Duncan Trussell Family Hour - EMIL AMOS in REDEMPTION!

Episode Date: September 11, 2013

Emil Amos (Grails, Holy Sons, Lilacs and Champagne, OM) returns to the DTFH to talk about redemption...

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Hello, dear friends, and welcome to the Duncan Tressel Family Hour podcast. It's me, Duncan Tressel, reporting in from Los Angeles, California.

Last week, I went to Little Cumberland Island, which is this beautiful little island off the coast of Georgia. And when I say beautiful, I mean, like God's finger is jutting down from heaven and touching this place. It's beautiful and that it contact with that level of beauty alters you in some way.

And in a way that you, I don't think anything else can alter you in that way. There's a communication that happens when you get into nature. There's a connection or some kind of convergence that happens with you and the rest of the planet that is still wild. They say that the pigs, when they escape

and get out into the wild, they actually change. Their hair color changes, they grow bigger, they go feral. And there's something about going into nature where you can feel the very beginning phases of this process. You can imagine when you're out in nature, out in the wild, what would happen

if you were there for three more months? And then you think, well, what would happen to me if I were there for eight more months? And you realize that a lot of the heaviness and the weight that you carry around with you that is a weight that results from living in a place of high population density, probably doing activities that in that setting seem natural,

but from a greater viewpoint or incredibly unnatural and absurd, for example, driving, getting into a big metal house carriage and merging with the machinery so that you are guiding this missile down black strips of concrete where you are guided by the fluctuation of stop lights and stop signs and other people

who have been sucked into this strange arterial pulsation of metal and flesh that comprises the circuitry of most towns and cities. That's insane compared to what the rhythm of nature is, which is at this island, Little Cumberland Island, it's dictated by the tides, the inflow and outflow of water from the ocean. And the tides determine where you can go on the beach

and when you can take boats out and when you can fish. And just being in the presence of that, which is a kind of deeper truth, just being in the presence of that kind of tide or that kind of fluctuation creates a very soothing and calming effect that seems like something that should be a regular part of your experiential diet.

But it's something we all forget. I mean, you could stay in the city, you could be in a city for four years and never leave the city and not even think about it, barely even think about it. You can get so sucked into the artificial tide of modern living, of which you're just one particulate sort of breathing in and out

with the tide of capitalism and commerce, which makes up civilization. Not that that's, nothing's truly unnatural. I know I said, I think I said unnatural, cars aren't unnatural, they're no more unnatural than pigs, but I guess they're a few steps removed from the primacy of nature. And when you plug into that,

it's very healing and very beautiful, especially when you plug into that and mix it with technology. Because on this island, the only way to get around are four-wheelers. And holy shit, that is fun. That is so fun. There's nothing I can think of that is more delightful

than riding down beach paths on a four-wheeler and exploring basically a band and island. So this is where my mom spent a lot of time, especially a lot of time as she was dying. And it was the place that she loved more than any other place on earth, and it's the place she wanted her ashes scattered. So I went to this island with my brother

and my brother's wonderful wife and my brother's wonderful dog. And we went into a dune field and scattered my mom's ashes. And it was so beautiful and so perfect. I could really feel her there, she was there. And it was more than just a ritual. It was more than just a symbolic gesture.

There was a sense of completion to it and just a feeling of peace that came from it. I feel so much better now, because I kind of went into like a depression, which is something that I've dealt with my whole life. I go in and out of depressions. And I had gone into this pretty dark place and something about the experience

and going to this island started this process, which now I feel much better. And I feel like a chapter has closed in my life. And a new chapter is starting, which is super exciting because my brother is about to have a baby in December and that's a really beautiful thing and something I'm really excited about. A friend of mine was talking about how when you get older,

if you have a baby, it's a really beautiful thing. Because once you get to a certain age, everyone around you just starts dropping like flies. There's no way around it. Everyone around you, the fruit starts falling off the tree and right into the Grim Reaper's mouth, he chomps up your relatives and loved ones right in front of you and shits them into the grave.

So there's something really nice about having a new little pinky growing out of the garden of eternity because it is the reversal of the entropic force that sucks us all back into the soil and turns us into flowers, trees, worms, moths and all the other variety of life that, well, I guess everything turns us into everything. So that was really nice and I'm sorry

for not getting a podcast out, but that's what I've been up to and I suppose that's a good excuse, even though there's no real excuse for not getting a podcast out except for my own laziness. I can't really pretend that some form of insane busyness has kept me from doing this thing. I think that's a tendency I have.

I like to delude myself into thinking that the reason I haven't produced something I wanna produce is because of some state of busyness that I'm in, but the truth of the matter is it's usually because of procrastination and some form of distraction that has happened. So I apologize, but that seems to be part of who I am and I imagine that it will continue to be a pattern

in my life for probably a very long time. Maybe not, I hope not. Okay, so there's that. Now, here's a big announcement that I wanna make and I am now officially sending out a cry for help from the internet, from those of you who listen to this podcast. I wanna tell you about an idea that came to me

and it's an idea that for a thing that will transform podcasts forever, but it's a thing that I can't do on my own. Here's my idea. A few days ago, I ordered an Oculus Rift. For those of you who don't know what an Oculus Rift is, an Oculus Rift is a consumer-based VR goggles that apparently create the illusion

of being fully immersed inside a virtual environment, whether that virtual environment is a video game, whether the virtual environment is whatever, whatever 3D space. There's all kinds of examples of what people are developing for this technology on the internet. A quick Google search will show you

a variety of apps that they have for the thing now, including the experience of being beheaded. You can go to an Italian villa and I think they even ported the game Half-Life so that you can use Half-Life in conjunction with the Oculus Rift and run around shooting things. I'm sure there's other things that are on the horizon and eventually I wouldn't be surprised

if this became the new television. People who I know have placed the thing on say, this is going to do to society what TV did to society. It's going to completely transform the way that we absorb media and not just that, but it's gonna transform the way that we create because the combination of the Oculus Rift with motion sensing technology,

like the new Kinect for Windows or even hacked Xbox 360 Kinects allows you to, sorry, that humming you might hear in the background is my little Roomba, my robot slave cleaning for me. But the combination of the Oculus Rift with motion sensing technology can allow you to model and mold things in three-dimensional space. And then this combined with the 3D printers

that are coming out would allow you theoretically to mold parts to create tools or art or anything that you wanted and then print those things out. And that's where we're headed. There's a great video by Elon Musk who is the president of Tesla. I don't know, maybe the king of Tesla. Not sure what his title is,

but he's the same fella who is working on the Hyperloop, which is a type of tube, like a suction tube that apparently will allow us to get from LA to New York in a couple of hours max. And he's also working on a lot of other disruptive technologies, but there's a great video that I will post at DuncanTrustle.com on this podcast

where you can kind of watch him go through all these emergent technologies that he thinks are going to be incremental aspects of Western civilization over the next century. So here's what I need help doing. This is what I wanna do. I want to create a virtual space where people can come and watch podcasts

being recorded live in a 3D virtual environment. So the reason I wanna do this, there's a lot of reasons I wanna do this. I think that people really enjoy seeing podcasts live. I know with Rogan's podcast, they stream it and lots of people tune in to watch it live and to interact while it's happening and talk about the various topics

that the guests are discussing and there's this interactive element to it that's super cool, but the way that the media gets consumed is in 2D space by watching the video, which is great, but I think that the next logical step is to actually be in a 3D environment

surrounded by other people who are watching the podcast. And if you wanted to, you could put on an Oculus Rift and then you could look around and actually be in this environment as though you were in an auditorium or whatever environment was designed for the particular podcast that you decided to go and watch.

