Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Henry Zebrowski

Episode Date: March 28, 2018

Henry Zebrowski explodes his genius all over the face of the DTFH in this stellar episode. We talk Sigil magic, cum pools of the ancients and we figure out how the domestication of wolves and the evolution of language are inextricably tied together so this podcast will probably end up in scientific journals. Henry Zebrowski,  is an American actor and comedian, known for his work on the Adult Swim series Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell, NBC series Heroes Reborn, and the podcast The Last Podcast on the Left.

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. I'm dirty little angel. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Greetings, friends. It is I, Dee Trussell, and you are listening to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast,

which is being recorded at the Shepherdsville Ranch. We've got a beautiful, thriving community here of right around 550 people who've all decided to join their material possessions together and congeal into a super organism that isn't afraid of sex, that isn't afraid of psychedelics, and most importantly, isn't afraid of love, isn't afraid of bathing together,

of combing each other's hair, of oiling each other's feet and hands down, of singing to each other, and of dancing in cyclical motions based on movement patterns that were channeled to me by an emerald that I found in the Amazon. A little bit about me? I have never been in a fisting chamber.

I've never been in a fisting chamber. Never will I go. These allegations are completely false. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Please join world-renowned shaman, Vinnie Torrito, for a walking tour of Silver Lake while under the influence of America's favorite plant medicine, ayahuasca.

While having your soul reharmonized by the Amazonian vine of death, you will enjoy such sights as the Elliot Smith mural, the Elliot Smith wall, the Elliot Smith bar, and delicious gourmet coffee from Intelligentsia. Pocket volunteers will be on site to collect your puke and shit as you walk through the neighborhood

called the hottest spot in Los Angeles by Trulia and the new Brooklyn by Homespotters magazine. Go to shamanvinnietorrito.org for all the details. Use offer code DTFH to get 5% off your walk. Hey guys, I was contractually obligated to do that ad, but I'm not contractually obligated to tell you don't go on this tour. I went on the tour, it's horrible.

The puke buckets are tiny, they're Dixie cups, so it's not even puke buckets. It's very small red Dixie cups and certainly not enough to hold your puke. People in front of you will puke, people in front of you will shit their pants. I slid on the puke and shit of a person in front of me and I landed on the sidewalk

and I broke two of my teeth out and this happened exactly when Mark Duplass walked by. So it's very embarrassing for me as he is a hero of mine to look up covered in another man's puke and shit with a bloody mouth and say hi, I'm up. It was an embarrassment. ayahuasca is great, but I just don't think it goes well for a walking tour.

Also shamanvinnietorrito is not a real shaman. He's just a guy from New York and I don't even know if it was ayahuasca that we're drinking. I didn't really hallucinate. I just shit my pants. So don't go on this tour. Please don't go on this tour.

Don't even go to the website. Now some quick business. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Audible. Go to audible.com forward slash DTFH or text audible.com forward slash DTFH to 500 500 to start a 30 day trial and receive a free audio book. Let's face it, sweeties. We're teetering on the edge of the singularity

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which I just found on Audible. But Audible also has my favorite Ram Dass audio book of all time, which you've heard me yap about here. Millions of times before, experiments in truth. By the time you finish listening to all these audio books, you are gonna be glowing with the supreme divine light of God and maybe even you'll be able to walk through walls. I know I've extended the amount of time

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opening ramble there with no interview at all. Just me yapping if that's something that calls to you if you find the soothing wilt of my voice which has been described by many as deep as the deepest river in Eden, smooth as the first taste of LaCroix and soft as the soft undergunt of a baby unicorn. And you can get that uninterrupted by me talking to anybody

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Tell them what we got, Clancy. We have received a wonderful box of high powered CBD from Bluebird Botanicals, rose colored glasses from Rosie's Eyewear, a beautiful letter from Eli who was told by an alien that life is God any way you worship it, and a beautiful postcard from Emma. Also, some knee pads from Never Tap Gear. How do you like those knee pads, Clancy?

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And much thanks to those of you who continue to use our Amazon link, which is located at DuncanTrustle.com. All right, without further ado, it is my satanic pleasure to introduce to the DTFH for the first time someone who hopefully became an internal friend of mine and an infernal friend of mine as well. You've seen Henry Zabrowski on Adult Swims.

Your pretty face is going to hell. You've seen him on Heroes Reborn, and you've probably heard him on one of the best podcasts ever, last podcast on the left. And now you're about to hear him here on the DTFH. So spread your oily feathered wings and send a bolt of gargoyle energy blasting through the void right in Henry Zabrowski's sweet, pulsating heart.

Welcome to the DTFH, Henry Zabrowski. Oh. Welcome, welcome on you, that you are with us. Shake hands, go with you, you will. Welcome to you, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. There we go, now would you mind talking? Like this, one, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. Yeah, it looks like it's actually working immediately. That's a fucking miracle, man. Except you see the way I have this blocking our faces. Like I gotta fix that, but I don't think we should do it now. It's like a really stupid setup. It's kind of fun. It's like I'm looking at you through a window.

Yeah, it's cooler. It's like cyborg-y or something. Yeah. And some kind of HR Giger painting or something like that. I imagine his family must be terrified of him. She's like, I wonder if Giger ever looks at his son and be like, are you fiddled with worms? He's such a fucking maniac.

But he had that roller coaster. He had a roller coaster. Yeah, that's kind of, to me that's the beauty of him. That's like the, what do they call that, the cosmic giggle. Because that's this person who is expressing his love in this dark way, admitting, you know, but it's still love. It's still love, but he definitely views his son as like a hypersexual alien because he knows he is one

and he feels like he's full of eggs. But that's nice to him. It's like comforting him. Like a country cabin quilt is to me because it reminds me of my mother where it's like, oh, but to him, he looks at his son and views him as a wriggling mass of worms. He's like, I made you, what's my cock son?

He's like, thank you, daddy. Do you have a look into the darkness? Stairs back? Yes, daddy, just like you. I love Giger. I do too, man. Can you, can you imagine like being over at his house? You're, you're, you're just like, you're blasted, man.

You're probably doing like Rails Academy. And then he's like, then he's like, come on my train. I have a tiny tutu train. I shaped it like, it is all shaped like the alien from alien. Unfortunately, that's my story to tell. Every artist has fun story. But to end up like riding his fucking train, man,

you have done something right in life if you ended up riding a train with that artist. It was him and I had friends that hung out with, what's his name? The guy that did all of those crazy, who did Alice, who did, what's his like? Yano, what's his name? The guy that did all those weird ass claimations.

Like, ah, fuck, I hate skipping out on it. He's another super severe Austrian abstract artist. Okay. Where they go and you go hang out with him and it's just supposedly surprisingly chill. Right. Like you go and hang out with, Frank Meyer. Yeah.

You go and hang out with this guy and you're having like tea and it's like normal. Like it's just not dark at all cause he seems to get it out of his system. And then, but it's, it's a select few. It's like Jim Henson's daughter and like some weird ass, other creators like that are there that all got to be invited to his weird little pad.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just you, I think it's kind of like the, it's funny because what somebody was telling me this about. Oh yeah. Like don't get a, don't get a person confused with their persona.

Yeah. You know, and with an artist, I think, you know, like the thing coming out of the artist, the thing coming out of the vehicle, doesn't necessarily mean that that's the vehicle. Yes. It's like, but it's weird, right? Because as an artist, I feel a lot of the times

I want my persona to be confused for who I am. Cause that means I'm doing a good job. That means my art's coming through clearly. Like people are getting, getting the impression of me. And so I also feel as a person, as an artist myself, doing whatever when people meet you, you, you want to be with, almost you want to be what they expect you to be

a little bit because, because that's a part of the pleasure. That's the strong version of me. That my persona is like strong side of me is out there. And it's nice to have people attracted to that and get me. But cause the real, I do that as a replacement of the real me cause I believe that the real me is not enough. So I wonder with Giger and shit like that, where they live in such a whole,

a whole other world of artistic impression where their whole house is a gigantic, it looks like alien cum. Like the walls are all like slippery and everything's made out of snake leather. And you, he has kind of put it into himself. So then he can afford to be super chill. Right.

