe it's just some built-in

genetic thing in all of us to go through these various changes. Maybe there's no maybe you can't, you know, maybe by pointing a finger at why you end up reducing the why. You know what I mean? Like, man, the the you don't know

sometimes. Sometimes you just change. I don't know. I'll come up with a bunch of different reasons that I'd say, but like probably I don't know. I don't know what happened, man. I have no idea.

I guess that's a good answer. I wish there was like one thing that, you know, if there was one thing that changed anybody then everybody would be changed. Everybody would be changed in the same way because they'd contact that thing and then they'd change.

And why is everyone so fucking addicted to change anyway, you know? That's another big thing. I'm gonna change. This is it! I'm gonna make a big change! Well, you know, you could probably say that the same thing happened to me

back in whatever, 98 or something, but I applied like, you know, these these ideas of talking to God in a dream and all this stuff to some massive meaningful shift.

But I remember also thinking that I had been so wildly depressed for so long that mathematically somehow like the serotonin the pendulum had to swing

and the serotonin had to come tumbling down and it did for like a straight long year every day I was like ecstatic. So it just seemed like my brain was like, well, it can't go any further

down so it had to crest back up or something. I mean, I think there's something glorious in that analysis, you know, because like a depressed person, the depressed people who may be listening to this right now and got the deep numb happening and they can't get out of their beds like

one of those giant exoplanets and they're a little tiny meteor that sucked into it. They can't get out of bed. They can barely move. Somehow they've managed to listen to this podcast. Who the fuck knows just the effort of downloading it for them was like, go, you

know, when you're depressed, man, you're like it's like those people up on the top of Everest who don't have enough oxygen and just basic basic stuff like zipping up your jacket is like doing fucking squats, you know, and I think there's something glorious

to be depressed and actually hear that, you know what, it's going to change, might not seem like it, might seem like this goes on forever. Depression certainly will trick you into thinking this will go on forever, but it doesn't. Suddenly you turn a corner

or a bunch of tiny little corners and the next thing you know, you're back to being human again. All you need to do is hang in there. Hang in there. You're on Everest. We get it. The oxygen feels like it's running low. We get it, but both Emil and

I have been severely deeply, darkly depressed. Suicidal thoughts every day. Still could be at any moment. Just wait. Any moment that pendulum can swing right back down.

You can go falling down into that dark dank hole. Sure, why not? And that's the cool thing because you realize like, well, here I am back depressed again, but you know what, it's going to get better. It always does. It always does.

Do you want to play that song and kind of get it out of the way and then keep moving? I think that we should keep moving and play the song because we play it now, it breaks it up. Do you think the song's fitting right here at this part of the podcast? Because I'm totally

into dropping it in. Either way, it doesn't matter, but you can edit this out, say, asking each other this stuff right now. Why? Well, in respect to what we're saying, I feel like ever since we brought up the mythosisyphus

at that live podcast, I feel like it's become the central metaphor that every day I tend to use to describe my state of mind.

I think I've definitely been dealing with maybe a little bit of depression, maybe mostly stress. I think it was mostly stress and then also just an inevitable life phase that's just characteristic of

kind of, we're kind of at this age where we're sort of planning to be older or something. You can smack me down and say, there's no such thing as age or something. Well, there is a level where

there's such a thing as age undeniable. You'd be a goddamn fool to say there isn't when you look at your fucking moobs forming and your hair starts falling out. Come on, man, you know there's something going down there so much as you want to pretend you're Peter Pan. On one level, you're a melting

flesh candle getting devoured by the force of time. No sense in pretending that's not happening, but that's not who you are, even though since the mind likes to fixate on things like that. If you don't watch out and if you aren't careful, you will become convinced that you are your age and that's where

things can get pretty dim. Yeah, what if getting older and let's say let's say someone who has the appearance of being more harsh and like, negative.