Then you could add to that the ability to shift the perspective. So instead of seeing what was happening from your POV as your avatar in this virtual space watching the podcast happen, you could shift your POV to one of the guests or to the host and see what they were looking at or see their view of this virtual environment.

The other thing that this technology would do is it would remove the boundary between the podcast and the audience. So if your podcast gets 60,000 downloads and episode, then you know that's a lot of people, but you don't really have a visual representation of what those people look like. The most people I've ever performed for in my life

has been something like 3,000 people. 3,300 people it was. I was featuring for Rogan in Chicago and I'll never forget that experience. The experience of being in front of a wall of just a wall like wall of human beings combined with whatever terrible potent marijuana Rogan had given me before I went on stage

gave the impression that I was talking to some giant deity composed of human molecules that had all merged together into the form of an audience and that was wild, it was wild. This is an experience that I think can happen with these emergent technologies so that podcasters and their guests can actually get some digitized representation

of the audience that they're performing for. I can't think of anything more psychedelic and exciting than being able to put on my Oculus Rift to give my guest an Oculus Rift and to look out at an auditorium or room or cavern or canyon or alien planet or whatever terrain we decided to use and see all of you in whatever visual form that you decided to take.

Not all of you will be humans. Some of you could be robots, vampires, unicorns, whatever you wanted to be. Some of you could be flying in hot air balloons drifting through the sky. Some of you could be birds but it would be a wonderful thing to be able to look out in a 3D environment at the listeners of this podcast.

And I think other podcasters would utilize this technology too. So this is what I wanna do. I wanna create the first crowdsourced, I don't know if it's the first crowdsourced but a crowdsourced project. And I know that there are people out there listening who can help me do this. I don't know how to do this.

I just have the idea in my head and I know that there are certain places where this idea has been explored. For example, in Second Life, you can, there are live shows in Second Life. I've seen them, to me they're not very exciting because as far as I know, there's no real motion tracking technology

going into the performance, which means that any movement that is happening from the avatar is sort of pre-recorded animations that their avatar can go through. I think that for this to really be effective, what we would need is three things. Number one, we need a virtual environment that is accessible to anybody who has a computer

regardless of the computer's operating system. So Second Life definitely seems like a potential environment to develop this technology inside of. Number two, we need motion sensing technology that can immediately transfer the movements of the guest and the podcaster into their avatar. So if I lift my arm, then my avatar lifts his arm. Or if my guest moves in some way,

the avatar would in some way replicate that movement. Ideally, it would even be able to scan the face and transfer facial gestures or facial movements into the avatar. By the way, I know that not all of this stuff is probably available or accessible right now, but I think that it will be. And I think we might as well be the ones

who start developing this. So we need a virtual space, potentially Second Life, or some other virtual space that I'm not aware of. We need a motion tracking technology that can scan, that can track the motions of the guest to the avatar that is in the virtual environment. And then we need this technology to be compatible with the Oculus Rift so that people in the audience,

if they have a Rift, can actually be in 3D space. And the guest and the podcaster can also experience this in three-dimensional space. Those are the first three major components that we need for this thing to work. And I want to send out the call to all of you so that we can all start working together to make this thing happen.

Many of you might already know how to do this. This shit might already exist, I don't know. I've done some searching and I can't find anything that is instantly accessible. I don't know how to code. So I don't know, and also I don't know how to get my XBox, the Kinect to work in this way. I tried, I don't know how to do it.

I did buy a very nice PC though, so that I wouldn't be limited by the constraints of Apple. So I do have that and I have a Rift coming and I do have an XBox Kinect. So I have these components, but I need help. I want this to be an open source project. So I want this to be the sort of thing

that once we figure out how to do it, it can be packaged and downloaded by anyone who wants to do podcasts in virtual environments. I want this to be completely accessible to anyone who wants to do this and at no charge so that any podcaster out there can utilize this technology to do their shows in live virtual space.

That's the goal. This isn't for profit. This is only for expanding and evolving the medium that is currently known as podcasting. You guys know that podcasting isn't just podcasting. Podcasting is a flower on this tree of technology that is growing into time.

It is so much more than a one-sided form of entertainment. This is a, podcasts have communities that grow around them and many of my best friends are people that I've met doing this podcast or guests that I've had on this podcast. They're much more than just podcasts and I think that if we all work together that we can evolve them to the next level,

which is to me creating environments where listeners can gather together in 3D space, watch a podcast get recorded live and then afterwards hang out together in 3D space and we could all hang out, which would be pretty awesome so that people all over the world, instead of having to wait for the podcaster to come through and do a comedy tour

or to come through and do a live recording of the podcast can immediately not just enjoy watching the podcast get recorded live but get to interact with other people who like the podcast as well. The technology exists right now for this stuff to happen. We just need to weave it together in a way that we just need to fuse it together. We need these three components,

we need someone who's good at organizing these kinds of projects, we need coders, designers, developers, philosophers, technologists, anybody out there who just has an idea, you don't even have to understand technology but if you just have some instinct or impulse as to how we can make this sort of thing work,

if you know people that we can connect with, if you know people who work for Oculus Rift, if you know people who work for Second Life, if you know people who work for some other company that could help facilitate this thing, then contact me. There's a contact form at DuncanTrussell.com, contact me and let me know your idea.

The first thing that I need is somebody who's good at organizing this sort of thing, someone who maybe has created this software, has created this sort of thing before. And the people involved in this have to just be interested in furthering the medium of podcasts. I'm sure that other stuff will come, if we can really figure out how to do this,

I'm sure there'll be all kinds of weird benefits that come from this, but the main reason for doing it is just so that we can further the unifying aspect of technology, the way that technology loves to bring things together. So that's my idea. Go to DuncanTrussell.com if you can help with this and let me know who you are, what you can do,

how you can help, and I'm sure that if we all put our heads together, we can get this thing created fairly quickly. And before you know it, those of you who have a computer will be able to go watch the DuncanTrussell Family Hour and hopefully other podcasts who adopt this technology recorded in virtual space. This is my dream.