Cause he's like, you're already in my house. Yeah. Well, I mean, this is, yeah, this is one of the things they said about Anton LeVe, the black house, you know, they said that like, he actually did have. So what, wait, wait, wait. Have you ever heard anything about going over to that guy's house?

What that was like? All I remember is he took his leg off. Like, is that what you said, without his leg? No, Anton LeVe going over to that. Yeah. Oh yeah, Anton LeVe. Yes, of course. You know, you heard about going over to the black house. Yeah. I mean, San Francisco,

you'd show up and he was very performative though, but that's very satanic. Yeah. They're like, oh, the idea of celebrating the exterior and doing like you want to appear to be exactly as you want to be. Yeah. Well, yeah. And then he would, but he, like I heard

that he had a parlor and that what would happen is you would go and say, have you ever heard this? You would go and sit in the parlor. Okay. So it was like, so when you came to visit, now I don't know if this is a hundred percent true, but it does come from very reliable sources. He had a parlor there and that you would go into the parlor and there was actually paintings on the wall

and the paintings actually did have people's in them where he could come and watch you. And he would keep you like doing like the pure Lord Michael's Lord Michael's. Yeah. Pull a Lord Michael's on your ass, except you're not, you're not like, you're not waiting to get a job on TV. You're in the fucking house of the guy

who wrote the satanic Bible. Yeah. The high priest of the evil himself. And he wants to watch you squirm and see what you do. You look at, well, that's very, that's, that makes a lot of sense because then you get to see a peek into the inner life. It's like a, it's a voyeur thing. And then you get to also see how your persona is affecting them and how powerful your magic is.

Yeah. Yeah. That's right. You get to get off on that and it must be super fun. I mean, but in God, I'm friends with a bunch of Satanists and I love them. They're cool, man. But for me, like it never was. They can be cool. Sometimes they're very serious. Well, yeah, that's for sure. Yeah. Well, they're, they have this sometimes,

this heaviness to them. Yeah. That's real because things in the world are heavy, you know, like things, they're like, I don't mean literal. I mean, obviously like mountains are heavy. Yeah. Mountains are heavy. We have a gradient of densities in the material universe, man. And it's like. Shit's heavy. Yeah. Shit gets really heavy.

And like, and like, and what I really love about Hinduism, and I think it would, if you were, I think Satanism is a little bit of what in India, you might call shivism, like, you know, you know, shivism. No. So, so, like, shy. So the Shiva, it's Shivite. Yeah. Shiva, like the God is a destruction. Like God of destruction. God of destruction.

Not that it matters, but, you know, anymore. But the idea is like, it is funny to argue over the gender of the thing that is the thing that obliterates all time in space. Exactly. It's a man. Well, it is because it's a Shiva Lingam is what they worship. It's a phallus. It's like this. It's like a fucking, like, black phallus that they put, like, flowers and honey on.

But what it represents. I want one. Shiva is, we all want a black phallus secretly, huh? But. Please let me, please change me. I got my Polish Scottish and none of it's good. My whole body's a fucking trash zone. Just give me one black phallus. One nice, one nice thing. Yeah, but it's cool because, like, so, like, in the West,

we've got this, like, you know, repressed, death-terrified culture that, you know, descendants of these fucking. Because we're locked into our meat and we're afraid of losing our meat. Yeah, and, yeah, and in the West, with a meat as dirt. So in the West, the meat is bad. Yeah, we're stew. Yeah, we're all horny and that's bad.

That makes us more horny. Yeah, so it's bad meat that we're inside of. We have to put clothes on top of it. Like, it's, you know, and, like, you see this in other parts of the world where, like, certain parts of the meat are worse than others for, like, you know, for example, like, a philosophy professor

was talking about how he had some student from the Middle East in his class and the student had to quit, had to leave because he couldn't deal with girls in shorts. Like. Because you could see her knees. Seeing those fucking ankles was getting him hard. I get it, I get like that too, but I think I know that it's my most inappropriate part of me

is the fact that I get horny just by seeing shins. But that's, I'm just, I'm high, I'm wired like that. But I, oh, but that's also, the Hossie community does it as well when they used to try to paint over the bike lanes in Williamsburg because they hate seeing the hipster girls go past in their, like, jumper outfits and then they are just getting more and more nude.

Fashion isn't making the women of Williamsburg getting more and more nude as it goes and they are just roiled up. Thank God, because it's like a very funny thing because it's like, here you are worshiping this being that has brought all of everything into itself. But why do they worship death specifically? Like, why is Shiva the one?

I was talking about the Hossie. What I'm saying is like the first of people, so like what I'm saying is it's funny that many people who are fundamentalists and believe that God created everything think that we should wear clothes. Yeah, I don't understand. They made the boobies.

Yeah. They made the vaginas. They made the penis. If you believe that God created all of this shit, you should be celebrating all of it. It all should be. And then the feelings that you have are the natural feelings you're supposed to get horning. Yes, technically it's supposed to be for making babies,

but can also be for rehearsal for making babies. Exactly. You just, how you frame it back to yourself, which is then we talk about, I've been watching that Wild, Wild Country documentary about the Rajneesh group, the movement and about how there's a lot of that makes sense to me and the idea of like, well, let's celebrate

all of these sensations that we were built to experience because if not, what do we see? Zero killers. Like a lot of people that do a lot of horrible heinous crimes, people that send the line of abuse down in their families in terms of like parents abusing kids and turning them into abusers. And all essentially, it seems a lot

comes from repressed sexuality. It comes from not being able to express the kernel of essential truth that has to fucking pop out at all times because if you block it up, that's how you get fucking cancer. Like that's where I get deep into where I think we manifest these tumors and this evil

because we're not coming enough. Like essentially we're supposed to be coming more. Well, there's the, okay, so it's like this news, you know, everyone's, not everyone, but like the conspiracy freaks are really flipping out right now because another report came out about how they found the Yellowstone Super Caldera. They found, they like were able to identify

by studying earthquakes. They can kind of do like an MRI scan. And essentially I just, they identified like this massive like vein of lava that goes like, this just a huge, Yeah, cause Yellowstone's about to explode. Right, exactly. And so these serial killers could be,

I guess you could say they're like super volcanoes except instead of magma, it's the cum that's stuff. Built up in your nuts, they can't come out. Cause it's a part of it, especially men, because men are, I mean, men are dangerous. Men are very, like we are built technically to be dangerous. Like there's something about us that pops off. And then when you get,

we talk about it on the last podcast all the time, is that when you get the sex impulse mixed up with the murder impulse, as soon as seeing blood makes you horny, you're fucked. Because I know I get random boners just like driving my car, thinking just normal thoughts that I can't imagine if like, and just being, I'm on a hair trigger for a boner. Just me as a man, I'm pleasant.

Like I'm a pleasant, normal human being where it's like, I can't imagine if mayhem causes you to have a boner, you're going to be seeking it all the time. But then what, I mean the, or the idea is, so it's like right now, many of us, our boners come from like circumstance. Yeah. The concept is that you can like begin to control

the energies enough of your body so that you can like summon up a boner based on just about anything if you wanted to. I wonder sometimes if my lack of, because I used to practice ritual magic a lot. And then I wonder, and I used to do it with like, with sex magic, a part of it, I always used to obviously use sigils

and I'd fire them using masturbation rituals. You'd come on the sigils. I'd come on the sigil or you come thinking about firing the sigil, like doing stuff, or you could also do it during sex. Like you can be like kind of create a separate space in your mind as you come and imagine the cymbal shooting out into space.