Let's, what if what if it's part of this natural process to shed just basic illusions that you have and were built into you as a child or you imagined so much about the world and

created a bit of a one psychologically, you know, like you have a bit of a bubble that you're living in of self-concern and as those walls get disintegrated and the world starts to look a little bit more difficult

and things seem more difficult as you inevitably become more ambitious. Why wouldn't that seem like a bit of a harsher reality? It's not bad, like you can take all the negative connotations away from it

but like, what if, what if what you're not, what if instead of you becoming more bitter or whatever it looks like what's happening is you're shedding illusions that are holding you back. Ooh, yeah, I love that. I think that's a great way to frame it

and even though it is a bit dire because it's like implying that the thing that it's holding you back from is this kind of harsh permafrost of age or something like that I do love the idea that the illusions are sort of

like what's happening that the world has been dreading you begin to realize is actually this kind of more intimate communication with truth and it's quite beautiful because it's you know what you find out

is this incredible relief like when you're a kid and you imagine being old 40, holy fuck holy fuck, man 40? 40 like some old bit of gum that God spit out in the sidewalk of life, that's what you are

just old, all the commercials start getting geared, certain commercials start getting geared towards you when you're 40, definitely late 40s man, you become a very specific demographic for adult diapers, boner pills life insurance, so you see

all these things and you start dreading this illusionary boundary that you pass that's called being 40 and then suddenly you're 40 and you look inside your heart and you do have guilt and all the combined regret of the life that you lived

ungracefully but underneath all that you start experiencing this odd warmth that is amazing, at least that's what I feel the sense of like wow this is not only is this not

as bad as I expected it in many ways it's way way, way better than what it was like to be young this is a whole new kind of youth, it's an unexpected spring, like what the fuck, there's a spring happening

here, now I can't explain that to people, you know because the conditioning is something where we're all, you know worship at the altar of youth but man, the beauty of being young, here's an example, you know because you hear that grumpy old fucking crow

face shitbag who says youth is wasted on the young do yoga you know what I mean, like what your body's tight, is that what you're talking about because I think it's like this, youth is given to the young

enjoy your youth as you should, just have fun be fucking this to the pain of the world whatever you want to do do it and enjoy it just the way you're gonna enjoy it not like you're

not like you're you have a bowl that's gonna run out of cherries it's a big bowl of cherries and there's nothing at the bottom and you get to keep eating them your whole life I think that's a very fun thing to find out

hehehe when I well, okay part of what I'm asking you about that period in LA, because I'm personally, genuinely interested in sort of what happened to you over those

years, I don't even know if you find it interesting, but I know that what I was dealing with like when we kind of, we didn't talk for a little while, I think both I think both of us were struggling with something, so there wasn't a whole lot to report, because

there was in the beginning of our, sort of the beginning of our careers, sort of so we were struggling a lot and maybe it was I don't know if, were you depressed at all back then do you remember 2001 shit like that? I was

just as I was in college and to some degree as I am now but thank god a little less, I was a fucking raging vortex of pure insecurity mixed in with an incredibly

overblown estimation of my talent it was like the worst combination of things this sense of like you know what I mean, like this feeling of like this hidden

I know I know how great I knew, just knew I was great and judgmental, I was so judgmental too man like just like unfairly and cruelly judgmental because I was insecure

because really insecure people are the most judgmental, so I was like incredibly judgmental of like comedians and just anything that I felt was better than me, probably I was trying to diminish or reduce to fit into the

idea that I was somehow the ultimate of ultimates and then that was all derivative, being derived from insecurity, so that was a rough phase for me and I probably didn't even realize how much of a rough phase it was for me but

sentimental too, like really caught up in the sentimental notion of doing stand up comedy and being a performer and then like you know like before I even I don't understand stand up comedy now but back

then I probably thought I did more than I do now and I can remember like hoping this is when I probably had six minutes of just shoddy shock material but I can remember like

I can remember like an embarrassing sitting on an airplane this is so embarrassing and like somehow some idiot you're not an idiot, an idiot to start talking to me but someone starts talking to me and I think I managed to like navigate the conversation to me being a comedian

like the worst because I'm so proud of myself but not in the right way you know like just like it was all a jumble it was all a jumbled mixed up ego mess you know and I I think a lot of performers have to go through that

but at the other end you get this glorious relief when you're able to accept the fact that you don't know everything you're not the best at anything you're not even that great at much and that's okay

oh god it's so wonderful man when you finally drop that suitcase and just just experience like okay well this is where I'm at not the best not the worst so you're saying

there was never any like big turning point never any big revelation it was just pure experience that helped you kind of gain some objectivity and grow out of that stuff yeah I guess I mean you know

you do stand up and in the beginning you do anything man and like hopefully the process brings you into a place of authentic humility not like

in bullshit humility where you say stupid things like when people tweet things that you it feels kind of like maybe they don't really mean it you know like or like you know that weird like when you're getting an award and you say this kind of like

sappy speech but it feels like you don't even understand why you're what you're doing or why you're there or something you know like but it's like you and sometimes I get this glimmer that isn't related to the career at all

though I do I mean I think I can't believe that I get to do this as a job it's something behind all that we're like man thank you universe God creator force whatever's out there