I wanna do it, let's do it. I'm sick of being trapped by the cruel time-space continuum that keeps me locked down in one place and makes it so that I can only do this podcast in my human form inside of my house, instead of doing the podcast as a Godzilla in some kind of alien environment surrounded by all of you who have taken on whatever specific avatar

you want to represent yourself as. I think this is something that Terrence, Jesus Christ, McKenna would have loved to see happen. And I think it's something that is in the spirit of the emergent technologies that we are so lucky to get to witness being born in our lifetimes. Help me, join me. Go to DuncanTrussell.com, go to the contact form,

send me a message if you're a coder, designer, developer, anyone who has any interest in helping with this project, an organizer, someone who has experience organizing this kind of thing. I'm throwing it out to the universe in the hopes that just by planting this seed in the fabric of what could be, this space will grow and we'll all be able

to hang out together. So there you go. Today we have a great podcast. First, a little business. The DuncanTrussell Family Hour podcast is brought to you by Shore Design T-shirts. Oh, God, God. Shore Design T-shirts create shirts so very soft,

so soft when they touch the skin. It feels as though the snake that brought truth to those two primitive savage shitheads in the Garden of Eden was slithering along your body and whispering in your ear, eat the fruit. Don't let that old man trick you into thinking that you gotta stay in the dark to be happy. Yes, the feeling of Shore Design T-shirts

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Order one of the shirts. Go to ShoreDesignT-shirts.com. If you put my name in, Duncan, D-U-N-C-A-N, you'll get 10% off these wonderful shirts and you will be wearing cum to the yoga studio and who wouldn't want to do that? We're also sponsored by Amazon.com if you are going to order something from Amazon.

And by the way, Amazon has everything, everything, everything you could want is there. Anything that we talk about on this podcast, you can order it from Amazon.com. I just ordered a beautiful zen bell. Wanna hear it? I don't know if you can hear that. It rings for a very long time.

It's good for meditating. For some reason, bells really go hand in hand with meditating. I'm not sure what it is. It's kind of like a palette cleanser. It's like a subjective palette cleanser. It also makes my dog bark. But when you're meditating, it's nice to ring a bell

when you start and ring a bell when you finish. I don't know why. That's my new little friend, Fox. I don't know if you guys heard him barking, but I have this wonderful sweet dog that I am now 100% deeply in love with. His name's Fox. He's a rescue dog.

He teaches me not to be selfish. Anyway, from Amazon.com, you can get anything. Temple bells. You can get deodorant. You can get garbage bags. If you sign up for Amazon Prime, they will deliver this stuff to you the next day. So if you're an introverted recluse like I am,

it's a very wonderful service because I don't enjoy going to Target and touching things that unidentified babies have had diarrhea on. That doesn't happen when you go to Amazon.com. And if you're gonna go to Amazon.com, go through the portal at DuncanTrussell.com. It's on any podcast episode.

If you click on it, there's a portal there. You click on that thing, order whatever you're gonna order, and they, for some unknown reason, honestly, I'm still confused about it. They give me a percentage, a small percentage of the price of the item that you buy. I don't know how much longer they're gonna do it.

It seems like someone at Amazon got drunk or did too much cocaine and decided to do this thing. I don't get it, but I guess there's some kind of advertising value in this, but it seems like everyone already knows about Amazon.com. Regardless, please go through the portal if you're gonna buy something from Amazon.

It's a great way for you to support this podcast. Some other ways to support this podcast are to buy a shirt. The store is now stocked with new posters, t-shirts, and a variety of other stickers and lots of other stuff. If you go to DuncanTrussell.com, go through the shop, you can see those shirts and posters, and I would very much appreciate it. If you'd pick one up,

there's also a donation button, and for those of you who have been donating, thank you. I am so very grateful to you for supporting this podcast, and it is really, really intense to think that so many of you are willing to help the podcast in that way. It's fucking beautiful, and God bless you, I will try to put out more episodes

than I currently am for you, and for all of you, not just the donators or the Amazon shoppers or the people who buy stuff from the store, or the people who buy shirt design t-shirts, but for just those of you who listen. I love you, and my life is a million times more exciting and beautiful because of the strange connection that I have to all of you through this podcast.

Thank you so much for listening, and I hope you will continue to listen and forgive me for the sound quality of this podcast that's about to happen, because this podcast was recorded with one of my best friends, Emil Amos, as he was driving to Chicago in his car. So you're gonna hear some background noise on this podcast,

but this is an unavoidable aspect of being trapped in space and time, because we can't teleport yet, and a lot of people I'd like to have conversations with are in some other part of this dimension far away from LA, so that's the price of the thing. Just appreciate how amazingly wonderful it is that the technology exists today

to even have a conversation with someone driving in a car hundreds of miles away over the phone and record that. That's pretty amazing. It's not gonna take the fuzz out, but at least we can do it. Today's guest is in a lot of different bands. He's in a band called Lilix, Lilix? Is it Lilix or Lilix?

And Champagne? He's in a band called The Grails? He's in a band called The Holy Sons? And he's in a band called Ohm? And what's super exciting is Emil is about to release an album called Lost Decade 2, which has a lot of songs that he recorded when he and I were in college,

and one of the songs on this album is a song we sang together, and I've heard it, and it's awesome. My voice was a little better back in the day, I think. But yeah, I'm really excited about that, and also we've been talking about possibly even recording our own album in next spring, which I am so excited about,

and I've already been recording embarrassing songs on my iPhone in the hopes that one of them could be used for this recording session in April. I'm gonna have links to emails on tour right now. I highly recommend that you go see him perform. I would put that in front of doing pretty much anything else. If he's coming to your town, definitely, definitely go to the show,

because the type of music he creates is beautiful and eerie and has the wonderful effect of being pleasing to hear, but also in some way it creates a mood or a feeling that is very unique. I'll just put it that way. You should definitely go watch him perform. That's not, it's so weird, in essence.