Would you ignite the sigil after you came on it? I, I've never done that. I did the, one thing I took it, I, cause I came on it and then I put it in the toilet and I flushed it. That's not, I mean, I guess chaos magic, I'd be like, yeah, I guess I puts it into the circuit.

I mean, it made it all wet. Like that was the problems to go, right? I was literally was like, I'm supposed to set fire to this, but it's, it's not stopping. I'm not, I'm fucking Peter North. It's a Scott, it's like maybe a teaspoon. But do you ever think maybe your cum sigil ended up in a dolphin's blowhole and killed it?

Do you ever think that maybe there's some dolphin skeleton at the bottom of the ocean? It was just swimming around. Fucking wheel goes round and round. You know what I mean? It's just about, that was that dolphin's time. And I'm not going to take that away from the chance of the universe.

That's like, that was meant to happen. That was a dolphin that was about to rape a woman, a human woman and it sucked into its blowhole and I stopped it. If only we lived in a dimension where the problem was that cum sigils were getting into dolphins blowholes. If that was the pollution problem and it was chaos magicians and other sad weird fat men

such as myself desperate for TV jobs. I was, especially at the time. But then you release it and all these poor guys just getting arrested for all my poor poor ropy cum. There's no, come on. Guys, stop coming on these, you know, it's just like, it's like, you know, they'd start selling these like biodegradable sigil papers where it's like,

this is, this is, use these guys because then, but there would be of course like cunty nerd magicians who are like, no, the biodegradable paper it isn't appropriate for manifesting. Actually, it doesn't really work like that. You have to be able to, you know, just like, all right, bro, just come wherever you want. Just gets like, just get buckets.

When you were doing it, when you were working magic, was there, did you ever have an encounter where you experienced something that you weren't really ready to experience? I, it's a part of what made me kind of fall out with doing, like I used to do pretty regularly and work it into my life, like kind of follow moon cycles, to kind of, and slowly build it in

as I was immediately very enthusiastic once I started reading about chaos magic. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna use this, especially for things in my mind that were pretty frivolous. Cause that was the first thing that I had read. They were like, well, be careful what you use it for because you're gonna mix up a lot of chaos into your life.

And so I did an elaborate ritual in order to get an acting job. Like I did it and I received the job. Which job? Heroes reborn on NBC. I wanted this real bad. It was down to me and somebody else. And I did a, I don't know, again,

who knows how the universe does work. But the part of it is that I believe I manifested a chunk of it because it was a pretty lucky break for me to get. It was at the time. I mean, like, I mean, whatever, obviously. And then it's a part of the constant thing I have to talk about with my therapist

and all the stuff about how my work is not me. My accomplishments are not me. I don't have to worry. But like that's the, because I didn't need this job to make me feel better about the things I feel that I'm lacking, which is kind of what it was about. Like it was obviously, that was the real psychological root of why I felt I needed to get this job

and why I turned to magic. And then the sort of cracks that appear in the ritual and your intent as you go or then manifested by, my life was then filled with insane energy. Like there was just a wackadoo. My whole life went into fucking chaos. Like weird shit. Like it's, you know, it's stuff that's hard to explain.

I think that if you are, I was in it, I was in it. I was in it and I wasn't, it wasn't seeing things, but it was like weird occurrences and like repeated numbers and songs and the things that popped up. I was, I watched a truck explode. There was the thing where it's like, I was driving through the countryside and I watched this like I was thinking about kind of the circumstances

that I was in my job. Like, cause essentially it's like I got this job and then it wasn't everything that I expected it to be. And then it was kind of a massive ego trip. And I was trying to figure out like wrapping my head around like why did I even want this? What does this going to mean for my future? And then I was driving and I just watched this truck

fucking explode on the highway. And it was like this thing. So it's like, it's subtle. Obviously it's subtle energies. I think at the time I was really isolated. I was living alone in Toronto and I was smoking a lot of weed and I was spending a lot of time alone.

And so a lot of things held a lot more importance than maybe they would have if I wasn't in that frame of mind. Well, that's the magical frame of mind, isn't it? I mean, that's sort of when you enter into that landscape that we're, I mean, you know, from the outside people are saying, oh, no, that's just the,

what do they call it, the observer effect? Yes, yes, yeah, you're pulling everything. I'm changing everything by expecting things out of me. You're seeing patterns that aren't there. I mean, the reality of the situation is you're a talented actor. The people decide, when the people chose you, they chose you because they knew you

were a really great actor and they knew you're perfect for the role. That's what the skeptic would say. Of course. But it doesn't matter what the fucking skeptic is saying because in a weird way, they're casting their own kind of spell, aren't they? To try to like create like a calming state

because for them, it's really terrifying to imagine that the universe could be built in such a way that the ability to sort of explode your subjective reality out into other people's subjective reality. So if you think about what that ritual did, is it divided you? Yes, very deeply, because I had to think about it.

That's very interesting because I had to think about both sides because I'm a rational human being. I haven't spent enough time in the magical world, especially at that time, to understand that my perspective was warping everything and then also that I couldn't let go of the other more quote unquote rational explanations

of being like, you booked this job. Like you said, I booked this job because I did well in the audition and I did the, I got super lucky. It was like one of those lucky things that happened where lightning strikes like five times. I'm the right guy for the right job. That's what acting is.

Did you ever take any acting classes? Just floor estate, which is essentially. So you studied a thing. Yeah, and I expressed it. Did you drive to a bunch of auditions? Oh yeah, and I knew the casting director and the head of talent NBC, I just worked for A to Z. So it was like all of these things were built into it

that helped me get the job. But at the same time, then you become this sort of like manic little dictator of my own tiny world where I was like, I made this happen using my cum. I did this directed magical ritual. Now I'm a shaman and I am, I have control over this fucking energy horse

that I could do whatever I wanted. And I was walking around thinking like that. And like all of a sudden I'm feeding into, which is another thing that's actually warned about in several chaos magic books. They're talking about how, I forget that it's a fun term for like, the idea of magicians starting to believe

that they're past humanity, where it's like, if you are really deep into ritual magic and then all of a sudden you're like, look at these fucking people moving in slow motion. I'm matrix, it's like I could go and I could steal your wallet right now and you'd thank me for it. Like all that kind of like very, very grandiose thoughts,

which I guess is also a symptom bipolar disorder, which is like, what am I, maybe I'm just, I sort of tripped it into my brain. Yeah. No man. How did I was doing this thing? You, I think that Robert Anton Wilson calls that, what is it, the chapel perilous? Have you ever heard about, heard that before?

No. It's basically like when you start practicing magic and you start realizing what you can do and see that there is an effect that seems to come from actions that don't seem really related to the thing that you were trying to bring into the universe and like coming on a fucking piece of paper

with a sigil on it, then you start seeing the markings everywhere because you walk down the street and if you've got eyes for it and you look at corporate logos and you look at police cars. And you're like, oh my God, there's pentagrams everywhere. There's pentagrams everywhere.

And then you start realizing, oh, they're signaling, it's some level of reality just above the sort of numb, zombified haze of the reality that many people who are working 40 hour weeks and consuming TV and not really thinking too much about. What you're putting into your head. Yeah, it's just like, oh, this is a normal place.