I can't believe I get to have this body it's fucking so psychedelic and awesome thank God for this or universe or whatever and then I don't know why you those moments are really good moments that to me

is the opposite of depression are you aware of like an alternate version alternate universe version of you that never found any success that still sort of works in a gas station somewhere

never got never worked at a gas station not that that's bad but the the uh yeah you know this is the thing man okay go and watch Richard Alpert prior to becoming Ramdas talking about mushrooms right mm-hmm

he's still this like sweetie you know what I mean like the guy is clearly the sparkly sweet guy he's just using different words to describe something you know and I'm not saying but I think that like no matter where you end up I mean that's the big illusion of this like fucking career

crap and especially the entertainment the idea of being an entertainer or that that stuff is like it's pounded into people's heads to the point where it creates this sick hierarchy of experience where somehow that is uh you know like God how many like

people go galloping to it to Los Angeles every fucking day like just galloping here like it's some water hole in the middle of a prehistoric desert these where you could drink deep of these waters of fame

and somehow at the other end of that you experience a moment of true peace you know what I mean it's like I think the alternate version of me if I didn't do stand-up comedy would have been somebody who maybe started doing something

it's probably psychology or I don't know what I mean I have alternate versions of me where I see myself sentimentally in some kind of like beautiful house with a wonderful wife and children and kind of like

I don't know but even that I don't know no I don't have an alternate that's a great question though I don't even understand I don't understand this I hope I don't sound too easy but I don't understand this much either I don't understand you know what I mean maybe that's the

difference between now and then is I just know that I don't understand much I definitely get messages in my brain like like I can tell I can tell that I was entering the phase when a lot of my friends

were having kids and stuff because I would get sort of messages in my brain that I wanted to take care of my girlfriend or something like I get messages or I get images in my brain that more for me instead of having like a house

and a wife or family and stuff I'll just get these images of like a place where I will go where the stress will be over and I'll basically be like retired and like living in that Maxwell house commercial way

where I'll be sipping the coffee looking out the window into the fields of wheat Valhalla this is the dream of the fountain of youth yeah it's such a shitty image because it's like you're like I think life is full of those

and this is what I meant about aging before I think life is full of these sneaky subtle seductive carrots that sort of dangle in your mind the grass is greener and try to pull you towards

these static images of you being at peace in the world and it's almost like the process of aging is more about trying to demystify those those seductive voices and try to you know put them away

and realize that they don't exist I mean I definitely grew up let's change what you said from the process of aging from the process of personal evolution aging being just a kind of meter by which you measure the amount of time that you've

gone around the sun and I guess the number of times your DNA replicates itself you know what I mean aging being separate that's what I mean but I only say aging because maybe because

the connotation of my particular version of this something to do with me like finally wanting to enter a sort of old phase in a state of grace or something something where I can walk outside

look like shit and have people accept oh yeah there's that old guy instead of you know wanting to be young or something that's just part of my like you know do you ever get that kind of lusty feeling where you want to just

be released from the pressure of sort of the rat race or something you know what I mean? You know the relief that has come to me man I got to do this I don't I got to do this is like one of the high points of my life man

I got to do a series of podcasts with Jack Cornfield because he's releasing his own podcast and I got to sit down and talk to him and he talked to Natasha Legerro and Pete Holmes and this podcast is going to come out I don't know when but man it was amazing to watch

this guy and to be in front of him you know and so he sort of helped articulate something that was growing inside of me that totally relates to what you're talking about which is that there is this

illusion of this point where we come to some kind of final conclusion and there's this weird peaceful thing you're talking about self acceptance being that person who goes outside

freed from the pressures of life after this is done or that is done or this this is this happens or that happens never happens he's really good at articulating that in a way that doesn't sound dismal because we've tricked ourselves into the crazy

idea that there is safety in this dimension that there is a point of rest that there is a moment of rehabilitative rest where after the struggles and woes of our life we find some tranquil shady

place whether it's a mental place or an actual physical location where the waters of forgiveness wash upon us and we are born anew and that place does not fucking exist

so it's kind of like music or when you're recording right now there's a little bit of hiss happening in this recording I don't know why something maybe is wrong with my sound board probably more of the fact that I don't know how to use this shit at all but the human mind when it starts hearing the hiss