It's good music. Just go see him perform. So now, everyone please, welcome to the Dunk of Trustle family hour. The sweet Lord of Glory himself, Emil Amos. ii fun

Ooh Do Do I I I Everybody I'm here with my friend Emil Amos and he's driving to Chicago right now So what you're hearing in the background is the sound of the emals car

I guess what kind of car are you driving these days friend? I Bought a Mercedes Benz in a kind of random occurrence Years ago with some of the first like music money I'd saved up and I'll I'll tell you it's the best thing I've ever bought in my entire life hands down That nothing can can compare what year? It's a 99 some rich Old woman had clearly driven it to the grocery store a few times and it had

had like 60,000 miles on it and I was This is such a weird opening conversation, but I I Needed to buy a car and I was just looking around at your basic. What if what if Bohemians usually buy like a Honda What's it called? There's like an accord or something, right? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, the idea is that you're not supposed to care about your car Right, right and because I was living in Portland Everybody was kind of looking for that kind of thrifty, you know Liberal automobile and so I just accidentally stumbled onto these

Deals were like gangsters would be selling Mercedes Benz Outside of the outside of the city Sorry, I'm driving so if you hear it if you hear a fiery death, it's probably me, but um, so So anyway, yeah, I kind of sort of stumbled on to the fact that nobody looks for Nice cars, you know in that kind of environment and like all these rich people in outer lying areas are just Liquidating them because they're always buying like the brand new one So this random dude from his house just sold it to me for like $6,000 and I'm telling you Just go look for them. They're like sitting there everywhere. Nobody thinks but then they're fucking great cars

Anyway, moving on that was that was a strange opening I am I don't think it's that strange because we we started talking about the Idea that you're not supposed to care about your car, which is interesting to me You know, there's like all these unwritten rules of how you're supposed to be if you're a bohemian Yeah, I mean That was a weird thing for me because I I had made jokes for years With some of my band buddies that like, you know, it'd be absurd It's an underground musician could pull up to his shitty little shows with like gold rims and like an actually a

super nice car and my stomach almost Turned when I when I got in it for the first time and I just I thought it was stolen. I thought the guy was totally Selling it to me and I actually right when I signed the paper. I was like, is it possible? This is a stolen car And he just looked at me. He's like How how could I sell you a stolen car from my house? And I was like, okay, here's here's the cash. I gave him cash and just drove up Have you ever seen?

Any of riff raps videos? Yeah, I totally follow and I just found out yesterday that he's gonna be on the new celebrity rehab I'm kind of excited. I'm gonna watch a shit out of that, you know, man, I love celebrity rehab Because it's the modern day version of the stocks You know, like it's where you go to pay penance for your sins It's like I've been thinking a lot about how addiction

Or is the opposite of enlightenment for people. It's like, you know, how like to get enlightened There's all there's these rules that have to happen, you know, generally like you need some event to happen that makes you Enlightened, you know, you've got to do a series of actions or you run into a holy man or you have an ayahuasca experience and all these things are really just they give you an excuse to live a better life and for an addict If they What they call a relapse is like if I have one drink of alcohol, you don't understand what I will begin to do But it really is like more like, okay, once you have that drink now you can sort of consign

You can give your responsibility over to this demon That you have that has now possessed your body and it gives you an excuse to go on a rampage You know what? I mean, and then once you've gone on this demonic rampage long enough as a penance you go to rehab And then when you go to rehab, there's an exorcism that happens where the demon is beaten back Into some little part of yourself and you're let out into the world having this new humility Yeah, that's that's interesting. I I feel like a Lot of the clinically depressed people I have known They seem like they're kind of secretly getting off on their get out of jail free pass a little bit

I mean, that's a pretty potentially offensive thing to say, but I've seen I've seen people Do you know that you know that scene with James Franco and? Freaks and geeks where he like keeps pretending like he can't read and he was a poor kid and all that stuff. I don't but that's awesome He like he well when he gets put under the gun by the you know the school like guidance counselors and stuff He just like he's fake cries and he says he says I don't don't pick on me I've got learning disabilities and I know you know what I mean, and so Then and then the girls keeps figuring out like that He does that whenever he's put under the microscope and and he needs to take responsibility

He he like He flinches and turns and goes into like a fetal position and starts crying and everybody feels sorry for him And that that's totally like the metaphor I've seen people who who died they like the diagnosis They they they use it for getting what they want sometimes, you know fuck. Yeah, you do and it's terrible But the real question is why is it that when in a position to not be an asshole? You know like when you kind of watch yourself go into this series of Actions that is just that are all shitty. What is that? What why why do we do that?

Well, I was gonna I was gonna say something else that that goes back to that but you know, I often think This this sentence out loud in my head that that you know all philosophy psychology Religion the original pursuit was for man to become objective To himself, you know to achieve some form of objectivity where you grasp some form of truth, you know And you're free of the subjective. I Don't know what you would call it not necessarily is dramatic as a prison But but in in that it's kind of the same question. You can ask that question so many different ways But you're sort of asking what is that where we?

We lose our objectivity and we we like We melt down into some sort of selfish it or something, right? Yes, I Don't know what you think I Don't know man. I don't know but I I do think that it's a Always a decision, you know, like you always will feel this like growing crescendo of reactivity so you get into the you know kind of like The you put your hand on a hot Item and then as the heat increases eventually you'll jerk your hand away

but it's like inside of you there's some kind of pressure or some kind of Poison inside of me. There's like a poisonous thing that will start emerging and Yeah, objectively, I'll look at it and think oh, you're just a sadist or wow look at you you're just kind of a sociopath right now because like It reminds me of this Louie C. K. Joke that I heard where he talks about how he was in a in his apartment complex and he didn't look like he belonged in the apartment complex so a Guy he this guy was like complaining the guy said to him. You don't belong in this apartment complex

What are you doing here and he went along with it like he didn't live there? Because he wanted the you know the conflict with the guy and he wanted to watch the anyway I'm ruining a Louie C. K. Joke in an off way but the point is that thing where you realize that you are Getting off on Conflict You're getting off on being an asshole. You're getting off on the negativity You know you my point is you can see that you're not a victim of it. You're actually

Creating these problems because you're getting a mental hard on from it Well to be fair though Because we sound we sound like everybody's making excuses and they're really making decisions. I mean there is there is some level of Mental health, you know, that's a real dynamic and so I could definitely say for me in my life like When I didn't have problems of my own and I felt healthy and happy I was I was very I Was excited to help other people and I was I was willing and Interested in in their problems and making life easier for them and the more I sank back into any

Of my own depression the less time and energy I as a ratio had had for other people in general, so I Think that You know some people sometimes you have you have problems and you you are not able to Treat other people with with basic respect and certainly when you're walking down the street and you see a schizophrenic guy you know who's Who's been wearing the same clothes for like 18 years, you know

He's got food dripping out of his mouth, so I mean you don't expect for that guy to To operate at the same by the same standard, you know as the next guy because he is he is inundated with brain chemistry That is literally holding him back, you know in the larger Whatever spectrum and so I mean I think that's a real dynamic, you know and some people do have some people might need to take Take drugs, I'm not trying to sound so callous, but within that there's a whole different continuum of people Somehow using it, so I think the big both are going on, you know, but just to clarify