I like what comes on the radio and I like waking up in the morning and I eat the stuff that I saw in the commercial. I don't know how many people out there actually like that but I think there must be a bunch of them. Millions of them. That's what fuels the corporate entities that are running our planet,

that have run every single thing that we touch, every single thing that we are involved in or are run by some sort of corporate entity. We're completely stuck in it. My question is, is it so wrong to then look at your life because I get a lot of shit in terms of wanting, it's not so much that Satanism is a religion or Satanism is like this kind of,

this magic ritual life is a false construct or this idea that I'm supposed to be a member of some group or believe in some hierarchy of rules or something. But is it so wrong to wanna give an actual meaning to my observable reality? Is it so wrong to wanna say I do believe that maybe we don't live in a series of things that were created specifically

but it's okay for me to imbue meaning to it because then it gives me something more to live for. Like it gives me something more to join in on with life. The thing is it's like, because it's not fashionable right now, because if you just come out and say, well, you know, man, it's like everything's love and it's all coming from a love force

and there's all these ways to connect to that love field including ways that appear on this outside to be pretty fucking grim and there's ways to connect with that thing and the ultimate goal of, if you ask me, personally, for me, the way I do it is through my guru, Neem Karoli Baba. So I have a guru. I've practiced magic, you know,

and I've experienced the manifestation and the fucking... What could you? Yeah, and the... You're sitting at the end of this thing. I was like, oh man, I did it. And then I was like, I did it. And then it's like...

Yeah. I was just like, I feel like I've transmuted to the top of a rock like fucking Luke in The Last Jedi where I'm just sitting on the thing but I'm just in an apartment in Toronto. You know what I mean? Like I'm not actually there. No, actually though, but if you really think about it,

you're in an apartment in Toronto in the middle of an infinite void which is within the mind of vast, sentient, super intelligence. And so in that way, it really is a magical universe. And it's true we can make things happen with magic. It's just what I love about like having a guru and the concept of that...

Do you go see your guru? He died, thank... He died. Oh really? Yeah, and now, I mean, Jesus Christ, everyone, whenever anyone hears the term guru, they cringe and it's scary for a lot of people. No, it's a very good thing.

Guru work is like in guru groups and people that focus on a guru has been around forever. It happens. Yeah. It happens. One of the great descriptions I heard of, I think it was Ramakrishna is,

he was like a corpse that the universe spoke through. So sometimes these people, they obliterate themselves. Whereas like, you know, I had this great grimoire. I gave away because it fucking creeped me out. But in the beginning it had this wonderful introduction and what it said is as a magician progresses and you get closer and closer to the Godhead through this practice of magic,

your identity becomes, and you can't even distinguish the difference between you and the thing. Interestingly enough, there's a great book called The Rose of... I say it wrong, The Rose of Paraclesis. I don't know how to pronounce it, but anyway, it's a book about

producing global quantities of LSD and one of the descriptions it gives of being an LSD chemist when you're working really, that kind of magic, that kind of alchemy, is that your identity begins to dissolve because of the matter that you're working with. You're like putting your thoughts and who you are into shit that people eat

that become then an edible sacrifice of yourself. And then you are just depleted less and less. But what does that mean for your family? You know what I mean? Like a shit like when you talk like as a entertainer. Like so in this realm with my knees and my butt and the meat, I am a comedian and actor. So how do I forward myself into the world

of magical thought and obliterate the self and still make money being on fucking friends and family on NBC? You know what I mean? Well, this thing comes up over and over and over again, which is that the ego or there's some part of the psyche feels terrified of this level of obliteration. Because that's all I've ever known.

And yeah, and what ends up happening is the thing that comes to your mind is if I were to do this, you know, for comedians, it's odd stop being funny. For some people it's like, how could I be a dad? For some people it's like, how could I do my job? For some people it's like this or this or that. Now this is like one of the great stories in the Bible that I like a lot is the story of Jesus and the rich man,

that story where this wealthy man comes up to Jesus and says, I want to follow you. And Jesus. Was he the one who's the rich man could get him in heaven, like the needle who the camel's eye and that whole story? Yeah, the one that haunted Elvis when he died on the toilet? Yes, exactly, because it's attachment.

And so what happens is really what's being illuminated is what you're attached to. And you're afraid that if you let go of all those things you're attached to, then whatever the game is that you're currently playing in this very temporary mode of existence is going to like somehow change so much that you'll no longer be able to sustain yourself. And that's called the leap of faith.

That's the role of the dice, because that's the idea of like, yeah, okay, well, fuck it. Let's get obliterated, man. I mean, let's go full obliteration. Let's see if we can be completely annihilated. And if on the other side, I'm just a big fucking wet mass of hamburger meat. So fucking beat, right?

I guess I'm that, he better be entertaining. Yeah. I was like, oh, whatever that shit is. Yeah, yeah. I think that's very interesting, but that's where I really am. I feel like this is the other thing that I, it's like my inner secret thought of,

I do believe that the future in some way is a psychic connection of us at our peak of enlightenment, mixed with technology. Yes. Where I believe that what will happen eventually, which is the problems that we're having right now, we're suffering massive like bottleneck into evolution because people can't mesh the, what you're saying,

I like the concept of total annihilation mixed with the technological help that's going to allow us to speak to, which are probably the things that fly UFOs, right? Like the stuff that fly, the stuff that is UFOs, the stuff that we're looking at. So that's been another dimension that we interpret as UFOs and this kind of like otherworldly mental technology,

M&M technology, which J. Allen Heineck calls it, which is this concept of like that maybe aliens are in another planet and they shoot ships at us with their minds. But that we'll reach that if we could somehow figure out how to combine the spiritual evolution with the technological evolution and then they kind of come one, like we do,

which is I think a lot of people view as apocalyptic, like this idea of creating supercomputers and all this shit that can match our brains. And I think the only reason why it seems apocalyptic now is because we are not mentally ready to compete with competition on the market for the top most conscious being that exists. Right.

Where it's like, I believe give the robots a chance. Yeah, I mean, what it comes down to I think is like, you know, really, what's your plan to stop it? What are you gonna do? Yeah. You wanna go blow up fucking Tesla? Is that your idea? Good luck, because that's what we're talking about.

It's one way or the other. I think that's the other thing that people don't understand as to be like, if you really wanna stop this shit, someone's gonna need to go blow up Twitter headquarters. And I know that that's fucking probably illegal for me to say on a show, but I think it comes down to-

Yeah, you don't mean it. No, I don't, it's satire. But a part of what I'm saying is that if you wanna wage war against the robot revolution, you're gonna have to do it because they are coming. It is happening, except, I mean, Uber's killing people with the driverless cars,

but they don't care about the people. They're cared about the harm it's doing to the cars. These are the people we're up against if you really do believe. Do you know Taley Ardechardon? He's this Jesuit priest predicted the internet way before the internet, but he had this idea of this thing called the Omega Point.

So basically the concept is time is actually the sort of like the tractor beam of the divine pulling matter into it. So we're being pulled into the divine. And so we're- The singularity. Yeah, exactly. So you could, to continue your idea of fighting against it,

you could like, the idea is, oh, no, no, no. You think you could stop it by blowing a thing up or by, you can't stop it because what's happening is the sum total of all energy in the universe is being beamed up into the spaceship that you were talking about. And as it's being beamed up, the reorganization of it is creating

exponentially increasing levels of harmony and complexity. And that's what was manifesting as technology. So the point is, is it's like, you're not really gonna be able to stop it. You're just part of the sort of, you know, like it's a really lame way to explain it. But like in Star Trek, we've got the map, you know, we beam someone down and we beam them back up.

So right now we're the beam being beamed into a form and we're beginning to see the emergence of the form as it's, which is technology. If it wasn't gonna happen this way, it wouldn't have happened this way. You're right. We are, it is happening this way. We are the, we are shifting.

Technology is moving, is coursing forward. Maybe it's got, maybe it's got a lot to do with the weird psychic breakdown of the corporate mentality that turned humans and human activity into money. So now the expression of humans and money is now psychic energy. All of that is all pushing into technology. So you need to tell me, it's like, yes, you wanna agree.