people listening if you get fixated on the hiss what are you going to do you're going to miss the point of the conversation you're going to miss the podcast and get caught up in the hiss fucking hiss it's always there so that's the same way it is I think there's an underlying

inevitable or rather endless hiss in the existence of on this planet and that hiss is suffering pressure complication turbulence disruption disappointment

all the things that create what the buddhas call the body of fear or pain the pain body if you focus on that mother fucker well then you begin to believe that there's a point where the pain goes away doesn't go away

never ends and now what you could do is instead of pretending that the pain is going to end you just begin to embrace it accept it surrender to it and recognize that it's a natural part of existence and woo once you start doing that man what do you know

what do you fucking know it does make it's almost like you're walking down this path in this tranquil you know forest or something and as a metaphor in life and

at some point some some horrific thing is revealed to you behind the trees but it was always there and then you have to keep walking you know and learn how to like

phase it out beautifully said and here's another great thing about it that little that thing that you see behind the trees the thing wearing the fucking cloak with the long hands and fingers that have

sharp bloody claws at the end that's looking at you like a subway sandwich it's not just that you see the thing behind the trees it's that you realize at some point that thing is definitely going to eat me no way around it I could sing to it

talk to it pretend it's not there I could try to fight it it's still going to eat me it's that it's not just that you realize there's a thing behind the trees you realize this thing will eat you you are going to die impermanent you are impermanent you know and that thing isn't

going away and all the other things aren't going away that you think are going to go away just doesn't get better and a lot of people hear that and they get so got they're like you know you're being negative because these Disney movies make it seem like once you beat the bad guy

you marry the princess have some babies and then the credits roll they don't show what happens after you beat the bad guy marry the princess and the princess gets cancer and the babies fall into the ocean and drown and one of the babies you leave in the back

seat of your car and maybe one of the babies shoots up a school my version of of depression more recently is kind of like I feel like in this early 2000's you know we're both kind of running at this

wall and we looked up the wall and it was just impossibly infinite mountain that we had to scale to get to where we assumed we had to go so we kept sliding down the wall

and then one day years and years into this running up trying to get up the wall we like sunk like one little hook into one spot that could take it and then

very very slowly worked up enough strength to pull ourselves up to the next thing and over years and years very slowly pulled herself up and at some point

it dawned on me that this wall is just kind of like that Twilight Zone episode where they finally scale the wall and they fall out the top and I don't know if you remember the episode

but life is a joke they fall out of the top of this prison and they hit the snowy street and they were like action figures and a trash can their whole life

yes totally man that was probably my favorite episode I think about it probably at least once a week but now we are scaling these walls our whole life with ambition

and accomplishment as our sort of guide map it's ruling our days today I'm going to record a podcast today I'm going to mix a record tomorrow I'm going to take promotional photos on Wednesday I'm going to do an interview

everything has been totally focused on all this stuff there's just this deep sigh in this moment and then I'm just going to fall out the top of this thing yeah you sure are

especially if you're results oriented that's the problem everybody's got this notion of the universe like we're outputting shit in a factory man the whole thing it's like we are doing this for this

here's why I'm doing stand up comedy so that I obviously the reason I do stand up comedy is because someone's going to see me in the audience and put me on a fucking tv show you know and then suddenly that's what you're doing

right and so then when the tv show isn't happening then if you let your mind take control the mind will tell you see you shouldn't have done stand up comedy and you're god damn right you shouldn't have done stand up comedy if you wanted to get on a tv show you shouldn't do it either because it's like a form of weird repetitive

sickness that you can't stop doing or because you love it or because whatever but this dream of the paycheck down the line man god I've had the good fortune of meeting some of the most successful fucking comedians based on the normal

perception of what success is and they're exactly the same way they were before they got success except with the addition of money and like is that what we're looking for is the watermark for a person's activity being somehow

justified money from a corporation that sells cars and banks and or gets people in debt to the banks that can't be the reason you want to do something to finally get knighted by some kind of I mean aside from the fact that tv

is am radio these days and the whole thing is getting flushed down the toilet by technology and it doesn't matter anymore as much as it did aside from the fact that that whole old archaic system is collapsing it's like god damn it man we gotta do things for stuff from if I'm

doing something it better be for not for money because shit have you ever felt more if you really want to feel disgusting do something just for money like feel that go do that as an experiment