Okay, yeah, I get that and I agree with you there is definitely the bio computer malfunctions We get imbalances in serotonin and it creates a kind of depressive state I get that but I What about let's so let's take all that all those people and like put them in it in a different place But no, no put them in a different place because it's still again You still have a look you still have a choice the schizophrenic aside from the schizophrenic where you're just in a seizure You're in like a mental seizure of madness and the whole world has turned into a kind of Echo chamber slash kaleidoscope that is just this melting

Swirl of colors and sounds. Okay, whatever that person's experience is that person I don't know how that person can be expected to react to that in any normal way, but I'm saying on the on the on this depression Manic depression or any of the so-called mental illnesses. I still feel like there's a choice that gets made About how you're gonna react because we are taught to base our actions on feeling and if you're feeling bad, then you base your actions on that feeling and Can't you just instead of basing your actions on feelings start basing your actions on an ethic? Yeah, I mean, it's definitely it's a dicey we're getting who are diving into a pretty judgmental

Atmosphere because because it's all about your That becomes all about your estimation of like how much another person is being truly Honest with you and or trying to find I'm definitely talking about people who are looking for The easiest way out and like they'll they'll take or use anything You know that that that dynamic that we all resort to sometimes where you'll you'll basically Fry wolf or do anything to get out of your responsibilities. I think that's what you're talking about To and like and then you're talking about the perverse enjoyment of brutalizing other people too Yeah, that's right the perverse enjoyment of brutalizing other people and then

How there's like a dog inside of you that when it For whatever reason it just lunges and attacks and then all of a sudden you do all this damage in the world and You have to sit and kind of after it's all over you come back to yourself again And you look at what you've done and you're like well, I'm just a fucking asshole Like you know like well, what what do I do now? How do you make up for it? How do you like? How do you like go to somebody that you're an ass complete asshole to do and like fix fix it? You can't generally and so that's where rehab comes in, you know, right?

That's well, that's what they get you to do in AA right they get you to write letters to everybody you fucked over and and own up to all of it Yeah, yeah, you make your amends is what it's called But it's this kind of ceremonial way of Purifying the actions that you made when you were in a reactive state Some sort of patch of Pennsylvania wooded shit. That's breaking the call up. It's okay. I got you I got you to get right back where we're at

So you go to rehab as this or you do AA and rehab and the idea of a addiction Are this it's a kind of modern take on how to deal with demonic possession You know, it's symbols that are used to sort of rationalize why you went into a place where you are a complete monster for however long and and and and that's and you lost control to this other part of yourself and I just think that's a really interesting thing man because you know You it's like a penance or something. It's like a you know, that's why in Christianity. They have baptism You know, and you're born again Washed in the blood of Christ and that's why they have the confessional chamber, you know, because it's like we need a way to

subjectively Feel as though we've cleansed ourselves when when we do really bad things And yeah, I don't I don't think there's anything particularly I Mean some of those might be outdated modes of psychotherapy or something but but like the young Ian, you know concept of having to posit unconscious Content into the consciousness to grow and individuate yourself I mean that does seem like just part of like Buddha's path

You know is like he did some things wrong and then he has to Get outside of himself get objective and take a take a hard look at himself. I mean that seems like it's part of all of our Stories and we've all we've all you all everybody tests the boundaries as a child and then and then try to learn from From touching the burner, right? Yeah, and you touch the burner and you get burnt, but you know like I've no I'm I'm tired of like learning that way, you know That's that that thing where you sort of after you after you're sitting in a pile of wreckage that used to be a Relationship and you're looking at it and thinking well, I learned something here It's it's like pathetic, you know, like I I learned I

Learned something here, but how many more times you and that's just a way to make you feel better For falling prey to the destructive impulse So well, I mean, you know, you know when you're listening to a friend tell you That they've changed and you know with certain friends You you know in your heart that they will never Ever achieve that objectivity. There's certain people, you know You know that they it's not necessarily that they're lying flat out, but that they don't have the capability You know it, you know that before they die, they will never figure it out. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah

There's certain certain people like that and then certain people have a Higher ceiling like you can just feel their potential, you know this is why I think that that that like what you just said that the idea of a predestined state of You know being in the darkness Is it true? It like what is the redemptive state? Like how do you? achieve redemption if You exist in a world where God is dead or where people I don't really believe in God or

Where everything just seems to be symbolic anyway, how do you achieve redemption? I was just reading this book By Chogium, Trump talking about the transmission of that happens in Buddhism or in the guru disciple relationship and He said, you know the guru that they'll do all these things that probably are ultimately just meaningless But it creates the conditions for a person to let go of themselves, you know, and he tells this story of Famous Buddhist, I don't know teacher and how he found enlightenment was He had heard about someone told him. Oh, there's this great saint Living in this fishing village. So go talk to him and he went to the fishing village and he asked people

Hey, have you heard of this saint? I can't remember his name and they're like, oh, yeah I know we know who you're back. We know that name, but he's just this homeless guy who lives by the river eating scraps of fish Like he scraps and he's dirty. We don't know that he's enlightened so he went down and he found this guy and He sat with him and the guy was just kind of ignoring him and then finally the guy was like, okay, follow me And then the guy just tortured him for like nine years straight nine years of just absolute torture and and and then at the end of the nine years they were sitting together and The guys slapped him with a sandal in the face and that was when he received the transmission

became enlightened But the whole point of the thing is it's like with the guy those nine years of suffering Were they really at necessary for this person to decide to be a better person to be better To because you know what? I mean like what we all have these conditions that we need to meet before we can become the ultimate version of ourselves Especially if we're chained down by guilt or if we're at the end of a series of bad decisions It feels weird to suddenly be like, you know what? I'm just gonna be an enlightened person for the rest of my life and I'm gonna start treating everyone around me with love

Well if you believe in the in the predestination side of things which you kind of know that I I tend to Then you know think about those like think about your awkward years in comedy or for me songwriting where You know sometimes it seems like five years can go by and you're just you're just not seizing You're not you're not Focusing the lens on the on the perfect way to articulate your your sentiment or something so take that five years and say that you are in a cave in the Himalayas or you are being tortured by a

Dirty fisherman. I mean maybe you just needed five years for you to internally, you know evolve into you know the Summation you had to meditate yourself on You know your your your own reason for articulating in general or your reason for being at your place in in the larger Spectrum of consciousness, you know, and maybe maybe that all the other stuff like you implied is is arbitrary It doesn't matter that you went to college necessarily Or that you dated this person and not that person. Maybe it just takes a long time and