If you wanna go with Bill Cooper and all this shit, the Rothschilds made us fucking money. They said that people were money a long time ago and that's why we're in this system of control that we're in now because they don't view us as, as living being consciousness. They view us as, as, as things to spend and to move into different piles and or because it makes

the top of the top richer and richer. But the problem is that because we are now in that system, that is how the psychic energy is being expressed. That is what's happening. It is pushing it all towards the higher evolution in technology. And so it's, it's more that like, if people wanna be kind of like spiritual warriors about it,

they have to then be like, well fuck fighting it. We have to figure out how to adjust the energy. We have to figure out how to take the, the stuff that's, that's already happening. We can't deny that it's happening. We can't say there's no technological revolution. We can't say that these things aren't catching up and the, the pull of them making us,

making life more convenient for those of us who live very chaotic lives. All this kind of horseshit, all the weird, like the, the comfy capitalist things that it does for us kind of match a weird inner pleasure that then it has to also be supplanted with spiritual pleasure. There has to be like another thing that comes and beefs up. So it's like, we're just working out the right arm.

I wanna know the difference. So you say this inner pleasure is supplanted with spiritual pleasure. I wanna know the difference between those two pleasures. I don't think there is. There's no difference. But I think it's one side and the other side. It's that we're, we're, we're bodybuilding on one side

of the, of the human psyche and not on the left side of the psyche, which is people like you are doing, like with the fact of how much spiritual work you do and all the shit you talk about. And a part of it is that, as a part of it's bringing the awareness, like when you sadly, what I've learned like from fucking personal trainer, when I started working out,

you start paying attention to the muscles and how they work. You think about how they work when you're working out. You think about how it's connecting. And so spiritually, it's like we have to do that on the other side in order to catch up with technology in order to essentially morph them together. And that's exactly, and really the reality is you, I was listening to this interview with Krishna Das

who I love, he sings kirtans, he's like, send me some of this stuff. Cause I'm interested. I like hearing the idea of a modern day guru and people talk, like the people like this that are kind of cultures of personality almost that are, that lead people. Cause I like to see what they do.

So I could see what I could steal for the podcast. Oh, great. Yeah, man. I like that's what you have to do. You want to, you know, the, what Krishna Das said is, and I really like this, he sings these kirtans, beautiful songs, it's called The Names of God. And there's so many different ones.

They're very soothing to listen to. They're just a study on Sanskrit's effect on the brain. You can check it out. It's really interesting. It seems to be like some kind of new tropic or something. At least, you know, that's how science is describing it. These mantras are very powerful. And so in this interview, he said,

I'm singing these to save myself. Like I don't have some missionary impulse here. Like I'm not, I can't do anything for you. And, and, and this is like, this I think is, is one of the first, now that is not to say if you're on fire, I can't put you out. He doesn't mean it in that way. What it means is like, you know, me and my girlfriend,

we were walking and we ran into this alcoholic in the park and he's like sitting there and he's like, hello. And we go and talk to him and he's an alcoholic and he's going to kill himself or he's not. Nobody can stop him from killing himself. Like he has to decide. There's nothing you could do. But people can't take the responsibility.

That's the, it's like, how do you teach everybody that there's a responsibility involved with straight, with choosing? You don't, you don't. What you do is- That's the problem. This is where I'm my fucking deep, deep like Anglo-Saxon. Don't.

Just wanting to strangle whole cultures. DNA just kind of comes out. It's fine. But when we first, so, but what you do is it's sort of like, all right, well, I know that this universe I'm in is, in some ways a projection of what's inside of me. And so that's the concept is when we work on ourselves so we can help the people closest to us.

So it's a very simple, simple equation, which is like, cause you know, like sometimes- Cause I'm cooler, I'm then cooler to my family. Yeah. And I'm cooler to my friends. That's it. Yeah. And like, I'll be in the midst of like, you know,

I do mantra meditation. I like to chant. So I'll be in the midst of chanting. And my fucking brain will come up with this. Like I'll think of a friend and I'll think, oh, I should tell him that this is the thing that he might be interested in trying. And it's like, he's fucking piece of shit.

What's wrong with you, man? What's wrong? You know what I'm, cause it's like that, that's not how it works. The way it works is it's just, it's like, it's known as polishing the mirror. It's like, we're sort of like, we're like doing this practice

so that we start feeling better. It's very simple. And then you start feeling better. And just like you were, the people around you are gonna feel better because it feels good to be around somebody who feels better. But how do we pump this good feeling into enough people?

It's so, that's where I kind of feel the divide right now and kind of what's happening. Like we're in this like weird spot where I think there's a lot of fear. And I hear it a lot of times, right? There's a lot of, what's happening seems to be in modern society is a lot of suicide ideation. Yes.

There's a lot of when people talk about like, you know, people are upset about Trump. And there was like a thing when like a comet was coming past the earth and people are like, oh, she just hit us right now. And they're like super flippant. Yeah. About like wiping out our society

or like all this kind of things or talking the constant talk, which has been around I guess forever about like how our society is about to fall apart. We're going to be nuked into oblivion. He's going to be fucking a super virus. So it's like this kind of thing where accidentally we're kind of like wishing it.

We're wishing it all the time where it's like what happened with Trump. I think what happened with Trump was that a bunch of 30 year olds kind of, we created total recall in a real life. We blew up the movies we loved in the 80s and we're making them real because we all believe we are the central characters

of our own inner movies. We believe we're all Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump's the evil president that's in a 80s fucking sci-fi movie and we're living in it. So but what do you do to give people a taste of the freedom of the polishing their own mirror so that they will get addicted to it?

Like it's weird. It's like you have to be like, how do you give them the rub and tug version of a spiritual massage that allow them to be like, oh, I want to feel this all the time. You just did that. What's, well, this is the thing, man. Like, so like guru yoga versus chaos magic.

The reason I like it lies because when we get into the magical workings, you know, you need to come up with a thing that you want. Yes. Which is more difficult than you think because guess what? I, the one thing I did learn about that was that when I asked for something really specific

that I thought I wanted, that was completely wrong. Right. It was completely fucking wrong. So the concept here is, well, you know, let me help. How can I help is the best way to put it. How can I help? And so from that, in other words,

how can I, if I'm going to let myself imagine, you know, in the same way we have the continuum of density on one scale, we've got death metal, I guess on the other side, we got fucking John Denver or something, you know, reflecting those different like energies. In the same way, there must be a continuum of intelligence. And if we're going to get into the world of UFOs

and the concept, well, it's probably intelligence outside of this planet, then eventually we get to the point of a super intelligence. And if we get to that point of the super intelligence, then we get to the point of a maximum or ever unfolding super intelligence. And you think, let me help. Can I be of, can I, can I serve that?

Like, what do I do? How do I serve love? How do I serve love? How do I bring it into this house? How do I serve love at the Chick-fil-A? Yeah. How do I go and I make sure that I'm serving love when I do the podcast?

I make sure I do this thing. I do this. That's a very interesting way to go. Because then I'm afraid to go down the slippery slope of the super intelligence because all of a sudden I'm like, but I know there is one, but it's different than, because Kessel and I on last podcast, we always get into our private argument again

about how Satanism is a religion. It's all the stuff where it's like, it's very, because of the things that go along with the concept of religion, it's very difficult to want to be a part of it. Like, I don't want to be a part of anything that involves like the weird hierarchies and human-based power that then could be manipulated

all the time. No shit, man. You don't want to be part of that shit. That's, yeah, that's what, but it's kind of like, you know, what happens is you, I think it's who, what the fuck is it? Abraham Maslow wrote this book called Religious Values and Peak Experiences,

I think it's what it's called. And it sort of identifies this pattern that occurs, which is that somebody has an epiphany. Someone dissolves their ego enough that this stuff starts coming out of them, it's like it's, this stuff starts coming out. Somebody basically- Yeah, your spirit comes,

it comes to you instead of jerking. I'm trying to tell you, man, is don't jerk off on the sigil, jerk off into the blowhole. Right? Go straight to the blowhole. Let it eat its gum, because then it's food. I knew an actor that told me a fucking horrible story

about how he used to drive across the country, he used to hate planes, he used to drive with his dogs. And he was like, yeah, he says, can we all talk about long road trips? And he was just like, it's like, yeah, you know, we were just joking about how like, it's like, I've jerked off doing a road trip.