you guys go find something to do just for money just find something out there and do it just for the dough find something out there I don't know whatever it is but if you have a job that you're doing just for money you know how that feels you're objectifying yourself

you're objectifying the people around you you're objectifying your boss you're letting yourself be objectified that's no fun see I'm talking about this god damn liberation where you begin to realize that you don't have to do things I quoted your song at the very beginning of this man

one of my favorite one of your my favorite lyrics is in any song is if I was ever gonna do anything especially some horrible deed it wouldn't be for any reason how does that go

yeah no you got it you got it it wouldn't be for any reason especially that the the reason would dilute the act make it almost laughable or petty see all these fucking assholes out there

doing stuff for reasons it's embarrassing when you see one of these puffed up peacocks fanning out there whatever their talent wings are to hypnotize a crowd and they're not doing it for any reason they're not doing it for anything more than for the reason of wanting dough

it's embarrassing it's an embarrassment because they feel so important the dogs my girlfriend was pointing out that when you give the dogs a little stuffed animal they get puffed up and they kind of prance around with the bone or the

stuffed animal they really feel important and one of them the stuffed animal they'll put the stuffed animal down for a second and sit on the couch and then the other one will jump up and try to get the stuffed animal and the fight that ensues

is like world war three they're fighting over this plushie like it was the goddamn arc of the covenant or nuclear weapons or some kind of unseat this fountain of youth and that's what humans are like when they get puffed up over the fact

that they have some temporary transient success that's defined by the amount of monkey paper getting paid to them by a corporation whose number one job is to hypnotize idiots so that their guard goes down and they get in debt to a bank when they buy a Range Rover they don't need wow man okay well

anyway what just happened you guys after that weird Range Rover rant kind of obvious shaking my fist nothingness I listened to Emil's song from his new album coming out and wow the song you guys already heard at the beginning I just listened to it for the first

time it's really good Emil hmm it's coming out something like September 24th ish on thrilljockey which is a Chicago label a new label that I've never worked with

that was pretty legendary for kicking off of many things the tortoise career one of the great 90s bands that's still around anyhow very eclectic

label great people man that song though wow man that is really that was that's an intense song the piano in it is so amazing man wow you must be so that must feel so fucking good

to have something like that go out into the world uh I mean it's kind of a funny a funny subject really because that was recorded in fuck that song was recorded in like 2008

and I wasn't because my career has been so strange and all over the place I wasn't able to ever find a place to put that song so not only was it written in 1996 and recorded in around 2008 it's now 2014

so there's a lot of feelings that go on in between all those years and some of them aren't very good you know and and so somehow I don't know that that song kind of like simmered in a pot somewhere and then

it landed into this record because I think the record is really it's really dark so it needed one or two moments of that sounded a bit more optimistic to balance it out so the song became really important to come back you know

yeah yeah sure that's interesting when you're making an album you feel like you got to throw in some happy spice in there so it's not too dark it's not yeah totally it's not like it's that like forced of a balance but I think

because any piece of art like life is just a series of tension and release you just you know you want to pull people in and you want to then you want to kind of like push them away a little bit

there's something to that rhythm that keeps someone engaged and I don't think it's like necessarily a manipulative thing but it's more about just maintaining tension you know like a good David Lynch movie or something like the way

that sound and envision kind of like keep you on edge a little bit you just don't want the tension to dissipate and too much darkness just gets it's like you're hitting someone over the head you know there you go man you know who else could have just given that explanation

for creation? God that sounds like you know like if you like end up getting in the presence of the creative force the universe like hey why the fuck did you make it so goddamn dark down there sometimes you could just do that exact answer that you

right well that would be like the absence of the sun right it wouldn't make any sense nothing would grow nothing would well you never be able to see anything either so well it's kind of like you got a you know like that you almost like here's a it's like you don't want to

realize that a lot of times you're pretending that the pain doesn't feel good like you know you know what I mean like you don't want to realize that like in some weird ways even the most painful thing you still

realized it that's New York holy shit somebody ate too much pizza New York pizza and his best joke was invented we got a pizza overdose on 5th and Lemoine

in the meatpacking district better get down there boys and the crowd just erupts anytime you do that anyway you know what I mean man it's like it's so funny how you have to like

you know when you find yourself writhing on the floor moaning over some awful realization or event if you just if you give yourself a little bit of space in there you find that there's something so juicy

and strangely exhilarating about those moments that you almost have to play a game of make believe with yourself so that you can fully be in pain and not faced with that odd thing where you realize that everything