Where you are is relative, you know Yeah, yeah, like there's a you know this in this book. It says that there's a You know behind the scenes in your mind, there are all these connections that are slowly being made and You don't you might not you're you're not aware that they're the connections are being made and then suddenly when they finally When you've hit the right number of connections and that's when you see the grand vision of life and wake up But it's but you can't just do it. That's what's funny to me is it's like why can't not why can't I just You know, like if it let's say I'm sitting here and an alien craft descends in front of my window in my office and opens up like it opens up and in the middle of the alien craft is a

Angel and and angelic being that merges with my mind and Forgives everything I've ever done Now I get to be a good person again for the rest of my life Why do I need that? Why do I need a fisherman? Why can't why do I need connections to be made? Isn't it clear enough? Why is this thing like oh, no, we have to wait? Why can't we just be like no, you know? I I'm just gonna be it from now on. I'm just gonna be a loving person Why well because I mean your ego tells you that you're done

evolving and And you're maybe you are in touch with the part of yourself that has the potential to be Wonderful person, but maybe you still have evolving to do I mean if you have you thought like have you ever seen a friend of yours that's horrible with women and Treats, you know relationship after relationship horribly Think of I mean think about someone besides yourself That literally though think about a friend of yours that you've seen making mistakes over and over and and think about like

What your estimation was of of his destiny at the time? I mean literally picture one of your friends and I Think I am the of all my friends. I'm definitely the worst at relationships Well first do well just for this moment try to picture someone else and Because I've thought about that before like someone who's making a a very Consistent error, you know someone who is maybe two into the way women look or and you know You know or so some particular thing that's not letting them truly fall in love You know it just seems to me that the only answer first of all my first assumption often is like

Oh, this person's fucked for the rest of their life. They're never ever gonna figure it out I mean certain people where you just you have an overwhelming emotional reaction To their atmosphere like that. It's just something that your instincts tell you and then my mind tells me well the only thing that can cure this person of these thinking errors and these these Objectification sort of diseases There's more experience. There's they're gonna have to burn down so many more relationships until they're just tired of Objectifying someone else without actually letting them be who they really are and not wanting them to be someone else

They're gonna have to go through a lot more until they burn out this weird Whatever it is this aggression inside them that that pushes themselves on to other people, you know, and I think Experience is the way that you unfurl your that you know your your destiny and your dormant psychology, so That's the only answer. It's so dismal Well, I mean aren't you just saying like you're sick of Jesus Christ, you're saying you're sick of waiting and and You want it out But like isn't that sort of a four noble truths kind of thing where it's like the more you

You want it the more the ropes will tighten around your wrists like you have to just Release yourself and like go with the go with you know, what's your belt? Which is largely what what it's sort of a manifest destiny. It's what you it's what you need in a way well, this is the other idea in this book is that you You can't think of this like you can't create in your mind this differentiation of like, okay, here's a sacred place state and here's a profane state Every state is fertilizer that this thing can grow out of you. So

You're all you do have to you are supposed to look at the wreckage The smoldering wreckage of all the various things that you might have shit-canned in your life or ruined And see them for what they are which are steps in the direction of this moment of Freedom that we all do that some of us dream about Which is that thought that place where you really do just snap back into understanding But maybe there isn't maybe that place isn't real. Maybe that's just a That's a lie too. Maybe there's just people who are faking that place, you know

I don't think so or I'm Doss was pretty wide open and beautiful Yeah, I mean Do you think that? for you, I mean, this is a pretty sleepless in Seattle way to put it but like for you is it that you feel like you don't Meet the right people or that you actually literally Ruin your own

Ability to to open yourself and and fall in love Yeah, I think that I um I Get I just get really reactive and like have I have all these like defense mechanisms that Will will spring up Come out of the blue and just basically ruin a relationship And then I'll be like alone again and and then I'll feel lonely And then I'll look at that and think well Oh, this is just how you feel all the time

But when you're in a relationship you say you think that this feeling is because of the relationship And so then you try to get out of the relationship because this you think this ache is coming from the relationship But then the relationship is gone and you realize oh, no that wasn't it at all Ake is still there Ake is still there, and then you're like well, what the fuck is it? You know if the answer isn't If this is a thing that they you know cannot be fixed through a Relation or it's not even fair to use a relationship to fix anything

Hello, hey, um, so The Where were we you you you end up you end up um You first of all you can't use a relationship as an ex you shouldn't be using a relationship to fix yourself anyway That's you know what I mean. You shouldn't be doing that like there was a I remember there was a guy One of the most horrifying things I ever saw Was this guy who was a drunk and addicted to narcotics? And he had gotten a bartender pregnant

Like from a one night stand And she and she decided that she was gonna keep the baby and I can remember him Drunk His pocket stuffed with pills Looking at me from underneath this addiction and saying the baby is gonna get is I'm excited to have the baby because it's gonna make me stop drinking And it was

What what actually happened is like a modern morality play I don't know what happened, but I imagine that he um I don't know. I mean, I guess I my guess is things went really well from it for him, but That's optimistic But my my point is it's like you there's this underlying ache That I have And I think a lot of people have

And that ache is is is this thing that you are always licking like a dog Like, you know licking its paw or something. You're always trying to like soothe that ache And so you try all these tricks To soothe the ache You know, that's the first approach is like, all right. Well, I'm gonna get drunk or I'm gonna get on drug Do do take narcotics. So what do you know that doesn't work? It just seems to Create a momentary distraction then bam, you're back to the ache and then you try relationships

And then through the relationship you start thinking, oh you forget about the ache you think the ache is coming from the relationship So then you're like, oh god, I feel so stuck. I'm claustrophobic Here, what have I done? Why have I wound myself up in this thing? It could never work And then you destroy that Thinking that on the other side, there's going to be this sense of peacefulness No, you're right back to where you were back to the ache and then back to licking the paw And that's this that's the endless cycle the samsara, you know the samsaric perpetuation of our own suffering

Well, I would I would definitely differentiate between the need for love which Everybody has and and everybody ought to have You know love in their in their life to some degree and then and then differentiate that from From developmental, you know Problems that that haven't

That haven't really been resolved, you know, like those are two totally different things and and love doesn't cure you know Your own internal issues. It's just a separate thing. You know the need for love is Is a part of feeling healthy, but it doesn't it's not meant to be a panacea, you know for things that you need to resolve in your own World which is, you know, probably why you Have gone to therapists. It's like it's different. It's a different thing. It's a different mission, right? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I I don't know. I mean