You know, it's like, well, I'm driving a long time, I've done a little quick jerk off in the little napkin, just because of the supreme just fucking violence of men's sexuality. And he's like, yeah, but the best part about going with the dogs is they can clean up the mess. And it's like, what are you talking about? It's like, yeah, you come in your hands,

then you feed it to the dogs. And we're all like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Dude, is it illegal to feed come to dogs? I don't know. You know what I don't know. What? I don't know.

Because a part of it's like, I thought about this because my dog was in the room with me the other day and I was jerking off. And it was like, I was jerking off. I have no moment of alone in my house at all because I live with my fiance and my sister. So I finally had a moment alone. I was like, I'm fucking, I have to come right now.

And so I was jerking off and I looked over, dogs just looking at me. And I mean, it's like, it's that always, it's a very tacky 1980s standup thing. But it's like, I'm not really sure what to do with the dog looking at me. They like come. When you come on the bed after sex,

they'll lick the cum. They'll lick up the cum puddle. I just, we leave her out. We leave her out of the room when we have sex. I mean, it is true though. Dogs like to lick up cum. Like if there's cum on the bed, they're gonna lick it up.

It's salty. They don't know. They think it's ice cream. You think they don't know? No, no, no, no. I think they fucking know, man. That there's, I do, man. These are-

Well, they don't cum, right? My dog does not know cum. We cut out her organs. She does not know cum. No, we're talking, these are beings that co-evolve with humans. Yes. So like they are-

Ancient DNA memory remembers, but like sometimes if you're really hungry, master can come into my mouth and it's fine. Yeah, that was probably one of the traditions of the society that got wiped out by the meteor is like, feed the- We make food with our schnunch. The food, do you mean for the baby berries?

Baby berries is food for dogs. And dogs like, thank you. They're very excited. That used to be like, I'm sure, like on the night of the full moon, a bunch of them would gather together and just jerk off and it'd be this huge puddle of cum and they'd whistle and the wolves would come down from there.

No! Here comes the whore dogs. Look at them. What if we found out that's how we domesticated dogs is by fucking making cum bottles? They're addicted to cum. We thought it was feeding them, it was cum and that's why they lap up cum.

It's just ancient memory. You get to stare. It's like, yeah. But man, to get back to the Maslow's idea, which is that somebody has this epiphanous moment and so you have to like decide, you have to ask yourself, does it really happen? I mean, certainly we have great piano players.

We have incredible actors. We have incredible tennis players. We have incredible basketball players. Could there be some higher level of talent that goes beyond athletics or art? That's a really interesting way to put it because it's true, right? Because we look at somebody like Michael Jordan,

we see their shit as transcendent, right? When they used to talk about how, the way he used to talk about basketball, we've talked about it on the fucking last podcast and do the same shit where it's like, he would say when he was in the zone, the rim of the basketball would look bigger. He said it would get twice or three times its size

and so it's like, I couldn't miss. I was just throwing in a bigger hoop and it's like, so you essentially, that's magical thinking. That's like, you are, and we celebrate that for you. When artists channel something into a painting, when we see something in a painting or a beautiful film. So why can't that work with the guru who's somebody who's really good at the,

I can fucking make you see yourself in me. Like see the real idealized version of yourself in me and I'm just happening to be the Martha Stewart of doing that and I'm fucking gonna jig your system better. But so the way it's been described to me is like, all you gotta do is remove I from what you just said. And now, so now like that moment when fucking Michael Jordan does the thing or the piano player does the thing

or the, you see like the person you're in love with or the way they smile or you see suddenly by some like, either like, by some very, very, very good luck. You run into someone who's the combination of all those things and there's no I there. It's just part of what's happening. You run into that thing and then it's like when you're around that thing, you change.

There isn't as though when you write, like the idea of a guru is really in the West. It's so tricky because it's degraded because like it's life coachy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you what to do, kid. Here's what you do, kid. But it's like the way Neem Karoli Baba has been described

to me and I felt him and I felt him through many of met him. It's just love, man. It's like you got around that being and it was just love. There wasn't a thing. It was just love and it was like so overwhelmingly powerful that you were forced to basically confront your own, your own lack of forgiving yourself. And more about you walking around Wi-Fi hubs, right?

Like our brains work like microphones and antennas. That's kind of what it is with the vibrations that coming off of somebody. So I can completely see how if somebody can be like, no, we're on chill now. I've just turned your brain to the chill playlist on Spotify because that's what I'm kind of rocking all time. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's it, that's it.

There's a name for that. It's the same thing that it's, what is it? It's like, there's a name for that. God damn it. It's like something neurological mirroring or, you know, like women will get on the same cycles, you know? Yeah, because it's because we're kind of built to, because we're herd animals.

There's something about how, because we work in groups and we work in families, shit like that to me makes a lot of sense because it feels good to be a member of a group. It feels really good to be in sync with somebody. We're supposed to be. Which is the reason why we then react the way we react when you see someone that fundamentally disagrees with

and fundamentally presents a reality that it completely disagrees with your reality. And why you're immediately in sync is to be like, can I, or like, it makes me feel fear or anger or sadness because it's out of sync with me because I'm not gonna give it the time of day to like slide in emotion with this thing. But if somebody who does it all the time

and then can teach you how to, which is making you a tent, which is like makes you a good host, makes you kind of think where you can just, you slide into the emotions and the feelings of somebody else and what would it be like to be around somebody like that? Who is really gonna love. I love that you say good host

because isn't that one of the ways that God has described the Lord of Hosts? Yes, yes, the Lord of Hosts. And that's his fucking podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, God's got us. You guys hear Lance Armstrong with the Lord of Hosts this week?

He's fucking sweet. He turned him into a fucking beaver. And he was like, now you live life as a beaver. And he's just, now you're Lance Armstrong again. Guess what Lance Armstrong doesn't exist. A million lives as a beaver, a trillion lives as a beaver. This is a three hour long podcast.

Now, let's get down. Well, again, to cap this off. So it's cool. It's like what we're talking about is the way humans tend to harmonize with each other. And so theoretically, you know, I know for sure, when I'm around funny people, I get funnier. Absolutely.

Yeah. And when I'm around healthy people, I get healthier. So theoretically, if there could be a person that was some kind of like conduit to the thing that you're talking about or the, the Taliard Chardonnay, I don't know, the Omega point or Terrence McKenna singularity or somebody who was just one of the opening portals of that thing.

Then when you were around it, then it would affect you in that way. It would inspire you in that way. You would harmonize with it because this is what we've been doing for, for millions of thousands of years and hunting parties. And of course, when we would gather around as men

on nights of the full moon and we dug the big trench and we begin to jerk off to make the compass. So the wolves could come. I named this wolf socks because it's got funny black markings on his feet. And he loves Jerry's cum. But they say the sound of the lapping of the cum wolves. They say with the sound, yeah, all together,

they say that that sound would actually sound like a language. And they say that's where language came from. Whoa, yeah, dogs lapping up cum. It's been like, we should do something like this where maybe we can make some of the laps rhyme and then that can be hip-hop. What is that? Hip-hop, that's incredible.

Now, okay, let's get into the real fucking interview question. Yeah, yeah, finally, yeah, answer me. Let's get this podcast started. So. We really dived in deep, really fast. But you obviously, I was ready though, because honestly, when it comes down to it,

it's very difficult to talk like this all the time. Like I can't, I'm not on a lot of podcasts as a guest where I feel that kind of openness. I was, as I was preparing for the interview, I was watching some of your interviews and I was seeing like how like, because professionally, you have to represent the show. Some horseshit at any given respect.