seems to have a little bit of sugar in it I feel like some people lives almost like metaphorically they're sitting at a desk and they just have a happy button and they're just trying to slam

the happy button over and over again maybe not realizing that that life has no subtletied dynamics and like you can't like sink into the basic arc

of like how true satisfaction comes if you're just kind of trying to run up at a target of like a reward over and over and over again you know what I mean

yeah yeah it's true man poor dogs if the dog just thinks that the only thing that matters is getting that treat it's so interesting when you just start finding these

secret hidden like what do they call it in video games when people they leave these funny little easter eggs you find these weird little easter eggs hidden throughout even the most dark moments it's almost like if there was a creative force which

it's arguable who knows but it would almost seem like he's too or she or it or all of us to combine forming it it's almost it couldn't bear to really just let us

be completely alone there's always a secret hidden in there I don't know though I love Zizek he'd probably fucking throw a goddamn bowl of pasta at me if you heard that shit you know Zizek

yeah I don't I haven't spent a lot of time with it but yeah I do he talks about how in psychotherapy any of his friends or psychotherapists say life is not that they don't get enough enjoyment

but they can't enjoy what they get oh god well that seems that seems painfully obvious yeah but it's something that people really like over look he's using it in reference to like Coca-Cola and showing like all these

awesome coke commercials in this show the perverts guide to ideology where and he says you know as though the necessity to enjoy has been inflicted on us has been shoved at us that happy button that you're talking about it's as though if you're not

constantly slamming that fucking happy button something's wrong with you and he's showing all these coke commercials where these jubilant idiots are like cavorting around a DJ in this kind of Mayan ritual sacrificial

ritual with a fervent manic amplification of cultists surrounding a baby about to get gutted by a fucking pie priest that kind of like cultist look in their eyes and this is somehow all associated with the

story of Coca-Cola which is of course the story of all of us which is that finally at this point in human history we've gotten to a place where we're just basically standing under a fountain of ecstasy and we're all supposed to be drinking the liquids of God's jizz

like sex addicts at a fucking glory hole you know what I mean so that means that even though the corporations are constantly sprang us with their ecstasy come

just like anybody I'm sure if you've ever been giving oral sex to your girlfriend it's wonderful when you're really into it you know and like you're a stone and you're like God this is so, God your heart's pounding

and like you could just, you want to just drink every little drop but it's like eventually you gotta go to the bathroom or take a break you know you can't be constantly getting hot wet calm on your face

Jesus what have I done to this podcast well the point stands it's true thank you maybe you need some like audience laughter tracks or something

or the lack of just a kind of confused uncomfortable moment I believe would be the more the response from whatever I just said but you know what I mean man it's like this and it is obvious to say this but we do forget that these

in between moments are in fact the majority of what things are and that if you begin to get fixated on the moments that are in between the in between then you end up falling into this infinite

endless fractal where you're always one decimal away from experiencing happiness and you'll never ever get to that decimal you'll just always fall in waiting and waiting for the moment and the best you could do is pretend to be happy

and put on a big fat smile on your face when inside you're still dealing with this problem that emptiness the tension the darkness the ache are you there god damn it Emo I thought that was actually

pretty good ending laughter that ache though is always going to be there you know it's like the moment you start accepting the ache that's when you can enjoy the slot machines no the zizzic thing is

it's it's I wasn't saying like oh it's painfully obvious I was saying it's it's painfully obvious in the way that it's it's brilliant to you know like I I digger said like if you could just if you could just ask the right question

ask the question the right way the answer would would present itself wow weird that's so weird I love how he's yeah he's pointing the finger back at yourself for

just not I mean he's definitely that's a SART you know you're sort of like your freedom is your freedom to try to interpret your situation in any way you want to do it and I don't know why someone

who is so intelligent would get caught in called a sex of over analysis and and depression when when really like we have these these amazing advantages and incredible

lies but like there's there's so many times when I I'm feeling like my intelligence goes towards trying to over focus on all the ways in which everything is like just not quite

going right and if only if only I didn't hurt my hand the day before I have to go play a show or if only you know what I mean there's always like something that that that the the mind is seducing you to over

focus on that keeps you from that that Maxwell House moment of ecstasy or something you know yeah that Maxwell House moment man that Maxwell House moment ooh how awful that moment be if you actually did get the moment you

just feel like ah you'd miss the tension you'd miss the fucking that those moments anyway doesn't that doesn't that happen to you it happens to me all the time like you spend all this effort going trying to go on a vacation or something and you get to the

scenic outlook and you have an ice cream cone and you just start thinking about how many calories you're ingesting and and how you almost I can almost get sad thinking about how much I've always wanted to be

sitting there at that outlook having a good time but I just don't feel the way that I thought I would feel exactly in my mind so I'm kind of just sitting here like you know there's just like this weird ghost of