The idea I don't know I I don't know I don't understand it at all. I that's part of this like getting older is I just don't understand I just More and more just realize I just don't understand anything and and and then I always look back any time I've been mean to someone in my life And I just think oh that was always a mistake And then that makes me like it was never never was it good to be an asshole to someone You know like general it's like that old saying there's never been no one's ever said I'm so glad I had that

fifth shot The next day I'm so glad I got revenge or whatever. Yeah, but the next day after you've gone drinking no one's like Oh, yeah, I'm really. I'm glad we had that seventh beer. That was smart That's a great point. Yeah, you know, so well, I mean But see look look how much look how much wiser You you already are I mean I'm just saying You know how many people never even perceive that and and you see them every day somehow

Carving their way through the world destroying everything and then they die and they never They never have that realization. Isn't that like a profound beginning of understanding though? Yeah, I think that but yeah, again, it's but it's not a um It's like Yes, it's a it's a beginning to understanding but again, it's the kind of understanding of like, uh, uh A fucking, you know trust fund kid who just burned a house down I You know, I mean, I know what you're talking about like the kinds of

Like I think tenants is is pretty good But like in a way, but you're talking about a kind of person that only feels bad when they're caught That's not what you're doing. You you feel genuinely bad. You want to change, you know Yeah, and and and and you feel kind of like You know, I you know, I'll think back to fights now that my mom has died I'll think back to fights. I got in with her And just and look at that in a kind of like shocked stunned like man You are so dumb

That was so dumb to to to be like that and then like I'll think about I you know, I've been kind of running through like a rolodex of fights I've been in with people that I love trying to find one fight that made sense And None of them none of them none of them make sense And that's why I'm thinking more and more and it's always the fights in the in the middle of the fight It's it makes so much sense You're so justified

You know and and and you feel so justified and confident and and just filled with this hubris And then after the emotions past you're just left sitting there looking at what you did and you're like, oh no That that was all wrong all totally wrong So that makes me start thinking well, then I can't base what I do on emotions anymore You know that well, I think once once a fight starts once a real fight Begins and you feel especially it's like you're drunk And you feel threatened And you punch your hand through a window or something. I mean at that point

Your brain and your body is just telling you To protect yourself and defend yourself and that's all That's not I don't know that that's necessarily A big part of like someone having a bad bad character or something It's just you have to look at why do these why do these situations begin, you know, why do you get in In the initial Power struggle that causes these types of violence or something because every everybody gets in those situations and everybody Their brain tells them to defend themselves, but it's not it's not necessarily

You know me doesn't mean you're a horrible person. I mean it sounds like to me that you uh You're taking stock in your life in ways that most people never even have time to do they they barely ever stop and they barely You know create a rolodex of bad behavior. I mean, I think you're on the right track I don't think it's also necessarily bad to to have feelings of self-loathing because it's the beginning of Of transformation a lot of times, you know Yeah, yeah, no, I know I I yeah, well, I mean it is like the interesting thing about this book. I'm reading and uh, actually Crowley's philosophy is like

Both of them invite you to take a very honest look at your life At what you are From an objective perspective as much as you can So that you objectively just look at everything you've done Analyze why you're as much as you can why you're doing the things that you're doing What drives you what motivates you and then from that that's where you you know You can grow but it It doesn't it's not like the best feeling

No, but I mean I think you're you're an artist and an artist has a massive advantage because They create work that helps function as a mirror And you have this you have this massive head start because you you have a relationship with yourself through your work and you can You can turn yourself upside down and criticize yourself into work and it's it's a much better way Trying to reach that state of objectivity that we're sort of hinting at

Do you uh, do you ever think about? Completely like do you ever fantasize about completely abandoning society? Um I I don't really so much i'm i'm not necessarily that kind of kind of guy i was i was gonna ask you if If you ever feel like you have Like a master not a masterpiece, but like some sort of um body of work inside of you that you have to

Get out and you have to get done because you're afraid sometimes you get you get visions of dying or you like you get on a plane and you're like If I die on this plane I'll never have You know did my the work that I needed to do do you ever do you ever feel like Your time is running out you want you want to say this really important thing Yeah, but yeah, but I I like the mar I like um That book meditations by marcus aurelius because it kind of tries to push that like it tries to point out the absurdity in that Like yeah, you know like yeah, go ahead scream into the cave

like It'll it'll echo for a few years and then no one will remember what you said So instead of yeah, but that's that that was a that was a great moment of human articulation to say that I think Yeah, that's the fucking right. I keep forgetting that paradox in this asshole's book because he's saying in a book Don't worry about His his very success is proving all of his philosophy wrong Yeah, I know that's true math, but yeah, I do I do think that but I you know I Do you ever like have you seen end of the void?

I've been recommended that and I don't think I've seen it yet it is so fucking good and and it and it does a really good job of showing an incarnation And it just kind of showing the kind of dream dreamy sleepwalking way that we go through life and it just suddenly ends Like it just ends and it shows how All of these like kind of mildly bad to extremely bad decisions The chain reaction that it that has throughout the world

Not just while you're alive, but after you die The way that it kind of like the what you do kind of spreads out around you And just the kind of it does a really good job of illuminating the kind of Subtle darkness that so many people clamber around in Not like extreme darkness extreme darkness you It's kind of easy to get out of extreme darkness Because you can see clearly how awful what you're doing is whatever that might for example if you're

someone who is embezzling or if you're someone who is Cheating on your wife or if you're someone who's doing some like repetitive bad thing That's kind of easy to get out of because you can just see it But this is more of like it's more kind of like that muddy darkness That that comes over a person's life where You tell yourself i'm a good person But your decisions are consistently selfish

You know And and and how that just sort of leads to that moment where you're like, oh shit. I'm dying So fuck the great work. How about you have a day where you're not a dick to people? Before before you die just one day Pull off one day Where you go through the world not being an asshole and constantly thinking about your own self I'd like that. Well, I think yeah, I mean That's a that's a that's a very good

It's a very good sentiment to hoist upon the world of Entertainment and and documentaries that you that people sit down for an hour and a half and try to ponder and then You know that they turn it off and They drift out into their foggy Fate, you know, and it's just another passing sentiment that Doesn't really scare the fuck out of them, you know, like that's that that's It's supposed to be a meditation rod that slaps you

On the head and and there's a there's a purpose for fear, you know I think I think it gets fucked up In sermons but the idea of fear of god. I mean, there's a there's a purpose For fear and it's a reason why Human beings have developed it not in a running from a tiger way but more of like A fear of justifying your life, you know, so there's I think there's two questions that we skirt around and one is How can I achieve some sort of happiness and then but when you say stuff like redemption

That's a different question partially. It's like how do I justify my existence? You know, those are the kind of two different things certainly some people achieve Some people what say that again Some people achieve one of those things more than the other I'd say most of the mainstream population comes very close To achieving a form of happiness, you know And then a lot of the great thinkers come closer to justifying their existence but less less of achieving happiness, you know Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean achieving happiness