I'm sick of doing that though and I don't wanna do it anymore. Right, yeah, well, I mean, you know, it's like, I think there's a, I think you've done a fantastic job of like conveying who you are through these interviews and it was really exciting to see that and like, so I, anyway, thank you.

I love, this is so, it's so wonderful to have this level of conversation with somebody, man. It's really cool. And your fucking podcast is so, so funny, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, thank you. It's like a thing where guys are hilarious. We have built this thing.

I don't know where it came from. The people just kind of showed up. It's like, we've been doing this for almost eight years and the people just kind of showed up and every day you kind of wonder, you talk, we talk so much into microphones and we're conveying so much information. But it's also like, I feel overwhelmed like all the time.

Like, mainly just because we are feel, we're, the audience is so big and they're so hungry and they're really positive and they're really great. We want to make sure that we're up to the standards of every week of every single show. I also though, but now it's like, my brain is filled with shit all day long of the most dark and sane stuff that exists.

And also it's so much stuff. It's like, I read two books about Robert Hansen, the Alaskan serial killer in the last week. Now I'm reading shit about the next episode, which is that we're in the middle of, when is this release? This is going to come out next week. Awesome. So it'll be, I think it'll be maybe right before we do

what we're doing, we're working on Rasputin right now. And so I'm like, Oh wait, look who it is. I saw the picture. I was like, it's fucking, it clicked with me immediately. He's got fucking Rasputin on his desk. Oh, cool man. I am deep into Rasputin.

I fucking love this story. It's one of my, one of the most exciting stories I've read. I wish his life was told as a kung fu movie though. I have a whole long thing with it. What do you mean? He would have made a fucking, I want to make it. Can you give just like a quick synopsis of Rasputin for those out there who maybe aren't aware of who he is.

Rasputin is the evil quote unquote evil monk that worked with the Romanovs. He basically became a part of the last bastion of the Russian czars. He was their medium and spiritual advisor. And then he was heinously executed. There was like a whole theory idea that he was shot and drowned.

And he had a nine and a half inch dick and he fucked all the time and his eyes were super hypnotic. But his real story is so much closer to the rise of, he's like if Jim Jones and Dick Cheney and a spiritual warrior were all put into one. Where it's like his rise up is very, very interesting because I think that like most cult leaders,

because they view him sort of as a tiny version of a cult leader where he was a, but he was free. He was trying to give people knowledge, but at some point it turned like it always does. Somebody who starts to like the smell of their own shit. So we'll go into a whole, we'll eventually do it on the podcast,

but a part of it like that's what his thing is that he became to believe in the myth of himself. And then as he did that, it corrupted everything around him. Yeah, sure, Ziggy Stardust, right? Yes, he's like all of a sudden he is the evil, he is the mystic that he always pretended to be. And he's not, his body is writing checks

that his spirit can't cash. Whoa, rad man. That's cool, you guys are covering it. Yeah, but I'm very excited. But yeah, that's, but every week, didn't have my brain so filled with stuff. And then two weeks from now, I got to flush all that and get the next stuff.

So I feel like my brain, it's kind of like when they do competitive eating and then they drink three gallons of water or expand their stomachs so they can get like a hundred pound like roast beef and air or whatever. I feel like that's my brain, which is like a big fat blown out vagina. Wow, man.

Yeah, you're that, cause you're constantly having to like absorb this stuff. And I, you know, I looked at many interviews with you, so I'm not going to ask the dumb, were you worried about your man in the darkness? Are you worried about the day? I see, it's weird though. Well, my therapist, right?

So I started going to my therapist, like started talking about shit about, he's like, I went essentially, essentially because I go through bouts where like for like a month at a time, I cannot sleep. I have very, very intense insomnia. Like I'm in a pattern right now where I am not sleeping.

Okay. I talked to my therapist. And of course, the first thing he said, it's like, so what do you read before you go to sleep? What kind of stuff you're getting into? And I'm just being like, well, it's literally every version of, every form of darkness and madness.

He's like, well, maybe that's the problem. I was like, well, that's the thing that pays the bills. So that's my job. It's like, I can't really take a break from it. I just now switch it to the morning. I wake up and I immediately work. Well, this is why, now, so this kind of brings us back to chivism,

which is, so what's really cool about it is, and there are these people who worship Shiva, I think they're called Agoras. And so these are the people, there's like the far side of the Ganges River. You know, the Ganges River in India, you gotta go to Varanasi sometime. What I was looking into it,

me and my fiance are now doing shit where it's like we're trying to do a vacation a year and we're gonna build up to more expert level vacations. Varanasi, go to Varanasi because Varanasi, you go to Varanasi, it's similar to Six Flags in the sense that when you're walking around Six Flags, Bugs Bunny's here. You smell barbecue, no, you smell barbecue and cooking,

you know, they're cooking hamburgers at Six Flags in Disney Land, you smell the barbecue, except the barbecue smell in Varanasi is the cremate, the bodies being burnt there because that's where all the bodies get burnt. But it smells delicious, smells like delicious pork meat just cooking. Smells like, yeah, exactly.

I'm afraid to get those streams crossed. I like weird meat. Well, I mean, with the new shit that they're doing with Chris Bromacher, they're gonna be able to grow human flesh sand, that's a different podcast. But what's cool about it is that it's like, it's a culture where the death

and the inevitable catastrophic end to everyone's life, the systemic shutdown of a person's body is not looked at in the same way it is here. And so I don't, one thing that I think people are afraid to say, even though it must be true, is that there's something really quite beautiful about catastrophe. Cause then it's like you've experienced it.

As a person that deals with it, with having anxiety disorder and I catastrophize all the time, there is a comfort deep down in the idea of it's all falling apart. Yeah. I'm now at peace. Yeah. What does it matter? That. Now, see that, and that's the concept.

So Sushiva, the idea is like, that's the part of the cycle where things disintegrate, you know? And so the idea is that we can't really stop, you can't stop the process of disintegration, but you can see God in everything. And even in the darkest of places, even in the darkest of darkest of darks,

even in the darkest of places, you can still find within that, this inevitable signature of something so beautiful and so transcendent and so profound. And this is something that many people disagree with me and it's something that I disagree with in my lowest moments. But one of the things Neem Karoli Baba said

that I love is everything's perfect. Deal with that, man! Yeah. What are you going to do with it? It's literally built exactly as it was supposed to be. Like this is what it is. But it's being comfortable with that, right? We're stuck in a, especially in this business, in my, I start immediately on the surface level

of the fear of the slow down and the fear of death of my quote unquote career and all of this kind of work and all this kind of stuff is completely connected to my fear of, my natural human fear of death like people have and the idea of that eventual annihilation where, and you'd like to think and all this stuff, like, well, this is wrong

and because of my fear of death, I want to do X, Y, Z. I need to have this. I need to have done this. I need to have made this much money. I need to worry about all these kind of things where we've kind of imagined this world of difficulties but actually it's as exactly as it was supposed to be. If we stop putting all the weight on the,

this concept of all of these obstacles and shit and all these things that I view that are difficult are things that are out of sync in life and things that are artificially there but actually, no, no, no, no, no, it's all, that's exactly as planned. Every single, all of this stuff, it's like that's exactly how it was supposed to be.