I don't know of like a shadow version of yourself following you around always offering you a way to look at the situation in a shitty respect you know what I mean yes and as long as you understand that that shadow is always going to be there and let

them yap and do the whole thing and then you're sort of like oh there you are hi there you are again hi oh that what do you got what do you got this time and then right that's where a sense of humor definitely comes in to let you just like why are you taking yourself so

fucking seriously dude oh yeah listen and it's and when you start doing that where it's like oh here he is again almost like you know like I remember once I was hanging out with some friends who I suddenly realized that anything that came into their field of

vision or experience they would find something awful to say about it and then they would like kind of like go back and forth about how horrible the thing was so in my mind I started playing this game like a roulette game where I started throwing out things to me that were meaningless

objects whatever it was things that were known but kind of meaningless because I knew that whatever I threw out they'd start talking shit about it and I started doing that for fun because we were hanging out for the day I just spit something out and be like let's see what they say about it and inevitably man no matter what it was

it was always bad like you always find this like curdled underside of the thing whether it would be you know the fools whatever it was always somehow it was like bad everything was bad so in the same way it's like

when you start doing this little hunting trip with your mind and you instead of like thinking that's you but just realizing it's a facet of you and then no matter what the experience is I mean the next time you're having sex or enjoying a good meal or whatever the thing is when that thing starts

popping up just don't believe it just be like whoa that's a good one oh that was good like I was just walking my dog the other day and this this old man with a camera gave my dog a dog biscuit very sweet and as he's giving

it to me that part of my mind is like it's probably poison dude you're like oh hi wow that's good yeah well let's hope not if it is I'm a fool but let's just see what happens here never works

never never never does that that part of your mind successfully predict what awful thing is gonna happen you know or for example like I was talking to a friend on a recent podcast and we were talking about love and we were talking about how great it is and he goes yeah in the beginning

and he's awesome man he is so cool and sweet and by the end you know we sort of like both like balanced each other's point of view out but you know again like he's giving voice to the

awareness of this you know yeah but you know it's gonna be we're heading down it's gonna be bad and yeah sure of course it's gonna be bad you're right about that it is gonna be bad

there will be bad things that emerge and they'll be bad things that go away and they're gonna be good things that go away and they're gonna be good things that don't go away maybe but the to get to that Maxwell house moment is actually

kind of scary to people because we don't want to be animals you know and there's something feel that feels visceral and hedonistic about purely enjoying the moment you know it's scary to really just enjoy any single moment and to realize that you can

and the heat and the the cold and the the boredom and the excitement you can really enjoy all of it yeah maybe like that group of your friends that has to find a way to be superior

to every subject by pointing out it's weaknesses or something maybe maybe like that's some sort of inborn element of consciousness that like just experiencing things doesn't seem

like enough like we like our ego requests of us to interpret things and just in the instant interpretation of things we start we get away from the experience and then get lost in like some weird attempt to

form superiority over the moment in the attempt to interpret I love it I love what you're saying and I love that the impulse behind it is trying to achieve superiority in control and you're right that is what it is like you know man when I used to go to the raves

I was standing in line to go into this rave and the music's coming out and man at the time I fucking love that shit I had some ecstasy I probably had just taken ecstasy or was about to take ecstasy this is when take getting ecstasy for me was like a big moment

like I think I was probably a dishwasher and ecstasy cost 30 bucks and if you're a dishwasher man that's like half your day for this drug and even obtaining it was exciting and the whole thing was romantic and exciting and I was standing outside this fucking

rave and I'm kind of like bouncing with excitement I'm so excited man there's no sense of embarrassment about this situation at all just this kind of like this is gonna be an awesome night and I'm bouncing around

and this fucking girl who's like friends was dating one of my friends turns and looks at me and like goes you're excited huh like you know what I mean like I was being too too excited or like too

openly excited and that's not how you since you're at a night club event type thing you got to kind of play it cool man don't be really don't be a fucking bouncy ball of like excitement it makes you look like a tool you know and I think that's superiority