I can achieve happiness temporarily Easy just give me some delotted and a fucking four-wheeler I can achieve Temporary happiness That's no problem. And that but that's the you know, all those things you again, you're just back in that murky haze it's like what

The the in and that fear that you're talking about in the meditation rod where when you're meditating someone Wacks you on the fucking head or somebody slaps you with a sandal Or whatever it is. It's like it's it's like opening your This is the thing we you know, like you hear it again and again open your heart open your heart open your heart open your heart And that I think that fear is the initial feeling of your heart opening Maybe maybe that and you need that you need that terror. You need this sense of like mother fuck. What am I doing? I gotta stop burning down churches Literally or metaphorically, you know, I've got to stop this

endless And repetitive aggression and lashing out at the world As it manifests around me because the way the world manifests around you Is in your the people that you know? That's the universe coming to say hello to you and if you when it comes to say hello to you if you're consistently shoving it back and telling it to fuck off Where's that gonna get you?

Yeah, and like you were saying like you remember are you going with people? Who are now dead and and and that and that it teaches you, you know that Life life is real, you know and life you have a certain amount of time To rectify things you have to really like be the person that you would like to be, you know, and this is a real Morality play it's not it's not it's not something you're watching that's that entertainment for A small period of time or something. This is like real shit

Let the fear take hold of you. Let let let let yourself get scared as fuck and try to refine yourself now Yeah, yeah Yeah, no, what is this? What is this insane idea that we're not supposed to be afraid? Like that, what is this insane idea that we're not supposed to feel shame sometimes or that we're not supposed to feel Dissonance, what is that insane idea? You know the other day as I was pondering all this stuff. I was thinking to myself. I know the solution I will just become a complete asshole

That was what I that's what I was thinking is like, you know fuck fighting this Maybe I'm just meant to be an asshole Maybe I'll just have you ever had a have you ever had a panic attack or you're like you can't Nothing will make it better like you're you're you're like jumping out of your skin. It's like maybe you're Super overcaffeinated and on weight, you know, you've ingested too many drugs or something like the feeling like death is coming in And nothing will make it better. You know that feeling. Yes Well, that's like that's that's like the answer to your hey, I'll I'll just become an asshole and given to

Given to all my, you know, indulgent temptations and just become the thing that That my my ego wants me to be is like on the other side of that is not pleasure But is a panic attack Where you're just going to be like this is This is what you know, where you're going to be like what? On the other side of of giving into your your heatness or your like ego's temptations is like Is a panic attack basically that just says

This isn't helping either that that nothing can get you out. Like that's the for noble truth Basically saying, you know, these road trips just got a tight, you know, you have to accept and integrate with the world You have to be Hold on shit. All right rolling Okay, I'm getting my gas if you can hear me Okay Have it not allowed what the fuck debit not allowed at this dispenser Okay, I'm going in to give my guess I was just gonna say that, you know

You can't turn you can't turn back. It'll do you no good, you know that these indications of fear or like Self loathing it's all means you're going the right way. You're just keep keep going that way It's you want redemption. That's that's why you you got there. That's why you Are feeling that going backwards giving into your ego doing all that. I mean, it's not going to make anything better It's going to be like Air clap and going on heroin for six years and losing those years You're going to wake up and things are going to be so much worse. You know what I mean? Yeah, right Yeah, no, no, no, I know man. I that it's just that's the fun. So then

Well, we are right and then that ends up bringing you back to this place. We're like, all right. Well, you know I'm not I imagine that at some point I'm going to have An emotional compass that always points in the direction of being loving to people But until that happens, I'm just going to fake it I'll just be fake. I'll just be fake loving to people because it's still better than being An honest asshole, right? Isn't it better to be fake loving than to be an honest asshole? Well, I mean, yeah, there's there's a There's a reason for being alone, you know, too that there's there's a reason why

You need to be alone a lot of the times and maybe not in a relationship and then Hopefully when you do find love, it's not through the twisted prism of some other incredibly unhealthy person that mistreats you because You'll know you're getting love, but you you'll be getting it from like A sick source, you know, it's like Go ahead and be alone and and repair yourself and refine yourself and make the great art of your life and then

You know when you do fall in love, it'll probably be part of this larger Plan of your development, but it won't it won't cure you of anything, you know Yeah, when I fall in love, it's going to be with an android Isn't that Melton John song? I Was all of this It's about an hour by the time I get emotionally equipped enough to be in a relationship I will definitely

Have access to androids that'll just be perfectly Perfectly tuned to my personality I'm buying one for your birthday That'd be what a great gift. What a funny shitty gift to to to give people just to ruin their lives Like give your friend in a great marriage an android. That's like a perfect sex robot Well, you know Once you it's like mazla's hierarchy, you know once you satisfy the bottom of the Triangle, you know you can get back to your higher purposes

Yeah Well, I I I officially repent I repent. I'm gonna after I finish this podcast. I'm gonna go into my room And I'm gonna whip myself Um Why don't you uh I'll be on tour for the next two weeks, but um, oh shit. I'm not gonna see you Well, the dates are up on

On the grails facebook if anybody wants to come party. Otherwise, I'll have to I'll have to see you in april I'll put the links up there. I wish we could play altar in the woods Everybody emol found a song that him and I recorded in college. That's just any mastered it and it's amazing But I can't play it yet, but wow, it's really cool We'll play it. We'll play it on the next one and uh And we'll talk about that. We'll talk about those those times some So everyone go see emol on tour. I'll post his dates up on the website And what else do you have to say to the world emol?

I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna try to not run out of gas and try to get to chicago tonight and Tip a couple back for you and pray for your redemption is what I'm gonna do I Thank you, brother. All right. See you later emol. Thanks, man. Okay. I'll talk to you really soon. Okay. Bye That was emol amos And now please Listen to this sweet song. I don't think I've played it on this podcast, but I may have it's called

The sun shines down on me and it's from the album the lake great daniel johnston Buy it through the amazon portal or get it on itunes and give us a sweet rating on Itunes, won't you? I love you. I'm getting closer to the fact I've turned my back on silly dreams I'm walking down that lonely road and my heavy load I didn't bother to bring it When the sun shines down on me I Feel like I deserve it

When the sun shines down I'm hiding out where you can't see behind a wall in the back of the room I'm crawling slowly through the dark and feeling for a punchline When the sun shines down on me

I want to feel like I deserve it when the sun shines down I'm walking down that empty road, but it ain't empty now because I'm on it But I'm getting closer to a hope That I can carry and take home with me When the sun shines down on me I feel like I have to earn it When the sun shines down When the sun shines down on me