It's just like this. But it's fearful, it's hard to sit in it because then it means there's nothing more. So it's like, as a person that's a full Western capitalist who starts to feel it in your asshole, your asshole starts clenching, thinking to me like, this is really it. I feel it going, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

tightening and tightening because I'm like, oh man, that means there's nothing else. It's like, I want to, at some point, I'm always expecting some wizard to show up and be like, you've got to find the Gauntlet of Xanthior because it's a thing that I'll go on some quest and it's outside of my existence. Why do you think the Gauntlet of Xanthior quest

isn't going to happen? I don't know. I can still app it, the Gauntlet of Xanthior quest is coming, I promise you that. I promise you that. Thank you, thank you. You will come today. Oh, but the drink from the Gauntlet of Xanthior.

That's all I want, and then I'll be perfect. It's filled with cums. Oh no, oh. So, yeah, so you're, you know, the way it gets taught to me is like, there's the mind and that's everything that. That exists, sort of. That's everything that just came out of you.

That's the mind, it's the mind, and then there's the heart. And like when you go from, and they're both happening at the same time, but the mind space is like, that's where the insomnia happens. That's where the infinite endless complexities and the questioning and the, it's this like,

and especially someone as smart as you, your mind's always like. So it's like, you've got this super active mind, and then there's the heart. And so the concept is, this mind is beautiful and wonderful and perfect. It's wonderful, it's great. But also, there's this,

sometimes I have these dreams. The more I practice. And in these dreams, I find secret rooms in this house. It's like, and where it's like, holy fucking shit, man. Holy shit, yeah, there's a whole other room. There's a whole floor here. Yeah, that's the heart. And so it's sort of this like,

the practice is one of like, can I move from my mind space into my heart space? So scary. Yeah. It's a scary jump. I have been really bumping against that wall like recently, even in my own life, like talking about the, I love when I accidentally experience gnosis

in my day-to-day life. When there was for the second time, essentially like I kind of have like PTSD about my time doing magic because I touched real gnosis. I got inflated by it and everything went to shit. And then I was really afraid to figure out like how to go back into it again. Gnosis is in the very center of me

where I start to feel that peace that I felt in the casual moments of gnosis that I had before and the moments when I look at my fiance and I feel love. When I look at my fucking, my dog has become the most vulnerable spot in my whole fucking life. I look at this dog,

dog is becoming a radiating being of pure love. I look at this thing, but then I wanna smash it down, not kill the dog, but I wanna smash it down just thinking about like afraid of opening up the doors to where the gnosis lives, which is in the heart. I talk about this imagery in my head

where I feel like my heart is being held hostage by my dictator like brain. My brain is like Kim Jong-un and my heart's like his tender sweet girlfriend that's forced into another room that is all bound up at the hands of Kim Jong-un. He comes in and her hands are tied behind her back so he can feel all over her body.

But the problem is that is what my brain's doing. You gotta spank your heart, baby. But I have to let my heart free so that we could just be married. But I don't know how to do the two because it feels like that jungle of emotion, which is something that is so important and it's like this war that happens,

which I think is like, I don't think I'm unique. I think that that's kind of common, especially people who have to use their brains for a living and people who kind of do that kind of shit where it's like that feeling of peace becomes the enemy. And I don't know why that is. I don't know why the idea of rest and the idea of something that what you're saying,

as is moment, the thing that this is it, this is a peaceful, we are whole, we are as it's supposed to be, which is because I love those feelings of accidental gnosis. You know where I get it? I'm the fucking stair machine. It's like active trangets seems to work for me. I started like doing something physical,

all of a sudden I'm in another place and I'm seeing a crystal palace. I'm seeing like what I used to build in my own mind and I'm seeing it accidentally. And I was like, oh, but why am I so afraid of letting this happen? Yeah, yeah, man, that's a great question. It's just, and one other thing I love they teach me

is there's just really no rush. Oh yeah, I know. Yeah, you're fucking, oh, I'm so infuriating. Of course. It's infuriating, cause yeah, they're just like, oh no, no, no. It's like, it really is, there's zero rush. And so the idea is it's just like,

and you get to, there's, you get to be, in fact, I was reading this beautiful. If I start crying spontaneously. I was about to cry when you're talking about your dog, but when they were talking about the, in this book, The Wisdom of No Escape by Pima Chodron, she says, well, the idea that we meditate so that we can change ourselves

is actually an aggression against ourselves. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's to say that this thing that I am right now is not good enough. Yes. And so I'm gonna do this thing to make myself better, when really the reason we do it is so that

we can be who we are fully. And that's the concept, you know? Cause this thing that we are is perfect and it's beautiful. And this, God, how sad would it be if suddenly this, this psychonic brilliance of yours suddenly went away? That would, I would be, that would be disastrous, you know?

The brain should use the head like a bed. It's like the brain should use the body, the heart, like a place where it should sleep on. Like that's like a thing I start thinking about, like maybe like, cause then I'll use imagery and stuff like that to maybe help me gain understanding of what it is. And that's how, that's what the living together is.

Yeah. Is that the head, the heart is then the bedrock. The heart is technically the secure place, even though it feels like the scary place and that the brain is supposed to sleep on it and pure protection, they become one. But the problem is you have to allow yourself to just do it and maybe me having

nine to 12 iced coffees a day is like hurting it. Caffeine is a motherfucker, man. I think that maybe it's too, maybe that's what it is. Well, it's just, you know, there's a, who knows? Like, like the game of it is just like, in the mindfulness practice is one of just like, oh, just let the, all you add to it is just, you just start watching.

That's all. So it's sort of like, oh, I'm anxious right now. Oh, I'm like, you know, for me, like I've got a bunch of different fucking repeating patterns in my head, right? And so I'll just watch those patterns. It's like fear of death, fear of like not being funny,

fear of being too fucking didactic, or so you know, like, whatever the fuck it is, you know, or all my, oh, I'm getting old. I'm getting, my hair is falling out or all, but the only thing that you add to it is just you start watching it. So when you're doing the like, oh, I'm getting old thing, you're just watching it.

Yes. And you have like a peaceful gap. Yeah. Between you and the full on experiencing of the fear of I'm getting older. And then the next question would become, who's watching it? Oh God. Yeah, God. Oh no.

You said it, I got you. I got you. I got you. Victory. Victory. I did it, son. You were right, Jesus. You were right.

Good work, my son. You are a brilliant man. Thank you so much for being on the show, man. This is gonna last. Dude, thank you for having me. How long have we been talking? We've been talking for an hour and nine minutes so far. Of no, that's not time.

It felt like a millisecond, a millisecond, man. And I really hope you'll come back on the show. I fucking would love to. Please tell people how they could find you. You could follow me on the machine that is hastening our end, Twitter, at Henry loves you. You can also follow my podcast at LP on the left and then my podcast, last podcast on the left

and my show, Your Pretty Face is Going Hell. If you wanna check it out. Fucking hilarious show. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Thanks for being on the show. Howdy, Krishna.

Yeah, hell Satan. Yeah. That was the beautiful Henry Zabrowski. All the links you need to find Henry are gonna be at dunkintrustle.com. Much thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode. Remember, if you go to audible.com for slash DTFH, you'll get a free 30 day trial membership

and a free audio book. A big thank you to my new assistant Clancy for helping me out with this episode of the DTFH. If you wanna talk to her, you can go to clancy underscore trussell on Twitter. And a big thanks to all of you for listening. Remember, it's never too late to plant that forest outside of your manor house.

It's never too late to tell your father that you're sorry that you stole the rubies from the vault and you set mother on fire. And it's never too late to shave your body hair off and head on down to join us here at the commune and to go through the four stages of reprogramming also known as the stairway to happiness. Got a lot of great podcasts coming up.

Karen Kilgariff and Aubrey Marcus. As soon as I record these, these are gonna be available over at patreon.com for slash DTFH. Thanks for listening. May God be with you. Don't forget to rub your grandmother's feet. It's okay to kiss the very tips of her sweet little toes. See you next time.

Hare Krishna. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. I'm dirty little angel. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. You're gonna love this house, Sergeant Riley. Just look at these high ceilings.

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