that's the thing we don't want to be that you don't want to be the giddy bouncy thing it's like this is awesome so you just you end up ultimately fighting against love right I just came straight from a art opening on Rockaway Beach

with like it's like all Patty Smith's art and James Franco was gonna speak or something and and there would be like you kind of pass through the swarms of just young people who sort of just were like happy to be near the beach

and out of the city but there but in in the swarms would be people positioned just making that face that's supposed to communicate that they've done this a lot and they've they've seen a lot of art

you know and they're pretty important they probably drive a nice car and I just focus on those faces and I'm always just kind of mesmerized by what might be going on behind

that face and the machinery of their brain to make them think that that's tricking anyone into thinking so I guess being an asshole somehow just generally does make people kind of like respect you because they step back you know

if you're driving crazy you're like whoa get the fuck out of the way oh I've been enthralled by assholes like that for sure dude mesmerizing and they also make you like you sort of like if you're not what they're doing is a basic dominance trick which is like

if you're a weak person and you get around somebody being hostile then you'll submit to them because they're not going to be aware of conflicts so it's just like a basic rudimentary shitty alpha trick and it will work for weak people and you will get sucked into that

if you're not careful and I've watched myself being sucked into it trying to placate a fucking turd and like just like oh man saying something to cheer him up submissive baby but it's like all that they've done either

subconsciously or even maybe they're sociopaths and they consciously recognize that if they act aloof the weakest people in the crowd will begin to attend to their needs but either way it's like just a trick because they like to have a little bit of power

or a lot of power those people will always have an orbit around them of the weakest of souls and it's so funny because when you get around people like that and you're not submitting to them then the weaklings around them

will start getting weird like prairie dogs when there's like something really start perking their ears up and like doing sideways glances that whoever has managed the vampire that's managed to suck them into their goddamn orbit of expertise

waiting for his inevitable either dismissal of you usually though they'll dismiss you behind your back they won't do it in front of you but when they get around their orbit of you know they'll try to talk shit about you

anyway it's a terrible thing don't get sucked into it better to be a giddy fool enjoying your fucking Justin Bieber concert than some puffed up pseudo expert because what could anyone really know I feel like maybe with the internet

and kind of the push towards total variety and this global thought thing like there's less ghettos to be stuck in like thought ghettos where everybody's like

you know if you're into a certain scene you have to go see the scene guru and he's the one that keeps the knowledge and you know whatever it seems like there's an attitude where people are a little bit less stuck in there

in their genres these days everybody's kind of trying to get out and learn more about you know various exotic things but in the old days you really did kind of stick within your zone I mean I'm sure in prison and I'm sure in

neighborhoods and I'm sure there's still scenes and stuff but at least I think we're moving forward into a sort of global communication to some degree it's wonderful it's a beautiful thing man it really is like a beautiful thing I love

the corrosive effect the internet has on the ability of certain people to become scene gurus I love that I love the way that it's like eliminating the necessity of those kinds of people or those kinds of dynamics because man those people could be so goddamn

inhibiting man they can really if you're not carefully get around one of those people too long you'll really lose some time you know they'll shut you down quick because that's what they do I mean goddamn God forgive all of us though

I mean nobody's better than anybody else but man if you end up around a bunch of people who constantly hate everything you're in trouble man because they hate you Christ almighty I can't wait to listen to your whole album man I'm so excited that track was so beautiful

I'll send it to you as soon as I can I know you have to go catch a plane I gotta catch a plane but we're gonna you tell me everything about how people listening to this can find the album and can find you well they're announcing it this week

so you can go to thrilljockey.com and they're they're basically gonna be announcing the record this week and putting out a few other songs and my Facebook page for Holy Sons

is pretty much where I'll be posting all the videos and new stuff that we're working on I just came from my first band practice last night with the new New York band and so like we're finally planning new shows for the first time in a few years

and so there's gonna be a lot of stuff to that I'm gonna be announcing there well I'll talk to you on the podcast again soon and also in real life cause we're friends so we don't record every conversation I don't know why I had to say that

all links to this album pre-sales of the album etc are gonna be on the comment section of this podcast connect to Emel get his old albums if you haven't yet they're amazing thanks for coming on the show Emel yay

thanks for listening everybody that was Emel Amos and be sure to go through our Amazon portal and give us a nice rating on iTunes if you feel like it have an excellent 4th of July and please be careful with those fireworks